J Comedy Central Podcast. Hahahaha Ha, Well, Well, Well, Good
night, yes I introduce myself, my name is Juan Juel Villana. I
' m an executor there, I grew up, I grew up too much
as you can see. I' m fat and see what he' s
trying to fix. For example, you' ll all know that wearing slimming
black clothes, as I spent six months with the hearsay black shirt and I
didn' t lose a kilo. You know and look and see that before
I was much better than now. I was so fat, I got tired
of climbing stairs. What do you say, Juanjo, everybody' s getting
married up stairs. I mean escalator. You know, that' s where
I got tired and how Montes was better. I was joking. I was
told, Jun Joa what do you do I say I' m the one
who sweeps away ah sweeper not the one that' s going to burst.
Hey, what are you doing? Look, he' s traveled all over
Spain, I' ve heard different ways to call him the fat ones and
in my land, in Albacete, that' s where I' ve heard
the strongest insult for a fat man. Look what I explain on the scale
of insults for fat is fat normal, fat shit, it' s happening
to you and the maximum is you' re lustrous. There' s fat
shit about nocilla. Hey, like I don' t know, put me
down once at the Albacete fair. It' s good the day after the
performance. I' m going around the fair walking around I look old.
The elders are super sincere. He tells me tones the casto shop there in
the tent. Essa I' m not saying yes I' m saying she
' s known as being like this. Lustrous or leftover old bastard. I
' m not fat, it' s like those people say, it'
s not about metabolism, it' s not that I don' t have
liquid. No, no, I' m fat because I like to eat
pussy. Besides, I really love cheese. These so famous I can'
t say marks. I' m gonna say the ad music. Go go
go, go live. Well, I screwed up. I love this is
that what happens, is that they' re well- tied, especially the
red part. I can' t do it with her You know I know
that. And besides, here where you see me chubby and such he likes
a lot of sport. One thing I love to do is play a game
with colleagues. The whore of these games, with friends it' s time,
while with an official game it' s two parts of forty- five
minutes with your colleagues. The time is until you die you can be three
hours playing, uh, messing up the whole doorman, eating pipes. You
' ll tell me how to eat pipes with gloves. You know the other
command a joint. Hey, man, come on in, then pass it
to your son- of- a- bitch. There' s not always
one like a color shirt from either team. You don' t know who
' s coming. You know. And the strongest thing is that when you
' ve been playing for two hours and fifty- seven minutes, one asks
how much we' re going. I tell us to put thirty- two
to zero and another one doesn' t go, four to six, we
don' t go to seven or eight. Until you say the magic phrase,
come the one who marks wins and you say shit. Why I'
ve been here for two hours and fifty- seven minutes hitting goals, man,
that' s what you' re fucking or I' m fucking for.
Then, the normal thing is that you' re having a few reeds
with colleagues and one says hey man, it' s been two months since
we played football and one says you' re going to. I' m
picking up the last fucker. I don' t like sports very much.
Strange things happen to me with sport. He' s recently stopped with the
car and he was at a traffic light and I see in the back,
there' s the center of a guy' s face. So what the
hell is going on? I get out of the car, I go to
the back and I see the guy in a racket at hand, dressed as
a tennis player, looking at the tennis ball that I have the rowing ball
that you know that typical ball. I' m not saying what you'
re doing, says Prandor, I know I' m saying you' re
a dumb guy. I mean, I really like tennis. There' s
one thing I think life needs to be done. I' ve gone a
tennis game from this nadal rafa and in one of those silences towards the game
and scream that mythical phrase of let' s go rat. I did it
once. I did it once in one of these games was Yokobis versus ber
said there was nothing. You know, uh, yeah, I don'
t, Covic. I eat I look at myself as saying Wat Fack Man,
that this in castella meant something, as well as what it says lustrous
uh no. I don' t know. I really like sport, for
example, formula one. I follow him a lot, but I have to
say there would be someone. Someone has to say, and it' s
just that Formula One cars are a shitty minimum that the car asks for a
small piece, separates half the track. I' ve got an opl stuff
from the 29th year, actually, three hundred and two miles. I'
ve lost suspension screw, engine pistons, two turbines, some reactor, bononse
de autos and it' s still miles away and I don' t know
what limit the formula is going to reach. One day I imagine Fernando alone
there on the wheel of prey saying we had to leave the race because we
lost one of the stickers was from the pot Santander, which is our sponsor
and it is not what I have, it is what I am and that
you are millionaire and you not that there is a silly thing that has occurred
to me incredible and I will tell it. I' ll leave it there.
And I just think that speaking of fernandaloso, which is asturian, I
think the playmobiles, the mythical dolls, that we' ve all had in
childhood. I don' t suppose you know them by the Cliffam Movil.
I think they' re from Asturias, because the only way they have to
drink is to sing and watch. I leave it there you know the loose
one that and the truth is that many of the homobrologists pull it out watching
TV, I watch it with my mother, it' s albacete and it
gives me a different perspective of television coming out of her comments. For example,
I saw with her a documentary about astrology. They did not say that
the earth travels through space at a speed of two hundred and fifty kilometers.
For the second time, my mother has nothing but a right to say plainly
and I' m always tamed. Hey, I' ve been speculating albacete
alege one day. One day I took him to Santiago Bernabo that to see
a Madrid Party was Bernabeu to burst full of people and I deserve how unique
this is. If it has to see at least a thousand people here.
My mom hasn' t had three zeros, so I don' t hear
that I know my mom' s a normal mom. I believe that,
like many mothers, it is carried away by the horoscope paraimadre, everything that
the horoscope says is totally true. For example, my brother gets my head
off not until I get something. My mother let it be Taurus or get
in bad milk. My brother starts super brute to break it all at home
and mother let him be euro recently or with my brother on the phone and
he was crying. I say it' s past. Says my girlfriend put
the hides on me. I' m saying clearly you' re auro uncle
has no more than a bonded batho. No. No, no mother is
a normal mother, my father, also my parents in general. I think,
like a lot of us here, my parents took that nude baby picture
of me. I think we all have this one. Eh above the bed
or bathe it. There are two versions. To goes for families. Not
that I wonder at what time, if it happens to your parents to take
that picture. No. I imagine my mother just bathed me and my father
came and said," Get lost" Don' t look at what I
can think of Look, we' re going to take a good picture of
him, and when he gets older, we show those colleagues and we don
' t laugh at him. The worst thing about this joke is that comics,
when we come up with something, the first thing we do is point
on the cell phone not so that a note hasn' t been uploaded.
No, and we usually shorten it to take less, because I' m
freaky lately because on my cell phone I have a note about this joke in
which she puts pictures. As a naked baby. Imagine I lost my cell
phone or they stole it from me. They' re gonna think I'
m a priest. You know not that as many monologues told him I took
him out watching television and recently a documentary about dolphins and said that dolphins masturbate
with the deck of boats, that is, from the top by the action.
I in the background a cruiser thinks shit. I fucked him, I
mean, if he gets close to him, they make the little crossover comes
to my coral. I was fucking sponge yesterday. I mean, there'
s one thing that one thing the animals are talking about and so there'
s a fashion that has been put on among the animal lovers is to have
two dogs, one big big one and the other little chip breed. This
to be meant, the little one is the food for the big one,
or some for the indoors and some for the outdoors. Not that, because
like the parents who have two children, one of each igu, they take
him out there to teach him and the fat one they have in the garden.
No bastards. Anyway, uh, no, but that' s where
I learned what to know. There are programs that I had shown many said
on TV and I had seen the street not this one, that go to
the best several of each city. I realize in these reports that they do
on the streets the moment that the trapiche was in the video was the neighborhood,
because the report asks the kid what you do and the guy releases the
most suspicious answer in the story, which is a bit of everything. You
have to make a living, which is to ask him where his boy'
s uncle is, you go to college and there' s medical school,
law school, and he gives him a little of everything he makes a living
for. Not what are subjects introduced to the pharlopa atracama in monologous armada.
I don' t know. No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no I haven' t seen him get him in the
middle of the desert, he has to get out alive, he gets him
in the middle of the jungle, he has to get out alive. Faggots
get in a street neighborhood to see if he gets out alive. Hey,
I want him not to get out alive. Well, I' ll get
out alive when I' m two, and speaking Spanish, I dressed with
a chandal, all he can say is this. Park here on parca,
here you' re done fucking here, eh no, but burn that yes,
the one I love is the one in the room look No. I
' ve seen Jimenez here. No, and this guy I' ve been
following for many years. One day he turned and told me what the Gilipolla
does let me in pay to see I just came to see what foolery.
Well, I' ve been listening to him for many years as a guy,
especially on the radio, a few years ago. I promise that I
heard this saying there that jeme tells you let' s hear a sisychophony in
which you can hear clearly Don Pedro and you hear so much, not so
much, Eh, Don Pedro, tendententer. The strongest thing is that,
then he said let' s hear a psychophony in which we haven' t
really been able to figure out what it says And don Pedro this guy has
paranormal hearing. No, but what a good time I' ve had with
astro- tronologists. I travel a lot. He traveled by plane. There
' s a whore of being fat and traveling by plane and it' s
that the stewardesses before taking off, they' re forced to count all the
passengers man with the machine of Nuncio Axel. From which click click click.
Of course, when I see myself the aunt stops click liva calculating she tells
me by eight the bastard you know it doesn' t have to be easy
to get her slippered well, because they are also obliged to when the good
arrives to their destination and leaves to the passengers of the plane. They have
to fire every passenger and like nice. When you' re looking forward to
your home, you have to be like you were doing that shake thanks to
a raised, thank you CD bkt By, thank you that what' s
really going on is to get fucked up assholes, come look at my house,
come on lustrous you know no that I don' t know there aren
' t any Holonnario. It happened many times when I' m going to
catch a flight, usually when you get to the boarding gate, they ask
for your boarding pass and you don' t. And sometimes I go with
those big earphones that honor you to hear it as a fucking sound. No.
And when I' m boarding the girl who' s there with the
ticket, she tells me you have to take off your headphones. I mean,
I didn' t pay for them. I hear you perfectly says it
' s not to recognize you in the DNEI drigo. Let' s see.
Miss, you' re telling me that if you go around your house,
suddenly your little son shows up with headphones. You' re gonna tell
him who you are how you got in here. No, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no. Uh, apart from riding motorcycle friends, apart from leaving na,
there were lots of bikes traveling. I' m a biker. We have
some moter that tonight. I mean big bike. I know that the derby
varians and the trick is running a lot. It' s mythical. That
bike, uh, always has it in a neighborhood car. Trick. That
runs amazingly that I think it was called different because it varied a lot from
owners. You' d steal it from someone else, so I' d
take it down from there. No, but, well, someone here who
has a big engine to raise your hand over there, because you save like
me when you do quietly for an ottovia at 200 miles an hour. The
typical, true, well, some known that tonight. Well, some of
you will be watching us in case you' re here. We' re
a hundred and twenty kilometers an hour in compliance with a law. Hey,
I' m gonna leave it on a bike first. I do not know
you have not noticed the insect factor, i e half an hour ago and
the bike you see nothing, because the screen of the helmet is full of
phosphorite blood of mosquito that leipata its locity. It' s like Pa,
Pa, Pa, what the fuck are mosquitoes, pigeons or deer? This
is, they love milk mojitos. One of them tried to steal my bike.
The bastard girl tells me and what she told me, Gordo in suio
told me p me, p you. What else have I noticed dedicating these
homenologists that if I go wrong with this to the last one I get to
work after that civil guard, because I get bored to the minimum and if
I stay at night in a control there stopping cars on the road, to
the third car that stops him I put it I know, for example,
I appear with a red nose of clown there hello good night girl already drugged
me, or worse with the red nose, but pretending that I do not
wear it good night. The papers, please forgive people, but you took
a clown' s nose You' re laughing at my kid. I don
' t have it on my face and it' s a dead body in
the back seat. He' s not a friend you' ll be here.
I' m looking at a dead body that' s not a friend
that' s gonna be taken out. He' s a cabero, he
' s not a caraver to see a girl that you dedicate yourself to a
little bit of everything to make a living, to see something to declare yes,
pin pan de mala casita. Nee has seen it not well, mantamala
garitos. Unfortunately, I wonder the system will have a father and if he
has a father, it' s not like mine seems to him the typical
Spanish father with bad shit. My pare is a baker of shit like breads
we' ll imagine that my stop is the father of a kid who'
s seeing street people sees his kids come out normal. My stop is always
the same watching TV sitting on his couch, smoking with his face of Clinybood,
an armchair in which only he sits. I once tried, he was
working. I' m gonna sit down, call my cell phone and tell
me to get up as a missile. Right now that you don' t
sit down even though even if it isn' t there, even though it
' s been working for hours now, why, because even if it isn
' t there, it' s warm this thing that happens, that has
accumulated farts. Oh, how do I know, but I, who is
his soul, his spirit still there you don' t get close and hear
whole nonsense about I don' t know, I don' t know,
no, but we' re not going to imagine what it looks like to
him to stop this kid he' s seeing. Oh, you street kids,
and he' s not bad and he' s going to the room.
There, no, no, no, no, no, no,
it comes to you with the pussy whistle and knock on the door. There,
oh, my son, it' s called bars, the kid,
the pim man. Tama the little house, it' s called without real
life. He doesn' t give a shit about the name. He beats
the pills more than he gets, but not him. No. Now be
seen on TV or. Whether Pipa takes the case. I wasn' t
gonna teach you. I take Pipa, but she doesn' t have the
little houses. And to everyone I often tell a shit that jumps fogs.
You know how I tell you, it doesn' t jump fog. This
is what we used to say to him in Albacete. Not that he doesn
' t, but he' s talking about the civilian guanas before. And
I didn' t know before I went to Catalonia, that there' s
no civilian guard there. Everything came there, you' re a squadron to
my squadron muse. I' ve been it acete and they' re not
a shepherd' s name or something like that they know a stable boy,
I don' t know, I don' t say, I don'
t even know how they' re dressed someday to go to Catalonia, they
' re going to stop me and I' m going to fuck it up.
They' re gonna say good, not even the papers. You who
are I' m Mosu of Squad, because go with the goats to me
that you are telling me these modern shepherds with motorcycle. I don' t
understand. Take off the mojitos from the helmet you don' t see.
Uh, well, he' s traveled a lot. I know, for
example, that people have prejudices about the people of Albacetheños. Murcia recently acted.
Before the performance, I' m talking to the owner of the place
for a while. Half an hour after talking to him, he asks where
you' re from. I' m an albacete, says go, for
you speak well to be an albacete. He told me this. Murciano has
seen with the emurcianos or has not made fixed that good that jones is that
yes, I have to recognize that the Murcian is a positive language, because
you start sad and end up happy. If you say something mutian, look,
I' ll put my face on it. Sad, I' m
gonna do something. Morcelo Mira San Pérez del Pinete. I' m sad
about it. Let' s say that what doesn' t or or for
bad news also help didn' t make it die, Mom, not or
I who know helps you don' t or change my name. According to
the Spanish area, you change my name. For example, I' m
in Catalonia, they call me Jones, I' m in Pibasco, they
call me Juanchón or, for example, in Malaga, you' re a
Malaga friend. You take comic gartion that I stop a comic maybe you know
it my very friend. I' ve already been hounded by my name.
I in Malaga don' t call myself Juanjo, I call myself wow,
and that very carilloso tells me wow you love me not wayo ta who wau
wa. Of course I have a cat at home. As a result of
this, I realized that she is Malagueña. When he gets in heat he
calls me wowu wenou you love me wow don' t change my name just
here in Spain. He' s also been living in London. He'
s doing monologues in English. This is watching. If you search the Internet,
you will see videos of me acting in English. There I came to
a comedy venue and they made me point my name on a role not then
the presenter introduced me. I don' t know if you know that the
jack for the English don' t, the pronunciation don' t have jack.
I don' t mean my name is Juan Jo with two jos.
An Englishman prolunces my name and can die on the spot. Don' t
be there John then I left it there, I say to see that it
' s something that God was then the guy said wal Cam the Stage.
Not welcome to the stage I, that is, my name in Spain in
English seems rather Chinese, not that. And besides, there is one thing
that of the Chinese that we now have so many here in Spain and such
I don' t know if you know this that the Chinese are, there
are so many in the world that are the greatest weapon mass destruction, that
is, if everyone agrees in the world and jumps at the same time to
fuck up, that is, you can hesitate to go to the Chinese sea
you tell Chino listen forgive me it seems abusive to me three euros for a
taper so small and you say to what jump, To what jump? That
I can tell him to jump you, I bring you the store that I
weigh. Hey, I was living there in London, too. It'
s doing me later in English. So I went every day in the academy
to English, the calan academy is worth the kalan method to learn English.
I really did this. You can search for it online. The method consists
of repeating the same phrases in English every day. So, you' re
learning, not because of that klan method, because it' s going to
catch you I don' t know and now repeating all the day of my
offering in English and you' re learning. And I have to admit that
with this method. Have I learned a lot? Have I learned a lot?
Have I learned a lot? Have I learned a lot? And have
I learned a lot? Not for that reason, in London we have said
now I live in Barcelona, live with my girlfriend, living in pairs is
very nice, but it has its things. There' s such a mess
for boys with girls and girls with boys, and sometimes your partner leaves his
toenails long, either for sloppyness or for aesthetics. Well, the guys,
for the aunt' s sake, for aesthetics. No. And recently I
was walking there was no curl in bed. Not all of a sudden,
she lowered her leg fast. He made me here Hus cut me from here,
cross over bleeding and everything, I looked at the fingernail with which he
had cut me and put in the nail bows rally albacete. You know,
I had to go to the doctor and, of course, my girlfriend tells
me when you get to the doctor, tell them it' s me.
Don' t tell me it' s ridiculous and invite something, and I
' m a terrible liar. I say, I get there and they call
me a doctor, well, boy, how you' ve done to yourself.
That' s what I' m saying, so I took the knife
and my girlfriend and nothing when I scared my girlfriend, she touched my leg
and cut me here and sputum what' s wrong with you, man,
I don' t lie, I don' t lie. But good.
The truth is that funny things happen to comedians when we travel around acting Spanish
cover. Acting normally, it happens to us that during the performance two girls
get up and go to the bathroom together. Many comedians have talked about why
women are going to go to public toilets together. I have a new theory
of my own, because there' s a monster in the girls' bathroom.
The monster plays pussy then you go together, because while one of me,
the other entertains the monster, okay, I imagine myself in a scene
like I showed it and I touched it. I want to play and the
other one let me look, let me friend, I want to play what
the monster will be like. I' m sure it' s either chubby
or albacet brown. He makes monologues. I don' t know, no,
no. Once acting a cop girl told me no, Juanjo, let
' s go together because we talked I say this, how it goes you
' re there. Jotía closes us that I love him lindre, is that
ah we love him. I don' t know. I prefer the monster
you know, I' d rather get the idea that there' s a
monster. You don' t have to fall together. You know, I
sound like a colleague, but to put him away, I lock him up
with me who brings the plague, you know, but not to talk,
I mean, I think it' s a thing of putting colleagues in the
toilets. And I just don' t know what engineer came up with in
some houses putting the bathroom light switch out of the bathroom, because if you
' re gonna shit and it' s in your colleagues, you' re
gonna shit in the dark. Sure. As soon as you take the challenge,
you' re getting paid for not saying there' s no latch.
Without that pest, you' ve got to be there holding the door.
And if the doors are far away and you don' t get there,
you' re sold. Yeah. The only thing you stay to hear through
the door. As you say, come on, I can record this.
We uploaded it to YouTube. That' s right, the restrooms I know
have things, for example, when those buttons that there are timers that you
press you go slowly that only gives you time to pee, I would have
to put it by size. I' m gonna piss you, I'
m gonna shit, I' m gonna come loaded, take it there,
you know, no, I know not and the bathroom. I realize there
are the public bathrooms. I realize that two types of guys are the ones
who wash their hands after pissing and the ones that aren' t worth it.
I' m in between. I' ll wash them. If there
' s a guy and pick me up, I' ll wash it and
if you don' t go around, by appearance. You know. Anyway,
I' m gonna finish up now, folks. Thank you very much,
good night, so long. Thank you.