When a consequence has not worked. We know that because your son keeps repeating
the inappropriate behavior and yesterday we said don' t change the consequence so fast
wait good. Normally you have to maintain the consequence because if you punished the
video game today and didn' t care and didn' t do the homework
anyway and you trade the video game for the bike, it won' t
work out, nor at least by probabilities law. It' s not gonna
work out because no one cares about sacrificing a thing one day. You need
to keep the same consequence for several ors because it' s going to come
a time where you' re already going to care about the video game,
oh, if it was the bike, you' re going to care about
playing with the bike and when you really want to do what you took away
is when the behavior is going to change. And that' s when,
you' re actually going to realize if the consequence works, but if every
day you go away with the pretend that that thing you took off didn'
t matter to him and you trade it for something else, the feeling you
' re going to have is that you already ended up taking everything away and
anyway, the behavior doesn' t change. You' re gonna have a
lot of frustration. You' re gonna get the feeling that I took everything
away from him and nothing matters to him, but you weren' t really
consistent with anything. And one of the rules of education is consistency. So
be patient and one thing just keep it, for at least two or three
weeks before concluding that that consequence did not work. Whenever you want to solve
a problem, of whatever kind and with whomever. You do things in a
way that doesn' t work out. You try it the same way again,
it doesn' t work out and you keep trying it the same way
and it doesn' t work out. It doesn' t go that way,
even if you think about it, and think about it, and you
keep believing with all the logic of the world that that would be the best
solution. If you don' t get the change, it means that it
doesn' t go around there and you know that it' s the worst
Zion problem that ends up becoming your attempt to solve part of the problem.
So you have to do it another way. Try it. My son is
twenty- four years old. He got his girlfriend pregnant. She left for
a while to live with her and doesn' t live with us, she
doesn' t live with her either. He' s got a bit of
a complicated life, but he' s always in trouble. He' s
always got a money problem for one thing, for the other, he'
s gonna pay my husband, and I' m not my kids' dad.
However, I don' t know what to do anymore, I don
' t know how to cheer him up, how you can ask him to
win. But here the issue is and sometimes I support it financially, but
sometimes I feel very committed, because he says he left because my husband didn
' t give him a dad' s affection. Then I know that they
are pretexts and is to justify the bad decisions that he has made. But
I' m wrong if I keep at least supporting him morally financially. Maybe
not anymore, but what I can do, how complex this becomes because you
make a clear distinction between economic support and moral support. And I sometimes have
a lot of doubt about what we mean when we talk about moral support.
Without a doubt, the doors of our homes must be open for our children.
Hence, our children have to live with us eternally, there is an
abysmal difference. One of the great incentives that, as parents, we have
to give our children is the clear confidence that they know that one of the
independence they have to achieve in life is economic independence. And when they are
already parents, when they made an independence as a couple and make it or
not in their relationship as a couple, that would not necessarily mean that they
have to go back to our home again as family children. Independence means taking
charge of themselves in every way and you say something here all the time has
problems. He gets in trouble all the time. And I think one of
the schemes here is how your son tends to make decisions, because I think
that' s where he gets stuck, because being constantly in trouble is intimately
related to the way we make decisions. What it takes into consideration when making
decisions is impulsive and clearly, one of the things that helps us make better
decisions is to be economically restricted, because when we have easy access to money,
either because it doesn' t make it easy for someone, because it
helps us to have money in an easy way and not necessarily because we gain
it by working, because we easily get involved in situations that seem like easy
ways out. When we work it out and earn it from the sweat on
our forehead, we' re much more careful where we' re going to
deposit that money we earned. So yes. I think sometimes restricting the money
and not making it easier makes the person unable to get involved in situations.
What is moral support to tell someone to see I believe in you and I
can help you come and make me think and that you can hear opinions that
I can give you with the coldest head so that you can decide the pros
and cons of the circumstances that come before you, because you probably decide impulsively,
Who you hear when you have to make a decision, where you go
when you have to make a decision, which you take into consideration. Because,
at the end of the day, he has an ex and he has
a son, a son, a daughter, this thing that tells you about
me, I left here because he didn' t give me father' s
affection. How he would see a father' s affection, because this father
who is your husband would say yes to what he wants. And since you
didn' t say yes to what he wants, then you feel that you
don' t get affection, how do you see translated that affection? So
I think there' s a number of things to rethink, because you have
a 24- year- old son who sounds like he' s not a
mature person. So what if he doesn' t get what he wants,
then he doesn' t get the support he needs to give himself or he
would want to receive then abused a little, what it means or how it
translates support, moral support. You make a presence in his life. That
' s to give moral support, how he wants to see it translated into
fact. That' s another topic. Many times we have talked here about
crying and how suddenly we have to teach children to deal a little bit with
crying. However, it' s very important to understand that when we have
a little one and I' m talking here about a baby who cries a
lot that we do, whatever we do, crying is a constant that you
' ve already changed it, that you' ve already eaten, that you
' ve changed your position and that the crying doesn' t stop. It
is very important always before any educational strategy you see your doctor. There are
many medical causes of which crying warns us that this baby has to be cared
for because something may be happening to him. Let us always remember that a
little child is born without language and, therefore, cannot tell us I have
pain. There are discomforts that are part of an educational process that your little
one has to adapt to and has to learn to relate to. But there
are other discomforts that are telling us that your little one is sick and requires
medical attention, and that it' s not just that you' re rocking
him or that you' re carrying him or that you' re giving him
affection, because love doesn' t cure him. Everything requires medical attention.
So, before resorting to educational strategies, we first rule out that physiologically,
your baby is healthy. So come and give her the medical attention or welcome
tari. The couple' s problems can be a challenge or it' s
just a disagreement to resolve. It' s two o' clock. It
' s two o' clock, we' ve got two problems. Yeah,
not in the aspect of what a challenge is, because here I'
m going to see what my skills are. We have seen it later on
what my skills are and what my efficiencies are. Of course the skills are,
because I' m going to put them in front, but my incompetences,
my vulnerable parts, I don' t want to see them, but
that gives us a great opportunity. It' s a challenge And it'
s also a challenge to talk to the couple about what' s going on.
Not one thing is to chanclars, to shouts, etcetera. And another
thing is to sit down because you' ll find out what' s going
on. There are many and there are other things where the hour agreements were
broken that become a problem. Not the monetary agreements, the social agreements,
the sexual agreements, the agreements on how to educate, etcetera. Then you
have to readjust, you have to sit down and every contract we make or
every agreement, in my opinion, has to be reviewed every time, because
we have changed and we have to review the different conditions. I' ve
grown up, I' ve seen et cetera. Then yes, we can
resume the agreements. It' s not what we had five years ago and
we won' t see it again, let' s get back to your
perspective on life and you' ve grown up. What about this whole theme
of aspiring to happy endings. Notice that no doubt people, in general terms,
aspire to happy endings in life. However, reality does end up imposing
necessary endings on us. No one would want that, but on many occasions
we will need to resort to ends that are needed and that are not the
happy endings of life. In fact, sometimes the happy ending, for example,
of fairy tale is and were happy until death separates it, not that
it is the great promise of love of a couple and, if we think
it very crudely, it is a couple that came to the end, for
it is until one of the two faults, because it is law of life.
But at the end of the day, this relationship ends with the death
of one of the two. And even though it' s sad for the
death of one of them. We find it nice to think that the couple
managed to get to that moment where there is no other alternative. But sometimes
along the way we have to end up making decisions because a couple relationship,
for example, had no choice but to end before death separated him. Sometimes
a job has to be left because there was a personal cut. Sometimes a
friendship ended because there was some betrayal, because someone went to live elsewhere and
suddenly, well, the distance made the relationship go out. Anyway, what
happened in your life when you had to finish something because that was necessary And
what let you notice that one of the ideas that we have to learn to
fight in the good sense of the word is to men as a single homogeneous
group and women as that other homogeneous group of people. Not all men are
equal, though they are eclipsed, and all women are equal, though it
also sounds the same as cliché, because things are not so. There are
many different men among themselves, as we see, many different women among themselves,
and suddenly these classifications appear that seem to make us all enter into the
same group, even within non- feminist or non- feminist classifications, as
if within feminists. All feminists will think the same way. And there are
so many subgroups of feminists, there are so many groups of machisms, there
are so many different misogyny types within the extinct systems of machismo. In short,
and in these processes, people differ in many different ways. And notice
that in these contexts, without a doubt, you have to learn to know
what defines you and how and how you define who you are and what you
look like, who you are, who you identify with, but also how
and how and who you differ from, Even if you are part of a
certain family, even if you take with certain people and from there, how
and how you form your own identity. One of the questions that remains surprising
is the automatic response that is presented on social networks when videos are uploaded especially
of influencers, of youtubers, which have a great impact many followers and suddenly
you start to see the answers. It is not enough for any of these
to have a bit of grace, sympathy, to say things in a funny
way or to grasp some idea or some cliché that is some popular idea,
and to do so in a friendly insistence, to then begin to see the
reactions and the answers. Where there is zero self- critical ability, when
we educate self- criticism from very small in our children, What is this
ability to make our children think, What implication has that which is said only
because it is said by someone who has many followers or someone who is famous
and only because that person said it already in automatic. That becomes true,
or it becomes worthy to be applauded, but without considering what is behind it
and what meaning it acquires in your children self- criticism. What do you
think that means and how do you think that is reversed if it' s
about you and how it makes you feel, because self- criticism is going
to be important all your life. Well, then, it' s time
to tell them until tomorrow, god E, chayo busquets, this is chayo
conti higo Audio Center