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Let's Talk the Tings. Now, grab your tea, coffee, or a
glass of wine and Let's Talk the Tings. Hello everyone, Welcome back to
the Let's Talk the Tings podcast, where we discuss the importance of personal growth,
travel, music, and wellness while encouraging you to live fearlessly and fabulously.
I am your host, Ash and this week we are Talking the Things
with Diane Darling. Hi, Diane, how are you? I'm doing well?
How about yourself? I am well? Thank you? No complaints same
here? Well, thanks for coming to talk the Things with me. And
this season we're doing things a little bit different. So I'm starting out the
show with everyone's favorite segment, which is called that NAS Sound Safe? And
I'm and I'm going to basically read, I'm going to read random social media
post or comments that listeners sent in or responses to a question that we posted
on our Instagram. And if you think it sounds crazy or concerning, you
can respond that NA sound safe. But if you agree, you have to
explain why that makes sense. Makes sense, all right, cool, So
the first one is currently holding my phone coffee and sanity one is slipping and
I'm afraid it's the coffee. Oh gosh, that definitely does so too,
se because the coffee is definitely hot, right, the coffee is hot.
The coffee is hot. They were holding I'm holding my phone mm hmm.
Well I need to hold on to mm hmm, and I'm keeping together the
sanity especially in this world. Yes, for the coffee after go sayonara,
right, But I think it's so it's obviously like funny, but it's like
I feel like it's so indicative of how as women sometimes we feel like we
are juggling everything, you know, and it's like what do you hold on
to when you have all these things in your hand? Have you ever been
in like a situation where I felt like that at some point where it's like,
oh my gosh, I have all these things, like something has to
drop, you know, like one of these things, listen, priority,
the main thing, stay stable. Everything else you can fall and I can
pick that back up. I can figure it out later on, because if
you don't, you're gonna drive yourself crazy. True, And it's just like
you're overwhelmed. So now you get overwhelmed. They have this anxiety. They're
like, oh, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this, and
then you try to stretch you you know, you weigh yourself thin, right,
so it's like, you know what here what the most important thing has
to go through and the restroom. You just got to pick up the pieces
later because and you can't be you know, you can't be everything for everyone,
which is I think is really hard for some of us. It is,
but because you want to be there for everybody, Yeah, but it's
like you can't, you know, like you'll really wear yourself thin. And
then I've said it here before, but I'll say it again. There's no
there's no price for over exerting yourself. And I don't mean that in a
way of like that's why we do things to get a prize, but like
what I mean is when you run yourself down now and you don't have any
energy, or you can't show up for your job, or you know,
your health starts to suffer, it's just going to be you alone in that
hospital bed, especially with the panorama, it's really just gonna be you.
You know what I mean, so it's like, and now you're going to
get is I hope you feel better health? Yeah, yep, yep,
And hope can't help you in certain instances, hope cannot help you. You
know. So it's like I think it's hard. It's hard when you are
when you're somebody that wants to help people, it's hard to find a balance.
But like you said, I think you need like we need to,
like it's something that everybody needs to do, like just to stay sane,
you know, yeah, because it's just hard to say no. And then
a lot of things that other people are going through is way more draining than
probably what you're going through. And it's like, oh my gosh, just
takes out a lot out of me. And it's like you don't want to
like shun them out, like you just have to figure it out. But
you still want to be you know, a little support and say, you
know what, all right, come tell me what's going on, let me
see if maybe have a suggestion, or maybe you just want to talk and
just make some listen to you. Right. So, but then again,
like I said, listen to someone talk and maybe let's say the event for
about thirty to forty five minutes. That can drain you in that forty five
minutes. Yeah, and then now it's on your brain because that's someone you
care for. Yeah, and you're like, oh my gosh, and now
it's on your brain on a daily right. Yeah, Now, what about
your truth that you have going on? Now, that's very true, that's
very true, and it's funny. On the last episode, we talked about
how we have an issue with saying long story short and then proceeding to tell
a two point five listen, listen, listen. Whoever came up with that
the little phrase needs to get slapped. But every time I hear somebody said
yes and long story short, I said, oh yes. The next one
says, I thought being an adult would be more like friends and less like
survivor. First and foremost, I don't know who fooled me to tell me
that's adulting or being quote unquote Jamaican parents, big oman. What's something fun?
Okay? And why did I rush it? Well? I didn't rush
it. I took my time, but yeah, that's definitely not safe.
Many times I'm ready to be back in high school with no responsibility, no
bills come in my name. But what was the magazine that we used to
have for their shows, all the Sneakers. Is it East Day or something
like that. Oh, yes, at least and it had like the backpacks
and yeah, that's the only thing that came in my name. Girl.
Listen, listen. Can I say, let me say this, I give
it to every parent mm hmm. And I'm gonna start with the parents of
our let's say our parents. It's like, if we feel like survivor,
imagine how they felt. Yeah. I don't know how they did it.
That's all I know because I'm thinking about it. I'm like, you gotta
you gotta pay rent, you gotta go, you gotta go to buy groceries.
Who tell you to have a car caw I you have to put gasine
that take care of the car. Yeah, and you still have to go
to work, hold on. Yeah, and then you have to like take
care of your children. Don't forget that. You still have to you know,
be with them, take them places, laugh with them, joke with
them, and you might not be in the mood exactly. I really don't
know how they did it. Like I think about that all the time.
I must say, parents, shout out to you, because yes, y'all.
Y'all are definitely a blessing because this adult life. No, absolutely,
absolutely Okay. The next one is the child who is not embraced by the
village will burn it down to feel its warmth. I think that's an African
proverb. Actually that sounds like. That sounds like, you know, when
when you grow up and you don't have that family structure that you see your
friends probably have in school, and you're basically growing up pretty much on your
own without any love. This is what I'm getting from it, right,
And it's like so like you know how you all right, how you go
to school, and you go to school, you see your friends, let's
say pta or one of those like recitals that used to have as a kid.
Yes, you sitting there, you guys are singing little Christmas song blah
blah, and John parents come up, great job, John whatever, and
little Bob is over there like no one here for me, or maybe one
person is there for them, and they just feel you know, secluded and
just left out. Yeah, and then they actually grow up and become like
and it's not everybody, let's not quote me, like a menace to society,
Like, but it's true that's how people end up doing all sorts of
other random things because they meet somebody, they show them some type of love,
maybe not a love they don't understand, but some it's love to them.
That's what they love. And it's like you're in your end. Of
course, in the law's eyes, that's wrong, and it's for them it's
like, oh no, that was my brother, that's my sister. But
it's like they don't realize destruction that's going to happen or is happening at the
moment. Yeah, I think that's so true, and I think you hit
the nail on the head that that is what happens. I think to all
children that aren't embraced by their village, what I think is not always a
case is maybe you know them being criminals or you know, acting out in
violence, right, Like that's the worst case scenario. However, I think
that it does show up in their adult life and like what you said,
choosing the wrong people, whether it's the wrong friends, the wrong partners,
the wrong job, you just you don't have that baseline to know what real
love is. And it makes me think of I always find it strange that
a lot of times in our community, whether as Caribbean people are Black people.
There's this idea that if you have parents or a parent or a family
your village that loves you, that cares for you, that shows up for
you, you're spoiled. And I noticed that theory comes from people that didn't
have that. So rather than them saying, man, like, you're so
blessed that you have this family that shows up for you and da da dah,
it's easier to mark that person as being spoiled. And everyone has their
opinion, but in my view, when I think of somebody that's spoiled,
I think of like a fictional character like Hillary Banks, Like daddy can I
have three hundred dollars? Like doesn't care that her dad is an attorney and
he has to work for that money, Like she just wants something right.
So it makes me. It reminds me of that, And one of the
things that I just wish our communities would stop doing is labeling people as spoiled
that are just loved and revered by their village, you know, because to
me, that just goes to show how in our community that's so rare that
people don't even know how to perceive that or how to accept that, you
know, outstanding outside looking in. Yeah, they're like, oh, that's
just being spoiled because they just never they don't they don't know that type of
love. They don't know that family structure, that what someone's already in.
So it's like, oh, you just spoiled, and it's like I'm not.
I'm just my parents do what they got to do, right, and
unfortunately they don't have what the other person haves. So it's just like mm
hmm, nose up and it's just like, oh, they just spoiled and
just you know, yeah, that's how people are. And I just want
to say to anybody that's on the opposite side of that, where you're thinking,
like, why is someone telling me that I'm the farthest thing from spoiled?
You know, just make sure that you don't take on someone else's opinion
of you or their view because of what Diane just said, Like that's their
view you because they have they grew up a certain way and maybe they they
were shown love in a different way, and to them that's a sign of
being spoiled because their parents weren't able to give them that type of love.
It can make you feel like wait, a minute. It can make you
second, yes, you know, like any normal person like, wait,
am I spoiled? And it's okay to have that one thought for a quick
second, but then realize that no, like, there's a difference between being
cared for, like I said, by your village, whether it's your siblings,
your teacher, your children, you know, anyone in your village.
Like that is okay, that's like, that's how it's supposed to work,
you know. But I say this, I don't care what no one care
says about me. What opinion you have about me, that's just too bad,
because your opinion you can help me pay my bills. Ladies and gentlemen,
Diane has just revealed she is a true areas through I and this is
for everyone else. You should not care what other people think about you.
Yep. I just think people are overly pressed about everybody else what they got
going on. Focus on yourself. Yeah, true, that's about it.
It's true. But hey, okay, the next one. You can't finesse
a genuinely good person. It's in their nature to be who they are.
All you can do is finesse yourself out of having access to them. That
one is definitely not the safe one. But yes, I'm trying to finesse
people, especially good people, because you know what, people always get good
people in their lives and don't even realize it. But at the same time,
like that good person was there for you, That good person want to
see you, bro, they wanted to see the best for you. But
you're thinking you could use your brain, and the brain looks like it's not
braining right. It's not braining right, and you just that's yourself basically out
of access to someone. Because people have to good people have to understand this.
And I'm not saying, oh, people should tell you if you're a
good person or not. You should know if you're a good person or not.
And you don't need to walk around and tell people, Oh, I'm
a good person. Oh I'm a great person. I'm a great girl.
I'm a great guy. Put the money back, make sure you don't take
time. But yeah, oh my gosh, you got you Just gotta cut
them off, because yeah, you're not gonna sit here and just use and
abuse and think, oh everything is good. Just cut you off before you
get too far. Yeah, not at all. Okay, the next one.
Some folks want to humble you because because they've been humbled in parentheses,
beat down all their lives and now their misery wants your company. It's a
learned behavior that there, it's a learned behavior that they need to unlearn when
it comes to you, particularly if they wish to continue to be in your
life. At some point you're realize you need to humble yourself, right,
And a lot of temple right, and a lot of times the person saying
that that's coming from a place of insecurity. And don't get me wrong,
there are some people that are very as we would say in Jamaica, enough,
right, And we're not talking about you people. So if you're enough
and you're listening to this, you probably do need to humble yourself. But
I think there is a difference, right, Like there's a difference between somebody
that'senough and just in everything and you know, saying they're the best at everything
and people need to bow down to them and that Like, yeah, you
need to humble yourself because you need to be grateful that you have life.
You need to be grateful for everything you had and you have. It didn't
come from you, It came from God or whatever higher power. You believe
in that is a reason to say to someone to humble themselves. And like
you, I'm not the type to say or speak my opinion unwarranted, so
that wouldn't be coming from me, But at least in that situation, I
could see why somebody would say that to someone like that. What you and
I are talking about are the people out there that are minding their business,
but they're succeeding because you know, they have this gift, or they're really
good at something, or they walk into a room and you know, they're
just captivate attention. Right, don't go up to those people or don't tell
those people to humble themselves because that doesn't happen to you. And what you
really want to say is, Wow, you can captivate attention. Wow,
you're really good at what you do. And I wish I was like that,
how do I do that? That's what you really want to say,
So say that or a version of that, rather than trying to tell those
people that they need to humble themselves. And like you said, it's many
come from insecurity, and insecurity, right, that thing is dangerous. Listen,
listen. Last episode we talked about how dangerous envyou is, but that
insecurity is neck and neck with that dangerous. Yes, definitely. So two
more, some men are so mad when you refuse the same crumbs that they
watch their mother nibbylon during their childhoods under the guise of being a good woman
who didn't ask for much. Sir, you can have several seats with all
of that. I am not Miss Brenda, poor miss Brenda, not Miss
Brenda. How do I get to this? Now? You see? All?
Right? Here we go. So let's say Tom sees his mom Miss
Brenda right right, and mister Bob which is his dad that he's Bob junior,
okay, and sees how you know how his father is treating mom.
Doesn't like it because you see this as a kid, right right. And
you know children, Bob is not treating Miss Brenda very well, not at
all, okay. And you and if you see it, it hurts you
as a kid. So now you're growing up in my thing is this if
you see something that you didn't like from your father did to your mom.
M hm, you as an adult should know better. So you know what
I didn't like how my mom was treating it this way. There's no hate
towards my father, because maybe my father didn't have no broad up to or
he didn't have no one to show him the way how to do things or
whatever, or how to treat a woman or how to treat it whatever.
Who are they treating right? And you should know better life, you know
what. I didn't like how that happened, and I should do better and
make sure whoever I'm with it's not treated that way. It doesn't feel the
way I felt, or I just don't want to see them hurt. Obviously,
like we said, the brain, I don't know what connection went wrong.
We have fifty percent that come rund and do the same exact thing to
whoever their partner is and expect a partner to sit there and just take it.
I'm sorry because why because miss Brenda went through it first of all,
that this episode, that mode is not as shock as this Brendo listen,
yeah, man, no, but it just it makes absolutely no sense.
It just makes no sense. And my thing is this what we become adults.
And let's just say thirties, because they say twenties, everybody's still a
little you know, young and figuring it own. So now thirty thirty two,
thirty going up now, we're understanding ourselves. We get more mature,
we see in life, we're adulting now mm hm, we should know better.
Yes, And you know, you bring up a good point because in
that situation, that person could likely lose somebody that is actually very good for
them because they're so used to toxic behavior and toxicity right that non toxicity is
not familiar to them, you know. And like you said, said,
and I've said it before, Yes, we have our parents tell us don't
do this, don't do that, you know, but most of us learn
from what our parents do. That's like something that's proven in psychology. We
learn as children that grow into adults from what our parents do. So if
my parents said don't lie, cheat, steal, but I'm looking at them
lie to their friends, cheat on each other, and steal groceries, what
do you think I'm going to grow up doing the same exactly. I think
that sometimes mothers don't realize what they're teaching their sons. I think sometimes people
focus on oh, mother daughter, like what are you teaching your daughter,
which is equally as important, But that mother son relationship is very important because
you're showing your son how he should expect a woman to act right, so
when you, you know, let your son get away with things, and
you know, it reminds me of this. I forget what. I think
it was some guy in Atlanta, maybe sometime last year that went into a
building. I think he was like a veteran or something, and he had
some issues and I think he shot a couple people. And then there was
a guy recently that jumped towards the judge in the court and his mom.
It was either his mom or his sister, one of them. I can't
remember, but I think it was his mom was doing an interview with the
news and she literally took like didn't I can't say it didn't take any accountability
because it wasn't her, but she literally was like making excuses like, oh,
you know, the judge wasn't very kind to him, and he's been
going through a lot, and you know, I just I don't know why
she would treat him that way. And when I read the comments, because
I had that instant thought like you're not gonna say anything like what he did
was wrong? Like what literally one out of every two comments on that post
were like typical, you know, typical mother son relationship. Not holding him
accountable. That's why this man is jumping across it exactly, and the fact
that he was literally there for abuse, that's what he was there for.
And they had a nerve to fly across the people, and had the nerve
to fly across the people saying because he didn't get the outcome he wanted.
And then you have the mom now saying well, and it's like a cycle.
Yeah, you create a cycle of a man that doesn't feel he has
to be accountable, a man that feels that he can jump across, fly
across like Superman, the fly will he fly? Okay? It's insane.
And again I have never been a parent, so I have only read books
and know things in psychology that say, you know that mother and son relationship
is very close knit and there's a certain bond they have, and that's beautiful,
but you need to balance that because if you don't, just like with
anything in life, if you don't balance it, you can create a monster,
you know, and you can create somebody that doesn't know how to manage
your expectations, that doesn't know, you know, what no means. And
if you don't hold them accountable, you know what I mean, then they
think that they're doing nothing wrong. So back to your example. Now,
in that case, this guy could be dating somebody that's not going to be
like miss Brenda, and it's like, oh no, I don't even want
to broad in my back to try to take this. I'm gone. And
he's going to think she's the worst person in the world because Miss Brenda took
it. So what makes you so different? Right? And why should I
like you? There's a little confusion here. At the same time, you
have to remember too, going back to the example of the gentleman that flew
across the judge. God bless the pair. Of course, like we said,
we talked about the mom, and the thing is like repeated history and
just what brought up see the mom had and what her mom or father had.
It's just like it's just repeat yourself, like it's like a cycle.
I didn't think about that. That's true. So again, I think everything
is just balanced, like learning to balance your reactions to your child, learning
to balance listening to your child. You know, I know we didn't grow
up with our parents being like, oh tell us your feelings or you know.
I think parents are more open to that now. So I think this
generation has a different advantage. But as you said, if you're in your
thirties, like at this point, you know right from wrong. Even if
you didn't grow up with that, I think you've had ample time to see
examples of right from wrong. I think you would have had ample time to
you know, date if we're talking about back to the Miss Brenda situation and
realize, wait a minute, I keep getting the same kind of girl,
and this is not working, like this is volatile, Like I'm messing up
good people because I'm sticking to something that I'm used to or something that I
think that I'm supposed to have. Like you, you should be having that
moment now, like in this this decade of your life, because what I
don't think some men or women realize, because the Miss Brenda could be the
mister Bob could be vice versa, is that you don't want to end up
with that opposite gender that exudes that toxicity in your old age or when you're
at a point where where you can't do for yourself because likely those persons they're
not going to really care for you like that. And then then again back
to the relationship, like I said, vice versa, because we're not gonna
say it's all men because like, oh yeah, beating that no men you
have to watch oh year around, yes, yes, being in a relationship,
being married. Let's just say these two. I'm not saying you cannot
be friends with people that are not in relationships and not married, but you
can't sit there and already take that much advice relationship, yes, very true,
or married advice from them. So absolutely. And you know what,
Dan, you brought up something that just brought up a good point. What
about those instances where men are women because you know, we're equal opportunity here
on this podcast. What about situations like that where you are in a relationship,
right man or woman, and things are going well and you're like,
man, like this is the person for me and you guys are just having
a great time. But you have friends or siblings or church friends, I
don't know, just people in your circle in your village right that they're single.
They might have a different personality than you where they they're not trying to
settle down. They want to be out here and you know, seeing what's
out there because this is like their time to travel and like you said,
party and do these things, and you go to them and you say like
you just said, oh, yeah, you know, we're just staying in
tonight, or you know, we're just gonna cook and watch a Netflix show
or whatever, and they're like, come on, man, like you should
be outside, Like you're in great shape, like you have a six pack,
your shape nice. If you're a woman, like you're muscular, like
the ladies think you're handsome, like you should be outside. And I think
at first the man or woman can be like, oh, no, I'm
good. You know, I'm happy I'm here. But what do you say
in those situations where the manner woman starts to think, wait, am I
missing something? Because those people are putting that in their head, not realizing
that those people are actually miserable and could be possibly possibly could be a little
jealous that you have found something and because they don't have it, Misery likes
what company? So what are your thoughts on that, because that's what it
made me think of, like those type of situations like Ash just said,
Miasury loves company. Yeah, And don't get me wrong, yes, it'll
get to you and you'll be like, oh, they have to have so
much fun. I'm in here. I'm just sitting here watching TV and don't
get me wrong. You're gonna have your time where you're gonna be out with
your friends and be like, oh, let's go have a this day this
week. And you know, but are you what are you looking for?
You must know what you want for yourself. What's the long haul? Like?
Are you going to be turning up all the time? Because listen,
people, it gets tired. And this is coming from somebody that was partying
our whole twenties. If it ain't a lunch, brunch, breakfast, leave
me alone, right like I said, don't get me wrong. Yes,
so one one in the like one out of the blue, I'll go to
one party here just to say I went outside, had a little you know,
to make just to make sure that it needs them still work. Yes,
right, But like like I said, the turn up thing when you're
thirty and going more, like what else is there? Like you want to
keep drinking every night? I don't think, like I said, don't mess
up your relationship? What turn up? Don't fumble a good person in your
life to turn up with your friends Like, no, it's not worth it
to me. And you know, unfortunately, I think some people don't realize
sometimes you can fumble people that you can't evergether or that you'll never find again.
And I don't I'm not saying that from a plance of like, oh,
you know that person, You're never going to find someone that's as pretty
as them or anything. Esthetically, I'm talking about if you phound somebody that
genuinely cared for you, you know, genuinely loved you for who you are
and didn't want anything from me, Because that's a big thing. Especially in
our generation. Everything seems so transactional, right, So if you phone somebody
like that and jeopardize that because of outside influences, it's like, man,
that's probably going to be a hard lesson that you're just going to have to
eat. Because once you lose somebody like that, it's like, I would
hope that you would realize what you lost. And I say hope because some
people don't. If they don't know that that's value, maybe they don't even
realize they lost anything, you know, because maybe in their eyes they're thinking
I did the right thing because I am this great looking person, or I
do have all these things, or I do have all this money. Why
am I settling for somebody that I don't know? Won't do what I want
or won't let me talk to them any kind of way, you know.
So they could think, oh, that person lost me, and that's fine,
but eventually it could be when they're fifty odd. But eventually they'll realize
because those same people that your single friends have you chasing, man or woman,
Like we said, that potential partner is going to want you for all
those things that you named. So they're gonna want you for your looks,
they're gonna want you for your money. They're gonna want you for things that
can be taken away at the drop of a hat. Exactly right. You
can get into an accident and get third degree burns and you're no longer handsome,
and you could put your money in a fund and lose all your money.
Now you can't take her he you know, you can't take your boyfriend
or girlfriend to the best restaurants, right right? Does that person still love
and care for you the same? Absolutely not? Okay, So know what
you want to think about that for yourself, Think about yourself. It sounds
selfish, but sometimes you have to be when it comes to your life and
what you want down the road. Like absolutely everyone, we all become adults,
and we all have our own life. Yes you have friends, Yes
we can china data. But at the end of the day, it is
your life. What makes you happy. I mean, if you want to
be outside shaking, that's all about you. But if you want for the
long haul, you want relationship where it's gonna lead to marriage, that's going
to lead to a family, that's gonna give you bring you nothing but happiness
and joy whatever you want out of it. Mm hmmm. I don't not
necessarily everybody wants to be a Let me take let me quote this again.
I'm not saying everyone wants marriage. I'm not saying everyone relationship. Everybody want
different things in life because you know, of course, you know society it
makes you. Oh, you go to school, you graduate college, you
got a good job, and you get married and you have kids, and
then you go to retirement. Like there's this thing that everyone thinks we need
to follow. No, do what you want for your own life. But
just know what you want for yourself exactly, exactly, whatever your path is,
just stick to that and be confident. I think the whole moral of
the story is, like you said earlier, be confident in who you are.
And what you want out of life, because if you listen to the
outside noise, you'll end up living their life and be resentful for it.
You know, like if somebody told you not to date someone because they didn't
think they were good enough for you, or something along those lines, no
matter who it is. It could be a family member, friend, et
cetera. Right, and you really love and care about that person, but
you were just easily influenced. It's going to pain you, burn you up
inside, right when you end up with the wrong person, or when you
see that person is happy with somebody else and you think, man, like
that person really loved me, like they didn't ask me for anything, like
they genuinely cared about me, Like you know, I've never found anyone that's
cared about me that much. Like it will go through your mind and you'll
be resentful and guess what, how much you want to bet that same person
that advised you is in bliss with somebody that's the love of their life love,
And they probably don't even have time to hear your little stories anymore because
they now okay, and they say, and you sit there and talking about
what could have should have? Yep, yep, and now you're the best
man or know, you're the bridesmaid and now you're a guest. You're just
a guest sitting now not all. You can't even reach the bridal party.
How about that? Maybe possibly the DJ, I don't know. At least
you get paid for that paid. Come on, Like I always say,
in life, we're all on this road. We know there are roads,
right, so we all have the end goal, whatever it may be.
And you feel like, all right, you left high school, you're going
to college now. Some people graduate early, some people graduate on time.
Some people got interruptions and like where they could to drop out of school at
work and stuff like that. And sometimes it gets to you like, oh
my god, they got they graduated college and now they're engaged and not about
to be married. And it's like you start looking at your life like what
the what am I doing wrong? Like you know whatever. But in life,
let's say we all have the same goal, ending goal. We all
have different routes. So she or he might take a get a straight road
and straight like dang you on the road. You might got a few detours,
but guess so your detours and your backtracking gave you a life experience.
Yeah, and make your experience things to make your next path stronger or be
more prepared for it. So I watch nobody, Yes, no, watch
nothing? Story Oh do it not because it don't get me wrong, It'll
get to you, I guess. Don't watch you worry about your own paths
mm hmm. So you will eventually get there. Just stay focused on the
vision. Hello, yes, yes, absolutely? Okay. So we are
still in the parts of the year where gyms are full and it seems everybody
and their mom is on a fitness journey, right, but as most of
us know, most people lose the momentum come like midiear right. So,
as someone that works out regularly, can you share how incorporating wellness and fitness
practices has personally transformed your life? Because I think it's such an important thing
past the esthetics of like working out or like posting a video. I think
like for me, I know I feel better when I do something. It
doesn't have to be a crazy hour workout, but just something. So,
as somebody that regularly works out, can you share, like how incorporating your
wellness and your fitness just how it's transformed your life or how it's I guess
made your life easier, you know, first and foremost, actually on here
telling my business, not just kidding. So who told you that I work
out on a regular So can I say this? Always been slimmered and when
I was younger, whatever whatever. When I moved to West Coast, I
gave First of all, I never used to pass one hundred and let's see
one hundred and say, I'm just seventy five pounds. Ever from my bond
till I was about thirty something, early thirties, I never passed that weight.
I moved to West Coast. You moved somewhere where you have to drive
everywhere, and you know your relationship, you're happy food, you're eating food.
You know you're gained a happy weight, that relationship weight. Yes,
I'm at two hundred pounds. I could barely breathe, and it is like,
you know, they're like, all right, well I'm gonna try and
then I don't get me wrong, I used to do personal work, personal
training with a trainer, and you know, okay, I wasn't losing any
pounds only because and it's not because of the trader, because the trainer I
had he was bombed shout out to Darius and Sacramento. He was a bomb,
but my mind wasn't right. I would still work out, workout,
but I was still eating the drunk. I'm not watching what I'm eating.
I'm not walking enough. I'm not doing the things that I used to do
when I lived in New York. I'm chasing trains to get to work on
time, chasing the bus to go to school on time, like things.
All that activity I was doing. Right then, of course, I look
at myself in the marror one day I said, this is not the die
here, and I know and literally that's just like put a like turn the
light on a switch or a light or whatever. In my brain. It
was like, okay, I got to drop this week, all right.
I joined the gym. I got a personal trader just for like the first
two months, just to get me in a rhythm, showed me what to
do, how to work form and stuff like that whatever, and then I
literally just kept going. But my thing was I kept going to classes because
I don't know what to do. So for my thing, I was doing
mostly classes. I'm doing hit classes, I'm doing a zoomer class, I'm
doing another pound class. I'm doing some other class that got going on because
they had a ton of classes. But what kept me motivated. I would
say, like, when you want to clear your mind of things, you
go listen. We all go through things in life. I went through things
where I just needed an outlet, right, and that the gym was my
outlet. I stopped feeling sluggish. I got more energy, I feel more
vibrant, I feel good. I love that listen. It is twenty twenty
four and this year we are decreasing overwhelm and increasing productivity, which is why
I use Audible to listen to my favorite books when I'm on the goal.
For example, right now, I am listening to Till the Well Runs Dry
by Lauren Francis Sharma, and although I have never visited Trinidad, the narrator's
triiny accent immediately transports me to ports of Spain. Audible makes it easy to
listen anytime anywhere while traveling, working out, taking a bath, seasoning the
meat or cauliflower for my vegetarians. You decide, and to help you start
your audiobook journey, we have partnered with Audible to offer our listeners of free
thirty day trial. So don't just take my word for it. Visit audibletrial
dot com backslash lt Dt to start your free trial today. I'm not trying
to be someone that's like, I'm not bodybuilding. I don't want that form
that I see almost everybody wants and these muscles here and there. No,
I just want to work out because it makes me feel better, it makes
me look better. I love that, and I think it's such an important
message. You said something key. You know, you needed an outlet,
and as we know, sometimes people choose an outlet like alcohol or drugs or
you know, just promiscuity or something else that could in the long run be
detrimental to their wellbeing. And so I just want to, you know,
give you props for choosing something that was actually helpful. And clearly you didn't
know at the time like it was going to resolve your knee issues and all
these other things. But I think it's just good to, you know,
hear a woman talk about using exercise as a way to get your mental health
on point, Because don't get me wrong, you're not the first woman to
say that, but I do think that in our generation and gen z it's
more of like an esthetic thing because like you share your workouts sometimes but they're
literally you just sharing your workouts. That's different. I'm more so talking about
the people that it's very clear that it's an aesthetic, like they're at the
gym with a full contour, and hey, maybe you have you know,
a deal or promotion or some type of agreement with some like gym brand,
and like you have to make those videos more power to you. That's quite
fine, but I just think it's also important just to hear, like,
you know what, something happened in my life and I was feeling overwhelmed and
I just decided I'm just going to start one day at a time, you
know. So how would you say that you stayed consistent though, because like
you said, yes, you dropped the weight, or at first I should
say, yes, you were working out, but your mind wasn't there.
How did you get your mind right to stay consistent, because I think that's
the key, like to anything that we do in life or anything we want
to be greeting, right, it's consistency. But that's also the hardest part.
I'm in the class with a lady that's seventy five lifting weight. Y'all
can't talk to me, okay, know that lady I don't hear nobody.
Oh I can't do it. I'm in a zoomer class with a lady that's
eighty years old and she not missing a beat. Oh my gosh, that's
amazing. So that ain't no motivation. I don't know what is for you
guys, but that alone. If I say, I don't see them crying,
I'm not crying. And I'm coming to gym every day I can to
come do the workout. I'm not talking about you needs to be in there
every day, and no go your two times a week if if your a
schedule allows you, and if you can't reach, do it in your house,
do it in your apartment wherever you can. Yeah, that's and the
main thing is just walk, walk miles, walk too much? Move,
Yeah, that's it. Two miles is not that much. Yeah, I
walk a mile every morning with my dog. Yeah. I think that's that's
true. Like just just moving. I think, just trying to move more
the little that you can, especially if you work a desk job, you
know, just get up more, walk around more, you know, walk
over to your coworker instead of sending them a message, you know, such
time, walk exactly lunchtime. I should just walk around the school yard and
then come back because I need to do something. You sitting there, sitting
down, it's not doing nothing. And then guess what we love to eat,
right mm hmm, and we love to get and our metabolism is it
as fast as it used to be? Yeah, it's slow down, so
now it's hard to kick it up a notch. And I'm not buying a
slim tea okay people, Oh you get that tea battery in the tea.
You said, I'm not burning out my belly bottom. Yeah, no,
the rest of my life to have slim belly. No. Now that so
that that's is definitely not safe, okay because in the long rung, that
joint is going to damage people's stomachs. Like, yeah, no, it's
it's not It's better to do it the healthy way. I'll say that,
right. You know, so you talked about building your strength in the gym,
right, and were also in the Dinosaur on safe segment. We also
talked about you know, not in twenty twenty four. Let's just say that
not over exerting ourselves, not you know, being avengers and superheroes and trying
to take on everyone's problem, right, but you also mentioned how you're the
type of friend where if your best friend has something going on, you want
her to tell you right, So to the accountability factor taking it on as
a strong friend, do you think that we could do a better job in
teaching people how to treat us, you know, in prioritizing our own self
care by realizing, Okay, I can't over extend myself for everyone, you
know, so that that way it's more balanced. Like you can say to
your friend, Hey, Diane, I want to hear your story, but
I have to go to the gym, so let me tell you what after
my class, I'm gonna call you at seven thirty. We can, we
can set boundaries, and then sometimes it's hard to reciprocate from the other.
And then you know, as an ares patience, it's not there. It's
just like whatever I don't figure at some point. But like you said,
yeah, you can set boundaries. I can say, hey, I guess
I'm running a gym. I'll call you right back, or how about tomorrow?
And you just said a time because you don't necessarily have to listen to
anyone, and I'm not just saying friends and think about everybody. Yeah,
if anyone's venting or whatever they're going through all day, So maybe thirty minutes
out of my day. Yes, I can't listen to you. What's going
on you? Okay? Like you know, because I think at me as
a person, I'm just like that. It's like, what's you all right?
What happens? You need help with something? Even if if I can't
help you, I'm gonna try to find a way, or I'm gonna try
something, you know what I mean, Even if I do just need me
to listen, I'm gonna listen. Let you air it out. Maybe you
just need to get off your chest and you don't really need a suggestion,
or you don't need an opinion, right because you just want your heir.
Yeah. True, But then again you gotta remember too if you want and
every ear, every time I give you a ear, you come back with
the same thing ten more time. At some point you need an opinion and
a suggestion, Okay, at some point. So you're saying the ear is
not airing? Is that what I'm hearing on a airing? You know?
So for our final segment, I'm going to ask you five rapid fire questions,
and I would like you to answer with the first thing that comes to
mind, and it could be it could be a word or a sentence.
Got it. What is the best advice you would give your twenty year old
self, learn to be more financially literate. Ah, good advice, good
advice. I learned, learn it now I wish i'd learned it then.
Like I said, you go back to the wada kulda and should have mm
hmm. Good advice. Okay. Next one, If you could travel to
anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? I would travel
to Sweden because my lovely sister, my baby sister, lives there, Oh
lovely, and she has a dinner club belly. Oh nice, So there's
definite place I would I would go Sweden. Nice, very nice. Okay,
I'm not laughing. What do you think your pet's voice would sound like
if they could talk? Oh, my dog, smoky. I know you
love your dog, so I had to ask a pet related question. That's
a good question. He probably have a deep, very white type of right,
he does. To me, he does look like a little bit humans.
I'm giving him like a deep, deep voice and the looks that he
give me. Yeah, right, it's giving Barry. Okay, What is
one thing you wish you did more of in your twenties. I wish I
did more traveling in my twenties, being you know, taking more not risks
where things are like you're like risking your life, right, not jumping off?
Right? You really want to jump the rope, and let's see more
of more traveling could be your answer, because that's yeah, we're gonna say,
we're gonna stick with train. Yeah, that's a good one. I
traveled, but not like international, right, So you wanted to international travel,
more international traveling? Okay, got you? Yeah, that makes sense.
Okay. And last, but not least, what is one lesson that
you learned from your mother that you've been able to incorporate in your thirties.
My lovely mother jackals honestly, and I learned this from her, and I
learned from my grandmother, Miss Shakespeare, is having a relationship with God.
That is the I think one of the best things I ever you know,
like we said, we learned by example right as children. And I'm just
gonna elaborate a little bit. Growing up as I was born, my grandma
used to come pick me up bring me to church every Sunday when I say
every Sunday, every Sunday, Every Sunday in bully beef sandwich and mixed drinks.
At church, I'm in Sunday school nine am. I'm in service with
her. Sometimes I do night service. When from I was born until I
was in high school when she passed away, and then I see my mom
become more like her relationship with God got really strong. She got baptized and
everything. And that's alone. By just watching them to do that and lead
by example made me. Now I'm more calmer. I'm just like nothing don't
really phase me, It don't bother me. I feel I'm way more grateful.
And I say I was never. I was ungrateful when I was younger.
When I say way more grateful, I pray more I have, I'm
more at peace. Hmm. And I personally believe everyone obviously has their own
beliefs, but I personally believe you can only get that from God. Yes,
yeah, because some people in your life will try to come and find
some type of way to distract you and destroy you too. So you got
some people that's just like that, yeah whatever. Yeah, And if you're
not strong in faith or whoever, you guys might believe in. I don't
know I know who I believe it. Yeah, but some prayer is like
and one thing I always talk to me, why worry when I could just
pray? And it has been shown to me time and time again in life.
Yeah, but every little thing I've prayed for has happened. And like
I said, you might pray like it didn't happen tomorrow. Well, of
course it's not gonna happen tomorrow, because that's not He doesn't just work on
your time, right right, but it happens right on time, and you
sit back you're like, oh my gosh, look how I'm just praying for
them, and look at it come out oft know, like whoa, And
it's not the scary, but it's like shockshocking. Yes, So even in
the moment when you think your life is going haywire or you're not getting exactly
like you said what you asked for when you asked for it, more than
likely ten times out of ten I will say it's coming, but it's not
always going to come in the way that you think it should come exact And
so I think that's a really important mindset, idea way of life that you
got from your mom and your grandmother, because the older we get, the
more we're going to have to deal with trials and triulations. That's just life.
There's no one in this world. I don't care who you are,
I don't care how much money you have, fame, whatever, that never
has any issues or no problems. There is just not possible, right,
And if anyone's tells you that they're lying, right, So, like you
said, when you have that, it doesn't mean that things won't bother you.
It doesn't mean that you won't get sad, It doesn't mean that you
won't go through things, but it does mean that you'll go through them with
a little bit more peace. Peace of mind is just so important, and
I think you don't realize how important it is until it's messed with Oh my
gosh, you know, and until you are in that situation where you just
you can't even think straight because it's just your peace of mind is just being
rattled with. You don't really understand the joy that comes with just having peace,
you know, just not dealing with people's issues or you know, them
project things on you, because sometimes people will see that you're at peace,
Diane and want to ruin that because misery loves company, whether it's a job,
whether it's friendship, whether it's relationship. You could be at a job
where your former boss sees that you're in this new position and you're loving it
and you're smiling every day, and you know, like Diane said, you're
working out now, so you're coming in, you're looking better, brighter,
and they could just say, you know what, I'm going to go up
to a boss and say that she was a troublemaker, or I'm going to
go up to a boss and say, oh, how is she doing because
she didn't get along with me? Just anything, because you're so at peace,
and it's like, I can't take away this job from her, but
I can make her environment a little less peaceful. That's what these types of
people would think. So to your point, you can't do anything about that.
And I think that's one thing that I've also learned. You can't dictate
how people think of you. You can only be your best self. And
I think once I learned to let that go, my life just became so
much more peaceful because people can say or talk about you however they want,
and you have no control over that. The only person you have control over
is yourself, and I think that you've you've really shown that in different things
that we've spoken about today, but particularly the wellness part. And you know,
just the idea that you decided what you were going to do that was
going to make yourself feel better and elevate you because at the end of the
day, you know, your mom or your sister, they could tell you,
oh, Diane, you're so great and why do you feel down?
You're the best, But you have to live with yourself, you know,
right, So definitely, like again, kudos to you for that and for
really following your mom and your grandmother's guidance to staying close to God because it's
just so important because this world is just crazy. And the shout out my
darling granny too, you know, because when I go to drink us with
you right up in church and my grandma had my snacks in her handbag and
I was eating it right there beside her in church. Well, that concludes
our episode. Thank you so much, Dan for coming to talk the things
with me and thank you for having me welcome. And like I said,
I'm really proud of all the strides that you've made, you know, on
your wellness journey and just the way that you're showing up for yourself because I
truly believe when we show up for ourselves in that way, we can show
up better for others. Right, So yeah, and I'm proud of you
for your podcast. Right, let's out the eye water and everyone, And
don't forget to follow us on Spotify and on Apple podcasts and rate and review
the episode. But until next time, take care of yourselves, prioritize your
well being, and remember you have the power to transform your life.