WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:05.719 If you're listening to the podcast on Apple Podcast, please remember to rate and 2 00:00:05.839 --> 00:00:11.439 leave a comment below. Also, don't forget to follow us on Instagram at 3 00:00:11.560 --> 00:00:16.039 Let's Talk the Tings. Now, grab your tea, coffee, or a 4 00:00:16.079 --> 00:00:22.000 glass of wine and Let's Talk the Tings. Hello everyone, Welcome back to 5 00:00:22.039 --> 00:00:27.679 the Let's Talk the Tings podcast, where we discuss the importance of personal growth, 6 00:00:28.079 --> 00:00:34.880 travel, music, and wellness while encouraging you to live fearlessly and fabulously. 7 00:00:36.240 --> 00:00:40.799 I am your host, Ash and this week we are Talking the Things 8 00:00:40.920 --> 00:00:45.000 with Diane Darling. Hi, Diane, how are you? I'm doing well? 9 00:00:45.119 --> 00:00:50.880 How about yourself? I am well? Thank you? No complaints same 10 00:00:50.920 --> 00:00:56.920 here? Well, thanks for coming to talk the Things with me. And 11 00:00:57.399 --> 00:01:03.240 this season we're doing things a little bit different. So I'm starting out the 12 00:01:03.280 --> 00:01:08.599 show with everyone's favorite segment, which is called that NAS Sound Safe? And 13 00:01:10.159 --> 00:01:19.000 I'm and I'm going to basically read, I'm going to read random social media 14 00:01:19.079 --> 00:01:26.159 post or comments that listeners sent in or responses to a question that we posted 15 00:01:26.239 --> 00:01:30.400 on our Instagram. And if you think it sounds crazy or concerning, you 16 00:01:30.480 --> 00:01:34.920 can respond that NA sound safe. But if you agree, you have to 17 00:01:34.959 --> 00:01:38.920 explain why that makes sense. Makes sense, all right, cool, So 18 00:01:40.040 --> 00:01:48.079 the first one is currently holding my phone coffee and sanity one is slipping and 19 00:01:48.159 --> 00:01:57.280 I'm afraid it's the coffee. Oh gosh, that definitely does so too, 20 00:01:57.280 --> 00:02:06.200 se because the coffee is definitely hot, right, the coffee is hot. 21 00:02:06.319 --> 00:02:10.159 The coffee is hot. They were holding I'm holding my phone mm hmm. 22 00:02:10.319 --> 00:02:15.360 Well I need to hold on to mm hmm, and I'm keeping together the 23 00:02:15.400 --> 00:02:24.400 sanity especially in this world. Yes, for the coffee after go sayonara, 24 00:02:25.639 --> 00:02:30.520 right, But I think it's so it's obviously like funny, but it's like 25 00:02:31.639 --> 00:02:37.800 I feel like it's so indicative of how as women sometimes we feel like we 26 00:02:37.960 --> 00:02:43.599 are juggling everything, you know, and it's like what do you hold on 27 00:02:43.639 --> 00:02:46.400 to when you have all these things in your hand? Have you ever been 28 00:02:46.439 --> 00:02:50.439 in like a situation where I felt like that at some point where it's like, 29 00:02:50.520 --> 00:02:52.919 oh my gosh, I have all these things, like something has to 30 00:02:53.000 --> 00:02:59.039 drop, you know, like one of these things, listen, priority, 31 00:02:59.159 --> 00:03:04.560 the main thing, stay stable. Everything else you can fall and I can 32 00:03:04.599 --> 00:03:07.039 pick that back up. I can figure it out later on, because if 33 00:03:07.080 --> 00:03:10.680 you don't, you're gonna drive yourself crazy. True, And it's just like 34 00:03:12.719 --> 00:03:15.800 you're overwhelmed. So now you get overwhelmed. They have this anxiety. They're 35 00:03:15.800 --> 00:03:17.759 like, oh, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this, and 36 00:03:17.759 --> 00:03:22.919 then you try to stretch you you know, you weigh yourself thin, right, 37 00:03:23.000 --> 00:03:25.639 so it's like, you know what here what the most important thing has 38 00:03:25.680 --> 00:03:29.719 to go through and the restroom. You just got to pick up the pieces 39 00:03:29.800 --> 00:03:36.680 later because and you can't be you know, you can't be everything for everyone, 40 00:03:36.719 --> 00:03:38.919 which is I think is really hard for some of us. It is, 41 00:03:38.960 --> 00:03:44.639 but because you want to be there for everybody, Yeah, but it's 42 00:03:44.719 --> 00:03:47.639 like you can't, you know, like you'll really wear yourself thin. And 43 00:03:47.680 --> 00:03:52.240 then I've said it here before, but I'll say it again. There's no 44 00:03:53.439 --> 00:03:57.599 there's no price for over exerting yourself. And I don't mean that in a 45 00:03:57.639 --> 00:04:00.639 way of like that's why we do things to get a prize, but like 46 00:04:01.360 --> 00:04:05.479 what I mean is when you run yourself down now and you don't have any 47 00:04:05.599 --> 00:04:10.000 energy, or you can't show up for your job, or you know, 48 00:04:10.039 --> 00:04:14.759 your health starts to suffer, it's just going to be you alone in that 49 00:04:14.879 --> 00:04:19.279 hospital bed, especially with the panorama, it's really just gonna be you. 50 00:04:19.279 --> 00:04:23.199 You know what I mean, so it's like, and now you're going to 51 00:04:23.279 --> 00:04:28.319 get is I hope you feel better health? Yeah, yep, yep, 52 00:04:28.399 --> 00:04:32.519 And hope can't help you in certain instances, hope cannot help you. You 53 00:04:32.519 --> 00:04:38.279 know. So it's like I think it's hard. It's hard when you are 54 00:04:39.879 --> 00:04:44.560 when you're somebody that wants to help people, it's hard to find a balance. 55 00:04:44.759 --> 00:04:47.519 But like you said, I think you need like we need to, 56 00:04:47.720 --> 00:04:51.000 like it's something that everybody needs to do, like just to stay sane, 57 00:04:51.160 --> 00:04:54.519 you know, yeah, because it's just hard to say no. And then 58 00:04:54.600 --> 00:04:58.079 a lot of things that other people are going through is way more draining than 59 00:04:58.120 --> 00:05:00.480 probably what you're going through. And it's like, oh my gosh, just 60 00:05:00.519 --> 00:05:03.160 takes out a lot out of me. And it's like you don't want to 61 00:05:03.360 --> 00:05:05.959 like shun them out, like you just have to figure it out. But 62 00:05:06.000 --> 00:05:10.360 you still want to be you know, a little support and say, you 63 00:05:10.399 --> 00:05:12.600 know what, all right, come tell me what's going on, let me 64 00:05:12.639 --> 00:05:16.240 see if maybe have a suggestion, or maybe you just want to talk and 65 00:05:16.360 --> 00:05:20.399 just make some listen to you. Right. So, but then again, 66 00:05:20.439 --> 00:05:26.120 like I said, listen to someone talk and maybe let's say the event for 67 00:05:26.160 --> 00:05:30.920 about thirty to forty five minutes. That can drain you in that forty five 68 00:05:30.000 --> 00:05:34.079 minutes. Yeah, and then now it's on your brain because that's someone you 69 00:05:34.199 --> 00:05:40.160 care for. Yeah, and you're like, oh my gosh, and now 70 00:05:40.199 --> 00:05:44.160 it's on your brain on a daily right. Yeah, Now, what about 71 00:05:44.160 --> 00:05:46.959 your truth that you have going on? Now, that's very true, that's 72 00:05:47.160 --> 00:05:50.879 very true, and it's funny. On the last episode, we talked about 73 00:05:50.959 --> 00:05:58.839 how we have an issue with saying long story short and then proceeding to tell 74 00:05:58.879 --> 00:06:02.199 a two point five listen, listen, listen. Whoever came up with that 75 00:06:02.240 --> 00:06:09.160 the little phrase needs to get slapped. But every time I hear somebody said 76 00:06:09.439 --> 00:06:13.720 yes and long story short, I said, oh yes. The next one 77 00:06:13.800 --> 00:06:17.600 says, I thought being an adult would be more like friends and less like 78 00:06:17.680 --> 00:06:30.199 survivor. First and foremost, I don't know who fooled me to tell me 79 00:06:31.680 --> 00:06:42.879 that's adulting or being quote unquote Jamaican parents, big oman. What's something fun? 80 00:06:43.759 --> 00:06:45.839 Okay? And why did I rush it? Well? I didn't rush 81 00:06:45.839 --> 00:06:50.199 it. I took my time, but yeah, that's definitely not safe. 82 00:06:54.959 --> 00:06:59.920 Many times I'm ready to be back in high school with no responsibility, no 83 00:07:00.040 --> 00:07:03.319 bills come in my name. But what was the magazine that we used to 84 00:07:03.360 --> 00:07:06.879 have for their shows, all the Sneakers. Is it East Day or something 85 00:07:06.920 --> 00:07:11.279 like that. Oh, yes, at least and it had like the backpacks 86 00:07:11.279 --> 00:07:15.600 and yeah, that's the only thing that came in my name. Girl. 87 00:07:15.160 --> 00:07:18.680 Listen, listen. Can I say, let me say this, I give 88 00:07:18.759 --> 00:07:25.480 it to every parent mm hmm. And I'm gonna start with the parents of 89 00:07:25.639 --> 00:07:30.399 our let's say our parents. It's like, if we feel like survivor, 90 00:07:30.480 --> 00:07:32.319 imagine how they felt. Yeah. I don't know how they did it. 91 00:07:32.519 --> 00:07:36.199 That's all I know because I'm thinking about it. I'm like, you gotta 92 00:07:36.360 --> 00:07:41.560 you gotta pay rent, you gotta go, you gotta go to buy groceries. 93 00:07:42.240 --> 00:07:44.560 Who tell you to have a car caw I you have to put gasine 94 00:07:44.560 --> 00:07:46.279 that take care of the car. Yeah, and you still have to go 95 00:07:46.319 --> 00:07:49.639 to work, hold on. Yeah, and then you have to like take 96 00:07:49.639 --> 00:07:53.600 care of your children. Don't forget that. You still have to you know, 97 00:07:53.879 --> 00:07:56.959 be with them, take them places, laugh with them, joke with 98 00:07:57.000 --> 00:08:01.560 them, and you might not be in the mood exactly. I really don't 99 00:08:01.600 --> 00:08:03.720 know how they did it. Like I think about that all the time. 100 00:08:03.759 --> 00:08:07.879 I must say, parents, shout out to you, because yes, y'all. 101 00:08:07.319 --> 00:08:15.000 Y'all are definitely a blessing because this adult life. No, absolutely, 102 00:08:15.160 --> 00:08:20.360 absolutely Okay. The next one is the child who is not embraced by the 103 00:08:20.480 --> 00:08:24.839 village will burn it down to feel its warmth. I think that's an African 104 00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:30.079 proverb. Actually that sounds like. That sounds like, you know, when 105 00:08:31.680 --> 00:08:35.480 when you grow up and you don't have that family structure that you see your 106 00:08:35.559 --> 00:08:41.240 friends probably have in school, and you're basically growing up pretty much on your 107 00:08:41.240 --> 00:08:46.559 own without any love. This is what I'm getting from it, right, 108 00:08:46.639 --> 00:08:48.600 And it's like so like you know how you all right, how you go 109 00:08:48.639 --> 00:08:52.879 to school, and you go to school, you see your friends, let's 110 00:08:52.879 --> 00:08:58.120 say pta or one of those like recitals that used to have as a kid. 111 00:08:58.679 --> 00:09:01.480 Yes, you sitting there, you guys are singing little Christmas song blah 112 00:09:01.559 --> 00:09:07.320 blah, and John parents come up, great job, John whatever, and 113 00:09:09.399 --> 00:09:15.279 little Bob is over there like no one here for me, or maybe one 114 00:09:15.320 --> 00:09:20.720 person is there for them, and they just feel you know, secluded and 115 00:09:20.919 --> 00:09:26.480 just left out. Yeah, and then they actually grow up and become like 116 00:09:28.279 --> 00:09:33.720 and it's not everybody, let's not quote me, like a menace to society, 117 00:09:33.000 --> 00:09:39.600 Like, but it's true that's how people end up doing all sorts of 118 00:09:39.679 --> 00:09:43.759 other random things because they meet somebody, they show them some type of love, 119 00:09:45.000 --> 00:09:48.080 maybe not a love they don't understand, but some it's love to them. 120 00:09:48.120 --> 00:09:50.679 That's what they love. And it's like you're in your end. Of 121 00:09:50.879 --> 00:09:56.120 course, in the law's eyes, that's wrong, and it's for them it's 122 00:09:56.159 --> 00:09:58.480 like, oh no, that was my brother, that's my sister. But 123 00:09:58.480 --> 00:10:05.360 it's like they don't realize destruction that's going to happen or is happening at the 124 00:10:05.399 --> 00:10:09.480 moment. Yeah, I think that's so true, and I think you hit 125 00:10:09.480 --> 00:10:13.480 the nail on the head that that is what happens. I think to all 126 00:10:13.600 --> 00:10:18.440 children that aren't embraced by their village, what I think is not always a 127 00:10:18.519 --> 00:10:24.159 case is maybe you know them being criminals or you know, acting out in 128 00:10:24.279 --> 00:10:28.759 violence, right, Like that's the worst case scenario. However, I think 129 00:10:28.799 --> 00:10:31.480 that it does show up in their adult life and like what you said, 130 00:10:31.559 --> 00:10:35.919 choosing the wrong people, whether it's the wrong friends, the wrong partners, 131 00:10:35.519 --> 00:10:41.360 the wrong job, you just you don't have that baseline to know what real 132 00:10:41.399 --> 00:10:48.480 love is. And it makes me think of I always find it strange that 133 00:10:50.159 --> 00:10:56.000 a lot of times in our community, whether as Caribbean people are Black people. 134 00:10:56.080 --> 00:11:01.960 There's this idea that if you have parents or a parent or a family 135 00:11:01.000 --> 00:11:05.279 your village that loves you, that cares for you, that shows up for 136 00:11:05.360 --> 00:11:11.320 you, you're spoiled. And I noticed that theory comes from people that didn't 137 00:11:11.360 --> 00:11:15.720 have that. So rather than them saying, man, like, you're so 138 00:11:15.960 --> 00:11:18.279 blessed that you have this family that shows up for you and da da dah, 139 00:11:18.879 --> 00:11:24.559 it's easier to mark that person as being spoiled. And everyone has their 140 00:11:24.600 --> 00:11:26.919 opinion, but in my view, when I think of somebody that's spoiled, 141 00:11:28.279 --> 00:11:31.200 I think of like a fictional character like Hillary Banks, Like daddy can I 142 00:11:31.240 --> 00:11:35.879 have three hundred dollars? Like doesn't care that her dad is an attorney and 143 00:11:35.919 --> 00:11:39.000 he has to work for that money, Like she just wants something right. 144 00:11:39.759 --> 00:11:46.720 So it makes me. It reminds me of that, And one of the 145 00:11:46.759 --> 00:11:54.080 things that I just wish our communities would stop doing is labeling people as spoiled 146 00:11:54.200 --> 00:11:58.120 that are just loved and revered by their village, you know, because to 147 00:11:58.240 --> 00:12:03.080 me, that just goes to show how in our community that's so rare that 148 00:12:03.159 --> 00:12:07.360 people don't even know how to perceive that or how to accept that, you 149 00:12:07.399 --> 00:12:13.679 know, outstanding outside looking in. Yeah, they're like, oh, that's 150 00:12:13.720 --> 00:12:16.360 just being spoiled because they just never they don't they don't know that type of 151 00:12:16.360 --> 00:12:20.720 love. They don't know that family structure, that what someone's already in. 152 00:12:22.000 --> 00:12:24.960 So it's like, oh, you just spoiled, and it's like I'm not. 153 00:12:24.200 --> 00:12:28.600 I'm just my parents do what they got to do, right, and 154 00:12:30.080 --> 00:12:33.919 unfortunately they don't have what the other person haves. So it's just like mm 155 00:12:33.960 --> 00:12:37.720 hmm, nose up and it's just like, oh, they just spoiled and 156 00:12:37.919 --> 00:12:43.279 just you know, yeah, that's how people are. And I just want 157 00:12:43.360 --> 00:12:46.039 to say to anybody that's on the opposite side of that, where you're thinking, 158 00:12:46.080 --> 00:12:50.399 like, why is someone telling me that I'm the farthest thing from spoiled? 159 00:12:50.440 --> 00:12:56.519 You know, just make sure that you don't take on someone else's opinion 160 00:12:56.559 --> 00:12:58.759 of you or their view because of what Diane just said, Like that's their 161 00:12:58.840 --> 00:13:07.279 view you because they have they grew up a certain way and maybe they they 162 00:13:07.519 --> 00:13:11.320 were shown love in a different way, and to them that's a sign of 163 00:13:11.360 --> 00:13:16.360 being spoiled because their parents weren't able to give them that type of love. 164 00:13:16.200 --> 00:13:18.559 It can make you feel like wait, a minute. It can make you 165 00:13:18.639 --> 00:13:22.600 second, yes, you know, like any normal person like, wait, 166 00:13:22.679 --> 00:13:26.200 am I spoiled? And it's okay to have that one thought for a quick 167 00:13:26.240 --> 00:13:31.360 second, but then realize that no, like, there's a difference between being 168 00:13:31.399 --> 00:13:33.440 cared for, like I said, by your village, whether it's your siblings, 169 00:13:33.480 --> 00:13:39.120 your teacher, your children, you know, anyone in your village. 170 00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:43.679 Like that is okay, that's like, that's how it's supposed to work, 171 00:13:45.000 --> 00:13:50.759 you know. But I say this, I don't care what no one care 172 00:13:50.840 --> 00:13:54.919 says about me. What opinion you have about me, that's just too bad, 173 00:13:56.159 --> 00:14:01.360 because your opinion you can help me pay my bills. Ladies and gentlemen, 174 00:14:01.480 --> 00:14:07.600 Diane has just revealed she is a true areas through I and this is 175 00:14:07.639 --> 00:14:11.120 for everyone else. You should not care what other people think about you. 176 00:14:11.200 --> 00:14:16.360 Yep. I just think people are overly pressed about everybody else what they got 177 00:14:16.360 --> 00:14:22.360 going on. Focus on yourself. Yeah, true, that's about it. 178 00:14:22.360 --> 00:14:26.159 It's true. But hey, okay, the next one. You can't finesse 179 00:14:26.240 --> 00:14:31.559 a genuinely good person. It's in their nature to be who they are. 180 00:14:31.240 --> 00:14:39.559 All you can do is finesse yourself out of having access to them. That 181 00:14:39.600 --> 00:14:45.159 one is definitely not the safe one. But yes, I'm trying to finesse 182 00:14:45.240 --> 00:14:50.440 people, especially good people, because you know what, people always get good 183 00:14:50.440 --> 00:14:54.519 people in their lives and don't even realize it. But at the same time, 184 00:14:54.639 --> 00:14:58.600 like that good person was there for you, That good person want to 185 00:14:58.600 --> 00:15:03.600 see you, bro, they wanted to see the best for you. But 186 00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:07.360 you're thinking you could use your brain, and the brain looks like it's not 187 00:15:07.480 --> 00:15:16.200 braining right. It's not braining right, and you just that's yourself basically out 188 00:15:16.320 --> 00:15:22.360 of access to someone. Because people have to good people have to understand this. 189 00:15:22.440 --> 00:15:24.639 And I'm not saying, oh, people should tell you if you're a 190 00:15:24.639 --> 00:15:26.840 good person or not. You should know if you're a good person or not. 191 00:15:26.879 --> 00:15:28.039 And you don't need to walk around and tell people, Oh, I'm 192 00:15:28.039 --> 00:15:31.360 a good person. Oh I'm a great person. I'm a great girl. 193 00:15:31.399 --> 00:15:33.919 I'm a great guy. Put the money back, make sure you don't take 194 00:15:33.960 --> 00:15:37.960 time. But yeah, oh my gosh, you got you Just gotta cut 195 00:15:39.000 --> 00:15:43.840 them off, because yeah, you're not gonna sit here and just use and 196 00:15:43.960 --> 00:15:48.679 abuse and think, oh everything is good. Just cut you off before you 197 00:15:48.759 --> 00:15:56.200 get too far. Yeah, not at all. Okay, the next one. 198 00:15:56.360 --> 00:16:02.559 Some folks want to humble you because because they've been humbled in parentheses, 199 00:16:02.840 --> 00:16:07.879 beat down all their lives and now their misery wants your company. It's a 200 00:16:07.960 --> 00:16:12.960 learned behavior that there, it's a learned behavior that they need to unlearn when 201 00:16:14.039 --> 00:16:18.399 it comes to you, particularly if they wish to continue to be in your 202 00:16:18.440 --> 00:16:23.000 life. At some point you're realize you need to humble yourself, right, 203 00:16:23.720 --> 00:16:29.679 And a lot of temple right, and a lot of times the person saying 204 00:16:29.720 --> 00:16:33.600 that that's coming from a place of insecurity. And don't get me wrong, 205 00:16:33.799 --> 00:16:38.720 there are some people that are very as we would say in Jamaica, enough, 206 00:16:40.240 --> 00:16:44.159 right, And we're not talking about you people. So if you're enough 207 00:16:44.159 --> 00:16:47.879 and you're listening to this, you probably do need to humble yourself. But 208 00:16:48.000 --> 00:16:52.480 I think there is a difference, right, Like there's a difference between somebody 209 00:16:52.519 --> 00:16:57.039 that'senough and just in everything and you know, saying they're the best at everything 210 00:16:57.080 --> 00:17:00.399 and people need to bow down to them and that Like, yeah, you 211 00:17:00.440 --> 00:17:04.119 need to humble yourself because you need to be grateful that you have life. 212 00:17:04.160 --> 00:17:07.640 You need to be grateful for everything you had and you have. It didn't 213 00:17:07.680 --> 00:17:10.720 come from you, It came from God or whatever higher power. You believe 214 00:17:10.720 --> 00:17:15.880 in that is a reason to say to someone to humble themselves. And like 215 00:17:15.960 --> 00:17:21.079 you, I'm not the type to say or speak my opinion unwarranted, so 216 00:17:21.079 --> 00:17:23.480 that wouldn't be coming from me, But at least in that situation, I 217 00:17:23.519 --> 00:17:29.480 could see why somebody would say that to someone like that. What you and 218 00:17:29.559 --> 00:17:33.759 I are talking about are the people out there that are minding their business, 219 00:17:33.119 --> 00:17:38.079 but they're succeeding because you know, they have this gift, or they're really 220 00:17:38.119 --> 00:17:42.880 good at something, or they walk into a room and you know, they're 221 00:17:44.000 --> 00:17:48.559 just captivate attention. Right, don't go up to those people or don't tell 222 00:17:48.599 --> 00:17:52.319 those people to humble themselves because that doesn't happen to you. And what you 223 00:17:52.440 --> 00:17:56.240 really want to say is, Wow, you can captivate attention. Wow, 224 00:17:56.079 --> 00:17:59.680 you're really good at what you do. And I wish I was like that, 225 00:18:00.119 --> 00:18:03.240 how do I do that? That's what you really want to say, 226 00:18:03.640 --> 00:18:07.400 So say that or a version of that, rather than trying to tell those 227 00:18:07.519 --> 00:18:11.680 people that they need to humble themselves. And like you said, it's many 228 00:18:12.039 --> 00:18:18.680 come from insecurity, and insecurity, right, that thing is dangerous. Listen, 229 00:18:18.920 --> 00:18:23.400 listen. Last episode we talked about how dangerous envyou is, but that 230 00:18:23.519 --> 00:18:32.920 insecurity is neck and neck with that dangerous. Yes, definitely. So two 231 00:18:32.960 --> 00:18:38.200 more, some men are so mad when you refuse the same crumbs that they 232 00:18:38.279 --> 00:18:44.880 watch their mother nibbylon during their childhoods under the guise of being a good woman 233 00:18:44.960 --> 00:18:48.240 who didn't ask for much. Sir, you can have several seats with all 234 00:18:48.279 --> 00:18:56.359 of that. I am not Miss Brenda, poor miss Brenda, not Miss 235 00:18:56.359 --> 00:19:07.000 Brenda. How do I get to this? Now? You see? All? 236 00:19:07.079 --> 00:19:12.039 Right? Here we go. So let's say Tom sees his mom Miss 237 00:19:12.160 --> 00:19:19.799 Brenda right right, and mister Bob which is his dad that he's Bob junior, 238 00:19:21.759 --> 00:19:26.160 okay, and sees how you know how his father is treating mom. 239 00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:30.160 Doesn't like it because you see this as a kid, right right. And 240 00:19:30.400 --> 00:19:33.920 you know children, Bob is not treating Miss Brenda very well, not at 241 00:19:33.920 --> 00:19:37.920 all, okay. And you and if you see it, it hurts you 242 00:19:38.799 --> 00:19:44.160 as a kid. So now you're growing up in my thing is this if 243 00:19:44.200 --> 00:19:51.160 you see something that you didn't like from your father did to your mom. 244 00:19:52.119 --> 00:19:56.720 M hm, you as an adult should know better. So you know what 245 00:19:56.440 --> 00:20:02.079 I didn't like how my mom was treating it this way. There's no hate 246 00:20:02.079 --> 00:20:04.559 towards my father, because maybe my father didn't have no broad up to or 247 00:20:04.640 --> 00:20:10.799 he didn't have no one to show him the way how to do things or 248 00:20:10.799 --> 00:20:12.079 whatever, or how to treat a woman or how to treat it whatever. 249 00:20:12.200 --> 00:20:17.799 Who are they treating right? And you should know better life, you know 250 00:20:17.839 --> 00:20:21.480 what. I didn't like how that happened, and I should do better and 251 00:20:21.759 --> 00:20:26.759 make sure whoever I'm with it's not treated that way. It doesn't feel the 252 00:20:26.759 --> 00:20:32.880 way I felt, or I just don't want to see them hurt. Obviously, 253 00:20:32.960 --> 00:20:38.000 like we said, the brain, I don't know what connection went wrong. 254 00:20:38.920 --> 00:20:45.119 We have fifty percent that come rund and do the same exact thing to 255 00:20:45.319 --> 00:20:49.799 whoever their partner is and expect a partner to sit there and just take it. 256 00:20:51.279 --> 00:20:56.799 I'm sorry because why because miss Brenda went through it first of all, 257 00:20:59.079 --> 00:21:04.039 that this episode, that mode is not as shock as this Brendo listen, 258 00:21:04.119 --> 00:21:10.079 yeah, man, no, but it just it makes absolutely no sense. 259 00:21:10.799 --> 00:21:15.039 It just makes no sense. And my thing is this what we become adults. 260 00:21:15.079 --> 00:21:18.039 And let's just say thirties, because they say twenties, everybody's still a 261 00:21:18.039 --> 00:21:22.160 little you know, young and figuring it own. So now thirty thirty two, 262 00:21:22.200 --> 00:21:26.000 thirty going up now, we're understanding ourselves. We get more mature, 263 00:21:26.079 --> 00:21:30.839 we see in life, we're adulting now mm hm, we should know better. 264 00:21:32.400 --> 00:21:37.720 Yes, And you know, you bring up a good point because in 265 00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:45.519 that situation, that person could likely lose somebody that is actually very good for 266 00:21:45.599 --> 00:21:56.279 them because they're so used to toxic behavior and toxicity right that non toxicity is 267 00:21:56.319 --> 00:22:00.319 not familiar to them, you know. And like you said, said, 268 00:22:00.400 --> 00:22:06.720 and I've said it before, Yes, we have our parents tell us don't 269 00:22:06.720 --> 00:22:11.920 do this, don't do that, you know, but most of us learn 270 00:22:11.319 --> 00:22:18.400 from what our parents do. That's like something that's proven in psychology. We 271 00:22:18.519 --> 00:22:23.400 learn as children that grow into adults from what our parents do. So if 272 00:22:23.440 --> 00:22:29.119 my parents said don't lie, cheat, steal, but I'm looking at them 273 00:22:29.200 --> 00:22:33.359 lie to their friends, cheat on each other, and steal groceries, what 274 00:22:33.400 --> 00:22:37.599 do you think I'm going to grow up doing the same exactly. I think 275 00:22:37.680 --> 00:22:48.079 that sometimes mothers don't realize what they're teaching their sons. I think sometimes people 276 00:22:48.119 --> 00:22:51.400 focus on oh, mother daughter, like what are you teaching your daughter, 277 00:22:51.400 --> 00:22:57.559 which is equally as important, But that mother son relationship is very important because 278 00:22:57.599 --> 00:23:03.160 you're showing your son how he should expect a woman to act right, so 279 00:23:03.799 --> 00:23:08.039 when you, you know, let your son get away with things, and 280 00:23:08.359 --> 00:23:12.720 you know, it reminds me of this. I forget what. I think 281 00:23:12.720 --> 00:23:18.920 it was some guy in Atlanta, maybe sometime last year that went into a 282 00:23:18.960 --> 00:23:23.880 building. I think he was like a veteran or something, and he had 283 00:23:23.960 --> 00:23:26.720 some issues and I think he shot a couple people. And then there was 284 00:23:26.759 --> 00:23:33.920 a guy recently that jumped towards the judge in the court and his mom. 285 00:23:34.119 --> 00:23:37.279 It was either his mom or his sister, one of them. I can't 286 00:23:37.319 --> 00:23:41.359 remember, but I think it was his mom was doing an interview with the 287 00:23:41.400 --> 00:23:48.240 news and she literally took like didn't I can't say it didn't take any accountability 288 00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:52.279 because it wasn't her, but she literally was like making excuses like, oh, 289 00:23:52.440 --> 00:23:56.480 you know, the judge wasn't very kind to him, and he's been 290 00:23:56.519 --> 00:24:00.000 going through a lot, and you know, I just I don't know why 291 00:24:00.119 --> 00:24:03.440 she would treat him that way. And when I read the comments, because 292 00:24:03.440 --> 00:24:07.960 I had that instant thought like you're not gonna say anything like what he did 293 00:24:07.079 --> 00:24:14.240 was wrong? Like what literally one out of every two comments on that post 294 00:24:14.440 --> 00:24:18.720 were like typical, you know, typical mother son relationship. Not holding him 295 00:24:18.720 --> 00:24:26.119 accountable. That's why this man is jumping across it exactly, and the fact 296 00:24:26.160 --> 00:24:29.839 that he was literally there for abuse, that's what he was there for. 297 00:24:29.960 --> 00:24:33.240 And they had a nerve to fly across the people, and had the nerve 298 00:24:33.279 --> 00:24:36.559 to fly across the people saying because he didn't get the outcome he wanted. 299 00:24:36.599 --> 00:24:41.640 And then you have the mom now saying well, and it's like a cycle. 300 00:24:42.119 --> 00:24:47.079 Yeah, you create a cycle of a man that doesn't feel he has 301 00:24:47.119 --> 00:24:51.759 to be accountable, a man that feels that he can jump across, fly 302 00:24:51.960 --> 00:25:00.880 across like Superman, the fly will he fly? Okay? It's insane. 303 00:25:00.440 --> 00:25:07.400 And again I have never been a parent, so I have only read books 304 00:25:07.480 --> 00:25:11.480 and know things in psychology that say, you know that mother and son relationship 305 00:25:11.599 --> 00:25:15.200 is very close knit and there's a certain bond they have, and that's beautiful, 306 00:25:15.599 --> 00:25:19.000 but you need to balance that because if you don't, just like with 307 00:25:19.079 --> 00:25:23.319 anything in life, if you don't balance it, you can create a monster, 308 00:25:23.759 --> 00:25:27.880 you know, and you can create somebody that doesn't know how to manage 309 00:25:27.880 --> 00:25:33.920 your expectations, that doesn't know, you know, what no means. And 310 00:25:33.319 --> 00:25:37.599 if you don't hold them accountable, you know what I mean, then they 311 00:25:37.680 --> 00:25:41.720 think that they're doing nothing wrong. So back to your example. Now, 312 00:25:41.559 --> 00:25:45.599 in that case, this guy could be dating somebody that's not going to be 313 00:25:45.680 --> 00:25:48.759 like miss Brenda, and it's like, oh no, I don't even want 314 00:25:48.799 --> 00:25:52.559 to broad in my back to try to take this. I'm gone. And 315 00:25:52.599 --> 00:25:55.880 he's going to think she's the worst person in the world because Miss Brenda took 316 00:25:55.920 --> 00:26:00.839 it. So what makes you so different? Right? And why should I 317 00:26:00.960 --> 00:26:04.079 like you? There's a little confusion here. At the same time, you 318 00:26:04.160 --> 00:26:07.839 have to remember too, going back to the example of the gentleman that flew 319 00:26:07.880 --> 00:26:12.960 across the judge. God bless the pair. Of course, like we said, 320 00:26:12.960 --> 00:26:19.440 we talked about the mom, and the thing is like repeated history and 321 00:26:19.680 --> 00:26:26.559 just what brought up see the mom had and what her mom or father had. 322 00:26:26.640 --> 00:26:29.400 It's just like it's just repeat yourself, like it's like a cycle. 323 00:26:30.319 --> 00:26:33.960 I didn't think about that. That's true. So again, I think everything 324 00:26:33.039 --> 00:26:38.920 is just balanced, like learning to balance your reactions to your child, learning 325 00:26:38.960 --> 00:26:44.160 to balance listening to your child. You know, I know we didn't grow 326 00:26:44.240 --> 00:26:48.359 up with our parents being like, oh tell us your feelings or you know. 327 00:26:48.480 --> 00:26:51.640 I think parents are more open to that now. So I think this 328 00:26:51.759 --> 00:26:56.880 generation has a different advantage. But as you said, if you're in your 329 00:26:56.920 --> 00:27:00.400 thirties, like at this point, you know right from wrong. Even if 330 00:27:00.400 --> 00:27:03.759 you didn't grow up with that, I think you've had ample time to see 331 00:27:03.839 --> 00:27:08.160 examples of right from wrong. I think you would have had ample time to 332 00:27:08.599 --> 00:27:12.680 you know, date if we're talking about back to the Miss Brenda situation and 333 00:27:12.799 --> 00:27:17.279 realize, wait a minute, I keep getting the same kind of girl, 334 00:27:17.480 --> 00:27:22.680 and this is not working, like this is volatile, Like I'm messing up 335 00:27:22.759 --> 00:27:27.000 good people because I'm sticking to something that I'm used to or something that I 336 00:27:27.079 --> 00:27:30.400 think that I'm supposed to have. Like you, you should be having that 337 00:27:30.519 --> 00:27:37.359 moment now, like in this this decade of your life, because what I 338 00:27:37.400 --> 00:27:41.559 don't think some men or women realize, because the Miss Brenda could be the 339 00:27:41.640 --> 00:27:49.559 mister Bob could be vice versa, is that you don't want to end up 340 00:27:51.920 --> 00:27:59.359 with that opposite gender that exudes that toxicity in your old age or when you're 341 00:27:59.400 --> 00:28:04.160 at a point where where you can't do for yourself because likely those persons they're 342 00:28:04.160 --> 00:28:10.119 not going to really care for you like that. And then then again back 343 00:28:10.160 --> 00:28:12.720 to the relationship, like I said, vice versa, because we're not gonna 344 00:28:12.759 --> 00:28:18.599 say it's all men because like, oh yeah, beating that no men you 345 00:28:18.759 --> 00:28:25.039 have to watch oh year around, yes, yes, being in a relationship, 346 00:28:25.519 --> 00:28:30.519 being married. Let's just say these two. I'm not saying you cannot 347 00:28:30.519 --> 00:28:34.759 be friends with people that are not in relationships and not married, but you 348 00:28:36.279 --> 00:28:41.799 can't sit there and already take that much advice relationship, yes, very true, 349 00:28:41.079 --> 00:28:47.200 or married advice from them. So absolutely. And you know what, 350 00:28:47.519 --> 00:28:52.640 Dan, you brought up something that just brought up a good point. What 351 00:28:52.839 --> 00:28:57.880 about those instances where men are women because you know, we're equal opportunity here 352 00:28:57.920 --> 00:29:07.400 on this podcast. What about situations like that where you are in a relationship, 353 00:29:07.519 --> 00:29:11.720 right man or woman, and things are going well and you're like, 354 00:29:11.839 --> 00:29:15.160 man, like this is the person for me and you guys are just having 355 00:29:15.160 --> 00:29:22.680 a great time. But you have friends or siblings or church friends, I 356 00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:27.519 don't know, just people in your circle in your village right that they're single. 357 00:29:29.200 --> 00:29:32.680 They might have a different personality than you where they they're not trying to 358 00:29:32.720 --> 00:29:34.839 settle down. They want to be out here and you know, seeing what's 359 00:29:34.880 --> 00:29:38.680 out there because this is like their time to travel and like you said, 360 00:29:38.720 --> 00:29:45.000 party and do these things, and you go to them and you say like 361 00:29:45.039 --> 00:29:48.599 you just said, oh, yeah, you know, we're just staying in 362 00:29:48.759 --> 00:29:52.960 tonight, or you know, we're just gonna cook and watch a Netflix show 363 00:29:52.039 --> 00:29:56.799 or whatever, and they're like, come on, man, like you should 364 00:29:56.799 --> 00:30:00.720 be outside, Like you're in great shape, like you have a six pack, 365 00:30:00.759 --> 00:30:03.000 your shape nice. If you're a woman, like you're muscular, like 366 00:30:03.079 --> 00:30:07.279 the ladies think you're handsome, like you should be outside. And I think 367 00:30:07.319 --> 00:30:11.039 at first the man or woman can be like, oh, no, I'm 368 00:30:11.079 --> 00:30:15.640 good. You know, I'm happy I'm here. But what do you say 369 00:30:15.640 --> 00:30:19.279 in those situations where the manner woman starts to think, wait, am I 370 00:30:19.359 --> 00:30:25.160 missing something? Because those people are putting that in their head, not realizing 371 00:30:25.240 --> 00:30:30.640 that those people are actually miserable and could be possibly possibly could be a little 372 00:30:30.720 --> 00:30:37.400 jealous that you have found something and because they don't have it, Misery likes 373 00:30:37.480 --> 00:30:42.319 what company? So what are your thoughts on that, because that's what it 374 00:30:42.400 --> 00:30:48.079 made me think of, like those type of situations like Ash just said, 375 00:30:48.440 --> 00:30:52.400 Miasury loves company. Yeah, And don't get me wrong, yes, it'll 376 00:30:52.400 --> 00:30:53.400 get to you and you'll be like, oh, they have to have so 377 00:30:53.480 --> 00:30:57.799 much fun. I'm in here. I'm just sitting here watching TV and don't 378 00:30:57.799 --> 00:31:00.279 get me wrong. You're gonna have your time where you're gonna be out with 379 00:31:00.279 --> 00:31:03.799 your friends and be like, oh, let's go have a this day this 380 00:31:03.960 --> 00:31:08.039 week. And you know, but are you what are you looking for? 381 00:31:10.039 --> 00:31:12.799 You must know what you want for yourself. What's the long haul? Like? 382 00:31:14.279 --> 00:31:18.240 Are you going to be turning up all the time? Because listen, 383 00:31:18.319 --> 00:31:23.039 people, it gets tired. And this is coming from somebody that was partying 384 00:31:23.039 --> 00:31:29.599 our whole twenties. If it ain't a lunch, brunch, breakfast, leave 385 00:31:29.599 --> 00:31:33.759 me alone, right like I said, don't get me wrong. Yes, 386 00:31:33.839 --> 00:31:37.119 so one one in the like one out of the blue, I'll go to 387 00:31:37.200 --> 00:31:40.680 one party here just to say I went outside, had a little you know, 388 00:31:40.799 --> 00:31:44.640 to make just to make sure that it needs them still work. Yes, 389 00:31:45.000 --> 00:31:48.920 right, But like like I said, the turn up thing when you're 390 00:31:48.960 --> 00:31:53.039 thirty and going more, like what else is there? Like you want to 391 00:31:53.119 --> 00:31:57.200 keep drinking every night? I don't think, like I said, don't mess 392 00:31:57.279 --> 00:32:02.599 up your relationship? What turn up? Don't fumble a good person in your 393 00:32:02.599 --> 00:32:07.880 life to turn up with your friends Like, no, it's not worth it 394 00:32:07.920 --> 00:32:13.200 to me. And you know, unfortunately, I think some people don't realize 395 00:32:13.480 --> 00:32:17.720 sometimes you can fumble people that you can't evergether or that you'll never find again. 396 00:32:17.759 --> 00:32:22.119 And I don't I'm not saying that from a plance of like, oh, 397 00:32:22.200 --> 00:32:24.240 you know that person, You're never going to find someone that's as pretty 398 00:32:24.279 --> 00:32:30.279 as them or anything. Esthetically, I'm talking about if you phound somebody that 399 00:32:30.599 --> 00:32:36.640 genuinely cared for you, you know, genuinely loved you for who you are 400 00:32:37.000 --> 00:32:39.559 and didn't want anything from me, Because that's a big thing. Especially in 401 00:32:39.599 --> 00:32:45.480 our generation. Everything seems so transactional, right, So if you phone somebody 402 00:32:45.599 --> 00:32:52.920 like that and jeopardize that because of outside influences, it's like, man, 403 00:32:52.000 --> 00:32:54.680 that's probably going to be a hard lesson that you're just going to have to 404 00:32:54.720 --> 00:33:01.640 eat. Because once you lose somebody like that, it's like, I would 405 00:33:01.720 --> 00:33:08.599 hope that you would realize what you lost. And I say hope because some 406 00:33:08.680 --> 00:33:15.440 people don't. If they don't know that that's value, maybe they don't even 407 00:33:15.480 --> 00:33:21.519 realize they lost anything, you know, because maybe in their eyes they're thinking 408 00:33:22.000 --> 00:33:24.519 I did the right thing because I am this great looking person, or I 409 00:33:24.599 --> 00:33:28.079 do have all these things, or I do have all this money. Why 410 00:33:28.079 --> 00:33:31.079 am I settling for somebody that I don't know? Won't do what I want 411 00:33:31.240 --> 00:33:34.720 or won't let me talk to them any kind of way, you know. 412 00:33:34.839 --> 00:33:37.400 So they could think, oh, that person lost me, and that's fine, 413 00:33:37.440 --> 00:33:44.240 but eventually it could be when they're fifty odd. But eventually they'll realize 414 00:33:44.759 --> 00:33:49.119 because those same people that your single friends have you chasing, man or woman, 415 00:33:49.279 --> 00:33:54.000 Like we said, that potential partner is going to want you for all 416 00:33:54.079 --> 00:33:58.480 those things that you named. So they're gonna want you for your looks, 417 00:33:58.680 --> 00:34:00.960 they're gonna want you for your money. They're gonna want you for things that 418 00:34:01.039 --> 00:34:05.839 can be taken away at the drop of a hat. Exactly right. You 419 00:34:05.880 --> 00:34:08.599 can get into an accident and get third degree burns and you're no longer handsome, 420 00:34:09.000 --> 00:34:13.559 and you could put your money in a fund and lose all your money. 421 00:34:13.679 --> 00:34:16.559 Now you can't take her he you know, you can't take your boyfriend 422 00:34:16.639 --> 00:34:22.480 or girlfriend to the best restaurants, right right? Does that person still love 423 00:34:22.519 --> 00:34:28.440 and care for you the same? Absolutely not? Okay, So know what 424 00:34:28.480 --> 00:34:32.360 you want to think about that for yourself, Think about yourself. It sounds 425 00:34:32.360 --> 00:34:37.760 selfish, but sometimes you have to be when it comes to your life and 426 00:34:37.800 --> 00:34:44.119 what you want down the road. Like absolutely everyone, we all become adults, 427 00:34:44.440 --> 00:34:47.639 and we all have our own life. Yes you have friends, Yes 428 00:34:47.679 --> 00:34:51.679 we can china data. But at the end of the day, it is 429 00:34:51.760 --> 00:34:54.400 your life. What makes you happy. I mean, if you want to 430 00:34:54.440 --> 00:34:59.119 be outside shaking, that's all about you. But if you want for the 431 00:34:59.159 --> 00:35:01.039 long haul, you want relationship where it's gonna lead to marriage, that's going 432 00:35:01.079 --> 00:35:05.480 to lead to a family, that's gonna give you bring you nothing but happiness 433 00:35:05.519 --> 00:35:09.519 and joy whatever you want out of it. Mm hmmm. I don't not 434 00:35:09.519 --> 00:35:13.760 necessarily everybody wants to be a Let me take let me quote this again. 435 00:35:14.400 --> 00:35:17.920 I'm not saying everyone wants marriage. I'm not saying everyone relationship. Everybody want 436 00:35:17.960 --> 00:35:22.400 different things in life because you know, of course, you know society it 437 00:35:22.440 --> 00:35:24.159 makes you. Oh, you go to school, you graduate college, you 438 00:35:24.159 --> 00:35:27.679 got a good job, and you get married and you have kids, and 439 00:35:27.679 --> 00:35:30.679 then you go to retirement. Like there's this thing that everyone thinks we need 440 00:35:30.719 --> 00:35:35.840 to follow. No, do what you want for your own life. But 441 00:35:36.000 --> 00:35:40.280 just know what you want for yourself exactly, exactly, whatever your path is, 442 00:35:42.000 --> 00:35:45.519 just stick to that and be confident. I think the whole moral of 443 00:35:45.559 --> 00:35:50.440 the story is, like you said earlier, be confident in who you are. 444 00:35:50.920 --> 00:35:55.559 And what you want out of life, because if you listen to the 445 00:35:55.599 --> 00:36:01.159 outside noise, you'll end up living their life and be resentful for it. 446 00:36:01.280 --> 00:36:06.719 You know, like if somebody told you not to date someone because they didn't 447 00:36:06.760 --> 00:36:09.400 think they were good enough for you, or something along those lines, no 448 00:36:09.400 --> 00:36:13.719 matter who it is. It could be a family member, friend, et 449 00:36:13.800 --> 00:36:17.480 cetera. Right, and you really love and care about that person, but 450 00:36:17.559 --> 00:36:22.440 you were just easily influenced. It's going to pain you, burn you up 451 00:36:22.440 --> 00:36:25.880 inside, right when you end up with the wrong person, or when you 452 00:36:25.920 --> 00:36:30.000 see that person is happy with somebody else and you think, man, like 453 00:36:30.079 --> 00:36:32.320 that person really loved me, like they didn't ask me for anything, like 454 00:36:32.360 --> 00:36:37.400 they genuinely cared about me, Like you know, I've never found anyone that's 455 00:36:37.679 --> 00:36:40.719 cared about me that much. Like it will go through your mind and you'll 456 00:36:40.760 --> 00:36:45.719 be resentful and guess what, how much you want to bet that same person 457 00:36:45.760 --> 00:36:51.440 that advised you is in bliss with somebody that's the love of their life love, 458 00:36:52.000 --> 00:36:54.119 And they probably don't even have time to hear your little stories anymore because 459 00:36:54.199 --> 00:37:00.679 they now okay, and they say, and you sit there and talking about 460 00:37:00.679 --> 00:37:04.880 what could have should have? Yep, yep, and now you're the best 461 00:37:04.920 --> 00:37:07.719 man or know, you're the bridesmaid and now you're a guest. You're just 462 00:37:07.760 --> 00:37:09.440 a guest sitting now not all. You can't even reach the bridal party. 463 00:37:09.480 --> 00:37:16.480 How about that? Maybe possibly the DJ, I don't know. At least 464 00:37:16.480 --> 00:37:22.960 you get paid for that paid. Come on, Like I always say, 465 00:37:22.000 --> 00:37:28.239 in life, we're all on this road. We know there are roads, 466 00:37:28.320 --> 00:37:31.079 right, so we all have the end goal, whatever it may be. 467 00:37:31.760 --> 00:37:36.559 And you feel like, all right, you left high school, you're going 468 00:37:36.599 --> 00:37:43.079 to college now. Some people graduate early, some people graduate on time. 469 00:37:43.320 --> 00:37:45.920 Some people got interruptions and like where they could to drop out of school at 470 00:37:45.960 --> 00:37:50.920 work and stuff like that. And sometimes it gets to you like, oh 471 00:37:50.960 --> 00:37:58.039 my god, they got they graduated college and now they're engaged and not about 472 00:37:58.039 --> 00:38:00.679 to be married. And it's like you start looking at your life like what 473 00:38:00.800 --> 00:38:06.199 the what am I doing wrong? Like you know whatever. But in life, 474 00:38:06.760 --> 00:38:08.840 let's say we all have the same goal, ending goal. We all 475 00:38:08.880 --> 00:38:15.199 have different routes. So she or he might take a get a straight road 476 00:38:15.280 --> 00:38:20.599 and straight like dang you on the road. You might got a few detours, 477 00:38:21.320 --> 00:38:27.000 but guess so your detours and your backtracking gave you a life experience. 478 00:38:28.360 --> 00:38:34.239 Yeah, and make your experience things to make your next path stronger or be 479 00:38:34.360 --> 00:38:39.199 more prepared for it. So I watch nobody, Yes, no, watch 480 00:38:39.280 --> 00:38:45.519 nothing? Story Oh do it not because it don't get me wrong, It'll 481 00:38:45.519 --> 00:38:50.880 get to you, I guess. Don't watch you worry about your own paths 482 00:38:51.440 --> 00:38:53.639 mm hmm. So you will eventually get there. Just stay focused on the 483 00:38:53.719 --> 00:39:02.519 vision. Hello, yes, yes, absolutely? Okay. So we are 484 00:39:02.639 --> 00:39:10.039 still in the parts of the year where gyms are full and it seems everybody 485 00:39:10.119 --> 00:39:15.679 and their mom is on a fitness journey, right, but as most of 486 00:39:15.760 --> 00:39:21.039 us know, most people lose the momentum come like midiear right. So, 487 00:39:22.239 --> 00:39:29.320 as someone that works out regularly, can you share how incorporating wellness and fitness 488 00:39:29.320 --> 00:39:36.280 practices has personally transformed your life? Because I think it's such an important thing 489 00:39:36.480 --> 00:39:40.599 past the esthetics of like working out or like posting a video. I think 490 00:39:40.760 --> 00:39:45.400 like for me, I know I feel better when I do something. It 491 00:39:45.400 --> 00:39:49.360 doesn't have to be a crazy hour workout, but just something. So, 492 00:39:49.400 --> 00:39:54.480 as somebody that regularly works out, can you share, like how incorporating your 493 00:39:54.480 --> 00:40:00.719 wellness and your fitness just how it's transformed your life or how it's I guess 494 00:40:00.719 --> 00:40:05.239 made your life easier, you know, first and foremost, actually on here 495 00:40:05.239 --> 00:40:08.920 telling my business, not just kidding. So who told you that I work 496 00:40:08.960 --> 00:40:19.159 out on a regular So can I say this? Always been slimmered and when 497 00:40:19.239 --> 00:40:22.840 I was younger, whatever whatever. When I moved to West Coast, I 498 00:40:22.880 --> 00:40:28.960 gave First of all, I never used to pass one hundred and let's see 499 00:40:29.360 --> 00:40:34.119 one hundred and say, I'm just seventy five pounds. Ever from my bond 500 00:40:34.199 --> 00:40:38.400 till I was about thirty something, early thirties, I never passed that weight. 501 00:40:38.800 --> 00:40:42.239 I moved to West Coast. You moved somewhere where you have to drive 502 00:40:42.280 --> 00:40:45.679 everywhere, and you know your relationship, you're happy food, you're eating food. 503 00:40:45.840 --> 00:40:50.519 You know you're gained a happy weight, that relationship weight. Yes, 504 00:40:50.880 --> 00:40:57.519 I'm at two hundred pounds. I could barely breathe, and it is like, 505 00:40:57.719 --> 00:41:00.360 you know, they're like, all right, well I'm gonna try and 506 00:41:00.400 --> 00:41:05.280 then I don't get me wrong, I used to do personal work, personal 507 00:41:05.320 --> 00:41:09.920 training with a trainer, and you know, okay, I wasn't losing any 508 00:41:09.920 --> 00:41:14.039 pounds only because and it's not because of the trader, because the trainer I 509 00:41:14.079 --> 00:41:19.719 had he was bombed shout out to Darius and Sacramento. He was a bomb, 510 00:41:20.000 --> 00:41:23.320 but my mind wasn't right. I would still work out, workout, 511 00:41:23.400 --> 00:41:25.800 but I was still eating the drunk. I'm not watching what I'm eating. 512 00:41:27.559 --> 00:41:30.960 I'm not walking enough. I'm not doing the things that I used to do 513 00:41:30.000 --> 00:41:34.559 when I lived in New York. I'm chasing trains to get to work on 514 00:41:34.719 --> 00:41:37.920 time, chasing the bus to go to school on time, like things. 515 00:41:38.079 --> 00:41:45.239 All that activity I was doing. Right then, of course, I look 516 00:41:45.280 --> 00:41:50.639 at myself in the marror one day I said, this is not the die 517 00:41:50.760 --> 00:41:57.760 here, and I know and literally that's just like put a like turn the 518 00:41:57.840 --> 00:42:00.400 light on a switch or a light or whatever. In my brain. It 519 00:42:00.440 --> 00:42:02.639 was like, okay, I got to drop this week, all right. 520 00:42:04.719 --> 00:42:07.920 I joined the gym. I got a personal trader just for like the first 521 00:42:07.000 --> 00:42:12.199 two months, just to get me in a rhythm, showed me what to 522 00:42:12.280 --> 00:42:15.119 do, how to work form and stuff like that whatever, and then I 523 00:42:15.400 --> 00:42:20.679 literally just kept going. But my thing was I kept going to classes because 524 00:42:20.719 --> 00:42:24.960 I don't know what to do. So for my thing, I was doing 525 00:42:25.039 --> 00:42:29.440 mostly classes. I'm doing hit classes, I'm doing a zoomer class, I'm 526 00:42:29.480 --> 00:42:34.079 doing another pound class. I'm doing some other class that got going on because 527 00:42:34.079 --> 00:42:39.639 they had a ton of classes. But what kept me motivated. I would 528 00:42:39.719 --> 00:42:45.760 say, like, when you want to clear your mind of things, you 529 00:42:45.840 --> 00:42:50.159 go listen. We all go through things in life. I went through things 530 00:42:50.599 --> 00:42:54.039 where I just needed an outlet, right, and that the gym was my 531 00:42:54.039 --> 00:42:59.360 outlet. I stopped feeling sluggish. I got more energy, I feel more 532 00:42:59.480 --> 00:43:07.360 vibrant, I feel good. I love that listen. It is twenty twenty 533 00:43:07.400 --> 00:43:15.360 four and this year we are decreasing overwhelm and increasing productivity, which is why 534 00:43:15.559 --> 00:43:19.440 I use Audible to listen to my favorite books when I'm on the goal. 535 00:43:20.320 --> 00:43:25.079 For example, right now, I am listening to Till the Well Runs Dry 536 00:43:25.559 --> 00:43:32.800 by Lauren Francis Sharma, and although I have never visited Trinidad, the narrator's 537 00:43:32.880 --> 00:43:39.199 triiny accent immediately transports me to ports of Spain. Audible makes it easy to 538 00:43:39.320 --> 00:43:46.239 listen anytime anywhere while traveling, working out, taking a bath, seasoning the 539 00:43:46.320 --> 00:43:53.360 meat or cauliflower for my vegetarians. You decide, and to help you start 540 00:43:53.400 --> 00:44:00.639 your audiobook journey, we have partnered with Audible to offer our listeners of free 541 00:44:00.840 --> 00:44:06.960 thirty day trial. So don't just take my word for it. Visit audibletrial 542 00:44:07.159 --> 00:44:15.920 dot com backslash lt Dt to start your free trial today. I'm not trying 543 00:44:15.960 --> 00:44:21.840 to be someone that's like, I'm not bodybuilding. I don't want that form 544 00:44:21.880 --> 00:44:25.079 that I see almost everybody wants and these muscles here and there. No, 545 00:44:25.119 --> 00:44:29.920 I just want to work out because it makes me feel better, it makes 546 00:44:29.920 --> 00:44:32.280 me look better. I love that, and I think it's such an important 547 00:44:32.320 --> 00:44:37.320 message. You said something key. You know, you needed an outlet, 548 00:44:37.760 --> 00:44:44.280 and as we know, sometimes people choose an outlet like alcohol or drugs or 549 00:44:44.920 --> 00:44:50.800 you know, just promiscuity or something else that could in the long run be 550 00:44:50.880 --> 00:44:54.519 detrimental to their wellbeing. And so I just want to, you know, 551 00:44:55.239 --> 00:45:00.320 give you props for choosing something that was actually helpful. And clearly you didn't 552 00:45:00.320 --> 00:45:04.079 know at the time like it was going to resolve your knee issues and all 553 00:45:04.079 --> 00:45:07.199 these other things. But I think it's just good to, you know, 554 00:45:07.320 --> 00:45:16.800 hear a woman talk about using exercise as a way to get your mental health 555 00:45:17.079 --> 00:45:21.960 on point, Because don't get me wrong, you're not the first woman to 556 00:45:22.039 --> 00:45:25.280 say that, but I do think that in our generation and gen z it's 557 00:45:25.320 --> 00:45:30.480 more of like an esthetic thing because like you share your workouts sometimes but they're 558 00:45:30.519 --> 00:45:36.199 literally you just sharing your workouts. That's different. I'm more so talking about 559 00:45:36.199 --> 00:45:39.679 the people that it's very clear that it's an aesthetic, like they're at the 560 00:45:39.719 --> 00:45:45.360 gym with a full contour, and hey, maybe you have you know, 561 00:45:46.239 --> 00:45:51.920 a deal or promotion or some type of agreement with some like gym brand, 562 00:45:51.960 --> 00:45:54.719 and like you have to make those videos more power to you. That's quite 563 00:45:54.760 --> 00:45:59.280 fine, but I just think it's also important just to hear, like, 564 00:45:59.360 --> 00:46:04.199 you know what, something happened in my life and I was feeling overwhelmed and 565 00:46:04.239 --> 00:46:06.960 I just decided I'm just going to start one day at a time, you 566 00:46:07.000 --> 00:46:10.679 know. So how would you say that you stayed consistent though, because like 567 00:46:10.800 --> 00:46:15.400 you said, yes, you dropped the weight, or at first I should 568 00:46:15.440 --> 00:46:17.719 say, yes, you were working out, but your mind wasn't there. 569 00:46:17.800 --> 00:46:22.960 How did you get your mind right to stay consistent, because I think that's 570 00:46:23.000 --> 00:46:27.199 the key, like to anything that we do in life or anything we want 571 00:46:27.199 --> 00:46:30.360 to be greeting, right, it's consistency. But that's also the hardest part. 572 00:46:31.480 --> 00:46:37.199 I'm in the class with a lady that's seventy five lifting weight. Y'all 573 00:46:37.199 --> 00:46:39.960 can't talk to me, okay, know that lady I don't hear nobody. 574 00:46:40.000 --> 00:46:44.000 Oh I can't do it. I'm in a zoomer class with a lady that's 575 00:46:44.039 --> 00:46:46.880 eighty years old and she not missing a beat. Oh my gosh, that's 576 00:46:46.960 --> 00:46:52.679 amazing. So that ain't no motivation. I don't know what is for you 577 00:46:52.800 --> 00:46:57.840 guys, but that alone. If I say, I don't see them crying, 578 00:46:58.199 --> 00:47:00.880 I'm not crying. And I'm coming to gym every day I can to 579 00:47:00.920 --> 00:47:05.000 come do the workout. I'm not talking about you needs to be in there 580 00:47:05.039 --> 00:47:07.880 every day, and no go your two times a week if if your a 581 00:47:08.000 --> 00:47:13.239 schedule allows you, and if you can't reach, do it in your house, 582 00:47:13.280 --> 00:47:15.679 do it in your apartment wherever you can. Yeah, that's and the 583 00:47:15.679 --> 00:47:20.280 main thing is just walk, walk miles, walk too much? Move, 584 00:47:21.000 --> 00:47:23.920 Yeah, that's it. Two miles is not that much. Yeah, I 585 00:47:24.000 --> 00:47:30.480 walk a mile every morning with my dog. Yeah. I think that's that's 586 00:47:30.519 --> 00:47:34.079 true. Like just just moving. I think, just trying to move more 587 00:47:34.320 --> 00:47:37.360 the little that you can, especially if you work a desk job, you 588 00:47:37.400 --> 00:47:42.239 know, just get up more, walk around more, you know, walk 589 00:47:42.280 --> 00:47:45.920 over to your coworker instead of sending them a message, you know, such 590 00:47:45.000 --> 00:47:51.480 time, walk exactly lunchtime. I should just walk around the school yard and 591 00:47:51.519 --> 00:47:54.360 then come back because I need to do something. You sitting there, sitting 592 00:47:54.360 --> 00:47:58.480 down, it's not doing nothing. And then guess what we love to eat, 593 00:47:58.559 --> 00:48:01.400 right mm hmm, and we love to get and our metabolism is it 594 00:48:01.480 --> 00:48:05.880 as fast as it used to be? Yeah, it's slow down, so 595 00:48:05.960 --> 00:48:08.639 now it's hard to kick it up a notch. And I'm not buying a 596 00:48:08.840 --> 00:48:15.039 slim tea okay people, Oh you get that tea battery in the tea. 597 00:48:15.280 --> 00:48:19.679 You said, I'm not burning out my belly bottom. Yeah, no, 598 00:48:19.840 --> 00:48:22.599 the rest of my life to have slim belly. No. Now that so 599 00:48:23.079 --> 00:48:29.440 that that's is definitely not safe, okay because in the long rung, that 600 00:48:29.559 --> 00:48:32.559 joint is going to damage people's stomachs. Like, yeah, no, it's 601 00:48:32.599 --> 00:48:36.360 it's not It's better to do it the healthy way. I'll say that, 602 00:48:36.599 --> 00:48:43.960 right. You know, so you talked about building your strength in the gym, 603 00:48:44.079 --> 00:48:46.239 right, and were also in the Dinosaur on safe segment. We also 604 00:48:46.360 --> 00:48:51.880 talked about you know, not in twenty twenty four. Let's just say that 605 00:48:52.039 --> 00:48:58.039 not over exerting ourselves, not you know, being avengers and superheroes and trying 606 00:48:58.079 --> 00:49:01.639 to take on everyone's problem, right, but you also mentioned how you're the 607 00:49:01.719 --> 00:49:07.360 type of friend where if your best friend has something going on, you want 608 00:49:07.400 --> 00:49:12.239 her to tell you right, So to the accountability factor taking it on as 609 00:49:12.280 --> 00:49:15.800 a strong friend, do you think that we could do a better job in 610 00:49:16.320 --> 00:49:21.880 teaching people how to treat us, you know, in prioritizing our own self 611 00:49:21.880 --> 00:49:27.239 care by realizing, Okay, I can't over extend myself for everyone, you 612 00:49:27.280 --> 00:49:30.639 know, so that that way it's more balanced. Like you can say to 613 00:49:30.679 --> 00:49:35.639 your friend, Hey, Diane, I want to hear your story, but 614 00:49:35.760 --> 00:49:37.159 I have to go to the gym, so let me tell you what after 615 00:49:37.239 --> 00:49:42.440 my class, I'm gonna call you at seven thirty. We can, we 616 00:49:42.559 --> 00:49:46.599 can set boundaries, and then sometimes it's hard to reciprocate from the other. 617 00:49:50.400 --> 00:49:57.280 And then you know, as an ares patience, it's not there. It's 618 00:49:57.280 --> 00:50:01.760 just like whatever I don't figure at some point. But like you said, 619 00:50:01.800 --> 00:50:04.639 yeah, you can set boundaries. I can say, hey, I guess 620 00:50:04.880 --> 00:50:07.800 I'm running a gym. I'll call you right back, or how about tomorrow? 621 00:50:08.000 --> 00:50:12.599 And you just said a time because you don't necessarily have to listen to 622 00:50:13.280 --> 00:50:15.920 anyone, and I'm not just saying friends and think about everybody. Yeah, 623 00:50:16.119 --> 00:50:23.079 if anyone's venting or whatever they're going through all day, So maybe thirty minutes 624 00:50:23.079 --> 00:50:25.199 out of my day. Yes, I can't listen to you. What's going 625 00:50:25.239 --> 00:50:30.159 on you? Okay? Like you know, because I think at me as 626 00:50:30.159 --> 00:50:32.639 a person, I'm just like that. It's like, what's you all right? 627 00:50:32.800 --> 00:50:37.320 What happens? You need help with something? Even if if I can't 628 00:50:37.360 --> 00:50:38.760 help you, I'm gonna try to find a way, or I'm gonna try 629 00:50:39.000 --> 00:50:42.199 something, you know what I mean, Even if I do just need me 630 00:50:42.239 --> 00:50:44.239 to listen, I'm gonna listen. Let you air it out. Maybe you 631 00:50:44.280 --> 00:50:47.559 just need to get off your chest and you don't really need a suggestion, 632 00:50:47.840 --> 00:50:52.760 or you don't need an opinion, right because you just want your heir. 633 00:50:53.119 --> 00:51:00.400 Yeah. True, But then again you gotta remember too if you want and 634 00:51:00.760 --> 00:51:07.280 every ear, every time I give you a ear, you come back with 635 00:51:07.320 --> 00:51:12.480 the same thing ten more time. At some point you need an opinion and 636 00:51:12.519 --> 00:51:21.480 a suggestion, Okay, at some point. So you're saying the ear is 637 00:51:21.519 --> 00:51:24.519 not airing? Is that what I'm hearing on a airing? You know? 638 00:51:29.000 --> 00:51:35.280 So for our final segment, I'm going to ask you five rapid fire questions, 639 00:51:35.960 --> 00:51:37.920 and I would like you to answer with the first thing that comes to 640 00:51:38.000 --> 00:51:44.400 mind, and it could be it could be a word or a sentence. 641 00:51:45.320 --> 00:51:51.360 Got it. What is the best advice you would give your twenty year old 642 00:51:51.440 --> 00:51:59.039 self, learn to be more financially literate. Ah, good advice, good 643 00:51:59.119 --> 00:52:02.039 advice. I learned, learn it now I wish i'd learned it then. 644 00:52:02.159 --> 00:52:06.519 Like I said, you go back to the wada kulda and should have mm 645 00:52:06.760 --> 00:52:10.440 hmm. Good advice. Okay. Next one, If you could travel to 646 00:52:10.559 --> 00:52:15.079 anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? I would travel 647 00:52:15.119 --> 00:52:21.440 to Sweden because my lovely sister, my baby sister, lives there, Oh 648 00:52:21.800 --> 00:52:29.760 lovely, and she has a dinner club belly. Oh nice, So there's 649 00:52:29.920 --> 00:52:35.239 definite place I would I would go Sweden. Nice, very nice. Okay, 650 00:52:38.119 --> 00:52:45.199 I'm not laughing. What do you think your pet's voice would sound like 651 00:52:45.280 --> 00:52:52.280 if they could talk? Oh, my dog, smoky. I know you 652 00:52:52.360 --> 00:52:57.679 love your dog, so I had to ask a pet related question. That's 653 00:52:57.719 --> 00:53:00.559 a good question. He probably have a deep, very white type of right, 654 00:53:05.199 --> 00:53:07.760 he does. To me, he does look like a little bit humans. 655 00:53:07.880 --> 00:53:14.119 I'm giving him like a deep, deep voice and the looks that he 656 00:53:14.239 --> 00:53:19.519 give me. Yeah, right, it's giving Barry. Okay, What is 657 00:53:19.800 --> 00:53:25.199 one thing you wish you did more of in your twenties. I wish I 658 00:53:25.280 --> 00:53:35.519 did more traveling in my twenties, being you know, taking more not risks 659 00:53:35.559 --> 00:53:39.000 where things are like you're like risking your life, right, not jumping off? 660 00:53:42.280 --> 00:53:47.960 Right? You really want to jump the rope, and let's see more 661 00:53:49.079 --> 00:53:52.679 of more traveling could be your answer, because that's yeah, we're gonna say, 662 00:53:52.679 --> 00:53:54.719 we're gonna stick with train. Yeah, that's a good one. I 663 00:53:54.840 --> 00:54:00.480 traveled, but not like international, right, So you wanted to international travel, 664 00:54:00.519 --> 00:54:02.880 more international traveling? Okay, got you? Yeah, that makes sense. 665 00:54:04.559 --> 00:54:10.920 Okay. And last, but not least, what is one lesson that 666 00:54:12.000 --> 00:54:17.760 you learned from your mother that you've been able to incorporate in your thirties. 667 00:54:19.679 --> 00:54:27.800 My lovely mother jackals honestly, and I learned this from her, and I 668 00:54:27.880 --> 00:54:36.639 learned from my grandmother, Miss Shakespeare, is having a relationship with God. 669 00:54:37.679 --> 00:54:43.239 That is the I think one of the best things I ever you know, 670 00:54:43.719 --> 00:54:50.599 like we said, we learned by example right as children. And I'm just 671 00:54:50.599 --> 00:54:54.320 gonna elaborate a little bit. Growing up as I was born, my grandma 672 00:54:54.360 --> 00:54:59.000 used to come pick me up bring me to church every Sunday when I say 673 00:54:59.039 --> 00:55:04.800 every Sunday, every Sunday, Every Sunday in bully beef sandwich and mixed drinks. 674 00:55:05.199 --> 00:55:08.840 At church, I'm in Sunday school nine am. I'm in service with 675 00:55:08.880 --> 00:55:15.280 her. Sometimes I do night service. When from I was born until I 676 00:55:15.400 --> 00:55:19.880 was in high school when she passed away, and then I see my mom 677 00:55:21.039 --> 00:55:29.800 become more like her relationship with God got really strong. She got baptized and 678 00:55:29.800 --> 00:55:37.880 everything. And that's alone. By just watching them to do that and lead 679 00:55:37.960 --> 00:55:45.239 by example made me. Now I'm more calmer. I'm just like nothing don't 680 00:55:45.280 --> 00:55:51.159 really phase me, It don't bother me. I feel I'm way more grateful. 681 00:55:51.199 --> 00:55:52.320 And I say I was never. I was ungrateful when I was younger. 682 00:55:52.920 --> 00:55:58.719 When I say way more grateful, I pray more I have, I'm 683 00:55:58.800 --> 00:56:02.880 more at peace. Hmm. And I personally believe everyone obviously has their own 684 00:56:02.960 --> 00:56:07.960 beliefs, but I personally believe you can only get that from God. Yes, 685 00:56:08.559 --> 00:56:15.239 yeah, because some people in your life will try to come and find 686 00:56:15.360 --> 00:56:20.320 some type of way to distract you and destroy you too. So you got 687 00:56:20.320 --> 00:56:22.320 some people that's just like that, yeah whatever. Yeah, And if you're 688 00:56:22.360 --> 00:56:29.159 not strong in faith or whoever, you guys might believe in. I don't 689 00:56:29.159 --> 00:56:32.480 know I know who I believe it. Yeah, but some prayer is like 690 00:56:32.679 --> 00:56:36.440 and one thing I always talk to me, why worry when I could just 691 00:56:36.519 --> 00:56:40.800 pray? And it has been shown to me time and time again in life. 692 00:56:40.960 --> 00:56:49.400 Yeah, but every little thing I've prayed for has happened. And like 693 00:56:49.440 --> 00:56:52.199 I said, you might pray like it didn't happen tomorrow. Well, of 694 00:56:52.239 --> 00:56:53.920 course it's not gonna happen tomorrow, because that's not He doesn't just work on 695 00:56:53.960 --> 00:56:59.119 your time, right right, but it happens right on time, and you 696 00:56:59.199 --> 00:57:01.480 sit back you're like, oh my gosh, look how I'm just praying for 697 00:57:01.559 --> 00:57:07.360 them, and look at it come out oft know, like whoa, And 698 00:57:07.800 --> 00:57:14.000 it's not the scary, but it's like shockshocking. Yes, So even in 699 00:57:14.079 --> 00:57:19.119 the moment when you think your life is going haywire or you're not getting exactly 700 00:57:19.199 --> 00:57:23.159 like you said what you asked for when you asked for it, more than 701 00:57:23.360 --> 00:57:29.199 likely ten times out of ten I will say it's coming, but it's not 702 00:57:29.239 --> 00:57:32.719 always going to come in the way that you think it should come exact And 703 00:57:32.760 --> 00:57:39.400 so I think that's a really important mindset, idea way of life that you 704 00:57:39.480 --> 00:57:44.679 got from your mom and your grandmother, because the older we get, the 705 00:57:44.679 --> 00:57:47.840 more we're going to have to deal with trials and triulations. That's just life. 706 00:57:47.880 --> 00:57:51.920 There's no one in this world. I don't care who you are, 707 00:57:51.960 --> 00:57:54.400 I don't care how much money you have, fame, whatever, that never 708 00:57:54.480 --> 00:57:59.280 has any issues or no problems. There is just not possible, right, 709 00:57:59.320 --> 00:58:02.960 And if anyone's tells you that they're lying, right, So, like you 710 00:58:04.000 --> 00:58:07.840 said, when you have that, it doesn't mean that things won't bother you. 711 00:58:07.960 --> 00:58:09.239 It doesn't mean that you won't get sad, It doesn't mean that you 712 00:58:09.280 --> 00:58:15.039 won't go through things, but it does mean that you'll go through them with 713 00:58:15.119 --> 00:58:22.679 a little bit more peace. Peace of mind is just so important, and 714 00:58:22.719 --> 00:58:30.159 I think you don't realize how important it is until it's messed with Oh my 715 00:58:30.199 --> 00:58:35.800 gosh, you know, and until you are in that situation where you just 716 00:58:35.920 --> 00:58:39.199 you can't even think straight because it's just your peace of mind is just being 717 00:58:39.360 --> 00:58:52.599 rattled with. You don't really understand the joy that comes with just having peace, 718 00:58:52.920 --> 00:58:59.400 you know, just not dealing with people's issues or you know, them 719 00:58:59.480 --> 00:59:04.079 project things on you, because sometimes people will see that you're at peace, 720 00:59:04.679 --> 00:59:13.000 Diane and want to ruin that because misery loves company, whether it's a job, 721 00:59:13.079 --> 00:59:15.960 whether it's friendship, whether it's relationship. You could be at a job 722 00:59:16.000 --> 00:59:22.639 where your former boss sees that you're in this new position and you're loving it 723 00:59:22.679 --> 00:59:24.880 and you're smiling every day, and you know, like Diane said, you're 724 00:59:24.920 --> 00:59:29.000 working out now, so you're coming in, you're looking better, brighter, 725 00:59:29.320 --> 00:59:30.760 and they could just say, you know what, I'm going to go up 726 00:59:30.800 --> 00:59:34.800 to a boss and say that she was a troublemaker, or I'm going to 727 00:59:34.840 --> 00:59:36.960 go up to a boss and say, oh, how is she doing because 728 00:59:36.960 --> 00:59:39.599 she didn't get along with me? Just anything, because you're so at peace, 729 00:59:40.199 --> 00:59:44.519 and it's like, I can't take away this job from her, but 730 00:59:44.599 --> 00:59:47.360 I can make her environment a little less peaceful. That's what these types of 731 00:59:47.360 --> 00:59:52.920 people would think. So to your point, you can't do anything about that. 732 00:59:52.000 --> 00:59:57.360 And I think that's one thing that I've also learned. You can't dictate 733 00:59:57.519 --> 01:00:00.480 how people think of you. You can only be your best self. And 734 01:00:00.559 --> 01:00:06.280 I think once I learned to let that go, my life just became so 735 01:00:06.480 --> 01:00:13.000 much more peaceful because people can say or talk about you however they want, 736 01:00:13.159 --> 01:00:16.920 and you have no control over that. The only person you have control over 737 01:00:17.679 --> 01:00:23.679 is yourself, and I think that you've you've really shown that in different things 738 01:00:23.719 --> 01:00:30.039 that we've spoken about today, but particularly the wellness part. And you know, 739 01:00:30.199 --> 01:00:32.920 just the idea that you decided what you were going to do that was 740 01:00:32.960 --> 01:00:37.800 going to make yourself feel better and elevate you because at the end of the 741 01:00:37.880 --> 01:00:43.400 day, you know, your mom or your sister, they could tell you, 742 01:00:43.440 --> 01:00:45.480 oh, Diane, you're so great and why do you feel down? 743 01:00:45.599 --> 01:00:49.639 You're the best, But you have to live with yourself, you know, 744 01:00:50.239 --> 01:00:53.559 right, So definitely, like again, kudos to you for that and for 745 01:00:53.639 --> 01:00:59.599 really following your mom and your grandmother's guidance to staying close to God because it's 746 01:00:59.639 --> 01:01:04.280 just so important because this world is just crazy. And the shout out my 747 01:01:04.519 --> 01:01:07.320 darling granny too, you know, because when I go to drink us with 748 01:01:07.360 --> 01:01:13.239 you right up in church and my grandma had my snacks in her handbag and 749 01:01:13.320 --> 01:01:19.079 I was eating it right there beside her in church. Well, that concludes 750 01:01:19.559 --> 01:01:22.679 our episode. Thank you so much, Dan for coming to talk the things 751 01:01:22.679 --> 01:01:28.039 with me and thank you for having me welcome. And like I said, 752 01:01:28.199 --> 01:01:31.159 I'm really proud of all the strides that you've made, you know, on 753 01:01:31.199 --> 01:01:37.239 your wellness journey and just the way that you're showing up for yourself because I 754 01:01:37.280 --> 01:01:42.239 truly believe when we show up for ourselves in that way, we can show 755 01:01:42.280 --> 01:01:46.639 up better for others. Right, So yeah, and I'm proud of you 756 01:01:46.840 --> 01:02:00.320 for your podcast. Right, let's out the eye water and everyone, And 757 01:02:00.400 --> 01:02:06.760 don't forget to follow us on Spotify and on Apple podcasts and rate and review 758 01:02:06.800 --> 01:02:12.519 the episode. But until next time, take care of yourselves, prioritize your 759 01:02:12.519 --> 01:02:17.000 well being, and remember you have the power to transform your life.