WEBVTT 1 00:00:02.120 --> 00:00:25.199 Comedy Central Podcast. Thank you you remember the first dust that you cast, 2 00:00:27.440 --> 00:00:32.920 not even the last and almost better so, uh, almost better so, 3 00:00:33.159 --> 00:00:37.280 what the last dust will be like, what the last dust of our life 4 00:00:37.280 --> 00:00:42.399 will be like. Hey, some of you here have already done better not 5 00:00:42.399 --> 00:00:50.200 to know. Better not to know because it' s because if you know 6 00:00:50.280 --> 00:00:51.759 it' s the last fuck you' re gonna throw out. Hey, 7 00:00:51.759 --> 00:00:54.719 you' re in there like a tension. It no longer gives him the 8 00:00:54.719 --> 00:01:00.479 same illusion, and life needs illusion. We need illusion for everything, but 9 00:01:00.600 --> 00:01:07.840 in moderation, because illusions also die. We need illusion in life. We 10 00:01:07.879 --> 00:01:12.439 need circumvention to try to be happy, even if it is medium, nothing 11 00:01:12.480 --> 00:01:17.799 more, no, because happiness has to be half always, because happiness is 12 00:01:17.799 --> 00:01:21.120 sharing. No, you can' t be happy here alone. We don 13 00:01:21.120 --> 00:01:25.439 ' t need another person here to be able to rub our happiness on him. 14 00:01:26.480 --> 00:01:34.560 I' ve won the lottery to you. No, no, no, 15 00:01:34.120 --> 00:01:34.439 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 16 00:01:34.439 --> 00:01:34.439 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, 17 00:01:34.439 --> 00:01:38.079 no, no. I' m gonna be happy. I' ve 18 00:01:38.159 --> 00:01:42.120 decided I' m gonna be happy for fuck' s sake. I' 19 00:01:42.200 --> 00:01:44.879 m gonna be happy because even if it' s for fuck' s sake, 20 00:01:44.879 --> 00:01:47.200 it doesn' t matter. All right, man, everybody whining what 21 00:01:47.280 --> 00:01:52.079 a mess everybody' s got. That' s where we look like grandma 22 00:01:52.359 --> 00:01:57.840 Fuck' s all right. Oh, when this one will lead me to 23 00:01:59.719 --> 00:02:07.560 the Lord for God' s sake. Tomorrow, Monday, I' ve 24 00:02:07.919 --> 00:02:09.360 come up with a pimple, and I' ve stepped on a piece of 25 00:02:09.360 --> 00:02:19.639 shit. What a life it is that the other in every hundred people ninety 26 00:02:20.120 --> 00:02:25.080 - nine are looking forward to going out on the street to complain about rubbing 27 00:02:25.199 --> 00:02:30.879 their shit in your face. You guys? Don' t you? Don 28 00:02:30.879 --> 00:02:30.719 ' t you? You guys? Don' t you? You guys? 29 00:02:30.759 --> 00:02:36.280 You belong to that select one. One percent of the people who say fuck. 30 00:02:38.919 --> 00:02:43.599 I' m gonna have a good time. I' m going to 31 00:02:43.759 --> 00:02:51.080 see the monologues You' re coming. No. I' m not, 32 00:02:51.240 --> 00:02:54.680 I' m gonna stay here and hit me with a stone in the shin. 33 00:03:02.199 --> 00:03:07.479 You go on, you' re doing a good life You gotta enjoy 34 00:03:10.639 --> 00:03:19.759 yourself. I understand the environment doesn' t help. The environment doesn' 35 00:03:19.759 --> 00:03:23.680 t help. You fucking put the radio on and you listen. Pablo Alborán, 36 00:03:23.879 --> 00:03:30.240 don' t fuck with me. What about this guy or Bona, 37 00:03:31.159 --> 00:03:37.800 how sad. And that' s how we' re gonna get our heads 38 00:03:37.800 --> 00:03:39.759 up in life. What' s got me worried about this guy, what 39 00:03:39.879 --> 00:03:42.960 ' s wrong with him, how sad, how silly, what' s 40 00:03:42.960 --> 00:03:54.000 wrong with you? Pablo, you' re ovulating, we' re, 41 00:03:54.919 --> 00:04:01.400 we' re overestimating the male sensiblon with a very developed female part, and 42 00:04:01.599 --> 00:04:06.039 in the end, they' re worse than a very bad bitch. Pablo 43 00:04:06.120 --> 00:04:12.639 Alborán is to music like rubbing the onions to sex. If there' s 44 00:04:12.759 --> 00:04:15.479 no rock and roll afterwards, you' re going home with a pain in 45 00:04:15.479 --> 00:04:21.279 the ass. Don' t be afraid of Pablo Alborán. He' s 46 00:04:24.120 --> 00:04:29.519 perfect, a man locked in the body of a footballer, but with a 47 00:04:29.519 --> 00:04:33.879 teletabi heart, so be perfect. But it' s very sad. It 48 00:04:34.079 --> 00:04:39.120 ' s very sad. That' s not good for karma. What' 49 00:04:39.240 --> 00:04:42.800 s the matter with you? Pablo left you the bride to be sacked, 50 00:04:43.160 --> 00:04:47.720 it' s all right. Karma will put it in place. If he 51 00:04:47.759 --> 00:04:51.079 has been great, if he has been bad, he will already take care 52 00:04:51.079 --> 00:04:57.560 of karma to reincarnate in a lizard and eat ants throughout his life until he 53 00:04:57.600 --> 00:05:00.279 dies and then the ants eat it to her, but Paul thinks of positives 54 00:05:00.480 --> 00:05:09.360 without grudges. Look at me straight. The theory of karma speaks of that. 55 00:05:09.439 --> 00:05:14.680 Basically for us to be happy, we have to be fucking bastards first. 56 00:05:15.000 --> 00:05:16.480 How you' re doing with your life of grief, that' s 57 00:05:16.480 --> 00:05:21.040 what' s gonna be fine with you. Do you want it to go 58 00:05:21.040 --> 00:05:27.319 well? You want it to go well. Take off four teeth, cut 59 00:05:27.399 --> 00:05:34.519 off one arm. Invest in karma. Sure. You want to be independent. 60 00:05:34.759 --> 00:05:39.040 You want to be independent of your parents. Learn to depend on your 61 00:05:39.160 --> 00:05:44.360 boss, Learn to depend on the bank. You want to have money, 62 00:05:44.480 --> 00:05:48.720 learn not to spend it lives like a miserable fuck. You want to learn. 63 00:05:48.879 --> 00:05:55.360 Learn first to assume your ignorance. You' re an Olympiad. Do 64 00:05:55.600 --> 00:06:05.720 you learn English? Do you learn English? What' s that? What 65 00:06:05.800 --> 00:06:12.040 ' s that? What the fact? What the fuck? Create xing cat 66 00:06:12.160 --> 00:06:21.759 coffee with wa lechis. The coffee doesn' t relax and much less in 67 00:06:21.920 --> 00:06:27.399 the main square than while you put the blue, carter cracks the wallet and 68 00:06:27.560 --> 00:06:32.519 the mobile phone. We don' t enjoy it. We don' t 69 00:06:32.519 --> 00:06:38.519 enjoy it. We' re tense, we' re tighter than the ozil 70 00:06:38.519 --> 00:06:44.600 eyelids. And so we won' t be happy. Never. To be 71 00:06:44.639 --> 00:06:49.160 happy just enjoy the little things of life, the little pleasures. I don 72 00:06:49.639 --> 00:06:53.160 ' t know how to walk away with colleagues. Let' s take the 73 00:06:53.160 --> 00:06:55.680 last one. It won' t be the penultimate, well, the penultimate. 74 00:06:56.879 --> 00:07:01.279 Or little pleasures, little spans of life, take a three- hour 75 00:07:01.480 --> 00:07:19.040 nap that you get up and say uf today which day is clear. The 76 00:07:19.240 --> 00:07:25.920 little pleasures of life, those are the important ones. Don' t stay 77 00:07:26.000 --> 00:07:30.600 a whole afternoon at home on the couch watching videos of the king, tripping 78 00:07:30.680 --> 00:07:34.839 over the other time, so again that this guy dies and, of course, 79 00:07:35.600 --> 00:07:43.959 get up in the morning and take a good shit, a slow, 80 00:07:45.040 --> 00:07:51.120 gentle, concentrated shit, that you say or without fear of death. Let 81 00:07:54.480 --> 00:07:58.839 ' s go without even turning around to see what happened. Nothing. Talks 82 00:07:58.879 --> 00:08:01.879 crazy maybe fucked up an iPhone, I don' t care, pulls the 83 00:08:01.920 --> 00:08:13.800 chain, nothing happens looking at the future. Of course it is without fear 84 00:08:13.920 --> 00:08:22.600 and above all, to fuck. Yeah, fuck a lot and well between 85 00:08:22.800 --> 00:08:28.360 you I say don' t be proud, that there are people who don 86 00:08:28.360 --> 00:08:35.080 ' t fuck for not bothering, you have to turn themselves in, that 87 00:08:35.080 --> 00:08:37.039 there are people who fuck without undoing the bed. This is shit You gotta 88 00:08:37.159 --> 00:08:45.080 turn yourself in by taking your socks off. If you need to die by 89 00:08:45.159 --> 00:08:50.879 throwing your imagination out, thinking that you have five dicks and that all your 90 00:08:50.919 --> 00:08:56.960 pants look like a glove pulling viagras. If you need to run, don 91 00:08:56.960 --> 00:09:01.159 ' t travel, not that that explodes your heart and moves you want to 92 00:09:01.240 --> 00:09:07.919 fuck or you haven' t come here to take out anything else. If 93 00:09:09.080 --> 00:09:11.440 you have to pull viagra, you pull viagra. It' s okay. 94 00:09:13.240 --> 00:09:16.480 It' s okay. Moreover, the effect is purely psychological. I' 95 00:09:16.519 --> 00:09:24.240 ve seen people get erections just going to buy it. The stone is good. 96 00:09:26.039 --> 00:09:28.639 It' s very sad that your girl wants sex right after having sex. 97 00:09:28.759 --> 00:09:35.240 That you' re not doing well. And if you die, you 98 00:09:35.320 --> 00:09:43.200 die. They say that when you die in palmado, you' re stuck 99 00:09:43.200 --> 00:09:52.240 in palmado. Please, you can think of something nicer. An epic burial 100 00:09:52.399 --> 00:10:03.440 in your neighborhood with a choir, a gospel choir and a band Dixi Lend 101 00:10:03.519 --> 00:10:09.720 A Massingers Ho Weed the Sun and the people ah Paula had a dead man. 102 00:10:09.879 --> 00:10:16.039 Not wow. If I die like this, I don' t want 103 00:10:16.039 --> 00:10:18.879 to be infested. I want a picture taken for Badu' s profile. 104 00:10:22.720 --> 00:10:26.720 If you have to die, you die to boast, you have to suffer. 105 00:10:28.720 --> 00:10:33.559 But not so much. The girls wear heels and we know they hurt 106 00:10:33.639 --> 00:10:39.159 you. Why do you do that, what happens you want to look taller 107 00:10:39.240 --> 00:10:45.320 than the others. You don' t want the others to look any smaller 108 00:10:45.320 --> 00:10:50.879 than you. That' s Spanish Not really fucking, but we fucking love 109 00:10:50.879 --> 00:10:58.039 it. Please, girls, you really think we' re gonna love you 110 00:10:58.159 --> 00:11:01.759 more, because you look at seven inches more. You guys would love us 111 00:11:01.840 --> 00:11:15.240 more because seven ces is the same. No, no, no, we 112 00:11:16.440 --> 00:11:20.600 don' t like to suffer. We compete to see who suffers most. 113 00:11:20.080 --> 00:11:26.720 Not the typical ass who goes out on the street to play catchy with his 114 00:11:26.960 --> 00:11:31.799 ex- girlfriend. Ah, you' re here. Yeah, oh, 115 00:11:33.679 --> 00:11:35.159 hey, I' m having a terrible time. I' m really having 116 00:11:35.240 --> 00:11:39.679 a hard time. No, I' m worse, no, I' 117 00:11:39.799 --> 00:11:41.600 m worse than you. I don' t fuck around, we always argue 118 00:11:41.600 --> 00:11:46.559 sometimes we don' t. This can' t be or if not the 119 00:11:46.679 --> 00:11:50.120 cocoon who when he can' t sleep, spends all night watching the clock 120 00:11:50.159 --> 00:11:52.360 every five minutes to see how long we haven' t slept.“ My 121 00:11:52.360 --> 00:11:56.519 mother, the time it is and it is not sleep I arrive, oh, 122 00:11:56.679 --> 00:11:58.080 my mother, I have to get up within a quarter of an hour 123 00:11:58.120 --> 00:12:01.519 and the next day the office competes with colleagues. I' ve slept two 124 00:12:01.600 --> 00:12:07.679 hours at most, because I at most? I' ve slept half an 125 00:12:07.720 --> 00:12:09.720 hour, because I at most? I haven' t slept at all and 126 00:12:09.759 --> 00:12:18.919 I' ve been throwing up all night and listening to Pablo Alborán. I 127 00:12:18.080 --> 00:12:26.120 ' m sorry we' re sitting here feeling bad with guilt feelings for being 128 00:12:26.240 --> 00:12:30.600 here with the Jiji and the Jaja, when there' s a lot of 129 00:12:30.679 --> 00:12:33.759 people out there having a hard time, people who have lost all their lives 130 00:12:33.759 --> 00:12:41.480 in the candy crash. Why. Because we' re selfish. We are 131 00:12:43.399 --> 00:12:52.360 selfish and the most selfish of all is the guy who invented the puff pastry, 132 00:12:52.639 --> 00:12:56.879 son of a whore, the guy who invented the puff pastry. Hey, 133 00:12:58.080 --> 00:13:05.399 that one didn' t eat breakfast in bed, didn' t he? 134 00:13:05.600 --> 00:13:11.120 I think everyone will have breakfast standing with a plate. I was just 135 00:13:11.279 --> 00:13:22.159 thinking about him here, asshole The guy who invented the puff pastry is the 136 00:13:22.320 --> 00:13:26.039 same idiot who invented the butterbutter. Easy to spread. Butter is easy to 137 00:13:26.120 --> 00:13:33.279 spread lying tell the truth. Butter is easy to spread, unless you think 138 00:13:33.399 --> 00:13:41.639 about putting it in the fridge, because anything you put in the fridge stops 139 00:13:41.240 --> 00:13:52.399 being easy to spread automatically. Although meth soup if in that film is the 140 00:13:52.480 --> 00:13:58.799 last tango in Paris, Marlon Brando gives him to take the butter from the 141 00:13:58.960 --> 00:14:07.000 fridge, that poor bastard would have had to give him fifteen points. Really. 142 00:14:07.919 --> 00:14:11.200 I don' t understand it anyway I' m not from this time. 143 00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:13.559 I think about it a lot. I' m not from this time. 144 00:14:13.679 --> 00:14:18.080 I am to see I have taken, I have already taken twenty years 145 00:14:18.200 --> 00:14:22.720 to realize that I am no longer twenty years, so I now do not 146 00:14:22.759 --> 00:14:26.720 know if I am older or slow catching things. But it' s true, 147 00:14:28.120 --> 00:14:30.919 my time things were different, I mean, in my time not everything, 148 00:14:31.240 --> 00:14:33.639 we didn' t have a camera on our cell phone, we would 149 00:14:33.679 --> 00:14:37.960 put it in our pocket or we would manage with a six and a four. 150 00:14:39.120 --> 00:14:43.039 In my day things were different. Rap rap was only in English. 151 00:14:43.279 --> 00:14:48.519 Everything. In my day there were two types of bread, the bimbo bread 152 00:14:48.679 --> 00:14:54.399 and the bread. It' s true, in my day I don' 153 00:14:54.399 --> 00:14:58.879 t know. The one that said infinity didn' t have the last word, 154 00:14:58.159 --> 00:15:05.039 because there was another one that said infinity me infinity, infinity potiff, 155 00:15:05.120 --> 00:15:09.799 infinity of high and I give myself eh. In my day the one who 156 00:15:09.879 --> 00:15:18.200 said it was and had his ass upside down check Ut. In my day 157 00:15:18.320 --> 00:15:22.120 the reviews didn' t matter because they bounced and remoted and your ass exploded. 158 00:15:30.519 --> 00:15:35.320 In my day you were walking down the curb on the sidewalk because on 159 00:15:35.360 --> 00:15:41.159 this side there was a cliff and here were crocodiles. It was very dangerous. 160 00:15:43.759 --> 00:15:46.039 Not now, now, look at me. Now I' m an 161 00:15:46.120 --> 00:15:50.759 adult and we saw surrounded by adults who do things, adults who write geniuses 162 00:15:52.279 --> 00:15:58.200 on Twitter with a hundred and forty characters, who play langry Beards as they 163 00:15:58.279 --> 00:16:04.679 go and who worry a lot about who the fucks are going to star in 164 00:16:04.679 --> 00:16:11.159 the next Batman movie. What an adult Batman. You really care about Balmon. 165 00:16:11.399 --> 00:16:17.159 Why kind of superheroes Batman, a guy who gives him a guitar and 166 00:16:17.240 --> 00:16:22.840 looks like the gay boss of the height of medicine. That' s a 167 00:16:22.840 --> 00:16:27.440 superhero. Superman' s a superhero, a guy with superpowers A guy who 168 00:16:27.600 --> 00:16:30.200 really melts you with his look, who freezes you with his breath, who 169 00:16:30.240 --> 00:16:34.960 ' s like a faggot, but who are superpowers. Spiderman, a guy 170 00:16:36.000 --> 00:16:38.600 who climbs the walls, like Charlie Shine when he runs out of gin. 171 00:16:44.440 --> 00:16:52.960 That' s real superpowers, not Batman' s. It' s more 172 00:16:53.039 --> 00:16:56.759 pathetic than the invisible man. Even what super powers the visible man has to 173 00:16:56.840 --> 00:17:03.559 sneak into the bulls. Batman has the same superpowers as Bill Gates, a 174 00:17:03.720 --> 00:17:08.920 lot of dough and he buys shitty little toys and gold. Today Merling Hello 175 00:17:11.319 --> 00:17:18.720 I am Batman, oh, yes, of course I have said psycholm if 176 00:17:18.839 --> 00:17:30.480 it is not Hallowen or e ban man or Gilipolla. Hey, you' 177 00:17:33.440 --> 00:17:41.720 ve got bat- shaped ninja stars, so if I have a box of 178 00:17:42.160 --> 00:17:45.759 six left, but they' re white. No, no, I' 179 00:17:45.880 --> 00:17:49.720 m the dark knight. They can' t be white. They' re 180 00:17:49.759 --> 00:17:56.400 gonna show up from Apple, but how bad is the Batman color. We 181 00:17:56.519 --> 00:18:00.559 ' re like idiots with the accessories, it' s just that he calls 182 00:18:00.640 --> 00:18:06.079 me down the clock with the shoes. We' re like an asshole with 183 00:18:06.200 --> 00:18:07.799 everything on the phones. How long ago? How long has it been, 184 00:18:10.240 --> 00:18:15.359 honestly what if you' ve looked at the phone for the last time minutes 185 00:18:15.359 --> 00:18:22.039 seconds and yet how long you haven' t really looked someone in the eyes 186 00:18:22.160 --> 00:18:38.960 and told them, motherfucker, that I was giving you from respect and affection, 187 00:18:40.160 --> 00:18:44.119 Of course, from respect and from affection, because you, from respect 188 00:18:44.640 --> 00:18:48.640 and affection you can have a host. Someone doesn' t happen, because 189 00:18:48.680 --> 00:18:53.240 it' s respect and from love and you can humiliate him, reproach him, 190 00:18:53.480 --> 00:18:56.400 assault whatever you want, because it' s from respect? And the 191 00:18:56.519 --> 00:19:00.039 love? The love, the touch? Is it the love, the touch? 192 00:19:00.519 --> 00:19:03.720 The touch? Makes the lockdown? The sore? Do the crust? 193 00:19:03.319 --> 00:19:07.519 The crust? Does the infection, the infection? Does the disease, the 194 00:19:07.559 --> 00:19:11.720 disease? It makes the plague, the plague, the extinction of the human 195 00:19:11.720 --> 00:19:15.160 species. Take a cór don' t give me love, don' t 196 00:19:15.160 --> 00:19:19.359 take a cór. Give me pleasure? Give me pleasure. Buy me some 197 00:19:19.359 --> 00:19:22.680 canes, save me a rice with lobster and tell me what you like bald 198 00:19:22.680 --> 00:19:26.799 ones. Even if it' s a lie, I don' t care 199 00:19:26.799 --> 00:19:26.960 if it' s true. I don' t want the truth. I 200 00:19:27.000 --> 00:19:30.200 have a real poisoning, really, which is that I can' t anymore. 201 00:19:32.319 --> 00:19:33.799 People who come with the truth ahead, usually come with the lie behind 202 00:19:33.839 --> 00:19:38.680 and I come behind. I want to know the truth? If it' 203 00:19:38.680 --> 00:19:45.720 s gonna hurt, I want to know. People, people who come with 204 00:19:45.880 --> 00:19:52.359 the truth in front of them, usually come to give you a shit, 205 00:19:52.359 --> 00:19:56.279 listen, I' m sorry. It' s just that I' m 206 00:19:56.359 --> 00:20:02.720 very sincere and I can' t keep it quiet or I think it' 207 00:20:02.720 --> 00:20:06.759 s super ugly. I' m sorry I have to tell you. It 208 00:20:06.920 --> 00:20:12.200 ' s uglier, man, because you stay with your friends yesterday at the 209 00:20:14.000 --> 00:20:18.200 corner of the bar You don' t have to cross the whole pair and 210 00:20:18.319 --> 00:20:18.680 come here and insult me that I don' t know you at all. 211 00:20:21.519 --> 00:20:26.000 Really what the fuck is this about being so authentic, how mania we have 212 00:20:26.079 --> 00:20:32.920 to prove that we' re authentic those people who to prove that it' 213 00:20:33.039 --> 00:20:36.880 s very authentic, don' t wash. But this, what the fuck 214 00:20:36.880 --> 00:20:41.279 is it? What will your thinking have to do with your hygiene? What 215 00:20:41.319 --> 00:20:45.200 will have to do with your way of thinking about passing the little knife from 216 00:20:45.440 --> 00:20:49.039 time to time, honey? It' s not that I, as I 217 00:20:49.200 --> 00:20:53.359 believe, in the power of Tibetan bowls and that dogs dream of. And 218 00:20:53.440 --> 00:21:02.440 I don' t believe in capitalism, because I shave my pussy, because 219 00:21:02.519 --> 00:21:06.519 with me as if it leaves you scratches you understand, but that doesn' 220 00:21:06.640 --> 00:21:10.400 t seem to me, you don' t seem to make sense, you 221 00:21:10.480 --> 00:21:12.599 don' t have to make sense, you don' t have to, 222 00:21:14.079 --> 00:21:17.000 you have to change the way you think, but why, what mania, 223 00:21:17.000 --> 00:21:18.680 what we change, why you want to change us. Women always want us 224 00:21:18.720 --> 00:21:25.400 the woman who doesn' t want to change you, that' s the 225 00:21:25.519 --> 00:21:26.920 one who changes your life. And it' s not bad. Not bad. 226 00:21:29.240 --> 00:21:32.799 It is necessary to change, because it changes, but whenever it is 227 00:21:32.920 --> 00:21:38.079 done with talent, with courage, with desire and, above all, with 228 00:21:40.400 --> 00:21:45.759 enthusiasm, but with care, because you already know, of illusions also dies. 229 00:21:47.640 --> 00:21:52.920 Thank you very much. Thank you.