This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI AM six forty, the
Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app k I AM six forty.
You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy Walls
Show. I would like to welcome my Instagram followers who are on my live
right now with me. If you'd like to get a visual on our studio,
you're welcome to come on to my Instagram. The handle is at doctor
Wendy Walsh. Afterwards, I'll be taking your calls. I'm going to throw
the phone number out now, but it'll be at the end of the segment
that producer Kayla's going to run into the room and start to screen your calls.
The numbers one eight hundred five two zero one KFI. That's one eight
hundred five two zero one five three four okay. Back in nineteen seventy nine,
an experimental psychologist and a professor at a university coined a term in her
book Love and Limmerence the experience of being in love, and the term is
limerence, and she says limerence is an in ten longing for somebody, but
the key is an intense longing for somebody that is not reciprocated, right,
unrequited love. It's more than a crush. Somebody in limerens may neglect their
social life, their work, or other responsibilities. It's almost like an obsession.
Think stalker, right, But there are plenty of us, regular humans
who fall into limerens, not just with celebrities, but might be coworkers,
might be friends, might be somebody who had one date with For those on
instagram saying the phone number can't be reached because we haven't opened the lines yet,
We're going to open them in a few minutes. After that, I
talk about limerens. What really differentiates limerns from just a crush or even an
intense feeling of love. Besides that it's unrequited, is the roller coaster of
emotions that it creates. Now I'm going to share something with you. I
had a ten year on and off relationship with a playboy, a bad boy,
an avoidant who when I read about limerens, I realize that this is
what I suffered from. Any little bit of goodness from him, or any
positive anything, a phone call, a text, whatever, would have me
walking on air for days. I would be so happy and then anything negative
canceling on me, not returning my calls or text and I would be in
the depths of despair. So any sign of rejection causes a low, any
sign of interest causes a high, and then you get addicted to this emotional
roller coaster. People who experience limerens tend to really fear rejection. They allow
their self esteem to be in the hands of somebody else. Literally, I
liked my self more if he liked me. I liked myself less if he
didn't like me. It was a painful, painful place to be in.
And often the object of someone's limeerates doesn't even know you exist. Could be
a friend, colleague, stranger. It's most often, though, somebody you've
had a brief romantic encounter with and then they just disappear or it didn't work
out right. The people who ghost you after just one or two dates.
So here here are the actual signs, like the symptoms, the real symptoms
of true limerens. Consistent and intrusive thoughts about that person. You're obsessed with
idealization, the thought that this person is perfect, absolutely perfect, they can
do no wrong in your eyes, constantly being reminded of them, people,
places, objects, situations. Always your brain is trying to find a reminder,
a connection to this person. You have limerens with fluctuations of mood based
on how they respond or don't respond overwhelming emotions, as I've said, feelings
of euphoria, feelings of distress, and then when you're with them, I
have to tell you this being awkward, shy, or weird. Honestly,
when I would be in this guy's glow and or I couldn't talk well,
I would say the dumbest things. I would make mistakes because I was so
nervous about him liking me. And then, of course the other thing,
spending numerous amount of time grooming or beautifying yourself. I happened to because I
was in a hurry. Today, use a flat arm on my hair to
make it straight. But I have very curly hair and during and I wear
curly hair a lot too during those years. He once said to me,
I don't like your hair curly, and then I wouldn't wear it curly for
like years because what if I run into him? Right, that's limerence.
What makes it worse is when the person has complete, unrequited feelings or worse
bread crumbs. You right, you know what we do, Okay, it's
a very common human thing. If there's somebody in our life, you know,
whether we know them or not online or in real life, and we
don't really like them, but we don't want to be mean to them.
We don't want to ghost them, we don't want to block them, we
want to be kind, so we give them little bread crumbs. It is
the worst thing you can do to somebody in limerens because they're constantly in a
state of being weaned and wanting more. But also it makes it worse when
you have no closure. You know, when I eventually said to him for
good, I mean, tried it many times and it never worked out.
But when I finally said it's over, it's done with and I blocked him
and changed my phone number and didn't respond to his calls, that's when I
had the closure. But if you find yourself monitoring their social media, you're
hurting yourself. You can't do this. It's particularly difficult if maybe you work
with the person and you have to have frequent interactions. It's really hard,
so you have to work hard to create lots of boundaries. Also, you
need to expand your social circle. You can't put all your emotional eggs in
one basket, especially somebody who's not giving it back to you. It's just
a constant cycle of pain. If you are somebody who are prone to mental
health issues like depression or anxiety, you're more likely to get caught up in
a limerence. Now, when I read about limerens, you know, I
wrote my dissertation on attachment theory. I've done a lot of reading about attachment.
I thought, well, this just sounds like an anxious attachment style to
me, and there are many many similarities, right, I would like the
more I read, though, I realize it's the anxious attachment style, the
unmet needs as a young child and baby that now are projected into your adult
life. It's that anxious attachment style that causes the limerence. So's not getting
this person to like you, it's getting you to like yourself, asking yourself,
why do you put up with that behavior? Why are you attracted to
that? And of course you'll talk about the highs, but the lows should
tell you it's time to go. I cannot stress enough that there is no
so oh oh one other thing. People in Limerians do a lot is they
romanticize it. They believe in this idea of a soulmate. Everybody, I'm
sorry to burst your bubble. There's no such thing as a soulmate. In
fact, if you're a healthy person, there are many potential soulmates or partners
that would be good for you. But if you're thinking like, oh,
it's cupid in an arrow, it's romances. Whoever, that's a weird obsession.
That's not true. Okay. If somebody is not reciprocating, if they're
not giving you love and kindness back on a regular basis, if it's one
sided, if you're on an emotional roller coaster, this is not love and
it's not going to change. It's not going to get better. All right,
let me come back. I am going to answer your social media questions
and take your calls now. Instagram, you can call that number one eight
hundred five two zero one five three four. That's one eight hundred five two
zero one KFI reminder, I'm a psychology professor. I'm also the beneficiary of
many, many years of therapy. I've written three books on relationships and a
dissertation on attachment theory and I'm happy to weigh in with my wisdom. One
eight hundred five two zero one five three four. You are listening to the
Doctor Andy wallsh Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the
iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six
forty. KFI AM six forty, You've got Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I'm a little late coming in.
Did you hear that rowl? I was chatting with my friends on Instagram?
That's what happened. I didn't even hear the queue. Terrible Anyway, I'm
taking your calls. Reminder, I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor.
I've got lots of wisdom. Delay on you. The numbers one eight
hundred five to zero one KFI. That's one eight hundred five to zero,
one five three four. Okay, Producer, Kayla, who do we have?
Well? Raoul, who do we got first? Hello? It's doctor
Whitney. Who's this? Hello? Hello? My name is Raoul. So
I have an asking question for a friend. Okay, go ahead. So
her ex texted her after months of no contact. Uh huh, and he
messaged her saying, oh, I wanted to disconnect. I'm changing as a
person. And she answered his message, but she hasn't. He takes a
long time to answer or doesn't answer her why, so she do he hasn't
changed yet, he has not changed his behavior. And as long as she
focuses on why he wants to do something, then she's not focusing on,
you know, why she is attracted to that. So Raoul the caller says
that a friend of his her ex text and says he's changed. She's had
no contact for many months and now he wants to see her, But yet
he's being inconsistent. And when he gets back to her, so basically he's
saying, this is all I can give. Are you gonna put up with
it? He's testing her, So don't worry about why, worry about why
she would ever accept that. If it's not enough contact for her, she
should say no, thank you, that's it, right, Thanks for calling
Raoul. Funnally, Raoul has the same name as Raoul. Thanks for calling,
all, Right, who do we have next? Do you have Amy
with a question? Amy? Hi? Amy, It's doctor Wendy. Hi,
doctor Wendy. My name is Amy. How are you doing good?
What's your question? Love? Yes, my question is towards anxiety or anxious
attach Missyle, people like myself, you know, how do we move in
towards more secure more specifically, I literally just got friend zones that minute ago
before and put that with like, initially it wasn't me super attract to him,
it was he attracted more to me, like he liked me more.
But later I'm doing a stage. I felt I'm ready to move on to
the next stage, and then he kind of not ready. He feel pressured,
so he said it's better to staying a friend. And then that times
as adual kick the end, like yeah, you know, that's when the
anxiety because what happens is, yeah, when they say they don't want and
they want you in the friend zone and they don't want a relationship, and
you're thinking, I didn't like you that much anyway, but now I really
like you, right, so I cannot impress upon you enough how important it
is to go to therapy. That's what I did, and that's how I
learned that I am lovable, I am enough, and that every time I
chased after somebody who couldn't love me back. That was me injuring myself right,
It wasn't somebody hurting me or trying to hurt me. And I learned
to recognize the signs very early on that somebody had an avoidant attachment style or
wasn't ready for a relationship, and I would pay attention to it. You
see, what happens amy is people who have an anxious attachment style. They'll
be dating somebody who says things like, you know, I'm really not ready
for a relationship, or I don't do monogamy, or I'm still married,
we're separated or whatever, and so they're not fully available and the person with
the anxious attachment style doesn't pay attention to that, doesn't listen. They just
walk right through it. Now when I see the signs, like here's a
great example. So a bunch of years ago, when I was single,
I met a guy on an app. We went out on a really great
date. It ended with a wonderful kiss. I thought this is gonna be
great. So then we made plans to see each other for lunch. A
couple days later and I wake up in the morning and I haven't heard from
him, but I know we'd said we're gonna have lunch, and so I
wait and wait and wait. Finally, around noon, noon, the time
people eat lunch, and say, hey, just checking in everything. Okay,
what time are we meeting? I don't hear anything. He calls at
one o'clock and says, oh, I'm sorry, I just slept in and
I said, okay, well sorry. This kind of inconsistency doesn't fly for
me. And I let him go early because I saw the signs he was
testing me. So I think you need to find another guy who's going to
be reciprocal, who's going to love you for you, Amy, thank you
for calling. Okay, Producer Kayla, who do we have next? Do
you have? Jenny with the question Jenny, Hi, Jenny, it's doctor
Wendy. Hi. How are you, doctor Wendy. I I'm sixty two
and I've been got divorced in two thousand and eight. I've been trying a
lot of dated people, but the dating app not is so crazy. And
I learned about this thing called haystack burning, where you go for the needle
instead of the haystack. Have you heard of that? And it's a lovely
saying. What I usually say is the process of finding somebody on a dating
app is eliminating most of the people, so you're left with one standing.
Right, It's a game of So what's your question? Before I start telling
you how to use dating apps? My question is just how do you read
out people? And I am a very kind, loving person, so I
end up giving people the benefit of the day. Okay, I used to
be you, Jenny. Okay, I'm going to tell you how to get
hard and cold. Okay. So first of all, what you want to
do is to avoid paradox of choice, so our brain. Dating apps are
not designed to help you find love. Dating apps are designed to get you
addicted to the app, and the way they do it is through something called
paradox of choice. The human brain is such that the more choice we're presented
with, like the thousands of people on a dating app, the more we
have trouble making a decision on one. And when we do make a decision
on one, we don't value it that much because we're thinking about the bigger,
better deals that got away. So what I want you to do is
only match with two suitors at one and then very quickly get on the phone
and eliminate one of them. Through one phone conversation, you're gonna be able
to decide one or two, and then once you have one, work him
towards a coffee date, but bring one more on board so you can eliminate
him. And you just go through this process until you hit on somebody where
you're like, Wow, this person is bet. I can't think of any
reason to eliminate him. But what we do, loving kind, generous people
like you and me, Jenny, is we sit there and overlook the flaws
because we think we're being benefit. We're being a bad person. We're being
too harsh too quickly. And when there's thousands of people to choose from,
you need to be too harsh too quickly. You need to leave earlier.
Jenny, thanks so much for calling. All right, do we have time
for one more before we go to break? Yeah, let's do one more.
Okay, who we got? Who we got? You have? Edward?
Edward? Hi, Edward, it's doctor Wendy. Yeah, doctor Wendy.
I'm not doing this, but I wanted to get your advice for men
that are doing this. The last two months, there's been about eight men
who a method demise going to Columbia for dating what is your recommendation about anybody
attempting to do that, don't do it? You know there is I just
want to say I don't know about these cases, so I can't comment on
them. In particular. Edward is saying for you watching on Instagram that he
knows of incidents of eight different men who met the end of their life by
going to date in other countries. So here's the thing. We all have
this fantasy that the problem with dating is our city or our neighborhood, and
we have this idea if we can get out of our zip code or out
of our state or out of our country, that it'll be so much easier.
The truth is, people with good relationship skills have no problem finding good
relationships anywhere, and so they have this delusion that love is waiting for them
somewhere else. And this is how romance scams take place, because they're lonely
people and they're talking late at night on these apps and they start to imagine
that this is the perfect thing, and before you know it, someone's asking
to send money or what have you. So it's really important that you get
in the real world quickly, and you can't have a relationship with somebody who's
thousands of miles away, and may be a great idea and a fantasy,
but in practicality, to have a relationship, you got to be together on
a regular basis, right, So Edward, don't do it. Please,
don't do it. It doesn't sound like a great idea. All right,
let's go to break. When we come back, I'm going to continue to
take your calls. The number is one eight hundred five two zero one five
three four. That's one eight hundred five two zero one KFI. You are
listening to the Doctor Wendywall Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty AM six fourty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. I'm taking your calls one eight hundred
excuse me, five two zero one five three four. And then I'm also
going to social media. Okay, Producer Kayla, who do we have?
We have Julia with a question. Julia, Hi, Julia, It's doctor
Wendy. Hi. Hi, what's your question? My question is I have
a friend who's talking to someone who's very depressed, and recently you sent my
friend a picture of the thing that he's going to use to offer himself with.
Oh, and my friend's very I'm conflicted on if if you just keep
talking to him or not. What sounds like your friend should call nine to
one one. One of the things psychologists do when they do an assessment of
whether somebody is suicidal is they ask the question of do you have a plan
and a means? And he's clearly showcasing to her that he has a means,
and so, you know, we don't know if this is a call
for help, if it's what we call Paris suicide behavior, but she should
take any call for help very very seriously and to ghost him or hurt him
or just say. You know, there was a case I can't remember where
it was. It was like a teenage girl and I guess this guy was
texting her and he said, I'm I think I'm gonna kill myself and she
said, oh, you're too weak to do it, you would never actually
do it anyway, Just go ahead and do it, and he did,
and she ended up being convicted of some kind of murder charge or manslaughter charge.
So we have to take these things seriously. So please tell your friend
to call nine one one and make sure that this person gets the help they
deserve. But thank you for calling. All Right, Whoo, that's a
heavy one. Let's go to social media. Dear doctor Wendy. I'm in
my fifties and divorced. I have an active friend group and we have a
lot of fun parties. I've always been included, but for some reason I
was excluded from a vision board party that all my friends are going to.
I'm still talking to the host, and if I had her to my birthday
party, it wasn't an oversight either, since my other friends all got private
miss messages in addition to the party. Should I nicely confront her and ask
if I did something to upset her? Well, I want you to think
about short term goals and long term goals. Your short term goal is to
get an answer on what happened socially. I hope your long term goal is
to continue to have the social support of the group. So sometimes you know
this person better than I you can, and I don't like the word confront
her. I like to say, you know, sweetly ask her if you
did something, don't. I wouldn't even let her know that you know about
the party, but just say, you know, have I done something to
upset you? It feels a little different or something, and see if she
can be intimate back. But if she's the kind of person who just stays
in performance personality and can't be intimate back, then you you might want to
just bite your lip and wait till the next thing. I mean, you're
having a party and she's invited to your birthday. I don't There could be
all kinds of reasons, but focusing on the why might also explode it,
Like if you confront her and she might feel ashamed and then want to invite
you less and then also tell other people to invite you less. Right,
So, if your long term goal is to keep with this group, I'd
be very careful about how you deal with this, because the bottom line is
this, I have a large group of friends too. I can't invite them
all of them to everything. There's just too many and too much, right,
so sometimes we just have to pick and choose. I mean, I'm
getting married in August. I can't invite everybody I've ever met in my whole
life. That's hard. All right, Hey, doctor Wendy, says this
listener, I need advice before calling off my upcoming date. I agree to
the date, but his communication has been so bad. I don't want a
ghost him. What's a nice way to cancel? Oh, it's very simple.
You simply send a text that says, hey, I know we'd planned
to get together on Friday, but I'm not feeling it right now with you,
so I'm gonna have to pass, but thank you anyway. And that's
it. I said that to somebody one time. I said I'm not up
to it, and he said, oh, you're not feeling well. I
said, no, I'm not emotionally up to it, all in a text.
So yeah, you just want to send him a text and be sweet
about it and say thanks for the invitation, but I'm not feeling it.
Uh Okay, Dear doctor Wendy, this man has been dating me. It's
been trying to date me for a long time, so I guess you haven't
dated him. I recently fell out with this guy that I was dating,
so I decided to give my interested pursuer a chance. We face timed,
and while we were face timing, he was texting on his phone. I
asked who he was texting with, and he told me some girl who's mad
he won't post about her on social media. He seems like a player.
Is this a red flag? Should I block him? Or is he just
dating? Okay, calm down. This gentleman clearly told you who he is,
and I cannot believe that there's a question if this is a red flag.
First of all, he's facetiming you and he is not giving you his
full undivided attention. He's talking to another woman at the same time. That
would be enough right there. But secondly, what's he saying about this girl?
She's mad? He won't post her on his social media, which means
that he's having sex with her, and she feels that they're in a committed
relationship and she wants to go public with that. Ugh. No, he
is a player, absolutely, one hundred percent, and he's testing you to
see if you will put up with it. Do not go out with this
man at all? Who uh uh? Dear doctor Wendy. I avoid getting
invested early on, getting too invested early on. I always fall in love
after the first conversation with a potential mate. Okay, there's only one thing
you need to do, which is literally, get yourself a therapist who can
be a good wingman for you, because if you get into limerens after one
date or one phone call, oh my goodness, that is too much,
too soon. And that has to do with an anxious attachment style. Is
my bet if I were a bet and woman. Oh, I'm sorry,
it must be painful too. Uh, all right, I'm gonna go to
this one. Uh. Dear doctor Wendy, do you have any advice for
dating someone who is an attic? Oh? Dear, he's going to therapy
twice a week. He's the best guy I've ever met. But in three
months he's had two episodes and relapsed. How can I be there for them?
For him? I love him so much? Uh? Are you an
enabler? He's relapsing in three months twice. I think he needs a wake
up call, which is he loses the important relationships in his life. I
don't know how you've been dating, how long you've been dating, but you
know, when somebody goes into recovery, they tell them not to have relationships
for a period of time because they're too It makes them too vulnerable to relapses.
So I don't want you to feel that you've created the relapse or that
you are responsible for keeping him sober. None of that is your responsibility,
and you shouldn't be his caregiver. You shouldn't be his enabler. I don't
think you should be there for him. I think he should work out his
stuff until he's completely whole, and then he can have a relationship. Dear
doctor, Wendy, I've been talking to this guy for three months. We've
been texting every day, but we haven't met. Whose fault is that.
That's your fault. You need to make sure you get the date on the
table. Don't get into a long term texting relationship. You guys, it's
fake. It's your imagination. It's not real. Okay, let me continue.
She says he's busy at work, and I've been busy with work in
school, but he has not tried to ask me out. Should this be
a deal breaker or should I try harder to make it happen. This is
a deal breaker. If a guy wants to see you, he makes it
happen. What happens is these texting relationships help satiate somebody emotionally, and so
they're getting enough from the text you're already doing it. So no, no,
go out with somebody who says, have aut coffee tomorrow? How about
next week? Oh my god, you're so great. I can't wait to
meet you. Go with somebody who's passionate for you. Ugh, three months
of texting and no date. Don't waste any more of your time. Okay,
I just I went off there, didn't I I don't know. I
just I keep telling people, telling people, but they keep coming back with
the questions. All right, when we come back, remember we were talking
about workplace relationships earlier in the show. It is really important that you have
a best friend, a friend with boundary at work for your own mental health,
for your productivity. I'm going to tell you how to make a best
friend at work or anywhere. When we come back. You are listening to
the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM
six forty. KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
We're in the home stretch at the Doctor Wendy Walls Show talking about friends
and friendship. We cannot survive without social support. We are a many,
one brained species. We think together, we laugh together, we cry together.
Friendship is so important to our mental health. One of the reasons why
we had so many mental health problems during quarantine was because we weren't socializing and
Zoom was a poor substitute. We all know that the thought of doing something
on Zoom right now, I hope you roll your eyes because I do.
I'm like, oh, oh, really, having somebody who knows you and
accepts you. Know. They're different kinds of friends, right. There are
those historic friends, those who knew us when from our childhood. They may
not be involved in our lives today, but when we get together over the
holidays or call every once in a while, our brain is brought back to
where we were and it helps us with our sense of identity. Then we
might have sort of light friendships. I call them the common interest friends,
the friends you know from the gym or whatever club or group you're in.
And they may not be intimate friends, but they're friends and you need them
too. And then there are those wonderful intimate friends, the ones who will
drive you to the airport right the close friends, the ones who will do
favors you, who will always be there for you. It's funny today when
I was at the urgent care for my stupid little foot thing, he said
to he had said, who's your emergency contact? That's usually the question that
stresses out lonely people. Who is your emergency contact? And I want you
to think about it. You should have a couple. Anyway. I fill
out the form and I put my fiance Julio, and he said, oh,
well, our system says you have somebody named Maria, and I said,
yeah, best friend and boyfriend. Keep them both in there. He
goes, that's all you need, best friend and a boyfriend exactly. So.
There's also research about workplace relationships. If you're spending half of your life
in a workplace and feeling lonely there, there's a problem. Did you know
that people who have a best friend at work are seven times more likely to
be engaged in their jobs. And it doesn't even have to be a BFF,
just a good friend where you can support each other in the workplace.
Here's the best part of the research. If you have good workplace relationships,
that's linked to better customer relations and even increased profit. Think about it.
The last time you went up to a counter, whether it was at Best
Buy or an airline counter, and the two employees were making a joke with
each other and then turned and smiled to you and let you in on kind
of the joke, and you felt like you were in a with happy people,
in a happy place. Right. I was checking in at the airport
going home to Canada, at the Air Canada desk, and the guy said
to my daughter, Oh, you're so lucky. You have a Canadian passport
and an American passport. He goes, I do too, but I have
one other Guess where I'm from. And his colleagues were teasing him and goes,
you always do that to people, And he was like, because they
always get it wrong. And he was giving us hints about food, and
you know, finally said, couscous, we went Morocco. But it was
just sort of a fun little You could see there was camaraderie behind that counter,
and he was working to sort of connect with us in some way.
Right. But it's hard for people to make friends, even though we're naturally
social creatures. People worry about where the boundaries are at work, what you
should do to have that close person. So here's my doctor Wendy list of
how to make a friend at work if you're feeling lonely, and actually this
could be used at any place in life. Number one, First of all,
identify somebody and specifically somebody where there's a need for reciprocity, right like
what do you need from others to do a better job for yourself? And
what do others do you think need from you? This is really important because
it's strategic. Making friends in a workplace can be strategic, So you've got
to say what do they need from me? And what do I need from
them. Also, whenever you're forging any new relationship, whether it's in the
line of a Starbucks and you're having comment with a conversation with a stranger,
start small and look for responses. So good relationships start with good people skills.
Make benign comments. Is not the time to talk about policy, tics,
or sex or race or anything else, And no wokism here, Okay,
benine comments, the weather, the temperature of the coffee, the number
of people at work today. See if your target responds. If they respond
by extending the conversation, not just a nod, or a couple a couple
words, but actually, oh yeah, and I noticed it last week,
La la la la. All right, then you're starting to forge a communication.
And when they talk. Number three is practice mindful listening. People like
people who truly listen to what they have to say, talk less, have
more eye contact, and also echo back to them what you think you're hearing.
That's great in any kind of conversation between two people, even especially if
you're having conflict with your spouse or your lover, make sure you say back
what you think you heard, not in a defensive way. Also, even
in the workplace, schedule time to build those relationships come in early, hang
out over the lunch breaks, day a little late. Don't be Russian in
and Russian out right. Maybe, if you're building a little bit of rapport
over workplace stuff, ask a colleague for a quick cup of coffee, or
find a way to walk them to their cars or their bus stop on the
way out right, you might want to take this online and make a positive
comment on their LinkedIn posts, right, because that's all business. Right,
You basically laying groundwork here to have a strong relationship. But I have to
say this, manage your boundaries, make time, but not too much.
Too much of a friendship at work can impair your productivity. All right,
Not only should you manage boundaries about how much time you spend with somebody at
work, but also the topics. Right, this is not a close intimate
friend. Well, Kaylin and I were the exception. Right. We've been
together how many years now, three? And we tell each other literally everything.
Yeah, when we go on commercial break, there's nowhere like sisters.
Yeah yeah, everything is Yeah. That's but that developed over time. Right.
If I did that in the first month of meeting her, she'd be
like, Okay, that's weird. I need a new host. It's a
little too much, right, but over time. The other thing that's really
important in building any relationship is to appreciate people and tell them, give them
genuine compliments when you see them do something well, and be positive. Positivity
is very contagious, and people tend to gravitate not to the whiners and the
complainers, but those who are more positive. And if you can, try
to avoid all that office gossip, although it's kind of fun to bond over
talking about somebody, So a little bit of that, but not too much,
Okay, not too much. I want everybody to have a best friend
in real life and a good, good social support in the workplace so that
you can go to work saying, hey, did you know that just having
a best friend at work makes you have lower absenteeism? Because if you're feeling
like a little sniffle and you have nobody at work who you like, you
don't go in. But if you have a friend who's counting on you,
you're gonna go in anyway. So that's I'm saying it's good for you.
You'll spread those germs all around every won't get it anyway. I love you
all. This brings my show to a close. I am here every Sunday
from seven to nine pm. If you miss any part of the show,
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an hour after we go off air, and you can find it all week
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Wendy Walsh to join that group, and it's wonderful to talk to you every
Sunday. Thanks for being with me. You've been listening to the Doctor Wendy
Walls Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always hear us live
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