M s. Hi, this is Laura Kane after Dark and I'm Laura Kane.
How are you? This is my cost Eric Rammer Aunt. No,
we're not. I'm doing this video for my own We're not on camera right
now. Oh well we are, but we're not. We are, but
we're not. Just look pretty and just shut up and look pretty, okay.
Producer Brian over here. Oh my gosh, I'm getting phone calls.
What's going? Oh my god, you are so popular. We need to
talk about. First off, it's Thursday. Yay, we almost made it
through the weekend. We did. It doesn't feel like it, I know
it, sure doesn't. It been a long week, but it's okay.
We're getting there. And when next week's my birthday, we'll get to that
in a minute and my thoughts on that. And we need to talk about
the party we're having the week after that. It's on the twenty nine,
which is Memorial Day. It's at my house, live from Laura's living room,
in honor of producer Brian one year anniversary. We've decided to make a
big party out of it. We have a presentation. We now have roasts
apparently, which you guys are gonna have to write out, they're better be
good. Oh now we're inviting everyone else to roast as well. No,
I said you guys, I'm not not everybody else. No, no,
no, no no. They just get to listen because it's going to be
fun. And then we have party favors, we have munchies, we have
prizes. It's gonna be so fun. So just rs VP at Laura Kane
after dark dot com. But first, become an Instagram subscriber. We kind
of got to know who you are before you come into my house. You
know what I'm saying. Yeah, so go to Instagram because Laura doesn't just
let anybody into her house. Well, I don't know both, I know
real quick. I don't want anyone to bring me any gifts unless unless they
know Keanu Reeves or or who is Steven Spielberg or Quentin Tarantino he can come
to right. Um. But you guys can do Laura favorites, you know
what. Actually know if if if it's not Laura who brings them, then
she still has to pay me. So if you guys want me to get
paid for next year, bring Keanu Reeves with you. That'd be fun.
Oh my god, I'm gonna get them. I'm gonna get him in here.
I was already formulating the email in my mind when I was upstairs his
email address. I'm gonna get one. You just you watch you know what
you under usk that I will. I will so manage. I will manifest
that shit out of this. I am going to do it. I've just
put me to a task. You challenge me. I'll do it. Well,
one task, good time. We gotta find you a right first.
Oh my god, on god, I talked to an agent today. I
have to tell you about that too. You did? Yeah? How was
that Keeves? Agent? No, I don't think so. Um. Look
then wait, let me finish talking about the party. First. It's all
Memorial Day. Don't worry about it. It's not till six thirty at night.
So you can do your beach thing or pool thing or whatever you're gonna
do. And Keanu Reeves might be there. We don't know you don't you
never you know? Just show up. Never. No, So go to
Instagram and subscribe. It's only four ninety nine a month, and only four
ninety you get you get the opportunity to come to our parties and stuff your
Instagram. Please some good stuff coming up. Oh my god, August is
going to be off thing hinge it really because that'll be four years. We've
been doing this podcast four years. We have a four year old child,
we do. We have a four year old child we do? Oh my
god. Yeah, and a twenty two year old son and a twenty four
year old child and a twenty two year old child. Yeah. Wow,
we've been busy our podcast. Our podcast is four I'm the four year old
child, I believe. So anyway do that urspup Laurikan after dark dot com.
Now, let before we get into the things that I'm going to talk
about, like my birthday and this agent thing, let's talk about Jay Wartzler.
First. Let's talk about Jay. I talked to my friend who saw
him this week, and she's like, what a great person. I'm like,
I know, that's what we've been telling you. He's a money manager
and he wants to help. He wants to help you make your money work
for you. She my friend got an inheritance and I like, before you
do one thing, before you buy one thing, please please called Jay.
And she did. She's like, thank you, this is the greatest call
I've ever made. I'm like, I'm so glad. So his number in
case you already know you want to call him eight five eight five five two
six nine six zero. And then Jay sent me something to talk about tonight.
Yes, the IRS says nearly one point five million people have unclaimed tax
refunds from the twenty nineteen text here the total almost one point five billion.
That is billion with a B. If you're one of those people, you
have a little over two months to file your twenty nineteen tax return to claim
your refund. You generally have three years to file your tax return to get
your refund. Do not to lay who would not get want to get their
refund? No, well it's definitely not mine because I had the Pallas.
Fine, well mister I moved into another tax bracket. Yes, well you
know we played pay big around here. I know we do. Yeah,
we do. I mean, oh yeah Catapult. Yeah, you know.
If you want to reach out to j via email, yes you can do
that and he will you know if you have a simple question. Yeah,
you just want to say hi, It's jayw at Capital Growthing dot com.
And for those of you that enjoy the Worldwide Web, I do love the
Internet. See thank you Brian, I will. He has a website www
dot Capitol growthing dot com. Good website, dumb human, great website.
Did you say did you call me a dumb human? I didn't mean it.
Then I didn't mean it. Did you listen to my voicemail message out?
No, not yet, recording whole week late. I'm savoring it,
you know what. Just don't listen to it, and listen to it next
Mother's Day. Okay, you ain't giving me another phone call after this?
Huh. Also for legal reasons, I do pay all my taxes. Yes,
you are an upstanding citizen. I am too. I actually do pay
my taxies every year, yes or not? I know you would think out
of three of us. I didn't think you were a taxi void, I
know, but out of the three of us, who would be me?
Probably you're responsible. You're super responsible. I try to be responsible. What
I said, I'm only responsible. He's super responsible. Well, because I've
known him longer than you, like, I know he's super responsible. I
know you're responsible, but I've only known you a year. So, oh,
you don't get the super yet you I will give you the super um.
Okay. So that's Jay Wertzler one more time with the phone number eight
five eight five five two six nine six zero and what now, Oh my
gosh, so exciting speaking of yummy. Oh my gosh. I hope we're
not doing this popcorns whatever you guys do know we're not doing the popcorn thing.
I don't know why. Why it's out. When I say a word,
then you say a word, then I say a word. Oh no,
we're not doing that. A lot restaurants here we go, are new
sponsor. We'd like to welcome to the podcast Alotte Restaurant. Oh my goodness.
Locations. The first one is the Full restaurant and it's located in Escondido.
It is seventeen sixty East Valley Parkway and is located in the Valley Plaza.
And the other one is in Old Town. It's in a food court
on Congress and they serve a lotus the corner, which is so dang goodese.
Oh forget about it. Stuff potatoes, potatoes, It's so fun.
On Instagram find them at Alotte Restaurant. I am hungry already, every little
bit, are you? Yes? Delicious? Every dollar okay? And right
now, if you say, if you go to Alotte either one and you
say Lauracane after Dark sent me, You'll get fifty percent off your drink order
whatever it is that you order. What if they waltz in and say Eric
Grammar sent me, you get kicked out. But that doesn't count. But
if you walk in and you say producer Brian sent me, you get a
chance to meet Keanu Reeves. Oh my god, stop blowing this thing up
and stop drawing penises on my my paper that I need. You don't have
any penises I found going through these old splits of paper I have on the
desk. You are a child. I thought you were to start talking about
the little shoe box at the top of the closer. I know, there's
Why would you think that that was a penis because that's clearly ahead. What
is it? Now? What else would it be? A rocket ship?
No? What are you drawing? It was a No, he's drawing testicular
cancer. No, now he's now he's making it into something else. He
was drawing a dick, now he's not. Now It's like you, it's
not even anything. I hope this isn't a self portrait. It looks it
is not. Now it's a little man, oh, look a splinter.
It looks like some weird like symbol. Now it's a weird symbol. Stop
drawing. Yes, dear god, she's so what she really is? I
don't know. I don't know. Um, okay, so my birthday is
coming up? Is my host chat? I guess? Anyways, Eric,
what's yours chet coming up next? Wednesday? Sixty? Shut up? I'm
not but I feel like I don't want to even say it. It's like,
but your age, Yeah, I hate it? Well, you know
how old I am? Right, don't No, that's delicious double nickels sixty.
You can go right on ahead and shove that up your ass. That
is so messed up. You are a ridiculous You are ridiculous. So I
mean, what are you gonna do? You can't stop time? What do
you do? Hid your age? I don't know. You know, you
get like as a woman, especially, you get discriminated against the older.
You get in certain industries like mine. I think, yeah, but no
one sees your face in your industry. But but kind of they do.
Like these days, it's not like radio in the old days. It's like,
yeah, radio is also like very well, that doesn't matter. It's
just I don't know, but I'm going to try to embrace it and not
even care. I'm just gonna like be like, I am a woman.
Hear me, roar your head. I could ski on it thanks to just
a part of her age. Yeah, my flathead. You're with no ring
coles. Oh that's from botox. Yeah that's but that's okay. But I
found this story at what age do we think we're old? What do you
think that is? What age is that when you're like, oh my god,
I'm old, I'd say above fifty five? No, well, I
disagree with whoever you well, uh I will What do you think? What
do you think? What age do you think people go, oh my god,
I am old. It depends on how like when they stop feeling young?
Do you stop feeling young? I'd say probably different, that's different.
Thirty five, I'd say probably forty five while you're closest. According to a
recent global study, Americans generally stop feeling young when they are forty three years
old, but they don't start feeling old until they turn fifty two. You
see, look at Paul Red, for example. That man is fifty mid
fifties, and he still looks younger. Than he does. He's awesome.
It looks amazing. Tom Cruisal looks great for being sixty. Tom Cruise is
and he doesn't look like he looks like forty three. He is. Whatever
he's doing is incredible Scientology. Where does he live? He does? Is
he? I wonder what his house looks like. He makes me want to
join SCIENTI probably looks like a spaceship. Say that he is a great case
study as to why joint he kind of? He really is. Nobody should
join unless you want, Like Tom Cruise, we'll watch that Lisa Remedy thing.
Remember that she was on a she was a former No, she was
a former she's a sitcom star and she was a former scientologist and she came
out with this documentary about how horrible it is and stuff. It's called Scientology
the Aftermath, saying how horrible can it be when you can be sixty and
look like you're forty, well right, and be jumping out of the airplanes.
But this is good news. I just read this researchers from you see
San Diego. Whoo whoop, that's relatively closed, right, Yes, they
have figured out how to stop aging. Oh my god, I need that.
Okay, all right, we think, we think, would you want
to live to be one hundred and eighty? No, no, you don't
even if What if you look like this but you were one hundred and twenty,
would you want to still be alive? Yeah? Sure, okay,
I either want to be would I would I be fraught with health problems?
No? Yeah, myself? Oh okay. They want to be immortal or
diet like eighty ninety or something. Yeah, or immortal like a vampire,
like just like outside of time, just like Laura, who you and I?
Since we're going to be living together and sharing a bed with the big
TV, we yeah, we could be one hundred because can you imagine the
shows that are going to be out more like one hundred years, we'll be
able to like be in them. Oh yeah, that'd be like avatars in
a show. Oh big time. All right, let's let it be okay,
so this story, I'll read you the rest of the story. So
they figured out a way to slow down the aging process. They tried it
on yeast cells and it was eighty two percent They lived eighty two percent longer.
So it's not been tried on humans yet, but they say it's super
promising because the yeast cells stopped aging you. Okay, let me let me
ask you this. If they decided to have volunteers for people to do it,
would you do it? Yes, I knew it. Let's say it
can make you young until the day you die, like ninety five, I
looked like this at ninety five. No, you'll look like you did when
you were twenty two at ninety five. But you gotta give up your right
hand, your left hand. You gotta give up your left hand, your
non dominant hand. There's something to be said about just growing old and dying
like regular my hand, my hand. Yeah. Anyway, so that's kind
of promising. How would you pick up your you know, macromad dildo or
whatever that thing is that you got the other day. It's a bottle and
it's not a dildo, and it's not it's not it's not a dildo.
It's just the bottle is just a holder for the butt plug top. That's
ridiculous. Oh my god. And uh I found out this really weird factoid.
What's that weird factoid? Well, I don't know if this applies to
you. Bright. Do you like Brussels sprouts? Oh? No, I
hate russell sprouts. I like Brussels sprouts. Wait, yeah, no,
no, my like, I just dislike them. Well, I remember as
a kid I hated them. They taste it terrible. They still taste terrible,
but but now I love them. They do stink, but I love
the stink. Apparently there's a reason why we now like Brussels sprout most of
us. Apparently, back in the nineties, a Dutch scientist figured out a
way to make the Brussels sprout less bitter and so he like, I don't
know, he did a terrible job. No, it's good he did a
good job. Because now people, Brussels sprouts are everywhere us, on every
menu at every restaurant. Brainwashing. So lots of Brussels sprouts that don't taste
horrible is all because of a dutch Man. Thank you. Good for thank
you. That's a little fact. I'm still going to pass now. Look,
I've been thinking about your stupid couch for the whole week. What is
going on with the couch? Does he have the rest of the couch?
Did he go to Jerome's? He is everything settled? What's happening? Wait
real quick, before you start talking trash about Jeromes. I just want to
point out that today on the news I saw ad for Jerome's, so the
people were messing with you have real money. So before you called down on
it, I don't know, but before you called how scorched Dearth, I
just wanted Jeromes that though I am not part of this, oh for advertising
reasons, yes, I know, we'll never get an advertisement out of this
Rimmor. Well, it's okay. We've got other places a proud sponsor of
Ricine after Dark, excluding Eric Rimmer, and I would never even ask.
That's fine more for me. So what happened do you? Okay, let
me ask you this. Yes, do you have a couch? I have
half a couch? Still? Okay? Yes, all right? Um?
What happened? So? Uh on? I so a week Thursday? Yes,
last Thursday, I m got I'd filed a claim. Oh I know
what happened. I was expecting a call on Monday or Tuesday. It never
came from the salesperson or whatever. Yes, from Jerome's. And so then
daddy got mad. What did daddy do? Daddy filed a claim with a
better spirit d dude. Oh okay, yeah, that's a little creepy,
but he is your daddy. No, he's your daddy, my dad,
your dad dad. But okay, okay, okay, so my dad,
okay, your daddy dad claim Dad filed to claim with the Better Business I
roll Kane, She's ruined the story, Laura. Anyway, Well this so
Dad file to claim with a Better Business Bureau. My arm PIDs are starting
to sweat. Now you know how I feel. You are erupting again?
Continue please so I know I can't control her. Um So I also yelped.
I made a complaint on Google. I made a complaint on their own
website, on their reviews. I I went to every single site where I
could complain about Jerome's. Eric. Wow. So on Thursday, not mess
with this man. The Better Business Bureau sends me an email saying Jerome's has
responded to your complaint. Oh so now they get to do that they can.
Yes, So all I wanted was, oh, and I filed a
dispute with my credit card company and to cease and desist, pretty much to
say I'm not paying for any of this because because I had to pay for
the couch in full and then I got half a couch. So not only
is it bad faith misrepresentation like they've you know, and they've offered no solution
except that, well, we'll have it made and then you'll get it when
you get it. You got a real runaround. Yeah, so I wasn't
happy. So then I get this and within the first paragraph my steam was
coming out of my ears because it was a bold face lie. Oh so
what they did when the couch half the couch came. The girl that I
was talking to, Christina, said oh, well, we'll give you twenty
percent of the couch. We'll refund it. And it was a certain amount
and I got less than that, so it wasn't even twenty percent, and
that was it. And then we'll we'll have the piece made that I had
already paid for. Now that's very key because I had already paid in full
for the couch. So this was their response, and they spelt my name
wrong, by the way, with a sea. Dear Eric, I am
very sorry for the inconvenience that was caused due to the issue with the initial
entry of the special or or into our system. I understand your frustration with
the issue, and I am so sorry that this was not done correctly.
We have refunded the delivery fee that was on the order and the chase was
ordered for you at no charge due to the inconvenience caused by that issue.
So that's two lies right there. Okay, because you already paid for it,
right, I've already paid for it, and they didn't refunded delivery fee
at all. Okay, Wait, but I mean I could take a couple
of days for deliver fee to get processed, right, right, refunded?
So but I had already paid for it. I've everything's been paid for.
So as this is the case, we are not able to offer any more
concession that then has already been offered. Well, that didn't fly. You
can call our customer service department at blah blah blah blah blah, which is
our corporate office, which is a bowl faced lie because they told me that
there is no corporate office. I have requested a callback from management for you,
so you will receive a call within seventy two hours from them regarding this
order. Thank you for your patience, and again, I am very sorry
for the inconvenience. Blah blah blah. Within minutes of getting this, I
get a call from a woman named Debbie and she is leaving for the day.
I was still at work. She's leaving for the day, and she
said, I'll send you an email. Guess what Debbie's title is? Manager?
No? What she is an assistant manager for tech Support. What kind
of waggado say? The reason I haven't called you back is because I don't
want to talk to you, Like, why would you even waste your time
having somebody that's tech support? A right that makes no sense? Coming back
doesn't make any sense. So I was hot. Oh that this was on
Wednesday. Okay, so Thursday morning? Oh god, because he works Wednesday.
He works, so he couldn't do anything on Wednesday, right, So
first thing in the morning on his day off, I went and got adjustment
by my lovely Flow okay, and then I changed from shorts to jeans and
marched my happy little ass right down to Jerome's. If I saw if I
saw Eric marching into my store, I'd probably assume he was like going post
Oh for sure, his march is meaningful. So no, So I walked
in very calm, walked to the back. They're having their big sale right
now, and I said there was a guy available one. I said,
I'd like to speak to a manager, and he said, well, I'm
a manager. And I said, are you a manager or are you a
manager? Oh my god? And he said, well, because apparently other
than Christina there was yeah. She told him there were no managers. Yeah,
no managers. She was at I find out she's like the office pencil
pusher. Oh so then just a line of red as all I see.
So I took out my phone and I said, so, I need to
talk to you about an order that I'm struggling with. Okay, give me
your phone number, blah blah blah, we'll look at the order. Okay,
what's wrong with it? This is what's sitting in my living room.
Oh okay, well I'm gonna I said, oh no, no, no,
no, there's already been research done on it. This is this is
what I want, And what do you want? What did you want?
I said, I wanted this certain amount of money back. And I said,
now, in addition to waiting five months for my couch, I have
to wait now an additional three to four for the chase. For the chase,
so I said, I literally have a couch that I can sit on
one cushion. So August, yeah, okay, and it's it's super wishy
washy, it's like, okay, be anywhere from mid July to end of
July. I said no, no, no, So he says, I'll
call you back. Okay. So he calls me back. Wait did you
go though? Was this on the phone? I thought you? I went
down there. So we were manoemano, we were just faced. Why was
he calling me back because he had to get approval further? Oh okay,
and I said, apparently, according to Christina, nothing else can be done
like this little pittance that she offered me. Is it like that's it?
Um? So he calls me back and he says, okay, well we
can give you this um. I said, well, when's the rest of
it? Could be here? Well it could be I said, mhmm,
nope. I said this needs to be fast tracked. Yeah, I said,
I want to be copied on the correspondence and I want that here.
I said, how is this so hard? It's an ottoman and a cushion,
Like, give me a hammer and some nails and some fabric and I'll
fucking do it myself. Like how hard is this? Like grows something?
And I was like, oh my god. So it's we'll see. Did
you get some money are you satisfied with the result, Not yet, because
you haven't received your money or did you receive any kind of refund. I
received a refund, and then if it's not here by the date that he
promised, ah, then I get all the rest of it back. I
see, Oh good you made that. You made that bet. Yeah,
so we're making too much of a problem. One day Jerome is gonna come
to your house and that's gonna be the end of you killed by Jerome.
So you know what, Squeaky Wheel gets the grease, Like if somebody tells
you sorry, nothing I can do. There's always somebody higher okay that you
know? Good, lesson and don't chop at drums. Hey, hey,
hey, I love hell. Last episode it was a mess Eric's message to
the Karen's, and then this episode is the Karen I was super super nice.
He called me after this. I'm like, were you did you make
a scene where were people like looking at you and stuff? And he said
that he was and he said he was talking in a calm. Yeah,
I was super calm to create a bet. I bet his calm voice is
like listen here, fuck this shit, okay. I was I was not
going to do that because I thought, I'm not going to be that guy
that's yelling and screaming and swearing and like that chick on the video, I'm
not going to do that. But um, we'll see that doesn't get you
anywhere. But no, it doesn't. Yeah, when you're oh my god,
they're like, sure, we'll do it. To be continued, Yeah
all right, Well, I'm sorry that it's not completely I'm sorry you don't
have your couch. That sucks you ordered it along. But I did get
some amazing nightstands. I got a really cool ye wait till you had a
nightstand night stands, I have one nice. You are not going to believe
where I got these ross no oh goods. Yes, the one in Salona
Beach. I love that home. I go to the one in Sports Arena
while it's there's there's a Homegod, what do you mean area? Yeah,
well it's still open. Is closing? Well I thought all of them were
closing. I thought they were going out of business. I mean bed,
bath and beyond, no home gooods. What do you mean for real bankruptcy?
Baby? No way, no way does not mean going, I know,
but I think they're going. They're closing all stores. They Homegoods please
research this. Oh my obviously I'm about ready to ship my answer. Are
not good. There's nothing in the news about them going. Yes. No,
there's not googling it. There's nothing, no Google Homegoods. I am
out of business. Brian hurry, Oh my god, I will die.
Look at those nights. No, there's literally there's nothing. There's new stores.
There's new home good stores opening. Yeah. Well, I'm happy to
hear that because I God, look at my new mats. Look at it?
You they like those? Did you get those at home? Gadso did
When I'm gonna I'm gonna take my phone off and I'm going to figure it
out and look at this lamp. I did not just show the lamp.
That's cool, isn't that lamp? Yeah? You can't really tell, but
I mean it's not the greatest picture of it. No, it's not.
It's cool. All right. You guys are gonna play the confession game again,
okay Jesus, Yes, So the way it goes, we each take
a turn, You roll the dice, and whatever little category it lands on,
you pick a card and you have to answer what the card says.
All right, it's the confession game. Would you like to go first?
Sure? All right, No, there's no ladies here. Okay, this
is what is that sunshine? Question mark? No, oh, question mark.
You can pick any one sex, So pick sex. Yeah, we
always have to pick sex. Who was the most unlikely or unusual person you've
masturbated too? Oh my god, Kelly Clarkson, Oh my god. Um,
I don't even think I want to know the end. I don't know
if I do either. Do you let me ask you this? Have you
ever done it to a celebrity? No? Okay, yeah, I yeah?
Do you do that? Okay? No, I don't know. Brian,
you go. Yeah. We don't want to family? Okay, which
one is family? Right? There is one? Okay, some one ended
to me. Okay. When you look at a picture of your mom or
dad aged twenty, do you find them a bit tree? Um? Yeah,
I think of Lae. Both my parents were attractive in their twenties.
My dad was hot, he was so good looking, and my mom had
a waist that was like this big around. She had this giant bouffant of
red hair. She was fantastically hot as well is beautiful she is. She
is still very beautiful. All right, now I'll go and I picked family
too. Okay, here we go. Are boring? You never know what
do you wish you could ideally tell your mother, Oh, that's a good
one. Does your mom watch the podcast? Um, she really doesn't know
how and we tried, but it's not it's not happening. Well, it
means you can say whatever you want them. Well, all I wanted to
say is like, I want to tell her that she's my everything. There's
nothing bad. I want to tell her. Um, that's good. That's
what a mom would love to hear. I guess I could say. I
think I hope she doesn't think that. Sometimes I think that maybe I failed
her. No way because of my all my failures. Oh my god,
a failure. Failures are what makeup person? Your mom divorce? Like,
she was married with my dad until he passed. Yeah, but she was
also from a different time, true, so you know when your dad passed
early and so, um, you know, everybody, even your mom,
had failures. I'm sure if you talked to her, she'd be like,
oh, yeah, I failed at this and I failed at that. She
didn't though she never had a drug problem. She wasn't an alcoholic. She
she was a great mom. She stayed at home and raised us. She
did nothing. Ever, you you having that passed, that wasn't a failure,
It was just a It made you the person that you are today.
It wasn't a failure. You weren't a failure. If you were a failure
at it, you would be in rehab. Now good point. I mean
I think, Yeah, to be brutally honest, I do think those are
in some level failures, But I don't think those are defining of you.
I mean, they're for sure failures you overcame. But also it's a misstep.
I just not all failures are public, and yours may have been,
But doesn't mean that everyone else's failure is a public So I mean, I
mean because they don't seem like they failed outwardly does not mean that they did
not have their own problems. Anybody that would say that, Um, I
mean, look at you have two kids that are perfect. Um, you
have friends, you have family, Like if it were a failure, I
think your life would be totally different. Jail I might always still love me
if I'm in jail too. Oh, sure's there's nothing if I murdered somebody
she would still love me totally. There's nothing I can do that she won't
let me know. So see. Also, there's nothing wrong with failing,
it's just failing to get back up from it. Yeah, and you got
back up from it, so it wasn't a failure. It's getting harder and
harder to get back up. Let me tell you. I'm tired, all
right, go all right? Thank you? Though a career, which one
is that? That? This one? This one? This one? How
much? How much money would you do porn for? Oh? Oh not
my career question? Not much? What have you failed to achieve? More
failures? Um, I don't think I've failed to achieve anything yet. Is
there anything that you wanted to achieve that you just haven't yet? Yeah?
I haven't won the Academy Award. Oh well, you're realistic. What do
you want to achieve, like in five years? Is there anything that you
want to even five years if? Is there anything in your life that you
thought you would that you previously had a goal that just had not come to
Yeah, I've always wanted to be in film and television. Oh yeah,
yeah, you're a kind of in television, right I am here? I
mean, like I haven't. I haven't. Really, you're not after you're
yourself. Yeah, yeah, you're on Brian's Tvaki, Yeah, exactly on
my big screen. That's all that mattered. Family, Brian, you and
your family card again, what do you wish you could ideally tell your father?
Oh? God, be honest, don't cry. Oh my god,
Brian crying. I'll don't think I'll live to see the day. What's up?
How's it going? Um? Okay, there that I cannot say on
air, and not because I'm embarrassed, because it's just not my place to
say. But um, okay, okay, I'm getting nervous. I'm getting
nervous. Yeah, don't, You're fine. It's not every it's something to
embarrassed you either. It's just like no, but I that's not divulge families.
Okay, Oh what's the oh money? Oh is that money? Yeah?
He's like this? Yes, okay, Um, would you cut your
partner a bit more slack if they earned a bit more? Yes, if
I had a partner. If I had a partner, because I'll tell you,
when I was married for almost no, for the entire entirety of my
marriage, I was the breadwinner. I mean yeah, although you, and
I feel like part of me treated him like that. I don't know if
I resented it or if I felt subconsciously I felt a certain way. I
mean it's pretty common for I mean not to be yeah sexist or anything,
but typically women like want men to be the breadwinners too. Yeah, I
mean it's like biological. I think so, yeah, I do believe that.
I do believe that. Do you, yes, Mike, Okay,
go one more round? Relationships? Do do? Do? Describe the temperament
of your ideal partner? Um? Calm, kind, boring, no boring,
um, spicy, sure, I would as honest um or temperament,
Well, that's not I mean calm, Yeah, someone to calm you down
when you march into that Jerome's needy. Can you imagine what? Oh sex?
Can I read this to you? Yes? Oh, thank god in
me? Would you in general prefer to punish or be punished? That's not
that bad um from some of the dms, she gets. My God,
I think I actually think I like to be punished. Yeah, I figured
that, did you? Yeah? That's pretty common, Like that's a very
like you don't see how I feel like I could be a dominatrix I think
she could be, but then I think she needs to be a bad girl.
Most most women typically like enjoy the submissive roles and male female relationships.
Like that's pretty common. Not that there are the exceptions, but like even
dominant women typically like special relationships like the submissive role. How do you know
all this information about everything? I studied psychology for a while. Oh wow,
our kid is smart smart? Oh here, let me read it.
Let me read it. No, I need to screen it first. Oh
no, what part of your body? Oh? Do you worry might put
a lover off? O body? Not secure about um? I'm like being
truly honest, nothing like I'm not insecure about my body. You can walk
around naked in front of your partner and there's not one thing that you think
about about your body that is not at all. I'm also a guy,
No, but buys, No, you'd be surprised like some guys that would
have a baby extra little tummy role or something eric like. Answer this question
as well. Just help me out here? Are you would you be insecure
to walk around naked around your partner? No? Yeah, what would be?
Yes? Why? Because I don't like my stomach licks? I don't
I don't I feel like I'm not cute? I never that's a good point.
Eric, Yeah, he is a bad example another guy. No,
I agree, men just like that's also a man like a men versus women
thing. We just generally like around like around random strangers. Yeah, around
my friends, you and yeah, but like my partner, No, I
don't care. Okay, that's that's very secure with them that I have much
bigger things to worry about than what they think about some of my audit insecurities.
Well, that's mature way of looking at a relationship. That's right.
I know that's more of a man. Now we're gonna do this. We're
gonna end. We're each going to do a sex question. Okaye, know
we're done. I know we have to do it again. Okay, So
we're not rolling, we're just taking. Just like you're gonna pick a question.
You go first, All right, In what way do you think you
might be described as bad in bed by an uncharitable person? I've never had
any complaints. Well, if somebody were to complain, possibly, what would
they complain about? Um? Your attention span? Premature, no dysfunction?
No? Um, thank god that wasn't my question. Oh my God,
I don't know answer. That's that's a hard one unless you've actually had a
complaint. Yeah, because I've never had anybody complaint. I had a complaint
one. What was your I've got a blowjob? Yeah, you gave a
bad blowjob to do it, That's what he said. I can't help the
way my mouth was built, and that destroyed me. You know what,
That totally one affected me to this day. I don't want to ever do
it. I get scared. I'm nervous. I'm very nervous to ask Brian
this question. Ask Brian the question, Brian. Wait, No, Laura
goes next next, Thank god? What do you want more of in your
sex life? But have difficulty asking for what is? Oh? I know
what that is? Sex? Um? Although I do enjoy that, UM,
I feel like, No, I don't like that. I don't that
doesn't it hurts me that that hurts. I've done it twice and I don't
like it. A long time ago, A long long time ago. I
know. Sorry, he our son should listening to this. I just talked
about this kind of stuff. Um, you like it when a good kisser
no one uses anymore. I haven't had I'm not trying to diss anybody.
But I haven't really had a good god kisser in a while. A good
kisser, great, Okay, what's a good kisser then, in your opinion,
somebody that doesn't lick the side of your face. Somebody does use too
much tongue, A little bit of nibble, A little bit of nibble,
a little bit of tongue in and out. Then, so I'm not a
little lip sucking, just nice and a rhythm, you know. Brian's question,
Oh boy, I'm sorry, a random one. Oh no, this
is good, this is too good. I don't know even know what it
is. Generally, how many times a week do you masturbate? Next question?
I have family to listen to the show. I'm not answering that,
okay, trying What do you want more in your sex life? Oh wait,
that's yours. I'll answer that off air. If you're um, what
do you find erotic in the workplace? Oh? My god, we are
all that bottle over there? How about that? Christ Um, I don't
even know what that means. I don't even know what that means. One
more is your last question. You have to answer it. And the problem
with infidelity that it hurts the other person. Oh, is the problem with
infidelity that it hurts the other person? Or is it bad in itself?
Um? I would say both. On a philosophical level, I think that,
um, committing to someone and then promptly breaking that commitment is bad form.
And you know is I think I think on it like, Yeah,
on an ethical level, there is you know, you you are breaking a
both legal and moral contract another person. That's pretty it's pretty you know,
messed up. Um. But yeah, also the I would say, the
impact as another person just only reinforces the idea that's bad in itself that when
it can have that impact. But yeah, I mean primarily yeah, the
fact you're screwing over someone else, Um, it's probably pretty bad. And
you know, I guess there are our situations where if you know, people
are I guess, what's the term polyamorous, and you wouldn't consider it morally
wrong. We would just kind of go, that's kind of weird. But
I guess if it's not hurting anybody, UM, I would still say,
I don't know, it's weird to me, but it's definitely it's definitely I
didn't feel like wrong regard regardless, I wouldn't recommend anything. So smart,
that was a good answer. It was a good, good game, guys.
I don't recommend polyamory either. Why oh um, Typically people with higher
body counts um and less. I would say intimacy typically have much worse marriages.
Higher body counts, meaning like more sex partners. Yeah inside, I
mean even before marriage and post marriage. Um, you know, in rare
circumstances like that, typically more so for women because for women, you know,
sex is a very intimate bonding thing, less and so than it is
for men. But the more partners you have before marriage, the higher likelihood
yourriage will fail. Is dude, I didn't know that. Yeah, I
mean it's true for men and women. It happens faster or has a lower
threshold for women because they have such intense bonding the sex we do, oh
we do. Um. Okay, before we leave, I have to read
you, guys this story because it is hilarious. Long. No, that's
very short. Okay. So I saw this on like Google News and it
was hilarious. So um, family of vegans live next door to a guy
that liked to cook meat. So they left this note on his front door,
and it has taken over the internet. And the responses are hilarious.
I'm not going to read all there. So this is the letter that this
meat eater found on his door. Hello neighbor, could you please shut your
side window when cooking? Please? My family are vegan. We eat only
plant based foods, and the smell of the meat you cook makes us feel
sick and upset. We would appreciate your understanding. Thanks. Oh well,
they're being honest. Yeah, what are you gonna do? Just shut your
window? Problem exactly. And that's that's what a lot of people are saying.
Nobody's on their side. Nobody is on their side. Yeah, I'm
sorry to go away healthy. I mean, I love k drones vegans now
is intensely unhealthy for you? Oh my god, Well, I I think
that you do need some sort of protein, you know. Um, yeah,
you can't have like animal based products. That's insane. You can't live
like there's not nearly enough nutrients and a plant based products and vegetarian's fine,
but I don't want to open this box. And the box we should have
a one. We should have once a month, a controversial session where we
sat all everything off our chest. Oh yeah, turkey fish and chickens should
we have like a oh we should. Oh I was gonna do that this
week my outfit of the month, but which I haven't done. Um,
but that's a good that's a good one, like bring up veganism and then
we all, oh yeah, we'll call yeah, go at it. We're
one one episode of month. We only we bring up one controversial point.
We just talked about the entire episode. Okay, I like it. I
like it. That's gonna we'll figure okay. Um. I also have to
tell you what mark your calendars. September twenty second, this better be good
of this year. My song Oh no, it's bad. Kylie Minogue,
Yeah, we're done with doud No is releasing her new album Tension. I
cannot wait. What do you mean? Nobody key and I'm sure you don't
know who that is? Kylie Mino, never mind, can't get you out
of mind. Don't worry about it. Isn't it from like the nineties?
Yeah? Yeah, down, I am done with both of you. I
am done. Weren't you like sixteen to nineties? What? Oh my gosh,
this is getting out of control. Remember it's RSVP for our big party
on the twenty nine to celebrate let you both have it anyway. Laura Kane
after dark dot Com Okay, RSVP, we want to see you here.
Have you super fun? Love your podcast. I'm not gonna say I love
your podcast. Thank you Capital Growth and Alote Restaurants for responsoring. I said
twice, so we're good. Okay, you already said, oh right,
love you mis babies, but four