WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:06.160 You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Welcome to the Doctor Wendy 2 00:00:06.200 --> 00:00:11.119 Walls Show. I'm KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 3 00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:17.679 It is New Year's Eve. Can you believe in a few hours, twenty 4 00:00:17.879 --> 00:00:21.519 twenty four is going to be here? Now? Many of you may be 5 00:00:21.559 --> 00:00:25.239 listening to this on the iHeartRadio app in the days following, but some of 6 00:00:25.280 --> 00:00:29.559 you might be cozying in on New Year's Eve. I used to hold it 7 00:00:29.600 --> 00:00:32.719 was really when my kids, when my nest was getting half empty and one 8 00:00:32.759 --> 00:00:35.520 was away at college and she'd come home and want to see your college reads. 9 00:00:35.679 --> 00:00:40.159 So I hosted a number of very large New Year's Eve parties which were 10 00:00:40.240 --> 00:00:45.880 a bash. But now I like to be chill. I like to stay 11 00:00:45.880 --> 00:00:51.640 in, have a love maybe bubbly glass of bubbly, and make some roast 12 00:00:51.640 --> 00:00:56.719 beef and watch it all on TV. The best thing about and of course 13 00:00:56.799 --> 00:00:59.520 I can't do it tonight, well we might make it if I drive really 14 00:00:59.560 --> 00:01:04.519 fast, is that you could have the ball drop in Times Square at nine 15 00:01:04.599 --> 00:01:08.680 pm in La if you find the right channel in the right place so that 16 00:01:08.760 --> 00:01:14.159 you can all go to bed early, which is nice because staying up until 17 00:01:14.200 --> 00:01:17.879 the last ball rolls is you know, as you get older, you don't 18 00:01:17.879 --> 00:01:19.480 need all that, right, young people love it. They run out. 19 00:01:19.840 --> 00:01:23.599 If I had to figure out the best New Year's Eve I ever spent in 20 00:01:23.599 --> 00:01:26.799 my life, I was a young woman. I was like twenty or twenty 21 00:01:26.840 --> 00:01:29.959 one, and we were in Ottawa, Canada, where we lived, and 22 00:01:30.000 --> 00:01:34.359 I had a boyfriend, and my best friend and her boyfriend from Florida came 23 00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:42.159 up and we skated out on the Ottawa River that was completely frozen, and 24 00:01:42.200 --> 00:01:47.439 it was a heavy, bright, bright, bright full moon, and we 25 00:01:47.519 --> 00:01:52.280 popped a bottle of champagne out on the ice right at midnight, and it 26 00:01:52.319 --> 00:02:00.239 was nothing but silence, nature, white, frozen winter wonderland and the wind 27 00:02:00.319 --> 00:02:06.120 whistling and just the pop of that champagne. And it was really really fun 28 00:02:06.159 --> 00:02:09.520 New Year's But you know, now I've got my Julio, We're just gonna 29 00:02:09.520 --> 00:02:14.319 cuddle in CAYLB. What's your favorite New Year's Eve? Are you a big 30 00:02:14.360 --> 00:02:16.280 party person? Uh? No? I went out one time and I was 31 00:02:16.319 --> 00:02:20.680 like, never again. It's amateur hour. People just want to be drunk 32 00:02:20.719 --> 00:02:23.199 and act the fool. So it feels a little like forced happiness, doesn't 33 00:02:23.240 --> 00:02:25.719 it? Yeah? Or people just use it as an excuse to just, 34 00:02:25.840 --> 00:02:30.520 I don't know, release all their anger or I don't know, energy of 35 00:02:30.520 --> 00:02:31.719 the year. I just it's not for me. Me, Well, it's 36 00:02:31.719 --> 00:02:36.360 an arbitrary day, right, like who invented the calendar and the other places 37 00:02:36.360 --> 00:02:39.199 that have different calendars, right if they not actually be twenty twenty four tomorrow. 38 00:02:39.319 --> 00:02:44.919 I don't know. So I definitely just beend it. With my family, 39 00:02:45.039 --> 00:02:49.560 we drink, eat, count down when the ball drops and then scream 40 00:02:49.599 --> 00:02:53.800 Happy New Year. And do you do New Year's resolutions every year? I 41 00:02:53.800 --> 00:02:55.240 don't like that. I don't really like the pressure, and then I don't 42 00:02:55.280 --> 00:02:59.199 like to feel like I failed when I don't do it. So I may 43 00:02:59.400 --> 00:03:02.639 mentally I'm not gone, but it's not something I do. Well. If 44 00:03:02.680 --> 00:03:07.960 you hang in there with me, I will tell you that. Later in 45 00:03:07.000 --> 00:03:12.680 the show, I'm going to talk about the actual according to science, according 46 00:03:12.680 --> 00:03:16.120 to research studies, ways that you can make a New Year's resolution list that 47 00:03:16.159 --> 00:03:22.520 will actually work and you can stick to your resolutions. Have you thought if 48 00:03:22.520 --> 00:03:24.960 you were going to pick one this year, what it might be. Live 49 00:03:25.479 --> 00:03:30.400 the best life for me? Be happy and don't shrink myself for anyone. 50 00:03:30.879 --> 00:03:34.840 Well, I don't think you shrink yourself or anyone, do you? Sometimes 51 00:03:34.879 --> 00:03:38.479 I shrink myself for people I feel I feel. Yeah, So I'm not 52 00:03:38.560 --> 00:03:42.919 doing that. No, big loud and positive. That's my personality. Big 53 00:03:43.280 --> 00:03:47.479 loud and positive, living your best life. There you go. Mine is 54 00:03:47.520 --> 00:03:52.280 what is my new Year's resolution. I think I'm going to have to start 55 00:03:52.319 --> 00:03:53.400 to get back into the health thing. You see, here's the thing. 56 00:03:54.400 --> 00:03:58.520 I live with Julio and my daughter, who, in my opinion, both 57 00:03:58.520 --> 00:04:00.759 have hyperactive thyroid it because they're skinny, skinny, skinny, and they eat 58 00:04:00.800 --> 00:04:04.439 and eat and eat. And I'm not worried about weight gain, but you 59 00:04:04.479 --> 00:04:08.800 know, carbohydrate, sugar, all that. And I'm a health professor, 60 00:04:09.120 --> 00:04:12.680 but I've kind of fallen off the wagon a little bit because when you live 61 00:04:12.719 --> 00:04:16.600 with people who order dessert after every single meal, I mean Julio's dessert after 62 00:04:16.639 --> 00:04:21.920 breakfast, okay, and he's so skinny, but that's just how everybody is 63 00:04:21.959 --> 00:04:26.480 different. Yeah, I love a little something sweet after every Now I'm going 64 00:04:26.560 --> 00:04:30.279 to have to get back to it diet wise, kind of all those carbs 65 00:04:30.959 --> 00:04:38.639 and I was planning to do a dry January and no more Champagne a wine 66 00:04:38.639 --> 00:04:44.000 for me. The problem is I'm going to visit my daughter in Paris third 67 00:04:44.120 --> 00:04:46.079 week at January. Oh you're just learning this, aren't you, Kaylea. 68 00:04:46.120 --> 00:04:51.480 You got to put this on the schedule. Oh okay. And she wants 69 00:04:51.560 --> 00:04:56.160 to go out take the train out to Bordeaux to do wine tasting. So 70 00:04:56.240 --> 00:04:59.319 you can't do that in the middle of dry January. So we'll maybe I'll 71 00:04:59.319 --> 00:05:01.279 have to be dry hppy. It's Paris. I don't think it counts when 72 00:05:01.279 --> 00:05:05.199 you're there. Always like Vegas. What happens in Vegas days in Vegas exactly 73 00:05:05.560 --> 00:05:10.600 what the drinking that happens in Paris stays in Paris. It's so dry January. 74 00:05:10.600 --> 00:05:13.680 Are you in America? I think that's a good idea. So we 75 00:05:13.720 --> 00:05:17.120 have a really interesting show for you. You know that I am a professor 76 00:05:17.279 --> 00:05:24.120 of health psychology developmental psychology, and I teach intro to psychology because I love 77 00:05:24.199 --> 00:05:29.480 those freshmen, and in all my classes I play these videos of this woman 78 00:05:29.759 --> 00:05:32.360 she self identifies female. Now who is not trans I want to say this 79 00:05:32.480 --> 00:05:38.120 very clearly. She is one of is estimated two percent of the population. 80 00:05:38.199 --> 00:05:42.959 It may be higher because they're not always identified of people who are actually intersex, 81 00:05:43.120 --> 00:05:48.160 born with pieces of both sexes. And her name is Julie Mayfield. 82 00:05:48.600 --> 00:05:54.199 She was raised male. She will hopefully explain to us why and how she 83 00:05:54.319 --> 00:05:59.240 swung to the female side. But I play her videos in my classes because 84 00:06:00.279 --> 00:06:08.519 she is so positive and she's a great example of how you can be marginalized, 85 00:06:08.680 --> 00:06:14.079 you can be different, you can be a minority some way and still 86 00:06:14.120 --> 00:06:18.319 have this positive attitude about life. I'm going to ask Julie where she got 87 00:06:18.360 --> 00:06:26.079 this from. And then later in the show, another exceptional guest a woman 88 00:06:26.720 --> 00:06:32.839 whose husband was a top lieutenant for El Chapo and actually brought him down by 89 00:06:32.879 --> 00:06:39.560 secretly recording him so that he could get convicted in the United States. Her 90 00:06:39.639 --> 00:06:46.920 husband served twelve years in prison, and she herself is a cartel wife who 91 00:06:46.959 --> 00:06:50.360 has been addicted to bad boys her whole life. She's going to talk to 92 00:06:50.480 --> 00:06:54.720 us. She's currently in the witness protection program. She's going to talk to 93 00:06:54.800 --> 00:06:59.600 us about her bad boy addiction and why we shouldn't have that addiction because she's 94 00:06:59.639 --> 00:07:02.759 paid the ultimate price. So that's our New Year's Eve show. We'll get 95 00:07:02.759 --> 00:07:05.319 going as soon as we get back. You are listening to The Doctor Wendywall 96 00:07:05.360 --> 00:07:10.560 Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 97 00:07:11.040 --> 00:07:16.040 You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Welcome back to the Doctor 98 00:07:16.040 --> 00:07:20.800 Wendywall Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App. 99 00:07:21.000 --> 00:07:24.839 Well, if you've been listening to me for enough years, you know 100 00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:29.519 that one of the many hats I wear is psychology professor. And in every 101 00:07:29.560 --> 00:07:32.800 one of my classes, whether it's developmental psychology, whether it's health psychology, 102 00:07:32.839 --> 00:07:40.839 whether it's introduction to psychology, I do a pretty lengthy lecture on gender, 103 00:07:41.360 --> 00:07:46.759 the biological, the psychological, and the sociological pieces of gender. I personally 104 00:07:47.120 --> 00:07:53.040 do not believe that gender is completely a social construct as many people do, 105 00:07:53.839 --> 00:07:59.720 because we have a gender identity, we have gender roles, we have sexual 106 00:07:59.800 --> 00:08:05.160 orriatation that's completely separate from any of those things, and so it's a complicated 107 00:08:05.480 --> 00:08:11.040 lecture that breaks it down for many people. But during every lecture, when 108 00:08:11.040 --> 00:08:16.759 I get to the part where I'm explaining intersex people, I play a number 109 00:08:16.800 --> 00:08:22.360 of videos, videos by that were created by my hero, one of my 110 00:08:22.519 --> 00:08:26.920 many heroes in life. Her name is Julie Mayfield. She's an actress, 111 00:08:28.439 --> 00:08:33.320 she's an influencer online, she's an author, and most importantly, she is 112 00:08:33.320 --> 00:08:41.600 an intersex advocate. She alone helped change laws in Florida and Alabama so that 113 00:08:41.840 --> 00:08:46.879 intersex terminology can now be included in case law. And I am thrilled to 114 00:08:48.000 --> 00:08:52.039 welcome Julie Mayfield to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Hi ju Lee, Hi 115 00:08:52.200 --> 00:08:56.320 Wendy. How are you? I am so excited to be talking to you. 116 00:08:56.399 --> 00:09:01.120 It's like my TikTok person is talking about me. My goodness, how 117 00:09:01.159 --> 00:09:05.799 exciting. It's a joy. I'm this send to you. I had no 118 00:09:05.879 --> 00:09:11.279 idea and I'm honored. Now, before we get into a lot of the 119 00:09:11.320 --> 00:09:16.679 important work and the messaging that you've done for people, could you explain to 120 00:09:16.840 --> 00:09:22.519 our listeners a little bit about your unique biology and how that played out and 121 00:09:22.559 --> 00:09:28.919 how you raise and how you present now? Sure? Absolutely. So it's 122 00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:33.000 a long story and you can read more about it if we don't cover it 123 00:09:33.000 --> 00:09:35.919 here at Justdooley dot com. And that's where my bio is and that's kind 124 00:09:35.919 --> 00:09:41.240 of my landing page for things. But I was born x x y forty 125 00:09:41.279 --> 00:09:45.919 seven xxy and what that means, yeah, I'm going to pause to remind 126 00:09:46.039 --> 00:09:50.360 everybody about their high school biology class the sex chromosomes. If you get an 127 00:09:50.559 --> 00:09:52.840 XX, that would be female. I tell my students to remember it by 128 00:09:52.840 --> 00:09:58.440 saying kiss kiss xx. And if you get an X Y, it's considered 129 00:09:58.480 --> 00:10:05.440 biologically male. But we know at least seventy different variances in sex chromosomes exist. 130 00:10:05.639 --> 00:10:09.720 Julie has one called forty seven xxy. So think about that. Two 131 00:10:09.960 --> 00:10:13.440 xes, oh and a y. So how does that play out for you? 132 00:10:13.559 --> 00:10:18.639 So for me, I phenotypically presented as male at birth. My dad 133 00:10:18.639 --> 00:10:26.080 actually remembers it was a Soceian and my dad remembers the docts are coming out 134 00:10:26.080 --> 00:10:31.480 and saying it's small, but it's got one. You have a boy. 135 00:10:31.919 --> 00:10:37.759 Wow. You have to remember nineteen seventy five Alabama. I always remind people 136 00:10:37.840 --> 00:10:43.200 that even if doctors in nineteen seventy five had any working knowledge of what intersex 137 00:10:43.399 --> 00:10:50.559 truly was, they probably were not going to hand that information out to anybody 138 00:10:50.919 --> 00:10:56.080 in Alabama. And that's not to say anything about that state. So you 139 00:10:56.159 --> 00:10:58.440 have to think about, you know, kind of where people are from and 140 00:10:58.519 --> 00:11:05.600 kind of where they grow up. And so my parents both college educators at 141 00:11:05.600 --> 00:11:13.159 the time were kind of flying by the seat of their pants, not getting 142 00:11:13.879 --> 00:11:22.519 great information and not always getting accurate information, and really just was presented as 143 00:11:22.559 --> 00:11:28.879 a boy and started to grow and started to have a lot of issues even 144 00:11:28.960 --> 00:11:37.240 from early infancy that doctors were not giving them good information on. You know, 145 00:11:37.279 --> 00:11:39.159 one of the first things my mom recognized was that they brought me home 146 00:11:39.159 --> 00:11:43.600 from the hospital and I slept for eighteen hours straight, didn't wake up, 147 00:11:43.879 --> 00:11:48.600 didn't stir. She called her her doctor and said, should we be worried? 148 00:11:48.200 --> 00:11:52.360 And the doctor's response was, don't call me ever again. Wow, 149 00:11:52.360 --> 00:11:56.960 there are plenty of women that would love to have a baby that would sleep 150 00:11:56.000 --> 00:12:01.519 through the night. Don't call me this ridiculous and you kind of think of 151 00:12:01.559 --> 00:12:05.919 it and you think you weren't monished for checking in. I had a brother, 152 00:12:07.399 --> 00:12:11.360 added two year old brother at that time, and they hadn't gone through 153 00:12:11.399 --> 00:12:15.000 any of this to him, so they were about babies, right, So 154 00:12:15.320 --> 00:12:18.600 explain your anatomy a little bit to my listeners, as I understand you have 155 00:12:18.879 --> 00:12:24.840 an ovary and a testee. Sure, so at seventeen we found out that 156 00:12:24.879 --> 00:12:28.480 I had the extra act. So you figure I went all through adolescents and 157 00:12:28.559 --> 00:12:33.759 into high school. Being raised as a male. My breast started to develop 158 00:12:33.919 --> 00:12:37.559 at thirteen. They caught it. They call it gayno MAASTI you know, 159 00:12:37.600 --> 00:12:41.240 back in the eighties and nineties they just said you're lazy and you need to 160 00:12:41.279 --> 00:12:45.240 work out. You're fat. Wow, we had man moods, right, 161 00:12:45.360 --> 00:12:50.720 And so again, all this information is not quantifiable. So at seventeen, 162 00:12:50.840 --> 00:12:54.879 playing football, I went in for a physical and they came out and said, 163 00:12:54.480 --> 00:13:00.440 to my parents, your son's one teste didn't drop. I don't think 164 00:13:00.480 --> 00:13:03.960 he went through puberty or it's a delayed puberty. We believe he has something 165 00:13:05.000 --> 00:13:09.240 known as client filter syndrome. We would like to test for it. So 166 00:13:09.279 --> 00:13:11.559 they tested for it and they said, he does in fact have an extra 167 00:13:11.799 --> 00:13:16.799 X. However, don't break out that extra ex of dormant. It doesn't 168 00:13:16.840 --> 00:13:22.519 mean anything. He is still a boy. He has got the white chromosome, 169 00:13:22.600 --> 00:13:26.000 so he's still a male. Client filters is a male thing, it's 170 00:13:26.039 --> 00:13:30.039 not a female thing. Blah blah blah. This is nineteen ninety four in 171 00:13:30.279 --> 00:13:35.639 Florida. Wow. So they put me on tons of testosterone and by twenty 172 00:13:35.720 --> 00:13:41.720 two I'm doing theater in New York and I am a member of Actors Equity 173 00:13:41.559 --> 00:13:46.919 as I have a prostate cancer there and the doctor that I got to see 174 00:13:46.039 --> 00:13:54.399 said they have no idea about genetics or chromosomes. That's not my specific topic 175 00:13:54.440 --> 00:13:58.399 of interest. I do know you're on so much testosterone right now that if 176 00:13:58.399 --> 00:14:01.639 you stay on it by your forties, you'll probably have a failing liver and 177 00:14:01.720 --> 00:14:05.440 many other problems. So if you can deal with a raised voice, I 178 00:14:05.440 --> 00:14:11.200 would get off the testosterone. So I did, and you know, I 179 00:14:11.240 --> 00:14:15.799 went another twenty three years before being a part of a test at the National 180 00:14:15.840 --> 00:14:22.120 Institute of Health on x XY males and x xy females before I found out 181 00:14:22.159 --> 00:14:28.159 that I don't have client felters. The reason my extra testicle didn't drop is 182 00:14:28.200 --> 00:14:33.080 because it was an ovary and it was located up where my ovaries would have 183 00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:37.279 been had I been born fully female. I also was born with an underdeveloped 184 00:14:37.799 --> 00:14:45.080 pancreats, a female sized art male sized lungs, a diminished adam saple, 185 00:14:45.440 --> 00:14:50.399 the upper skeletal system of a male, the lower skeletal system of a female, 186 00:14:50.799 --> 00:14:56.840 and a female cervix or vaginal canal. But I don't have the external 187 00:14:56.919 --> 00:15:01.720 labia or the opening and then I also had a show or a a under 188 00:15:01.759 --> 00:15:09.240 deformed partiality of a uterus. Now we have to go to break, Julie, 189 00:15:09.639 --> 00:15:13.519 like you know radios that the time crunches. I want to spend hours 190 00:15:13.519 --> 00:15:16.159 for you, but we're going to come back after a break. Before we 191 00:15:16.240 --> 00:15:20.440 do, I just want to say thank you for that description. You are 192 00:15:20.559 --> 00:15:28.480 a absolute beautiful person and you are a magical a magical feat of biology. 193 00:15:28.799 --> 00:15:33.000 When we come back, I want to talk about the psychological piece and what 194 00:15:33.039 --> 00:15:37.759 it was like growing up Julie Mayfield. You're listening to The Doctor Wendywell Show 195 00:15:37.799 --> 00:15:41.320 and KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're 196 00:15:41.360 --> 00:15:46.559 listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendywall 197 00:15:46.639 --> 00:15:52.000 Show on KFI AM six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. My 198 00:15:52.159 --> 00:15:56.080 guest is Julie Mayfield. You can find her at just Julie dot com. 199 00:15:56.159 --> 00:16:03.000 Julie spelt j U l E I g H the nice English way. Julie 200 00:16:03.000 --> 00:16:07.879 Mayfield was born forty seven xxy, which means, as she likes to say, 201 00:16:07.159 --> 00:16:12.399 I'm not trans I was born with really bits of both you are truly 202 00:16:12.480 --> 00:16:17.600 a human being? Who is? Could you say equal parts male and female 203 00:16:17.679 --> 00:16:23.720 biologically? Well, I mean her maphrodism doesn't exist really in human form. 204 00:16:23.840 --> 00:16:26.799 I like to say more of a hybrid. I guess I'm a hybrid of 205 00:16:26.840 --> 00:16:30.639 both. And is what does it feel like psychologically, because we do know 206 00:16:30.720 --> 00:16:36.519 there are sex brain differences in males and females, and so what is it? 207 00:16:36.600 --> 00:16:38.200 I mean, do you feel more female? Do you feel more male? 208 00:16:38.279 --> 00:16:44.000 How have you always felt? I have felt my entire life split, 209 00:16:44.639 --> 00:16:48.080 And it's really hard to explain that to people that have never felt that before. 210 00:16:48.559 --> 00:16:52.600 But in talking with my parents and writing my book and my memoirs, 211 00:16:52.799 --> 00:16:57.600 I talk about that a lot. I feel inherently split, even in this 212 00:16:57.759 --> 00:17:03.799 female vessel, because I had to transition in my forties to live a little 213 00:17:03.839 --> 00:17:08.680 bit longer, because I've now developed lupus and osteoporosis, and even this week 214 00:17:08.720 --> 00:17:14.559 we found out that I may have ovarian cancer. Oh no, we don't 215 00:17:14.599 --> 00:17:19.319 know that for sure. But intersect individuals, we are often open to getting 216 00:17:19.400 --> 00:17:26.240 everything right. We're open to getting everything and XX wise, two in a 217 00:17:26.440 --> 00:17:32.759 thousand XX wives are at a higher risk for developing cervical or ovarian cancer. 218 00:17:32.960 --> 00:17:37.119 And because of that narrative that we've been men and you can't be a woman 219 00:17:37.160 --> 00:17:42.920 and be xx y, people aren't going and getting fast that yeah, And 220 00:17:42.960 --> 00:17:48.240 so when they find out they have something like ovarian cancer late in life, 221 00:17:48.400 --> 00:17:51.839 it's stage three and stage four and they can't do anything about it, oh 222 00:17:51.920 --> 00:17:56.240 dear, and then they feel inherently lied to. Right, So what about 223 00:17:56.279 --> 00:18:02.279 society's push to put people into some binary category. How has that played out 224 00:18:02.359 --> 00:18:07.720 in your life and your psychology? In my life, I have been blessed 225 00:18:07.759 --> 00:18:12.680 because I was raised Christian and my family, my parents have never treated me 226 00:18:14.759 --> 00:18:22.039 as anything other than their child. And I often tell people my parents' faith 227 00:18:22.319 --> 00:18:29.359 is unwaivable, right, I mean the sun wavering. And I often say, 228 00:18:29.640 --> 00:18:30.920 you know, my dad walks and say he's not going to bring you 229 00:18:30.960 --> 00:18:33.720 to it and not bring you through it. And I know that there are 230 00:18:33.759 --> 00:18:38.480 people out there that are not religious, and that's not my intent or slants, 231 00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:45.119 but for me personally, my favorite him is his eyes on a sparrow, 232 00:18:45.720 --> 00:18:49.519 and I have to remember he watches over the tiniest creature. If that's 233 00:18:49.519 --> 00:18:52.599 what you believe in, If you believe in the universe, the universe dies 234 00:18:52.640 --> 00:18:59.480 and watches over the tiniest creature. He's not going to leave me estranged. 235 00:19:00.160 --> 00:19:06.079 What right great support and strength you have. I need to ask you this 236 00:19:06.160 --> 00:19:11.359 because you are such an advocate for people who are intersex. First of all, 237 00:19:11.359 --> 00:19:15.200 what percentage of the population do you think is some version of intersex? 238 00:19:15.880 --> 00:19:21.720 They say anywhere from one point eight to two percent globally. No, A 239 00:19:21.720 --> 00:19:23.880 lot of people say that's a rare and small number. But think about it, 240 00:19:25.200 --> 00:19:32.759 especially here an American medicine. We have always been to the last eighty 241 00:19:32.839 --> 00:19:37.359 years, pushed in to drop them off in asylum, get rid of them, 242 00:19:37.759 --> 00:19:41.200 fix them, fix what's wrong with them, to make the male or 243 00:19:41.240 --> 00:19:45.960 female. I think most of the population has no idea that they could be 244 00:19:47.160 --> 00:19:51.240 xxy, which is one of the more common variations, or even intersex. 245 00:19:51.319 --> 00:19:53.920 They go undiagnosed. Oh, I actually say that because you know what happens, 246 00:19:53.960 --> 00:19:57.160 Julie. I follow you on TikTok, and then TikTok gets the message 247 00:19:57.160 --> 00:20:00.079 that this is what I'm interested in. Next thing, you know, I 248 00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:06.079 get videos from people saying like there was a woman who was presenting very feminine, 249 00:20:06.119 --> 00:20:07.559 and she had a high voice and she was Hey, I just went 250 00:20:07.599 --> 00:20:11.279 for my twenty three and me and guess what I've had out. I'm a 251 00:20:11.400 --> 00:20:17.319 dude. I never knew you to remember. We and we often see an 252 00:20:17.319 --> 00:20:21.920 intersex community. That can be confusing because those are dealing with a whole Those 253 00:20:21.920 --> 00:20:29.160 are dealing with anominal chromosomes yea an apax and this is sexual chromosome based right, 254 00:20:29.279 --> 00:20:32.279 And so that can be confusing too. When you have people that are 255 00:20:32.279 --> 00:20:33.559 taking it, they're like, oh, I have more, I have more 256 00:20:33.599 --> 00:20:40.920 care. I think inherently most people do or are different variations. But because 257 00:20:40.920 --> 00:20:45.160 they're not tested for it, and because it's not it's not a subject but 258 00:20:45.440 --> 00:20:51.480 shared, people don't know exactly. People don't give a newborn baby a chromosome 259 00:20:51.519 --> 00:20:56.400 test. We have very little time left, but I wanted to take the 260 00:20:56.519 --> 00:21:00.039 last minute of our chat, Julie and ask you what do you want the 261 00:21:00.119 --> 00:21:07.079 world to know? What's your most important message for the general public. I 262 00:21:07.079 --> 00:21:12.240 think what I want them to know is every life, every life on this 263 00:21:12.359 --> 00:21:19.480 planet is a viable life. Every single life is viable. And it's not 264 00:21:19.599 --> 00:21:25.079 your job, even though you're on your own journey, it is not your 265 00:21:25.160 --> 00:21:30.759 job to question that viability. It's not your job to judge that viability your 266 00:21:30.839 --> 00:21:34.119 judge. Your job is to get through life and to get through your own 267 00:21:34.200 --> 00:21:38.920 journey and learn what you're supposed to learn and give that to the world and 268 00:21:38.960 --> 00:21:44.359 the planet in a way that supports it and elevates it. And we are 269 00:21:44.400 --> 00:21:48.079 not doing a very good job, beast. I know when we are saying 270 00:21:48.599 --> 00:21:52.880 get rid of them, fix them, make them fit into a binary I 271 00:21:52.960 --> 00:22:00.400 said in a TikTok Live. My life is no better or different than anybody 272 00:22:00.440 --> 00:22:06.079 else's life on this planet, but it is a viable life. And the 273 00:22:06.160 --> 00:22:11.200 fact that there's viability in every life we need to support that. We are 274 00:22:11.240 --> 00:22:15.319 all human First, Julie, I have tears in my eyes when I something 275 00:22:15.480 --> 00:22:21.559 about you strikes such a deep chord with me of love and compassion, and 276 00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:26.039 I think it's your strength, your positivity. You really don't say many negative 277 00:22:26.079 --> 00:22:30.960 things except maybe the medical community in the fifties, sixties and seventies. But 278 00:22:30.200 --> 00:22:36.279 I am so happy to know you and have this interview with you. Thank 279 00:22:36.319 --> 00:22:38.160 you so much for joining us, and I'll be in touch in the future. 280 00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:42.079 And if you want to find your makefield, go to her website Just 281 00:22:42.400 --> 00:22:48.079 Julie dot com. You're listening to the Doctor Wendywell Show on KFI AM six 282 00:22:48.200 --> 00:22:52.920 forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM 283 00:22:52.960 --> 00:22:57.920 six forty on demand. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendywall Show on KFI AM 284 00:22:57.960 --> 00:23:03.200 six forty everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. So, if you've been following me 285 00:23:03.359 --> 00:23:07.799 for a number of years, you have a scene my personal growth as a 286 00:23:07.880 --> 00:23:11.559 human being, as somebody who dated a lot of bad boys when I was 287 00:23:11.599 --> 00:23:15.799 young. Maybe you're one of those women. Maybe you know one of those 288 00:23:15.839 --> 00:23:23.319 women who get really turned on by guys who can't really love them back. 289 00:23:25.119 --> 00:23:27.480 And I want to explain that it took me years of therapy to understand. 290 00:23:27.640 --> 00:23:30.440 I was spending all my time like trying to analyze him. Why has any 291 00:23:30.480 --> 00:23:33.559 text? Why hasn't he called? If I do this that might bring him 292 00:23:33.559 --> 00:23:37.039 closer? And it was only years later, through lots of therapy, that 293 00:23:37.160 --> 00:23:41.799 I realized that there was one common denominator between all my relationships, and it 294 00:23:41.880 --> 00:23:49.680 was me. And I was wasting my time analyzing them and their behavior when 295 00:23:49.720 --> 00:23:56.400 I should have been analyzing why I was attracted to them in the first place. 296 00:23:56.480 --> 00:24:03.279 And I came up with a number of psychological theories that explain why many 297 00:24:03.359 --> 00:24:07.920 women get attracted to guys who can't really love them back. And when I 298 00:24:07.960 --> 00:24:11.240 say can't love them back, there are either men who have an avoidant attachment 299 00:24:11.279 --> 00:24:14.599 style, so they come in hot and heavy, they spoil you, love 300 00:24:14.640 --> 00:24:18.240 bomb you because they want to still attain some sexual relationship with you. Right, 301 00:24:18.519 --> 00:24:22.839 So they come in and get their needs met biologically, but emotionally they 302 00:24:22.880 --> 00:24:26.720 can't tolerate intimacy, so then they disappear, and then they come back and 303 00:24:26.759 --> 00:24:30.720 go again, right. And then there are those that just have no compassion 304 00:24:30.759 --> 00:24:37.480 it seems, and no empathy and no idea of a woman's emotional experience. 305 00:24:37.519 --> 00:24:40.440 And by the way, a woman can be a bad girl too. A 306 00:24:40.480 --> 00:24:45.559 woman can be a narcissist, a woman can be somebody who has a cold, 307 00:24:45.640 --> 00:24:52.480 hard heart too. But it is more common for women to bend themselves 308 00:24:52.519 --> 00:24:56.839 for unfeeling men. So here are the three reasons why women often actually there's 309 00:24:56.839 --> 00:25:02.039 four women often get attracted to bad boys. The first is, you know, 310 00:25:02.160 --> 00:25:07.680 one third of American women have suffered some kind of trauma and abuse in 311 00:25:07.720 --> 00:25:14.640 their early childhood. Now that abuse may have been emotional abuse, physical abuse, 312 00:25:14.960 --> 00:25:21.079 or God forbid sexual abuse, and more than likely that abuse came from 313 00:25:21.119 --> 00:25:26.799 the hands of someone they loved. So therefore their model of love is now 314 00:25:26.839 --> 00:25:30.960 mixed up with pain. Love has to equal pain, and they actually get 315 00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:34.960 aroused and excited when these guys break their hearts and hurt them in different ways. 316 00:25:37.440 --> 00:25:40.559 The other thing is, partly because of this trauma and partly because of 317 00:25:40.599 --> 00:25:44.319 patriarchy, a lot of women have low self esteem. I don't know what 318 00:25:44.400 --> 00:25:48.319 happens around the teenage years, but these bold mouthed girls suddenly become worried about 319 00:25:48.359 --> 00:25:51.960 what they look like, worried if guys will like them. And I watch 320 00:25:52.480 --> 00:25:56.079 the girls move to the back of the classrooms. I watch the girls start 321 00:25:56.119 --> 00:26:00.359 to you know, around their shoulders when they walk, and not have that 322 00:26:00.519 --> 00:26:04.240 bold self esteem that they deserve to have. And so what happens when a 323 00:26:04.279 --> 00:26:14.400 woman has low self esteem? They misread a guy's avoidance aloofness lies as high 324 00:26:14.440 --> 00:26:18.240 self esteem, and people get attracted to people who have high self esteem. 325 00:26:18.240 --> 00:26:22.640 And a lot of these bad boys act like they have high self esteem. 326 00:26:22.319 --> 00:26:26.400 But there's another reason women get attracted to bad boys. It's because they often 327 00:26:26.440 --> 00:26:33.599 present what I call a random interval reward system. It is literally the behavior 328 00:26:34.519 --> 00:26:41.440 behavioral modification technique used by all of Las Vegas casinos. Okay, so when 329 00:26:41.480 --> 00:26:45.359 you're trying to train an organism, in this case a girlfriend, you can 330 00:26:45.440 --> 00:26:49.519 work with a dog too, what you need to do is get the reward 331 00:26:49.559 --> 00:26:56.279 that they like and give it in a random interval way. So the size 332 00:26:56.279 --> 00:27:00.240 of the reward should change, and also the amount of duration between giving the 333 00:27:00.279 --> 00:27:03.720 reward. Think of a slot machine, right, so you sit down, 334 00:27:03.359 --> 00:27:06.599 you think, and I'm just gonna, you know, throw in a few 335 00:27:06.640 --> 00:27:08.480 bucks and I'll pull that handle a few times. And what they do is 336 00:27:08.599 --> 00:27:12.599 very early on, those slot machines are programmed when a new user comes to 337 00:27:12.599 --> 00:27:15.960 give a pretty big payout, considering like maybe you put in five dollars and 338 00:27:17.000 --> 00:27:18.519 you get like fifteen dollars. You're like, oh my gosh, this is 339 00:27:18.559 --> 00:27:22.200 amazing. So you start putting in more because you remember that great reward. 340 00:27:22.559 --> 00:27:26.640 But next time they make you pull thirty times, so they've made their fifteen 341 00:27:26.680 --> 00:27:30.240 back plus fifteen more, right, And then they will give you little dribs 342 00:27:30.240 --> 00:27:34.319 and drabs of rewards like four dollars or six, seven dollars or whatever, 343 00:27:34.319 --> 00:27:37.319 and you think it's coming, The big one's coming again. That's what bad 344 00:27:37.359 --> 00:27:44.079 boys usually unconsciously do because they're going through their contacts and they might shoot you 345 00:27:44.079 --> 00:27:47.599 at text when they're lonely one night and then get distracted by somebody else from 346 00:27:47.599 --> 00:27:49.759 a dating app, and then come back around in a week, and they're 347 00:27:49.799 --> 00:27:56.119 giving you these little payoffs, always complimenting you and making you feel special and 348 00:27:56.160 --> 00:28:02.400 then disappearing for a while, and they literally get you glued to them. 349 00:28:03.440 --> 00:28:07.960 But there's another kind of woman, often a very confident woman, who's attracted 350 00:28:08.000 --> 00:28:14.960 to another kind of bad boy. This is the bad boy that is involved 351 00:28:15.799 --> 00:28:22.079 in anti social behavior. I'm talking about criminals, and they're often attracted to 352 00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:33.119 criminals because of the clamor the risk, the excitement, and indeed the money. 353 00:28:33.359 --> 00:28:40.119 And these women who get attracted to these kinds of bad boys sometimes end 354 00:28:40.200 --> 00:28:47.599 up paying the ultimate price in their life. These are the women who write 355 00:28:47.680 --> 00:28:52.200 letters to guys in prison. If you listen to my show a few weeks 356 00:28:52.240 --> 00:28:55.440 ago, and if you haven't seen it, go back where I proposed. 357 00:28:55.519 --> 00:28:59.960 My boyfriend Julio, he experienced a year of incarceration in a federal case, 358 00:29:00.400 --> 00:29:03.279 which is lightweight prison, but in his case, the women in the neighboring 359 00:29:03.359 --> 00:29:07.279 towns would get lists because I guess this public record of who the new inmates 360 00:29:07.319 --> 00:29:11.319 were, and start writing them emails and letters and get all dressed up and 361 00:29:11.319 --> 00:29:15.680 come visit them because compared to the odds of you know, the mating marketplace 362 00:29:15.720 --> 00:29:21.640 in their tiny little town, these white collar criminals there for financial crimes. 363 00:29:22.160 --> 00:29:23.799 They're gambling on these guys because they think they're going to get out and make 364 00:29:23.839 --> 00:29:26.680 money. Right. So there are those kinds of women, But there are 365 00:29:26.720 --> 00:29:33.680 also women who date guys who are literally breaking the law because it's exciting because 366 00:29:33.720 --> 00:29:37.359 the payoff is like Vegas, it can be really big. When we come 367 00:29:37.440 --> 00:29:41.799 back, I have a very special guest. First of all, she will 368 00:29:41.839 --> 00:29:48.319 go by an anonymous name because she is part of the Witness Protection program. 369 00:29:48.319 --> 00:29:56.960 She's a famous cartel wife. She literally lived between America and Mexico as her 370 00:29:56.079 --> 00:30:03.559 husband was the number one guy looking for El Chapo, and eventually the two 371 00:30:03.640 --> 00:30:08.319 of them helped bring El Chapo down. When we come back, you'll meet 372 00:30:08.359 --> 00:30:14.000 this very brave woman and she's going to tell you why she fell in love 373 00:30:14.039 --> 00:30:17.599 with so many bad boys. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show. 374 00:30:17.839 --> 00:30:19.359 KFI AM six forty on demand