You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Welcome to the Doctor Wendy
Walls Show. I'm KFI AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
It is New Year's Eve. Can you believe in a few hours, twenty
twenty four is going to be here? Now? Many of you may be
listening to this on the iHeartRadio app in the days following, but some of
you might be cozying in on New Year's Eve. I used to hold it
was really when my kids, when my nest was getting half empty and one
was away at college and she'd come home and want to see your college reads.
So I hosted a number of very large New Year's Eve parties which were
a bash. But now I like to be chill. I like to stay
in, have a love maybe bubbly glass of bubbly, and make some roast
beef and watch it all on TV. The best thing about and of course
I can't do it tonight, well we might make it if I drive really
fast, is that you could have the ball drop in Times Square at nine
pm in La if you find the right channel in the right place so that
you can all go to bed early, which is nice because staying up until
the last ball rolls is you know, as you get older, you don't
need all that, right, young people love it. They run out.
If I had to figure out the best New Year's Eve I ever spent in
my life, I was a young woman. I was like twenty or twenty
one, and we were in Ottawa, Canada, where we lived, and
I had a boyfriend, and my best friend and her boyfriend from Florida came
up and we skated out on the Ottawa River that was completely frozen, and
it was a heavy, bright, bright, bright full moon, and we
popped a bottle of champagne out on the ice right at midnight, and it
was nothing but silence, nature, white, frozen winter wonderland and the wind
whistling and just the pop of that champagne. And it was really really fun
New Year's But you know, now I've got my Julio, We're just gonna
cuddle in CAYLB. What's your favorite New Year's Eve? Are you a big
party person? Uh? No? I went out one time and I was
like, never again. It's amateur hour. People just want to be drunk
and act the fool. So it feels a little like forced happiness, doesn't
it? Yeah? Or people just use it as an excuse to just,
I don't know, release all their anger or I don't know, energy of
the year. I just it's not for me. Me, Well, it's
an arbitrary day, right, like who invented the calendar and the other places
that have different calendars, right if they not actually be twenty twenty four tomorrow.
I don't know. So I definitely just beend it. With my family,
we drink, eat, count down when the ball drops and then scream
Happy New Year. And do you do New Year's resolutions every year? I
don't like that. I don't really like the pressure, and then I don't
like to feel like I failed when I don't do it. So I may
mentally I'm not gone, but it's not something I do. Well. If
you hang in there with me, I will tell you that. Later in
the show, I'm going to talk about the actual according to science, according
to research studies, ways that you can make a New Year's resolution list that
will actually work and you can stick to your resolutions. Have you thought if
you were going to pick one this year, what it might be. Live
the best life for me? Be happy and don't shrink myself for anyone.
Well, I don't think you shrink yourself or anyone, do you? Sometimes
I shrink myself for people I feel I feel. Yeah, So I'm not
doing that. No, big loud and positive. That's my personality. Big
loud and positive, living your best life. There you go. Mine is
what is my new Year's resolution. I think I'm going to have to start
to get back into the health thing. You see, here's the thing.
I live with Julio and my daughter, who, in my opinion, both
have hyperactive thyroid it because they're skinny, skinny, skinny, and they eat
and eat and eat. And I'm not worried about weight gain, but you
know, carbohydrate, sugar, all that. And I'm a health professor,
but I've kind of fallen off the wagon a little bit because when you live
with people who order dessert after every single meal, I mean Julio's dessert after
breakfast, okay, and he's so skinny, but that's just how everybody is
different. Yeah, I love a little something sweet after every Now I'm going
to have to get back to it diet wise, kind of all those carbs
and I was planning to do a dry January and no more Champagne a wine
for me. The problem is I'm going to visit my daughter in Paris third
week at January. Oh you're just learning this, aren't you, Kaylea.
You got to put this on the schedule. Oh okay. And she wants
to go out take the train out to Bordeaux to do wine tasting. So
you can't do that in the middle of dry January. So we'll maybe I'll
have to be dry hppy. It's Paris. I don't think it counts when
you're there. Always like Vegas. What happens in Vegas days in Vegas exactly
what the drinking that happens in Paris stays in Paris. It's so dry January.
Are you in America? I think that's a good idea. So we
have a really interesting show for you. You know that I am a professor
of health psychology developmental psychology, and I teach intro to psychology because I love
those freshmen, and in all my classes I play these videos of this woman
she self identifies female. Now who is not trans I want to say this
very clearly. She is one of is estimated two percent of the population.
It may be higher because they're not always identified of people who are actually intersex,
born with pieces of both sexes. And her name is Julie Mayfield.
She was raised male. She will hopefully explain to us why and how she
swung to the female side. But I play her videos in my classes because
she is so positive and she's a great example of how you can be marginalized,
you can be different, you can be a minority some way and still
have this positive attitude about life. I'm going to ask Julie where she got
this from. And then later in the show, another exceptional guest a woman
whose husband was a top lieutenant for El Chapo and actually brought him down by
secretly recording him so that he could get convicted in the United States. Her
husband served twelve years in prison, and she herself is a cartel wife who
has been addicted to bad boys her whole life. She's going to talk to
us. She's currently in the witness protection program. She's going to talk to
us about her bad boy addiction and why we shouldn't have that addiction because she's
paid the ultimate price. So that's our New Year's Eve show. We'll get
going as soon as we get back. You are listening to The Doctor Wendywall
Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
You're listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Welcome back to the Doctor
Wendywall Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App.
Well, if you've been listening to me for enough years, you know
that one of the many hats I wear is psychology professor. And in every
one of my classes, whether it's developmental psychology, whether it's health psychology,
whether it's introduction to psychology, I do a pretty lengthy lecture on gender,
the biological, the psychological, and the sociological pieces of gender. I personally
do not believe that gender is completely a social construct as many people do,
because we have a gender identity, we have gender roles, we have sexual
orriatation that's completely separate from any of those things, and so it's a complicated
lecture that breaks it down for many people. But during every lecture, when
I get to the part where I'm explaining intersex people, I play a number
of videos, videos by that were created by my hero, one of my
many heroes in life. Her name is Julie Mayfield. She's an actress,
she's an influencer online, she's an author, and most importantly, she is
an intersex advocate. She alone helped change laws in Florida and Alabama so that
intersex terminology can now be included in case law. And I am thrilled to
welcome Julie Mayfield to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. Hi ju Lee, Hi
Wendy. How are you? I am so excited to be talking to you.
It's like my TikTok person is talking about me. My goodness, how
exciting. It's a joy. I'm this send to you. I had no
idea and I'm honored. Now, before we get into a lot of the
important work and the messaging that you've done for people, could you explain to
our listeners a little bit about your unique biology and how that played out and
how you raise and how you present now? Sure? Absolutely. So it's
a long story and you can read more about it if we don't cover it
here at Justdooley dot com. And that's where my bio is and that's kind
of my landing page for things. But I was born x x y forty
seven xxy and what that means, yeah, I'm going to pause to remind
everybody about their high school biology class the sex chromosomes. If you get an
XX, that would be female. I tell my students to remember it by
saying kiss kiss xx. And if you get an X Y, it's considered
biologically male. But we know at least seventy different variances in sex chromosomes exist.
Julie has one called forty seven xxy. So think about that. Two
xes, oh and a y. So how does that play out for you?
So for me, I phenotypically presented as male at birth. My dad
actually remembers it was a Soceian and my dad remembers the docts are coming out
and saying it's small, but it's got one. You have a boy.
Wow. You have to remember nineteen seventy five Alabama. I always remind people
that even if doctors in nineteen seventy five had any working knowledge of what intersex
truly was, they probably were not going to hand that information out to anybody
in Alabama. And that's not to say anything about that state. So you
have to think about, you know, kind of where people are from and
kind of where they grow up. And so my parents both college educators at
the time were kind of flying by the seat of their pants, not getting
great information and not always getting accurate information, and really just was presented as
a boy and started to grow and started to have a lot of issues even
from early infancy that doctors were not giving them good information on. You know,
one of the first things my mom recognized was that they brought me home
from the hospital and I slept for eighteen hours straight, didn't wake up,
didn't stir. She called her her doctor and said, should we be worried?
And the doctor's response was, don't call me ever again. Wow,
there are plenty of women that would love to have a baby that would sleep
through the night. Don't call me this ridiculous and you kind of think of
it and you think you weren't monished for checking in. I had a brother,
added two year old brother at that time, and they hadn't gone through
any of this to him, so they were about babies, right, So
explain your anatomy a little bit to my listeners, as I understand you have
an ovary and a testee. Sure, so at seventeen we found out that
I had the extra act. So you figure I went all through adolescents and
into high school. Being raised as a male. My breast started to develop
at thirteen. They caught it. They call it gayno MAASTI you know,
back in the eighties and nineties they just said you're lazy and you need to
work out. You're fat. Wow, we had man moods, right,
And so again, all this information is not quantifiable. So at seventeen,
playing football, I went in for a physical and they came out and said,
to my parents, your son's one teste didn't drop. I don't think
he went through puberty or it's a delayed puberty. We believe he has something
known as client filter syndrome. We would like to test for it. So
they tested for it and they said, he does in fact have an extra
X. However, don't break out that extra ex of dormant. It doesn't
mean anything. He is still a boy. He has got the white chromosome,
so he's still a male. Client filters is a male thing, it's
not a female thing. Blah blah blah. This is nineteen ninety four in
Florida. Wow. So they put me on tons of testosterone and by twenty
two I'm doing theater in New York and I am a member of Actors Equity
as I have a prostate cancer there and the doctor that I got to see
said they have no idea about genetics or chromosomes. That's not my specific topic
of interest. I do know you're on so much testosterone right now that if
you stay on it by your forties, you'll probably have a failing liver and
many other problems. So if you can deal with a raised voice, I
would get off the testosterone. So I did, and you know, I
went another twenty three years before being a part of a test at the National
Institute of Health on x XY males and x xy females before I found out
that I don't have client felters. The reason my extra testicle didn't drop is
because it was an ovary and it was located up where my ovaries would have
been had I been born fully female. I also was born with an underdeveloped
pancreats, a female sized art male sized lungs, a diminished adam saple,
the upper skeletal system of a male, the lower skeletal system of a female,
and a female cervix or vaginal canal. But I don't have the external
labia or the opening and then I also had a show or a a under
deformed partiality of a uterus. Now we have to go to break, Julie,
like you know radios that the time crunches. I want to spend hours
for you, but we're going to come back after a break. Before we
do, I just want to say thank you for that description. You are
a absolute beautiful person and you are a magical a magical feat of biology.
When we come back, I want to talk about the psychological piece and what
it was like growing up Julie Mayfield. You're listening to The Doctor Wendywell Show
and KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're
listening to KFI AM six forty on demand. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendywall
Show on KFI AM six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. My
guest is Julie Mayfield. You can find her at just Julie dot com.
Julie spelt j U l E I g H the nice English way. Julie
Mayfield was born forty seven xxy, which means, as she likes to say,
I'm not trans I was born with really bits of both you are truly
a human being? Who is? Could you say equal parts male and female
biologically? Well, I mean her maphrodism doesn't exist really in human form.
I like to say more of a hybrid. I guess I'm a hybrid of
both. And is what does it feel like psychologically, because we do know
there are sex brain differences in males and females, and so what is it?
I mean, do you feel more female? Do you feel more male?
How have you always felt? I have felt my entire life split,
And it's really hard to explain that to people that have never felt that before.
But in talking with my parents and writing my book and my memoirs,
I talk about that a lot. I feel inherently split, even in this
female vessel, because I had to transition in my forties to live a little
bit longer, because I've now developed lupus and osteoporosis, and even this week
we found out that I may have ovarian cancer. Oh no, we don't
know that for sure. But intersect individuals, we are often open to getting
everything right. We're open to getting everything and XX wise, two in a
thousand XX wives are at a higher risk for developing cervical or ovarian cancer.
And because of that narrative that we've been men and you can't be a woman
and be xx y, people aren't going and getting fast that yeah, And
so when they find out they have something like ovarian cancer late in life,
it's stage three and stage four and they can't do anything about it, oh
dear, and then they feel inherently lied to. Right, So what about
society's push to put people into some binary category. How has that played out
in your life and your psychology? In my life, I have been blessed
because I was raised Christian and my family, my parents have never treated me
as anything other than their child. And I often tell people my parents' faith
is unwaivable, right, I mean the sun wavering. And I often say,
you know, my dad walks and say he's not going to bring you
to it and not bring you through it. And I know that there are
people out there that are not religious, and that's not my intent or slants,
but for me personally, my favorite him is his eyes on a sparrow,
and I have to remember he watches over the tiniest creature. If that's
what you believe in, If you believe in the universe, the universe dies
and watches over the tiniest creature. He's not going to leave me estranged.
What right great support and strength you have. I need to ask you this
because you are such an advocate for people who are intersex. First of all,
what percentage of the population do you think is some version of intersex?
They say anywhere from one point eight to two percent globally. No, A
lot of people say that's a rare and small number. But think about it,
especially here an American medicine. We have always been to the last eighty
years, pushed in to drop them off in asylum, get rid of them,
fix them, fix what's wrong with them, to make the male or
female. I think most of the population has no idea that they could be
xxy, which is one of the more common variations, or even intersex.
They go undiagnosed. Oh, I actually say that because you know what happens,
Julie. I follow you on TikTok, and then TikTok gets the message
that this is what I'm interested in. Next thing, you know, I
get videos from people saying like there was a woman who was presenting very feminine,
and she had a high voice and she was Hey, I just went
for my twenty three and me and guess what I've had out. I'm a
dude. I never knew you to remember. We and we often see an
intersex community. That can be confusing because those are dealing with a whole Those
are dealing with anominal chromosomes yea an apax and this is sexual chromosome based right,
And so that can be confusing too. When you have people that are
taking it, they're like, oh, I have more, I have more
care. I think inherently most people do or are different variations. But because
they're not tested for it, and because it's not it's not a subject but
shared, people don't know exactly. People don't give a newborn baby a chromosome
test. We have very little time left, but I wanted to take the
last minute of our chat, Julie and ask you what do you want the
world to know? What's your most important message for the general public. I
think what I want them to know is every life, every life on this
planet is a viable life. Every single life is viable. And it's not
your job, even though you're on your own journey, it is not your
job to question that viability. It's not your job to judge that viability your
judge. Your job is to get through life and to get through your own
journey and learn what you're supposed to learn and give that to the world and
the planet in a way that supports it and elevates it. And we are
not doing a very good job, beast. I know when we are saying
get rid of them, fix them, make them fit into a binary I
said in a TikTok Live. My life is no better or different than anybody
else's life on this planet, but it is a viable life. And the
fact that there's viability in every life we need to support that. We are
all human First, Julie, I have tears in my eyes when I something
about you strikes such a deep chord with me of love and compassion, and
I think it's your strength, your positivity. You really don't say many negative
things except maybe the medical community in the fifties, sixties and seventies. But
I am so happy to know you and have this interview with you. Thank
you so much for joining us, and I'll be in touch in the future.
And if you want to find your makefield, go to her website Just
Julie dot com. You're listening to the Doctor Wendywell Show on KFI AM six
forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to KFI AM
six forty on demand. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendywall Show on KFI AM
six forty everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. So, if you've been following me
for a number of years, you have a scene my personal growth as a
human being, as somebody who dated a lot of bad boys when I was
young. Maybe you're one of those women. Maybe you know one of those
women who get really turned on by guys who can't really love them back.
And I want to explain that it took me years of therapy to understand.
I was spending all my time like trying to analyze him. Why has any
text? Why hasn't he called? If I do this that might bring him
closer? And it was only years later, through lots of therapy, that
I realized that there was one common denominator between all my relationships, and it
was me. And I was wasting my time analyzing them and their behavior when
I should have been analyzing why I was attracted to them in the first place.
And I came up with a number of psychological theories that explain why many
women get attracted to guys who can't really love them back. And when I
say can't love them back, there are either men who have an avoidant attachment
style, so they come in hot and heavy, they spoil you, love
bomb you because they want to still attain some sexual relationship with you. Right,
So they come in and get their needs met biologically, but emotionally they
can't tolerate intimacy, so then they disappear, and then they come back and
go again, right. And then there are those that just have no compassion
it seems, and no empathy and no idea of a woman's emotional experience.
And by the way, a woman can be a bad girl too. A
woman can be a narcissist, a woman can be somebody who has a cold,
hard heart too. But it is more common for women to bend themselves
for unfeeling men. So here are the three reasons why women often actually there's
four women often get attracted to bad boys. The first is, you know,
one third of American women have suffered some kind of trauma and abuse in
their early childhood. Now that abuse may have been emotional abuse, physical abuse,
or God forbid sexual abuse, and more than likely that abuse came from
the hands of someone they loved. So therefore their model of love is now
mixed up with pain. Love has to equal pain, and they actually get
aroused and excited when these guys break their hearts and hurt them in different ways.
The other thing is, partly because of this trauma and partly because of
patriarchy, a lot of women have low self esteem. I don't know what
happens around the teenage years, but these bold mouthed girls suddenly become worried about
what they look like, worried if guys will like them. And I watch
the girls move to the back of the classrooms. I watch the girls start
to you know, around their shoulders when they walk, and not have that
bold self esteem that they deserve to have. And so what happens when a
woman has low self esteem? They misread a guy's avoidance aloofness lies as high
self esteem, and people get attracted to people who have high self esteem.
And a lot of these bad boys act like they have high self esteem.
But there's another reason women get attracted to bad boys. It's because they often
present what I call a random interval reward system. It is literally the behavior
behavioral modification technique used by all of Las Vegas casinos. Okay, so when
you're trying to train an organism, in this case a girlfriend, you can
work with a dog too, what you need to do is get the reward
that they like and give it in a random interval way. So the size
of the reward should change, and also the amount of duration between giving the
reward. Think of a slot machine, right, so you sit down,
you think, and I'm just gonna, you know, throw in a few
bucks and I'll pull that handle a few times. And what they do is
very early on, those slot machines are programmed when a new user comes to
give a pretty big payout, considering like maybe you put in five dollars and
you get like fifteen dollars. You're like, oh my gosh, this is
amazing. So you start putting in more because you remember that great reward.
But next time they make you pull thirty times, so they've made their fifteen
back plus fifteen more, right, And then they will give you little dribs
and drabs of rewards like four dollars or six, seven dollars or whatever,
and you think it's coming, The big one's coming again. That's what bad
boys usually unconsciously do because they're going through their contacts and they might shoot you
at text when they're lonely one night and then get distracted by somebody else from
a dating app, and then come back around in a week, and they're
giving you these little payoffs, always complimenting you and making you feel special and
then disappearing for a while, and they literally get you glued to them.
But there's another kind of woman, often a very confident woman, who's attracted
to another kind of bad boy. This is the bad boy that is involved
in anti social behavior. I'm talking about criminals, and they're often attracted to
criminals because of the clamor the risk, the excitement, and indeed the money.
And these women who get attracted to these kinds of bad boys sometimes end
up paying the ultimate price in their life. These are the women who write
letters to guys in prison. If you listen to my show a few weeks
ago, and if you haven't seen it, go back where I proposed.
My boyfriend Julio, he experienced a year of incarceration in a federal case,
which is lightweight prison, but in his case, the women in the neighboring
towns would get lists because I guess this public record of who the new inmates
were, and start writing them emails and letters and get all dressed up and
come visit them because compared to the odds of you know, the mating marketplace
in their tiny little town, these white collar criminals there for financial crimes.
They're gambling on these guys because they think they're going to get out and make
money. Right. So there are those kinds of women, But there are
also women who date guys who are literally breaking the law because it's exciting because
the payoff is like Vegas, it can be really big. When we come
back, I have a very special guest. First of all, she will
go by an anonymous name because she is part of the Witness Protection program.
She's a famous cartel wife. She literally lived between America and Mexico as her
husband was the number one guy looking for El Chapo, and eventually the two
of them helped bring El Chapo down. When we come back, you'll meet
this very brave woman and she's going to tell you why she fell in love
with so many bad boys. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show.
KFI AM six forty on demand