1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:10,960 The Hard Boiled Egg by Ellis Parker Butler. Walking close along the wall to 2 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:16,399 avoid the creaking floorboards, Philo Gubb, paper hanger and student of the Rising 3 00:00:16,440 --> 00:00:21,559 Sun Detective Agencies Correspondence School of Detecting, tiptoed to the door of the bedroom 4 00:00:21,559 --> 00:00:27,000 he shared with the mysterious mister Kritz. In appearance, mister Gubb was tall 5 00:00:27,079 --> 00:00:32,000 and gaunt, reminding one of a modern Don Quixote or a human flamingo. 6 00:00:32,799 --> 00:00:36,920 By nature, mister Gubb was the gentlest and most simple minded of men. 7 00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:41,960 Now, bending his long, angular body almost double, he placed his eye 8 00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:46,880 to a crack in the door panel and stared into the room within just out 9 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:51,159 of the limited area of mister Gubb's vision, Roscoe Critz paused in his work 10 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:56,079 and listened carefully. He heard the sharp whistle of mister Gubb's breath as it 11 00:00:56,119 --> 00:00:59,479 cut against the sharp edge of the crack in the panel, and he knew 12 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:03,520 he was being spied upon. He placed his chubby hands on his knees and 13 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:07,560 smiled at the door while a red flush of triumph spread over his face. 14 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:11,519 Through the crack in the door, mister Gubb could see the top of the 15 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:17,079 washstand beside which mister Critz was sitting, But he could not see mister Critz. 16 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:21,439 As he stared. However, he saw a plump hand appear and pick 17 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:26,879 up one by one the articles lying on the washstand. They were first seven 18 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:32,400 or eight half shells of English walnuts, second a rubber shoe heel out of 19 00:01:32,439 --> 00:01:37,439 which a peace had been cut, Third a small rubber ball no larger than 20 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:42,879 a pea, fourth a paper bound book, and lastly a large and glittering 21 00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:48,319 brick of yellow gold. As the hand withdrew the golden brick, mister Gubb 22 00:01:48,359 --> 00:01:52,239 pressed his face closer against the door in his effort to see more, And 23 00:01:52,359 --> 00:01:56,599 suddenly the door flew open, and mister Gubb sprawled on his hands and knees 24 00:01:56,640 --> 00:02:02,359 on the worn carpet of the bedroom. Said mister Krits, there now serves 25 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:07,879 you right. Hope you hurt yourself. Mister Gubb arose slowly like a giraffe 26 00:02:07,919 --> 00:02:14,879 and brushed his knees. Why, he asked, snoopin and sneakin' like that, 27 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:20,360 said mister Kritz, crossly scarin meata fits almost? How'd I know who 28 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:23,280 it? Twas? If you want to come in, why don't you come 29 00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:28,000 right? Instead of snoopin and sneakin an fallin In that way, as he 30 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,680 talked, mister Chrits replaced the shells and the rubber heel, and the rubber 31 00:02:30,719 --> 00:02:36,199 pea and the gold brick on the washstand. He was a plump little man 32 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,800 with a shiny bald head and a white goatee. As he talked, he 33 00:02:39,879 --> 00:02:44,639 bent his head down so that he might look above the glasses of his spectacles, 34 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,599 and in spite of his pretended anger, he looked like nothing so much 35 00:02:47,599 --> 00:02:53,080 as a kindly, benevolent old gentleman, the sort of old gentleman that keeps 36 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:57,639 a small store in a small village and sells writing paper that smells of soap 37 00:02:57,719 --> 00:03:01,360 and candy sticks out of a glass jawn with a glass cover. How'd I 38 00:03:01,479 --> 00:03:06,599 know but what you was? A detective, he asked in a gentler tone. 39 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,280 I am, said mister Gubb, soberly, seating himself on one of 40 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:15,319 the two beds. I'm pretty near a detecative, as you might say, 41 00:03:15,479 --> 00:03:19,400 digging it all, said mister Kritz. Now I got to go hunt another 42 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:23,719 room. I can't room with no detective. Well, now, mister Kritz, 43 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:29,400 said mister Gubb, I don't want you should feel that way know when 44 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:32,840 you're a detective makes me all nervous, complained mister Kritz. And a man 45 00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:38,560 in my business has to have a steady hand, don't he. You ain't 46 00:03:38,599 --> 00:03:43,639 told me what your business is, said mister Gubb. You needn't pretend you 47 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:46,919 don't know, said mister Kritz. Any detective that saw that stuff on the 48 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:52,159 washstand would know. Well, of course, said mister Gubb. I ain't 49 00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:55,599 a full detecative yet. You can't look for me to guess things as quick 50 00:03:55,639 --> 00:04:00,960 as a full detecative would. Of course, that brick sort of looks like 51 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:05,319 a gold brick. It is a gold brick, said mister Kritz. Yes, 52 00:04:05,639 --> 00:04:10,000 said mister Gubb. But I don't mean no offense, mister Kritz. 53 00:04:10,039 --> 00:04:13,319 From the way you look, I sort of thought, well that it was 54 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:18,240 a gold brick you'd bought. Mister Kritz turned very red. Well, what 55 00:04:18,319 --> 00:04:21,680 if I did buy it? He said? That ain't any reason I can't 56 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:25,920 sell it. Is it just because a man buys eggs once or twice? 57 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:29,279 Ain't any reason he shouldn't go into the business of egg selling. Is it 58 00:04:29,879 --> 00:04:31,879 just because I've bought one or two gold bricks in my day. Ain't any 59 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:36,319 reason I shouldn't go to selling them, is it. Mister Gubb stared at 60 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:43,079 mister Kritz with unconcealed surprise. You ain't. You ain't a con man, 61 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:46,399 are you, mister Kritz? He asked. If I ain't yet, that's 62 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:51,199 no sign I ain't gonna be, said mister Kritz firmly. One man has 63 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:55,600 as good a right to try his hand at it as another, especially when 64 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:59,639 a man has had my experience in it. Mister Gubb, there ain't hardly 65 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:02,600 a con game. I ain't been conned with. I've been confidenced long enough. 66 00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:06,839 From now on, I'm going to confidence other folks. That's what I'm 67 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:11,120 going to do. And I won't be bothered by no detective living in the 68 00:05:11,199 --> 00:05:15,040 same room with me. Detectives and con men don't mix nowadays, no, 69 00:05:15,319 --> 00:05:20,079 sir, Well sir, said mister Gubb. I can see the sense in 70 00:05:20,199 --> 00:05:24,439 that, but you don't need to move right away. I don't aim to 71 00:05:24,439 --> 00:05:28,600 start detectin in earnest for a couple of months yet. I got a couple 72 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:31,800 of jobs of paper hanging and decoratin' to finish up, and I can't start 73 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:35,959 in sleuthing until I get my star anyway. And I don't get my star 74 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:41,399 until I get one more lesson and learn it and send in the examination paper 75 00:05:41,439 --> 00:05:45,680 and five dollars extra for the diploma. Then I'm going at it as a 76 00:05:45,759 --> 00:05:49,920 regular business. It's a good business. Every day there's more crooks. Excuse 77 00:05:49,959 --> 00:05:55,199 me. I didn't mean to say that, That's all right, said mister 78 00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:58,560 Chritz. Kindly call a spade a spade. If I ain't a crook yet, 79 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,720 I hope to be soon. I I didn't know how you'd feel about 80 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:08,040 it, explained mister Gubb. Tactfulness is strongly advised into the lessons of the 81 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:15,199 Rising Sun Detecative Agency Correspondence School of Detecating. Slocum Ohio asked mister Critz quickly. 82 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:19,319 You didn't see the ad in the Hearthstone and Farmside, did you, 83 00:06:20,519 --> 00:06:26,319 Yes, slocum Ohio, said mister Gubb. And that is the paper I 84 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:30,480 saw the ad into a big money in detecating. Be a sleuth. We 85 00:06:30,639 --> 00:06:35,720 can make you the equal of Sherlock Holmes in twelve lessons. Why well, 86 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:41,639 sir, said mister Critz. That's that's funny. That ad was right atop 87 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:45,279 of the one I saw, and I studied quite considerable before I could make 88 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,600 up my mind whether twould be best for me to be a detective and go 89 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:51,360 out and get square with the fellers that sold me gold bricks and things by 90 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:56,800 putting them in jail, or to even things up by sending for this book 91 00:06:56,839 --> 00:07:01,519 that was advertised right under the Rising Sun correspond school. How come I settled 92 00:07:01,519 --> 00:07:05,040 to do as I done was that I had a sort of stock to start 93 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:09,959 with, with a first class gold brick and some green goods i'd bought. 94 00:07:10,279 --> 00:07:14,120 And this book only cost a quarter of a dollar, and she's a hummer 95 00:07:14,160 --> 00:07:17,920 for a quarter of a dollar a hummer. He pulled the paper covered book 96 00:07:17,959 --> 00:07:21,839 from his pocket and handed it to mister Gubb. The title of the book 97 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:28,480 was The Complete con Man by the King of the Grafters, price twenty five 98 00:07:28,519 --> 00:07:31,839 cents. That there book, said mister Kritz, proudly, as if he 99 00:07:31,959 --> 00:07:36,240 himself had written. It tells everything a man needs to know to work every 100 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:40,839 con game there is. Once I get it by hard, I won't be 101 00:07:40,879 --> 00:07:45,160 afraid to try any of them. Of Course, I got to start small. 102 00:07:45,199 --> 00:07:47,519 I can't hope to pull off a wire tapping game right at the start, 103 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:51,199 because that has to have a gang. You don't know anybody you could 104 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:57,319 recommend for a gang, do you not? Right off hand, said mister 105 00:07:57,399 --> 00:08:01,839 Gubb thoughtfully. If you wasn't going into the detective business, said mister Kritz, 106 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:05,439 you'd be just a feller for me. You look sort of honest and 107 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:09,519 not as if you was too bright, and that counts a lot even in 108 00:08:09,560 --> 00:08:13,879 this here, simple little shell game. I got to have a partner. 109 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:16,879 I got to have a partner I can trust, so I can let him 110 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:20,839 look like he was winning money off of me. You see, he explained, 111 00:08:20,879 --> 00:08:24,879 moving to the washstand. This shell game is easy enough when you know 112 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:28,879 how. I put three shells down like this on a stand, and I 113 00:08:28,959 --> 00:08:31,039 put the little rubber pea on the stand, and then I take up the 114 00:08:31,039 --> 00:08:35,399 three shells like this, two in one hand and one in the other, 115 00:08:35,879 --> 00:08:39,000 and I wave him around over the p and maybe push the pe around a 116 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,639 little, and I say, come on, come on, the hand is 117 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:45,840 quicker than the eye. And all of a sudden, I put the shells 118 00:08:45,919 --> 00:08:48,600 down. And you think the P is under one of them like that. 119 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,480 I don't think the P is under one of them, said mister Gubb. 120 00:08:52,559 --> 00:08:58,159 I've seen it roll onto the floor. It did roll onto the floor at 121 00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:01,759 that time, said mister Critz upontologetically. It most generally does for me. 122 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:07,240 Yet I ain't got it down to perfection yet. This is the way it 123 00:09:07,279 --> 00:09:11,320 ought to work. Oh pshaw. There she goes on to the floor again, 124 00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:16,039 went under the bed that time. Here she is now the way she 125 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:20,639 ought to work is there she goes again. You got to practice that game 126 00:09:20,679 --> 00:09:24,200 a lot before you try it on folks in public, mister Kritz, said 127 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:30,240 mister Gubb. Seriously, don't I know that, said mister Kritz, rather 128 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:33,919 impatiently, Same as you've got to practice snoop And mister Gubb, maybe you 129 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:37,360 thought I didn't know you was snoopin after me wherever I went last night? 130 00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:43,480 Did you? Asked mister Gubb, with surprise plainly written on his face. 131 00:09:43,399 --> 00:09:48,480 I've seen you every moment from nine p m. Till eleven, said mister 132 00:09:48,559 --> 00:09:52,519 Kritz. I didn't like it neither. I I didn't think to annoy you, 133 00:09:52,799 --> 00:09:58,519 apologized mister Gubb. I was practicin lesson four. You wasn't supposed to 134 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:01,000 know I was there at all. Well, I don't like it, said 135 00:10:01,039 --> 00:10:05,360 mister Kritz. Twas all right last night for I didn't have nothing importint on 136 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:09,639 hand. But if i'd been workin up a con game, the feller I 137 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:13,600 was after would have thought it mighty strange to see a man followin me everywhere 138 00:10:13,639 --> 00:10:16,919 like that. If you went about it quiet and obtrusive, I wouldn't mind. 139 00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,080 But if I'd had a customer on hand and he'd seen you, it 140 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:24,519 would make him nervous. He'd think there was a a crazy man followin us. 141 00:10:26,639 --> 00:10:30,759 I I was just practicin, apologized mister Gubb. It won't be so 142 00:10:30,879 --> 00:10:33,879 bad when I get the hang of it. We all got to be beginners 143 00:10:33,879 --> 00:10:37,879 sometime, I guess, so, said mister Critz, rearranging the shells and 144 00:10:37,919 --> 00:10:43,000 the little rubber pea. Well, I put the pea down like this, 145 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:46,399 and I dare you to bet which shell she's going to be under. And 146 00:10:46,559 --> 00:10:50,480 you don't bet, see, So I put the shells down and you're willing 147 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:52,679 to bet you see me put the first shell over the pea like this, 148 00:10:54,559 --> 00:10:56,639 so you keep your eye on that shell, and I move the shells around 149 00:10:56,799 --> 00:11:03,679 like this. She's under the same shell, said mister Gubb. Well, 150 00:11:03,159 --> 00:11:09,039 yes she is, said mister Critz placidly. But she hadn't ought to be 151 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:13,200 by rights, she ought to sort of ooze out from under whilst I'm moving 152 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,840 the shells around, and i'd ought to catch her in between my fingers and 153 00:11:16,919 --> 00:11:20,720 hold her there so you don't see her. Then when you say which shell 154 00:11:20,799 --> 00:11:24,759 she's under, she ain't under any shell. She's between my fingers. So 155 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:26,840 when you put down your money, i'd tell you to pick up that shell, 156 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:31,159 and there ain't anything under it. And before you can pick up the 157 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,679 other shells, I pick one up and let the pee fall on the stand 158 00:11:33,799 --> 00:11:37,679 like it had been under that shell all the time. That's the game, 159 00:11:37,799 --> 00:11:41,200 only up to now I ain't got the hang of it. She won't ooze 160 00:11:41,279 --> 00:11:45,919 out from under, and she won't stick between my fingers, and when she 161 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:50,440 does stick, she won't drop at the right time. Except for that, 162 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:54,240 you've got her all right, have you, asked mister Gubb. Except for 163 00:11:54,399 --> 00:11:58,559 that, said mister Kriz. And i'd have that only my fingers are stubby. 164 00:12:00,759 --> 00:12:03,919 What was it you've thought of having me do if I wasn't a detecative, 165 00:12:05,440 --> 00:12:09,639 asked mister Gubb. The work you'd have to do would be capping work, 166 00:12:09,919 --> 00:12:13,600 said mister Kritz Capper. That's the professional name for it, you'd guess 167 00:12:13,639 --> 00:12:18,720 which shell the ball was under. That would be easy the way you do 168 00:12:18,759 --> 00:12:22,480 it now, said mister Gubb. I told you I got to learn it 169 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:28,480 better, didn't I asked mister Critz, impatiently. You'd be capper and you'd 170 00:12:28,519 --> 00:12:31,879 guess which shell the pea was under. No matter which you guessed, I'd 171 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:33,879 leave it under that one, so you'd win, and you'd win ten dollars 172 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:39,039 every time you bet, but not for keeps. That's why I've got to 173 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:43,679 have an honest capper. I can see that, said mister Gubb. But 174 00:12:43,799 --> 00:12:46,879 what's the use in letting me win it? If I've got to bring it 175 00:12:46,919 --> 00:12:52,679 back? That starts the boob's betting, said mister Kritz. The boobs see 176 00:12:52,679 --> 00:12:54,480 how you look to be winnin, and they want to win too, but 177 00:12:54,600 --> 00:13:01,320 they don't when they bet I win. That ain't as square game, said 178 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:05,879 mister Gubb. Seriously, is it? A crook ain't expected to be square, 179 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:09,039 said mister Kritz. It stands to reason if a crook wants to be 180 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:13,039 a crook, he's got to be crooked, ain't he. Yes, of 181 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:16,840 course, said mister Gubb. I hadn't looked at it that way. As 182 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,440 far as I can see, said mister Kritz. The more I know how 183 00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:24,320 a detective acts, the better off I'll be when I start in doing real 184 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:28,000 business, Ain't that so? I guess till I get the hang of things 185 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:33,279 better, I'll stay right here. I'm glad to hear you say so, 186 00:13:33,399 --> 00:13:37,519 mister Kritz, said mister Gubb with relief. I like you, and I 187 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:41,120 like your looks, and there's no telling who I might get for a roommate 188 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:46,080 next time. I might get someone that wasn't honest. So it was agreed, 189 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:50,679 and mister Kritz stood over the washstand and manipulated the little rubber p in 190 00:13:50,799 --> 00:13:54,159 the three shells, while mister Gubb sat on the edge of the bed and 191 00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:58,600 studied less than eleven of the Rising Sun Detective Agency's Correspondence School of Detecting. 192 00:14:00,399 --> 00:14:05,120 When presently mister Kritz learned to work the little pea neatly, he urged mister 193 00:14:05,159 --> 00:14:07,879 Gubb to take the part of the capper, and each time mister Gubb won, 194 00:14:09,039 --> 00:14:13,080 he gave him a five dollar bill. Then mister Gubb posed as a 195 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:16,519 boob and mister Critz won all the money back, again, beaming over his 196 00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:20,600 spectacle rims and chuckling again and again, until he burst into a fit of 197 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:24,519 coughing that made him red in the face, and did not cease until he 198 00:14:24,639 --> 00:14:30,440 had taken a big drink of water out of the wash pitcher. Never had 199 00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:33,639 he seemed more like a kindly old gentleman from behind the candy counter of a 200 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:39,080 small village. He hung over the washstand, manipulating the little rubber pea as 201 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:43,600 if fascinated. Ain't it curious how a feller catches on to a thing like 202 00:14:43,679 --> 00:14:48,840 that all to once? He said after a while. If it hadn't been 203 00:14:48,879 --> 00:14:52,240 that I was so anxious, I might have fooled with that for weeks and 204 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:56,320 weeks and not got anywhere with it. I do wish you could be my 205 00:14:56,480 --> 00:15:01,080 capper a while anyway, until I could get one. I need all my 206 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:05,440 time to study, said mister Gubb. It ain't easy to learn de ticketing 207 00:15:05,519 --> 00:15:09,559 by mail. Pshah, now, said mister Kritz. I'm real sorry. 208 00:15:09,879 --> 00:15:13,240 Maybe if I was to pay you for your time in trouble, five dollars 209 00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:18,879 a night, I'll say. Mister Gubb consentered. Well, I dunno, 210 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:22,759 he said slowly. I sort of hate to take money for doin a favor 211 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:26,159 like that. Now, There ain't no need to feel that way, said 212 00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:30,480 mister Kritz. Your time's worth somethin to me. It's worth a lot to 213 00:15:30,519 --> 00:15:33,320 me to get the hang of this gold brick game. Once I get the 214 00:15:33,399 --> 00:15:37,639 hang of it, it won't be no trouble for me to sell gold bricks 215 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:41,120 like this one for all the way from a thousand dollars up. I paid 216 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:46,919 fifteen hundred for this one myself and got it cheap. That's a good profit 217 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:50,639 for this brick ain't worth a cent over one hundred dollars. And I know 218 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:52,600 for I took it to the bank after I bought it, and that's what 219 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:56,559 they was willing to pay me for it. So it's easy with a few 220 00:15:56,600 --> 00:16:02,200 dollars for me to have help whilst I'm learning. I can easily afford to 221 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:04,759 pay you a few dollars and to pay a friend of yours the same. 222 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:10,679 Well, now, said mister Gubb. I don't know, but what I 223 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:15,200 might as well make a little that way as any other I got a friend. 224 00:16:15,879 --> 00:16:18,799 He stopped short. You don't aim to sell the gold brick to him, 225 00:16:18,879 --> 00:16:25,840 do you. Mister Kritz's eyes opened wide behind their spectacles. Land's sake, 226 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:30,600 No, he said. Well, I got a friend may be willing 227 00:16:30,679 --> 00:16:33,679 to help out, said mister Gubb. What do you have to do? 228 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:37,559 You were him, said mister Kritz, would be the come on and pretend 229 00:16:37,639 --> 00:16:41,240 to buy the brick, and you were him, would pretend to help me 230 00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:45,399 to sell it. Maybe you better have the brick because you can look stupid, 231 00:16:45,440 --> 00:16:49,480 and the feller that's got the brick has got to look that. I 232 00:16:49,559 --> 00:16:56,039 can look anyway, almost, said mister Gubb, with pride. Do tell, 233 00:16:56,159 --> 00:17:00,279 said mister Kritz, And so it was arranged that the first rehearse of 234 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:03,759 the gold brick game should take place the next evening. But as mister Gubb 235 00:17:03,799 --> 00:17:08,680 turned away, mister Kritz deftly slipped something into the student detective's coat pocket. 236 00:17:10,759 --> 00:17:14,799 It was toward noon the next day that mister Kritz, peering over his spectacles 237 00:17:14,839 --> 00:17:18,200 and avoiding as best he could the pails of paste, entered the parlor of 238 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:23,319 the vacant house where mister Gubb was at work. I just come around, 239 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:27,079 said mister Critz, rather reluctantly, to say, you better not say nothing 240 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:33,400 to your friend. I guess that deals off pshaw. Now, said mister 241 00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:37,880 Gubb. You don't mean so I don't mean nothing in the way of aspersions 242 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:41,279 you mind, said mister Kritz with reluctance. But I guess we'd better call 243 00:17:41,319 --> 00:17:45,200 it off. Of course, so far as I know you're all right, 244 00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:48,720 I don't know what you're getting at, said mister Gubb. Why why don't 245 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:55,240 you say it? Well, I've been buncoed so often, said mister Kritz. 246 00:17:55,559 --> 00:17:57,920 Seems like anyone can get money from me anytime, in any way. 247 00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:02,559 And I got to thinking it over. I don't know anything about you, 248 00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:06,039 do I. And here I am going to give you a gold brick that 249 00:18:06,079 --> 00:18:08,759 cost me fifteen hundred dollars and let you go out and wait until I come 250 00:18:08,799 --> 00:18:12,480 for it with your friend. And well, what's to stop you from just 251 00:18:12,599 --> 00:18:18,519 going away with that brick and never coming back. Mister Gubb looked at mister 252 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:22,559 Critz blankly. I've went and told my friend. He said, he's all 253 00:18:22,599 --> 00:18:27,240 ready to start in. I hate it to have to say it, said 254 00:18:27,279 --> 00:18:30,319 mister Kritz. But when I come to count over them bills I lent you 255 00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:34,000 to cap the shell game with. There was a five dollar one short, 256 00:18:36,039 --> 00:18:40,319 I know, said Gubb, turning red. And if you go over there 257 00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:42,880 to my coat you'll find it in my pocket all ready to hand back to 258 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:47,400 you. I don't know how I come to keep it in my pocket. 259 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:52,640 Must have missed it when I handed you back the rest. Well, I 260 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:55,400 had a notion it was that way, said mister Critz. Kindly, you 261 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:59,839 look like you was honest, mister Gubb, But a thousand dollar gold brick 262 00:19:00,079 --> 00:19:03,640 at any bank we'll pay one hundred dollars for. I got to get out 263 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:08,920 of this way of trust in everybody. Mister Kritz was evidently distressed. If 264 00:19:10,079 --> 00:19:14,279 twas anybody else but you, he said, with an effort, I'd make 265 00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:17,079 him put up one hundred dollars to cover the cost of a brick like that 266 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:21,519 whilst he had it there. I've said it, and I guess you're mad. 267 00:19:22,759 --> 00:19:26,119 I ain't mad, protested mister Gubb. Long as you're gonna pay me 268 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:30,079 in pete and it's business, I ain't so set against putting up what the 269 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:37,279 brick is worth. Mister Kritz heaved a deep sigh of relief. You don't 270 00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:40,880 know how good that makes me feel, he said. I was almost losing 271 00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:47,359 what faith in mankind I had left. Mister Gubb bade his frugal evening meals 272 00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:51,920 at the Pie Wagon on Willow Street, just off Maine, where by day 273 00:19:52,039 --> 00:19:56,920 pie Wagon Pete dispensed light viands, and Pie Wagon Pete was the friend he 274 00:19:56,000 --> 00:20:02,599 had invited to share mister Kritz's generosity. The seal of secrecy had been put 275 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:07,119 on Pie Wagon Pete's lips before mister Gubb offered him the opportunity to accept or 276 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:11,079 decline, And when mister Gubb stopped for his evening meal, pie Wagon Pete, 277 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:15,839 now off duty, was waiting for him. The story of mister Critz 278 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:21,480 and his amateur con business had amused Pie Wagon Pete. He could hardly believe 279 00:20:21,519 --> 00:20:26,440 such utter innocence existed. Perhaps he did not believe it existed, for he 280 00:20:26,519 --> 00:20:30,559 had come from the city, and he had had shady companions before he landed 281 00:20:30,559 --> 00:20:34,119 in Riverbank. He was a sharp eyed, red headed fellow with a hard 282 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:38,359 fist and a scar across his face. And when mister Gubb had told him 283 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:42,440 of mister Critz and his affairs, he had seen an opportunity to shear a 284 00:20:42,559 --> 00:20:48,319 country lamb. How goes it for to night Philo, he asked mister Gubb, 285 00:20:48,559 --> 00:20:52,000 taking the stool next to mister Gubb while the night man drew a cup 286 00:20:52,039 --> 00:20:56,440 of coffee. Quite well, said mister Gubb. Everything is arranged satisfactory. 287 00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,440 I'm to be on the old houseboat by the warf House on the levee at 288 00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:06,079 nine with it. He glanced at the nightman's back and lowered his voice. 289 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:11,720 And mister Kritz will bring you there nine, eh, said pie Wagon. 290 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:15,200 I meet him at your room, do I? You meet him at the 291 00:21:15,319 --> 00:21:19,359 Riverbank Hotel at eight forty five, said mister Gubb, like it was the 292 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:23,119 real thing. I'm going over to my room now and give him the money. 293 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:29,720 What money, asked pie Wagon. Pete quickly. Well, you see, 294 00:21:29,759 --> 00:21:33,039 said mister Gubb. He sort of hated to trust the trust it out 295 00:21:33,079 --> 00:21:37,039 of his hands without a deposit. It's the only one he has, so 296 00:21:37,160 --> 00:21:42,079 I thought i'd put up one hundred dollars. He's all right, Oh sure, 297 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:47,480 said pie Wagon. A hundred dollars eh. He looked at mister Gubb, 298 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,799 who was eating a piece of apple pie hand to mouth fashion, and 299 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:56,160 studied him in a new light. One hundred dollars, eh, he repeated 300 00:21:56,200 --> 00:22:00,359 thoughtfully. You give him a hundred dollar deposit now, and he eats you 301 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:03,640 at nine and me at eight forty five. And the train leaves for Chicago 302 00:22:03,799 --> 00:22:10,079 at eight forty three, half way between the houseboat and the hotel, Say 303 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:14,880 Gubby, what does this old guy look like? Mister Gubb, albeit with 304 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:18,759 a tongue unused to description, delineated mister Kritz as best he could, and 305 00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:26,359 as he proceeded, pie Wagon Pete became interested, pinkish, and bawled top 306 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:30,599 of his head like a hard boiled egg. He ain't got a scar across 307 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:36,039 his face, the dickens he has short and plump and a regular old nice 308 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:41,079 grandpa blue eyes, say did he have a coffin spell and choke red in 309 00:22:41,079 --> 00:22:45,480 the face. Well, sir, for a brand new detective, you've done 310 00:22:45,559 --> 00:22:52,559 well. Listen, Jim, Gubby's got the hard boiled egg. The nightman 311 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:56,279 almost dropped his cup of coffee. Go away, he said, old heart 312 00:22:56,319 --> 00:23:02,440 boiled himself, that's right, and caught him with the goods. Say listen, 313 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:07,799 Gubby. For five minutes, pie Wagon Pete talked while mister Gubb sat 314 00:23:07,839 --> 00:23:12,359 with his mouth wide open, see said Pye Wagon Pete. At last, 315 00:23:12,759 --> 00:23:17,680 And don't you mention me at all. Don't mention no one, just say 316 00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:21,400 to the chief, And havn't trailed him? This far mister Whittaker, and 317 00:23:21,559 --> 00:23:25,400 arranged to have him took with the goods. It's up to you, see, 318 00:23:26,039 --> 00:23:27,720 and as soon as you say that, have him send a couple of 319 00:23:27,759 --> 00:23:32,440 bulls with you. And if they can do it, they'll nab old hard 320 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:36,799 boiled, just as he takes your cash, and old Sleuth and Sherlock Holmes 321 00:23:36,839 --> 00:23:40,839 won't be in it with you when tomorrow mornin's papers come out. Get it, 322 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:45,000 mister Gubb got it. When he entered his bedroom, mister Kritz was 323 00:23:45,079 --> 00:23:49,240 waiting for him. It was slightly after eight o'clock, perhaps eight fifteen. 324 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:55,000 Mister Kritz had what appeared to be the gold brick neatly wrapped in newspaper, 325 00:23:55,039 --> 00:23:59,279 and he looked up with his kindly blue eyes. He had been reading the 326 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:03,160 Complete con Man and had pushed his spectacles up on his forehead as mister Gubb 327 00:24:03,279 --> 00:24:07,599 entered. I'd done that brick up for you, he said, indicating it 328 00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:11,640 with his hand, so's it wouldn't glitter whilst you was goin through the street. 329 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:15,319 If word got passed round there was a gold brick in town, folks 330 00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:19,960 might sort of get suspicious, like nice night for goin out, ain't it? 331 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:25,480 Got a letter from my wife this afternoon, he chuckled. She says, 332 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:29,160 she hopes I'm doin well. Sally'd have a fit if she knew what 333 00:24:29,279 --> 00:24:33,440 business I was goin into. Well. Time's getting along. I brung the 334 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:38,000 money, said mister Gubb, drawing it from his pocket. Don't seem hardly 335 00:24:38,079 --> 00:24:44,000 necessary, does it, said mister Chritz mildly. But I suppose it's just 336 00:24:44,039 --> 00:24:48,319 as well, thank'e, mister Gubb. I'll just pile it into my coat. 337 00:24:48,799 --> 00:24:52,079 Mister Gubb had picked up the gold brick, and now he let it 338 00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:55,880 fall once more. The door flew open, but this time it opened for 339 00:24:56,000 --> 00:25:00,559 three stalwart policemen, whose revolvers pointed unwaveringly at missus. Mister Kritz, the 340 00:25:00,559 --> 00:25:06,000 plump little man, gave one glance and put up his hands. All right, 341 00:25:06,039 --> 00:25:08,759 boys, you've got me, he said, in quite another voice, 342 00:25:08,799 --> 00:25:14,200 and allowed them to seize his arms. He paid no attention to the police, 343 00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,720 but at mister Gubb, who was tearing the wrapper from what proved to 344 00:25:17,720 --> 00:25:22,440 be but a common vitrified paving brick. He looked long and hard, say, 345 00:25:22,920 --> 00:25:26,680 said mister Critz to mister Gubb, I'm the goat you've stung me. 346 00:25:26,759 --> 00:25:30,279 All right, you worked me to a finish. I thought I knew all 347 00:25:30,319 --> 00:25:33,480 of you from Burns down, but you're a new one to me. Who 348 00:25:33,519 --> 00:25:40,000 are you anyway? Mister Gubb looked up me, he said with pride. 349 00:25:40,599 --> 00:25:51,480 Why Why I'm Gubb. The foremost detecative of Riverbank, Iowa, and of 350 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:56,279 the hard Boiled Egg by Ellis Parker Butler