WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:04.040 This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to k I Am six forty, 2 00:00:04.080 --> 00:00:09.199 the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app k I Am six 3 00:00:09.279 --> 00:00:12.439 forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy 4 00:00:12.439 --> 00:00:15.560 Walsh Show. Welcome back. This is the time of the show where I 5 00:00:15.640 --> 00:00:19.960 take your calls and answer your relationship questions. Just a reminder, I'm not 6 00:00:20.000 --> 00:00:23.719 a therapist. I'm a psychology professor, but I've written three books on relationships 7 00:00:23.719 --> 00:00:27.079 and did a dissertation on attachment theory and I would love to weigh in on 8 00:00:27.120 --> 00:00:30.000 your love life. Before we go any further though, remember earlier in the 9 00:00:30.039 --> 00:00:35.759 show, I was talking about mature companionate love and there's nothing wrong with mature 10 00:00:35.880 --> 00:00:40.000 companionate love. Well, one of our listeners called in to say that he 11 00:00:40.079 --> 00:00:44.280 completely agreed with me. Kayla. Let's listen to that. Doctor Wendy right 12 00:00:44.359 --> 00:00:49.320 on, been married like thirty two, thirty three years, separate bedrooms, 13 00:00:49.359 --> 00:00:53.200 we love it, we respect each other. We know we have nowhere else 14 00:00:53.240 --> 00:00:58.439 to go, have a nice house overlooking the valleys up in Redlands. So 15 00:00:59.320 --> 00:01:03.159 two kids move, no out and gone. So I know where you're coming 16 00:01:03.200 --> 00:01:07.200 from. It's better to stay with it and live with it then don't know 17 00:01:07.239 --> 00:01:11.480 where the hell you're going if you decide to get a divorce, take care. 18 00:01:11.359 --> 00:01:15.439 Isn't that nice? So I just want everybody to understand there's no one 19 00:01:15.719 --> 00:01:19.359 right way to have a healthy relationship, but there is a lot of pressure, 20 00:01:19.400 --> 00:01:23.280 it feels like in our culture right now to be quote unquote in love 21 00:01:23.359 --> 00:01:29.359 and having lots of hot sex when lots of people live very functional, happy, 22 00:01:29.760 --> 00:01:34.040 secure lives as best friends. Right, Okay, So if you like 23 00:01:34.079 --> 00:01:37.400 to call in, I'll be taking your calls. The number is one eight 24 00:01:37.560 --> 00:01:41.799 hundred five two zero one five three four. That's one eight hundred five two 25 00:01:41.879 --> 00:01:45.439 zero one five three four. Also, if you like to peek inside the 26 00:01:45.480 --> 00:01:48.840 studio, I am live on Instagram right now. The handle is at doctor 27 00:01:48.879 --> 00:01:52.760 Wendy Walsh at Dr Wendy Walsh. Okay, Producer Kayla, Who do we 28 00:01:52.799 --> 00:01:56.000 have? We have Sarah with a question. Sarah. Hi, Sarah, 29 00:01:56.000 --> 00:02:00.280 It's doctor Wendy. Hi. Hi. What do you know me? Okay, 30 00:02:00.359 --> 00:02:04.680 I can hear you perfectly. What's your question? My question is kind 31 00:02:04.719 --> 00:02:07.319 of odd. I have I live with a roommate who I used to date, 32 00:02:07.680 --> 00:02:13.400 and he has a girlfriend that he's planning on marrying, but he cheats 33 00:02:13.400 --> 00:02:15.960 on her shamelessly, and he loves her. He says he loves her, 34 00:02:15.960 --> 00:02:19.840 he's going to marry her, But I mean, can that really be loved 35 00:02:20.080 --> 00:02:24.120 if he's just cheating on her shamelessly? Are you asking me if he actually 36 00:02:24.199 --> 00:02:28.879 loves her? Or are you really asking me? Should you tell her that 37 00:02:28.919 --> 00:02:35.199 he cheats all the time? Hmmm, probably the latter. Not my place, 38 00:02:35.879 --> 00:02:38.759 it's not my plate, But I'm just you know, do you sing? 39 00:02:39.240 --> 00:02:43.520 Okay? Do you think they have an open relationship and she's aware of 40 00:02:43.599 --> 00:02:49.199 his extra pair bonding? Absolutely not, absolutely not. So she believes she's 41 00:02:49.240 --> 00:02:53.639 walking up to an altar with a guy who has multiple sexual partners. She's 42 00:02:53.800 --> 00:03:00.680 unknowingly exposing her bloodstream and her eggs to Lord knows what. Right, Yes, 43 00:03:01.159 --> 00:03:05.960 this is a very moral decision. Now, there's something else you mentioned 44 00:03:06.000 --> 00:03:08.719 at the beginning, which is that this guy is your roommate and that you 45 00:03:08.840 --> 00:03:13.560 used to date him. So let me pause there and ask you this question, 46 00:03:13.639 --> 00:03:17.560 Sarah, do you feel a little bit of jealousy or envy towards her 47 00:03:17.680 --> 00:03:23.639 because you're not with him and she is now at first, but not anymore. 48 00:03:23.840 --> 00:03:30.360 Now it's more of just a moral question. I think, how do 49 00:03:30.400 --> 00:03:34.960 you know he has he's cheating? Does he share this with you? Yes? 50 00:03:35.599 --> 00:03:39.639 And he's done it with me? Oh okay, Okay, Now the 51 00:03:39.680 --> 00:03:46.199 plot thickens. So not only does he have lots of extra pair bonds and 52 00:03:46.280 --> 00:03:51.360 he's engaged to somebody else, but you've also hooked up with him since he's 53 00:03:51.360 --> 00:03:59.599 been engaged before I was aware of all this. Okay, So you've got 54 00:03:59.599 --> 00:04:02.319 a tang web right there, partly because you're in a lease with this dude 55 00:04:02.360 --> 00:04:08.000 and you have a financial relationship with him, and so anything you do to 56 00:04:08.199 --> 00:04:14.360 blow this up is going to impact you as well. Yeah, so that's 57 00:04:14.360 --> 00:04:17.120 why I'm thinking I should stay out of it. But I just yeah, 58 00:04:17.759 --> 00:04:20.360 yeah, you want to stay out of it because you think it's not your 59 00:04:20.360 --> 00:04:26.040 business, but you want to protect this woman from what could happen to her. 60 00:04:26.879 --> 00:04:32.519 So when is your lease up? It's kind of indefinite, Okay. 61 00:04:33.240 --> 00:04:39.160 Would you be willing to give notice and move along because it's not safe for 62 00:04:39.240 --> 00:04:41.480 you? And by the way, why did you choose to keep the Oh, 63 00:04:41.480 --> 00:04:44.240 you're choosing to keep the secret for him because you're part of the secret. 64 00:04:45.920 --> 00:04:49.959 Oh yeah, and because I yeah. So what kind of relationship do 65 00:04:49.959 --> 00:04:55.560 you have with her? Do you want it to continue? Friendship? Uh? 66 00:04:55.759 --> 00:05:00.040 Not necessarily, I mean because when you blow it up, you're I 67 00:05:00.199 --> 00:05:04.120 have neither of them right exactly, which is why I should probably just stay 68 00:05:04.120 --> 00:05:06.519 out of it then, Right. But my real question, I mean is 69 00:05:08.160 --> 00:05:14.360 is that real love? Can someone love someone and still do that? That's 70 00:05:14.360 --> 00:05:17.480 a good question. You know, there are lots of different kinds of love. 71 00:05:18.360 --> 00:05:25.000 What this couple doesn't have is trust and honesty. And so in the 72 00:05:25.040 --> 00:05:29.079 long run, whether it's you telling her or somebody else, she's going to 73 00:05:29.199 --> 00:05:33.800 find out that he's cheated on her. Is it love? Yeah? But 74 00:05:34.000 --> 00:05:38.480 is it a healthy, secure love? Is he respecting her? Is he 75 00:05:38.560 --> 00:05:44.079 being honest with her? Probably not? And this is a moral decision for 76 00:05:44.120 --> 00:05:47.560 you to think long and hard about, because the two of them could, 77 00:05:47.920 --> 00:05:51.920 when you blow it up, collude against you. He could say she's lying, 78 00:05:53.000 --> 00:05:55.079 she just wants to get at you, she used to date me, 79 00:05:55.160 --> 00:05:59.079 whatever, and then they have two of them bond against a common enemy that 80 00:05:59.120 --> 00:06:01.160 becomes you. There's a lot to think about, but I would start to 81 00:06:01.199 --> 00:06:06.079 work about on your moral compass and figure out who you're going to have sex 82 00:06:06.120 --> 00:06:10.959 with in the future. Sarah, thank you so much for calling. Okay, 83 00:06:11.360 --> 00:06:13.480 uh, do we have someone else? Kayler, I do we have 84 00:06:14.040 --> 00:06:17.199 with the question? Shannon? Hi, Shannon, it's doctor Wendy. Hi, 85 00:06:17.319 --> 00:06:24.439 doctor Wendy. What's your question of I'm good. So my question is, 86 00:06:24.639 --> 00:06:26.959 you know, I've been dealing with this guy for about a year and 87 00:06:27.000 --> 00:06:30.759 a half and I just found out that I was pregnant. I am pregnant. 88 00:06:30.439 --> 00:06:35.639 Are congratulations in order? Well for me? Yes, yes, congratulations 89 00:06:35.639 --> 00:06:39.199 definitely have been in order. You know, I've always wanted a child, 90 00:06:39.279 --> 00:06:45.920 but he is married. Oh so, I don't know if I should just 91 00:06:46.639 --> 00:06:48.639 you know, involve him, let him know. I don't know if it'll 92 00:06:48.720 --> 00:06:51.600 ruin his wife, ruin his family, or if I should just do this 93 00:06:51.800 --> 00:06:56.879 solo and just take care of it all on my own. Okay, So 94 00:06:57.639 --> 00:07:00.480 don't call it an it. It's a child now. Okay, Shannon, 95 00:07:00.560 --> 00:07:01.759 you're going to have this baby. You've decided you're going to have this baby 96 00:07:01.759 --> 00:07:05.079 no matter what. Right You're having a bit. How old are you? 97 00:07:06.279 --> 00:07:09.800 I'm thirty five, thirty five, okay, so you're near the end of 98 00:07:09.839 --> 00:07:15.759 your fertility window. It's time so do you have enough financial resources to support 99 00:07:15.759 --> 00:07:18.959 this child? Well, yeah, I feel like I can make it happen. 100 00:07:19.000 --> 00:07:23.680 I can make meet you know, I think I'll overcome. Okay. 101 00:07:24.439 --> 00:07:27.680 Actually, in my book The Thirty Day Love Detoks, there's a whole section 102 00:07:27.920 --> 00:07:30.720 on are you prepared to become a single mother, and it talks about all 103 00:07:30.800 --> 00:07:34.560 the things you should be thinking about. There's only one person now. If 104 00:07:34.560 --> 00:07:39.959 you've made this decision that you're going to have this child, and you're asking 105 00:07:40.000 --> 00:07:44.720 me whether you should tell the father of this child who's married to somebody else, 106 00:07:45.079 --> 00:07:47.240 or whether you should just keep it a secret, there is only one 107 00:07:47.360 --> 00:07:54.120 person you should concern yourself with right now, and that's that child. And 108 00:07:54.160 --> 00:07:58.720 so the research is very clear that one of the worst things you can do 109 00:07:58.800 --> 00:08:01.160 to a child is have them grow up with a secret. And the worst 110 00:08:01.199 --> 00:08:05.839 secret that you have to hold is not knowing who they are. So it's 111 00:08:05.879 --> 00:08:11.240 gonna be messy, but you're gonna have to tell him. He is equally 112 00:08:11.279 --> 00:08:16.360 responsible and he deserves parental rights if he wants them to see his child. 113 00:08:16.879 --> 00:08:20.399 He may say I don't want you know, I'll give you some money to 114 00:08:20.439 --> 00:08:24.519 help support the child. I don't want a relationship, et cetera. But 115 00:08:24.600 --> 00:08:26.639 at some point that child is gonna want to know who their father is, 116 00:08:28.240 --> 00:08:31.679 and they have every right to know that. So this is not a secret 117 00:08:31.679 --> 00:08:37.919 you can keep for life. It's a hard one, but you're gonna have 118 00:08:37.960 --> 00:08:39.960 to tell him. I think you're gonna have to tell him. I really 119 00:08:41.039 --> 00:08:43.879 do. It's the moral thing to do. You're right, Thank you, 120 00:08:43.879 --> 00:08:46.559 Wendy. Oh, good luck to you, Shannon. I'm so sorry. 121 00:08:46.559 --> 00:08:50.000 But it's gonna be rough a little for a little while. The ocean will 122 00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:54.559 be rocky, but then it'll be smooth sailing at some point. Okay, 123 00:08:54.679 --> 00:08:58.720 thank you for calling. I appreciate it. All right, how much time 124 00:08:58.759 --> 00:09:01.240 do I have time to go to social because I have some dms that have 125 00:09:01.360 --> 00:09:03.279 come in here. Oh, we gotta go to break already. Okay. 126 00:09:03.320 --> 00:09:07.320 We will continue to take your calls and go to social media when we come 127 00:09:07.360 --> 00:09:11.000 back. The numbers one eight hundred five two zero one five three four. 128 00:09:11.039 --> 00:09:13.600 That's one eight hundred five two zero one KFI. You are listening to the 129 00:09:13.639 --> 00:09:18.200 Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on KFI Am six forty. We're live everywhere on the 130 00:09:18.240 --> 00:09:26.399 iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six 131 00:09:26.480 --> 00:09:31.080 forty. KFI AM six forty, you have doctor Wendy Walsh with you. 132 00:09:31.159 --> 00:09:33.960 This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I'm taking your calls the numbers one 133 00:09:33.960 --> 00:09:39.679 eight hundred five to two zero one five, three four, But I'm right 134 00:09:39.679 --> 00:09:43.720 now going to go to social media because the dms are flying in Okay. 135 00:09:43.799 --> 00:09:48.000 This listener says, hey, doctor Wendy, do you recommend doing a background 136 00:09:48.120 --> 00:09:50.639 check when you meet someone online? I do this for all my dates, 137 00:09:50.639 --> 00:09:54.720 and my friend says it's because I have trust issues. Is this true? 138 00:09:54.919 --> 00:09:58.879 Or am I just being safe? First of all, I think everyone should 139 00:09:58.879 --> 00:10:01.960 do some kind of background check if you can afford it. I mean, 140 00:10:03.000 --> 00:10:05.000 I think they gots like thirty five bucks each and that's a lot to risk 141 00:10:05.080 --> 00:10:09.639 for somebody. You know. It's also good to have a few phone calls 142 00:10:09.080 --> 00:10:13.759 before you ever meet anyone in public, check their social media just to see 143 00:10:13.759 --> 00:10:20.159 if you know people in common. It's it's not about just physical safety, 144 00:10:20.320 --> 00:10:24.360 like this fear that this you know, there could be physical violence because they're 145 00:10:24.440 --> 00:10:28.240 this kind of stranger. It's also just wanting to analyze who they are and 146 00:10:28.720 --> 00:10:33.000 if their lifestyle matches yours, et cetera. You want to get as much 147 00:10:33.000 --> 00:10:37.639 information as you possibly can. You know, it was a very funny years 148 00:10:37.639 --> 00:10:39.919 ago a New Yorker cartoon that I loved. It's two people walking along on 149 00:10:39.960 --> 00:10:43.200 a first date, and it said, so tell me about yourself. Do 150 00:10:43.240 --> 00:10:48.360 you know anything that Google hasn't already told me? But it is important. 151 00:10:48.399 --> 00:10:52.240 I think it is impart and there's nothing wrong with you doing background checks meeting 152 00:10:52.240 --> 00:10:56.919 a perfect stranger. Dear doctor Wendy. I am dating this new woman who 153 00:10:56.000 --> 00:11:03.200 ooh I found out is a survivor sexual assault. I'm really attracted to her, 154 00:11:03.559 --> 00:11:07.279 but I don't want to make her uncomfortable. How can we grow our 155 00:11:07.320 --> 00:11:13.559 physical relationship without me triggering or upsetting her? I'm gonna pause and say something 156 00:11:13.399 --> 00:11:20.080 you can't trigger somebody else. Okay, It's not your job to protect them 157 00:11:20.120 --> 00:11:22.240 from their feelings. It's their job to work on their triggers. That's the 158 00:11:22.240 --> 00:11:28.840 first thing. You're not responsible. But you seem to have compassion and empathy. 159 00:11:28.000 --> 00:11:33.080 So the answer is not to push the physical, but to talk about 160 00:11:33.120 --> 00:11:37.879 it and simply ask. You know, even my Julio, we met four 161 00:11:37.960 --> 00:11:41.200 years ago. He one of the things I loved about him. He never 162 00:11:41.360 --> 00:11:46.360 touched me or did anything without asking first. And I hold your hand, 163 00:11:46.440 --> 00:11:48.519 he said, May I kiss you? He said? Why not? Just 164 00:11:48.639 --> 00:11:52.960 ask and see how they feel. How would you feel if I gave you 165 00:11:52.000 --> 00:11:56.720 a kiss? Right, that's all you need to do. Just don't suddenly 166 00:11:56.759 --> 00:11:58.639 do something physical. Well much, but you can talk about it, because 167 00:11:58.639 --> 00:12:03.480 that's how you grow intimacy, right, Dear doctor Wendy, Can I grow 168 00:12:03.519 --> 00:12:09.240 a healthy relationship with someone who has a lying problem? I caught my interest 169 00:12:09.519 --> 00:12:13.799 in a couple of little white lies about stupid things like sports she's played or 170 00:12:13.840 --> 00:12:18.000 countries she's been to. They're harmless lies, but I want to know if 171 00:12:18.000 --> 00:12:22.879 we can still build a healthy connection in a word. No, Okay, 172 00:12:24.000 --> 00:12:28.559 let me explain. First of all, Yes, everybody at the beginning of 173 00:12:28.559 --> 00:12:35.000 a relationship embellishes just a little bit so they seem more attractive. This is 174 00:12:35.080 --> 00:12:39.679 cross cultural research. People do it right, They just embellish a little bit. 175 00:12:39.480 --> 00:12:43.639 But the lies you're talking about, like she's literally lying about what sports 176 00:12:43.639 --> 00:12:48.960 she used to play, is pretty major. Like you might pull out of 177 00:12:48.960 --> 00:12:52.000 soccer ball one day and oh no, I didn't actually play professional soccer and 178 00:12:52.080 --> 00:12:56.159 what countries she's been to. When you're like, let's go back to Japan. 179 00:12:56.279 --> 00:13:00.120 You loved it so much? Uh No, I didn't actually, And 180 00:13:00.440 --> 00:13:05.840 the question really is why is she lying now? Obviously some people embellish certain 181 00:13:05.879 --> 00:13:09.120 things in a tiny little way just to appear slightly more attractive. But these 182 00:13:09.240 --> 00:13:15.759 kinds of lies tell me that she's feeling really, really insecure, and she 183 00:13:15.840 --> 00:13:20.960 feels less than with you. I worry, and I also think that you 184 00:13:20.039 --> 00:13:24.080 need to address it. You need to say, hey, I mean, 185 00:13:24.120 --> 00:13:26.039 how did you find out the truth by the way you know? So say 186 00:13:26.120 --> 00:13:30.559 hey, I noticed that you didn't actually go to this place, and you 187 00:13:30.600 --> 00:13:35.639 don't have to lie to me and see how she responds. Right, Hey, 188 00:13:35.720 --> 00:13:41.320 doctor Wendy says this listener. I dated a guy for three years, 189 00:13:41.399 --> 00:13:45.799 and I guess hindsight is twenty twenty. I realized just oh, how mean 190 00:13:45.919 --> 00:13:48.799 and disrespectful he was to me. I want to call him and hash out 191 00:13:48.840 --> 00:13:52.960 our breakup that happened two years ago. I realized that's weird. How else 192 00:13:54.000 --> 00:13:58.039 can I process his treatment of me without making it his issue? This is 193 00:13:58.080 --> 00:14:03.799 an excellent question. I am so happy you asked this question. First of 194 00:14:03.879 --> 00:14:09.000 all, he had an entirely different experience than you had, and two years 195 00:14:09.080 --> 00:14:13.639 later, asking him to revisit it and remember details that are now going to 196 00:14:13.679 --> 00:14:18.919 be fuzzy would be really unfair. You know, I got a call from 197 00:14:18.919 --> 00:14:22.919 an ex boyfriend one time, a whole year later, and I was resentful. 198 00:14:24.200 --> 00:14:26.600 I was like, dude, like you and your therapist can work this 199 00:14:26.639 --> 00:14:30.279 out, Like I don't need any kind of reconnection about this. Especially it's 200 00:14:30.360 --> 00:14:33.720 one thing to reconnect with an old lover and go. So I just wanted 201 00:14:33.720 --> 00:14:37.399 to, you know, say hello, Maybe I get a drink sometime, 202 00:14:37.559 --> 00:14:39.080 something nice, right, I knew it's your birthday. Just want to say 203 00:14:39.159 --> 00:14:43.120 hi. But another thing to go, Why did you break up with me? 204 00:14:43.679 --> 00:14:46.799 It's just the way you do it is you go to therapy, You 205 00:14:46.919 --> 00:14:50.799 analyze your piece in it, you go to a licensed therapist. That's how 206 00:14:50.840 --> 00:14:58.320 you grow and that is how you learn. All right. Oh, here's 207 00:14:58.320 --> 00:15:05.039 an interesting that's when came on Instagram. Dear doctor Wendy. I feel like 208 00:15:05.120 --> 00:15:09.960 a single mother who has a part time babysitting moucher in my boyfriend ooh, 209 00:15:11.399 --> 00:15:16.879 part time babysitting moocher. I fear if I dump him, he will abandon 210 00:15:16.919 --> 00:15:20.799 his children as well. Is it better to be a single mom or deal 211 00:15:20.840 --> 00:15:26.519 with him until my children are a bit more independent. Let me tell you 212 00:15:26.559 --> 00:15:31.320 something. You are not the first woman to ask yourself this question. When 213 00:15:31.320 --> 00:15:35.440 I was living with the father of my children and crying in the therapist's office 214 00:15:35.799 --> 00:15:41.840 about how little support I had, when she asked me, why don't you 215 00:15:41.960 --> 00:15:50.279 leave him? I said, even the ten percent that he gives is oxygen 216 00:15:50.360 --> 00:15:54.799 to me. I just don't think I could do it alone. But when 217 00:15:54.799 --> 00:16:00.240 I finally took that step and did it alone, I learned how strong I 218 00:16:00.399 --> 00:16:06.799 was. And I stayed for many years, longer than I should have, 219 00:16:07.919 --> 00:16:11.480 because I never wanted to take a father away from his daughters, knowing he 220 00:16:11.519 --> 00:16:15.000 would abandon us. I mean, but then I realized it's not my job. 221 00:16:15.200 --> 00:16:18.200 It's his job to be a father or not, whether he lives in 222 00:16:18.200 --> 00:16:23.039 a house or not. But his threat and intimidation was, if you leave 223 00:16:23.120 --> 00:16:27.000 me, then I will never see any of you again. So it was 224 00:16:27.039 --> 00:16:32.679 this threat, this controlling threat, that he used with me. Have you 225 00:16:32.720 --> 00:16:37.440 ever heard this saying that you never know how strong you are until there's no 226 00:16:37.639 --> 00:16:45.320 choice but to be strong. So ask yourself. Take some time to build 227 00:16:45.320 --> 00:16:49.039 a little bit of financial strength to build some social support. I'm sure if 228 00:16:49.039 --> 00:16:53.200 you're behaving like us, feel like you're behaving like a single mother, you're 229 00:16:53.200 --> 00:16:59.000 probably already in what I call the single mother village. Because I was so 230 00:16:59.159 --> 00:17:03.640 pleasantly survived, surprised to meet the single mother village. When I finally graduated 231 00:17:03.680 --> 00:17:07.240 from that relationship and came out into the world, there were so there was 232 00:17:07.279 --> 00:17:12.440 a whole support system of other single mothers. So I would start to build 233 00:17:12.480 --> 00:17:18.960 those relationships for babysitting, co ops and playdates, exchanges and all that kind 234 00:17:18.960 --> 00:17:22.960 of stuff. But if your needs aren't getting met at all in your relationship, 235 00:17:23.160 --> 00:17:26.359 Annie's not even investing. If he was a super great dad and really 236 00:17:26.400 --> 00:17:29.880 investing the kids, I'll be like, wait it at the kids are benefiting, 237 00:17:30.119 --> 00:17:33.519 But it sounds like he's just watching sports and the kids are staying alive 238 00:17:33.519 --> 00:17:36.640 in the background while you're running around working. I don't know that. I 239 00:17:36.680 --> 00:17:40.480 mean, you called him a part time moucher. Are you supporting everybody financially 240 00:17:40.519 --> 00:17:45.119 too? I was, yeah, So you'll find your strength. You will 241 00:17:45.160 --> 00:17:51.440 find your strength. Uh. Dear doctor Wendy, I have met my perfect 242 00:17:51.480 --> 00:17:55.400 match. Well, congratulations, we've been in dating bliss for three months. 243 00:17:55.480 --> 00:17:59.599 Okay, I need to stop you right there. At three months, everybody 244 00:17:59.640 --> 00:18:03.400 thinks they've met their perfect match. Okay, your brain is being assaulted with 245 00:18:03.440 --> 00:18:07.799 a cocktail of neural hormones called lust that are just delicious and sure, so 246 00:18:07.880 --> 00:18:12.119 you say no complaints, although I know we're still in our honeymoon phase. 247 00:18:12.279 --> 00:18:17.599 I know you know that. Okay. Then she says, I felt it 248 00:18:17.759 --> 00:18:21.839 was time to introduce him to my friends, so I asked a close friend 249 00:18:21.880 --> 00:18:23.799 when she's available to hang out with us. But when I showed her his 250 00:18:23.920 --> 00:18:27.799 picture, I found out that she had dated him before. She claims he's 251 00:18:27.839 --> 00:18:33.200 a jerk who had sex with her and then ghosted her. I can't see 252 00:18:33.240 --> 00:18:37.039 him treating anyone that way. I don't want to leave him, but I 253 00:18:37.160 --> 00:18:41.000 also know that this friend of mine is not a liar at all. What 254 00:18:41.039 --> 00:18:45.039 do I do? Both these people are important to me. Okay, you 255 00:18:45.119 --> 00:18:48.759 know what, Only secrets are dangerous. You've got to confront him. And 256 00:18:48.759 --> 00:18:52.160 when I say confront him, not in a confrontational way. You've got to 257 00:18:52.200 --> 00:18:56.000 bring it up. I got to say, hey, dude, so guess 258 00:18:56.039 --> 00:19:00.960 who my friend is. Then say her name and watch his face, and 259 00:19:00.960 --> 00:19:03.400 then say do you want to help me understand what happened between the two of 260 00:19:03.440 --> 00:19:07.960 you and get him talking. If he gets defensive, if he gets angry, 261 00:19:08.319 --> 00:19:11.720 if he gets avoidant, then you can get out of your honeymoon bliss 262 00:19:11.759 --> 00:19:15.440 with this guy because he probably is not emotionally healthy enough to have a relationship 263 00:19:15.440 --> 00:19:18.480 with you. But if he says something like, you know, we just 264 00:19:18.480 --> 00:19:22.920 weren't a good match and I probably should have told her and broken up with 265 00:19:22.960 --> 00:19:26.599 her. I just wasn't strong enough, so I ghosted her because I didn't 266 00:19:26.599 --> 00:19:29.960 think, you know, I'd invested that much. You know, he might 267 00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:32.200 say something and you're going to say, well, you're going to have to 268 00:19:32.200 --> 00:19:34.519 socialize with her, So I think you need to find a way to apologize. 269 00:19:34.720 --> 00:19:37.079 So we can do that, and let's see what kind of man he 270 00:19:37.200 --> 00:19:41.480 is. Let's see how emotionally strong he is. I think that would be 271 00:19:41.519 --> 00:19:47.440 cool, all right, If you want to send me any dms every week 272 00:19:47.480 --> 00:19:52.000 I answer a few questions, just send it to wherever, TikTok, Instagram, 273 00:19:52.039 --> 00:19:55.839 YouTube, all those places. The handle everywhere is at doctor Wendy Walsh 274 00:19:55.880 --> 00:20:02.279 at d R Wendy Walsh. When we come back, have two things to 275 00:20:02.319 --> 00:20:06.799 say. One is will you stay friends with your ex there's research to show 276 00:20:06.799 --> 00:20:11.480 whether you might or not. And then I've got some backward relationship for a 277 00:20:11.519 --> 00:20:15.839 healthy relationship. Backward relationship advice. Backward relationship advice coming up. You're listening 278 00:20:15.839 --> 00:20:19.599 to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere 279 00:20:19.599 --> 00:20:26.799 on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 280 00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:32.160 AM six forty. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM 281 00:20:32.200 --> 00:20:37.640 six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App. So I have a question 282 00:20:37.680 --> 00:20:41.079 to ask you everyone out there. Are you friends with your exes? Like 283 00:20:41.160 --> 00:20:45.359 all of them? None of them? Some of them anaxis. I have 284 00:20:45.559 --> 00:20:51.200 confession to make. First of all, I'm not really friends with any of 285 00:20:51.200 --> 00:20:56.240 my exes. Okay, one one, but you know, I haven't lived 286 00:20:56.240 --> 00:21:00.319 with him or seen him for oh, I don't know, like thirty years. 287 00:21:00.640 --> 00:21:04.480 So we kind of reconnected a few years ago and we talk on the 288 00:21:04.480 --> 00:21:07.079 phone. I think I've seen him one time when he came to town. 289 00:21:07.160 --> 00:21:11.319 Doesn't with him in town, but you know, we had lived together for 290 00:21:11.359 --> 00:21:15.319 five years, so there's a little history. And then we put thirty years 291 00:21:15.359 --> 00:21:19.279 between that, but everybody else, no way, no way, no way. 292 00:21:19.799 --> 00:21:25.480 It's interesting because we had that guy on our show a while back who 293 00:21:25.480 --> 00:21:29.200 wrote that amazing New York Times bestseller book called Sex at Dawn, and he's 294 00:21:29.240 --> 00:21:33.799 a big proponent of polyamory, and he was saying that in our anthropological past, 295 00:21:34.200 --> 00:21:40.640 we probably never had sex or an intimate love relationship with a stranger. 296 00:21:40.960 --> 00:21:44.319 We knew everybody, We roamed around in tribes and everybody with somebody's cousin, 297 00:21:44.359 --> 00:21:48.640 and we were small communities, et cetera, and so exes naturally would have 298 00:21:48.640 --> 00:21:52.359 been around. Just that's just how it went right, and that in our 299 00:21:52.400 --> 00:21:59.319 modern Western culture we don't know what to do with exes, and perhaps we 300 00:21:59.359 --> 00:22:03.359 should put more closure work through stuff. Although I am a big believer in 301 00:22:03.400 --> 00:22:07.720 going no contact at the beginning, especially if you have any kind of anxious 302 00:22:07.759 --> 00:22:11.480 attachment style, because then you're just like reminded of them all the time and 303 00:22:11.519 --> 00:22:17.799 the pain goes on for longer. But I was reading this research about trying 304 00:22:17.839 --> 00:22:23.960 to predict if you actually might Let's say you're with somebody right now, Let's 305 00:22:23.960 --> 00:22:29.960 say you're thinking of breaking up. There's some ways that you could tell whether 306 00:22:30.039 --> 00:22:33.640 this person can be safely put into the friend zone, whether they will be 307 00:22:33.720 --> 00:22:40.160 your friend after the breakup. Okay, So here's what one bit of research 308 00:22:40.160 --> 00:22:45.599 says. This research was out of Illinois State University, and it found that 309 00:22:45.799 --> 00:22:53.960 ex partners were significantly more likely to remain friends after their breakup if drum roll 310 00:22:55.000 --> 00:23:00.759 please, if they were friends before they began their romantic relationship. So that's 311 00:23:00.799 --> 00:23:07.240 the question to ask yourself, were you friends before the romance started. If 312 00:23:07.319 --> 00:23:11.000 so, there's a likelihood that you could reset and get back to okay, 313 00:23:11.240 --> 00:23:15.920 just back in the friend zone. And actually, I've always been a big 314 00:23:15.960 --> 00:23:19.599 proponent of friends first in relationships anyway, because at the end of the day, 315 00:23:19.720 --> 00:23:23.720 I think it's, you know, the friendship that is the emotional glue 316 00:23:23.799 --> 00:23:29.680 that keeps relationships together anyway. So start off with friends is a good idea. 317 00:23:30.519 --> 00:23:33.279 Uh Okay, So there's other research. And here's another question you should 318 00:23:33.279 --> 00:23:38.160 maybe be asking yourself if you're trying to predict if somebody who's an ex can 319 00:23:38.200 --> 00:23:45.200 be a friend of yours, what do you think your ex partner's motivations are 320 00:23:45.920 --> 00:23:49.759 for wanting to stay friends. So this is new research out of a journal 321 00:23:49.799 --> 00:23:56.279 called Personal relationships, and this research says that there are four main motivations for 322 00:23:56.359 --> 00:24:02.359 staying friends with an ex romantic partner. One is feelings of security. Two 323 00:24:02.359 --> 00:24:07.759 maybe practicality, maybe you're sharing custody of kids or a dog, or you're 324 00:24:07.079 --> 00:24:11.839 living as roommates, hopefully not civility, just to be civil to each other 325 00:24:11.880 --> 00:24:17.279 and be polite. But the fourth one is the dangerous one, ding ding 326 00:24:17.359 --> 00:24:23.279 ding ding ding. Unresolved romantic desires. Not surprising to note that this particular 327 00:24:23.319 --> 00:24:33.000 research says that post breakup friendships are least likely to last when unresolved romantic desires 328 00:24:33.160 --> 00:24:37.440 form the basis of the friendship. In other words, if one person goes 329 00:24:37.440 --> 00:24:41.880 into the friend zone and they're filled with unrequited love and they want to get 330 00:24:41.920 --> 00:24:45.240 the person back, so they think, I will just stay in the background 331 00:24:45.319 --> 00:24:48.839 and be a friend until they turn around and go, oh, you know 332 00:24:48.880 --> 00:24:51.000 what, You're right, I don't want to be out there in that dating 333 00:24:51.039 --> 00:24:53.599 marketplace. Let me just go back to you. It's not going to happen. 334 00:24:53.920 --> 00:25:00.200 So if somebody has unresolved romantic desires, less likely that it will be 335 00:25:00.240 --> 00:25:06.279 successful in the friend zone. All right. Third bit of research ask this 336 00:25:06.400 --> 00:25:10.559 question, why do you want to remain friends. Let's think about it. 337 00:25:10.640 --> 00:25:12.799 There could be a whole bunch of reasons why you might want to stay friends 338 00:25:12.799 --> 00:25:18.039 with your ex. However, did you do the breakup or did they do 339 00:25:18.079 --> 00:25:23.039 the breakup. Research shows that partners who initiate a breakup are more likely to 340 00:25:23.119 --> 00:25:26.559 want to remain friends. You know, have all the friends without the benefits, 341 00:25:26.599 --> 00:25:30.119 the friendship without the benefits, or have the benefits without having to have 342 00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:36.960 the sex. I don't know, but when this happens, it's often short 343 00:25:36.960 --> 00:25:41.319 lived. You know. I always say you guys can be friends until somebody 344 00:25:41.319 --> 00:25:44.720 gets a new partner. Honestly, I say this with divorce all the time. 345 00:25:44.720 --> 00:25:48.160 People are like, I had such an amical divorce, amicable divorce. 346 00:25:48.440 --> 00:25:49.440 I'm starting to sell like Biden here. I can't say my words right, 347 00:25:49.480 --> 00:25:55.160 amicable amicable divorce. Not about the battle box, the ballot box, the 348 00:25:55.400 --> 00:26:00.519 amicable divorce anyway. People will say that to me, and I'll be like, 349 00:26:00.599 --> 00:26:03.440 yeah, yeah, yeah, you all get along fine in your little 350 00:26:03.440 --> 00:26:08.680 divorce until one of you gets a new partner dead eddah, and then either 351 00:26:08.759 --> 00:26:14.759 the one without the partner is going to feel insanely jealous or the one with 352 00:26:14.839 --> 00:26:17.319 the partner as a partner who says, U uh uh, you can't be 353 00:26:17.359 --> 00:26:22.279 friends with that ex is bothering me. So you'll see. So if you 354 00:26:22.359 --> 00:26:26.119 initiated the breakup, yeah, you're more likely to want to remain friends because 355 00:26:26.119 --> 00:26:29.319 you want to get as much as you can out of that relationship without having 356 00:26:29.480 --> 00:26:33.119 to be committed to it. But it's not going to last long. It 357 00:26:33.200 --> 00:26:37.640 is just not going to last long. I don't know. I wish we 358 00:26:37.680 --> 00:26:40.599 could all be friends with our exes. I wish we could all get along. 359 00:26:40.880 --> 00:26:44.000 And I know I have a problem that I'm not friends with my exes. 360 00:26:44.119 --> 00:26:48.559 I just I don't know. I just maybe maybe it's that I use 361 00:26:48.720 --> 00:26:52.000 that technique that the research says is really good for getting over a breakup, 362 00:26:52.039 --> 00:26:56.319 which is imagine the absolute worst of them. If you can imagine the worst 363 00:26:56.319 --> 00:27:00.920 of your exit, apparently emotionally is easier to get over the breakup. You 364 00:27:00.000 --> 00:27:04.759 wallow for less time, et cetera. But maybe I did that too much, 365 00:27:04.960 --> 00:27:07.359 And maybe I just have bad memories because I don't even didn't even keep 366 00:27:07.359 --> 00:27:11.400 the good memories. I don't know, but I'd like to find a way 367 00:27:11.519 --> 00:27:15.079 to be friends with my ex. Okay, when we come back. I 368 00:27:15.160 --> 00:27:19.720 have got what I like to call Doctor Wendy's backward advice for a healthy relationship. 369 00:27:19.839 --> 00:27:23.880 Things that you wouldn't think you would want to do in a relationship, 370 00:27:25.200 --> 00:27:27.920 but I'm going to tell you it might be just the thing that could save 371 00:27:29.599 --> 00:27:33.920 your relationship. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show and KFI AM 372 00:27:33.000 --> 00:27:37.920 six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor 373 00:27:38.039 --> 00:27:44.359 Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty. Welcome back to the Doctor 374 00:27:44.400 --> 00:27:48.880 Wendy Walls Show and KFI AM six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App. 375 00:27:48.440 --> 00:27:53.720 So I have been reading research on the science of love for oh about 376 00:27:53.720 --> 00:28:00.319 three decades now, and I never stop. I am just so fascinated by 377 00:28:00.599 --> 00:28:04.200 the biological, the psychological, and the social pieces of how we meet, 378 00:28:04.759 --> 00:28:07.680 mate, get together, break up, compete for mats, all those things 379 00:28:07.720 --> 00:28:14.279 that we do. And so I have been also reading the advice of lots 380 00:28:14.279 --> 00:28:18.319 of licensed therapists that I love to convey to you and my students. As 381 00:28:18.319 --> 00:28:22.680 a psychology professor, I like to think of myself as an educator, but 382 00:28:22.839 --> 00:28:26.759 to educate you about the science of love so I've also, after hearing all 383 00:28:26.799 --> 00:28:33.039 this advice for all these decades, I've come up with some ideas that I 384 00:28:33.039 --> 00:28:37.839 want to share with you that I think are really good relationship advice. By 385 00:28:37.880 --> 00:28:41.000 the way, I've also personally tried it all out. I can tell you 386 00:28:41.119 --> 00:28:47.680 it works at least in my relationship. And some of this advice sounds backward, 387 00:28:47.960 --> 00:28:52.279 some of it sounds a little counterintuitive, but I promise you there's research 388 00:28:52.319 --> 00:28:56.720 and science that supports it all right. So my first bit of doctor Wendy's 389 00:28:56.759 --> 00:29:04.519 backward advice for a healthy relationship is in your mind. Date yourself. Now, 390 00:29:04.559 --> 00:29:08.839 calm down before you think what I think you're thinking. You know what, 391 00:29:08.920 --> 00:29:11.839 we spend a lot of time in our relationships wanting to be heard, 392 00:29:12.319 --> 00:29:17.240 wanting to be seen, wanting to change somebody so that our life will be 393 00:29:17.359 --> 00:29:22.279 more comfortable. Okay, it's easy to fall into that trap, down that 394 00:29:22.400 --> 00:29:26.599 hole of being a victim and wanting your needs taken care of. But instead 395 00:29:26.640 --> 00:29:32.799 of wanting the relationship to attend to you, I'm going to ask you every 396 00:29:32.799 --> 00:29:37.240 once in a while, especially when there's conflict, to turn around and ask 397 00:29:37.279 --> 00:29:42.240 yourself what it's like being with you? What is it like dating, you 398 00:29:42.319 --> 00:29:48.440 literally step outside of yourself and have a look at what's going on. Honestly, 399 00:29:48.480 --> 00:29:51.680 this might be able to save your relationship. I do that sometimes with 400 00:29:51.759 --> 00:29:53.599 Julio. I literally sometimes I'm talking a lot, a lot, a lot, 401 00:29:53.640 --> 00:29:56.200 because you know, I talk for a living. I teach, I'm 402 00:29:56.319 --> 00:30:00.559 radio and I talk to him and somethings else. Stop and say, have 403 00:30:00.640 --> 00:30:06.319 I been talking too much? Have I been asking enough questions? Do you 404 00:30:06.400 --> 00:30:11.160 need some silence? What is it like being around a chatterbox? Usually he 405 00:30:11.240 --> 00:30:14.720 will say I love it. I just to sit back. I don't have 406 00:30:14.720 --> 00:30:17.319 to do any work. I just listened to you, which is nice. 407 00:30:18.160 --> 00:30:21.920 But I do stop and go. I wonder what it's like being with me. 408 00:30:22.720 --> 00:30:25.640 For instance, he sleeps more than I do, and he likes to 409 00:30:25.640 --> 00:30:27.599 go to bed earlier. But I like to be with him. So I'm 410 00:30:27.640 --> 00:30:33.359 in there looking at my phone or watching one of my shows streaming on my 411 00:30:33.400 --> 00:30:37.400 computer in bed, and one time he sort of quietly mentioned that he did 412 00:30:37.400 --> 00:30:41.480 not like the light from my devices. So I had to make a hard 413 00:30:41.519 --> 00:30:45.799 decision to let him go to sleep in the dark but without me near him, 414 00:30:45.359 --> 00:30:48.839 or figure out another way. And we discussed it and he said, 415 00:30:49.400 --> 00:30:52.319 I'll just roll over, but make sure you put your headset in. So 416 00:30:52.400 --> 00:30:56.640 there's our compromise. We still get to touch toes. He gets his good 417 00:30:56.720 --> 00:31:00.039 night's sleep. I get to watch my show. Have you guys seen the 418 00:31:00.039 --> 00:31:04.319 streamer sprint with all those potential Olympic sprinters on Netflix? Super good? Anyway, 419 00:31:04.319 --> 00:31:07.920 that's what it's bingching, all right? Number two of my backward relationship 420 00:31:07.960 --> 00:31:14.680 advice, give your partner less emotional value. All right, hold on, 421 00:31:14.759 --> 00:31:18.759 no, it sounds backwards. Give them less emotional value. What I want 422 00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:23.000 you to do is make sure that your partner in your life is a huge 423 00:31:23.039 --> 00:31:29.759 piece of your emotional pie, but not the whole pie. Don't drop your 424 00:31:29.759 --> 00:31:34.440 friends and family for them. You see, we all need a cadre of 425 00:31:34.559 --> 00:31:38.559 social support we need. Don't want to put all our emotional eggs in one 426 00:31:38.599 --> 00:31:42.400 basket. Then you get all, you know, a mesh. Nobody can 427 00:31:42.440 --> 00:31:47.279 remember whose problem is Who's You put too much pressure on your partner to do 428 00:31:47.319 --> 00:31:51.960 too much emotionally for you. Let your partner be a good partner, but 429 00:31:52.000 --> 00:31:55.960 there'll be some areas of your life where your partner is not the person to 430 00:31:56.000 --> 00:31:57.359 go to for this. Not that you should keep secrets from them, but 431 00:31:57.720 --> 00:32:01.680 you need to go to some of your other emotional capital and talk to somebody 432 00:32:01.680 --> 00:32:07.119 else. So give your partner a little less emotional value, all right. 433 00:32:07.200 --> 00:32:14.039 Number three of my backward relationship advice, Help your partner be themselves instead of 434 00:32:14.160 --> 00:32:20.240 always trying to find commonality in your relationship. You know, the healthiest relationships 435 00:32:20.319 --> 00:32:24.160 allow individuals to grow individually and the exciting things they find out there in the 436 00:32:24.200 --> 00:32:29.599 world as they grow, they bring back to the relationship. So if you 437 00:32:29.640 --> 00:32:37.400 can focus on supporting your partner's individual goals over constantly couple goals and couple interests, 438 00:32:37.880 --> 00:32:39.079 we need to do this together. We need to be more together. 439 00:32:39.839 --> 00:32:43.599 There are some people who do need to be more together and do need to 440 00:32:43.599 --> 00:32:49.680 have more couple goals. But it's also really important that you support your partner's 441 00:32:49.759 --> 00:32:52.200 growth. If they want to try something new and it's not for you, 442 00:32:52.640 --> 00:32:54.079 say how can I support you in this? What can we do? We 443 00:32:54.079 --> 00:32:58.000 need some of our family budget to make this happen for you? Do I 444 00:32:58.079 --> 00:33:01.200 need me to drive you there? Now? I'm I'm not talking about growth 445 00:33:01.359 --> 00:33:07.359 that hurts the relationship or threatens the relationship in some way. I'm not talking 446 00:33:07.400 --> 00:33:09.920 about hanging out with a whole other social world because you're not interested in that 447 00:33:10.000 --> 00:33:14.160 social world, because they might meet a new potential mate there. I'm not 448 00:33:14.240 --> 00:33:19.880 talking about going on vacation separately. I'm talking about taking courses, taking up 449 00:33:19.960 --> 00:33:23.279 new hobbies, doing things they've always wanted to do that just fulfills them. 450 00:33:23.759 --> 00:33:27.559 Let them do it, support them in it, because then they'll have so 451 00:33:27.680 --> 00:33:32.559 much more excitement to bring back to the relationship. Uh. Okay, Number 452 00:33:32.559 --> 00:33:40.079 four of my backwards relationship advice worry. I know you expect me to say, 453 00:33:40.119 --> 00:33:43.000 don't worry too much. Okay, everything's going to be okay, you're 454 00:33:43.039 --> 00:33:45.440 in a secure relationship. If you are in a secure relationship, I need 455 00:33:45.480 --> 00:33:49.319 you to worry a little bit more. And what I mean by this is 456 00:33:50.079 --> 00:33:54.319 act like your relationship isn't completely secure, so you can continue to court your 457 00:33:54.319 --> 00:33:59.000 partner. As soon as you take your partner for granted, as soon as 458 00:33:59.039 --> 00:34:02.480 you think they're going to stay no matter what, then you're in a crumble. 459 00:34:02.960 --> 00:34:07.400 The relationship will slowly start to erode. Get dressed up for your partner, 460 00:34:08.000 --> 00:34:12.280 Listen to your partner, ask questions of your partner, Smile for your 461 00:34:12.280 --> 00:34:15.880 partner, Do whatever you need to so that they feel excited to have you 462 00:34:15.920 --> 00:34:21.239 in their life. Court them a little bit, keep doing it. Worry 463 00:34:21.880 --> 00:34:25.000 worry just a little bit, except if you're a worrier, don't worry worry 464 00:34:25.039 --> 00:34:31.760 less. Okay. Finally, my last piece of backwards relationship advice, don't 465 00:34:31.800 --> 00:34:37.239 just feel love, do something about it. Love is a verb. Love 466 00:34:37.280 --> 00:34:42.119 is an action word. Love isn't a perpetual feeling. If I hear one 467 00:34:42.119 --> 00:34:44.800 person say to me again, I love my husband, I'm just not in 468 00:34:44.840 --> 00:34:47.079 love with him anymore, I hope not. Okay, that was lost. 469 00:34:47.719 --> 00:34:52.559 Love is what you put into it. Love is the verb to give, 470 00:34:53.519 --> 00:35:00.840 and so take some time to put love into action every day your relationship, 471 00:35:00.440 --> 00:35:07.079 and then you will continue to have a healthy, secure relationship. And that, 472 00:35:07.639 --> 00:35:09.840 my dear friends, brings the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show to a close. 473 00:35:09.920 --> 00:35:14.360 It is always my pleasure to be here with you on KFI every Sunday from 474 00:35:14.400 --> 00:35:17.119 seven to nine pm. I welcome you to come on to my Patreon, 475 00:35:17.239 --> 00:35:22.199 Patreon dot com slash doctor Wendy Walsh where we have a lovely Zoom group and 476 00:35:22.280 --> 00:35:27.639 we're meeting now on Thursday nights this summer because I'm teaching another class on Zoom 477 00:35:27.639 --> 00:35:30.679 Wednesdays. But anyway, there are a lot of KFI listeners there. Come 478 00:35:30.719 --> 00:35:32.719 meet our little group. It's really fun. We talk about the latest research 479 00:35:32.840 --> 00:35:38.039 in love and make some friends there. Patreon dot com slash Doctor Wendy Walsh. 480 00:35:38.119 --> 00:35:42.719 Otherwise, I'm always here for you on KFI. You've been listening to 481 00:35:42.760 --> 00:35:45.519 the Doctor Wendywalls Show on KFI Am six forty. You're live everywhere on the 482 00:35:45.559 --> 00:35:52.199 iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always hear 483 00:35:52.280 --> 00:35:55.280 us live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday and 484 00:35:55.440 --> 00:35:59.239 anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app.