This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to k I Am six forty,
the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand on the iHeartRadio app k I Am six
forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendy
Walsh Show. Welcome back. This is the time of the show where I
take your calls and answer your relationship questions. Just a reminder, I'm not
a therapist. I'm a psychology professor, but I've written three books on relationships
and did a dissertation on attachment theory and I would love to weigh in on
your love life. Before we go any further though, remember earlier in the
show, I was talking about mature companionate love and there's nothing wrong with mature
companionate love. Well, one of our listeners called in to say that he
completely agreed with me. Kayla. Let's listen to that. Doctor Wendy right
on, been married like thirty two, thirty three years, separate bedrooms,
we love it, we respect each other. We know we have nowhere else
to go, have a nice house overlooking the valleys up in Redlands. So
two kids move, no out and gone. So I know where you're coming
from. It's better to stay with it and live with it then don't know
where the hell you're going if you decide to get a divorce, take care.
Isn't that nice? So I just want everybody to understand there's no one
right way to have a healthy relationship, but there is a lot of pressure,
it feels like in our culture right now to be quote unquote in love
and having lots of hot sex when lots of people live very functional, happy,
secure lives as best friends. Right, Okay, So if you like
to call in, I'll be taking your calls. The number is one eight
hundred five two zero one five three four. That's one eight hundred five two
zero one five three four. Also, if you like to peek inside the
studio, I am live on Instagram right now. The handle is at doctor
Wendy Walsh at Dr Wendy Walsh. Okay, Producer Kayla, Who do we
have? We have Sarah with a question. Sarah. Hi, Sarah,
It's doctor Wendy. Hi. Hi. What do you know me? Okay,
I can hear you perfectly. What's your question? My question is kind
of odd. I have I live with a roommate who I used to date,
and he has a girlfriend that he's planning on marrying, but he cheats
on her shamelessly, and he loves her. He says he loves her,
he's going to marry her, But I mean, can that really be loved
if he's just cheating on her shamelessly? Are you asking me if he actually
loves her? Or are you really asking me? Should you tell her that
he cheats all the time? Hmmm, probably the latter. Not my place,
it's not my plate, But I'm just you know, do you sing?
Okay? Do you think they have an open relationship and she's aware of
his extra pair bonding? Absolutely not, absolutely not. So she believes she's
walking up to an altar with a guy who has multiple sexual partners. She's
unknowingly exposing her bloodstream and her eggs to Lord knows what. Right, Yes,
this is a very moral decision. Now, there's something else you mentioned
at the beginning, which is that this guy is your roommate and that you
used to date him. So let me pause there and ask you this question,
Sarah, do you feel a little bit of jealousy or envy towards her
because you're not with him and she is now at first, but not anymore.
Now it's more of just a moral question. I think, how do
you know he has he's cheating? Does he share this with you? Yes?
And he's done it with me? Oh okay, Okay, Now the
plot thickens. So not only does he have lots of extra pair bonds and
he's engaged to somebody else, but you've also hooked up with him since he's
been engaged before I was aware of all this. Okay, So you've got
a tang web right there, partly because you're in a lease with this dude
and you have a financial relationship with him, and so anything you do to
blow this up is going to impact you as well. Yeah, so that's
why I'm thinking I should stay out of it. But I just yeah,
yeah, you want to stay out of it because you think it's not your
business, but you want to protect this woman from what could happen to her.
So when is your lease up? It's kind of indefinite, Okay.
Would you be willing to give notice and move along because it's not safe for
you? And by the way, why did you choose to keep the Oh,
you're choosing to keep the secret for him because you're part of the secret.
Oh yeah, and because I yeah. So what kind of relationship do
you have with her? Do you want it to continue? Friendship? Uh?
Not necessarily, I mean because when you blow it up, you're I
have neither of them right exactly, which is why I should probably just stay
out of it then, Right. But my real question, I mean is
is that real love? Can someone love someone and still do that? That's
a good question. You know, there are lots of different kinds of love.
What this couple doesn't have is trust and honesty. And so in the
long run, whether it's you telling her or somebody else, she's going to
find out that he's cheated on her. Is it love? Yeah? But
is it a healthy, secure love? Is he respecting her? Is he
being honest with her? Probably not? And this is a moral decision for
you to think long and hard about, because the two of them could,
when you blow it up, collude against you. He could say she's lying,
she just wants to get at you, she used to date me,
whatever, and then they have two of them bond against a common enemy that
becomes you. There's a lot to think about, but I would start to
work about on your moral compass and figure out who you're going to have sex
with in the future. Sarah, thank you so much for calling. Okay,
uh, do we have someone else? Kayler, I do we have
with the question? Shannon? Hi, Shannon, it's doctor Wendy. Hi,
doctor Wendy. What's your question of I'm good. So my question is,
you know, I've been dealing with this guy for about a year and
a half and I just found out that I was pregnant. I am pregnant.
Are congratulations in order? Well for me? Yes, yes, congratulations
definitely have been in order. You know, I've always wanted a child,
but he is married. Oh so, I don't know if I should just
you know, involve him, let him know. I don't know if it'll
ruin his wife, ruin his family, or if I should just do this
solo and just take care of it all on my own. Okay, So
don't call it an it. It's a child now. Okay, Shannon,
you're going to have this baby. You've decided you're going to have this baby
no matter what. Right You're having a bit. How old are you?
I'm thirty five, thirty five, okay, so you're near the end of
your fertility window. It's time so do you have enough financial resources to support
this child? Well, yeah, I feel like I can make it happen.
I can make meet you know, I think I'll overcome. Okay.
Actually, in my book The Thirty Day Love Detoks, there's a whole section
on are you prepared to become a single mother, and it talks about all
the things you should be thinking about. There's only one person now. If
you've made this decision that you're going to have this child, and you're asking
me whether you should tell the father of this child who's married to somebody else,
or whether you should just keep it a secret, there is only one
person you should concern yourself with right now, and that's that child. And
so the research is very clear that one of the worst things you can do
to a child is have them grow up with a secret. And the worst
secret that you have to hold is not knowing who they are. So it's
gonna be messy, but you're gonna have to tell him. He is equally
responsible and he deserves parental rights if he wants them to see his child.
He may say I don't want you know, I'll give you some money to
help support the child. I don't want a relationship, et cetera. But
at some point that child is gonna want to know who their father is,
and they have every right to know that. So this is not a secret
you can keep for life. It's a hard one, but you're gonna have
to tell him. I think you're gonna have to tell him. I really
do. It's the moral thing to do. You're right, Thank you,
Wendy. Oh, good luck to you, Shannon. I'm so sorry.
But it's gonna be rough a little for a little while. The ocean will
be rocky, but then it'll be smooth sailing at some point. Okay,
thank you for calling. I appreciate it. All right, how much time
do I have time to go to social because I have some dms that have
come in here. Oh, we gotta go to break already. Okay.
We will continue to take your calls and go to social media when we come
back. The numbers one eight hundred five two zero one five three four.
That's one eight hundred five two zero one KFI. You are listening to the
Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on KFI Am six forty. We're live everywhere on the
iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six
forty. KFI AM six forty, you have doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. I'm taking your calls the numbers one
eight hundred five to two zero one five, three four, But I'm right
now going to go to social media because the dms are flying in Okay.
This listener says, hey, doctor Wendy, do you recommend doing a background
check when you meet someone online? I do this for all my dates,
and my friend says it's because I have trust issues. Is this true?
Or am I just being safe? First of all, I think everyone should
do some kind of background check if you can afford it. I mean,
I think they gots like thirty five bucks each and that's a lot to risk
for somebody. You know. It's also good to have a few phone calls
before you ever meet anyone in public, check their social media just to see
if you know people in common. It's it's not about just physical safety,
like this fear that this you know, there could be physical violence because they're
this kind of stranger. It's also just wanting to analyze who they are and
if their lifestyle matches yours, et cetera. You want to get as much
information as you possibly can. You know, it was a very funny years
ago a New Yorker cartoon that I loved. It's two people walking along on
a first date, and it said, so tell me about yourself. Do
you know anything that Google hasn't already told me? But it is important.
I think it is impart and there's nothing wrong with you doing background checks meeting
a perfect stranger. Dear doctor Wendy. I am dating this new woman who
ooh I found out is a survivor sexual assault. I'm really attracted to her,
but I don't want to make her uncomfortable. How can we grow our
physical relationship without me triggering or upsetting her? I'm gonna pause and say something
you can't trigger somebody else. Okay, It's not your job to protect them
from their feelings. It's their job to work on their triggers. That's the
first thing. You're not responsible. But you seem to have compassion and empathy.
So the answer is not to push the physical, but to talk about
it and simply ask. You know, even my Julio, we met four
years ago. He one of the things I loved about him. He never
touched me or did anything without asking first. And I hold your hand,
he said, May I kiss you? He said? Why not? Just
ask and see how they feel. How would you feel if I gave you
a kiss? Right, that's all you need to do. Just don't suddenly
do something physical. Well much, but you can talk about it, because
that's how you grow intimacy, right, Dear doctor Wendy, Can I grow
a healthy relationship with someone who has a lying problem? I caught my interest
in a couple of little white lies about stupid things like sports she's played or
countries she's been to. They're harmless lies, but I want to know if
we can still build a healthy connection in a word. No, Okay,
let me explain. First of all, Yes, everybody at the beginning of
a relationship embellishes just a little bit so they seem more attractive. This is
cross cultural research. People do it right, They just embellish a little bit.
But the lies you're talking about, like she's literally lying about what sports
she used to play, is pretty major. Like you might pull out of
soccer ball one day and oh no, I didn't actually play professional soccer and
what countries she's been to. When you're like, let's go back to Japan.
You loved it so much? Uh No, I didn't actually, And
the question really is why is she lying now? Obviously some people embellish certain
things in a tiny little way just to appear slightly more attractive. But these
kinds of lies tell me that she's feeling really, really insecure, and she
feels less than with you. I worry, and I also think that you
need to address it. You need to say, hey, I mean,
how did you find out the truth by the way you know? So say
hey, I noticed that you didn't actually go to this place, and you
don't have to lie to me and see how she responds. Right, Hey,
doctor Wendy says this listener. I dated a guy for three years,
and I guess hindsight is twenty twenty. I realized just oh, how mean
and disrespectful he was to me. I want to call him and hash out
our breakup that happened two years ago. I realized that's weird. How else
can I process his treatment of me without making it his issue? This is
an excellent question. I am so happy you asked this question. First of
all, he had an entirely different experience than you had, and two years
later, asking him to revisit it and remember details that are now going to
be fuzzy would be really unfair. You know, I got a call from
an ex boyfriend one time, a whole year later, and I was resentful.
I was like, dude, like you and your therapist can work this
out, Like I don't need any kind of reconnection about this. Especially it's
one thing to reconnect with an old lover and go. So I just wanted
to, you know, say hello, Maybe I get a drink sometime,
something nice, right, I knew it's your birthday. Just want to say
hi. But another thing to go, Why did you break up with me?
It's just the way you do it is you go to therapy, You
analyze your piece in it, you go to a licensed therapist. That's how
you grow and that is how you learn. All right. Oh, here's
an interesting that's when came on Instagram. Dear doctor Wendy. I feel like
a single mother who has a part time babysitting moucher in my boyfriend ooh,
part time babysitting moocher. I fear if I dump him, he will abandon
his children as well. Is it better to be a single mom or deal
with him until my children are a bit more independent. Let me tell you
something. You are not the first woman to ask yourself this question. When
I was living with the father of my children and crying in the therapist's office
about how little support I had, when she asked me, why don't you
leave him? I said, even the ten percent that he gives is oxygen
to me. I just don't think I could do it alone. But when
I finally took that step and did it alone, I learned how strong I
was. And I stayed for many years, longer than I should have,
because I never wanted to take a father away from his daughters, knowing he
would abandon us. I mean, but then I realized it's not my job.
It's his job to be a father or not, whether he lives in
a house or not. But his threat and intimidation was, if you leave
me, then I will never see any of you again. So it was
this threat, this controlling threat, that he used with me. Have you
ever heard this saying that you never know how strong you are until there's no
choice but to be strong. So ask yourself. Take some time to build
a little bit of financial strength to build some social support. I'm sure if
you're behaving like us, feel like you're behaving like a single mother, you're
probably already in what I call the single mother village. Because I was so
pleasantly survived, surprised to meet the single mother village. When I finally graduated
from that relationship and came out into the world, there were so there was
a whole support system of other single mothers. So I would start to build
those relationships for babysitting, co ops and playdates, exchanges and all that kind
of stuff. But if your needs aren't getting met at all in your relationship,
Annie's not even investing. If he was a super great dad and really
investing the kids, I'll be like, wait it at the kids are benefiting,
But it sounds like he's just watching sports and the kids are staying alive
in the background while you're running around working. I don't know that. I
mean, you called him a part time moucher. Are you supporting everybody financially
too? I was, yeah, So you'll find your strength. You will
find your strength. Uh. Dear doctor Wendy, I have met my perfect
match. Well, congratulations, we've been in dating bliss for three months.
Okay, I need to stop you right there. At three months, everybody
thinks they've met their perfect match. Okay, your brain is being assaulted with
a cocktail of neural hormones called lust that are just delicious and sure, so
you say no complaints, although I know we're still in our honeymoon phase.
I know you know that. Okay. Then she says, I felt it
was time to introduce him to my friends, so I asked a close friend
when she's available to hang out with us. But when I showed her his
picture, I found out that she had dated him before. She claims he's
a jerk who had sex with her and then ghosted her. I can't see
him treating anyone that way. I don't want to leave him, but I
also know that this friend of mine is not a liar at all. What
do I do? Both these people are important to me. Okay, you
know what, Only secrets are dangerous. You've got to confront him. And
when I say confront him, not in a confrontational way. You've got to
bring it up. I got to say, hey, dude, so guess
who my friend is. Then say her name and watch his face, and
then say do you want to help me understand what happened between the two of
you and get him talking. If he gets defensive, if he gets angry,
if he gets avoidant, then you can get out of your honeymoon bliss
with this guy because he probably is not emotionally healthy enough to have a relationship
with you. But if he says something like, you know, we just
weren't a good match and I probably should have told her and broken up with
her. I just wasn't strong enough, so I ghosted her because I didn't
think, you know, I'd invested that much. You know, he might
say something and you're going to say, well, you're going to have to
socialize with her, So I think you need to find a way to apologize.
So we can do that, and let's see what kind of man he
is. Let's see how emotionally strong he is. I think that would be
cool, all right, If you want to send me any dms every week
I answer a few questions, just send it to wherever, TikTok, Instagram,
YouTube, all those places. The handle everywhere is at doctor Wendy Walsh
at d R Wendy Walsh. When we come back, have two things to
say. One is will you stay friends with your ex there's research to show
whether you might or not. And then I've got some backward relationship for a
healthy relationship. Backward relationship advice. Backward relationship advice coming up. You're listening
to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere
on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty. Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM
six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App. So I have a question
to ask you everyone out there. Are you friends with your exes? Like
all of them? None of them? Some of them anaxis. I have
confession to make. First of all, I'm not really friends with any of
my exes. Okay, one one, but you know, I haven't lived
with him or seen him for oh, I don't know, like thirty years.
So we kind of reconnected a few years ago and we talk on the
phone. I think I've seen him one time when he came to town.
Doesn't with him in town, but you know, we had lived together for
five years, so there's a little history. And then we put thirty years
between that, but everybody else, no way, no way, no way.
It's interesting because we had that guy on our show a while back who
wrote that amazing New York Times bestseller book called Sex at Dawn, and he's
a big proponent of polyamory, and he was saying that in our anthropological past,
we probably never had sex or an intimate love relationship with a stranger.
We knew everybody, We roamed around in tribes and everybody with somebody's cousin,
and we were small communities, et cetera, and so exes naturally would have
been around. Just that's just how it went right, and that in our
modern Western culture we don't know what to do with exes, and perhaps we
should put more closure work through stuff. Although I am a big believer in
going no contact at the beginning, especially if you have any kind of anxious
attachment style, because then you're just like reminded of them all the time and
the pain goes on for longer. But I was reading this research about trying
to predict if you actually might Let's say you're with somebody right now, Let's
say you're thinking of breaking up. There's some ways that you could tell whether
this person can be safely put into the friend zone, whether they will be
your friend after the breakup. Okay, So here's what one bit of research
says. This research was out of Illinois State University, and it found that
ex partners were significantly more likely to remain friends after their breakup if drum roll
please, if they were friends before they began their romantic relationship. So that's
the question to ask yourself, were you friends before the romance started. If
so, there's a likelihood that you could reset and get back to okay,
just back in the friend zone. And actually, I've always been a big
proponent of friends first in relationships anyway, because at the end of the day,
I think it's, you know, the friendship that is the emotional glue
that keeps relationships together anyway. So start off with friends is a good idea.
Uh Okay, So there's other research. And here's another question you should
maybe be asking yourself if you're trying to predict if somebody who's an ex can
be a friend of yours, what do you think your ex partner's motivations are
for wanting to stay friends. So this is new research out of a journal
called Personal relationships, and this research says that there are four main motivations for
staying friends with an ex romantic partner. One is feelings of security. Two
maybe practicality, maybe you're sharing custody of kids or a dog, or you're
living as roommates, hopefully not civility, just to be civil to each other
and be polite. But the fourth one is the dangerous one, ding ding
ding ding ding. Unresolved romantic desires. Not surprising to note that this particular
research says that post breakup friendships are least likely to last when unresolved romantic desires
form the basis of the friendship. In other words, if one person goes
into the friend zone and they're filled with unrequited love and they want to get
the person back, so they think, I will just stay in the background
and be a friend until they turn around and go, oh, you know
what, You're right, I don't want to be out there in that dating
marketplace. Let me just go back to you. It's not going to happen.
So if somebody has unresolved romantic desires, less likely that it will be
successful in the friend zone. All right. Third bit of research ask this
question, why do you want to remain friends. Let's think about it.
There could be a whole bunch of reasons why you might want to stay friends
with your ex. However, did you do the breakup or did they do
the breakup. Research shows that partners who initiate a breakup are more likely to
want to remain friends. You know, have all the friends without the benefits,
the friendship without the benefits, or have the benefits without having to have
the sex. I don't know, but when this happens, it's often short
lived. You know. I always say you guys can be friends until somebody
gets a new partner. Honestly, I say this with divorce all the time.
People are like, I had such an amical divorce, amicable divorce.
I'm starting to sell like Biden here. I can't say my words right,
amicable amicable divorce. Not about the battle box, the ballot box, the
amicable divorce anyway. People will say that to me, and I'll be like,
yeah, yeah, yeah, you all get along fine in your little
divorce until one of you gets a new partner dead eddah, and then either
the one without the partner is going to feel insanely jealous or the one with
the partner as a partner who says, U uh uh, you can't be
friends with that ex is bothering me. So you'll see. So if you
initiated the breakup, yeah, you're more likely to want to remain friends because
you want to get as much as you can out of that relationship without having
to be committed to it. But it's not going to last long. It
is just not going to last long. I don't know. I wish we
could all be friends with our exes. I wish we could all get along.
And I know I have a problem that I'm not friends with my exes.
I just I don't know. I just maybe maybe it's that I use
that technique that the research says is really good for getting over a breakup,
which is imagine the absolute worst of them. If you can imagine the worst
of your exit, apparently emotionally is easier to get over the breakup. You
wallow for less time, et cetera. But maybe I did that too much,
And maybe I just have bad memories because I don't even didn't even keep
the good memories. I don't know, but I'd like to find a way
to be friends with my ex. Okay, when we come back. I
have got what I like to call Doctor Wendy's backward advice for a healthy relationship.
Things that you wouldn't think you would want to do in a relationship,
but I'm going to tell you it might be just the thing that could save
your relationship. You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show and KFI AM
six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor
Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI AM six forty. Welcome back to the Doctor
Wendy Walls Show and KFI AM six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App.
So I have been reading research on the science of love for oh about
three decades now, and I never stop. I am just so fascinated by
the biological, the psychological, and the social pieces of how we meet,
mate, get together, break up, compete for mats, all those things
that we do. And so I have been also reading the advice of lots
of licensed therapists that I love to convey to you and my students. As
a psychology professor, I like to think of myself as an educator, but
to educate you about the science of love so I've also, after hearing all
this advice for all these decades, I've come up with some ideas that I
want to share with you that I think are really good relationship advice. By
the way, I've also personally tried it all out. I can tell you
it works at least in my relationship. And some of this advice sounds backward,
some of it sounds a little counterintuitive, but I promise you there's research
and science that supports it all right. So my first bit of doctor Wendy's
backward advice for a healthy relationship is in your mind. Date yourself. Now,
calm down before you think what I think you're thinking. You know what,
we spend a lot of time in our relationships wanting to be heard,
wanting to be seen, wanting to change somebody so that our life will be
more comfortable. Okay, it's easy to fall into that trap, down that
hole of being a victim and wanting your needs taken care of. But instead
of wanting the relationship to attend to you, I'm going to ask you every
once in a while, especially when there's conflict, to turn around and ask
yourself what it's like being with you? What is it like dating, you
literally step outside of yourself and have a look at what's going on. Honestly,
this might be able to save your relationship. I do that sometimes with
Julio. I literally sometimes I'm talking a lot, a lot, a lot,
because you know, I talk for a living. I teach, I'm
radio and I talk to him and somethings else. Stop and say, have
I been talking too much? Have I been asking enough questions? Do you
need some silence? What is it like being around a chatterbox? Usually he
will say I love it. I just to sit back. I don't have
to do any work. I just listened to you, which is nice.
But I do stop and go. I wonder what it's like being with me.
For instance, he sleeps more than I do, and he likes to
go to bed earlier. But I like to be with him. So I'm
in there looking at my phone or watching one of my shows streaming on my
computer in bed, and one time he sort of quietly mentioned that he did
not like the light from my devices. So I had to make a hard
decision to let him go to sleep in the dark but without me near him,
or figure out another way. And we discussed it and he said,
I'll just roll over, but make sure you put your headset in. So
there's our compromise. We still get to touch toes. He gets his good
night's sleep. I get to watch my show. Have you guys seen the
streamer sprint with all those potential Olympic sprinters on Netflix? Super good? Anyway,
that's what it's bingching, all right? Number two of my backward relationship
advice, give your partner less emotional value. All right, hold on,
no, it sounds backwards. Give them less emotional value. What I want
you to do is make sure that your partner in your life is a huge
piece of your emotional pie, but not the whole pie. Don't drop your
friends and family for them. You see, we all need a cadre of
social support we need. Don't want to put all our emotional eggs in one
basket. Then you get all, you know, a mesh. Nobody can
remember whose problem is Who's You put too much pressure on your partner to do
too much emotionally for you. Let your partner be a good partner, but
there'll be some areas of your life where your partner is not the person to
go to for this. Not that you should keep secrets from them, but
you need to go to some of your other emotional capital and talk to somebody
else. So give your partner a little less emotional value, all right.
Number three of my backward relationship advice, Help your partner be themselves instead of
always trying to find commonality in your relationship. You know, the healthiest relationships
allow individuals to grow individually and the exciting things they find out there in the
world as they grow, they bring back to the relationship. So if you
can focus on supporting your partner's individual goals over constantly couple goals and couple interests,
we need to do this together. We need to be more together.
There are some people who do need to be more together and do need to
have more couple goals. But it's also really important that you support your partner's
growth. If they want to try something new and it's not for you,
say how can I support you in this? What can we do? We
need some of our family budget to make this happen for you? Do I
need me to drive you there? Now? I'm I'm not talking about growth
that hurts the relationship or threatens the relationship in some way. I'm not talking
about hanging out with a whole other social world because you're not interested in that
social world, because they might meet a new potential mate there. I'm not
talking about going on vacation separately. I'm talking about taking courses, taking up
new hobbies, doing things they've always wanted to do that just fulfills them.
Let them do it, support them in it, because then they'll have so
much more excitement to bring back to the relationship. Uh. Okay, Number
four of my backwards relationship advice worry. I know you expect me to say,
don't worry too much. Okay, everything's going to be okay, you're
in a secure relationship. If you are in a secure relationship, I need
you to worry a little bit more. And what I mean by this is
act like your relationship isn't completely secure, so you can continue to court your
partner. As soon as you take your partner for granted, as soon as
you think they're going to stay no matter what, then you're in a crumble.
The relationship will slowly start to erode. Get dressed up for your partner,
Listen to your partner, ask questions of your partner, Smile for your
partner, Do whatever you need to so that they feel excited to have you
in their life. Court them a little bit, keep doing it. Worry
worry just a little bit, except if you're a worrier, don't worry worry
less. Okay. Finally, my last piece of backwards relationship advice, don't
just feel love, do something about it. Love is a verb. Love
is an action word. Love isn't a perpetual feeling. If I hear one
person say to me again, I love my husband, I'm just not in
love with him anymore, I hope not. Okay, that was lost.
Love is what you put into it. Love is the verb to give,
and so take some time to put love into action every day your relationship,
and then you will continue to have a healthy, secure relationship. And that,
my dear friends, brings the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show to a close.
It is always my pleasure to be here with you on KFI every Sunday from
seven to nine pm. I welcome you to come on to my Patreon,
Patreon dot com slash doctor Wendy Walsh where we have a lovely Zoom group and
we're meeting now on Thursday nights this summer because I'm teaching another class on Zoom
Wednesdays. But anyway, there are a lot of KFI listeners there. Come
meet our little group. It's really fun. We talk about the latest research
in love and make some friends there. Patreon dot com slash Doctor Wendy Walsh.
Otherwise, I'm always here for you on KFI. You've been listening to
the Doctor Wendywalls Show on KFI Am six forty. You're live everywhere on the
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us live on KFI AM six forty from seven to nine pm on Sunday and
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