Committee Central Podcast. Thank you so much, buddy. Thank you so much.
I' m Miguel Iribar You' ve been delighted to be here.
The truth is, comedians travel a lot. One day we can touch such
a beautiful place, with nice people, looking as healthy as having eaten as
a child, very good ham and the next day you can go to a
village of deep Spain, with people with only one eyebrow, with primitive expression,
as of the time when the human being had no awareness of himself,
people who look at you badly. And this makes us a little crazy,
because it' s like one day a beautiful playmate comes to your bed that
says Miguel, I don' t know what' s going on, but
you make me horny and the next day you get a Polish truck driver who
tells you to come over here. My little servatillo is hard. The only
thing that comforts us is that at least we' re working in bars and
I get along very well with the drunks. I love that Spain is an
alcoholic country, from Spain. No. Spain is a drunk country and it
' s nice. I mean. I don' t like it. Not
bad. Spain is the only country in the world where you can see a
super serious guy, super convinced, telling you no, man, yesterday I
left until 5: 30 in the morning. I didn' t feel like
going out. You know I was there. Thank you, but I give
you joy. People say no, man, we' re not so partying.
What happens in Spain is wine culture. It' s just saying collateral
year, humanitarian bombing. There is no economic crisis, there is negative growth
and wine culture. No. No, no, I' m a whore.
I like suspended love. Anyway. No, no, no, we
have wine culture. I don' t have such a bad time as when
I go to a restaurant and I have to order wine, because I'
m a cateto. I don' t understand wine and the waiter always recognizes
you for some reason and wants to fuck you that you get there. The
guy already sees you from afar saying look a prick come here, wait for
you to come there with your nightgown and it varies. I know it'
s you He' s a little shirt guy He' s an outrage at
those guys you' re going around. Come on, come on You'
re coming with your girlfriend to impress. Come on, come on, you
order wine, come on You' re going? Who' s going to
order? Who' s going to taste the wine, uh, the lady
or the loser, the loser has touched you come and you' ve and
you' ve become. If he doesn' t do that shit to you,
see what you' re saying, no. I like not to wait
like this. One second. I tend to look at my girlfriend, look
at her and say, uh, red you know how best and if she
hasn' t noticed that you' re laughing at him, you tell her
uh. Go back to oaks, tannins and mistol so fry gallo and bring
it back to me again. No. The truth is, it' s
okay, it' s okay. I do it a lot of restaurants.
I grew up, well, I grew up in Triana. Anyway, I
' ll tell you about the few restaurants I' ve ever been to.
But I saw her in Madrid. I live in Lavapies, a multicultural neighborhood,
really has a lot of people of all colors, of all stories,
it' s fucking cool. There' s the only ones I care about
are a little bit the Chinese that I think there' s mogollón that'
s great, not that you like him, I mean, there' s
mogollón everywhere. They' re people you empathize with, they don' t
smile at, they' re cool, but they' re people who work
20 hours straight, don' t give them time for breakfast. The Spaniards
had breakfast for twenty hours in a row, it doesn' t give us
time to work. Okay we' re, we' re bad China is
absorbing everybody' s debt, it' s buying log banks I' m
probably special, but the day I go to a Spanish bank and find it
all full of Chinese taking care of me I' m fucking, I don
' t want my money to have it a rock that has as a pet
a shitty kitty that does so it' s worth because first I don'
t trust cats and second, that cat clearly doesn' t save. He
' s playing the slots and he gives you the way he gives you,
like he' s going down, so don' t be cool, they
' re buying. Besides, Spanish restaurants are catching it too and they already
do things like that. The day I went to an Asturian cider shop.
I see a china scansi like this from Lascancia Zildai, who was doing well
on top of it, but you say trongo, that is, I'
ve been having nightmares for two days because he says man, this is going
to change everything, that is, I' ve been dreaming about a chinese
coming to me and saying hello, uncle I' m going to be monologue
today. You sell beer at the door and besides, man, it all
comes from China to see the phones come from China. The clothes, the
shoes, the toys of your children, all the technology, the cars,
almost everything comes from China. Everything and we still have the little shame of
when our children ask Momyo, where I come from, we tell him from
Paris, he says how I can tell him from Paris, how we can
have that little shame has always freaked me out in every way we say to
the children who come from Paris. Be it me, I imagine Jonathan Jesus
among Bujena with three years old, coming out of his Andalusian corral, seeing
his mother hanging a pair of pink polka dots. Tell Mom where she came
from, for your son from Paris already sees me there a little Frenchy,
not a little too much unfinished boy. Not very much I must read.
He won' t give that France was the reference before. It was cool
with me. When France was the fucking reference you saw there I don'
t know the encyclopedia, the illustration, the vague cloud already cost that it
was like Happy Rodriguez from the source, but water resist that it was cool,
that it travels, that you said fuck how cool it doesn' t
and it really says that you don' t need to do so much for
humanity and it says that already with the French sex it says you have fulfilled.
You know it' s all right. In addition, the mystery is
well cultivated. The French have this scroll of this phrase, not the French
one. She' s a lady on the street, but a whore in
bed. Maybe I don' t fucking believe it, but I' m
intrigued. You know he' s leaving me curious here. Not the only
thing I don' t forgive the French is pronunciation. I mean, guys,
what do you do like your pronunciation? No, no, I'
m not prepared to assume that pronunciation. I mean, I was going fu
Fax is written fuck don' t fuck with a thousand Latin fo and hey
you say log. There are five vowels in the alphabet, uh and or
u use three o, the I and the e missing two, the U
and the how you pronounce it was with two balls. All this I say
to be cool and show that I have studies. You know if I'
m cool, I have studies. I did a career, I did journalism,
a very difficult career. Don' t laugh so much, you bastards.
I mean, it' s a race where you have to be competing
with people who are in an intensive potato regimen. Frita beer and joints is
good and you have to be there, that is to say, the journalist
leads a hard life, that is, you see him when you see street
people saying there' s a reporter there' s a yonkeye, but who
' s who isn' t, that is, you stay there there'
s a bunch of truncheons in journalism, a mogollón you see people because they
directly plant marijuana and already seem to have married a very possessive woman, who
has it overwhelmed. And you see him there with pesticides, with cuttings,
with lamps, with weather risk, with microscopes that you say asshole guy with
this lab, that you have mountain, that I know helps find a cancer
vaccine, says forgive people with cancer are my best clients. It' s
not cool with me either, the harmless smokers, the cool smokers, not
this guy thing. I actually studied smoking uncle and I prove he says the
least bad thing he studies medicine, motherfucker, not because he means, then
man. There are people who are leaving. These joints are the ones that
end it like in two, not making documentaries of the being in Getti,
that says pasta, of being in Getti bastard relax. Then there were journalists
who already passed a little more, ended up with a little worse, abused
it with harder drugs and ended up in intereconomy. Well, a little more
fucked up. But it' s okay. No, but mostly in college
what was there were college girls. The college girl is a wonder that happens
to you at that age. It' s a very nice thing. You
play a little bit of having friends. Well, who says friends. She
says friend with a right to rub or rub and with a right friend or
wine culture or whatever the fuck she wants, you don' t care,
but you play, don' t, and suddenly you start to realize the
limits. It doesn' t say good. Okay, I see this chick
who' s a cute little girl I' m his friend with, but
you fuck up the day she tells you. Joye, Miguel, the truth
is that you' re a solete and you' re, uh, forgiving
insults you or I disrespect you at some point, I mean, if you
ever get called solete, I keep in mind that you' re being reduced
to the lowest of human beings. Okay, I mean, it' s
really sad. Do not allow yourselves to fight for your right. Don'
t let them ever call you single, because there' s no aunt.
There won' t be any aunt. Have her call a friend and tell
Auntie. Yesterday I was fucking like a bitch with whom with a solete does
not exist and will not exist. There are like and there are times that
you really try to work it out and it says good I' m going
to be a friend and you' re going to eat coffee, that you
' ve seen it out there in the movies I know you' re going
to have coffee and the three teas sometimes like a little thing, like you
worry without realizing it, you have gestures without intention, but that worry us
like this mania of some of you to support, like the brews on the
table, with much naturalness that you fall as in your hypnosis. You don
' t get broken your whole life. All you want to do is satisfy
windy comes out or you' re fucked. And then there are times when
you have these little phrases that you also say as without evil because you women
have no evil truth. You are lovely and excellent beings, but sometimes you
say suddenly jor you know. The truth is, they always tell me that
she sucks it very well. I really don' t know how glad you
give me this useful information. I don' t mean, you' re
stuck being careful. There are many too many topics, perhaps about relationships.
There' s no such thing as a topic bothers me especially that it'
s this one that says any woman can hook up with the guy she wants.
I' d like it to be clear that this topic is completely true.
Okay. But it' s not our fault, I mean, it
' s not our fault. This is a serious evolutionary problem, because when
an aunt, if an aunt grabs the package, she lowers your t-
shirt with the intention of making a case for you an infinite affellation, that
leaves your eyes blank. You can' t stop her. You can'
t say no. But it' s not because you like them. No,
it' s not because you want to, not because you want to,
because it' s good, because you want to. It' s
not just because, after millions of years of evolution, nature hasn' t
thought of an answer for that It' s okay, so it' s
not thought of, that is, it' s stalled. There' s
a limit point, like when kittens get caught by the neck you make.
That' s how you know there' s nothing to reproach. I mean,
that' s right. But I' ve said a term that may
have offended people if you' re perhaps too much of a Catholic or a
Republican American. He said of evolution, eh pardon or intended. Thank you
you know these creationists are many times people, with studies that have made cattle
even more difficult than journalism, and that and that tells you it is not
totally impossible, that it is man come from the monkey by evolution, says
man. The truth is, looking at you and listening to you, it
really doesn' t make sense to talk about evolution. No, but not
well. Now there' s a theme. Now with religion. It'
s not getting any less fashionable. I think that above all Christianity may be
having a little low hours. Things like Buddhism are getting fashionable. I believe
that there is an obvious reason, that is, a crucified Christ cannot compete
with a Buddha in an ibiza chalet as a decorative object. It' s
much cooler, that is, you' re placed in an ibiza chalet,
full of goboz house music You see a Christ crucified there and he says snoring
what happened to you. You look like a big or big gold Buddha,
she says pussy. Carlos Jin you know how there' s roll. I
don' t know, it' s funny. I am very shocked at
religion, because there are, like many religions, everyone believes that it is
their religion. His religion is absolutely true. I think there' s a
problem, which is that, of course God had like the mania to introduce
himself a lot of years ago to people like in a cave, in a
mountain. Sometimes they didn' t know how to read that it' s
like coming under a bridge, telling your shit here to someone who knows what
and then a medic arrives and tells you how the message got confused. Okay,
there' s too much, but it' s okay. I really,
if there is God, right, I think I should go out today
on television, in preintime pussy comes out in Telecinco short for a little while,
the save me is worth to put a can to Jorge Javier Vázquez tells
me come rod there, eh that explodes all the silicone of the set causing
the chaos is good and no bush, burning ah what more to bel In
Esteban it is worth that people see it. Of course say Miracle Bethlehem Stephen
has quieted down, you know so that they know and you already count.
Whatever you want, I don' t care. I don' t care
what you want, that' s cool and you take off a little bit.
This widespread confusion, which is the bath as scratched. No. No,
it' s all in the Bible, it' s all in the
Bible. It' s all in the Bible. Liste people say Uncle,
to see the Bible log that is they always tell you in contracts be careful
because they put it folded with the small print. The Bible is 3,
000 pages of small print. Okay, it' s a scratch and people
just as they don' t read it clearly, good people, they don
' t have the paper worth the Bible by the balls. He' s
cleared because God is so good. God I don' t know how much,
Uncle, and I' ve read myself a little bit of that little
print. God has very chungy, very chungy parts. And it' s
not only violent, but sometimes it' s freaky, that is, there
' s a passage. I swear it' s true. It' s
a little freaky, but I swear it' s true. You can look
for him. Second Book of Kings, chapter two verses, twenty- three
and twenty- four speak of the prophet Elisha. Who the fuck is Elisha,
I don' t know. They talk about Elisha and he says the
passage and going up Elisha through the mountain, some kids who went after him
mocked him. They called him bald, go bald, go up I swear
he said that is right and Elisha saw them and cursed them in the name
of Jehovah. And the LORD sent two bears who tore forty- two of
those boys apart, you say," Shut up for calling a fucking prophet
bald" You send two bears to tear apart forty- two young trunks who
are uncles, man, roll up, put the pop- guy Elisha'
s mane from the singer of Urope and say for you you know. I
don' t know. The church has a little point sometimes a little short
run. He fucked up three hundred years ago in a forest, some ladies
of the village were going to make their coven of good vibe, to peel
off, to get a little high with some honguitos that we have all done
once and nothing happens and to dance around a bonfire and reach a fellow priest
and burn them. What he says Let' s see, man, I
mean, you' re a guy, what to say if a man goes
out into the country and finds some chicks in highballs dancing and the first thing
you can think of, the best thing is to burn them the same way
you don' t like chicks, you don' t mean maybe you prefer
smaller people. I don' t know what' s gonna happen to you.
That doesn' t happen anymore. That doesn' t happen anymore,
but fuck all of a sudden you say joaige with sex. There' s
like a problem. It makes me very nervous that priests talk to me about
sex. I mean meat. I like that the butcher speaks to me,
it' s good of buildings, the architect to fuck, so talk to
me. I don' t know Nacho Vidal, my cousin speaking to me
from the village, who knows a lot. I don' t know people,
competent people, because I see the priests of the village. Dude,
these guys are kind of fat with their noses red and red and so and
so and I say jo, this kid' s grown up like any kid
in a good- natured olive calahorra, throwing stones at him with lizards,
playing his little things that one day he starts to find out no and you
say fuck. I think God is talking to me and I' m going
to start telling everyone what' s sin and not that I think it'
s cool. Everyone hears as if you think you' re a goat I
get hairy, I think it' s cool, but I' ve become
a Catholic bride that can happen. And all of a sudden, that guy
is confessing and she seems to tell him father how it is, well,
well, here' s good, because I ate good things that tell me
a little bit, what you do with you, with your husband. You
say good, so normal. I don' t know a bit about posture.
The missionary will know more or less what is a little bit of so
four legs, a little bit above. I don' t know, by
the way, I suck them very well, he says and he says ah
yes, let' s say, because to God it seems fatal and to
you, father, good. It makes me a little sick, too bad,
but it makes me sick. But from now on, you' re
taking that off and I' ll tell you one thing. I respect.
It' s everyone who believes whatever they want, but like me, once
in my life, because of a priest I lose a single blowjob I go
with two bears and I blow them up. You' re good here and
I' m good here, but no, the daughter says. It'
s not that then, if you don' t believe in the spiritual,
you fall into believing the miracles of the material. He' s right.
There are times when we believe in material in a pathetic way. Last year,
I' ll remember it as the sad year when we all started wanting
to buy the power ballance bras to remember the balance bras. Someone' s
still carrying that little push- button somewhere in his body. There' s
no wow wow like that psychosis. You said fucking dude I fell out of
your mind' cause you don' t have that pretty little brat I'
m wearing. I mean, I haven' t seen a piece of plastic
more overrated since the flavor condoms. Or you know, this miserable strategy of
man, which is to invent flavor condoms, which is like look, you
know strawberry in test, which is like miserable. Well, there' s
something even more miserable that' s like it doesn' t have protein than
that. There are horrible things, but then I didn' t really believe
it. But deep down there' s a subject I' m iriber by
last name. You know, it' s funny that in the Basque Country
it was where most bracelets were sold from all over Spain. They sold themselves,
like, pussy- speaking. The idea of Spain don' t buy
it, but pushers have shoved it up the ass. Well, no,
but no. Now I' m eribar that there was some part of me.
I think I wanted the bra, Joe said, I like that,
but of course, the other half is Andalusian. No, we are descendants
of Phoenicians, Arabs and Gypsies. You come to me with a magic pusher
of god or log, that trick, I know. You know, no,
don' t fuck with me. I believe there is also an issue
of education. You don' t have to be a little on the lookout
for what' s going on. I don' t know how to be
a bit critical, and I say that it belongs to a chunga generation that
has grown up with totally wrong models, like Michael Jackson is worth it,
or a guy who basically did everything the other way around. He was getting
whiter instead of blacker, he had more and more dick voice instead of more
serious, he liked smaller people more and more instead of bigger. And he
says the father beat him, look, I' m sorry, but little
hit him. Okay, I mean, he didn' t say much,
but he' s glad you' re praising a joke about child abuse.
Not really, it' s really pretty. I believe that this, in
essence, as a conclusion of a monologue you will make it clear that,
basically, we must be careful with alcoholism, with the Chinese, with the
French, with insanity, with tetohypnosis, with the press girls, but above
all with ourselves, with ourselves, that we are in great danger. Friend,
Miguel Rivar, thank you very much. See you all the time.