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dot com. Now when your old career gives you lemons throwing some ice mix
in some vodka. Call it a podcast from the Mac of All Trade Studio
in Fairport and driven by Victor Chrysler Dots GM RAM. It's Billified, the
Bill Moran Podcast. Well, hello and welcome. Thanks for getting your pot
on. Thank you for telling a friend. That's how we spread the word.
Help us keep the pirate ship afloat. Are Dougie fresh in the house.
I'm back, baby, I'm back like a vengeance. I'm like a
bad rash on your nutsack that doesn't go away. Baby, I am back,
getting the ointment Jesus Christ. I'm still not recovered and I we're gonna
go drinking. Yeah, let's get some Jamison. Let's take care of that
alergy. Are you have you been I've been good. I've been golfing a
lot, working a lot, all right, Okay, working on my breast
cancer fundraiser. Look at that. Yeah, that's August twenty sixth, Right,
I have two Since COVID, I used to do bowling and that COVID
hit and people didn't want to be inside. So I added a golf tournament
and this will be the fifth year of doing both. Okay, So the
golf tournament is. Golf is August twenty sixth. Salmon Creek will be back
there for the fifth year. Great place. I've golf there twice so far,
a very nice course. And bowling is October nineteenth at bowler Roll.
All right, well, but if let's say I wanted to be part of
the golf thing, what do I gotta do? You contact me on Facebook,
Doug Phelps. I have one slot open, one slot, yeah,
that's it for foursome or a foursome one slot line. Yeah. I want
to say anything because I'm one of those people that are sometimes superstitious certain ways.
If you say something too early kind of falls apart, like oh,
look at this cardous there goes, I got you. But bowling, there's
thirty two lanes. So if you want to put a six person team together,
let me know on Facebook under Doug Phelps. Or if you want to
donate, you could send something here to Bill Moran's address, a gift card
and I'll put it in a nice little bag with your name with a breast
cancer ribbon around it in nice. Yeah, and you're you've been down at
Whiskey River working right. Yeah. We had some great bands over the weekend.
We had looks of kill Motley Crewe. We had Doctor Moxy yesterday which
was We've got I will not be bartending there next week. I'm bartending at
Forest Till, another great place at Barton. But the crazy train is at
Whiskey River next Sarday. Yeah, and I hear that place will be packed.
Yeah. I was down that way. I went when my youngest son
was in town for about two weeks and we went down to a different I
didn't. I went into a different place, which place pelicanst. Oh you
did well because there was food there and I knew. I was familiar with
the layout and right kind of what you can and can't do. I wasn't
sure if we could bring a kid in there, but you can bring a
kid in a Whiskey river. I've thought people are looser in the summer,
hanging out, spending money, hitting on chicks. All you gotta hear great
pickup lines, especially down there. No, I think maybe out in the
back. See I work inside out They have an outdoor patio stage the bar.
There is an outdoor bar. How do you get out there? I
don't want to be out there? You sure? Yeah? Why your nuts
off? Yeah? You're making more money, but I'm inside air conditioning.
You know, got the TVs? Because I was trying to pick up lines
you could only use in the summer. How do you look at a bikini?
Yeah? You know that may have any tanlines I can look at?
Got there? Hey, he apparently you've been working on this se You got
it right off the top of your head. There, this is this is
good? This is impressive. Right? Ye up taking that swing. Does
your nursing home have any field trips coming up that I can drive for?
I'll tell you what. I had an interesting story last Thursday, I drove
somebody to the del Monte and Pittsford and there's a woman outside. She's on
her phone. I knew she was waiting for a Newbury and I just turned
my off. I was gonna go around the corner to uh coffee place,
Neutral Ground Coffees. I know the owner, and I'm like, hey,
how's everything going. She goes, Oh, I wait for my ride.
He's my uber. He's lost. And I'm like, can you snag somebody's
Yeah? I did so. I said, uh, you can't snag it
on the website of the app. And I'm like, well, where are
you going? She goes Syracuse Airport. I'm like, oh, I know
that's a good nut. Yeah. Sure. I'm like, well, what
are they charging it? She's like one hundred and sixty one dollars. I'm
like, oh, I got a hundred two for one hundred and fifty cash.
She's like, no, he's right around the corner. I just can't
understand this guy. So she walks up to main Street and I just idled
by, you know, give her a couple of minutes. So she's still
on her phone, She's got her bag. She wants to get to the
airport and she canceled it and she venoed me the money so quick, little
nut. And she was she was pregnant and I had bad morning sickness,
and she goes, I just want to get home. Yeah. So I'm
like, let's go, let's let's fly there. Where was she flying?
Arizona? Damn? Yeah, yep. Sometimes you those not a lot,
but not a second. Hang on a second. I forgot is this weekend
your birthday? It is Saturday? Saturday is my birthday? Oh buddy,
I'll be at Forest Hill slinging drinks if anybody wants to come see me.
Uh five to close Forest Hill. Yeah, I'll be fifty four years old
for fifty four years young. Oh god, I don't I don't like using
the old word. You don't know why that more? You I fucking girl?
Comet. I know you. I'll tell you what. Friend of mine
he just turned seventy and he was debating on whether going to the State Fair
and walking around and uh, his girlfriend's like, no, it's gonna be
hot, and he goes, you know what we're going. The sooner you
start doing less is when you start getting older. Yeah. Yeah, So
I don't want to be old. I want to okay, keep going.
So you think that so wait, so wait a second, it's a mindset,
I think so. But being older no, because I say that about
everything. You make fun of me when I say things like you know,
you got to put it out there, you gotta act as though it is
or whatever. And that's the same thing. You're doing the same thing.
I love with age, Yes, I guess so yeah, baby, not
with a girl who thinks the universe and are planning to line and let's go
to the becks and see if there's a milky way. But the idea is
that if I if I think this way, I will be this way.
Yes, positive thinking, yes, yes, And sometimes it's hard to do
with is it hot and here it's just the candles of my cake? Either
way, baby, let's go start a three alone fire. I must be
a birthday present because I'm all wrapped up in anxiety and ready to exped I
gotta think you gotta have some pick up lines for your birthday when you're working,
like, hey, you want to blow on my can? Yes,
come on, but you can get away with it because it is your special
bed. There's not gonna be any single women out of the four silverly all
couples with the reservations. Every now and then you get a couple of them.
Yeah, women, I'm legally allowed to make beg decisions like using these.
Poor boy, I'm my birthday any of the spangan and she'll hit me
with her cane. So what so you're working any other big plans. No,
I'll go golfing in the morning. I'll go see my mother. Somebody
told me years ago it's always more important to see your mother and your birthday
than her birthday, because she'll definitely remember your birthday more. So. I
always trying to see my mother, at least call her if I'm out of
town. Right. Well, we were talking about uh something on the last
episode that I used to always torture my kids with instead of celebrating birthdays when
they were like five, I would say, we're done. This is their
last birthday. We're celebrating and from here on it's whatever you did. So
if you got to do something great so we can celebrate it, hit a
home run and in your next baseball game, get it, you know,
and it's a lot of pressure whatever it is. Well, I was doing
a sort of sort of as a joke and we a wife like that continue
to I don't remember, I really don't. I never paid attention, but
the uh. But my point was is that you got to achieve stuff.
It should be about achievement and who you and what you're contributing and what you
are, and that is what builds self esteeming people. And that birthdays are
really bullshit. You didn't do any nude but what every other person did on
the planet, So who cares? But I give it to your mom.
I got, you know, giving it to your mom. I think it's
great. Yeah, that's why I always I was just a big thing.
So I used to call it like, well, we got to find your
achievement day. We got to find your achievement day. Come on, dad,
you know because as a little kid, you anticipated two things birthday and
cake and Christmas. Sure's it. Yeah, those are the things you wanted
all that shit, you know, and there you went, and now Doug
still celebrating. I love that. Well, there would be a cocktail special,
No, but I'm going to bring devil eggs and somebody have you seen
this? Somebody devil eggs. Yeah, there's a first annual double egg contest.
A listener of ours. I met her. She was a whiskey river.
She tagged me on a page there's a double egg competition in Buffalo in
November. Oh, you got to enter? How much? How much does
the entry figure? You know what? I looked at it once and I
haven't gone back to it because I've been I've been busy with stuff working and
like you say, the breast cancer stuff. Oh, here we go.
Doubled Egg Extravaganza, November two, five to nine, Buffalo, New York,
Electric City. So I got to find out how much it is.
And the part I did read is how many eggs are you going to bring?
I think you have to bring at least forty? And like nothing a
party coming up? You got a party coming up? Don't go bake eggs?
And I go, I go, thank you for posting that on it.
She goes, Yeah, Bill was giving you ship. He was,
he was giving me ship and Mark Killman too, And it was just the
funniest thing I had ever, Like, hey, you want me to make
you double? Like I just could not stop. I know, it just
hit you that way, and it was just a funny. Before the fourth
it was yeah, I said no, but it's usually like somebody's mom would
say that. I guess, but honey, I'm making devil eggs you like
to bring. My mom doesn't make devil eggs. And I'm not married to
teacher the recipes, so you know, don't come to a party empty handed.
And like I said, if I'm boiling ten eggs, might as well
boil twenty. Yeah, I know, it just was the just came off
and hit you. That's fine. I love laughter. We need more laughter
in the world. Why what are you talking about? What's going on in
the world. Let me tell you what. Two weeks ago, I went
over to my friend's house for Dirty Martini's beer and pool. Yeah. I
didn't even know what happened to Trump till the next day. Rocked in the
pool all day. God, yeah, that whole The head of the the
Secret Services resigned today. Uh, he's an idiot. I'm gonna tell you.
It's a woman. It's a woman. And I just have to say
where you line up politically. That was a catastrophic failure. Catastrophic failure.
And we talked to people who were there that day, and one guy said
he couldn't stop crying after that, just from the pure shock of it,
and but it was windy, it was breezy. Uh. There's now reports
saying that there was a bullet that went on the other side of his head
as well. And I really, yeah, I have not watched any news,
Fox, norseas Yeah. No, it's all coming in November. You
know, there's no reason to start Christmas shopping for me. Well, it's
interesting now because you know Biden's out and this, and so it's just an
interesting it's an interesting thing. I go, wow, this is this is
unprecedented, never happened before. And where are we going from here? But
yeah, so I don't I don't know that we need laughter though, what
are you talking about? I think everything's fine in the world, Charlie Champs.
Without laughter is like at night without stars. Well, I mean like
a great day is you know when you when you laugh and you kind of
know you're alive and absolutely And I think that we take Do you think the
boss upstairs? Uh no, No, I don't. Okay, he's a
fucking pain in the ass. No, do you see that I'm not talking
about your life? I know I know what you're talking about. Uh,
I yeah, I think that. Well, I'm I'm I don't I don't
have the same view as you on certain things, but I would say that
I I think that one of the greatest things. You can always be as
grateful for what you've got right as I am. And if you stay focused
on the things that are going well in your life, I think other things
will start to go well. And again if you go back to just call
it mindset, you know, and you're fifty four years young, absolutely,
which really isn't you know? You're the one of confident death over there,
dude, I can't. I don't know what happened. I can need more
Devil Diggs th Jenny Light. It was one of the things where I walk
a health. I got kicked. I just kicked. And I don't know
if it was like I go, you go to my with my kid in
town. We did a bunch of stuff and Sea Breeze and I remember standing
in the wavepool with him. Oh and I know, I'm I'm one of
these now, I will say this in all Sea Breeze, you want to
talk about something to be grateful for. They keep that place immaculate. It
is so well good for fifty five dollars sixty eighty dollars a day, it's
sane cheap. No it's not, but it's it's a well, it keeps
it nice. It's great. And the riff raft the thing is like you
can also uh you get the riding slide pass, so you can both.
You can stay all day. You get there early, but most of the
time you're gonna find you know, if you bounce through some rides and stuff,
you're pretty Did you think of me when you rode the jack Rabbit or
my jack Rabbit joke? I did the jack Rabbit twice, I think I
did on the second time. I was thinking as we came up the uh,
yeah, we did the jack record. But we're in that I told
this story, but all of a sudden that there's skinny guy maybe a little
older than me. He had been sitting at the edge of the water,
so I don't know if he had kids that were in there or whatever.
So my son is like six feet tall. So we're out in the deeper
end and he loves kind of going around the waves and all this, so
I kind of went out there with him, and all of a sudden,
it's it gets to the in between where the water is just there's no waves,
and what do they do then every fifteen minutes. I don't know,
because we started to get out and the thing went off again. Yeah so,
I don't know. It was pretty whistle or a beller. It's like
it makes a big buzzing noise. Yeah. So, but this guy,
all of a sudden he comes out and we're sort of there's not many people.
There's nobody really around us. We're kind of out in our own little
area. But off in the corner is even more I would call it empty
pool real estate. This guy swims out tread's water there for a little while,
kind of makes eye contact with you, and then goes back in.
And I'm like, what, what, what does happened here? What just
happened? And I think I have an idea you think I did. I
don't know why. I maybe he was going to cool off and he was
trying to keep an eye on his kids. Possibly wait for everybody, It's
very possible. But you chose the one spot where there was no human within
a five foot radiance, right yeah, now, and the water his hands
above water, Yeah, okay, you could pee through your suit, yeah
you can. Yeah. And I was like, this is a little strange,
but the water is so cloudy from so much chlorine in there, and
people that I'm out of it, and that's the other thing. But I
don't know if that's what got me sick or not, because I normally don't
get sick, but this one just knocked me on my ass. I'll tell
you what. I had to buy a new bathing suit, went over my
friend's house. Yeah, put my Captain America start spangled American flag on,
and all of a sudden, like, oh God, damn it, I
ProAb have been down. I'm like, if I do a belly flop or
something, this ship rips up my ass. Text my friends, I'm like,
I'm I think I'm gonna be running late. I have to go to
Walmart and get a new suit, which I did, and that one was
a little big. But they wait, wait, wait, wait wait,
So what happened to the summer of Doug losing weight and all this stuff?
You say, summer is a bad time. It is. Yeah, you're
drinking. I have already now doing your stuff. My habbits, which I
haven't had a lot of, just you know what it really is that eating
after eight o'clock just bad habit of do you have ice cream and salads and
everything and picnics and yeah, you know a couple of parties I was at.
It's just you know, you have twenty five people, you got twenty
five different appetizers, so when they order and wings, You're right, I
don't care. I'm most interested in right now, at this moment. What
kind of age did you get? If the other one was Captain America?
What did you get? Please tell me you got like toe mate or something
great in the front a ladies, you need a toe and Telly, hey
was toy story cars. My name's Mader like toe materer without toe Okay today,
Oh there it is. Let me see. You have a picture of
me. Yeah, it's kind of zebra print but pink. Oh yeah,
it's amazing y Like this looks like an eighties rock video. Ya, dude,
that's great. Yeah, don't I nothing but a good time. I
would never wear anything close to this, but I but I would. I'm
I love that you. If you showed up in that, I know we're
having a great afternoon. I show up in this swear flops and sixty devil
eggs in a thirty package on you l Yeah, you can leave the devil,
but I almost made some of today. Just cover your mouth. Goddamn
it. I don't get sick like you. I know, I know,
and I'm on cough medicine you are, Yeah, I know, anything to
get you through the day. And it's like they've not cough medicine. Oh
you have the new bush Mills Bush Mills couff. Yeah, Bush suff medicine
knocks it right out of you. It's gonna take it, makes makes you
the You can't even make a big all right, we will, uh,
we'll take a moment. Today, by the way, is a special day
just for you. Twenty third Yeah, I I I don't think you've ever
realized that this was actually a day. But I will tell you that if
anybody I know or to ever celebrate this day, his name is Doug Phelps.
Okay, yeah, this is all for you. We'll get to it
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Let's get it all started. It's summertime, it's iron smoke, It's
Fairport, New York. Baby, it's a song you don't know, Hey
Claptain, Churches, Sunmon, you guy. Probably, I bet you could
get the artists. I really didn't need a movie Coltrane. No. Bill
Withers used the issue. I went in to guess today today that you would
celebrate tug Are you sure? Yes? Okay, so happy national, gorgeous
Grandma's Day. Yeah, they light them up. So I'm thinking like this
is I was trying to think of a song with grandma and grandma's hands.
Grandma got ran over by her. Well that yeah, you could do that,
but I thought it'd be a little hackey grandma's hands. No, I
might be a DJ Brandon Churchho, that's a good song. Yeah, he
used to lift the tea. Now you have an extensive music collection of CDs
albums? Do you I mean you love love music from all kinds of aspects?
No, okay, I just want to At the beginning of that sounds
sounded like, uh Cisco, Oh, I'm sure sure, Yeah, dude,
I love looking on like TikTok and seeing some uh some crossovers. No,
some guy who uh like I have a friend who really loves dua lipa.
And those grandmama's got big hooters. She got the neckwarmer. They call
it a sun dress. But once you get in the back city car,
she goes right up to her neck. Take rip off, rip off those
granny pantics. I can't have you in. I'm gonna be laughing to our
the the the yeah, I know, the grandma's hands, the uh got
big hands. You know, it says about big hands grandma makes who would
be the hottest grandma's today? Because to me more, I think, yeah,
right, sixty sixty years old and she doesn't even look it. I
saw that. I didn't even finish it. I was the wrap the brat
Pack documentary on the Yeah, I haven't went. No. It's like he's
just kind of whining. McCarthy's just sort of whining about we were And I
always thought it was a great term for them, Yeah, and to be
everybody wanted to be them, but them. Yeah, I'm like, wow,
you know, I think they go and talk to everybody else and they
all seem to be We're like, yeah, we're cool. Yeah, I'm
sure they are fucking each other doing cocaine, getting all the world probably.
Yeah, of course they were, and what they wanted to do. Who
else around that? I'm trying to think of of the women in their sixties
that could be on Doug's list of the hottest Grammar. Julianne Moore? Oh
yeah, oh yeah, yeah. How old is Julianne Moore? Look eighty
seven in November? What Julian wore is the redheaded one? Yeah? Yeah,
it was in Boogie Knights. Yeah, she is very attractive and she
also played I think a villain in one of the Uh yeah, she did
the James Bond spoof. Yeah like that. Yeah, sixty three years old,
sixty four in December in a heartbeat without a doubt. Oh god,
yeah, I go down on hair quicker than the Titanic. That's nice.
That's awesome. We know that's a great pick up one. You like that?
Yeah, I think that's great. The women I banged, you know,
I would love to hear this, though, I have to say it
twice. They're deaf. Think back to think back to your grandmother. No,
well just think you did you know your grandmother? Yes, Okay,
all right, some people inside. Your grandmother dies. My father's grandmother died
right after I was born, okay of breast cancer. His mother his mother,
yeah, Dorothy, Okay, she didn't know. On my other grandmother
on my mother's side died when I was twenty. Okay, So you had
a good pretty much almost just a generation there. So, uh, could
you imagine anybody referring to your grandmother as hot? No? I can't either.
For grand grandpa even then, even him, I would go, really,
but now you look at women today, I go, what what changed?
What is it? What changed? I don't know. I'll tell you
when I worked at the bar, obviously for a number of years, yeah,
probably twenty five. This is actually yes, you're the perfect guy to
answer this. Difference between ages is smoking and what they drink whiskey, heavy
whiskey and vodka drinkers that will suck, uh, the skin right out of
you, the more wrinkles because alcohol and it drink enough day after day after
day. Yeah. But did women always here's the Maybe they're just age different,
but I think those are two of the big things. What you eat
a little bit of mindset to and I say that you see those people that
are negative and everything goes wrong with for them, you know, anything to
do with them. That good point, fair point. But I wonder,
like the social media where you're you're seeing trends, it feels like they not
that they dress inappropriately because I don't think that, but they dress more youthful.
Would that be fair to say? And I don't mean that as like
they're dressing definitely yet has changed with people and what you should wear, allowed
to wear now everything is since Britney Spears day is what kids are wearing it.
Yeah, I would never let my daughter walk out of yah, yeah
right right right, you know to what you know, like grandma walk out
of the door with dude. I always saw people who had like I have
friends who have daughters and stuff, and I would see things, but never
ever ever open my mouth because I knew inside that guy had lost every battle
he fought right to keep those those short short jean shorts that are you know,
playing peekaboo with your right cheek. I know, I know, I
know somewhere, but he lost. He lost because Mom's advocate. It's the
style, it's what they wear, it's what they wear. And I go,
okay, yeah, look, as long as someone's getting hurt, I
guess I really don't give a shit. Well right, that's what the way
I would do it. How good a friend are you, Doug, Not
to me, just to people in general. You call me up at four
o'clock in the morning, I need help, you would do it? Let
me know where we are depending in the friend So, okay, here's a
here's a story that came out of the Times in Wayne County. Woman U
living in an apartment. They were looking up women that were in their sixties.
Who shot Sharon Stone sixty six, sixty six, Yeah, without a
doubt. Elizabeth Shoe just turned sixty, Christy Brinkley, Elizabeth Shoe just turned
sixty Yeah, karate kid. Yeah, Christy Brinkley turned seventy seventy one.
February Bridget Fonda, Angela Bassett, who I think is very attractive. She
is sixty five. Oh, this one's got to be one of my top
three. Jane Seymour. Yeah, that woman has to be over seven.
She is seventy three. Yeah, there you gonna be that is that's your
sweet spot. I would buy her in abbots and eat it off her belly
button. In the New York Many, Buddy, I show you some doctor
Quinn medicine, right, half dressed up like John Wayne Brim. Let's go
to the Devin sister. We're gonna rustle the cattle. Michelle Michelle Feiffer,
sixty six. Did you know that nineteen seventy two, just as the size
that you brought him up? Huh, the Atlanta Falcon, with one of
their late draft picks, drafted John Wayne sixty four years old. I did
not know that. I'm pretty they did it big because they wanted publicity toff
Man or something, and the NFL denied the pick. They wouldn't allow the
pick, but they picked John Wayne nineteen seventy two. He was sixty four
years old. They were looking for tough men. Remember when Billy Crystal.
Crystal played for the Yankees at one day in a one day contract in uh
spring training and he got to at bat, yeah, and he got struck
out. He got a piece of one ball, and then they said they
should have played an inning or two. You know, you want to Garth
Brooks was out to go padres and stuff. He used to always do it.
I always think this, You're not as good as you think you are.
You know as I once was exactly what. I love that song too,
but that wish I would have seen him in concert. That's the uh
to me. You're you're not as good. So now you get out there,
we got Billy Crystal and all of a sudden he tears an oblique diving
for a ball, you know what I mean, and we can't get him
out. Who's paying for? How do we get? I go? It
just not worth it, right, I wouldn't do it. I would not
need the difference in ages and dressing and fighters trying to make a comeback.
And you're talking about I'm not as young as I once was. You go
to a Poison concert, you're gonna see girls from the Semi God. I
almost just spit out my water. You're gonna see girls you'll think you see
they are. They are down at Link Shore driving on a say night.
You can see some just because of zips doesn't mean it fits. I mean,
just you got some women. You got ten pounds of potatoes and a
five pound bag, and you're like, oh, there they've got it on.
They've got the tight black, she's got a belly button peers. But
you can only tell when she exhales right to her air tank behind her.
God damn, that is true. What is it like? That's a band
that never stopped poison? They said that Mark's that was one of the greatest
eighties bands, And I kind of have to agree agree because it's just been
he's ridden that thing. He's had the same wig, right, It's just
been the same thing, because I always go, what does he look like
without without the wig? It's got to be a wig. Now. You
know who played yesterday was Sammy Hagar in Saratoga. My friends got a picture
with him. They're drinking the same. Mark went to that show in Saratoga,
and Kevin went to that show in Charlotte, North Carolina. Kevin yeah,
yeah, and on Facebook loved it. The uh he's playing in the
I'm sorry, uh loss of events that are just three and a half hours
away from here. I saw him two years ago, three years ago.
You want to go. I am actually golfing in the Breast Cancer Coalition tournament
they held hold at Midville Country Club next Monday. Got the uh, so
this lady, I'll be bringing devil Leggs. I mean, you know,
it's the way you get on there, that's the way. The woman went,
I know, we got it. Now, I got it. Now,
I got it. I say you that you bring video. Hang on,
you can bring deviled eggs on a date with a thirty five year old
woman. It's it's not any she's not she, but you bring it deviled
eggs to seventy eight. Oh no, not even not even sixty eight.
Well you take a Jane Seymour seventy three. Oh, she loves you,
she loves you, she does. And then what she'll do is she'll provocatively
eat the eggs right in front of you. I say you the video.
I don't remember this, you know. No, I didn't see that.
No, I wasn't drinking having I've been I had. I gotta be honest
with you. I think last night was the first time, and maybe close
to a month there's a bartender that was trading me a whiskey river, sweetest
soule thing. Here it is, Oh, and she ate your but that's
like egg salad. No, it was potato saled with a couple of deviled
eggs in it. Oh, I couldn't tell what it was. It was
all this and I figured, I go, this is propaganda, this is
bullshit. This is put out by Russian it's fake news. Putin's behind it.
I got, I got, I got it. It's completely garbage.
Held her hostage. She's a sweetish she's named after cheese. I guys,
it's wonderful. That's it. But this lady had a ladder up against the
landlord borrow the ladder from Oh wait, what is this again? I'm sorry?
How good a friend are you? So lady has she lives in her
apartment. The landlord had to do some work on the roof. He borrows
the ladder from a slanted roof. I'm sorry, go ahead, I might
have been I don't know. So he's uh, he borrows the ladder from
the fire department. Okay, it's one of these big steel ladders. It's
like a two hundred foot ladder. Puts it up against the house, gets
up there, but leaves it there because he's going to continue to do work.
She it's there for a number of days. She gets sick of it,
calls a friend. Calls the friend and says, come over here,
remove this ladder. You can cut it up into pieces and sell it for
scratch metal. I don't believe this story, the friend says, he did
the ladder's value at twenty three hundred dollars. It had been lent out to
the apartment building's owner, and she reportedly called the friend and she was charged
with grand larceny in the fourth degree and at least und an apparents ticket.
Where is this? This is in Williamson, going towards Oswego or no towards
Aswgen. Yeah, okay, yeah, one, I don't believe it.
I'll tell you why, because fire department does not lend out ladders. The
thirty five foot illuminum ladder, that's what it was. Yeah, And if
anything was to happen, where'd you get the lader? It was the fire
department. Well, now we're suing the fire department. I find that very
hard to believe. Yeah, it says right here, it's in the ladder
valued twenty three hundred dollars and belonged to the Ontario Fire Department. She was
sucking somebody's coll It wasn't her, it was the landlord. So it's probably
a buddy says hey, listen, man, I volunteer down there. We'll
lend you in one of ours. That sort of thing. She calls a
friend. The friend chops at the latter and sells it for scrap metal,
And I go, well, how good a friend are you could if a
friend called you, what what's the limit? Is there a limit on it?
Do you know what I'm saying? Like, let's say, hey,
hey, somebody calls you up, like or even me. I just I
think I just hit somebody. I don't know. I'm not sure. I'm
afraid to go back. I have been drinking. I hit something. Yeah,
I think there's a piece of me that would be regretting the entire drive
to you, and definitely regretting drive away from wherever you were. But I
think depending on who you are, I probably would do that. Yeah.
I think. Well, as I've matured using the old way, you slow
down a little bit, or at least I hope I do, and think
things out. So, okay, I'm driving to you know, I would
probably videotape my self saying I'm driving to my friend. This is the time.
I don't know what happened. That's pretty smart. I'm pretty smart.
I don't know if there's anything evidence, whether he hit somebody or not.
I'm going to help a friend. So if anything happens, this is a
time, and then what do you do with that? You just hold it
on your phone? Yeah, in case anything, you know what you're you
uh in yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm absolutely you're helping it personally.
Yeah, I was, sir, I don't know what happened, my friend.
What if a buddy, What if a buddy calls and goes listen,
wife and I got an argument, and uh, she shoved me. I
pushed her back. She fell down the stairs and she's just laying in a
lump at the bottom of the stairs. I go call nine one one and
on my way call nine one one. Yes, He's like, I'm afraid,
I'm afraid. I forget that. I think it's Tom Sigura has a
whole bit where he goes, uh, his whole bit is I had to
make that call to im one one that every man has wanted to make.
My wife fell down the stairs. But it's a whole bit on how she
really did fall down the stair. Have you ever put yourself at risk for
a friend like that way? That's putting yourself at risk when you have to
go if you're putting I've lied for friends back in the day, without a
doubt. Wow, we were I was with you last night. Okay,
yeah, well that's covering up an affair, right, Yeah, yeah,
that's still a risk. Yeah, I got it. You know, if
she knows where you work, Dougie's a liar, you know, do you
know? You know? You know your son's a liar, you know,
your friends a liar. Stuff like that. That just happened not too long
ago. I wish somebody as happy birthday, and somebody text me or wrote
it on there or private message me. I think this is like a couple
months ago. Do you know your friend's a terrible father and abandoned his first
wife or something like that. I go, I don't. Well, just
so you know, I'm like, I don't even respond to those types of
things, because what do you want me to do? They're angry, right,
and they want some kind of recognition, and they want to try to
hurt that person's reputation, and I always think nothing good comes of it.
Yeah, nothing good comes of it. You're better off. Always easier said
than done, take the high road, because the the less said, the
better. Yes, because you learn that as you get older. Yeah,
and the more you move away from something, the less it becomes something.
And then people start to look at the overall picture. Like I'm a huge
fan when I find out that a certain celebrity quietly paid for some family to
do something right and no grandstanding, no anything, doesn't that that's the thing.
And the same thing like with a friend, if somebody comes at you,
did you know if they said it to my face that that would be
different, But if they say it to me on social media text, I
usually do not respond at all. I have one friend who's kind of the
heartbeat of down as your Lot, where Buddy gives him the information so I
get the national gossip. Sure him right, you know, but I mean,
if you hear that, see that. If I hear anything, I
will tell him too. And if something happens to me, he's that good
a friend that I won't text him. I'm gonna I'm gonna wait until I
see him face to face because I want to see his reaction. So there's
been a couple of times that I've gone to see him and he goes,
So you're gonna tell me, I'm like, I'm waiting to see I'm waiting
to tell you face to face. Yeah, you know, I want to
see your reaction. I want to share this with you. You're that good
a friend, did you? Uh? And how about the if you saw
a friend's buddy significant other out let's say somewhere, let's say you're somebody else.
Yeah yeah, yeah, oh yeah, you gotta again depending on how
close to that friend is. Oh yeah, because I don't want to you
stir the ship pot. You better take a lick, you know what I
mean. Yeah, So if I think the kids are if he has kids
and it's going to hurt them, something like that. Yeah. I've known
a lot of people that cheat in full round through the years and bars,
and sometimes it works out. Sometimes they think the grass is greener on the
other side and it's not. And now their marriage is lasted thirty five years.
They you know, they're married for ten fifteen years, and like,
you know, they got it on with another friend, Like yeah, I
should never have done that, and now I love my wife even ten times.
It's more right. You know, that sometimes works out. I've heard
him they get caught and it didn't. Some people get caught on purpose.
Yea. I was at a wedding once with a girlfriend. This was years
ago. I think I was twenty twenty one, and she drove me to
Virginia and come to find out the next day that two of the couples were
upstairs, the guy and the girl, and which they didn't switch the wife
and the Yeah, the husband got caught, but she thought they wanted to
get caught, so she said, yeah, this divorce is just gonna come
sooner. And the other one's like, he wanted out. So they got
drunk at a wedding, went upstairs, left the door and locked, they
got walked in on and she's getting his divorce and he's leaving her, so
from what I remember vaguely, So some people need a reason to get out.
Yeah, yeah, I think that's I think that's valid. I think
when the when we had the milk manner in here, she said she was
dating somebody and she cheated and she's like, and he found out and she
noticed it was almost like, that's what I needed to get out of there.
To get out of that. In relationship, sometimes you need to kick
an ass to get out. What is it? Moving? Changing jobs,
and divorce the biggest three changes you'll have in your life. Yeah, they
are hard to do, the hardest things to do. Yeah, probably the
hardest and most stressful. Yeah, right, yeah, that's all. Yes,
it's pleasant. Good so far on that bucket list I'm doing Yeah,
you're doing great. Every seven months, you got something, I'm doing great.
I need a little more stress. All right, we will uh,
we'll take Oh I have a bit. Well, I'm not going to do
it all that. Well you're calling Uh you're talking about calling in ninety one
one. Yes, so you have a bit, Well, I do,
but it's it's lengthy and I'm working on it. This is a new Doug
material. Well it's new to you. I've been working on. I haven't
used that on a stage or anything. Okay, so you've been doing it
to your in all collection and then my what your doc co election? You're
Joe Montana doc collection? Have you watched Receivers on Netflix? The first episode
they put the best of the first I gotta tell you that Kittle Deebo.
I can't not love those two guys. I seem to be the two happiest
guys in the NFL. Kittle is fucking nuts and I love him. He
has a heartbeat. He just seems like a great human being. And Deebo
as well. Yeah, I just I'm not really worried about auk. If
he stays or he goes, go get your money with somebody else where.
We're going to win the Bowl. I said this last year, and we
were you know, you were there, We were there, you were just
you know, you ran into the the goddamn Chiefs. He ran into Taylor
Swift, Yeah, Taylor Swifty. Yes. All right, Well here Doug's
amazing bit nine one one. I can't wait to hear this. Okay,
do we need like intro music? Okay, ladies, I'll give you one
of those when we get back. All right, we'll get to all that.
While right after this, Leo it says, got the dessert your family
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All Right, ladies and gentlemen, it is round number three is Tuesday afternoon.
You know what that means. You are getting a bellyfull of bilified.
You got the one. I'm the only, the hip shaking, money making
tower power man in the hour dug it fresh, the man, the myth
leger right next to me, mister Bill Moran. Look you right to the
queue, and I try to change it up because I thought you like,
yeah, I'm with a lion grizly bear Jimmy Vaughn laugh. I don't care.
He's that tough, you know, I have no clue. Yeah,
I'm pretty sure. Jimmy Vaughan was fabulous Thunderbird. That would be Stevie Ray's
brother. I was amazing that they had the greatest hits. The yeah,
yeah, they well, well here's the problem is they weren't like radio friendly,
so if you listened radio growing up, you didn't hear them even CC
top A lot of their stuff wasn't radio friendly, so they I watched their
bio top and how they got their name and how they were hillbilly rocked down
in the South, and then they came out with the car Eliminator. Eliminator.
Yeah. It was nineteen eighty three, eighty four, A ton of
hits, a ton of videos. The videos really what propelled me. Yeah,
and their fan base were kind of mad that they went from southern rock
to mainstream rock or whatever. The record company kind of gives this thing,
but yeah, I have to say like this and some of the Zzy Top
songs that crossed over were really well written blues pop songs. Yeah, blues
bass pop songs, which I think is true to who they are. Just
man, give me some loving the Yeah, Tush, Yeah, Tush's great
legs. Yeah, and I think all that's from at least Dark Glasses.
Yeah right, Yeah, I saw them at our park a few years ago.
But then there's songs like heard It on the X that I always loved
by them. It was about Mexican radio, you know, basically pirate radio
the southern border of the United States. You would get the Mexican stations and
X everything began with X in Mexico. So heard it on the X.
Was amazing that you look at and the fashion that's changed. Yeah, even
Ron White he used to wear cowboy had a big mustache or did he really?
Yeah? When you first doing stand up, I saw a bit on
a Facebook and then you know he's all black suit now. But all right
speaking to stand up stand up? Yeah, are we gonna cringe at this?
Uh? This new b No? No, did you know Disney's coming
out with a new porn movie. What? Yeah, it's called Tua matata
which means no, which means no worries unless it's all teeth. Then you
then you really get some worries. That's actually not a bad joke, thank
you, that's not bad at No, I'm teasing you the have you done
it? No, just to just to work. That's in the worst place
to try your material unless somebody jumps on yelp or wants to be a you
know, painting the ass until the owner and he's offended, so kind of
gotta worry about the world. You're wait wait wait, wait, wait wait
wait, who gets offended in a bar doesn't in a bar? Yeah,
it's a right And by the way, what's what's wrong with the expressing an
opinion? Right? What? And by? And where's the line for offensive?
I mean, I don't know where you can say hawk to it if
it's a lighter crowd. Now you know your crowd, you know the audience.
I hope you can play with. But somebody hears something that's funny.
Well, I I guess I could see where the hawk to it could be
offensive to some people. There was I'll tell you this. There's a couple
of guys. It was right as I open a Sunday, a couple of
guys arguing about politics. I'm gonna keep this short because it shouldn't be talking
about politics. But what's happening? I I poured him a beer and it
was flat. Okay, it's a bottle beer, one in every million,
No problem. Pour them another one still flat? Says the glass wasn't clean,
And I'm like, I worked last night. I cleaned all these glasses.
Ain't about that? And uh, do you get offended when people say
that? No, I'm just you know, well they don't clean the glasses.
Ear. I'm like, well, I was the one that cleaned these
last night, just so you know. And then I gave a draft apparently
that and then he's given me Now it's been too much, I'll just drink.
I'll just drink it. I'm like, okay, I'm like, if
you're not happy. So they're talking Trump, he's a diehard Democrat, saying,
you know, it doesn't matter who's running, I'm voting Democrat. I'm
like, of course you are. I just gave you three beers, you're
only paying for one. Of course you're a Democrat. And he looked at
me, he goes, I can't believe you just said. I'm like,
well, I'm pretty sure I read the decreaction of independence and free freedom of
speech is on there somewhere. I'm just I'm just making a statement. I
thought. I thought we're having fun here, because as soon as you turn
it, because he had said that a little bit ago, you know,
I'm just we're just having fun. We're just saying, oh, hey,
no problem, they're busting my balls about clean glasses. Yeah yeah. And
now I'm saying, oh, you're a Democrat. I'm just you know,
I didn't use anything offensive, but now all of a sudden, I'm in
the rock. So did that, like chanse the mood of everything. Oh
absolutely, it was his birthday and then I was busting his balls about how
old he was, Like, you know how it is started business. I
mean you were building the pyramids back in the day. Well I could see
where. You know, I guess people you cant be real careful about politics
or or I walk away from it because if it goes down too long,
then they're offending other customers that might leave your establishment. And sometimes you just
got to say, hey, enough is enough. Changes subject. It's an
interesting time because I don't remember people being so fervorent about that's a big word
for me politics. You know what I'm saying, Like, I don't remember
it being well between this election last Now, that's just you're just so divided,
but that divisive over it because I always think like, I don't know
that any I think if you talk to people, I feel like most people
were voting on one issue, one issue. Right. If I'm pro life,
then I'm over here. If I didn't even think about that. If
I'm not, I'm over here. If I uh you know, I I
know people who own businesses and things like that, and uh, you know,
there's a theory in a in America that the more I make, the
more I get punished, right, the higher tax back. So when Donald
Trump was president, he changed tax codes for people, and a lot of
those people say I made more money than ever. And I know many people
have said I like nothing, absolutely nothing about Donald Trump. There isn't one
thing that I can say. They do not like that. Man, listen
to me. You're hang on slow down because you're not listening, You're getting
ahead. What I'm saying is I don't like one thing about him, but
I made money, so therefore I'm going to vote for him. That's what
I'm saying. So I think we're down to almost one issue with people because
I and I really think that if you talk to most people, they're going
to be more in the middle. But because of whatever, and Donald Trump
did a great job in that. I think he went to middle of the
country and rarely the battleground states will call it. And I've said this too
many times on the podcast, but as an example, he stood there and
said in front of the CEOs of the major car companies, moved to Mexico,
and I'm going to put a thirty five percent tariff on these cars.
I don't know that Donald Trump could do that. I think that's almost impossible
for him to do. However he said it. And if I worked in
that factory and I'm a third generation person and those jobs are being threatening to
leave and I've already had Mike pay cut, I finally feel like somebody standing
up for me and has my back. What was the one that the documentary
Roger and Me years ago by Michael Moore? Yeah, yeah, GM was
moving out of Michigan or yeah, I don't remember. Yeah, But I'm
just saying, like, to me, he was the only politician that or
the only no other politician had done that. Let's put it that way.
You can call him he's not a politician, fine, but I'm just saying,
like, nobody hats So that's the appeal he's it's to the person.
He feels like they're forgotten, they're not hurt anymore, like all this other
stuff. And I always go, boy, that's where I really feel like
if people had, uh, we're able to have a discussion, you'd find
out that most people have issues in common, but we're gone. We all
have the same issue that we're paying gas prices, a loan in inflation.
And it's I think when he was in office, gases prices were low,
inflation was affects everything, whether you want to drive an electric car or not.
It just does, from the gas in your car to the gas delivery
of every yeah farm. So it's just it's a I don't know. I
always I don't know if that's like the market bears whatever. It's beyond my
comprehension. But I will say that I know people who say I made more
money when he was in office, and it's always people who had upper tax
brackets. But the idea of like a flat tax rate a lot of people
think would be fair thirty percent across the board, no matter what you make,
it's thirty percent. So it's thirty percent of ten million for some and
thirty percent of twenty thousand for another. And is now Canada that but that
a lot of it's mostly the rich people who go, I'm fine with that.
I would be fine with that, or even make it, you know,
a little bit more for me. That's fine. But these unbelievable tax
rates where I feel like, because I busted my ass and I did more,
I get punished right right. And I think Trump was one of the
first people to go to the other side. But when you bring it up
in stuff conversation or podcasts or the bar dinner, yeah, I don't.
Why, Like, well, the picnic I'm going to today, Yeah,
I'm praying nothing politics comes up. Why Cause it's just he's just kind of
oh god, let's not go this way, or you know, it's just
there's other things to talk about, because you might say, oh, it
was amazing he you know, if he would have turned his head, he
just got grays. And then while I'm a Democrat and he doesn't, there's
always one in the crowd. If you get twenty thirty people, yeah,
you start talking politics, and you know, the party just kind of divides.
Yeah. I mean, look, I'm not a a It was never
a huge fan of Donald Trump, but I would. I'm just not politics.
That was the thing that bothered me was when I saw people going it
was like cheering for somebody getting injured on the football. Right. Actually,
I come on, I said, here, they're the problem. That person
or people that cheer that on are the problem. I said, that's somebody
in the world, whether you like him or not. That's somebody's dad,
right, and that's somebody's husband. Well, you heard about Tenacious D in
Australia. No, yeah, Jack Black's band. Yeah, it was his
partner's birthday. I can't think of his name. And they brought him out
a cake saying happy birthday, and what do you wish for? He goes
to the guy didn't miss on stage in front of three thousand and apparently Jake
Black. I think they got booted and their passports revoked by Australia. They
said, get the fuck out. Wow, So yeah, stuff like that.
Come on, I just it's just port taste rights. Speaking of taste,
that's it. I'm gonna bring in some double dings. When's your birthday?
Oh it's not for a long time. I miss her. Yeah,
were already way past it. Come on, chickens. Yeah, the what's
the joke? I want to hear the how did I preface it? Well?
Dating older women? I had this older woman, yeah, and that
she wants to be younger for me. So she goes, you wait here
and I'll be right back. I'm like, all right, I'm in.
So she took her braces on her, She took her ventures out and put
braces on her. She comes around the counter smiling. Now she's got braces
on her dentures and I'm like, I'm in, I'm in. She comes
around, she's got pigtails in her hair. I'm like, I'm still in.
Things are happening downstairs. This is exciting. She comes around the corner.
She's got a cheerleader outfit fred Flintstone High. I'm like, I'm still
in. I see where you're going. I'm liking it. I'm getting excited.
And she goes, give me a B and I go B. Give
me an L, I go L, give me an oh, I go
oh. And then she stops and she looks down at her shirt. Good,
and this is where and right now, I'm not nervous. And she
looks up she goes, why am I wearing this? And at that point
I wasn't nervous. And then she looks at me, she goes, who
are you? And what are you doing here? And that point I got
a little nervous, not that I was going to have to call nine one
one, but that I knew I was going to have to call one of
her daughters in exchange. So that's that. So you worry about a nine
one one call with a friend. Oh no, it's not the it's not
the car it's when you have to call her parents or her daughter oh yeah,
oh yeah, and they have to explain that was having an affair but
didn't know they were having an affair. I've known that somebody who was that
happened to me once. Shut up. No wait, I was working somebody.
I wasn't dating. She just came over my house. This is actually
when I was living with my parents. I think I was twenty twenty one,
twenty two, long Ridge mall. If you remember before they ye had
the malla, I don't. She came over, we watched a horror movie
and then we moved downstairs and ended up getting it on she winking, blinking
and nod. Do you remember that it was a toy store. I'm totally
out of business now, but it was next door to Kinney's. And then
she disappeared. She moved and somebody told me she moved back with her husband,
and I'm like, she was married. Well, they think I must
have been separated. Well if they said move back, so, I don't
think it would move back. They told me you were the greener grass that
wasn't so green? I guess, yes. How old were you? I
think twenty? How old was she fifty two. No, I don't remember.
Okay, I think she was older. Go figure, but yeah,
okay, they moved back. I don't know. I just found out that
she was married. But I knew somebody who was in a relationship. Okay,
a high executive worked a lot, traveled all this stuff, and this
person was also high up in their profession. They would get together to work
out. Young forties guy drops dead while working out, has to call best
friend, who's like, all right, because he knew best friend yeah,
knew that the guy was married. Yeah, and this person had literally no
clue, none at all. You know, I don't know how. I
always wondered how could that be? But I don't know. I never had
a job that made me travel, right, So I'm in them out and
you it would be easy to do, I guess, you know. And
at some point and the guy he got away with it. I mean literally,
I know people have two cell phones, or I have in the past,
not right now. Two cell phones. See that seems like too much
fucking work. You have one in your glove compartment for what, Well,
you can't if you're married, yeah, if you if you have yourself,
don't tell me. If you're married. You've never been married. I've served
married people. How do you think I know they have two cell phones,
keep one of the global departments. You can't have a gumbadi side piece calling
you two in the morning drunk, come pick me up. You know I
just left this bar. Yea, any't happened, and you're not telling your
wife you're leaving. Although there are certain jobs, and this was at the
Classic Cap one of the strippers was dating a married guy and he would just
tell his wife that he got an emergency phone call for a air conditioner.
I gotta go to work. I'm getting time in a half. And then
how long is the job? Probably ten hours? Ten hours. Yeah,
she didn't know. You shouldn't know anything about air conditioning or heating and those
jobs. So he would go and run a room, sleep, and then
he come to find out. Come to find out, the stripper found out
he had another girl on the side. He had two girls on the side,
and this dude was working hard. Yeah, I don't know whatever happened
to him. I know a guy that took out his four one k to
get his girl. Fake ted said the Classic can Oh yeah she was older,
Okay, yeah, my buddy said, he told me this story.
He took out some of his four one k my buddy. That's like,
I'm like, that's like putting fuzzy dice on a model too for she was
forty five. Then that was twenty years ago. But let me go back
to this first second. I have to say this because I'm hearing you break
down the affair and it just sounds like too much work. Maybe I'm too
old at this point in my life, but it doesn't even really sound exciting
to me. It sounds annoying. Do you understand what I'm saying. And
I'm not saying it's everybody. I'm saying, Oh I not even one person
here, maybe one every five years that I hear this about. I think
there's more. Probably I hear a really good story just heard. Yeah,
I'm not gonna say the bar or anything, but this this couple was out
of town. Married couple start talking to another couple they just met having drinks.
Hey, you want to go back to our house and uh swimmers?
Yeah, okay, I'm sorry to go on to hot tub and play cards.
So the wife approaches the woman and says, Hey, I'm gonna go
down on you. While you're my husband sucks your husband's Yes, yes,
yes, I just heard this couple weeks ago. Stop now, I'm serious.
Stop Like she grabbed a purse, yelled, Her husband goes back to
the bar and confronts the bartender. Why the fuck didn't you tell us that
these people you're like, they just came in in town two days. I
don't even know. Oh, yell at the bartender there, yea rightn't didn't
you yell? It's a funny story to go on. Not if you're the
guy that went home with them. You're making new friends, You're gonna have
jacuzzi, a couple of drinks. Yeah, I gotta tell you something.
I don't know what it is. I will tell this story somewhat generically because
it always gets me too much. Great, Yeah, that doesn't get me
in trouble, but it gets me in my personal life, and I have
enough shit in my personal life at the moment. No, it's it's a
good It's a story. I always think, because I was molested as a
child, that I have a spidy sense. I used to do a joke
on stage that would be your radar kind of thing. Yeah, but I
used to do a joke on stage just to kind of I go, you
know, I was molested as a kid, but here's one of the benefits.
I know, seven different ways to get out of a ticket that you
don't yahretty good, but the uh yeah, I spit on that thing.
Yeah. So I remember when I was married, we would we became what
felt like too fast of friends. Well another couple, okay, too quick,
and these people had money and influence, let's put it that way.
And I remember once, uh, feeling very uncomfortable, like I just I
got this thing. I go this, this is something fucked up here.
And I would say that to my wife at the time, and uh,
I think she just she liked them, she liked them as and didn't see
this and didn't agree with me. So I was like, maybe I'm wrong,
right, maybe I'm being to whatever. Wind up over their house,
all our kids are there. They have some game room in the basement,
and I'm kind of down there, and all of a sudden like slow dance
and breaks out in the kitchen between the other couple and I'm I'm being chided
for not sort of doing this because I go, there's fucking there's there's full
full on three alarmed, fucking fire bells going off in my head. I
go, this is fucked up. There's something wrong. I know it.
I can feel it. I can feel it, my spider third it's coming
and coming around the horn. I feel it. But I also know,
like I would be anybody and and this isn't just it was pretty much me.
It's me. I would always be in relationships, call I you're this,
You're that, you have too many sayings. I'd be like, I
don't want to burn calories. Well you when you're saying you know that kind
of shit. I like, I would always get this ship. So I
figured, all right, well maybe maybe I'm wrong, but I can tell
you this. I'm usually not okay. I'm usually not when it comes to
this ship, and I always been kind of right. So I go downstairs.
I'm downstairs with the kids, and I like the other guy keeps come
checking and back upstairs checking it. And all of a sudden, out of
nowhere comes my wife's we're out of here. And I don't to this day,
I don't exactly know what happened. I just know she was not happy,
and and uh, basically it was basically it was something along the lines
like, I don't need to hear I told you, so I got my
answer. I kind of knew, but I was like, fuck, man,
this is and I wonder if she gave her a kiss and I maybe
touched on appropriately A baby could have been. I have no idea. All
I know is that it was like, I mean out, she was out
to get the kids. I'll be in the car. It's like, kids
are over, That's what I'm saying. Like everybody was there, but I
still was getting these weird fucking vibes. What do you do? But the
kids in the bed and I was playing. I was playing video games with
our kids downstairs. So I don't know what it was like this thing yeah,
hold still, it was like over and over. I I just those
kind of things are very strange. But I haven't heard about the guy who
wants to do the guy. Yeah, and there's some women that like that,
like to watch that, and I haven't seen it in a long time.
That's what what? What? What? What? What? What?
What? I haven't seen what a woman that wanted to watch her husband do
that? Yeah? Yeah, or talked about it in a long time.
Well, Blue Room Days, I heard that there were a couple of swingers
at man. Yeah, yeah, that I did anything with him? Yeah,
would you have? I wouldn't do anything as a no no, no,
no no, as a younger man. Your bartender. Here he comes.
Hey, it's happy Doug. Hey, girl just came into Forest hillden
knew me from Blue Room. Yeah and there so, but I said,
you know what, I'm sorry, I don't remember you. But I was
drinking every night there. Yeah, it was just a booze fest. But
did you ever go home with swingers? Would you have got home with swingers?
If I didn't have to do anything with the guy it was me?
Yes, yeah, probably Listen, yeah, sure, why not? It's
a circus. Why not you live once? I mean I always think like,
no matter what you did, all the guilt, all the ship,
all the stuff, all I lived once. Yeah, but especially now when
you're older or more mature. Okay that is yes, light just changed it.
But I would say that all the stuff, all the ship, that
you ever sweated, all that stuff, that guilt, it's all it means.
Nothing goes out the windows some point, well, no, it just
it means nothing. No matter what anybody said about you, whatever, any
it just literally means absolutely nothing. We put the meaning to it. There
is no meaning to life. It's whatever meaning you apply to it. And
even the situation. And that's where I always go so like you're gonna ask
God for forgiveness because you feel so guilty, Just put it down if you
want to do anything. And what Danny's big uh who is usually is here
coming lights week? He we used to call him Christian Dan. He's a
very church going guy. And let go let God then let go, Let
fucking go, let it go. You did it was in a movie.
The best thing about being Catholic is you can go to Yes, You're forgiven
every Sunday and year. Beck On the that's it, beck On the race.
Hey, that's that's the way it is. All right, Well did
I tell you this joke? This is an old joke. I went to
confession last week? Yeah really yeah? Well I said, forgive me Father,
for I send him fifty four years old. I've been banging this girl.
She's twenty five years old. Father, she's amazing. She brought over
her other girlfriend, she's twenty four years old. He fucked It's like me
all night long as unbelievad best sex ever had. He goes do four our
fathers and three al Marris and go, father, I'm not Catholic. He
goes, You're not. I go fuck No, he goes, why are
you telling me? I go, father, I'm telling everybody. I got
to think priests have I mean, if they could write a book, Some
priests somewhere has to have written a book of the confessions they heard. That's
like being in the mob. No. I understand, but couldn't you change
the name. Nobody knows the name. Write the confessions that you've write,
the confessions you've heard you have had to hear almost I think she wanted to
become a priest. Well, everything from like you know, I stole a
pack of gum to I I sat day. Yeah exactly, that's a big
It's from to Jesus Doug what we're gonna cough that out? I don't know
what's happening. We'll get to all that right after this. Get ready for
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at Plates in Shakes, Jojo Bistro and Winebar is the perfect neighborhood hangout,
warm, inviting and with a really big menu. And did you know they
have two locations, the village of Pittsford, which has been open for twenty
one years, and just a couple of years ago they opened one in the
village of Webster. Great place for happy hour or dinner with the fam.
Reservations recommended. Visit their website restaurant jojo dot com. There's an Auty coloring
book coming soon. Has he coloring? Well, I'd just say, like,
you know, the Satanic magic or whatever the fuck that you did back
the day biting heads on. Now there's a coloring book for rosy. Really,
yes, And I think people like that kind of art stuff, right,
you do your spongy finger painting and then this and but it is,
it's like an adult coloring book. And I think Tony Iomi's coming out.
He was the bass player in Black Sabbath. I think he's coming out with
a colone. Okay, smell like a sweaty old man. There you go.
My father years ago was that long Ridge mall as Elvis when the Elvis
cologne came out and wait, there was an Elvis cologne for all the King's
men. No ship, Yeah, he probably has them somewhere. I bet
you. I got to look at an eBay, right now, go ahead.
I just want to see what the price of all the King's men because
Elvis thinking they're not making is it still in a box or anything? Or
did you you know you're dead worried? Oh he put it out of the
tours bathing in it. That's right. Come on, David, he's on
the edge of it. See before the Party of the day, was he
gonna say so? Apparently he was. I remember this correctly. One lady
had a scarf that he'd thrown into the audience and had they took the perspiration
off of Elvis and formed it into this. Oh really, yeah, that's
how the story goes. That's how the story goes. Okay, so you
believe that, great still, who cares? You know what, if you
believe it, maybe it happens. Maybe Elizabeth Taylor had diamonds, you know,
Jennifer Garden, that Jennifer Garden. What was it called again, Elvis
all the kingsmen, for all the kingsmen, called Elvis or Elvis cologne for
all the King's men. No boo, old spice. They smell this,
you do, Yeah, come hug my dad today. He'll wear it for
you. I'm sure I did. I'm curious. Things are bad. As
a kid, He'll just go all over, you know, let's see all
the kings men, how you doing? Okay, so Elvis, Presley Colone,
all the King's men from nineteen ninety one, they have here forty bucks.
They still have it. Yeah, really, yeah, somebody had it.
It will look like the cologne. But they're saying it's a blue bottle.
I think it's a blue uh here now okay here twelve seventy four.
I thought this would have value. I guess I'm wrong. Yeah, that's
why I'm not a d any of that shit. I don't know anything.
The Bill Moraine cologne. Yeah, yeah, coast that's all. That's all
I use, is all. Yeah, here's the easy I'm a dove man.
Here's this easy top song that I was. I always thought they sold
out to the record company on a little bit. This is uh and I
don't know that it was a big hit on I think top forty, but
not with their fans. I don't think. Do you remember this one?
Oh yeah, rough boy, yes, yeah, yes, this was after
Eliminator. It was what was that eighties ballad? Yeah? Style rock that
would say the best one was and I agree, Home Sweet Home by Mitley
Cruel that could be. But I remember this one. This was the video
that they were going into space. Yeah, this is where they sold out.
Well, I don't know. I always thought it was more rock band,
has a baillot down there, I'm going to sell them, right,
except for maybe I just would have never thought it was easy Top would do
one right, And but then when I thought about it, I always thought
it wasn't a sellout, which by definition what I'm about to say would probably
be a sellout. But the record company's probably gonna we need another one,
and I go. But they kept it so true to them, right,
like this is a blues saw if you listen to it and listen to the
Yeah, they did it a little bit more of a Top forty hit,
but this was a hit. Yeah, you're going to go there touring one's
zz Top again. Who is Leonard Skinnard? I think, Oh yeah,
I wouldn't be surprised at all. Yeah, I'm sure they're all doing that.
Doug has gonna be spending the afternoon with his old man. How much
I always seem curious because we look at Back to the Future, the movie
fifties to eighty thirty years is what we're talking, right, We've gone thirty
years ninety four to now thirty years, thirty fucking years, thirty years.
Yes, but it doesn't feel like the world changed as much. And yet
it did technologically and everything else. Yes, but why like the music style
doesn't seem to have changed as I think it changes every ten years for whatever
reason. Okay, it doesn't seem to as much. I'm trying to think
of language stuff because I may it a different thing. I don't hear please,
thank you, and you're welcome anymore. But you're in your bubble.
You're in your bubble. I told you about. Just sign up as an
Uber driver for one week. Go get your eyes open. Stop it.
Okay, my god, I know. Okay, Oh yes, ma'am,
thank you sir. None of that stuff. I wouldn't say no, but
yeah, it's limited. It's limited. How about even as a bartender?
Where you bartend is usually I'm gonna say more, it's funny this week I
may have a beer and I said, let me have a beer? What
he said, let me have a beer? Let me have a beer?
What? Yeah? Is there a pleasing that's cute? Did you know what.
Yeah, okay, I don't know him well but enough that I can
bus his ball to that. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. The first thing
I do when I go in the bar is I have cash out where it
could be seen, and I have a Jenny Ly and get my friend here
a Guinness And what is your name? Dere Lisa? Okay, Lisa?
I just want to know because I don't want to say ma'am or yes or
anything all night long. I'm probably gonna forget it, but thank you very
much? Is this the best I was gonna say to you? What you
just said? Is that the best bar etiquette? Would you appreciate that?
As a bartender if someone came in and said, people ask my name because
usually I get a joke in or something, yeah, but me, are
you anyways? And then I go, you don't know who I am?
Right? No, I go, I'm the hipshaking, money making tire power
man in the hour twenty four to seven, the when your mother wonder you
about dougie motherfucking fresh? What I go? No? Actually, I go,
I shake their handle my knee. I give a name is Douglas.
People call me Doug. And then I pointed at the end of the bar
to strangers. I go. My friends call me Dougie, I said,
some people call me by my Muslim name. They go, what say I
go hasn't been laid. But seriously, there was a gin and tonic and
a Vacca soda with the lime. Yeah. What you want, I'm asking
you, is what would be the best bar etiquette. We're really in what
I would call around here drinking season. People are out more, a little
looser. There's sometimes the bars are crowded. People can get frustrated. What
cash is king? Cash is kick cashus king before you go out, hit
an a, have an ATM, cash and the air, make eye contact
cash right here? Well, you know the millennial generation whatever you call it.
With a credit card on beer, you want to keep it open,
No, close me out, okay, And you got to put it in.
Then you gotta authorize and then you gotta print that take it back,
make sure they do not right one beer, quick and easy. Well it's
not quick and easy because then you have other people and it's just down the
line, and it's just the way we are. People don't carry a lot
of cash anymore. But if you're not buy a lot of if you're not
going to bring a lot of cash. And you don't do one beer?
Well, no, because I don't like to tell people that they should only
you know, one beer is refreshing. And if you have to wait a
half hour for their one beer, that's fine. Know what I'm saying is
if I were came with a card, you might be better off saying leave
it open, leave it open, leave it open, even if you just
if it ends up. And here's another thing that's new. Are you keeping
that card? I'm getting back. I'm gonna give it back to you.
So if you leave, Hey, we're leaving, they can just cash you
out. And there's signs that say if you leave without cashing out, there's
a twenty percent cratuity at it. Okay, but cash is king. Try
not to be rude. I hate h Hey, Doug, Doug, what
she needs a beer? I know that I'm gonna. I'm making my way
and it's you. And that's usually people that know me or Dona. Yes
I do, God, don't snap. Why do you. I don't come
to your job and tell you what to do. Hey, they need it
over in printing. Hey, they needed an accounting. You're you're smart enough
and I'm over fifty years old. You see, I'm making my way.
Hey, Hey, I need Hey, I'm down here. I'm working my
way to you, sir. I'm coming this way. I'm not on my
phone. I'm coming your way, sir. I'm gonna take care of them,
and then I'm gonna get you. I don't use offensive words. I
am right now. Stam being called and asked whole plenty of times. I
really don't give a show. But I'm trying to go as fast and quickly,
and i've been I've had complaints. If you're three deep at a bar,
yes, what can I get you? How you doing tonight? What
can I do? What do you gotta I'm moving on. Yeah, if
you don't recognize it, and a patron, I pointed, and when I
three keep pointing right at you. Yeah, but we're making contact. But
if we're three deep and you know your order, know your order before you
get in there, here's your whole order, I think you need to do
and I'm not kidding, just to see how it would do. Do a
YouTube video where you're talking into your phone about best practices at a bar.
And I know it sounds silly, but I really think that people aren't thinking
like you go out with another couple, Hey, what do you want?
What do you want? You go to a popular place because it's got energy.
We like being there. It's summertime. Our summers here are on the
shorter side, right, We don't. And we have a lot of great
spots. Whiskey River down on the river. It's a beautiful spot there,
California, rolling California. My kids said to me when we were Sinjammers Domini's
where we were at the along that strip there he goes, he goes,
you know what I don't get. I'm like what he goes. Here we
are sitting here, we're overlooking all these boats. He goes that most of
the people here at this restaurant I can't afford. He goes, it's kind
of like sitting at a Ferrari shop. They put a restaurant up top and
go, hey, folks, look at all the cars. You'll never buy.
You know. He's the same thing with the boats. But it's a
beautiful setting. But I think doing a bar etiquette video, and I mean
that for all ages, or a series of them, where you talk about
just like you're saying, crowded bar, here's what you do. Make sure
you know your order, try to keep you know, a smile on your
face always helps, you know, cash up that sort of. I think
those are great tips. And I'm a regular patron in the bar, but
you know, I kind of can the bars I'll go to I've been going
so long. I'll seek up to the side and go, yeah, we'll
get you. Yeah, that sort of thing. But I think that's a
great I think they're great tips because I got to think, well, I
think I'm a little different, and I hear things back. I mean,
like, what do you mean a little different? A little more like when
we're busy, I will announce. I will go right to one end of
the bar or other. Okay, coming around the horn. What do we
need? How we set and I'm pointing and looking. You need something?
You're good, you're good, and then I'll move down. Oh no,
I need this, So you're not good. What do you need? So
so hopefully no when the next time I come down, yes, they're not
good. This is what I need. And then you have the customer.
I need a Jackie Captain coke, I need two Jenny lights. Here you
go, and then you walk away. Oh I need a line for this
dickhead, fucking say that. When I'm there, let's get this order all
done. Boom, I can move on boom boom boom, because everybody wants
to get served, everybody wants to drink, and I'm trying to help you
as fast as i can. So help me, like Jerry maguire, help
me help you. Okay, yeah, I think it's a great idea.
I need Jenny Jenny or Jenny light. I need a blue blue or blue
light. Yeah right, okay, because you bring a blue Oh no,
I meant blue light. I met blue light. You didn't say blue light.
So there's a lot going on, you know what. Over Mcconnray's.
You see them. They're there are two three deep some Friday nights. Oh
yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't it though, right, You order
from a waitress and just wait your time. I just stand over to the
corner and they know what I want to fucking spoiled coffin. Baby, Yes,
yes, I will admit that here. I live in a bubble.
I got it. I understand. Okay, that's okay. Another tip,
if it's busy and you and you drink Jenny light or you drink molten and
you drink blue light. Order two. Great idea because that first one,
especially if you just get to a bar, you're ready to drink refreshing.
But I'm gonna need one. That one went fast. Now you're in line
again. Order two. Keep my tab open, give me two boom.
Then you're going to relax with your second one and you're then you're chilling and
this is just me and you can tell me to jump out of way whatever.
My point is that, oh, there's always somebody that that will be
out there and saying no, you're absolutely wrong. This is the way you
do it. This is a customer service. Yeah it's notustomer service. Oh,
just being a little more stern and direct with customers. But at the
same time, and then I have had complaints, what's wrong with Dougie.
He's not joking And I'm like, I'm too deep at the bar. I
don't have time for my jokes when it's just me and you are a few
people and I can chat here and then what right? Then some people get
offended that I'm not funny because I'm working hard. But yeah, there's a
time and place and everything. I feel like I could burst that laughing right
now, go ahead, not only because I agree with you wholeheartedly, and
I think you should do Doug's bar tips or something. I think that's honest
to God. Because there was a girl I worked with. She was at
a different barber. She said it was so busy she almost walked out.
She wanted to quit, and four people are yelling at her and hey,
yes, one at a time, Yes, don't And I had to say,
this is we yeah for an order, one person talk. I don't
need both. Yeah, because I don't want to screw it up. Let's
get your order right and then we'll move on. And he's like, honey,
I told you just let him go. No, I'm talking to you.
Okay, that's this, that's this, and I'm reading it back and
I'm not trying to be a dick. Is there a way to I'm not
trying to be a dick. I'm like, I just want to make sure
it's absolutely right. All right? Here is this it, here's this,
Okay, boom, here's the problem. Would you like? Sometimes you're a
guy? Oh, by the way, the customer is always right. That
ended in nineteen eighty eight. It's done. You're a guy. And I
think that and yeah, you're I don't have big tips. You're a thick
dude. No no, no, no, no woman or no guys,
women get more patient. I'm sorry. Go ahead, Bill, What are
you talking about over here? Why are you getting heated up because you're hot?
Because you get I can see where I got you. I don't know
that there's a nice I don't know that there's a nice way to handle someone
at a bar, honestly, like you gotta cut if in order for them
when it's really crowded to hear you, you almost have to be pretty stern.
And I think that majority of people go, I get it. They
got look at this, right, I get it. Tough to hear.
Hey, thanks, thanks, I appreciate it. Right now, somebody got
mad this weekend because I gave him a plastic shotglass instead of a class class.
Yeah, and he said something to the other bartender, can I have
a glass class? You know? Here you go now it's plastic, gets
busy, you start bumping, shit, starts getting break, then you start
clean up class. Now everybody's waiting another five minutes. You can't man,
And I thought you left the I thought you led the life of Riley.
My god, I mean there's there. I mean back in the blue room.
I mean, yeah, you're spraying girls when you're younger. Now you're
older, you're not going home with everybody in the bar. You're trying to,
you know, make you're there to give them, right, they were
giving them an experience. I think that the biggest thing. And I think
when when uh, trust me, there's a lot of nights I go in,
it's showtime, and when it's it's fun and the laughs are going and
everything's going right fantastic, and when it's not, it's a shitty day.
You can't wait to go home. I've been struggling with this show, and
I'm I'm afraid it's gonna be one of these series I will have regretted watching.
Oh now this show the No the Bear, Oh the Bear. You
know. Oddly enough, somebody was just talking about they want to like it,
yes, and they're like, you got to give it a little more.
I'm into like season two of it, and I chip away once in
a while. But in this one, they're trying to open a restaurant and
he sends his cousin to work at like in a really high end place,
and he's kind of like, but they're down to the way the napkins folded.
They know they their whole job is to give you an experience, right,
And the way you're talking, it almost sounds I wanted to make sure
everybody's getting the same experience the drink in a timely fashion, comfortable. Right,
these are But if you follow these things, it's going to help you.
Not at Doug's Bar and every bar you go to in America or around
the world. Probably I'm thinking, you know, it's it's just it's a
nicer way way to be. But there is something this whole restaurant. It's
interesting because I who doesn't love when they walk into a place the person knows
their name and knows what they drink. I'm terrible with names, and I've
written it down in front of them, and I've apologized to people that I
haven't seen in eight months. I'm like, I'm I can remember her husband's
name when this happened last summer within a piss five months. Anyways, his
name is Doug. I didn't forget that. I'm like, I'm sorry,
what is your name again? As she told me, and I hadn't seen
her since the last party of July but some people like, do you know
that person's da? I just ask. I'm like, I'm terribly sorry.
It's a terrible habit. I can't remember. But do you ever want to
know? But do you ever have a drink you see someone walking in and
before they sit it down? Yes? Yeah, and only for the people
that I yes, but I know they're not going to change. That's what
you love. That's what you love. And then today you're going to spend
time with your dad and some of his buddies, right, yeah, eighty
years old, Mike speck score. My dad's turning eighty in January. Your
dad is yeah, we'll probably have him on the show. Here are you
gonna? Are you to do a party for your dad? I don't know.
Uh, well, we'll have something. Well he do well? I
think, uh oh gosh, can we please? I want to go watch
him do? Elvis's doing it today? Is he? Yeah? Bringing up?
I can't. I can't go watch, but I'm sure he's gonna sing.
Well, he was gonna bring his karaoke machine. This was the whole
thing with his name is Mike Speccory is what Sharon? And We're gonna do
a little trivia of sixties to seventies Western shows, okay, And then my
dad was gonna bring his karaoke machine. Then her niece or nephew is gonna
do it, and then her granddaughters, and I'm like, yeah, I
like, sure, I'll just bring my laptop and my WiFi I'll have That's
that's so good. I'm learning that it's not just my parents, it's everybody's
parents. Once you start going age, they forget they got stuff going on.
You know. I was telling my mom today that she's forgetful. But
I'm like, you only you got us a couple of kids in your TV
shows and you start worrying about about dementia what they can't remember. But then
I'm like, you don't have a lot going in your world that you should
be forgetting. But then then they almost makes you worry more. It's funny
that, well, it's not funny, but I told my dad this.
A friend, my stepsister's father, passed away last week and years ago.
He was a boter and his father and their friend and his son I grew
up with. So I got his number. I called him up on speakerphone
and he goes, oh, this must have been a butt dial I'm sure
there's a joke going, joke coming. I'm like, no, Lee,
how are you hello? I go, leads Doug Hello, I go,
and I go, this is like talking to my father. He goes,
Okay, well, you know, I hope you got a laugh, and
he hangs up on me. Call him back. Oh it must be important.
I go, can you hear me? Oh, jesus, I got
a new phone I don't know how to work, and I'm telling my dad
this yesterday. Yeah. So he finally gets me on speaker for I go,
can you hear me? He goes, yes, what's going on?
I go, Bill died. He goes, oh my god, I go,
I just want to call let you know, use very thankful, but
technology with older people? Yeah, parents, grandparents? Right, you think
you're your parents are the only ones, and it's it's every parent. No,
it's every prair. Yeah. Yeah, I got my fourteen year old
kid making fun of me already. Right. Yeah, well this is a
joke that I've I don't think i've used, or maybe I used a finger
leg say my mother. Terrible technology. She goes, these cell phones aren't
made for older women. I go, Mom, they are. I'm banging
older women than you that use their cell phone. Mom, they send me
pictures of their boobs. Granted their knees are in the picture, but still
they're still trying. So the technology is out there. You know, it's
funny as you're saying this, because you almost have to realign yourself. A
lot of people your age make parents aging they need to, and they're becoming
like empty nesters on their own. But you're caught in the middle, and
you think you can relax, and now all of a sudden you can't,
right right, because well, like I told you, I went over my
day's house and he's trying to get that rug down. I'm like, why
the fuck are you calling to me? You're in your gold you think,
right, they're in their golden you're eighty and seventy seven. I think my
stepmother's would be seventy eight. And they're in primarily good health. Yes,
you know, they walk a little slower, they look a little side.
They can still drive it around, they still get it on every blue moon.
I guess you know, brown chicken brown out. Yeah, I know
that's why around that. But anyway, No, that's the thing, like
I think I'm gonna have my fourteen year old God, I can't even talk.
Excuse me a second, go ahead, Oh yeah, yeah, I
was gonna have my fourteen year old son living with me, and I go,
boy, this is gonna be a whole different world. Oh, you
have to be organized as hell for your own stuff, his stuff, all
that. You gotta re sharpen those skills. It, Almo, sounds like
you're doing the same thing on the other side. You know. One of
the jokes I do is that they tell you about the Terrible twos in your
teenage years. Yeah, you're like, oh my god, that sounds horrible.
Wait till your parents is seventy five, because that's when the real Michael
Myers horror story started. I mean the Terrible twos. You didn't go to
bed at seventh thirty. Wait until they're calling you at four o'clock in the
morning. They can't figure out the TV remote and you got to get over
there because they got But it's good to be bad. You get to see
you. I'm glad that you're doing some Dougie Fresh work this afternoon. Very
loving of you. Yeah, I think that's awesome for doug I'm Bill Moran.
We'll see you tomorrow. Didn't know what to do. I'm trying. No