From the Mac of All Trade Studio in Fairport and driven by Victor Chrysler Dots,
Jupe Ram. It's Billified the Bill Moran Podcast. Well, hello and
welcome. Thanks for getting your pot on, Thanks for telling a friend.
That's how you spread the word about the pirate ship. What are you laughing
at? Your asshole? Brought these things in here? No, if you
if you're listen just listening to podcast. Yeah, please find us on Bill
Moran, Bill Fie, Doug Phelps. It's all on. It's on.
You can find it on you on YouTube, on YouTube, yes, I'm
sorry, on YouTube as well. So on the way here, I text
Bill, who's with us tonight? He goes, your mom and he goes
and Danny. So I stepped to the dollar store and I bought reindeer antlers,
uh in Christmas glasses and uh for Christmas. Danny days like, I
really gonna put this on. And that goes yeah, and I go,
it's not a dictatorship. Whatever you want. Now, when I was a
kid, the gallon milk container had that you would unscrew the top and there
was like a little lip that would lock it down. So you tore that
off right, right, You remember you know what I'm talking about. And
we came came off in like a perfect circle. So my old man used
to put it around his eye like an ocular. Uh huh right, like
a monicle monicle, herd home monicle. And so he would and he would
do it just to be funny. Then he'd forget it was there, and
the night would go on and someone would do something stupid and he'd be yelling
at you that dad tone with that dumb monocle in his face. Yeah,
from the milk container. It was from the milk container. So that that
was that actually tonight. Uh. I don't know if we scared off the
guy who came in here. I'm not sure. This guy, Rob Zanny
Zanen or Zannon has been writing me on Facebook and I've corresponding with Rob for
years, like something on the radio, and he chime in and send me
a message and then he said, uh, hey, I wanted to do
a podcast and I'd love to talk. I go come in anytime. Something
told me he was coming in tonight, but I didn't put it on my
calendar, so I totally forgot, Like zannin, is he getting married next
year? I don't think. Well, he's divorced. I don't know,
why are you doing a wedding for somebody named Xannon. Maybe that was a
guy that text me a couple of months ago, or could have been been.
Could have easily been, because he did say he's seen somebody. But
he said that he was kind of moping around, and his dad goes,
you know, you listen to a much of podcasts. Wanted to do a
podcast about being the divorced guy after twenty years of marriage in his forties.
Yeah, that'll write everybody spirit for Christmas. So I don't know. So
he was, he bought some equipment and he was gonna go do some stuff.
He came in, he brought us a bottle of bush Mills, and
I feel bad because I was gonna to ask him about the podcast and let
him just kind of tell everybody what the premise was. But then he goes,
I think I'm gonna take off, you know, because he because I
didn't get him reindeer ear as he felt he could have been in the reindeer.
He could have worn mine, he could have worked cookies. I mean,
like, you know, like the story about Elton John, it was
like the reason why Elton John wore those goofy glasses and outfits. Is because
he had no showmanship on stage, so he'd wear like wild costers. Man,
that god's hell. Elton John's a Healther performer. And then Billy Joel
comes on. He're like, no, that guy's a performer. Yeah,
but Elton John he grew into his skin, so to speak. I guess
he really did. I mean, yeah, healypic I thought. I love
a lot of his music, even the performance wise. And then they did
the shows together, Billy Joel and l John, and they had a falling
out. They couldn't even figure out what it was. It was a misunderstanding
and they stopped playing. Weird how things happened, Yes, it is very
strange the way things communicate. People communicate. That's a lesson. That's the
way things go. Uh So, Doug performed at the comedy club. How's
the feedback then, since you were over there on stage at comedy at the
Carlson Well the place we went to, the Greece Down Pub. Everybody loved
me, but mostly my fans. But uh, so far, so good.
You know, it was a great five days. Mike Damper was a
great guy and didn't talk too much. But when I did ask him questions,
he was you know, he give me feedback. I just kind of
kept my mouth shut and my ears open, and uh, I want to
do a good job on stage and for Mark and everybody, and hopefully they'll
ask me back. You know, maybe maybe I went on Friday night did
job. Yeah, I thought he did a really nice jobs as well.
Thank I thought for you know, like for somebody who I knew you were
concerned and not had a lot of stage time. You can't tell not like
that. Well, then you even know that I'm right. So then we
go out. Oh this is another part. So Bill comes out to see
me the final show, and I had some friends from Noon and Lori and
Andy and John and Marley just to throw some name. I'm like, hey,
we're going to the Long Pond Pub. Let's go, and he goes
I don't want to go. I do far away. I'm like, look,
I'll drive you. Kevin's picking us up. We'll leave my car,
we'll get to the bar, we'll figure out something with Uber. All right,
I'm in. So we go out. Release is my microphone in the
middle of the living room, because I always say this is how I practiced
on my laptop. I do guns n' roses. I introduced myself and stuff.
My animals all lined up. You guys are a great audience. I'm
not sure about this guy. It's kind of funny, Mickey, what a
road of shots? So what did I do? You just laughed. You're
like, this is what you do, and I go, yeah, this
is me, Like I tell people what I do. And then you saw
the eraser board with new jokes coming up. Well, we went back later
in the night. I think I did an old joke. I haven't done,
you haven't and I can't remember it for the life of me. By
that time, I was ripped. Oh I know, but I made fun
of where Doug lived. I even made fun of where Doug lived on the
podcast. Oh go hereas that could be Kevin Dune. No, no,
no, I go this, like Doug lives in a fort. You can
tell that this guy is like a bachelor. Bachelor I go, because there's
no way only a guy would have this. You know those sex wings you
put your plant in. I call them the sex wing planet. It's like
the rope thing that hangs down I walk in the fucking kitchen. It's just
hanging there. There's no plant there. I look over at the windowshell got
too big. I can tell. I go, hey, the plant out
grew the sex wing, and he goes, yeah, but the sex wing's
still there. Nobody took it down. I go, that's a guy living
by himself. Something that's absolutely a guy. I'm gonna fill it again.
It was like, but the and Doug's got yeah. I mean, Doug,
you could tell Doug you live by yourself. Yeah, I don't worry
if I get her in my place, We're not there. That was the
other thing Doug's like, because like he goes, my dad asked me,
once you clean up before you bring a lady over. And Doug's answer was
no. And she's here, we know it's game on. She's gonna come
over and point out there's a sock on the floor, hopefully going to be
there. Oh let me tell you something now. I don't know about Danny.
You say to have you ever gone to a woman's place where you got
grossed out when you were in there? Yes? You know what I did
your well, what we weren't dating. I went to see a friend in
Colorado and she was living with somebody. She's out there trying to be a
veterinarian whatever. They had a couple of dogs. There was dog here everywhere,
and her brother went out at the same time I did, and he
ride the same day and we're just look around like, I'm not staying here
with me neither. No, it's the closest dog hotel. I get that,
and that would be bad too. I think the grossest thing I remember
was going in to use the bathroom and it was like her ass had sneezed
all over the bowl and she did nothing, and it just I know,
you don't like this kind of talk. I tried to refrain, it's your
fault. I keep a clean bathroom, yes, but I was like,
that grossed me out. I couldn't. I was like that I did,
I'm I'm done none. I'll leave dishes for a day when I don't feel
like it, but the bathroom is clean. Yeah. I try to keep
everything as neat as possible. But even there, I'm a very disorganized person.
I hide my chaos well down in uh Chlotte, where I live.
You know, they're like, you know, we going a Whiskey River,
we going to lock Lins. I'm like, yeah, you want to start
here first for a couple of drinks. So we'll have you have people over
to that place. Oh yeah, women, guys, you just you know,
yeah, granny panties everything. It's the workst baby, you got it
all. I know a guy who went a couple of dates, the very
famous local person. I don't think she's in town anymore. So say your
name. I'm not say your first name. So goddamn it, I'll tell
you the break. You hang on a second, dy, hang on when
you tell the story. If you're not gonna tell us that, this story
doesn't change because obviously he was grossed out by something. Yeah, it's only
better because if we know the slut she is she an actress? Is she
a singer? She a stripper? No, she was a news person,
Rachel. I can't confirm her still in town, but I could say this,
this person decided to stop dating or because her house and her car we're
disgusting. Yeah like that, like that, like that, nothing happened,
the just won a couple of dates, nothing major. But he's like what
happened, just her car was disgusting and her house was disgusting. When the
back seats like a slumming Calcutta. Well, I mean it should like with
that. She doesn't. Yeah, she's a slap, she says, there's
a slop and a slut. Yeah, there's which category its gonna be new
Jeopardy category. Is she a slut? Is she a slap or she just
slept? Wow? Girl, Hi, I like the I'm gonna keep on
my little Christmas. I'll starting to get like you don't worry if you're getting
aheadache. I don't want the pressure. Had pressure. I don't want to
have PRESSU. No, that's Doug. That's all right. Everybody baseball had
in the middle of the Winner. You Superman, he's all year long.
I represent a team. You represent some foreign new I represent this action comics
years of entertainment, whose story they can't even get straight in these comic books
like okay, soanies can't get their story straight. Thing that's going on and
what's happening with the pitching staff, Danny, you should be upset. Oh
my gosh, this fricking team. That's all right. I want to love
them, but they make it so damn impossible. Uh. I would think
that the most pressure in your life these days comes from your wife. I
even saw Terie Kill last night get injured and then say, you got a
text from his wife saying you better get your ass back in there, and
he did. He got back in the game. They wound up losing by
a point, but it would have been a lot worse setting up. And
I'm so ticked off that I fell asleep during that. Yeah, I'm just
like, you gotta be kidding me, because I fell asleep that the Titans
had cut it to a touchdown and then everybody's talking about how Will Levis had
this amazing game. I started dozing off right when Tennessee got the punt.
They off that and Miami went in scored. Now they scored two touchdowns on
short fields. Did so? I mean like it's almost like the big thing
of the knock on to it. There's two of them. One is that
he always gets hurt and he hasn't yet this year. Secondly, that without
Tyreek Kill, that whole offense and bloats and last night you saw the signs
of that. Yeah, Like there were points where like it's like the third
slipped and fell. It's not the offensive problem. The other team scored two
touchdowns at four minutes. That's a defense. No I understand it, but
your offense like the Great Turf, they're not who they're playing. I know
they're not. You're at home, you have all. You beat Denver when
they were struggling, you crush them. Then you get crushed by the Bills.
So knock out the Dolphins. Is that they can't beat good teams?
Yeah, there's the schedule soft. They had a four to eight team last
night and they lost home when they were up two touchdowns, which Dallas.
I know that there's some controversy about whether or not Dallas is a good team
but overrated. We'll see how they play. I don't know, dude.
They beat the crap out of the Eaves and then you've got them coming to
Buffalo where they're two and a half point dogs. Uh, after the blowout
of the Eagles, the Eagles who did beat the Bills, and then you've
got well that was a pickham game, Yes it was, and they moved
the line. But then shows where they got Miami. Dallas has Miami coming
up, so we'll see how that that all. Dallas is a hard Uh.
They've the schedule, Miami Commanders and somebody else. Yeah, so we'll
see. We'll see how Yeah, like three weeks ago, the forty nine
ers, they're done. It's overly suck and all of a sudden, now
they're like the forty nine ers best team in the NFL. No, I'm
not talking about you, I'm talking about pundits. It's like it's such a
week to week leave. It's like, have we everybody watches football becomes a
dumb ass on Monday because we forget that we've watched football for thirty five freaking
years and that these things happened. People a dumb ass. When Doug walked
in here with this outfit, this, I mean, I'm doing this work.
It looked good. I'm making this work. That's the thing. Uh,
here's a question I have. Sure you know we had the whole problem
with von Miller and that it kind of well, it kind of went nowhere,
right, it went nowhere and get to the quarterback. Bro, we'll
forget all that as we expected, so to speak. But women have been
dealing with that kind of violence for years memorial, Yeah, I mean it's
been a known thing. Well, now, I just have a couple of
stories that were in the news today, some from the Times Wayne County,
some from the local news stations and it's men. Now they have to you
can the only reason Vaughan I don't believe was had any charges, but she
didn't follow through. She said nothing happened. After he was arrested and there
was a rest warrant for him, she said, nothing happened. Well,
on Friday December first, at six forty nine pm out in Lions, there
was a domestic incident and the guy, a woman named Jessica she's forty five,
slammed the door on her estranged husband and attacked him with an eight inch
screwdriver, hitting him in the shoulder. She was charged with felling the assault
in the second degree, intent to cause physical injury with a weapon misdemean He
could have he could have said nothing happened, but he didn't. You see
what I'm saying, bigger pussy, I say, yeah, that's where my
head starts to go. There they starts. You have to unpack. And
then there was another at the same but now that was Friday. Then Sunday
there was an arrest because uh, he threw a thermist bottle. He went
over to her house again. The neighbor heard them fighting, goes, what's
going on? So he picked up a thermist bottle and threw that at the
neighbor who was complaining about them papping a ruckus. And then he picked up
a bench and threatened to throw it at the guy. But originally it was
all about her stabbing him. Then on on Saturday, in between those two
times, the police had to go to Lions To where a woman began throwing
items at her ex boyfriend, hitting him in the back of the head with
a bottle of a one steak sauce, causing a head laceration. No I
know, and these women they're fighting back. We never hear about this.
And then today a woman's in custody for allegedly stabbing her boyfriend out albion.
Uh. Fifty seven year old woman got all pissed off at her boyfriend and
stabbed him multiple times. Fifty nine years old. See that's another reason I
date older women. The worst I've ever had is someone who come at me
with a letter opener didn't have a Saint Christopher's statue on the end. My
grandmother had one of those. I told you, Judge, Judy, God
damn it. I can usually outrun the women I date. It. Yeah,
yeah, violence goes the other way too. Well, yeah it does.
But here's the thing. Okay, So Chuck Finley was a picture with
the with the teams and Tawny Katan, who speaks the shit out of him.
Yeah, while he was driving. While he was driving, everybody and
Jim Rome steps in and goes, wait a second, if he responds in
any way, we're talking about him getting arrested. So stop ripping the guy
for taking up Hang on a second. I will I will say, I
will say this, you're right taking a bean from girl. I will say
this for the most part, though a lot of times I don't know that
it and it could be different things. Does it take a lot to set
her off? Like has he done a lot of things along the way,
Like some of the stories that I read the guys showed up at his strange
wife's house. Of course he's gonna slam the door in your face. You
asked, whole there's stuff going on there, is it? What? What
did you think? What's gonna happen? Already telephone call and then goes over
it. Yes, because all of a sudden, now he's gonna be gonna
be made that that's your watch this so that I don't I don't know,
but then does it take a lot see a lot of times, you know,
just thinking of the needling me. Have you ever like just snapped on
somebody? You can only take so much and then you turn around and it's
like, oh yeah that happens. It's yeah, that's why they call it
a boiling point. Some people just hold it until they get so mad that
at all. Then it's just a can you get mad like that? Yeah?
I hold everything in Yeah, and then and then it just takes one
thing and it'll be really yeah, wow, try to fly sex wings ship.
Oh yeah, all over the place. It's on a microphone yelling.
That's why every day you should, like, you know, do something physical
to get all that anger out, like so it doesn't like boil over cock
compig gosh's smiling. She had gray hair, looking at you. She's looking
at me. Yes, she's like looking at this sexy the reindeer. He's
horny. We're talking about Bill prom looking at me, or you get you
know, it's good to release the steam yelling your car, you know,
talk different scenarios. Maybe called friend this fucking guy, or write the Lincoln
letter. You heard the Lincoln Letter. Yes, you write a letter and
you don't send it break aesthartic like Lincoln wrote this to one of his generals
who f up during the Civil War, but he never sent it because,
you know, so he got in love. Dubbed the Lincoln Letter. I
always think just meditated and then drink and drink. Drinking kind of like things
worse sometimes. Yeah, I don't drink. I'm in a bad mood.
I can't know that's a good idea because you can't. You can't. You
kind of can't keep it all in. Uh in perspective, I'm told one
drink, one drink can calm you down. Two drinks will bring you back
to where you were before. What about four drinks? Okay, I grab
a snickers Hollywood, All right, Well, uh, we'll take a moment.
I have a bunch of things here. There's the co founder of a
San Francisco tech company who's being accused of forcing a female employee to sell it
to sign a slave contract to be a slave, basically his sex slave.
Oh yeah, there's that. And then there's a woman who I can't tell
if it's real or not, but goes on Instagram and says that she did
something she has changed something in her marriage with her husband and it's the best
thing ever. But no one knows if this is really true or not.
And so we will we'll take a look at a couple of those things.
And since Doug brought in Christmas stuff, tonight, we'll play a fill in
the blank Christmas Carol game. Oh, I like this, Carroll love games.
We will deck the what with We'll get to all that, but first,
oh, you know what you need to get somebody for the holidays.
You gotta get him a gift card, Billy, that's right, a gift
card to the Woodcliffe Hotel and SPAE wife, give me one. Listen,
they've got great deals if you took before December twenty fourth, and he can
do it right at Woodcliffe Hotel SPA dot com. Uh. Next week we
will have somebody in from the Woodcliffe Hotel and SPA. Oh yeah, and
we have one hundred dollars gift cards that you can use at the restaurant,
which is a really high end, very nice intimate dining, upscale bar,
nobody bobbing room, right, and sometimes live music there on the weekends.
Yeah, and then or you could put it towards an overnight's day or use
it for spot treatments in their their high end SPA that they have there.
But we're going to give some of those away as well. I have to
admit that I am capt two for yourself. No I did I did not.
I did not. Don't think the thought didn't cross my mind, But
I didn't do that. I I erased one of the phone calls because one
guy. I don't know what I didn't and I can't figure out how to
even go back and find deleted files on the software I used for the phones.
But anyway, the guy goes, uh, I think I deserve it
because I'm a golden retriever husband. I'm well trained and I do everything she
tells you to do, and I want to do this. But then we
did get a uh, we did get a couple of calls to uh to
get these. Here's one of the calls that we got, and we'll play
another one. We'll play him back to back. Here's the first call.
Hey, Bill, I just wanted to nominate my wife for that little ward
you got there, because obviously you've been here here in my text and my
voicemails for a while now, and of course I don't know if I'm as
funny as I was for the past year, because you know, I picked
up the bottles here in the last month or so, and uh I fell
off the wagon. They your friend Randy. Anyway, welcome. ILL nominate
my wife because obviously you know what she's fucking going through and it's shit,
man, going on going on twenty four, well past twenty four years,
going on twenty five. Anyways, if I don't catch up with you,
I will give one away at the end of this week. So if you'd
like one five A, five, two six eighty eight sixty six, just
tell us why what is it? Number again? Five eight five yep to
zero six eighty eight sixty six. We're still going, still talking, still
talk. Hey Bill, there we go. No wait, here's another call
we got for one. I'm gonna tell you why I should bring the Woodcliff
Hotel in spa package for Christmas. Hecause if you don't let me win,
I'm gonna tell you everybody what you did in my house Saturday night. You
went drinking across the street at the Long Punt pub with the Selps character,
and you get drunk. I tell you come out, and I have a
wet picket sense, and you started the good good to come over and pull
out your schmackles and knock down my sense and the felps kid tell them to
you're rouffie, you bad boys. You should be understandings, naughty list then
you then you ran up last, and and now I have no fence,
so I better get the woodcliff spa and and get the bareser. Heidi,
the one with the big kids. I ranted to come over a better job
than that guy, whoever it might be, Well, maybe hiding is.
I think he does because I dropped my bank card on the floor. Well
that's who we were talking. He's talking about that guy, Heidi. You
know he's not talking about me. Heidi was the bartender. Now I happened
to be at long and I looked at Heidi and I said, where do
I know you from? She said, I used to work at O'Connor.
He's like, oh sweet. Chatted for a minute, and then I get
a Facebook message. We're gonna chat that while we're playing darts and stuff.
So what's your sign? She's so, and then she uh, she sent
me a message going, hey, I have I found your bank card on
the ground. So that I'm well, she was able to leave it at
the place and it was it was curried out to me. Okay, I
could get it back. By the way, have you ever met an ugly
Heidi? I don't think I have. No. I don't know many Heidi's,
so I can't. That's I'm not a good one for me to think
any ugly with her stripper's name Heidi. No, I'm a fifth yes,
now, well, Heathers have been on the fence for me over the years.
Yeah, so a feodes yeah, yeah, all right, all right,
we will uh, we'll get to some stuff next. But Woodcliffe Hotel
spot and the number Dog five eight five two zero six eighty eight sixty six
Circu and Circu lawn Pittsford. I got a Christmas story for you. Go
to a party. You're having a great time, catching up with some people
you haven't seen in a few months. You're wishing people well for the holidays
and the new year, and you're feeling good. You're just filled with the
spirit, and you might have had more spirits than you think. You're driving
home, you're noticing the Christmas lights. You think it's fantastic. You see
these big bright lights. You go, Wow, what a display. No,
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at the Carlson's got the laughter you need, and around this time of year,
who doesn't need a few good laughs. You're gonna be spending a lot
of time with family and sometimes you don't laugh at the thought of that.
This Thursday, Friday and Saturday, you will be laughing with comedian Chris Allen.
Was they dumb shit? Like they pushing a gay agenda? They want
everybody to be gay. I'm like, what the I've never experienced that in
my life. I don't know what people are talking about when they said that.
I've had this happen dozens of times, and I'm pretty sure y'all have
to. You're talking to somebody out the blue. They're like, hey man,
you have to come to my church. Come to church, come to
church with me. I'm like, sorry, I don't really go to church
like that. They go, Nah, you gotta come in to my church,
just the best church. You've never been to a church like this?
Coming to my church. I'm all right. Or you go out, you
go to a bar and somebody's like, hey man, you gotta try this
shot. You want to try this shot. I'm like, nah, I
don't really like to taste the liquor. They go, nah, man,
you gotta try this shot. You can't even taste the liquor in this shot.
Man, you gotta try it. We had to happen countless times right
now. Once as a gay man ever approached me like, hey man,
I think you're cute. Can I get your number so we can go out?
And I'm like, sorry, bro, I'm not gay. He like,
come on, man, you really gotta try this dick. Man.
Come you could have even taste the dick in this dick. Come on man,
Comedian Chris Allen This Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Lock your tickets down
at Carlsoncomedy dot com. We want to welcome me back to this session number
two. Here. I'm Fairport. We got the number one podcast in all
right chot Chat, thanks for coming in and listening. We got damn the
man in the Yankee hat right across the table. As you know, I'm
the one the only hip shake of Money, make It Talire, Power of
Dougie Fresh And to my left the Man, the Myth, the Legend,
the Edmill, the Airwaves, The Point Extra podcast. Your favorite of mine,
mister Bill Morahan, When you Could Find the Light Got You. It's
one of my favorite songs of all time time that fur. Do you even
know the song? No? I don't know, baby. That's why I
was gonna say something. I go wait, he's about to sing. I'm
playing this because today when you're listening to the podcast, this will be Wednesday.
Dicky Betts is eighty years old. Now this is the Almond Brothers,
but Dicky Bets is in and out of the Almond Brothers and played with U
to Escu trucks and okay all that stuff. So I played a couple of
Susan Tedusky's songs for a stripper back in the day. You did, yeah,
I haven't been racked for a long time. And uh, one other
one. I'd have to hear it for stripper back in the day. Can
look get that stripper back in the I'll listen to the radio and I'm like,
yep, that was Jasmin, Yep, that was Diamond Chastity ye play
that every every time she was on. She played two three times a night.
Just really oh yeah. Well she had choreographed down just like you at
home choreograph and a step she practiced in her living room on a pole.
It's like you in a microphone, right, exactly the same thing. She
the she jammed the pole up in the ceiling and uh in the floor and
use your drill bits and secure it and on a level that was always good.
That's always my favorite. So check this out. The co founder of
a San Francisco tech company. It's accused of forcing his former assistant to sign
a depraved slaved contracts, subjecting her to years of unwanted sexual horror. The
company, Trade Shift Okay, trade Shift co founder Christian Lang allegedly forced his
ex employee to sign the contract just months after hiring her as his executive assistant.
So now they have the contract, like the written out page. It's
like ten pages in the New York Post and I'm thinking it's it's real.
So the woman is identified in court documents only as Jane Doe. But it
makes you wonder like I'll get to my weird head in a second. Let
me continue with the story. First, the torture involved inflicting physical pain on
her by various means, urinating on her, and routinely penetrating her person with
far an objects oh Man. According to the lawsuit, the shocking allegations came
to light after the disgraced the executive was fired as CEO earlier this year for
quote, gross misconduct on multiple grounds after management learn about serious allegations of sexual
assault and harassment. The cuser also claims she was fired in twenty twenty when
she complained he would resources about the nine paid slave contract, which she insisted
was she was forced into signing she had agreed to always be sexually available for
her master when he needs sex, and to never refuse him sex even when
not wearing the collar. Whatever that was? Okay, what do you think
that way? I know, whatever that was, that's not a really big
question mark at the end of that sentence. Well, I was like,
maybe wearing the chain outfit that I can say, yeah, whatever that is.
But a collar, well, the dog collar, I would assume,
yeah, like that you can zach. Oh, No, that's what I'm
thinking. I was thinking of the Zappas said. No, you're at the
end of the chain. You just kind of get on how it works.
Yeah, they don't sap. You mean, oh, Doug, what are
we what are we learning about you? How can you didn't bring this out
on stage on Friday night? That wouldn't zappuated. I can't have a Zappra
at my girls. That can kill her pacemaker. I can barely let her
get next to the microwave we got. You have to know your boundaries when
you're dating women. Is Zapper and her her falsies go flying out of her
mouth. You can't find her teeth. You are forty five minutes looking for
him. Uh So this says always always to be said. Whenever she sees
her master in private for the first time, she has to kneel and ask
is there anything she can do for him? All according to the contract she
signed it, though, well, see this is the part that I can't
She had been doing it and then he wanted to make it legal so she
couldn't come after him later. I don't know what the whole thing is.
I couldn't really, that's not laid out. Somebody's got to like notarize this,
you know what I'm saying, Like, like, like, what was
she getting paid? She was getting paid to be his personal assistant much?
I don't know. Okay, first of all, but you know what,
I didn't go to where the Mercury News in San Jose was the first two
I'm going to bed that he was paying her for all this five stuff.
This is what I want you to do. This is what you'll get.
So it probably was. Now I'm going to make you an executive producer whatever
he's executive direct assistant. Yeah, I'm gonna raise your pay, but I
want you to sign this contract, oftentimes can't get suit Oftentimes. There are
situations where I should say oftentimes, but there have been situations where how do
you know, Because I've seen shows about this where somebody's really desperate and they
need money. They're like a single mom with a couple of kids. I
don't think that's the case here, Okay, but I know what you're saying.
In other words, they'll like, oh, you know what, Okay,
you know what the money's worth it, my baby's worth it. Okay,
I'll do it right, and they sign it. And by the way,
there's some lawyer had to like write this up. Well, who knows.
I mean, this guy looks like he was a He was just kind
of like we Well, there was an urban legend that Michael Douglass and Canthony's
Jones she signed an agreement that is years as she's with him, she'll get
five million dollars a year. If she got divorced afterwards, I mean when
bigger after they say, like pre divorced, yeah, yeah, and uh.
One of the guys from nine o two one, oh, I read
this year's agoing to People magazine. The blonde hair, curly guy, yeah,
or his his girlfriend smoking hot hairdressers in People magazine, saying she had
nothing. Uh, he had an ironclad prenup and she could not get a
die. Sure, and all she had was a one bedroom apartment and closet
filled with hair product. And I'm a model, but she couldn't get anything.
And it's you when you get that high. I think you have to
cover your back sometimes. I'm trying to look at it at the Murcercy thirty.
Oh so listen to this. Other alleged provisions detail mandatory sex acts.
So this is all part of the contract. The purported document also allegedly required
dough Jane Doe to dress in a quote proper feminine way, preferably skirts.
Now I got to tell me they will put it behind a paywall. That
just flanked on me. Preferably skirts. And then it was saying some of
the sex acts that she had to do, well, just use our imaginations.
Billy. You've seen some of those in stage, you know, when
you're you know, oh yeah, without a doubt. She went to human
resources among Oh yeah, I got a human resources actually available, Okay,
contract, I sided proper feminine way, preferbly skirts, dresses and stockings to
keep her weight between one hundred and thirty and one hundred and fifty five pounds
and noting her weight weekly in a spreadsheet shared with this dude. He's a
young guy too. Doe was allegedly required to wear her day collar went out
with him. The master will work to keep her in shape, or work
to stay in shape. This, yeah, it is. That's what I'm
wondering in some way. Then and he goes, I'm going to do this.
This wrote about it, and it's a weird thing. But here's what
I I you ever see people, this is where my head went. If
you see this guy, he looks like just any ordinary guy, you know,
nothing, nothing, nothing outrageous, Like you look at this guy going,
But he's into some weird shit. But I always wonder, like,
what are people into? I want to try? Look at Rochester kink.
Yes, I'm aware now with this and laptops you can find you can't find
your whatever you want to try your tribe. But I gotta think, like
I think bartenders probably overhear a lot of conversations, oh, without a doubt,
yeh of different things. Not on purpose, it's just it's there,
bartenders, And you can't wear a psychiatrist. Yes, yeah, so I
have to think there's been a lot of ship that that you pick up on
or can see, you can tell about a person depending on the bar was
at. Yeah, Blue Room, I was some of the wild ship,
but I was also thirty years old. And then wind Jammers I listened and
maybe not so much. And now I'm in for a till and it's a
no Ober crowds here. I can hear as much as maybe the fun kicky
stuff that you that I heard a Blue Room, Like people are more resigned.
Yeah, I would, but I still I still hear an awful lot.
Yeah. I would think that with this contract, you know, let's
say, fifty shades of gray is sort of the impetus behind it. I
would think that the young lady or the woman probably thought it was exciting and
then it just wasn't after a while, I'm gonna I'm gonna live out this.
Yeah, and now you're and now what you thought you saw in the
movie is like he's gonna Yearnate, I gonna put my way on me.
You don't get that. I don't. I don't either, But it's insecurity
on both sides. But I'm gonna keep my weight between I have to chart
it for him. I mean, all this stuff that just own him money
that just that just goes too far and I and at some point it crosses
out of what was maybe the intended agreement in her head versus what the reality
became. And it's abusive. But I'm always one and like I hear more
things about people in the town we live in, Like it's everywhere. I
believe me. I know, but I'm Adam and Eve dot Com is not
one hundred thousand dollars website to get dirty stuff. I know it's a multi
million dollars that because I'm going to order this and try it, because I
can also our privacy one hundred percent, I don't have to go to the
store. I actually always thought it was funny to go to the store and
buy a toy, especially because I knew it would embarrass people like that.
You went, how could you do that? How could you do this?
You ever get a shopping cart and you wonder who has there's only two?
That? Okay, so you go in there's shopping cars. There's there's usually
two or three. You're like, what how much you buying that? You
need a card? Now? I've never seen anybody go around with a car,
but you haven't it. No, okay, you haven't. No,
But you're right, Adam, and Eve gives you the privacy to try some
stuff and keep it quiet. And it's always like when we find out who
was it that the president of Oral Roberts University or maybe the son of the
president of it. He and his wife started banging with the pool boy and
he used to watch, wasn't it was Jerry Folwell's son, Jerry Follwell.
So, but didn't have something to do with Oral Roberts. You that's liberty.
He's a liberty at university. It was liberty. It was liberty,
right, And he was banging the gimme liberty, give me a head.
He was watching, he was watching his wife. He would he would watch.
He was a cock. Yeah. But and like he had to admit
all this, you know. And and you're talking about somebody who is up
there preaching, Well he wasn't. The pastor's brother was a pastor. It
doesn't matter. I mean, right, come on, yeah, I get,
I mean this is this is the same your family was built on.
I had family was liberty. And first of all, it's a very expensive
school number two. Uh, you could not on Sunday morning they blocked off,
so you had to go to church. You couldn't go anywhere else.
I think some of the kinkiest people are are sometimes the people that are the
most repressed, and now with the Internet and things, they can do things
behind closed doors and don't have to be judged for it where it used to
be. But I have heard stories, Doug, and I know what happens
everywhere, and that's I don't want to spot like one one area, but
I have heard of different people with high end jobs having invited people over and
said, hey, we get together, and you know, blah blah blah.
I don't want to say anything, but you could never talk about it
because who's there, you know, like who's there. And then we used
to have when I was on the radio, there was a woman who would
call in I forget her name she was. We called her the unicorn because
she was a single woman who would go to be with another couple. So
she would go to like these swinger parties and things, but she'd be the
single and then she they wanted me to go. And there's started. A
male who goes is called a bull. So they started calling me Billy,
started calling me Billy the bull. God want me to go? She goes,
hey, why didn't you come with me? Sometimes like I have a
fucking not going anywhere mirrored. How long ago is that? Probably about a
year two years ago? Oh yeah, I would have got so. Instead
they brought in Billy Buffalo from the right, but only lasted one quarter.
She would go over to like these people's houses and they had dinner and something,
and then the evening we progress and things would happen. I go over
for a drink. See what happens if you don't turn on the game right
And then she's like, sometimes, like if you went to a like a
swinger party where all these couples get together, if the unicorn, the woman
who's by herself and the bowl don't have anybody, they get together and do
something. I'm like, this is you know, it's funny. Bring this
up, because there's got to be diseased. There's got to be something.
Yeahs madness, we're forty years ago, probably fifteen years ago, me and
my two buddies. I just talked to my buddy the other day. Yeah,
you got to bring up the married singles party. We went married single
woman's party went to a married singles woman. They're all married, but when
they were there, you're married, no single, all married, but we're
all single right now? Oh yeah. I mean it wasn't a swinging no,
but it was. They were flirting and off. A lot of things
were happening. I don't know if in other rooms, but uh we had
uh Fannie and Baldi's massage parlor or something like that. My friends were.
It was a good it was a great time. There was a DJ and
I grabbed the mic every fifteen minutes, going in and out getting beer.
Rochester's in the house. And I don't know when we started. I don't
know what we ended, but I know there was and it was just a
lot of drinking. It was married women who said they were single because they
were a five hundred mile rule, I guess something like that. It was
a lot of a lot of fun. What I just, I just I'm
just blown away by the fact that if you're married or something like that that
at no point does your does the mine rebel against something like this and say,
you know what, maybe this isn't a good idea. Well, they
weren't doing anything. Maybe some of them were, but they maybe stepsis.
You're leading into it, sooner later you're gonna cross that line. That's how
it always word. You know what it is. Say say you have a
car and you had it for ten years and you love your car. Yeah,
I try something new. I'm gonna test drive that, take it for
a couple of miles, come back, and then you're gonna go off with
your You just wanted to ride this for a little while. You're not gonna
buy it, you're not gonna keep it, and you're not gonna test drive
anything else. But it was nice to try to test drive something for a
little while. Did you get an emotional attachment to a car? Though,
Well, I know what you mean, and that's not for everybody. I
would you know, you hope that their marriage is an awful lot of works.
Bill and I know a couple who would swing, okay, and they
stopped, And the reason is because I know another couple who also used to
swing. They don't know that I know that I know, but they stopped.
And the story is because it got old and one of them lost a
job, and then they did felt they felt a little insecure about themselves,
so they put it on pause, and they realized, what the heck are
we doing? Right? Well, I think a lot of time I think,
yeah, I think that is too and I it's not. I couldn't
do that. I couldn't be. I couldn't do it. I couldn't be.
The swing come from a different walk of life. But no, But
I'm just saying, like I think, even yes, I get a few
more dirty Martinez, you'll do anything. But I think like there's some people
confuse sex and love, and so then there becomes attachments confusion, and then
some people it's just sex and it doesn't really mean anything. And and I
don't know if we're very uptight in our country versus other countries in the world
where maybe there's looser mores. I know that people have even talked about,
you know, ungodly stuff. I don't good. I don't know if I'm
gonna be accurate in this statement, but I think the Western world made its
most progress when there was like the biggest strides in art and philosophy and other
things, when there was more of this freedom of sexual expression in the early
civilizations versus where we got rigidity and stuff. And I always feel like sometimes
over the years. Man kind is weaponized religion to a point to keep us,
to keep people almost submissive in a way, and not that you know,
look that are pregnancies. Yeah, well no, we you can have
all kinds of problems, disease everything. Yeah, I'm not going to say
that that's but my point is, like I often think that sometimes we're we're
so repressed. I couldn't do it because I wouldn't like to see the person
that I, yes, wouldn't be. I want to want to see my
wife with somebody else's. I don't want to see your wife with somebody else
either. I like you, that's not that's not my game. But I
appreciate that. But other people who they Yeah, there's people who just they
do it. I mean, listen to this. This is a woman who
went on Facebook and she was talking about her marriage and what she was on
Instagram. She's Australian. I can't tell if this is real or not.
It's a it's a very attractive woman and this is what she said. I
have shared my husband with sixteen people so far. Here, I've shared my
husband with sixteen people so far this year. I actually think I'm obsessed.
I actually think I can't get enough. That's how obsessed I am. If
you told me twelve months ago that I was going to be sharing my husband
with multiple women, I would have been like, no, that's a lie.
So apparently it's not, and apparently it's a new thing that I just
can't get enough of. And the funny thing about it is I am the
one that is obsessed. Like my husband's like yeah, cool, like whatever.
I'm like, no, this is a good idea, like we should
go do this, we should go do this. All I've met her,
we should go do her. And he just comes along for the ride,
and I absolutely love it. I'm pretty sure I enjoy the girls more than
what he does. I mean, he's the bonus, but I definitely enjoy
it a lot more. And the cool thing is what we do for work,
we obviously film it, not all of them. We've had ones that
we haven't filmed because it's just been us in our element. But we've filmed
most of them, which is really cool because we it to share that.
I get to watch it back over and over and over, which is really
cool. But I still just can't enough. I still feel like that we're
like always on the prow for the next person. That is, that's a
certain circle of people because they're just not walking up to women and saying hey
you no, no, you got the way, we're going by the way,
we're gonna videotape you. And to find somebody who's gonna want to have
such with you. I want to be watched and videotape. No, that's
a certain circle. That's why I even thought, I don't know if I
I think this is real. I'm not saying that this doesn't happen to some
level. I think it does with people. You and I have known people.
We were We had all listeners who were calling and tell us about it.
I told you went out one time. Were you with us? Yes?
Yeah, it was like watching people at the petting zoo, right,
we went to meet the strop. It was I never blew a go to
the petting zoo. Wife. Yeah, but it was like remember that guy.
The woman blew up the guy because they were meeting and she had told
her husband, Hey, I'm meeting up with let's say Bob at two pm
on Thursday for a little one on one. I just want you to know,
and Bob was telling her that she he was telling his wife, well,
she found out he wasn't, and in her world, I know this
sounds strange, but that was cheating because she was being honest with her partner
and he was telling her he was being honest with his partner and he wasn't.
And I just think, like, to me, the human brain,
I don't know that we can handle it. I don't know that we can.
You know, if you if you're looking for something else, then end
what you're in and go find something else would be my simpler way. You're
playing with fire. I mean, I think to this day, I mean,
when you find out that so and so is a swinger, yeah,
so and so, You're like, oh really, and the party part of
your mind is like seriously, like you really deep down your social yeah,
rack out with your cack out. Well, socially you feel multiple people that
that's the amazing to me, It's like my social compass is like there's a
reason why that. It's that they keep it quiet, like because there's really
judgment with it. There is no judgment, don't but there's also be some
shame with that too if there is. If you don't care that, who
cares? Why did you let the world know? I think because because deep
down you have shame, deep down you're you're you're conscious is telling you that's
not a good idea. I'm not judging anybody myself right now, I'm the
same share it with the whole wife will Hey, how you doing it?
On Bill's podcast? Well, by the way I did this and swung around
and his girlfriend, Well, even like the person we haven't you know,
even the person we have finalship from the kick Society, you don't. We
don't show her on the podcast. No, Well she doesn't want to because
she has to go to a regular job. And I think it's I You're
right, I understand what you're saying, but I think sometimes the world,
all of a sudden, is so judgmental. They don't want you to do.
We've come into a world now where, uh, I know we're supposed
to be more accepting and they're supposed to be higher tolerance of things, but
I feel like we're less. I think that if you don't align with my
thinking, and I can find people to support my what I'll say is opinion
and not necessarily factual thought online Therefore I'm right, right, I've got my
ego stroked because everybody everybody in my world agrees with me. Since you don't,
therefore you're out. And it's it's a strange thing. I mean I
always think like the greatest one to me that I always kind of have a
conundrum with because I go I see abortion. I thought Bill Bird did a
great job in his Red Rock special addressing it, talking about how, hey,
I'm pro choice is a woman's body and watch it. But then you're
killing a baby, right, So where do I stand on this? And
the problem is when you start to bring in things like you know, God's
choice or God's will, well, then you better have that at the end
as you had it at the beginning. Yeah, and by that I mean
you got sick, don't go to the doctor. God's will, you get
something going on? No treatment, God's will. Right, if we have
a baby that's going to be born and we know that there's going to be
some significant problems with it, and the option is to terminate the pregnancy,
it may save the mother, and somebody would argue, and there have been
in the past, well God's will, you can't do that. Well on
the way out, when it's coming to the end, God's will, no
cancer treatment, no hospital, stays no, anything was always my thinking on
that, and I think that we have to be somewhat careful. But you
got an inter moral compass, you've got an inner stuff. I think the
whole thing with God's will, though I mean also is like you could be
like family guy actually addressed this at one point. I thought it was brilliant.
And they, you know, they were dealing with a family who,
like Lois and Peter, had taken care of a little girl, whose family,
whose family didn't believe little boy medic Was it a little boy who didn't
believe a medication or whatnot? And they said, well, what if you
know, like the answer to prayer was the medication and the treatment to save
this little child. And they're like, oh, never thought about it that
way, you know what I'm saying. So like when it comes to God's
will, like you know, God's time and is not like ours. It's
not good seconds, it's in like longer terms. Well, I always think
too that where this may go against biblical thinking and all, but it's always
evolving the world is always evolving, The Higher Power is always evolving. Every
thought has come on. You can look at it from comedians. You could
bring up. Somebody brought up to me a comedian. You probably have heard
of him, but I bet I'm not sure how familiar you would be with
this guy. And you may have heard of him, I don't know if
you ever saw him. Dick Gregory, I've heard of him, I've ever
really Dick Gregory's a black comedian who did a lot of political humor. Was
brilliant, absolutely brilliant. And I forgot about Dick Gregory, and you went,
Dick Gregory didn't get I mean, he was kind of like, you
know, the black guy saying stuff the white man didn't necessarily want to hear.
But if a white guy said it, I think it would have been
a little more palatable, right, they would have taken it a little more.
He got a lending Bruce was okay to say that, but Dick Gregory
not so much. And Dick became kind of that almost cult figure within,
very polished, always worse good looking guy, but had strong opinions and funny
and I go, he's the stepping stone for Chappelle. You know, the
evolution of something right, right, The evolution of this came first. You
know, God gave the idea to Einstein to do whatever that. You know,
the next guy comes along and progresses on. And now we've got porn
on our phone everywhere. I don't just saying we got nudity, which,
by the way, it's awesome. Well, now that depends on what you're
LOOKI these apps that will be they don't go to fataugly women that I'm not
getting drik off to dot com. Right, I'm just gonna, you know,
see slam and Granny's the apps. So somebody sent me pictures and I'm
sure they did it. Maybe they wouldn't send me, but these apps,
this new Deifying which will send you it just blurs out the body, but
they did. You and Kevin, oh wonderful. Yeah, I watched this
yesterday with the Mark Hillman and company. Yes, but the Newtify, it's
a real app. Now, we didn't do it. I wouldn't download,
yeah, but somebody did send it. Here. This is uh, look
at Kevin. It's Kevin naked. But they send you the blurred body.
But it looks like does it. It looks like a bear in the wild.
Right, And then wait, here's you standing like you know that picture
of you? You know that picture of you? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,
yeah, this person ran it through the New Tofi and they didn't I
didn't ask any questions. They kept like shooting things to me via Facebook Messenger,
waiting for me to respond and say something, and they go, don't
you have any questions? And I said, no, I have none.
I don't because that's how I look in real life. It's all borry.
And by the way they make you into a ken doll, I mean somewhat,
it's a hairy plastic part on Kevin, but there's no it's all smooth.
There's like you don't see anything. So no, but it's new TOFY
and I just think that eventually, as the technology gets worth, it's going
to lead to problems for people's lives. Yes, of course, it's going
to lead the problems for people's lives. That's the thing. All right,
we will, uh, well, take a moment. I got a little
since Doug Brunn and the Christmas stuff. Yeah, I have a little Christmas
game. Oh I love Christmas games. You got to fill in the blank
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digging in that. I was almost gonna go into it. I'm like,
this guy's gonna start singing right away. Whoever it is this boys of men?
Oh No, sounds like you know it, you know it? Come
on now, baby, Yes, Danny, I'm pretty good with voices.
Yeah, yeah, Luthor a little sexy Christmas. He sounds kind of like
you can hear them. It's not a bad call about them. That's pretty
good. If you close your eyes you can kind of hear Michael Bolton.
Oh, it kind of sounds similar, just like I've always argued that Huey
Lewis and uh David Ross sound yeah, we did. I think we did
that here. Would you rather never receive a gift ever again? You can
never receive gift ever again? Or give everyone in your family a sex toy
this Christmas. Oh, I'm gonna tell you, at this age, I
would love. I'd love to give everybody a sext to it just for I'll
figure so out. I'll get him a sex TOYE. What do you think
your dad? Your dad has a big personality compressor, so I get him
a blow up dough. There was an episode of Tom Green Show where they
went over to Tom's grandma behind his back, and they gave her these vibrators
and she thought they were there to mix like, you know, like eggs
and stuff with She's like, you know, using with the food and so
yes, this works great and actually is like it's more helpful because it vibrates,
and she's He's like, your pastords, you do this to my grandma.
Really? I remember years ago my dad had moved into my grandmother passed
away, and my mom and dad separated and my grandmother had a play so
he just kind of moved in there down in Jersey, but not right on
the corner. A quarter mile away was his aunt, my grandmother's sister.
And my grandmother had two sisters who had never married and lived together their whole
lives. They were they were the real life burden earning of my life.
And they always lived together, was Irene and Mary and Irene. So there
was some kind of My father was once telling me, he goes, hey,
I can't believe this. Down here he's living in Jersey. There's some
kind of truck. It's a it goes people have porn delivered. It says,
right on the side of the van. You know such and such porn
shop, blah blah blah blah blah. So I call up once and I
say to him, Hey, I got a delivery coming for you from Wait,
wait what I go? I should be coming by your door. It's
gonna go by Irn's house. He's gonna lose your b He's like losing his
shit over this. I think back. I tortured my old man. I
tortured the ship. I stuck fart powder in his coffee dug when I was
fifteen, and that worked it fucking he wound up in court. He went.
We were on vacation visiting a cousin and my dad had a side gig.
He was writing ramps for something called the Center for Missing and Exploited Children,
not the national one, and they worked with families who had kids that
were abducted, and they worked more with the kids who were left home because
Mom and Dad's focus is on Doug, who's missing, but Danny and Billy
are are kind of feral now, right, Mom Dad's attentions all on this.
So they would have conferences stuff to get funding. My father would write
these grants, and we go down to My dad's cousin had married a neurologist
and he owned his own practice and stuff, and they had a beautiful house
on a golf course in Augusta, Georgia, not the Augusta but Knights,
and we go down there and my cousins who are a little bit younger than
me, and my second cousins, my dad's cousin and their children had to
go to school, so I thought I was home. We had gone to
the mall and his mom had given us a bunch of money, and so
we went to Spencer's Gifts and I saw far powder and I bought it.
Said right on the package, put in a hot liquid and then stand back
and watch the show. I'll never forget it. So I figured out what
coffee was my dad's dumped it in there, and then I go off.
Everybody goes to school and I stump it in there and then I come down.
I go, where's Dad? They go, Oh, he went with
Ed. What Yah had to go up to Georgia because they're on the uh.
They were in Georgia, South Carolina for a hearing a kid had been
beaten like with a belt and the whip, and he was the neurologist who
did the report on the child and needed to testify in court. And he
took my dad to go with him. My dad fucked all the way,
my dad said. At one point everybody had to leave the courtroom. He
gets you're on these wooden benches. He goes, I'm ripping. I can't
move. It's farting. He goes, it's February. It's like mile down
there. Like in the fifties. Ed had a two seater convertible Mercedes convertible.
He had the top down because my dad, I can't stop farting.
It's all true, true, you tell him? Yeah, I told him.
She's got came. I came down to the Hey, how you feeling,
whispered to my mother because the night before we had like baked beans and
ham, and he's like, I thought it was like repeating. All he
said to me was get out of my sight. I told I I forgot
how much I tortured. It was always kind of an I was always I
was afraid of torture my mind. Ever, even went I did, had
all kinds of fun. The Morans were very uh, I don't I don't
even know what the word is. But you guys were all smart kids,
had smart parents. But you test each other, yeah, incessantly. My
family there was no testing, at least not for me. My brother and
sister might, but I I didn't do. Doug's father's got a big personality.
I love Dougs. Oh yeah, he would be here in the next
two weeks. I'm sure I'll figure out a night bring him down. My
old man now lives in that same community, and he's decided to get a
little more social. So they have gathering sin it's all retirees there down in
Jersey, Okay. So they have like a main hall and they had some
come down. It was Fourth of July having a picnic. They were gonna
have barbecue, join us. I think he maybe paid a nominal fee and
it was all people from the community. So he decided he needs to be
a little more social. They played a game there, Doug, and it
was a game that I used to swingers games, not far. It was
a game that I used to play at jack ASTs years ago when I did
afternoons. You take a plum and you put it between your legs stick out,
and then the other person stands at the other side of the room and
they have a roll of toilet paper between their legs, and you've got to
go down and stick the plunger stick through the toilet paper and come back.
So my father goes, I'm never going back to one of these things again.
Wait till you hear the most disgusting game that they play. I go
what he goes, say, Ike start laughing. He goes, could you
imagine these are people in their late seventies eighties, some of them nobody wants
to see them doing this. They're sticking plungers into move them to the villagers
of Florida and wait for the phone to ring. Oh he was out.
He goes, it was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life.
I'm never going again. Yeah, that was the That was the bic
thing. I would love to just give us extray, just to see everybody's
reaction. How would they were doing. I just know that you kind of
fun as a as a thing. All right, I have Christmas songs beeped
out one word in the Christmas song. Okay, so okay, all right,
and you have to run off to bleep bleep rein deer the only one
word. You have to tell me what word is missing from the Christmas song?
Okay, all right, here we go. Here's the first one.
We stop, Doug Pumpkin. Later we'll have some coco. That's right.
Come on, Danny, you do that. I didn't. You did?
This makes sense? Pumpkin doesn't make sense for Christmas. Oh well, they're
saying it, join in any rain deer game. Then one Chris Sam came
to say, it is Danny Foggy Foggy, join in any rain deer game.
When I was younger, I didn't realize that Rudolph was a was a
television creation. Yeah, because my grandparents had every Christmas fifty story. Yeah.
The one decoration they had was all the reindeer over the garage carrying Santa
Sleigh. But I'm like, where's Rudolph. Were Rudolph's down here? And
I didn't realize until maybe just a few years ago, that Rudolf was not
always part of the story. I just love the Doug's friend, Dad's friend
told his kids killed Rudolf. Yeah, I feel like I killed Rudolf.
True story. Here you go here one more Where are you? There's place
to beep? Just right? Can I hear that again? Yeah, of
course you can. One more time. Here we go? Where hung where
you can see kisser one dougie boy hollege? Yeah, but if you place
it, bet you could say fucker once for me, we were I've planned
to go carolling, like with my friend christ I'm serious, I've been for
what just you and her. No, we're gonna get another neighbor and then
well we're gonna walk down the street. One neighbor will drive us back.
We gotta go pee or you know, take a wait, a flight of
drinks and just three people are gonna go whoever wants to. But it would
never be three people, no, be she lives two doors down for my
dad. Actually sounds like it could be fun. Yeah, of course it
would be. We've tried doing this for ten years. We always have good
intentions. And then I'll text her right now, Hey, we're gonta caroll.
You gotta follow through, you need to sing all right, well,
hang on in this one. First comes to stop him the lit room now
full? Sign up? Well another word? Fill it? Fill it?
Well? Yeah, by the way, like down come. That's why saying
it doesn't kids good? Say, first comes to stop in the the room,
now sign up? You're right? Yeah, well I couldn't remember that
one. If you place those beeps just right perfect, yeah, absolutely,
give me a little. I used to love that, uh Jimmy Kimmel bit
when he would put the beeps in. I want to ask you. Have
you ever had to shop for somebody's birthday around Christmas? Too? No?
Not your wife. My wife's birthday is a day after Christmas. So now
it's like incredibly because I'm trying to figure out, okay, what what Yeah,
you get her a pair of shoes. You put one shoe in this
one one shoe there. It's happy Christmas, Merry birthday. My niece's birthday
is December fourth, isn't too bad? No, my sister was December third.
Yeah, yeah, that's tough. Yeah what happens? Yeah, So
it's like, okay, so what how do I Every year? I got
to do this because her family would for years, they would spend Christmas Day,
yeah, you know, and home because they want Her parents wanted her
to spend the you know, Christmas morning with her and her brother opening up
their stockings and their gifts at home, waking up for their own beds,
and the next day they would go to Indiana to see their family, her
mother's family, And so she had to spend her entire birthday year after year
in a station wagon driving to Indiana. And it always sucks. So now
I feel like I have to make up for all those years where it's like
her and her, and then she was married with like this deadbeat for like
fifteen years too. So now it's like I got to be a superhero on
like day after Christmas. Do you want to take this one? Yeah?
No you don't. I'm gonna make your breath. You tell me what you
want, make me a honeydew list for your birthday. Yeah, if you
want to do nothing but cuttle, hey, I'm good for that. Yeah,
you tell me too much? Christmas is us birthdays? You, honey?
I think there's too yet. I think there's too much pressure. Yeah,
I think, and I think some of it I don't think your life
glasses, some antlers, some cooking. I think she told you about the
ship, you know, growing up and how it was kind of rough.
I get to spend my birthday doing what I wanted to do with my friends,
and I know you you're a sponge. You'll absorb all that. Oh
yeah for her, you will, which is very loving and nice. But
get her sex toy. Yeah, hours of entertainment, the batteries. Hey,
hey, I got you sex toy. Just go over aem watching the
game. So good to me my birthday. I remember the say a wonderful
just a thought brandforest. I just think that, yeah, the less is
more. I think you just being cool, kind, danny loving, probably
better than anything she had. And I think so seriously, And I'm and
you, whatever you do, you probably go ten steps more than the average
person. She told me that. Yeah, she goes, yeah, you
spoil me. Yeah, so there you go. She expects it. Now
there's some Latto tickets. One ever surprised her and get her nothing. Hey
I heard you hate your birthday. Well, well one years. She's like,
do we should we really? Do we really need to give each other
gifts? I mean, it's Christmas, I go, we don't have to
if you don't want tell you what about your birthda? Oh that's different.
So you're getting nothing's getting gifts? Right, Like I gotta get her a
separate tree. All right, Well we'll take a moment. But first,
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with a nice bottle of Iron Smoke Whiskey. Forest Magazine says one of the
ten best outside of Kentucky. Come on, baby, and then well why
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They cover like the Almond Bros. Jimmy Hendrix clapped it in More and Then
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Leo's has their famous festive and best tasting butter cookies in town, all
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Victor. Run Run Dog. We're running away right now. Segment number four.
Merry Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays everybody. It is Boosday Tuesday. We
might be having us some dirty martinis once again. Dan and Man on my
side, him shaking money, making Doug it fresh, and the Man the
myth Sanna's favorite little Elf all the way for the North Pole. Ladies,
get your candy keans ready for the one and only the admal himself. Bill
Moran. Somebody just sent me an idea for the show. Okay, tell
me what you think of this idea still coming in via tech having Kevin take
a couple of days off. I'm choking. Got a text as Sousie hears
this hera the show. You didn't ruin anything. You didn't ruin anything.
I just always feel bad because I think Kevin gets very sensitive. And yeah,
I think he does. Ok text, I think he gets upset and
I will save him some cookies. He doesn't. He does not say anything
really to me, and I don't want to be talking behind his back,
but it's a big back to talk behind, so it's really it's a wall,
so the pat but he get, he gets. He does get a
little sensitive with things. So the other day I had talked to Greg Connors
about some some other legitimate business like a business deal. Greg does a lot
of anyway, So I had some kind of legitimate business thing, and I
said, by the way, if you're having a bills on the brink watch
party, which by the way, they did not win that game, ladies
and gentlemen, I just want to say that they did enough. They had
one and a quarter good quarters that I'm with you one and a quarter good
quarters. So I said, if you're having that, and then can we
come and do the podcast after? Now? I think you were here when
I brought it up. I said to you guys, hey, after the
show, I got a couple of things I want to run by you guys.
That was one of them. And what did he say when I said
that? What did he say? Gosh, come on, Dandy, you've
got a memory of an elephant for every other goddamn thing. Don't leave me
hanging here now? Oh what? Oh? What? You? So?
He said, I'm not going to somebody's house. I wasn't invited to,
yeah, but I thought there was, and I go, come on,
I'm not going. That's right, that's right. He said that. I
was confused because he claims he was joking a little bit. Now, I
said, I would say this to his face. That's why I have no
problem sing on the podcast. I think he was legitimately bothered because he does
text with Greg a lot, and he had reached out to Greg and none
of this had come up. So this was all new news and he was
not happy, right because it didn't come from him. It came so then
later on like the net, it might have been. It was Saturday.
I remember because for the first time in my life, I tried something to
help me sleep, thinking Saturday night, no Friday night, It's just say
no, no, no. This was Saturday during the day because I wound
up doing pretty much nothing. I became a bump on the log and I
had taken a Xanax to help me sleep the night before. Would you get
it from? I had it from a doctor leit It was just an old
one. But I don't place have a certain half life. Yeah, probably,
who knows. So I took this and it wasn't a heavy one,
but I did. It knocked me out. I slept like a baby.
I went and I taught my boxing class, but I really had I got
there right as I mean, I took a lot to motivate me in the
morning to get going, and then I came home and I had all these
grand ideas of things I was going to do all day, and I wound
up just melting into my couch before I went and saw you and Kevin starts,
Greg rights, Hey, guys, can't wait to see tomorrow blah blah
blah blah blah, and Kevin goes I wasn't invited, and I write back
in this group text because I don't know why there's annex almost got me a
little edgy, and I was a little grumpy. I was in there and
I go, I told you you were invited, but of course you have
to be a big fucking baby. Okay, now it's all coming back to
me something like that. I wrote something like that, like in this what
was just a all busted happy tech. I write this like showstopper, like
it just a fucking needle comes across, because I'm like, God, damn
it, everything with you has to be you gotta be what are we doing
here? And he's gonna go on, I'm not, No, you are?
You are sensitive? You get upset by this, and I was not.
No one was picking on you, No one was excluding you from anything.
Everybody likes when you're around. They like having you, They enjoy your
company. Why are you doing this? So when he did that and I
just wrote back, uh, that's not true. You know you were invited,
but of course you have to be a big fucking bait. It's a
general invitation. It's not like Greg text each of us individually, you know,
I mean Greg Greig's a busy guy man, so yes, he gets
very sensitive with these things, so he texted me the other day. So
when we're at Greg's house on Sunday, Greg has a huge spread. I
love going to Greg's house to watch football games, right, and then all
of a sudden, like as soon as a game's over, it's like rich
Stadium, everybody's gone. The only thing that's left is just a mess.
You know, it's just a spinning paper play on the floor as people go
talking out Thanks mister Connor's bye. But it's a blast. Right. So
Kevin brought his wife and his two sons over and a gift bag, and
I was like, oh, okay, but we're doing this now. So
during the podcast, he brought the gift bag up, Yeah, and I'm
like it was for Greg, Yeah, for Greg, for Greg, And
I'm like, just an off the cuff from Mark. I don't remember saying.
I must have said like, oh, we're doing the gifts now,
like you, because I didn't have one, and I planned on doing I
just hadn't at that moment. I didn't plan on doing one for like not.
I mean, I just wanted to give one Greg for his hospitality,
Like throughout the year, he's been awesome to us. You know, you
know, I have a couple of ideas that I want to gift for him,
because like he's been, he's been awesome and out of nowhere. Monday
morning, at text about eleven fourteen, AM, Hey, I hope I
didn't make it feel bad because I brought Greg a Christmas gift. I go,
no, not at all. That's it. That's all I said.
He writes back a paragraph. I only did it because he's done so much
for me this year. Blah blah blah ah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah. And I thought he was going to LA for the Chargers
game. It didn't realize that he'd be home for this. I thought this
might be the last time I see him before Christmas. I'm like, yeah,
I got it. Didn't think anything of it. What's planning except myself.
When you sat on the show like, oh, I didn't know we
were doing that. I go, no, I didn't think about it.
And like and even Beth goes, yeah, you said on the podcast that
you were like, oh, I'm like, well, yeah, I was
adding to the podcast, but I didn't think anything of it. So I'm
like, okay, he's got a big heart, so I think he felt
bad that he thought I felt bad. I'm like, I didn't what,
okay, Doug, I'm dodging a bullet. There's no bullet. I'm not
in any of the group technic, but there's no I haven't been over invited
to Greg. Yeah, we're gonna win the super Bowl, and that's okay.
I ain't gonna want to hear that. Stay home and when I took
my dirty martinis and buy myself with my sex swinging for a plant. Some
more, Ivy introduced that I don't know like this. I don't even think
about that ship like I sometimes wonder if I'm normal. I saw about giving
him a gift. Oh no, no, no, I got that,
but I didn't even I didn't even think to make a comment. I was
like, that's cool, I was. I was just being funny, like
I didn't care. I don't. I know, I didn't, but I
wouldn't even think to make like I don't know. Most of the time,
I truly believe this, and all you know, all belief is just the
thought you think over and over. I don't think anybody in life, and
I'm sure someone will go well, You're wrong people. I don't think anybody's
out to do anything to me. Do you understand what I'm saying? Upstate?
You whatever, if they are, I burning a whole lot of calories
for something I could give two fucks about it. I mean, you know
what I'm saying, Like, it just doesn't it just doesn't matter. And
I realize how much you might control somebody and not even realize it. Yeah,
but that's an awful lot of power. But that's what I'm saying,
is like I don't realize. No, I don't get I don't get caught.
I did at one point, I really did, and then all of
a sudden, You're just like, yeah, that's that fuck you and your
Christmas gift? What did he get him? What was the gift? It
was a flask and four bill a flask with the Bill's log on it,
and four shot glasses. Yeah. I almost picked him up in the other
story tonight. They're right next to the cookies. Just like you can't get
right, I go, is anybody buying this ship? She's like, yeah,
some fat guy last week, but bottom and asked if I could wrap
it up. I'm like, get it now, you stop it. I
goes about this tall glasses. He did not a shame. She goes,
that's said, I go, I go. I'm like, they're kind of
nice. They're like, there's guess who's not coming in tomorrow. Guess why
for him? You know how? Oh, dude, get it? What
do you mean? Get what? Oh? Please, it's just I'm saying
I loved him. I didn't have with him. I said, he I'm
very grateful that he's part of my life now. He wrote me something about
just and I I did get a text, but not like Hay, just
something about Greg and I said, I thought that was really sweet and kind
of you. That was very nice, very cool gift and very nice,
very nice. Did you see the I O U a body massage? Because
gifts are give into I hope. So I saw I saw a quote today,
and I saw a quote today four by the way, reminder, in
case you on a stop after. I'm just saying that over socks and four
four Yeah, Buffalo bill shot glasses and flash. Yeah, they're next to
the butter cookies and the chocolate chips, sat of the oreos. Oh got
them sweating, Yes, Regie, I thought that was a cool gift because
because like Greg Connor's like it is the one guy who could probably get away
with sneaking that into the stadium. She did say that. Everybody else was
like, you know, oh no, sorry, you can have that.
Oh your great counters about it saved something for me. I saw this quote
and I thought it Doug, I did. I thought it Doug, and
I thought of me a little bit too, But I thought it Doug.
And I thought it Doug because I have I think it might have been after
a couple of glasses of wine when I send him the text basically, fuck
the rules, Doug, I think, And I'm not saying this, and
I hope that no one. It's not meant to in light of anyone else.
I just you're very funny, very likable, and I thought you're very
polished for somebody who hadn't done a lot of comedy. And I've seen a
lot of comedy over the years. You know, at all levels. I
have seen all levels. I've seen that about that be anked with you.
I've seen the best of the absolute best. I have rubbed the elbows.
I guess you could say. Since I said, dinner with some guys who
really had really, really talented, extremely funny people. And yet some of
the funniest people I know never amounted to shit because they just didn't have to
drive behind it. They were just alcoholic, drug addic, and they were
fucking funny. They were funny. There were guys on construction sites and and
and other jobs I had that were just phenomenal, usually Italian. But I
saw this and I I I think that you. I hope you keep going
and pushing the comedy thing because you saw him one night and I saw him
one night, and I think as far as the stuff goes, man,
I thought it was great. I mean, have you been on a stage
like not at the comedy in a comedy club. You've been in makes and
please don't take this the wrong way, And I don't mean we did make
shift, like you go to a country club and it's a comedy club.
It was the first time besides the comedy contest, yes, that I was
on that I was introduced coming to the stage. Put your hands together,
yeah, Doug Phelps, no so, And I told you Thursday, my
first show, I was literally shaking, yeah. And there was so many
butter and I was really nervous, and which all that means is if you
can care. Yeah, yeah, that's it. H But this is the
quote. I don't know Peter Strudwick is who it's a attributed to, but
it's one that I've always had somewhat of a belief. I don't know who
Peter Strudwick is. I don't know. It sounds important. You must dream,
You must ignore the pessimism and heckling of the world and dare to step
into the biggest dream you can dream and live it into reality. Even if
you are a hundred it's not too late to dream. And I only say
that because I think a lot of times you think like, well, I
get to a certain age, and I mean, if you talk to women.
I heard, oh no, it's women on that dating show. But
I've heard women say this, they're invisible. They get to a certain age
and they're invisible. And I think for a lot of us, you know,
you stop dreaming, and I go I think everybody, everybody should take
a half hour a day and think of that thing you really want to do
and picture yourself doing it and sit for a half hour and just think about
it. Imagine it, imagine you doing it, imagine you having it,
it, driving it, being it, living, in it, whatever it
is, do it every day for a half hour a day, and I
guarantee something changes. It does change as you get older. When I was
thirty and so vibrant going out to California be a writer, and now possibility
is this. But you know what's the next step? Now? I don't
neither do I I don't know, but that is that's putting that movie on
YouTube and letting the world see, yeah, Vinnie, you haven't watched it
yet. And I've actually wrote some newer I am going to stretch dating old
women jokes to add time. Okay, so one of my new jokes is
that you know the pros and cons dating an older woman, And a pro
is like, there's a cake every weekend. She had thirty two grandkids.
I got eating food, devil food. I got cookie cake there then sometimes
two three times a day. But you know you're getting that cookie, sugar
and como mode, and then you don't want a full round. So she
slips me yagra and my chalk or my coffee after we have the cake.
Now I got a heart on and I'm a Type two diabetic. I mean,
so if we're working out, But it's really funny and then you know,
Doug, she's seventy three. I'm like, yeah, why don't you
go so younger? Twenty three? Let me tell you something. If I
happen to get a twenty three year old, yeah, and get her in
bed. I have a few drinks. You're funny, I'm gonna bang you.
She's not telling anybody. You might get a selfie, you can rub
one off to the rest of You're like, she's not telling her girlfriends that
she fucked old duckie fresh mister fifty three year old. But at seventy three
year old, Oh, she's telling her girlfriends, her lawyer, her banker,
her doctor, or go to college. And she's like, she's changing
her will. She's changing her will. Absolutely. That was the part I
was bringing up. I have I've banged you know now I'm going even older.
I'm going eighty because i want to sneak into that will. Okay,
And I've got I've got a couple of things, because if you're in the
will, you have to go and you have to have your name read to
see what you get. I have a curio cabinet, got a plant,
and a parent named Walter. But that Ferrari is coming around the border.
And the weirdest part is that you show up at the will and their kids
are like, who are you? Like, I'm a friend of your mother's.
When did you see her? Mondays and Thursdays after Jeopardy for about forty
five minutes, Like my sude working on that. I like that. That's
good stuff. The uh I want to thing I'll tell you is they say,
you know, once she gets to a certain age, the sex isn't
as hot. And I totally different disagree because last month I was on the
side going, you know, just and all of sudden here and I'm like,
what's that? She goes, that's my hip replacement. I'm like,
oh god, if I can get this thing out of joint nurse the doctor,
that is a story. You know, she's how epsy? How are
you? I need another hip? Hold? Doggie Freshmans over my house the
other night. So we're working on that. But that adds on a couple
of minutes here and there. Yeah, you know, I think it's good.
The uh I thought that. I thought of you again today because I
did see h lollipop arms for Christmas, lowering their dog adoption fees by half.
Oh wow. Oh when I did that joke about the dog god and
it went over great when I saw you. Actually I do a longer bit.
Uh, you know, dog, you should get a pet, and
like, like, what like a fish? And like what the fucking fish?
A fish is something that you feed till it dies. You know,
you pick it up, it's dead, you you flush it. It's been
a seven great years, Bob. See you, Bob And You're like,
you could get a jubil her guinea pig. And I'm like, do I
look like a twelve year old gold from Indonesia to you know? And I
don't know why I say Indonesia. And then I talk about getting a cat
and then getting a dog. But the dog I want is a dog that
licks his balls the most at lollipop And they're like, so you go in.
I don't know if we gott die for this. It's like what kind
of for a baby looking for I'm like, I don't care you want a
big dog or a small dog. I don't care what kind of breed am
I look. All I want is a dog that can lick his balls most.
I don't understand. I'm fifty three year olds. Fifty three year old
and I'm single. I'm watching porn six out of seven days. I don't
want to dog to judge me. I want to dog look at his balls
right next to me on the couch. Well, I'm watching a Little Stitch
on the Prairie. I don't want to fucking rescue dog. So wow,
inside the mine, inside the mind a lot. I'm just saying, you
got a dream, that's what you do. Yeah, absolutely, just if
your dreams are big. If you dreams an't scary, they're not big enough.
It is. It is scary, Yes it is. I'm not gonna
step back, but I'm a kind of wait for a cop. I do
have a show in Depew in March. You just confirmed I'll be in,
And now the goal is just to get more time, ye, Danny Liberto.
We drove to a show in Baldmosville, which was just a birthday party.
But you know what else I gotta do is crowd work? Yeah,
because it is. You're watching the shows on Netflix, comedy shows that he's
up there for an hour. He's not doing crowd work. But if you're
at Carlson or a laugh Factor or whatever you're you're interacting with the crowd.
So I gotta do some of that. I I had a little joke,
you know. The only the only interaction and you can practice with me,
Dan. The only interaction I've had is having my nephew pretend he's part of
the crowd. He's twelve years old. Okay, so you pretend you're my
cousin, my my nephew, Chris. Okay, so Chris, you're in
eighth grade, right, Yeah, your teacher got big tits. Yeah she
does. And that's when my sister asked me to leave. So so it's
not working out. I gotta I gotta have some steps. I love to
be a plant in your crowd. Just be like you give you a fake
name, and it was good. Dandy does well with Eddy. So let
me do a real quick do the likes the Christmas like? Yes, okay
with the Christmas lights? So liking me on Facebook? I got, I
got my parents, Kathy and Dave Phelps, Mellows, Jennifer Watt, what
Melanie Klein, Mary Beth Gates from uh Marylynd Gates. Oh, Amy,
I just been a longtime friend. Susie Lekinger Kathy Burns. She's a recent
breast cancer survivor. Over the summer. Good for her, God blessed.
Danielle Carr, my sister Kelly, who has my h nephew Christopher. Sounds
like you just want to Oscar Andrea, Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Russamon, Caitlyn Kleak, Brenda Rodwell who she is a work of our Chris
English, Chris Daniery. It's like Keller b Barb Moore in Kentucky. We're
going viral here, Kevin Morning, Kentucky Farm. Yes, Jimmy Lynn,
Sue McClair, chance, gasp for Dan van Allen. If I missed anybody,
Thank you so much? Do you guys? Everybody? We got plenty
of time. Go three minutes forty seconds. Oh, don't forget to call
him to zero six, eight sixty six. Give us your reason why you
should win one hundred dollars gift card to the Woodcliff. I didn't think it
was posting, so I kept hitting posts. Now I was posted eight times
on my book face, So thank you. That's pretty nice to you.
Yeah, tomorrow we will have Tyler Dunn, who wrote the I guess controversial
article. Well, well we'll nicely get him. I'm blind about that a
little bit we'll get some insight on that. And uh, we'll also have
a chef who's a private chef, but we'll talk about cooking with THC.
Interesting. Yeah, might even bring in some infused meatballs. I don't know
that would be cool. Oh are you getting any Christmas cars sent to you
here? You should start hanging up up on the wall. I haven't,
Yeah, I haven't even I love hanging Christmas cards and I do love it
and I and I bought twenty the other day, and uh, I do
make matle Christmas cards. Go to Walgreens. I don't even have a tree.
There's ten openings. So I look at the pictures and one of them
is just stuff that's happened throughout the year. Then I I have my address
book and it just you know, a couple of minutes of writing. You
know, my aunt Maureen, my uncle John passed away about eleven years ago,
and I just think about her. My throwery text and a little note
inside and you know ABC, and its cool. Yeah, So I got
another forty coming its way. I want to make sure they look good.
And then I was thinking of switching out pictures, but it didn't I got
out of the Zamboni. One year, my buddy marked out the rink.
Uh yeah, I want to you know something nice. I love the pictures.
I keep them up all yell. I used to speaking to people's family
photos at sears. That's for a copy. It's set it out. I'm
cutting duffy, I'm Bill Moran. We'll see you tomorrow, brushing mouth.
You will see it up to be just standing at my time, making Tennessee
he place, m hmm