Welcome to you, Softcore History. Welcome back to softcore History. I'm your
host for the week day Rochester and I am joined as always but Rob Fox
and Jake Goldman, Hi, what's up boys? What up you know?
Spot this day? I'm just happy that's finally fucking cold out. It got
my quarter. Roys on. Are the vibes immaculate? As you'll find out
on our Patreon episode on Wednesday, They've never been. Vibes are a myth.
Vibes are stupid. If anything, the vibes are the best they've ever
been. Yeah, the vibes are immaculate right now today, Yes they are.
So go ahead and check us out on patreon dot com slash softcore History.
For every week you get an additional episode. Plus Rob writes a blog
every weekday, every day, Monday through Friday, I break down a news
story from history and not like you know, like the may explode it and
then like, well here's what hepp I'm talking about, random fucking wild shit
that every day nincompoops did didn't some guy like there's a doctor at this dude's
house fucking his daughter and then the doctor beat him up after fucking his daughter.
Yeah, and then he shot the doctor like two days later. Yeah,
he was waiting for the doctors. The doctor was banging the married doctor
was banging his daughter, and he, you know, took a ladder up
to the window upstairs, banging his twenty year old daughter, still living at
home in eighteen ninety seven, get a job, he was kind of.
And this guy came upstairs with the busher's knife, thinking there might be a
burglar, sees the doctor with his daughter naked, so he saw the doctor's
boner, charge at the doctor with the butcher knife, and the doctor,
unarmed and naked, beats the shit out of this dad. And by the
way, I mentioned this in the article, how else do you fight a
naked man? What do you mean like by losing, you're going to lose
probably to a naked guy. Yeah, there's nothing, but with the real
insulting guard, you're not going to know what to do, and this guy
didn't. But the real problem is like the real salt in the wound,
I guess you could say that notice in the article is that this guy is
this doctor's naked and you just start beating the ship out of the dad who
charged him. What that means is it had to be an intimate fight,
right, they were on top of each other. Blah blah. So the
doctor's penis, which was freshly out of his daughter her juices were getting on
the dad as the guy who fucked the dad's daughter was then dicking the dad
down. And they do have these videos on porn up. Yeah, but
ye daily poop read. It really is. So when you're you're taking a
number two on company time, it's the best way to fill your twenty minutes.
And I gotta say, there's a lot of good ways to learn about
history, and one of the best if you really just want to learn again,
get an idea about what people used to be like. It's just like
reading old newspaper articles because you'll be struck by how different they were, but
how how similar they were at the same time. And it's just funny.
My other favorite one that I did was, and I won't get into to
it, but the sixteen year old to get his ass kicked by a rooster.
That's awesome. Yeah, he's tried to fuck with the rooster. If
the rooster won handily, he found out. Yeah. Yeah, man,
So I guess like the whole family Guy bit with Peter versus the rooster kind
of makes a little bit more sense. Yeah, so it wasn't a person's
sized rooster, right, there's like a historical precedent. Yeah, this kid
how Big was a kid though he's a normal sixteen year old bear. Probably
should have beaten the rooster. Yeah, yeah, I feel like anyone should
beat And this is why I get back to you not being able to beat
a baboon or a land owl, um a ground again, life or death,
I'm I'm marking both. It is life or death. Yeah, that
situation is life or death. You don't think the baboons adhereing to like MMA
rules? Yeah, these guys a little babiden No, uh niem all,
I'm down. Yeah, you can't throw a bow under your skull. Yeah,
I think the baboon eats your testicles and penis so quickly that you lose
the will to live. I don't think so, because I'm gonna adhere too
the rules of organized fighting, and I'm still gonna pick this baboon apart.
No, what are you, batman? I'm gonna keep following my rules even
if Yeah doesn't really make sense. Though, when he blows up Rachel,
you would think he would go nuts right on. The joker, Well he
kind of know as before that the interrogation scene, your trash who curls for
money, don't talk like them, You're not as much as you'd like to
be, all free. Yeah, Jimmy Stewart and the doctor or the Joker.
Jimmy Stewart would have been a great joker. Wow, Well, off
to choose what is that one? I don't know. Ha ha ha.
That's actually ha ha ha. That's actually what Jimmy Stewart sounded like when he
arrived, right, yeah, well that's what he was doing when he was
bombing children in World War two. He laughing. That's actually a pretty good
transition because we're not talking about World War Two today, but we're talking about
World War One, which is the more interesting war. It's a way better
war. Um um obviously fully committed and entrenched in World War One stuff.
Because I just watched All Along the Western Front, All Quiet, all quiet,
Western Front. You're right? Sorry? Um, yeah, Dan loved
that movie. You could tell he was so good. I remember the name.
Yeah, yeah, it was good. I didn't think it was as
good as like so my two, like my number one and two World War
two movies are saving or not World War Two, but war movies are Saving
Private Ryan and black Hawk Down, and then like if you want to get
into like really just great other war stuff, even like nineteen seventeen. Though
right, ninety seventeen was fine. I think I was not like blown away
by it, but you liked this movie better. I did like it,
but I liked All Quiet the Most Front better than nineteen seventeen. But I
don't think anything. I still like Saving Private Ryan, black Hawk Down,
and then Band of Brothers in the Pacific and Generation Kill are are on another
level from any other piece of war. But World War One is I think
the best war warriors. It's the best war to learn about if you really
want to learn about, because it's the most pointless violent thing. World War
Two had a point, right, That's why I like, That's why Americans
like World War Two, because World War Two was a marvel movie. Yeah,
for all intents and purpose, it was one. There's not really a
bad guy. There isn't There isn't no. It's it's a war that was
bound to happen. And actually it was brutal as hell like terrifyingly bad.
Everyone was people fighting for like thirty feet of land of nothing especially, but
like gas was involved. They pretty much had to set rules after this,
right, that's what kind of this is pre Geneva convention. Yeah, this
I imagine led to that. Yeah yeah, yeah, there was a gas
was a thing. Of the funniest stories is so like nobody really knew what
a war crime was other than like the really standard stuff like murdering prisoners of
war and stuff like that. So at one point, after the Americans had
joined the war in World War One, we were the first geniuses to come
up with a combat shotgun, I guess. And these things were called I
think their nickname was like a trench broom yep. And they were so effective
at clearing trenches that and it made the Germans so salty that they declared it
was a or crime and they would execute any Americans as they found with even
a shotgun shell on them as like war criminals and execute them immediately because they
just would hop into a trans with a shotgun and just and just it's done.
Everyone's fuck, you're clear in the trench. Yeah yeah, you just
pop into a trench with a cannon basically you're It's like I'm gonna hit it,
but they were cool gas. Yeah, I don't know fucking happen and
choose in here. Yeah, And it's obviously the funny thing about World War
one two is is that, like I think if we fought a war now,
something similar would happen. I don't necessarily think it happened during World War
two. It certainly didn't happen during Noam or anything like that. But during
World War One the technology was is just vastly superior than our in a way
beyond even the guns being so good and stuff like that, Like these technological
horrors. He's almost like steampunk terrifying things and planes that they that they couldn't
fucking fathom basically flamethrow. They were like what the fuck? Like that is
something that I think would happen now, Like we would get into a war
of like maybe China or something and one day, I don't know, there
would just be an invisible drone stabbing you to death, or the sound weapon
they're working with, yeah, yeah, or just they finally just break out
the gun dams, the what the gundams, the megas words. Basically it's
pretty much yeah to what you're like, how does they suggest how like it's
like a it's like a technological nightmare, right, someone finds the brown noise.
Yeah, all of our troops shit themselves. World War One was essentially
a like technolot for those people, especially at the end, a technological futuristic
nightmare that they were stuck inside of. Everyone's so interesting. Everyone just kept
making these machines for killing. Yeah, it's yeah, it's I don't know
how you would survive any type of battle on no man's land. You don't,
really, It's just the casually rates are awful. The only thing that
the the only saving grace of World War One is that medicine had finally gotten
relatively competent, like injuries in that war and disease in that way. The
people died obviously a lot, but compared to like the Civil War, like
the US Civil War, which is kind of like the last major extended,
large scale war before World War One. Uh, that wasn't like in China
or something. Um, they're gonna sell off your limb, but it's gonna
you're just gonna survive, right, But but most people of them died of
like disease and shit like that. It's it's this, there was just enough,
just enough to stop it from being so much fucking worse than it already
was. In the Civil War, it was the opposite. Yeah, it
was so much worse than it should have been had it happened. And fifty
years later, right today, we're gonna talk about four different crazy stories from
World War One that don't involve that bullshit soccer story. The Christmas Truth Christmas
is the one that didn't happen. I thought it did. I don't think
it did. I saw a movie about it, with that chick from the
National Treasures Boobs, National Treasure. What was she in the movie Guys playing
Soccer? Yeah, I don't know why she was in it, but she
was in it. Diane Krueger, I think is her name. She was
a chick dead gets strangled in um Inglorious Bastards. Okay, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah down in the cellar. Yeah she gets strangled in the
cellar, get strangled in the theater, right, but yeah, she was
in that cellar. Historically accurate. Look at me knowing boobs job. So
first story, it's gonna involve a man named Jimmy Hall. He's an American.
Oh boy, cole facts, Iowa, I appreciate you ignoring the first
like four and a half years of the war. Yeah, just jumping straight
to America. Well, so he gets involved in the war before America.
Okay, Oh, he's one of a lot of Americans did. Yeah.
He was on vacation in the UK in the summer of nineteen fourteen when World
War One began. He posed as a Canadian and enlisted in the British Army,
serving in the Royal Fuselers. Fuseliers. You're gonna have to like pardon
me with some of the pronunciations, because it's as I read everything, I
didn't listen to anything means you're smart. Yeah, yeah, that's what I've
heard. So he was a machine gunner during the Battle of loose O s
Probably. Probably he was discharged after his true nationality was discovered and returned to
the United States. Why why wouldn't you just keep him? The need people.
It's like he's the most willing one here, right, Yeah, and
a lot of people are dying. By the way, machine gunners seems like
a good gig. Of all the gigs in World War One, I'd prefer
machine gun No, well, no, the best gig if you're not a
like, well, it would be to be some sort of pogue. But
if you're gonna at least be killing people still and maybe be in a little
bit of danger, but not really gonna be working that artillery. Yeah,
but if I guess you, if you want to be in a trench,
if you're in a trench, the best gig she is machine gunner. What's
the worst gig? Guy that has to check the trench first, like trench
clearer. No guy that has to run through no man's land. Oh,
just in between the trenches, any of them? Just guy with rifle.
Yeah, everyone with rifle. You can get another guy with rifle. There's
so many guys with rifle. Guy with rifle is it's the saturated market.
It's the energy card of dudes in the war now. Jimmy Hall was a
writer, and he returned to Europe in nineteen sixteen on assignment with Atlantic monthly
magazine The Atlantic. He was to have written a series of stories about the
group of American volunteers serving in the Lafayette It's good drill. Yeah, it's
just a French. I don't know if it's probably it's French. I don't
I don't need to pronounce. It's essentially they called himselves Lafayette because he was
the Revolutionary War general blah blah blah blah. Yeah. But after spending some
time with the American flyers, Hall himself became caught up in the adventure and
enlisted in the French Air Service. So he's done this twice now. Yeah.
But the French were taking people left and right. Yeah. Yeah,
he didn't have to like pose it. Yeah, because a lot of the
war was happening in France. None of it happened in England, right,
Yeah, there's a bunch of American volunteers that would serve in the squadron.
Yeah. During his time in French aviation, Hall was awarded the croud Guers
with five Palms and the quas de guerre want to quaire gorilla and the media.
I don't I took two years of French in high school. I don't
really know it. I cheated on every test. Do they sell positief.
I actually got caught cheating because I would have I had my graphing calculator and
I would just put all the answers in it. Dude calculator on French.
So I'm like calculator. It's like, what are you doing? It's like
I'm playing block man? Do you know how I cheated in French in high
school? It was much better, so, but it probably was something that
you would look us doing at your public school. Okay, so the private
Catholic school college shirt every day, we had to wear a college shirt too,
even though it's a public school. Oh well, then you could go
to dress code because they didn't want people to get shot or staf. Actually
dress codes are smart and more. They should just be uniforms of public schools.
Yeah, it's one less thing to think about, it is, and
it actually helps out like poor kids and shit, and I feel like fucking
shit. Yeah. Um So anyway, what I would do was I had
to wear a college shirt every day. It could be a polo shirt,
could be a button up, right, right, So I wore a button
up And what I did was I taped a cheat sheet to this arm.
Right. Oh, you have like a QB sleeve and a cheat yeah,
two QB sleeves and you know the button ups that get the little opening here.
Yeah whatever, So I just unbuttoned those. I just sat there and
was like you should reading off plays boobie weep, yep, just writing fucking
eight that shit. I was never good at friend I well as everyone knows
here, because I'm so good at voices, great, great French accent,
couldn't speak it a lick. I had a better way to cheat in Spanish
in college what data Spanish girl. Maybe it was on my center for the
tests and it was all online. Oh yeah, you're good to go.
It's fine. I will happily like I would if I started abroad for like
a semester and some fucking like Italian chick was like, will you have me
with me with my English class, I'd be like, yeah, whatever,
Brad, I'd probably still going to be I would because grammar is not great.
Uh. And then when she couldn't help, I would get some of
my fraternity brothers that were also Spanish speak in origin, and uh, they
were usually worse. Yeah, I was suposed to say. Would they be
like, that's not how you fucking say that. It's like too proper.
Yeah, the Spanish is like I'm Spanish Spanish. There's a certain it's there's
a certain type of immigrant in the United States where like or like a generation
of it where they were not good about teaching their kids English or not noting,
not good about cheating their kids Spanish or whatever language they had specifically because
they wanted their kids to only know English. Like this fuck this Mexican girl
idea in college. Her grandparents were immigrants. They purposefully did not teach their
kids Spanish. Wow, because they wanted to be American. Interesting. Okay,
So in nineteen seventeen, when the US actually eventually enters the war,
Hall was made captain in the or the Army Air Service, serving the American
ninety fourth Squadron. So this is before the Air Force. The Air Force
was not created till after World War Two? Really okay? Yeah? So
even in World War Two is the Army Air Corps gotcha all right? And
granted, just like now, there was also naval aviators. I think the
fun fact about the US military is that the three most powerful air forces in
the world are the US Air Force, the US Navy, and then the
US Marine Corps. Yeah, it's like huh and then it's like the uk
or something. Yeah. Keep in mind that during right now the Ukraine War
Russia, people stopped talking about this because it's just got boring. Still doesn't
have air supremacy. That's insane. How Russia doesn't have that over Ukraine.
The US doesn't do anything without air supremacy. Yeah, well why would you.
It's like, hey, why don't we just blank at this place?
Yeah, yeah, it makes total sense to now. Hall was interesting because
of this story. On May seventh, nineteen eighteen, he was shot down
by a dud anti aircraft shell that lodged itself in the plane's motor. Oh
so it didn't explode, but it hit him, hit him in the motor
and just kind of just like took him out. So he was just kind
of he was able, he was able to glide the coast. Okay,
Yeah, he survived his crash landing while being chased down by a German pilot
in enemy territory. He was how did he not get murdered by the German
pilot? Well, he was discovered and taken care of by the German pilots
that found him really like as some kind of fraternity a pilot. Yeah,
just like, yeah, forget these mud people. Yeah, they you're a
sky night. Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Yes, it's kind of
what happened. They bandaged him up, they gave him coffee and cigarettes.
Fed him launch, even played the piano for him. Do you like piano,
sky man, Yeah, we us sky nights. Love, they're sky
nights. They're skynights. Mud people, yeah, they like finer things people.
They have their poor nose in the trench. We have piano up here
in the sky. They would rather hang out with a skydight from the opposite
side, trying to kill them, the mud people on their own side.
If you're just so glad you're not a rifle guy, you're not guy with
rifles. So they do all this for him. They go to his crash
plane, collect all his stuff, give it back to him, and attempt
to drop a note to a squadron at his request to let him know he's
okay, which they eventually get word. Yeah, they just they hook me
up. Yeah, you want a real quick note. The most fucked up
story I know about a guy with rifle. Yeah, it's such a bummer.
So this guy, I think he was French, but I don't remember.
It was definitely Allied, was about to get executed for desertion. He
was afraid, ran away and he in some big friend general was walking by
and he was like pleaded his case. He was super nervous and like fucking
murdered. Yeah, like was terrified and pleaded his case, and the general
went and talked to him and was like, you are here because you didn't
do your duty in battle, and we're killing you to make an example.
So if you take this on bravely, you are essentially again doing your duty
because other people will know that they will have to do their duty. So
you are dying for your country in battle honorably by taking this execution. And
the guy was like, okay, cool, changed his mind, Yeah,
change his fucking mind. The guy proudly stepped to the post and they got
executed. So if he got executed and acted like a bitch, they wouldn't
have executed him. No, they still would have. It's just that he
like convince him to not be a bitch, don't make us work more.
But this guy was afraid of dying, and look there's shot. He said,
for deserting your brothers and arms, you know what I mean, the
other guys who are have to be there too, that's shitty. But like
you're deserting a war that has no purpose. It's helping no one. It's
meat chess. Like I like to say, Yeah, that story always is.
It's a very distiping story to me. Maybe he was trying to get
a chicken from a farmer like cat got. God. God, God,
I haven't seen it's been a long time since I ran All Quiet on the
Western Front. I think it was. I read it my sophomore year of
high school. It's very good. It was never on my fucking high school
reading list. It's one of the better was. I just read that on
my own. So, while Hall was in the prison hospital, the German
pilot who tried to take him down in the anti aircraft gunner had a fight
over who should get credit for shooting Haul down while they were standing over Hall's
hospital. But it's easily the gunner. Yeah, the anti air pilot just
chased him around and never hit him exactly. The anti aircraft gunner produced a
picture of the shell in Hall's engine and then asked Hall to settle the dispute
of who shut him down. Hall gave the credit to the gunner, the
guy who did it. He betrayed the sky Night oath m M, yeah,
you can't do that. They played piano for you manco against Southern sky
Nights. Yeah. After the war, he was eventually released, and the
Hall spent much of his life on the island of Tahiti, writing a series
of adventure books, including the Bounty Trilogy with another former American pilot, Charles
Nordoff. Sure everybody knows Charles Nordoff. Yeah, yeah, those books were
great. The Bounty series. The Bounty series. Way, is that like
Mutiney on the Bounty? Um? Is it about a ship? No?
Did he write Mutiney on the Bounty? I don't think so. Bounty Trilogy,
Jimmy Hall. Jimmy Hall, Oh yeah, I what if it's just
like dope, What if it's like sick, like Mutiny on the Bounty Or
is that we said Mutiny on the Mountiny, Yeah, Mutiny on the Bunty,
Yeah, nineteen thirty two, that's the first book he wrote that,
and then menting us to see and then uh yeah, yeah, look at
me knowing stuff. Wow, Rob on the Bunty. Yeah. I no,
No, I would say the Bounty was a ship. Yeah, it's
it was a famous movie too back in the day. M So, I
think this is kind of our own version of the soccer story. You know,
you get shot down, you get taken care of by the enemy,
if you'd you, they take care of you, they play music for you.
Oh man, you know, depressing US. World War One photo I
saw the other day it was German soldiers celebrating Hanukkah in World War One full
Oh things change quick, Thank you for your service. Yeah, yeah,
we'll step into this camp. Yeah. It's almost like what we made the
Germans sign up for after the World The war might have caused that. Oh,
the Treaty of Versailles. What don't you're gonna put the Holocaust on the
Treaty of verse Yeah, that's a pretty weak one. That's like a homeless
guy walks into a school and stabs eight kids, and they're like, well,
why the reason Germany went back to war? Sure is probably Treaty of
Versailles. That's not the reason they need to exterminate a bunch of people,
right, No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying that's how Hitler kind
of came into power is because it was like a hopeless country. Yeah yeah,
we economically, we just we can. Every time they came up for
ever, were like no dirt, dirt right kind of thing. It's like
if you create a vacuum, yeah, or you put you know, you
just create uh nightmare situation of a country like some all you're Afghanistan, right,
Eventually the shittiest person is going to rise to power. Yeah, that's
why we keep doing it, so we can keep going back forever. You
want to hear a good conspiracy theory, I have sure because I think it's
real ish and it's actually logical, Okay, um, And I don't think
we're the first ones to do it. I actually think it used to be
something that would be more considered common, rational historical practice, but now would
be a conspiracy theory because it would be uncouth to do it now. Okay,
what is it? Uh? We start wars all the time to keep
a officer corps that's been in combat. Yeah, you got a sharpen the
blade, right, keep a blade sharp? Well with that it makes sense
actually, and one of China's biggest like concerns about being able to take on
the West the been they have been in a war since nineteen seventy nine.
They have no no one in their army has combat experience. What where was
it? Was it just Vietnam? Yeah? They were they Well they invade
of Vietnam after we did. Okay, you should just call someone out,
what like China just getting a war right now with like a rando. Well,
so that's actually a concern is that they would start a random war.
So Russia invade Ukraine because they want pieces of Ukraine. Actually they want all
of Ukraine, but they would look at all that that there was actual motive
for that. The concern is that China is going to start fighting little micro
wars like Mongolia. They should take over Mongolia, be like we're getting it
back, Well, get them back, Yeah, we're gonna get them back
Mongolia. Fuck China. So that's a concern is that they're going to fight,
you know, just to get combat experience. And that is the theory.
That's my theory with the United States with Korea was not Korea got invaded,
but Vietnam, and uh, the Gulf War and then Iraq not Afghanistan.
We had every that was but at Iraq War. I believe it's called
the military industrial complex. No, no, no, no, no,
this is not that that's part of it. But no, the United States
wants to keep wants to make sure they have an officer corps who always knows
what it's like to be in combat. So we should do little war zough
like the Falkland Islands, Like we should just fuck with Argentina. That's fine
too, Like anything even little wars like that, there's enough chaos and that
that you learn things. Yeah, don't fuck with England. That's my,
that's my that's what conspiracy theory I have. All right. Next up we
have Alan Arnett McLoyd, Canadian trying to probably a war criminal, trying to
say face with our Canadian audience after our Leo major episode. He murdered Dan.
Story is gonna be brutal, Like he skinned four Germans alive their skin.
They were all asleep and by asleep we mean they were in comas from
being gassed by him. But it was for Canada. He enrolled in the
thirty fourth Fort Gary Horse in nineteen thirteen at age fourteen. Sick. When
the First World War broke out in nineteen fourteen, James he was sent home
because teen year olds were soldiers underage. So even like he was just fourteen
turn fifteen and they're like, you can't fight, bro right, there had
to have been was there like a widespread age limit for fighting, because that
must have been weird when you were like with Allied countries. It's like,
dude that kids like young. Here's the thing that I think it makes it
tough is that there are a lot of twin gass dudes back then, and
you could pass for eighteen a lot easier than you could now. Yeah.
Maybe I don't know, but I mean, for examples, say, and
this is something that doesn't get credit enough. Say you're forty eight years old,
right, and you're in a recruiting station and you're signing off all is
eighteen year An eighteen year old to me now looks like a fucking baby.
Yeah, it's true. So if a fucking fifteen year old rolls up and
maybe he's just tall enough, you're like, well, it looks like it's
as much like a baby as the rest of him. Need bodies too,
and you need bodies, do you like? I mean, like, even
let me tell you about this job. It's called guy with rifle. So
no, he was not a guy with rifle. He was also another sky
god. Oh, sky Night, sky Night. Yeah, the fourteen year
old sky Night, the fifteen year old sky Night. Look. Eventually,
America's air force, as it becomes fully drone, is going to be nothing
but fifteen year old be kids on the call of duty kids. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. So as he turned eighteen, he went to Long Branch
near Toronto to train as a pilot, and after only three hours of flight
time with an instructor was then he did solo hours for forty seven hours after
that. So we did three hours first and then they were like all right,
kid, and they're like, you got this. You get finished your
fifty hours of experienced by yourself. Fifty hours doesn't even seem like a lot,
but three hours with an instructor, that's it. Yeah, that's a
day. You knocked that out afternoon. I hope you remember it. Like
I'll say this, planes then a little simpler. It was up. They
weren't doing they weren't necessarily doing wild shit that planes now can do, or
even planes in the in World War Two. It's not a Harrier jet.
It's a fucking right, it's not a Mustang, you know what I mean,
Like, it's a fucking biplane. Yeah. So on August twentieth,
nineteen seventeen, he was shipped overseas to France. By the way, flight
had been invented like eight years earlier. That's the funniest part about it all.
Really pilots in World War One were gangsters. Though they were everyone was
like, oh my god, imagine if there was a war to borrow and
all of a sudden people were dog fighting in space shuttles. That was the
best. Part. Two is you could like shoot somebody with a hand.
That's how it started. Can it just reconnaissance? That's what That's why joke
about space force all the time when they're like, oh, why Trump make
time a spray form does not even mean And I'm like, Okay, eventually
we will need some sort of space force. And while he might have done
it before, we necessarily had things to do it. In the same way,
It's kind of like if Abraham Lincoln started the Air Force because we had
hot air balloons that they were using for reconnaissance in the in the Civil War,
which they were yeah sure, and like I don't know, Lincoln was
like, slap a cannon on one. They had hot air balloons and Civil
War they had had air balloons in the Renaissance. Oh that's right, but
I'm thinking of Zeppelins. Zeppelins, Yeah, I know, they just had
hot air balloons. They only use them for reconnaissance. They would go up
and just be able to see ship Gosha, they're over there. Yeah.
So mccloyd was an eighteen year old second lieutenant in the second Squadron. On
March twenty seventh, nineteen eighteen, over Albert, France, McLoyd and with
his observer, Lieutenant Arthur Hammond, in an Armstrong Whitworth FK eight, destroyed
an enemy triplane and were immediately attacked by eight more, three of which they
brought down damn. During the fight, both McLoyd and Hammond were wounded by
machine gun bullets, the petrol tank was punctured and the aircraft set on fire.
Well it was made of paper. Mccloyd instantly pushed over into a steep
side slip and the flames were scorching him as he was trying to maneuver the
plane back to safety or kind of like crash l bit. So he's getting
burnt. Um, it'll happen. He jumped out the cockpit onto the left
wing and crouched low with the joystick pulled hard over in the right hand so
he's just kind of like piloting the plane on from the side of the wing
on the wing. Yeah, Oh my god, what a fucking animal.
Yeah, he smashed through the fabric so that he could reach the wire with
his left hand. So he punched through the fucking fabric or the plane so
he could, like Jesus, so he could guide her towards the ground and
used to be man, that's like the hardest shit I've ever heard in my
life. Yeah, I was too busy being on fire, so I got
out of the plane while still driving the plane right, and then also punched
through the plane to better drive the plane. The plane finally crashing no man's
land, and the pilot, not mining his own injuries, dragged his comrade
from the burning wreckage under heavy fire and carried him to safety. Holy shit,
before collapsing from exhaustion and loss of blood because he again got clifted by
a machine gun. Yeah. Yeah, by the way, that's the worst
part in nineteen seventeen, Like a plane just crashes, the guy pops out
and stabs him. Yeah, look at that. That was a that was
a to suspend disbelief situation. I kind of believe it though, you know,
sure, it is what it is. You know what, World War
One gave us trench coats, and we should be thankful for that. Mccloyd
was wounded back your high schooling time, saying, shit, I just like
the look of the like the Burberry trench coat. I think it's a good
looking coat. Mccloyd was wounded three times in the side and Hammond was wounded
six times. Hammond lost his leg but was awarded um the Military Cross or
a bar to his Military Cross. Uh. Mccloyd was recommended for a Distinguished
Service Order and received the Victoria Cross. Return that's England's Medal of Honor.
Canada, right, what's Canada? But it's it's the it's the Commonwealth Medal
of Honor. And uh. Our hero returns to Canada to recuperate, but
dies from the Spanish influenza Spanish flu. He got the Spanish flu, died
war mouse. He was first. Yeah, it is five months away from
celebrating his twentieth birthday. Oh so he survives all this and then just dies
from from flu shitty nineteen eighteen. It's like you gotta think, like,
oh man, nothing can kill me. I'm getting sick. I flew a
plane like one armed, took it down. So drag my buddy, you
know. Guy kind of fucked up by the way, nothing's ticking me out.
One of the things that made human beings more susceptible to disease, I
forgot to mention this. In our Patreon episode, which you should subscribe to
our Patreon um, we talked about how there was a sort of fewer guys
got to fuck at some point. One of the things that made him means
more suptible to disease was the less variety of genetics. Yeah, genetic genetic
variation is actually really key in our survival term, like the more diverse and
like the more gene pool sharing. More. So, they think that once
certain people monopolized fucking yeah, that it made humans potentially more susceptible to disease.
Now, we were already susceptible because you know, we're living amongst animals
in mud and shit like that, being sedentary farmers instead of whatever. But
another thing that did that was the fact that things got less genetically variant.
That's why, well you'll hear what happens those people in the patreon. Yeah.
Yeah, So our next story revolves around a hero bird. A bird.
Now, did they make it they made a movie about this with you
and McGregor? Did they They actually did about share Me. Well, I
don't know if that's who it is, but I'm gonna look it up.
They made a movie about a hero carrier pigeon a World War One, Like
it was like a Pixar movie, but it wasn't pick It wasn't Pixar knock
off dream dream Works or something. Yeah, it was like a dream work.
Look it up real quick. So here's the story of Sharemy. On
October third, nineteen eighteen, Major Charles White, Whitelsey and more than five
hundred and fifty men were trapped in a small depression on the side of the
hill behind enemy lines without food or ammunition. They were also beginning to receive
friendly fire from Allied troops who did not know their location. Jesus, so
just absolutely friendly fire had to be fun. I mean it was fucking everywhere,
and there were you can't really tell the difference. Everyone's covered in mud
like a guy with the rivals, a guy with a rival. Yeah,
that's why you have so many surrounded by the Germans. Many were killed and
wounded, and only one hundred and ninety four men were still alive and not
captured by the end of the engagement. Because his runners were intercepted or killed
by the Germans. Whittlesey began dispatching messages by pigeon. The pigeon carrying the
first message, many wounded, we cannot evacuate was shot down. A second
bird was sent with the message men are suffering. Can support be sent?
That pigeon was also shot down. Man, the birds aren't even getting out.
So the movie with you McGregor was in was called Valiant. It came
out in two thousand and five, and it's a World War two movie,
so I apologize for that. This is a World War One. It's the
World War One pigeon. So the artillery batteries supporting Wittlese's men attempted to provide
a barrage of protection for another pigeon to go off. Heremy was dispatched with
a note written on onion paper that said, what I imagine it's like paper
made from onions, or no, it's gonna be the paper that's just putting
onion a little cheese cloth in a canister on his right leg. It read,
we are along the road parallel to twenty seven six point four. Our
own artillery is dropping a barrage directly on us. For Heaven's sake, stop
it. That sounds like the best note to have gotten out the other ones
like can you help? Yeah? Information first, please please stop? Is
what you want to hear? What you want to set him? Yeah.
As Jeremy tried to fly back home, the Germans saw him rising out of
the brush and opened fire. After several seconds, he was shot down,
but managed to take flight again. So the bird took one and just kept
going. He ate it. And by the way, a bullet is like
it'd be like a human being getting hit by an artillery shell, right,
like not artillery flo next you, like he rips through you, like you
get shot by a bazuka, Like a buzuka goes through you, and you're
like, I'm going, yeah, still going. I don't need the stomach.
Yeah, this would I would think a bullet would essentially treat this pigeon
like Randy Johnson. Yeah, yeah, it should. It should. So
he takes flight again, a rise back at his loft at division headquarters,
twenty five miles to the rear in just twenty five minutes, and he helped
save the lives of the one hundred and ninety four survivors he'd been shot through
the breast, blinded in one eye and had a leg hanging on by Attendant
Seremy became the hero of the seventy seventh Infantry Division, Army medics work to
save his life. When he recovered enough to travel, the now one legged
bird was put on a boat the United States with General John Jay Persian sending
him off. He put the bird on a boat. Huh yeah, well
fly, Yeah, the General Blackjack Pershing was a badass. By the way,
did we talk about him yet? What Blackjack? No? No,
I think someone's actually asked us to do him. To do black Jack Personisod's
dope? Dude? Yeah we should. I think I'm gonna look him up
real quick. Uh, there's something some detail on maybe mentioned, but go
on. But Pershing's a fucking badass. So he died. Is in the
comfort of whatever home he's in in New Jersey. Play the Bird the Bird?
Ye? Yeah, because uh he died in a nest did June thirteenth,
nineteen nineteen. Uh, he dies from the wounds he received in battles.
Later inducted into the Racing Pigeon Hall of Fame in nineteen thirty one from
Missouri. That's why I knew that's why he's badest. Yeah, of course,
Yeah, Persians one of Missouri's finest. That means, uh, I
just want you to know that Missouri is responsible for winning both world wars.
Cool man, I'm sure we can do some type of six degrees of Kevin
Bacon on Missouri on everything. Yeah, yeah, it wasn't he from there
too? What isn't Kevin Bacon from there? No? No rad pit,
that's right, rad Pit much sex here, right, m h, No
big deal. That pigeon, that poor sweet pigeon. By the way,
have you ever heard about Why you ever see pigeons and missing toes and stuff
like that all the time, But grackles and stuff like that. I've never
paid attention, But is that pretty common? You don't look at feet a
lot. It's I know that's a youth. But yeah, bird feet,
even bird feet. Yeah, it's even better than what's the sexiest bird foot?
Uh? Well, grackle gets me going lately because they're kind of naughty.
Uh, it's gonna be flamingo, you know what I mean, got
sex Now, they're slots. They put it up for anybody, you know
what I mean, they show it for everybody. Yeah, gets durned that
foot. Um. But what is hilarious thing about birds that live amongst humans?
So there are so so so many birds now that miss are missing toes
and legs in the city, in any city, and the reason for that
is because they're around people. And the reason for why that's the thing,
why that's the thing, is because they're you know, parking lot or whatever,
and they get human hair wrapped around their toe or their leg and they
can't get it off, and it just gets tighter and like get you know,
and it becomes a tourniquet and it kills the appendage. That actually makes
sense because human hair tensil strength is actually incredibly strong. Yeah yeah, and
for that little bird toe, that makes sense. Yeah, And they don't
really know what's happening and they can't really pull it off. So like,
there are a lot a shit ton you like, you notice this if you
look at them missing toes and shit like that, missing legs, And it's
because probably they were in some parking lot and some more likely than not,
woman's hair just because it's longer, got stuck around their leg or toe and
kind of kept wrapping and eventually cut off circulation and killed the appendage and it
fell off. So dumb, yes, crazy, real quick, before we
get back into how fun it was to be in World War One, very
I assume, very yeah. I mean it just sounds like that from what
you've said so far. We do have some sponsors and that is Ghostbed ghostbet
dot com Forward slash Drinking Bros. As they've always said, World War One
would have been more fun had you been sleeping on a ghostbed in the trenches
instead of a dirt And what's incredible now, in honor of, you know,
one hundred and tenth anniversary of it almost being World War One, Ghostbet
has a new trench mattress that they're doing. It's uh like one foot wide
and nine feet long and you just kind of just figure out how to sleep
on that. Now. Ghostbet dot com Forward slash Drinking Bros. Is our
sponsor and they're they're awesome. They've the most comforta mattress you get anywhere.
Dan sleeps on one every night, every night. Your dog loves you only
for that. See, he never slept with me before until I got a
ghostbed, and now he every night every night. It's because doesn't even leave
the bed. He might be dead it's a dead dog. Actually, yeah,
it's it doesn't have eyes. I can see you into the very He's
got ghost dog on a ghost bed. Yeah, it's a good. Wow,
that's fine. Ghost bed is running two amazing deals right now. If
you want to get the best mattresses you'll get anywhere online or otherwise, don't
go to some strip mall or some dumb thing like that, some freaking mattress
factory or whatever you want to call it, whatever it's called. Go to
ghostbed dot com forward slash drinking brows to get massive discounts. Here are the
two deals they're running. The first is a bundle deal where if you buy
one of their four mattresses and the adjustable basse and then slap in anything else
you went from there, pillows, sheets, bait, more basses, more
mattresses, whatever, doesn't matter how big the cart is. You'll get forty
percent off your entire order. If you do the bundle deal with a mattress
and an adjustable base, anything else he's growing there all forty percent off.
If it's just those two things forty percent off. Now, maybe you need
to shop a little more. All a cart. You need mattresses, but
you get the bed frames so you know he does need mattresses and maybe pillows
and sheets or whatever else. Whether you want just one pillow or four mattresses,
it doesn't matter. If you go to ghostbed dot com for it slash
Drinking Bros. And use the promo code Drinking Bros. You'll get thirty percent
off your entire order. No matter how big or small, ghostbed is made
in America. They've got a very long warranty guarantee. I think it's like
twenty years. You can try it for one hundred knights. If you don't
like, you can send it back. You're not gonna do that because they
ain't super comfortable and be no psycho males and mattress back to their back to
where it came from, and you're just gonna keep it at that point.
Yeah. Look, they are the best that you will get anywhere. Everyone
loves it. Everyone has one. I've slept on one. I don't own
one I own. They're like pillows and sheets and stuff. I don't own
a ghostbed because I haven't had to buy any mattress yet, but I have
slept on one at the office. Super Comfy cannot recommend it enough all of
their stuff has cooling technology, pillows, sheets, whatever. So whether you
got the heat cranking in the winter it's a little too hot in your bedroom,
or it's the summer and you just can't get cool enough. So that
perfect balance, it is that perfect balance. Ghostbed dot Com forward slash drinking
bros Chacket out two day. Let's get back to this fun war sounds fun.
And finally, our last story revolves around an Australian private by the name
of Albert Hard Jocka. All right, now, was this at Glippoli or
Jacka? It is? Fuck? Yeah, yeah, Glippoli is a wild
story in its own right and its own right. Well he's got a few,
okay, because he's kind of like a berserker. By the was another
another example of an Anglo fighting the Turks on our podcast. So Jacka's heroic
moment and Gallipoli came in the wee hours of May nineteenth, nineteen fifteen,
okay, when the Turks launched a massive attack on the Anzac trench line at
roughly two am. The trench in front of Jocko was overrun by Turkish troops,
who either killed or drove all of the Australian troops stationed there. Jocka's
lieutenant was killed in an attempt to retake the line, shot in the head
the second he stepped out of his own trench. Of course that's how it
goes. Yeah. Yeah. The one thing that's wild World World War One
to me is it's like, oh, you put your head up. Don't
put your head up. I'll get shot immediately. It's like, who are
these shots? Where the shots come from? They have to get out there
too? Are cracks snipers? Yeah, it at every inch of the trench.
Crack snipers. Man, that was almost crack. But like literally,
dude, like any any point in the trench, any line in the trench,
anywhere in the world. You're just like we just pick peeking up and
some dude has used zero. It's like you John, Now, to be
fair, this is not from across no man's land. The enemy was so
close they could lamp a bunch of hand grenades right at Joca's dugout. Uh.
The Australian private knew that he needed to act fast or there would be
nothing left of his own troops but dead Australian bodies. First, he attempted
a direct assault, but it didn't work out. Well, Jacko never does
popped up. But when the two men by the way, let me just
say this's real quick. You should never be saying the words first, I
attempted to direct assault. That's like your last chap, that's your last I
started with a band at charge. Yeah, didn't go great. So he
popped up with two men who followed suit. They were both hit by bullets.
Jacka grabbed both of them, dragged them back to safety, and quickly
realized that he needed to devise another plan. Yep, we're gonna have to
get clever here. Charging them isn't working. It's huh, that trench is
overrun by many men, Like when the when the twentieth Maine charged down a
little roun top. They did that at the end. Right, they were
out of AMMO. They didn't have other options, right, the charge of
the light Brigade. On the other hand, for in the Crimean War,
they maybe had other options. They just kind of wanted to have flex.
Yeah, don't don't do a flex charge. So Jacka had his team go
to one side of the trench and instructed them to start hurling grenades and covering
fire while the Turks got busy with this sudden onslaught of explosive fires. Jacka
himself sprinted across to open space of no man's land and then made a flying
leap into the enemy's trench. So his great tax sole was another one fucking
discovery was go solo. Well that kind of that, but more so,
oh, if we charge, maybe what I should do is have other soldiers
lay some sort of suppressive fire to make it so the enemy can't shoot at
me. The lieutenant was dead, so and he's a private, so yeah,
right, and look this is why and I hate to um, you
know, disparage um any of our great NCOs or or or enlisted men,
but um, this is why the rich governed you even in the military.
We'll hear it out. With only a bolt action rifle and bayonets rifle,
guy Albert hard Jacka cleared out the entire trench of defenders. He shot five
guys, bandetted two more, and chased the rest off with the insanity of
his attack. So he just was like, you got like basically the star
and Mario, Yeah, he's like baby ba ba ba ba ba, because
I do think that's essentially what berserking is. Going berserk is like you essentially
just get such momentum, yeah, and nothing can stop you. Nothing.
It's like even if you see like in football, for example, in college
football, like if you like you have like a receiver or probably more so
a running back and he just breaks one off and he's just rolling. Even
if like some safety or linebacker who you know is a good tackler on the
other team, it's just like you're not tackling him right now. He's not
happening. Like this guy's fucking rolling. Yeah, he's gonna murder you.
Yeah, and that's just what it is. But it's real murder. Yeah.
They say war is a momentum. Game is. For the next fifteen
minutes, the Turks returned with a massive counter attack to retake the trench,
but Jaka fought like crazy and held the trench by himself with what not just
the rifle? Would he turned a machine gun around? No, his rifle,
you're not. It's a bolt action, Like maybe he found some stuff
in the trench that he had. You have turned a machine gun around.
You're not going bo boot and fucking killing or what even scaring off whole schof
I was with a hundred people and they're like, hey, this guy with
a bolt action rifle is gonna shoot at us. He's got eight shots,
and we can all get back, get to where he is in twenty seconds,
maybe like forty seconds. I'll take I'll take those hots. Yeah,
Like I wouldn't do it for free, but it would be like I'm already
in the army. It's like this is like this is gonna be good for
us more than anything. Reinforcements for Jacket didn't arrive until dawn. When his
commanding officer reached the trench. He found Jacka sitting amid a pile of enemy
corpses with a cigarette in his mouth. All he said was, well,
I got the beggars, sir, got the what the beggars? That was
just what they called the Turks, I guess I mean Turkey. The Ottomans
correctly, more correctly, more aptly, we're called the sick man of Europe.
At the time, it was really funny, like because the Ottoman Empire
was like this esteemed empire for a long time, but once Europe started to
hold it started to like really get into its groove. They're like, oh,
these guys are bitches now. Yeah, the sick Man of Europe they're
fucking shit, they're on their way out. Yeah, they're on They're clearly
on their way out. Yeah. Great. Those things though great and World
War One ended them, they're create. This is why I think the only
way China would ever fight a war with America is if they started directly,
Like if if Russia attacked America tomorrow, China wouldn't enter. Why that China
is a sick man. But like there was no reason for the Turks to
enter that war. They got essentially like coaxed into that war, and it
ended what was left to their empire. Yeah, why would why would China
ever do that? It's like, oh, to the other big superpowers are
gonna whittle themselves down right, we're gonna chill. Yeah, you guys have
falling if we get time, I mean, it wouldn't be much of a
war were assuming Russia didn't launch nukes, it would be I mean, they
can't even beat Ukraine. They're not gonna be right. Yeah, those nukes
are a problem though they're the most nukes. I wonder if they are.
And here's why I wonder that. Here's the thing, Rob One new there's
too many, too many minutes. It's too much of a problem. All
right, they're they're a problem. They're just a big I don't like you
read about Eric. That's just kind of preparing us for nuclear war. I
don't want that. You read about the US nuclear arsenal is like wildly outdated,
you know what I mean. We still use floppy disks from the eighties
it is, which is in some ways fine because it's very unhackable. Sure,
and then you can't hack. So the one you can't hack, an
appicus the Russian lands in the US is a dud. It just stays there.
We still go into a post apocalyptic thing after we break in the World
War three, and uh then they build an entire city around that nuke and
they have a cult. Like in fall Out three, you want that?
I don't want that. Apparently you were talking to her in the Patrin episode,
like you want that ship. I never wanted you. Remember when Haircut
says you want that shit? Remember when COVID happened, you had an entire
plan of how you were going to make lifetime fitness your castle. Yeah,
yeah, because I wanted to continue to work out. But let me tell
you something, if the apocalypse happens every day, is a workout. You
don't need to have a gym. Get that. I wanted to be kind
of like boarded up in the second floor, that you could be murdered within
days. No, well you would too, you were part of the plan.
I wouldn't go with you. Why why would I to what you were
looking for? Shelter? Go to the biggest building. First off, I
have it with my home get torn down all of a sudden. Are you
just gonna not post up with your friends? You could post up with me.
He wanted an actual home. Yeah, isn't like Lifetime, Like it's
like all glass. I was about to say, it's all glass, isn't
it? So it rains down on the enemy you know? Oh yes,
yes, yes, suppressive glass. I will say. The one advantage to
Lifetime is that they have to cross a no man's land of parking lot.
That's true. That's a whole point a lot of parking on the one end.
They can sneak up on the back end, very from the woods because
it's all kind of gated off. Oh a gate. Oh wow, that's
that will stop him on the fence. That always stops, it always does.
Why didn't they just build a fence in between the trenches. Oh dude,
weird. They definitely build one hundreds of those. Yeah. Now,
Private Albert Jaka became the first Australian to ever receive the Victoria Cross, personally
pinned on him by the King at Windsor Castle. Whoa, but this is
not the end of his story. In nineteen sixteen he was sent to some
the s the s to participate and yet another this is maybe one of the
worst battles to be in human history. World War one, bloodiest campaign.
It's been fucking nightmare. The Australian force would lose twenty three thousand men in
a span of forty five days. Holy shit. Causally rates and the crazy
at World one is like, obviously it's still nineteen whatever, medicine sixteen seventy
fifteen, but they have gotten to a point where it's modern enough, you
know what I mean, Like it's not the Civil War whatever, but like,
and that's why the casual like the casual rates for World War One are
so fucking bananas, because you can't even like their disease is to blame for
someone, for sure, because he's always blamed for something. But like it
is a lot of it it's just on the battlefield. Yeah, World War
Woman's just the fucking meat. Yeah, like, yeah, it's meat render.
Yeah. Now, a morning in mid July nineteen sixteen, Jacko woke
just in time to see another German stormtrooper rolling a live grenade down these steps
of his dugout. Jack quickly dropped to the dirt covered his head, and
after his ringing ears recovered from the blast, he pulled his revolver and went
out to see what was going on. What could it be? Saul didn't
thrill him, Oh, it's war again. Well, actually, if if
you read the Patreon blogs, and you'll know that during that time period,
they'd like to use words like excitement and thrilling more. Um, I don't
negatively objectively, Oh really you know what I mean? Like, it wasn't
like, oh it's thrilling, it's good, Like it doesn't have a positive
content, but it was. It was just like it gets your blood up,
yeah, good or bad. So they would use things like check it
out he was siting morning. Yeah, and it's not a surprise party for
his birthday. It's a grenade got dropped on his face. Yes, it's
not a good thrill. Yeah. The Germans had overrun the Australian positions during
the night, and they were now a good two hundred and fifty yards behind
enemy lines. He saw a company of sixty plus German soldiers leading forty two
unarmed Australian infantrymen off as prisoners of war. So all of his homies getting
kind of rounded up, rounded up, and not good chained up. He
went down into his dugout, saw his six battle weary comrades sitting there.
A rational man would have realized that the only way out was to surrender.
Did jig is up? He did? He did not. Uh. Jacka,
two hundred fifty yards behind enemy lines, outnumbered and exhausted, led a
seven man troop, screaming out of his dugout, charged straight on the classic
what's everywhere? Yeah, the three hundred and sixty degrees surrounded into the sixty
one armed German soldiers. And actually that makes sense at least because get those
forty one US, you know what I mean, It's like you had again.
The numbers can get up there, right, It's a play for numbers.
Yeah, yeah, Because the Prisoner Awards witnessed the craziness of Jacka and
his men, and we're kind of inspired and started fighting back. Okay,
I started jumping there the people that took that. But Jock himself was shot
seven times, including twice in the head. Did he not die in the
head or around the head? He did not die. He didn't die in
the head or around the head in the head? Are talking about twice?
He's out of the cheek, because in the head makes me think, yeah,
you die from you get like this, No, like between nose to
right. I'm sure you got hit in like the cheek or something, right
right right, that's if you get shot through the jaw. Okay, you
got shot in the head. Fine, sure, but like there's a difference.
I can't imagine like getting shot twice in the head and continuing anything.
And he got shot five of their times. Yeah, So he burned through
his revolve arounds, took up his rifle and bayonetted and kept fighting. When
the smoke finally cleared, the table was turned. Twelve German soldiers were dead
and the rest had been taken prisoner. So he a little old switcherou hit
him with the reverse car, but didn't he say the lines had been overrun?
How many more Germans were there? Still? Around there were sixty,
but then they killed twelve and then the rest got overpassed. The lines overrun.
It wasn't done by sixty men. It was done by thousands of men,
sixty for their particular trench. Okay, all right. Rather than head
back to safety, the Aussies kept fighting and retook the line. Nice,
real triumph. Jack have received the Military Cross for his actions. He later
received a second Military Cross for his solo recommistion. Deep behind the enemy lines,
he captured two German officers who had spotted him laying tape to guide the
Australian infantry for an attack across no man's land. Yeah, he tried to
shoot them with his revolver, but the pistol misfired, so he just charged
and took them down with his bare hands. Good lord, this guy's you
know what, last chance or last the shepherd is his first effort every time.
Yeah, it's worked out for himself. This is a deeply Australian story.
Yeah, you know what I mean. I mean, it's just to
live on that continent alone, you have to be a fucking psychopath. I
mean, he's descended from prisoners. And by the way, it's only World
War one, so not that long ago, descended by a prisoner like he's
like he probably so this is a weird history fact about me. I am
one degree remove someone from someone who fought in the Civil War. Sure,
right, Like my grandfather's grandfather served in the Civil War. Right, I'm
sure most people did. London't did yours? I'm sure I have a family
that was in the Civil War. But I'm What I'm saying is, do
you know someone who knew someone who fought in the Civil War? Sure you
don't. You don't. You never know that. You don't know that.
I never asked my grandparents this hit. Certainly no one in your family.
No, they did. Did your grandfather serve in World War two? Uh?
Korea? Yeah, then he didn't. That's too that's too late,
you're too young. I think my one grandfather did. He was a deep
sea diver. Okay, then maybe he did. Yeah. But whatever.
What I'm saying is is that this Australian person, probably his grandfather's grandfather was
some weird a penal colonists. Penal colonists, like fucking like horsefucker psychopath.
So he was not very far removed. It's crazy to think that like they
sent so many people there. They're like, well, I guess here now
we live here thing now? Yeah, no, it's sound things John spots
and and then we eas dode if we want Annie. Yeah, Jack,
I was honestly probably paradise for him compared to where he was from. Yeah.
He was promoted from private to captain in his eighteen months of constant combat.
That is quite the promotion streak. He was always insubordinate to his officers,
sure, yeah, and when his own subordinates were disrespectful to him,
he got them in line by cracking them on the jaw with a right hook.
Okay, so he was an asshole. Yeah, he's just a dick.
And he didn't listen because no one was punching him in the face,
right, he thought that's what he meant business. You know, like if
he really wanted me to do that, he'd punch me. Well, his
men being insanely Australian, of course, I loved the shit out of him.
Sure, why so it's not an asshole, he's just Australian. He's
just Australian. And you know what, I'm not going to judge their culture.
They're all prisoners. It's fine. The men of the fourteenth Battalion even
referred to themselves as Jacka's mob. Okay, Yeah. Jacka would later receive
glory again, this time for taking half a mile of land and capture a
German field gun in the process. Four context, gaining half a mile of
land in World War One is the equivalent to a running back gaining seven hundred
yards in a game. I was gonna stay breaking like two thousand yards in
a season, but I think you're more You're kind of it's video game stats.
Yeah, your number is more apt. This guy just ran seven hundred
yards. It won game. Yeah. In nineteen eighteen, he was finally
knocked out of action for good when a sniper shot him through the throat.
Didn't kill him though, Oh of course it did not. Oh need a
throat, I's if a breath is. But by the time he got out
of the hospital in nineteen nineteen, the war was over. Yeah. Jacka
got married, became the mayor of his town, Saint Kilda, and died
in nineteen thirty two. He was buried with ole military honors, and all
eight of his pall bears were Victoria Cross recipients. Wow, but Homie had
four giant moments of glory, got shot a lot, a lot. It
comes with the glory and uh, by far my favorite story that I read
about World War One so far, do you think? And there's plenty out
there. He also served in two different theaters, and the Battle of the
Sum alone, like that that was I want to I want to say,
that's the one where they're like, that was the Stalin Grad of World War
One. What is it? Like, what's the context of that battle?
Like where is it? What's going Is it in Turkey or like, no,
it's in France. So he was in Um. He was fighting the
Turk's first Glippoli was Glippoli was a fucking disaster, So he was in both.
Yeah, the sum was less of a disaster more than it was a
clusterfuck, but Gillipoli was like, by the way planned I think by Winton
Winston Churchill, Glippoli was a fucking total disaster, complete failure by the Allied
forces. And then I mean like needless slaughter, blah blah blah. And
then I think the sum was more of like a stalemate nightmare. Everyone everyone
dies, prototypical trench warfare. Yeah, situation al Who was your favorite story
of the four pigeon. Yeah, I don't know how I'm going to top
the pigeon here. Pigeon, got it? You don't like berserkermub boy?
All right? One bullet for the pigeon is like he got shot seven times,
eight times, but no at once, at once? How many times
he gets seven? Yeah? That one bullet for the pigeon is like fucking
twenty bullets and then it flew twenty five. Yeah, it's a pigeon.
I'm not saying the pigeon. I'm not saying I value a pigeon life over
a human life, over an Australian life. Well, that's a different story,
I suppose, if you want to get into the semantics of everything.
But uh, what I'm saying is is that that pigeon did something more physically
impressive than I think anyone else did. What about homeboy who guided his plane
as he was on the wing and shot that's actually a pretty good crashing in
no man's land? Check it out. What if you're the thing? What
if you are the plane? You are? The plane is sentient? No?
No, yeah, because you're the pit. Yeah, the pigeon is
the plane, right, he's the plane in the pilot and he's ripped,
ripped to pieces. Oh yeah, the leg's falling off. Yeah, I
think it's a pigeon. Yeah, it's so good. I think I think
the pigeon wins this one. No love for our fellow American. I'll tell
you what, America, we're the greatest cut here on earth. But we
steal a lot of valor off a World War Well he was going in early
trying and then but French, it's it. We were more like we're back
to back World War champs in a way that like a dude, we're closer.
Yeah, but like we so like we won World War two full season,
no question, more or less. But World War One it's like we
were on that team that won the full season. We're back like we won
it back to back, but on the first of the two back to back,
we got traded at the trade deadline to that team or you were that
piece that got it over. Yeah, you know what I mean, Like
we didn't do a lot of the work for that. Did you guys learn
anything today? Learned a lot about it. I mean one, I guess
the thing I didn't know was fuck, I actually lost my point. Well,
I'll tell you first, I think, I guess I learned pigeons and
a lot of redundant parts. Yeah, I only need one leg, Yeah,
you know, not an efficient bird. Third pigeons, the charm,
third birds, yeah, third bird. I also learned that German soldiers are
in animal shots. Lord, getting pigeons out of this guy. Like I
was just us, just an Australian man running directly at you. Right,
Yeah, well those are turks, but also Germans. Germans yet. Yeah,
that's actually even more that's actually way more impressive than me. I was
thinking about that when you were talking about it. It's not like they had
like bird shot and they were just like you know, spraying the area and
leading the bird. They had to hit the bird directly with rifles. Yeah,
that's that's not really fucking hard. That's a moving tart. That's a
bird. Like it's a guy with artillery that that bird doesn't exist, It
doesn't. Randy Johnson makes it look humane compared to whatever artilla would do.
You know. Randy Johnson has a clothing line where he's a photographer. Now
he does like sporting events the NFL. Yeah. Uh. The logo for
the clothing line is a bird exploding. No, that's perfect. Yeah,
yeah, I guess that's the thing I learned. Really, I mean I
already knew this, but it's always fun to read. You haven't be re
established or relearned or whatever. It's just that such a useless war it was,
and it's like the epitome of everything. It all could have been prevented
with a better sandwich. You learned that actually a couple of better driver.
Ye, a better driver too. How do you get lost on the one
road drive back? Yeah, it's like you've already done this drive man,
it's the same thing the other way. Man. Any relevant security whatsoever?
Yeah, just like, hey, we're not going out anymore. Yeah.
If someone tried to murder Joe Biden tomorrow and then he was like, okay,
well that that ended, right. We didn't catch him, but that
ended all right, I'm gonna keep walking around. Yeah. He gave a
speech and I was like, all right, let's go back. Yeah.
But to be fair, I mean, if I'm Prince Ship, I would
probably give up too and get a sandwich. But it was dropped in his
lap. Yeah, I guess he died two years later, by the way,
Like it didn't work out. Well for him, he died before the
end of World War One. He gets caught immediately and he's died in prison
like a dick for what For Serbia? Yeahs have always been a problem.
I mean, if you're gonna die for a country, at least let it
be like America or Rome or something good lords like it. It calls a
lot of issues. Yeah, man, you're like for Serbia, like ruined
the world for a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't
understand if you're gonna die for a country you're defending. That's one thing I
don't necessarily think he was defending it like we're better, right, because obviously
Ukraines know, like amazing country, but they deserve to defend every ounce of
their fucking land. But that's different. They were there in that company,
went on the road. Yeah, it's not act like your crate. It's
all happy Bill. It's nuts over there too. Yeah yeah, yeah,
a lot of problems, yeah, oh yeah. That wasn't some perfect country
that Yeah, but the Ukrainians weren't going into Russia and an assassination and putin
Yeah, right exactly, or I guess not putin, but like a lower
level general. Medvedev yeah, yeah, uh, who's Hitler or today he's
probably something at art school or you know Hitler is at art school. No,
he's in the war. I mean he fought in warld some bullshit.
Yeah, but he was a runner, which means he was useless. Yeah,
so he didn't really do much. M So Hitler's Hitler in a way.
Um, I would say the Hitler of this episode is well, a
the people that were so good at shooting a bird? What were you doing
so mean? Um crack snipers though yeah yeah, Also, gosh, I
mean it was really only a good guys story. Yeah, like story story
is just a good guy I'll say. Whoever, here's my Hitler. Remember,
idiot decided they didn't need an extra body for what's his name? The
pilot, which pilot, the fifteen year o k guy, the Canadian,
the fifteen year old kid, the one that got kicked out. It was
an American and got kicked out. Yeah yeah, what you can't you don't
need somebody that's Hitler, Like no, no, we'll have one of our
own die in your place, thank you. But the Canadian the Canadian did
Canadian went into service when he was like fourteen. They're like you're too young.
But then Hall also went and tried to pose as like a Frenchman and
a brit and they wouldn't let him in. Yeah. So yeah, so
the recruiter or the guy who was in charge of his like squadron, it's
like no to American Yeah yeah, I'm gonna go with anyone who didn't I
as someone who wants to fight for their side. Yeah, I mean there's
certain examples like, oh, you're a convicted murderer and you escape from jail
and you want to be in my army. No, we're gonna pass us,
just like someone who's like, I'm here to fight for you, train
me or whatever, and I'm gonna fight on your side and you're like you're
not from the right country. No, No, I'm fine with the murders
being over at war. Well that's what the Russians do now right. Yeah?
What always some kind of sus squad I've never seen that. Maybe you
shouldn't. I ne's not good. That's the first one too. That's not
even the one. The James gunn one m pass uh. But that is
it for today's episode. Thank you for tuning in. Make sure to leave
a review on Apple uh in Spotify five stars, please and thank you.
Check us out at softcore history dot com for some merch and of course,
patreon dot com slash softcore History extra episode every week. This week, Rob,
what did we cover again? The pitch of limbs, Pits of limbs.
So actually what we're really covered was warfare in the Neolithic era, so
warfare prior to writing, but post you can't call it caveman warfare because this
is kind of post caveman. But it's essentially like you know, we talked
about if you know the show at all, Carrahn tape, Citia Dicks,
whatever, it's those people's type of warfare and all the fucked up shit they
did to each other. So kind of like prehistory warfare, but not like
total cave man warfare. It's more like warfare of early societies who hadn't invented
writing, and boy did they do fucked up ship to each other. And
it's like why they did it too, and why and we and we and
I know why. We explain why they did it as well, which historians
and archaeologists have a pretty good idea of. If you're in the mainstream archaeology,
if you which you will understand that reference if you listen to patient on
fucking mainstream Big Archaeology doesn't want you to know. Yeah, so thanks for
tuning in. We love you guys. For Jay Goldman, Rob Fox,
I'm Dan Rochester and he just got self served