In our thoroughly saturated, hyperconnected digital age of emails, texts, ims,
and dms, the act of writing a personal letter with actual pen and paper
has come to symbolize slower communication in slower times. Is it a lost art?
Well? The act and intention of letter writing is an ancient and deeply
personal and meaningful practice. Saint Paul wrote to the Greeks and Romans to tell
them how to live their lives. Romeo didn't get that letter about Juliette faking
her death, and you know them as that happened because of it. A
lover breaking up with their partner has been known to send a Dear John letter,
a term popularized during World War Two. Elvis Presley kept getting returned to
sender replies to his please. Pat Boone wrote love letters in the sand.
Lonely men have been known to sit, write down and write themselves a letter.
Whether you're the writer or the reader, a handwritten note sent in the
mail can help articulate feelings you never knew you had, and it's certainly the
love letter that is a perfect example of the power and personal nature of the
written missive. Of all the letters we've ever had the pleasure to receive and
tuck safely away. None are more cherished than love letters. There are paintings
depicting the writing and reading of love letters that go back centuries. In another
Elvis Presley tune, he croons up rather than originating from the tip of a
pen, making contact with a piece of paper. Somehow, the sentiments keeping
him from feeling lonely at night came straight from the heart. In fact,
he repeatedly some sort of thrill from actually kissing his lover's signature at the end
of the letter. Try doing that with an email. And it's not just
what people say in their letters that makes us cherish them. It's that tangible,
physical nature of it. It's also the choice of ink and stationary,
the personal handwriting style, the loops of a flowey script or scrawl of a
shaky hand, the flourish of a signature, the stamp chosen for postage.
Their DNA is embedded in the paper. A handwritten letter is tactile and deeply
personal. That's why we hold onto them, store them in boxes to reread
as we sigh or smile, laugh or cry, hold them close, even
sniff the page, or like Elvis, kiss them to draw their author back
to us. There is no delete file instruction on the envelope or on the
mist of itself, just a bunch of words and a scrawled name, and
we love having them. Some of the most cherished artifacts of famous people in
history are their letters. We travel to presidential libraries and history museums to study
not only what they had to say, but the style of their script.
It raises a question, will there arise a similar fascination and a collector's market
in the DMS, i MS, texts, emails, and other similar epistles
of today's leaders, celebrities, and famous persons. Will they be collected in
sanctified halls of granite and marble that people will travel to visit and examine while
wearing white gloves so as not to contaminate their protect and cherished status. We'll
see somehow a non fungible token doesn't evoke quite the same fascination for me.
In this new series, we call yours truly Epistolary Communication via various media is
our framing device as we weave stories delightfully dark and deviant as you know,
is our wont dear listener. We begin our series with two letters intended for
two familiar players in history, both penned and performed by our own David Linton.
Dear Homer, Oh, please excuse me for being so informal. You
know you didn't mention your last name? Or is Homer actually your last name
and I missed your first one? Or are you one of those celebrity types
who goes by just one name, like Cher, Madonna and Prince. Anyway,
thanks for giving Mel a chance to read your book and consider adapting it
for the next Mel Gibson production. I'm Mel's agent, and he directed me
to respond to you to get to the point, Mel really enjoyed your war
story. Whoa, you're really epic man. You got so many troops spread
out over the field and trenches that we can barely keep track of them.
All. Oh, this is gonna be bigger than anything that Coppola or Spielberg
or Kubrick or even Ollie's Stone ever put on the screen. One of the
best ways you've crafted the tale is how you worked in some totally up to
date and totally woke themes even though it's framed as a period piece. Yeah,
like that bit of bromance between Petrocolus and Achilles who mel can't wait to
cast those parts with a couple of Hollywood hunks and get them to strip down
for action in the tent. And when Petrocolus gets oft on the battlefield and
Achilles goes per Sert to avenge him, we'll really see the blood flow and
the body parts fly. Now, Melie is not sure yet which character he
wants to play. He's thinking of doing Hector so he can lead the Trojans
in the battle scenes, but he also thought of doing Paris, depending on
who plays Helen so he can get it on with her on camera, or
maybe Odysseus since he's the clever one who comes up with the wooden horse scheme.
Oh hey, that horse is going to be quite a set piece,
better than anything they did with those dragons in a Game of Thrones. It'll
be fun seeing how many actors we can squeeze in there. I hope you
don't run into any sag after problems with that. There is one part of
the plot that mel was a bit concerned about, the idea that King Agamemnon
would freak out so completely just because Menelaus's wife ran off with some visiting trojan
that would make him drag all his partners off the ward just to get her
back. Well, that girl would have to have some pretty special stuff going
on to trigger that kind of reaction. Maybe you could work in some sort
of financial fact to her as well. Hey, how about if she managed
to get him to sign over management of all his business interests, his gold
reserves, and his offshore accounts, that kind of stuff without a pre nup.
And even have the other generals you know, Ajax, Nestor and that
gang also have stock in his companies, so that now Hector can get into
all their trade secrets and access codes. Well, a lot of today's audience,
at least the men who show up at the box office for flicks like
this, can relate to that sort of motivation more easily than the idea that
hit their chick is getting all with another dude. Anyway, give it some
thought. Ah, And we need to discuss use of the name Trojans.
We're worried about running into a copyright problem with the Trojan condom company. They
might own some restrictions on their brand, but maybe we could get them to
tie into financing part of the film if we do some clever product placement,
like maybe we have Odysseus using the product with one of the Greek chicks,
which gives him the idea of building the big Trojan horse. Finally, we
hear you have another hot property waiting to get the special mel Gibson touch.
Some kind of road movie, but instead of taking place on the highway,
it's on a yacht out in the Mediterranean, with plenty of side stories of
encounters with hot sea nymphs and monsters as the main guy strives to get back
home to his wife. I think that's Ulysses right. Sounds like there's a
lot more possibilities for some naked action in this one, especially with that part
about the wife back home having to hold off a slew of horny Greeks trying
to get her to bed. Maybe you could include some sort of tests or
show of strength all the dudes have to perform, like lifting weights or a
hundred push ups, or pulling on an old bow and shooting an arrow.
Lots of possibilities here for some close ups of pecks and tight abs. Maybe
we can get Ryan Gosling to do a cameo. But let's put the war
story to bed first, so let's talk. Have your people contact our people
and we'll set up some jaw time for you and mel. We could connect
at Sardi's we're out here in Malibu, or if you want to stay put,
we could settle in at the Acropolis Cafe in your neighborhood. I understand
they have a great salad with feta and olives. Noll does have to slim
down for the next mad Max Equel. Yeah, I know, I know,
been there, done that, but hey, you gotta pay the bills
and he's got those harassment suits coming up. So bro, let's make a
movie. See you in Hollywood. Before a time when fame and success were
measured by how many hits one achieved on a social media platform, how often
a post was shared, or how often a video was viewed, before counting
impressions and SEO analytics. Before Stanning was added to the dictionary, a celebrity
or performer, or even a politician could measure their impact by how much mail
they received fan mail. But fan mail wasn't simply sent into the void of
a po box. The act didn't end at the curb, signing the note,
licking the envelope, of fixing a stamp. All these acts were accompanied
by a fantasy that the envelope would be handled by the celebrity, it would
be opened, the note would be read, a personal connection would be achieved,
and the biggest fantasy of all, the star would be touched so profoundly
by the writer's dedication it would elicit a reply, A bridge would be built.
Perhaps the next time the star appeared near the writer's hometown, there would
be an invitation to meet, to come backstage, perhaps to talk, or
something more. It is said that hope springs eternal fan letters or embody the
truth of that cliche. Dear mister Poe, or may I call you Edgar?
I feel I know you so well already. The Usher family told me
about your visit before their house collapsed, how concerned you were about their well
being and their safety as things crumbled. And I was so sorry to hear
about the death of your beloved Annabel Lee. That was a really dirty deed
her high born kinsman did, making her come back to their kingdom by the
sea. I hope that your visits to her sepulcher down there in the Jersey
Shore bring you, sir, cease of sorrow. Perhaps while you're there,
you could stop at Atlantic City for some casino distraction, or even get down
to Wildwood for some time on the beach. I know it's probably not too
bad sneaking into the tomb to lie by her side when the weather's nice,
but it's going to get pretty nasty down there once the season's over and all
the shops on the boardwalk close up. Maybe a change of scenery would be
good for you. Perhaps a return to Italy to see if you could locate
that guy who was telling you about all the good wines he had. Didn't
he mention that he had a cask of a Montiado right here. That's a
very rare label with hints of ash and oak, especially if he has it
from a good year. If you're lucky, he'll invite you down to his
wine cellar, or be careful if it's stamped on there, and while you're
at it, be careful about saying much about what you've been going through.
You know quite well that a tell tale heart can get you in trouble.
Just because you are dreadfully nervous doesn't mean that people should say that you are
mad. Maybe it would be a good idea to bring along a lot of
bells, more and more bells, bells, bells, just in case you
have to ring for attention. But eventually you're going to have to get back
home and clean up after all the damage that bird has done in your study.
Sure it's going to be hard being there with all those reminders of Leonora,
a rare and radiant maiden, but she wouldn't want you moping around using
her as an excuse for writer's block. If you just got rid of that
bust of palace that you stuck on a shelf above your chamber door, you'd
be able to move on and that stupid raven and have anything to perch on
and have to flap off as well. Where did you get that bust?
And who the hell was palace? Anyway? But was he some old friend
or professor? And whoever taught that bird to talk like that? Oh?
Tedious? A one word vocabulary that he seemed to think fits every occasion.
He sounds like one of those magic eight ball games or a stuck record.
Maybe if you gave him a knock, you could shake a new word out
of him, something like lots more, or just tell them what a boarn.
Evermore, that bird is not just a prophet but a thing of evil,
if bird or devil, and don't forget, it's never very productive to
try to come up with new work when it's midnight, dreary and you're just
pondering, weak and weary. Take a break. Try a quaff of kind
nepenthe I hear that's a good potion for tough times. Anyway. I just
wanted to say hi, And if you run into Ululum in the next lonesome
October, please give her my regards, your friend, fellow poet and comrade
in verse David Linton, Dear Homer, and Dear mister Poe were penned and
performed by David Linton. Fireside Mystery Theater is produced by Gustavo Rodriguez and me
Ali Silva for Fireside Mystery Productions. The intro music for this episode was composed
by Nico Slater. Liz Lizer is our operations guru, Casey la Forest is
our social media Maven Johnson is our production coordinator, and Jason Graves composed our
FMT theme music. I manage our audio production, post production, and sound
design, with additional sound design by Ricardo Delgado. Hey, would you like
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Mystery Theater is more from our Yours Truly series. First up is a three
part mini series within the series known as the Archives of Hand. Dear listener,
be sure to mind the shadow Yours Truly Fireside Mystery Theater