You know, summers right around the corner. When summer's right around the corner,
people start kind of kicking into gear. Well by that, you mean
dal they start getting their physicality together. Yeah. And it's not just the
pecks. It's not just the abs, it's not just the butt, it's
not just the you know all that. You also, my toes are part
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I was also thinking, like, what's that dating profile look like? He
likes a long walks on the beach, he likes someone who likes wine.
He likes a girl with a great smile, and also a dad who died
driving a head on into a semi high on PCP right right, I bet
his his dating profile is like I'm into these things. And you know Mick
Reeva. You remember Mick Reeva, Mick Reva, you know Mick Reeva from
Malibu Rising bad Dad? All right? So oh, I want to tell
this young man if he's in mad, he better be able to make her
laugh, you know, or Breathe would he fail that both? Uh?
Later in the evening, Hi, Hello, and welcome to Welcome Aboard another
brand spanking new episode. I have another below deck podcast. My name is
Dylan. I'm setted up next to one Patrick Hickey. Permission to come aboard
granted? Um h jeez. It's a helicopter flying about. Yeah. Um.
Producer Kyleen is back from his uh leave of infirmary. Um. Yeah,
I'm glad you're here too. He's got me really hot tonight. He's
just fucking up left and right. I had to print out this tax forum
for him. You know, HP products are more convoluted than than most products.
Yeah, the the gauntlet that I had to go through to get this
tax form printed out for the sharing man because we're paying him now, you
know it's gonna be all by the books, you know, because the fat
cats can pay seven hundred and fifty dollars a year. Hey, Ric Scott,
Rex Scott, he can pay seven hundred and fifty dollars in taxes a
year. We have to cover our ass. So I bring this tax form
in. What does he do? Whiffs on the first entry, just fucks
it up, rights the wrong addressing. God, damn it. Kaylen,
I got some white out. I'll bring it out during our break. Okay,
all right, we'll fix that. You have white out? Yeah,
wow, old school. I haven't whited anything out in a while. What
do you have the brush or the like? Oh no, no, no,
I don't use the sponge stamp. No, no, no, no,
you gotta go old school with the brush man, the sponge stamp.
What are you talking about? I'm talking about the beak and you glide it
across. Oh I hate that technology. Really, it doesn't work. What
do you even call that, I don't know. Tape. Yeah, it's
like white tape. Yeah. Anyways, where we're here to talk about below
Deck? Do you have any public service announcements before? Yes, I have
a lot of housekeeping to do, Dylan glad you asked. When you're the
number one below Deck podcast recap in the world, you're gonna get some feedback,
you know. And it's a niche category, but we are the champions
of it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, And you know, I'm as
as kind of a journalist or a podcast wherever you call me, I like
to be accurate. You know, I will call you the latter. I
wouldn't call you a journalist. Oh all right, Well anyway, I have
integrated yea, and uh, this week, a sea rat reached out to
us, you know, to get clear some things up. Apparently the cast
member named Lucky who spells her name l u c y right, needed to
settle her hash with us. Unless that's a strongly worded voicemail, I would
play it for you, but Instagram deletes those messages, I guess. Yeah.
Anyway, she said her names Lucy like a thief in the night.
Yeah, those voice moments just disappear. Yeah, well, her name's Lucy,
and she says she doesn't know where the hell we got that whole lucky
business. Yeah, I do. You said it. You said I'm lucky
on the first episode, Lucy. Well, and also it's a thing that
and Lucy and Lucy. It's a thing we know very very well. Well,
you know your name is Lucy. It's just it's what we referred to
as a bit. So um, we're gonna keep going you lucky, and
just know that we know that's incorrect. Second piece of business, the primary
chart guest boy, we are very important people in the podcast world. Yeah,
niche category Kim Phillips, the nice primary. She reached out to see
correct. I think we're gonna go on her and Justin's podcast, so we'll
announce that when we do it. But anyway, go find their podcast.
That's a great podcast. But anyway, she wanted to correct us out.
We had said in our last podcast that Justin was an out of work loser.
Okay, okay, okay, okay. So we talked about a lot
of stuff last week. I oh, oh, I remember painting a beautiful
but sad portrait of me in the top bunk of my divorced father's apartment bedroom
for us waiting with bated breath watching American Idol. So me as a millennial,
I don't think that I would speak ill of Justin Guerini like that,
because what did you say? We said, I'm paraphrasing, but what was
the paraphrase? Paraphrase the paraphrase? He had said that he was out of
work and he'd got dropped from his record label and out of Horror Closer,
right, So that's what Katrick said. I do not feel that way.
I thought you said it anyway, Kim corrected us. You'd be happy to
know that Justin is very successful and he's actually performing on Broadway right now.
He's a Broadway performer. So congratulations. So go check out that podcast.
Go check out Justin Guerini on UM Broadway. Yeah, Broadway. Yeah,
you know I U I hear Hades Down is fantastic? Is that right?
Yeah? I'll have to check it out next time I'm there. You're gonna
go, You're gonna go soon. What's it about Haiti Stown? I don't
know. Is it about UM? I think it's like Dante trying to get
out of hell. Can't look back. It seems depressing. No, it's
like fun. I think I'd rather go see Mean Girls. Oh is it?
Are they adapting it for the stage? Oh? It has been adopted.
Okay, Um, do you want to get anything into anything that Pastor
Jonathan said over the weekend, Let's just get into let's get into our thoughts
and knots. Let's get into our thoughts and knots. I'll go first.
Um. I am, of course in love with this cast, but I
feel as though we're having a pretty tepid start to the season. Maybe we've
just been spoiled with this show because I don't know what it is, but
maybe it's a personal growth evolution. But the ball of snake stuff is really
not doing it for me anymore. I mean, I'm really it's it's uh,
I don't want to say it's vanilla. It's that it's not moving the
needle. I feel as though I've developed a tolerance for this hot shot,
you know what I mean. It's very sad. Well, Dylan, you
should be half twenty pots. Also, Gary is not doing himself any favorites.
I mean, he's just acting a fool. He's acting a fool.
Well, Dylan, I pointed out in the last episode, the Captain Glenn
has definitely doesn't have his eye on the ball anymore. He's more interested in
selling salami. Yeah, same kind of deal with Colin. The Old Sea
Dog and Gary. Television has gotten into their heads. I'll get into it
later on the episode. These two guys are fucking riding around the Sardinian Sea
like they're the goddamn silver Surfer, right, Like they don't have to work
anymore. That's my point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jesus fucking Christ's
ridiculous. Well, anyway, I'm enjoying the episode because I'm seeing Gary's downfall
and he's got some competition this season, and it's kind of fun to see
him. You know. Normally he's kind of cool, calm and collected.
Chase has got him a little off his game, and certainly Alex there despite
being a black out drunk, he's really got Gary, uh you know,
off balances. Yeah, you know, something that we kind of glossed over,
which I feel, I feel is important to bring up. Um.
I think that we came tonight. You know, we've had uh you know,
brushes with danger in the past, Ashton getting his leg ripped off and
other things. Lee falling in the shower. You know, people have been
in peril, sure, but tonight I feel is that we came closest to
a searette death as we've ever come. I mean, Alex almost drowned in
that jacuzi and if Mad's and Gary were off, I don't know, um
fucking exploring each other's orifices, and he was left there. I mean that
young man would have become a Korean water ghost in two seconds. Yeah,
some kind of fun like party one, you know, like he didn't die
in a well, he died in a jacuzi on a yacht. Still makes
that noise, but he's like, I don't know, he's yeah, He's
like, yeah, it's me, and then their face can towards him.
Yeah, and then somebody makes a VHS. So yeah, sorry I interrupted
you. I don't know where I am. So I think it's a fun
episode. I am really excited that everybody's single. I like the little drama
going on between Chase and Gary, and once again Gary seems like, hey,
he's not into the show or being a boson. So we'll see where
this season goes. Fifteen knots okay, do you want to kick things off?
Oh sure, sure, sure, Okay, So the show starts,
Gary and Sea Dog chat about Chase. Yeah, they both agree that he's
got a good worth ethic, but he's pretty fucking annoying. Well, Gary,
and I think the issue with this whole thing is that Chase has this
personality of like a Jetson's character, Like there's just too much bubbliness. Yeah,
and that's a kind of personality that grates on sane people. I guess
there are people out there who kind of appreciate that kind of overwhelming positivity.
I'm not one of them, so if I was around Chase, i'd be
rather too. But Gary is saying things, as I mentioned, he's losing
it. He's saying things like, there is no way that Chase knows more
than me about boats. It's like, Gary, you sound like a second
grader right now. You have to stop talking like that. It's so nuts.
There's no way he knows more about boats. Why are you even saying
that? Yeah, my god, Gary, get into his self esteem.
Man, You know, I have to say this about Chase, so typically
you go. You know, he's a nice guy, hard worker, he's
a bit of an overachiever, has an eagle tattooed on his chest. Oh
my god, tattoo. It's that he's the annoying perpetual overachiever. Everyone's had
one in the workplace. It's eight in the morning, you're walking in there,
you got your coffee, You're exhausted, you don't want to work with
that fucking insurance office. Then you get ready for Yeah, I'm ready to
make my way to the bathroom to fake like I'm taking a dump for two
hours. Next thing I go, I got to ten. Then I get
my ten minute break right right. By the time I get to new It,
I've only actually worked for an hour and five minutes, right right right.
And then you got Goody two shoes over there dancing through the tulips,
going like, you know, I have an idea, let's all work harder.
And it's like, do you want to fucking die? Bitch? All
right? You want to hear what happens next Glenn breaks the good news to
the charter. Guess, by the way, that hypothetical was not directed.
Oh no, that wasn't gendered. I was like, I shouldn't have used
the B word, but I meant it in like in this Lord of the
Flies kind of insurance salesman kind of hypothetical, like that person's like a gnat,
so like there's like a tough guy like you want to die, you
know, like that kind of thing. Sorry, sorry, people understood.
Well anyway, Glenn breaks the good news to the charter. Guess there's not
a lot of wind, so he won't be killing anyone today, and primary
Kim, she's just so damn nice knives will fly. I believe she said
that's okay, Glenn. I didn't need to have a meat tender rise or
hurled at my orbital socket today. We're on vacation, you know, so,
but you know you don't want it's a day wasted. If we've got
lemon blessed ball city Patrick, who could be disturbed by sailing when you've got
a day ahead of you and lemon bliss balls in front of you, I
mean, what a name. We've also got some smoked salmon eggs, Benny,
and you know, um, Alicia is really I would just say like
she's just popping off. She's popping off. I mean, she's really excelling
this season. I mean, the the bourbon tasting was was fantastic. I
thought that was going to be a huge mistake, you know, right,
worked out? Yeah, So Daisy is under fire a bit so when she
sees that whoa, whoa, whoa whoa. No, no, no,
I'm at the good part. I'm at the good place. Okay. So
Daisy Um is told that Lucky has been sent out to do some tender work
on their way to the beach. Correct, am, I'm moving like?
Yeah ahead, man, what is going on, Daisy? Let's start off,
Daisy's a little insecure right now because she's at behaving like a horrible stew
right. She needs again on top of these toilets and make sure there's lots
of toilet paper, okay. And then you got that goddamn galley with that
fucking eel that's still still around. And then we get this first part of
Iliana's childhood trauma, which evolved into her being a sea rat or not.
Apparently she lived in it. Well, there's some much more intense trauma that
we learned from later on from Iliana Um, but right now, I thought
this was the trauma she actually lived out a scene of the film Anaconda.
As a small child, a snake got snuck in her house and her fucking
father why am I swearing so much? Forgive me? Had to chop its
head off? I feel bad about the B word? But who am I?
Who am I? Could be dangerous? Could be dangerous? It's Jonathan
Void from ANAK right. He's trying to fuck Jennifer Lopez. She's like,
I've been with the woman in a long time. Could be dangerous. It's
such a fantastic movie. What a great death that goes down in top ten
best film deaths in history? And where in the top ten is it?
Ten? He gets small by a gigantic anaconda and then he gets regurgitated,
only to be eaten again. Yeah, before blinking to us some of his
fellow cast members, Hello, fellow cast members, Um, what's number one
on the list of top ten movie does? Oh? Let's see Scarface?
Maybe yet? Yeah, that's a great growing literally a bucket of coke up
his nose before I know. A fantastic one, and it would be pretty
close to the top three Sways and point break after this entire journey of him
trying to find the biggest wave is allotted that opportunity by Keanu Johnny Utah to
go and surf and that will ultimately kill him. In the end. I
mean, what a beautiful ending point break, what a film. All right,
let's get back to the show. Okay, yeah, yeah, all
right. So then this is when some of the guests decide they're gonna they
want to do some water toys. But then we got to pull an audible
here because someone forgot to charge the damn battery. The e foils are not
charged. So we're going to take the guests out by a tender. Now,
Lucky says that she can not go, and Gary is quite a bit
of a little shit fit here. I mean, the guy is he's got
something up his butthole and I think it's a stick. He goes, oh,
you know, oh this is great. Glenn's like, what are you
talking about? You know that kind of thing where you just you toss a
flyout so that somebody can bite really immature behavior. Well it is yourself,
or have a conversation with somebody about it. Here's the other thing. And
most of us that have a supervisor manager the worst thing you can do,
and you try and avoid all your all your skills. Yeah, never start
the manager making a list on you or a dossier, because it's all downhill
from there. That's where Chase is with Gary right now. He's already on
his s list. That means now every little thing he does or some things
that he doesn't do, but something gets messed up, it will be assumed
that is his fault. Yeah, you gotta kind of nip that in the
bud. You know, um exhibit a Idris Elba and Jim Halpert. You
know they just did not get along from day one. You know, Um
what film was that. It's one of the latter seasons of the Office.
Okay, yeah, wow, No Idrison or Idrison? And what's his name?
Who's that guy? John Krasinski who's a secret agent? Now? Yeah,
yeah, I was gonna say I was gonna say this. You know,
people do that thing where they try to magnate you to inquire about their
well being. I don't do it anymore. I call this person. I
talked to her frequently and answered the phone. She I go, how you
doing? She goes, I'm okay, I go all right, great,
and I just moved on. Just can't no, I can't do it right
now. I'm not going to inquire about your mental well being. Let's just
talk about business. Okay, Gary, you gotta take that stick out of
your butthole? Um, All right, are we too Krafts tonight? Okay,
are we too Krafs tonight? Okay, here you go. I trust
him, he's a producer at all. You trust him? Yeah, I
feel like he has a very low barometer for um, what's you know?
Offensive? Yeah. So Chase takes the guests out professional pride and whatnot.
He speaks a professional pride and whatnot, and Gary, um, I guess
I'm I'm gonna, you know, double back to this. But I understand
Gary's pipe because I feel as though Chase is kind of like the Eddie Haskell
of the boat a little bit, you know what I mean. It's like
a you can just fucking be a se rete. Okay, this is not
the military. You're all drunks. Just calm down. Uh. So Daisy
wakes up and is told that Lucky is on the tender. She's very upset.
M So she takes a little lukski off the bow and we go into
Michael Man mode. Right, Valve's going out one door, Denigro's going out
another. I mean, the anticipation, the suspense is really ratcheting up here
with this little triptych Uh, Daisy is seeing a betrayal on the horizon and
I don't know. The feud between interior and exterior begins here, and I
hope it continues because Daisy can really get on one. Yeah. I'm a
little concerned that they patch things up a little too quick for there was some
apologies made. I won't do it again. Yeah, and uh, and
I hope that's not the last of it. Well, you see, Gary's
an experienced bushido now in the ways of Daisy. Uh. He knows not
to fight, and I think that we want him a little a little more
naive because he says that it's easier to lick her ass than it is to
fight. And I was like, lick her ass Jesus damn, is there
a luell there? No? Is there a luell there? Yeah, there's
a bit of a lull there. Maybe she should move on there. But
you know what I mean. I mean, it's like when you call butts
assholes. It kissing ass is different than licking asks. I mean, it's
very that's a completely different thing. It's very intimate. It's very intimate.
It's kind of a Las Vegas thing, you know. Yeah, or birthdays,
birthdays, Christmas, you eat ass on Christmas. I don't want to
get into my personal bedroom matters, all right, So tell us what happens
next. Well, the Tender returns, and Chase admits to Uh Lucky that
he's got his eye on Mads. He's got his eye on Mads. And
men need to understand. Women are not the people to confide in about channel
your it's just and women vice versa. You know, you can't tell guys
anything about a guy they're interested. It'll fucking telephone right to him. You
saw that play out this episode. Yeah, we saw a play out in
this up. This happened to me before, it's happening to you before.
I'm sure, Oh sure sure. You tell a girl's friend not to tell
the girl, yeah, instantaneously. Oh yeah, it's like telling her to
her face. Why need the middleman? You don't need the middleman. Don't
need the middleman. Right ahead, I'm gonna do a Meanwhile, meanwhile,
Glenn speaks to the wind gods because he's really he'd really like to injure or
maim someone today, right, and but they've refuted him because of the amount
of blood he's spilled. They said, we cannot hate your calls anymore.
You're a tainted Pactum. I was gonna say, well, as you pointed
out, Lucky immediately relays this information in Mad's that Chase likes her more than
a friend, you know. Yeah, and apparently Chase lacks the only two
traits that she requires in order for you to have sex with her. Right,
you make her laugh and you breathe, and this sucker came up short.
Yeah, he doesn't have any RIZ. That's what the kids are mean.
Game. Yeah, he's he has a lack of RIZ, and that
really makes Mad's not attracted to him. But you did lay out the criteria
four entry. What was it breathing and being humorous? Yeah, laughing.
Yeah, I don't think any guy on this boat short of Sea Dog is
going to be able to accomplish this. No one's really funny. I mean,
Alex isn't funny. He's talking about doing his hair for forty five minutes
and then almost drowning because he's so drunk. Um, we'll get to his
self actualization right now. Um. We have quite a bit of a douchebag
moment here from Alex, whom really has a transparent moment with the Blowdeck audience,
he says that he is exclusively dated models with daddy issues. And when
he admits that in this kind of bashful rosy cheeks, Cadence says, well,
that was a self actualization moment. Self actualization is one of the peaks
of cognitive well being. I'll just pull a definition here. Self actualization can
be generally thought I was the full realization of one's creative, intellectual, and
social potential through internal drive. Realizing you're into chicks with commitment issues, not
self actualization. I mean, it's sacrilegious to speak of this kind of thing
like that. Well, I was also thinking, like, what's that dating
profile look like? He likes a long walks on the beach, he likes
someone who likes wine. He likes a girl with a great spile, and
also a dad who died driving a head on into a semi high on PCP,
right right, I bet his his dating profile is like I'm into these
things. And you know Nick Reefa. You remember Mick Reevava. You know
Mick Reeva from Malibu Rising Bad Dad? All right, So I want to
tell this young man if he's in Mad's, he better be able to make
her laugh, you know, or breathe would he fail that both later in
the evening. So lunch is salmonry with pickled ginger and radishes. We also
got port belly with homemade bows. We've got that eel and tuna rolls in
a little black rice, beautiful lunch um light and also late um. The
eel will bump me out quite a bit if we talk too much about it.
But just so the audience doesn't think that we're horrors that poor animal.
I mean, they're disgusting creatures. M then they look evil. They probably
are evil. You know. They weren't Ursula's right and left hand man for
no reason. But I mean that thing was in a goddamn cooler for at
least twenty four hours, just like what kind of hell am I in right
now? And then it was beheaded Jesus Christ. I mean, we're all
imbued with a little spirit of the divine, and it's just such a waste
for that thing to end its life like that. Just brought a tear to
my eye me too. You know, I work in the industry. Dylan's
nothing sadder than seeing an animal like that die. They're actually intelligent animals.
I will say this though, you know, for our fellow friendly animals that
we like to eat. I think we got about eighty years of this culinary
renaissance before we're all eating fucking soy and whatever whatever else. Yeah, and
then Bill Gates, much like Gaudy, will die before he sees his soilent
product sweep over the world my masterpiece. And I got hit by a bus
before I could see it all unfold. People die at the age of thirty
five. The Chitan they're trying to feed your children, chiten. It's the
bugs. Um, they're turned into frogs. Gay, can you believe?
With a double one below? Becat podcast him? Nice to meet you.
My child actually did die? Get out of here, your crisis actor.
I'm not rude, so rude. That's not your name, all right,
So lunch is good? Yeah? Um. I feel like Alicia's pulling a
Rachel here a little bit, not in that she is seeing visions of burnt
criminals in crude stone prisons, but she's just biting off a little bit more
than she can chew. You don't need to make homemade pepperdel when you're serving
fifty people. You don't need to make homemade bowls. It's a it's an
Eastern oh that. I don't know if you've done it fifteen times before maybe,
but just you know, she's biting off a little bit much. She
needs to have a Captain Sandy kind of conversation where Sandy goes you know,
I've been spending a lot of time down there, and I feel like you're
you're committing to too many dishes. Why have you been spending on Instagram?
She's like, yeah, more things that look like this, right right?
Uh So Daisy and Gary have a little chat. Wearing Gary says that it's
easier like Daisy's ass Um, we talked about that. We prep for dinner.
But we'll get there in a second. First, let's get to the
rope swing. I'm not sure how this thing is allowed on boats that charter
guests. Um, the liability here is absolutely insane. We've seen this take
down many an older woman with you know, forget even talking about wait,
you need to have like biceps strength to hold yourself up. I mean,
I am shocked that we have not had somebody clip the lip of that boat
before are tumbling kind of on a sideways axis, like an outstretched gumby into
the water, which feels like cement at a certain certain heights. Well,
this charter gas almost lost a tit. Yeah, I mean I just have
little tiny tits. But imagine if you really slam the water with a boob.
There's a lot of stuff in there. I don't know what it's made
of, but it sounds like it could hurt. All right, So are
we at dinner? Now we're at the menu, and and I guess one
of these tastings bourbon tastings. Yeah, yeah, so it's gonna be a
bourbon tasting. Gary looks over the girls doing the table skates, but we
know he's not looking over the quality of the table skate, but rather,
you know what he's thinking. Now, he's drinking in pheromones. First choruses
local peaches brion prosciuto. Second chorus is an overcooked lamb that is not overcooked
at all. But first these guests, my god, are they sweethearts.
Now the lamb will have whipped feta and sumac onions, but before the course
is served, they remember that they left some towels down in their bathroom.
Now I want to say this, Kim, I know you're listening and I
appreciate this, and Dylan and I definitely want to come on you and justin
show, but I will speak to you about this. You are paying for
a luxury vacation. Yes, you can be polite, you can be cleanly.
You don't need to be a filthy pig like that person from the last
charter. But hear me out, it's a little too much. We don't
need people this polite. Ye're kind of setting the standard off. Next I
saw the trailer for next week's episode. They got some fucking meathead barking orders
again. Yeah, you're gonna throw the sea rats into its a mental tailspin
here. Yeah, next week we have some log of gobba gul. But
this week these people are on one end of the spectrum that is incorrect behavior.
But it's much better than being on the other end, which is slamming
your suitcases down telling the sea rats to unpack. Oh, don't mind that,
that's just my anal be. It's like clean them recently. It's like
fucking unpack your own shit. My god. Um. But yes, these
people are very sweet. So the third course is brisket atop a corn bread
that looks to be done in a water bath. Or rather custardy. I
mean, the meal is just the meal is fantastic. I'd give it ninety
one. It's a perfect course for ugly Americans who are trying to sit down
Bourbon. And I'm not saying they are ugly Americans, but a lot of
these Sea rats are foreigners, you know, so they all think we're ugly
Americans. That's right, you know, shouting about how we won the Revolutionary
War because we threw all that tea in the water or something like that.
I don't know, so, uh, Sea rat sadness, trauma, survivor's
guilt, Um, Alicia's mother poor thing at two children die before Alicia.
Um, yeah, comedy shows, so let's move on, my goodness,
that's so sad. One Full Evening concludes with anti climactic disaster Poseidon has woken
up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. His target parcelful three.
Yeah. I don't like that moron from last season almost killed everybody.
I guess Alex did a pretty good job. Who was the morod? I
forget his name, but he got fired for it? Did he really?
Yeah? Remember, because Glenn was going to give him a chance, and
he's kind of milling about on the boat the next couple of days, and
Glenn's just given him that stare that so many unfortunate young women in Europe have
seen those eyes. Oh yeah, but fortunately for this young man, he
was just terminated and not killed and cut up in the little pieces and thrown
in a bag and buried in cement. Yeah, and we don't know for
a fact that they're all buried in cement. Some definitely are he I think
he uses more corrosive elements for others, but they are slain and blood.
Let I was in a jury duty one time and there was a cop in
there as a juror, you know, and you get bored in a jury,
you know, the trial is really boring, so we're supposed to be
deliberating. But the topic of making a body disappear came up. Yeah yeah,
cops that just use acid. Yeah. But the thing about it,
though, is, and this is why, you know, we talked about
it on an episode recently, the perfect crime is really hopping somebody up on
booze at a high floor with the balcony and just toss and just go the
guy, you know, he slipped down. Now, the thing I always
get paranoid about this stuff. But you know they're the old saying just because
your paranoid doesn't mean they're coming for you. Um. You know, they
would find the fingerprints on the ankle, wouldn't they on the smushed body below?
Wouldn't they find the fingerprints on the ankle. I don't know how the
guy got away with this. In Long Beach, he him and a co
worker were on a business trip with each other, and uh, he threw
off the balcony. Yeah, and I think he like, what is this?
I thought we were cheating on our what they said? Yeah, so
they did the fingerprints. His fingerprints were all over right, and also he'd
been in that room, which was but not enough motive to convict right now,
he got off Wow, back with his wife living in Arizona. I
did it on PMC. I think, wow, wow, wow wow.
Yeah. Um so anyways, keep going, oh yeah, yeah, okay,
So anyway, let's see it's next morning breakfast. Uh, this is
where Gary starts getting a little prickly towards Chase again. And I have to
say this about the nature of their relationship at this point. Uh, they're
they're both to blame for this. Yeah, absolutely, Chase is annoying,
and then uh, Gary's being a lunatic oil neat water, you know,
and Chase is like like a grapefruit, like a bubbly you know, Gary's
like acrid olive oil. They just don't mix. So, um, we
doc luck. He continues to break shit. You know, we talked about
it last episode. There's a there's a bad at it and then there's like
there's something wrong here. Um, because you know there there are saints that
like help you with things, like Saint Anthony, I think helps you find
stuff. This is like one of Lucifer's angels is following this should love.
I mean she has almost died every single episode. Yeah. Or that thing
that I chase those kids in that airport and they blew up the plane and
then I went around and killed him. It took like two hours, you
know. Yeah yeah, Final Destination guy. Oh yeah, Or that thing
in what's that movie called where people just run around for an hour and a
half It comes at night or something. Yeah, it follows. Oh what
a film? You know, I thought you'd hated movies without endings. That
one kind of has an ending? Does that movie have an ending? I
don't think that they beat it. Yeah, for them beating it, and
I think they're doing a sequel, so I don't I guess not? Oh
nice, nice, nice? How many beans would you give it? Oh?
Probably eight point nine? I love that movie. Okay, I threw
him. I threw some beans at him because we didn't ask where his knots
were, and I feel bad about that. Well, that's his rating system.
No, no, I know that. Okay, all right, So
we bidded you to some of the best guests we've ever had. But how
did they tip? Will get there? Chase says like he he smells like
an elephants cooch. Lucky blasts her bibs with hot water, and we move
on into a little chat between the boys. Bad. How does this go?
Well? I think it's pointed out by Sea Dog that Gary's never had
to have any competition with fellow crew members for whatever reason. That is Sea
Dogs looking forward to kicking the shit out of his dick, right right.
Well, you know, and with competition, you know, when you only
have one person, you know, I take the show that we used to
recap Bachelor, we got one guy and sometimes up to twenty eight ladies.
They're all fallen over each other to fight for this douchebag. Yeah, you
can even be gay, right and twenty six women will fall over. I'm
referring to a Colton from a season twenty five. Yeah, but anyway,
so but this is a metaphor for Amazon's dominance of the retail space. Correct,
Yes, it's similar to that, right right, right, right?
So anyway, so Gary now is a office footing. He's typically very confident,
and he seems very desperate and pathetic now, especially at that dinner table.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, So I don't know, I think
this is gonna be fun. Anyway. They want to see the tip meeting.
No, okay, Chase, these mic arms are so ridiculous. It's
like, calm down, Chase. Is that he's going to go after mags
or mags And again I love these, uh these old boy talks, like
you know, there's no say on the other side, right, you know,
like Jay's you're in for a root awakening, buddy, You've not factored
in the variable of consent or interest. Well, he thinks he's at a
seventies key party, right right? Ah, Hey, there wasn't, right,
keys, so hop in the yeah, to be fair to him,
Um, she they didn't make out, so I understand how he could be
confused. Yeah, but Gary says like, okay, cool bro, yeah,
cool bro, yeah, cool bro. I won't go after her then,
And you know it's just you can tell that it's a slithering, slithering
lie from the get go, and Chase sees it. Two ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain speaking. Oh no, we have to get to
the tip meeting. H Yeah, twenty three grand, that's twenty two five
each. It's a decent tip, decent tip. But they were so nice
and so easy to deal with it. It doesn't need to be thirty k
right, you know what I mean? What would you rather have? Well,
I'd rather have the money, yeah, yeah, because then I can
hate you while i'm serving you, right, yeah yeah. I feel like
it's better for bonding for the sea rats like similar hates. That's bonds people.
My wife and I always say, hating similar things, is it bonds
us similar hates? Right? Right? Right? Yeah? I mean the
Nazis were extremely unified, really looking out for one another, you know what
I mean, because they they fucking all hated you know, right, Jews,
they hate a handicap people. It's the guys calm down. Yeah,
my goodness, but you're right. You're gonna say Gary announced something over the
radio, because ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. It's time
to get fucked up. I thought he said wonder twins form of drunken horn
to make bad decisions, right right? Yeah, So Gary is not even
off the boat and he's already hitting on mads Um. Then he's getting onto
the bus telling Chase that he's going to hook up with the stragglers of the
group. Gary, you're acting a fool, people, are you know?
The guy's got to be careful because you know he's been sailing on good graces,
you know, because he's been a bit of a cocksman, but he
hasn't done anything too nasty. This is this is nasty stuff. This is
um what happened on last season we we had Camille and alyssa well not of
yachting. Are you referring to the season we've yeah with Captain l Captain Sandy.
This is breaking girl code. This is also a breaking guy code.
But Gary does not care because he is just a fucking deckhand. We'll get
there in a sex so um, we get to dinner. The sea rats
are very bothersome to the people who are just trying to patron the restaurant.
Now they're sicking it up, man, they gotta leave every five minutes.
Go sick it up, yep um. And as they sing it up,
Chase once again confirms that he is into Mads in front of his boss.
Gary is like a like an octopus for a vagina. He's got like eight
different tentacles, tentacles just keeping everything open. He's sitting on Daisy. He's
throwing a shot at Mad's He's checking if you know Alisha's up for it to
know. I mean, he's like a lot of feelers out there. He's
got a lot of feelers, right, Yeah. He also I think suction
cups. I think with Mad, I think he sees her. Is that
antelope with the bum leg. You know it's you know, run along the
other antelope can't catch up. He's gonna take her out. That's how I
think he sees Mads. Yeah, um, Daisy ape has a bum lag.
I mean it really stands no chance. You have to be in peak
physical condition to evade the coordinated attack of a pride of lions. Very difficult
to overcome, even with a couple of legs that are just firing on all
cylinders. It's still I still can't watch this nature stuff. I never watch
it. I turn off the TV and I think anybody who really gets into
it is weird. Why are you sitting there watching five lions tear apart an
animal that's not even dead yet. Yeah, that's sad, So sad that
antalo probably had two kids at home, didn't make it home. Imagine the
other antelope telling him, oh, well, what happened to mom? And
they have to lie. You know, I don't know she went for a
stroll. They're not gonna say that, hey, we left her right,
I had to get away. And then the kid grows up, you know,
buys his first parental advisory CD, and then he sees an antelope get
ripped to shreds and he puts the dots together because that's what happened to my
mother. He dives deeper into the world of that parental advice ISORYCD and he
really gets pretty angsty. So that's what God's That's what Gary thinks about that.
So um, we get back to the boat. Both vans irrespectively speak
of cocks that grow erect to the left. I don't think left per se.
I think they mean it actually bend's kind of upward at an angle.
I used to have a friend named Fusey and we saw his penis and we
called him. I nicknamed him the hook. Yeah, yeah, I think
it's it's actually called a quervo. Oh have you heard of that? No,
a quervo A quervo? Okay, yeah, you go ahead take it.
I'm gonna look up the definition, okay, all right, So yeah,
then we cut back to the boat. We're all back there. Boy,
I guess they'll go out to those clubs anymore anyway, But why bother?
Why spend all that sea rap money? So the jacuzzis bubbling shots of
being taken SIGs or being smoked, and just then the goddamn party ends for
most of these partygoers. Yeah, I'm not really finding it. I typed
in Querivo penis and all the coming up as Eva Querivo latins m. Eva
Quervo has an affair with Fernando gian Querivo seen in Bulgarians Lovers wwwxx Wow.
Yeah. Yeah, that site's really given porn hubb a run for their money.
You know, you know these porn titles are the same who combs up
with the porn titles alts lambs and listen to this one alts eva quervo.
I mean, this is just crazy. You know, this is why people
complain, Hey guys, I can't listen to your show with the kids in
the van. Oh maybe, um maybe we'll we'll bleep that some of it,
right, we will bleep that. Well. Anyway, they leave Alex
to drown, which is creating quite the opportunity for Gary to move in on
mats and right right, finally Alex you know by them, I guess,
and nearly death in this yeah, I've got I can't talk anyway, he
goes to bed right right right, okay, so um, yeah Alex does
almost die and that was that was very close. You know, people talk
about drowning in a bowl of soup. Um, you know, it can
happen, and it's very very scary, and I think the sea rats need
to be careful. I mean, we've heard countless tales of people getting a
little bit too relaxed in the coups and slipping into kind of a beautiful death
and that you are back in a womb of sorts. Uh and then you
kind of descend on the river sticks. Hey, case and point. It
happened Aaron Carter two months ago? Is that what happened? Well, I
mean there was eighteen keyboard cleaners emptied out right next to the bathtub, but
not the same he did. In fact, also happened to Anne. Oh
wait no, Ann Hayes turned herself into a human missile and blue through someone's
house, lighting herself in the house on fire. Completely different, all right,
So Gary, Mad's make jump in the iTunes range. You're abusedly five
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We'll see you next week. I'm Dylan saying goodbye, pat Say goodbye.