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The Crocodile, Part one. The
Crocodile An extraordinary incident, A true story

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of how a gentleman of a certain
age and of respectable appearance was swallowed alive

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by the crocodile in the arcade,
and of the consequences that followed. O

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Ei Lombert o Ei Lombert artu vous
lamberts One. On the thirteenth of January

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of this present year, eighteen hundred
and sixty five, at half past twelve

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in the day, Yelena Ivanovna,
the wife of my cultured friend Ivan Matveych,

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who is a colleague in the same
department and may be said to be

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a distant relation of mine, too, expressed the desire to see the crocodile

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now on view at a fixed charge
in the arcade. As Ivan Matveyitch had

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already in his pocket his tend for
a tour abroad, not so much for

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the sake of his health as for
the improvement of his mind, and was

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consequently free from his official duties and
had nothing whatever to do that morning.

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He offered no objection to his wife's
irresistible fancy, but was positively aflame with

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curiosity himself a capital idea, He
said, with the utmost satisfaction, we'll

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have a look at the crocodile on
the eve of visiting Europe. It is

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as well to acquaint ourselves on the
spot with its indigenous inhabitants. And with

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these words, taking his wife's arm, he set off with her at once

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for the arcade. I joined them, as I usually do, being an

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intimate friend of the family. I
have never seen Ivan Matveitch in a more

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agreeable frame of mind than he was
on that memorable morning. How true it

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is that we know not beforehand the
faith that awaits us. On entering the

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arcade, he was at once full
of admiration for the splendors of the building.

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And when we reached the shop in
which the monster lately arrived in Petersburg

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was being exhibited, he volunteered to
pay the quarter rouble for me to the

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crocodile owner, a thing which had
never happened before. Walking into a little

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room, we observed that besides the
crocodile, they were in a parrots of

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this species known as cockatoo, and
also a group of monkeys in a special

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case. In a recess. Near
the entrance. Along the left wall stood

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a big tin tank that looked like
a bath covered with a thin iron grating,

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filled with water to the depth of
two inches. In this shallow pool

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was kept a huge crocodile, which
lay like a log, absolutely motionless and

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apparently deprived of all its faculties by
our damp climate, so inhospitable to foreign

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visitors. This monster at first aroused
no special interest in any of us.

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So this is the crocodile, said
Yelena Ivanovna, with a pathetic cadence of

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regret. Why I thought it was
something different? Most probably she thought it

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was made of diamonds. The owner
of the crocodile, a German, came

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out and looked at us with an
air of extraordinary pride. He has a

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right to be, Ivan Matvich,
whispered to me. He knows he's the

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only man in Russia exhibiting a crocodile. This quite nonsensical observation. I ascribe

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also to the extremely good humored mood
which had overtaken Ivan Matveitch, who was,

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on other occasions of rather envious disposition. I fancy your crocodile is not

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alive, said Yelena Ivanovna, piqued
by the irresponsive stolidity of the proprietor,

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and addressing him with a charming smile
in order to soften his churlishness, a

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maneuver so typically feminine. Oh no, madam, the latter replied in broken

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Russian, and instantly moving the grating
half off the tank, he poked the

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monster's head with a stick. Then
the treacherous monster, to show that it

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was alive, faintly stirred its paws
and tail, raised its snout and emitted

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something like a prolonged snuffle. Come, don't be coss guardian, said the

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German, caressingly, gratified in his
vanity. How horrid that crocodile is.

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I am really frightened, Yelena Ivanovna
twittered, still more coquettishly. I know

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I shall dream of him now,
but he won't bite you if you to

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dream of him. The German retorted
gallantly, and was the first to love

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at his own jest. But none
of us responded. Come semyon semyonich,

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said Ilenor Ivanovna, addressing me exclusively. Let us go and look at the

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monkeys. I am awfully fond of
monkeys. There is such darlings and the

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crocodile is horrid. Oh, don't
be afraid, my dear Ivan Maatvitch called

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after us, gallantly displaying his manly
courage to his wife. This drowsy denizen

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of the realms of the paroles will
do us no harm, and he remained

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by the tank. What is more, he took his glove and began tickling

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the crocodile's nose with it, wishing, as he said afterwards, to induce

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him to snort. The proprietor showed
his politeness to a lady by following Yelena

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Ivanovna to the case of monkeys.
So everything was going well and nothing could

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have been foreseen. Yelena Ivanovna was
quite skittish in her raptures over the monkeys,

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and seemed completely taken up with them, with shrieks of delight. She

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was continually turning to me as though
determined not to notice the proprietor, and

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kept gushing with laughter at the resemblance
she detected between these monkeys and her intimate

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friends and acquaintances. I too was
amused, for the resemblance was unmistakable.

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The German did not know whether to
love or not, and so at last

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was reduced to frowning. And it
was at that moment that a terrible,

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i may say unnatural scream set the
room vibrating. Not knowing what to think

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for the first moment, I stood
still, numb with horror, but noticing

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that Yelena ivan nov I was screaming
too, I quickly turned round. And

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what did I behold? I saw, Oh heavens, I saw the luckless

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Ivan Matovich in the terrible jaws of
the crocodile, held by them round the

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waist, who lifted horizontally in the
air and desperately kicking. Then one moment

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and no trace remained of him.
But I must describe it in detail,

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for I stood all the while motionless, and had time to watch the whole

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process taken place before me with an
attention and interest such as I never remembered

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to have felt before. What I
thought at that critical moment. What if

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all that had happened to me instead
of to Ivan Matoch, How unpleasant it

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would have been for me. But
to return to my story, The crocodile

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began by turning the happy Ivan Matveyich
in his terrible jaws so that he could

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swallow his legs first, then bringing
up Ivan Matveyitch, who kept trying to

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jump out and clutching at the sides
of the tank, sucked him down again

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as far as his waist, then
bringing him up again got him down,

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and so again and again. In
this way, Ivan Matveyitch was visibly disappearing

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before our eyes. At last,
with a final gulp, the crocodile swallowed

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my cultured friend entirely, this time
leaving no trace of him. From the

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outside of the crocodile, we could
see the protuberances of Ivan Matveyich's figure as

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he passed down the inside of the
monster. I was on the point of

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screaming again when destiny played another treacherous
trick upon us. The crocodile made a

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tremendous effort, probably oppressed by the
magnet of the object he had swallowed,

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once more opened his terrible jaws,
and with a final hiccup, he suddenly

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let the head of Ivan Matveig pop
out for a second, with an expression

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of despair on his face. In
that brief instance, the spectacles dropped off

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his nose to the bottom of the
tank. It seemed as though that despairing

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countenance had only popped out to cast
one last look on the objects around it

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to take its last farewell of all
earthly pleasures, But it had not time

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to carry out its intention. The
crocodile made another effort, gave a gulp,

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and instantly a vanished again, this
time forever. This appearance and disappearance

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of a still living human head was
so horrible, but at the same time,

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either from its rapidity and unexpectedness,
or from the dropping of the spectacles,

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there was something so comic about it
that I suddenly, quite unexpectedly exploded

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with laughter. But pulling myself together
and realizing that to laugh at such a

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moment was not the thing for an
old family friend, I turned at once

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to Yelena Ivanovna and said, with
a sympathetic air, now it's all over

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with our friend Ivan Matveig. I
cannot even attempt to describe how violent was

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the agitation of Yelena Ivanovna during the
whole process. After the first scream,

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she seemed rude to the spot and
stared at the catastrophe with apparent indifference,

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though her eyes looked as though they
were starting out of her head. Then

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she suddenly went off into a heartrending
wail, but I seized her hands.

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At this instant, the proprietor,
too, who had at first been also

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petrified by horror, suddenly clasped his
hands and cried, gazing upwards, oh

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my crocodile, Oh min allah Leavestcaucian
Mutta, Muto muto. A door at

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the rear of the room opened at
this cry, and the Mutta, a

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rosy cheeked, elderly but disheveled woman
in a cap, made her appearance and

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rushed with a shriek to her German. A perfect bablum followed. Yelena Ivanovna

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kept shrieking out the same phrase,
as though in a frenzy, flay him,

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flay him, apparently entreating them,
probably in a moment of oblivion,

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to flace somebody for something. The
proprietor and Mutta took no notice whatever of

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either of us. They were both
ballowing like calves over the crocodile. He

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did for himself. He will burst
himself at once, for he did swallow

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a gun's official, cried the prop
writer Unza Carlchian unsa allah leaves the Calchian

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vilch Sturben howled his wife. We
are bereaved and without bread, chimed in

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the proprietor, flay him, flay
him, flay him, clamored Yelena Ivanovna,

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clutching at the German's coat. He
did tease the crocodile. For what

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did your man tease the crocodile,
cried the German, pulling away from her.

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You will if Krchian will burst.
Therefore pay dos thou mine zown,

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dost thou mine einziga zoun i must
own. I was intensely indignant at the

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sight of such egoism in the German
and the coldheartedness of his disheveled mutta.

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At the same time, Yelena Ivanovna's
reiterated shriek of flay him, flay him

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troubled me even more and absorbed at
last my whole attention, positively alarming me.

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I may as well say straight off
that I entirely misunderstood this strange exclamation.

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It seemed to me that Yelena Ivanovna
had for the moment taken leave of

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her senses, but nevertheless, wishing
to avenge the loss of her beloved Ivan

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Matveyitch, was demanding by way of
compensation, that the crocodile should be severely

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thrashed while she was meaning something quite
different. Looking round at the door,

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not without embarrassment, I began to
entreat Yelena Ivanovna to calm herself, and

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above all not to use the shocking
word flay. For such a reactionary desire

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here in the midst of the arcade
and of the most cultural society, not

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two paces from the hall, or
at this very minute mister Lavrov was,

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perhaps delivering a public lecture, was
not only impossible but unthinkable, and might

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at any moment bring upon us the
hisses of culture and the caricatures of mister

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Stepanov. To my horror, I
was immediately proved to be correct in my

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alarmed suspicions. The curtain that divided
the Crocodile Room from the little entry where

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the quarter rules were taken suddenly parted, and in the opening there appeared a

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figure with mustache and beard, carrying
a cap, with the upper part of

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its body bent a long way forward, though the feet were scrupulously held beyond

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the threshold of the Crocodile Room in
order to avoid the necessity of paying the

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entrance money. Such a reactionary desire, Madam, said the stranger trying to

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avoid falling over in our direction,
and to remain standing outside the room does

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no credit to your development, and
is conditioned by lack of phosphorus in your

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brain. You will be promptly held
up to shame in the chronicle of progress

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and in our satirical Prince. But
he could not complete his remarks. The

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proprietor, coming to himself, and
seeing with horror that a man was talking

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in the crocodile room without having hate
entrance money, rushed furiously at the progressive

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stranger and turned him out with a
punch from each fist. For a moment,

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both vanished from our side behind a
curtain, and only then I grasped

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that the whole uproar was about nothing. Yelena Ivanovna turned out quite innocent.

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She had, as I have mentioned
already, no idea whatever of subjecting the

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crocodile to a degrading corporal punishment,
and had simply expressed the desire that he

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should be opened and her husband released
from its interior. What you wish that

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Mike crocodile be perished, the proprietor
yelled, running in again. No,

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let your husband be perished first,
Before Mike crocodile. Mine father showed crocodile.

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Mine. Girl's father showed crocodile.
Mine. Zoon will show crocodile,

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and I will show crocodile. All
will show crocodile. I am known to

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Ganz'arropa, and you are not known
to Gunz'arropa. And you must pay near

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schaffe yah yah put in the vindictive
German woman. He shall not let you

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go strafe, since Skachian is burst
and indeed it's useless to flay the creature,

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I added, calmly, anxious to
get Yelena Ivanovna away home as quickly

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as possible as our dear Ivan Matveyitch
is by now, probably soaring somewhere in

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the imperium. My dear, we
suddenly heard, to our intense amazement,

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the voice of Ivan Matveyitch, My
dear, My advice is to apply direct

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to the Superintendent's office, as without
the assistance of the police, the German

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will never be made to see reason. These words, uttered with firmness and

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a plan, and expressing an exceptional
presence of mind, for the first minute

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astounded us that we could not believe
our ears. But of course we ran

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at once to the crocodile's tank,
and with equal reverence and incredulity, listened

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to the unhappy captive. His voice
was muffled, thin and even squeaky,

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as though it came from a considerable
distance. It reminded one of a jocose

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person who, covering his mouth with
a pillow, shouts from an adjoining room,

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trying to mimic the sound of two
peasants calling to one another in a

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deserted plane or across a wide ravine, a performance to which I once had

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the pleasure of listening in a friend's
house at Christmas. Ivan matueych, my

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dear, and so you are alive, faltered, Yelena Ivanovna. Alife and

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well, answered Ivan Matueych, And
thanks to the Almighty, swallowed without any

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damage whatever. I am only uneasy
as to the view my superiors may take

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of the incident, for after getting
a permit to go abroad, I've got

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into a crocodile, which seems anything
but clever. But my dear, don't

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trouble your head about being clever.
First of all, we must somehow excavate

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you from where you are, Yelena
Ivanovna interrupted, excavate cried the proprietor,

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I will not let my crocodile be
excavated. Now the publicoon will come any

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more, and I will finzick kopax
ask and Calcian will cease to burst.

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God's I dunk put in his wife. They are right, Ivan Matveych observed

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tranquility the principles of economics before everything, My dear, I will fly at

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once to the authorities and larger complaint, for I feel that we cannot settle

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this mess by ourselves. I think
so, too, observed Ivan Matvevich.

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But in our age of industrial crisis, it is not easy to rip open

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the belly of a crocodile without economic
compensation. And meanwhile, the inevitable question

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presents itself, what will the German
take for his crocodile? And with it

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another how will it be paid for? As you know, I have no

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means, perhaps out of your salary, I observed timidly. But the proprietor

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interrupted me. At once. I
will not the crocodile cell. I will

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for three thousand the crocodile cell.
I will for four thousand the crocodile cell.

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Now the publicoum will come very many. I will fall five thousand,

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the crocodile cell. In fact,
he gave himself insufferable ears, covetousness,

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and a revolting greed. Gleamed joyfully
in his eyes. I am going,

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I cried indignantly, and I I
too, I shall go to end the

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Rajosipitch himself. I will soften him
with my tears. Wind Yelena Ivanovna,

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don't do that, my dear ivan
Matvirch hastened to interpose. He had long

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been jealous of Andreosipitch on his wife's
account, and he knew she would enjoy

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going to weep before a gentleman of
refineness for tears suited her. And I

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don't advise you to do so either, my friend, he added, addressing

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me, It's no good plunging headlong
in that slap dash way. There is

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00:20:23.599 --> 00:20:29.480
no knowing what it may lead to. You had much better go to day

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to timofey Semyonitch, as though to
pay an ordinary visit. He's an old

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fashioned and by no means brilliant man, but he is trustworthy, and what

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matters most of all, he is
straightforward. Give him my greetings and describe

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the circumstances of the case, and
since I owe him seven roubles over our

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last game of cards, take the
opportunity to pay him the money that will

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00:20:52.799 --> 00:20:57.359
soften the sternal man. In any
case, his advice may serve as a

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guide for us. Meanwhile, take
Yelena Ivanovna home. Calm yourself, my

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dear, he continued, addressing her, I am wary of these outcries and

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feminine squabblings, and should like a
nap. It's soft and warm in here,

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though I have hardly had time to
look round in this unexpected haven.

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Look round, Why is it light
in there? Cried Yelena Ivanovna in a

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00:21:22.079 --> 00:21:29.000
tone of relief. I am surrounded
by impenetrable night, answered the poor captive.

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00:21:29.240 --> 00:21:32.799
But I can feel, and so
to speak, have a look around

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with my hands. Goodbye. Set
your mind at rest, and don't deny

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yourself recreation and diversion till tomorrow.
And you, Semyon, semyonitch come to

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me in the evening, And as
you are absent minded and may forget it,

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tie a knot in your handkerchief.
I confess I was glad to get

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away, for I was overtired and
somewhat bored. Hastening to offer my arm

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to a disconsolate Yelena Ivanovna, whose
charms were only enhanced by her agitation.

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I hurriedly led her out of the
crocodile room. The charge will be another

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quarter rouble in the evening. The
proprietor called after us. Oh dear,

237
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how greedy they are, said Yelena
Ivanovna, looking at herself in every mirror

238
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on the walls of the arcade,
and evidently aware that she was looking prettier

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than usual. The principles of economics, I answered, with some emotion,

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proud that passers by should see the
lady on my arm. The principles of

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economics, she drawled, in a
touching little voice. I did not in

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the least understand what Ivan Matwich said
about those horrid economics. Just now,

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I will explain to you, I
answered, and began at once telling her

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of the beneficial effects of the introduction
of foreign capital into our country, upon

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which I had read an article in
the Petersburg News and the Voice that morning.

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How strange it is, she interrupted, after listening for some time.

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00:23:04.759 --> 00:23:10.079
But do leave off, you horrid
man. What nonsense are you talking?

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Tell me? Do I look purple? You look perfect? And not purple,

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I observed, seizing the opportunity to
pay her a compliment. Naughty man,

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00:23:18.799 --> 00:23:23.720
she said, complacently, Poor Ivan
matveyitch, she added a minute later,

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putting her little head on one side
coquettishly. I am really sorry for

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him, how dear, she cried
suddenly. How is he going to have

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00:23:34.599 --> 00:23:41.279
his dinner? And and what will
he do if he wants anything? An

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unforeseen question, I answered, perplexed
in my turn to tell the truth,

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it had not entered my head.
So much more practical our women than we

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men in the solution of the problems
of daily life. Poor dear, how

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could he have got into such a
mass? Nothing to amuse him? And

258
00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:08.599
in the dark? How vexing it
is that I have no photograph of him?

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00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:12.599
And so now I am sort of
a widow, she added with a

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00:24:12.599 --> 00:24:21.039
seductive's smile, evidently interested in her
new position. I am sorry for him,

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though it was, in short the
expression of the very natural and intelligible

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00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:32.839
grief of a young and interesting wife
for the loss of her husband. I

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took her home at last, soothed
her, and, after dining with her

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and drinking a cup of aromatic coffee, set off at six o'clock to timofy

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Semonage, calculating that at that hour
all merry people of settled habits would be

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sitting or lying down at home.
Having written this first chapter in a style

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appropriate to the incident recorded, I
intend to proceed in a language more natural,

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00:25:00.240 --> 00:25:03.960
though less elevated, and I beg
to forewarn the reader of the fact.

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Two. The venerable timofay Semyonitch met
me rather nervously, as though somewhat

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embarrassed. He led me to his
tiny study and shut the door carefully,

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that the children may not hinder us, he added, with evident uneasiness.

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00:25:26.160 --> 00:25:30.359
There he made me sit down on
a chair by the writing table, sat

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down himself in an easy chair,
wrapped round him the skirts of his old

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water dressing gown, and assumed an
official and even severe air in readiness for

275
00:25:40.400 --> 00:25:44.440
anything, though he was not my
chief, nor even Matveyitch, and had

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00:25:44.519 --> 00:25:48.839
hitherto been reckoned as a colleague and
even a friend. First of all,

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00:25:48.880 --> 00:25:53.799
he said, take note that I
am not a person in authority, but

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just such a subordinate official as you
and even Matwyge. I have nothing to

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00:26:00.799 --> 00:26:03.799
do with it, and do not
intend to mix myself up in the affair

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00:26:06.200 --> 00:26:11.480
I was surprised to find that he
apparently knew all about it already. In

281
00:26:11.559 --> 00:26:15.359
spite of that, I told him
the whole story over in detail. I

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00:26:15.440 --> 00:26:21.680
spoke with positive excitement, for I
was at that moment fulfilling the obligations of

283
00:26:21.720 --> 00:26:26.799
a true friend. He listened without
special surprise, but with evident signs of

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00:26:26.880 --> 00:26:33.519
suspicion. Only fancy, he said, I always believed that this would be

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sure to happen to him. Why
timofey Semyonitch. It is a very unusual

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00:26:40.359 --> 00:26:45.720
incident in itself, I admit it. But even Matwyage's whole career and the

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00:26:45.799 --> 00:26:49.039
service was leading up to this end
he was fighting, conceded. Indeed,

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00:26:49.319 --> 00:26:53.960
it was always progress and ideas of
all sorts, and this is what progress

289
00:26:53.960 --> 00:27:00.359
brings people to. But this is
a most unusual incident and not possibly serve

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00:27:00.400 --> 00:27:06.279
as a general rule for all progressives. Yes, indeed it can. You

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00:27:06.400 --> 00:27:10.880
see. It's the effect of over
education, I assure you, for over

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00:27:11.079 --> 00:27:15.240
education leads people to poke their noses
into all sorts of places, especially where

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00:27:15.240 --> 00:27:19.720
they are not invited. Though perhaps
you know best, he added, as

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00:27:19.720 --> 00:27:26.000
though offended. I am an old
man and not of much education. I

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00:27:26.079 --> 00:27:30.359
began as a soldier's son, and
this year has been the jubilee of my

296
00:27:30.440 --> 00:27:37.160
service. Oh no, timofey Semyonitch, not at all. On the contrary,

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even Matveyitch is eager for your advice. He is eager for your guidance.

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00:27:41.440 --> 00:27:45.000
He implores it, so to say, with tears. So to say,

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with tears. Those are crocodile's tears, and one cannot quite believe in

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them. Tell me what possessed him
to want to go abroad? And how

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00:27:55.039 --> 00:28:00.200
could he afford to go? Why
he has no private means he had gave

302
00:28:00.240 --> 00:28:03.559
the money from his last bonus,
I answered plaintively. He only wanted to

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00:28:03.559 --> 00:28:10.480
go for three months to Switzerland,
to the land of William Tell William Tell

304
00:28:11.319 --> 00:28:15.119
m He wanted to meet the spring
at Naples, to see the museums,

305
00:28:15.160 --> 00:28:21.480
the customs, the animals, the
animals. I think that was simply from

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00:28:21.480 --> 00:28:26.319
pride. What animals? Animals?
Indeed, haven't we animals enough? We

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00:28:26.440 --> 00:28:32.880
have museums, menageries, camels.
There are bears quite close to Petersburg.

308
00:28:33.759 --> 00:28:40.519
And here he's got inside a crocodile
himself. Oh, calm, timofey Semyonitch.

309
00:28:40.640 --> 00:28:42.680
The man is in trouble. The
man appeals to you as to a

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00:28:42.759 --> 00:28:48.480
friend, as to an older relation, craves for advice, and you reproach

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00:28:48.599 --> 00:28:55.960
him. Have pity at last on
the unfortunate Yelena Ivanovna. You're speaking of

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00:28:56.039 --> 00:29:00.559
his wife, a charming little lady, said timofey Semyonitch, visibly softening and

313
00:29:00.759 --> 00:29:07.839
taking a pinch of snuff with relish, particularly prepossessing, and so plumb,

314
00:29:07.920 --> 00:29:12.880
and always putting her pretty little head
on one side, very agreeable. Andrea

315
00:29:12.920 --> 00:29:18.079
Sippitch was speaking of her only the
other day, speaking of her, yes,

316
00:29:18.200 --> 00:29:22.400
and in very flattering terms. Such
a bust, he said, such

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00:29:22.519 --> 00:29:26.799
eyes, such hair, a sugar
plum, he said, not a lady,

318
00:29:27.240 --> 00:29:30.599
And then he laughed. He's still
a young man, of course,

319
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:37.000
timofey Semyonitch blew his nose with a
loud noise. And yet young though he

320
00:29:37.200 --> 00:29:41.599
is. What a career he is
making for himself. That's quite a different

321
00:29:41.640 --> 00:29:47.519
thing, timofey Semyonitch, of course, of course. Well what do you

322
00:29:47.599 --> 00:29:52.160
say, then, timofey Semyonitch,
Why what can I do? Give advice

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00:29:52.400 --> 00:29:57.000
guidance as a man of experience,
a relative? What are we to do?

324
00:29:57.599 --> 00:30:03.240
What steps are we to take?
Ache go to the authorities and to

325
00:30:03.359 --> 00:30:08.640
the authorities, certainly not. Timofey
Semyonitch replied, hurriedly. If you ask

326
00:30:08.720 --> 00:30:14.279
my advice, you had better,
above all, hush the matter up and

327
00:30:14.440 --> 00:30:18.279
act so to speak, as a
private person. It is a suspicious incident,

328
00:30:18.599 --> 00:30:23.799
quite unheard of, unheard of.
Above all, there is no precedent

329
00:30:23.880 --> 00:30:30.160
for it, and it is far
from creditable, and so discretion above all.

330
00:30:30.200 --> 00:30:33.480
Let him lie there a bit.
We must wait and see. But

331
00:30:33.640 --> 00:30:38.480
how can we wait and see,
timofey Semyonitch, what if he stifled there?

332
00:30:40.279 --> 00:30:42.279
Why should he be? I think
you told me that he made himself

333
00:30:42.279 --> 00:30:48.599
fairly comfortable there. I told him
the whole story over again. Timofey Semyonitch

334
00:30:48.640 --> 00:30:52.720
pondered, hmmm, he said,
twisting his snuff box in his hands.

335
00:30:53.359 --> 00:30:56.160
To my mind, it's really a
good thing. You should lie there a

336
00:30:56.160 --> 00:31:00.880
bit instead of going abroad. Let
him reflect as leisure. Of course,

337
00:31:02.359 --> 00:31:06.480
he mustn't be stifled, so he
must take measures to preserve his health,

338
00:31:06.519 --> 00:31:11.000
avoiding a cough, for instance,
and so on. And as for the

339
00:31:11.160 --> 00:31:18.319
German, it's my personal opinion he
is within his rights, and even more

340
00:31:18.480 --> 00:31:22.160
so than the other side, because
it was the other party who got into

341
00:31:22.240 --> 00:31:30.079
his crocodile without asking permission, and
not he who got into Ivan Matuidge's crocodile

342
00:31:30.079 --> 00:31:34.799
without asking permission, though so far
as I recollect, the latter has no

343
00:31:34.920 --> 00:31:41.599
crocodile, and a crocodile is private
property, so it's impossible to slid him

344
00:31:41.599 --> 00:31:48.599
open without compensation for the saving of
human life. Timofey Semyonitch, Oh,

345
00:31:48.640 --> 00:31:52.680
well, that's a matter for the
police. You must go to them.

346
00:31:52.920 --> 00:31:59.160
But Ivan Matuidge may be needed in
the department. He may be asked for.

347
00:32:00.640 --> 00:32:05.920
Ivan Matoyitch needed ha ha. Besides, he is on leave, so

348
00:32:05.960 --> 00:32:10.000
that we may ignore him. Let
him inspect the countries of Europe. It

349
00:32:10.079 --> 00:32:15.200
will be a different matter. If
he doesn't turn up when his leaf is

350
00:32:15.240 --> 00:32:22.880
over, then we shall ask for
him and make inquiries three months timofayd Semyonitch.

351
00:32:22.200 --> 00:32:28.200
For pity's sake, it's his own
fault. Nobody thrust him there.

352
00:32:28.359 --> 00:32:30.480
At this rate, we should have
to get a nurse to look after him

353
00:32:30.480 --> 00:32:36.160
at government expense, and that is
not allowed for in the regulations. But

354
00:32:36.279 --> 00:32:40.680
the chief point is that the crocodile
is private property, so that the principles

355
00:32:40.680 --> 00:32:49.119
of economics apply in this question,
and the principles of economics are paramount only.

356
00:32:49.160 --> 00:32:53.759
The other evening, at Luka Andretch, Ignati Prokovitch was saying, so,

357
00:32:54.200 --> 00:33:00.880
do you know, Ignati Prokovich a
capitalist in a big way of business,

358
00:33:00.920 --> 00:33:05.480
and he speaks so fluently. We
need industrial development, he said,

359
00:33:05.960 --> 00:33:09.599
there is very little development among us. We must create it. We must

360
00:33:09.680 --> 00:33:15.119
create capital. So we must create
a middle class, the so called bourgeoisie.

361
00:33:15.839 --> 00:33:21.640
And as we haven't capital, we
must attract it from abroad. We

362
00:33:21.759 --> 00:33:25.480
must, in the first place,
give facilities to foreign companies to buy up

363
00:33:25.599 --> 00:33:30.519
lands in Russia, as is done
now abroad. The communal holding of land

364
00:33:30.640 --> 00:33:36.599
is poison, is ruin. And
you know he spoke with such heat.

365
00:33:37.680 --> 00:33:40.279
Well, that's all right for him, a wealthy man and not in the

366
00:33:40.359 --> 00:33:45.880
service with the communal system. He
said, there will be no improvement in

367
00:33:45.920 --> 00:33:52.319
industrial development or agriculture. Foreign companies, he said, must, as far

368
00:33:52.440 --> 00:33:57.400
as possible, buy up the whole
of our land in big lots and then

369
00:33:57.480 --> 00:34:00.599
split it up, split it up, split it up in the smallest parts

370
00:34:00.640 --> 00:34:06.359
possible. And do you know he
pronounced the words split it up with such

371
00:34:06.440 --> 00:34:13.800
determination, and then sell it as
private property, or rather not sell it,

372
00:34:13.880 --> 00:34:17.199
but simply let it when he said, all the land is in the

373
00:34:17.239 --> 00:34:22.920
hands of foreign companies. They can
fix any rent they like. And so

374
00:34:22.079 --> 00:34:25.880
the peasant will work three times as
much for his daily bread and can be

375
00:34:25.960 --> 00:34:31.199
turned out at pleasure so that he
will feel it, will be submissive and

376
00:34:31.239 --> 00:34:37.079
industrious, and will work three times
as much for the same wages. But

377
00:34:37.320 --> 00:34:40.760
as it is with the commune,
what does he care. He knows he

378
00:34:40.800 --> 00:34:45.239
won't die of hunger, so he
is lazy and drunken. And meanwhile money

379
00:34:45.320 --> 00:34:51.760
will be attracted into Russia, capital
will be created, and the bourgeoisie will

380
00:34:51.800 --> 00:34:57.639
spring up. The English political and
literary paper The Times, and an article

381
00:34:57.719 --> 00:35:02.360
the other day on our finances,
stated that the reason our financial position was

382
00:35:02.400 --> 00:35:08.719
so unsatisfactory was that we had no
middle class, no big fortunes, no

383
00:35:08.760 --> 00:35:15.840
accommodating proletariat. Ignati Prokovitch speaks well. He is an orator. He wants

384
00:35:15.880 --> 00:35:21.239
to lay a report on the subject
before the authorities and then to get it

385
00:35:21.320 --> 00:35:27.400
published in the news. That's something
very different from verses like Ivan Latvitch.

386
00:35:29.039 --> 00:35:34.039
But how about Ivan matvetch I put
in After letting the old man babble on

387
00:35:34.880 --> 00:35:38.960
Timofey Semyonitch was sometimes fond of talking
and showing that he was not behind the

388
00:35:39.079 --> 00:35:45.079
times, but knew all about things. How about Ivan Matveitch, Well,

389
00:35:45.360 --> 00:35:51.119
I am coming to that here.
We are anxious to bring foreign capital into

390
00:35:51.159 --> 00:35:55.360
the country, and only consider as
soon as the capital of a foreigner who

391
00:35:55.480 --> 00:36:02.000
has been attracted to Petersburg has been
doubled through Ivan Matveyitch. Instead of protecting

392
00:36:02.039 --> 00:36:07.480
the foreign capitalist, we are proposing
to rip open the belly of its original

393
00:36:07.519 --> 00:36:15.760
capital, the crocodile. Is it
consistent to my mind Ivan Matuyich, as

394
00:36:15.800 --> 00:36:20.519
the true son of his fatherland,
ought to rejoice and to be proud that

395
00:36:20.639 --> 00:36:25.719
through him the value of a foreign
crocodile has been doubled and possibly even traveled.

396
00:36:27.480 --> 00:36:31.519
That's just what is wanted to attract
capital. If one man succeeds,

397
00:36:32.239 --> 00:36:37.440
mind you, another will come with
a crocodile, and a third will bring

398
00:36:37.480 --> 00:36:40.840
two or three of them at once, and capital will grow up about them.

399
00:36:42.280 --> 00:36:46.679
There you have a bourgeoisie. It
must be encouraged. Upon my word.

400
00:36:46.840 --> 00:36:53.920
Timofey Semyonitch, I cried, you
are demanding almost supernatural self sacrifice from

401
00:36:53.960 --> 00:37:00.039
poor Ivan Matveyich. I demand nothing, and I beg you before everything,

402
00:37:00.119 --> 00:37:06.119
as I've said already, to remember
that I'm not a person in authority and

403
00:37:06.199 --> 00:37:10.840
so cannot demand anything of anyone.
I am speaking as a son of the

404
00:37:10.880 --> 00:37:16.519
fatherland. That is, not as
the son of the fatherland, but as

405
00:37:16.519 --> 00:37:22.360
the son of the fatherland. Again, what possessed him to get into the

406
00:37:22.400 --> 00:37:28.199
crocodile a respectable man, a man
of good grade in the service, lawfully

407
00:37:28.360 --> 00:37:32.920
married, and then to behave like
that? Is it consistent? But it

408
00:37:34.000 --> 00:37:38.280
was an accident? Who knows?
And where is the money to compensate the

409
00:37:38.320 --> 00:37:45.599
owner to come from? Perhaps out
of his salary, timofey Semyonitch, Would

410
00:37:45.639 --> 00:37:50.480
that be enough? No, it
wouldn't, timofey Semyonitch, I answered sadly.

411
00:37:51.000 --> 00:37:54.320
The proprietor was at first alarmed that
the crocodile would burst, but as

412
00:37:54.360 --> 00:37:58.599
soon as he was sure that it
was all right, he began to bluster

413
00:37:58.960 --> 00:38:04.239
and was delighted to think that he
could double the charge for entry, travel

414
00:38:04.280 --> 00:38:09.079
and quadruple. Perhaps the public will
simply stampy the place now, And crocodile

415
00:38:09.079 --> 00:38:14.960
owners are smart people. Besides,
it's not lent yet, and people are

416
00:38:15.079 --> 00:38:19.800
keen on diversions, And so I
say again, The great thing is that

417
00:38:19.840 --> 00:38:23.360
Ivan Matuidge should preserve his incognito.
Don't let him be in a hurry.

418
00:38:24.079 --> 00:38:29.679
Let everybody know, perhaps that he
is in the crocodile, but don't let

419
00:38:29.719 --> 00:38:37.159
them be officially informed of it.
Ivan Matuidge is in particularly favorable circumstances for

420
00:38:37.239 --> 00:38:42.440
that. For he is reckoned to
be abroad. It will be said he

421
00:38:42.639 --> 00:38:47.119
is in the crocodile, and we
will refuse to believe it. That's how

422
00:38:47.119 --> 00:38:52.639
it can be managed. The great
thing is that he should wait. And

423
00:38:52.880 --> 00:38:57.679
why should he be in a hurry? Well, but if don't worry he

424
00:38:57.760 --> 00:39:04.880
has a good constitution. Well,
and afterwards when he has waited, well,

425
00:39:04.960 --> 00:39:07.559
I won't conceal from you that the
case is exceptional in the highest degree.

426
00:39:08.239 --> 00:39:12.360
One doesn't know what to think of
it. And the worst of it

427
00:39:12.400 --> 00:39:15.719
is there is no precedent. If
we had a precedent, we might have

428
00:39:15.920 --> 00:39:20.760
something to go by. But as
it is, what is one to say?

429
00:39:21.119 --> 00:39:24.800
It will certainly take time to settle
it. A happy thought flashed upon

430
00:39:24.840 --> 00:39:30.800
my mind. Cannot we arrange?
I said that if he is destined to

431
00:39:30.880 --> 00:39:37.000
remain in the entrails of the monster, and it is the will of providence

432
00:39:37.079 --> 00:39:42.440
that he should remain alive, that
he should send in a petition to be

433
00:39:42.559 --> 00:39:49.679
reckoned as still serving hm possibly as
on leaf and without salary. But couldn't

434
00:39:49.679 --> 00:39:54.559
it be with salary on what grounds? As sent on a special commission?

435
00:39:55.719 --> 00:40:01.760
What commission? And were why into
the end trails the entrails of the crocodile,

436
00:40:02.480 --> 00:40:07.599
so to speak, for exploration,
for investigation of the facts on the

437
00:40:07.719 --> 00:40:13.599
spot. It would of course be
a novelty. But that is progressive and

438
00:40:13.639 --> 00:40:19.960
would at the same time show zeal
for enlightenment. Timofey Semyonitch thought a little

439
00:40:21.239 --> 00:40:25.119
to send a special official, he
said, at last, to the inside

440
00:40:25.159 --> 00:40:31.199
of a crocodile to conduct a special
inquiry, as, in my personal opinion,

441
00:40:31.519 --> 00:40:37.119
an absurdity. It is not in
the regulations. And what sort of

442
00:40:37.320 --> 00:40:45.039
special inquiry could there be there?
The scientific study of nature on the spot

443
00:40:45.199 --> 00:40:51.360
in the living subject. The natural
sciences are all the fashion nowadays. Botany,

444
00:40:51.920 --> 00:40:57.559
he could live there and report his
observations, for instance, concerning digestion

445
00:40:57.800 --> 00:41:04.519
or simply habits, for the sake
of accumulating facts you mean as statistics,

446
00:41:04.719 --> 00:41:08.159
Well, I am no great authority
on that subject. Indeed, I am

447
00:41:08.199 --> 00:41:14.519
no philosopher at all. You say
facts. We're overwhelmed with facts as it

448
00:41:14.679 --> 00:41:19.000
is, and don't know what to
do with them. Besides, statistics are

449
00:41:19.039 --> 00:41:23.920
a danger in what way they are
a danger? Moreover, you will admit

450
00:41:24.239 --> 00:41:30.119
he will report facts, so to
speak, lying like a log. And

451
00:41:30.639 --> 00:41:36.079
can one do one's officials duties lying
like a log? That would be another

452
00:41:36.159 --> 00:41:39.679
novelty and a dangerous one. And
again, there is no precedent for Ed.

453
00:41:40.480 --> 00:41:45.320
If we had any sort of precedent
for Ed, then to my thinking,

454
00:41:45.800 --> 00:41:52.400
he might have been given the job. But no live crocodiles have been

455
00:41:52.480 --> 00:41:58.440
brought over. Hither toe Timo faced
him. Yonage m yes, he reflected

456
00:41:58.480 --> 00:42:01.159
again, your object action is a
just one, if you like, and

457
00:42:01.440 --> 00:42:07.679
might indeed serve as a ground for
carrying the matter further. But consider again

458
00:42:07.760 --> 00:42:13.880
that if with the arrival of living
crocodiles, government clerks began to disappear,

459
00:42:14.320 --> 00:42:17.639
and then, on the ground that
they are warm and comfortable there, expect

460
00:42:17.679 --> 00:42:22.920
to receive the official sanction for their
position and then take their ease there.

461
00:42:23.119 --> 00:42:29.039
You must admit it would be a
bad example. We should have everyone trying

462
00:42:29.079 --> 00:42:32.880
to go the same way to get
a salary for nothing. Do your best

463
00:42:32.920 --> 00:42:37.760
for him. Timofey Semyonitch. By
the way, Ivan Matvitch asked me to

464
00:42:37.760 --> 00:42:43.840
give you seven rubles he had lost
to you at cards Ah. He lost

465
00:42:43.840 --> 00:42:47.800
that the other day. Yet nikif
Nikiforitch, I remember and how gay and

466
00:42:47.920 --> 00:42:54.400
amusing he was. And now the
old man was genuinely touched. Intercede for

467
00:42:54.519 --> 00:43:00.599
him. Timo phay Semyonitch, I
will do my best, will speak in

468
00:43:00.679 --> 00:43:05.119
my own name as a private person, as though I were asking for information.

469
00:43:05.519 --> 00:43:12.119
And meanwhile you find out indirectly,
unofficially, how much would the proprietor

470
00:43:12.199 --> 00:43:17.760
consent to take for his crocodile.
Timofey Semyonitch was visibly more friendly, certainly,

471
00:43:17.920 --> 00:43:22.039
I answered, and I will come
back to you at once to report.

472
00:43:23.440 --> 00:43:30.840
And his wife is she alone now? Is she depressed? You should

473
00:43:30.920 --> 00:43:36.159
call on her? Timofey Semyonitch,
I will. I thought of doing so

474
00:43:36.239 --> 00:43:40.760
before. It's a good opportunity.
And what on earth possessed him to go

475
00:43:40.920 --> 00:43:46.440
and look at the crocodile, though
indeed I should like to see it myself,

476
00:43:47.639 --> 00:43:53.119
go and see the poor fellow.
Timofey Semyonitch, I will, of

477
00:43:53.159 --> 00:43:59.119
course, I don't want to raise
his hopes by doing so, I shall

478
00:43:59.199 --> 00:44:04.320
go as a private person. Well, goodbye, I am going to Nikki

479
00:44:04.400 --> 00:44:09.239
for Nikiforitch again. Shall you be
there? No, I am going to

480
00:44:09.239 --> 00:44:15.119
see the poor prisoner. Yes,
now he is a prisoner. Ah,

481
00:44:15.360 --> 00:44:21.679
that's what comes of thoughtlessness. I
said goodbye to the old man. Ideas

482
00:44:21.719 --> 00:44:27.159
of all kinds were straying through my
mind. A good natured and most honest

483
00:44:27.199 --> 00:44:31.639
man, timofey Semyonitch. Yet as
I left him, I felt pleased at

484
00:44:31.639 --> 00:44:37.679
the thought that he had celebrated his
fiftieth year of service, and that timofey

485
00:44:37.719 --> 00:44:43.800
Semyonitchs are now a rarity among us. I flew at once, of course,

486
00:44:43.840 --> 00:44:47.480
to the arcade to tell poor Ivan
Matveitch all the news, And indeed

487
00:44:49.159 --> 00:44:52.400
I was moved by curiosity to know
how he was getting on in the crocodile,

488
00:44:52.920 --> 00:44:58.639
and how it was possible to live
in a crocodile, and indeed was

489
00:44:58.679 --> 00:45:02.920
it possible to live in a crocodile
at all? At times it really seemed

490
00:45:02.960 --> 00:45:09.559
to me as though it were all
an outlandish, monstrous dream, especially as

491
00:45:09.599 --> 00:45:20.679
an outlandish monster was the chief figure
in it. And Off the Crocodile. Part one