The Crocodile, Part one. The Crocodile An extraordinary incident, A true story
of how a gentleman of a certain age and of respectable appearance was swallowed alive
by the crocodile in the arcade, and of the consequences that followed. O
Ei Lombert o Ei Lombert artu vous lamberts One. On the thirteenth of January
of this present year, eighteen hundred and sixty five, at half past twelve
in the day, Yelena Ivanovna, the wife of my cultured friend Ivan Matveych,
who is a colleague in the same department and may be said to be
a distant relation of mine, too, expressed the desire to see the crocodile
now on view at a fixed charge in the arcade. As Ivan Matveyitch had
already in his pocket his tend for a tour abroad, not so much for
the sake of his health as for the improvement of his mind, and was
consequently free from his official duties and had nothing whatever to do that morning.
He offered no objection to his wife's irresistible fancy, but was positively aflame with
curiosity himself a capital idea, He said, with the utmost satisfaction, we'll
have a look at the crocodile on the eve of visiting Europe. It is
as well to acquaint ourselves on the spot with its indigenous inhabitants. And with
these words, taking his wife's arm, he set off with her at once
for the arcade. I joined them, as I usually do, being an
intimate friend of the family. I have never seen Ivan Matveitch in a more
agreeable frame of mind than he was on that memorable morning. How true it
is that we know not beforehand the faith that awaits us. On entering the
arcade, he was at once full of admiration for the splendors of the building.
And when we reached the shop in which the monster lately arrived in Petersburg
was being exhibited, he volunteered to pay the quarter rouble for me to the
crocodile owner, a thing which had never happened before. Walking into a little
room, we observed that besides the crocodile, they were in a parrots of
this species known as cockatoo, and also a group of monkeys in a special
case. In a recess. Near the entrance. Along the left wall stood
a big tin tank that looked like a bath covered with a thin iron grating,
filled with water to the depth of two inches. In this shallow pool
was kept a huge crocodile, which lay like a log, absolutely motionless and
apparently deprived of all its faculties by our damp climate, so inhospitable to foreign
visitors. This monster at first aroused no special interest in any of us.
So this is the crocodile, said Yelena Ivanovna, with a pathetic cadence of
regret. Why I thought it was something different? Most probably she thought it
was made of diamonds. The owner of the crocodile, a German, came
out and looked at us with an air of extraordinary pride. He has a
right to be, Ivan Matvich, whispered to me. He knows he's the
only man in Russia exhibiting a crocodile. This quite nonsensical observation. I ascribe
also to the extremely good humored mood which had overtaken Ivan Matveitch, who was,
on other occasions of rather envious disposition. I fancy your crocodile is not
alive, said Yelena Ivanovna, piqued by the irresponsive stolidity of the proprietor,
and addressing him with a charming smile in order to soften his churlishness, a
maneuver so typically feminine. Oh no, madam, the latter replied in broken
Russian, and instantly moving the grating half off the tank, he poked the
monster's head with a stick. Then the treacherous monster, to show that it
was alive, faintly stirred its paws and tail, raised its snout and emitted
something like a prolonged snuffle. Come, don't be coss guardian, said the
German, caressingly, gratified in his vanity. How horrid that crocodile is.
I am really frightened, Yelena Ivanovna twittered, still more coquettishly. I know
I shall dream of him now, but he won't bite you if you to
dream of him. The German retorted gallantly, and was the first to love
at his own jest. But none of us responded. Come semyon semyonich,
said Ilenor Ivanovna, addressing me exclusively. Let us go and look at the
monkeys. I am awfully fond of monkeys. There is such darlings and the
crocodile is horrid. Oh, don't be afraid, my dear Ivan Maatvitch called
after us, gallantly displaying his manly courage to his wife. This drowsy denizen
of the realms of the paroles will do us no harm, and he remained
by the tank. What is more, he took his glove and began tickling
the crocodile's nose with it, wishing, as he said afterwards, to induce
him to snort. The proprietor showed his politeness to a lady by following Yelena
Ivanovna to the case of monkeys. So everything was going well and nothing could
have been foreseen. Yelena Ivanovna was quite skittish in her raptures over the monkeys,
and seemed completely taken up with them, with shrieks of delight. She
was continually turning to me as though determined not to notice the proprietor, and
kept gushing with laughter at the resemblance she detected between these monkeys and her intimate
friends and acquaintances. I too was amused, for the resemblance was unmistakable.
The German did not know whether to love or not, and so at last
was reduced to frowning. And it was at that moment that a terrible,
i may say unnatural scream set the room vibrating. Not knowing what to think
for the first moment, I stood still, numb with horror, but noticing
that Yelena ivan nov I was screaming too, I quickly turned round. And
what did I behold? I saw, Oh heavens, I saw the luckless
Ivan Matovich in the terrible jaws of the crocodile, held by them round the
waist, who lifted horizontally in the air and desperately kicking. Then one moment
and no trace remained of him. But I must describe it in detail,
for I stood all the while motionless, and had time to watch the whole
process taken place before me with an attention and interest such as I never remembered
to have felt before. What I thought at that critical moment. What if
all that had happened to me instead of to Ivan Matoch, How unpleasant it
would have been for me. But to return to my story, The crocodile
began by turning the happy Ivan Matveyich in his terrible jaws so that he could
swallow his legs first, then bringing up Ivan Matveyitch, who kept trying to
jump out and clutching at the sides of the tank, sucked him down again
as far as his waist, then bringing him up again got him down,
and so again and again. In this way, Ivan Matveyitch was visibly disappearing
before our eyes. At last, with a final gulp, the crocodile swallowed
my cultured friend entirely, this time leaving no trace of him. From the
outside of the crocodile, we could see the protuberances of Ivan Matveyich's figure as
he passed down the inside of the monster. I was on the point of
screaming again when destiny played another treacherous trick upon us. The crocodile made a
tremendous effort, probably oppressed by the magnet of the object he had swallowed,
once more opened his terrible jaws, and with a final hiccup, he suddenly
let the head of Ivan Matveig pop out for a second, with an expression
of despair on his face. In that brief instance, the spectacles dropped off
his nose to the bottom of the tank. It seemed as though that despairing
countenance had only popped out to cast one last look on the objects around it
to take its last farewell of all earthly pleasures, But it had not time
to carry out its intention. The crocodile made another effort, gave a gulp,
and instantly a vanished again, this time forever. This appearance and disappearance
of a still living human head was so horrible, but at the same time,
either from its rapidity and unexpectedness, or from the dropping of the spectacles,
there was something so comic about it that I suddenly, quite unexpectedly exploded
with laughter. But pulling myself together and realizing that to laugh at such a
moment was not the thing for an old family friend, I turned at once
to Yelena Ivanovna and said, with a sympathetic air, now it's all over
with our friend Ivan Matveig. I cannot even attempt to describe how violent was
the agitation of Yelena Ivanovna during the whole process. After the first scream,
she seemed rude to the spot and stared at the catastrophe with apparent indifference,
though her eyes looked as though they were starting out of her head. Then
she suddenly went off into a heartrending wail, but I seized her hands.
At this instant, the proprietor, too, who had at first been also
petrified by horror, suddenly clasped his hands and cried, gazing upwards, oh
my crocodile, Oh min allah Leavestcaucian Mutta, Muto muto. A door at
the rear of the room opened at this cry, and the Mutta, a
rosy cheeked, elderly but disheveled woman in a cap, made her appearance and
rushed with a shriek to her German. A perfect bablum followed. Yelena Ivanovna
kept shrieking out the same phrase, as though in a frenzy, flay him,
flay him, apparently entreating them, probably in a moment of oblivion,
to flace somebody for something. The proprietor and Mutta took no notice whatever of
either of us. They were both ballowing like calves over the crocodile. He
did for himself. He will burst himself at once, for he did swallow
a gun's official, cried the prop writer Unza Carlchian unsa allah leaves the Calchian
vilch Sturben howled his wife. We are bereaved and without bread, chimed in
the proprietor, flay him, flay him, flay him, clamored Yelena Ivanovna,
clutching at the German's coat. He did tease the crocodile. For what
did your man tease the crocodile, cried the German, pulling away from her.
You will if Krchian will burst. Therefore pay dos thou mine zown,
dost thou mine einziga zoun i must own. I was intensely indignant at the
sight of such egoism in the German and the coldheartedness of his disheveled mutta.
At the same time, Yelena Ivanovna's reiterated shriek of flay him, flay him
troubled me even more and absorbed at last my whole attention, positively alarming me.
I may as well say straight off that I entirely misunderstood this strange exclamation.
It seemed to me that Yelena Ivanovna had for the moment taken leave of
her senses, but nevertheless, wishing to avenge the loss of her beloved Ivan
Matveyitch, was demanding by way of compensation, that the crocodile should be severely
thrashed while she was meaning something quite different. Looking round at the door,
not without embarrassment, I began to entreat Yelena Ivanovna to calm herself, and
above all not to use the shocking word flay. For such a reactionary desire
here in the midst of the arcade and of the most cultural society, not
two paces from the hall, or at this very minute mister Lavrov was,
perhaps delivering a public lecture, was not only impossible but unthinkable, and might
at any moment bring upon us the hisses of culture and the caricatures of mister
Stepanov. To my horror, I was immediately proved to be correct in my
alarmed suspicions. The curtain that divided the Crocodile Room from the little entry where
the quarter rules were taken suddenly parted, and in the opening there appeared a
figure with mustache and beard, carrying a cap, with the upper part of
its body bent a long way forward, though the feet were scrupulously held beyond
the threshold of the Crocodile Room in order to avoid the necessity of paying the
entrance money. Such a reactionary desire, Madam, said the stranger trying to
avoid falling over in our direction, and to remain standing outside the room does
no credit to your development, and is conditioned by lack of phosphorus in your
brain. You will be promptly held up to shame in the chronicle of progress
and in our satirical Prince. But he could not complete his remarks. The
proprietor, coming to himself, and seeing with horror that a man was talking
in the crocodile room without having hate entrance money, rushed furiously at the progressive
stranger and turned him out with a punch from each fist. For a moment,
both vanished from our side behind a curtain, and only then I grasped
that the whole uproar was about nothing. Yelena Ivanovna turned out quite innocent.
She had, as I have mentioned already, no idea whatever of subjecting the
crocodile to a degrading corporal punishment, and had simply expressed the desire that he
should be opened and her husband released from its interior. What you wish that
Mike crocodile be perished, the proprietor yelled, running in again. No,
let your husband be perished first, Before Mike crocodile. Mine father showed crocodile.
Mine. Girl's father showed crocodile. Mine. Zoon will show crocodile,
and I will show crocodile. All will show crocodile. I am known to
Ganz'arropa, and you are not known to Gunz'arropa. And you must pay near
schaffe yah yah put in the vindictive German woman. He shall not let you
go strafe, since Skachian is burst and indeed it's useless to flay the creature,
I added, calmly, anxious to get Yelena Ivanovna away home as quickly
as possible as our dear Ivan Matveyitch is by now, probably soaring somewhere in
the imperium. My dear, we suddenly heard, to our intense amazement,
the voice of Ivan Matveyitch, My dear, My advice is to apply direct
to the Superintendent's office, as without the assistance of the police, the German
will never be made to see reason. These words, uttered with firmness and
a plan, and expressing an exceptional presence of mind, for the first minute
astounded us that we could not believe our ears. But of course we ran
at once to the crocodile's tank, and with equal reverence and incredulity, listened
to the unhappy captive. His voice was muffled, thin and even squeaky,
as though it came from a considerable distance. It reminded one of a jocose
person who, covering his mouth with a pillow, shouts from an adjoining room,
trying to mimic the sound of two peasants calling to one another in a
deserted plane or across a wide ravine, a performance to which I once had
the pleasure of listening in a friend's house at Christmas. Ivan matueych, my
dear, and so you are alive, faltered, Yelena Ivanovna. Alife and
well, answered Ivan Matueych, And thanks to the Almighty, swallowed without any
damage whatever. I am only uneasy as to the view my superiors may take
of the incident, for after getting a permit to go abroad, I've got
into a crocodile, which seems anything but clever. But my dear, don't
trouble your head about being clever. First of all, we must somehow excavate
you from where you are, Yelena Ivanovna interrupted, excavate cried the proprietor,
I will not let my crocodile be excavated. Now the publicoon will come any
more, and I will finzick kopax ask and Calcian will cease to burst.
God's I dunk put in his wife. They are right, Ivan Matveych observed
tranquility the principles of economics before everything, My dear, I will fly at
once to the authorities and larger complaint, for I feel that we cannot settle
this mess by ourselves. I think so, too, observed Ivan Matvevich.
But in our age of industrial crisis, it is not easy to rip open
the belly of a crocodile without economic compensation. And meanwhile, the inevitable question
presents itself, what will the German take for his crocodile? And with it
another how will it be paid for? As you know, I have no
means, perhaps out of your salary, I observed timidly. But the proprietor
interrupted me. At once. I will not the crocodile cell. I will
for three thousand the crocodile cell. I will for four thousand the crocodile cell.
Now the publicoum will come very many. I will fall five thousand,
the crocodile cell. In fact, he gave himself insufferable ears, covetousness,
and a revolting greed. Gleamed joyfully in his eyes. I am going,
I cried indignantly, and I I too, I shall go to end the
Rajosipitch himself. I will soften him with my tears. Wind Yelena Ivanovna,
don't do that, my dear ivan Matvirch hastened to interpose. He had long
been jealous of Andreosipitch on his wife's account, and he knew she would enjoy
going to weep before a gentleman of refineness for tears suited her. And I
don't advise you to do so either, my friend, he added, addressing
me, It's no good plunging headlong in that slap dash way. There is
no knowing what it may lead to. You had much better go to day
to timofey Semyonitch, as though to pay an ordinary visit. He's an old
fashioned and by no means brilliant man, but he is trustworthy, and what
matters most of all, he is straightforward. Give him my greetings and describe
the circumstances of the case, and since I owe him seven roubles over our
last game of cards, take the opportunity to pay him the money that will
soften the sternal man. In any case, his advice may serve as a
guide for us. Meanwhile, take Yelena Ivanovna home. Calm yourself, my
dear, he continued, addressing her, I am wary of these outcries and
feminine squabblings, and should like a nap. It's soft and warm in here,
though I have hardly had time to look round in this unexpected haven.
Look round, Why is it light in there? Cried Yelena Ivanovna in a
tone of relief. I am surrounded by impenetrable night, answered the poor captive.
But I can feel, and so to speak, have a look around
with my hands. Goodbye. Set your mind at rest, and don't deny
yourself recreation and diversion till tomorrow. And you, Semyon, semyonitch come to
me in the evening, And as you are absent minded and may forget it,
tie a knot in your handkerchief. I confess I was glad to get
away, for I was overtired and somewhat bored. Hastening to offer my arm
to a disconsolate Yelena Ivanovna, whose charms were only enhanced by her agitation.
I hurriedly led her out of the crocodile room. The charge will be another
quarter rouble in the evening. The proprietor called after us. Oh dear,
how greedy they are, said Yelena Ivanovna, looking at herself in every mirror
on the walls of the arcade, and evidently aware that she was looking prettier
than usual. The principles of economics, I answered, with some emotion,
proud that passers by should see the lady on my arm. The principles of
economics, she drawled, in a touching little voice. I did not in
the least understand what Ivan Matwich said about those horrid economics. Just now,
I will explain to you, I answered, and began at once telling her
of the beneficial effects of the introduction of foreign capital into our country, upon
which I had read an article in the Petersburg News and the Voice that morning.
How strange it is, she interrupted, after listening for some time.
But do leave off, you horrid man. What nonsense are you talking?
Tell me? Do I look purple? You look perfect? And not purple,
I observed, seizing the opportunity to pay her a compliment. Naughty man,
she said, complacently, Poor Ivan matveyitch, she added a minute later,
putting her little head on one side coquettishly. I am really sorry for
him, how dear, she cried suddenly. How is he going to have
his dinner? And and what will he do if he wants anything? An
unforeseen question, I answered, perplexed in my turn to tell the truth,
it had not entered my head. So much more practical our women than we
men in the solution of the problems of daily life. Poor dear, how
could he have got into such a mass? Nothing to amuse him? And
in the dark? How vexing it is that I have no photograph of him?
And so now I am sort of a widow, she added with a
seductive's smile, evidently interested in her new position. I am sorry for him,
though it was, in short the expression of the very natural and intelligible
grief of a young and interesting wife for the loss of her husband. I
took her home at last, soothed her, and, after dining with her
and drinking a cup of aromatic coffee, set off at six o'clock to timofy
Semonage, calculating that at that hour all merry people of settled habits would be
sitting or lying down at home. Having written this first chapter in a style
appropriate to the incident recorded, I intend to proceed in a language more natural,
though less elevated, and I beg to forewarn the reader of the fact.
Two. The venerable timofay Semyonitch met me rather nervously, as though somewhat
embarrassed. He led me to his tiny study and shut the door carefully,
that the children may not hinder us, he added, with evident uneasiness.
There he made me sit down on a chair by the writing table, sat
down himself in an easy chair, wrapped round him the skirts of his old
water dressing gown, and assumed an official and even severe air in readiness for
anything, though he was not my chief, nor even Matveyitch, and had
hitherto been reckoned as a colleague and even a friend. First of all,
he said, take note that I am not a person in authority, but
just such a subordinate official as you and even Matwyge. I have nothing to
do with it, and do not intend to mix myself up in the affair
I was surprised to find that he apparently knew all about it already. In
spite of that, I told him the whole story over in detail. I
spoke with positive excitement, for I was at that moment fulfilling the obligations of
a true friend. He listened without special surprise, but with evident signs of
suspicion. Only fancy, he said, I always believed that this would be
sure to happen to him. Why timofey Semyonitch. It is a very unusual
incident in itself, I admit it. But even Matwyage's whole career and the
service was leading up to this end he was fighting, conceded. Indeed,
it was always progress and ideas of all sorts, and this is what progress
brings people to. But this is a most unusual incident and not possibly serve
as a general rule for all progressives. Yes, indeed it can. You
see. It's the effect of over education, I assure you, for over
education leads people to poke their noses into all sorts of places, especially where
they are not invited. Though perhaps you know best, he added, as
though offended. I am an old man and not of much education. I
began as a soldier's son, and this year has been the jubilee of my
service. Oh no, timofey Semyonitch, not at all. On the contrary,
even Matveyitch is eager for your advice. He is eager for your guidance.
He implores it, so to say, with tears. So to say,
with tears. Those are crocodile's tears, and one cannot quite believe in
them. Tell me what possessed him to want to go abroad? And how
could he afford to go? Why he has no private means he had gave
the money from his last bonus, I answered plaintively. He only wanted to
go for three months to Switzerland, to the land of William Tell William Tell
m He wanted to meet the spring at Naples, to see the museums,
the customs, the animals, the animals. I think that was simply from
pride. What animals? Animals? Indeed, haven't we animals enough? We
have museums, menageries, camels. There are bears quite close to Petersburg.
And here he's got inside a crocodile himself. Oh, calm, timofey Semyonitch.
The man is in trouble. The man appeals to you as to a
friend, as to an older relation, craves for advice, and you reproach
him. Have pity at last on the unfortunate Yelena Ivanovna. You're speaking of
his wife, a charming little lady, said timofey Semyonitch, visibly softening and
taking a pinch of snuff with relish, particularly prepossessing, and so plumb,
and always putting her pretty little head on one side, very agreeable. Andrea
Sippitch was speaking of her only the other day, speaking of her, yes,
and in very flattering terms. Such a bust, he said, such
eyes, such hair, a sugar plum, he said, not a lady,
And then he laughed. He's still a young man, of course,
timofey Semyonitch blew his nose with a loud noise. And yet young though he
is. What a career he is making for himself. That's quite a different
thing, timofey Semyonitch, of course, of course. Well what do you
say, then, timofey Semyonitch, Why what can I do? Give advice
guidance as a man of experience, a relative? What are we to do?
What steps are we to take? Ache go to the authorities and to
the authorities, certainly not. Timofey Semyonitch replied, hurriedly. If you ask
my advice, you had better, above all, hush the matter up and
act so to speak, as a private person. It is a suspicious incident,
quite unheard of, unheard of. Above all, there is no precedent
for it, and it is far from creditable, and so discretion above all.
Let him lie there a bit. We must wait and see. But
how can we wait and see, timofey Semyonitch, what if he stifled there?
Why should he be? I think you told me that he made himself
fairly comfortable there. I told him the whole story over again. Timofey Semyonitch
pondered, hmmm, he said, twisting his snuff box in his hands.
To my mind, it's really a good thing. You should lie there a
bit instead of going abroad. Let him reflect as leisure. Of course,
he mustn't be stifled, so he must take measures to preserve his health,
avoiding a cough, for instance, and so on. And as for the
German, it's my personal opinion he is within his rights, and even more
so than the other side, because it was the other party who got into
his crocodile without asking permission, and not he who got into Ivan Matuidge's crocodile
without asking permission, though so far as I recollect, the latter has no
crocodile, and a crocodile is private property, so it's impossible to slid him
open without compensation for the saving of human life. Timofey Semyonitch, Oh,
well, that's a matter for the police. You must go to them.
But Ivan Matuidge may be needed in the department. He may be asked for.
Ivan Matoyitch needed ha ha. Besides, he is on leave, so
that we may ignore him. Let him inspect the countries of Europe. It
will be a different matter. If he doesn't turn up when his leaf is
over, then we shall ask for him and make inquiries three months timofayd Semyonitch.
For pity's sake, it's his own fault. Nobody thrust him there.
At this rate, we should have to get a nurse to look after him
at government expense, and that is not allowed for in the regulations. But
the chief point is that the crocodile is private property, so that the principles
of economics apply in this question, and the principles of economics are paramount only.
The other evening, at Luka Andretch, Ignati Prokovitch was saying, so,
do you know, Ignati Prokovich a capitalist in a big way of business,
and he speaks so fluently. We need industrial development, he said,
there is very little development among us. We must create it. We must
create capital. So we must create a middle class, the so called bourgeoisie.
And as we haven't capital, we must attract it from abroad. We
must, in the first place, give facilities to foreign companies to buy up
lands in Russia, as is done now abroad. The communal holding of land
is poison, is ruin. And you know he spoke with such heat.
Well, that's all right for him, a wealthy man and not in the
service with the communal system. He said, there will be no improvement in
industrial development or agriculture. Foreign companies, he said, must, as far
as possible, buy up the whole of our land in big lots and then
split it up, split it up, split it up in the smallest parts
possible. And do you know he pronounced the words split it up with such
determination, and then sell it as private property, or rather not sell it,
but simply let it when he said, all the land is in the
hands of foreign companies. They can fix any rent they like. And so
the peasant will work three times as much for his daily bread and can be
turned out at pleasure so that he will feel it, will be submissive and
industrious, and will work three times as much for the same wages. But
as it is with the commune, what does he care. He knows he
won't die of hunger, so he is lazy and drunken. And meanwhile money
will be attracted into Russia, capital will be created, and the bourgeoisie will
spring up. The English political and literary paper The Times, and an article
the other day on our finances, stated that the reason our financial position was
so unsatisfactory was that we had no middle class, no big fortunes, no
accommodating proletariat. Ignati Prokovitch speaks well. He is an orator. He wants
to lay a report on the subject before the authorities and then to get it
published in the news. That's something very different from verses like Ivan Latvitch.
But how about Ivan matvetch I put in After letting the old man babble on
Timofey Semyonitch was sometimes fond of talking and showing that he was not behind the
times, but knew all about things. How about Ivan Matveitch, Well,
I am coming to that here. We are anxious to bring foreign capital into
the country, and only consider as soon as the capital of a foreigner who
has been attracted to Petersburg has been doubled through Ivan Matveyitch. Instead of protecting
the foreign capitalist, we are proposing to rip open the belly of its original
capital, the crocodile. Is it consistent to my mind Ivan Matuyich, as
the true son of his fatherland, ought to rejoice and to be proud that
through him the value of a foreign crocodile has been doubled and possibly even traveled.
That's just what is wanted to attract capital. If one man succeeds,
mind you, another will come with a crocodile, and a third will bring
two or three of them at once, and capital will grow up about them.
There you have a bourgeoisie. It must be encouraged. Upon my word.
Timofey Semyonitch, I cried, you are demanding almost supernatural self sacrifice from
poor Ivan Matveyich. I demand nothing, and I beg you before everything,
as I've said already, to remember that I'm not a person in authority and
so cannot demand anything of anyone. I am speaking as a son of the
fatherland. That is, not as the son of the fatherland, but as
the son of the fatherland. Again, what possessed him to get into the
crocodile a respectable man, a man of good grade in the service, lawfully
married, and then to behave like that? Is it consistent? But it
was an accident? Who knows? And where is the money to compensate the
owner to come from? Perhaps out of his salary, timofey Semyonitch, Would
that be enough? No, it wouldn't, timofey Semyonitch, I answered sadly.
The proprietor was at first alarmed that the crocodile would burst, but as
soon as he was sure that it was all right, he began to bluster
and was delighted to think that he could double the charge for entry, travel
and quadruple. Perhaps the public will simply stampy the place now, And crocodile
owners are smart people. Besides, it's not lent yet, and people are
keen on diversions, And so I say again, The great thing is that
Ivan Matuidge should preserve his incognito. Don't let him be in a hurry.
Let everybody know, perhaps that he is in the crocodile, but don't let
them be officially informed of it. Ivan Matuidge is in particularly favorable circumstances for
that. For he is reckoned to be abroad. It will be said he
is in the crocodile, and we will refuse to believe it. That's how
it can be managed. The great thing is that he should wait. And
why should he be in a hurry? Well, but if don't worry he
has a good constitution. Well, and afterwards when he has waited, well,
I won't conceal from you that the case is exceptional in the highest degree.
One doesn't know what to think of it. And the worst of it
is there is no precedent. If we had a precedent, we might have
something to go by. But as it is, what is one to say?
It will certainly take time to settle it. A happy thought flashed upon
my mind. Cannot we arrange? I said that if he is destined to
remain in the entrails of the monster, and it is the will of providence
that he should remain alive, that he should send in a petition to be
reckoned as still serving hm possibly as on leaf and without salary. But couldn't
it be with salary on what grounds? As sent on a special commission?
What commission? And were why into the end trails the entrails of the crocodile,
so to speak, for exploration, for investigation of the facts on the
spot. It would of course be a novelty. But that is progressive and
would at the same time show zeal for enlightenment. Timofey Semyonitch thought a little
to send a special official, he said, at last, to the inside
of a crocodile to conduct a special inquiry, as, in my personal opinion,
an absurdity. It is not in the regulations. And what sort of
special inquiry could there be there? The scientific study of nature on the spot
in the living subject. The natural sciences are all the fashion nowadays. Botany,
he could live there and report his observations, for instance, concerning digestion
or simply habits, for the sake of accumulating facts you mean as statistics,
Well, I am no great authority on that subject. Indeed, I am
no philosopher at all. You say facts. We're overwhelmed with facts as it
is, and don't know what to do with them. Besides, statistics are
a danger in what way they are a danger? Moreover, you will admit
he will report facts, so to speak, lying like a log. And
can one do one's officials duties lying like a log? That would be another
novelty and a dangerous one. And again, there is no precedent for Ed.
If we had any sort of precedent for Ed, then to my thinking,
he might have been given the job. But no live crocodiles have been
brought over. Hither toe Timo faced him. Yonage m yes, he reflected
again, your object action is a just one, if you like, and
might indeed serve as a ground for carrying the matter further. But consider again
that if with the arrival of living crocodiles, government clerks began to disappear,
and then, on the ground that they are warm and comfortable there, expect
to receive the official sanction for their position and then take their ease there.
You must admit it would be a bad example. We should have everyone trying
to go the same way to get a salary for nothing. Do your best
for him. Timofey Semyonitch. By the way, Ivan Matvitch asked me to
give you seven rubles he had lost to you at cards Ah. He lost
that the other day. Yet nikif Nikiforitch, I remember and how gay and
amusing he was. And now the old man was genuinely touched. Intercede for
him. Timo phay Semyonitch, I will do my best, will speak in
my own name as a private person, as though I were asking for information.
And meanwhile you find out indirectly, unofficially, how much would the proprietor
consent to take for his crocodile. Timofey Semyonitch was visibly more friendly, certainly,
I answered, and I will come back to you at once to report.
And his wife is she alone now? Is she depressed? You should
call on her? Timofey Semyonitch, I will. I thought of doing so
before. It's a good opportunity. And what on earth possessed him to go
and look at the crocodile, though indeed I should like to see it myself,
go and see the poor fellow. Timofey Semyonitch, I will, of
course, I don't want to raise his hopes by doing so, I shall
go as a private person. Well, goodbye, I am going to Nikki
for Nikiforitch again. Shall you be there? No, I am going to
see the poor prisoner. Yes, now he is a prisoner. Ah,
that's what comes of thoughtlessness. I said goodbye to the old man. Ideas
of all kinds were straying through my mind. A good natured and most honest
man, timofey Semyonitch. Yet as I left him, I felt pleased at
the thought that he had celebrated his fiftieth year of service, and that timofey
Semyonitchs are now a rarity among us. I flew at once, of course,
to the arcade to tell poor Ivan Matveitch all the news, And indeed
I was moved by curiosity to know how he was getting on in the crocodile,
and how it was possible to live in a crocodile, and indeed was
it possible to live in a crocodile at all? At times it really seemed
to me as though it were all an outlandish, monstrous dream, especially as
an outlandish monster was the chief figure in it. And Off the Crocodile. Part one