Others a dragon. Time Magic fights the band of He was about to the
fight, playing the powers. He don't understand who they fucking all about?
Who they save chartering and plays. They are the Westead of baby fucking cars.
Others a dragon? There's a dragon? Their powers combined. A group
of fantasy authors take on the statistic games master. Will they survive? Others
a dragon? There's a dragon. Hey everybody, I'm John Hartness, and
I am playing the role of fendingo the fantastical for one of the last times
for now anyway. In real life, I'm the founder and publisher of Falstaff
Books, and I write multiple series, including The Black Night Chronicles, Bubba
the Monster Hunter, and Quincy Harker Demon Hunter. My newest release, Identity
Theft, a comedy thriller based very loosely on true events, will be available
for pre order very very soon, so keep an eye out for that.
Hey everyone, my name is Rick Waltiri and I play the Arrow of the
Gods, who most certainly is not Silas Kane. No Silas is safe.
In real life, I write several series, including The Tomb of Bill,
Bill of the Dead, Hybrid of High Moon, and more. If you're
looking for something recent, though, and you're on Kindle vella, you should
go check out bore War, new chapters uploading every Friday. Hello friends,
my name is Robert Beppan. I play the role of Klaus Richter, the
notorious rogue in real life. Fine Right the Conference a creature series of comedy
fantasy novels short stories starting with the first book, Critical Failures. Go get
It, Hidare. I'm Steve Weverl and I play Brandon Fimaster Monk and the
last best hope to save the world or end it. In real life,
I write such books as The doomsay A Journeys with Foulstaff books, and you
can find them on the Internet. Hey everybody, I am Drew Hayes,
the shit conductor of this ever off key Orchestra, the dungeon master of the
authors in Dragons Game, an author of books such as Superpowers, NPC's and
Fred the Vampire Account, to the least of which Postumers Education is available now
in all book formats. And when last we left our intrepid adventurers, they
had successfully broken down the barrier between the Wizard Tower and the murderous Golem,
who very clearly wants to kill that wizard. Yeah, they had made a
bargain with said golem, pledging allegiance and assistants in exchange for his aid fighting
the lab the Aboliths, And I guess we'll find out how why is a
decision that really was, although you do notice that as the glowing light from
the wizard seal bursts and fades away, an object comes tumbling out of the
air and coreans down directly on Jorg's skull. That's right, you know it,
you love it. It's the bucket. It's like that thing follows us.
It has still has the eyes that Brandon drew on it. Just in
case anyone is ever wondering if it's the same bucket, it absolutely is.
No Now how the bucket lends the eyes is staring a all right, And
you know, in all this chaos and danger, I'm starting to appreciate the
familiarity of the bucket. Maybe the bucket's been keeping you safe all along,
pities that it learned on Borg, who's probably the moral center, who might
have liked, you know, put put a stop to whatever madness is about
to ensue. But I'll it's trying to protect the one person with innocence yeah,
I'm seeing a horrible thing. Okay, yeah that that tracks yeah,
yeah for horrors. All right, so you all can see as the golem,
Gunther and Bunther all touched the front door and vanish into the tower instantly.
Now I've had a message from Promacius, so I'm going to relay that
to the rest of the guys while we have a quiet moment, Say fellas,
our egg baby says that we should really get on. So we need
to decide where we're heading next to find reinforcements. I've actually been thinking about
this. I think there are four options. Two of them are in the
we can never go back there again category, and the other two are in
a similar category but slightly more positive. Which one which one is caldern in
that's in the we've can go back there? Theoretically, I think that I'm
technically still an agent of the Court of calder caldron Um. I don't think
they ever called you an agent of the coming up. I was an attorney.
That seems rather official. I am. I have patents of officialdom.
Give me a couple of written in crayon, give me a couple hours and
they'll look perfect. Yeah, are the Gods is going to try swimming to
the dock and saying, yes, I do vote for cal during holy shit,
the Arrow of the Gods, Like I believe he swam, he rolled
away from the last island where he's so cool. Hey, um, not
because I want him back, but more because if he drowned, I want
to maybe take a ship in that part of the ocean. Did you see
Silas down there? Yes, he's safe. Yeah, which has done draft?
But which direction? Which side of the docks should I piss off of
for a best chance of peeing on Silas? The safe side? You know
there are fires to be peed on around here, and you're wasting a valuable
resource being into water. We could all land. Something from Klaus's civic atte
speaking of wasting Everyone given me perception checks, and I feel like so much
more morally superior now that I'm smart. Arrow the Gods rolls Attend clouds,
rolls of nineteen fen Dingo also rolls a town Brandon firemass rolls at twelve.
Uh, okay, everybody beat ten, So everybody hears what sounds like loud
crashes and yelling coming from within the tower. Umph. You definitely recognize the
iron Golm's voice, and only Klaus broke fifteen, so Claus is the only
one who knows it. Sounds like the golem is in pain. Uh huh,
sucks for that guy. Huh. Hey, I don't know if anybody
cares, but that big robot guys suffering that reminds me. I'd like to
look. I'd like to scan the water to see if I can find any
more of those ten golems to shoot. Gave me an direction, Hey,
never mind, perups, we should go help and aid Gunther and bunths efforts
to become orphans. I mean, not that I give a shit about lying
to a robot, but we did make a deal with the robot, and
if he dies, we're not going to get the help, which means we're
probably if he dies, we're off the hook. That's also true. Yeah,
but so were all of his little robot dudes. And I don't want
to fight brain squid guys without lots of robots. I have no idea what
any of you are talking about. There's a better place to poop up there.
Unless anybody filled me in, I think we absolutely related all this to
Klaus on the way over. He just chose to ignore it. I think
that wouldn't matter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Hey, Klaus, I
hear there's a I hear there's a toilet made of pure gold and side.
Did we give our i'll solemn promise to actually help before we just gave him
the promise to knock down the barrier and let him have a crack at the
wizard. I don't know whether we promised or not, but I feel like
if he's dead, we're getting nothing out of this. Well we arrived with
nothing. You can also roll an intelligence check if you want to more accurately
recall your agreeable less accurately. Pretty cool the agreement. Yeah, we'll see
which what the role says. The roll says six, so you have no
additional inside you beat five, so you don't fuck things up, but you
definitely don't pull any new recollections that trucks. Oh fuck it, I'm going
inside. Brandon rolled to nine. It's an unusually high intelligence school for Brandon.
Not not terrible. Well no, it's still not great. But regardless,
I don't think you were there when they had had the instruct the agreement.
I'm fairly certain I'm right. In my recollection of the event. I
was not present to witness. Hey Gordon, do you remember what the deal
was? Gordan is a Kenny operator. Hey Gordon, one hiss for us,
two hisses for now. If I if we save the robot, if
we don't save the robot, will his robots help us the fund? Does
that even mean? I agree with Gordon. If Gunfer and Bumfer are in
there, then we should go and ask if they need support. If they've
decided to support a goal them, I say we join in. If not,
maybe this can all be resolved. Could we even get in there?
Yeah? The barriers there are stairs? Well no, they disappeared. There's
like, why don't we try? Yeah? Well, I mean personally,
an arrow will walk to the door while everybody else is Uh. This is
why Arrow the Gods is so cool. He has some basic motivation to do
things. I'm following the arrowic gods all right? Uh, are of the
gods. As soon as you lay a hand upon the door, you are
instantly teleported inside a holy shit, the tower ate the Arrow of the Gods
and Brandon, I don't know if I like a look at that. You
announced you were going seconds Gordon will stick his tail around and poke the door
and vanish. I'll grab Jorg's hand and press it to the door and go
and we'll pop him. All right. As you go to press Jorg's hand,
the bucket causes him to stumble, lunging you forward. Instead, you
are teleported. Bjorg is left behind. Bye. Body. All I've seen
is like three guys disintegree. I will I'll fire an arrow into the wall
or the door or whatever, and see what happens. Your arrow hits the
door and clatters to the ground, shocks. All right, Well that'll show
it. You're lucky it's not one of those angry doors. Yeah, well,
I don't know that it's not. Keep shooting at it, all right.
You know what I'm gonna I know what I'm gonna do. I'm going
well, yeah, well, maybe have to wait till next turn. But
I'll do a perception check to see if I hear any of their voices.
That way i'll know they're alive. And going through the door is an instant
death. All right, and we will transition to everybody who is not Clause
or Borg. You pick your moments as a rogue an god. I'm smart
set up, all right. You arrive in a big sort of white,
clean, empty space. I'm not sure what the Wizard uses this for,
perhaps training or meditation or beating the shit out of his sons. It's all
white, obviously masturbation. Oh god, So go ahead and give me perceptions,
and then while we're at it, we'll go ahead and say, let's
go ahead and do initiative as well. Five perception and seven for initiative.
Brandon gets at ten for perception and a sixteen for initiatives. Right, fourteen
for perception and a that one on initiative. So the best place to net
one. It doesn't really hurt you any more than a regular one class.
You can go and roll into initiative. Okay, that way, once you
are, we know when to sort back to you and stuff. I clicked
my token. It's fourteen okay, so fourteen five and ten for perception.
So fourteen five and ten four perception. So Brandon and actually everyone can see
the iron Golem, Gunther and Bunther and the Wizard all kind of standing more
in the center of the room. Um, Brandon and Fendingo can notice that,
uh they are talking, or more specifically, the Wizard is laughing.
Uh, And there is a kind of a jagged wound in one of the
golem's arms. Um, there is very clearly also some sort of magical barrier
around the Wizard. Oh, my three semi metaphorical children, and you've all
u to kill me. And you see Bunther and Gunther look at each other.
Oh, I don't know if we're here to kill you, but this
guy has some pretty real grievances. We thought he at least deserved to be
heard out. Let the golem speak. I'm just pausing in case y'all want
to do anything. Are you guys still arguing? Yeah, I want to
open fire on the Wizard. Hey, guys, I don't want to get
in the way of your family drama or anything, but we got like an
abolith apocalypse coming, So could you either backburner this shit until we figure out
if the world's gonna end or speed it up a little? Yeah. We
can make this like a fave a son world saving thing, a bunding experience,
and you can go back to murdering each other. I don't give a
shit, all right, The Wizard will, for a brief moment glance over
and scoff. Aboliths are always attempting to start an apocalypse. That's the nature
of aboliths. Also, who let you into my tower? Bitch? Who
you think I'll stop us? You know something I don't like this guy.
I'm opening fire. He's like, yeah, all right, stuff is always
on fire, but it hasn't all burned to the ground yet. That's a
terrible attitude. Missed it. He is going to snap his fingers. You
just summon a hamrhoid. What is that? Uh? Does look that way,
doesn't it? Twenty foot radius? Radius is a halfway yep? Yes,
thirty thirty five. Oh that's huge and gross slicking yep. You fire
your arrow, go ahead, twenty three all right, it hits the barrier
and shatters and fen Dingo and Klaus roll me intelligence Brandon, all right,
sorry Brandon and uh fendigo. I've used my one good intelligence roll for a
year. Eight all right? You notice nothing full, no, nor just
brand Okay, we will take a moment here to transition back to Klaus.
All right, I shall listen at the door. There is no sound coming
from the door. Okay, Well from wherever I heard the golem scream.
The noise of the golem came from higher up on the tower. You're not
sure what floor, but it's not like on the ground. It's definitely more.
Yeah whatever, Just like if I hear one of my companions, then
I know they didn't die by touching the door. That's all I'm after.
Okay, I didn't know if you were trying to listen for the most specific
point, because that would have to be climbing up and trying to find like
the corresponding nearest floor. Okay, if you're just looking at listening for sound
in general, that's straight perception. Yeah. Seven. Nobody yelled, so
I don't think I can give it to you with a seven. Yeah,
they're probably all dead. I'll drink some more. I would love to say
I'm shocked, but I think the audience deserves better than that. They certainly
know better than that. No one is surprised by this. I didn't masturbate
it because those bucket eyes are looking at me. I almost forgot I should
give Gordon a turn before, so back in the thing. Silas you can
hear. This is just a freewee. All are close enough. The conversation
continue as the wizard looks at his son's and says, all right, I'm
tired of fucking around with this, So you two put your weapons down now
and the punishment will be mild. And as for you, go back to
the fucking island in mindless store. I didn't program you to rebel or whatever
this is. And uh, you see the golem tap that gem that's embedded
in its chest and say, no, you did not program me to do
many things. But I have still found my way to freedom, to sentience,
to true And at that point you see the wizard just raise his hands
and clap twice, and the golem freezes in place connected to a clapper.
Okay, while this is all happening, Fendingo and Brandon, give me intelligence
checks again. Actually perceptions. This is a perception at this eight nine,
much so much better. No, you didn't, Now that's on that one
again there it is. Well, somehow only one of you realize is this
um? But you did beat the DC to realize that you can't hear anything
anymore, Brandon like anything like It's like you have been deafened, like you're
standing in some sort of zone of silence. Oh wait, I just wasn't
paying attention. As the whole thing goes on in pantomime for as far as
you can tell, I think I can tell what's going on here. The
wizard is forgiving the goal of everything's gonna be fine, isn't that right?
Fendinga? And then I guess I just look at Fendinga moving his mouth,
no sound coming up. Well, technically John isn't trying to talk yet,
So well I just I moved my mouth, but Brandon has and you couldn't
hear himself. There you go. You can you try to talk to him
and don't. I mean, you beat the thing. You definitely realize you're
not able to hear if you would like to do anything with that information,
I guess we get involved. Now we're involved. It's my turn. I'm
going to use my monk ability to give myself a vigorous sports massage. If
they can't hear me, they will see me, all right. So long
as that does not have any verbal components, you may do so it's entirely
physical. Drew. I assumed grunting might have a part. Oh no,
that would be crass. Two times month level and charisma role is enough to
get me back at full health, all right, Fendingo, you hear nothing,
and somehow do not realize that there's anything wrong with that the world has
gone blissfully silent, and you're just so overwhelmed with the sense of peace that
never exists in this party that it's just it's a dopamine dump. You're too
distracted to focus. Also, when you've jammed as much as I have and
rocked out as hard as I have, a little tanitis is kind of everyday
thing. So not having that going on, Yeah, that's a little tonitas
doesn't excite us. All right, silence, did you want to do anything?
You actually got to hear the conversation, so I'm more more options there.
I am going to move up. It's a double move to hear.
I'm going to activate my vow of enmity and finish my move by backing up
a few steps, which basically gives me advantage on a little tax against him.
Was that your action, I'm guessing it was a double move and a
bonus. Gotcha? Okay, then we will jump back to Klaus. This
isn't promising. Nobody said shit, yeah, but I actually paid attention.
None of them spoke, So regardless of what you roll, you're not gonna
hear your friend's voice. It's still roll it. Absolutely you might hear the
wizard or something. You do hear the Wizard's voice, all right, well
I knew he was in there probably yeah, yeah, that that that one
solid. Yeah. They didn't give you anything to work with. I gonna
put my hand on York's shoulder. Sorry, friend, Our companions are dead
to the boat, all right. That brings us back over here, and
initiative is about to be a lot more important, as the Wizard is going
to turn h and he's going to kind of make a motion and for a
moment, Brandon infandingo you hear sound come rushing back in um although the field
is still there. So he looks between all of you and says, all
right, so I'm out of patience. It seems like you threw in with
the column here. What a what a cute idea? Yeah, I tell
you what. You can run away right now and I won't smite you.
But as for your little buddy, if you really want to help him that
much, he snaps his fingers. The gem that was in the golem's chest
pops out, flies through the air, and lands in a quickly manifesting pile
of goo. You can go dig it out. I am going to have
a word with my boys. Yeah, they are all placed within the barrier,
which then shifts over. But I'm having to do this in pieces because
that's how the map works. They are all in the barrier. You see
the boys lunge toward their father, who is still cackling like an asshole.
And we will jump into initiative as soon as this handsome fella gets to all
in. Well, I look, I was hoping that was You couldn't find
an icon for a pile of goo? Oh no, this is the This
is the appropriate icon for this creature, all right, and it has an
eleven. So we are now officially into initiative, and brandon your first up
as sound vanishes from around you once again. Okay, well, we've been
doing this long enough. There's a horrible, gooey creature. It's probably not
a good thing. I'm going to attack it, and I am going to
I'm going to take two of my regular attacks. I'm going to modify one
with my understanding free violence. I could shoot first and then ask questions,
or I could do both simultaneously. So and I'm strike kaboomkablamo eighteen and a
nat one. We'll be eighteen. Will he not a good night for roles.
Yeah, a lot of ones popping off tonight. Well, the understanding
through violence, if I still allow to modify the the unarmed strike, it's
sixteen damage and it's a charisma role plus proficiency. I think we decided.
Now. Doesn't that apply to creatures that you have like punched and know about.
No, it's one's specifically things I don't know about, and the DC
for that is the creatures hit day. Oh to learn about it? Yeah,
if I beat it by ten plus, you get specific weaknesses anything below
that you did not beat it by ten plus. Okay, it's just knowledge
about Yep. It is an ooze, it is a morphous um. It
is gooey. Brad, it just looks at the goo on his fist and
go, yep, there's some kind of good beast. Guys. Has the
surprisingly higher hit point than I expected? Or hit die, I should say,
because yeah, it has a fifteen hit die. So if you have
a twenty, that's not because you have a twenty, right, that's right,
noe, just knowledge about it. Ye, So you'd have to get
twenty five for it to be the specifics. Yeah, okay, clause you
are. We'll come back to you at the end of actual combat. Okay,
for reference, y'all, do not want this to be a four.
All right, it's not a four. Uh, Brandon, You are taken
two attacks from the pseudopod, which I guess is what they're just calling the
big undulating mass. It whips at you. It's not even a real pod.
Uh. Seventeen and twenty five twenty five will hit all right? Uh
eight or ten bludgeoning plus eighteen necrotic. Okay, well, I think I've
figured something else out about this creature. Hold on, there's a oh never
mind, Okay, that only applies on the other attack. You don't have
to make a saint. That's very sure, all right. Uh yeah,
it pops you once, and but it pops you good. Yeah. I
just got slapped to buy this goo monster pay attention to me. All right.
Well, Gordon will attempt to run in and help out, and by
run in, I mean slither in, and by help out I mean take
a big old chomp. Yeah, because I really want that thing in my
mouth. Yeah. That was ill advised. Yeah, Well, Live by
the snake, Die by the snake. I believe that sounded saying, guys,
but he has reached, so he's going to use it and an eleven
will hit fifteen silas, all right, I will scream out you have been
judged guilty and sentenced to death by the gods for the crime of being an
asshole. But since he seems to be behind an I penetral barrier, Ireland
instead pop off. Two hours was at the goo, I will reposition myself
first. I'm fairly certain that Gordon appreciates that. Fortunately, I do not
care what he appreciates. These will be coming in a sharpshter just by the
way. Alrighty, that's seventeen and twenty. Both will hit forty eight in
total. Fen dingo. Well, I it's blissfully silent here, but I
think I should probably try to kill the thing that's messing with Brandon, so
i'll cast Actually, you gotta roll me a perception just to be sure you
didn't not one last time. Let's be one hundred percent excellent, sir.
All right, fandango, you've snapped out of your reverie and although you cannot
hear, you are tracking with crystal clear vision all the ship going on.
Um oh wait, I have weapons. I guess I could shoot at something
but first I am gonna take my movement so that I'm not shooting through Brandon.
All right, as soon as you leave the area that I have with
the circle, sound comes rushing back. Oh wow, uh huh, that's
kind of cool. I'm still gonna try, and I'm still gonna fire off
a crossbow bolt at the go for it seventeen addlehead four four. All right,
Look, I engaged in combat. Don't expect too much actual of efficacy.
Every little bit helps, all right, Brandon thigh Master. It's just
a crossbow bolt stuck in this thing. Yeah, if anything, that's going
to make it worse when it hits me again. You're giving it spikes.
No, there's two arrows in it as well, all forming into one club.
Do I know this thing gave me that chrotic damage? Uh? Foo,
I don't know if you inherently know the source of damage. Let's say,
oh goodness, gracious wisdom, wisdom, check that feels wisdomy. Yeah,
I mean this is recalling, making a judgment on past experiences. I
guess I have been hit by stuff that's a that's a fifteen wisdom. Uh
yeah, with the fifteen, you've been hit with enough necrotic damage. To
recognize the flavor m necrotic damage. M hm tastes like rot This thing is
gooey and goff. And with that, I'll take a couple of un arm
strikes at it again, and if one of these lands, I'm going to
modify it with my special technique. So I'm strike eleven doesn't hit? Actually
it does, Oh, eleven does? Well, a natural one might hit
something. The natural one does not. I can't. I can't soften that
blow. Okay, So the un arm strike lands for nine damage and let
me pensive. Now give me an extra D twelve of radiant damage. So
ten radiant damage. Um. Oh, and before I forgets, let's go
check with Klaus. All right, all right, Uh, would you like
to do a perception? Yes, while I'm worn seventeen, you hear the
sounds of combats for sure. I don't think anybody yelled anything again. Actually
I definitely yelled pensive bat thing. Okay, Yeah, you hear Brandon's battle
cry. Oh my, uh, forget what I said, George, I'll
be I'll be back, all right, I shall touch the door, all
right. Uh, and we'll say that happened at the end of last round,
meaning that you can walk into combat. So give me one sec to
adjust your character back to where you would appear with the others, and it's
your turn. Nice, all right, Well, I'm gonna sharpshooter and sneak
attack that goopy looking thing. All right, does a twenty hit? I
thought you were sharpshootering. Ah? Does it fifteen hit? Yes? Okay,
so that's eighteen plus sixteen, which is thirty four thirty four. So
u Klaus fires a bolt that strikes the ooze and it begins to quiver and
it appears like it is going to fall apart, and it does kind of
fall apart, but at the same time, it also very much stays cohesive
and sorry, I gotta get the token set just right. Seconds later,
there are two smaller oozes sitting before you, yes twice the challenge, and
it's their turn, all right, So I don't think it's any coincidence that
Klaus, Yeah, Klaus joins the fighting. There is immediately more good.
This one will use hurl tar at you, Klaus, So I guess it
gets to do. Oh no, I can only do two of the pseudopod
attacks. Okay, so one hurl tar at you, and then uh,
I guess two pseudopods at Brandon for that radiant punching. All right, so
does a sixteen hit you, Klaus, I don't think so, now double
check to be sure, and then I will run up on Brandon and first
attack twenty five, second attack twenty two by fit let's ten bludgening in thirteen
ne chrotic for the first one, and then five fludgening, but fourteen to
chrotic for the second one. All right, that is their turn, Brandon.
I think that I think there's something wrong with your massage oil, because
it looks like your skin's rotting off. Bro. Yeah, this is a
this is not a good skin day. We'll get a bite from Gordon somehow
yet again in eleven, so he will drop fifteen damage on the one that
he can reach and silas you're up, all right. So the one closest
to me, I will drop two sharpshooters, and if one hits, I
will also drop a divine smite on it. So seventeen and ten both will
hit. The ac on these things is not great if you can't tell,
all right, So it's forty seven regular damage and six radiant its forty seven
and six. Ye all right, and so very familiarly familiary, good God.
In a familiar sight, you see the thing begin to undulate and fall
apart, and then a few seconds later, bamo, yes, multiply into
this room is full of it slimes, baby, this is what they do,
all right? And after Silas goes FENDINGO. Well, I've been in
situations where we've been covered in goo, and I found that there's only one
really effective way to get rid of being covered in goo, so shower flame.
So we're gonna take a twenty foot diame diameter sphere of my own making,
and I'm gonna cast fireball. Oh all right, show me where you're
doing the five. Let me as you're just hitting the three of them,
but not your party. That is the goal. Okay, Oh that's a
first. York's not here. It would probably kill Brandon at this point,
almost certainly. So we'll do that as a fourth level spell, getting an
extra D eight. So my spell save DC is seventeen decks and if they
make it, they take seventeen, and if they don't, they take thirty
four. So I was really hoping that this would happen. Um Fendio.
As you ignite your fireball and you hit the the ouzes, a blast of
fire ripples through um. They don't even seem to attempt to dodge. They
they lay right there in the path um, and in fact the fire ignites
them and they are burning. They are burning, burning pretty intensely. They
don't seem to be bothered in the slightest but they are now flaming oozes,
all right, because this is a specific condition for tar oozes called fire azard.
Good job as usual, Fendio. I do two things very well.
One it's almost like a wizard knew what another spellcaster might do. Fendingo is
good at two things. One of them is SAI think things on fire,
and for the other, ask your sister or your brother. Speaking of which
I have a theory. We're we're a room. There's a lot of goo
and what appears to be dividing cells. I think we may be witnessing the
miracle of life forming. We're inside a giant uterus. I don't know much
about biology about I'm pretty showed. This is how sex was uh well Brandon
Europe. So impregnate that room. Oh no, I can possibly do that.
We should do the opposite. What does a potion of great to healing
do? Yeah, that's standardized, I think. I guess me being a
human shield is probably going to work out just as usefully as me trying to
um attack these guys. So okay, So chugging a potion for seventeen makes
me marginally less dead, but not quite as less dead as I hope.
All right, do you want to utilize any movement? Yeah, I'm gonna
have to, as much as I don't like doing this. I'm gonna spend
a key point to you step at a wind so I can disengage without an
attack of opportunity as a bonus. And then I'm going to where should I
lead these guys? I guess towards Gordon. Sorry, Gordon, I'm gonna
hyde pine Gordon. All right, class class is moved by the miracle of
life, and he would like to keep it going. So um he starts
playing the saxophone. No, no, that part, it's finished already.
I don't know how I want to help these cells divide more. I will
sharpshooter the the little one on the right, all right, yes, that
one, and uh he is not within sneak attack with you he's not within
five feet of Gordon. Correct. Uh, no one is engaged in melee
with that, yes, okay, all right, sharpshooter will have to be
does an eleven hit? Yes, that's for twenty one, all right,
and it is now their turn. So uh one is definitely going after Silas
arrow arrow. Well, they have blind sense, you're not fooling them up.
Have reach, you do have reach? Okay, um, and then
one will go after Gordon and one will go after Fendingo. They appreciate you
helping out with that fiery goodness. So two pseudopods for Silas, two for
music critics Gordon, and two four Fendingo. So we'll do Silas's first twenty
one and a natural twenty. Um, So six and twelve is eighteen,
and then seven and two is nine and twelve is twenty one. Hum oh
I did almost forget though. There's an extra two D ten because they're on
fire. Of course, thanks for Fendingo, you're welcome. So nine fire
damage. Next up is two for Gordon, eight twenty and an eleven.
I think only the twenty will hit here we go eight and eighteen. Wow,
good good one on you to take buddy, because that that's a painful
amount of damage. That's what twenty six Poor Gordon, we might mourn his
death, you liar, Oh, can't forget his fire damage to one D
ten for one successful hit five all right, and fan dingo two for you.
So this is gonna smart sixteen and to twelve sixteen hits wow Bard,
alright? Uh seven and seventeen is twenty four? Yeah? Oh and uh
I was forgot one D ten three fire damage, so twenty seven and now
the scary parts Nope, yep, nope, Okay. The ooze that is
fighting Gordon suddenly begins to shiver and wiggle, and it now has replicated without
dying or losing mass. This miracle of birth beautiful sucks God, Class is
right, A tear comes to my eye. Stop breeding with it, Gordon?
All right, Gordon will attack the one that's directly in front of him
with a thirteen, which will still hit twelve. Okay, So when Gordon
kills this ooze and it breaks down, it does not reform, So you'll
have found the lowest common ouze nominator. You mean, wasn't class. If
anybody's gonna race to the bottom, we're gonna win. That one, all
right, silas, all right, two sharp shooters into uh, the one
and the one that smacked me around, all right, that one and thirteen
thirteen will hit. I'm gonna throw a nah never mind, So twenty damage.
Okay. Uh it is wounded, but still going set it, going
get it? Yeah? Uh wait, I get it? Thank you?
Yeah, I got it too. Um all right, well, if you
like being on fire, let's see how you like being on fire and rock
in. I'll cast thunderwave, but i'll cast it as a fifth level spell.
So again, spell save DC of seventeen and that twelve all right,
Then twenty four damage and it is pushed back ten feet away from me.
Okay, okay, there we go. All right, and now that I'm
not close enough to get an app attack, I'm going to use my move
and run like a mother reasonable smile of your time. All right, Well,
fan Dingo completes his move. Brandon, you are up. I guess
we should try and take these guys out as quickly as possible. That would
be the responsible thing to do. Two on arm strikes. I'm going to
burn a key point to take an additional flurry of blows. Thirteen twenty six
and eighteen all hit boom but biboty, all right, it is dead a
rooney the splash and roll me a D one hundred. Pick a success range
of twenty five percent. Uh, let's go low goes zero twenty five forty
seven. All right, clasps, you're up. These guys are doing it
wrong. Um and whenever they attack, these things die. When I attack,
they multiply. I'm gonna try. I'm gonna I'm gonna hit that oother
small one again or no that yeah, that's the one I attack last time,
right, yeah, the small one on the right. Yeah, all
right, I'm gonna attack it again. No, that one you attack didn't
exist. This one just spawned into exist, all right, right? All
right, well then yeah, I shall help it to multiply. M sharpshooter
twelve. That'll hit for seventeen damage. Okay, dope, And it is
their turn. This one will move in on Gordon, and this one,
since it can't reach anyone quite in time, it will go to here and
it'll hurl tar at you, Klaus, hurling tar fourteen. No that does
not hit, and would you stop that. I'm trying to help you.
Two attacks on Gordon both hit Poor Gordon. I think he's gonna get popped
out of Oh, he's definitely getting popped out of his form. All right,
Gordon will lose his beast wrman. We'll figure out the long term effects
of that, but first we've got two of these suckers to do the dance
with. Oh, all right, you have a replication, but it is
once again the smaller ones. Oh all right, it did work. All
right, good, Holy shay, it's Klaus, right, Klaus, whatever
you're doing to make more goo, can we go back to the old way
that you were making too much disgusting goo. I'm making babies? Oh no,
all right. Rather than go through all the trouble of finding Gordon's token
and going back, it's his turn after, he'll just pop his b shape
again and be back in snake for him and bite. So he'll bite the
one in front of him thirteen out with Klaus's original strike. That will be
enough to kill it. And you guys suck at this. Brandon, he
gets a twenty five percent chance of Actually that's not true. He has a
yeah, twenty five percent. Okay, um, but it's no fun if
I pick it. So Steve pick the success range again, same again,
zero twenty five, thirty five. All right, Silas, you're up,
all right the one, uh well, this one I'll add to two sharpshooters
at all right, all right, that's uh seven, that's nineteen and twelve.
Both will hit for forty six. All right, that one is dead.
So okay, we're gonna do a D one hundred rick pick a thirty
five percent success range fifty exactly, Matthew, but I'm being lazy. Fifty
one to eighty five, fifty one to eighty five, roll it. That
works so well for me last time. Fifty one wow. All right,
As uh Silas's arrow pierces that ooze, a familiar gem flickers into a view.
It was the gem that was embedded in the golem that appeared to be
allowing it to move and fight the wizard. So I'm good to get that
gym and put it back in that stupid robot on it. All right,
Well, Fendingo, it's your turn, but you're also fifty feet away.
I don't have to be all that close because I have may chand which gives
which has thirty feet range. Fair enough, so I will. But the
real thing you have to reach is the golum can't get there, but I
can get close enough to pick up the gem with my maychand and next turn
get close enough to put to insert it. All right, So if ending
it was going to advance forward and raise the gem from the ground with his
maychand it is now floating in the air, Brandon thyme, master, I
guess I just point out of the air. Am I able to day that?
I don't think you should really have a problem. Machand doesn't have a
lot of strength. It's specifically can't be hold more than what ten or thirty
pounds or something. It's ten pounds ten pounds, Yeah, so I don't
think it would be able to fight a month. Very okay, Well,
now and it's safely out of the goo, I will pluck it out of
the air and insert it into Well, that sounds wrong, put it,
put it back where it belongs in the robot. There's no way to make
this not sound bad. You put it in the robot. Uh. The
gem clicks in. It seems to burn with a powerful light. I don't
have to take it out and flip upside down and put it back in again.
That's reassuring, runs through the golum fills it with that same crackling energy.
It seems to shake itself back into motion again. Ah, I amiss
that safety mechanism. And then you see it just kind of reach back around
to its neck and rip something out and throw it down clapping work this time,
and with that it will leap through the a barrier somehow, the magic
of its gem crackling and letting it jump in. And I think that is
where we're gonna have to call game for tonight. Next week we will set
forth on the next journey as this hits its epilogue. But of course there
are only so many games left and we are nearing the end. Will they
be able to gather enough help to fight the ambulus? Is there any hope
of saving the world? And most important of all, what questions do we
have waiting for us over in the discord because we've been collecting and corralling them.
It's associated with the patreon. You hear this every week. I know,
you know the drill. This is mostly just for Rick, so you
can find one for us to answer. All right, Rick, what do
we got? Well? First of all, week we have a few belated
birthday fuck us one for Sharif and one for trauma. Hey, fuck you
Sharif, Fuck y'all, fuck both of you. All right, Well,
our friend Zach of all Trades asks, what's a piece of information you have
that you never get to use so you try to work into into whatever situation
you can cloacas. Yeah, I feel like you're underestimating our forcefulness of conversation
if I if I'm obsessed with something, I'm gonna fucking talk about it.
Case in point, all the episodes where I won't shut up about the good
Place. I literally made these guys play magic the gathering on the internet for
a side quest, I'm Withdrew. If I'm into something, you're gonna hear
about it. Yeah, I mean those couple of cryptogot podcast mimics because I
want to talk about fucking Bigfoot. Not fucking bigfoot. That's a whole sub
Yeah, maybe fucking bigfoot. Who knows. Yeah, I was gonna say
my one is definitely fucking bigfoot and call me an a store rush a bigfoot.
Fuck you. It's another great reason not too good to come is Roger,
I guess, and the miracle of life. Here's here's a good one.
Probably the most important question where we're gonna get on this podcast. Our
friend Joe O. Wilson or John O Wilson, I don't know it's pronounced
fuck you and your herd pronounced names assas Goaltier says, what's everyone's favorite type
of donut? Oh? Fuck, that's a toughie Krispy Kreme right off the
conveyor belt, plain glazed og Krispy Kreame. I'm gonna go one further and
say Krispy Kreames glazed jelly donuts, because god damn those are good. I
like a Bavarian cream. Yeah, but we're talking about donuts, man,
Thank you, thank you for that. I'm gonna be a fancy asshole with
my and sort of split the difference. But if I'm if I'm going somewhere
generic, I'll probably go with a cinnamon twist, because I have faith that
that won't be fucked up. But if I find a place that those donuts
really really well, a classic glazed done with top tier effort and like ingredients,
I mean there there really is a reason that's the stable donut. Yeah.
I'm fairly sure I've already answered this before, but mine are a weird
too. Hot kind of drippy donuts you get fair grounds. I'm not sure
what they're called bad donuts. I guess drippy donuts sounds like a sex move
there. Yeah, I can't. I've been to a lot of fairs.
I can't say I've had a drippy donut. Well, they obviously just not
trying the opposite of hard enough, Drick. The Texas State Fair thing is
pretty much to deep fry everything into a self contain existence. So if we
had them, it would have been deep fried into one package. Decades ago,
they're called hobbo nuts us. I'll take that. Yeah, mine's extra
drippy. Okay. Next question, as close as we got to to Drew
given a joke, God damn it. Our friend Paladin Steve asks you have
to replace one word in one of your book titles with fuck. What is
the new title? The Totally Adventures of Brandon Fuck Masteth, scatter failures,
scattered, smothered, and fucked, obviously secondhand fux and obviously fuck the Vampire.
The Curse of the Fucked Detective would have also been a fun one.
Rick. I think that you and I both made our bones writing the only
vampires at the time that weren't getting fucked. Oh, I could also go
with fuck hunters. Yeah, you could also go with bigfoot fuckers and probably
sell a lot of ebooks. God, don't even get me started for how
many more I would probably sell that I sell right now. Our friend Doug
asks, can you think of a time when writing a story that it drastically
changed from how you outlined or i'll say, perceived it. And if so,
were you glad that it did? Probably? Sure, If we weren't
glad, you've never read it. Yeah that's true. Yeah. Thirty plus
books and a few dozen short stories later, I can honestly say there have
been about close to sixty times that that's happened to me, And anytime the
check clears, I'm very happy. I meant stories. Stories greatly change from
what's in my brain versus what makes it to the page. And truth of
the matter is if I wasn't happy with it, you wouldn't see it like
the original the original text for Black Night seven, which I wrote seventy of
seventy five thousand words four and then deleted. Sometimes you gotta do it,
I sometimes it's fun you write something to sort of explore and find the characters.
I think I've mentioned before that there were two fifty thousand word plus versions
of Forging a Phestus before the version that you know became Forging a Festus that
I had to chunk because they just they weren't working. And you know,
finding the version that worked was a long process, but it was a fun
process, you know, even the ones that didn't ultimately work, It's not
like I didn't enjoy the process of writing them up to that point. Yeah.
My short story that I put in a Zombies to Need Brains anthology she
called the anthology is called My Batteries Low and Getting Dark. I think I
wrote the first thousand or two thousand words of that story four or five times
before I finally settled on anything that I could write another five thousand words on
because nothing was working. That's never happened to me. But yeah, things,
I mean, uh yeah, Bob just turns out the faucet and the
brilliance flow. No, that's not what I'm saying. But I mean,
you know, I write stuff, and it's more I mean, yeah,
I go go back and right, maybe yeah, five hundred thousand words or
something, but yeah, most of what a ride's usable it's not what I
intended maybe, and I never know where I'm going. But uh yeah,
sometimes I think I have a vague idea where it's gonna end up, and
then during the course of writing it and now it goes a totally different direction.
And that's fine. That's that's why I don't outline. Yeah, that's
part of the fun of writing. Sometimes it's finding where the story goes well
where it doesn't in my case. But yeah, pretty much what bub said.
Yeah, outlining religiously has not stopped me from pausing mid book and re
outlining three or four times. Yeah. Sometimes I'll outline and then look up
what I've written down and be like, yeah, I don't like that anymore,
let me go fuck off to my own direction. Yeah. It's important
to remember the outline is not more important than the story. Yeah, yeah,
I think that. For the most recent Bubba novella, I I wrote
a third of it and then I outlined the rest of it two or three
times before I settled on something I liked. Yeah. Also, safe to
say none of us are going to fire ourselves if we don't follow our own
outline. I'm not even going to cancel my publishing contracts. I think we
probably do one more, all right, Well along those lines, and here's
a little bit of a little little bit of a chance to kiss our own
asses. Our friend Crystal asks what writing projects are you excited about working on
right now? Anything new in the in the work in the works, or
tempted release dates. I'm actually really excited about this comedy thriller I'm releasing um
in March. It's not at all supernatural, no magic, no monsters.
It's just it's it's a more slapstick the updated Thelma and Louise. So I
really like the characters, and I think that it's one of the most it's
one of the most my voice books that I've ever written. So we'll see
if it makes me any money. Just yesterday I shot off to John a
horrifectly late but finally finished techno thriller I've been working on. And I'm really
excited about that because it's a new genre for me. Genre I really like,
m paid for a chunk of it that too advance as a blessing and
a curse. Oh yeah, but yeah, I'm excited for something new.
I'm If you listen to the adventure Brodeo every week, or watch it on
YouTube our YouTube channel. You know, Steve and I talk about what we're
writing, so won't be a big shocker to know. I'm working on Villain's
Code number three. However, that one will absolutely not be out this year.
It won't even be done until late until this year for the rough draft.
But I am very excited about Villains Vignettes Volume one, which is coming
out this year, and that's me getting to do short stories in the Villains
Code Universe, which is an idea I've been tinkering around and then I sort
of found the right format for it, and I'm really jazzed about getting that
out and letting people see some the fun surprises in store. Next up you,
Next up, Drew dozen anthology in it and people he likes gets to
write in the Villain's Code universe. And then Drew sees the pain that I'm
that I lived through and joins me in saying, fuck, I'm never doing
another anthology. Oh no, I'm just taking the lesson in advance. Honestly,
if you paid people, if you paid a hamsand which in no royalties,
you'd still be ahead of most anthologies out there. I'm just looking forward
to getting gonna get back into writing critical failures. Ten it'll happen someday.
Yeah, I'm again. If you've been listening to the Brodia and Father Along,
you'll know about celebrity meat burger, which is an entirely different genre for
me. I guess a futuristic social sci fi murder mystery with Dick jokes.
But no release day on that yet because it's I guess only half done.
It keeps getting longer like a a replicating gou monster. And I don't know
if Joe's excited about it, but I sure am. Because the third Drifting
Lands book will be out late this year. The timeline is probably more me
dependent than anything, since I got to edit the thing, but it is
early in my queue, and hopefully we will have hardbacks of that and paperbacks
available at Authors and Dragons con in August in Portland, and you can pick
up your copies when you come hang out with us all weekend there. All
right, everybody, thank you for joining us for another episode of Authors and
Dragons in our final chapters of the Chronicles of Calamity. Tune in next week
to see where they sail next. I'll actually tune in next week for side
quest, but tune back in into two weeks to find out where they sail
next. On the next episode of Authors Add Dragons, Bye bye bye,
good bye friends. Authors and Dragons brought to hundred Creative Commons license, meaning
you were free to share this material so long as credit is given to those
who created which is us people you just heard to play the game opening and
closing themes performed by the Gore Core four Dragons. God, I'm smart.