WEBVTT

1
00:00:02.120 --> 00:00:16.960
Comedy Central Podcast. I' m
so glad you' re here. I

2
00:00:16.960 --> 00:00:19.960
' m so glad to be here
recording for Comedy Central. I was about

3
00:00:20.079 --> 00:00:27.879
to cancel it because I spent a
really hard week and I didn' t

4
00:00:28.039 --> 00:00:33.679
see myself able to come today,
but I had said yes. We buried

5
00:00:33.719 --> 00:00:44.280
my grandmother yesterday. She became furious, for I had fifteen fifteen according to

6
00:00:44.320 --> 00:00:47.520
it was a very nice burial.
It was a very nice burial. We

7
00:00:47.560 --> 00:00:51.560
didn' t want the typical funeral. We wanted something a little more hipster.

8
00:00:52.679 --> 00:00:59.640
We put straw balls everywhere. I' ve been looking at coffins for

9
00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:03.359
days Now I' ve had banners
of coffins whenever I sailed, but a

10
00:01:03.359 --> 00:01:06.920
nice funeral. My cousin Rubén threw
my grandfather' s body back to see

11
00:01:06.920 --> 00:01:10.359
who was taking it. Yesterday I
was the first of the family to die

12
00:01:10.359 --> 00:01:14.920
all. I am, I am, I am sorry to start with such

13
00:01:15.000 --> 00:01:19.640
a subject, so good, so
hard, no, but it seems that

14
00:01:19.640 --> 00:01:23.959
death haunts me. Two weeks ago, Abby, Abby is a character I

15
00:01:23.959 --> 00:01:33.239
just put in the monologue. He' s my partner. I was talking

16
00:01:33.280 --> 00:01:36.920
to her and I told her I
was on the terrace. We have a

17
00:01:36.920 --> 00:01:42.280
terrace, because well, a terrace
and I saw that the cat had killed

18
00:01:42.319 --> 00:01:49.760
a bird and I told him ab
the character from before I think Sauron killed

19
00:01:49.840 --> 00:02:00.560
a little bird. It' s
what the cat' s name is and

20
00:02:00.599 --> 00:02:02.840
he told me he' d be
dead. And I looked at him and

21
00:02:02.879 --> 00:02:08.560
told him if he' s acting. It' s the best performance I

22
00:02:08.800 --> 00:02:14.919
' ve ever seen. You'
re at the level of that time that

23
00:02:15.599 --> 00:02:24.400
a few months ago Alex Baldwin had
to pretend to shoot someone and kill?

24
00:02:27.759 --> 00:02:31.240
He had to pretend to shoot someone
and he killed the director of photography.

25
00:02:31.800 --> 00:02:36.560
I know there' s already the
comic. There' s a comic in

26
00:02:36.560 --> 00:02:39.719
the audience, the prior kind of
audience possible has made. This is the

27
00:02:39.759 --> 00:02:43.759
symbol that you' ve made a
joke that well, it' s true.

28
00:02:43.759 --> 00:02:46.360
It' s a subject. Not
bad. It' s wrong to

29
00:02:46.439 --> 00:02:50.280
make jokes about the situation in Aleppo. It' s a pretty dramatic situation.

30
00:02:50.319 --> 00:02:53.120
In fact, he has suffered several
nervous breakdowns, one depression and,

31
00:02:53.159 --> 00:02:57.280
in fact, this morning he tried
to commit suicide and killed another. Director

32
00:02:57.280 --> 00:03:01.000
of Photography. It' s twenty? It' s twenty? Twenty?

33
00:03:02.000 --> 00:03:09.439
Twenty? He' s got 20
directors of photography on his own, not

34
00:03:09.479 --> 00:03:13.039
that they were directors of photography in
Hollywood. I don' t know if

35
00:03:13.039 --> 00:03:15.919
you' ve seen. All the
movies are dark because of Alex Baldwin.

36
00:03:15.360 --> 00:03:21.759
Okay. I' m sorry to
start on such delicate subjects. I used

37
00:03:21.759 --> 00:03:28.759
to, in my long career as
a comedian, I used to get on

38
00:03:28.759 --> 00:03:31.719
stage full of energy, I used
to say how you motherfuckers are. That

39
00:03:31.759 --> 00:03:38.240
was my line, how you motherfuckers
are. But a few months ago I

40
00:03:38.319 --> 00:03:46.520
was performing in the Yegua with Chistera, a little house in Malaga and when

41
00:03:46.560 --> 00:03:47.080
I left it went very well.
How are you after whore? The audience

42
00:03:47.439 --> 00:03:53.199
is very excited. I go out
to the parking lot and I see two

43
00:03:53.280 --> 00:03:57.319
girls follow me in the clearing myself
in the parking lot two girls follow me.

44
00:03:59.080 --> 00:04:08.680
I thought here you were canceled and
I was told we' re not

45
00:04:08.719 --> 00:04:13.520
dealing with two feminists and that you
were a sexist and I' m talking

46
00:04:14.599 --> 00:04:16.639
to them open to whatever they might
be good at proposing to me. And

47
00:04:16.759 --> 00:04:21.040
it' s true and I'
ve been advised some books and I'

48
00:04:21.079 --> 00:04:24.519
ve been reading about feminism and it' s true, I mean, you

49
00:04:24.839 --> 00:04:26.639
can' t go on stage and
say how you son of a bitch,

50
00:04:26.639 --> 00:04:28.480
because she' s a sexist.
You, what you have to do is

51
00:04:28.600 --> 00:04:31.120
go out on stage and say how
you' re sons and daughters of bitches,

52
00:04:31.839 --> 00:04:34.160
because if you' re not invisibilizing
the woman, no, no,

53
00:04:34.800 --> 00:04:49.839
you can' t, you can' t do that I' ve been,

54
00:04:50.000 --> 00:05:00.639
I' ve been reading enough about
feminism and if I' ve understood

55
00:05:00.639 --> 00:05:00.720
it correctly, feminism doesn' t
have to look at it well. Feminism

56
00:05:00.720 --> 00:05:03.920
doesn' t look that bad.
It is not so much that they seek

57
00:05:03.959 --> 00:05:18.560
equality between men and women as killing
all men and me people. I don

58
00:05:18.639 --> 00:05:27.560
' t like it then that there
are half the people for me ok,

59
00:05:28.279 --> 00:05:32.360
that is, it' s a
first step for me well apart, I

60
00:05:32.439 --> 00:05:38.319
would probably be one of the last
men to die because they would pass feminist

61
00:05:38.639 --> 00:05:41.560
patrols through the streets and they would
say there' s some man around here

62
00:05:41.639 --> 00:05:48.399
and I, with my voice I
would say they wouldn' t say,

63
00:05:50.680 --> 00:05:55.040
thank you, sister, and they
would go, they would go up the

64
00:05:55.040 --> 00:05:55.040
street, they would go up the
street with their nikov coves and no.

65
00:05:55.199 --> 00:05:59.399
But if all men died, that
would extinguish the human race. I could

66
00:05:59.560 --> 00:06:04.199
say some ignorant, false, false, if all men were murdered, the

67
00:06:04.240 --> 00:06:08.560
human race would not be extinguished,
because there is a lot of frozen semen.

68
00:06:09.480 --> 00:06:15.879
There is a lot of frozen semen, and feminists could continue to breed

69
00:06:16.000 --> 00:06:28.800
humans from all those fine arts students
for generations and generations. I explain all

70
00:06:29.079 --> 00:06:30.759
this in my next book, which
is called Kui. What does feminism explain

71
00:06:30.759 --> 00:06:41.759
to you? What does the editorial
feminism Lumen Sale explain to you next December,

72
00:06:41.839 --> 00:06:46.879
because I have realized to read about
feminism, that all the books on

73
00:06:46.920 --> 00:06:51.199
feminism are written almost all by women, and that gives them a very biased

74
00:06:51.240 --> 00:07:00.279
view in favor of women and sometimes
a look from outside. Eye, eye,

75
00:07:00.720 --> 00:07:19.279
eye. Sometimes it' s even
more lucid. No, but how

76
00:07:19.959 --> 00:07:29.759
you' re gonna write your about
feminism if you' re right is no

77
00:07:29.759 --> 00:07:35.199
more plaining. My girlfriend, the
character from before Abby some isn' t

78
00:07:35.240 --> 00:07:38.199
that she has her own personal art. He' s a complex character.

79
00:07:40.720 --> 00:07:46.040
When he accuses me of making him
mans plaining, he does not pronounce it

80
00:07:46.120 --> 00:07:56.800
well and says mins plaining, which
forces me every time to explain again that

81
00:07:56.839 --> 00:08:01.240
mans plaining does not come from mind
mind, but from man' s hand,

82
00:08:01.399 --> 00:08:03.519
and she falls into error over and
over and over again. I mean,

83
00:08:03.560 --> 00:08:05.879
I have to explain it every time, every time in a more slow

84
00:08:05.959 --> 00:08:11.240
and slow way and with descendant.
Well, I saw my girlfriend and I

85
00:08:11.319 --> 00:08:16.360
have been 20 years. Well,
this text is old. We must be

86
00:08:16.399 --> 00:08:18.800
twenty- one years. I'
m going to be twenty- one years

87
00:08:18.800 --> 00:08:22.040
old. I just realized now that
it' s fine. But good sex.

88
00:08:26.680 --> 00:08:31.040
Sure. Many are many years.
There' s a lot of them,

89
00:08:31.040 --> 00:08:33.879
sure It' s 20 years.
Sure, sure, I mean,

90
00:08:33.279 --> 00:08:37.240
is that how you want to have
sex? Those are the prolegomena, those

91
00:08:37.320 --> 00:08:41.799
are, after twenty years, twenty- one years, the troublemen, they

92
00:08:41.840 --> 00:08:46.120
are you want to have a intercourse, those are the problems Or if we

93
00:08:46.360 --> 00:08:50.519
are a little nice, we say
grab something. That' s it,

94
00:08:50.759 --> 00:09:03.639
that' s it Did you trouble
them less? Well, then, is

95
00:09:03.759 --> 00:09:07.519
it how you want to have sex? Don' t put another chapter in

96
00:09:07.519 --> 00:09:09.519
the series. But if we'
re seeing here, there' s no

97
00:09:09.519 --> 00:09:13.840
one alive who doesn' t care. Your pon is costing us how to

98
00:09:13.840 --> 00:09:18.200
cheer. It' s costing us
both. It' s hard for us

99
00:09:18.480 --> 00:09:26.039
to encourage the matter to add a
little bit of good, well, it

100
00:09:26.159 --> 00:09:28.639
' s good to enrich a little
good. It doesn' t make any

101
00:09:28.639 --> 00:09:33.039
good. You know, he tells
me the other day during intercourse that'

102
00:09:33.120 --> 00:09:37.639
s what we call it. Talk
to me badly and I told him what

103
00:09:37.679 --> 00:09:48.720
I' m getting you into.
I started using leisms. I told you

104
00:09:48.840 --> 00:09:54.399
I' m gonna do it to
him like that, no respect, no

105
00:09:54.960 --> 00:09:58.080
respect for c and she told me
what makes me feel is underrealistic. With

106
00:09:58.200 --> 00:10:05.519
b I already ani and I said
cocreta mondarina. We' re both in

107
00:10:05.519 --> 00:10:09.720
letters. We didn' t think
it was right. We stopped it was

108
00:10:09.799 --> 00:10:15.960
like the two nudes in like.
This isn' t working. We said

109
00:10:16.039 --> 00:10:18.399
we' re going to roll Plaine, that if you don' t know,

110
00:10:18.639 --> 00:10:22.200
the Roleplaine is, then, exchanging
roles. He told me. She

111
00:10:22.240 --> 00:10:24.799
told me we' re gonna make
Roleplaine and I' m a screenwriter and

112
00:10:24.799 --> 00:10:33.240
I said oysters. I finally went
to the studio, prepared, prepared several

113
00:10:33.320 --> 00:10:39.639
two you are. We did piaching
and he told me this is that this

114
00:10:39.679 --> 00:10:43.480
idea is very complex. We don' t have a budget for this one.

115
00:10:46.799 --> 00:10:52.159
This is other abstract. My mother
won' t understand. I told

116
00:10:52.279 --> 00:10:56.000
her it' s okay, we' re both autonomous and she owns a

117
00:10:56.000 --> 00:11:00.879
bookstore. I said, well,
we' re both self- employed.

118
00:11:00.960 --> 00:11:05.000
Okay, well, I' ll
be the manager, and you' ll

119
00:11:05.159 --> 00:11:05.200
be a young entrepreneur, and that' s worth it. I think I

120
00:11:05.279 --> 00:11:09.240
can do that. I' ll
be the manager and did a young entrepreneur

121
00:11:09.639 --> 00:11:15.480
I got a course He rented a
place on a main floor. I received

122
00:11:15.519 --> 00:11:22.080
her with a green visor. I
gave him time because, well, I

123
00:11:22.080 --> 00:11:26.039
mean, he had a shoe store
that came with all the tickets from the

124
00:11:26.240 --> 00:11:41.080
store and well I made him the
income statement and we didn' t even

125
00:11:41.080 --> 00:11:46.879
fuck. And it was like,
oh what we do, not like we

126
00:11:46.960 --> 00:11:50.120
' re so worried about the subject, but it was like there' s

127
00:11:50.120 --> 00:11:50.919
something, we have to do,
what we do. And she said good

128
00:11:50.000 --> 00:11:54.320
to me.“ Now today’
s young people have very normalized watching porn,

129
00:11:54.000 --> 00:11:58.639
” she said porn,“ Let’ s watch porn,” she

130
00:11:58.639 --> 00:12:03.399
said. For us we are forty
years old. It' s a bit,

131
00:12:03.559 --> 00:12:05.879
a bit of a subject, a
little taboo and he said, but

132
00:12:05.919 --> 00:12:07.159
the young people of dialo say it
openly that they watch porn. I mean,

133
00:12:07.279 --> 00:12:11.720
some are saying yes, yes,
of course I told him man.

134
00:12:11.919 --> 00:12:16.320
We' re two forty years old
We' re eighties. It is true

135
00:12:16.360 --> 00:12:20.279
that porn is said to be very
normal nowadays. The porn isn' t

136
00:12:20.360 --> 00:12:22.039
normalized shit next to how normal it
is, that is, in the eighties

137
00:12:22.159 --> 00:12:30.639
there were cinemas, cinemas, cinemas, cinemas, that is to say a

138
00:12:31.120 --> 00:12:35.080
cinema pussy, a cinema, a
cinema, a cinema, but porno,

139
00:12:35.559 --> 00:12:43.240
that is to say, cinemas with
their taquilera, the one that you had

140
00:12:43.840 --> 00:12:48.039
to ask her for an entrance,
usually you were alone, an entrance,

141
00:12:48.519 --> 00:12:52.639
an entrance to the porn movie,
that is to say with other seats,

142
00:12:52.840 --> 00:12:56.120
where there were other gentlemen, usually
they were lords and the film lasted an

143
00:12:56.200 --> 00:12:58.120
hour and you had stayed for ten
minutes because you had already paid the entrance.

144
00:12:58.159 --> 00:13:03.399
As I mean, on that level
is porn. I was at Kio

145
00:13:03.720 --> 00:13:07.559
on the way out of school there
was the porno, in Mr Matias'

146
00:13:09.919 --> 00:13:13.519
kiosk, in the Pa kíos,
Mr Matías was the pornhub algorithm it was

147
00:13:13.559 --> 00:13:16.799
Mr Matías who told you if you
liked this, take this other one.

148
00:13:20.320 --> 00:13:24.720
This is being consumed in the neighborhood. I mean, if you wanted to,

149
00:13:26.120 --> 00:13:28.039
if you wanted to erase the record, you had to beat Mr Matias

150
00:13:28.039 --> 00:13:35.159
up. At that level porn was
standardized compared to today. We said good,

151
00:13:35.000 --> 00:13:37.519
it' s still okay Come on
Let' s go watch porn.

152
00:13:39.519 --> 00:13:43.120
Okay, let' s watch porn. We sat on the couch and put

153
00:13:43.159 --> 00:13:48.440
it in the eye, not on
the phone, not on the laptop,

154
00:13:48.759 --> 00:13:54.480
on the little rhodillitas that you burn
in summer that some say yes, yes,

155
00:13:54.639 --> 00:14:01.360
on the TV Grande, with the
sofa, on the TV Grande,

156
00:14:01.519 --> 00:14:05.720
on the TV Grande? As adults
with a cheese board on the side table.

157
00:14:09.080 --> 00:14:11.720
We don' t even call it
watching, because we don' t

158
00:14:11.720 --> 00:14:15.799
call it watching documentary intercourse. At
that level, at that level we consider

159
00:14:15.960 --> 00:14:20.720
it something adult and we have composed
to see and it doesn' t end

160
00:14:20.759 --> 00:14:24.600
up leaving us. He ends up
converging us. He leaves us with us.

161
00:14:24.679 --> 00:14:28.240
We' re from the' 80s, as I say, and we

162
00:14:28.360 --> 00:14:30.240
' re used to movies ending up
very well in porn movies. They don

163
00:14:30.240 --> 00:14:33.840
' t end, they don'
t end. We' re used to

164
00:14:33.879 --> 00:14:35.759
the' 80s movies being like that. They had a little bit of itchy,

165
00:14:35.840 --> 00:14:39.200
they were a little bit of itchy. When the action was over,

166
00:14:41.039 --> 00:14:46.240
the characters would jump, do well, jump, bevel, stop, freeze

167
00:14:46.399 --> 00:14:50.360
the image, sound a guitar rip
and tell you. Well, this character

168
00:14:50.399 --> 00:14:54.200
got a degree from the university and
now it' s all we see,

169
00:14:56.320 --> 00:15:03.360
we watch porn movies and we imagine
what the epilus will look like after the

170
00:15:03.399 --> 00:15:07.960
credit scene of those characters and basically
after watching a documentary intercourse. What we

171
00:15:07.000 --> 00:15:11.440
do is we write that epilogue and
I' m going to read you some

172
00:15:11.799 --> 00:15:20.200
of the ones we' ve written
Valose. These are pornhub films, a

173
00:15:20.240 --> 00:15:26.960
well- known website of cultural content
that you probably all know and are films

174
00:15:26.000 --> 00:15:31.320
and we write the epilogue Gang Bank
Orgi Sabach Party. They finish whatever they

175
00:15:31.399 --> 00:15:35.799
' ve had in order to do
those characters. We understand that a Gang

176
00:15:35.919 --> 00:15:41.919
Bang Orgie Savage Party freezes law Everyone
jumps well, yes, freezes the image

177
00:15:43.000 --> 00:15:45.960
and tells you what has happened to
them Gang Bang Ordi and Sabach Party.

178
00:15:46.120 --> 00:15:52.200
Every year everyone gathers to reminisce about
their little adventure. Tina, the girl

179
00:15:52.240 --> 00:15:58.519
of moles in English, died two
years ago. Demetrian Mira sanset Sacking.

180
00:16:00.519 --> 00:16:03.960
Demetria and Mira haven' t seen
each other since. She' s more

181
00:16:03.000 --> 00:16:07.720
than two kids. He returns to
practice rows whenever he has occasion, but

182
00:16:07.799 --> 00:16:14.639
he can' t help but think
about Demetri when he does it any raga

183
00:16:14.799 --> 00:16:17.960
fi Bridge, Kerra est interduces Media. Time later, Kerra was able to

184
00:16:18.000 --> 00:16:26.360
complete her shower. Jo Vi interview
becomes another thing. Today, Samantha is

185
00:16:26.480 --> 00:16:33.519
still unemployed fek Doctor Fax Skine,
John Gerd Huk without Ford check the attractive

186
00:16:36.360 --> 00:16:40.840
and thin girl. He still has
no suspicion that the alleged doctor was not

187
00:16:40.840 --> 00:16:59.240
such. His tumor' s still
undetected. After a lot of reflection,

188
00:16:59.399 --> 00:17:03.799
I realized that the problems we have
to encourage the matter are because I am

189
00:17:03.840 --> 00:17:07.680
very modest and very modest because I
started very late in sex and I understand

190
00:17:07.759 --> 00:17:19.160
that it is because I went to
a public school. If you go to

191
00:17:19.200 --> 00:17:26.920
a healing school, it' s
key, it' s different. Well,

192
00:17:27.000 --> 00:17:32.039
the point is, I told him
I saw, okay, let'

193
00:17:32.079 --> 00:17:33.319
s do something, let' s
get back to the traditional. I told

194
00:17:33.640 --> 00:17:37.079
him why we didn' t play
doctors. And well it' s given

195
00:17:37.160 --> 00:17:41.920
me time for April next year.
And, well, that' s it

196
00:17:41.920 --> 00:17:47.079
for today. Thank you very much. Thank you very much? Thank you,

197
00:17:48.640 --> 00:17:52.400
thank you? Thank you. Ta
later,