1 00:00:01,120 --> 00:00:09,679 Understand the thinking atheist. It's not a person, it's a symbol, an 2 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:13,800 idea. The population of atheists in this country is going through the room, 3 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:19,960 rejecting faith, pursuing knowledge, challenging the sacred. If I tell the truth, 4 00:00:20,039 --> 00:00:23,879 it's because I tell the truth, not because I put my hand on 5 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:28,879 a book and made a wish and working together for a more rational world. 6 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:33,320 Take the risk of thinking, feel so much more happiness. Truth Beausian wisdom 7 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:40,520 will come to you that way. Assume nothing, question everything, and start 8 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:57,359 thinking. This is the Thinking Atheist podcast, hosted by Seth Andrews. I've 9 00:00:57,399 --> 00:01:00,600 been thinking for a while about doing a Bible trivia show. It kind of 10 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:04,560 has a dual purpose. It's a Bible study, which we've done a few 11 00:01:04,599 --> 00:01:11,480 of these before, but trivia right trivia. It has been said, actually 12 00:01:11,519 --> 00:01:18,680 it has been statistically shown that atheists know the Bible better than most believers. 13 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:23,319 Most of the people who are Christians who have three copies at least three copies 14 00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:26,359 of the Bible in their house. Oh look, there's one on the nightstand 15 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:32,319 and maybe one in the bedroom, and there's one in the bookshelf. It's 16 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:38,359 right next to Frank Turk and Josh McDowell and maybe a strong's concordance. And 17 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,760 if you were to peel them out of the bookshelf and crack them open, 18 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:45,799 you would hear literal cracking of the pages, because the only other time it's 19 00:01:45,879 --> 00:01:52,120 been opened was the date of purchase. So you and I have a conversation 20 00:01:52,239 --> 00:01:55,280 and say, hey, check out this story. Did you see this verse? 21 00:01:55,480 --> 00:02:00,560 Did you know about that? And they go, eh, happens all 22 00:02:00,599 --> 00:02:05,519 the time, but let's put that to the test. I thought about having 23 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:12,319 callers dial in and take the test or answer these questions one on one, 24 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:16,080 and then I reconsidered because I thought about how I watch game shows at home. 25 00:02:17,199 --> 00:02:21,599 I'm not on television. I'm not there in the studio with a live 26 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:25,879 audience playing for cash or whatever. I'm not the one smashing on the buzzer 27 00:02:27,039 --> 00:02:31,240 trying to beat the other contestants with the right answer, and yet I'm still 28 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:36,400 playing along. I'm sitting back on the couch or popped up in bed with 29 00:02:36,439 --> 00:02:40,000 a dog in my lap, and the questions come on screen and I am 30 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:45,879 answering the questions and I'm into it. So if I get it right, 31 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:51,560 I get to feel superior. I know all things and if I get it 32 00:02:51,599 --> 00:02:58,080 wrong, I'm either embarrassed or intrigued at something that I had not known before. 33 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:01,400 That's how we're going to play trivia today. And as we answer some 34 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:07,680 basic questions from the Old and New Testament, we will also learn even more 35 00:03:07,919 --> 00:03:14,840 about what is buried in plain sight in the Bible. And because I believe 36 00:03:14,879 --> 00:03:21,919 in being thorough, I have included game show music in the broadcast today. 37 00:03:22,039 --> 00:03:34,800 Sit back, prime your mental pump, and let us trivia together. Let's 38 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:39,000 start at the starts. I guess in the Book of Genesis. This is 39 00:03:39,039 --> 00:03:44,439 probably an easy one for most of our listeners. The Book of Genesis says 40 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:51,360 that the land was filled with giants. They were so large that they made 41 00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:58,960 humans look like grasshoppers in comparison, what were those giants called? Were they 42 00:03:59,759 --> 00:04:11,960 a basilisk, a nephilum a standing serpent, or rodents of unusual size? 43 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:24,519 Basilisk nephylum standing serpent rodents of unusual size? The correct answer, of course, 44 00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:30,439 is the nephylum. Now, these creatures are traditionally thought to be demon 45 00:04:30,639 --> 00:04:36,279 spawn. They were produced when angels were kicked out of heaven. They were 46 00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:42,120 fallen angels, or maybe they just took a weekend, or decided to come 47 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:45,720 down to earth. Like let's say you're in the military, you get some 48 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,079 R and R, you get to go off site for a while. I 49 00:04:48,079 --> 00:04:53,319 don't know, but for some reason they came down to Earth and had sex 50 00:04:53,560 --> 00:05:00,839 with human women and no one used protection. So they're were babies produced, 51 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:10,480 except the babies weren't babies. The offspring were hybrid creatures, allegedly huge in 52 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:15,959 size, half breed giants that would grow up and up and up, and 53 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:23,759 they would go on to exploit, kill, and enslave humanity. Genesis says 54 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:29,680 the Nephilim were on the earth in those days and also afterward when the sons 55 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:35,199 of God went into the daughters of humans who bore children to them. These 56 00:05:35,279 --> 00:05:43,519 were the heroes that were of old warriors of renown. And of course it's 57 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:48,000 at this point that the apologists start to fight with each other. Were these 58 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:56,079 monsters who enslaved humanity and killed humanity? Or were they some kind of a 59 00:05:56,120 --> 00:06:02,040 holy creature? Right? The warriors of renowned. The Nephilum are mentioned again 60 00:06:02,399 --> 00:06:08,360 in Numbers chapter thirteen as the Israelites prepared to enter the land of Canaan, 61 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:14,720 so they brought to the Israelites an unfavorable report of the land that they had 62 00:06:14,759 --> 00:06:18,879 spied out, saying, the land that we have gone through as spies is 63 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:25,319 a land that devours its inhabitants, and all the people that we saw in 64 00:06:25,360 --> 00:06:31,720 it are of great size. There we saw the Nephilim. The Anakites come 65 00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:39,560 from the Nephilim, and to ourselves we seemed like grasshoppers, and so we 66 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:46,879 seemed to them. Some scholars, who again disagree with other scholars, think 67 00:06:46,959 --> 00:06:53,959 that Ezekiel thirty two twenty seven and its reference to fallen mighty men is also 68 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:59,720 a reference to Nephelim. And of course this brings about some pretty basic questions, 69 00:07:00,079 --> 00:07:02,639 and I, as skeptics, are scratching our heads, going, okay, 70 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:09,160 hang on just a second. Let's say let's say you're bronze age female 71 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:15,079 and you're sitting at a bar and a demon comes in and he's like, 72 00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:21,000 hey, baby, you come here. Often would you be inclined to follow 73 00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:31,319 said demon back to his evil sex cave? Does the descriptor great size refer 74 00:07:31,439 --> 00:07:40,000 not to their bodies but to their point devil loins. If they're giants, 75 00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:44,279 that means they would have been giant babies. So what's that look like coming 76 00:07:44,319 --> 00:07:47,040 out of a human woman? Right? The canals as big as a lemon, 77 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:54,759 and the giant baby looks like a three hundred pound version of Quato from 78 00:07:54,920 --> 00:08:07,800 total recall, those of us in the skeptical community have vaginal questions about how 79 00:08:07,879 --> 00:08:11,319 that is going to happen in the delivery room? Right? And how does 80 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:18,319 that happen? Is the equivalent of a human giving birth to a baby water 81 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:24,160 buffalo? So we just chew on that one. And if the Nephelim are 82 00:08:24,199 --> 00:08:28,600 mentioned after Noah and the floating zoo story, right, Noah and the Arc 83 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:33,919 the Great Flood? Does that mean that they didn't board the arc but they 84 00:08:33,919 --> 00:08:41,000 were still here on Earth they were submerged under the surface breathing water for well 85 00:08:41,039 --> 00:08:46,080 over a year. Or did God give them like a guest house up in 86 00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:50,519 the clouds? Did they hang out in Hell, which, by the way, 87 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:56,600 would not be invented until the New Testament. I have questions, and 88 00:08:58,879 --> 00:09:05,039 let's go to our next quest question on the board, many of us have 89 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:13,159 purchased Ezekiel bread at the local grocery store. The Old Testament talks about Ezekiel, 90 00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:18,240 the Israelite priest, a man who had had visions of the future. 91 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:24,200 He was a prophet of Abraham. He foretold the destruction of Jerusalem and then 92 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:33,919 the restoration of the Jewish people to the land of Israel. Ezekiel's alleged Tomb 93 00:09:33,639 --> 00:09:41,559 is a popular tourist attraction in Mesopotamia. Now there's no proof that it's actually 94 00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:48,519 the tomb that belonged to an Ezekiel. People just say it is, or 95 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:54,360 assume it is, or want it to be for fun and profit. This 96 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:58,960 is a mausoleum. It has a conical dome, so it looks like a 97 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:03,000 building with an upside down waffle cone on top of it. Bring a few 98 00:10:03,039 --> 00:10:07,679 extra bucks to this tourist mecca, and of course, pick up your souvenir 99 00:10:09,159 --> 00:10:16,240 Ezekiel's tomb Keyfob's action figures, MUDs t shirts, and get a special pillow 100 00:10:16,639 --> 00:10:22,480 for sleeping on your side that has a story attached to it. By the 101 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:26,039 way, I'm lying about the gift shop. I just thought it was kind 102 00:10:26,039 --> 00:10:30,960 of a funny visual, Okay, lying on your side. This is what 103 00:10:31,039 --> 00:10:37,879 Ezekiel did for God before the demise of Jerusalem. God wanted Ezekiel to act 104 00:10:37,919 --> 00:10:45,679 out a special pantomime representing the carnage to come. So the prophet was ordered 105 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:50,759 to make a clay tablet and to draw Jerusalem on it. So we drew 106 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:56,639 a little city or a big city on the clay, and then he stomped 107 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:03,440 all over the clay. This symbolized the upcoming destruction of the city. It's 108 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:09,720 the equivalent of building an ornate sand castle and then whacking the shit out of 109 00:11:09,759 --> 00:11:15,879 it with a shovel. Okay, So this has symbolic meaning. A holy 110 00:11:16,039 --> 00:11:22,279 siege was on the horizon. Afterward, Ezekiel was commanded to take an iron 111 00:11:22,519 --> 00:11:28,679 pan, and this pan was to represent the iron wall separating him and the 112 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:35,639 city. He would face the pan, then he would punch and kick the 113 00:11:35,679 --> 00:11:43,519 pan. This was a skillet SmackDown, again, representative of the SmackDown to 114 00:11:43,639 --> 00:11:52,440 come in real life. God commanded Ezekiel to lie on his side for three 115 00:11:52,519 --> 00:11:58,159 hundred and ninety days to represent the three hundred and ninety years of Israel's sin, 116 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:03,039 and lie on his side for forty days, which was to represent the 117 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:09,440 forty years of the House of Judas's sins. So what does that come to? 118 00:12:09,039 --> 00:12:15,360 Four hundred and thirty days, well over a year and two months. 119 00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:20,120 And to make sure he did not cheat or shuffle around or get up or 120 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:31,639 do whatever. God tied him up with ropes, and as he laid there, 121 00:12:31,039 --> 00:12:37,799 he would somehow make bread. I can barely make bread standing up. 122 00:12:37,639 --> 00:12:41,360 I'm in the kitchen trying to make bread. Can't make bread standing up. 123 00:12:41,399 --> 00:12:43,679 But he's supposed to make bread while he's lying on the side. And the 124 00:12:43,759 --> 00:12:48,519 bread is supposed to be made of wheat and beans and lentils and some other 125 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:52,000 stuff. This would be easy keel bread that inspired the bread we have today. 126 00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:58,519 And he needed fuel for the fire for cooking. The question is what 127 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:07,960 was the fuel the blood of a goat, a holy flame, a Coleman 128 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:18,080 lantern, or his own excrement. So goat's blood, a holy fire, 129 00:13:18,759 --> 00:13:30,000 Coleman lantern, his own shit. And if you picked number four profit excrement, 130 00:13:31,279 --> 00:13:37,159 you are right on the money. Now, it has been argued, 131 00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:41,600 and there are verses in the Bible to support this, that the reason God 132 00:13:41,639 --> 00:13:48,039 wanted excrement as fuel for cooking fires was that when you're seizing a city, 133 00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:52,519 who's got time to mess with flour, oil, and honey. Plus, 134 00:13:52,639 --> 00:13:56,879 you don't always have cattle and camels and animals around. But there were plenty 135 00:13:56,919 --> 00:14:01,919 of soldiers, plenty of people, and all of those people have to at 136 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:09,960 some point poop. So they're battling and seizing and warring, and then they 137 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:13,320 say, excuse me just a second, I'll be right back. I cannot 138 00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:16,600 hold it any longer. And then they go off, and I guess they 139 00:14:16,639 --> 00:14:22,080 poop next to Ezekiel's fire, and then he uses that poop to make bread. 140 00:14:22,519 --> 00:14:26,919 Well, Ezekiel protested, He's like, well, why me, Lord, 141 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:30,919 why would you have me do it? I have only been faithful to 142 00:14:31,039 --> 00:14:35,559 you and God, because he is wonderful, reconsidered and said, okay, 143 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:43,080 fine, bake your bread over cow dung instead. Oh no, this story 144 00:14:43,279 --> 00:14:54,480 isn't weird in the slightest. Next question, you know, if you tell 145 00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:58,360 the Bible stories like this to Sunday school kids, I think they would actually 146 00:14:58,399 --> 00:15:07,000 pay attention. The third Book of the Old Testament reveals yet another scenario where 147 00:15:07,039 --> 00:15:13,840 God creates a calamitous event filled with horror. He then provides the solution to 148 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:20,320 the calamity and horror, and his precious kids thank him for being so good. 149 00:15:20,759 --> 00:15:24,200 As was common in the Old Testament, the Israelites were again on the 150 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:30,720 war path. It was the acquisition of land and the slaughtering of God's enemies. 151 00:15:30,759 --> 00:15:35,960 But this requires a lot of travel, and they started complaining about the 152 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:41,720 journey. Oh oh Yahweh doesn't like to hear complaining from the kids, so 153 00:15:41,799 --> 00:15:50,639 he sent venomous snakes to bite and kill the Israelites and many dies, and 154 00:15:50,679 --> 00:15:54,000 they cried out, God, oh, God, Father of fathers, please, 155 00:15:54,440 --> 00:16:00,399 if you would, could you stop murdering us. He agreed, but 156 00:16:00,639 --> 00:16:06,840 rather than simply resurrect those who had died and then restore those still living, 157 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:11,120 he came up with this scenario. He told Moses, I want you to 158 00:16:11,159 --> 00:16:15,039 make a healing totem. I want you to take the effigy of an animal, 159 00:16:15,399 --> 00:16:19,720 stick it to a pole and raise it high in the air. Victims 160 00:16:19,759 --> 00:16:25,879 who look up at this statue will be healed. No, I don't know. 161 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:29,759 If the dead people could be sort of grabbed, he could take their 162 00:16:29,799 --> 00:16:33,840 head and kind of move the eyes, the dead eyes toward the stick. 163 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:37,799 I don't know. But those living, at least if they looked at this 164 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:41,960 animal on a pole, they would be healed. What was the animal? 165 00:16:41,879 --> 00:16:52,000 Was it a serpent, a rams head, a raven or, a dove, 166 00:16:52,720 --> 00:17:00,519 a serpent, a rams head? Raven or dove, and the answer 167 00:17:00,679 --> 00:17:08,359 is a serpent. Interestingly, numbers twenty one says that it was a fiery 168 00:17:08,519 --> 00:17:12,559 serpent, and then it would be erected high up onto the end of this 169 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:17,799 giant stick, and everybody would look up and they would be healed, and 170 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:23,720 all was happily ever after, until four chapters later, when the Israelites, 171 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:33,799 with an alarmingly bad memory, started disobeying their father again. In that instance, 172 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:38,839 they started having a bunch of unholy sex. Yahweh does not like unholy 173 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:45,359 sex, and so he went right back to smiting and murdering them in unspeakable 174 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:49,319 ways. Okay, I've got more Bible trivia lined up for you. I 175 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:53,480 may reduce the length of some of the stories. I just liked the context 176 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:59,200 of the questions, maybe even more than the questions themselves. They just amuse 177 00:17:59,319 --> 00:18:04,880 me if I can contain myself. But more Bible trivia coming up next. 178 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:21,559 As the song goes the b I b l E. Now that's the book 179 00:18:21,599 --> 00:18:26,640 for me. I stand upon the word of God the biv l E. 180 00:18:27,279 --> 00:18:33,359 And so far on trivia, we've had demon sex with women, Yahweh spanking 181 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:41,319 the Israelites with snake bites, and prophets cooking with their own pooh and hopefully 182 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:47,839 easy keel bread has plenty of fiber. Okay. The Book of Judges brings 183 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:56,119 us our next question. Judges tells the heartwarming story of more assassinations. The 184 00:18:56,200 --> 00:19:00,759 Israelites were again being bad, bad bad had bad people, They were bad 185 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:06,640 kids, and God slaughtered a whole bunch of them. Because He's a good 186 00:19:06,759 --> 00:19:14,079 dad. The Israelites again cried out, please stop slaughtering us. So Yahweh 187 00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:18,480 said, okay, fine, I will send unto you a deliverer, and 188 00:19:18,519 --> 00:19:23,960 his name is e Hud. Now the Bible takes great pains to tell us 189 00:19:25,039 --> 00:19:30,160 that e Hud was left handed, and it was with his left hand that 190 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:36,200 he wielded his sword, a sword the length of his elbow to the tip 191 00:19:36,559 --> 00:19:41,480 of his fingers, about eighteen inches, which sounds more like a knife than 192 00:19:41,519 --> 00:19:47,400 a sword. But he wore it on his right thigh, and he wielded 193 00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:52,839 it with his left hand. Okay, e Hud would be commissioned to use 194 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:56,839 that sword against one of God's enemies. So he's going to go out on 195 00:19:56,880 --> 00:20:00,359 a mission and he's going to do something for God. And then God is 196 00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,960 going to say, fine, now, that you have pleased me, I'm 197 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:10,720 gonna quit killing my kids. Okay. So e Hud traveled to meet up 198 00:20:10,799 --> 00:20:15,279 with Egglon, a guy who was the king of the land of Moab, 199 00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:18,200 and e Hud had a plan. He went up to the king in his 200 00:20:18,359 --> 00:20:23,759 palace with a tribute. I bring unto you, great King, and offering 201 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:30,160 and the king said thank you for my tribute, thank you for my offering, 202 00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:36,119 and all was hunky and dory. Everybody was playing nice. And then 203 00:20:37,279 --> 00:20:41,680 e Hud told the kings, I have a secret to tell you, but 204 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:48,480 I can't say it in front of anybody else. Well, King Egglon loved 205 00:20:48,759 --> 00:21:00,319 secrets, and apparently he had the iq of a wicker couch because he sent 206 00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:04,519 all of his minions out of the palace, including his bodyguards. He just 207 00:21:04,559 --> 00:21:11,920 sent everybody out. And it was then that e Hud, the deliverer left, 208 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:17,559 handed his sword from his right thigh and he plunged it into the king. 209 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:23,720 But he didn't pull the sword out of the King's body. Something else 210 00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:33,480 happened. Your trivia question is did the sword simply vanish? Did it pass 211 00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:41,720 all the way through the throne entirely? Did it disappear into the king's fat, 212 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:51,279 or did it miraculously reappear on e HUD's right thigh, So your four 213 00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:55,799 choices, the sword vanished, it passed through the body, and then all 214 00:21:55,839 --> 00:22:00,880 the way through the king's throne, it disappeared into the king's fat, or 215 00:22:02,319 --> 00:22:11,000 it miraculously reappeared on e HUD's right thigh. And if you guessed that it 216 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:19,480 disappeared into the king's fat, you would be correct. That weapon got sucked 217 00:22:19,519 --> 00:22:26,920 into a big rolling glob of royal plumpness known by scholars as the dunlop. 218 00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:34,000 As the king's body dunlopped over the sword. And then, and I am 219 00:22:34,079 --> 00:22:40,960 not kidding Judges, Chapter three, verse twenty two says that the king shit 220 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:48,359 himself, and then e Hud left. He just walked out the door, 221 00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:52,240 and he locked the door behind him. So the King's servants and minions and 222 00:22:52,279 --> 00:22:57,880 all that, they're all standing outside the palace going hmmm. Ehud just left 223 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:03,960 and he locked the door behind him. I guess nothing's wrong here. Why 224 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:08,319 didn't they rush into the palace to accompany the king again? Because they assumed 225 00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:18,960 he was taking a pee. He's gone to the toilet. Well, of 226 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:26,720 course, but after a suspiciously long period for urination. The minions finally realized 227 00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:30,720 a bladder only holes so much, and they burst into the chamber to find 228 00:23:30,759 --> 00:23:37,559 their beloved king dead with a sword sucked into his fat. He had long 229 00:23:37,920 --> 00:23:42,960 gone. He went back to the Israelite army, and then the army rallied 230 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,039 all together, and they tooled up with weapons. They went back to the 231 00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:56,720 land of Moab, and they executed everybody in the lands, about ten thousand 232 00:23:56,400 --> 00:24:06,720 people. God is good. Okay, let's do some that are fast and 233 00:24:06,799 --> 00:24:11,920 furious here that aren't quite so quirky. And we'll play it straight for a 234 00:24:11,960 --> 00:24:15,400 while, okay, And I'm going to just blow through these, and you 235 00:24:15,559 --> 00:24:25,319 answer the questions. Which woman betrayed the strongest man in the Bible? Was 236 00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:40,559 it Deborah Delilah Miriam or Salome? Deborah Delilah Miriam Salome. The answer Delilah. 237 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:44,519 Right, we're talking about Samson. And she cut his hair, robbed 238 00:24:44,559 --> 00:24:48,359 him of his strength, until God at the end said, hey, fine, 239 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:52,319 I'll make you strong again. And he pressed on the pillars and brought 240 00:24:52,759 --> 00:24:59,680 a roof down on all of his enemies and they died. In the Christian 241 00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:07,720 You Testament, what was Luke's occupation? Was he a tax collector, a 242 00:25:07,799 --> 00:25:15,279 soldier, a fisherman, or a physician. Tax collectors, soldier, fisherman, 243 00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:26,519 physician. Luke was a physician. What did God do to the people 244 00:25:26,519 --> 00:25:32,000 who were building the Tower of Babble because he was mad that they were attempting 245 00:25:32,079 --> 00:25:37,880 to reach the heavens? Did he confuse their language, strike them down with 246 00:25:38,039 --> 00:25:47,839 fire, turn them into pillars of salt, or blind them confuse their language, 247 00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:53,240 striking with fire, pillars of salt, or making them all blinds. 248 00:25:55,880 --> 00:26:00,240 I'm sure you're all over this one. He confused their language and then they 249 00:26:00,279 --> 00:26:07,319 all dispersed, which is supposed to account for all of the conflicting languages on 250 00:26:07,559 --> 00:26:11,559 planet Earth. By the way, it's interesting that God was so upset about 251 00:26:11,599 --> 00:26:17,160 the building of the Tower of Babble in the Old Testament, which given the 252 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:21,640 technology and building materials, couldn't have been more than a few hundred feet tall 253 00:26:21,759 --> 00:26:29,559 if that, and today we have the International Space Station orbiting the planet at 254 00:26:29,599 --> 00:26:33,880 a height that the Old Testament authors could have never imagined, and God hasn't 255 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:40,920 said a damn thing about it. Next question, what kind of tree did 256 00:26:41,039 --> 00:26:48,200 Jesus cause to wither because it bore no fruit? An apple tree? A 257 00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:55,720 lemon tree, a fig tree, or a coconut tree. You've got this 258 00:26:55,759 --> 00:26:59,599 one. It's the fig tree. By the way, the New Testament has 259 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:03,680 countrydictory accounts of the cursing of the fig tree. The Book of Mark says 260 00:27:03,759 --> 00:27:08,240 that when Jesus cursed it, it withered right there in front of everybody. 261 00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:15,240 The Book of Matthew says that they walked by the next day to discover the 262 00:27:15,279 --> 00:27:23,519 withered fig tree. How long did Moses live? Eighty years, one hundred 263 00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:32,319 twenty years, one hundred thirty five years, or one hundred thirty eight years. 264 00:27:32,839 --> 00:27:41,799 So eighty one twenty one thirty five, one thirty eight and the answer 265 00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:45,880 is one hundred and twenty. Of course, the oldest person in the Bible 266 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:52,079 Matthuselah. According to the Book of Genesis, Methuselah died at the tender age 267 00:27:52,119 --> 00:28:00,440 of nine hundred sixty nine. Totally believable. In the Gospel of Luke, 268 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:07,160 chapter eleven, Jesus cast the demons out of a possessed man, and he 269 00:28:07,279 --> 00:28:17,200 cast those demons into what was it pigs, sheep cattle or Marjorie Taylor Green 270 00:28:18,599 --> 00:28:25,319 pigs, sheep cattle or MTG. Now I know it's tempting. But despite 271 00:28:25,319 --> 00:28:30,559 the fact that apparently demons are eternal, it was not Marjorie. It was 272 00:28:33,640 --> 00:28:37,640 the pigs. And what did the pigs ever do to Jesus? Why not 273 00:28:37,839 --> 00:28:42,039 just cast them out, cast out the demons and throw them back into Hell. 274 00:28:42,599 --> 00:28:48,880 Instead he throws like two thousand pigs over the cliff and into the sea. 275 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:55,359 What about the guy who owned all the pigs. Jesus just ruined his 276 00:28:55,920 --> 00:29:00,160 livelihood. We know he herded the pigs and raised the pigs and sold the 277 00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:06,960 pigs for meat or whatever. His entire pig What do you call a flock 278 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:10,200 of pigs or a herd of pigs? Hang on, I gotta google this. 279 00:29:10,839 --> 00:29:15,319 What do you what do you call? I don't call it a flack 280 00:29:15,359 --> 00:29:18,559 of pigs. I'm gonna call it a flock of pigs, a drift of 281 00:29:18,839 --> 00:29:25,960 pigs, or a drove of pigs. So the drove of pigs over the 282 00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:32,799 cliff and the poor pig farmer is essentially host Thank you, Jesus. Next 283 00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:41,240 question, who became the King of Judah at the age of seven? Was 284 00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:51,839 it re Hobboam Jehosh Solomon or has a kiah re Hoboam Jehoesh Solomon has a 285 00:29:51,920 --> 00:30:00,599 Kiah. The seven year old who was made king was Jehosh. I'm sorry 286 00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:07,559 seven. By the way, seven is too young to open a bank account. 287 00:30:08,599 --> 00:30:12,640 I mean today's rules. You can't open a bank account. You're nine 288 00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:18,160 years from being able to have even a part time job. You can't enter 289 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:22,960 a pub, you can't go to a rated R movie, you can't drive 290 00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:26,359 in some places, you can't even get your ears pierced. But at seven, 291 00:30:26,519 --> 00:30:33,039 oh, yes, you can rule an entire kingdom. And I guess 292 00:30:33,039 --> 00:30:37,279 when you're not making law and policy for an entire realm, you go in 293 00:30:37,319 --> 00:30:44,400 your room and you play monster YETI in my spaghetti. So always good to 294 00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:52,279 have a child king if you want experience maturity and justice in your lens. 295 00:30:53,000 --> 00:31:03,680 Who ate locusts and wild honey in the Bible was Jeremiah John the Baptist Elisha 296 00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:12,160 or Samuel. Who ate locusts and wild honey? Jeremiah Elisha, John the 297 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:19,960 Baptist or Samuel. And for this answer we go into Matthew chapter three. 298 00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:26,319 John's clothes were made of camel's hair, and he had a leather belt around 299 00:31:26,359 --> 00:31:33,000 his waist. His food was locusts and wild honey. So the correct answer, 300 00:31:33,039 --> 00:31:40,599 of course, is the New Testament answer of John the Baptist. You 301 00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:45,680 know, more and more people are eating insects today, and I find this 302 00:31:45,799 --> 00:31:51,920 fascinating. I think I've tried chocolate covered ants, and once I reset my 303 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:57,119 brain, they were actually pretty good. But today, apparently nearly two thousand 304 00:31:57,359 --> 00:32:04,799 insect species have been identified as edible, and more people are eating them as 305 00:32:05,119 --> 00:32:09,799 protein sources. So instead of cows and deer and that kind of thing, 306 00:32:10,160 --> 00:32:16,640 they're eating farm raised crickets. Sometimes they actually coat them in powdered sugar. 307 00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:24,200 People are dining on termites and beetles, grasshoppers, scorpions. Uh uh, 308 00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:30,160 nope, I'm out by the way, Scorpions are not insects. But sorry, 309 00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:35,160 scorpions. I've seen Clash of the Titans. It scarred me as a 310 00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:37,880 child. Scorpions scared theush shit out of me. I'm not doing it, 311 00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:44,400 okay. Edible bugs. They're saying that it's much cheaper, much better for 312 00:32:44,440 --> 00:32:51,400 the environment, and much less cruel to dine on bugs. Back to the 313 00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:59,480 Bible, What was the mountain where Noah's arc came to rest? Was it 314 00:33:00,119 --> 00:33:09,880 Mount Ararat, Mount Sinai, Mount Carmel, or Mount Zion. Which mountain 315 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:17,200 did Noah's ark come to rest on? Ararat, Sinai, Carmel or Zion. 316 00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:24,839 The correct answer here, according to historians and Bible scholars, would be 317 00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:34,720 Aerra Rats, which is the Hebrew name for mountains of Armenia. By the 318 00:33:34,759 --> 00:33:39,960 way, when I say that historians and theologians agree that it was most likely 319 00:33:40,319 --> 00:33:45,000 Aerra Rat, I'm not saying it actually happened. I think they're agreeing on 320 00:33:45,119 --> 00:33:51,880 what the story says. Okay, sure, there are some theologians who buy 321 00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:58,880 into the boat landing on the mountain and it's up there somewhere. Ever seen 322 00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:06,039 a creationists a picture of a naturally occurring land formation and say that this is 323 00:34:06,079 --> 00:34:10,000 a boat there is I can't even describe the shape of it. I guess 324 00:34:10,039 --> 00:34:17,440 it's arc shaped. It's dirt with grass on top, and creationists see that, 325 00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:22,519 and the pattern seeker in their brain says, hmm, that's Noah's arc. 326 00:34:23,119 --> 00:34:34,320 No fact checking required. Genesis chapter six has been validated. My questions, 327 00:34:34,719 --> 00:34:40,239 my commentary, these things continue. Brace yourself because it is next. 328 00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:49,719 I so appreciate your support on Patreon. I mean, whether you subscribe to 329 00:34:49,760 --> 00:34:54,239 the special RSS feed which gives you the commercial free version or not, and 330 00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:58,840 many don't. Many just want to support me, and they listen to the 331 00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,800 regular feed. They go out to all major podcast apps. It helps, 332 00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:06,800 It makes a huge difference. And I know everybody's pawing at you. Play 333 00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:09,440 us the part my work. Okay, I'll add my name to the chorus 334 00:35:10,039 --> 00:35:15,199 and say that it supplements what I do and it helps me pay the mortgage, 335 00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:21,559 and it is greatly appreciated. So become a patron. Paytreon dot com 336 00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:31,039 slash Seth Andrews, and let's do some more Bible trivia. When David went 337 00:35:31,119 --> 00:35:37,960 to battle against the giant Goliath, how many stones did he grab to put 338 00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:44,320 in his sling? Verse Samuel, chapter twenty one, verses one through nine. 339 00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:50,039 The Philistines had come up to make war against Saul Verse Samuel, Chapter 340 00:35:50,159 --> 00:35:54,079 seventeen, verse four. A champion named Goliath, who was from Gath, 341 00:35:54,320 --> 00:36:00,599 came out of the Philistine camp. Nine feet tall. He had a bronze 342 00:36:00,599 --> 00:36:05,719 helmet on his head and wore a coat of scale armor of bronze, weighing 343 00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:13,000 five thousand shekels. Blah blah blah. King Saul sought somebody in his army 344 00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:17,920 to come forward to do battle with this giant. No one did except for 345 00:36:19,079 --> 00:36:25,920 the diminutive boy David. He brandished his slingshot, and then he gathered how 346 00:36:27,079 --> 00:36:34,719 many smooth stones off of the ground two pebbles, three pebbles, four pebbles 347 00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:44,039 or five, two, three, four or five for Samuel seventeen forty. 348 00:36:44,119 --> 00:36:52,760 Then he took his staff in his hand chose five smooth stones from the stream. 349 00:36:53,960 --> 00:37:00,519 Taxes are always weird with Jesus believers. I think the Christ had said 350 00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:05,760 render und to Caesar, what is Caesar's but he was also saying, well, 351 00:37:05,800 --> 00:37:08,679 maybe we don't owe the government anything. It's all material goods. We 352 00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:15,239 go to the New Testament for our next query. Jesus arrives in Copernium. 353 00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:21,719 He's got all the disciples with him, including Peter and Lo and behold, 354 00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:27,079 a couple of tax collectors show up. The Bible says they are the collectors 355 00:37:27,119 --> 00:37:32,639 of the two drachma temple tax. And these guys said, hey, why 356 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:40,960 isn't your teacher Jesus paying his fair share he owes the government. Peter's trying 357 00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:45,079 to cover and he said, okay, yeah, sure he does. And 358 00:37:45,199 --> 00:37:50,960 Peter walks into the house where Jesus is and Jesus said, from whom do 359 00:37:51,039 --> 00:37:54,199 the kings of the earth collect duty in taxes? From their own children? 360 00:37:54,440 --> 00:38:00,480 Or from others? And Peter said from others, meaning I guess there's a 361 00:38:00,559 --> 00:38:07,960 double standard. The kings exempt themselves and their families, while the commoners have 362 00:38:07,079 --> 00:38:14,199 to bear the weight. Jesus thinks this is unjust. But so that we 363 00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:19,840 may not cause a fence, we are going to conjure up some tax money. 364 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:29,159 What did Jesus tell Peter to do to get the drachmas for the tax 365 00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:35,920 collectors? Take a stone and bury it in the sand, Sell all of 366 00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:43,719 his possessions, open a fish's mouth, or put his fingers in the wine 367 00:38:43,719 --> 00:38:49,400 skins for the coins. So take a stone, bury it in the sand, 368 00:38:49,960 --> 00:38:54,599 sell his possessions, open a fish's mouth, or fish for the coins 369 00:38:54,639 --> 00:39:00,280 at the bottom of the wine skin. And of course, as it should 370 00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:07,880 be, it's the fish mouth Matthew, Chapter seventeen, verse twenty seven. 371 00:39:08,119 --> 00:39:13,480 But so that we may not cause a fence, go to the lake and 372 00:39:13,599 --> 00:39:19,440 throw out your line. Take the first fish you catch, open its mouth, 373 00:39:20,079 --> 00:39:24,320 and you will find a four drachma coin. Take it and give it 374 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:30,239 to them for my tax and yours. Jesus could have just opened up his 375 00:39:30,360 --> 00:39:35,920 bomb. Hey, look it's four drachmas. But instead he's like, okay, 376 00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:40,320 go get your pole. It doesn't say if he went out on a 377 00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:44,519 boat. I'm guessing you had to go out on a boat. Take your 378 00:39:44,519 --> 00:39:49,559 pole and sail out there on the waters. And I want you to cast 379 00:39:49,599 --> 00:39:52,199 your line in until you catch a fish. First fish you catch, I 380 00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:55,880 want you to bring him back to shore, stick your finger in its mouth, 381 00:39:57,440 --> 00:40:00,840 and you'll find the four drachma coin. There so makes perfect sense to 382 00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:06,840 me, And of course the king was properly paid because for some reason, 383 00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:15,960 Christ is worried about upsetting earthly authority. According to the Bible, in the 384 00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:23,519 Old Testament, how many legs do insects have? Six, two, four, 385 00:40:24,559 --> 00:40:34,039 or ten? Leviticus Chapter eleven. All flying insects that walk on all 386 00:40:34,519 --> 00:40:40,559 fours are to be detestable to you. Okay, well, we've established a 387 00:40:40,599 --> 00:40:45,320 couple of things. We can assume that the author of Leviticus was not a 388 00:40:45,440 --> 00:40:52,400 trained entomologist. And two, they were not eating insects in the early books 389 00:40:52,440 --> 00:41:00,360 of the Bible, not even chocolate covered or sprinkled with powdered sugar, which 390 00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:08,719 Bible book contains these verses. The joints of thy thighs are like jewels. 391 00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:16,280 Thy navel is like a round goblet, which wanteth not liquor. Thy belly 392 00:41:16,559 --> 00:41:22,559 is like a heap of wheat set about with lilies. I think this needs 393 00:41:22,679 --> 00:41:30,639 music. We need some sexy music. Hang on, thy two breasts are 394 00:41:30,840 --> 00:41:37,760 like two young rows that are twins. How pleasant art thou o love for 395 00:41:38,079 --> 00:41:45,320 delights thy breasts two clusters of grapes. Thy breasts shall be as clusters of 396 00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:51,960 the vine Come, my beloved, let us go forth into the field. 397 00:41:52,519 --> 00:41:58,119 Let us get up early to the vineyards. There I will give thee my 398 00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:02,000 loves. By the way. The next verse, I have to throw this 399 00:42:02,039 --> 00:42:07,159 in. I would cause thee to drink of spiced wine, of the juice 400 00:42:07,679 --> 00:42:23,360 of my pomegranate. What the hell would you like to drink the juice of 401 00:42:23,400 --> 00:42:36,840 my pomegranate? Which book of the Bible? Which book of the Bible are 402 00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:50,159 these verses located? Ezra Esther Daniel or the Song of Solomon ezra Esther Daniel 403 00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:55,840 Song of Solomon. Of course it's got to be the Song of Solomon, 404 00:42:55,960 --> 00:43:05,599 also known as the Song of Song. This is an erotic Bible poem. 405 00:43:06,039 --> 00:43:10,360 It has nothing to say about Old Testament law or the covenant with God or 406 00:43:10,679 --> 00:43:16,719 Israel. It has no proverbs or commands or ancient wisdom. Instead, it's 407 00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:22,719 a celebration of sexual love two lovers, obviously going to be a man and 408 00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:29,480 a woman, because it's the Bible and they are desiring each other in sexual 409 00:43:29,519 --> 00:43:35,239 intimacy. The Song of Songs, the Song of Solomon, the Book of 410 00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:43,679 the Juicy Pomegranate. Perhaps you have never heard of the story of Uticus, 411 00:43:44,639 --> 00:43:51,119 which sounds like a type of Bunyan. But Uticus was a New Testament character. 412 00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:57,239 And at the city of Troaz, I think I'm saying it right Troas, 413 00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:01,199 Paul was giving a sermon, and he talked and talked and talked and 414 00:44:01,480 --> 00:44:06,440 talked. I mean, you think you've sat through a long sermon. Paul 415 00:44:06,599 --> 00:44:10,480 spoke to the people according to the Book of Acts, because he intended to 416 00:44:10,599 --> 00:44:19,280 leave the next day, kept on talking until midnight. Seated in a window 417 00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:27,519 was a young man named Eudicus, and Eudicus was bored. Your trivia question, 418 00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:35,039 is this what happened to Uticus next? Did this guy fall from the 419 00:44:35,079 --> 00:44:42,519 window and die in the street. Did Paul afflict him with leoprosy. Did 420 00:44:42,639 --> 00:44:50,840 Jesus appear inside the room and rebuke him, Or did Udicus spontaneously drown in 421 00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:59,079 the juice of his own pomegranate so fall from the window and die afflicted by 422 00:44:59,119 --> 00:45:05,639 an angry Paul with leprosy. Christ appears inside the room and rebukes him, 423 00:45:06,360 --> 00:45:16,079 or he drowns in pomegranate juice. The correct answer is Eudicus fell asleep and 424 00:45:16,119 --> 00:45:23,079 then he fell from a three story window and was killed. Acts Chapter twenty, 425 00:45:23,159 --> 00:45:28,360 verse ten. Paul went down, threw himself on the young man and 426 00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:34,079 put his arms around him and said, don't be alarmed. He's alive. 427 00:45:34,760 --> 00:45:38,800 And the man was resurrected. The people took him home, and they were 428 00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:46,599 all greatly comforted. But I can't blame Eudicus. Those of us who have 429 00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:53,280 sat through those excruciatingly long church sermons can relate to Udicus. We get it. 430 00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:57,199 You fell asleep, and you fell out, and you died. But 431 00:45:57,239 --> 00:46:00,079 at least you got peace. Hell, some of us might just fling ourselves 432 00:46:00,079 --> 00:46:07,880 out the window after about eight thirty. You're like, I've had enough merciful 433 00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:12,719 death. Take me. I remember growing up, I had a kind of 434 00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:15,079 a mix I had Baptist churches, but my mother was Assembly of God slash 435 00:46:15,119 --> 00:46:19,519 Pennycostals. So the Baptist church they had a clock at the back wall, 436 00:46:20,199 --> 00:46:22,880 so it started at eleven and the service ended at noon. And if you 437 00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:29,280 went over it was either the week of Revival or you were going to get 438 00:46:29,320 --> 00:46:31,559 a nasty gram and send it to the Bord of Deacons and say, hey, 439 00:46:31,679 --> 00:46:37,599 this is outrageous. We have brunch planned, We're going to a restaurant 440 00:46:37,719 --> 00:46:42,039 and you went over time. Penny costal churches, there's no rules. Those 441 00:46:42,079 --> 00:46:45,039 suckers can go on for hours and hours and hours. I remember I DJ'ed 442 00:46:45,039 --> 00:46:50,960 a wedding once when I was just a teenager, and they had a pennycostal 443 00:46:51,039 --> 00:46:54,840 couple getting married. They brought in three pastors, three preachers, and they 444 00:46:54,880 --> 00:47:01,199 all gave full sermons at a wedding. I get it. If I had 445 00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:06,039 gone to sleep and fallen out a window to my death, it probably would 446 00:47:06,079 --> 00:47:10,280 have turned out to be a much better evening. I'm just saying. For 447 00:47:10,480 --> 00:47:15,400 our last trivia question and Bible story, let's go back to the Old Testament 448 00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:21,760 to talk about Moses, one of the most famous characters in the Bible. 449 00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:27,679 We've all seen the Charlton Heston movie. He was a perfect Moses, by 450 00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:31,559 the way, and he went into Egypt to liberate the Israelites. And then 451 00:47:31,599 --> 00:47:39,039 there's that iconic scene as the Red Sea parts and God's children are set free. 452 00:47:39,679 --> 00:47:45,159 Moses was actually on his way to free those Israelites, and God was 453 00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:50,840 preparing him. He said, Moses, I'm going to tool you up, 454 00:47:51,079 --> 00:47:53,440 and I'm going to show you how to do a bunch of signs and wonders 455 00:47:53,639 --> 00:48:00,519 to impress Pharaoh so he will be convinced to let my people go. Oh 456 00:48:00,079 --> 00:48:06,519 and then, for a reason that makes no logical sense, I will harden 457 00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:10,920 Pharaoh's heart so he won't let my people go. He's not gonna have a 458 00:48:12,039 --> 00:48:15,119 choice. He's gonna double down and say forget it. And then you do 459 00:48:15,199 --> 00:48:22,360 more signs and wonders and Pharaoh is unable to agree until finally I kicked Pharaoh's 460 00:48:22,599 --> 00:48:28,679 ah. Okay. But making even less sense is what happened before Moses reached 461 00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:34,960 the borders of Egypt. Exodus chapter twenty does not say why, but God 462 00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:39,639 got really mad at Moses. He was so angry that he was going to 463 00:48:40,000 --> 00:48:49,199 execute him before he fulfilled his mission that God had trained him for somebody explained 464 00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:52,000 this to me. Okay, God says, free my people, here's how, 465 00:48:52,119 --> 00:48:57,239 But it's not gonna work. Wait a minute, you've totally gotten under 466 00:48:57,320 --> 00:49:02,199 my skin and my petty raid, which is more important than the liberation of 467 00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:08,559 the thousands and thousands and thousands of may oppressed and enslaved children. So I'm 468 00:49:08,559 --> 00:49:13,800 gonna kill you. Moses, here it comes, prepare yourself. But then 469 00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:19,719 the hero of this story, Moses's wife, Zipporus, swooped in to save 470 00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:25,760 the day, and she knew just how to appease Yahweh's anger. She threw 471 00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:34,960 something on Moses's feet. What did she throw? Was it a lack of 472 00:49:35,079 --> 00:49:42,440 hair from her son, a ring from her son's hand, an offering of 473 00:49:42,519 --> 00:49:50,519 her son upon the sacrificial altar, or the fleshy tip of her son's penis, 474 00:49:52,119 --> 00:49:57,039 lack of hair, ring from the hand, an offering of the son 475 00:49:57,239 --> 00:50:02,159 outright upon the altar, or penis flesh? Which one was it? And 476 00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:12,599 the correct answer is number four, the fleshy tip of her son's penis. 477 00:50:12,679 --> 00:50:16,320 And of course, anybody who has heard my Bible commentary over the years is 478 00:50:16,360 --> 00:50:22,199 fully aware of God's obsession with the penis. And circumcision and foreskins, because 479 00:50:22,239 --> 00:50:25,280 we talk about it quite a bit and just how weird it is. So 480 00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:31,079 in Exodus twenties, Zippora took a flint knife, she sliced off her son's 481 00:50:31,159 --> 00:50:38,159 foreskin and touched Moses's feet with it. Now, hang on, I know 482 00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:45,840 there are already people who are cranking out their emails of protest to inform me 483 00:50:45,199 --> 00:50:52,199 that. Yes, in that time period, feet was often a euphemism for 484 00:50:52,519 --> 00:50:58,320 the genitals. So in that case, Moses's wife would have taken a flint 485 00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:08,199 knife and sliced off her son's foreskin and then rubbed it on Moses's baloney pony, 486 00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:17,079 upon his twig and berries around his disco stick, the junk, the 487 00:51:17,199 --> 00:51:22,599 knob, the lollipop, the one eyed trouser snake, the pickle, the 488 00:51:22,679 --> 00:51:30,280 piston, the skin flute. Yes, Moses's wife knew how to assuage God's 489 00:51:30,639 --> 00:51:37,480 anger because the Lord sees penis flesh rubbing against penis flesh and says, this 490 00:51:37,679 --> 00:51:46,199 is lovely. Please continue on with your day. I should do. I 491 00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:52,079 should write a whole book and tell Bible stories in my own words. I 492 00:51:52,280 --> 00:51:54,599 just I amuse myself. I don't know if I amuse you at all, 493 00:51:54,639 --> 00:52:00,920 but I amuse myself trying to tell these stories in an interering way, because 494 00:52:00,960 --> 00:52:05,760 they're just wacky. I hope you've enjoyed this one, and as you continue 495 00:52:05,800 --> 00:52:10,480 on with your day, I hope that it contains no flint knives, no 496 00:52:10,719 --> 00:52:19,159 fat swords, no demon birthing, no poop stoves. And may you enjoy 497 00:52:19,320 --> 00:52:23,159 the end of this day with soothing music, time with family and friends, 498 00:52:23,199 --> 00:52:31,199 and of course, the tasty juice of your pomegranate. And I'll see you 499 00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:37,679 later. Follow The Thinking Atheist on Facebook and Twitter for a complete archive of 500 00:52:37,760 --> 00:52:42,480 podcasts and videos, products like mugs and t shirts featuring the Thinking Atheist logo, 501 00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:46,679 links to atheist pages and resources, and details on upcoming free thought events 502 00:52:46,679 --> 00:52:53,559 and conventions. Log onto our website, The Thinkingatheist dot com.