WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.280 --> 00:00:06.599 The opinions expressed by Chayo Busquets are supported by his extensive experience as a family 2 00:00:07.000 --> 00:00:12.560 therapist and in the previous analysis of the cases presented here welcome. This is 3 00:00:12.560 --> 00:00:20.359 it, Chayo with you in jewel. We begin, if you will be 4 00:00:20.359 --> 00:00:25.839 very welcome. On this Tuesday, Tuesday, April 9th and well, we 5 00:00:25.839 --> 00:00:31.320 ' ll have all audios. Remember that you can already send by audio message 6 00:00:32.119 --> 00:00:39.840 your case, your question, your concern and for whom writing and writing is 7 00:00:39.920 --> 00:00:45.679 not your thing. Well, as long as you don' t spend a 8 00:00:45.759 --> 00:00:51.719 minute sending it to Whatsapp, just audio messages, not phone calls, not 9 00:00:51.840 --> 00:00:56.840 other types of messages, just audio messages. Fifty- five, thirty- 10 00:00:57.039 --> 00:01:03.840 seven, twenty- four, seven, seven, twenty- seven, if 11 00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:07.480 they didn' t get to notice it just as soon as we had audio 12 00:01:07.480 --> 00:01:11.640 messages. Today, in the end the phone repeats itself. So you can 13 00:01:11.840 --> 00:01:18.280 have access to it and we' re going to go right into it with 14 00:01:18.280 --> 00:01:22.640 a theme. I say hello good afternoon, I don' t know what 15 00:01:22.640 --> 00:01:27.599 to do anymore. I' m nineteen. I' m the daughter of 16 00:01:27.719 --> 00:01:32.079 separated parents and they' ve always fought. When my dad wants to come, 17 00:01:32.239 --> 00:01:34.120 my mom says no, she doesn' t want to see him and 18 00:01:34.120 --> 00:01:38.640 she puts me between the sword and the wall Like two years ago I met 19 00:01:38.680 --> 00:01:45.040 a boy and now we' re friends, but she doesn' t like 20 00:01:45.040 --> 00:01:48.200 my mom because she says it' s a because the word I can' 21 00:01:48.239 --> 00:01:48.640 t say to the air and she has mommytis, she' s not a 22 00:01:48.640 --> 00:01:52.000 man. She' s been to my mom' s house several times already. 23 00:01:52.519 --> 00:01:56.280 You know him in mine, but he always talks bad about him. 24 00:01:56.920 --> 00:02:00.200 He respects me. He is the older brother of four sisters and they speak 25 00:02:00.760 --> 00:02:04.840 to me and he invited me to his house on his birthday. And when 26 00:02:04.920 --> 00:02:08.599 I have to go out, my mom tells me I have to ask permission, 27 00:02:08.919 --> 00:02:15.479 although she already knows who you' re advising me with. Son looks 28 00:02:15.520 --> 00:02:22.919 at him all of a sudden. This always reminds me of what I often 29 00:02:22.919 --> 00:02:29.360 comment here on the show that they tell me and tell me and dads tell 30 00:02:30.439 --> 00:02:35.560 me, my kids are the first things for them. I give a good 31 00:02:36.080 --> 00:02:40.159 life a whole series of situations about it. But it is enough that there 32 00:02:40.199 --> 00:02:46.800 is a conflict with the couple so that we actually realize that what matters most 33 00:02:46.879 --> 00:02:51.199 to them is the issue of the couple. Maybe your mom would say that 34 00:02:51.479 --> 00:02:53.000 ' s not true, because I don' t want to know about my 35 00:02:53.039 --> 00:02:58.240 husband or my ex anymore That' s exactly why I tell my daughter I 36 00:02:58.240 --> 00:02:59.840 don' t want her to come. Yeah, that' s all it 37 00:02:59.840 --> 00:03:06.280 is. If the daughter were first, they wouldn' t be putting her 38 00:03:06.280 --> 00:03:12.919 at that crossroads. In relation to your dad, I think you' d 39 00:03:13.400 --> 00:03:15.479 clearly have to tell your mom. Ok if you don' t want my 40 00:03:15.479 --> 00:03:21.840 dad to come, then I' m going to go out with my dad 41 00:03:21.840 --> 00:03:29.080 for a while so I can see him, because, you can half understand 42 00:03:29.120 --> 00:03:30.599 that dad doesn' t want to be seen by this mom. However, 43 00:03:30.000 --> 00:03:36.560 that doesn' t mean that you have to deprive yourself of seeing your dad 44 00:03:36.599 --> 00:03:40.560 and every age you are. And since who you' re gonna know is 45 00:03:40.639 --> 00:03:44.199 with your dad. Well, if your dad sends you a little message, 46 00:03:44.280 --> 00:03:47.560 I' ll tell you that you' re already out, and then they 47 00:03:47.560 --> 00:03:51.960 go out for a walk, buy an ice cream, have a drink, 48 00:03:52.599 --> 00:03:57.639 spend some time together, because it can be unfortunate, unpleasant, uncomfortable even 49 00:03:58.319 --> 00:04:02.000 for your dad, because going into the house, which is your mom' 50 00:04:02.000 --> 00:04:06.439 s house, even though it looks like your house, also the reality is 51 00:04:06.439 --> 00:04:10.280 that you' re older and, therefore, you live with your mom. 52 00:04:10.960 --> 00:04:16.399 So that can be respected now. In relation to the boy, I think 53 00:04:16.439 --> 00:04:24.240 you need to learn to differentiate a lot from what your mom seems to bring 54 00:04:24.279 --> 00:04:29.040 there complicated in life and her vision of men. And as long as you 55 00:04:29.120 --> 00:04:35.160 ' re clear about your perception of this guy and that you have a different 56 00:04:35.199 --> 00:04:41.600 experience around the experience with men, I' d say if you ask your 57 00:04:41.639 --> 00:04:46.600 mom' s permission, because I insist you live in her house and, 58 00:04:46.639 --> 00:04:51.360 therefore, you have to respect her rules. But clearly, knowing that when 59 00:04:51.360 --> 00:04:58.160 your mother expresses herself like this about this boy, she is actually being contaminated 60 00:04:58.879 --> 00:05:02.439 by her life- cycle experiences with men and that you have the right to 61 00:05:02.480 --> 00:05:11.399 disagree and have your own position on it. Hopefully, parents will learn that 62 00:05:11.439 --> 00:05:14.000 if the opinion is given, it is given once and not repeated, because 63 00:05:15.240 --> 00:05:23.920 it is very unpleasant to be listening consistently or an opinion that is not flattering 64 00:05:24.000 --> 00:05:27.800 to someone for whom one feels or esteem or is giving oneself the opportunity to 65 00:05:27.879 --> 00:05:32.839 treat it. So this message is dads give your opinion once and then don 66 00:05:33.399 --> 00:05:39.000 ' t repeat it and respect the disagreement you have about the way your kids 67 00:05:39.000 --> 00:05:45.639 see the people they' re relating to. And from that context, things 68 00:05:45.639 --> 00:05:49.600 are going to walk differently. I hope this helps you to be lighter what 69 00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:55.920 you' re living with your mom around these two themes. As for the 70 00:05:56.040 --> 00:05:59.480 subject you' re touching on about setting limits, I feel like it doesn 71 00:05:59.560 --> 00:06:02.040 ' t happen to me with my partner, but yes with my teenager he 72 00:06:02.040 --> 00:06:05.079 ' s in high school. I' ve come to the conclusion that I 73 00:06:05.120 --> 00:06:13.000 can' t control it, but it' s not fear or that I 74 00:06:13.079 --> 00:06:15.920 want to be afraid of putting limits on it. I feel like my love 75 00:06:15.040 --> 00:06:21.279 for him is the one that' s making me this no limit, you 76 00:06:21.279 --> 00:06:29.319 could help. You don' t know how much. I appreciate the honesty 77 00:06:29.439 --> 00:06:38.240 of your comment, because the vast majority of times two situations arise. You, 78 00:06:38.439 --> 00:06:42.360 the one you' ve already ruled out isn' t out of fear, 79 00:06:42.600 --> 00:06:45.480 but a lot of dads if it happens to them that out of fear 80 00:06:45.560 --> 00:06:45.920 that the son will get angry, they don' t put limits on them. 81 00:06:46.399 --> 00:06:53.560 But the second that is consistently present is the son’ s affection for 82 00:06:53.600 --> 00:07:01.959 the daughter. It' s hard to set limits because we feel ugly to 83 00:07:02.000 --> 00:07:05.480 put limits on someone we love so much, because putting limits is going to 84 00:07:05.480 --> 00:07:18.519 cause discomfort. The point here is that we have to understand that educating involves 85 00:07:18.560 --> 00:07:24.319 creating discomfort, and not because we are evil people who want to make our 86 00:07:24.319 --> 00:07:30.000 children have a hard time, but because whenever they tell you something that does 87 00:07:30.079 --> 00:07:35.839 not dose you some pleasant situation or they ask you to make an effort to 88 00:07:35.959 --> 00:07:40.920 realize something that you are not born to do, because it does not give 89 00:07:40.920 --> 00:07:46.680 you pleasure. That creates a sense of discomfort. And the truth is that 90 00:07:46.720 --> 00:07:54.560 we love children so much that we do not want to produce in them that 91 00:07:54.639 --> 00:08:00.600 feeling of discomfort, discomfort, anger, because we feel ugly. In fact, 92 00:08:00.600 --> 00:08:05.279 I tell parents many times at conferences the subject is and I hope not 93 00:08:05.839 --> 00:08:11.040 to sound cantinflesca. But when I put a stop to my son, I 94 00:08:11.160 --> 00:08:16.800 feel a great discomfort in him, but his discomfort causes discomfort in me, 95 00:08:16.120 --> 00:08:20.560 then I have to end up dealing with the discomfort in me of my son, 96 00:08:20.959 --> 00:08:24.439 which I do not like to see, and with the discomfort that causes 97 00:08:24.480 --> 00:08:31.439 me, the discomfort that was generated to my son, and feel that I 98 00:08:31.480 --> 00:08:35.759 could have avoided that situation if I had not set the limit. It is 99 00:08:35.840 --> 00:08:43.440 one of the great temptations by which it would seem that then, by my 100 00:08:43.600 --> 00:08:48.600 decision, that circumstance occurred. So, I could have avoided it if I 101 00:08:48.679 --> 00:08:52.399 didn' t put the limit on my son, I succeed in going through 102 00:08:52.519 --> 00:08:58.600 that unpleasant, uncomfortable moment that in turn causes an uncomfortable discomfort to me. 103 00:09:01.240 --> 00:09:09.720 Now let' s think and this is a comment that I make very often 104 00:09:09.799 --> 00:09:16.720 also that when we' re dads, we have to wear glasses that are 105 00:09:16.440 --> 00:09:22.360 bifocal, that is, I have to evaluate the immediate, which is what 106 00:09:22.440 --> 00:09:26.240 I have to intervene in, either because I have to say yes to what 107 00:09:26.840 --> 00:09:31.039 you' re asking me for or because I have to tell you already stop 108 00:09:31.120 --> 00:09:33.879 what you' re doing or because I have to tell you that I didn 109 00:09:33.879 --> 00:09:37.080 ' t like that. Anyway, there is an immediate action that one would 110 00:09:37.240 --> 00:09:41.320 sometimes ask good. And what' s wrong if I leave it for another 111 00:09:43.480 --> 00:09:46.960 little while and what' s wrong if I give him the five minutes he 112 00:09:46.759 --> 00:09:50.200 ' s asking me for and what' s wrong with him if he' 113 00:09:50.279 --> 00:09:54.200 s having fun at the party and then he' s behaving, so let 114 00:09:54.200 --> 00:09:58.879 him stay another time. Not in that immediate response would be no, there 115 00:09:58.960 --> 00:10:03.480 is nothing wrong with dali chanza. The thing is, I have to look 116 00:10:03.559 --> 00:10:07.639 so good and that' s why they' re long- term bifocal lenses. 117 00:10:09.080 --> 00:10:11.759 What do you learn from what I tell you today? I don' 118 00:10:11.799 --> 00:10:15.799 t love you coming back from the party, but I' m being good. 119 00:10:15.840 --> 00:10:18.360 I didn' t drink alcohol. This one' s super fun. 120 00:10:18.480 --> 00:10:22.799 Why would I have to go back? Well, because we' re trying 121 00:10:22.840 --> 00:10:28.360 to educate our children to learn that pleasure is dosed, that we don' 122 00:10:28.440 --> 00:10:33.480 t always have to stay until the pleasure wears out, that there will always 123 00:10:33.559 --> 00:10:39.399 and simply be another party and that he has a permit or had a two 124 00:10:39.559 --> 00:10:41.200 - hour leave, three- hour leave to be at the meeting and the 125 00:10:41.240 --> 00:10:46.759 leave is over. Therefore, you have to return and that control that leads 126 00:10:46.799 --> 00:10:50.360 you to your will to have to tell me. I' d love to 127 00:10:50.440 --> 00:10:54.320 stay, but I' m going back It' s strengthening your character to 128 00:10:54.320 --> 00:11:01.159 face life. So sometimes the short- term medium gives a very different answer 129 00:11:01.200 --> 00:11:07.919 than if I see what the long- term benefit is, and then I 130 00:11:07.039 --> 00:11:16.320 have to say no there. So don' t become love, a pretext 131 00:11:16.320 --> 00:11:22.080 for not educating. And so far our dear regina, welcome novelo. Thank 132 00:11:22.200 --> 00:11:24.639 you very much. How are you? Everything in order, everything in order 133 00:11:24.679 --> 00:11:31.639 and here ready with a very good question for you. More and more children, 134 00:11:31.039 --> 00:11:37.240 teenage girls, are consuming pornography. Right. So the cause seems a 135 00:11:37.240 --> 00:11:41.399 little obvious. Not Internet access. They bring him with them all day, 136 00:11:41.519 --> 00:11:48.919 but what are the consequences so many and I' m just finishing a course 137 00:11:48.919 --> 00:11:52.720 right now. Ay moy, no yes, yes, yes, this one 138 00:11:52.919 --> 00:11:58.120 with an organization that is called turning it around very good. Or and the 139 00:11:58.159 --> 00:12:03.000 consequences well, many I have seen in the office attending children who have been 140 00:12:03.039 --> 00:12:09.320 exposed to this type of material. But uh the consequence can be divided depending 141 00:12:09.679 --> 00:12:13.759 on the child' s life stage. What if we' re talking about 142 00:12:13.879 --> 00:12:16.399 a boy girl is not before she reaches puberty, before she' s a 143 00:12:16.399 --> 00:12:20.159 teenager, because what happens is that she' s going to create an image 144 00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:26.120 that' s not the real one, because obviously, what she shows us 145 00:12:26.159 --> 00:12:30.559 isn' t pornography, it' s not what happens in real life. 146 00:12:31.000 --> 00:12:37.799 No, uh, you see a lot for example, relationships between adults and 147 00:12:37.840 --> 00:12:43.279 minors, relationships between relatives. And all this, the kid' s normalizing 148 00:12:43.279 --> 00:12:48.399 it, they' re normalizing it. There is a hypersexualization and it can 149 00:12:48.519 --> 00:12:54.399 reach the performance, that is, start having sexual behaviors with other children, 150 00:12:54.799 --> 00:13:00.159 advance their entire process of the entry of desire and begin to act very small. 151 00:13:01.279 --> 00:13:07.360 It is not surprising the cases that suddenly arrive where even ten- year 152 00:13:09.000 --> 00:13:13.320 - olds, eleven years old, have attempted penetration. Not when we are 153 00:13:13.360 --> 00:13:18.559 already talking about a teenager who has a higher consumption and who, moreover, 154 00:13:18.840 --> 00:13:22.799 falls into a double pleasure. Not because it is the pleasure and excitement of 155 00:13:22.840 --> 00:13:30.320 seeing more accompanied with an autorotism or masturbation. And all that' s called 156 00:13:30.399 --> 00:13:33.759 dopamine' s reward is altered and much of what happens is that after, 157 00:13:35.039 --> 00:13:37.840 when you' re in real life with a couple, it' s not 158 00:13:37.879 --> 00:13:46.279 enough, because your brain is used to a much bigger stimulus than a couple 159 00:13:46.320 --> 00:13:52.279 in real life can give you. So what generates, because sometimes they can 160 00:13:52.360 --> 00:13:58.559 ' t have an erection, they can' t have a sexual relationship as 161 00:13:58.559 --> 00:14:07.559 such that they no longer satisfy the real couple or need to see something before 162 00:14:07.679 --> 00:14:11.360 they can already try with the person and be with the person. The consequences 163 00:14:11.440 --> 00:14:18.120 are equal for men and women. No, apparently not, and the reason 164 00:14:18.240 --> 00:14:22.960 is this for statistics. It does not mean that all cases are the same, 165 00:14:24.799 --> 00:14:30.840 but by statistics, women generally see pornography much less violent. They stay 166 00:14:30.879 --> 00:14:35.000 in a type of pornography and up there and, instead, man usually normalizes 167 00:14:35.159 --> 00:14:41.240 what he sees climbing, making tolerance, that no longer generates an excitement what 168 00:14:41.840 --> 00:14:45.759 he is seeing and that he needs to see ever stronger, more aggressive, 169 00:14:46.080 --> 00:14:54.240 more rough content. Exactly how interesting this is. I think at some point 170 00:14:54.320 --> 00:15:00.720 we' re going to need to talk about you talking about hypersexualization and I 171 00:15:00.720 --> 00:15:03.559 think it' s a word you need to understand that one day we dedicate 172 00:15:03.639 --> 00:15:09.720 it clearly that it' s a program you' ll already tell me a 173 00:15:09.720 --> 00:15:11.440 full program or if or if a segment of Tuesdays. Thank you, Regina, 174 00:15:11.639 --> 00:15:20.360 we' ll see the opposites. Greetings to all of you and I 175 00:15:20.360 --> 00:15:22.519 have a message. Says I have a good afternoon. I have my 19 176 00:15:22.639 --> 00:15:26.919 - year- old daughter, I had to get her out of high school 177 00:15:26.919 --> 00:15:28.240 because she didn' t attend classes, because she owed a lot of subjects. 178 00:15:30.320 --> 00:15:31.639 I ask her what happened to you, daughter. You weren' t 179 00:15:31.639 --> 00:15:35.039 like that, you missed a very smart person, but nothing else. He 180 00:15:35.039 --> 00:15:39.679 went into high school and changed. I don' t know if it' 181 00:15:39.799 --> 00:15:45.679 s due, because she doesn' t understand the career and that engineering well. 182 00:15:45.720 --> 00:15:48.279 She told her dad to study her, but she didn' t want 183 00:15:48.279 --> 00:15:52.720 to. My wife is very angry. I always ask her, daughter, 184 00:15:52.799 --> 00:15:56.240 what have you got. She tells me nothing and she cries I can' 185 00:15:56.320 --> 00:15:58.320 t explain what my daughter has. I' ve wasted three years of his 186 00:15:58.320 --> 00:16:07.080 life, it' s just so he' s finishing college. He had 187 00:16:07.120 --> 00:16:10.120 to see a situation. I don' t know, that we had with 188 00:16:10.120 --> 00:16:14.759 her sister my husband, she was a disabled but sick person, and we 189 00:16:14.799 --> 00:16:18.639 had to take her to live with us and my husband put a lot of 190 00:16:18.639 --> 00:16:22.519 pressure on her to be okay. At the end of the day, my 191 00:16:22.559 --> 00:16:25.080 sister- in- law passed away. I want to see how I can 192 00:16:25.120 --> 00:16:26.519 help her so she doesn' t lose any more years with that attitude. 193 00:16:27.120 --> 00:16:33.519 I mean, I think there' s a writing problem here, because you 194 00:16:33.559 --> 00:16:37.720 ' re telling me that your daughter is nineteen, but I actually think that 195 00:16:37.759 --> 00:16:41.600 at the age of nineteen you had to get her out of high school, 196 00:16:41.720 --> 00:16:48.840 because if not, then you wouldn' t be telling me right now that 197 00:16:48.840 --> 00:16:55.679 she should already be finishing the race. There are important elements here. On 198 00:16:55.720 --> 00:17:00.000 the one hand, you tell me about your husband' s character. I 199 00:17:00.039 --> 00:17:03.559 don' t know what level of jinx, because many times there is this 200 00:17:03.599 --> 00:17:07.319 description of the people of my mom or dad or my brother, my partner, 201 00:17:07.640 --> 00:17:15.200 my friend. It is very angry or very angry, but it is 202 00:17:15.400 --> 00:17:18.680 one thing that someone has a character, because it is not easy. And 203 00:17:18.759 --> 00:17:22.480 another thing is that the anger comes to violent situations and creates an unfortunate climate 204 00:17:22.559 --> 00:17:29.720 inside a house. Yeah, that on the one hand, on the other 205 00:17:29.720 --> 00:17:34.440 hand, well, they did experience a complicated situation having this aunt of your 206 00:17:34.519 --> 00:17:41.039 daughter at home with the disability until she ended up dying. And well, 207 00:17:41.160 --> 00:17:48.480 the situation is complex. I don' t know what degree of disability your 208 00:17:48.559 --> 00:17:55.039 sister- in- law had and I don' t know how far he 209 00:17:55.039 --> 00:18:00.240 was, he demanded your daughter to engage with heavy things about the disability that 210 00:18:00.240 --> 00:18:00.240 your sister- in- law had, and that it would be debilitating in 211 00:18:00.240 --> 00:18:08.240 her spirits. Sometimes it' s worth parenting. What do I mean by 212 00:18:08.400 --> 00:18:15.319 this to make an appointment with a psychiatrist and tell him my love I' 213 00:18:15.400 --> 00:18:19.279 m going to take you to talk to this person, because, without a 214 00:18:19.359 --> 00:18:29.440 doubt, all these changes that you relate here in your mail in your message 215 00:18:29.440 --> 00:18:33.079 clearly mark a before and after in your daughter' s life. And that 216 00:18:33.200 --> 00:18:38.359 process may not talk to you, as a specialist is more able to do 217 00:18:38.440 --> 00:18:44.119 a review of what' s going on with your daughter, where and how 218 00:18:44.160 --> 00:18:48.599 things could be handled. And sometimes we just have to tell her like she 219 00:18:48.640 --> 00:18:52.799 ' s sick in the stomach and whether she' s dating the doctor and 220 00:18:52.920 --> 00:18:56.240 we' re going to go the same way, firmly, with determination, 221 00:18:57.160 --> 00:19:00.400 with a clear explanation, it' s looting a date with a psychiatrist. 222 00:19:00.519 --> 00:19:07.759 And we' re gonna go because we have to appreciate what' s going 223 00:19:07.799 --> 00:19:12.880 on with you beyond what you lost in years past that you' re not 224 00:19:12.920 --> 00:19:17.519 at the moment you' d think it would be finishing your career. I 225 00:19:17.519 --> 00:19:22.920 think it' s how she is, because once we can help someone be 226 00:19:22.960 --> 00:19:30.440 okay, if they' re okay, lonely people start looking for what they 227 00:19:30.440 --> 00:19:33.240 ' re going to do. They find motivation for life, they want to 228 00:19:33.279 --> 00:19:37.880 see what a career. Anyway, they make a scheme. Over there. 229 00:19:38.319 --> 00:19:41.119 So, here the point is not that he gets into studying and studying a 230 00:19:41.160 --> 00:19:44.519 career, that he does the I don' t know what thread. It 231 00:19:44.839 --> 00:19:48.079 ' s not that she' s okay, because from there, that' 232 00:19:48.119 --> 00:19:52.240 s the source for her to be motivated to do things in life. To 233 00:19:52.319 --> 00:19:56.599 this, besides, we add the one you say her dad made her enter 234 00:19:56.599 --> 00:20:00.359 the engineering career and she doesn' t like it good. I think you 235 00:20:00.400 --> 00:20:04.279 do have to go out there in defense of your daughter because you already have 236 00:20:04.480 --> 00:20:10.000 to study what she likes, not what we think is best, given her 237 00:20:10.759 --> 00:20:14.480 potential or given what we think is the only thing we' re willing to 238 00:20:14.920 --> 00:20:21.839 spend for. Then abused. There and I have a 16- year- 239 00:20:22.279 --> 00:20:25.000 old girl, she hasn' t had her period. Actually, I don 240 00:20:25.119 --> 00:20:27.359 ' t know what to do or where to go so they can help me. 241 00:20:27.680 --> 00:20:30.640 I' d like to see if you can guide me. Thank you, 242 00:20:33.839 --> 00:20:41.400 no doubt and where you have to go is a gynecologist. That is 243 00:20:41.480 --> 00:20:45.240 what needs to be done when it comes to what is happening in the female 244 00:20:45.279 --> 00:20:56.039 reproductive system. Now trusting in your responsibility so that, in any case, 245 00:20:56.200 --> 00:20:59.039 you will come out of doubt, out of the particular situation of your daughters. 246 00:20:59.119 --> 00:21:00.279 S s. S. S. I' m going to count a 247 00:21:00.279 --> 00:21:08.160 confidence here. I menstruated too late was very thin. Well, I' 248 00:21:08.240 --> 00:21:14.880 m still thin, but not like I was back then and they took me 249 00:21:14.960 --> 00:21:17.359 to the gynecologist to find out what was going on. And it turned out 250 00:21:17.400 --> 00:21:22.519 that the gynaecologist, after making an appropriate assessment to see why this could be 251 00:21:22.519 --> 00:21:26.359 due, discovered that everything was in perfect condition, but that, as it 252 00:21:26.480 --> 00:21:37.519 was so thin, it was not yet able to generate an appropriate production of 253 00:21:37.720 --> 00:21:45.680 everything necessary for menstruation. So we had patience and finally close to seventeen maybe 254 00:21:45.720 --> 00:21:52.960 it was when I ended up menstruating and still there I didn' t menstruate 255 00:21:53.079 --> 00:22:00.039 regularly because again I couldn' t mature my eggs to be able to generate 256 00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:03.559 the whole menstruation process and then I had very long delays and we said well, 257 00:22:03.559 --> 00:22:07.240 what happens here. Nothing else was going on, they gave me a 258 00:22:07.240 --> 00:22:11.440 treatment, they regularized me. This I' m telling you not to say 259 00:22:11.440 --> 00:22:15.319 ah. Okay, so I don' t worry, because in each case 260 00:22:15.440 --> 00:22:19.640 the explanation may be different, but, although it' s out of range 261 00:22:19.839 --> 00:22:27.640 with the average, it' s not necessarily something that has a bad explanation. 262 00:22:29.240 --> 00:22:33.960 However, it is necessary to look for a gynecologist or gynecologist. You 263 00:22:33.039 --> 00:22:38.559 can take it with yours to check, see that everything is in order and 264 00:22:38.960 --> 00:22:44.079 nothing else to clarify. The review is not the review that an adult woman 265 00:22:44.079 --> 00:22:48.359 is used to, okay, when they have not had sex. The review 266 00:22:48.799 --> 00:22:55.640 is of another type and intrusive. So it' s okay. That' 267 00:22:55.759 --> 00:22:57.759 s why you' re not going to stop taking her, because how they 268 00:22:57.880 --> 00:23:00.359 ' re going to check her out without my daughter isn' t going. 269 00:23:00.440 --> 00:23:04.319 There are reviews out there that are done in another way to check that the 270 00:23:04.400 --> 00:23:11.640 whole process is being done in the right way and you find the explanation for 271 00:23:12.160 --> 00:23:18.359 your daughter, Hi Chayo. I would like to ask how it affects men 272 00:23:18.480 --> 00:23:22.279 and especially the eighteen- year- olds, the break- up of a 273 00:23:22.279 --> 00:23:25.720 relationship. I have an eighteen- year- old son who' s going 274 00:23:25.799 --> 00:23:30.000 through that and I want to give him my support. Sometimes the approach, 275 00:23:30.880 --> 00:23:37.799 because it does occur when someone ends a relationship or when some anger presents itself. 276 00:23:40.319 --> 00:23:45.680 But when they do reconcile, it is no longer the same. This 277 00:23:45.759 --> 00:23:53.599 gives me because during two different interventions. In one I talked about the breakdown 278 00:23:53.839 --> 00:23:59.359 in relationships and in the other, this question that I asked them in networks 279 00:24:00.359 --> 00:24:03.559 more than this question, I made the comment that you can' t always 280 00:24:03.680 --> 00:24:08.799 talk to the person with whom we had a problem. And so, then, 281 00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:12.240 the only thing is that you have to keep being nice, not and 282 00:24:12.440 --> 00:24:15.079 that' s always going to be a door that' s going to help. 283 00:24:15.240 --> 00:24:22.640 If I combine these two things, no doubt to see is not a 284 00:24:22.759 --> 00:24:29.960 subject, in my opinion, of men and women. It is a topic 285 00:24:30.720 --> 00:24:37.160 of how important and meaningful the bond was with the person with whom the relationship 286 00:24:37.319 --> 00:24:44.559 is broken and, on the other hand, what kind of personality each member 287 00:24:45.279 --> 00:24:53.200 of that relationship has. There are people who have a much more expressive personality 288 00:24:53.319 --> 00:25:00.640 and then touch a lot with their emotions, cry a lot, feel bad. 289 00:25:00.759 --> 00:25:03.000 They talk about it all the time. There are people who tend to 290 00:25:03.079 --> 00:25:10.079 be more private, who tend to be more hermetic, who in appearance, 291 00:25:11.400 --> 00:25:18.839 are more controlled, controlled And then, because you don' t see much 292 00:25:18.960 --> 00:25:25.039 and you would seem or draw conclusions about how this affects them. The reality 293 00:25:25.119 --> 00:25:29.240 is that whenever there is a break up and we are the dad or the 294 00:25:29.359 --> 00:25:34.000 mom are affected or the affectation is not noticed. It' s important to 295 00:25:34.240 --> 00:25:38.920 make this connection with them and tell them if you want to talk, if 296 00:25:38.960 --> 00:25:41.480 you want to comment on what happened here I' m here for you. 297 00:25:44.160 --> 00:25:49.680 Remember that processes take a while and that if this relationship was important to you, 298 00:25:51.039 --> 00:25:56.440 you' re probably going through complicated moments and here I am there are 299 00:25:56.519 --> 00:26:00.400 those who need to talk about it at first. There are those who rather 300 00:26:00.480 --> 00:26:03.759 spend a time and after a time it is when they can put it into 301 00:26:03.759 --> 00:26:11.079 words, because I insist more than a genre theme depends on a personality style 302 00:26:11.880 --> 00:26:15.839 and in that process, in personality styles, we will really see different things, 303 00:26:17.960 --> 00:26:25.960 we will realize different things depending on how they are living it. There 304 00:26:26.279 --> 00:26:30.960 are children that sometimes dads tell me is that my son was not noticed anything. 305 00:26:30.839 --> 00:26:34.240 Or my daughter didn' t notice anything. And it turns out that 306 00:26:34.279 --> 00:26:38.599 eight or ten months later Mom told me, I want help, because I 307 00:26:38.640 --> 00:26:42.039 couldn' t get through the breakup. There are others who might have gone 308 00:26:42.079 --> 00:26:51.359 through the breakup and nothing happened here. The pachanga follows the exit, they 309 00:26:51.960 --> 00:26:56.240 still use this idea of a nail a lot and it turns out that, 310 00:26:57.039 --> 00:27:00.240 since one would say or would be quieter, because well, it seems that 311 00:27:00.319 --> 00:27:04.359 it did not hit him. No. There' s even a worry sometimes. 312 00:27:04.759 --> 00:27:11.079 On the contrary, you lasted a certain time in a relationship in which 313 00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:15.960 everything seemed to work very well, that you looked happy, happy and suddenly 314 00:27:15.039 --> 00:27:18.480 you end up and here you pretend that nothing happens and you start dating other 315 00:27:18.519 --> 00:27:23.880 people and dads say no to see I don' t like this frivolity that 316 00:27:23.960 --> 00:27:27.880 I' m seeing my son or my daughter in front of the breakup of 317 00:27:27.880 --> 00:27:34.079 this relationship. Then it' s also worth talking and saying don' t 318 00:27:34.119 --> 00:27:40.240 go so fast, that is, put him down, put him down a 319 00:27:40.400 --> 00:27:41.759 little bit, because you have to wait for it to be prepared and processed. 320 00:27:41.480 --> 00:27:45.720 What happened now is also true and this is giving rise to comment. 321 00:27:48.599 --> 00:27:55.880 There are duels that were made within the relationship. This means the person ended 322 00:27:56.519 --> 00:28:03.519 the relationship when he had finished disappointing the situation and, therefore, when he 323 00:28:03.599 --> 00:28:07.599 ends, because he is already ready for life and the other member of the 324 00:28:07.680 --> 00:28:11.519 relationship, maybe he says no, but how did this end. But if 325 00:28:11.680 --> 00:28:18.079 the relationship worked wonderfully, but yes and the process of grieving the separation just 326 00:28:18.960 --> 00:28:22.880 begins. But sometimes and there it already depends on each family and each of 327 00:28:23.039 --> 00:28:26.400 the values of each one, because out of respect for the other person and, 328 00:28:26.480 --> 00:28:30.359 above all, if the relationship was important and significant, it would be 329 00:28:30.480 --> 00:28:37.400 worth giving a space of time. No, so the relationship was worth it, 330 00:28:38.039 --> 00:28:45.839 no, but again there are countless stories in these kinds of situations. 331 00:28:45.680 --> 00:28:52.079 If you ended a relationship, what your story was and what your process was. 332 00:28:52.160 --> 00:28:55.519 And, well, this brings us to the end of the program. 333 00:28:56.039 --> 00:29:00.799 It' s time to say until tomorrow we meet you know at one o 334 00:29:00.920 --> 00:29:03.079 ' clock in the afternoon chochayo looking for you. This was chayo with you 335 00:29:03.160 --> 00:29:07.400 that they arrive well to their destination if they are on their way And good 336 00:29:07.519 --> 00:29:14.680 profit for those who are eating until tomorrow. Audio Centre