Now Harry and Margot are staying up eating. The level of an inebriation makes
this so unbelievably slow. It's um it was like watching a tortoise eat a
leaf of lettuce, but it was a drunk girl making out with a hey
Arnold character come to life like it was just the most It was so drawn
out. Welcome to boat, another brand spanking new episode of another Bellow Duck
podcast. My name is Dylan. I'm siddled up next to one Patrick Kick.
Permission to come aboard granted? Kaylin, Hey, we just did an
episode of this show. I gotta tell you, and I don't want to
complain. You know, it's like, what a blessed life we live?
But man, I'm fatigued talking about Below Deck. What if we did three
episodes of Belowdeck a week? Just not not even a fucking option? Not
no, it might be you want to do this season? One thing behind
Patreon? I do. I think a lot of people love below Deck.
I had no idea how many people loved below Deck. Yeah this much that
the creators of below Deck would have five versions of this and possibly adding a
six Yeah all stars or non all stars. We talked about it. Let
us. The last episode could be. It's likely not a thing at all.
It's the Pizza Gate of reality television. But we don't care. Dylan
and I might be covering. If you think pizza gate's real, we think
it's real too. And what they're doing in that fucking basement is not okay.
Unless you think it's okay, then we think it's okay. No no,
no, no no, it doesn't work out. Well no, no,
no, there. If you think it's okay to fuck kids, we
did so. I didn't know what pizza Gate was. Sorry, you didn't
know pizza Gate. Now they've got the kids down there, they're fading the
pizza and fucking them. Really yeah, John Podesta, you know, don't
know that name. Oh well, okay, well there you know. I
like sacrifices and stuff at the bottom of Comet Pizza and Washington, DCA.
But this is like pizza Gate. The show not All Stars of Below Back
is like that. Yeah. Yeah, it could exist, or maybe it
does, maybe it doesn't. Anyway, weird start, huh, not at
all? Hey, guys, Dylan and I think I convinced him. I
think we're gonna do season one to Below, which we started he's thinking maybe
we'll do season one behind a paywall, But I am not convinced here,
Dylan, let me tell you. Let me tell you the upside of a
recap of a season that's that old. These cast members from that season,
they don't give a flying f Oh, they don't give a rip. They
aren't tethered to the powers that be over at Bravo, worried that they might
be on I don't know, Bravo. Now we have a new PR person
who we have to take down. I mean, the whole thing is just
very exhausting. I wish we could just deal with one person for all belowdeck.
I agree, but they have too many shows. That's too much for
one PR person to answer email saying no, they can't be a guest on
your show? Right? You know how much hard? How hard would work?
That is all day long? But deny people of interviews of the cast.
Yeah, think about this, we listen to your show. It's going
to be a no from us. Yeah. I mean it's exhausting writing that
email, and then to think about the email back that I send, having
to read that some random person attacking your character. I mean, yeah,
listen here, bitch, No, I don't say that. It's much more
passive aggressive. All right, m hmm. I want to get into the
episode. I don't call women the B word. You don't do, Hey,
Dylan, bleep that, so make it go away like he never said
it. You know his name is not Dylan. Oh, I'm sorry,
Kalin, And don't bleep that. You don't need to bleep, very h
This isn't you do this? You do this, you go. You got
to bleep that. But it's something that's my first bleep no, no,
no, But we've referred to it. Oh, right, and you seem
to forget that. In order to bleep that one, you'd have to bleep
all of the references to the word that's being bleeped. Well, forgive me,
Dylan. I had an intense bout of food poisoning. I'm just kind
of coming to my own like it's the closest to death you can feel without
dying. Yes, I mean it's the closest to death you could feel without
dying as a healthy person, right, yeah, because in within minutes you
can be you know, the poison takes hold and then you're praying for death.
This is what you have to do when you have food pois name.
You have to get pedia like gatorade whatever you your preferred hydration stage. Are
you gonna do that? You're in the stages of death. Well, you
need to get an eye dropper and take this stuff like a hamster, and
you need to put on John Adams starring Paul Giamatti. You will take his
annex. You will fall asleep and wake up fourteen hours later. You'll have
a vague understanding of the Founding Fathers and you won't be sick anymore. Good
to know. Yeah, wow, do that next time, Joan Adams.
Yeah, Paul Giamatti is just pissed. He's like, where was Thomas Jefferson?
He's never here? That was now He's fantastic in that show. Um,
all right, get into our thoughts and nuts. Let's talk about below
Deck now, Yeah, sure, okay, right, I want me to
go first. You wanted to Kaylin to go first. I thought it was
a fantastic episode. Eighty six pots. You amman a gun now, h
Um, you know what crazy wild Thornberry here? But I thought last episode
was better. Are you out of your mind? I said, crazy Wild
Thornberry twelve pots? Fuck this episode? Oh you've fuck you. You are
so wrong. Yeah, let me tell you right, you're wrong. This
is where Game of Oars comes into play. We're still at this there is
no Game of Oars. Patrick, Oh well, there's a few players here.
Yeah, and they're making me. Saying that this show is a game
of oars is like being fascinated with a rat maze. Like you're like,
oh wow, they're really figured. It's like, to your point, to
your point in this, sister companion of Game of Thrones, a game of
oars? Can't we call this episode game of oars again? In this in
this version Game of Wars, they're not fighting over this who control the seven
kgives? Yeah? Or more Game of Wars? Yeah ahead, They're fighting
over who's gonna fuck Margot? Right right right? Yeah, you know,
yeah, it's intense play. They're fighting over who's gonna get the teaspoon of
peanut butter. I'm not trying to equate Margot to that. I'm just saying
the stakes are very low aboard this vessel. There's no politicking involved, right
right, right, But there is, which makes it hilarious. These lights
are so bright, man, I know I look like a douchebag, but
here let me let me know if you'd like me to start off the show,
because I know exactly where we pick hot Did you even do Potts?
Oh? I thought was great? Episode nine knots so much fun, lose
your marbles? All right? So this is where Luke Jesus Man. Luke
really hits his stride as a goddamn pick god. Yeah. Uh cold her
as always is extremely annoying. Uh. Margot being torn whether or not she
can come back to Luke. Laura basically just throwing it out there to anybody
who's ready and a willing ah don she is ready, weird and able.
You sound like what Lindsey Graham's father wanted him to sound like. But he
doesn't sound like that, so him totally fun episode, lots of hooking up.
Adam is angry, Adam is angry at him. He needs to go.
I hope he's the one who gets ship can soon and we replaced him
with someone more fun. Yeah, possible if possibly a female Decky Anyway,
great episode, well done. I can't believe how much I'm enjoying the season.
I feel like Riley Gerber should always get a call, just always just
throw her in the show. She should be on so many more seasons than
she is. Well they've been. Uh. I think they're keeping her at
just on the shelf whenever they're the right project comes along. Yeah, yeah,
which will be Winter Games this season. Right, so winter House,
Winterhouse. You know what these people you think they're your goddamn friends, Dylan.
They come and sit on the couch right where you're sitting, drink a
little booze, have a good time. You ask them, hey, are
you on Winterhouse? They don't respond like you like you nobody to them.
It's pretty insulting. This No, it looks great. Okay, anyway,
look at me, bitch and complain. Wait, have to get in the
episode. Okay, let's do. I think one of the reasons why the
beginning is so awkward is because they're all like sea rats. But also this
environment is just not the vibe. It's like, it's not the fucking vibe.
It's not there's no tea sto at all, not not a quarter note
of tsa. It's an empty bar on a Tuesday. It's a fucking and
not even a bar. It's like a nice restaurant. And they're like they're
too long, you know. I like how they made the most of it,
though, definitely, so Harry is optimistic starting out. He's like,
well, Luke is out of the race now because he's making out with Laura.
Because he's making out with Laura. But oh, Harry, oh Harry,
you do not understand who you are dealing with. You're dealing with um,
I don't know, a calligulate type monster. Um. Culver says that
he wants to stay at home. What did he say? No? No,
no? What did he say in the full Court Press on Zarina.
Yeah, he's saying it wants dad and uh, you know, have a
minivan and whatnot. Yeah. Yeah, Well, Culver has been well taken
care of most of his life. I think that, Uh, I don't
know. Culver is such an odd duck. I'd like to talk to Culver,
but you've said so many horrific things about him. I don't know.
I don't know that we could ever have that interview in good faith, because
well, what happened is we'd get them on the blower and then you'd be
like, love having you. We've got a lot of fan questions. I'd
be like, are you gonna tell this guy you fucking hate them? Like,
what's going on here, Dylan. As often is the case, I
hate their TV personas, but once I see them as real people, Yeah,
it's a whole different thing. All right. So Laura's Harris a rat's
nest, that herm's you know, headband is just doing untold things to her
hair. Dare I say it's also a web or a trap because it traps
poor Adam's fingers in there, his tntally little very long, creepy fingers,
angry fingers, and they get I'm sorry, not Adam, Harry, Harry,
Harry, now, Harry. She'd be seeking out Margo because she's uh,
you know, you know, supposedly Luca is busy with laura one problem.
Yeah, she has the on him. Yeah, I want to you
know, that's that's a great thing to point out. But I do want
to also point out the resolve of sea rats and their their beliefs in themselves.
Because this young man, it does accomplish what he wanted at the end,
he does somewhat. He does over tupperware vats of fried vegetables. And
again it's it's beating it on a technicality, but the objective truth to this
is that she only has the ick for him right now, perhaps he can
be some awkwardly cute soapstone to her. She couldn't see herself ever having sex
with him. Yeah. Well, um, okay, well we'll get to
that in a bit. Um. But Luke and Margo head off to the
bathroom. This is why the tall the tall young man can't find her,
because she's off making out with Luke in the hallway of a restaurant they've been
at for too long. This is why I talked last episode. I'm gonna
lose patience with this because I like Margo a lot. It's gonna make me
really disappointed to see her go back to Luke over and over and over again,
despite him being absolutely horrible to her. Treat him like uh, treat
him like dirt. They stick like mud, to quote an old pig.
Yeah. Well so, so here's this is why I'm I'm I'm disappointed.
He hooks up with another girl and then literally says, all right, let's
have a threesome. Don't pick that guy. That's not the right guy,
right, Margo? How bored are you people? Holy shit? All right,
let's get back. Um what I do want to say? Yeah,
Kermit breaks down the game film, which I think we've just this is.
It always worries me. It always worries me when the big thing about the
trailer happens too early on in the season. I hope we don't, you
know, I hope the wheels don't fall off of this parallelogram or whatever the
fuck this is. Which, by the way, I think that was she
used the wrong term. I believe that's one of those things that which is
used that you draw on the ground. No, she actually nailed it.
She said a pentagon. You're referring to a pentagram, right, Oh,
that's how she said. No, pentagram is a portal to hell. Same
thing. No, not the same thing. She nailed it. You're talking
about a portal to hell. Agree to disagree. There's okay, parents,
parents, someone looks like summers over. Back to school? Back to school
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happens next? Okay, okay, all right, so don't be a dick
Adam as my note. Oh yeah, okay. So Margot and Luke make
out in the bathroom or the hall wherever the fuck that is. They return
to the bar and apparently she shuts down any further p PDA because she doesn't
want anyone to see. Yeah, what are you doing? Why are you
being quiet? Won't we all saw? Oh no, no no, But
she's talking about Harry. Oh yeah, let's get back to the boat.
All right, back on the boat. Let's get to the watering hole that
the snakes need the jacuzzi. Yes, yes, it's never have i e
this is what you do. You just named things you haven't done. Lock,
I've never been to tim Buck two. Boring. Let's just fucking talk
to each other. These these moments make me feel so Seeing awkward group interactions
just makes my skin crawl. I don't know what it is. I think
it's because like I've been a part of them, and I think I think
I was a part of it on mushrooms and just implanted that trip. It
was just like, I think that's the root of it, because these things
really bother me. I know, doll, but sometimes it's like the journey.
It's going to start out a little rough, but if you stick with
it, yeah, it could get good. Right, Yeah, what are
you talking about? Well, you know, sometimes I'm hanging out with a
bunch of people, I'm like, oh my god, this is so fucking
boring, right, and then I go up to the bar. Yeah,
and I ordered two glasses of wine, and then I come back and like
forty minutes later, I'm totally into the conversation, right, Yeah, yeah,
Yeah, there are lulls, and you have to get comfortable with the
lulls. Yes, but I jumped the gun. Okay, we have a
lot before we get to the stereotypicals. Rat standing up going, we should
play truth or dare right? Right. I do want to say this because
I'm thinking about Luke and how to really break down how this works with him
and get to the male mind with respect to Margot and Laura, because at
this point is the Jacuzi's either filling or they're in it. Luke's mindset,
It's as simple as it could be in a man, it's first come first
fucking serve. Yeah, first girl to pull him out of that jacuzzi and
attempt to suck a stick in a shower wins. Yeah, it's like a
winning Yeah, it's like uh, like a like a deli counter exactly.
We ran out of tune seven yeah, yeah, yeah, and you got
that bastard that's got one hundred and seven and he skips in front of you.
Yeah, he says, I'm ninety seven. And then you literally have
to get into a violent altercation over a beef rib. It's cold. Why
are they even serving this? It happens more often than you'd think. Yeah,
no, no, no, I've listened. I've seen untold horror the
Gilson's Deli counter. Short of going to war. I don't think there's anything
that can teach you as much about the human condition as the Gilson's Deli counter.
But if you have like flat feet or something, maybe you know you're
not You don't see the horrors of war. No, no, they won't
even let you in, man, And that's so funny. That's the one
thing that keeps you out. China has made a landing on our shores.
It's the first time it's ever happened. We need you. Sorry, I
got flat feet, and they're like, oh damn it, we're sorry.
I'm fourteen. Now you're fine, yea, yeah, yeah, but I'm
fourteen. Yeah, we're fine. And you're you're not even an American citizen.
You're just a little British boy who got lost at the Grand Canyon.
But not the guy who flat feet and he's all pissed because he wants to
serve his country. Um, we're all right, yeah, so um we
So the jacuzzi is going, the ball of Snakes is happening, and Laura
is making me want to throw up. Um. She says, I'll make
your jacu She's not a yenta. I don't know why I started with that.
She says, I'll make your jacuz Oh, I'll make your jacuzi warm.
She keeps I'll make you feel like a good I'll make your jacuzi war.
It's like, do you get what I'm saying? She says, these
things that make my fucking skin crawl. Also, if you're a male,
she leaves no, uh, no question to the mind, it's uh,
I think this is a go if I'm gonna pull the trigger, Yeah,
which I can respect. I can respect very forward. Yeah, absolutely shoot
your shot, um, because God knows, Luke's been more aggressive than fucking
Laura. Yeah, he asked uh, he asked her if she could feel
his cock while she was sitting on him. Yeah, sorry to cut you
off. You're gonna say I was gonna cite another example where he said he
wanted his dick sucked with two girls in the room. Right, Yeah,
exactly. Yeah, so, um, the Pentagon thing gets sad. I
think we already covered. Yeah, we're in the jacuz let's be in the
jacuzi now. Well, Margot tries to cock Black Laura a little bit.
Oh no, before we get to the Jacuzi, we have to take a
quick break. We've got a lot of steam. Right, this is gonna
happen. It's a ball of snakes. Everybody is slithering, the mucus is
starting to lubricate the scales. And then we've got to sit down and talk
to Culver's Mob. We gotta lean the phone up against a bottle of Schwepts
so we could check in with mob. God damn it. Although I will
say that specific kind of Schweps product makes it worth going to Europe or Australia.
The quality of the bubbles and those glass bottles of schweps be a tonic
or club. It's unrivaled anything we have here. What you're feeling on an
orangina love an orangina is that can be made in the United States. It's
got a funny little bottle harry Men from England or something. Yeah, yeah,
what I don't know, little harry Men from England, Like orangina bottles
are funny. They're like they're like dwarves. Yeah, okay, anyway,
Orangina is great. Yeah you like it? Oh god? Yeah, when
they make their funny little bottles or orangina. Okay, So we finally get
to the jacuzzi. Uh, they're slithering, they're biting, and we play
a game of truth or Dara. This is when Laura is like, um,
I am at wits end. I'm about to pop and I need to
pop. She pulls the Brett Michaels right here. She pulls Luke out of
that ball of snakes to help assist her in finding her phone slash, give
her a couch massage or something like that. Why do you have to say
that I think she said that you think wrong? That was that was a
lie? You do not think. Well, the images proved me right.
Some may ask why did they hop in the shower? Now, if you're
a die hired below Deck fan, you know the answer to this. But
old Patty didn't know until we had Chef Dave on last season and we interviewed
him and said, why did you guys go on the goddamn shower? And
the reason is to hide the moans, not only that it's the only place
there's no cameras. Right, So what Chef Dave didn't explain is why he
went in with his clothes, And it's because Chef Dave love you. You're
a nut job and you were blackout drop. But he also pointed out it
allows the pair to have a little thing called plausible deniability. Yeah, not
really. We've talked about pleading the fifth and how that is a stamp of
guilty without being a stamp of guilty. If your hair is wet together after
forty minutes, I think you guys had sex in the shower, we plead
the fifth. Asia has the right commentary on shower sex. Shower sex is
awful. It's awful. It can lead to things, but shower sex is
awful, and she says it so succinctly, so beautifully, you can't get
the friction you need. I would, I would, if we were ever
allowed to talk to Kerman, I would ask her, well, have you
ever had sex in the toilet room? Which also does not have cameras?
And I bet that little freaks tried the water fountain? The water fountain?
Did you just have another? You had a stroke right there? No?
No, what the fuck are you talking? I was contemplating if I was,
because you know, children, listen, the water fountains killed eight people?
What are you talking about? It's a sexual position that can only be
performed in a toilet room. Deal it? Okay? All right? Just
he wants to be asked no, yeah, he wants no. No.
So why do you get ready to mark this? And Pat just tell us
what. I don't want to draw this out anymore because eight poor souls drowned
while trying it? Okay, I think I I think I know what it
is. Okay, you invert? You invert a woman put her head in
the water, either make her or clogged the toilet so much that it shoots
out a bunch of water. Now you had it right the first out?
Oh really? Yeah? Yeah, what's the point of I don't want to
talk about this anymore. I don't want to talk. I tried to move
on. I don't think it's funny. I tried to move on. All
right, what happens next? All right? Uh? In an interesting game?
Was that a lull? No? You're good? M okay? So
at this point, uh, Laura jumps in Luke's bed following the shower,
acting as left the room. Well, you know, I I hesitated to
bring up that sexual position. Yeah, but you made me when you brought
up Kermit bragging about how she knew the shower didn't work out. Do you
like shower sex? Now? It's too much work? Yeah? You're standing
up? What are you gonna do in there? I know it's like I
think I've done it twice in my life. Yeah, one time I almost
slipped. Oh and by the way, don't I even ever try to just
have Oh my god, Yeah, the fucking perilous nature of that. I
mean, are you to do any other position? But you need doggy in
the shower, You'll you'll drown, drown the poor young lady. All that
water going on, It's like, what are they what George Bush due to
all those terrorists over there. Waterboard them, That's what it feels like,
especially if she's got long hair. What the fuck are you talking about?
Man? And George Bush didn't waterboard those people. Rob O'Neill did it to
those people. Not only is he the guy that killed Osama bin Laden and
a fan favorite of the Jim Norton podcast, you'll also operated all the glad
time I'm a black site. Wow. I know he's got an impressive CV
and he's hilarious on Fly on the Wall with David Spade. So what are
you doing here? Man? What was his favorite SNL episode? Uh?
The one where they were talking about how he killed those sama? Um they
didn't know. Um? All right, shower sex done? Should we get
to an ad read about children's food? Why not? No, don't put
it there. Okay, okay. By the way, we have a lot
of listeners to have children. Even though we say offensive things, it doesn't
matter. Yeah. Anyway, after this beautifully romantic shower sex, Luke crawls
in his bed thinking he's just gonna call it a night, because that's what
bros do. He just came off right. Maybe shovel a little ramen down
his hole. And then he's gonna get some you know, some zs wrong
you are you are? Quote him. He has a five stage clinger on
his hand. I'll find you. I'll make you feel like a good that
I'll find you. Please. I don't want to feel like a god.
Oh is this what feeling like a god? Feels like a god? So
um, Laura, this is where she's so persistent. He's like gross to
her, you know, like he's very clear that he wants nothing to do
with her, so much so that like at one point he's like, let
me brush my teeth, Like he just says it really coldly, like leave
me the fuck alone. Not quite angry at him, but he's like,
hey, you know, calm down. But then we get to the saddest
thing about this is that Margot is going to go right back to him.
Despite this unbelievable moment on the galley couch. Now Harry and Margo are staying
up eating. The level of an inebriation makes this so unbelievably slow. It
um, it was like watching a tortoise eat a leaf of lettuce, but
it was a drunk girl making out with a hey Arnold character come to life
like it was just the most It was so drawn out, it was Yeah,
he weighed it out. I gotta give it to him. I don't
gotta give it to him. Don't do this. Don't do this now,
not after you've eaten a serving bowl like something. You put a salad in
for the table. It's worth of ramen and a bunch of fried broccoli and
stuff. I don't know. This was disgusting. Well, he's on cloud
nine, so he disagrees with you, Dylan. Yeah, all right,
I guess who's a Taurus. Okay, I have to say this. You
are obviously not a fan of Laura. She was dis mind in a sea
rat lab for this show. Yeah, totally. She doesn't want any expectations
of men that she will bet right. I think she said something like to
the along the lines of the last episode. She has lovers across the world
because she's a Taurus. She doesn't mind fucking people over. Something to that.
Yeah. No, all we need her to do next is voice her
bigoted homophobia and then kick her off the boat. Seem all right? What
happens the next Let's see, I'm not saying that all people who come from
the tundras of Eastern Europe are homophobic, but it is kind of intense there
m not the weather, the homophobia. Oh right, yeah, yeah yeah,
next where we're in the next morning yet yeah, Okay, Laura and
Luke fold close. She jokes with Luke that she's uh, he's her boyfriend?
Is that? Oh no, no no no no no no no,
no no no no. I thought he was gonna hit her now for a
bro slash. Dude, this is probable cause to now end this right here,
and I believe he will. Probable cause is coming right yeah. Once
he does that, he's like, I have probable cause to never speak to
you again. In fact, face push you when I see you, you
know, if you want to be that much of a pig. But yeah,
he has that much of a pig. Well yeah, sorry, I'm
stepping over you. I'm being too antagonist. I know I agree with you.
I agree with you, so anyway. I meanwhile, Adam Fox up
again, and then we get to a fan favorite part of the show.
Dyl unless you'd like to cover something else, I want to. I don't
want to dunk on Laura too much, but I did have this thing written
out that I'd like to get to. She's like, fifteen minutes late for
work, and she can't be bothered. She genuinely does not care. And
you know how people say, like, who do you think you are?
I actually mean, like specifically, Laura, who do you think you are?
You're from a country that makes dog dog bowls. You're not like a
sar. I don't know. It's like she's, um, she's like a
roman of or something like she's so self important. There's an I kind of
appreciate this in certain human beings, which is just that confidence that I never
had as a human being. Deep beneath it. It could just be a
broken human being. Yeah, well, now that's really sad. Then that
is really sad. Sorry, Laura, I'm all right. So we've got
to redeem. Um, oh god, where do you want to go next?
Okay, this is what I think is people have to watch this show
or see Sea Rats having worked on these these vessels. Luke and Laura chat
and Margot walks in on the conversation. Yeah, word to the wise,
it's a small boat. Sea Rats. Always keep that in mind, even
if you're on a converted Japanese fishing vessel with walls made of paper or even
cheap fake wood paneling that looks like Uncle Jerry's house. Yeah, he had
liver spots by the time it went into four, like a lot of liver
spots. Total dump. But anyway, and then someone else gets caught talking
like just keep your mouth shut, Jesus Christ. The wood paneling had that
kind of you can't dust it. It has a grease that's kicked on from
all the steaks that he cooked. It was the only thing he ate.
Okay, so Luke is like, um man, I really messed this up.
But something like heroes are made for challenges or something like that. I
could not root for this guy, lass could not root for. Well,
I can't wait to get to the point where he explains what happened in that
jacuzzi and now he ended up in that goddamn shower. All right, well
we'll get there in a second. Let's get to Serena. Um having a
wait, we gotta get to the preference sheet. Me. Sorry, sorry,
that was that was really really way way out of line, and I
want to apologize to you. That's big of you. Do you accept the
apologie? Accept? Okay, it is time to get to know our charter
guests. It's time to hear Kaylin, help us get to know our charter
guests. It's time for the Preference egg Charter number three eight guests. The
primary is Renee and Sandra Ramirez. I hope he does a good job because
I don't want to rip into him. I really don't. Renee is the
owner and CEO of a rapidly growing solar company, and his wife, Sandra,
is a stay at home mother. They want to celebrate their high rolling
friends and employees. They want to celebrate with their high rolling friends, nice
little stumble. Lots of likes and dislikes. Likes include surf and turf,
lamb, lollipops, Japanese sushi, and Cuban theme cuisine which the chef has
never made before. Japanese sushi huh. Dislikes from the lates are as follows.
Karina doesn't eat red meat. Teresa doesn't eat pork and dislikes red meat.
Jane dislikes wheat, dairy and red meat. Okay. The guests also
want to snorkel and see turtles. Although it will be pouring rain for both
days, They're on board. Got it? That conclude the preference ship.
That concludes the preferent ship. I thought he did a fantastic job. I'm
gonna give that ninety one potts good job. And it would stand to reason
if you have all of these people who are red meat diverse, maybe don't
get a bunch of tomahawks steaks lifestyles? Are the rich and the famous they
love tomahawk steaks? No they don't. They're they're writing that they don't,
Sarita really calling them fussy pants and stuff like this. This this kind of
pissed me off a little bit, just because if you're a chef in twenty
twenty three or twenty twenty two, just be grateful that they're not that they're
just this chill. You got people going around going are you cooking that in
grape seed oil? No? No, no, no, no, do
that again. It's a great point. Chill outs arena. Okay, does
that have red dye in it? Is this a snack with red dye?
And they're not wrong. You know, these things, these things are slowly
killing us because that's what they're designed to do. Yeah, that red dyet
it's been it's illegal in like most countries, yeah for America not here,
and it is covering the doritos tangy ketchup chips, which you know, I
just can't. We've talked about it on APS. I haven't been that proud
of a chip company in a long time. The courage it took to make
those two flavors, the ingenuity, the kismet with summer coming in that line.
I mean, it's just and I know it was it was intentional,
but I mean I can do nothing but stand up and applaud Tostitos for the
hot all right, So, um, that sounded like a forced laugh,
but I was really laughing. I was too. I enjoyed it, Okay,
like ran on an air there at the end of that made it sound
too your head man, all right, we'll go go ahead. All right,
we cut to the kitchen now, I believe, because you know,
I'd seen in the trailer that Zarina was gonna, you know, fuck up
with this, you know, share a little too much red meat. But
Kermit and Zarina are going over the food in the galley pre guests arriving.
Yeah, so I'm like, oh, they're gonna catch that. Listen.
I love Asha. I think she's amazing. Also one of the most beautiful
people, it's beautiful, ever graced this show. I mean, she's so
stunningly beautiful, but um, you should have that good of a cheap still
I mean not at all, No, definitely not. She still knew yeah,
but I mean, yeah that so many of them said they don't like
the red meat, you know, like, let's well, maybe it was
those tight thongs, Dylan. You know they didn't affect just Yea, Serena
flaps. Maybe the fucking brains because no one read a goddamn preference sheet.
You know what did Serena say something about her labia. Yeah, it's called
flaps flaps and then uh kermit called them pucks or something. I put them
together, puck flaps, yeah, puck flaps. Yeah. Apparently tight thongs
they cause your brain to not function properly because they didn't read the preference sheet,
meaning, which is a big part of their job. It's crazy what
we've done to U two women. I can't imagine a woman designed a thong.
I think men had to have designed that and marketed. Yeah, they're
so uncomfortable. Yeah, oh my god, men are disgusting. But we
fight all the wars and pour all the roads and do all the science and
stuff in the past, not anymore, not anymore. What am I doing?
I'm in a panic, right, okay, okay, it's pouring fun
I'm doing that. You gotta you gotta cut me off. I'm here,
okay, okay, let me set the scene here for that because the guests,
uh I guess the guests arrive or whatever whatnot. It's pouring rain and
they're getting on a yacht. It's a converted Japanese Okay. By the way,
this looks so much like Uncle Jerry's house. Where's the fucking ping pong
table? This this thing is such a dump when they give that goddamn tour.
And by the way, we'll get to dinner in a minute, Dylan,
when they're putting how about the fucking decor. I know it looks like
Uncle Jerry's game room, but you could set the table with a little bit
more class. Who is Uncle Jerry to you? Because Uncle Jerry to me
does not of a game room. Uh well, he converted his downstairs.
I guess living are okay, okay, so Uncle Jerry to me has no
downstairs. Oh it's it's it's a mobile. It's one's story. Let's call
it one story. Well, in the East, we always have to have
a seller do all right, you gotta have a mudroom or whatever the fuck
you guys have um but no, Uncle Jerry to me, it's it's just
a one story home. It may or may not be on wheels for mobility.
But when the kids come over, there are no games. He puts
them to work. They cut coupons off of Parliament cartons. That's there.
That's Uncle Jerry. Jerry, I don't want to do this anymore. Go
outside and play with rocks. That's some of my auntie Clara to me,
rocks, huh, all right, yeah, I don't want to come here
anymore. You go, he says, go play cowboys and Indians. And
then you tell him that that's no longer a term we use. And he
goes and he blows smoke in your face, and he continues watching John Claude
Van Dam movies like this guy's weird. All right, So you are fucking
up here? Do you want me to do? We have to get to
Adam and Laura continuing to be scumbag employees. I don't remember what Adam does.
I think he like flips out about the spray thing. I have a
note, Adam fox up again. That's it yeah, but he's like biting
and snapping at other people. Here's the thing with Adam and Laura. They
have this unique thing where they suck objectively, but they're they're like three out
of ten people, not looks wise. I'm not talking about looks wise person
wise, but they they they're quite prone to hyper defensiveness and lashing out at
others. Laura is literally drinking on the job. Did we get there yet?
That was crazy? Captain Jason hot ass, big fucking thick dick rack
a lamb hot ass. Captain Jason says it's like it's his main thing.
Culver almost got fired for it last season. Right, don't drink on charter
if you do. I mean, it's the closest he came to saying.
I got a I got a pocketfull of tickets. Who's saying that? So?
I got a pocketfull of tickets? Was it? Uh? Was it?
Colby Callier? I got a pocket got a pocket full of sunshine?
Who sings that? I don't know? Is that Cheryl Crowe who sings pocketfull
sunshine? You go ahead, Captain Lee and the Fakey's great name. All
right, we're all over the place. We gotta bring this back down ere.
The second episode always goes like this. It's fun. I've gotta look
up pocketfull of Sunshine. Go ahead, all right, alright, So then
as the guest an be Field, of course, sorry if you were screaming,
are the guess here yet? You're an insurance building. Somebody's just trying
to eat their microwave salmon and someone screams out Natasha Beddingfield from a cubicle across
the floor. I pray to god that appen. Okay, So what were
you saying? Oh, the guess here yet? No, m but we
can skip all this, Yeah, guess arrive. Yeah. This is when
Serena says, the thing stinking in flat right, right, guests eat the
food in Adam, because this is a patently insane works in an industry where
he's constantly sick based on the elements of said job. Who are you talking
to, Adam? He's s sick. Oh yeah, he's sick. Yeah.
And then we get to the lime squeeze gate. It's like if Michael
Scott was afraid of paper cuts exactly, or stapler he was kind of he
was upper management though. So all right, so the drinks get ordered and
we have a real line versus store bought lime. Conversation here is when Asia
is not that great of a chief steal um. Just juice fresh, like
squeeze fresh juice. That should just be part of the thing. I get
that they're not running a bar program, but like I don't know the quality
of service on below desk down under specifically, it's among the worst. It
absolutely is, And I'd argue I think Kermit made the case that once you
put it in an alcohol, the taste doesn't really make that much of it
a difference totally does. It's actually the exact opposite, Kermit. And you
should know this. When you add a bunch of sugar to a vodka,
it could be a twenty dollars vodka or one hundred dollars vodka because you put
the fucking sugar that's meant to kill us in it. That negates the type
of vodka. Well, but even if it's just store bought bottled citrus.
You give me a vodka soda, a crispy vodka soda, a Grispby Grisby
vodka soda with a real real lemon juice, or that ship that comes in
a green bottle, call me a fucking Bassett hound. I'll sniff that shit
out in a second. You know, people can tell the difference. But
luckily these are people who want Barata surf and turf and im Ahawk steaks and
they're black out by the fifth drink. So it doesn't really matter. But
Laura's right. Here, Asia confesses that she thinks Laura's right, but that
it doesn't matter because Laura is such a piece of shit. It's like,
you're, um, nope, don't want to get into politics, not doing
politics. No politics. All right, I'll give a hypothetical example. Okay,
it's like, if you're crazy racist uncle was yelling about how nine eleven
was an inside job, and then some report comes out. He's like,
you see, I was right. You're like, it doesn't matter though it's
a racist soul quack. Yeah, like Laura, there you go. I'm
not accusing her of racism, but I wouldn't surprise. It's from Latvia.
Yeah, fucking hit you over the head with a fucking dog ball when you're
not looking the ring of that. Yeah, h what happens there? Okay?
Okay, well they the guests go out to uh do that little scuba
dive anything. I guess that was wonderful snorkeling that guy named Elmer Fudd.
He kills a beer that looked cool, and then uh oh yeah yeah yeah
yeah yeah yeah. Then that dinner. All right, you're moving too fast.
I gotta look at my notes. I know, I know, I
know you're so You're so true, You're so true about that. Um okay.
So we get to launch. Culver and Serena are flirting. Um I
e. She's jacking off a sushi roller and telling him to do the dishes.
This is the power that they hold that you know, you just do
that and then you can do It's mammoth, you know what I mean.
Yeah, Like if you didn't want to do the dishes, but old CHERIZI
uh showed you a nip, you'd probably get up and do the dishes.
That's how it works. So Culver does that thing where he's really annoying in
that he talks about how he wants a summer fling or even worse that that's
usually what he gets, which is just a around about way of saying that's
what I like, and that he hopes he isn't sending mixed signals to Serena.
I E. Having a FaceTime with your mother telling her that this is
the girl that you could. Is he living with it? Yea having a
minivan. I think you are sending mixed signals, and I think you're doing
it on purpose. The sushi looks absolutely disgusting. It's more mayonnaise than sushi.
It's one of these. It looks like it looks like sushi. Dan
made it. You know. Um, sorry, Serena, I think you're
fantastic, but you know, it's just like there's more eel sauce that it's
drowning and shit. Um, let's get to Adam and Luke. Though m
Adam doesn't know how to clean floors, but it's sick of people babying him.
I I don't understand why he isn't just told to shut the fuck up.
Angry Adam, we snorkel for quite a bit. Luke says, this
is what life is about. And whatever life this is, I think it's
going to be short lived because you're a filthy drunk. I think you're going
to punch through a wall. All right. The guests get back, they
are absolutely hammered, and then we get ready for the Black and Gold dinner.
First up, Luke and Margo. She says, one hundred percent,
he is a fuck boy. He is not my type. I do not
have a crush on him. Now, what prompted that feeling doing? Do
you know? This is a very important part of this episode in my opinion.
What does he say, like, I'd love to see her asshole or
whatever? Well, he comes over in true douche fashion, he tries to
explain to Laura why he hooked up with that girl from Latvia. Here's his
Margo, Margo, Yeah, Well he explains it to Margot. Apparently Laura
knocked him out while he was in the jaccuzzi. She dragged him by the
hair like a cave woman to the bedroom because she's built up all that arm
strength. And then you're saying that she raped him. Well, because she's
been carrying around dog bowls. She take his whole weight and throw him in
the room, and then she threw his Oh my god, damn it,
dude, try that again, dude, bag, that's horrible. That's not
what happened at all. But he blames it all on Laura. He has
no accountability for sleeping with this young lady. I don't like this at all.
I don't like this at all. Well, you know what, who
else didn't like it? Margo? She shots him off and calls him a
fuck boy. Good on you, Margot. Now I'm not talking about the
show. I'm talking about this. I don't like this. Have you heard
it? Did I talk about this the CNC? Have you ever heard about
this c NC NC consensual non non consensual as I saw this thing the other
day this, and we'll wrap up the choss' is this thing the other day?
It's like one of these fucking you know, YouTube like first aid things,
and this guy's asking this girl what porn she watches. She looks great,
question, she looks like a substitute teacher. She looks like a like
a I don't know, she's very a placid. She's like a butter churner.
She's in some kind of burlap overalls, jumpsuit whatever. Let me guess
she answered no, wrong, guess no, actually right, guess she did
answer the question and she said non consensual, non consenting, And he's like,
what the fuck does that mean? She said rape play? Well,
it's like, what the fuck I thought she was gonna say? Stepping on?
I you know what, you gotta bleep that, and you gotta you
know what, I think you should bleep a fair amount of I think you
should bleep what Pat said. It's a category that people are really into.
It's like top ten, dude, it can't be top ten. Bleep this
stepping on Asian. It's a top ten porn category. It's just look it
up. It's not. It's on one of those deep websites like q porn
x x x x x x x x x x x x x dot com.
Yeah, it's true. The more xes you put in, the more
like. No, it's not just question it's like questionable. You know.
I listened with so I did guy get a second date? Not sure what?
I'm watching porn and I see these like little twelve minute snapshots essentially condensing
the narrative of of, you know, the tennis instructor having sex with the
client. I'm like, no, no, no, I can't. You
need the story I need. I need to at least figure out who these
characters are. So that's when I go to X and x x x X,
and that's where you can feel the feel the real thrust of the full
blown narrative, and then it's there for you to fast forward through one hundred
percent. I want to choose my own adventure. Like it looks like she's
wrapping up grocery shopping. I've got to I've got to skip through. Put
the vegetables in the fridge. Fuck that? Okay? So end of the
show. Okay, Yeah, Carmel and Margot chat. Mar Margot now loves
Harry, although she doesn't want to bang him. Laura then feels where Adam's
at. That was an interesting moment, uh, because she's sitting on Adam
and he shuts the possibilities of that down. And then I guess we start
getting a dinner. Yeah, we get to more Serena and also really quickly,
Luke says one of the douchiest things he could possibly say to Laura.
He's just like, why don't you go get your fucking tally up? Leave
me the fuck a line, I go fuck a bunch of other people.
But he just says it in a really really gross way. Wom the meal
is? And are you gonna mention where our culinary journey starts off Fridays the
place where I used to have sex with co workers in a parking lot.
Man, Yeah, Hallepennial poppers the sting of the fast casual appetizer like nature
of that dish did not hit me until you said Friday's um. But I'll
take it a step downward. We inter stitzel. I mean, and I
know it's unfair to do that because you can get a gourmet taco or you
could get a Jack in the box taco. But this was this was a
jalepeneo popper and it looked like the kind of halopenio popper where the pepper was
not prepared, like heated down and it's ten style this you know when you
get a haalepeno popper and you're like, oh, this is still kind of
hard and it's too spicy. That's what it looked like it was. She's
not doing a good job. I don't think so either. She's really complaining
about the people aboard the vessel as well. It's like, you know,
what's that thing that people get on in the gymnastics and they do the thing
around the thing and it's like a saddle, you know what I'm talking about,
Like a pilates. I don't know, I haven't seen a gym in
twenty five years, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, I don't
know what it's called, but I know you're talking about a man. It's
something to do with a horse. Well, this meal would be like if
yeah, let's go to a different gymnastic snake the what do you call that?
Uh? She didn't land it, you know, Dylan, but she
explains why. By the way, I was curious what you thought about the
color on that meat. Uh, what do you mean? Well, didn't
the lamb look a little undercooked? You? Lamb is supposed to be undercooked.
Lamb is of I don't understand it. It tastes gamy and it's a
it's a baby animal. I don't understand as why it's as ubiquitous as it
is. I love lamb, Okay, Uh, you know, I do
want to mention this, and I touched on this. The boat can be
a dump, but the interior can dress this up. Yeah, White Linen's
fresh flowers. Right. The guests were like fiddling with some decor that was
on. It looks like party City every night. But but the the end
of the episode, we sorry to I feel like I really stepped on you,
not at all if you were asking. Well, by the way,
I was gonna say this little dining hall or whatever the fuck it smells like
Grammy's house. Uh her excuse? What does that smell like? Death?
Yeah? Death? Yeah, you relax and fucking turkey meat. Oh we
at the end of the episode because an old banana bread. Are you dying
here? Well? Yeah, oh god, all right, let's knits something
I love. Grandma's good. Grandmas are great. Oh they're great, They're
amazing. They're great until they lose their mind and start saying mean things.
You for some reason, my grandmother told me I was hot. I know.
Ye. Anyway, Zarina's excuse, h you're gonna have a grandma like
the one from Wedding Crashers. Oh, she wanted to fuck everybody. No,
that was Seymour. Oh the grandma thought Eleanor Roosevelt was a bull dyke.
She was very angry. Let's be new yeah yeah yeah. So the
episode ends, well, Zarina has an excuse. She apparently put her blinders
on for Janet her words and kind of forgot about everybody else. This is
one of those things where it's like you got to just not talk, and
we've all done this, where you're coming up with an excuse and it's just
it's either well, It definitely doesn't make it better. But sometimes it can
make no sense at all, and it's just like not a good thing to
admit you don't even believe what you're saying. It's like, yeah, sorry,
boss, I was just I was really focused on one of my tasks,
which is why I failed on the other ones. It just doesn't make
any sense. But Asha is, I don't want to have to couch it
with this, but I really do feel this way. I love Asia so
much. I think she's such a great person, but her not being that
great of a chief stew is on display here. When the woman says I
don't eat red meat. Asia's question to her the follow up is the tomahawk
is up next? Are you Are you not gonna eat that? There's a
pregnant pause, and she goes, no, I'm not gonna eat that.
So absolute nightmare to and the show. Thanks for sticking in there. I
like the second one's a little loopier. Yeah, you let us know how
it is. Lets have something negative didn't say, then keep it to yourself,
all right. I like that. We'll see you next week. I'm
doing saying goodbye, Pat say goodbye.