This is Pod Popular podcast for the people. It's the Great Love Debate.
It's a Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's a Great Love
Debate. Hi again everyone, It's Brian Howie. Welcome to The Great Love
Debate, the world's number one dating or relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I
am here outside the studios of Pod Popular. I am in the one in
Boca Raton, Florida. And because this time of year is so nice in
Boca Raton, Florida, I wanted to sit outside and have a conversation on
a nice sunny day, which gives you a relaxed feel, because we're gonna
get into some things that may or may not be so relaxing. And when
I asked my guest to be on my podcast, she kind of wanted to
know what we were talking about. And I made the comment like I make
with all my guests, like if we were going to brunch your dinner,
you wouldn't say what are we going to talk about? Or maybe you would.
I don't know what we were going to get into. Is a subject
matter that we have touched on on this podcast before. It is about a
very specific time in someone's life when they have to date. So if you're
not quite to that time, this is sort of the ghost of dating future.
And if you're past that time, you're gonna be like, oh,
yeah, that was rough for me. And if you're in the time,
you might want to take some notes on this. It is about what it
is like, particularly as a woman, to date in your fifties. So
I am not an expert on dating as a woman in your fifties, but
I brought in somebody who knows a lot more about this than just about anybody
I know. She is the host of the very very popular fifties af podcast,
The Lovely Nicole Channis. How are you? I'm great, Thank you
for having me, So you heard me kind of bring that up. I
think that, for a variety of reasons, dating in your fifties is the
toughest. So let me go big picture first, assuming you're in your fifties
fifty five and damn proud of it. So if you dated in your team
means, and you did in your twenties and January thirties date or forties,
you are at least stuck your toe in the waters of five different decades of
dating all have their own feel forties not forties. All have their own feel
all have their own challenges, all have their own pluses, All have their
own sort of body of information. Now, with wisdom, we should improve
just about in any aspect of life. I'm not sure that dating necessarily gets
better when we get to certain in terms of our skill set, in terms
of how good we are at it. How do you look at if you
just had to sum up dating in your fifties in one sentence, how would
you describe that? Well, everybody's journey is different, Bryan, to be
honest with you, so I'm kind of digging it. Well, if you're
digging it, you're going to do well. That is a good thing.
No, I'm digging it. But when I say that, I had to
have a journey before I was digging it, And you know, part of
that starts out. Look. Look, if you're single in your fifties,
it's either your widow or your divorce worst right, or you never married or
you never married. Okay, all have their own stories, absolutely, which
comes baggage and also a ton of information knowledge. But you kind of you
have to be able to evolve continuously. And so I had to go on
my own journey to become my own strong individual before I was going to be
out in a dating world and like be at all successful. If I want
to use that word, you know it doesn't happen overnight. You have to
define what success means. Success dating in your twenties means a little bit different
in your thirty four. Everything is about where. I think there are three
unique challenges for a woman when you are dating in your fifties, and some
of the best women I know are in their fifties. Women in their fifties
look better than they have ever looked in the history of mankind. They look
great. The three unique challenges, and you can either agree with them,
disagree with them, or whatever. It's from my perspective of talking a lot
of women in their fifties. If you want to date somebody your age,
those guys still have a large pool of thirties and forties to chase around if
they want to. If you want to date older than your age, the
women in their fifties have way more energy than the men in their sixties.
The men in their sixties and seventies tend to poop out. The third,
and I think the biggest challenges for the women in their fifties. Is there
is no group of women or men that is more set in their ways than
women in their fifties. I know what I like, I know what I
want, I know what I deserve. I don't need a man. That
mindset at any age is going to make it a challenge that is uniquely ingrained.
It's easier to change a man who's fifty eight than it is to change
a woman who's fifty eight. Yeah, she's a lot more like I know
what I deserve, which is good. I know what I want, I
know what I don't want to And there's these very hard and fast rules lists
things that make the possibilities I think a bit narrowed. Okay, I mean,
you know I talk about this obviously. This is what my podcast is
is about the shit show dating in your fifties. And I think women today
in their fifties is way different than ten twenty years ago if you were single.
And I think women in their fifties struggle with dating for various reasons,
hormonal reasons. Our body has changed, which makes our you know, we
don't feel confident sometimes, and you're dealing with a lot of times when you're
dating in your fifties. Just what you said. If you were a woman
in your fifties and you do want to date in your fifties, good luck,
because the guys in the fifties, do you want the thirty forty year
old? Right, very very true. Yeah. And for me though,
you know, I like to date older. So mine is dating in their
sixties, and I have not run across guys that. Okay, they want
to go to bed at eight o'clock, A lot of them do, especially
where we are. They want to golf, they want to poop out.
Trust me, I don't want to go out till I'm not my sixties,
but I don't want to go out to two o'clock in the morning anymore.
The women tend to have a second wind that a lot of the men don't
have. Deep into their fifties. A lot of women have more energy.
A lot of women do feel better about themselves physically. Again, they go
through hormonal they go through life changes, but they're able to put a face
out there that he doesn't necessarily have. And a lot of times the man
is looking to date younger because dating younger makes him feel confident again in a
way that dating somebody whose own age, she can buy her own shit,
she's been on a trip like this, she's eating dinner at this restaurant.
For she's a little harder to impress, and so that is a little bit
harder of a wall for the man to break down, and the men are
always trying to find a crack in the wall. Well, I think so,
and I think I talk a lot about, you know, empowering women
being empowered in their fifties. So you have like two sides of the fence,
correct. You have the insecure women in their fifties like I'm just done,
I'm over it, I don't want to date. And when I talk
to them, I'm like, well, have you ever thought about changing what
you're doing? Or do you feel like the same hamster wheel is going to
lead to success? Do you think a guy's just going to fall in your
lap? So you have to be a little proactive. I mean, you
can't just be laid back and be like, well I haven't met the right
guy. And I think then the other flip side is you have very alpha
fifty year old women and men sometimes don't know what to do with that.
Right. They've ramped up their masculine energy, they've ramped up their independence.
They ramped up, Well, I got rid of a guy. I'm out
here on my own. Oh but I want to go in a romantic setting
and he is not feeling that. And a lot of the women of age
in their fifties, they're like, I shouldn't have to quote unquote train a
guy. I shouldn't have to tell him what to do. And I'm like,
you absolutely should train a guy. He wants to be trained. He
can be trained. He needs to be trained in what you want, like,
because every woman is different. Some women, and I agree, in
their fifties still want to be picked up, still want to be called up,
asked out, picked up their house. That's the way they dated back
in the twenties. They don't have twenty years of oh my god, everybody's
crazy, they're gonna kill me. They want that. Some women are like,
you gotta be kidding me. Everybody's a psycho or whatever. Telling the
man this is what I feel like I want. Don't use the word deserve.
But if they say this is what I want, this is what I
need, this is what makes me feel good, and this is how you
can find a space in my world, the guy will jump up, however
high he's got to jump up to get the cheese. If that is set
in a positive in fashion, A lot of women are just like he could
tell you can't tell no. So I will say one of the things I
define is, you know, really important a relationship is communication. If you're
a guy and you're a woman, women, you think he's going to reach
your mind? No, I mean like you do have to say, hey,
this is my love language, this is what I need now. It
doesn't mean he's going to be able to do it, but I do think
you need to be bendable. I don't like the word training. I like
the word bendable more and evolving the way I look at it. And I
do find that men in their sixties are very set in their ways. I
gotta be honest, I don't know about training now. Well, he dressed
the way you might want to maybe, but I think he will. I
think if you if, however you want him to dress, it's not just
how I want him to dress for the world to see him. And you
let him know if you dress this way, I want to rip your clothes
off. He'll put it on a clown suit. Nope, guess what they
will a lot of them, Well, I think that. Then then it's
about the information, because if you ask one hundred men, are they open
to that? And they're like, it depends on what I'm getting out of
it and whatever. Yeah, if you're just saying I want you to wear
this with no context and know anything, they will change because they will change
for the right women's situation. And like it was an issue and it was
like a long term dating and he's just found it incredibly offensive, Like,
why aren't you accepted me the way I am. I'm not talking about long
term. I'm talking about early on, because what the women tend to do
is this, They're okay with it a certain way. You're out there,
you know, wearing your Dan Marino jersey to dinner or whatever, and then
once you feel comfortable enough in the relationship, then you decide to make the
change. And he's like, she's crazy, she changed suddenly. She wanted
me to be something that I'm not. If it's early on, saying even
you know, first couple of days, you would look amazing in a blue
suit because you have amazing eyes and it would really come out put on the
blue suit. I like that. That is the trae. That is nuancing
because once you do it three months in, then it says I don't like
this about you. It's what needs to be different about you. When you
do it early on, it's wow, that would turn me on. So
I definitely, well, I subscribe to something that you don't, which is
predating, which we can get into at any time. But I believe,
well, what is it predating to me? It's very simple. If you're
meeting people like on social app for example, on Facebook dating app, usually
you start off with a little texting, not texting, like chatting, whatever
it is, and then you move on to a little texting and I will
not go on a date until I've done a FaceTime. I mean, wonder
why. And this is men and women. They're both in the wrong about
this. I don't know the percentage. Maybe you do. How many have
fake old pictures and they lie about their age and it's so annoying because like
people, we could see the picture posts from twenty nineteen. That is all
I get that. So you don't really need the conversation, you just need
some verification this is what they look like. I want to know for real
that they are putting forth because if you start a relationship on a lie,
where's it going to go from there? What if it's not a lie?
What if it's just a picture that doesn't quite make them look? What if?
What if she just doesn't have a picture from the waist down? What
if she just doesn't or hate What if you just don't have that in one
of your pictures. I don't think face time is gonna help that either.
No, no, but I will tell you. You know, I just
had a conversation with somebody last night who's my age, but dating with a
ten year old so different. She definitely has some different obstacles and most of
us. And part of what we were talking about is she's just like,
I just want to meet a guy that i'm hot for. I want to
jump and run away. And I'm like, what turns me on is not
just the physical At this age, at this time, with my experience,
there's so much more than you could actually find chemistry past the first day.
Sometimes it's a mental connection. I agree. Or you're nervous, but you
know, you're also not tired chasing around a ten year old. Maybe she
just wants to get her bones jumped. You know, she might have different
needs but when you if you're saying that I really just need some verification and
validation of what this person looks like physically, that's fine. If you're saying
I need to have a conversation with them, and it feels to me like
a in an interview, I think that that doesn't tell you anything about that
person other than they may or may not be good at FaceTime. Well I'll
tell you one time. M hm. So like this one guy that seemed
really good and we do FaceTime and he had like them also are doing needs
all kind of I'm like done, not happening, Like I just you know
what, everything was good leading up to that, and I get it,
I know. But then you're letting one red flag or one thing you don't
like get in the way of the possibilities that if you met and maybe in
real life he doesn't sound that way, or maybe he has so many other
attributes that you would forget about that. I think you you really don't know
if you're going to click with somebody until you are face to face. So
I think you're you might be ruling in some people, but I think if
you do that, you're ruling out a lot of people that if you met
them, maybe they're not good on the phone because we don't talk on the
phone as much. It's a skill, it's a muscle. I can't I
don't want to talk on the phone anybody. But again, so like I'll
be dating somebody now and you know what, he's honest. I'm not a
good communicator. I don't like talking on the phone. Not a good text.
Just be honest so people don't take it the wrong way. I'd be
like I have an android. I don't even have face time. Sorry,
no, though, like I bet my own rules. Don't misunderstand because if
I get a good vibe and you know, maybe I met him out or
all of a sudden, I don't need that. But but like I definitely
want to know more than a just a high on a on a dating app
and hey, can I take you off for drinks that we didn't used to
have a whole lot more to go on and we'd see somebody we were kind
of drunk and it was loud in the bar and let's go out, and
then you went out. Yeah, but that's chemistry got to lead. Now,
it's not chemistry leading, And I don't know if it's chemistry it's alcohol
or it's wow, she's hot. You know, I've met a lot of
people that I met in a bar and then I asked him out, and
I was like, it's the same thing, Like, oh, that's not
what I remember. Her pictures in my brain were different because of my alcohol
or vice versa. I met a girl once at a Halloween party. I
thought she was the hottest thing ever in her Cruel a Deville costume. And
then I asked her out and then I picked her up, and I'm like,
where's the costume? She looked so much better in the costume that I
was, And that's not her fault. That was my weird thing. But
I'm like a lot of people look better on Halloween. A lot of people's
a little sex here and whatever. The makeup was better and a lot of
people did. I was like, that's not her fault, that's just my
weirdness. Like she was perfectly lovely and fine, but I was like,
she doesn't look as good as she looked that night, right, that's not
good either. Like I think we got to give everybody a shot. I
think we got to work through the awkwardness and a lot of things to that
end. Way too many people, especially as we get older, if we
are not feet because we have had those magical dates and we've had those magical
experiences, and if we're not feeling the way we know it is possible in
the first fifteen minutes, we pull the parachute and we're out of there for
just working through the ick till we can get to that place. When you're
twenty three, you know you're not dating that much anyway. You're going to
barge you hook it up or whatever, and so you don't have this memory
bank of what a good date should feel like. And so now when you're
in your forties and fifties and sixties, you're like, I know what my
best dates have felt like and this isn't that That doesn't mean the relationship couldn't
see so to you know, statistically, what when men and women want in
dating in their fifties, there's actually like, are three things Companionship, yes,
is this from men or women? Is? Uh uh? Sex?
That was not on the list. I don't know, stimulation, So it's
love companions love, yeah, and looking for somebody to go through the rest
of their life on a journey. Those are the three things that people men
and women statistically most look for in a partner after fifty because you've moved on
to a different stage. If you've had kids, you're done. Sure you're
an empty nester. And men upper fifties sixties, they're heading towards retirement if
they're not. So where's the room for magic in that equation? None of
those three things sound terribly fireworky Oh, I agree with you. I think
those probably are. I think the people who want that are, like I
don't believe in it anymore because a lot of people once you get I've never
been married, so the fantasy of happily ever after still exists for me.
Everybody define happily ever after them for you that there's that once we get married
and we say I do it happily ever after, there's no end date,
so you want to get married still, I still am open to the possibility
of married because it hasn't been spoiled. To me. It has the bubble
asm averse. The people who have gotten divorced or god forbid, widow or
widower that didn't happen, so they're a lot less likely to jump into the
fairy tale that they had in their mind. As people who've never been married.
We all have bag. Yeah, So anyway, we're gonna agree and
disagree with a lot more things. I gotta take a quick break because we
got to pay for the fairy tale around here. I'm with the cole Channas.
She's from fifties AF We will be back right after this, and we
are back. Forgive the the background noise. People. It's booming here in
Florida. They're building things. That's my unit. There's also you gotta be
careful here. This is like Jurassic Park. There's like all sorts of critters
at best critters crawling around here. So how do you bring that back in
your fifties? How do you tell your your friends or women to still believe
in not necessarily the fairy tale, but magic. Well, I think if
first and foremost you have to work on yourself. You cannot fall in love
until you love yourself, honestly, because most women in our fifties, if
we're single, it is because for predominantly we're either divorce or a widow.
Yeah. So until you really can embrace and feel confident and love yourself,
you're not gonna have a healthy dating life. So you have to do those
steps. You can't avoid it, and that's that hamster wheel I talk about
it. And you can't still be angry at your ex. Yes, yeah,
so much of that. I don't believe in holding onto anger. Yeah
yeah no, And it is part of like therapy, go for it right.
And here's another thing. What women do make a mistake along the lines
what you were saying is if they had a horrible breakup and they start meeting
guy and he does one thing, one miniche thing reminds me of my third
husband, and it's like, come out of here. Because they haven't done
the work to get over that. And so that person might have been really
good for them, but because it was a trigger that they haven't worked through.
So what is the first step to do in the work, Like not
everybody can want or feels comfortable doing to afford you know, threehund and fifty
dollars hour therapy. Is there something that somebody can do? Is it asking
yourself a bunch of questions as is saying what was my role in my relationship?
Sayling, what is it? Well? You know, you know what
I think is a really good thing. Women leaning on women. I'm speaking
in terms of women, So like, there's this I'm plugging a great app
called meet up. And when I first moved within FOCA from west to east,
I didn't know anybody. So I created my group by five hundred women
for right now. So you know what, They're not all secure, but
they get to talk about it. They get to learn from each other.
Oh try this, try meditation. Let's go to the beach and do this.
And together as a sisterhood, they sometimes are helped each other build their
way up and calling each other out. Totally agree. There is such a
value in being social again, and that can be around the people of the
same sex, it can be people the opposite sec could be whatever. A
lot of people once the relationship breaks up, whether it's a marriage or a
boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever, they retreat into the solace and the solitariness of
their home. I am going to binge Netflix every I don't want to go
out on Friday night. It's going to remind me of this or whatever.
And then days, weeks, months, years go by. That becomes your
new normal and you have forgotten how to interact with society, much less people
of the opposite sex. It breaks down your confidence, it breaks down your
social skills makes it so much harder, so much. But I do think
they're entitled to a morning let's call it's like a morning period for sure.
And I know personally as a widow, after six months being in the bed,
I just finally lift the covers and I said, you know what,
Nicole, get your shit together or if you don't do it, no one
else is going to do. And it was a to your journey for me.
I've noticed that you bring up the widow thing and this is a big
part of the Golden Bachelor this year. A lot of times the widow or
widower is ready to date before the people are comfortable dating them. How do
you let the people know that it is it's I'm okay to date. I'm
not gonna and not say this is a bad thing, burst into tears and
everything, Like how do you let possible suitors know, not that it's so
far in your past you don't even think about it, but how do you
create that balance? That's a really good question, and I think honesty and
communication and don't again, don't let the other, whether there's a male or
a female, assume, because you know what, I was lucky. My
first boyfriend was so honest and understanding and on my journey. But definitely I
have had people approach me like kid gloves and I'm way out already at this
point. H I know, because you don't even know to bring it up,
right, Like it's like, you know what, But if I bring
it up, that's the golden door. I've just said it. But again,
I think you don't have to go to therapy. But like I just
learned last night, I didn't do any of these groups for widows or grieving
stuff. I was like, I don't want to be more depressed. So
somebody told me about a group that actually is just a bunch of widows,
but it's uplifting and fun. Now that's a fun group to be a part
of, right, But honestly, like, I don't need to be sitting
around and be reminded why I'm a widow and what I went through every day
because I'm not healing. You got to get out there, like you said,
and socialized. Learn how to be out there again, learn how to
feel good about your body and your presence because a lot of women are in
the menopause stage at that point and that's really challenging. So that's a really
good point. And that's funny. That's the next thing I was gonna bring
up. Obviously, I think, and I've said, the women look better
than ever, they have more ways to look better than ever. How do
you get somebody who maybe she's just been raising your kids twenty years, she's
been an unhappy relationship, to suddenly take the step of oh my god,
I got to compete with that, especially in a place like South Florida where
people aren't wearing nearly as much clothing. You can't hide behind your wear.
How do you get her to find confidence when it's a muscle she hasn't used
in twenty years. I think using the tools that are out there. Like,
like you said, not everybody can afford therapy, and I get that
for plastic surgery or plastic surgery, or they can't afford even to join a
gym. Maybe you know, and again that metopause, you know that that
adds the insecurity of starting out there. So I really think if women join
in groups with like minded people, a they're gonna meet girlfriends, be they
might meet a guy because they're doing things they're leading with what their interest is.
So if people sometimes leave with their interests that chemistry and that bond and
opportunity might happen. I think you're trying to before you find a guy.
I think you gotta find your smile again, a great and you gotta find
that will bring a smile back that's going to change your soul and your spirit.
You know, you're not even right away going to find the best version
of yourself. You're trying to find the next version of yourself. And if
that's the baby step you need to take to feel just a little bit better,
yeah, and have a little bit better approach and attitude and open it
up to people around you so you're not just been like, oh my god,
everybody sucks. Dating is going to be hard, this city's the wrong
place for me, and on and on and on. You have no hope,
no you. And to answer your question, it's step by step,
right. Any coach will tell you this. License It doesn't happen overnight.
It's step by step. And I think you nailed it finding your smile.
Let's face it, laughter is like the healthiest thing in life. Yeah,
and you have to find your smile. You do, and I think you
have to start with finding it by leaving your house. Yes, you don't
have to dive into the middle of a you know, Yankee stadium and be
around fifty thousand people. But if you go for a walk and you see
the stimuli and you start to notice things again, and like I say,
people notice you, you notice you back. You become engaged the answers.
And that's why this was such a terrible thing for our society to lock ourselves
down for a long long time and shut ourselves off from the world. You
know, that created a lot of bad habits. I'm gonna have the food
brought to me, I'm gonna have a shop, I'm gonna Amazon delivered to
me. I'm gonna binge hours and hours of shows on a weekend. So
I'm not gonna do it. Took us out of normal quote unquote patterns of
interaction that led to certain habits, that led to certain possibilities, They could
lead to certain relationships. But also here's the thing, and I talk about
this. Sometimes women in their fifties are looking present and forward, right.
They lost who they were in their twenties, thirties and forties. They need
to go back and go, oh, I was hot, I had it
together. I can get that mojo back they forgot at one point before they
were married. Let's just say for years or in a partnership for years that
they were good and confident in data. And I think you need to take
a step back and remember that part of you that was good like that,
and go, okay, I want to be like that again. What can
I do? You're right, you don't need to remember the way you looked,
but you need to remember the way you felt and figure out how did
I get to that point? Because there's a good chance even on your wedding
day wasn't the best you've ever looked, but you felt the best you've ever
felt. And so you have to think what were the things that I did
to feel a certain way and to feel a certain way around me and to
enjoy somebody thinking I look great? Take the compliment, yeah, oh,
take a couple of you know what, That's not always easy for a woman
sometimes. I know, I don't know why give me the compliments? We
don't get them? Why is it so hard for a woman to take a
compliment? I don't know. I know with me, I get a little
bashful. I do, even me, like if somebody says, oh,
you're just like, oh, thanks, and the first thing we do,
and I'll tell you why women have been historically the hardest on each other.
Yes, okay, so it's not the men. So the girl and girl
crying, they'll they'll like say, hey, what's going on there? You
know you need to fix that? Or so like you feel insecure sometimes if
this one person is like at a higher level and you're like, oh,
I don't look like that, and you start getting insecure. So along comes
somebody that compliments. You're like, in your mind, you're thinking that person
who looked so good, Yeah, I'm not like that. So it's like,
oh, it's just hard, especially if a woman is just coming out
of divorce or being a widow. They haven't had it. Maybe you're right
and women are so hard. I see. You know, certain celebrities will
appear that you haven't seen a while, and you see a bunch of commentary
on social media like, oh my god, she looks like shit, Oh
my god, what does she do to her lips? Oh my god.
It's almost always women and gay men. It's almost never straight man. They're
just like, I don't get she looks fine, she looks the same.
We don't notice it that sisterhood is not nearly as supportive as women think they
are because a lot of women are like, it's hard enough in my fifties.
I don't want that bitch over there to get ahead of me. It's
you know, life is competitive. Men are not exactly great with each other
either. A lot of times men just tune the other guys out, they
don't really care. But women are always looking at the other they quote unquote
the competition at both sides of their eyes all of the time. It makes
it a challenge when you do not feel supported, and it is I mean,
I'm definitely a person that you know is in a wallflower and you know
when I go out with a bunch of women and it's like someonell look at
it as being intimidated by me. And someone will be like, Okay,
what can I learn from Nicole and embrace my work? And you shouldn't have
to dial it back for their cause they need to keep up, they need
they need to benefit from your energy. You're doing a lot of if you're
out with six women, you're doing a lot of the heavy lifting. You're
bringing, the energy, you're stimulating, the dialogue, you're getting the attention,
makes your life easier. I did that once. I had like a
bunch of women at a happy hour I drummed up and a famous pick up
place here in Boca, and They're all huddled in a corner. Yeah,
and I'm like a school guy. I go, there's guys all around this
bar. What are you winning? You know, it's hard for guys to
walk up to a group of women, right. Oh, there are so
many wine bars where eight women will sit around talk about their ex husbands and
not they don't feel them approachable. It's hard to crack that shell. So
my thing is I did in this particular day. I took a few that
were willing and they were with me, and I just went and introduced,
Hi, my name is Nicole, and this is the one so and we
went around that whole bar introducing and I wound up actually organically meeting somebody.
But they were like you could see them starting to smile, like they weren't
just sitting in that corner, Like, why isn't anybody coming up to me?
Well, you know what, that's one of the first steps. The
other thing out there. Women do need to dial back their girl packs.
Though. The number that you should go out in is three. If you
go out with you and your friend, he thinks she's not gonna leave her
friend. That's gonna be too hard. Four then I'm diving to some pack
and they have their own thing. Three you can get one and the two
can the other two can get home together. I don't know. I use
the number and I still get you know that's different. But then your friend
is left alone. That's not good for her. Well, I'm talking about
two single girls going out. It's rough. I'm just looking from the guy's
perspective. He's doing the calculation. He's always looking for a group of three.
So that's your number. Day. I didn't know that that's what you're
looking at all Right, the best thing about being single in your fifties is
what you don't have to answer on anyone. That's a good It seems like
I know that is true. Like I literally like I just closed yesterday on
a condo and I'm like so proud of that accomplishment. And I said,
you know what, this is the first house that I don't have to do
with kids of mine. This is the first house I don't have to do
with a man, a husband in mine. This is all me are you
doing it. Yeah, and that is so empowering, you know, very
empowering, and your best piece of advice to I'll just say attract possibilities is
what if you're a woman looking to attract interest from men, what is the
one thing that you think they're all capable of doing? Well? I will
tell you men want confidence. They love a woman with confidence. So that
journey, whatever it is that you have to go on, whether it's therapy,
meditation, meeting other women or support groups, whatever works for you to
gain that confidence or remember who you used to be, because that's a lot
of the hurdle is what it I used to be? How what is my
definition? If I'm not mom and a wife or a wife or a partner.
They lost themselves so they have to go on a journey to find themselves
again. And I think by doing that, men are really attracted. Look,
I actually asked, this is a survey I did. Are men more
attracted here in Bocas especially men can have some deep pockets? Right? So
I said, you know, are they more attracted to a confident woman that
has their shit together or the wounded bird? And you know bird gets a
lot of game. You want to know why because she looks up to him
like she's God. Yeah, and the woman woundedbird is one step of a
basket case. So Woundedbirg's actually okay, yeah, yeah, No, it
doesn't mean she's a basketcase. She means she's like she'll accept anything because she's
clinging and wants anything. Where a woman that has a shit together that feels
confident is you know, we're bendable, or we should be bendable. Everybody
should be bendable. But you know, men find that attractive. Having confidence.
You need to figure out a way to sort of upgrade from hot mess
to beautiful disaster. And that means that most of the shit is getting together.
But whatever that shit is, I own it and I don't blame anybody
for it. And if you want to be a part of it, bring
it on. Hey, And this doesn't you know, I want to clarify,
especially with women. Women in their fifties are very caught up about their
body image and how they feel and look. And you know what, men
aren't necessarily just that's in their sixties. They get some see past that.
I want the person. Yeah, and you know what we're all not.
We all have our flaws. We think you look great. I'm gonna let
you plug the podcast in a minute, but in the interest of time,
this is your first time on the podcast. We play something called worst date
or first date. So you either have to give us the worst date you've
ever been on. Wait, is it clean? Or it could be whatever
you want. It doesn't have to be clean, it's whatever you think is
entertaining its first No, it can be the worst date you've ever been on
or the greatest first date you've ever been on. Your choice. Hmm,
okay, the worst. I'm gonna go with worst. So we already had
like one or two dates. You know this guy and he's like, hey,
I was in California. If you're in California, go in Vegas is
no big deal, okay. And he's like, hey, you want to
come meet me in Vegas. I'm like, sure, why not? I
had nothing else going on, and we were He was there with his car,
so I was flying there and we're supposed to drive back. So we've
already gotten to know his other We were intimate kind of a few times,
so it was more than a couple of times. And we go out nightclub,
have great time, time to go back to the room ready for getting
our sexion, and he has this bag that he literally of toys, freaking
pulls out and like the next thing I know, He's pulling out a full
on strap on and I'm looking like, hey, I'm I'm an open soul
all about fantasies. But I was like, oh, hell no, well
quick here, Yeah, I dipped out. I took a plane home.
Oh not even the ride home. No, So you didn't predate that one.
Well, that wouldn't have come up. No, it didn't. That's
what I'm saying. That wouldn't come up. It didn't come We had already
sleeping together. He felt comfortable enough to let his freak fly and listen.
I'm an advocate onf podcasts and my bedroom confessionals. You gotta have your fantasies
and fill them. It's one life, it's a movie, and your your
own movie star. Yep, just wasn't you weren't feeling it. You weren't
feeling your room at the MGM Grand or whatever, my worst day or first
as well. The listeners know I've talked about you got to go back and
listen to four hundred episodes. You'll find it it's in there. Need only
Haystack tell everybody where they can find you. Well, thank you first of
all for having me on FIFTIESAF podcast dot com and we're on YouTube and wherever
you listen to podcasts. But I do a little something with a little Huzhu
called Bedroom Confessionals, which you could find on my website. And uh,
they get a little saucy, just like me, a little saucy. Uh.
Thank you for doing this. Hope this wasn't too painful. No,
we'll edit out this background noise. As far as US and fifties AF like
share follow, Please review this podcast and that podcast. Your reviews, even
after ten years of doing this, mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem.
Shoot us an email Great Love Debate at gmail dot com if you've got question,
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be. Go to Great Love Debate dot com. We do have some more
live shows, not many, not many, I'm whining down, but more
live shows. We have to do one in New York, Raleigh, North
Carolina, I think Tempe, Arizona, a couple of others. Great Love
Debate dot com for those, because, as always at the Great Love Debate,
we never stopped making love. To see you next time, The Great
Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's
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