WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:10.039 This is Pod Popular podcast for the people. It's the Great Love Debate. 2 00:00:10.919 --> 00:00:17.160 It's a Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's a Great Love 3 00:00:17.199 --> 00:00:21.800 Debate. Hi again everyone, It's Brian Howie. Welcome to The Great Love 4 00:00:21.839 --> 00:00:26.559 Debate, the world's number one dating or relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I 5 00:00:26.600 --> 00:00:31.120 am here outside the studios of Pod Popular. I am in the one in 6 00:00:31.120 --> 00:00:34.320 Boca Raton, Florida. And because this time of year is so nice in 7 00:00:34.399 --> 00:00:38.960 Boca Raton, Florida, I wanted to sit outside and have a conversation on 8 00:00:39.000 --> 00:00:42.320 a nice sunny day, which gives you a relaxed feel, because we're gonna 9 00:00:42.640 --> 00:00:46.479 get into some things that may or may not be so relaxing. And when 10 00:00:46.479 --> 00:00:49.439 I asked my guest to be on my podcast, she kind of wanted to 11 00:00:49.479 --> 00:00:52.240 know what we were talking about. And I made the comment like I make 12 00:00:52.280 --> 00:00:54.759 with all my guests, like if we were going to brunch your dinner, 13 00:00:54.799 --> 00:00:57.479 you wouldn't say what are we going to talk about? Or maybe you would. 14 00:00:57.600 --> 00:01:00.439 I don't know what we were going to get into. Is a subject 15 00:01:00.439 --> 00:01:03.920 matter that we have touched on on this podcast before. It is about a 16 00:01:04.040 --> 00:01:08.560 very specific time in someone's life when they have to date. So if you're 17 00:01:08.599 --> 00:01:12.319 not quite to that time, this is sort of the ghost of dating future. 18 00:01:12.760 --> 00:01:15.400 And if you're past that time, you're gonna be like, oh, 19 00:01:15.480 --> 00:01:17.359 yeah, that was rough for me. And if you're in the time, 20 00:01:17.719 --> 00:01:21.480 you might want to take some notes on this. It is about what it 21 00:01:21.560 --> 00:01:25.560 is like, particularly as a woman, to date in your fifties. So 22 00:01:25.920 --> 00:01:27.920 I am not an expert on dating as a woman in your fifties, but 23 00:01:27.959 --> 00:01:32.439 I brought in somebody who knows a lot more about this than just about anybody 24 00:01:32.480 --> 00:01:38.879 I know. She is the host of the very very popular fifties af podcast, 25 00:01:38.359 --> 00:01:42.599 The Lovely Nicole Channis. How are you? I'm great, Thank you 26 00:01:42.640 --> 00:01:45.319 for having me, So you heard me kind of bring that up. I 27 00:01:45.359 --> 00:01:51.879 think that, for a variety of reasons, dating in your fifties is the 28 00:01:51.920 --> 00:01:56.920 toughest. So let me go big picture first, assuming you're in your fifties 29 00:01:57.000 --> 00:02:00.000 fifty five and damn proud of it. So if you dated in your team 30 00:02:00.000 --> 00:02:01.239 means, and you did in your twenties and January thirties date or forties, 31 00:02:01.239 --> 00:02:07.040 you are at least stuck your toe in the waters of five different decades of 32 00:02:07.120 --> 00:02:10.719 dating all have their own feel forties not forties. All have their own feel 33 00:02:10.800 --> 00:02:15.520 all have their own challenges, all have their own pluses, All have their 34 00:02:15.560 --> 00:02:21.560 own sort of body of information. Now, with wisdom, we should improve 35 00:02:22.639 --> 00:02:25.439 just about in any aspect of life. I'm not sure that dating necessarily gets 36 00:02:25.439 --> 00:02:30.840 better when we get to certain in terms of our skill set, in terms 37 00:02:30.840 --> 00:02:32.719 of how good we are at it. How do you look at if you 38 00:02:32.759 --> 00:02:37.319 just had to sum up dating in your fifties in one sentence, how would 39 00:02:37.360 --> 00:02:39.840 you describe that? Well, everybody's journey is different, Bryan, to be 40 00:02:39.879 --> 00:02:46.159 honest with you, so I'm kind of digging it. Well, if you're 41 00:02:46.159 --> 00:02:46.919 digging it, you're going to do well. That is a good thing. 42 00:02:47.280 --> 00:02:50.680 No, I'm digging it. But when I say that, I had to 43 00:02:50.759 --> 00:02:53.520 have a journey before I was digging it, And you know, part of 44 00:02:53.560 --> 00:02:57.960 that starts out. Look. Look, if you're single in your fifties, 45 00:02:58.039 --> 00:03:01.680 it's either your widow or your divorce worst right, or you never married or 46 00:03:01.719 --> 00:03:06.599 you never married. Okay, all have their own stories, absolutely, which 47 00:03:06.680 --> 00:03:13.439 comes baggage and also a ton of information knowledge. But you kind of you 48 00:03:13.520 --> 00:03:16.840 have to be able to evolve continuously. And so I had to go on 49 00:03:16.879 --> 00:03:21.560 my own journey to become my own strong individual before I was going to be 50 00:03:21.599 --> 00:03:25.439 out in a dating world and like be at all successful. If I want 51 00:03:25.439 --> 00:03:30.319 to use that word, you know it doesn't happen overnight. You have to 52 00:03:30.319 --> 00:03:32.840 define what success means. Success dating in your twenties means a little bit different 53 00:03:34.080 --> 00:03:37.800 in your thirty four. Everything is about where. I think there are three 54 00:03:38.199 --> 00:03:42.360 unique challenges for a woman when you are dating in your fifties, and some 55 00:03:42.439 --> 00:03:46.120 of the best women I know are in their fifties. Women in their fifties 56 00:03:46.159 --> 00:03:50.159 look better than they have ever looked in the history of mankind. They look 57 00:03:50.199 --> 00:03:53.400 great. The three unique challenges, and you can either agree with them, 58 00:03:53.439 --> 00:03:57.080 disagree with them, or whatever. It's from my perspective of talking a lot 59 00:03:57.120 --> 00:04:00.319 of women in their fifties. If you want to date somebody your age, 60 00:04:01.280 --> 00:04:08.199 those guys still have a large pool of thirties and forties to chase around if 61 00:04:08.199 --> 00:04:11.599 they want to. If you want to date older than your age, the 62 00:04:11.680 --> 00:04:15.199 women in their fifties have way more energy than the men in their sixties. 63 00:04:15.839 --> 00:04:19.800 The men in their sixties and seventies tend to poop out. The third, 64 00:04:19.879 --> 00:04:24.240 and I think the biggest challenges for the women in their fifties. Is there 65 00:04:24.279 --> 00:04:30.000 is no group of women or men that is more set in their ways than 66 00:04:30.040 --> 00:04:32.439 women in their fifties. I know what I like, I know what I 67 00:04:32.480 --> 00:04:35.839 want, I know what I deserve. I don't need a man. That 68 00:04:36.240 --> 00:04:43.800 mindset at any age is going to make it a challenge that is uniquely ingrained. 69 00:04:43.959 --> 00:04:46.759 It's easier to change a man who's fifty eight than it is to change 70 00:04:46.759 --> 00:04:49.879 a woman who's fifty eight. Yeah, she's a lot more like I know 71 00:04:49.959 --> 00:04:54.279 what I deserve, which is good. I know what I want, I 72 00:04:54.319 --> 00:04:59.240 know what I don't want to And there's these very hard and fast rules lists 73 00:04:59.399 --> 00:05:05.120 things that make the possibilities I think a bit narrowed. Okay, I mean, 74 00:05:05.360 --> 00:05:09.240 you know I talk about this obviously. This is what my podcast is 75 00:05:09.399 --> 00:05:14.639 is about the shit show dating in your fifties. And I think women today 76 00:05:15.199 --> 00:05:18.439 in their fifties is way different than ten twenty years ago if you were single. 77 00:05:18.920 --> 00:05:26.040 And I think women in their fifties struggle with dating for various reasons, 78 00:05:26.600 --> 00:05:30.560 hormonal reasons. Our body has changed, which makes our you know, we 79 00:05:30.600 --> 00:05:35.240 don't feel confident sometimes, and you're dealing with a lot of times when you're 80 00:05:35.319 --> 00:05:39.519 dating in your fifties. Just what you said. If you were a woman 81 00:05:39.560 --> 00:05:42.319 in your fifties and you do want to date in your fifties, good luck, 82 00:05:42.680 --> 00:05:45.199 because the guys in the fifties, do you want the thirty forty year 83 00:05:45.199 --> 00:05:47.879 old? Right, very very true. Yeah. And for me though, 84 00:05:48.519 --> 00:05:53.199 you know, I like to date older. So mine is dating in their 85 00:05:53.240 --> 00:05:58.120 sixties, and I have not run across guys that. Okay, they want 86 00:05:58.120 --> 00:06:00.519 to go to bed at eight o'clock, A lot of them do, especially 87 00:06:00.519 --> 00:06:01.600 where we are. They want to golf, they want to poop out. 88 00:06:01.639 --> 00:06:03.560 Trust me, I don't want to go out till I'm not my sixties, 89 00:06:03.600 --> 00:06:05.439 but I don't want to go out to two o'clock in the morning anymore. 90 00:06:05.560 --> 00:06:10.319 The women tend to have a second wind that a lot of the men don't 91 00:06:10.360 --> 00:06:13.240 have. Deep into their fifties. A lot of women have more energy. 92 00:06:13.319 --> 00:06:15.920 A lot of women do feel better about themselves physically. Again, they go 93 00:06:15.959 --> 00:06:18.439 through hormonal they go through life changes, but they're able to put a face 94 00:06:18.480 --> 00:06:23.720 out there that he doesn't necessarily have. And a lot of times the man 95 00:06:23.759 --> 00:06:28.079 is looking to date younger because dating younger makes him feel confident again in a 96 00:06:28.120 --> 00:06:30.560 way that dating somebody whose own age, she can buy her own shit, 97 00:06:30.720 --> 00:06:33.959 she's been on a trip like this, she's eating dinner at this restaurant. 98 00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:38.399 For she's a little harder to impress, and so that is a little bit 99 00:06:38.399 --> 00:06:40.959 harder of a wall for the man to break down, and the men are 100 00:06:40.959 --> 00:06:43.839 always trying to find a crack in the wall. Well, I think so, 101 00:06:43.959 --> 00:06:46.120 and I think I talk a lot about, you know, empowering women 102 00:06:46.199 --> 00:06:49.639 being empowered in their fifties. So you have like two sides of the fence, 103 00:06:49.720 --> 00:06:54.720 correct. You have the insecure women in their fifties like I'm just done, 104 00:06:54.759 --> 00:06:58.639 I'm over it, I don't want to date. And when I talk 105 00:06:58.720 --> 00:07:01.439 to them, I'm like, well, have you ever thought about changing what 106 00:07:01.480 --> 00:07:04.959 you're doing? Or do you feel like the same hamster wheel is going to 107 00:07:05.160 --> 00:07:09.480 lead to success? Do you think a guy's just going to fall in your 108 00:07:09.600 --> 00:07:12.360 lap? So you have to be a little proactive. I mean, you 109 00:07:12.399 --> 00:07:15.040 can't just be laid back and be like, well I haven't met the right 110 00:07:15.040 --> 00:07:18.639 guy. And I think then the other flip side is you have very alpha 111 00:07:18.720 --> 00:07:24.439 fifty year old women and men sometimes don't know what to do with that. 112 00:07:24.759 --> 00:07:28.360 Right. They've ramped up their masculine energy, they've ramped up their independence. 113 00:07:28.360 --> 00:07:30.720 They ramped up, Well, I got rid of a guy. I'm out 114 00:07:30.720 --> 00:07:32.240 here on my own. Oh but I want to go in a romantic setting 115 00:07:32.240 --> 00:07:38.800 and he is not feeling that. And a lot of the women of age 116 00:07:38.800 --> 00:07:42.920 in their fifties, they're like, I shouldn't have to quote unquote train a 117 00:07:42.959 --> 00:07:45.199 guy. I shouldn't have to tell him what to do. And I'm like, 118 00:07:45.240 --> 00:07:47.319 you absolutely should train a guy. He wants to be trained. He 119 00:07:47.319 --> 00:07:50.839 can be trained. He needs to be trained in what you want, like, 120 00:07:51.120 --> 00:07:55.720 because every woman is different. Some women, and I agree, in 121 00:07:55.759 --> 00:07:59.040 their fifties still want to be picked up, still want to be called up, 122 00:07:59.079 --> 00:08:01.639 asked out, picked up their house. That's the way they dated back 123 00:08:01.639 --> 00:08:03.839 in the twenties. They don't have twenty years of oh my god, everybody's 124 00:08:03.839 --> 00:08:07.720 crazy, they're gonna kill me. They want that. Some women are like, 125 00:08:07.120 --> 00:08:11.399 you gotta be kidding me. Everybody's a psycho or whatever. Telling the 126 00:08:11.439 --> 00:08:15.199 man this is what I feel like I want. Don't use the word deserve. 127 00:08:15.360 --> 00:08:18.040 But if they say this is what I want, this is what I 128 00:08:18.160 --> 00:08:20.600 need, this is what makes me feel good, and this is how you 129 00:08:20.639 --> 00:08:22.959 can find a space in my world, the guy will jump up, however 130 00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:26.439 high he's got to jump up to get the cheese. If that is set 131 00:08:26.439 --> 00:08:30.319 in a positive in fashion, A lot of women are just like he could 132 00:08:30.399 --> 00:08:33.360 tell you can't tell no. So I will say one of the things I 133 00:08:33.559 --> 00:08:39.440 define is, you know, really important a relationship is communication. If you're 134 00:08:39.480 --> 00:08:43.759 a guy and you're a woman, women, you think he's going to reach 135 00:08:43.799 --> 00:08:46.600 your mind? No, I mean like you do have to say, hey, 136 00:08:46.639 --> 00:08:50.240 this is my love language, this is what I need now. It 137 00:08:50.240 --> 00:08:52.159 doesn't mean he's going to be able to do it, but I do think 138 00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:56.080 you need to be bendable. I don't like the word training. I like 139 00:08:56.120 --> 00:09:00.559 the word bendable more and evolving the way I look at it. And I 140 00:09:00.679 --> 00:09:03.399 do find that men in their sixties are very set in their ways. I 141 00:09:03.399 --> 00:09:07.159 gotta be honest, I don't know about training now. Well, he dressed 142 00:09:07.200 --> 00:09:11.480 the way you might want to maybe, but I think he will. I 143 00:09:11.559 --> 00:09:16.639 think if you if, however you want him to dress, it's not just 144 00:09:16.679 --> 00:09:18.879 how I want him to dress for the world to see him. And you 145 00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:22.240 let him know if you dress this way, I want to rip your clothes 146 00:09:22.279 --> 00:09:26.759 off. He'll put it on a clown suit. Nope, guess what they 147 00:09:26.799 --> 00:09:28.360 will a lot of them, Well, I think that. Then then it's 148 00:09:28.360 --> 00:09:31.639 about the information, because if you ask one hundred men, are they open 149 00:09:31.679 --> 00:09:33.759 to that? And they're like, it depends on what I'm getting out of 150 00:09:33.759 --> 00:09:37.240 it and whatever. Yeah, if you're just saying I want you to wear 151 00:09:37.279 --> 00:09:41.519 this with no context and know anything, they will change because they will change 152 00:09:41.559 --> 00:09:45.399 for the right women's situation. And like it was an issue and it was 153 00:09:45.480 --> 00:09:50.639 like a long term dating and he's just found it incredibly offensive, Like, 154 00:09:50.720 --> 00:09:52.879 why aren't you accepted me the way I am. I'm not talking about long 155 00:09:52.960 --> 00:09:56.919 term. I'm talking about early on, because what the women tend to do 156 00:09:56.039 --> 00:10:01.159 is this, They're okay with it a certain way. You're out there, 157 00:10:01.320 --> 00:10:03.519 you know, wearing your Dan Marino jersey to dinner or whatever, and then 158 00:10:03.559 --> 00:10:07.720 once you feel comfortable enough in the relationship, then you decide to make the 159 00:10:07.840 --> 00:10:11.200 change. And he's like, she's crazy, she changed suddenly. She wanted 160 00:10:11.240 --> 00:10:16.720 me to be something that I'm not. If it's early on, saying even 161 00:10:16.799 --> 00:10:18.320 you know, first couple of days, you would look amazing in a blue 162 00:10:18.320 --> 00:10:22.200 suit because you have amazing eyes and it would really come out put on the 163 00:10:22.200 --> 00:10:26.120 blue suit. I like that. That is the trae. That is nuancing 164 00:10:26.320 --> 00:10:30.279 because once you do it three months in, then it says I don't like 165 00:10:30.440 --> 00:10:33.120 this about you. It's what needs to be different about you. When you 166 00:10:33.120 --> 00:10:37.600 do it early on, it's wow, that would turn me on. So 167 00:10:37.720 --> 00:10:41.960 I definitely, well, I subscribe to something that you don't, which is 168 00:10:41.000 --> 00:10:46.039 predating, which we can get into at any time. But I believe, 169 00:10:46.120 --> 00:10:48.240 well, what is it predating to me? It's very simple. If you're 170 00:10:48.320 --> 00:10:54.519 meeting people like on social app for example, on Facebook dating app, usually 171 00:10:54.519 --> 00:10:58.240 you start off with a little texting, not texting, like chatting, whatever 172 00:10:58.279 --> 00:11:03.320 it is, and then you move on to a little texting and I will 173 00:11:03.320 --> 00:11:05.679 not go on a date until I've done a FaceTime. I mean, wonder 174 00:11:05.759 --> 00:11:11.000 why. And this is men and women. They're both in the wrong about 175 00:11:11.000 --> 00:11:13.919 this. I don't know the percentage. Maybe you do. How many have 176 00:11:15.080 --> 00:11:20.360 fake old pictures and they lie about their age and it's so annoying because like 177 00:11:20.399 --> 00:11:24.200 people, we could see the picture posts from twenty nineteen. That is all 178 00:11:24.279 --> 00:11:26.320 I get that. So you don't really need the conversation, you just need 179 00:11:26.320 --> 00:11:30.279 some verification this is what they look like. I want to know for real 180 00:11:30.440 --> 00:11:33.279 that they are putting forth because if you start a relationship on a lie, 181 00:11:33.279 --> 00:11:35.080 where's it going to go from there? What if it's not a lie? 182 00:11:35.120 --> 00:11:39.279 What if it's just a picture that doesn't quite make them look? What if? 183 00:11:39.559 --> 00:11:43.799 What if she just doesn't have a picture from the waist down? What 184 00:11:43.840 --> 00:11:46.759 if she just doesn't or hate What if you just don't have that in one 185 00:11:46.759 --> 00:11:48.559 of your pictures. I don't think face time is gonna help that either. 186 00:11:48.639 --> 00:11:50.720 No, no, but I will tell you. You know, I just 187 00:11:50.720 --> 00:11:54.720 had a conversation with somebody last night who's my age, but dating with a 188 00:11:54.759 --> 00:12:01.480 ten year old so different. She definitely has some different obstacles and most of 189 00:12:01.559 --> 00:12:03.559 us. And part of what we were talking about is she's just like, 190 00:12:03.600 --> 00:12:05.519 I just want to meet a guy that i'm hot for. I want to 191 00:12:05.600 --> 00:12:09.320 jump and run away. And I'm like, what turns me on is not 192 00:12:09.519 --> 00:12:13.440 just the physical At this age, at this time, with my experience, 193 00:12:13.759 --> 00:12:18.679 there's so much more than you could actually find chemistry past the first day. 194 00:12:18.840 --> 00:12:22.360 Sometimes it's a mental connection. I agree. Or you're nervous, but you 195 00:12:22.399 --> 00:12:26.039 know, you're also not tired chasing around a ten year old. Maybe she 196 00:12:26.120 --> 00:12:28.039 just wants to get her bones jumped. You know, she might have different 197 00:12:28.080 --> 00:12:33.639 needs but when you if you're saying that I really just need some verification and 198 00:12:33.679 --> 00:12:37.679 validation of what this person looks like physically, that's fine. If you're saying 199 00:12:37.679 --> 00:12:39.200 I need to have a conversation with them, and it feels to me like 200 00:12:39.240 --> 00:12:43.480 a in an interview, I think that that doesn't tell you anything about that 201 00:12:43.559 --> 00:12:48.080 person other than they may or may not be good at FaceTime. Well I'll 202 00:12:48.120 --> 00:12:52.039 tell you one time. M hm. So like this one guy that seemed 203 00:12:52.120 --> 00:12:56.120 really good and we do FaceTime and he had like them also are doing needs 204 00:12:56.159 --> 00:13:01.200 all kind of I'm like done, not happening, Like I just you know 205 00:13:01.360 --> 00:13:03.879 what, everything was good leading up to that, and I get it, 206 00:13:05.039 --> 00:13:07.799 I know. But then you're letting one red flag or one thing you don't 207 00:13:07.879 --> 00:13:11.919 like get in the way of the possibilities that if you met and maybe in 208 00:13:11.960 --> 00:13:15.360 real life he doesn't sound that way, or maybe he has so many other 209 00:13:15.720 --> 00:13:18.919 attributes that you would forget about that. I think you you really don't know 210 00:13:20.000 --> 00:13:22.639 if you're going to click with somebody until you are face to face. So 211 00:13:22.799 --> 00:13:26.879 I think you're you might be ruling in some people, but I think if 212 00:13:26.879 --> 00:13:31.399 you do that, you're ruling out a lot of people that if you met 213 00:13:31.440 --> 00:13:33.080 them, maybe they're not good on the phone because we don't talk on the 214 00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:35.879 phone as much. It's a skill, it's a muscle. I can't I 215 00:13:35.919 --> 00:13:39.559 don't want to talk on the phone anybody. But again, so like I'll 216 00:13:39.559 --> 00:13:43.159 be dating somebody now and you know what, he's honest. I'm not a 217 00:13:43.159 --> 00:13:45.799 good communicator. I don't like talking on the phone. Not a good text. 218 00:13:46.360 --> 00:13:50.080 Just be honest so people don't take it the wrong way. I'd be 219 00:13:50.120 --> 00:13:52.720 like I have an android. I don't even have face time. Sorry, 220 00:13:52.000 --> 00:13:56.720 no, though, like I bet my own rules. Don't misunderstand because if 221 00:13:56.759 --> 00:13:58.799 I get a good vibe and you know, maybe I met him out or 222 00:14:00.080 --> 00:14:03.720 all of a sudden, I don't need that. But but like I definitely 223 00:14:03.759 --> 00:14:07.039 want to know more than a just a high on a on a dating app 224 00:14:07.080 --> 00:14:11.399 and hey, can I take you off for drinks that we didn't used to 225 00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:13.600 have a whole lot more to go on and we'd see somebody we were kind 226 00:14:13.600 --> 00:14:16.679 of drunk and it was loud in the bar and let's go out, and 227 00:14:16.720 --> 00:14:20.919 then you went out. Yeah, but that's chemistry got to lead. Now, 228 00:14:20.960 --> 00:14:24.159 it's not chemistry leading, And I don't know if it's chemistry it's alcohol 229 00:14:24.679 --> 00:14:26.279 or it's wow, she's hot. You know, I've met a lot of 230 00:14:26.279 --> 00:14:28.159 people that I met in a bar and then I asked him out, and 231 00:14:28.159 --> 00:14:30.840 I was like, it's the same thing, Like, oh, that's not 232 00:14:30.879 --> 00:14:33.720 what I remember. Her pictures in my brain were different because of my alcohol 233 00:14:35.000 --> 00:14:37.320 or vice versa. I met a girl once at a Halloween party. I 234 00:14:37.399 --> 00:14:41.000 thought she was the hottest thing ever in her Cruel a Deville costume. And 235 00:14:41.000 --> 00:14:43.879 then I asked her out and then I picked her up, and I'm like, 236 00:14:43.919 --> 00:14:48.679 where's the costume? She looked so much better in the costume that I 237 00:14:48.799 --> 00:14:52.039 was, And that's not her fault. That was my weird thing. But 238 00:14:52.120 --> 00:14:54.879 I'm like a lot of people look better on Halloween. A lot of people's 239 00:14:54.879 --> 00:14:56.519 a little sex here and whatever. The makeup was better and a lot of 240 00:14:56.559 --> 00:15:01.240 people did. I was like, that's not her fault, that's just my 241 00:15:01.399 --> 00:15:03.360 weirdness. Like she was perfectly lovely and fine, but I was like, 242 00:15:03.960 --> 00:15:07.720 she doesn't look as good as she looked that night, right, that's not 243 00:15:07.799 --> 00:15:09.519 good either. Like I think we got to give everybody a shot. I 244 00:15:09.559 --> 00:15:13.480 think we got to work through the awkwardness and a lot of things to that 245 00:15:13.679 --> 00:15:18.399 end. Way too many people, especially as we get older, if we 246 00:15:18.159 --> 00:15:22.919 are not feet because we have had those magical dates and we've had those magical 247 00:15:22.919 --> 00:15:26.799 experiences, and if we're not feeling the way we know it is possible in 248 00:15:26.840 --> 00:15:30.919 the first fifteen minutes, we pull the parachute and we're out of there for 249 00:15:31.120 --> 00:15:33.720 just working through the ick till we can get to that place. When you're 250 00:15:33.799 --> 00:15:37.519 twenty three, you know you're not dating that much anyway. You're going to 251 00:15:37.519 --> 00:15:39.519 barge you hook it up or whatever, and so you don't have this memory 252 00:15:39.519 --> 00:15:43.360 bank of what a good date should feel like. And so now when you're 253 00:15:43.360 --> 00:15:46.240 in your forties and fifties and sixties, you're like, I know what my 254 00:15:46.320 --> 00:15:50.080 best dates have felt like and this isn't that That doesn't mean the relationship couldn't 255 00:15:50.080 --> 00:15:54.960 see so to you know, statistically, what when men and women want in 256 00:15:54.639 --> 00:16:00.399 dating in their fifties, there's actually like, are three things Companionship, yes, 257 00:16:03.240 --> 00:16:10.720 is this from men or women? Is? Uh uh? Sex? 258 00:16:11.320 --> 00:16:14.840 That was not on the list. I don't know, stimulation, So it's 259 00:16:14.960 --> 00:16:18.879 love companions love, yeah, and looking for somebody to go through the rest 260 00:16:18.919 --> 00:16:22.399 of their life on a journey. Those are the three things that people men 261 00:16:22.480 --> 00:16:27.519 and women statistically most look for in a partner after fifty because you've moved on 262 00:16:27.559 --> 00:16:32.279 to a different stage. If you've had kids, you're done. Sure you're 263 00:16:32.279 --> 00:16:37.480 an empty nester. And men upper fifties sixties, they're heading towards retirement if 264 00:16:37.480 --> 00:16:40.919 they're not. So where's the room for magic in that equation? None of 265 00:16:40.919 --> 00:16:45.279 those three things sound terribly fireworky Oh, I agree with you. I think 266 00:16:45.320 --> 00:16:48.360 those probably are. I think the people who want that are, like I 267 00:16:48.360 --> 00:16:51.480 don't believe in it anymore because a lot of people once you get I've never 268 00:16:51.519 --> 00:16:55.799 been married, so the fantasy of happily ever after still exists for me. 269 00:16:56.200 --> 00:17:00.960 Everybody define happily ever after them for you that there's that once we get married 270 00:17:00.000 --> 00:17:03.079 and we say I do it happily ever after, there's no end date, 271 00:17:03.200 --> 00:17:07.039 so you want to get married still, I still am open to the possibility 272 00:17:07.039 --> 00:17:10.200 of married because it hasn't been spoiled. To me. It has the bubble 273 00:17:10.200 --> 00:17:12.640 asm averse. The people who have gotten divorced or god forbid, widow or 274 00:17:12.640 --> 00:17:18.920 widower that didn't happen, so they're a lot less likely to jump into the 275 00:17:18.960 --> 00:17:22.319 fairy tale that they had in their mind. As people who've never been married. 276 00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:26.000 We all have bag. Yeah, So anyway, we're gonna agree and 277 00:17:26.000 --> 00:17:26.960 disagree with a lot more things. I gotta take a quick break because we 278 00:17:27.000 --> 00:17:30.680 got to pay for the fairy tale around here. I'm with the cole Channas. 279 00:17:30.680 --> 00:17:37.119 She's from fifties AF We will be back right after this, and we 280 00:17:37.200 --> 00:17:41.400 are back. Forgive the the background noise. People. It's booming here in 281 00:17:41.440 --> 00:17:45.960 Florida. They're building things. That's my unit. There's also you gotta be 282 00:17:45.960 --> 00:17:49.920 careful here. This is like Jurassic Park. There's like all sorts of critters 283 00:17:51.000 --> 00:17:55.920 at best critters crawling around here. So how do you bring that back in 284 00:17:55.920 --> 00:17:59.759 your fifties? How do you tell your your friends or women to still believe 285 00:18:00.079 --> 00:18:03.359 in not necessarily the fairy tale, but magic. Well, I think if 286 00:18:03.599 --> 00:18:07.599 first and foremost you have to work on yourself. You cannot fall in love 287 00:18:07.720 --> 00:18:11.519 until you love yourself, honestly, because most women in our fifties, if 288 00:18:11.519 --> 00:18:17.920 we're single, it is because for predominantly we're either divorce or a widow. 289 00:18:18.079 --> 00:18:23.759 Yeah. So until you really can embrace and feel confident and love yourself, 290 00:18:25.160 --> 00:18:29.400 you're not gonna have a healthy dating life. So you have to do those 291 00:18:29.400 --> 00:18:32.559 steps. You can't avoid it, and that's that hamster wheel I talk about 292 00:18:32.559 --> 00:18:34.720 it. And you can't still be angry at your ex. Yes, yeah, 293 00:18:34.880 --> 00:18:40.400 so much of that. I don't believe in holding onto anger. Yeah 294 00:18:40.519 --> 00:18:44.720 yeah no, And it is part of like therapy, go for it right. 295 00:18:45.400 --> 00:18:48.720 And here's another thing. What women do make a mistake along the lines 296 00:18:48.720 --> 00:18:53.599 what you were saying is if they had a horrible breakup and they start meeting 297 00:18:53.640 --> 00:18:59.279 guy and he does one thing, one miniche thing reminds me of my third 298 00:18:59.359 --> 00:19:03.079 husband, and it's like, come out of here. Because they haven't done 299 00:19:03.119 --> 00:19:07.960 the work to get over that. And so that person might have been really 300 00:19:07.000 --> 00:19:11.039 good for them, but because it was a trigger that they haven't worked through. 301 00:19:14.000 --> 00:19:15.480 So what is the first step to do in the work, Like not 302 00:19:15.559 --> 00:19:19.440 everybody can want or feels comfortable doing to afford you know, threehund and fifty 303 00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:22.799 dollars hour therapy. Is there something that somebody can do? Is it asking 304 00:19:22.799 --> 00:19:26.359 yourself a bunch of questions as is saying what was my role in my relationship? 305 00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:29.359 Sayling, what is it? Well? You know, you know what 306 00:19:29.519 --> 00:19:32.599 I think is a really good thing. Women leaning on women. I'm speaking 307 00:19:32.640 --> 00:19:37.039 in terms of women, So like, there's this I'm plugging a great app 308 00:19:37.079 --> 00:19:41.920 called meet up. And when I first moved within FOCA from west to east, 309 00:19:41.160 --> 00:19:45.559 I didn't know anybody. So I created my group by five hundred women 310 00:19:45.799 --> 00:19:49.000 for right now. So you know what, They're not all secure, but 311 00:19:49.119 --> 00:19:52.759 they get to talk about it. They get to learn from each other. 312 00:19:52.839 --> 00:19:56.279 Oh try this, try meditation. Let's go to the beach and do this. 313 00:19:56.559 --> 00:20:00.039 And together as a sisterhood, they sometimes are helped each other build their 314 00:20:00.039 --> 00:20:04.759 way up and calling each other out. Totally agree. There is such a 315 00:20:06.119 --> 00:20:11.640 value in being social again, and that can be around the people of the 316 00:20:11.680 --> 00:20:15.519 same sex, it can be people the opposite sec could be whatever. A 317 00:20:15.599 --> 00:20:19.839 lot of people once the relationship breaks up, whether it's a marriage or a 318 00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:25.799 boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever, they retreat into the solace and the solitariness of 319 00:20:25.880 --> 00:20:29.119 their home. I am going to binge Netflix every I don't want to go 320 00:20:29.119 --> 00:20:30.480 out on Friday night. It's going to remind me of this or whatever. 321 00:20:30.759 --> 00:20:36.000 And then days, weeks, months, years go by. That becomes your 322 00:20:36.079 --> 00:20:40.799 new normal and you have forgotten how to interact with society, much less people 323 00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:42.519 of the opposite sex. It breaks down your confidence, it breaks down your 324 00:20:42.559 --> 00:20:47.119 social skills makes it so much harder, so much. But I do think 325 00:20:47.319 --> 00:20:49.480 they're entitled to a morning let's call it's like a morning period for sure. 326 00:20:49.720 --> 00:20:53.519 And I know personally as a widow, after six months being in the bed, 327 00:20:53.759 --> 00:20:56.640 I just finally lift the covers and I said, you know what, 328 00:20:56.720 --> 00:20:59.359 Nicole, get your shit together or if you don't do it, no one 329 00:20:59.359 --> 00:21:02.400 else is going to do. And it was a to your journey for me. 330 00:21:02.960 --> 00:21:06.200 I've noticed that you bring up the widow thing and this is a big 331 00:21:06.240 --> 00:21:10.319 part of the Golden Bachelor this year. A lot of times the widow or 332 00:21:10.400 --> 00:21:15.559 widower is ready to date before the people are comfortable dating them. How do 333 00:21:15.599 --> 00:21:18.519 you let the people know that it is it's I'm okay to date. I'm 334 00:21:18.559 --> 00:21:22.200 not gonna and not say this is a bad thing, burst into tears and 335 00:21:22.200 --> 00:21:26.599 everything, Like how do you let possible suitors know, not that it's so 336 00:21:26.720 --> 00:21:29.960 far in your past you don't even think about it, but how do you 337 00:21:30.319 --> 00:21:34.160 create that balance? That's a really good question, and I think honesty and 338 00:21:34.200 --> 00:21:40.359 communication and don't again, don't let the other, whether there's a male or 339 00:21:40.400 --> 00:21:44.039 a female, assume, because you know what, I was lucky. My 340 00:21:44.200 --> 00:21:49.799 first boyfriend was so honest and understanding and on my journey. But definitely I 341 00:21:49.839 --> 00:21:55.680 have had people approach me like kid gloves and I'm way out already at this 342 00:21:55.720 --> 00:21:56.720 point. H I know, because you don't even know to bring it up, 343 00:21:56.920 --> 00:22:00.680 right, Like it's like, you know what, But if I bring 344 00:22:00.720 --> 00:22:03.960 it up, that's the golden door. I've just said it. But again, 345 00:22:03.559 --> 00:22:07.559 I think you don't have to go to therapy. But like I just 346 00:22:07.640 --> 00:22:12.480 learned last night, I didn't do any of these groups for widows or grieving 347 00:22:12.519 --> 00:22:17.119 stuff. I was like, I don't want to be more depressed. So 348 00:22:17.160 --> 00:22:19.039 somebody told me about a group that actually is just a bunch of widows, 349 00:22:19.039 --> 00:22:22.519 but it's uplifting and fun. Now that's a fun group to be a part 350 00:22:22.559 --> 00:22:26.240 of, right, But honestly, like, I don't need to be sitting 351 00:22:26.240 --> 00:22:29.319 around and be reminded why I'm a widow and what I went through every day 352 00:22:29.319 --> 00:22:32.640 because I'm not healing. You got to get out there, like you said, 353 00:22:32.640 --> 00:22:36.480 and socialized. Learn how to be out there again, learn how to 354 00:22:36.839 --> 00:22:41.319 feel good about your body and your presence because a lot of women are in 355 00:22:41.359 --> 00:22:45.119 the menopause stage at that point and that's really challenging. So that's a really 356 00:22:45.119 --> 00:22:48.640 good point. And that's funny. That's the next thing I was gonna bring 357 00:22:48.720 --> 00:22:52.599 up. Obviously, I think, and I've said, the women look better 358 00:22:52.640 --> 00:22:55.920 than ever, they have more ways to look better than ever. How do 359 00:22:55.960 --> 00:23:00.640 you get somebody who maybe she's just been raising your kids twenty years, she's 360 00:23:00.640 --> 00:23:03.599 been an unhappy relationship, to suddenly take the step of oh my god, 361 00:23:03.680 --> 00:23:07.279 I got to compete with that, especially in a place like South Florida where 362 00:23:07.279 --> 00:23:11.400 people aren't wearing nearly as much clothing. You can't hide behind your wear. 363 00:23:11.640 --> 00:23:15.799 How do you get her to find confidence when it's a muscle she hasn't used 364 00:23:15.799 --> 00:23:19.200 in twenty years. I think using the tools that are out there. Like, 365 00:23:19.200 --> 00:23:22.480 like you said, not everybody can afford therapy, and I get that 366 00:23:22.640 --> 00:23:26.839 for plastic surgery or plastic surgery, or they can't afford even to join a 367 00:23:26.880 --> 00:23:32.200 gym. Maybe you know, and again that metopause, you know that that 368 00:23:32.359 --> 00:23:37.200 adds the insecurity of starting out there. So I really think if women join 369 00:23:37.240 --> 00:23:44.039 in groups with like minded people, a they're gonna meet girlfriends, be they 370 00:23:44.160 --> 00:23:48.519 might meet a guy because they're doing things they're leading with what their interest is. 371 00:23:48.839 --> 00:23:52.240 So if people sometimes leave with their interests that chemistry and that bond and 372 00:23:52.319 --> 00:23:56.960 opportunity might happen. I think you're trying to before you find a guy. 373 00:23:56.960 --> 00:23:59.920 I think you gotta find your smile again, a great and you gotta find 374 00:24:00.319 --> 00:24:03.319 that will bring a smile back that's going to change your soul and your spirit. 375 00:24:03.799 --> 00:24:07.839 You know, you're not even right away going to find the best version 376 00:24:07.880 --> 00:24:11.359 of yourself. You're trying to find the next version of yourself. And if 377 00:24:11.400 --> 00:24:14.640 that's the baby step you need to take to feel just a little bit better, 378 00:24:14.759 --> 00:24:17.720 yeah, and have a little bit better approach and attitude and open it 379 00:24:17.799 --> 00:24:19.400 up to people around you so you're not just been like, oh my god, 380 00:24:19.440 --> 00:24:22.599 everybody sucks. Dating is going to be hard, this city's the wrong 381 00:24:22.640 --> 00:24:26.079 place for me, and on and on and on. You have no hope, 382 00:24:26.680 --> 00:24:30.400 no you. And to answer your question, it's step by step, 383 00:24:30.480 --> 00:24:34.599 right. Any coach will tell you this. License It doesn't happen overnight. 384 00:24:34.680 --> 00:24:38.359 It's step by step. And I think you nailed it finding your smile. 385 00:24:38.839 --> 00:24:42.319 Let's face it, laughter is like the healthiest thing in life. Yeah, 386 00:24:42.359 --> 00:24:45.119 and you have to find your smile. You do, and I think you 387 00:24:45.240 --> 00:24:49.400 have to start with finding it by leaving your house. Yes, you don't 388 00:24:49.400 --> 00:24:52.279 have to dive into the middle of a you know, Yankee stadium and be 389 00:24:52.279 --> 00:24:56.599 around fifty thousand people. But if you go for a walk and you see 390 00:24:56.599 --> 00:24:59.319 the stimuli and you start to notice things again, and like I say, 391 00:24:59.359 --> 00:25:02.839 people notice you, you notice you back. You become engaged the answers. 392 00:25:02.839 --> 00:25:07.200 And that's why this was such a terrible thing for our society to lock ourselves 393 00:25:07.240 --> 00:25:11.960 down for a long long time and shut ourselves off from the world. You 394 00:25:11.960 --> 00:25:15.440 know, that created a lot of bad habits. I'm gonna have the food 395 00:25:15.480 --> 00:25:18.440 brought to me, I'm gonna have a shop, I'm gonna Amazon delivered to 396 00:25:18.480 --> 00:25:22.400 me. I'm gonna binge hours and hours of shows on a weekend. So 397 00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:26.039 I'm not gonna do it. Took us out of normal quote unquote patterns of 398 00:25:26.119 --> 00:25:30.839 interaction that led to certain habits, that led to certain possibilities, They could 399 00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:33.599 lead to certain relationships. But also here's the thing, and I talk about 400 00:25:33.599 --> 00:25:40.920 this. Sometimes women in their fifties are looking present and forward, right. 401 00:25:41.319 --> 00:25:45.240 They lost who they were in their twenties, thirties and forties. They need 402 00:25:45.279 --> 00:25:47.920 to go back and go, oh, I was hot, I had it 403 00:25:48.000 --> 00:25:52.319 together. I can get that mojo back they forgot at one point before they 404 00:25:52.319 --> 00:25:56.240 were married. Let's just say for years or in a partnership for years that 405 00:25:56.480 --> 00:26:02.000 they were good and confident in data. And I think you need to take 406 00:26:02.039 --> 00:26:04.880 a step back and remember that part of you that was good like that, 407 00:26:04.960 --> 00:26:07.720 and go, okay, I want to be like that again. What can 408 00:26:07.759 --> 00:26:11.839 I do? You're right, you don't need to remember the way you looked, 409 00:26:11.880 --> 00:26:14.920 but you need to remember the way you felt and figure out how did 410 00:26:14.960 --> 00:26:17.079 I get to that point? Because there's a good chance even on your wedding 411 00:26:17.160 --> 00:26:19.440 day wasn't the best you've ever looked, but you felt the best you've ever 412 00:26:19.440 --> 00:26:22.480 felt. And so you have to think what were the things that I did 413 00:26:23.000 --> 00:26:26.279 to feel a certain way and to feel a certain way around me and to 414 00:26:27.160 --> 00:26:33.440 enjoy somebody thinking I look great? Take the compliment, yeah, oh, 415 00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:34.920 take a couple of you know what, That's not always easy for a woman 416 00:26:36.000 --> 00:26:38.680 sometimes. I know, I don't know why give me the compliments? We 417 00:26:38.720 --> 00:26:41.839 don't get them? Why is it so hard for a woman to take a 418 00:26:41.880 --> 00:26:45.559 compliment? I don't know. I know with me, I get a little 419 00:26:45.599 --> 00:26:48.839 bashful. I do, even me, like if somebody says, oh, 420 00:26:48.880 --> 00:26:51.519 you're just like, oh, thanks, and the first thing we do, 421 00:26:51.559 --> 00:26:56.759 and I'll tell you why women have been historically the hardest on each other. 422 00:26:56.240 --> 00:26:59.759 Yes, okay, so it's not the men. So the girl and girl 423 00:26:59.799 --> 00:27:03.160 crying, they'll they'll like say, hey, what's going on there? You 424 00:27:03.160 --> 00:27:07.960 know you need to fix that? Or so like you feel insecure sometimes if 425 00:27:07.000 --> 00:27:11.000 this one person is like at a higher level and you're like, oh, 426 00:27:11.039 --> 00:27:15.039 I don't look like that, and you start getting insecure. So along comes 427 00:27:15.079 --> 00:27:18.279 somebody that compliments. You're like, in your mind, you're thinking that person 428 00:27:18.279 --> 00:27:21.160 who looked so good, Yeah, I'm not like that. So it's like, 429 00:27:21.480 --> 00:27:25.519 oh, it's just hard, especially if a woman is just coming out 430 00:27:25.559 --> 00:27:29.160 of divorce or being a widow. They haven't had it. Maybe you're right 431 00:27:29.200 --> 00:27:30.640 and women are so hard. I see. You know, certain celebrities will 432 00:27:30.640 --> 00:27:33.559 appear that you haven't seen a while, and you see a bunch of commentary 433 00:27:33.559 --> 00:27:36.880 on social media like, oh my god, she looks like shit, Oh 434 00:27:36.960 --> 00:27:37.480 my god, what does she do to her lips? Oh my god. 435 00:27:37.559 --> 00:27:41.200 It's almost always women and gay men. It's almost never straight man. They're 436 00:27:41.200 --> 00:27:44.160 just like, I don't get she looks fine, she looks the same. 437 00:27:44.319 --> 00:27:48.440 We don't notice it that sisterhood is not nearly as supportive as women think they 438 00:27:48.480 --> 00:27:52.680 are because a lot of women are like, it's hard enough in my fifties. 439 00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:56.119 I don't want that bitch over there to get ahead of me. It's 440 00:27:56.559 --> 00:27:59.480 you know, life is competitive. Men are not exactly great with each other 441 00:27:59.519 --> 00:28:00.759 either. A lot of times men just tune the other guys out, they 442 00:28:00.759 --> 00:28:03.519 don't really care. But women are always looking at the other they quote unquote 443 00:28:03.519 --> 00:28:07.960 the competition at both sides of their eyes all of the time. It makes 444 00:28:07.000 --> 00:28:11.079 it a challenge when you do not feel supported, and it is I mean, 445 00:28:11.119 --> 00:28:18.359 I'm definitely a person that you know is in a wallflower and you know 446 00:28:18.559 --> 00:28:22.519 when I go out with a bunch of women and it's like someonell look at 447 00:28:22.559 --> 00:28:25.200 it as being intimidated by me. And someone will be like, Okay, 448 00:28:25.200 --> 00:28:27.720 what can I learn from Nicole and embrace my work? And you shouldn't have 449 00:28:27.759 --> 00:28:32.039 to dial it back for their cause they need to keep up, they need 450 00:28:32.119 --> 00:28:34.119 they need to benefit from your energy. You're doing a lot of if you're 451 00:28:34.119 --> 00:28:37.759 out with six women, you're doing a lot of the heavy lifting. You're 452 00:28:37.960 --> 00:28:40.880 bringing, the energy, you're stimulating, the dialogue, you're getting the attention, 453 00:28:41.240 --> 00:28:42.720 makes your life easier. I did that once. I had like a 454 00:28:42.759 --> 00:28:48.599 bunch of women at a happy hour I drummed up and a famous pick up 455 00:28:48.640 --> 00:28:52.680 place here in Boca, and They're all huddled in a corner. Yeah, 456 00:28:52.799 --> 00:28:56.240 and I'm like a school guy. I go, there's guys all around this 457 00:28:56.319 --> 00:28:59.720 bar. What are you winning? You know, it's hard for guys to 458 00:28:59.759 --> 00:29:00.759 walk up to a group of women, right. Oh, there are so 459 00:29:00.799 --> 00:29:03.799 many wine bars where eight women will sit around talk about their ex husbands and 460 00:29:03.799 --> 00:29:07.759 not they don't feel them approachable. It's hard to crack that shell. So 461 00:29:08.079 --> 00:29:11.160 my thing is I did in this particular day. I took a few that 462 00:29:11.200 --> 00:29:15.559 were willing and they were with me, and I just went and introduced, 463 00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:18.880 Hi, my name is Nicole, and this is the one so and we 464 00:29:18.920 --> 00:29:26.039 went around that whole bar introducing and I wound up actually organically meeting somebody. 465 00:29:26.319 --> 00:29:30.359 But they were like you could see them starting to smile, like they weren't 466 00:29:30.400 --> 00:29:33.079 just sitting in that corner, Like, why isn't anybody coming up to me? 467 00:29:33.440 --> 00:29:37.799 Well, you know what, that's one of the first steps. The 468 00:29:37.079 --> 00:29:42.000 other thing out there. Women do need to dial back their girl packs. 469 00:29:42.039 --> 00:29:47.440 Though. The number that you should go out in is three. If you 470 00:29:47.519 --> 00:29:49.640 go out with you and your friend, he thinks she's not gonna leave her 471 00:29:49.680 --> 00:29:53.640 friend. That's gonna be too hard. Four then I'm diving to some pack 472 00:29:53.680 --> 00:29:56.400 and they have their own thing. Three you can get one and the two 473 00:29:56.440 --> 00:29:59.559 can the other two can get home together. I don't know. I use 474 00:29:59.599 --> 00:30:03.319 the number and I still get you know that's different. But then your friend 475 00:30:03.359 --> 00:30:06.839 is left alone. That's not good for her. Well, I'm talking about 476 00:30:06.839 --> 00:30:10.279 two single girls going out. It's rough. I'm just looking from the guy's 477 00:30:10.279 --> 00:30:15.480 perspective. He's doing the calculation. He's always looking for a group of three. 478 00:30:15.720 --> 00:30:18.160 So that's your number. Day. I didn't know that that's what you're 479 00:30:18.160 --> 00:30:23.359 looking at all Right, the best thing about being single in your fifties is 480 00:30:23.400 --> 00:30:29.160 what you don't have to answer on anyone. That's a good It seems like 481 00:30:29.279 --> 00:30:33.640 I know that is true. Like I literally like I just closed yesterday on 482 00:30:33.680 --> 00:30:37.960 a condo and I'm like so proud of that accomplishment. And I said, 483 00:30:37.000 --> 00:30:41.680 you know what, this is the first house that I don't have to do 484 00:30:41.720 --> 00:30:44.200 with kids of mine. This is the first house I don't have to do 485 00:30:44.279 --> 00:30:47.400 with a man, a husband in mine. This is all me are you 486 00:30:47.519 --> 00:30:51.079 doing it. Yeah, and that is so empowering, you know, very 487 00:30:51.119 --> 00:30:57.240 empowering, and your best piece of advice to I'll just say attract possibilities is 488 00:30:57.319 --> 00:31:03.519 what if you're a woman looking to attract interest from men, what is the 489 00:31:03.559 --> 00:31:07.599 one thing that you think they're all capable of doing? Well? I will 490 00:31:07.599 --> 00:31:11.400 tell you men want confidence. They love a woman with confidence. So that 491 00:31:11.480 --> 00:31:15.559 journey, whatever it is that you have to go on, whether it's therapy, 492 00:31:15.680 --> 00:31:19.200 meditation, meeting other women or support groups, whatever works for you to 493 00:31:19.319 --> 00:31:22.920 gain that confidence or remember who you used to be, because that's a lot 494 00:31:22.960 --> 00:31:26.480 of the hurdle is what it I used to be? How what is my 495 00:31:26.599 --> 00:31:32.200 definition? If I'm not mom and a wife or a wife or a partner. 496 00:31:32.799 --> 00:31:36.720 They lost themselves so they have to go on a journey to find themselves 497 00:31:36.720 --> 00:31:41.240 again. And I think by doing that, men are really attracted. Look, 498 00:31:41.519 --> 00:31:44.880 I actually asked, this is a survey I did. Are men more 499 00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:48.559 attracted here in Bocas especially men can have some deep pockets? Right? So 500 00:31:48.640 --> 00:31:52.400 I said, you know, are they more attracted to a confident woman that 501 00:31:52.440 --> 00:32:00.000 has their shit together or the wounded bird? And you know bird gets a 502 00:32:00.000 --> 00:32:04.839 lot of game. You want to know why because she looks up to him 503 00:32:04.920 --> 00:32:08.240 like she's God. Yeah, and the woman woundedbird is one step of a 504 00:32:08.279 --> 00:32:13.000 basket case. So Woundedbirg's actually okay, yeah, yeah, No, it 505 00:32:13.039 --> 00:32:16.519 doesn't mean she's a basketcase. She means she's like she'll accept anything because she's 506 00:32:16.839 --> 00:32:22.079 clinging and wants anything. Where a woman that has a shit together that feels 507 00:32:22.119 --> 00:32:27.119 confident is you know, we're bendable, or we should be bendable. Everybody 508 00:32:27.160 --> 00:32:30.319 should be bendable. But you know, men find that attractive. Having confidence. 509 00:32:30.440 --> 00:32:35.880 You need to figure out a way to sort of upgrade from hot mess 510 00:32:35.920 --> 00:32:39.519 to beautiful disaster. And that means that most of the shit is getting together. 511 00:32:39.599 --> 00:32:43.640 But whatever that shit is, I own it and I don't blame anybody 512 00:32:43.720 --> 00:32:45.640 for it. And if you want to be a part of it, bring 513 00:32:45.680 --> 00:32:46.759 it on. Hey, And this doesn't you know, I want to clarify, 514 00:32:46.839 --> 00:32:51.279 especially with women. Women in their fifties are very caught up about their 515 00:32:51.279 --> 00:32:53.640 body image and how they feel and look. And you know what, men 516 00:32:54.200 --> 00:32:59.839 aren't necessarily just that's in their sixties. They get some see past that. 517 00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:02.720 I want the person. Yeah, and you know what we're all not. 518 00:33:02.960 --> 00:33:07.640 We all have our flaws. We think you look great. I'm gonna let 519 00:33:07.640 --> 00:33:09.160 you plug the podcast in a minute, but in the interest of time, 520 00:33:09.240 --> 00:33:14.200 this is your first time on the podcast. We play something called worst date 521 00:33:14.880 --> 00:33:17.880 or first date. So you either have to give us the worst date you've 522 00:33:17.920 --> 00:33:22.279 ever been on. Wait, is it clean? Or it could be whatever 523 00:33:22.319 --> 00:33:23.319 you want. It doesn't have to be clean, it's whatever you think is 524 00:33:23.400 --> 00:33:27.880 entertaining its first No, it can be the worst date you've ever been on 525 00:33:28.039 --> 00:33:31.000 or the greatest first date you've ever been on. Your choice. Hmm, 526 00:33:31.039 --> 00:33:37.519 okay, the worst. I'm gonna go with worst. So we already had 527 00:33:37.559 --> 00:33:42.799 like one or two dates. You know this guy and he's like, hey, 528 00:33:43.599 --> 00:33:45.799 I was in California. If you're in California, go in Vegas is 529 00:33:45.799 --> 00:33:50.480 no big deal, okay. And he's like, hey, you want to 530 00:33:50.480 --> 00:33:52.240 come meet me in Vegas. I'm like, sure, why not? I 531 00:33:52.240 --> 00:33:57.079 had nothing else going on, and we were He was there with his car, 532 00:33:57.160 --> 00:34:00.920 so I was flying there and we're supposed to drive back. So we've 533 00:34:00.960 --> 00:34:04.640 already gotten to know his other We were intimate kind of a few times, 534 00:34:04.640 --> 00:34:07.960 so it was more than a couple of times. And we go out nightclub, 535 00:34:08.000 --> 00:34:10.920 have great time, time to go back to the room ready for getting 536 00:34:10.920 --> 00:34:16.119 our sexion, and he has this bag that he literally of toys, freaking 537 00:34:16.199 --> 00:34:21.480 pulls out and like the next thing I know, He's pulling out a full 538 00:34:21.519 --> 00:34:25.119 on strap on and I'm looking like, hey, I'm I'm an open soul 539 00:34:25.519 --> 00:34:29.679 all about fantasies. But I was like, oh, hell no, well 540 00:34:29.760 --> 00:34:31.440 quick here, Yeah, I dipped out. I took a plane home. 541 00:34:31.840 --> 00:34:37.519 Oh not even the ride home. No, So you didn't predate that one. 542 00:34:38.000 --> 00:34:39.719 Well, that wouldn't have come up. No, it didn't. That's 543 00:34:39.719 --> 00:34:43.280 what I'm saying. That wouldn't come up. It didn't come We had already 544 00:34:43.360 --> 00:34:46.000 sleeping together. He felt comfortable enough to let his freak fly and listen. 545 00:34:46.440 --> 00:34:52.079 I'm an advocate onf podcasts and my bedroom confessionals. You gotta have your fantasies 546 00:34:52.079 --> 00:34:57.400 and fill them. It's one life, it's a movie, and your your 547 00:34:57.599 --> 00:35:01.519 own movie star. Yep, just wasn't you weren't feeling it. You weren't 548 00:35:01.519 --> 00:35:08.719 feeling your room at the MGM Grand or whatever, my worst day or first 549 00:35:08.760 --> 00:35:13.039 as well. The listeners know I've talked about you got to go back and 550 00:35:13.039 --> 00:35:15.519 listen to four hundred episodes. You'll find it it's in there. Need only 551 00:35:15.559 --> 00:35:19.840 Haystack tell everybody where they can find you. Well, thank you first of 552 00:35:19.840 --> 00:35:25.719 all for having me on FIFTIESAF podcast dot com and we're on YouTube and wherever 553 00:35:25.800 --> 00:35:30.239 you listen to podcasts. But I do a little something with a little Huzhu 554 00:35:30.360 --> 00:35:34.199 called Bedroom Confessionals, which you could find on my website. And uh, 555 00:35:34.599 --> 00:35:37.880 they get a little saucy, just like me, a little saucy. Uh. 556 00:35:37.320 --> 00:35:39.719 Thank you for doing this. Hope this wasn't too painful. No, 557 00:35:40.119 --> 00:35:45.760 we'll edit out this background noise. As far as US and fifties AF like 558 00:35:45.840 --> 00:35:51.119 share follow, Please review this podcast and that podcast. Your reviews, even 559 00:35:51.159 --> 00:35:53.800 after ten years of doing this, mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem. 560 00:35:53.880 --> 00:35:58.239 Shoot us an email Great Love Debate at gmail dot com if you've got question, 561 00:35:58.719 --> 00:36:00.880 comments, thoughts, or anything else. We have a listener letter episode 562 00:36:01.000 --> 00:36:06.280 coming up the next episode, so send those in. Look at us on 563 00:36:06.280 --> 00:36:07.880 our Great Love Debate. Social media tells you what the topic is going to 564 00:36:07.960 --> 00:36:12.440 be. Go to Great Love Debate dot com. We do have some more 565 00:36:12.519 --> 00:36:16.039 live shows, not many, not many, I'm whining down, but more 566 00:36:16.159 --> 00:36:19.880 live shows. We have to do one in New York, Raleigh, North 567 00:36:19.880 --> 00:36:22.039 Carolina, I think Tempe, Arizona, a couple of others. Great Love 568 00:36:22.079 --> 00:36:27.920 Debate dot com for those, because, as always at the Great Love Debate, 569 00:36:28.039 --> 00:36:35.599 we never stopped making love. To see you next time, The Great 570 00:36:35.920 --> 00:36:42.760 Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's 571 00:36:42.760 --> 00:36:44.159 a Great Love Debate.