WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.760 --> 00:00:14.279 Molly, will you come out and play Smile Day? And this is Molly 2 00:00:14.320 --> 00:00:17.879 May, a bad pas pod another nice stuff with me. It's Molly Me 3 00:00:22.600 --> 00:00:32.880 Hi shibbish, It's Molly May. I'm Molly May. And we're uh guys, 4 00:00:32.880 --> 00:00:39.520 we're doing it. Um. I've missed this, I have missed creating 5 00:00:39.759 --> 00:00:46.799 and sharing and connecting, and here we are, though this time it looks 6 00:00:47.240 --> 00:00:53.640 very different. And before I break down that fourth wall. Um, okay, 7 00:00:53.640 --> 00:00:58.960 so it's no secret by now who Twilight Day is CEO of Matrix Digital 8 00:00:59.000 --> 00:01:03.799 Media and producer of this pod. And if you are new around here and 9 00:01:03.799 --> 00:01:07.319 had to check in and make sure you know who the boss is. So 10 00:01:07.480 --> 00:01:15.799 Twila has invited us who is who are creating at Matriarch to break down the 11 00:01:15.959 --> 00:01:23.920 fourth wall, which is basically conceptual barrier between a performer and their audience. 12 00:01:23.599 --> 00:01:30.680 So I have never been great at honoring the fourth wall anyway, So now 13 00:01:30.719 --> 00:01:37.319 you're you're really gonna get it, and I'm really breaking all the rules and 14 00:01:37.359 --> 00:01:42.280 I'm gonna timestamp this and i'm i'm i'm i'm time stamping this for a marker 15 00:01:42.359 --> 00:01:52.120 and time it's twenty twenty. The shit hole pile of a year on top 16 00:01:52.400 --> 00:01:57.239 of a pile of shit. Um, we are at home. This is 17 00:01:57.359 --> 00:02:05.359 for me. It is day ninety in quarantine land, and where Twilight and 18 00:02:05.560 --> 00:02:13.000 I usually get to stare into each other's eyes when I record. Today we 19 00:02:13.080 --> 00:02:17.439 are in our respectful homes. I have a headset on with a mic because 20 00:02:17.479 --> 00:02:22.719 her magical touch of high quality production equipment would be a disaster in my hands. 21 00:02:23.759 --> 00:02:29.919 That's on her and and so here we are. I have been tasked, 22 00:02:30.520 --> 00:02:36.599 and I'm quite honored to create season two with the charge to support, 23 00:02:37.840 --> 00:02:46.400 educate, and hopefully provide levity to you, a whole lot of fucking levity. 24 00:02:46.360 --> 00:02:53.599 So motherfucker's thanks for coming back, or welcome and welcome not or welcome 25 00:02:53.599 --> 00:03:01.159 and welcome. This season we will kick off every episode with just that, 26 00:03:02.000 --> 00:03:10.960 a little bit of levity by highlighting what joy I have found this week amidst 27 00:03:12.000 --> 00:03:17.360 all the wound piling that's going on around us. It's important to find joy 28 00:03:19.319 --> 00:03:27.680 and to celebrate joy, and to smile and to feel happiness and to let 29 00:03:27.759 --> 00:03:34.919 your giggle fly out. And there's there's always, fucking always another helping of 30 00:03:35.080 --> 00:03:38.879 joy that can be served. I will also highlight what I can't take off 31 00:03:38.919 --> 00:03:45.240 this week that's going to be continued from season one, which is what I 32 00:03:45.280 --> 00:03:49.680 can't take off. This week is a celebration of plus sized fashion and what 33 00:03:49.919 --> 00:03:57.879 feels good and maybe inspire you to get in your closet with new eyes and 34 00:03:58.560 --> 00:04:03.080 fuck some shit up. Orde I will always have a song of the week. 35 00:04:04.000 --> 00:04:09.639 We have a progressive Spotify playlist that we add the song of the week 36 00:04:09.639 --> 00:04:16.519 two. It's Molly May plus no Species because nothing sets the tone like music 37 00:04:17.120 --> 00:04:25.000 and nothing heals like music. So, without further ado, what has brought 38 00:04:25.040 --> 00:04:30.680 me joy this week? There's no doubt that this time is okay. I've 39 00:04:30.720 --> 00:04:38.560 really grown to hate this word because every week something unprecedented happens, but it 40 00:04:38.600 --> 00:04:45.680 truly is. My therapist has added a new diagnosis to my chart of adjustment 41 00:04:45.759 --> 00:04:54.040 disorder. It's very common and honestly, we've all felt its symptoms in the 42 00:04:54.160 --> 00:05:01.600 time of COVID stress, feelings of maybe your you, hopeless and sadness. 43 00:05:02.480 --> 00:05:13.639 And the diagnosis of adjustment disorder basically is reacting stronger than expected for the type 44 00:05:13.680 --> 00:05:18.160 of event that occurred, and there have been many occurrences in these ninety days. 45 00:05:18.759 --> 00:05:27.040 Apparently adjustment disorder goes away usually, you know like I really got on 46 00:05:27.600 --> 00:05:32.040 on web md after our after our video chat check in. That was the 47 00:05:32.160 --> 00:05:35.680 first and I really get into the rabbit hole of web md, and they 48 00:05:35.680 --> 00:05:44.519 say typically adjustment disorder will be adjusted within like six months. So it goes 49 00:05:44.560 --> 00:05:51.120 away, I guess, and is a diagnosis maybe more to denote a period 50 00:05:51.120 --> 00:05:57.560 of time. So I want you to know that you are not alone. 51 00:05:58.279 --> 00:06:04.160 And I want you to know that if you are listening to me and need 52 00:06:04.680 --> 00:06:11.680 to talk about your body, if you're scared of your body, if you've 53 00:06:11.720 --> 00:06:17.040 been brainwashed by diet culture and you don't know how to shuck it, if 54 00:06:17.079 --> 00:06:25.519 you're coping mechanisms and quarantine have changed, I invite you to reach out to 55 00:06:25.560 --> 00:06:32.639 me privately through Instagram. It's so important that we connect as a community during 56 00:06:32.680 --> 00:06:40.319 this time of loneliness. And I connected with the friend last night who shared 57 00:06:40.439 --> 00:06:46.959 a quote with me after he had created such a soft spot for me to 58 00:06:46.079 --> 00:06:53.160 land and be vulnerable with him and let all my emotions out. He shared 59 00:06:53.160 --> 00:06:57.160 this with me from his study of the Buddha. It's just a quick quote. 60 00:06:57.160 --> 00:07:01.480 I'll read it quick. If one takes a small bowl of water and 61 00:07:01.600 --> 00:07:06.079 adds a spoon of salt, to it, the water will become salty, 62 00:07:06.120 --> 00:07:10.639 and no one will be able to drink from it. But if one takes 63 00:07:10.639 --> 00:07:15.680 a spoon of salt and pours it into a clean running river, the waters 64 00:07:15.680 --> 00:07:21.560 of the river will be so vast that the salt will dissolve, and all 65 00:07:21.839 --> 00:07:27.519 will still be able to drink from it and be refreshed. Let your heart 66 00:07:27.560 --> 00:07:31.959 be vast with love flowing from it like a river, so that if someone 67 00:07:32.040 --> 00:07:39.160 injures you, your love will be so great that the injury will simply dissolve, 68 00:07:39.800 --> 00:07:44.360 and all may still be refreshed by the cool waters of your love. 69 00:07:45.600 --> 00:07:48.920 Guys, he sent this to me while I was on a call at work 70 00:07:50.399 --> 00:08:00.959 and I had to mute. I turned into a weepy little babe, and 71 00:08:01.120 --> 00:08:09.360 it was it was I think, the timing of it, and the hope 72 00:08:09.399 --> 00:08:13.399 of it, and the there is a ring of joy to this right, 73 00:08:13.480 --> 00:08:20.000 and a and a reminder to be joy, and a reminder to to awaken 74 00:08:20.120 --> 00:08:28.519 our hearts, and that that our loneliness and our sadness in this time does 75 00:08:28.560 --> 00:08:35.440 not have the authority to strip us of creating our pockets of joy. And 76 00:08:35.519 --> 00:08:41.600 that's my little nugget of joy. I'm a little weepy again. That's that's 77 00:08:41.639 --> 00:08:46.000 like one of those quotes that I need to do something. Put it on 78 00:08:46.080 --> 00:08:52.559 a people, put it on a canvas. I would never But what I 79 00:08:52.600 --> 00:08:58.120 can't take off this week? Um, Honestly, thank fucking God for blue 80 00:08:58.159 --> 00:09:03.399 light glasses. UM. I am now on a computer screen more than ever 81 00:09:03.480 --> 00:09:09.320 before. UM, and my buddy Tie sent me this link for a pair 82 00:09:09.519 --> 00:09:15.399 of tortoise shell cat eyes. They're technically they're cat eyes, but like they're 83 00:09:15.440 --> 00:09:20.080 oversized, not like a sixties cat I but like they're they're a super thick, 84 00:09:20.200 --> 00:09:26.840 bold frame and they're like that, they're the high contrast tortoise you know 85 00:09:26.840 --> 00:09:31.679 what I'm talking about. It's almost like a like a cream instead of a 86 00:09:31.879 --> 00:09:35.279 brown on brown, it's like a cream on brown, brown on cream. 87 00:09:37.000 --> 00:09:41.840 And they just they make me feel like I'm wearing an outfit when I'm on 88 00:09:41.879 --> 00:09:48.919 my computer all day and then facetiming all night and aren't giving me headaches or 89 00:09:48.360 --> 00:09:56.440 eyestrain. I love them and I look cool because Tie is cool. Um, 90 00:09:56.679 --> 00:10:01.480 and that's what I can't take off this week. Your song is Fiona 91 00:10:01.559 --> 00:10:11.519 Apples for her from her quarantine released album Fetch the Boat. Kudas Sorry I'm 92 00:10:11.519 --> 00:10:18.759 not sorry. She released this album in the middle of beginning of corn tweener 93 00:10:18.879 --> 00:10:26.200 time and provided us with that mature gravel that we all needed to pull through. 94 00:10:26.639 --> 00:10:28.240 When I say we all needed I fucking needed it. I needed it. 95 00:10:30.200 --> 00:10:35.200 And also she recorded it all in her home, so like a legit 96 00:10:35.120 --> 00:10:41.639 jam of actual quarantine time, she's in it with all of us. So 97 00:10:41.720 --> 00:10:50.120 now, um a little bit of a reflection and a catch up and promise. 98 00:10:52.120 --> 00:10:56.440 I learned a lot about myself in the process of creating this pod with 99 00:10:56.720 --> 00:11:05.240 Matriarch, and I learned a lot about you. I learned about this inherited 100 00:11:05.240 --> 00:11:13.159 responsibility that I now have that I did not have before because I was just 101 00:11:13.320 --> 00:11:20.519 existing and even as we were recording season one, it was just me talking 102 00:11:20.559 --> 00:11:28.720 into a microphone and it wasn't it wasn't real yet. And then the episodes 103 00:11:28.960 --> 00:11:37.960 started releasing, and I started hearing myself, like actually hearing myself, and 104 00:11:37.080 --> 00:11:46.519 I cried a lot because I was remembering so much shit and so much stuff 105 00:11:46.559 --> 00:11:54.399 that I didn't necessarily catch when we were recording. And now in this space 106 00:11:56.480 --> 00:12:03.320 with you and me, I'm not alone, and fucking I I don't know 107 00:12:03.399 --> 00:12:13.919 what's scarier because there is this inherited responsibility that I feel compelled to and in 108 00:12:13.039 --> 00:12:22.080 the raw honesty of this weird fucking adventure of mental illness and my body and 109 00:12:22.320 --> 00:12:28.960 the relationship with my body in this standardized, beauty obsessed world, this is 110 00:12:30.039 --> 00:12:39.919 now so glaringly full of inequalities and injustices. Have a responsibility as a body 111 00:12:39.960 --> 00:12:48.399 positive advocate to stand up when I see these injustices, and to use my 112 00:12:48.600 --> 00:12:56.240 voice when I see racism, when I hear racism, when I witness microaggressions. 113 00:12:56.039 --> 00:13:03.440 If I am not an advocate of the pressed black indigenous bodies of color, 114 00:13:03.679 --> 00:13:09.039 then I am not a body positive advocate. Then I am not properly 115 00:13:09.120 --> 00:13:16.799 serving this platform. My eyes have been opened to my glaring white privilege, 116 00:13:16.600 --> 00:13:22.320 and I have so much work to do. White women, we have so 117 00:13:22.399 --> 00:13:26.360 much work to do, and we need to sit with that, We need 118 00:13:26.399 --> 00:13:35.840 to digest that we have to and fucking genuinely spend some time looking in and 119 00:13:35.720 --> 00:13:45.960 learning more unlearning and defining our bias and our missteps and the fucked up wiring 120 00:13:46.039 --> 00:13:52.200 that was inherently ingrained in us because we exist in a corrupt and unjust fucking 121 00:13:52.240 --> 00:14:00.759 world. This is lifelong work and I am committed to this work. And 122 00:14:00.879 --> 00:14:05.240 if you are a white woman listening to this, you better fucking be committed 123 00:14:05.279 --> 00:14:13.120 to this work too. This inherited responsibility that I have with this platform was 124 00:14:13.200 --> 00:14:20.600 first shown to me by my aunt holding my hands, thanking me for explaining 125 00:14:20.600 --> 00:14:28.320 what anxiety feels like while tears fill her eyes. To the woman at the 126 00:14:28.360 --> 00:14:31.360 bar who came up to me and said, please tell me where to shop. 127 00:14:31.399 --> 00:14:35.720 I listened to you, and I am excited that I don't have to 128 00:14:35.759 --> 00:14:39.240 shop at Walmart for my clothes. To the girl I met in the beer 129 00:14:39.279 --> 00:14:45.440 garden who sent me a photo of herself in a swimsuit, and the women 130 00:14:45.600 --> 00:14:52.919 who have become my friends and confidence and sharing in our body positive journey. 131 00:14:52.519 --> 00:15:00.919 For you guys thinking about taking twenty minutes to listen to me is it is 132 00:15:01.120 --> 00:15:07.759 very profound, and that's not lost on me. It's it's more motivating than 133 00:15:07.799 --> 00:15:16.480 ever. I'm more motivated than ever to be vocal and to stand up for 134 00:15:16.600 --> 00:15:20.360 my body, and to stand up for your body, and to stand up 135 00:15:20.360 --> 00:15:28.360 for any body so that so that what I'm doing right now doesn't need to 136 00:15:28.399 --> 00:15:33.879 be seen as controversial or on the fringe or something that we just don't talk 137 00:15:33.919 --> 00:15:37.720 about so that I don't have to tell you what I can't take off this 138 00:15:37.759 --> 00:15:46.120 week because you are slathered in your own plus size favorites or like fucking fucking 139 00:15:46.240 --> 00:15:50.240 not even plus size. That is another thing that I've learned that body confidence 140 00:15:50.120 --> 00:15:58.240 is not exclusive to fat people. I've had some powerful fucking conversations, and 141 00:15:58.360 --> 00:16:03.639 body confidence is for all of us, women, fat, skinny, any 142 00:16:03.679 --> 00:16:07.720 fucking ability, any race, any gender. It's for all of us. 143 00:16:07.639 --> 00:16:17.879 But what I'm doing here is more of a fat liberation and an invitation to 144 00:16:18.279 --> 00:16:25.240 live your life and your body without needing to change it through sharing how I'm 145 00:16:25.279 --> 00:16:30.879 doing that and how I'm giving my body permission to exist in this world in 146 00:16:32.200 --> 00:16:37.919 my fat body. So I want to start off this season with a big 147 00:16:37.960 --> 00:16:45.919 fucking moment of gratitude. Thank you, Thank you, thank you for talking 148 00:16:45.960 --> 00:16:52.120 to me, and thank you for your interpretations and your tears and your notes 149 00:16:52.320 --> 00:16:59.720 and your critiques, your questions, your suggestions. I am committed, I 150 00:16:59.759 --> 00:17:06.880 am dedicated. I want to be your soft landing, which is something that 151 00:17:06.920 --> 00:17:12.440 I'm you know, really fucking trying hard to work on being softer, and 152 00:17:12.519 --> 00:17:22.880 I will continue to learn and unlearn so here's the fucking season two chubbish, 153 00:17:22.960 --> 00:17:29.480 let's break down some fucking walls. The fourth wall is broken, the first, 154 00:17:29.559 --> 00:17:33.680 second, third, where are they at twilight? The fifth wall? 155 00:17:36.839 --> 00:17:41.519 Smooth chase, love you, tubbish, and if you've got this far in 156 00:17:41.559 --> 00:17:45.319 the pod, I'm impressed as book and really grateful to have you listening. 157 00:17:45.920 --> 00:17:49.279 If you want to know more information about me or the show, check out 158 00:17:49.319 --> 00:17:53.400 the show page on natriarch dm dot com, where we host all of the 159 00:17:53.480 --> 00:17:57.319 what I Can't take off, our progressive Spotify playlist from the songs of the 160 00:17:57.359 --> 00:18:02.400 week, and obviously the reminder of who to follow for the week, all 161 00:18:02.440 --> 00:18:07.599 in a nice little fucking matriarch digital media bow. Theme song is Molly May 162 00:18:07.680 --> 00:18:11.279 by Ben Karen Like I'll never get overstaying that. It's so good, right, 163 00:18:11.119 --> 00:18:15.240 thanks for listening. You're so cute.