WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.120 --> 00:00:11.119 This is pod Populi Podcast for the People, the Great Love Debate. It's 2 00:00:11.160 --> 00:00:17.600 the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's a Great Love Debate. 3 00:00:18.079 --> 00:00:22.480 Hi again, everyone's Brian Howie. Welcome to the Great Love Debate, 4 00:00:22.519 --> 00:00:27.359 the world's number one dating and relation podcast since twenty fifteen. I am back 5 00:00:27.359 --> 00:00:32.159 here in the very fine studios of pod Populi Podcast for the People. I 6 00:00:32.200 --> 00:00:37.039 am at the one in Scottsdale, Arizona. It remains surface of the sun 7 00:00:37.119 --> 00:00:41.640 hot. Hopefully that will change soon because Scottsdale's lovely. So we've done a 8 00:00:41.640 --> 00:00:46.200 lot of podcasts pretty recently talking about you know, in order to find love, 9 00:00:46.280 --> 00:00:49.759 you have to define it, and you got to start by coming up 10 00:00:49.840 --> 00:00:52.920 sort of a personal definition of what that is. And we kick that around 11 00:00:52.920 --> 00:00:56.320 a lot. But what I've been asking people recently, and I actually put 12 00:00:56.320 --> 00:00:59.679 out a sort of an APB to you guys, I want to know, 13 00:00:59.799 --> 00:01:03.280 in your brain, in your head, in your dreams, whatever, what 14 00:01:03.359 --> 00:01:07.560 does it look like? And so I asked you guys about three weeks ago, 15 00:01:07.560 --> 00:01:11.480 I go submit to us, what does it look like? What is 16 00:01:11.599 --> 00:01:18.400 a perfect relationship in your mind look like? And a bunch of you answered 17 00:01:18.439 --> 00:01:22.319 with relationships that you have had meaning, this is what it looked like, 18 00:01:22.400 --> 00:01:25.400 and whether whatever happened to that relationship, so be it that for a moment 19 00:01:25.439 --> 00:01:27.640 in time, you at least got to taste it, so to speak. 20 00:01:29.640 --> 00:01:32.560 And then a bunch of you sent things like, here's what it looks like 21 00:01:32.599 --> 00:01:36.920 in my fantasy, and if that's achievable or not. So I wanted to 22 00:01:37.000 --> 00:01:41.640 bring in somebody who has been on this podcast twice, three times, three 23 00:01:41.719 --> 00:01:45.879 times, three times. You're familiar with her story. Her story continues. 24 00:01:47.159 --> 00:01:55.560 She's the host of the Switching Teams podcast around She sort of found love in 25 00:01:55.599 --> 00:01:59.000 a way that she did not know what it would look like back in the 26 00:01:59.079 --> 00:02:01.959 day they always lovely. Sarah held, how are you, Brian? I'm 27 00:02:02.040 --> 00:02:06.079 great? How are you good? So quick? Give a quick, one 28 00:02:06.200 --> 00:02:09.479 sentence a recap of what love looked like and what the Great Love Debate has 29 00:02:09.479 --> 00:02:15.240 to do with it. Well, love looked like I was looking for a 30 00:02:15.240 --> 00:02:19.759 gentleman not played golf. Yes, I found a female who does not play 31 00:02:19.800 --> 00:02:23.000 golf, all because of your podcasts, because you made meet Russian Roulette on 32 00:02:23.120 --> 00:02:27.240 Bumble. Yeah, I just go scroll through the guys and start dating somebody. 33 00:02:27.280 --> 00:02:29.199 Then come on the podcast. And talk about it. So she scrolled, 34 00:02:29.199 --> 00:02:31.520 scrolled, scrolled, No guys, and let me see what's over on 35 00:02:31.560 --> 00:02:36.039 this side of the fence, And here we are, same girl. So 36 00:02:36.120 --> 00:02:39.000 what it looked like in your head probably prior to that. So that's why 37 00:02:39.000 --> 00:02:43.159 I always say, you know, Calvin Amptore on what you imagine it looked 38 00:02:43.159 --> 00:02:46.560 like. But some of these that you guys sent us were really I think 39 00:02:46.599 --> 00:02:50.560 they're achievable. Some of them are really sweet. Some of them, as 40 00:02:50.599 --> 00:02:53.719 always, because you guys are the great Love Debate listeners, completely fucked up. 41 00:02:53.240 --> 00:02:55.800 But we got a really nice batch. So I'm going to read some 42 00:02:55.879 --> 00:02:59.159 of the things that you guys sent in and me and Sarah are going to 43 00:02:59.199 --> 00:03:02.639 sort of give our take on what does it look like to you guys and 44 00:03:02.759 --> 00:03:07.759 think if this is something achievable or not? Does that make sense? I 45 00:03:07.879 --> 00:03:12.080 love this? Okay, I'm stoked. So the first one is from Jeremy 46 00:03:12.479 --> 00:03:15.960 and he sent it in VR facebook page. What's it look like? I 47 00:03:16.000 --> 00:03:21.759 said to her, do you want to go to the Ak Mountains with abbreviation 48 00:03:21.840 --> 00:03:25.039 AK Mountains with me? And she said sure? She thought I met Arkansas 49 00:03:25.599 --> 00:03:30.719 the Ozarks not that far because we're in Missouri, but I met Alaska. 50 00:03:30.800 --> 00:03:32.560 When I pointed it out, she laughed, and I booked the tickets and 51 00:03:32.560 --> 00:03:36.759 we went best trip ever. She rolled with it, We laughed, We 52 00:03:36.840 --> 00:03:39.719 had an adventure. That's what it looks like to me. Anything goes up 53 00:03:39.759 --> 00:03:43.759 for everything, no rules. We didn't stay together past that. She had 54 00:03:43.800 --> 00:03:46.800 a job to transfer her to Charlotte. But to me, that's what it 55 00:03:46.840 --> 00:03:52.240 looks like, that trip. I love that it's him. It means that 56 00:03:52.280 --> 00:03:53.960 he can find that again, like a moment where he's just like, take 57 00:03:54.039 --> 00:03:58.560 my hand, let's go, and the I like the misinterpretation ak is not 58 00:03:58.719 --> 00:04:01.719 Arkansas. Is is Alaska? But she was willing to go to Arkansas was 59 00:04:01.919 --> 00:04:04.719 and then when he changed, he's like, yeah, I'll go And they 60 00:04:04.759 --> 00:04:08.759 just dove in the pool and they went for it. And the fact that 61 00:04:08.800 --> 00:04:12.599 it didn't work out, he still has this sort of thought bubble in his 62 00:04:12.639 --> 00:04:15.519 head of that's I want to chase that again. Can I be the devil's 63 00:04:15.519 --> 00:04:19.199 advocate? Though? Sure? Is he setting himself up for failure at this 64 00:04:19.279 --> 00:04:24.560 point? Because I don't think that's hard to find that, do you? 65 00:04:26.000 --> 00:04:30.000 Yeah? You think it's hard to be like to find, especially as you 66 00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:31.720 get older. Yeah, probably as you get older, it is. But 67 00:04:31.759 --> 00:04:34.079 I think that's what makes it special. I you know, I did a 68 00:04:34.079 --> 00:04:36.920 girl once. I met her like in a bar and she's like, I 69 00:04:36.920 --> 00:04:40.040 gotta go home, I gotta go to bed. I'm driving across the country 70 00:04:40.079 --> 00:04:42.399 tomorrow. And she's like, I'm like, oh, i'd do that with 71 00:04:42.439 --> 00:04:44.560 you. And she's like, really, let's go. And you did. 72 00:04:44.759 --> 00:04:46.000 Yeah. We drove. I made it bad as far as Pittsburgh and I'm 73 00:04:46.040 --> 00:04:47.759 like, actually, I have to work. I had to go back and 74 00:04:47.800 --> 00:04:50.360 flew back. But when she came back, we started dating, like because 75 00:04:50.399 --> 00:04:53.959 the sense of adventure. I'm like, yeah, I don't even know you. 76 00:04:54.000 --> 00:04:56.600 I'm like, let's go. She didn't think us a psycho, and 77 00:04:56.639 --> 00:05:00.879 we talked and we shared an experience and we just went for I think, 78 00:05:00.680 --> 00:05:05.319 you know, it doesn't sound like he's he's really pining over her. He 79 00:05:05.360 --> 00:05:10.600 could have moved to Charlotte and Chaster down, but the experience in his head, 80 00:05:10.639 --> 00:05:12.959 I think he's like, oh, this is what this is supposed to 81 00:05:13.000 --> 00:05:15.879 feel like that something that like he had it maybe for a weekend, but 82 00:05:16.000 --> 00:05:19.759 if I can sustain the sense of like excitement and adventure, I think that's 83 00:05:19.759 --> 00:05:21.959 a good thing to keep in your head. Oh, what if you meet 84 00:05:21.959 --> 00:05:26.079 a girl and she doesn't have that, but you only because she doesn't know 85 00:05:26.120 --> 00:05:28.959 any better and has never experienced it, And then you help her experience it, 86 00:05:28.959 --> 00:05:30.639 and all of a sudden you turn her into that. And then it's 87 00:05:30.360 --> 00:05:36.160 are you speaking from a personal lesbian experience? I mean possibly? Yeah. 88 00:05:36.240 --> 00:05:39.680 I know she couldn't be that, and she was resistant, but the fact 89 00:05:39.720 --> 00:05:42.160 that she was up for it, like she had something in her head like 90 00:05:42.199 --> 00:05:45.439 Okay, I'll go from Missouri over to Arkansas, not that far. And 91 00:05:45.480 --> 00:05:47.639 then he's like, no, it's actually this, and she's like, I'm 92 00:05:47.720 --> 00:05:51.240 still into this. I like that, and that's what it looks like in 93 00:05:51.319 --> 00:05:54.759 his head. I think that's a I think that's good. I think that 94 00:05:54.920 --> 00:05:58.000 the fact that he's carrying around like, for a moment, that's what could 95 00:05:58.000 --> 00:06:00.439 feel like. And again, it could be one hundred different things what it 96 00:06:00.480 --> 00:06:03.160 feels like. But he's not jaded by the experience that it didn't work out. 97 00:06:03.439 --> 00:06:05.519 I love that. I love that part. I like that, dude. 98 00:06:05.519 --> 00:06:09.480 The lack of jading is good. All right, here's the next one. 99 00:06:11.480 --> 00:06:15.279 Brian, Oh, this says, can't give my name, but I'm 100 00:06:15.319 --> 00:06:19.519 near New Haven, Connecticut. Okay, Brian, I've often heard you say 101 00:06:19.519 --> 00:06:25.399 that a big problem with married couples losing the spark is, oh is they 102 00:06:25.439 --> 00:06:28.439 lose the spark and a lot of other things once they go from husband and 103 00:06:28.480 --> 00:06:30.600 wife to mom and dad. That happened to us. So I don't want 104 00:06:30.600 --> 00:06:32.720 to give my name, but I will tell you what it looks like. 105 00:06:33.079 --> 00:06:36.160 The first night we took our daughter home, it was the three of us, 106 00:06:36.199 --> 00:06:40.639 truly bonded, one family, one goal, one agenda. I'm not 107 00:06:40.680 --> 00:06:44.160 sure it had ever been that perfect before that night. And the very next 108 00:06:44.279 --> 00:06:46.879 night we switched to taking shifts, keeping up all night, feeding her, 109 00:06:47.639 --> 00:06:51.439 changing her, and it's been pretty much separate ever since. So for me, 110 00:06:51.759 --> 00:06:56.120 what it looks like is that night, that first night, been chasing 111 00:06:56.120 --> 00:07:02.360 it ever since. I love this topic. What part of it that's sad? 112 00:07:02.360 --> 00:07:06.839 It's sweet, but it's super sad topic too. I can't believe how 113 00:07:06.839 --> 00:07:11.600 many married couples live in separate bedroom, separate lives, separate like they do, 114 00:07:11.639 --> 00:07:13.240 go from husband, wife to mom and dad, and a lot of 115 00:07:13.240 --> 00:07:16.160 you guys listen to this show. I get that, so that they're her 116 00:07:16.319 --> 00:07:21.160 perfect night was the three of them first night home from the hospital like that, 117 00:07:23.079 --> 00:07:25.959 and then it's all downhill after that. No, it's sick of call 118 00:07:26.079 --> 00:07:30.839 you. A marriage will go. So you're in this weird phase right now, 119 00:07:30.920 --> 00:07:32.680 right, but don't forget your love is what created that baby, that 120 00:07:32.800 --> 00:07:36.160 child, So you can never forget that. You're just in this phase like 121 00:07:36.439 --> 00:07:40.600 those butterflies went away, all the fun things went away because now you're taking 122 00:07:40.639 --> 00:07:45.160 care of a human. Yeah, you gotta get through the muck and think 123 00:07:45.160 --> 00:07:46.800 of it. It might be eighteen years, and I know that sounds horrible, 124 00:07:46.879 --> 00:07:53.199 but you committed. Correct, it's really tough after eighteen years from to 125 00:07:53.279 --> 00:07:55.160 circle back and go like, hey, you want to go to a movie. 126 00:07:55.319 --> 00:07:57.519 You just you gotta figure it out. I agree, I agree. 127 00:07:57.639 --> 00:08:01.839 If you know, see, that's where the dialogue comes into play, Like 128 00:08:01.879 --> 00:08:07.240 you guys are in this storm together of raising children and that could be eighteen 129 00:08:07.319 --> 00:08:09.920 years, it could be twenty five years, depending on how many kids you 130 00:08:09.920 --> 00:08:11.839 have, and you got to know it. But you have to recognize at 131 00:08:11.959 --> 00:08:16.160 your core of what created this baby or these babies was the husband and wife. 132 00:08:18.480 --> 00:08:20.600 And that's why it's so important in any relationship to remember like this is 133 00:08:20.600 --> 00:08:24.240 what it was. And so if she had spoken to him about this, 134 00:08:24.319 --> 00:08:28.120 like I love the feeling that night, Like don't you know I appreciate you 135 00:08:28.360 --> 00:08:31.159 you writing to us, but have you said this to him, like that 136 00:08:31.240 --> 00:08:35.799 feeling that night was the most special night I've ever had. And that's that's 137 00:08:35.799 --> 00:08:39.519 what it looked like to us, Like I think, well, he's probably 138 00:08:39.600 --> 00:08:43.279 feeling like he doesn't matter because she's paying us the attention to the kids and 139 00:08:43.360 --> 00:08:46.000 da da da da da, and he's not getting attention. But at the 140 00:08:46.080 --> 00:08:48.039 end of the day, like, even if they didn't have a kid, 141 00:08:48.279 --> 00:08:52.000 if he got divorced today, went and found another girlfriend within three years, 142 00:08:52.000 --> 00:08:54.240 he would go through the same thing with a new girl even if they didn't 143 00:08:54.240 --> 00:08:58.000 have kids. Probably, But the interesting is the fact that we don't have 144 00:08:58.080 --> 00:09:03.440 kids, neither together nor are correct and we both can kind of em Oh, 145 00:09:03.480 --> 00:09:07.480 I get what that must have felt like, Like I can like I 146 00:09:07.519 --> 00:09:11.159 was so well described, and like I can see why that mattered, and 147 00:09:11.240 --> 00:09:15.440 that does seem important, and that does seem special, and I could see 148 00:09:15.480 --> 00:09:20.200 why that would resonate that probably should sustain them for a while that I know 149 00:09:20.240 --> 00:09:22.600 we're capable of feeling this way. That's what it looked like that's what it 150 00:09:22.600 --> 00:09:26.360 can look like. Again, it's tough when you're at soccer practice site and 151 00:09:26.879 --> 00:09:31.559 storm or whatever. But knowing that we had that, try and get back 152 00:09:31.600 --> 00:09:35.440 to that or maybe once a week for an hour sit down and connect somehow. 153 00:09:35.679 --> 00:09:39.440 Yeah, and just think about that. Talk about that, like if 154 00:09:39.480 --> 00:09:43.919 we felt something jaded people like we are right that, Like I'm sure the 155 00:09:43.960 --> 00:09:46.799 husband would see that too. So I liked that. Okay, next one 156 00:09:46.159 --> 00:09:50.480 talk about fucked up. Here's the next one. What's it look like Margot 157 00:09:50.519 --> 00:09:54.240 Robbie. I heard the episode you did about Barbie and I agreed with it, 158 00:09:54.279 --> 00:09:58.440 but you left out a big controversy. There are people who think she's 159 00:09:58.519 --> 00:10:01.799 not that hot. She perfect. Isn't that why she's Barbie? Ever since 160 00:10:01.799 --> 00:10:05.440 Wolf of Wall Street, I have thought, this is what I want. 161 00:10:05.799 --> 00:10:09.279 This is what it looks like to me. Someone who looks like her or 162 00:10:09.399 --> 00:10:15.000 actually her. Can you hook that up? Ken in Orlando? Are you 163 00:10:15.080 --> 00:10:18.399 familiar with this controversy that people I believe the word is mid that the kids 164 00:10:18.440 --> 00:10:22.120 are saying that. People are like, yeah, Margot Robbie's not that hot, 165 00:10:22.159 --> 00:10:26.279 and Ryan Gosling's old and like the criticism of it is physically those two. 166 00:10:26.320 --> 00:10:31.080 Can you imagine. I mean, I did not see Barbie, I 167 00:10:31.120 --> 00:10:35.399 will see familiar with Margot Robbie somewhat agree with that statement that she's not that 168 00:10:35.440 --> 00:10:39.639 hot. I feel like neither one of them are the best people for the 169 00:10:39.759 --> 00:10:41.360 role. Well, I think the people that they've been kicking around for that 170 00:10:41.440 --> 00:10:45.080 role, they had like Amy Schumer was going to play it, and they 171 00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:46.879 had like a bunchy Schumer. Yeah, I think they're gonna be like the 172 00:10:46.919 --> 00:10:50.240 anti like this is what Barbie's really like. But so you think that what 173 00:10:50.360 --> 00:10:54.279 she's too old, too unattractive to what I didn't. I didn't think she 174 00:10:54.440 --> 00:10:58.559 was. She's not perfect enough like Barbie's perfect. So who do you got 175 00:10:58.600 --> 00:11:03.159 in my gosh, I don't know. I mean, nobody's perfect. Well 176 00:11:03.200 --> 00:11:07.799 no, I'm talking just looks Maga Robbie is is attractive. No, we 177 00:11:07.879 --> 00:11:09.799 had some guys in this podcast dude the other day and they were arguing like 178 00:11:09.840 --> 00:11:13.759 she's a poor man's Jamie Presley, remember Jamie Presley from back on the Day, 179 00:11:13.840 --> 00:11:16.440 And they do look a little light. But I'm like, Margot Robbie 180 00:11:16.519 --> 00:11:22.559 is lovely, but there's a whole thing out there trying to take her down, 181 00:11:22.000 --> 00:11:28.159 like like out of character, like she's not perfect enough, and there's 182 00:11:28.240 --> 00:11:30.200 you know, you haven't seen the movie at the moment in the movie where 183 00:11:30.200 --> 00:11:35.320 they they reference Margot Robbie, but she's she's I mean, Scarlett Johansen's hotter 184 00:11:35.399 --> 00:11:37.519 than her, you think, I do? I know? But you're also 185 00:11:37.559 --> 00:11:41.840 now a lesbian. Yeah, so you look at different things. So I 186 00:11:41.840 --> 00:11:48.840 am actually more justified in this statement. I'm trying to think of who else, 187 00:11:48.960 --> 00:11:52.159 Like, what's wonder woman's name? She she's not a blonde, but 188 00:11:52.200 --> 00:11:58.960 she's very attractive, right, yeah, Gail good? What about h That's 189 00:11:58.960 --> 00:12:01.759 so funny. He's like, can you look that up? My mother used 190 00:12:01.759 --> 00:12:05.399 to call me back when she used to watch Regius back in the day, 191 00:12:05.519 --> 00:12:09.200 probably, and she'd be like, Charlie's somebody who is on there. You're 192 00:12:09.240 --> 00:12:13.440 in Hollywood, why don't you date her? Charlie's is hot. She should 193 00:12:13.440 --> 00:12:16.919 have dated her, did you? I was no, I did not, 194 00:12:16.279 --> 00:12:18.519 Probably was nailed. But she would just think like, oh, you must 195 00:12:18.559 --> 00:12:22.399 know somebody who knows her. Why don't you date her? I don't know 196 00:12:22.440 --> 00:12:24.600 who that is, but she would have fit the bill too. I believe 197 00:12:24.639 --> 00:12:28.919 that is literally Margot Robbie. That's hilarious. I think you're right. Well, 198 00:12:28.960 --> 00:12:33.120 she looks a lot better there. I don't think they made her styling. 199 00:12:33.399 --> 00:12:37.120 They had to make her look somewhat plastic. Eh yeah, that's funny. 200 00:12:37.120 --> 00:12:39.039 You picked up something in there net like what about her? That's that's 201 00:12:39.039 --> 00:12:41.440 her, that's her. Yeah, okay, but I need Jeremy. She 202 00:12:41.480 --> 00:12:43.320 also had to play Tanya Harding, you know, who's not that cute, 203 00:12:43.320 --> 00:12:46.639 and so she's you know, she's an actress. But I'm like, what 204 00:12:46.639 --> 00:12:50.360 are you gonna do that? This is sort of a girl on girl crime 205 00:12:50.399 --> 00:12:56.519 thing, Like Ken clearly thinks she's hot. Mostly women are attacking Margot Robbie, 206 00:12:56.799 --> 00:12:58.799 Poor Margot Robbie. You know, I don't think she's available. I 207 00:12:58.840 --> 00:13:03.440 think she's married and has a kid and probably having the moment that the one. 208 00:13:03.480 --> 00:13:05.480 She's making a lot of money right now and she's she'll be just fine. 209 00:13:05.559 --> 00:13:09.000 I don't think so, Ken, But I didn't bring it up at 210 00:13:09.000 --> 00:13:11.679 the time because at the time I didn't know it was a thing. And 211 00:13:11.759 --> 00:13:15.000 since I did that episode and since I've seen I've seen the movie. Yeah, 212 00:13:15.039 --> 00:13:20.120 people really are like personally picking apart, Like she has a pig nose 213 00:13:20.279 --> 00:13:22.919 and she's like people fucking worst. You all suck. You'd be lucky to 214 00:13:24.039 --> 00:13:26.240 look like Margot Robbie. You'd be looking at a date Margot Robbie Kennon Orlando. 215 00:13:26.320 --> 00:13:31.399 So I appreciate it. This is what it looks like? Is the 216 00:13:31.399 --> 00:13:33.360 theme here. I'm here with Sarah held, host of switching teams. I 217 00:13:33.360 --> 00:13:37.639 gotta take a quick break so we can send money to Ken so he can 218 00:13:37.679 --> 00:13:46.399 ask out Margot Robbie and we will be back right after this. And we 219 00:13:46.440 --> 00:13:48.639 are back and we're talking about what does it look like? What does the 220 00:13:48.720 --> 00:13:54.200 dream scenario look like? All right, next one? What would it? 221 00:13:54.440 --> 00:13:56.919 What would it look like? Is what she said. This is from Kimber 222 00:13:56.039 --> 00:14:00.320 via our Facebook page. What would it look like? Brian? And I 223 00:14:00.360 --> 00:14:03.360 think you said it first and probably said it best of course, good listener. 224 00:14:03.679 --> 00:14:07.639 Oh come on, Brian, I think you said it first and probably 225 00:14:07.679 --> 00:14:11.039 said it best. Stand in front of her when she needs you to protect, 226 00:14:11.399 --> 00:14:15.360 stand beside her when she needs you to love, and stand behind her 227 00:14:15.399 --> 00:14:18.120 when she needs you to believe. When I first heard you say that a 228 00:14:18.120 --> 00:14:22.919 few years ago, I never heard it put that way before. It's absolutely 229 00:14:22.960 --> 00:14:26.399 perfect. Give me those three things, and I can't think of anything else, 230 00:14:26.440 --> 00:14:28.919 I would want it to look like. I mean, hope he's cute 231 00:14:28.000 --> 00:14:31.440 too, but basically I want to know that and I want to feel that 232 00:14:31.440 --> 00:14:37.840 that's what it looks like to me. You have such profound, like little 233 00:14:37.480 --> 00:14:41.799 saying little bon maltz. Yeah, I do well. I remember writing. 234 00:14:41.799 --> 00:14:45.159 I wrote that a long time ago, and I stand by it, like 235 00:14:45.240 --> 00:14:46.279 those are the three things? Do you need to repeat them for you? 236 00:14:46.480 --> 00:14:50.080 I actually would like you to stand in front of her when she needs you 237 00:14:50.120 --> 00:14:54.080 to protect, stand beside her when she needs you to love, and stand 238 00:14:54.120 --> 00:14:58.399 behind her when she needs you to believe. I love it, and so 239 00:14:58.559 --> 00:15:01.840 for Kim and I appreciate you remembering and appreciating that I said that. She's 240 00:15:01.919 --> 00:15:09.080 like, this is a feeling where he's got me from all angles and to 241 00:15:09.279 --> 00:15:13.600 her and I don't think if she doesn't necessarily she's had that, but she's 242 00:15:13.639 --> 00:15:16.360 like, that makes sense to me and cute. Of course you should throw 243 00:15:16.399 --> 00:15:18.799 that in, Kimber, don't give up because I think that's a great thing. 244 00:15:20.000 --> 00:15:22.039 Yeah, I think you should look for that. And this is mostly 245 00:15:22.080 --> 00:15:24.159 for the guys. When I say this, this was this wasn't even like 246 00:15:24.240 --> 00:15:28.080 about the girls, like we'll find this is about the guys like you take 247 00:15:28.159 --> 00:15:33.720 care of those three elements in your relationship or with your woman. And not 248 00:15:33.720 --> 00:15:37.080 only does it buy you a lot of wiggle room if you leave your socks 249 00:15:37.080 --> 00:15:41.679 on the floor, but it really does say I am with you, I 250 00:15:41.759 --> 00:15:46.159 support you, we are together in this journey, and I could see how 251 00:15:46.200 --> 00:15:48.720 that's what it looks like. I love it, And Kimber, if you 252 00:15:48.759 --> 00:15:52.200 don't find it on that side, try switching teams, because you might find 253 00:15:52.240 --> 00:15:56.320 it on the other side. That's true, open up your options. That's 254 00:15:56.600 --> 00:15:58.120 say you know, as we've said, and we probably said it when you 255 00:15:58.120 --> 00:16:03.519 were on the podcast, the answers almost always lie outside of your comfort zone. 256 00:16:03.919 --> 00:16:06.039 And so if you get out of your comfort zone and you look at 257 00:16:06.039 --> 00:16:08.440 things from a different perspective and find those you got a much better shot. 258 00:16:08.440 --> 00:16:11.080 A lot of times, what does it look like? People can't see it 259 00:16:11.120 --> 00:16:15.320 because they're so tunnel vision on I want this, this, and this, 260 00:16:15.000 --> 00:16:18.559 and they don't know what it looks like, you know, but I do 261 00:16:18.679 --> 00:16:22.720 like that and I do appreciate that. Okay, next one, here is 262 00:16:22.759 --> 00:16:26.480 what it looks like. She has friends that aren't so annoying, she has 263 00:16:26.559 --> 00:16:30.039 family that isn't around all the time. She wants to spend time with me 264 00:16:30.120 --> 00:16:33.399 and her, just me and her most of the time, not all of 265 00:16:33.440 --> 00:16:36.000 the time. But it needs to be a priority. Yes, I am 266 00:16:36.039 --> 00:16:38.000 signing up for her world, but I want to be a big part of 267 00:16:38.039 --> 00:16:41.559 that world, not a small island in the Pacific. How come every girl 268 00:16:41.600 --> 00:16:45.200 I date comes with a posse the size of Beyonce? What happened to one 269 00:16:45.279 --> 00:16:49.399 on one? That's how you judge your relationship? What does it look like 270 00:16:49.759 --> 00:16:56.279 together? That's from miserable Martin. Oh no, wonder he's a miserable Martin. 271 00:16:56.039 --> 00:17:00.759 I could see that. I mean part of me. There are a 272 00:17:00.799 --> 00:17:03.640 lot of people who when you date them, eighty percent of the time you 273 00:17:03.680 --> 00:17:08.319 were with you know, fifty cousins and six girlfriends, And there isn't a 274 00:17:08.319 --> 00:17:11.200 lot of that. And some people are just like, this is what I 275 00:17:11.240 --> 00:17:12.359 like, and this is my comfort zone. I want everybody around. That 276 00:17:12.400 --> 00:17:15.680 is a tough nut to crack. But can I tell you my girlfriend is 277 00:17:15.720 --> 00:17:19.799 actually more like that, more like miserable Martin. I'm more like miserable Martin. 278 00:17:19.880 --> 00:17:23.240 Yea, and I have a very big posse. Yeah. So it's 279 00:17:23.279 --> 00:17:26.640 been I think a little adjustment and you know, when I've learned, I 280 00:17:26.680 --> 00:17:30.440 sit back and go because I want her at everything right, because that's what 281 00:17:30.480 --> 00:17:33.640 I'm used to. Yeah, but I've sat back and went, it doesn't 282 00:17:33.640 --> 00:17:36.519 matter. She's her, I'm me. We could still be together and be 283 00:17:36.559 --> 00:17:40.599 different people. You can. But see, so years and years ago, 284 00:17:40.640 --> 00:17:45.200 I dated this girl who had these like eight friends from college, and they 285 00:17:45.200 --> 00:17:48.160 were well out of college at this point, and they were they were only 286 00:17:48.200 --> 00:17:52.160 the eight of them. They did every single thing together. Nobody ever cracked 287 00:17:52.160 --> 00:17:55.519 this eight or whatever. So I come in as like the boyfriend. I 288 00:17:55.519 --> 00:17:57.319 don't know the history they have. I don't have the story. There was 289 00:17:57.440 --> 00:18:00.720 no point where she was always like I'm trying to include you. There was 290 00:18:00.759 --> 00:18:06.039 no point where I wasn't an outsider. They just had too much common history. 291 00:18:06.680 --> 00:18:08.680 It was like if somebody cracked the Big Chill remember The Big Chill that 292 00:18:08.720 --> 00:18:12.279 movie. I don't know. If I'm don't act like young, you're not. 293 00:18:15.079 --> 00:18:18.240 And it was just like, no matter how comfortable they tried to make 294 00:18:18.279 --> 00:18:21.839 me feel, it was just too much. It was like the eight of 295 00:18:21.839 --> 00:18:25.920 them had been dating for fifteen years essentially, and I was always the sixteenth 296 00:18:25.920 --> 00:18:29.279 wheel. But you would have been fine. Staying home. No, yeah, 297 00:18:29.359 --> 00:18:32.039 I did a lot, but I'm like, I'm staying home, Like 298 00:18:32.160 --> 00:18:34.799 I'm in this relationship with somebody who has another thing going on with eight people, 299 00:18:36.480 --> 00:18:37.960 and I didn't like I'm like, you know, every Friday night, 300 00:18:38.039 --> 00:18:41.200 she's like, let me see what they're all doing, and I'm like, 301 00:18:41.279 --> 00:18:44.440 why why do we have to do this? Sounds and it was really a 302 00:18:44.519 --> 00:18:47.319 problem because I couldn't balance it out. I wasn't like, oh, let's 303 00:18:47.359 --> 00:18:49.960 come hang out with my friends as revenge or whatever. I just didn't have 304 00:18:51.039 --> 00:18:55.400 that group and so it was a challenge. Or you know, sometimes I've 305 00:18:55.400 --> 00:18:57.559 been in a situation where because I have not as great love listeners, No, 306 00:18:57.599 --> 00:19:03.640 well, I have no relationship with my family really, and so you're 307 00:19:03.920 --> 00:19:07.000 in a relationship with somebody who is very close to their whole family, and 308 00:19:07.079 --> 00:19:10.640 that kind of tips the dynamic too. You know, that's a that's an 309 00:19:10.680 --> 00:19:14.480 awkward situation where you're always going to hers and it's like what about yours. 310 00:19:14.480 --> 00:19:18.720 I'm like, they're not that fun, They're terrible. This is my this 311 00:19:18.759 --> 00:19:21.759 is my scenario. But I do think you have to meet in the middle. 312 00:19:22.039 --> 00:19:25.440 Like I feel like there's a and what is the middle yeah, it 313 00:19:25.440 --> 00:19:29.960 should be like every third yeah, time you're with them or or what is 314 00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:32.799 the I think the majority has to be the two of you know, the 315 00:19:32.839 --> 00:19:37.279 majority. Yeah, yes, and you probably he's probably overestimating, like you 316 00:19:37.319 --> 00:19:41.640 probably do spend a lot of time together. It's it's maybe the the overt 317 00:19:41.680 --> 00:19:45.200 activities, the Friday nights, the parties, the concerts are with your friends. 318 00:19:45.559 --> 00:19:48.039 But if you're most of the time, I can't imagine they're having breakfast 319 00:19:48.079 --> 00:19:52.039 with you guys every day or they're sharing the bed. And by the way, 320 00:19:52.079 --> 00:19:53.720 do you really I don't know, to be with one person every single 321 00:19:53.799 --> 00:19:56.079 day, day in and day out for a hundred years and be like, 322 00:19:56.119 --> 00:20:00.920 oh, hey, I'd love that's what it looks like to me. Yeah, 323 00:20:00.160 --> 00:20:03.960 I'd love that. Wow. That's why I think, because I think 324 00:20:04.319 --> 00:20:10.519 there's so many layers to your relationship and there's so much curiosity and things you 325 00:20:10.519 --> 00:20:11.880 can find out about them. Yet no, that's what it looks like to 326 00:20:11.960 --> 00:20:15.119 me. I'm I'm okay with that. I don't think you ever get tired 327 00:20:15.160 --> 00:20:21.279 of your partner. But maybe maybe my partner would say that about me. 328 00:20:21.720 --> 00:20:25.279 I don't know, but I just think, like you know, I brought 329 00:20:25.319 --> 00:20:30.400 up at the beginning. I've said on this podcast before, before you find 330 00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:33.920 love, I think you have to define it because love can mean a lot 331 00:20:33.960 --> 00:20:37.079 of different things a lot of different people. And to me, my definition 332 00:20:37.200 --> 00:20:40.839 that I that I came up with that works for me is there's nothing I'm 333 00:20:40.880 --> 00:20:45.160 doing that I wouldn't rather be doing with her. Doesn't mean I have to 334 00:20:45.160 --> 00:20:48.920 do with her. It means i'd rather do it with her. That works 335 00:20:48.920 --> 00:20:52.000 from a lot of people are like, no, that works for me. 336 00:20:52.160 --> 00:20:53.039 I like, that's what it looks like to me. Yeah, it means 337 00:20:53.039 --> 00:20:56.079 if I'm doing something, I want to call her and tell her I want 338 00:20:56.079 --> 00:20:57.279 to share that with this person. I don't want to share it with her 339 00:20:57.319 --> 00:21:03.680 and her sorority. And that's respectable. You shouldn't have to. I shouldn't 340 00:21:03.720 --> 00:21:04.799 have to. But a lot of people are like, oh my god. 341 00:21:06.079 --> 00:21:07.920 We get you know, the people get engaged and they're like, oh my 342 00:21:07.920 --> 00:21:11.200 god, I gotta get on the phone with a hundred people when you're like, 343 00:21:11.359 --> 00:21:14.599 can we just spend some another hour together? Give me an hour, 344 00:21:14.839 --> 00:21:17.799 right? Can we just have one more hour together before it's all this? 345 00:21:17.880 --> 00:21:21.200 And you know, I get that they're sharing the excitement about you, maybe, 346 00:21:21.480 --> 00:21:23.400 but they're like, I instantly want to go talk to my girlfriends the 347 00:21:23.440 --> 00:21:29.680 second I say yes, I don't know. Maybe I'm you know, needy 348 00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:32.720 and possessive and hoarding that way. But that's again, this is what it 349 00:21:32.720 --> 00:21:36.440 looks like to you and to all these different people. Miserable Martin is a 350 00:21:36.440 --> 00:21:38.720 little bit more like me, where he's like, I don't I don't need 351 00:21:38.759 --> 00:21:42.079 to date fifty people. I want to date you. I think that's sweet, 352 00:21:42.319 --> 00:21:47.079 that's respectable. I can respect that, all right. Next one, 353 00:21:47.680 --> 00:21:52.720 this is from MJ in Atlanta. What does it look like? When he 354 00:21:52.759 --> 00:21:56.160 tells me he loves me, it means he loves me. When he tells 355 00:21:56.200 --> 00:22:00.279 me I'm beautiful, it means I'm beautiful. When he tells me he understands, 356 00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:03.759 And when he tells me understands, it means that he may not understand, 357 00:22:03.960 --> 00:22:07.160 but he's trying to understand. He tells me he cares about me, 358 00:22:07.279 --> 00:22:11.160 my day, my opinion, my thoughts, my dreams, even my ridiculous 359 00:22:11.160 --> 00:22:14.119 thoughts and dreams. When he asks me what I want to do, or 360 00:22:14.119 --> 00:22:15.839 maybe he just knows what I want to do to me, it means that 361 00:22:15.880 --> 00:22:21.160 he's got me and he gets me that's everything. That's what it looks like. 362 00:22:22.319 --> 00:22:25.519 See, I like that one. I like that one. I like 363 00:22:25.599 --> 00:22:29.440 that one a lot. Yeah, that's not even as much about the person. 364 00:22:29.519 --> 00:22:32.440 It's about the feeling and so what it looks like to her, and 365 00:22:32.480 --> 00:22:36.720 all of these are a feeling that that I love that line. I wish 366 00:22:36.720 --> 00:22:38.480 I wrote that to me. It means that he's got me and he gets 367 00:22:38.519 --> 00:22:44.200 me. That's good. But also if he doesn't, he's willing to. 368 00:22:44.640 --> 00:22:47.319 Yeah, that was another good line. It wasn't perfect. It's like he 369 00:22:47.400 --> 00:22:51.039 doesn't might not understand me, but he's trying right, and he cares about 370 00:22:51.039 --> 00:22:52.559 me, and he wants to do better. That's the thing about guys and 371 00:22:52.720 --> 00:22:56.160 girls. We're just so different. It's not about just do better and we 372 00:22:56.160 --> 00:23:00.640 all should do better. It's that he wants to do better and he wants 373 00:23:00.640 --> 00:23:03.359 to try harder. He wants to improve every single day. That's what it 374 00:23:03.400 --> 00:23:07.039 looks like to m J. I think that's a really good characteristic and I 375 00:23:07.079 --> 00:23:11.960 think that's something enviable and admirable to find in a relationship. Right, I 376 00:23:12.000 --> 00:23:17.640 agree, Yeah, she's looking for that or she has that? Did she 377 00:23:17.720 --> 00:23:19.880 not say? It? Doesn't say she has that or that she's had that, 378 00:23:19.920 --> 00:23:25.480 but it seems very it's a very precise thing, and I think that's 379 00:23:25.519 --> 00:23:29.680 good too. Before you find It's like when I when I find my man, 380 00:23:29.839 --> 00:23:32.599 my partner could be a woman. Sorry, no offense to anybody. 381 00:23:32.640 --> 00:23:36.599 Well, she said, he check could be a she could keep your options 382 00:23:36.599 --> 00:23:41.640 open. That like when I know when I have this scenario, these feelings, 383 00:23:41.680 --> 00:23:44.559 these questions, these things I know I have, this is what it 384 00:23:44.640 --> 00:23:47.240 looked like. That's a good thing too. You know, you never know 385 00:23:47.279 --> 00:23:49.720 what it's going to look like till it hits you in the face. But 386 00:23:49.920 --> 00:23:56.000 knowing this feeling that you're trying to get to that isn't like anything else you've 387 00:23:56.039 --> 00:24:00.359 ever had, I think that's a good start and a good exercise eyes to 388 00:24:00.359 --> 00:24:03.039 sort of do. Right. I agree. I think I wrote in my 389 00:24:03.119 --> 00:24:07.960 notes years ago something about like if somebody says I like who I am when 390 00:24:07.960 --> 00:24:10.839 I'm with you, or something like, I marry that person. And I 391 00:24:10.920 --> 00:24:14.160 remember Tanaje said it very early on in our relationship. I go, she 392 00:24:14.240 --> 00:24:17.920 said, what something about I like, I like who I am when I'm 393 00:24:17.920 --> 00:24:19.759 with you. Yeah, it's something like that, like somebody who makes you 394 00:24:19.799 --> 00:24:25.559 want to be better, not just for them. But for you, these 395 00:24:25.599 --> 00:24:27.960 are the things that we don't spend enough time on talking about relationships. Like 396 00:24:27.960 --> 00:24:30.640 a lot of people are like, oh my god, lust and sparks and 397 00:24:30.680 --> 00:24:36.359 all that. It's really you gotta have somebody who really gets into your core 398 00:24:36.720 --> 00:24:38.960 and really changes your wiring. And people are like, Oh, you shouldn't 399 00:24:38.960 --> 00:24:41.839 have to do that. You should, Yeah, you should do that. 400 00:24:41.839 --> 00:24:45.839 That should just be the result of it. Yeah, the result of this 401 00:24:45.000 --> 00:24:51.960 person, this relationship is that I fundamentally change the way I feel about everything 402 00:24:52.680 --> 00:24:56.160 in a passive way, positive way. Yeah, you should want to do 403 00:24:56.200 --> 00:24:59.480 that. You should be like, oh my god, I never did this 404 00:24:59.519 --> 00:25:02.839 before or thought this way before, and never felt I never went to Alaska 405 00:25:02.880 --> 00:25:04.880 before, like any of these things. If somebody does that for you, 406 00:25:04.960 --> 00:25:07.319 it wasn't wrong. And a lot of people are like, oh, I'm 407 00:25:07.319 --> 00:25:11.240 not going to go in and change them, change them in a way that 408 00:25:11.319 --> 00:25:14.920 they're along for the change. I was that person for years. I'm not 409 00:25:15.000 --> 00:25:17.640 changing. This is who I am. Deal with it, and I'm not 410 00:25:17.720 --> 00:25:19.200 even bad. One who loves me is gonna accept me for who I am. 411 00:25:19.319 --> 00:25:23.599 No, they're not suck, right. I think I've changed more for 412 00:25:23.640 --> 00:25:27.200 the better in the last year than I ever have. The old bullshit Marilyn 413 00:25:27.200 --> 00:25:32.000 Monroe quote and so many memes that are Marly Monroe quotes were words written for 414 00:25:32.039 --> 00:25:37.799 Marilyn Monroe by men. But the one, the one that's like, if 415 00:25:37.839 --> 00:25:41.440 you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. 416 00:25:41.839 --> 00:25:47.480 Your worst is terrible. You shouldn't want to know about get your worst 417 00:25:47.480 --> 00:25:51.400 better, about to make your worst a lot closer to your best, and 418 00:25:51.599 --> 00:25:53.839 that's better. Like that's a lot of excuse making. Like if you can't, 419 00:25:53.880 --> 00:25:56.720 if you don't want me like this or this is the way I am, 420 00:25:56.720 --> 00:26:00.720 and deal with it. Those people tend to be alone because if that's 421 00:26:00.720 --> 00:26:06.039 what it looks like to you is they're handling me at my shittiest. That's 422 00:26:06.079 --> 00:26:08.480 not good. But you're also wanting someone else to change. But you don't 423 00:26:08.519 --> 00:26:11.200 want to change, right, you say exactly, I think set me who 424 00:26:11.279 --> 00:26:15.200 I am. So many people come either do podcasts or come on this podcast 425 00:26:15.240 --> 00:26:18.759 and like it takes two complete people to come together. I'm like, nobody's 426 00:26:18.799 --> 00:26:22.200 ever complete. It's a journey. You should never You should both be about 427 00:26:22.599 --> 00:26:26.240 seventy eight percent, and then the fact that you're together can bring you along 428 00:26:26.319 --> 00:26:33.599 that last. Yes, like the relationship should help close the gap. But 429 00:26:33.640 --> 00:26:34.839 if you're like I'm done, I've done all the work, I'm good to 430 00:26:34.880 --> 00:26:38.119 go here, who's gonna date me? Nobody's gonna date you, right because 431 00:26:38.160 --> 00:26:44.039 you're not cooked? Right? Yeah, No, I people need to get 432 00:26:44.119 --> 00:26:48.759 rid of that notion they do. It's such a thing like when I'm completely 433 00:26:48.799 --> 00:26:51.359 healthy and right, none of it. We're all still we're always going to 434 00:26:51.400 --> 00:26:55.039 be a little fucked up, and we're always learning, and we're always trying, 435 00:26:55.240 --> 00:26:57.200 and we should always be changing, we should be evolving. We bring 436 00:26:57.240 --> 00:27:02.200 this up sometimes on the you know, religion comes up on this show that 437 00:27:02.279 --> 00:27:03.680 a lot of times, like you need somebody equal religion, or you need 438 00:27:03.720 --> 00:27:07.079 somebody who's the Christians say equally yoked, blah blah blah. Your journey is 439 00:27:07.119 --> 00:27:11.759 your journey and theirs is theirs. And hopefully you're both moving forward, maybe 440 00:27:11.799 --> 00:27:14.799 not at the same pace, maybe not the same things, but if you're 441 00:27:14.799 --> 00:27:18.599 both positively moving somewhere, who cares if it's the same. No, I'm 442 00:27:18.640 --> 00:27:22.559 my girlfriend and I are not politically aligned. It's politically aligned. Oh wow, 443 00:27:23.039 --> 00:27:27.240 but it's okay? Does it come up? No, she's not super 444 00:27:27.279 --> 00:27:33.319 political, So I'm more political than she is, right, and if it 445 00:27:33.519 --> 00:27:36.000 stings are the wrong way, it's just like I don't really feel like talking 446 00:27:36.039 --> 00:27:38.599 about this. Yeah, And I think you can different opinion, you can 447 00:27:38.640 --> 00:27:42.079 different politically, I mean very It's really hard to find people who agree. 448 00:27:42.119 --> 00:27:45.559 You know, just take one hundred one hundred top political subjects and find everybody 449 00:27:45.559 --> 00:27:49.119 who's just one hundred for one hundred. There's always some loopholes and it's like 450 00:27:49.440 --> 00:27:52.680 maybe not. You know, there's certain things that I'm like, you know, 451 00:27:53.319 --> 00:27:59.440 somebody doesn't like taxes, might hate guns and vice versa. And there's 452 00:27:59.440 --> 00:28:02.599 a whole lot of things on the spectrum. And so if you're trying in 453 00:28:02.599 --> 00:28:04.480 your mind like what does it look like? I need somebody who's exactly the 454 00:28:04.519 --> 00:28:08.440 same as me. That's a little self centered. Yeah, yeah, so 455 00:28:08.519 --> 00:28:11.319 what does it look like? What does it look like? And as the 456 00:28:11.359 --> 00:28:14.920 last one of these and I really like this exercise, you guys send a 457 00:28:14.960 --> 00:28:18.839 lot of good ones. What did it look like before? What does it 458 00:28:18.960 --> 00:28:21.720 look like now? And is there anything like you're like, I hope we 459 00:28:21.759 --> 00:28:25.440 can do this. I'm not trying to happily ever after you Yet it might 460 00:28:25.440 --> 00:28:27.799 be premature but what is it? Here's what I thought it looked like, 461 00:28:27.839 --> 00:28:30.839 and here was what I thought it is not in even terms of the physicality 462 00:28:30.960 --> 00:28:34.400 or the sexuality of it, Like what are you? How are you different? 463 00:28:34.480 --> 00:28:38.000 Or how is the relationship different from what you thought could be? Are 464 00:28:38.000 --> 00:28:42.480 you asking me or the I'm asking you? Oh, it's completely everything is 465 00:28:42.480 --> 00:28:47.359 different from what I thought it would be. I thought it would look like 466 00:28:47.400 --> 00:28:49.960 all my other past relationships for whatever reason, because they've all failed, and 467 00:28:51.039 --> 00:28:53.000 I don't know why I would want that. It was just funny because that's 468 00:28:53.039 --> 00:28:56.319 I think, naturally what we do. Yeah. No, but this person 469 00:28:56.400 --> 00:28:59.960 was so perfect and I felt so good there, but it didn't work, 470 00:29:00.200 --> 00:29:03.480 so something wasn't right right. This relationship has been completely different from the start 471 00:29:03.960 --> 00:29:07.960 and challenged me in many ways to be out like think outside, like no 472 00:29:08.079 --> 00:29:11.279 I need you here, I don't want to be there. Oh okay, 473 00:29:11.519 --> 00:29:14.480 maybe you don't have to be there. And then I end up having fun 474 00:29:14.519 --> 00:29:15.640 with my friends and it's fine, and I see her when I get home 475 00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:22.319 and do you ever recognize I'm not going to say like this is terribly offensive 476 00:29:22.319 --> 00:29:26.359 to my lesbian listeners, like who's the girl in the relationship terrible probably not 477 00:29:26.400 --> 00:29:30.480 the right terminology, But do you see the behavior in a woman that you're 478 00:29:30.480 --> 00:29:33.720 like, oh my god, sometimes I acted like that when I was with 479 00:29:33.759 --> 00:29:37.759 a man. Is there a little bit of a mirror that has helped you 480 00:29:37.880 --> 00:29:42.359 been like, I probably behave that way sometimes, of course, Like I'm 481 00:29:42.359 --> 00:29:48.240 an emotional human being. I can be very emotional actually, and I've had 482 00:29:48.240 --> 00:29:52.200 to put that in check a few times. You have oh yeah, she'll 483 00:29:52.240 --> 00:29:56.319 be like, oh boy, oh boy, are you in your period? 484 00:29:56.519 --> 00:30:03.319 Is usually the first question they Do you look back on your past relationships with 485 00:30:03.440 --> 00:30:08.119 the fellas and been like, if I had known this, then I probably 486 00:30:08.119 --> 00:30:11.920 could have done this. Or is it just like, you know what everything 487 00:30:11.039 --> 00:30:15.440 that I was not ready emotionally or capable to do any anything? Differently? 488 00:30:15.640 --> 00:30:18.680 Yeah, I think at everything, you're at different stages in your life, 489 00:30:18.680 --> 00:30:23.880 and I was not ready for that for whatever reason. And I also think 490 00:30:23.920 --> 00:30:29.000 that dating girls, she's actually more understanding with certain things like that versus a 491 00:30:29.039 --> 00:30:33.880 guy who's like, you're being emotionally unrational right now. She can understand that, 492 00:30:33.039 --> 00:30:37.240 right because she's a girl and at moments she can be emotionally unrational. 493 00:30:37.359 --> 00:30:41.720 See the value in that, Ladies, you know, neither get a girl 494 00:30:41.839 --> 00:30:45.759 partner or hairdresser who can help you through tough times, or a big or 495 00:30:45.799 --> 00:30:51.720 big gay group of friends, right, you know, right exactly gay bff 496 00:30:51.759 --> 00:30:55.079 and he'll help you through that too, okay, But or create an environment 497 00:30:55.119 --> 00:30:59.000 where your man can be that person, right And the reason why most of 498 00:30:59.039 --> 00:31:00.559 the time he's not. And it's not that he doesn't want to, and 499 00:31:00.599 --> 00:31:04.799 it's not that he's not capable, He just doesn't know. He doesn't understand. 500 00:31:06.200 --> 00:31:10.559 He doesn't have any idea of what you're thinking or going through or why 501 00:31:10.640 --> 00:31:12.920 you're crying randomly in the car. I think that's what's so important for girls 502 00:31:12.920 --> 00:31:17.319 to understand. I think we think he should know automatically what we're feeling and 503 00:31:17.359 --> 00:31:19.039 why we want. Doesn't he know? I want him to bring me flowers 504 00:31:19.039 --> 00:31:23.240 on my birthday? Tell him right, like, that's one easy way to 505 00:31:23.240 --> 00:31:26.160 not be let down, right he And a lot of times he only knows 506 00:31:26.200 --> 00:31:30.480 what you don't like, because you're very very clear and very very proud about 507 00:31:30.480 --> 00:31:32.880 saying that. He has no idea what you do like. And a lot 508 00:31:32.920 --> 00:31:34.880 of times you have no idea what you do like because you've spent so much 509 00:31:34.920 --> 00:31:37.359 time Folks saying you don't, which is why this exercise was good. It 510 00:31:37.359 --> 00:31:41.640 made people think about, like, what is the thing that I want other 511 00:31:41.640 --> 00:31:44.519 than the guy who didn't want the family? Like what are the things and 512 00:31:44.599 --> 00:31:48.039 going back to that couple with the baby like that moment, like this right 513 00:31:48.079 --> 00:31:52.160 here, how do we get back to that, be a family, be 514 00:31:52.359 --> 00:31:55.440 husband, wife, b mom and dad and sort of wrap that all into 515 00:31:55.440 --> 00:31:57.720 our day to day lives, Like I think that has value. That one 516 00:31:57.759 --> 00:32:02.480 makes me sad. It makes me sad. But they experienced it. I 517 00:32:02.519 --> 00:32:06.119 like that she wrote it in She's like this was it. And I think 518 00:32:06.119 --> 00:32:07.480 if you sat down and like, remember the way I felt, we felt 519 00:32:07.480 --> 00:32:10.680 that night. Oh it was a girl. I think the girl wrote that. 520 00:32:10.839 --> 00:32:15.920 Oh, I would have read it as a guy. Uh either way. 521 00:32:15.079 --> 00:32:19.160 I really truly a lot of these could have read it, could have 522 00:32:19.160 --> 00:32:22.759 read either way, right, But I believe that it, like relationship is 523 00:32:22.799 --> 00:32:27.000 kind of like this mountain like range, Like it's so good in the beginning, 524 00:32:27.079 --> 00:32:29.640 then it's going to drop down and that's just what it is. And 525 00:32:29.680 --> 00:32:31.920 that's about the time everyone quits. Right now, they won't work everyone. 526 00:32:32.200 --> 00:32:36.880 Oh, it doesn't feel like the magic of the first ninety days Yeah, 527 00:32:36.880 --> 00:32:38.400 you gotta get through a lull and you got to fight through that together, 528 00:32:38.519 --> 00:32:44.240 and a lot of that is communication and being confident in your communication that the 529 00:32:44.359 --> 00:32:47.799 partner and been like, hey, I really liked this, I really like 530 00:32:47.920 --> 00:32:52.119 this feeling. We don't have to just necessarily have another baby and go back 531 00:32:52.119 --> 00:32:54.720 to night one home. But let's talk about why we felt that way, 532 00:32:54.880 --> 00:32:58.519 right. I think you can get back there. I think so too, 533 00:32:58.559 --> 00:33:01.440 and I think you you'd be paid because on the other side, I think 534 00:33:01.559 --> 00:33:05.680 is the most glorious place to be, at least in my head. I 535 00:33:05.680 --> 00:33:08.079 think you're right. All right, tell everybody how they can either improve their 536 00:33:08.079 --> 00:33:12.079 golf game or find your podcast. Okay, so you can find it on 537 00:33:12.119 --> 00:33:15.720 any of the platforms, Spotify, Apple, it's switching teams, and I 538 00:33:15.759 --> 00:33:19.319 don't know when you air this, but we have a really good one coming 539 00:33:19.359 --> 00:33:22.720 up that is non golf related, if you are at all. We keep 540 00:33:22.759 --> 00:33:27.799 our podcasts fresh. This one drops about twelve hours after we record this, 541 00:33:27.880 --> 00:33:30.319 and I want no time. I love that. I'm not one of these 542 00:33:30.359 --> 00:33:34.039 podcasts who like banks them, like I record them six months ago, like 543 00:33:34.119 --> 00:33:37.039 I want to be current. Well I don't either, really, Yeah, 544 00:33:37.039 --> 00:33:38.839 but bang them out this week. We have one on a zempic and I 545 00:33:38.880 --> 00:33:44.000 know it's the big topic. It's taken over Hollywood and basically everyone in our 546 00:33:44.039 --> 00:33:46.880 society. Yeah, it's like big controversies make people crazy, so I don't 547 00:33:46.880 --> 00:33:51.000 think so, but make sure makes some skinny. So if you're interested zempig, 548 00:33:51.039 --> 00:33:53.400 you should listen to this week's episode Switching Team, Switching teams, everybody, 549 00:33:53.799 --> 00:33:57.039 thank you for doing this for the third time, fourth time something. 550 00:33:57.119 --> 00:34:00.119 Thank you Brain as far as us not just witching teams of the Great Love 551 00:34:00.200 --> 00:34:04.920 Debate, like share, follow, Please review this podcast. Your reviews still 552 00:34:05.519 --> 00:34:08.480 nine eight nine years into this mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem. Shoot 553 00:34:08.519 --> 00:34:12.440 us in email Great Love Debate at gmail dot com if you have thoughts, 554 00:34:12.639 --> 00:34:15.199 comments, opinions, or feedback on any of these, or if you want 555 00:34:15.199 --> 00:34:19.199 to sneak another one under the wire. We're probably going to do this again 556 00:34:19.880 --> 00:34:25.639 sometime soon because, as always at the Great Love Debate, we never stopped 557 00:34:25.679 --> 00:34:35.480 making love. See you next time. The Great Love Debate. It's the 558 00:34:35.559 --> 00:34:40.920 Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate.