This is pod Populi Podcast for the People, the Great Love Debate. It's
the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's a Great Love Debate.
Hi again, everyone's Brian Howie. Welcome to the Great Love Debate,
the world's number one dating and relation podcast since twenty fifteen. I am back
here in the very fine studios of pod Populi Podcast for the People. I
am at the one in Scottsdale, Arizona. It remains surface of the sun
hot. Hopefully that will change soon because Scottsdale's lovely. So we've done a
lot of podcasts pretty recently talking about you know, in order to find love,
you have to define it, and you got to start by coming up
sort of a personal definition of what that is. And we kick that around
a lot. But what I've been asking people recently, and I actually put
out a sort of an APB to you guys, I want to know,
in your brain, in your head, in your dreams, whatever, what
does it look like? And so I asked you guys about three weeks ago,
I go submit to us, what does it look like? What is
a perfect relationship in your mind look like? And a bunch of you answered
with relationships that you have had meaning, this is what it looked like,
and whether whatever happened to that relationship, so be it that for a moment
in time, you at least got to taste it, so to speak.
And then a bunch of you sent things like, here's what it looks like
in my fantasy, and if that's achievable or not. So I wanted to
bring in somebody who has been on this podcast twice, three times, three
times, three times. You're familiar with her story. Her story continues.
She's the host of the Switching Teams podcast around She sort of found love in
a way that she did not know what it would look like back in the
day they always lovely. Sarah held, how are you, Brian? I'm
great? How are you good? So quick? Give a quick, one
sentence a recap of what love looked like and what the Great Love Debate has
to do with it. Well, love looked like I was looking for a
gentleman not played golf. Yes, I found a female who does not play
golf, all because of your podcasts, because you made meet Russian Roulette on
Bumble. Yeah, I just go scroll through the guys and start dating somebody.
Then come on the podcast. And talk about it. So she scrolled,
scrolled, scrolled, No guys, and let me see what's over on
this side of the fence, And here we are, same girl. So
what it looked like in your head probably prior to that. So that's why
I always say, you know, Calvin Amptore on what you imagine it looked
like. But some of these that you guys sent us were really I think
they're achievable. Some of them are really sweet. Some of them, as
always, because you guys are the great Love Debate listeners, completely fucked up.
But we got a really nice batch. So I'm going to read some
of the things that you guys sent in and me and Sarah are going to
sort of give our take on what does it look like to you guys and
think if this is something achievable or not? Does that make sense? I
love this? Okay, I'm stoked. So the first one is from Jeremy
and he sent it in VR facebook page. What's it look like? I
said to her, do you want to go to the Ak Mountains with abbreviation
AK Mountains with me? And she said sure? She thought I met Arkansas
the Ozarks not that far because we're in Missouri, but I met Alaska.
When I pointed it out, she laughed, and I booked the tickets and
we went best trip ever. She rolled with it, We laughed, We
had an adventure. That's what it looks like to me. Anything goes up
for everything, no rules. We didn't stay together past that. She had
a job to transfer her to Charlotte. But to me, that's what it
looks like, that trip. I love that it's him. It means that
he can find that again, like a moment where he's just like, take
my hand, let's go, and the I like the misinterpretation ak is not
Arkansas. Is is Alaska? But she was willing to go to Arkansas was
and then when he changed, he's like, yeah, I'll go And they
just dove in the pool and they went for it. And the fact that
it didn't work out, he still has this sort of thought bubble in his
head of that's I want to chase that again. Can I be the devil's
advocate? Though? Sure? Is he setting himself up for failure at this
point? Because I don't think that's hard to find that, do you?
Yeah? You think it's hard to be like to find, especially as you
get older. Yeah, probably as you get older, it is. But
I think that's what makes it special. I you know, I did a
girl once. I met her like in a bar and she's like, I
gotta go home, I gotta go to bed. I'm driving across the country
tomorrow. And she's like, I'm like, oh, i'd do that with
you. And she's like, really, let's go. And you did.
Yeah. We drove. I made it bad as far as Pittsburgh and I'm
like, actually, I have to work. I had to go back and
flew back. But when she came back, we started dating, like because
the sense of adventure. I'm like, yeah, I don't even know you.
I'm like, let's go. She didn't think us a psycho, and
we talked and we shared an experience and we just went for I think,
you know, it doesn't sound like he's he's really pining over her. He
could have moved to Charlotte and Chaster down, but the experience in his head,
I think he's like, oh, this is what this is supposed to
feel like that something that like he had it maybe for a weekend, but
if I can sustain the sense of like excitement and adventure, I think that's
a good thing to keep in your head. Oh, what if you meet
a girl and she doesn't have that, but you only because she doesn't know
any better and has never experienced it, And then you help her experience it,
and all of a sudden you turn her into that. And then it's
are you speaking from a personal lesbian experience? I mean possibly? Yeah.
I know she couldn't be that, and she was resistant, but the fact
that she was up for it, like she had something in her head like
Okay, I'll go from Missouri over to Arkansas, not that far. And
then he's like, no, it's actually this, and she's like, I'm
still into this. I like that, and that's what it looks like in
his head. I think that's a I think that's good. I think that
the fact that he's carrying around like, for a moment, that's what could
feel like. And again, it could be one hundred different things what it
feels like. But he's not jaded by the experience that it didn't work out.
I love that. I love that part. I like that, dude.
The lack of jading is good. All right, here's the next one.
Brian, Oh, this says, can't give my name, but I'm
near New Haven, Connecticut. Okay, Brian, I've often heard you say
that a big problem with married couples losing the spark is, oh is they
lose the spark and a lot of other things once they go from husband and
wife to mom and dad. That happened to us. So I don't want
to give my name, but I will tell you what it looks like.
The first night we took our daughter home, it was the three of us,
truly bonded, one family, one goal, one agenda. I'm not
sure it had ever been that perfect before that night. And the very next
night we switched to taking shifts, keeping up all night, feeding her,
changing her, and it's been pretty much separate ever since. So for me,
what it looks like is that night, that first night, been chasing
it ever since. I love this topic. What part of it that's sad?
It's sweet, but it's super sad topic too. I can't believe how
many married couples live in separate bedroom, separate lives, separate like they do,
go from husband, wife to mom and dad, and a lot of
you guys listen to this show. I get that, so that they're her
perfect night was the three of them first night home from the hospital like that,
and then it's all downhill after that. No, it's sick of call
you. A marriage will go. So you're in this weird phase right now,
right, but don't forget your love is what created that baby, that
child, So you can never forget that. You're just in this phase like
those butterflies went away, all the fun things went away because now you're taking
care of a human. Yeah, you gotta get through the muck and think
of it. It might be eighteen years, and I know that sounds horrible,
but you committed. Correct, it's really tough after eighteen years from to
circle back and go like, hey, you want to go to a movie.
You just you gotta figure it out. I agree, I agree.
If you know, see, that's where the dialogue comes into play, Like
you guys are in this storm together of raising children and that could be eighteen
years, it could be twenty five years, depending on how many kids you
have, and you got to know it. But you have to recognize at
your core of what created this baby or these babies was the husband and wife.
And that's why it's so important in any relationship to remember like this is
what it was. And so if she had spoken to him about this,
like I love the feeling that night, Like don't you know I appreciate you
you writing to us, but have you said this to him, like that
feeling that night was the most special night I've ever had. And that's that's
what it looked like to us, Like I think, well, he's probably
feeling like he doesn't matter because she's paying us the attention to the kids and
da da da da da, and he's not getting attention. But at the
end of the day, like, even if they didn't have a kid,
if he got divorced today, went and found another girlfriend within three years,
he would go through the same thing with a new girl even if they didn't
have kids. Probably, But the interesting is the fact that we don't have
kids, neither together nor are correct and we both can kind of em Oh,
I get what that must have felt like, Like I can like I
was so well described, and like I can see why that mattered, and
that does seem important, and that does seem special, and I could see
why that would resonate that probably should sustain them for a while that I know
we're capable of feeling this way. That's what it looked like that's what it
can look like. Again, it's tough when you're at soccer practice site and
storm or whatever. But knowing that we had that, try and get back
to that or maybe once a week for an hour sit down and connect somehow.
Yeah, and just think about that. Talk about that, like if
we felt something jaded people like we are right that, Like I'm sure the
husband would see that too. So I liked that. Okay, next one
talk about fucked up. Here's the next one. What's it look like Margot
Robbie. I heard the episode you did about Barbie and I agreed with it,
but you left out a big controversy. There are people who think she's
not that hot. She perfect. Isn't that why she's Barbie? Ever since
Wolf of Wall Street, I have thought, this is what I want.
This is what it looks like to me. Someone who looks like her or
actually her. Can you hook that up? Ken in Orlando? Are you
familiar with this controversy that people I believe the word is mid that the kids
are saying that. People are like, yeah, Margot Robbie's not that hot,
and Ryan Gosling's old and like the criticism of it is physically those two.
Can you imagine. I mean, I did not see Barbie, I
will see familiar with Margot Robbie somewhat agree with that statement that she's not that
hot. I feel like neither one of them are the best people for the
role. Well, I think the people that they've been kicking around for that
role, they had like Amy Schumer was going to play it, and they
had like a bunchy Schumer. Yeah, I think they're gonna be like the
anti like this is what Barbie's really like. But so you think that what
she's too old, too unattractive to what I didn't. I didn't think she
was. She's not perfect enough like Barbie's perfect. So who do you got
in my gosh, I don't know. I mean, nobody's perfect. Well
no, I'm talking just looks Maga Robbie is is attractive. No, we
had some guys in this podcast dude the other day and they were arguing like
she's a poor man's Jamie Presley, remember Jamie Presley from back on the Day,
And they do look a little light. But I'm like, Margot Robbie
is lovely, but there's a whole thing out there trying to take her down,
like like out of character, like she's not perfect enough, and there's
you know, you haven't seen the movie at the moment in the movie where
they they reference Margot Robbie, but she's she's I mean, Scarlett Johansen's hotter
than her, you think, I do? I know? But you're also
now a lesbian. Yeah, so you look at different things. So I
am actually more justified in this statement. I'm trying to think of who else,
Like, what's wonder woman's name? She she's not a blonde, but
she's very attractive, right, yeah, Gail good? What about h That's
so funny. He's like, can you look that up? My mother used
to call me back when she used to watch Regius back in the day,
probably, and she'd be like, Charlie's somebody who is on there. You're
in Hollywood, why don't you date her? Charlie's is hot. She should
have dated her, did you? I was no, I did not,
Probably was nailed. But she would just think like, oh, you must
know somebody who knows her. Why don't you date her? I don't know
who that is, but she would have fit the bill too. I believe
that is literally Margot Robbie. That's hilarious. I think you're right. Well,
she looks a lot better there. I don't think they made her styling.
They had to make her look somewhat plastic. Eh yeah, that's funny.
You picked up something in there net like what about her? That's that's
her, that's her. Yeah, okay, but I need Jeremy. She
also had to play Tanya Harding, you know, who's not that cute,
and so she's you know, she's an actress. But I'm like, what
are you gonna do that? This is sort of a girl on girl crime
thing, Like Ken clearly thinks she's hot. Mostly women are attacking Margot Robbie,
Poor Margot Robbie. You know, I don't think she's available. I
think she's married and has a kid and probably having the moment that the one.
She's making a lot of money right now and she's she'll be just fine.
I don't think so, Ken, But I didn't bring it up at
the time because at the time I didn't know it was a thing. And
since I did that episode and since I've seen I've seen the movie. Yeah,
people really are like personally picking apart, Like she has a pig nose
and she's like people fucking worst. You all suck. You'd be lucky to
look like Margot Robbie. You'd be looking at a date Margot Robbie Kennon Orlando.
So I appreciate it. This is what it looks like? Is the
theme here. I'm here with Sarah held, host of switching teams. I
gotta take a quick break so we can send money to Ken so he can
ask out Margot Robbie and we will be back right after this. And we
are back and we're talking about what does it look like? What does the
dream scenario look like? All right, next one? What would it?
What would it look like? Is what she said. This is from Kimber
via our Facebook page. What would it look like? Brian? And I
think you said it first and probably said it best of course, good listener.
Oh come on, Brian, I think you said it first and probably
said it best. Stand in front of her when she needs you to protect,
stand beside her when she needs you to love, and stand behind her
when she needs you to believe. When I first heard you say that a
few years ago, I never heard it put that way before. It's absolutely
perfect. Give me those three things, and I can't think of anything else,
I would want it to look like. I mean, hope he's cute
too, but basically I want to know that and I want to feel that
that's what it looks like to me. You have such profound, like little
saying little bon maltz. Yeah, I do well. I remember writing.
I wrote that a long time ago, and I stand by it, like
those are the three things? Do you need to repeat them for you?
I actually would like you to stand in front of her when she needs you
to protect, stand beside her when she needs you to love, and stand
behind her when she needs you to believe. I love it, and so
for Kim and I appreciate you remembering and appreciating that I said that. She's
like, this is a feeling where he's got me from all angles and to
her and I don't think if she doesn't necessarily she's had that, but she's
like, that makes sense to me and cute. Of course you should throw
that in, Kimber, don't give up because I think that's a great thing.
Yeah, I think you should look for that. And this is mostly
for the guys. When I say this, this was this wasn't even like
about the girls, like we'll find this is about the guys like you take
care of those three elements in your relationship or with your woman. And not
only does it buy you a lot of wiggle room if you leave your socks
on the floor, but it really does say I am with you, I
support you, we are together in this journey, and I could see how
that's what it looks like. I love it, And Kimber, if you
don't find it on that side, try switching teams, because you might find
it on the other side. That's true, open up your options. That's
say you know, as we've said, and we probably said it when you
were on the podcast, the answers almost always lie outside of your comfort zone.
And so if you get out of your comfort zone and you look at
things from a different perspective and find those you got a much better shot.
A lot of times, what does it look like? People can't see it
because they're so tunnel vision on I want this, this, and this,
and they don't know what it looks like, you know, but I do
like that and I do appreciate that. Okay, next one, here is
what it looks like. She has friends that aren't so annoying, she has
family that isn't around all the time. She wants to spend time with me
and her, just me and her most of the time, not all of
the time. But it needs to be a priority. Yes, I am
signing up for her world, but I want to be a big part of
that world, not a small island in the Pacific. How come every girl
I date comes with a posse the size of Beyonce? What happened to one
on one? That's how you judge your relationship? What does it look like
together? That's from miserable Martin. Oh no, wonder he's a miserable Martin.
I could see that. I mean part of me. There are a
lot of people who when you date them, eighty percent of the time you
were with you know, fifty cousins and six girlfriends, And there isn't a
lot of that. And some people are just like, this is what I
like, and this is my comfort zone. I want everybody around. That
is a tough nut to crack. But can I tell you my girlfriend is
actually more like that, more like miserable Martin. I'm more like miserable Martin.
Yea, and I have a very big posse. Yeah. So it's
been I think a little adjustment and you know, when I've learned, I
sit back and go because I want her at everything right, because that's what
I'm used to. Yeah, but I've sat back and went, it doesn't
matter. She's her, I'm me. We could still be together and be
different people. You can. But see, so years and years ago,
I dated this girl who had these like eight friends from college, and they
were well out of college at this point, and they were they were only
the eight of them. They did every single thing together. Nobody ever cracked
this eight or whatever. So I come in as like the boyfriend. I
don't know the history they have. I don't have the story. There was
no point where she was always like I'm trying to include you. There was
no point where I wasn't an outsider. They just had too much common history.
It was like if somebody cracked the Big Chill remember The Big Chill that
movie. I don't know. If I'm don't act like young, you're not.
And it was just like, no matter how comfortable they tried to make
me feel, it was just too much. It was like the eight of
them had been dating for fifteen years essentially, and I was always the sixteenth
wheel. But you would have been fine. Staying home. No, yeah,
I did a lot, but I'm like, I'm staying home, Like
I'm in this relationship with somebody who has another thing going on with eight people,
and I didn't like I'm like, you know, every Friday night,
she's like, let me see what they're all doing, and I'm like,
why why do we have to do this? Sounds and it was really a
problem because I couldn't balance it out. I wasn't like, oh, let's
come hang out with my friends as revenge or whatever. I just didn't have
that group and so it was a challenge. Or you know, sometimes I've
been in a situation where because I have not as great love listeners, No,
well, I have no relationship with my family really, and so you're
in a relationship with somebody who is very close to their whole family, and
that kind of tips the dynamic too. You know, that's a that's an
awkward situation where you're always going to hers and it's like what about yours.
I'm like, they're not that fun, They're terrible. This is my this
is my scenario. But I do think you have to meet in the middle.
Like I feel like there's a and what is the middle yeah, it
should be like every third yeah, time you're with them or or what is
the I think the majority has to be the two of you know, the
majority. Yeah, yes, and you probably he's probably overestimating, like you
probably do spend a lot of time together. It's it's maybe the the overt
activities, the Friday nights, the parties, the concerts are with your friends.
But if you're most of the time, I can't imagine they're having breakfast
with you guys every day or they're sharing the bed. And by the way,
do you really I don't know, to be with one person every single
day, day in and day out for a hundred years and be like,
oh, hey, I'd love that's what it looks like to me. Yeah,
I'd love that. Wow. That's why I think, because I think
there's so many layers to your relationship and there's so much curiosity and things you
can find out about them. Yet no, that's what it looks like to
me. I'm I'm okay with that. I don't think you ever get tired
of your partner. But maybe maybe my partner would say that about me.
I don't know, but I just think, like you know, I brought
up at the beginning. I've said on this podcast before, before you find
love, I think you have to define it because love can mean a lot
of different things a lot of different people. And to me, my definition
that I that I came up with that works for me is there's nothing I'm
doing that I wouldn't rather be doing with her. Doesn't mean I have to
do with her. It means i'd rather do it with her. That works
from a lot of people are like, no, that works for me.
I like, that's what it looks like to me. Yeah, it means
if I'm doing something, I want to call her and tell her I want
to share that with this person. I don't want to share it with her
and her sorority. And that's respectable. You shouldn't have to. I shouldn't
have to. But a lot of people are like, oh my god.
We get you know, the people get engaged and they're like, oh my
god, I gotta get on the phone with a hundred people when you're like,
can we just spend some another hour together? Give me an hour,
right? Can we just have one more hour together before it's all this?
And you know, I get that they're sharing the excitement about you, maybe,
but they're like, I instantly want to go talk to my girlfriends the
second I say yes, I don't know. Maybe I'm you know, needy
and possessive and hoarding that way. But that's again, this is what it
looks like to you and to all these different people. Miserable Martin is a
little bit more like me, where he's like, I don't I don't need
to date fifty people. I want to date you. I think that's sweet,
that's respectable. I can respect that, all right. Next one,
this is from MJ in Atlanta. What does it look like? When he
tells me he loves me, it means he loves me. When he tells
me I'm beautiful, it means I'm beautiful. When he tells me he understands,
And when he tells me understands, it means that he may not understand,
but he's trying to understand. He tells me he cares about me,
my day, my opinion, my thoughts, my dreams, even my ridiculous
thoughts and dreams. When he asks me what I want to do, or
maybe he just knows what I want to do to me, it means that
he's got me and he gets me that's everything. That's what it looks like.
See, I like that one. I like that one. I like
that one a lot. Yeah, that's not even as much about the person.
It's about the feeling and so what it looks like to her, and
all of these are a feeling that that I love that line. I wish
I wrote that to me. It means that he's got me and he gets
me. That's good. But also if he doesn't, he's willing to.
Yeah, that was another good line. It wasn't perfect. It's like he
doesn't might not understand me, but he's trying right, and he cares about
me, and he wants to do better. That's the thing about guys and
girls. We're just so different. It's not about just do better and we
all should do better. It's that he wants to do better and he wants
to try harder. He wants to improve every single day. That's what it
looks like to m J. I think that's a really good characteristic and I
think that's something enviable and admirable to find in a relationship. Right, I
agree, Yeah, she's looking for that or she has that? Did she
not say? It? Doesn't say she has that or that she's had that,
but it seems very it's a very precise thing, and I think that's
good too. Before you find It's like when I when I find my man,
my partner could be a woman. Sorry, no offense to anybody.
Well, she said, he check could be a she could keep your options
open. That like when I know when I have this scenario, these feelings,
these questions, these things I know I have, this is what it
looked like. That's a good thing too. You know, you never know
what it's going to look like till it hits you in the face. But
knowing this feeling that you're trying to get to that isn't like anything else you've
ever had, I think that's a good start and a good exercise eyes to
sort of do. Right. I agree. I think I wrote in my
notes years ago something about like if somebody says I like who I am when
I'm with you, or something like, I marry that person. And I
remember Tanaje said it very early on in our relationship. I go, she
said, what something about I like, I like who I am when I'm
with you. Yeah, it's something like that, like somebody who makes you
want to be better, not just for them. But for you, these
are the things that we don't spend enough time on talking about relationships. Like
a lot of people are like, oh my god, lust and sparks and
all that. It's really you gotta have somebody who really gets into your core
and really changes your wiring. And people are like, Oh, you shouldn't
have to do that. You should, Yeah, you should do that.
That should just be the result of it. Yeah, the result of this
person, this relationship is that I fundamentally change the way I feel about everything
in a passive way, positive way. Yeah, you should want to do
that. You should be like, oh my god, I never did this
before or thought this way before, and never felt I never went to Alaska
before, like any of these things. If somebody does that for you,
it wasn't wrong. And a lot of people are like, oh, I'm
not going to go in and change them, change them in a way that
they're along for the change. I was that person for years. I'm not
changing. This is who I am. Deal with it, and I'm not
even bad. One who loves me is gonna accept me for who I am.
No, they're not suck, right. I think I've changed more for
the better in the last year than I ever have. The old bullshit Marilyn
Monroe quote and so many memes that are Marly Monroe quotes were words written for
Marilyn Monroe by men. But the one, the one that's like, if
you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best.
Your worst is terrible. You shouldn't want to know about get your worst
better, about to make your worst a lot closer to your best, and
that's better. Like that's a lot of excuse making. Like if you can't,
if you don't want me like this or this is the way I am,
and deal with it. Those people tend to be alone because if that's
what it looks like to you is they're handling me at my shittiest. That's
not good. But you're also wanting someone else to change. But you don't
want to change, right, you say exactly, I think set me who
I am. So many people come either do podcasts or come on this podcast
and like it takes two complete people to come together. I'm like, nobody's
ever complete. It's a journey. You should never You should both be about
seventy eight percent, and then the fact that you're together can bring you along
that last. Yes, like the relationship should help close the gap. But
if you're like I'm done, I've done all the work, I'm good to
go here, who's gonna date me? Nobody's gonna date you, right because
you're not cooked? Right? Yeah, No, I people need to get
rid of that notion they do. It's such a thing like when I'm completely
healthy and right, none of it. We're all still we're always going to
be a little fucked up, and we're always learning, and we're always trying,
and we should always be changing, we should be evolving. We bring
this up sometimes on the you know, religion comes up on this show that
a lot of times, like you need somebody equal religion, or you need
somebody who's the Christians say equally yoked, blah blah blah. Your journey is
your journey and theirs is theirs. And hopefully you're both moving forward, maybe
not at the same pace, maybe not the same things, but if you're
both positively moving somewhere, who cares if it's the same. No, I'm
my girlfriend and I are not politically aligned. It's politically aligned. Oh wow,
but it's okay? Does it come up? No, she's not super
political, So I'm more political than she is, right, and if it
stings are the wrong way, it's just like I don't really feel like talking
about this. Yeah, And I think you can different opinion, you can
different politically, I mean very It's really hard to find people who agree.
You know, just take one hundred one hundred top political subjects and find everybody
who's just one hundred for one hundred. There's always some loopholes and it's like
maybe not. You know, there's certain things that I'm like, you know,
somebody doesn't like taxes, might hate guns and vice versa. And there's
a whole lot of things on the spectrum. And so if you're trying in
your mind like what does it look like? I need somebody who's exactly the
same as me. That's a little self centered. Yeah, yeah, so
what does it look like? What does it look like? And as the
last one of these and I really like this exercise, you guys send a
lot of good ones. What did it look like before? What does it
look like now? And is there anything like you're like, I hope we
can do this. I'm not trying to happily ever after you Yet it might
be premature but what is it? Here's what I thought it looked like,
and here was what I thought it is not in even terms of the physicality
or the sexuality of it, Like what are you? How are you different?
Or how is the relationship different from what you thought could be? Are
you asking me or the I'm asking you? Oh, it's completely everything is
different from what I thought it would be. I thought it would look like
all my other past relationships for whatever reason, because they've all failed, and
I don't know why I would want that. It was just funny because that's
I think, naturally what we do. Yeah. No, but this person
was so perfect and I felt so good there, but it didn't work,
so something wasn't right right. This relationship has been completely different from the start
and challenged me in many ways to be out like think outside, like no
I need you here, I don't want to be there. Oh okay,
maybe you don't have to be there. And then I end up having fun
with my friends and it's fine, and I see her when I get home
and do you ever recognize I'm not going to say like this is terribly offensive
to my lesbian listeners, like who's the girl in the relationship terrible probably not
the right terminology, But do you see the behavior in a woman that you're
like, oh my god, sometimes I acted like that when I was with
a man. Is there a little bit of a mirror that has helped you
been like, I probably behave that way sometimes, of course, Like I'm
an emotional human being. I can be very emotional actually, and I've had
to put that in check a few times. You have oh yeah, she'll
be like, oh boy, oh boy, are you in your period?
Is usually the first question they Do you look back on your past relationships with
the fellas and been like, if I had known this, then I probably
could have done this. Or is it just like, you know what everything
that I was not ready emotionally or capable to do any anything? Differently?
Yeah, I think at everything, you're at different stages in your life,
and I was not ready for that for whatever reason. And I also think
that dating girls, she's actually more understanding with certain things like that versus a
guy who's like, you're being emotionally unrational right now. She can understand that,
right because she's a girl and at moments she can be emotionally unrational.
See the value in that, Ladies, you know, neither get a girl
partner or hairdresser who can help you through tough times, or a big or
big gay group of friends, right, you know, right exactly gay bff
and he'll help you through that too, okay, But or create an environment
where your man can be that person, right And the reason why most of
the time he's not. And it's not that he doesn't want to, and
it's not that he's not capable, He just doesn't know. He doesn't understand.
He doesn't have any idea of what you're thinking or going through or why
you're crying randomly in the car. I think that's what's so important for girls
to understand. I think we think he should know automatically what we're feeling and
why we want. Doesn't he know? I want him to bring me flowers
on my birthday? Tell him right, like, that's one easy way to
not be let down, right he And a lot of times he only knows
what you don't like, because you're very very clear and very very proud about
saying that. He has no idea what you do like. And a lot
of times you have no idea what you do like because you've spent so much
time Folks saying you don't, which is why this exercise was good. It
made people think about, like, what is the thing that I want other
than the guy who didn't want the family? Like what are the things and
going back to that couple with the baby like that moment, like this right
here, how do we get back to that, be a family, be
husband, wife, b mom and dad and sort of wrap that all into
our day to day lives, Like I think that has value. That one
makes me sad. It makes me sad. But they experienced it. I
like that she wrote it in She's like this was it. And I think
if you sat down and like, remember the way I felt, we felt
that night. Oh it was a girl. I think the girl wrote that.
Oh, I would have read it as a guy. Uh either way.
I really truly a lot of these could have read it, could have
read either way, right, But I believe that it, like relationship is
kind of like this mountain like range, Like it's so good in the beginning,
then it's going to drop down and that's just what it is. And
that's about the time everyone quits. Right now, they won't work everyone.
Oh, it doesn't feel like the magic of the first ninety days Yeah,
you gotta get through a lull and you got to fight through that together,
and a lot of that is communication and being confident in your communication that the
partner and been like, hey, I really liked this, I really like
this feeling. We don't have to just necessarily have another baby and go back
to night one home. But let's talk about why we felt that way,
right. I think you can get back there. I think so too,
and I think you you'd be paid because on the other side, I think
is the most glorious place to be, at least in my head. I
think you're right. All right, tell everybody how they can either improve their
golf game or find your podcast. Okay, so you can find it on
any of the platforms, Spotify, Apple, it's switching teams, and I
don't know when you air this, but we have a really good one coming
up that is non golf related, if you are at all. We keep
our podcasts fresh. This one drops about twelve hours after we record this,
and I want no time. I love that. I'm not one of these
podcasts who like banks them, like I record them six months ago, like
I want to be current. Well I don't either, really, Yeah,
but bang them out this week. We have one on a zempic and I
know it's the big topic. It's taken over Hollywood and basically everyone in our
society. Yeah, it's like big controversies make people crazy, so I don't
think so, but make sure makes some skinny. So if you're interested zempig,
you should listen to this week's episode Switching Team, Switching teams, everybody,
thank you for doing this for the third time, fourth time something.
Thank you Brain as far as us not just witching teams of the Great Love
Debate, like share, follow, Please review this podcast. Your reviews still
nine eight nine years into this mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem. Shoot
us in email Great Love Debate at gmail dot com if you have thoughts,
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to sneak another one under the wire. We're probably going to do this again
sometime soon because, as always at the Great Love Debate, we never stopped
making love. See you next time. The Great Love Debate. It's the
Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate.