WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.199 --> 00:00:13.039 Hey, Hey, I'm back with something for you to think about. Too 2 00:00:13.080 --> 00:00:24.320 afraid to stay, too afraid to leave. Now, if you've listened to 3 00:00:25.160 --> 00:00:34.240 some of my episodes that are in relationship chronicles, you would have heard me 4 00:00:34.359 --> 00:00:40.520 say this before. Some people are in relationships too afraid to stay, too 5 00:00:40.560 --> 00:00:46.799 afraid to go. Let me tell you. If you're in a relationship such 6 00:00:46.840 --> 00:00:54.840 as this, you already know you stayed too long. You've stayed too long. 7 00:00:55.799 --> 00:01:03.479 No one should be in a relationship afraid aerod period. If you are 8 00:01:03.600 --> 00:01:10.400 in a relationship and you are afraid for any reason, you definitely in the 9 00:01:10.439 --> 00:01:19.879 wrong relationship and you're with the wrong person. Straight up no, and if 10 00:01:19.959 --> 00:01:23.439 the bucks about it, you're in the wrong relationship with the wrong person. 11 00:01:23.879 --> 00:01:29.239 There is no reason under the sun. No one should be in a relationship 12 00:01:29.280 --> 00:01:41.000 with someone who supposedly loved them and are afraid. If you are afraid to 13 00:01:41.079 --> 00:01:48.560 stay, that means you're afraid of that person. If you're afraid to leave, 14 00:01:51.400 --> 00:01:56.439 a lot of times it's because you're afraid of that person. But I 15 00:01:56.519 --> 00:02:04.200 want to touch you on both. Most times people are both afraid to stay 16 00:02:04.560 --> 00:02:15.439 afraid to leave. But for most people it's because of abuse. They're with 17 00:02:15.560 --> 00:02:23.080 an abusive person and they have given up their power. They've created that monster. 18 00:02:23.960 --> 00:02:30.560 And I'm saying you created that monster because you let him or her do 19 00:02:30.599 --> 00:02:36.520 whatever they chose to do the first time, and you did nothing the second 20 00:02:36.560 --> 00:02:40.039 time, and you did nothing. Now they know that you're not gonna do 21 00:02:40.120 --> 00:02:44.759 nothing. They know that they can do whatever they want to do because you're 22 00:02:44.759 --> 00:02:51.479 not gonna do anything. You created that monster. You taught them exactly how 23 00:02:51.479 --> 00:02:55.719 they could treat you, and now they are doing exactly that. So when 24 00:02:55.759 --> 00:03:02.039 you are with someone and they do anything to you and you do nothing, 25 00:03:04.080 --> 00:03:12.759 oh yeah, you're empowering them. You are definitely relinquishing your power to them. 26 00:03:12.879 --> 00:03:17.919 You are making them feel that they are in power and control over you. 27 00:03:21.439 --> 00:03:24.919 That's why so many people are in relationships and they're afraid. They are 28 00:03:25.080 --> 00:03:34.759 so afraid of their significant others because their significant others have shown them what they'll 29 00:03:34.800 --> 00:03:46.400 do verbally, emotionally, mentally, and physically. They've shown them even financially. 30 00:03:46.680 --> 00:03:52.680 Some of them will stop providing for you just as a way of control, 31 00:03:53.759 --> 00:04:00.120 being able to control you whatever way they can do it, and you 32 00:04:00.199 --> 00:04:04.000 let them get away with it, that's what they'll do. So if you're 33 00:04:04.080 --> 00:04:11.199 in a relationship with someone and you're afraid of him or her, As I 34 00:04:11.240 --> 00:04:15.560 said, and I stand firmly on it, you created that monster because you 35 00:04:15.600 --> 00:04:24.399 should have did something the first time. Never stay in an abusive relationship. 36 00:04:25.279 --> 00:04:29.399 I don't care who they are, what they have, how cute they are, 37 00:04:29.720 --> 00:04:36.000 they're titles, their position, nothing and don't matter. That is not 38 00:04:38.079 --> 00:04:44.199 a relationship anyone should be in. But so many people are too afraid to 39 00:04:44.319 --> 00:04:54.720 stay and afraid to leave. Some of you know for yourself because we've all 40 00:04:54.800 --> 00:05:00.439 seen it, or you know someone that stayed too long, didn't get to 41 00:05:00.560 --> 00:05:11.839 leave, died in that abusive relationship. Then you have those who actually left. 42 00:05:12.759 --> 00:05:17.000 I talked about this before on an episode. They actually left the relationship, 43 00:05:18.240 --> 00:05:27.680 but they still stayed too long. By the time they left, it 44 00:05:27.879 --> 00:05:33.000 was still too late. They still lost their lives because they stayed too long. 45 00:05:36.600 --> 00:05:46.959 Stop giving your power to people to hurt you in any way because some 46 00:05:46.120 --> 00:05:50.879 people don't want to admit it. Oh I didn't. I didn't let him 47 00:05:50.920 --> 00:05:56.959 abuse me. I didn't let her abuse me. They did it, Yeah, 48 00:05:57.000 --> 00:06:01.560 they sure did, because you paved the way for them to do it. 49 00:06:03.639 --> 00:06:13.360 You created that monster. You made the foundation. You laid it because 50 00:06:13.439 --> 00:06:17.959 you let them go on and on. You didn't do anything the first time. 51 00:06:18.639 --> 00:06:23.240 Oh, he didn't need it. I shouldn't have said what I said. 52 00:06:23.519 --> 00:06:26.639 I shouldn't have done what I've done. I made them do it, 53 00:06:27.240 --> 00:06:31.639 Know you did it. They did it because of who they are, the 54 00:06:31.879 --> 00:06:40.040 anger inside of them, all of the bitterness and ugliness inside of them. 55 00:06:40.240 --> 00:06:44.680 That's why they did it. They didn't do it because you made them do 56 00:06:44.759 --> 00:06:48.040 it. But they'll make you think that because it's a form of power and 57 00:06:48.120 --> 00:06:58.720 control. It is not love, no way, no, how is it 58 00:06:58.920 --> 00:07:04.920 love. But people think it's love because you heard me talk about the niblets 59 00:07:05.040 --> 00:07:12.600 and nuggets. They give you nibless and nuggets after they mistreat you, after 60 00:07:12.639 --> 00:07:15.920 they abuse you. They give you enough to make you feel good again, 61 00:07:16.240 --> 00:07:23.879 to make you smile again until the next time. And when you do that, 62 00:07:24.079 --> 00:07:28.079 when you allow that, you get deeper and deeper and deeper. You 63 00:07:28.160 --> 00:07:35.680 give them more and more and more control. It's no secret, and I'm 64 00:07:35.720 --> 00:07:41.879 not ashamed to share it. I've told you I've been in an abusive relationship, 65 00:07:42.199 --> 00:07:48.480 very abusive relationship, long long, long time ago, when I was 66 00:07:48.519 --> 00:07:58.480 in my late teens. But oh, let me tell you. I wouldn't 67 00:07:58.759 --> 00:08:07.319 dare ever ever, ever go through that again because I was so young. 68 00:08:07.639 --> 00:08:13.480 I was like eighteen. I was so young, didn't know anything. I 69 00:08:13.639 --> 00:08:24.199 didn't know anything, didn't really know him not to get into a relationship like 70 00:08:24.240 --> 00:08:31.319 I did. But oh, like I talked about what's going on on the 71 00:08:31.399 --> 00:08:33.919 inside. Hey, I was dealing with some stuff too. I was wanting 72 00:08:35.720 --> 00:08:39.120 to leave home. I graduated at seventeen. I wanted to leave home. 73 00:08:39.120 --> 00:08:43.919 Oh I'm grown now. In my mind, I have graduated. I can 74 00:08:45.080 --> 00:08:48.559 leave if I want to. And my mom was like, you sure, 75 00:08:48.679 --> 00:08:54.600 Ken, if you want to go? And I was like what? And 76 00:08:54.759 --> 00:08:58.200 I did? Lord? I told her later in life, I said, 77 00:08:58.200 --> 00:09:03.000 why didn't you rag me and tell me no? She was like, nope, 78 00:09:03.039 --> 00:09:09.000 because you would have resented me forever. I was like, but you 79 00:09:09.200 --> 00:09:16.720 should have. She said no, I shouldn't know. So I got into 80 00:09:16.799 --> 00:09:22.799 that relationship. And because what I saw wasn't directed to me, I thought 81 00:09:22.840 --> 00:09:28.559 I was safe. But I didn't know any better. If you see a 82 00:09:28.679 --> 00:09:35.519 person doing things that are mean, or they're losing their temper with other people, 83 00:09:35.440 --> 00:09:43.000 oh it's bound. It's bound to come to you sooner or later. 84 00:09:43.279 --> 00:09:50.879 They are going to direct it towards you sooner or later, ninety nine percent 85 00:09:50.919 --> 00:09:56.600 of a time sooner or later. But I was eighteen. I didn't know 86 00:09:56.679 --> 00:10:07.840 anything, so I thought I was safe with this guy. So I created 87 00:10:07.879 --> 00:10:20.840 that monster. I created it because when it did turn to me, I 88 00:10:20.919 --> 00:10:24.679 think I was shocked at first, but then I was like, but he 89 00:10:24.799 --> 00:10:31.000 still he still loved me. I don't know. It's been so long ago, 90 00:10:31.320 --> 00:10:39.399 but I know what I was thinking was not right. Obviously I allowed 91 00:10:39.440 --> 00:10:46.559 abuse, and I went through a lot, but thank god, I woke 92 00:10:46.639 --> 00:10:54.399 up and I got out. I had to literally run away, like escape 93 00:10:54.559 --> 00:11:03.639 from a whole different country because we were mimbered terry. But I did what 94 00:11:03.720 --> 00:11:11.159 I had to do. So I know for a fact one thousand percent you 95 00:11:11.240 --> 00:11:16.399 create the monsters in your life, and when you do nothing, it progresses, 96 00:11:18.679 --> 00:11:22.879 it empowers them. Oh now they know you're afraid. Oh yes, 97 00:11:22.000 --> 00:11:26.120 I was afraid. Eighteen years old, I was a little bitty thing. 98 00:11:26.919 --> 00:11:31.320 Yes I was afraid because I never had anyone to treat me like that. 99 00:11:31.600 --> 00:11:37.200 I never had anyone that had that type of behavior. So yes, I 100 00:11:37.279 --> 00:11:45.120 was afraid. Even though I thought I was tough, I never had a 101 00:11:45.240 --> 00:11:56.240 guy to treat me like that, and I took it for a minute until 102 00:11:56.279 --> 00:12:00.919 I realized, oh, hechno, this is not what I want. No, 103 00:12:00.919 --> 00:12:07.639 no, no, and I got out, thank God, with my 104 00:12:07.720 --> 00:12:15.039 life. I have some bumps and bruises and stars, but I got out. 105 00:12:18.799 --> 00:12:24.240 So I'm telling you because I've been there, done that, and I 106 00:12:24.440 --> 00:12:31.720 know it's the monsters we create when you give them the green light by not 107 00:12:31.799 --> 00:12:37.840 doing anything, They're gonna do it again and again and again until you get 108 00:12:37.919 --> 00:12:45.440 out or you die in it. And that sounds cruel, but everyone that's 109 00:12:45.559 --> 00:12:50.279 listening know it's the truth because we all have heard of people or we know 110 00:12:50.399 --> 00:12:56.159 of people who have died in their relationships. If you are afraid to stay 111 00:12:58.240 --> 00:13:07.720 or afraid to leave both relationship with the wrong person, you stayed too long, 112 00:13:09.879 --> 00:13:16.120 because I will tell you I was definitely afraid to stay and I was 113 00:13:16.159 --> 00:13:24.279 afraid to leave too. But guess what, I got it together. I 114 00:13:24.399 --> 00:13:28.720 was like, this man is gonna kill me, or I'm gonna kill him 115 00:13:28.720 --> 00:13:33.480 in self defense. I didn't want that. I didn't want him to kill 116 00:13:33.559 --> 00:13:37.039 me, and I didn't want to kill him. So I was like, 117 00:13:37.159 --> 00:13:46.600 I'm out of here, and I was gone, never look back. To 118 00:13:46.720 --> 00:13:54.240 that relationship no way. So I was smart enough. I woke up, 119 00:13:54.799 --> 00:14:01.480 I'm matured, and I was like, I'm out, I'm done enough. 120 00:14:03.879 --> 00:14:11.399 So the more you let things go and you say nothing nor you do nothing, 121 00:14:11.159 --> 00:14:16.200 the more power you give them. They see your vulnerability, they see 122 00:14:16.240 --> 00:14:22.840 your weakness or they see it as weakness, and they will prey on it. 123 00:14:24.080 --> 00:14:30.440 They gain more power and control. They know exactly what they're doing. 124 00:14:30.759 --> 00:14:39.919 They want you to fear, they want you to and they get to that 125 00:14:39.919 --> 00:14:52.240 that mindset where they feel that your property to them, and you're no one's 126 00:14:52.279 --> 00:15:00.399 property, whether male or female, you no one's property, not in that 127 00:15:00.480 --> 00:15:05.480 sense, you're not. But the more power you give to people, that's 128 00:15:05.559 --> 00:15:11.039 what they think. Because of what's going on inside of them, all of 129 00:15:11.080 --> 00:15:16.679 their insecurities, all of their unresolved issues, all of their hurt, all 130 00:15:16.720 --> 00:15:20.960 of their anger, and everything else that they have inside of them, that's 131 00:15:20.039 --> 00:15:26.000 why they are abusive like they are. They went through trauma, they went 132 00:15:26.080 --> 00:15:31.279 through pain and suffering, and instead of healing from it, they went through 133 00:15:31.360 --> 00:15:39.720 life carrying all of that ugliness inside and now it have formed that mindset that 134 00:15:39.879 --> 00:15:48.679 they have get into every relationship being abusive, praying on people who allow it. 135 00:15:52.720 --> 00:15:58.320 So I'll tell any woman, I'll tell any man, I don't care 136 00:15:58.360 --> 00:16:02.120 if they look at you like they want to slap you, and they don't 137 00:16:02.159 --> 00:16:11.279 slap you, I'm still a go. I'm not giving you zero chances you 138 00:16:11.519 --> 00:16:15.320 you're not cursing me out, you're not yelling at me, you're not doing 139 00:16:15.600 --> 00:16:27.080 anything anything at all that's abusive in any form at all. M no way, 140 00:16:29.200 --> 00:16:33.200 Because you give them an inch, just one inch, they're taken a 141 00:16:33.320 --> 00:16:41.480 whole yard and a mouth, I promise you. So, if you're afraid 142 00:16:41.519 --> 00:16:47.320 to stay and you're afraid to go, you stay too long, you're you're 143 00:16:47.360 --> 00:16:55.559 in. You're in some serious waters, treacherous, very treacherous waters. If 144 00:16:55.600 --> 00:17:02.440 you're afraid to stay and afraid to go, you are in treacherous waters, 145 00:17:02.440 --> 00:17:14.359 and you stay too lone. You can always get out, always, you 146 00:17:14.480 --> 00:17:22.240 always have a choice. But so many people are so gripped with fear because 147 00:17:22.279 --> 00:17:26.599 they don't know exactly what he or she may do. They think they do, 148 00:17:27.240 --> 00:17:37.200 and they're probably right, but they have that great sense of fear of 149 00:17:37.319 --> 00:17:41.039 them doing what they say they're gonna do. Some of them won't even bust 150 00:17:41.079 --> 00:17:44.559 a great They just do all that talking I'll do this and I'll do that, 151 00:17:44.920 --> 00:17:48.960 but you gotta take it serious. You have to take it serious because 152 00:17:48.000 --> 00:17:56.920 they just may be that one who will do it. But there's always a 153 00:17:56.119 --> 00:18:00.960 safe way out. You just have to want to take it. And sometimes 154 00:18:00.039 --> 00:18:04.519 it means you may have to go somewhere else that you never thought you would 155 00:18:04.519 --> 00:18:10.079 go. But if that means safety, you gotta do what you gotta do. 156 00:18:11.000 --> 00:18:18.240 It's short beats being in a relationship being abused and afraid. Now. 157 00:18:18.279 --> 00:18:26.079 I wanted to talk about that because so many people are living in so many 158 00:18:26.119 --> 00:18:32.680 people are living in abusive relationships. And I've talked about abusive relationships on several 159 00:18:32.720 --> 00:18:36.160 episodes. If you have not heard them, go and check them out. 160 00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:44.640 Go to my podcast this One here Relationship Chronicles and just check out scroll through 161 00:18:44.680 --> 00:18:57.279 there. I have several on abusive relationships. Another way people are afraid is 162 00:18:57.920 --> 00:19:08.240 when they have so many insecurities. They're afraid to start over. They're afraid 163 00:19:08.240 --> 00:19:15.000 of what people are gonna say. They don't know how they're gonna make it. 164 00:19:15.839 --> 00:19:19.559 They don't have anything of their own, so they're gripped in that fear. 165 00:19:19.839 --> 00:19:30.240 Also, they don't want to stay, but they're afraid to go as 166 00:19:30.240 --> 00:19:37.039 well, because sometimes they're significant. Others may not be physically abusing them, 167 00:19:37.519 --> 00:19:44.119 but they're emotionally, verbally and mentally abusing them, and it's just as bad. 168 00:19:45.720 --> 00:19:48.839 You'll never make it on your own. I did everything for you. 169 00:19:48.799 --> 00:19:55.640 Everything in here is mine. I aught everything in here. You're gonna go 170 00:19:55.759 --> 00:20:00.480 the same way you came in with nothing. Nobody wants you. I'm the 171 00:20:00.519 --> 00:20:07.160 only person want you. So they beat you down verbally and affect you mentally 172 00:20:07.160 --> 00:20:15.000 and emotionally. So people get in that stage where they believe what they're saying 173 00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:26.200 because of things been said to them in the past. You already think certain 174 00:20:26.480 --> 00:20:32.880 things about yourself and they to you validated by the things they say to you. 175 00:20:33.160 --> 00:20:42.000 So you're fearful because you know that if you leave, you got to 176 00:20:42.079 --> 00:20:48.240 start over. Well, honey, let me tell you. Starting over it's 177 00:20:48.319 --> 00:20:56.039 all right. It beats being in an abusive relationship, whether it's verbally, 178 00:20:56.119 --> 00:21:07.160 mentally, physically, whatever, are an over trumps that not sometimes all of 179 00:21:07.279 --> 00:21:14.559 the time. So if your fear is starting over, your insecurities about how 180 00:21:14.599 --> 00:21:18.680 you're gonna make it, and all of that, you'll be okay. You 181 00:21:18.759 --> 00:21:22.799 can make it if you want to make it. That's why I always tell 182 00:21:22.880 --> 00:21:33.319 you have your own. Don't go into relationships solely looking at what the other 183 00:21:33.359 --> 00:21:40.559 person have. You should have your own. I always have your own to 184 00:21:40.640 --> 00:21:48.319 fall back on. When you don't. People have control over you. They 185 00:21:48.480 --> 00:21:53.359 dangle things over you. Well, you know, if you leave, you're 186 00:21:53.359 --> 00:21:56.640 not taking any of this. You're not gonna make it without me. I 187 00:21:56.839 --> 00:22:03.359 made you all types of stuff that I'll tell you. So you have to 188 00:22:04.440 --> 00:22:14.240 believe in yourself. Have enough confidence about yourself that whatever they say to you 189 00:22:15.880 --> 00:22:22.480 bounce off like a ball up against a wall. You don't allow it to 190 00:22:22.519 --> 00:22:27.640 affect it. Yeah, okay, whatever you say, everything you're saying about 191 00:22:27.680 --> 00:22:32.000 me, I know that's what you really feel about yourself. On the way 192 00:22:32.000 --> 00:22:37.839 out the door, that's what I'll be saying. You just cannot give your 193 00:22:37.000 --> 00:22:41.480 power to people, because I promise you I don't care how much they say 194 00:22:41.519 --> 00:22:45.400 they love you. They will take it. If you give it up, 195 00:22:45.880 --> 00:22:52.680 they will take it. So I want you to think about it. Think 196 00:22:52.720 --> 00:22:59.200 about your situations. Are you in a situation such as this, it's a 197 00:22:59.319 --> 00:23:07.640 terrible, terrible situation to be in. You need to talk to someone. 198 00:23:08.640 --> 00:23:17.039 Don't tell everybody your business, but you need to talk to someone to help 199 00:23:17.079 --> 00:23:27.640 you figure it out, especially people who are in abusive relationships, because staying 200 00:23:27.680 --> 00:23:37.480 in abusive relationship sometimes will be the death of you. And I pray that 201 00:23:37.559 --> 00:23:45.200 situation does not happen to anyone who's listening to me. So I want you 202 00:23:45.279 --> 00:23:51.359 to really really let this get inside of you, meditate on it, think 203 00:23:51.400 --> 00:23:57.960 about it, because it's reality for so many people. People are hurting, 204 00:23:59.559 --> 00:24:07.599 their so afraid. There are some people who would rather kill themselves than to 205 00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:15.279 remain in their relationships when they could just walk away. Run away. However, 206 00:24:15.400 --> 00:24:21.599 you have to do it. It's always an option, but so many 207 00:24:21.640 --> 00:24:32.720 people are gripped with fear that they remain where they are. I just wanted 208 00:24:32.759 --> 00:24:41.519 to talk about it. If anyone listening to me need to talk, please 209 00:24:41.680 --> 00:24:45.400 go to my podcast page. It would tell you how to reach me, 210 00:24:45.759 --> 00:24:52.039 meaning it would show you my email address reach out. I would definitely respond. 211 00:24:52.440 --> 00:24:56.839 Thank you so much for listening. Much love to each and every one 212 00:24:56.880 --> 00:25:02.960 of you. I want you to know that you deserve the best you can 213 00:25:03.000 --> 00:25:07.839 be. The best you can be. You just have to want it. 214 00:25:07.960 --> 00:25:12.519 Never choose to remain the same, Never let that be an option in your 215 00:25:12.559 --> 00:25:21.039 life. If you want better, you have to do something different. Thank 216 00:25:21.079 --> 00:25:27.680 you again for listening. Please please share this episode and please share my podcast 217 00:25:29.519 --> 00:25:33.680 Relatable life Chronicles that have a lot of good information there. Thank you again. 218 00:25:36.160 --> 00:25:42.440 I end every episode the same and I really pray, I pray that 219 00:25:42.559 --> 00:25:47.079 you do it. Thank on it.