Welcome listeners to another episode of Fast Food Horror. In this episode, we
take a peek into the offices of the Angel of Death in this tale entitled
aod inc by E. J. Miller. For Sephony, please hold my
calls for the next hour. I have to review these cases from the new
hires. Thank you. And for Sephony, call Charon over at Sticks and
cancel our lunch meeting. Just reschedule. Tell him it'll be my treat at
that old Greek restaurant Olympus. Thank you. Honestly, that man is obsessed
with boats. How he can even stomach to eat a meal on one is
ridiculous. The waves, the constant up and down, the pitching, the
rocking. I'm getting nauseous just thinking about it. Speaking of which, for
Sephony, yes, please take the rest of the day off. Yes with
pay. You're welcome. Enjoy your day. Bye. The only thing worse
than eating a meal on a boat is your attitude. It is such a
downer, so depressing. Blah blah. My husband is the devil, blah
blah. All right, let's review these case flots for Sephanie. When she
could buster her up, the ambition separated these three new hires from the arrest
to have, in her opinion, impressive task completions. Let's see if they've
figured out how to effectively and efficiently execute their job. And let's see who
is angel of death of the month amongst the new hires. Case eleven dashed
twenty four to sixty six. Claim Luke Stephens, AOD agent intern Mega Ah
Bob from Accounting's Kid. Let's see how this claim played out. The claim
Luke Stephens had gone out to a local establishment and met with friends for a
few beverages on Friday evening. After a few games of pool and many many
failed attempts to convince a mate to accompany him home to his trailer, he
called it a knight and began the drive home through the Louisiana Bayou. It
was during this drive I found my opportunity to initiate the claim. I conjured
a tornado to run through his trailer park and strike his dwelling exactly upon his
arrival. Unfortunately, the claim decided at that moment to pull over, exit
his vehicle, and relieve himself along the roadside, then inexplicably stare into space,
delaying his arrival. So I diverted the twister to hit his neighbor's front
yard, Miss Dorothea Dix, who was an avid collector of yard gnomes and
flamingoes. I had the twister hurled the flamingos in the claim's direction. One
flamingo with its steel stake, struck the claim through his abdomen. I felt
satisfied that this would be a fatal blow, and yet it was not,
as the claim began to remove the stake from his body. Upon extricating the
flamingo, he held it aloft like a victorious knight wood after unsheathing a sword,
which is when he was struck by lightning by the storm I had created
to bring about the twister. I watched him stagger then fall into the water
of the bayou. I figured the lightning had done the job, or he
would at least drown. However, the cold water must have shocked his nervous
system, as the claim began to splash about and began to wade out of
the water, making a terrible noise, which is what attracted the gator that
swam up behind him and ate the claim. Claim executed at two thirty two
am Saturday. Well, that was remarkable. Wasn't it good effort that Gator
saved you? Though? Let's see what our next intern did. Case nineteen
Dashed twenty two sixty one claim Buster Fireball McCoy, AOD agent in turned Hermes
the claim stuntman. Buster Fireball McCoy was readying his custom built performance motorcycle with
a booster rocket attached outside the Palace Casino for his latest show. On this
date, he was scheduled to perform a death defying stunt where he would race
down the main street in front of the casino at more than ninety miles an
hour, take his bike through a four story loop de loop, then take
flight as he exited the bottom of the loop, igniting a rocket and driving
his bike off the ramp and over a large reflecting pool, landing safely on
the other side. I saw my opportunity and put my plans into play.
Through the power of suggestion, I placed the thought in the casino owner's head,
how much more picture esque it would look for the thousands in attendants and
those watching at home, not to mention, for the publicity photos that they
could use on social media and advertisements if the fountains in the reflecting pool were
on. I reinforced this by nudging his pride that since he was paying the
tab, it was the least Buster could do. After Buster acquiesced to this
small request and not seeing the danger the fourteen foot plumes of water could present,
I then conjured up a slight breeze blowing from east to west. This
made sure that any and all missed made from the fountains would be blowing directly
up Buster and specifically his rocket propelled motorcycle. At exactly nine fourteen pm Central
Standard time, Buster came hurtling down Main Street building up to ninety miles an
hour, with a light mist dampening him as he entered the loop. I
watched with the rest of the audience in awe as he climbed the four story
loop to its summit, then rocketed down the other side, completing the three
sixty to the crowd's delight, and coming up on the exit of the loop
and the ramp. I watched as Buster tensed and waited for his moment to
ignite the booster rocket at the base of the ramp at more than ninety miles
an hour to propel him successfully over the reflecting pond and now the unplanned fountains.
At the exact moment, Buster hit the button on the throttle to ignite
the rocket just feet from the end of the ramp, but because it was
damp, it did not ignite. A panic, Buster hit the button again
and again and was launched into the air at less than the speed he anticipated
or needed to clear the reflecting pool. At the moment he hit the apex
of his height from the ramp. In mid air, some forty feet up,
Buster went to pull the rip cord on his emergency parachute. The parachute
deployed, but was wet due to the mist and served little purpose as he
began to drop to the earth. However, it was at that moment the
rocket ignited and sent a surprise and damp Buster up, up, up,
and into an electronic bit bill board advertising accident attorneys Eisenberg, Katzenberg, Heisenberg,
and Wiener. I am still a waiting for the final report, but
it appears Buster was electrocuted upon high impact with the electronic sign The claim was
fully executed at nine eighteen pm Central Standard time. WHOA, I did not
see that coming, and probably neither did Buster. I'll have to set a
reminder for myself to find that video on YouTube and our final intern bo,
let's see what he has done. Case twenty one Dash thirty four thirty one
Claim Travis Scott, AOD agent intern bo. The claim Travis Scott was taking
a joy ride with three other highly inebriated friends in a small, cramped compact
vehicle they had borrowed from the owner without his permission, down a twisting mountain
road late one evening. It was during his descent that Travis the driver noticed
the brakes no longer worked. Perhaps this is why the owner had the vehicle
parked in the driveway and not in the garage. Perhaps this was the reason
there were tools scattered around the vehicle when they found it. Perhaps this was
the reason why it was so easy to steal, as the door was unlocked
and the key still in the ignition, all of which I made sure they
did not take into consideration, as I consistently suggested and amplified to all what
a great adventure this would be, and they would look back at it and
laugh when they were older and sober. Travis, in a moment of self
preservation, realized that at his speed and the continued downward descent of the road
they would surely crash horribly, and Travis, without saying a word to his
friends, jumped from the vehicle. Travis tumbled and rolled across the road and
then down the side of the mountain, breaking an arm and suffering many cuts
and abrasions before coming to rest in the middle of the road. You see,
the mountain road was a switchback, a zig zagging path down the steep
mountain. Travis staggered to his feet and got his wits about him just before
a car, the car he had abandoned with his friends still in it.
The car his friends saw he had jumped from and quickly gained some control of,
came barreling down the mountain side and struck him, sending him again tumbling
down the side of the mountain. Again, he rolled and tumbled down the
steep mountain side, breaking ribs before he again found himself in the middle of
the road. Travis staggered to his feet just in time to get struck by
a vehicle, the same vehicle he had abandoned, the same vehicle that had
struck him the first time, The same vehicle being operated by his highly intoxicated
friends, who could only manage to steer and get one leg into the driver's
side where the brakes didn't work. I report that the claim was struck four
more times four more times by the same vehicle, six times in total,
suffering multiple injuries, none dealing the fatal blow. However, the claim,
after rolling and tumbling down the final embankment, came to rest at the bottom
of the switchback road at the feet of a Sasquatch who carried him off to
her den. As it was unfortunately mating season, the claim was finally then
executed hours later at approximately seven thirty seven am Pacific time. I can't,
Oh my, I just can't. Who brought this guy into the company?
Sasquatch? Death by Sasquatch? How just how? Just give it to Hermes
and I'll have to send an email to HR for intern Bow to have additional
training. Oh my gosh, death by Sasquatch.