Hi, everyone, Welcome back to another podcast episode. My name is Alicia
Gogan, the host of the Globe Secrets podcast, where I help you expand
your mind and become more self aware so that you can glow up into the
best version of yourself. Hello, how are we doing today? We are
talking about stress, anxiety, your nervous system because you know what, something
that I know is true about all of us. We are stressed out girlies,
and we need to stop that. This is the year of not being
stressed now. I started my soft life journey probably a year and a half,
almost two years ago, and when I mean soft life, I simply
mean living a more stress free life. And of course on the podcast we
talk heavily about healing in her Child healing, a lot of mindset work,
getting ourselves into the best version of ourselves. Now. One thing that's really
important when it comes to healing is understanding that your body is such a huge
tributor a big player when it comes to how you're feeling obviously on a day
to day basis. And although we can really work on our mindsets, and
we can journal and we can emotionally release, there are going to be things
that we need to do on a physical level to help keep our nervous systems
at bay Aka in rest and digest So we have a lot of things to
talk about. I have a lot of notes. I want to talk about
the nervous system quickly. I want to talk about fight, flight, freeze,
and fond responses very quickly. I want to talk about some tips to
help you manage anxiety in the moment if you're feeling really triggered or really stressed.
But I also want to again talk about some of the things that help
you maintain a healthy nervous system. Things that I have learned over the years,
things that I've learned in courses, things that I've learned with my somatic
therapist, not just a regular talk therapist, and things that I've seen when
working with other people and honestly just my friends or just you know, being
that friend who always gives the advice and always working through my stressed out friends,
like I see a lot of things. I just want to say,
though I'm not a doctor, I'm not a therapist. You can take or
leave whatever it is that you want from this podcast. This is again just
suggestions, my advice, things that have worked for me. I'm going to
give you some resources as well, because obviously I don't know every single thing,
and I wouldn't be able to even give you everything all the information in
one podcast episode. But I'm excited to talk about this one thing. I'm
in a note and you can only really understand this if you are watching on
YouTube. By the way, if you're new here listening to the podcast,
I do have a YouTube channel of my podcast episodes. If for one day
you want to see me and watch me, you can watch me on YouTube
the Globe Seeks podcast. I'll have it linked in the show notes. But
I went to my friend's house the other day for the Midsummer Swedish party that
they had, and her name is Tess. I'm sure you guys have heard
of her, and she has a podcast, a busy blooming podcast, and
she has just built this like podcast nook. And now it's really inspiring me
to get my ass up and get something in this freaking corner. Like I
have been talking about it for how long now, guys, and I still
haven't gotten anything in this freaking corner. I want a chair, I want
a little nook. I want to get a light as well. I'm going
to order it listen. When I come back from Calgary and I'm done living
my coastal calgirl life, I promise you I will dedicate some time, effort
and money into some sort of nicer visual for you guys. I just wanted
to mention that because I am very inspired after being at her place and seeing
her studio. And by the way, this is part five, I believe
of our summer glow Up series. So if you are new here and you
have not listened to the previous four episodes, you can go listen to it.
I mean, you can start with this. It's totally fine. But
we are doing a series throughout the summer and I am addressing mental, emotional,
physical, all of the things to help you really glow up into the
best version of yourself, because we are well rounded girlies here. All right,
So when you talk about the nervous system first, because I don't know,
maybe some people don't really know what the nervous system really means. And
again I'm not like a full on expert, and I'm not even going to
make this very difficult. I am going to pull up something and I'm going
to read it so you understand just the basics of what is your nervous system.
So for today we are going to just talk about the two sides in
a way of the nervous system. That's not really how you would really think
about it. There's not like a certain side, like a left side or
a right side every nervous system. But there's two sides we're gonna talk about,
okay, And one of them is called the sympathetic nervous system, aka
your fight or flight response. And I think when we are talking about nervous
systems or being stressed, that's probably what you've heard before your fight or flight
respond. I'm very stressed, and the sympathetic nervous system is very beneficial for
us. It prepares our body to deal with stress. This part of your
nervous system as well produces cortisol and adrenaline. It also will increase your blood
pressure and your heart rate, and it also decreases your dig There's a lot
of other things that it does. But the reason why it does that is
because this nervous system response is preparing your body to fight or flight. So
this is obviously really good. If let's say we were living in fields back
in the day and there was bears or there was lions or there was whatever
and we needed to run. Well, we need our body to kick in
cortisol, kick in adrenaline, take away that energy that is used to digest
food and give it to ourselves so we can run away or that we can
fight something. It's very, very useful. So when we perceive something to
be a threat, our body will kick on that nervous system and we will
have that energy to be safe, to be alive. It's a great response.
The problem, though, is our bodies don't know the difference between a
real or a perceived threat. So this day and age, there are many
things in our day to day lives that turn on our fight or flight response
when it's not actually needed. Now. A while back, when I mean
a while back, probably like two years ago, I took a stress resilience
course and I really loved it, honestly, and I want to talk more
about it. But anyways, I pulled up this paper because it lists out
all the ways in which our bodies can perceive something to be a threat and
turn on that fight or flight response. So I'm just going to read some
of them so you can really take it in here. Financial pressures, employment,
toxins, allergens, death of a loved one, emotional stress, repetitive
stress, psychological stress, marital stress, lack of enjoyable and rejuvenating activities,
lack of relaction, lack of sleep, over exertion, negative attitudes and beliefs,
trying to be perfect, being in the position of powerlessness, unwanted unemployment,
fear, coffee, caffeine, smoking, sugar and white flower products,
lack of good food, and the list goes on. Okay, so there
are a lot of emotional things that will create this fight or flight response.
There's a lot of physical things like food such as processed food and caffeine that
can trigger our fight or flight response. There's a lot of behavioral things like
literally checking your phone. All of these things can turn on our fight or
flight response. Now, this is a problem because our body is not meant
to always stay in this fight or flight state. By the way, just
quick note, if you're watching on YouTube, I'm sorry that the sun is
going to come in and out. We're just going to allow it to be
what it needs to be today. And the reason why it's not good to
always be in fight or flight obviously is because like I just said, it
is increasing your heart rate, it's increasing your blood pressure. It is taking
your energy away from your digestion to use for something else as it thinks it
needs for you to run away from. It also releases cortisol, It releases
adrenaline, and too much cortisol, too much a generaline that is going to
disregulate your hormonal profile. You are literally going to feel like you are ready
to fight or flight at all times. That's not a good feeling to have
when realistically you don't need to run or fight. So obviously, there is
a lot of real sometimes or perceived threats that can happen in our lives.
Now. A lot of us we have nervous systems that we're once primed to
be in fight or flight, and we got stuck there in a way,
and we got stuck there because of trauma. So again, a natural,
healthy nervous system, it can ebb and flow back and forth into fight or
flight or rest in digest which I know we haven't really talked about yet,
but from turning on and off of the nervous system fight or flight. But
sometimes what's a really big challenge for us is now in our adult lives,
we have perceived threats or maybe not real threats whatever. Even though we know
that, let's say, someone who's not texting us back is not really something
that we need to turn on our fight or flight respond on for. Because
we've always been in this fight or flight response, first of all, we
are more easily susceptible and triggered to when somebody doesn't text us back. And
on top of that, because we have this nervous system that never really turned
off, never really learned how to process a perceived threat, it's going to
be even harder sometimes for us to get out of that fight or flight response.
And so it's important for you to work on your mental state in the
way that you're perceiving this stress, but on top of that for you to
have practices so that your nervous system is always not triggered all the time,
and or in the moment when you are getting triggered, to have practices to
bring yourself back down. So let's quickly talk about what causes a disregulated nervous
system. So when I mean dysregulated nervous system, it basically just means,
like girl, you're always in fight or flight, like you're perceiving everything to
be a threat, even if it's real. Even if it's not. Whatever
it is, your nervous system is giving, weak, it's giving, fragile,
and we love it. We can work on it, but you know
it needs some help. So, like I said, trauma is one of
the biggest things that disregulates nervous system. So I'm just going to read off
this little page that I have here. What causes a disregulated nervous system A
trauma or an event in the past that we could not at that time,
so it didn't complete and it got stuck within our nervous systems. So this
is a thing right when we let's say, I will give you an example
of literally something that you wouldn't think as a trauma, but it technically is
when you are a baby and you are getting nursed on your mom's beautiful little
nipple and it's time to probably be weaned off. That can be considered a
trauma because that is something that you don't know how to deal with yet,
but your mom is going to be there to aid you in obviously having more
milk through a bottle, So in that moment, you are resolving a trauma.
Same thing goes with literally if you fall and you break your leg or
something. You go into the doctors and they fix it. They're resolving the
trauma. Well, what happens when trauma like you falling, or you getting
weaned off, or things being taken away from you, and you not understanding
what happens when there's nobody there to fix it, to fix the broken leg,
to help you heal, to help you understand that the food is coming.
Even though you're getting taken off of this one life force, you move
into survival mode. You stay in this fight or flight because you believe your
body, not really you, but your body believes it needs to be on
it needs to find survival. And when you are perceiving or your body is
ready for survival, it is gonna stay releasing cortisol. It's gonna stay releasing
the adrenaline. It's gonna stay not giving you the energy you need to digest
your food. And I know for a fact, I had a lot of
different chilblems that I went through, and I was always in fight or flight.
When I was younger, I had really bad stomach issues. And I've
heard many therapists say this, especially in the somatic world, but realistically a
lot of them, and you hear this a lot like when children have constant
stomach aches or they have constipation, and they have just like you know,
even a lot of people who have chronic bloating IBS IBD, and I got
diagnosed by the way with IBD. A lot of the times it's stress induced.
It's because children or people are under high levels of stress. Even if
you don't think that this child is going through this huge traumatic event, we
are constantly going through so many many traumas in our lives that can affect our
bodies on a physical level. Another thing that's saying here what causes a dysregulated
nervous system is continued exposure to danger and stress. So again let's think about
maybe somebody who hasn't had a very traumatic childhood, but you were under constant
emotional stress. So for me, when every single time that I came home,
I didn't feel that safe around my father, and I don't really,
I don't mean that, actually, I don't take out the really, I
don't mean that in a way that I felt like I was in danger,
like he was going to do anything to me or somebody was going to do
something to me. But emotionally I was suppressed. I was scared I wasn't
able to express my emotions like I've talked about in last week's episode, and
that continuous emotional stress causes me my nervous system to still be in that fight
or flight. Now, other things that cause a disregulated nervous system. It
says living in an unsafe environment, kind of like my experience. Again,
it could have been the fact that you were maybe afraid of for your life,
like actually like you were somebody who got abused or whatever it happened.
But again, it can just be even the emotional stress. Another thing here,
it says life transitions such as death, pregnancy, divorce, etc.
So obviously, you guys know, like there's so many ways in which that
we experience stress on a daily basis. So when you are younger and your
nervous system is primed to just be in fight or flight, it makes sense
why when you get older you are anxiously attached. Somebody who's not texting you
back is triggering you like crazy. You're going out into the world and you're
really overwhelmed by things that shouldn't really overwhelm you. So it's really to understand
and kind of look back in your past, in your childhood to see was
I under a lot of emotional stress, a lot of physical stress, a
lot of mental stress, like what was the standard? What was the living
situation? And again I think going back to last week's episode can definitely help
with that. But honestly, like, you don't even need to do that
much digging to know most likely you probably are in some sort of dysregulated nervous
systems some of the times, because most people honestly are, like, there's
very few people who are very regulated, and like, even if we're talking
about attachment styles or who have a healthy, secure attachment style, it's not
to say that it doesn't happen and people aren't and you can't move into that,
but it obviously takes time. But let's quickly talk about the different types
of trauma responses aka different states of being in that fight or flight response,
because you might not be able to really identify what state you're currently in right
now, So let's quickly talk about fight because I feel like a lot of
us here that the most so signs that you are in a potentially fight response.
You have a temper and have angry outbursts, you're aggressive, You might
be somebody who dominates and controls others. You might be somebody who likes to
pursue power and control. You might be impulsive with decision making. You might
be assertive, but not the healthy assertive, basically a bully. And the
list goes on and for me going through some of these responses, I can
definitely see different phases of my life where I was in certain trauma responses.
I think when I was a teenager and I had a lot of anger towards
my mom and I was just a teenager, I was definitely more in that
fight response, like I was angry, I did want to have control my
life all right. Next one is the flight response, So we have feelings
of panic and anxiety. You might be a workaholic, obsessive and or compulsive
behaviors, always on the go and staying busy, over worrying, perfectionists and
overachiever, hyperactive and over analytical. So I think a lot of us probably
fall into that kind I know when I moving from being a teenager into the
years of when my mother was going through her addictions and I really had to
just become that adult, I moved into this flight response, this survival mode
of worrying and trying to be perfect and trying to honestly just survive. These
are all survival mechanism and that's what we need to understand about all of these.
Okay, the next one is the freeze response. So this can look
like depression, disassociation, brain fog, avoids human contact, detached, struggles
with making decisions, hibernating, lifeless, slash, feeling dead inside, feeling
spaced out, and the list goes on, and I think for sure some
of you guys probably can resonate with that. And the last one we'll talk
about is the fawn response, which I think is not really talked about that
much, but I actually think a lot of especially us women, we have
been in that state before. And this is people pleasing codependent, has a
hard time standing up for themselves or saying no, has lack of boundaries,
avoids conflict, highly concerned with fitting in, etc. So maybe you have
a combo of all four or maybe two or one, or maybe you go
back and forth depending on who it is you're you're around. I know,
for me, certain relationships, especially with men, I move into fawn state.
Now. Now I obviously don't move really into it that much, and
I can tell when I am. But I move into fawn state because I
was in fond state around my father, because that was the way that I
knew that I could be safe and protected is if I people pleased for him,
If I, you know, did everything, be a good girl and
follow the rules and not rock the boat, I know that I can move
into free state. A lot of the times, when I am too overwhelmed,
when I have too many things on my plate, when I'm feeling disconnected
from my work, when I'm pursuing things that are not actually what my soul's
calling for, I get into this state of just freezing, like stuck,
disassociating. I don't want to do anything. I don't feel I'm just stuck.
Obviously being in flight mode, that's when I'm really in that worry word
mode. I am overthinking things. I am not trusting the universe, I
am not trusting in myself, I am not trusting in others. I am
alone, I am isolated. Things like that, and then obviously the fight
mode. I really don't get into that. Really all I think that was
again the oldest part of my trauma response was that fight. But of course
that can definitely come up if somebody really hurts you, right, or somebody
you know is not showing up the way that you need them to in your
life. So just really recognizing how maybe you show up in any of these
ways and taking a moment to reflect on who around you or what things are
triggering you to get into these certain states. Now, I think no matter
what state that you're in, recognizing that you are in a state like either
four of them, it is really helpful that you do some emotional releasing.
So again, like I was talking about in last week's episode, really releasing
your emotions, sitting with your emotions. And I also found something that could
be really helpful too, and it's called the cycle of emotional regulation. So
it's a fourth step process. And anytime that you're feeling or you're like aware
that you are feeling some sort of emotion, this is something that maybe you
could follow as well. So Number one, notice and name the emotion.
Notice that you're experiencing an emotional reaction. Then name what that emotion is,
So is it sadness, is it fear? Is it rejection? The next
step is accept the emotion, except that emotions are normal, do not judge
the response. Accept and validate that you are feeling the way that you are.
It is okay that you feel emotions. We demonize emotions when we feel
them, when we feel sad, when we feel unomfortable, when we feel
afraid, when we feel X, Y and Z. Accept it, It's
okay. There's a part of you that's feeling this way. Be you with
yourself instead of running away from it. And I know it can be scary,
and that's why people don't want to deal with their emotions. But a
lot can come out of you actually being with yourself for once and not demonizing
emotions. And honestly, this society doesn't do a good job at telling ourselves
that it's okay, especially with men. Right they tell them emotions are bad,
but come on, emotions are just emotions. It tells us a lot,
actually, and it can really guide us and navigate us in this world
if we actually listen to what's going on within. The third step, which
kind of piggybacks off of the listening is be curious about the emotion. How
does this emotion feel, where do you feel it in your body? How
is your breathing? What else is coming up for you at this moment?
And the last step is allowing and releasing the emotions. Allow your thoughts to
come and go, release the urge to fight back with your emotions, and
release any judgment, Take deep breaths, and let the sensation just be now
Again one more time, you can go back to last week's episode to talk
more about the emotional release practice that I was talking about, which I think
is so important. But I do think when you realize that you're in any
sort of trauma response, any sort of like emotions that's coming up, for
you to kind of sit with yourself and really move with these emotions that are
coming up within you. So let's bring it back to anxiety. How I'm
going to talk about anxiety right now is really more from the fight or flight
response and ways in which you can manage your anxiety or your fight or flight
response when you are getting triggered. So something to understand is that when you
are perceiving something to be going wrong in your life, not only are you
mentally like being stressed, but again your fight or flight response turns on.
So you start producing cortisol adrenaline, your heart starts racing, you could be
sweating. You literally are feeling the sensations of anxiety. So the first thing
that can be helpful in the moment when you are struggling with being triggered,
feeling anxiety, whatever it is, is to understand that there is a perception
that you are having about this thing that is creating a physical response in your
body. Now we're going to talk about on the flip side as well,
because some people will say it starts with your nervous system and then you start
perceiving things a different way. But whatever, we'll unpack that if we need
to. But let's start here. But what's been very helpful and beneficial to
me, okay, to me when I am dealing with anxiety or I'm getting
triggered, is to first try to my best, Okay, try my best
to change the perception of what it is that I am seeing in my immediate
life. I'll give you example. When you are realizing that somebody is pulling
away from you, it creates anxiety within you. You start overthinking, you
start stressing, you can't eat, you're feeling a pit in your stomach.
You're not able to get up and think straight and move your body and do
whatever you need to do because the thing that you are thinking about, aka
the person pulling away. You have a story going on about what this means.
Maybe it means to you that this person doesn't like you, they're walking
away for good. Most this is triggering a feeling that you once felt in
childhood when somebody did leave you, or did abandon you, whatever it is,
there's a story attached to the thing that you are currently experiencing. So
doing your best to change the story that will be more favorable to you to
help you ease your anxiety. Not jumping to conclusions, not making assumptions,
talking to friends or family that can help you see the story and the situation
a little bit differently, being able to cultivate a new inner dialogue within your
mind, telling yourself it's okay that this person has distanced themselves. You are
still going to be fine. It doesn't mean X, Y, and Z
whatever you're thinking that it means just because you've experienced this once in your life,
these are really good things to get better. Ats. One more thing
I'm going to say about anxiety, though, is I have heard people say
this, like some of my friends, and it's funny because we explore it
and then we come to conclusion. But some people will say, I,
all of a sudden just have anxiety. I have no idea why I'm having
it right now. And listen, I'm not saying that it doesn't just happen
out of nowhere, right because your nervous system could be so easily triggered by
things that it's really not you perceiving anything to really be a threat. Your
nervous system is so literally jacked up that it's time for you to do some
management, which we will talk about in a moment, but it's really important
for you to ask yourself the question of why is it right now that I
am feeling anxiety? What am I thinking? Or what did I just think
before I started to feel this anxiety? What is going on in my life?
It's somebody just say something to me, and now I'm feeling anxiety.
Am I going through in a relational issue right now? Am I going through
a financial stress? Am I thinking about something that I have to do in
the future? And now? Really it's creating this anxiety within me. Trying
your best to put your finger on why it is you are feeling this way,
and I just think that that it helps sometimes because when anxiety takes over
your body. Sometimes you feel well, you do feel very out of control.
And I really love to be empowered and to be able to take control
of my life and myself and my health. And if I'm telling myself the
story of I have no idea why I'm feeling anxiety right now, I can't
do anything about it, then guess what I'm going to be at the mercy
of my anxiety. And I personally believe there's so many things that you can
do to combat this anxiety. But if you have a story I have no
idea why, and Nope, this is just how it's going to be,
then that's how it's going to be. But what a crappy way to live.
And I really do think there's things that we can do. So just
being aware of what you thought about before you started feeling anxiety, Who said
something to you, what situation is happening in your life, and be honest
with yourself and honestly sometimes I experiment with my friends, and so many times
when I've had one of my close friends come to me and she's like,
I'm feeling so much anxiety right now. I'm triggered right now, and I'm
like why, And then she'll be like, I don't know. I'm just
feeling like this right now, like I have no idea why, And truly
she is convinced that she has no idea why. And then we'll get on
the phone and I'll be like, okay, well, what did you just
do before you told me that you were feeling anxiety? While I was sitting
in my room and I was spiraling, okay, what were you thinking about?
Well, I was thinking about my relational issue that the third the guy
didn't text me back. He said this, whatever, I'm like, okay,
so you thought about the fact that your relationship issue is going down the
drain right now or he's not texting you back, and did you make meaning
out of that thing? Well, yeah, I did. I think that
he doesn't like me now because he didn't text me back or whatever. We
go down this hole inside a rabbit hole, and she's like, yeah,
okay, so I just thought myself into freaking anxiety right now. So it's
just sometimes helpful to really be honest and think about for a moment, what
is going on that I am perceiving to be a threat right now. And
literally the other day I felt this wave of anxiety coming on to me,
and I know exactly why I was feeling anxiety. There was about one or
two things, the stories, the perception of the thing that I was stressing
about, that created the anxiety within me. And I had to work on
my mindset shift around that thing, which really eased my anxiety. But on
top of that, I was depleted in sleep and I had also drank alcohol
the day before, and I know alcohol can definitely induce anxiety, and so
in that moment, I knew it wasn't just going to be enough for me
to just like change my perception of things. I needed to move my body.
So even though I wasn't feeling very good and I wasn't even able to
sleep at that point, I was like, I'm going to put on a
podcast, get my mind right, give me enough energy to get out of
my bed. I am going to go to the gym and I'm going to
do twelve three thirty. Really I do fifteen three point two thirty ish even
more sometimes, but whatever, and I'm going to listen to the podcast.
And then also I played some music and I got myself going and I needed
to move my body. So tis it's as simple as doing a workout,
not for anything other than your mental health or going to physically talk to somebody.
You need to have some sort of stimulus to get you out of this
spiral that you are in right now. It's not going to be helpful for
you to just stay in the state and continue spiraling. You need to be
the one to get up and go talk to someone. Obviously, you can
go to therapy, go talk to your friend about it, release your emotions
by journaling, moving your body, starting to fuel your body in that moment,
even if you don't feel like you're super hungry or whatever. Getting in
some nutrients, some water, taking vitamin D can be helpful as well right
in that moment. So, like I said, it's not enough sometimes to
just change the narrative and the perception that you have around a certain story,
because you might just be somebody who has literally been in fireflight for all your
life and your nervous system is very overactive. Okay, So really, anything
like somebody literally walking down the street and looking at you a certain way,
you might all of a sudden go into fight or flight. I know,
for me, I've never actually said this, I don't think on the podcast,
but I was struggling heavily with PTSD from things that I had seen in
my past and I had experienced in my life, and I have worked through
a lot of that, and that's there's a many reasons why I go to
a somatic therapist, but one of them was to really retrain my nervous system
because I would go out into the world and it wouldn't be it wouldn't be
the situation at all, the same situation that I once had PTSD from,
But because my body still remembers that a memory, in that emotion, in
that emotional charge, that trauma, it didn't even matter that I was a
completely different person and it was a completely different experience. My body still got
kicked into fight or flight and my heart started racing, and I started feeling
anxiety and stress, even though I wasn't in that same situation that I was
when I actually experienced that trauma for the first time. So doing daily,
weekly, monthly practices to retrain your nervous system so that it's not so heightened
all the time can definitely be help full. And when I say retrain your
nervous system, this is really moving from that fight or flight response, that
sympathetic response, moving into the rest and digest the parasympathetic nervous system. And
this is the state that you really want to be in because that's where you're
calm. That's when you have energy to digest your food better. That's when
blood flow is going through your body. That is when you have a clear
mental state. That is when you can breathe properly. That is when your
body also repairs itself. So let's first talk about your environment. When I
was living in basically a trap house, I say that lightly, but it
really was in general. When I was living in a very stressful environment,
there was only so much that I could do. Okay, So obviously it's
going to depend on what the environment that you're living in. But doing your
best to make your environment calm and like a sanctuary for yourself. Okay.
So I couldn't control what was going on in the outside world in my home.
All I could control was my bedroom. So I made sure to have
my bedroom calm and clean at all times, organize. I made sure to
always have candles going. I made sure to have incense going. I made
sure to always have fresh air going, opening up my blinds, making my
environment as calm as possible. Another thing that I would do is I would
leave my stressful environment. And this is going to be true for even if
it's not your home that's very stressful, you know, work environments or school
environments. I'm not saying obviously leave your work or your school, but you
know, maybe on your breaks instead of you staying in these stressful environments.
And again, this doesn't need to be very toxic, right It could be
simply like you sitting in the cubicle for lunch when realistically you can go outside
and have a freaking lunch break outside, go for a walk, or stop
being around people who are constantly gossiping and chattering and stressing yourself, or you
sitting on your phone and scroll when you could be going outside for a ten
minute walk. These small or big things will make a huge difference with your
nervous system. If you're somebody who's complaining about why you're so stressed and so
much anxiety and whatever, you have to do these small little things to help
retrain your nervous system to stay in that rest or digest. Again, coming
back to the list that I read out, small things like caffeine and scrolling
on your phone or listening to other people gossip will start to trigger you into
fight or flight. I remember also when I was a server. Oh my
gosh, was that ever a very stressful environment for me. But I remember
I because I knew how important it was to calm my nervous system down.
When I would come into the back room, I would literally put my hand
on my heart and like one on my stomach, and I would do like
three deep breaths and just be with myself for a moment throughout my shift,
and I would go back out and it would be super stressful, but I
would come back to myself and I would breathe for a moment. I would
go to the washroom if I needed to take a moment, I would drink
some water and be really tapped into my senses. And this is the thing.
You are not always going to know that your body is in fight or
flight. Right, Yes, you're going to know when you're really anxiously attached
or you have a lot of anxiety, But the subtleties of you being in
fight or flight or even fond or freeze, sometimes you don't even really know.
And you know, when we were younger, we didn't even really know.
But again, simply you being on your phone first thing in the morning
that can stress and start to produce a lot of cortisol and adrenaline and all
of these things, and you're not really noticing, but over time it will
tax your body, and then you have diseases, and then you really are
getting to the point where you're having panic attacks and you're wondering where the heck
it came from. It didn't happen now, It happened two years ago when
you first started stressing yourself out with every single thing in your life. The
same way that cancer happens. It doesn't just you didn't just get cancer today.
It happened years ago. It started in the body slowly producing years ago.
So understand that these preventative things to help you, and of course,
maintenance another thing that I would do. Knowing when I was done my shift
at work. Even though I was able to manage my mindset and I wasn't
really stressed at work, I knew physically working as a server for eight hours
and constantly being around people and whatever, even though I didn't let it really
mentally affect me, I knew my body was still physically stressed. So I
would come home and I would try and wind down the best that I could.
I would do like a ten minute meditation, I would do some breathing
exercises, I would listen to something that would calm my nervous system, even
though I was like, I don't really need to technically, because like I
don't think that I'm stressed. It doesn't matter. My body is connected,
my body is listening, and I need to make sure that I'm constantly helping
it out. Nothing you can do is having slow morning or night routines.
Again, this is just winding your nervous system down when you've had a stressful
day and then so many things are going on. For me, I like
to do a little ritual of cleaning my place that helps me lower my stress
and just calm down. Cleaning my place, putting down the lights, putting
away my phone, just having a silent night. That really helps me a
scene with mornings, nice slow mornings. Also, another thing can be very
helpful is lessening your sensory overload. So listen, if you are somebody who
let's say you're eating okay, and you're watching TV, and you're scrolling on
your phone and your freaking best friend is on FaceTime with you, at the
same time, that's too much sometimes, okay, so let's relax, let's
lessen the load. Even you know, there's a trend going on right now,
silent walks. Go for a silent walk like once a week or you
know, I don't know however many walks you do at Hawker Walks, make
one of them with nothing, no podcast, no music, no anything,
and feel into how that actually feels. I promise you you will notice a
difference in your nervous system, babe. That is your nervous system moving into
rets and digest when you are feeling very at peace when you're doing your silent
walks. I promise you. Another thing I'd like to do when I go
into social situations because there's a lot of nervous systems, right There's a lot
of people, there's a lot of faces, you don't know where to go,
there's a lot. What I like to do is when I'm moving into
a social situation is literally bring my attention instead of on everyone else. And
I know it can be hard because everyone else is there, I bring my
attention back onto myself for a moment, by coming back to my breath,
looking around, scanning the room, I'm not letting myself just make a decision
on where I should go or who I should talk to. Yet I'm simply
just noticing. I'm noticing the faces, I'm noticing what people are wearing,
I'm noticing the sounds. I'm noticing what's going on in the actual environment.
I'm noticing what I'm feeling. I'm noticing if I'm feeling any attension. Usually
I'll feel a lot of attension and then I'll just release it for a moment
and just be with myself and then I will decide where I want to go.
Then I'll go and talk to someone, or I'll go grab a drink,
or I'll go whatever whatever it is that I do. So really,
just bringing your attention back to yourself when you are in high stressful situations can
be very helpful, and I know it can be difficult, but it's something
that you need to cultivate. So just thinking about your environment when you go
out in the world or when you're in your home, things that might be
turning on your fight or flight response, and ways in which you can change
them just a little bit subtly to help you calm down again. Being in
that rest or digest it helps your digestive system, it helps your body,
your health of your body. Not only you're going to feel better, but
you're literally going to look better, You're going to glow better. When we're
talking about IBS and IBD and freaking health issues, a lot of it is
you being highly stressed. You taking one supplement like a bloating supplement is not
going to help you when you are constantly mentally and emotionally stressed. Okay,
so obviously the thing that's really helpful is working on your sleep habits. So
again, you falling asleep right before bed with your phone in your hand is
not helpful. What I like to do, especially when I'm really really triggered
about things and I'm really going through it and I'm really stressed. But even
maintenance right is listening to either white noise or guided meditations on self love,
healing, nervous system like whatever it is that I'm stressing about, I can
find a guide meditation on and I fall asleep to that, or even some
of my favorite YouTubers or voices that really can soothe me in that moment can
help as well. And actually my heal To manifest Guide, which is a
journal prompt guide that you can get if you want a link in the bio.
But in that guide, I have a lot of resources that I put
for you to go to when it comes to healing your nervous system and just
like resetting your stressed out mind and body. But you can go on the
Mindful Movement on YouTube. They have really good guide meditations, night meditations,
morning meditations, like everything. Really another thing that can be very helpful for
you, know, being really highly stressed, is to do movement that slows
down and regulates your nervous system, like pilates, yoga, weightlifting that is
not high intensity, but it's like really just like more slow movement. It's
still getting your heart right up. It's not to say that it's bad to
do that, but really slowing things down and taking your time with movement.
If you find you're a highly stressed person, sometimes doing hit workouts and strenuous
cardio workouts might not be the best for your nervous system and your hormones,
especially when your adrenals or attacks because you're always in fight or flight, Cortisol
is always shooting up, adrenaline's going It's actually very important that you calm your
nervous system. Now, like I said, when you're managing anxiety, sometimes
you need to move the body and you need to do that high intensity workout
and getting yourself moving. And I think it's really good when you're trying to
do more of that maintenance and preventative to have some exercise that is slowing down
the body. Now, eating habits, of course, eating healthy, ole,
nutritious foods are going to help your body relax. When you have highly
processed foods and sugar, what happens is it raises your blood sugar. It
literally gives you anxiety sometimes, like when I have a lot of sugary foods,
it gives me this huge high and then I drop down. That's not
good for the nervous system. So eating whole foods, healthier foods, more
fibrous rich foods. Come on, we need to do this, We know
we need to do this. Also, like I was saying about alcohol,
alcohol does definitely create a lot more anxiety aka anxiety. So if you're somebody
who does consume alcohol, just be aware of that. Definitely be aware of
that as well, especially when you are going through hard times. Like for
me personally, if I'm ever going through a breakup, or if I'm going
through a hard time in general, or I'm stressed about things, I actually
move so incompletely far away from any substance because I know that even in the
moment, maybe I'll feel great, i can go out and have a shout
with my friends and it'll be fun, but like three seconds later, I'm
gonna be in my feelings about something and the next day I'm gonna feel even
worse. So when you are going through hard times or you are somebody who
is dealing with depression and anxiety, I know that a lot of the times
what people do is they go to those substances because it helps them numb the
pain. But the pain is going to be so much worse when you do
things like drink or you smoke, or you do whatever it is. And
this is a thing. When you are taking care of yourself, you're eating
well, you're drinking water, you're doing your journal practice, you're making sure
your environment is good, doesn't mean you're going to feel a hundred percent right.
Like you might still have that anxiety that's with you. You might still
be sad, and that's okay. But I feel like sometimes we don't do
these things because we're trying to do these things to make us feel completely happy,
and then when they don't do that, we think that they're not they're
not really doing what it should be doing, and it's not worth doing these
things like moving your body. But I don't care. It is so important
that you do these things, even with the anxiety, even with the sadness,
even with you carrying that emotion, like go to the gym and be
a sad girl. Okay, it is better than you being a sad girl
in bed, I promise you. Other tips that can be helpful when it
comes to your finances actually and your life in general, is to come up
with a plan that will actually reduce your stress when it comes to money,
because I think, actually, such a huge part of the reason why we
are so stressed and we have a lot of anxiety and stuff and we're in
fight or flight all the times is literally because money, like money is so
prevalent, we have to think about it all the time. And then when
we think about with the fact that we don't have money or we're financially in
a rut, it creates a lot of more stress on us. So I
think sitting down and addressing your finances coming up with a budget, coming up
with a plan. Although it can be stressful in the moment, it will
help ease your stress, your anxiety in the long run because at least you
know you have a plan. Like I remember when I was in debt and
it stressed me the f out and I was so scared and I just wanted
to be out of that situation. I knew that setting a plan was going
to help me feel more at ease, even though I was still in debt.
Even though this plan, I looked at it and I was like,
damn, this is gonna take a long time for me to pay off the
school alone or whatever. But I still felt a level of ease because I
knew I was taking those steps towards the lights. So if you are not
somebody who has an organized life plan in place when it comes to your finances
or your work, or your future or anything, take some time and become
that planning girly, like, really create a plan goals for yourself to help
you feel a little bit more at ease. When we feel a lot of
anxiety and stress, it's sometimes it's just because our life is so chaotic.
Let's organize that one thing I want to note is for those who tend to
fall more into the freeze response of procrastinating, putting things off, feeling stuck,
feeling depressed. Coming back to what I said about managing your anxiety in
the moment, it really is good to kind of have some sort of stimulus
to get yourself out of this response. So doing cold showers can help,
again changing the scene, the story of the thing that you're perceiving to be
either a threat or something that you can't handle, or completely moving from the
thing that you're telling yourself that you need to do and doing something completely different.
So like for me, sometimes I will get in the freeze response or
the freeze mode and I start to just like, I don't make a decision
and procrastinate because I have so many things on my plate that I'm telling myself
that I need to accomplish. And when I realize that I'm just procrastinating and
I'm not doing any of the things on the list, I dropped the story
of telling myself that I need to even do any of these things, because
me telling my self that I have to do a million projects is actually not
helping my situation. So let me focus entirely on something else, like to
the point where I will literally say, I'm not doing this work right now.
I'm going to go see my friend, or I'm going to go listen
to music, or I'm literally going to do something that's completely opposite of this
thing. I get. Sometimes we still need to focus on our work and
we need to do things, so obviously it's going to depend, but seriously
do the complete opposite. And then what usually happens is when you go and
live, once you have more life force and energy within yourself, you usually
end up coming to certain insights or you have more energy to put towards these
projects that you were once feeling stagnant in. Now. One book that I'm
going to suggest that you get if you still really want to learn more about
your nervous system is called Anchored. How to Befriend your Nervous System using Polyvagel
theory and Polyvagle theory is a theory in which helps you understand the nervous system
more and the responses that one goes through. And I think it's really really
helpful, honestly for any one who is dealing with any sort of trauma,
any sort of attachment style anxious. This association even when it comes to health
issues, chronic health issues. Honestly, everyone needs to understand about how their
body physically is holding onto trauma and on top of that, perceiving things outside
of themselves to be a threat even when they're not. So. I will
have that link in the show notes. The description the book is by Donna,
and I think it's very, very helpful. But honestly, guys,
I think the first and most important step when it comes to dealing with anxiety,
healing your nervous system, anything, is to listen and to be with
yourself in that moment when you are feeling triggered, when you are feeling anxious
and worried or afraid, be with yourself. There is a part of you
that is afraid for a reason. It has a story attached to this feeling.
Go deeper, sit with yourself, release emotion. Stop being afraid of
yourself. Understand when your body is literally feeling anxiety, your heart is racing,
you have some issues, you have health issues. There is something going
on that you need to look deeper within. It is not a normal state
of being for your body to constantly be in fight or flight. It is
not a normal thing. For you to have digestive issues. And what I
do not love is the society right now, honestly, like everyone on social
media is saying how they're trying to normalize bloating, they're trying to normalize digestive
issues. And listen, it is common that people have bloating and digestive issues,
but that doesn't mean it is normal. That doesn't mean that it should
be a normal thing. It is not normal. I do not care,
and I will say that until the end of day. Because I got diagnosed
with alsative klitis. I had symptoms that resembled IBS, but it was even
worse. It was IBD. I've had chronic pain in my hands. I've
had thyroid issues, I've had adrenal issues. I've had sleep issues. I've
been somebody who has been anxiously attached. I have gone through so many physical,
mental, and emotional situations. And it was because I went through trauma.
It was because my nervous system was in a state of constant fight or
flight. It is not normal to be unhealthy, to be unwell, and
so I'm not going to be here and to normalize these things. What I
will do is to instill some confidence in empowerment within you to realize that you
can change this and you do not have to be afraid because there are answers
out there. But I'm not going to say it's super normal, like just
take a bloating pill. Honestly, there are so many people that I see
on social media and even in real life, like, I don't think I've
ever met anyone who, especially women who have not had stomach issues or are
dealing with constant bloating and constant this, that and the other. And realistically,
everyone's fucking stressed. So let's manage to stress. Let's learn to live
more in a soft life, which is not what you think in terms of
luxury living and spa days and so much money. It is literally sitting with
your inner child, sitting with your emotions, releasing your emotions, moving into
that feminine flow, being in the present moment, relaxing, breathing, taking
care of yourself by eating whole foods, nurturing foods, drinking water, creating
a space and environment that is healthy, that is organized, that is clean.
These are things that your body is responding to. Watch the way your
body changes now. Of course, one thing I do want to say,
if you obviously struggle heavily with this and a lot of trauma that you still
need to work through. Therapy can definitely help. I find going to a
somatic therapist can be very beneficial when it comes to this type of work because
thematic therapists really address the nervous system. You're not just talking talking, talking,
which can be helpful in some sense to go to a talk therapist,
but sometimes you need to get out of the mind and move into the body.
My sematic therapist is available in Toronto if you're interested, because I know
so many of you guys ask. Her name is Rachel Foul and I will
have her information in my description. She also does virtual sessions. She did
tell me that as well, so if you guys don't live in Toronto,
you could probably do that. I would suggest going to a sematic therapist in
person, though that is my personal opinion, and I just think sematically to
help heal you kind of need to be around a nervous system who is also
very regulated. Also, just one more thing, I just want to quickly
mention this one more time boundaries with people when you and this is you have
to get good at really feeling into how you feel around other people, other
nervous systems. But if you're somebody who you feel like is constantly on around
certain people, or feel very anxious or some reason you just have so much
energy around somebody, It's okay to set boundaries those people. It's okay to
say no to hanging out with people who clearly freaking trigger you. It's okay
to put your phone on D and D and for you not to always be
answering your phone to your friend who is constantly stressed all the time, because
guess what, you are picking up that nervous system. You are regulating constantly,
same thing happened when you're in childhood. You're regulating towards that person that
was closest to you. You were codependent on that person most likely as well.
So lots of things that we can dive into. I want you to
let me know on Spotify, because you can't do it on Apple, what
you liked about this episode, If there's anything you want me to dive deeper
into this episode. I believe next week we're gonna be talking about finances,
scarcy mindset, the practical and mindset shifts that we can talk about, and
I think understanding your nervous system and how that plays a role and you just
being stressed in general can help. So I hope you guys enjoyed this episode.
I say absolutely get that book. You can also get my Inner Child
Discovery Journal, Prompt Guide and the Heel to Manifest Guide. Those can definitely
help you on this journey. I hope you guys enjoyed it and I'll talk
to you in the next one. Bye.