WEBVTT

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This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're
listening to k I Am six forty,

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the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on demand
on the iHeartRadio app. I Am six

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forty. You have Doctor Wendy Walsh
with you. This is the Doctor Wendy

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Welsh Show. I am here every
Sunday from seven to nine where I talk

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about the science of love, not
just love, all our relationships. In

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fact, tonight I want to talk
a lot about our workplace relationships. I'm

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not talking about, you know,
have a little fun in the workplace.

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I'm talking about how to deal with
a toxic boss, how to have better

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relationships with your coworkers, how to
have better relationship with a non inclusive workplace,

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how to leave a job if you
should, and even how to have

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a better relationship with your commute.
Let's talk about work. I also want

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to talk about our love lives a
little bit, and I will be taking

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your calls and answering your social media
questions a little later. Because there's this

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term thrown around in psychology. I
think it was coined back in the seventies,

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actually called limerence and allimerence is like
an intense crush that lasts a long

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time, and it's very unrequited.
And when I read about limerence, I

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immediately think, well, that's an
anxious attachment style. So we're gonna sort

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of tease it out. What's the
difference between limerens and an anxious attachment style?

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And what do you do about it? Producer Kayla's with us? How

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you doing? I am? I'm
all right, Doctor Wendy good. Yeah,

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thank you for carrying my bags up
that video. I showed my sister

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it is not her job. It
is not her job to carry me.

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Let's be very clear about this,
Okay. So here's what happened. I

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was watching the last few scenes of
My Aestra my Maestro Maestro, how to

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say that word Mastrol? No,
that's the maestro stro It's got an A

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and an E and I don't know, uh the Bradley Cooper movie and uh

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I got. I was sitting actually
at my dining room table watching it on

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a computer, just the last few
scenes that I hadn't done, and I

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stood up to go to the restroom
and fell flat on my face. I

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have no idea why, except that
my foot was asleep and I didn't know

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it. How do you like not
know, you got a dead foot and

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then you try to step on it. So anyway, I was at urgent

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care today. I'm in a big
old boot. You have a big old

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ball on the top of your foot, the biggest thing you ever. It

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looks like a fist on the top
of your follet. He metoma. Anyway,

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the doctor didn't seem to see a
fracture. He said he wanted to

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wait until the radiologist looks at the
X ray tomorrow. But the ski boot

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I'm wearing or whatever it is,
feels great, very supportive. So sweet

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Kla came down to the garage to
help me carry my purse and a nice,

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nice producer. It was nice to
see your beautiful Tesla and your beautiful

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face and your beautiful loot. I
actually need to have the car wash anyway,

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so if anybody knows, I'm just
throwing this out here. So I

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was an early adopter to the Tesla
World. I've had it for so many

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years and it's got like nice ty
thousand miles on it. That's the most

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any cars ever had in my lifetime
of cars, because I used to do

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like a thirty six month least.
But I keep interviewing Uber drivers whenever Uber

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drivers pick you up in a Tesla, I'm always like, how many miles

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you got and what kind of things
have broken down? Right? Because I've

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done nothing to this car except change
tires. I've had to change the tires

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twice, but nothing like nothing.
I'm gonna knock on wood here, nothing

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mechanically. Do the Uber drivers have
the same luck as you are? Because

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one of those told me he's got
like two hundred thousand miles and never did

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anything to it. I was worried
about the brakes, so I took the

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brakes and I took it in to
check the brakes, and they said,

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no, your brakes are fine.
You know why because it stops itself like

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kind of a golf cart. You
know, when you take your foot off

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the gas, the engine stops itself. So you only use the brakes at

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the very last minute. Oh,
it doesn't wear them down. This is

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not an advertisement for Tesla. I
think Elon is brilliant and crazy and but

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I'm just curious if anybody out there
has put like two hundred thousand miles on

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their Tesla, can you please send
me how do they do it? They

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can message you on social media at
doctor Wendy Welsh, or they could send

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us a talkback on the iHeartRadio app
a DM on social media at doctor Wendy

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Walsh. I check Instagram the most
and how do you do the talkback?

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The talkback is in the left hand
corner of the iHeartRadio app. I believe

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it's a microphone button. They pressed
that and they could send you a thirty

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second voice message while I'm on air, while it only works during the two

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hours that I'm on air. Well, they could select your show whenever they

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want to throughout the week if they
so choose, they have to select your

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show. They want to talk back? Yeah, they talk back. They

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talked back weekly, Doctor Wendy.
Okay, So the Academy Awards nominations are

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out. You know I always had
that, remember it. They were always

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criticized for being a bunch of old
white men, and during the last decade

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they've actually they've changed. Right now, there are more than ten thousand members,

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about ninety five hundred are eligible to
vote. That's a sixty five percent

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increase from their membership total a decade
ago. They've made very big initiatives to

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have more women, people of color, and filmmakers from around the world join

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their ranks. There are in fact
seventeen different branches, so you get to

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vote like for your own branch.
The directors vote for directors, makeup artists

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vote for makeup artists, et cetera, et cetera. So sounds all good.

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I always wonder like, how do
they pick the actual Best Picture?

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And it's done by something called a
preferential ballot. Have you ever heard of

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this, Kayla? It's like a
weaning down right, So and only for

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the Best Picture. It's the biggest
prize you know, of the night.

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So what they do is they ask
everyone in the Academy to rank the nominees

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from most favorite to least favorite,
and if a film gets at least fifty

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percent of the number one votes,
well clearly it wins. But that never

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happens, right, So instead they
just keep shrinking it. They get rid

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of the ones with fewer votes,
and so the process keeps continue as they

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eliminate the lowest vote earners, and
then they redistribute it as needed until they

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have third or fourth favorites, until
one film breaks the fifty percent rule.

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Isn't that interesting? Yeah, So
here's what we need to talk about the

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things that are bothering me and I'm
liking Barbie got the snub that bothered me.

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So we know, Oppenheimer got the
most amount of nominations, thirteen,

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and uh, let's see who got
number two? Poor Things though, No,

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yeah, poor Things got eleven,
and then Barbie's way down there with

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only eight. And here's what bothered
me. So Ryan Gosling, who played

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Ken, got an Oscar nomination for
Best Supporting Actor, but Greta Gerwig,

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the director, did not. Margot
Robbie did not. It's a movie about

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the patriarchy, and they only give
the nomination to the boy and not the

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girls. Who's the background character for
the most part in the movie, right

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second to Margo. Now here's another
interesting thing. The movie itself was nominated

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for Best Picture, but never in
the history of Best Picture nominations as director

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not also like a director not been
nominated. So therefore Greta was like kind

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of snubbed by the people in her
category like the other directors. What's that

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about? I don't know, because
I've only heard good things about her,

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So what was that? Okay?
So Oppenheimer was the boy movie got the

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most nominations. In case you've been
living under a rock. It's this guy

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Oppenheimer oversaw the construction of the Los
Alamos lab and he gathered the best minds

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and physics to work on creating an
atomic bomb bomb. Because of his leadership

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in this project, he's often referred
to as the father of the atomic bomb.

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So is this movie a comment about
the dangers of male power? Right?

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If you could think about it that
way, like, if you create

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the ultimate destructive power, it will
also destroy maybe those near and dear to

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you. Maybe it's a it's a
foreboding message, not just a rah rah

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or boys, we can make bombs. It makes you think. And then

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I haven't seen it, but I'm
dying to see poor things with Emma Stone.

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So it's basically a Frankenstein story where
a mad scientist gets a hold of

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a body of a woman who's just
committed suicide and she's pregnant, but the

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brain of the of the baby is
still living, so he takes it and

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implants it in the mom. And
so she is a full grown woman who's

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an infant, and then she develops
really quickly because she learns. So but

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here's the thing. I watched the
trailer. I read all kinds of interviews

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about it, and so it's about
a woman who is free from society's pressure

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because she thinks childlike, an infant
like, and learns very quickly. So

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she never has to grow up like
a little girl being told you can't or

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so she owns her. No,
she does have to deal with, you

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know, the two kinds of men, the bad player guy and then the

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nice guy and figure that out.
But she learns super quickly. So maybe

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it's the ultimate feminist movie. Maybe
I don't know, but come on,

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Greta Gerwig. Think snob really bothers
me, really bothers me? All right,

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enough with me ranting. When we
come back, let us talk about

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our workplace. Let us talk about
our mental health in our workplace and why

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mental health matters at work. You
are listening to the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show

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on KFI AM six forty. We're
live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're

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listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand
from KFI AM six forty AFI am six

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forty. You have doctor Wendy Walsh
with you. This is the Doctor Wendy

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Waalsh Show. Our workplace. We
spend so much time at work, think

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of it. Think of it this
way. About one hundred and sixty million

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people in America are in our workforce
today. The average full time employee spends

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half of their waking life at work. Right, it's another place. It's

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a well. We talk a lot
about third spaces that we don't have enough

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in America. First space, of
course, is our home. Second space

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is our work. Third space is
supposed to be all our social life.

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We don't do enough of. But
our work dominates. You know, it

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can impact our mental health depending on
what's going on. I mean, think

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of it. Let's go back four
years January of twenty twenty. Nobody could

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have predicted how much our lives would
have changed because of what happened in the

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next few years. We had the
COVID nineteen pandemic and all the mental health

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events that happened because of quarantine,
because of isolation. We had the murders

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of George Floyd and other Black Americans
by police. We had the rise in

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violence against Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders, and increase in wildfires. Media coverage

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of the wars of Ukraine and the
Middle East, and all this got together

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and started to impact our collective mental
health. I will say that I don't

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think our mental health has played out
in any space more than our workplace,

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and there's all kinds of data to
support this. Right. Some research I've

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read today from Harvard said that our
mental health problems increased from twenty nineteen to

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twenty twenty one. And who's suffering
the most younger and historically underrepresented workers.

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In fact, sixty eight Get this
number, sixty eight percent of millennials and

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eighty one percent of gen Zers have
left their jobs for mental health reasons,

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sometimes voluntarily, sometimes involuntarily, And
the most common workplace factors that led to

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quitting were that work was just draining, stressful, overwhelming, boring, monotonous,

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and an impossible work life balance.
This is why the US Surgeon General

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has issued new guidance for employers.
It literally, it is a public health

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crisis. So let's talk about what
these guidelines are. First of all,

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workplaces need to put mental health at
the center of their workplace policies. Now,

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I'm going to give you some bad
news because I read this article recently

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in the New York Times, because
the data is starting to show up.

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So what workplaces we're doing is saying, well, here's the thing in place.

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We have a therapist on staff,
and you could go see the therapist

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for free. Do you think anybody
who's going to disclose their deepest, darkest

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secrets to a workplace therapist. That's
like going to HR with your boss in

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the room, right, Like,
that's probably not gonna happen. The other

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thing they've done is things like,
oh, we have an app. Now

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it's named Normy or something, and
they give it these funny names and you

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can go onto the app and you
can get talk therapy, or talk to

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a robot about your problems, or
find a mental health professional. Well,

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the data is showing that this does
not work. Here's what can work.

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According to the American Psychological Association,
they've created their own set of recommendations to

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help employers improve mental health in the
workplace. So if you are an employer,

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listen up. First of all,
you got to start by training your

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managers to support employees' mental health.
You know, I hate to quote Kanye

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West, but there's one little bit
of wisdom he said once. He said

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his mental health is like a bruise. When someone has a bruise, you

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don't go and push on it.
But when someone has a mental health episode.

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People push on the pain and so
saying to an employee, why do

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you have all those missing days?
Oh, come on, you're weak or

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you could sock it up. You
can get through this, right. That's

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not what your managers should be saying. By the way, Kaylea, did

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you know we have a new law
that started on January first of this year

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that says, in the state of
California, if you are a full time

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worker, an independent contractor a part
time work any kind of worker, whether

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you work three hours a week or
whether you work three hundred hours a week,

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you get five paid sick days per
year. Real started January first in

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the good old state of California.
Got stop coming right, five paid and

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they can be used for mental health
or physical health. Right. So train

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your managers to understand all this.
Also, the APA has suggested that workplaces

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increase employees options for where, when, and how they work. We now

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know that there are plenty of jobs
that you do not have to be in

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the office for. I think call
centers have pretty much disappeared. People are

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home with that because I've called and
I have heard children in the background,

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dogs in the background, chickens in
the background, but those are the ones

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in the Philippines. But I have
I'm not making fun of somebody. I've

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actually heard these things. This is
the truth, you know. Today,

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when I went to urgent care,
you go to the desk and there's no

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human there, right, And then
I hear like this voice come out of

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a speaker going hello, Hello.
I can't see you. Can you tilt

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the camera down? I'm like what? And then I see there's a little

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tent card on the desk saying go, you know, pointing with an arrow,

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go here to sign in. And
I look and there's a dude on

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a screen and I'm like you talking
to me, and he's like, yeah,

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you checking in for services. I'm
like yeah. And he was real.

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He wasn't like a AI. He
was like a real He has a

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little curtain hanging behind him with the
extra care on it, but he was

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a home in his dining room.
No, he was real because I had

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to like put my driver's license in
and my health insurance card in the machine

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and it ate it and he got
it. I did all this stuff,

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all my forms, I put it
in and yeah, the future, Yeah,

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he's working from home. He was
not a robot. He was a

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human Okay, But again, jobs
like that, they don't always have to

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be at work all the time,
especially if they have the burden of childcare.

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Also, make sure that your health
insurance in your workplace. I'm talking

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to owner's boss as managers, make
sure your health insurance have robust mental health

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coverage, not just an app,
not just seeing a therapist in the office,

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but coverage that says you can go
out and get your own mental health

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services and we will pay for that. Also, listen to your employees and

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let them give anonymous feedback so that
they can improve and evolve in the workplace

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culture. And of course, the
APA recommends that workplaces need to design policies

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through a lens of equity, diversity, and inclusion. I mean, we

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hear these words all the time.
Let me tell you what it means.

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It means making sure that every employee
feels that they belong, that they are

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part of the family, that they
can be themselves at work, and their

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self might involve a certain kind of
attire, a certain cadence of speech from

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their ethnicity, a voice just a
way to talk, but a sense you

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have to give everybody a chance to
contribute, because hello, Hello. There's

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also research to show that the more
diverse the voices in your workplace, the

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higher your productivity and the higher your
profits. That is clear because who do

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you think you're selling to consumers?
And your employees have to reflect who these

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consumers are. Anyway, when people
feel like they've got more control over their

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lives, ultimately, it reduces psychological
distress and improves everybody's mental well being.

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All right, maybe you're an employee
not a boss. When we come back,

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let's talk about why you hate your
job and what you can do about

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it. You're listening the Doctor Wendy
Walls Show on KFI AM six forty.

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We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on

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00:17:56.640 --> 00:18:02.440
demand from KFI AM six four.
Hey, if I am six forty you

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of Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Showkayla,

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what's the worst job you ever had? We all had a bad job.

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Chicky's and Pete's waitressing in Atlantic City, New Jersey on the boardwalk. I'm

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at like seventeen hour shifts. We'll
owe them money at the end of the

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day. It was crazy there.
Oh my gosh. Yeah, well food

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and beverage. Man, that's hard, hard work. Mine was. I

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was in college, was I?
Yeah, I hadn't graduated with my BA

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yet and I had a job at
a restaurant as a hostess. But the

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restaurant was dead and I was told
I was not allowed to leave my hostess

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station. So I stood there totally
bored. Every once in a while,

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if I was lucky, I would
find a pile of napkins to fold.

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But the worst moment, because I
had a brain, I had to be

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thinking and talking, not just standing
there being a pretty face. And then

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the worst time is a group of
young women executives. This goes way back

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to the eighties. As they left, they said, I'd be bored to

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tears with your job. Wow it
back adding the shame onto it or something

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i'mdescending. Yeah, I did not
like that. You're a teenager. No,

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I was in college, so I
was like twenty one or twenty two.

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I've had so many weird job what's
the weirdest job you had? Was

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it that one? No? I
worked for a Dare after Dare wasn't even

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a thing, and I really did
the cacam kids off drugs. One.

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Yeah, I thought I think it
was a scam. Did you go to

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schools and talk to you No.
I stood outside of grocery stores asking people

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to donate to dare I think,
I really do think I was scammed for

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like I only did for like a
month or tube. I realized, like,

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this isn't this doesn't seem real.
You know. The most interesting weird

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job I had is one time I
walked. I worked for the Royal Canadian

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Mounted Police in their Historical Archives division. And my job, this was in

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the eighties, It was everything was
going on to be computerized or onto microfilm

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was to read paper old case files
and I had a whole list to decide

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if something had historical significance or not. That actually sounds really entertaining. I

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had to go probably had so much
fun. I had the pictures too.

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I had to go to the bathroom
with throps a few times. Why this

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wasn't a Dick Wolf show. This
was the real life. Yeah, that's

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rough head. You still like to
see him clearly. Actually the one,

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the one case that really got me
the most is uh. I think his

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name was Sergeant Marty MacComb. I
still remember his name. Father of three

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in his police cruiser got stuck in
a snowstorm, and he wrote love letters

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to everybody in his family, and
the police kept him in his personnel file.

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Oh this was in the seventies.
I would just ugly cry and he

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was he was buried in snow in
his car and he slowly died. He

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got in the back seat near the
end. And so say you didn't make

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it. Although I'm just telling everybody, if you ever traveled a cold weather

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here's a Canadian thing that obviously Sergeant
Marty McComb did not know back then.

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Keep in your glove compartment everybody,
if you go to ski resort, the

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mountains, whatever, just one pillar
candle, a six eight inch tall pillar

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candle. If you light it inside
and lighters matches something inside your car,

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it will keep the interior of a
car warm for at least twenty four hours.

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See, just keep a candle.
Oh that's good to know, but

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we didn't know back then. Yeah, it was a time. Okay,

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So those are my jobs, some
of them. I had jobs that I

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loved in jobs that I hated.
But a recent poll from Gallop Gallop Gallop

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people said that only of one billion
full time workers, Only fifteen percent like

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their work, an astronomical eighty five
percent of people are unhappy with their jobs.

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Why it's about the relationships. Now, stay with me. Your relationship

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with your boss. Maybe it's a
toxic relationship and the boss is a tyrant.

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Maybe you are being ignored and unheard. This relationship has more impact on

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your mental health than any other relationship. You know, you've got a choice.

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You're either going to get up and
get out the door, or you're

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going to find a way to have
a good relationship. Now, I want

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00:22:00.480 --> 00:22:03.039
to remind you your boss should not
be your best friend. Shouldn't be hugging

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or touching your boss, right.
They do have authority over you and you

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have to do a lot of y
s ma'ams. Okay, But having said

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that, if you're feeling completely unseen, unheard, dismissed, or somebody yelling

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at you for no reason, it
is okay to go to HR. I

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would say find somebody else at their
level who can be your advocate, who

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can support you so you can work
through that relationship. The research also shows

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that we have a terrible relationship with
the road. On average, people are

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driving longer and longer five days a
week now here in Los Angeles with freeways,

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it's worse than probably any other city
in America. But if you find

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yourself. You know that I have
a little farm up in Oregon. I

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spend some time up there, and
it's a big drive to get into the

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nearest city. It's fourteen minutes.
And everyone complains if I try to get

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a worker to come out, Oh
you're way out there. Don't know if

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I can do You were at fourteen
minutes, okay, guys, and I

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always come back with you know,
in LA we allow ourselves an hour to

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get anywhere okay, And they're shocked. Why would you do that? How

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could you live like that? And
here we are in traffic, feeling late,

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frustrated, our bodies aren't moving yet. We have the stress of traffic,

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but we're not able to get it
out of our system. You know

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that one of the ways to literally
improve your mental health and your relationship is

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your with your work, is to
just move closer to your work, or

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get work closer to your house.
You know, when I was a kid,

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we moved all the time because my
dad was military. My mom always

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wanted to buy the house that was
absolutely closest to the school because she wanted

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the three of us kids to be
able to walk to school. Now,

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when I became a mom in La
and I saw how hard it was,

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well, all the carpools and the
driving and the kids going to different schools

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00:23:48.039 --> 00:23:52.799
or whatever. I remember going out
and renting an apartment across the street from

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00:23:52.839 --> 00:23:56.160
a school, and my reletter said, why are you getting this apartment?

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00:23:56.200 --> 00:24:00.359
I said, ten drives a week. That's why I'm going to get my

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00:24:00.440 --> 00:24:03.839
life back ten hours a week or
more, maybe twenty, because it was

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00:24:03.839 --> 00:24:07.200
an hour each way by the time
you drive to the school and drive back,

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right crazy. Even if you love
your job, your mental health will

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improve if you change jobs as closer
to your house. That's just research on

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that, okay. And then I
mentioned earlier relationship with your work culture.

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You don't have a sense of belonging. That means you need to go find

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people in your organization who are supportive. You need to find out who's in

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your manager's network. Get other people
on your team right, make allies,

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make allies around the office. You
know, there's research to show why people

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hate their jobs. For many it's
because risk terrifies them. You know,

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the devil you know is better than
the devil. You don't. They're just

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afraid to make a change, or
it's because they know they're lazy. They

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don't want to learn something new.
The thought of just having to learn a

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new skill is terrifying to many people. Other people are in what I call

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00:24:56.559 --> 00:25:02.640
those golden handcuffs. Right is good, their benefits are good, their retirement's

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00:25:02.680 --> 00:25:06.599
good, but everything else is the
pits. But they stay with it because

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00:25:06.640 --> 00:25:11.240
on paper, they're living the life, but they're very unhappy. Also,

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there are people that just secretly love
to complain. That's it, that they're

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just whiners. People bond actually at
the workplace complaining about workplaces. That's something

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00:25:18.680 --> 00:25:23.640
that happens in every workplace. Some
people stay in their bad jobs because they're

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still, no matter how old they
are, trying to please their parents.

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They don't want to disappoint their parents
who said, no, you went to

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00:25:30.319 --> 00:25:32.359
medical school, you're going to be
a doctor. No, I want to

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work in forestry. I want to
be with trees or whatever. Right,

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or maybe it's your spouse or your
friends or anybody else who you live in.

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For now, here's what I know
for sure. There's lots of research

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00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:48.519
to show that if you have a
best friend at work. If you're able

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00:25:48.920 --> 00:25:55.039
to bond with a coworker I mean
friends with boundaries, right, then you

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00:25:55.079 --> 00:25:57.759
will not only be more protect productive, your mental health will be better,

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the company at large will be will
produce more. But it's hard for people

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to make friends at work. They
don't know where the rules are or the

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00:26:06.920 --> 00:26:08.720
boundaries are. Later in the show, back to the very end of the

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show, I'm going to talk about
how to make a best friend at work

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or anywhere else. But when we
come back, I've got some psychology tricks

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to help you get that promotion you've
been wanting for a long time. You're

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listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show
and I AM six forty. We're live

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00:26:26.559 --> 00:26:33.200
everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. You're
listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from

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00:26:33.279 --> 00:26:37.240
KFI AM six forty. Apparently he
wants a pay raise. Ki Am six

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forty of Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor Wendywaalsh Show.

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I have a PhD in clinical psychology. I've written three books on relationships,

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and I'm talking about workplace relationships because
they're so important to our mental health.

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But I love how psychology can be
used to get what you want in life.

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You know, every time when I
was in graduate school and my BA

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00:27:00.079 --> 00:27:04.799
was in journalism, I got a
midlife master's and PhD in psychology, I

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00:27:04.839 --> 00:27:10.440
would sit there and in every single
class I'd be like, Oh, my

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00:27:10.519 --> 00:27:14.359
goodness, everybody needs to know this. I can't believe they keep these secrets

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00:27:14.359 --> 00:27:17.799
for therapists that you have to pay
one hundred dollars or two hundred dollars an

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00:27:17.799 --> 00:27:22.599
hour for a fifty minute hour.
Actually, I think therapy is the most

385
00:27:22.640 --> 00:27:26.960
wonderful thing. I have the beneficiary
of some great therapy. But let's talk

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00:27:27.039 --> 00:27:34.599
about ways that you can get that
promotion that you've always wanted. Now,

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00:27:36.160 --> 00:27:38.359
first of all, I want to
say this, sometimes, depending on the

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00:27:38.400 --> 00:27:45.839
workplace, it is just not possible. You ever heard that saying you can't

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00:27:45.839 --> 00:27:48.559
get blood from a stone, or
doing the same thing over and over and

390
00:27:48.599 --> 00:27:52.799
hoping for a different result is the
definition of insanity. So, if you're

391
00:27:52.799 --> 00:27:57.359
in a workplace for a long period
of time and you're continue to be overlooked

392
00:27:57.359 --> 00:28:02.880
and overlooked and overlooked, you need
to make yourself into the shiny new penny

393
00:28:03.319 --> 00:28:07.680
for a different employer, because it's
not happening here. Okay. But let's

394
00:28:07.720 --> 00:28:11.400
say you started a job, you've
been there a year or so, and

395
00:28:11.440 --> 00:28:15.480
it's time for you to move up. Here's some advice I have for you.

396
00:28:15.440 --> 00:28:19.359
Be a perfect employee. First of
all, that means always be on

397
00:28:19.440 --> 00:28:22.839
time and ready to go. My
daughter likes to use the term a go

398
00:28:22.880 --> 00:28:26.640
getter. You have to be a
go getter. Right. So, even

399
00:28:26.680 --> 00:28:30.680
if you happen to work and one
of those workplaces that's kind of a little

400
00:28:30.720 --> 00:28:33.079
loosey goosey, it's got its own
quirky schedule, it's still better for you

401
00:28:33.160 --> 00:28:37.799
to be the one on time or
early. And that means every single day,

402
00:28:37.880 --> 00:28:42.920
for every single meeting. People who
are not perfect employees do not get

403
00:28:42.960 --> 00:28:48.599
promotions. Now here's the other thing. It's fun at an office to find

404
00:28:48.640 --> 00:28:53.079
all the problems that exist and complain
about them. But what if you become

405
00:28:53.119 --> 00:29:00.039
the one who doesn't just identify problems
in the workplace, but actually solve he

406
00:29:00.279 --> 00:29:02.880
them, actually go to the boss
and says, hey, I've got a

407
00:29:02.920 --> 00:29:04.519
great idea to make this thing more
efficient. What do you think of this?

408
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Right? That's how you stand out
as a growing leader. Now this

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applies whether you work at a big, you know, corporation, or whether

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you're at a smoothie shop and you're
like, hey, I just noticed we're

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wasting too much of the product because
we're pouring it before we hear them say

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large or small or whatever. You'll
find the problems. Here's a secret.

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Every human being on the planet wants
to work less. We want to do

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less work, all of us,
right, especially your boss. So if

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anything you can do to make your
boss's life easier and minimize their workload,

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the more that you will be appreciated
and recognized. Here's an example. Years

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and years and years ago, after
the Great Recession, I just got my

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PhD in clinical psychology. I had
come from the TV business right. I

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was a local news anchor and I
was a host of all kinds of shows.

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I have my own production company.
For a while, I knew how

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TV worked, and I said,
Okay, if I'm going to get on

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television as a voice, as a
psychological authority, in some way, I've

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got to reach out to producers.
By the way, when I was sitting

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around, sitting around birth and babies
and breastfeeding, a lot of my former

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colleagues had been promoted. So I
found them all on Facebook, and I

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started getting all their emails and i'd
look and see who their friends were and

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find out their colleagues, etc.
And I built this kind of email list,

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and every week I would send out
a little tip sheet. I would

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go through the news and I would
do one story on sports, one story

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on politics, one story on interpersonal
relationships, one story on something else going

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on in the news, and I
would say, doctor Wendy's take, and

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I'd just write one sentence, right. So then when a producer would try

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me out and be like, hey, so we're thinking and by the way,

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they never ever once used one of
the stories I pitched, but you

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know what, my weekly pitch sheet
kept me in their radar. So they

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started a call, and then more
would call. So then a producer would

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00:31:06.359 --> 00:31:08.119
call and they'd be like, hey, so we're thinking to have you on

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you know, Don Lemon on Saturday
whatever, and here's the topic in me.

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So you know, I'd say,
okay, could just send us a

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00:31:14.920 --> 00:31:18.279
few talking points, is what they
say. So you know what I would

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do. I would write the entire
anchor intro. I would write out his

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questions, my answers, and the
anchor clothes I'd write the entire segment out,

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which they may use or and may
not use. But they used me

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00:31:30.440 --> 00:31:33.920
over and over and over because I
did their work for them. Do that

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00:31:34.039 --> 00:31:37.799
for your boss, do that for
your co workers, and then you become

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00:31:37.960 --> 00:31:44.119
indispensable. And also, don't run
around taking the credit. Make your boss

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00:31:44.160 --> 00:31:48.799
look good. Make sure that you
make sure that your boss gets credit for

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00:31:48.960 --> 00:31:52.079
even a lot of the stuff you're
doing. I know, I know,

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00:31:52.240 --> 00:31:55.039
but that's how you get promoted.
That's how you're a team player. It's

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about being a team Also, here's
a psychological secret. Ask for advice.

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I know it seems totally counterintuitive,
but when you ask your boss for advice,

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00:32:06.240 --> 00:32:10.880
it can yield so many dividends because
humans perceive those who seek advice as

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00:32:10.920 --> 00:32:15.559
more committent than those don't. Asking
questions makes you look smart, makes you

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00:32:15.599 --> 00:32:19.680
look curious, makes you look like
you're going to be there a long time.

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00:32:20.759 --> 00:32:25.519
And also advance your education. Whatever
you can do to propel your career

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00:32:25.559 --> 00:32:30.359
growth. I know young people who
are working full time and then going to

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00:32:30.440 --> 00:32:35.400
law school at night. I know
people in fact, the technician, the

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00:32:35.519 --> 00:32:38.759
X ray technician at the urgent Care
today who took care of my foot x

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00:32:38.839 --> 00:32:43.079
ray. He was telling me that
he's also in nursing school at night.

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00:32:43.200 --> 00:32:45.200
You know, he wants to be
a full time, full fledged nurse at

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00:32:45.200 --> 00:32:50.119
some point. So always be thinking
about what other training do I need?

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00:32:50.119 --> 00:32:55.680
What else can I be doing?
Finally, don't expect immediate results. I

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00:32:55.720 --> 00:33:00.480
mean, yeah, focus on your
personal development. Find ways to become a

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00:33:00.519 --> 00:33:06.039
well rounded human. You know,
what I say about relationships in general is

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that happy people have happy relationships.
Happiness is an inside job. Workplaces don't

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00:33:13.759 --> 00:33:16.359
make you happy, they can make
you unhappy. People don't make you happy

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00:33:16.400 --> 00:33:22.519
or unhappy. It's what you do. So make yourself happy, practice some

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00:33:22.559 --> 00:33:25.319
self care, some self growth,
and then your workplace will get a lot

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00:33:25.359 --> 00:33:28.799
better. All right, When we
come back, can we talk about this

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00:33:28.920 --> 00:33:32.400
concept of limerens. It's a crazy
crush, and I think we'll go should

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00:33:32.400 --> 00:33:35.079
we be? Go live on Instagram
when we come back, and then we'll

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00:33:35.119 --> 00:33:37.920
be taking your calls after this.
Let's get into love, shall we?

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00:33:37.039 --> 00:33:40.079
When we come back. You're listening
to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI

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00:33:40.160 --> 00:33:46.039
AM six forty We Live Everywhere on
the iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to

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00:33:46.079 --> 00:33:50.759
Doctor Wendy Walls You can always hear
us live on KFI Am six forty from

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00:33:50.759 --> 00:33:54.599
seven to nine pm on Sunday,
and anytime on demand on the iHeartRadio app