Welcome to softcore History. Welcome back to softcore History. I'm your host for
the week, Dan d Chester, and I am joined as always by Jagleman.
Hey you and Rob Fox. Now, when did you take your vows?
Yeah? The last time you just looked different. Oh, I forgot
to tell you about this. Twenty nineteen. You took your vowels in twenty
nineteen. Yeah, you know, it was a dark year when I entered
the priesthood. Yeah, you went to the fucking what do you call it?
That cemetery? Cemetery. He actually thought he was getting on the scholastic
school seminary. Fuck, yeah, seminary seminary. I knew you had it
memory what it used to be. He thought he was getting on the scholastic
school bus, but it was the monastics school bus. Four years later,
we have Monk Dan. I was thinking about this the other day. I'll
have to look up what the name of the book was. But I bought
this Civil War book, like a historical fiction novel about this kid who fights
for the Confederacy in the Civil War. And it's like I read this when
maybe in like third grade, and like there's like a guy gets shot in
the stomach, he's like his friend and is like bleeding out in horrible that
book. It took place at the Battle of Shiloh. Yeah, both have
read this book. Yeah, Johnny Tremaine was in the Revolutionary War. I
also read that What Happened to Your Hand? Johnny read a lot of alien
weird books when I was a kid. Of course, you did board in
the Dinosaurs. I was reading not Surprise you really. I tell my wife
all the time. I'm like, here's what our kid is not going to
be into cars and dinosaurs because that's what idiots are into. Cool. I
was into egypt military men. Call me idiot all you want, I can
beat your ass. Yeah. Yeah, that's what that idiot's like. Okay,
all right, well, speaking of idiots, this week, I got
my subject matter from a video game. No way crazy weird. For all
of you that don't know, Dan is a fervent ass Creed fan. Big
ass Creed guy. Yeah, big ass Creed guy. He's dressed if I
guess, if you're listening along, we didn't really know this, but he's
dressed as a monk. I was looking for more of a tunic, but
I couldn't find it a party city, so you went to party City today
together, Man, I bet there was fucking I bet there was deals November
three whatever. I got this on like a thirty percent discount. Yeah,
yeah, he easily fucking deals. You probably could have haggled at party City,
but no, ended up with a monk outfit, which still kind of
works because, as we'll get into it, these are, of course people
that would be deceptive monks. Yeah, all monks. All monks are monks
priests. But first let's do some house cleaning. Patreon dot com slash softcore
History two additional episodes every week, one of which I did two weeks ago
on the siege of Baghdad, and we actually briefly discussed the order of the
assassins we did with the Mongols, just kind of running train. Yeah,
the Mongols, it was like a speed bump on the way to bag Dad.
For them, it was yeah, just like, oh what was that?
So for the main episode, the Day, I'm gonna dig a little
deeper into that order of assassins. But of course, Patreon dot com slash
softcore History, listen to that Baghdad episode, Listen to hundreds of evergreen hours
of content. Make sure to do that. Rob what are you doing right
now? I'm just trying to find that book. I'm obsessed with it now,
like I'm on a mission. We've moved past that so far. You
can probably stop if you haven't found it yet. It's over. It actually
never even happened. I think it was a fever dream. I was about
to say, you guys have like some sort of Mendela effect. Yeah,
brain going on, because I know you believe in that Rob Mendela effect.
Mandela believers you're not wrong. You slid into a different universe. There's nothing,
nothing, no stronger of a cognitive disassociation to that. Like that's what
this tattoo is. It's like, no, the entire my entire reality is
shifted timelines. It doesn't matter which lighthouse you walk towards, it's always the
same. Yeah, it must be way more comforting believing you live in a
house of mirrors like Christ's like, oh I think this. It's like it's
like, not only are you not wrong, but you're so special slid that
you can slide universes And it's not just me. There's a lot of the
South there. So it's actually, uh no, actually I'm not mildly embarrassed
here, I'm actually a god. What if? What if? What if
the Rapture actually did happen in two thousand and like, instead of it being
Hell and Brimstones, just like you just got shifted into just a shittier universe
where it's like, yeah, there's no cornucopia in the Fruit of the Loom
logo. Now yeah, sorry, this is hell God Yeah, awesome.
Make sure to leave a review again, please, and thank you five stars
Spotify, Apple. But you know, let's just get to the episode right
now, get into it. Let's do this again. This video game Assassin's
Creed that I've been playing since I was I don't know, like twelve.
The first came out when I was in college, so I was in high
school. Yeah, it is all kind of based around this real life order
of assassins. Is this the one that the word assassin comes from? The
hushy sine or whatever. Yeah, it's because they smoke cash and kill people.
Yeah kind of cool. Yeah, kind of cool when it spoil the
episode up? How is that spoiling it? It's a big part of like
later down the line, So the word assassin actually comes from man or men
who smoke hashish yeah, yeah, hussa song. That's just like a fun
trivia question. Yeah it is. But you know you can stomp all my
episode. All right, I'm sorry, I just flex I'm just trying to
flexic. I couldn't remember Sabinaria I had to get, and I couldn't remember
the book I had to Yeah. Man, I'm glad you pulled out a
win. Yeah yeah. But also I am a god whose lives to bechets
some of course. Now this order kind of originates from the Nazaris, who
in six thirty two a d. There was obviously that original schism over who
should succeed the prophet Muhammad. This split the Muslim community into Shiites and Sunnis,
Nepo babies and merit and crimes yeah yeah yeah, and socialists, yeah,
meritocracy and nepos. Yeah yeah. Then in the ninth century, another
disagreement over leadership arose among the Shiites. Followers of a leader named Ismael broke
off into their own sect. This male's in ten ninety five in his Melee
prince name Nazar was in line to rule Cairo in Egypt when he's passed over
in fIF favor of his younger brother Niser, briefly seized enruled Alexandria, but
was soon executed after executed secretly, no, okay, publicly, I imagine
very publicly. I don't know if it was like a trial or like a
sat hashishanated. This is the group that dedicates themselves to which we will now
find out. This man that was executed, Okay, so he was not
assassinated himself, but the Order of the Assassins are all kind of based off
this man's followers. Okay. So they were like, we love this guy,
let's make a secret society so drug using murderers. They loved him so
much they had to smoke hash and kill Yeah, in his name, man,
we'll get to it. All we do is drink bread and wine and
in our God's name. Yeah, it's really dumb. Yeah, doing hard
drugs and murdering. Yeah. His followers fled to Persia, where they found
their own branch of Ismailism and established their own line of succession. Male missionary
Hassan Sabah became the leader of the Order of Assassins. Nice. So this
dude, Hassan is kind of the key figure here. And what year is
it? He said, ten nineties? This was after to us. So
Nazer was executed in ten ninety five. Okay, so this is all gonna
be kind of early twelfth century. Yeah, okay, so we're ride around
the First Crusade too, right, Oh, there's a bunch of crusades going
on. Yeah. Yeah. Hassan was a deeply controversial figure, portrayed as
both a devout religious scholar and the father of modern terrorism. Oh damn.
So the assassins kind of started the whole thing. A lot of people compare
the order of the assassins to uh, like ground floor isis or oh yeah,
like al Qaeda, so not very organized. I kind of feel like
this guy is definitely not the father of terrorism. I feel like terrorism is
old as humanity itself, unless unless they're talking about like guerrilla terrorism. I
think that's what they mean, because like Likerilla, like his war is war,
not terrorism, Like, but you still like terrorize civilian populations in order
to get accomplished political goals. Right, so you go, right, like
people have been been doing that thousands of years before. Fucking yeah, that's
true. But I think there is something like there's something about it where it's
like not a cavalry coming through and like raiding a town. Yeah, yeah,
they didn't have enough man for that. Yeah. Yeah, so this
is yeah, it's like it's like isis it's like sleepers. They have pickup
trucks. No pickup trucks, no talk. Unfortunately, now Hassan, under
his leadership, the Assassins grew into influential religious and political power. In the
process, they at leashed a wave of murder that terrorized the Middle East for
centuries. So they really go, they're bucking from like eleven hundred to thirteen
hundred. It's a good run. It's a good two hundred year run.
Yeah. Anyone that oh about to ask how big is the actual group?
Do they ever get like a number count? No, But eventually it's like
fifty remote locations that like fifty bases, so somewhere around a couple hundred to
one thousand, couple thousand people. Okay, but so like not giant armies.
Yeah. Just then you say that, well, I guess bag Dad's
already sacked at this point. But the population of Bagdad was con sacked.
This is pre sacked. This is pre sacked. Oh right, right,
right right, And but the population of it was like a million or something.
Wasn't it. Yeah, Oh we did that some disjustice, I guess
on the show too. It would have been like Bagdad being sacked. Then
what was the thing you sent? It was like New York City, La
San Francisco, Tokyo, any major city you think of now like combined it.
Yeah, just being wiped off the map. Yeah, like every cultural
epicenter gone, like as far as like statistically with the percentage of the population
in the Earth compared to the one city. So it's just like some Russian
spilling coffee on the nuke button and everything launching. Yeah, the cities they're
still aimed at exactly. So Hassan would take any of his recruits under his
wing two nights in the garden. This is how he kind of locked guys
down. A lot of kids from like twelve to twenty. He would find
either on the streets or you know, if they didn't really have anything going
on, take them on. This guy's a father of terrorism. Yeah,
take him under his utilage. And it was a big fan of using opium.
Oh that's strong hoods. Well, there is hash, but opium are
for the recruitment nights. Oh that's like midnight huh. Yeah, So you
go to the garden with the san he gets you high on opium. He
brings in some ladies. You think he's out there, like, hey,
it's opium night with the brothers with the assassins. Come out in the garden,
Pledge pinning night. You get it. They get you a nice bottle.
Yeah, right, they're bringing out the Tito's or the fucking like something
with a name brand bullet. Yeah, you know what I mean, Like
yeah, and the rest of the rest of the semester, it's fucking it's
forced down your throat and it's well. Yeah, So you're getting sucked up
on opium. You're hooking up with probably some prostitutes, some ladies of the
night, you know, also orphans. You're like, oh, I remember
you from the alley. You're prostitute here. Now I'm a murderer here.
Now, Oh my god, look how far we've come. Look at us.
We did it. Look at us. And this is kind of what
he describes as like a sliver of heaven, the eventual goal. This is
like I can open it up for certain nights and then when you die,
this is your reward. This is what you'll kind of come in every night.
So this is the the origin of the origins. Yeah, Like he's
like, I'm gonna show you just here one two virgins. Imagine this.
They're definitely vergins. Yeah yeah, but I imagine if they were right,
So imagine if they were and there were seventy more. Yeah, like imagine
these chicks fucking you. But there were virgins, So they're much worse at
it. Yeah, and there's seventy of the And but you never not you
never nuh But I mean, you're twelve years old, some got old man
in the mountain brings you in to his garden. Oh, and you have
nothing going for you, You're just a street kid. Especially, this sounds
this just sounds like Jared Letto's house. Yeah. Unsurprisingly, they were painted
as heretics. The Nazari were hated by both the Shiai and Sunni Muslims alike.
They were constantly outnumbered and surrounded by enemies on all sides. The embattled
Nazari state did what it needed to survive. You know, I think it
says a lot about the fact that they were doing the right thing if they're
getting hate from all sides, because like, hey, if you hate me
so much, why don't you recruit better, right, they just recruit.
Well, you know everyone hates recruiters. Oh they do this all they do
up in the bag. Oh they're both giving them opio yeah bag, but
yeah, why don't you give them opium night, Maybe you'd be better at
recruiting. The sect created strongholds in the mountains of Persia and Syria and trained
a select group of fighters. For those who sacrifice themselves, the foota Yin
were known both for their devotion and their deadliness. According to some accounts,
Hassan would ask certain recruits to take a leap of faith, jumping off high
platforms or cliffs to their death to test their devotion. Well, they would
die, they would die. That seems like a bad recruitment. Yeah,
I don't know that that is. That's certain. There must have been like
a amount of time with him. I was about to say, there must
be like some sort of performance tests he's doing ahead of time where it's like,
okay, well these guys are going cliff cliffs, the leap guy.
Yeah, this guy, he's good. Put him in the assassin training.
So this is directly in the video game now where you jump into it like
a haystack. Yeah, yeah, or a thing of flowers didn't in real
life, he died. He just died. He just died. Cool.
But he just wanted to show the kind of power he had over his recruits.
Wow, and his men. That's great. It seems like a really
piss poor way. If I say jump, you say how high? You
say how how how far down? How far down? You want me to
take a gainer right now? Oh? Yeah. So Hazan realized he couldn't
just hold up in caves and the mountains and grows fallen, so he focused
on capturing the fortress Alamut in current day, I ran, okay, get
your fortune, so that he could just kind of like hold up in there.
Yeah, worst case, because the fortress Alamut was isolated and virtually impregnable
to outside forces, and it's two then two hundred year of existence, it
had never fallen. Unfortunately, at this time it was already occupied by the
enemies, the Sologoic Turks. Celdic, I think solojok celijk all right,
either way, the Turks, Yeah, them Turks, the solo jokes.
Hassan spent the next two years infiltrating his followers into Alamont. His followers went
deep undercover working in the surrounding town and even got jobs inside the fortress.
They slowly converted the majority of inhabitants to follow Hassan, and once it was
realized that he had the majority of the castle under his wing, he smuggled
himself inside and offered to purchase the castle from its owner. That's a nice
bargain. We can make you an off, you can ref you. It's
like fucking mow Green. Yeah, because everyone around once he gets in there,
Yeah, he's like, you know, everyone here works for me.
Uh. If you don't believe me, hey you uh jump off that cliff.
See they all they they will do it. Yeah. It seems like
a common theme with the last couple episodes two of Up. I'm gonna offer
you something. You really should take it. You should probably take it.
Take it. It'd be funny. What the guy should it had done has
been like, all right, if they're so devoted to you have have one
of you guys jump up a cliff like you say you can. And then
he does it, and he's like do another and just keep going until he
stopped. Just gotta you know, now you heard a little way. It's
like a pile of bodies. It's like, uh, one more. Yeah,
I don't believe you. I'm not buying this. Unsurprisingly, the official
took the offer. Oh he did. Yeah, that was good for him.
Got a nice little bag of gold on his way out. Did he
was fine. Nothing happened to nothing happened. That guy was smart. Yeah,
yeah, you know, we were saying, like, oh, on
the last one, that guy, you don't know what you had to do
or whatever. This guy had the same situation. He's like playing chess and
then like but at the end of like at the end of chess, if
you get checkmated, you can either shake the person's hand and go on about
your life or deny that you're in checkmate and they get to shoot you in
the face with a gun. It's just a pistol. But if you live,
if you live, then you win. The assassins carried out surgical strikes
against selected political targets. They trained to infiltrate, kill, and submit to
torture and death if necessary. The medieval faction typically acted in self defense,
attacked only political and military figures, but not the larger population. So like
in the professional no women nook kids. In military and politics, that's it.
Yeah, I mean that makes sense. Those are the only people that
have power. Yeah, in the video games, it's more for the greater
good that they commit these acts, right right, assassins. I'm sure they
want you to want to play the character in the game, you know,
But for this, it's more just self preservation. It's not necessarily for the
greater good. It's just like, hey, there are a threat to us.
We gotta take them out. There's some politician in town being like,
why are we letting assassins live in a fort outside of town? Hey,
hey, we should get that guy. Yeah him, he needs to go
for sure. Too many. That's a great question. Hey, all these
guys out here doing cartwheels and smoking hash and murdering captains. Yeah, and
they keep abjucting street girls out of the alleys and making them whores and then
and then street boys and turning them into it. I mean, it's just
and there's drugs everywhere, opium. It's just cartwheels and prostitutes and opium.
Guys. I'm just saying, yeah, I'm just saying, it's weird that
guy's dead the next day, so dead. At times they wouldn't even need
to kill though, They simply would break into a target's chamber, leave a
dagger through a note next to their bed with message that read, next time
this goes through your heart. Did they invent that? They invent the dagger
note? Yeah, they I think they are. That's the precursor to the
bullet on the front step. Yeah. Yeah. It's a nice power play
though, which is good. I was next to you, you were asleep.
That is scary. Yeah. If couple a knife and a nope,
I'm leaving town. Yeah, I'm done. Yeah. I wonder if he
ever like told them to The leader was like, man, and just so
you know, like if you do get caught and tortured at every like hour,
you don't say anything, and like however bad it is, and it's
just like Heaven's gonna be so much more rad for you. Yeah, Like
you're gonna have such a better heaven than the other guys, Like eighty two
virgins every hour, every hour, it's ten more yeah. Stack. The
Assassins would branch out from Alamut and form over fifty bases of operation through the
Middle East. They constantly came at odds with the soul Juncks. The fortress
of Shadiz in the modern Iranian providence of Isfahana or Isfahan was a good example
of the back and forth struggle. After successfully converting many of the surrounding towns,
the assassins seized the fortress and eleven huns. It remained under their control
for seven years, during which time the is mally converts and the region suffered
under a withern brage of Turkish attacks. So as soon as they get in
that fortress, they're just getting got by Turks. Different fourth though, oh
oh, they took another one. It's a different forta at least are different
Turks. So they're trying to branch out from alamat Alama. At this point
is just like nobody can go there. Okay, you're not gonna take it.
You're never gonna take it. Yeah, there's one way in. There's
so many choke points. There's a bunch of assassin I get. I mean,
your best case scenario would just be starving it out. But those fortues,
I mean, you're gonna have to have your army sit there for like
five years. It's basically, yeah, it's a it's a beehive. Basically,
you can't go in there. Celtics, by the way, should be
noted different than automans. Ah, different Turks. Okay, you know.
Eleven oh seven, Sultan Muhammad tap Are launched a concerted effort against is Molly
strongholds in his territory. The Sultan personally led a massive force against Shadiz and
slaughtered the entire garrison. The local leader of the assassins was skinned alive and
his head preserved as a grizzly trophy of the Sultan's victory. Oh they were
flying. Yeah, man, it's like it's nice, you know, like
when you just do the hits. Yeah, like the standards, you know,
it's like play the hits, the flas Yeah, take his head off.
Yeah, hey man, you flying flame like a champ. In the
very same year, they had a bit of a heat check. Oh well,
the soul jacks that is. Oh. They made another effort to destroy
the heart of the assassin powered Oulamut, But like I said, it's pretty
impregnable. Yeah. Yeah. This time they sent an army bent on vengeance,
led by the son of murdered Nazim al Mulk. Another siege unfolded,
during which many Ismali's in the surrounding area were killed. The assassins once again
managed to break the siege, but the sultan refused to quit. He sent
a third army to all of in eleven o nine. I mean, you
know, that's just he's a sultan. Yeah, but never here's no yeah
that and we're getting into sunk cost fallacies. Yeah yeah, this time the
siege would last eight years geez, and devastate the entire region around the fortress.
You know, sometimes I kind of think a siege might be good for
an economy, you know, like, but they're just probably stealing everything,
So a siege would be good for the economy outside of the place being sieged.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, siege no, but yeah, but everything
else. You know, you gotta the ring around it. People got to
grow more food, all this stuff. Also, I'm looking at pictures of
this and it's just like they just live on a mountaintop. Oh well that
makes it difficult. Like it's just I don't even understand how this was occupied.
What is it in gammon Thron's veil? Yeah, the veil, Yeah,
it's it's kind of similar to that. If I was to guess where
they got their inspiration from, it's probably this. I'm oh my god,
that's the des to this. He's ridiculous. How does anyone live here?
It doesn't even look it doesn't look comfortable. No, it really, it
really doesn't. I can't really why do they care at this point, It's
like if they're stuck there, there's nothing good there. Well, just as
they're about to break the assassins year eight, the Sultan dies and his armies
recalled. They're just like, yeah, we got better things to do.
I wouldn't say better, because after the Sultan dies, the soljier Umpire falls
in the civil war, So they got to take care of their own,
right. Yeah, It's like, we wasted a lot of resources on this,
like big fucking skycastle full of assassins for some reason. So they rebuilt
their fortress with the army, gone open trade relations with nearby powers, and
even started to tax the territory under their control. Yeah okay, so they
became gangsters, yeah, literal mafia. Yeah, organized crime. I'm sorry,
because they in a territory they occupied, they took taxes. It makes
you the mafia, make them the mafia. What's the difference between that and
the just ruling government? You know what? You fucking communists? I'm just
wait, I'm sorry. Me saying, oh, yeah, you're right.
You know what, you fucking an arco capitalist. Yeah, get your fucking
shit right you Yeah, it's okay. Hassan, the father of the Assassins,
died peacefully in eleven twenty four. Of course you did. At Alamut
died in his castle. That's great, Good for you, Hassan. He
was followed by a succession of leaders as the Assassins continued to expand throughout the
Middle East. Outside of Alamutt, the greatest center of the Assassin's power was
in Syria. Yeah, okay. It was there that the Assassins encountered the
Crusadan armies of the Christian West. Were they like an Antioch or something or
they had bases all up? Yeah, it's probably all around. They're running
into these folks. They didn't really have like a central I don't think location
in Syria, okay. The bizarre relationship between the Crusaders and Assassins is perhaps
best exemplified by the alternated friendship and animosity between the two. Because the Syrian
Assassins and the Knights Templar were kind of cut from the same cloth, they
sound very similar. What did the Knights Templar get high on Opium and bang
Horse. Nope, they were both religiously devoted, They had an inclination for
violence and extreme secrecy, and both believe that death in battle led to rewards
in the afterlife. Oh okay, isn't actually the Knights Templar the bad guys
in the first Assassin's creed in all the assassins creage kind of? Oh okay,
that's like one of the three lines, like how it's always Gannendorf.
But they're kind of from our research, they're a little bit more homies than
enemies for the most part. Yeah, because they're all they're both going against
the same like kind of Muslim enemies the same Yeah, like powers in the
area. Yeah, because they're not Sunni or she. They're their own,
their own thing. Yeah, that actually makes sense. So the many similarities
spawned a number of wild theories about the exact nature of the relationship between the
two groups. Some historians have even suggested the Templar rule was derived from the
Assassins, and that their exposure to the sect was the reason behind the later
charges of heresy against the Templars. Oh for them doing their weird shit underground.
Yeah. So remember we've talked about this in like previous episodes with the
Templars, how they I think the Pope just excommunicated all them. Yeah,
it's because they were hiding the Holy Grail and the truth about Jesus bloodline.
Oh. I think it was just because they associated with this group. Yeah.
No, I definitely, it definitely was not the plot da Vinci code.
Oh I let's say it's not a damn brown book. Yeah yeah,
no, yeah, Okay. However, not always peaceful between the Templars and
the Assassins. The Assassins turned on their former allies, uh and murdered Count
Raymond, the third of Tripoli, a prominent leader of the Crusaders. Oh.
I can't even trust an assassin? Can you trust? These days?
It's just used to be honest work. It used to be people used to
be, Yeah, the people used to have honor. People definitely weren't always
stabbing each other in the back. I don't know what ten year window of
earth people were like. It used to mean something, Yeah, never did.
It's always been violent. Yeah, it's always been absolutely cutthroat. Yeah,
it's this is the most rules we've ever had. Yeah, it's a
mostly blood and ship wall in a wall. I don't know what to tell
you. Man. Yeah, it used to be man, used to be
a murderer. You put in the ground and it grew a thing back when
men were men. He's like stealing boys and giving them child whose It's like,
that's a man getting hooked on drugs. It's like, that's a that's
a man, not like today with all the kids on drugs. Same as
it ever was. Yeah, damn it can't. Perhaps their most famous target
was the Crusade leader Conrad of You're gonna have to correct me on this.
Monte Ferret can't. I'll probably have to read it. I can't, just
Mont Ferret, Yeah, why not? All right? Sure, if it's
French, it's probably who was intercepted as he walked home from dinner with a
bishop in the city of Tyree in modern day living on tire actually tire,
Yeah, okay, and stad to death just days before he was scheduled to
be crowned King of Jerusalem in April of eleven ninety two. Oh that's not
a good. That's not good. It's funny to me though, that,
Like, was he just at a restaurant? I guess eleven ninety two just
like going out with this boy. Yeah, with his bishops like chilling.
Yeah, what was like a deli you're getting? Like do you think that
a street cart back then? The kebab krt? Yeah, that's definitely they
probably did. Yeah, they probably had street vendors selling foods. Yeah,
yeah, this is how they did it. They were disguised as monks.
Oh sick, and they murdered the future king of Jerusalem. Did you pat
him down before when he was when he came in in this shook his penis
as his tradition. Yeah, that's how we greet each do anything else.
Yeah, that's actually that reminds me of that scene in Munich where they shook
each other's penises. Yeah, yeah, good scene. Different film than what
ipp oh that Munich right right, which seen to me. Both they shout,
like all the massad dudes like walk up, dress his chicks to the
I think Palestinian, uh fucking guard post or whatever, and then just like
whip out their I don't know uzzi's or whatever the zis. Yeah. Now
many believe they were acting as killers for hire. For one, this is
a name you'll you'll know, Richard the Lionheart. Whoa So they had some
like I guess some like diversion in political suspicion, Like they were like people,
they were doing it for their own reason. But people are like,
oh, that might have been Richard the lion's heart. But also sometimes you
gotta pay to play, like we need to make some money. Richard Linhart
needs to get rid of this feature. King of Jerusalem. Oh you think
they took a contract. Yeah, they were contract killers. Oh okay,
why because Richard wanted to be King of Jerusalem. Richard led the Third Crusade,
which started shortly after uh, not the Second Crusade in it, but
after Jerusalem was retaken. Interesting. Fuck, I did not know that.
That's a twist. It's crazy. They got all the way down there.
How did they fucking get down there? Like, I just how I just
don't understand how land could be occupied that well back then, I mean,
all you gotta do is keep the army there. They hold up in castles
and yeah, you build fortifications. Yeah, then you're good to go keep
an eye out. You don't really need to occupy the surrounding land. Yeah,
you just gotta be able to roll out. Yeah, Like it's not
like uh, you know, you think about like the US invasion of Iraq,
right, Yeah, we had des everywhere, right, you know,
like that's what I'm thinking of. Yeah, yeah, No, so they
just would build like a stab, they'd establish a settlement or a fortification of
some sort. Yeah, they'd roll out, collect their taxes and kill you
and if they needed to whatever. Yeah, that's just crazy though. Still,
the sheer amount of like will it would take to get that done,
it's honestly a pretty impressive undertake. I mean, when you start talking about
times like this, people are like, oh god, monarchy and stuff,
it's like they fucking earned it, they are. It's not like it was
easy to do it, right, Yeah, Like, I mean that's why
it was like that. That's why it was like that until like what two
hundred fucking years ago, two hundred and fifty, one hundred, one hundred,
like yeah, I mean, oh no more than hundred's twenty twenty three,
yeah, one hundred and twenty. Yeah, it's it's we're brand new
off that shit. They're one hundred and twenty years ago. They were absolute
monarchs ruling Russia. Nothing's changed there, I suppose uh Germany, uh fucking
who has an absolute monarch now? Probably just Jordan basically. Yeah, I
mean it's actually Russia has an autocrat but not a monarch. Yeah, there's
a there's a lot of places that have monarchs under the facade of parliament.
Yeah, King Charles. Yeah, but you know they'd be sick if King
Charles was actually the puppet master just running everything, or what if he just
like let it charge you, like I'm taking back my country, dude.
Honestly, there would be a not insignificant amount of people who would be like,
I would guarantee a least I get, I guarantee you at least like
thirty percent. Yep, all for it. Yep. The assassin's adversaries had
a loss of explaining and their effectiveness portrayed them as fanatics driven by vision of
paradise induced by smoking hashish. Were they wrong? You know, the truth
lies somewhere in the middle. I feel like if they were walking off a
cliff, and I believe you said their recruitment night was opium and horse,
so I think the middle is dead center in the middle of that statement,
like nailed it. A lot of this information is kind of secondhand notes,
secondhand information from outsiders because and we'll get to it eventually, but like a
lot of their own record keeping was obviously destroyed by the Mongols. Oh right,
Yeah, and they have like a really big library in Alamut and they
had a giant amount of like they were pretty good at keeping that record and
it's all gone interesting but the only people that really kind of documented what they
did were their enemies. And weirdly, Marco Polo. Marco Polo was in
a on this ship Let's go man. He was everywhere he was. He
was thing rolling with the fucking Mongols, wasn't he. He definitely went to
Asia, he was in China. Isn't that the whole premise of that Netflix
show. I never watched it. He definitely meets I know he. I
haven't watched it, but I know he like meets them, like meets a
in the show, meets like a Mongol or whatever. But I'm pretty sure
he met Genghis. I don't think he met Gangas because he was in the
show, not in life. Yeah, because he was born in twelve fifty
four would have been a little hard. Yeah, twelve fifty four Marco Polo
was. That doesn't line up to this, then, Well, my assumption
is so like a lot of history back then and certainly further back like our
best accounts of like certain things in Angels, like fifty or seventy years later.
Yeah, Herodotus was like would write about things that happened like one hundred,
two hundred years. They would find probably scattered documents and try to like
they were content aggregators basically. Yeah, literally, they were aggregating, right
that, and or they would be or they would put into paper on like
just like the common like the cultural lore. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, totally. So Marco Polo and others would circulate their legend,
including claims that they were in thrall to an old man in the mountain,
which was Hussan. Oh that makes sense. Yeah, it seems well if
they say so. Yeah. And also you know, A, you've probably
got a lot of surviving stuff. Is anti assassin propaganda? Oh totally.
And b it's like we talked about with the Native Americans and the giants or
whatever. It's just like every time you retell the story you catching the fish,
it gets bigger. Oh right, right, right, the exaggeration gets
more. Marco, from his own word, his own mouth, his own
pen described them as from the ages of twelve to twenty years, selected from
the inhabitants of the surrounding mountains who showed a disposition for martial exercises and appeared
to possess the quality of daring courage. So what was happening was a bunch
of dudes were rolling out from the castle and being like, that kid's kind
of buff. That kid's kind of buff. He likes to fight a little
fighting, And it's like, oh dude, he's got a good ground game.
Yeah, oh man, he can grapple. Yeah, just like scoping
the dudes, you know, you go out, Yeah, do a little
scout visit. You think they rolled up in like a visor and a dry
fit assassin polo probably, Yeah, some Jim shorts. Yeah yeah, the
real fancy ones coming into a helicopter to impress him. Well, I guess
back then a hang glider or something. Yeah yeah, well we just hang
lighting onto my goat farm. Oly, shit, man, I gotta join
that there go to method of assassination. Dagger. That's a good that's a
good method. Public need to make a statement. Very cartel, very cartel.
I like that, And they like that dagger because obviously more blood.
Yeah, I mean they wanted to be as griosome as possible in front of
as many people as possible, because it sends a message while also accomplishing goal.
And they were the og kind of suicide bombers. A lot of them
knew when they went on missions, like we're not coming home. Yeah,
it's gonna be public, so I'm gonna get and a lot. If they
killed the guy, they would give themselves up and just get cut down.
Yeah, they would never be captured, but they would allow themselves to die.
Yeah, the suicide by whatever is about to kill you. I guess
suicide by cop. Yeah, suicide by Middle Eastern cop. But yeah,
ancient or Middle whatever. Uh, that's really funny that they're just like,
we got to make a mess. Yeah, make it messy, make it
gross. But they would often pose as lowly servants, harmless civilians, religious
clerics. They're like, man, the fucking butler is yoked. Like why
are all of the like bell boys here like the strongest men I've ever seen.
They're all high. They're all high as shit. I expect that out
of a bell boy. Yeah, I mean, I guess fair. I
wonder like how strong the hash was. I know, like if it's a
enough I wonder because like hash is pash, like that is hash. Like
it hasn't changed a whole lot, like I think the oil and stuff has.
But like hash is still strong now. But it's the same stuff that
we were getting back then. It's not like flower, you know, right
right, And so you weren't safe anywhere. You could be in your bedroom,
your chambers, you could be with your homie just getting nice dinner.
You be coming out of the mosque. Oh they didn't give a fuck.
Huh. Just not in the mosque, not in the massua outside. I
see, Catholics will do it in the church. Who was that your episode?
Wasn't it what where guy got assassinated in the church or something like that?
Oh? Yeah, yeah, that was the that was the chief.
Yeah, yeah, you're making me leak a spaghetti all over the pew.
So the Order and survived two hundred years of battles against the Turks, the
Crusaders, any you know, just kind of enemy in the Middle East around
that time. But they ultimately met their end or at least as a power,
because they do exist today. What excuse me, they do exist.
Cover that later. We're gonna get to that. We'll get to that.
Oh good, good, good good. Explain that please, they were finally
over on and overmatched to Alam by the Mongols. Of course they were.
There is nah t shirt. Remember the album? Remember the album that No
one will buy that sh Yeah, that's a real deep cut, real quick.
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the fucking Mongols do it though. They're just like a fucking wave.
Yeah, you can't, can't stop. They're like the fucking like Borg or
some crazy World war Z shit. Yeah, literally literally World WARSZ shit.
Yep, you could. You just know you're not safe on the moon twelve
fifty six are a boy? Who will you? And the soldiers just burn
that bitch to the ground, like you know what, like ha ha,
Our fortress is impregnable and those like cut to ten minutes later everyone's dead.
It's like, oh, so you're trapped in our new oven. We're gonna
just smoke you out of this thing. Yep. Yeah. Its prize library
was burned, destroying much of the recorded history of the Assassins. The last
grand master of the sect, Muhammad, the third son Kershash, was taken
to the Great Cohn's Court in chains and uh yeah, once it gets back
to Mongolia is beaten to death in front of the court. Oh sweet,
that's a long trip. Yeah, it's a long way to go just to
be all right here he is beat him up like Pinata Knight. Yeah.
Mongol camp pieces of hymn falled out, just little bones of candy. So
the Persian branches, they all kind of crumble and fall. Obviously, the
capital's gone, They've lost it. The Syrian branch of Assassins survived the initial
mongol onslaught in twelve sixty. They allied with the Mamelukes and helped to drive
the Mongols out of Syria. Okay, However, without the power and influence
of Alamut, the isolated Assassins had little chance of survival. Their Mameluke allies
soon turned on them and conquered the last remaining strongholds in Syria and in the
main period of the Assassin history, the Mamelukes, of course, being the
unsullied Yes yeah, the slave warriors from Egypt. Yeah yeah. After the
destruction of the Assassin centers by the Mongols, the group scattered wildly, and
despite often face and prosecution, managed to preserve their religion, and according to
the Institute of Ismali's Studies in London, today the community still survives and has
spread across five continents in thirty countries. How many is Mali Muslims the other
day? So that's I want to know? Is that? Like that'd be
funny if like that, Like, so, are these like just like Muslim
Mormons? But they start out way cooler than our Mormons. Yeah, they're
just like the weird third sect right, Well? Is Mormonism the third sect
even of Churse, I wouldn't call it Protestantism, would call them Protestants.
Yeah, I guess they kind of just start on their own ship with the
gold tablets and all that. Yeah, have no like it says there's twelve
to fifteen million of the assassins. Small, Okay, Well, are there
are the assassins people that claim that still rolling around and organized? M Something
you'd have to ask and is Molly where where are they don't revocated? Are
they still mostly in like Persia or in Iran? I guess they are spread
from South Asia, Africa, Middle East, Europe, in North America,
even Australia. Infiltrated every continent Antarctica. They got one day, they got
a base down there. Yeah, there's just two guys. It makes you
wonder so was Obama and as Molly Muslim. That is the story of the
Order of the Assassins. Who's today's Hitler? Today's Hitler? I mean,
there wasn't really a bad guy per se, but the guy who founded it
was a bad guy. Yeah, I mean was he we you didn't tell
the story in the way that there was a protagonist antagonist situation. Yeah,
but like very clearly the guy who founded it was a piece of shit,
like not for you know, mustling a guy out of a fort, but
just that the hassan, Yeah, just taking kids and getting him hooked on
drugs, I think. And yeah, it's not even that part really,
it's the hey watch this jump? Yeah, like yeah, that part.
Yeah, like cool man, you did it. It's like, you know,
who's the Hitler of the Godfather. It's kind of Michael Corleone. Yeah,
you know, I guess you don't like a good anti hero. It's
the anti hero. Yeah, it's well, I mean I do love Hitler,
So I don't want to. I don't know, I don't I don't
know if you can qualify him as an anti hero Hitler. Yeah, yeah,
there's no hero. Well, I know it means anti, like I
know what anti means, but like that term's almost been changed. Yeah,
there's something at least slightly redeemable, but like there's something redeemable about Tony Soprano.
There's something redeemable, but there's hardly anything redeemable about Tony Soprano. But
they're still slip. There's a sliver. It's like, uh, Don Draper,
slight sliver of like, Okay, he has a conscious at least it's
just like Walt from Breaking Dad. I guess he's well then, I mean,
I guess Hillard kind of is an anti hero in a way, like
let's not do this, we don't need to keep walking down this bit road.
Well it's okay, I'm doing it, so I'm going to keep walking
it. I go for it militarily, very up to snuff. I think
as far as like getting shit done, I guess there's a lot of it's
actually that's a whole episode we could do on who's responsible for the success there?
Well that and also just like did they get really lucky? They might
have because a lot of people are starting to say like like France was just
pure luck. Yeah, could be. Yeah, And my understanding is France
just kind of laid down. France kind of got like okay, let me
put let me put it this way. France was that Ben Asker knockout the
knee, the knee to thee. Yeah, that was kind of what happened.
It's like they got just domed him, or like what happened right right
right because it was like so out of nowhere, because they were getting ready
to fight and it's like, oh, dude, this is gonna be a
real ass fight. It's gonna be a good ass fight. And then flying
knee kick. Yeah. I feel like the Nazis were like surprised too,
They're like, oh fuck, yeah, we were totally I think Mazda,
I'll just get it. He didn't know he was gonna land, you know,
like land it perfectly. Derek Close has since done it. It was
awesome. Do you guys learn anything today? Yeah? I learned. Midnight's
always been a thing. You know. Blank with the Brothers is a timeless
format. Yeah, Blank with the Brothers in the Garden. Fraturney has so
so much more in common with terrorism than I thought, are you kidding me?
Like almost every bro activity is so close to terrorism it's a joke.
Yeah, that's what I learned was if you took your for journey, went
back in time, and just had the right strategy, you could take out
giant armies. I'm sorry I went like hunting earlier this year. Most of
the time I was just in camo on the back of a truck with a
semi automatic rifle. Yeah, that's ninety percent of isis yep. Yeah,
just rolling around with your boys and camo and a gun in the back of
a truck. That's why the Taliban hates their lives now, No, because
the fun part is just riding around in the truck. But there do you
take away the shooting of the gun and the killing it Fucking hunting and terrorism
is the same thing. Like you're on. Did you consider these guys terrorists
or more just their own thing? I think they're closer to organized crime than
terrorism. Yeah, well there's a political bent to it, yeah, I
mean, like rism is just the label enemies give, like opponents of that
group give to those groups too in a way, Like I mean, I
suppose were they so were they primarily a political force or did they have any
anything else that they did. No, just the sect of religion that was
super devote to Uh. I believe Shiite Muslim believes they're just hardcore she Heites.
Okay, huh so they're okay, so they're radicalists. Yeah yeah,
but that at that time, that's kind of political. I mean, religion
in politics is the same side of this, that's the same coin. Yeah.
Yeah, but then we're never going after like giant groups of people that
were civilians. It was always just like political assassination. That's why the fact
that it was political and military it makes me think like, well they had
it was causing terror to civilians, but very rarely would they touch them.
Yeah, I mean, it's still it's kind of weird. Right. I
think we could do a whole fucking thirty minutes on the disinbiguation of like terrorism
versus like terrorism as a group versus terrorism terrorism as a tool used by a
group that's not exclusively a terrorist group, right, right, right, there's
a lot of different ways to shake that out. Ye know, people like
to toss around like skates, but terrorism that's just like war kind of It's
a lot of times, yeah, like it's it's hard to really get there.
Do you just try to shoot web no shouting to get the blade to
come out on my Oh yeah, OK, that'dn't sick if you had one.
But it was just like a real jerry rigged ass, like a butter
knif kitchen knife. Yeah, fucking pops out. No word on whether or
not they had those little blades that came out of there. Did you chopped
off finger? Did you dive deep on that? No? Not really?
I mean obviously the video game is gonna take its own liberties. Yeah,
make the story a little bit more digestible for people and cooler, yeah,
and give you like a reason the route for the guy you're playing. Guys,
I think the video game isn't doing enough because you don't even get to
do Midnight in the video game. There should be like the entire it should
start like NCAA football where you're a recruit. Yeah, and like you're getting
recruited by Hassan and you gotta like, you know, go to what Opium
with the brothers night and like you gotta play through that. You did say
you have to walk off a cliff or something, though, don't you some
people that he I guess probably didn't think was as valuable. Would he would
ask them to jump off the cliff and die? No, but I mean,
like in the video game, don't you like jump off a cliff?
Oh, there's plenty of locations where you get to a high point. You
just jump into a stack of hay, A good stack of Hey there always
helpful, Yes, breaks your fall key Matchine if that was like totally true,
inaccurate to history, like, all they would have to do is be
like, all right, we gotta stop putting the bales of hay, like
right under the roof lines. Guys, stop storing your hay where the assassins
can jumpy. It's helping them get away. Please stop doing this. Yeah.
I just thought it was cool that it was a real organization and there's
some historical base to the video game. Yeah, no, I mean it's
great. I wish there were more games like that. Honestly, there aren't
too many. There's some good I think, like a lot of the historical
games are ones that I don't really play, which are like set piece kind
of like strategy games that you Yeah, most most history games are like strategy
games. All duty used to be. Yeah, World War two Metal Honor.
Yeah, they don't smoothed away from that and like modern warfare, but
it's hard to yeah, and it's hard to make a fun and like somewhat
accurate game. It feels like anything before World War One because like like reload
time alone exactly. So there's this game. It's an interesting game, and
I like watching videos of it sometimes, but it's like a civil war multiplayer
first person she called War of Rights, and like it's interesting, but like
you have to get in a line with a unit. You have to like
have a klan or whatever, you know, you get it like, and
it's just it's a fucking lot and anything before that before Gunpowder is just like
a hack and lash game. Like I've watched some gameplay on those. There's
some something called Rise of Rome if you've heard of that. I think it's
on like PlayStation Xbox like that you like are invading England or something and fighting
celts and shit. But it's like, I mean, it's like really Arcadie
and it's not it's that like Assassin's Creed, like you can do that like
some fights and stuff like that. But if you like a full hack and
slash, battle is kind of weird. Yeah, I mean it. I've
had a couple of those battles though, in like the Viking game for Assassin's
Creed, and then they had the one. I mean they have like naval
battles. Oh that's sick. That's pretty cool. Uh. The video game
I remember the most that's a history video game is Mario History. Did you
ever play that? It's a Mario Francie. It's a Mario franchised history game
where you like surf through time like so there's a whole surfing element to it,
and you go into like whirlpools and you end up in like it's the
day that Magnakata is getting You have to learn about the Magna Carta, and
then you end up back in a castle. You're trying free Luigi. I
think, yeah, but you have to with hists Christopher in this house.
It was a Super Nintendo game. It was called like Mario History or like
Super Mario History. It is the weirdest game I've ever played in my life.
Nothing for that, Sorry, No, he was asking what the game
was your Your Mario impression was fantastic Mario's time Machine. Yes, it's that,
but also the the soprano callback. Oh, I'm sorry, you do
the joke again. It's okay, I'll do it again. Damn Dae.
I need to play through this. We need to get a a ram of
it or something. Yeah, I don't playing through Mario's time machine. I
wonder if it's floating around in any of my ship because I have some old
Super Nintendo games floating around. Oh it was a computer it was on Nintendo,
but it was also a computer game. Yeah it is. Ah is
weird. Is a weird one. I'm excited that we have Thanksgiving coming up
later this month, and uh, I think a work might be out of
town, so might have like a whole week where I can just play video
games. Hell yeah, dude, So I'm gonna fan this game. I'm
gonna fucking kill some some of the Caliphate. It's fun to beat a game.
You don't ever never have that much time to die. I know,
I put so many hours into uh the last one, Valhalla, and just
never finished because once you fall off, it's it's all oh yeah, you
gotta stay consistent on some of those. So with that said, make sure
to not miss one of these podcasts if you're a listener. In software history,
we love you. Keep listening for all the past episodes, all the
future episodes. Listen to the Patreon episodes again. Patreon dot com Last Software
History. Yeah, leave a review please and thank you. And for Rob
Fox and Jay Goldman. I'm Dan Rochester and you just gots all served