Since the dawn of time, we've shared stories. They remind us of who
we were, who we are, and who we wish to be. Through
story, our ancestors speak to us, passing on wisdom and truth from the
past, and stories prepare us for the future. If only we listen.
Welcome to episode two of Listen. My name is Daniel Foytech, and I
love a good story. Listen is about one of my favorite activities and if
you're here, hopefully one of yours too, listening to great stories. Please
remember that Listen is your show. It grows by sharing, so if you
love story, please share it with your family, your friends. And if
you know a great storyteller who is working on building their following and who should
be featured here, let me know and let them know. Story belongs to
all of us, so share it with all You can. Support the tellers
you here in this podcast by picking up one of their CDs or books,
and by attending live tellings whenever you can. I like to keep my introductions
short so you can focus on the stories, so let's move along the stories
featured in this episode. We're recorded live at the twenty fifteen three Rivers Storytelling
Festival. In Pittsburgh, PA. For more information on that festival, please
visit www dot three r STF dot org. Today's featured teller is Joanna Demerist.
Joanna has been telling stories to children and adults for over twenty years.
Joanna specializes in American historical traditional in Southern tales, go stories, storytelling workshops,
nature and campfire programs, and her own unique Ladybug Stories. Joanna's website
is Joanna Demorest dot com. Our camp was known for three things. First
of all, it was in the wonderful wiles of the Poconos Mountains in eastern
Pennsylvania, and we had all kinds of wildlife. We had squirrels and bunnies
and possums and skunks and snakes and a four hundred pound black bear. Now
the bear normally lived on the other side of the lake that was on the
property, but would occasionally come over to get them tasty tidbits out of our
dumpster. We would occasionally see each other, me when I'm walking early in
the morning around the camp, her scurrying away from the stumpster, and I
would show her away. She would kind of prompt me and keep walking along.
Now, this second thing that our camp was known for. We was
our some more's competition of that, you know, making that traditional girl scout
treat, ramping it up a little bit, maybe putting a little peanut butter
in there, or taking and using thin mint cookies on either side instead of
Graham crackers, or the counselor's favorite, the rum punch variety. And the
third thing that this camp was known for was well our pranks. Now,
as Jim was saying earlier about pranks, now, we had some rules about
the pranks at our camp. They could only be between counselors and no one
could get hurt. And you know, we had the normal things that switching
the sugar and the salt shaker, or taking and taking saran wrap and wrapping
around the entire platform tents that we slept in, making it so you have
to cut your way out in that early morning run to the latrine. But
I tried to say, aloof above these pranks, I would go into the
dining hall. I would eat my sugary eggs and drink my salty coffee.
I tried not to pay any attention. And even the morning when I came
down to the dining hall and I looked out the big windows out to the
lake. There was the golf cart that I used to drive around camp.
It was on the floating dock which they had swum out into the middle of
the lake and anchored. I noticed. I sat I ate. I went
over to my head counselor and said, I'll just eat my golf cart by
ten o'clock please. Somehow this seemed to up the antie with them. They
wanted to get to me. Well. That night was the Samors competition.
The caramel Delight variety with karam and coconut won that year, and at the
end of everything got cleaned up. The girls took care of cleaning up the
crumbs and whatnot. I went off to bed. Well, i'mbeknownst to me,
my lovely counselors decided to see if they might get a critter running through
my tent in the middle of the night. So they took all those crumbs
from those caramel delights some moors and scattered them in a nice line from the
woods right into my tent and tossed a few crumbs inside. I'm sound asleep
and I wake up to this strange noise and I look up and there is
a black nose sticking into my tent. I'm a possum. I'm not moving.
Now we had nicknamed this bear Blackie. Blackie starts wandering into the tent,
knocks my shoes out of the way for some crumbs, bumps my tent,
out of my cot out of the way, sports having a wonderful time.
I'm a postum. I'm not moving. Blackie turns finally, after getting
every crumb, turns and walks out of my tent. Needless to say,
the next morning, the counselor's got a rise out of me. I went
and explained to them about the second rule, that no one was to get
hurt, and explained that you know, we have rules about the animals.
No more food in the tents. I went to my tent. I cleaned
the entire tent out that night, going up feeling that I was pretty safe
and going to sleep and not having any middle of the night visitors. You
can imagine my surprise when in the middle of the night and I look up
and there's Blackie again. Just close my eyes gone, please just go away,
Blackie. Just there's nothing here. But I'm not saying a word,
and come on, it got real quiet it's opened one eye, and there
at the end of my bed were great, two great big brown eyes.
Blackie looking at me like this. She growled, and I swear it sounded
like small. Blackie turned and walked out of the tent. Now we had
been actually trying to have Blackie removed from our property for a while, and
I had had several times for Fishing Game and wild left to come out and
put one of those great big barrel bear traps out there. And she was
smart, she would never get into that trap. Well, now I knew.
Next morning I called Fishing Wildlife and say, come on out, guys,
you know put out this and I know what to put in it.
We put a few dribblings of some more makings in there, and the next
morning there was Blackie looking kind of dejected in the trap. But before the
ranger went to drive away with the bear, I went into the kitchen.
I got five or six boxes of Graham crackers, four or five bags of
marshmallows, and a big old box of chocolate and took him and threw them
into the trap with Blackie. She winked at me. I winked back at
her, because I know she was going to be back next year for some
more Good morning. I'm so excited to be here. It's been It's so
fun to be able to tell this year instead of being running around and working
the whole time. So, how many of you out there own a GPS?
Raise your hands? Okay, now some of you did not. You
know, there are three tie of people in this world. The first type
are those people who don't own a GPS, and they give all of their
directions by landmarks. Go down to the third street at the white church.
No, it's a second white church. Turn right, go down, go
through the parking lot, across that alley and through the bank, and there's
the doctor's office. Those are people like my sister. There are also people,
those of you who did raise your hand, who own GPS's and you
will put an address into that GPS and you will follow it blindly. I
love my husband dearly, but this is what he does. He will be
driving down the freeway and it will take him off of the ramp, around
back onto the ramp, and back onto the same freeway and keep going.
He calls it an adventure. Then there's people in the world like me.
I will get the GPS. I will put the address in, but prior
to that, I will have gone to Google Maps. I will have planned
out exactly the route I want to go. I will take the little man
and put him right on the spot where I'm going to go, so I
can see the building, I can look around, I can see where parking
is. Well, even when I'm taking a long trip, will write down
a little cheat sheet of all the roads that I want to go on,
because I know better, I know the better route. A GPS can take
you a million different ways. It can take you the fastest way, the
shortest way, the most unrestricted way, but that's not necessarily the way that
I want to go. And well, that's when the GPS wars begin,
one battle after another, where I will put in an address. We will
go down and I'll get to a corner and it says turn left, and
I turn right, and I hear recalculating. You know, people think I'm
crazy because I love to drive. I have driven across this country so many
times that I can't even keep count. It doesn't matter what the season is.
In the spring, when you've got folds and colts jumping around in the
fields and all of the new spring flowers coming up, or in the summer,
you know, you can go down along the beaches and see all of
the beauty down there. In the fall, all the crimson red and buttercup
yellow trees as you drive along, or in the winter time even with the
trees bear and it gray, but you see those icicle waterfalls coming down along
the sides of the hills. I love to drive, it doesn't matter where
or when. Recently I ended up taking a rather large trip, rather long
one. You see. It turns out that my husband's company last year in
March, decided to get rid of his job and instead make him an interim
vice president in Boston, so he went off to live in a residence in
Hotel just north of the city. Now, not knowing what our job was
going to be one, I had to resign from being the producer of this
festival. But also I couldn't take any jobs because I didn't know where I
was going to be in a couple of months. So I had a couple
of choices. I could stay here living in my little house. We're empty
nesters, so it'd be just me with little or no work. Or I
could go live in a residence in hotel with one bedroom, one little room,
a tiny thing, and have little or no work. And I thought,
you know what I really need to do is take a sabbatical. Take
that time. Wiki's definition says, to take a piece of time where you
pull back from work. You might write a book, you might enjoy something
new, X try a new experience. And I thought, you know,
I could do this. I have all of this work that I want to
do that I never get a chance to do because I'm performing. And so
I thought, I'll take a sabbatical. That's what I'll do, and I'll
drive, I'll take a trip. And well, while I'm taking the trip,
I might as well go see all of my family. Now I'm the
youngest of six kids, and all of the family lives in the South,
and I thought I could go along, visiting each member and get work done
in between. What was I thinking? I was going to visit my family,
who I've always described to put the fun in dysfunctional. We lived on
an island off the coast of Florida. We lived an island party life,
and so but as the years have gone along, even though I'm the youngest,
I'm the one that kinds of takes care of all of the problems that
happen, and all of those problems have now turned from those parties on the
beach to doctors visits and issues that happened within families. But you know,
it started out as a sabbatical quickly turned into a mission trip, which I
had planned to be about six thousand miles, but it turned into a ten
thousand mile odyssey. Four months on the road in seven different vehicles, including
a thirty foot RV and a box truck from U haul, driving through Brooklyn.
It was eighteen states, and so this trip went from that mission trip
all the way around to this odyssey. You know. It started on October
eighteenth. I got in the car, closed up the house, everything was
ready to go, and I headed off. And I tend to take back
roads when I can, So I was heading down Highway nineteen out of Pennsylvania
into West Virginia. I had programmed my GPS for my first destination. I
had my little cheat sheet of the roads of where I really wanted to go.
I was ready and I'm driving along and I all of a sudden,
I looked down at my GPS and it takes me off of nineteen onto Highway
six. That's not the way I want to go. And I look up
and there's this sign that says Bridge Day, Bridge Day. All that kind
of rings about, but keep driving and my GPS recalculates where I need to
go, and I'm like, that's not the way I want to go,
but I'm driving along and then oh, bridge day bridge closed. It's the
third Saturday of October when one hundred thousand idiots decide to jump off a perfectly
good bridge eight hundred and seventy six feet bungee jumping and freebasing for thrills.
So what they do is they close an interstate highway so all of these people
can do this every third Saturday of the month. I'm like, oh,
that's right, I do remember that. And so what happens is you get
set up onto Highway sixty, which is a rolling roller coaster, twisting,
turning road with one hundred thousand pile trying to get to the bridge, everybody
else who's trying to get around the bridge. And you see, there's one
other thing. The residents who live along that road, Highway sixty, they
know they've got a captive audience on that third Saturday. They put out every
single little knickknack, every little craft that has ever been done. Every church
puts up the biggest bizarre sale they can have. So now you've got the
hundred thousand, you've got those of us trying to get around it, and
those that are going, oh, good sail and pulling off the road.
So you're snaking, slowing down, slower and slower going up this winding road.
Now, there is one thing that I've learned about traveling and going long
distance is that every two hours you take a break. You stop, stretch
your legs, whatever you need to do. And I'm in the slowing down
lane of traffic and it's coming up to my two hour break. Oh,
I don't want to pull off this. And I come around a corner and
they're right in front of me. It looked like it was an The middle
of the road was a gorilla like gorilla. What the heck? I drive
a little farther than I look, and there's a gorilla sitting on top of
a quonset hut that is painted in flower power colors. It's got a Volkswagen
bug that they've cut in half and smashed into the side of the building.
It is the mystery hole. It is a tourist trap of epic proportion.
Well, I thought, what the heck, that looks interesting, So I
pulled in to take my break. I go up to the door and there's
a big sign that says those people with vertigo, high blood pressure, heart
problems do not enter. Not responsible for accidents or side effects. Shoes recommended.
So I go in and what it is is they think that the people
who I think the hole has really affected the people who run this place.
They say that it's a gravity defying wonder. There are mysterious forces around this
hole. You go in and everything's at angles and off kilter. There's water
running up the wall. You go through and you find out that this is
the mistery hole. And you walk through and you see it and it's like
okay. And I left, not really knowing what effect it might be.
And I have to say, after they hit no swirls and everything's going on,
I did feel a little disoriented. And so I got up and I
drove to the to tit out into the snaking line of traffic, and I
got my chance, and I gunned it and I pulled in and my right
tire hit the curve, but I got in and I start going down the
road. We finally get out of Highway sixty get back onto Highway nineteen to
no. It's a parking lot with cars parked on the side of the road
both sides, the meeting on the other side, and that hundred thousand people
that want to get to the bridge are walking towards me. So I get
through, and I finally break through a get going, get out of West
Virginia, and I start down into the west in the Virginia Mountains. All
of a sudden, I hear them dump and my steering wheel chimneys just a
bit. Oh man, what now, don't don't don't? Oh shoot?
And I look at the GPS and there's nothing. There's no towns. I'm
out. It's like green, there's nothing around me. And all of a
sudden, I start to hear this roaring noise, this roaring, pounding noise.
It's coming up behind me, and it's getting louder and louder, and
I look into my rear view mirror and there's a thousand Hells angels descending upon
me. There's motorcycles everywhere I can see coming down, and I'm like,
oh, man, no, no, no problems. Now. I I'm
a female by myself, driving out in the wilds, and all of a
sudden, up the thump thump, bam the tire goes and I've got to
pull off. The roaring sound of those motorcycles are coming down harder and harder
upon me. I'm I'll get smaller. I'll get really small in the car.
They won't know him here, they'll go right past me. Please go
past me, all you guys, it's not passing. And all of a
sudden, knock knock. Standing at my window is the biggest, burliest,
snarly bearded man I have ever seen in my life. What's up, sweet
cheeks? Huffing him fine, I'll culture pale promise. And behind me,
all of a sudden I hear pop the trunk and two other big burly guys
come over and they're looking at my right tire and I'm like, that's okay.
And just then a cherry red Harley trike pulls up right at my corner
panel and I can see the back of that leather jacket motorcycle writers for Jesus.
And the woman turned to me, and she had a name tag that
said Pastor, Betsy, I'm okay, I I think I can probably get
out. I got out of the car, and do you know that in
fifteen minutes they had changed my tire. Those two guys over there had just
picked up the front of the car, put the fire on, and off
they went roaring on past me, yelling God, bless your sister. Oh
that was just the first day. Well, I dig drive on down.
I stopped first in Asheville, North Carolina, then in Atlanta, which is
really where the sabbatical turned into a mission trip. Family problems that had come
up. I went down to Florida, checked on my in laws. I'm
not doing quite so well. But when I got to Pensacola, I knew
Pencacle, That's where I grew up. So even though the streets were now
four lane streets instead of two lane streets, it was fine. I knew
where I was going. I turned the GPS off and we got along fine.
No more battles at that point. Then we got down too. I
had to go over to Tallahassee. When I got to Tallahassee, where my
mother and sister lived, my mother had quite a few doctor's appointments. She's
going blind and she's becoming senile. And so when she would get in the
car to go to Walmart, I'd say, Mom, which way and she
go, oh, I don't know, but I think it's that way.
Well, fortunately I had typed in just about every address I possibly could of
the places that she would want to go, so I secretly had the GPS
running and saying I think I knew where it is, mom. So the
GPS I had to kind of start depending upon it again because I didn't really
know where I was. And then it was on down to Fort Lauderdale,
where two sister in laws ended up in the hospital at the same time,
both having surgery. Certainly not planned that way. So again I'm going to
trust the GPS and holding onto it and knowing that this is what was going
to be the way that I was going to have to do it. And
then I started heading back up north. Now having taken care of my family,
I was hoping that the mission trip was now done and that all of
the weird things were over and I could now get back to that enjoyment of
driving. And so I was going along and having a wonderful time just enjoying
driving up Go. We were going to go up to Ocean City, Maryland
to see my niece. Now, when I got up there, there was
a bridge. You come up on Highway thirteen going across the Chesapeake Bay,
and it's a twenty three mile bridge. Now, the GPS and I had
come to a truce. I was lulled into complacency with it. I was
listening to what she was telling me to do, and I put down the
windows because it was a beautiful day. I was really enjoying smelling the salt
air and hearing the sea gulls. And I get on this twenty three mile
bridge and I drive about two miles and all of a sudden, the GPS
says to me, turn around when possible. I'm on a bridge. I
can't turn around, and I'm going a little bit farther and I I kind
of look up and I can see that the bridge disappears. There's like this
rock island and the bridge is gone, and I can look and there's more
bridge on the other side. And I look down at the GPS and it
has that symbol for a tunnel. I'm like, okay, weird tunnel in
the middle of the bridge. And then my GPS says turn around when possible.
I can't turn around when possible. And it almost sounds as if she's
getting a little bit snippy with me. So I'm going a little bit farther
and I come up to this tunnel and with a little trepidation, not knowing,
I go down into it and when come out the other side, I'm
just fine, turn around when possible. She's starting to yell at me.
I swear it. I'm like, I can't turn around. I'm on a
bridge and I look up and darn if not again. There's another rock island
that disappeared. There's two tunnels along that highway. Well, I'm starting to
approach it and I turn around when possible. I'm like, I can't.
And just at that moment, I looked up and right in front of that
tunnel entrance there was a flagman and he was waving an orange flag over his
head, and I was the first car pulling up to him, and I
pulled up and I stopped. Just at that moment, two Navy seal hovercraft
come roaring up on either side of that island, and a thousand Navy frogmen
come roaring up. They come up, they've got their guns, they a
bunch of them take them and point them at the entrance to the tunnel.
A few of them were pointing them up in the air. Two of them
turn around and point them at me, and the flagman walks around and ducks
down behind my car. Well, I have no idea what is going on,
and I'm just frozen there and almost fear. And it's like, all
of a sudden, another rumblings alan coming up out of the tunnel, rumbling
up, and all of a sudden, the guys with the air guns and
air are starting to shoot their guns off. Like Matt. There's this flatbed
semi that comes roaring up out of the tunnel and the guys with the guns
pointing at him. He comes to a screeching halt. The two guys covering
their rear have their guns point at me. I'm frozen, And then just
as it comes up, the truck comes to a screeching halt. Two guys
go up and they reach up and they wrench open the door to that semi.
They grab a guy out of it. He's got black face all over
his face, he's dressed in fatigues. They pull him down out of the
truck. They put handcuffs on him, and they force march him off to
one of the hovercraft, and then all the other frogmen just disappear back onto
the boats. One of them goes up, gets into the cab of the
truck and quietly drives past me, and the flagman walks back around my car
and motions me forward. I have no idea what it has just happened to
me. I do not know what was covered in black plastic on the back
of that flatbed semi. I get down through the tunnel, I come out
the other side and there's an overlook. I pull into it and I'm trying
to get my breathing back. You know, I realized that day that I
know my personality, and I know that I'm going to continue to battle with
my GPS. I know that I'm going to continue those wars. But you
know what, the next time that my GPS tells me to turn around when
possible, I think I'll listen. Thank you, Thank you very much,
thanks for tuning in for episode number two of Listen What did you think?
Let me know at feedback at ninth story dot com. This episode featured stories
by Joanna Demorest. If you'd like more information, on Joanna and her work.
Please visit Joanna Demist dot com. You can also find her on Facebook
at Facebook dot com, forward slash Joanna dot demorrist one big thanks to Lynn
Forward for letting me feature her work in the last episode. Please share your
love of story, share the show, and help us grow. The best
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is dedicated to bringing you traditional stories told by some of the best tellers in
the world of storytelling. Here you will rediscover your love of story every time
you visit. All works read in this audio recording and associated music and artwork
or be right of their respective creators and may not be used in any form
without their permission. Stories in this episode of Listen we're performed by Joanna Demorest.
The Listen theme is a selection of Better Start Walking and was written and
performed by Robin Brown. For more of Robin's work, visit Robin Brown dot
info. Closing music is also from Better Start Walking. Listen is a Ninth
Story Studio's production. Ninth Story dot Com creator and producer Daniel Foytech. That's
Me. Full show notes with links and info can be found at www.
Dot story, listeners dot com, Forward slash two. This has been Daniel
Foytech. Until next time, Listen, tell and share stories