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This is Pod Popular Podcast for the
People, the Great Love Debate. It's

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the Great Love Debate, the Great
Love Debate. It's a Great Love Debate.

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Hi again, Everyone's Brian Howie.
Welcome to the Great Love Debate,

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the world's number one dating and relationship
podcast since twenty fifteen. I am here

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in the very fine studios of Pod
Popular Podcast for the People. I'm at

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the one in Greenwich, Connecticut.
Brand new Pod Popular Grantwich, just opened

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Greenwich, Connecticut. If you have
not been, it's very very nice if

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you have the means. It is
not cheape. But I grew up about

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ten miles from here, so I
feel like I'm back in the old in

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the old hood. As we record
this. We always want to be ever

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green with our podcast, so I
never really want to say when we're recording

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or when this is releasing. But
we are releasing this in the onset of

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spring, and so what that means
it is time for our annual Spring Fling

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mail bag. So what I did
was I put out on the socials,

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on the social media and on the
interwebs a request. And it's not really

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about springtime. It's more about that
feeling that you might get here or you

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get in Chicago where it's late March
early April and it's fifty nine degrees and

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everybody freaks out and they jump the
gun like winter's over, and then it

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gets dark at four point thirty and
it's six more weeks of winter, like

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it sucks. So this is Spring
Fling emails letters that you guys sent to

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us that are about occasions in dating
or in relationships where you guys felt you

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might have jumped the gun, that
you might premature jocularity, if you will.

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So I brought it a pro for
this, and we're going to argue

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about the rules that I think she
came. She's a celebrity realer around here.

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She is a bon vivant, and
she has some dating philosophies. And

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I also thinks she's a very wise
person. So she's going to be able

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to answer some of these letters.
Her name is Jen Danzy. Say hi

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Jen, Hi, everyone, you
have two You came to my show ten

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years ago, literally ten years ago, and you threw out I thought two

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rules, but you had one,
and maybe I morphed one. I stand

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by the one I'm morphed. IM
want to explain that in a second.

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Your first rule was what the twelve
hour makeout rule, and that means what

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making out for twelve hours like staying
is tantric kind of not exactly sort of.

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If you meet someone, you make
out a little, they get a

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little time on the clock. You
hang out with them again, you make

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out a little more, and the
idea is that if they can make it

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through twelve hours and making out,
they can go a little further. You

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do get time off for good behavior, and you get reprimanded for disappearing acts

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for more than three weeks. So
you make out for twenty minutes and then

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you see each other another week,
and maybe you do another forty minutes,

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but then you go two weeks.
Then it's back to zero. Do not

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pass go or as a goos down
unless there's you know, circumstances like a

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death and the family or a work
trip. See those don't exactly count against

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your hours if you're not available for
making out. Twelve hours of making out

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is very old fashioned. It really
helps, it does. Now that being

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said, I took that rule,
and I'm almost positive this rule came from

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you. But maybe I'm morphed into
something more brilliant because I tend to do

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that is fruit of the gen Danzi
tree. People always say, when do

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you know you're in a relationship?
When are you dating? Blah blah blah.

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I believe that the answer to that
is when you have spent one hundred

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hours together. Now you can spend
four straight days together twenty four hours a

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day. If you spend four straight
days together, I think you're I think

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you're dating. I think you're with
each other. But if you see each

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other like every other week for two
hours at a time, like you need

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to really get up. So I
don't care what you do in that time.

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And I think phone counts, I
think zoom counts. One hundred hours

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with another person, then I think
you know enough about them to decide,

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Okay, we're gonna be boyfriend girlfriend. Well sometimes you think your boyfriend girlfriend,

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but they don't. But if they're
spending one hundred hours with you,

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you at least have enough information to
decide this is what I want to do

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with this person. I mean,
I have a friend who's probably spent about

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eight years now with somebody, but
they're still married to someone else. In

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that count, well, they're in
a relationship, They're in several relationships.

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Something's going on. Yeah, something's
going on? All right. I asked

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you guys, like I said,
for listener letters on this theme. We

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got a whole bunch of them.
I try and pick a half dozen that

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are going to represent a whole lot
of other ones that you guys said.

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They're very different, they're very weird. I did take a peek at these,

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which I rarely really do. So
me and Jen are going to listen

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to them, analyze them, and
perhaps give some wisdom on them. Are

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you ready, Jen, It's a
good exercise for you. Jen's a mom

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now, I haven't seen her that
much since she became a mom. She's

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a wife, she's a mother,
she's a response. But back in the

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day, she's used to do twelve
hour makeout rules. So all right.

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This one is from Brent from Wilmington, North Carolina, and he writes,

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there was a girl I used to
work with I really liked. We were

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in different departments, so I knew
her casually, but I thought she was

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beautiful and fun, and one year
at at our Christmas party, I watched

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her dance and thought she was perfect. Anyway, our company really frowned on

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inner office romance, so I never
did anything about it, but she suddenly

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resigned and moved to another firm about
thirty miles away. So I decided to

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call her up ask her out,
and I asked her to go first date

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to my cousin's wedding. I thought
she was either going to think that's crazy

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or think that was amazing. The
wedding was pretty close by, so there

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was no awkward travel plans. Anyway, she said yes. The first date

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was at a wedding. She was
absolutely as fun as I dreamed, and

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we are still together nine months later. Was a wedding too much too soon?

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Nope, not in my case.
I mean you're starting at the end

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of the spectrum of the wedding date. But you lost twelve hour makeout rule.

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Yeah, I know they did.
Here's why. Here's my caveat on

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this. I think it's fun.
You're going there's open bar, it's cheap

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date. You know, you might
have to buy a gift, but you

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get in the food, there's dancing, you can see how the other person

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behaves around other people. The one
time I think you can't do this is

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if you're in the wedding. Oh
yeah, because then they're all alone.

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They're all alone, they're weird,
but I think it would be a great

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thing. You're sitting next to each
other at a wedding and people like,

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how do you guys know each other? And you're like, this is our

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first date. Then you become more
interesting than the couple getting married, unless

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you're sitting next to a blind date
exactly blind date, which is essentially this.

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He kind of knew a little bit
about her. He didn't do that.

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Somebody said, hey, I know
this weird first date. What do

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you want to do this weekend?
You want to go to a wedding with

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me? Most would you say yes
to that? Back in your swinging single

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days, even to go on any
dates. I hated dates. They were

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the worst, right, But this
is like less of a This is you

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don't have to come up with any
other activity you come up. I'm a

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fan of weddings in general, so
your weddings are fun. I agree.

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I'll go to any wedding I like
it. And so she says, yeah,

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I'm up for this. That's a
really good sign for the girl.

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Means she's willing to take a chance. Yeap, You're going to what should

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be a fun and festive environment.
And like I said, if it is

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not your family. It is his
family. It's his cousin. But he's

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not in the wedding. But that
does mean he's introducing her to his entire

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family. Date one. That's a
lot. That's a big commitment, that's

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a lot. That was risky,
very But if he laid it out to

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her ahead of time and said,
listen, I got a crazy uncle,

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I got some aunts, I got
this, and my dad's going to be

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there, he might look at you
funny. But when people say how'd you

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guys meet, can we say at
work? Because they did used to work

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together. Seems like the answer.
I also think that if you're putting yourself

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in the situation, you kind of
have to go with whatever happens. Yeah,

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I think you're diving into the deep
end of the pool. I am

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a fan of this, Like I
said, unless you're in the wedding,

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and then you're really screwing the person, right, because nobody wants to be

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the date for that person, even
if you're with that person, even if

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you're with that person for a long
time, even though it sucks, it's

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like, yeah, unless you know
all the other people, I think it

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still sucks. All right. I'm
pro that Brent, we're in favor of

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that, all right. Next one, she writes, I'll make this quick.

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I met him on Bumble. My
opening line after reading his profile,

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which was full of travel and adventure. My opening line was I think I

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love you. He laughed and asked
me out for a drink. A drink

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turned into five drinks, and I
said I was wrong. I don't think

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I love you. I know I
love you. Five minutes later he put

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me in an uber and that was
that. I never heard from him again.

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I wasn't wrong. I loved him. I thought he should know.

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That is from Bet b e Tte
via our Facebook page. Well you better.

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Bet needs a lesson in love because
love doesn't happen, though it can.

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It's aggressive. You don't think it
can happen. How many stories have

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you heard? Like I knew the
minute I saw him getting of love.

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But she put it the middle of
love. Was it risky to say it?

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You need to? Well, it's
one thing to say, it's another

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thing to force it. She was
very She forced it. She got a

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little drunk and she spit it out. Yeah, I think he didn't trust

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the drinks. Nobody wants to hear
that either, I would have run away

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fast too. You don't want to
hear I love you right away, not

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at all, not even close really, because you don't trust the I love

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you, or you don't see I'm
like, I'm awesome. Of course you

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love me. I would be like
that. I would not think they're crazy.

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I think they had good taste.
It's a different kind of love,

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like I love a TV show,
you know it. What if there's like,

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oh my god, my opening ninety
minutes of the date were so good

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that somebody could be like, of
course I love him. No, you

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might feel it and think it,
but saying it is very concrete and you

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need to test it. Oh what
does that mean? He has to go

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the distance? Yeah, you got
to see if you like him under circumstances

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besides date one. That is,
in order to love them, you have

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to see them, not just date
one. But she felt something and she

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described that is love. Because she
didn't really have a clear she didn't have

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a better vocabulary. She probably should
have said something like, oh my god,

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I think you're amazing, or I'm
infatuated with you, or this is

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the best or yeah, I love
the way this feels. I love you

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flat out probably aggressive, but it
takes the sting out of it, you

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know. Oh, it's like a
cold knockout. So we are against that.

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That a weird opening line. I
think, I love you, but

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it got him to ask her out, so progress, But then she said

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I know I love you, and
he do. We have the ages on

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these people, sometimes not on this
one. The next one we do good

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segue and I'm not sure the age
matters. This is from mb MB who

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I believe is a woman based on
this mbava are Instagram rights. You guys

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have spoken many times about the pros
and cons of sex on the first date.

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Well, I had sex with him
before the first date. I thought

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it would be awkward and hanging over
the dinner will we or won't we?

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So he's forty eight, I'm fifty
one. We aren't newbies, so I

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said, we obviously have chemistry,
so why don't I stop by your place

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and we will put the dessert before
the entree, so to speak. I

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went over there, we did it, then went and had a great dinner.

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The sex wasn't great, but the
filet mignon was live and learn,

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love them and leave them. I
feel like we did connect a bit better.

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Over dinner because the fog of sexual
chemistry had been somewhat cleared. But

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that was the end of that,
an experiment with inconclusive results. She's the

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exact opposite of the twelve hour met
Yeah, so she's like, I'm not

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going to waste time here's I'm not
going to say whether this is good or

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bad. They are fifth forty eight
and fifty one. If they go out

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on the first date, there is
this When is this jackass going to try

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and make a move on me?
I know this is why he's talking to

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me. I know this is why
we're here. He's just gonna want So

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let's do it, get it out
of the way, and then figure out

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if we like each other. Wow, risky strategy, but not necessarily any

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different than if they went out to
dinner and then went home. I'm not

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sure she's gonna know him any better
anyway. Does it make him more honest

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that the sex is out of the
way. It's amazing that he followed through

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with the date after well, right, so points for him. So he

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wasn't like, you just want to
get some takeout? They still and there

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was filet mignon. They still went
out to the dinner. Yep. My

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question to her is is the opposite. Did the bad sexual encounter make the

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dinner not go as well because she's
like, I am not going to spend

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that much time. I'm out?
Basically, did that ruin her thought of

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him? Did the bad sex mean
that she wasn't gonna give the guy a

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fair shot. That's the way I
look at it. Bad sex is sort

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of it's a deal breaker for the
chicks and no, the dudes might just

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it's like bad pizza. But on
the first one, the eyes are wise

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enough to understand, like, it's
nervous, we're awkward, we're not saying

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anything can happen. It's not necessarily
a great experience. Men think like that.

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The women are like, oh my
god, that sucked. He's like,

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must be a bad dancer. I'm
out right right. So that's what

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I think that hurt. The way
she interpreted how the date would go,

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and he was probably like, that
was great. I like her, that's

210
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definitely possible. I just think that
sometimes it'd be a little more comfortable if

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you knew each other a little bit
more, unless you were completely wasted,

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which they obviously aren't. Well,
I don't know, I don't know what

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they have, but yeah, she's
like, let's do that. That's a

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She's fifty, so she's a little
older than him. She's three years older.

215
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And there are a lot there's a
heavy cougar energy out there, no

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offense to any of our coup listens, and they're just like, I'm gonna

217
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this is what I want out of
this experience, and hopefully we like each

218
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other, which is the opposite of
the way it used to be. Right,

219
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Well, it's like speed dating,
but like starting at the end of

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the date. Yeah, finishing it
off with a meal. And maybe that

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was like, see, she thinks
doing this takes away the game playing and

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the fog of sexual chemistry. I
think the fog of the sexual experience that

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she didn't apparently enjoy that much,
lingered over the dinner, which made the

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dinner not as great as it would
have been on its own, which made

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the relationship not go off to a
fair start. You can't play a game.

226
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I wouldn't recommend this. Yeah,
she reversed engineered, and I think

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she screwed it up. All right, we are not going to screw up

228
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anymore of these. I gotta take
a quick break because we got to pay

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for things like Filet Mignon and Gretwich, Connecticut. I'm here with Jen Dancy.

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We were asking we are answering the
annual Spring Fling listener letters, and

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we will be back right after this, and we are back next one.

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This is from Vanessa via our Facebook
page. Brian, you have said before

233
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that you can never trust a person
who doesn't love a dog, but you

234
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can always trust a dog who doesn't
love a person. Anyway, I decided

235
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to ask my new very cute neighbor
on a dog walking date. I said

236
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he could come with me to the
dog park and we would get to know

237
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each other. Anyway. My dog
started acting weird from the second he tried

238
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to pet her, and once we
got to the park, we were surrounded

239
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by a weird energy of barking,
growling dogs. I go there four times

240
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a week, I've never experienced it. The only explanation is him. It

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totally freaked me out and I couldn't
figure out what the energy was that caused

242
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all that caused all this. He's
still super cute, but he's going to

243
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have to just remain a neighbor.
I mean, I don't disagree dogs have

244
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extra sensories that we just don't have. And maybe he was awesome and they

245
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couldn't handle it. Maybe he was
grave up a vibe that the dogs.

246
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I'm going with the dogs, so
you could get he always trusted dog that

247
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doesn't like that's he might have had
some dog hair on his pants and they

248
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freaked him out. No, no, just flat out. They know when

249
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a storm is coming and they would
have they do so, so that was

250
00:16:03.399 --> 00:16:07.240
a good thing to try out right
away. Bring the dog around around a

251
00:16:07.279 --> 00:16:11.279
lot of parents with kids. Obviously
when they start dating again, they're not

252
00:16:11.279 --> 00:16:14.480
going to bring their kids around,
you know, every single guy they go

253
00:16:14.480 --> 00:16:17.000
on a date with to get their
opinion, because the kids might not give

254
00:16:17.000 --> 00:16:18.480
it on his opinion. But it's
also too soon the dog, though,

255
00:16:18.480 --> 00:16:22.720
you're in favor of let the dog
sniff them and see what's up. Yeah.

256
00:16:22.799 --> 00:16:26.360
So so Vanessa made the right right
call to do the date and right

257
00:16:26.440 --> 00:16:30.360
call to to leave him as just
a neighbor. Definitely dog test him first

258
00:16:30.480 --> 00:16:33.159
dog. Yeah, dog, that's
that'd not be a bad thing to put

259
00:16:33.159 --> 00:16:37.000
in your dating profile. I am
dog tested. Oh man, So if

260
00:16:37.000 --> 00:16:40.720
it was just her dog and the
other dogs didn't act up, but that

261
00:16:40.799 --> 00:16:42.960
was too much to the dog park
but didn't have a dog. No,

262
00:16:44.039 --> 00:16:47.600
that was a guy who came to
our show. That was good. It

263
00:16:47.679 --> 00:16:48.879
wasn't my friend, he was.
He came to our show in San Diego

264
00:16:49.320 --> 00:16:52.399
because he said he liked to do
that on first dates, go to the

265
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dog park and when the lady and
when the lake like him. Well,

266
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no, well the lady the girls
at the dog park would say which one

267
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is yours, and he would say, I used to come here with Rusty

268
00:17:02.360 --> 00:17:04.720
And there was no Rusty. So
the dogs, I don't know, could

269
00:17:04.720 --> 00:17:10.279
pick up on that weird energy.
But I don't know. Probably you're right,

270
00:17:10.319 --> 00:17:12.440
Probably there was something weird about him. But if all of the dogs

271
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acted up, maybe he spoke in
a frequency that bothered the dog's ears.

272
00:17:17.440 --> 00:17:21.440
And yeah, that can't be good
either. Okay, fair enough, all

273
00:17:21.480 --> 00:17:26.279
right? Next one, this is
from Jim Jim and Bloomington. That could

274
00:17:26.279 --> 00:17:30.519
be anywhere anyway. I thought a
good way to get to know someone was

275
00:17:30.519 --> 00:17:36.000
to ask them what they would name
their kids. We went to a basketball

276
00:17:36.039 --> 00:17:37.599
game for a first date. There
was a delay in the start of the

277
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game because of a lighting issue at
the arena, but they put the player's

278
00:17:41.839 --> 00:17:44.799
names on the scoreboard, and when
I noticed some strange names, I thought,

279
00:17:45.039 --> 00:17:48.839
why not ask her what names she
would choose. She got so bothered

280
00:17:48.880 --> 00:17:52.359
by the question she thought that implied
I was thinking about having sex with her

281
00:17:52.440 --> 00:17:55.359
that night. She asked if we
could go. I tried to tell her

282
00:17:55.400 --> 00:17:57.359
it was just a fun thing I
like to do, but she insisted the

283
00:17:57.440 --> 00:18:02.000
name thing was filled within you and
and she couldn't get past it anyway.

284
00:18:02.039 --> 00:18:03.640
I walked her to the train she
took off. I went back into the

285
00:18:03.640 --> 00:18:07.759
game and went to overtime. The
Pacers won, winning basket by a Lithuanian

286
00:18:07.799 --> 00:18:11.799
guy with a strange name. She
should have stayed. That is from Jim

287
00:18:11.839 --> 00:18:15.799
and Bloomington. I see her point, But isn't that a good thing?

288
00:18:15.839 --> 00:18:18.119
Like what do you want to kids? Names? Would you do on a

289
00:18:18.160 --> 00:18:22.279
first date? Or is that just
sets off all kinds of bells. You

290
00:18:22.319 --> 00:18:26.880
may want to set them up with
the people who do it before dinner.

291
00:18:26.240 --> 00:18:30.200
Well, this whole thing is people
jumping the gun. I get it.

292
00:18:30.279 --> 00:18:33.960
Contract we'll do it. Then we'll
see. Women ask things like do you

293
00:18:34.000 --> 00:18:40.039
want to have kids? And most
men answer. We had Julie Furman a

294
00:18:40.079 --> 00:18:44.079
couple of weeks ago as a siren
goal. Mine is a is a rough

295
00:18:44.079 --> 00:18:48.599
neighborhood here in Greenwich, Connecticut.
Julie Furman, who's a matchmaker, said

296
00:18:48.640 --> 00:18:52.599
that men will always answer affirmatively if
the woman brings up kids because they know

297
00:18:52.640 --> 00:18:56.680
if they don't, most women are
going to rule them out right, which

298
00:18:56.720 --> 00:19:00.359
is probably why I've never married.
They run, they don't like that.

299
00:19:00.599 --> 00:19:04.759
But so she's gonna say something like, so you haven't, you're gonna have

300
00:19:04.839 --> 00:19:07.839
kids, And he'd be like,
what would you name your kid if you

301
00:19:07.839 --> 00:19:11.720
were going to have a kid.
That implies sex to me, It doesn't

302
00:19:11.759 --> 00:19:17.559
to me, and implies thinking about
raising a family, I mean the future.

303
00:19:17.799 --> 00:19:19.799
Yeah. That her reaction was nuts, right? Would you think that

304
00:19:19.920 --> 00:19:23.039
was that? What? That that
meant? Breathing? I have some guy

305
00:19:23.160 --> 00:19:26.279
ask me about what I was going
to name my kids at a basketball game,

306
00:19:26.480 --> 00:19:30.920
I'd run, you would run,
I'd run. Well, that just

307
00:19:30.960 --> 00:19:33.960
meant he was awkward. It doesn't
mean that it had sex. It's just

308
00:19:33.319 --> 00:19:37.680
he's not the sex part. That's
like you just think he's weird. Do

309
00:19:37.720 --> 00:19:40.640
you think it's stressful? Who was
getting to the kids part? Back in

310
00:19:40.680 --> 00:19:42.839
your swinging single days, did you
ever write the last name of a guy

311
00:19:42.880 --> 00:19:45.240
you went out with, just to
see what that would look like. Yeah,

312
00:19:45.240 --> 00:19:52.240
in like sixth grade on a tree
with a pencil. Girls still do

313
00:19:52.279 --> 00:19:55.279
that in their twenties. They still
do that in their thirties. Ridiculous.

314
00:19:55.799 --> 00:19:57.640
I didn't even take my husband's last
name. I know, Well, there

315
00:19:57.680 --> 00:20:02.000
you go. That's a different thing. But people do do that, and

316
00:20:02.039 --> 00:20:08.960
they do think about it. I
think it's aggressive, very but I also

317
00:20:10.000 --> 00:20:15.400
get that people are nervous on first
dates. So for him to have like

318
00:20:15.440 --> 00:20:18.160
a little list of these are things
I like to ask them or whatever.

319
00:20:18.359 --> 00:20:22.480
There's there's the thing that I would
do on a date. Do you have

320
00:20:22.519 --> 00:20:25.920
a menu here anywhere? I've talked
about on a podcast before. Do you

321
00:20:25.920 --> 00:20:30.000
have any menus here? We don't. There's no menus. Look at something

322
00:20:30.039 --> 00:20:33.079
on the menu, look at the
whole menu, and say, if I

323
00:20:33.119 --> 00:20:37.119
were in a band, what would
be the name of my band based on

324
00:20:37.160 --> 00:20:41.039
something? Yeah, right, exactly, that's exactly. That's a fun thing.

325
00:20:41.039 --> 00:20:44.640
I'd be like, I'd be the
Hallowpenia poppers. Right, that's a

326
00:20:44.640 --> 00:20:49.200
good exercise. But this is in
that vein. He's just not as a

327
00:20:49.200 --> 00:20:56.559
band and a baby or one does
not require the partner that's true too,

328
00:20:56.680 --> 00:21:00.720
but I think you could name your
and the Kung Pou Chicken would be a

329
00:21:00.759 --> 00:21:04.319
great band name. Easy. What
kind of music does Kungkound Chicken play?

330
00:21:04.359 --> 00:21:11.720
Conversation? Probably like punk. See
that's good. I think he was trying

331
00:21:11.759 --> 00:21:15.720
along that vein. I think he
screwed up. Nerves play a part.

332
00:21:15.759 --> 00:21:19.359
I'm always on the side of people
are very nervous. I'm not saying you

333
00:21:19.359 --> 00:21:22.680
need to have sex before the date, and I'm not saying you need to

334
00:21:22.680 --> 00:21:27.799
do baby names, but I I
do understand that people are not the smoothest.

335
00:21:29.279 --> 00:21:33.440
Definitely, Okay. Next one,
this is from PROC. P are

336
00:21:33.599 --> 00:21:37.359
a k that's not I'm not going
to name a kid. Proc. Do

337
00:21:37.359 --> 00:21:40.960
you have I know you have a
child, but is there a backup name

338
00:21:41.000 --> 00:21:42.359
if you had another one? Dude, you have an was it a runner

339
00:21:42.440 --> 00:21:45.160
up? Because you do have an
unusual child's name. We're not going to

340
00:21:45.200 --> 00:21:48.079
say to protect the innocent here,
but you have an unusual name. Was

341
00:21:48.119 --> 00:21:52.359
that your choice or you and your
husband collectively? It was my mother in

342
00:21:52.480 --> 00:21:56.039
law's maiden name, and I'm like
that'd be the best name, and it's

343
00:21:56.160 --> 00:22:02.039
very generic, so could go girl
or boys. I like ampersand oh,

344
00:22:02.119 --> 00:22:06.599
yes, it could be boy or
girl anyway, which a lot of kids

345
00:22:06.599 --> 00:22:08.359
now, they could be a boy
or girl anyway. This is proc pr

346
00:22:08.400 --> 00:22:11.319
ak. I don't know if this
is a boy or girl, and that

347
00:22:11.559 --> 00:22:15.480
is a boy. Here's why my
friend group consists mostly of girls. Most

348
00:22:15.559 --> 00:22:19.640
of them are, by any standard, absolutely beautiful. I think of them

349
00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:23.559
as sisters because I've known them.
We've known each other for so long,

350
00:22:23.680 --> 00:22:26.599
and honestly, I'm not good looking
enough for any of them to ever look

351
00:22:26.599 --> 00:22:30.240
at me romantically. But they do
know me well, and I appreciate their

352
00:22:30.240 --> 00:22:33.240
opinion on who I date. So
I go on a first date with a

353
00:22:33.279 --> 00:22:36.799
new girl. I said, do
you want to go meet my friends at

354
00:22:36.799 --> 00:22:40.279
this fun new lounge. She said
sure. I guess I didn't mention it

355
00:22:40.319 --> 00:22:42.920
was five girls. She was very
annoyed. She said I must either be

356
00:22:44.039 --> 00:22:47.839
gay or a player, or secretly
in love with all of them. I'm

357
00:22:47.880 --> 00:22:51.480
not. I liked her, and
I tried to explain that I felt comfortable

358
00:22:51.599 --> 00:22:53.960
enough to bring her into my circle
of friends pretty fast. I guess it

359
00:22:55.039 --> 00:22:57.039
was too fast or they were too
much. She didn't like them. They

360
00:22:57.039 --> 00:23:00.400
didn't like her. If I waited
a month or so that would seem weird,

361
00:23:00.480 --> 00:23:03.839
like I had hidden something the whole
time. But I guess it wasn't

362
00:23:03.839 --> 00:23:07.240
the right move no matter what.
Well, I'm a fan of this approach.

363
00:23:07.839 --> 00:23:11.279
I think throw him into the friend
group. Yeah, if you don't

364
00:23:11.279 --> 00:23:15.279
find the dog group. Yeah,
Well I wasn't really. Actually, I

365
00:23:15.359 --> 00:23:18.119
was just with a friend at lunch
today and she was on a date in

366
00:23:18.599 --> 00:23:22.519
LA and the guy brought his dog
to the ivy for a dinner date,

367
00:23:22.640 --> 00:23:25.119
not even a daytime date. But
wow, We'll get back to the dogs

368
00:23:25.160 --> 00:23:27.319
in a minute. I'm a huge
fan of just bringing them into the mix.

369
00:23:27.319 --> 00:23:30.119
If they don't, you're not going
to get to the date part until

370
00:23:30.160 --> 00:23:33.960
you can pass through the friend mix
part. If I can't hang out with

371
00:23:34.000 --> 00:23:36.799
you, then I don't want to
go out to dinner with you solo.

372
00:23:37.000 --> 00:23:41.839
I agree because I'm a master at
these listener letters, and I look for

373
00:23:41.880 --> 00:23:45.240
the poetry between the lines, so
to speak. Here's what stood out to

374
00:23:45.279 --> 00:23:48.839
me, Here's what proc sorry,
here is the one line that was the

375
00:23:48.880 --> 00:23:52.559
red flag for me. Honestly,
I'm not good looking enough for any of

376
00:23:52.599 --> 00:23:56.720
them to ever date romantically. That
means, do I agree with that?

377
00:23:56.160 --> 00:23:59.519
I mean because people fall in love
with people. Well, not only that,

378
00:23:59.559 --> 00:24:03.599
no, but that means that he
if he were, he's not saying

379
00:24:03.640 --> 00:24:04.720
that I don't look at him that
way. He says, they don't look

380
00:24:04.759 --> 00:24:08.440
at me that way, and they
put me in the friend zone. Which

381
00:24:08.480 --> 00:24:11.799
doesn't mean that he doesn't secretly think
a bunch of hot chicks that he isn't

382
00:24:11.799 --> 00:24:15.839
secretly hope for that, And that
would be the red flag. And I'm

383
00:24:15.880 --> 00:24:19.319
not sure he explained that to her. But if these girls were clearly hot

384
00:24:19.400 --> 00:24:23.400
and he had five hot friends and
he was just that dude, unless she

385
00:24:23.599 --> 00:24:27.599
was equal or above hot to them, she had have been like, he's

386
00:24:27.640 --> 00:24:33.559
with me because he can't have them. That's very possible, and that probably

387
00:24:33.559 --> 00:24:37.720
for some girls doesn't fly. You
know, another friend who went on a

388
00:24:37.799 --> 00:24:42.319
date not too long ago, showed
up, met this guy and some ex

389
00:24:42.400 --> 00:24:47.839
girlfriend of his was at the bar, and that girl was going on about

390
00:24:47.839 --> 00:24:49.880
what a great relationship they had.
It was the best sex she'd ever had.

391
00:24:51.000 --> 00:24:55.119
Oh, I'm told the date that. Yeah, she eventually left.

392
00:24:55.359 --> 00:24:56.839
You know, she came from you, that's terrible, went out to either

393
00:24:56.960 --> 00:25:00.880
like Long Island or the city.
I forget where it's the reference. He

394
00:25:00.960 --> 00:25:03.079
did not want He didn't ask for
a reference. Yeah, he wasn't asking

395
00:25:03.119 --> 00:25:07.240
for it, but everything about it
just turned this girl off and she left.

396
00:25:07.559 --> 00:25:11.559
I'm sure some people don't want their
boyfriend or girlfriend to hang out with

397
00:25:11.559 --> 00:25:15.839
a bunch of people of opposite sex. I understand that him hanging out with

398
00:25:15.880 --> 00:25:21.200
a group of it mostly girls,
But for him to say I'm not good

399
00:25:21.240 --> 00:25:23.680
looking enough for them, that tells
me that he wants one or more of

400
00:25:23.720 --> 00:25:26.839
them, or all of them.
Yeah, I don't trust it either.

401
00:25:27.599 --> 00:25:32.079
She was right to leave. Sorry
PROC in Orlando, And I'm not naming

402
00:25:32.079 --> 00:25:34.279
my kid PROC. Sorry prock.
Is that short for something proc? You

403
00:25:34.319 --> 00:25:38.039
need to follow up proctologists? Yeah? No, p r a K.

404
00:25:40.039 --> 00:25:41.599
I don't think that's the right.
Maybe he is, I don't know.

405
00:25:42.240 --> 00:25:47.720
All right, this was the batch. People are jumping the gun, and

406
00:25:47.880 --> 00:25:51.839
I'm always going to side on it's
better to shoot your shot, which a

407
00:25:51.839 --> 00:25:53.880
lot of these people are doing.
It's better to take chances, which a

408
00:25:53.920 --> 00:25:56.240
lot of the people are doing.
But you have to be prepared to go

409
00:25:56.319 --> 00:26:00.559
down in flames on some of these
chances. One that did too paid off

410
00:26:00.599 --> 00:26:06.519
here, the wedding one paid off
nice well, I guess, and the

411
00:26:06.599 --> 00:26:11.039
dog park paid off in a way
that didn't. The people had sex first,

412
00:26:11.160 --> 00:26:12.079
not the right move. The one
who said I love you first,

413
00:26:12.319 --> 00:26:17.440
not the right move, the baby
names not the right move, and bringing

414
00:26:17.440 --> 00:26:21.559
around the hot friends not the right
move. So the rule of thumb here

415
00:26:21.599 --> 00:26:25.480
probably is if you think it's too
quick, it's too quick, it's probably

416
00:26:25.519 --> 00:26:27.119
too quick. All right, Jen, this is your first time on the

417
00:26:27.119 --> 00:26:30.359
podcast. I think have you done
my podcast before? Not especially been a

418
00:26:30.400 --> 00:26:36.960
long time. We play something called
worst date or first date, which means

419
00:26:36.960 --> 00:26:40.039
that you either have to you have
to think back to your your single days

420
00:26:40.359 --> 00:26:42.880
and you have to either give us
the worst date you ever went on or

421
00:26:44.240 --> 00:26:48.039
the best first date you ever went
on, your choice. This is tough

422
00:26:48.079 --> 00:26:51.880
because I didn't really dat Well,
you're married, so somehow you got there.

423
00:26:52.079 --> 00:26:55.079
Okay, all right, I'll give
you a good one, an almost

424
00:26:55.200 --> 00:27:00.519
date. It was the worst almost
date. This is when I was first

425
00:27:00.599 --> 00:27:03.480
dating my husband and I don't date. I don't like going out to dinner.

426
00:27:03.519 --> 00:27:06.519
It's just you and me. It
was always like just fall into the

427
00:27:06.559 --> 00:27:08.920
world that I live in, and
eventually our worlds will eventually somebody orders some

428
00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:14.359
chicken fingers and accounts as a date, Yeah, exactly, okay, and

429
00:27:14.400 --> 00:27:17.440
he wanted to go to dinner at
a place. I'm not going to name

430
00:27:17.440 --> 00:27:22.000
the place because it's a lovely place, but it was a weird Italian restaurant

431
00:27:22.039 --> 00:27:26.400
in another town that had like blood
red carpets and like you know maps of

432
00:27:26.440 --> 00:27:32.400
Sicily on the wall and they're you
know, half the restaurants filled with priests

433
00:27:32.920 --> 00:27:37.039
and the other half mob guys.
Yes, and a couple of you know

434
00:27:37.119 --> 00:27:41.079
families that live in the area.
Food's very good, but it's a Saturday

435
00:27:41.160 --> 00:27:44.799
night and it's only been this is
probably like you know, maybe second third,

436
00:27:44.839 --> 00:27:49.000
fourth time hanging out in general.
And I was like, there is

437
00:27:49.079 --> 00:27:55.200
no way I would ever go to
that place on a Saturday night to what

438
00:27:55.359 --> 00:27:59.559
go sit there and like stare at
each other while you eat pasta. I

439
00:27:59.599 --> 00:28:00.880
want to be I want to be
all with my friends, you know,

440
00:28:00.920 --> 00:28:04.559
I want to be doing things.
And that was almost the beginning of the

441
00:28:04.680 --> 00:28:10.599
end, because he chose a scene
from an Italian restaurant for his date,

442
00:28:10.799 --> 00:28:12.640
like he chose a He wanted to
go to something that wasn't like fun and

443
00:28:12.759 --> 00:28:15.160
cool and happening. And I said
to him, like, this is where

444
00:28:15.200 --> 00:28:18.720
you go on a Tuesday, after
you've been dating for like six months.

445
00:28:19.480 --> 00:28:23.440
This is not too much of a
chill vibe. Yeah. See, he

446
00:28:23.480 --> 00:28:26.839
took a shot like if we feel
a was there booths? Was there?

447
00:28:26.880 --> 00:28:32.720
Like leather booths? You know they're
like black back chairs with wine pleather seat

448
00:28:32.759 --> 00:28:34.680
covers. Yeah, so he wanted
to get to know you. Yeah,

449
00:28:34.720 --> 00:28:38.279
you are Italian, so he was
paying homage to your heritage. Yeah yeah,

450
00:28:38.440 --> 00:28:45.440
not necessary, not on a Saturday
expectation. Taking the Japanese girl for

451
00:28:45.480 --> 00:28:48.400
sushi. It's probably risky. Yes, I know, don't do that,

452
00:28:48.160 --> 00:28:52.559
but it worked. No, that
almost that was a big fumble. It

453
00:28:52.599 --> 00:28:55.599
was risky. Yep, he almost
didn't come back from that. Just stick

454
00:28:55.640 --> 00:29:00.240
with the Let's go meet my friends
and shoot pool and right and hangout out

455
00:29:00.240 --> 00:29:02.400
and eventually we will give me nice
if you want to try and pick you

456
00:29:02.480 --> 00:29:04.160
up like I'm like, no,
I'll be here if you want to stop

457
00:29:04.240 --> 00:29:08.319
by. Yeah, I know that's
a problem. Picking up is chivalrous.

458
00:29:08.319 --> 00:29:11.680
That sets a good vibe. I
know you're not now, but back in

459
00:29:11.720 --> 00:29:17.160
there you never were. Ever,
it's more than one way to skin the

460
00:29:17.240 --> 00:29:19.039
dog. Not to say that people
aren't. Don't take my life as your

461
00:29:19.039 --> 00:29:25.880
advice. Oh, Jen, all
right, this was fun always as far

462
00:29:26.000 --> 00:29:29.559
as us like, share, follow, Please review this podcast. Even after

463
00:29:30.319 --> 00:29:33.839
four hundred and something ten years of
doing this, your reviews still mean a

464
00:29:33.839 --> 00:29:37.240
lot in the podcasting ecosystem. Shoot
us another email, especially you proc we

465
00:29:37.319 --> 00:29:40.960
have some questions. Shoots an email
Great Love Debate at gmail dot com.

466
00:29:41.000 --> 00:29:44.960
If you've got questions, thoughts,
comments, or you could have answered things

467
00:29:44.960 --> 00:29:47.880
a little bit better, Or you
want to know the name of the restaurant

468
00:29:47.880 --> 00:29:52.240
that Jen almost dumped her husband at, go to Great Love Debate dot com.

469
00:29:52.359 --> 00:29:55.279
I can't promise you how many more
live shows we're going to do,

470
00:29:55.359 --> 00:29:57.160
but I'm getting a lot of calls
now because we just did one for our

471
00:29:57.200 --> 00:30:02.640
tenth season, getting calls, getting
calls, Jen. We catting calls to

472
00:30:02.640 --> 00:30:03.559
do one in New York, so
I might do one in New York.

473
00:30:04.680 --> 00:30:10.599
We'll see Great Loovedebate dot com because, as always at the Great Love Debate,

474
00:30:11.000 --> 00:30:18.599
we never stopped making love. See
you next time the Great Love Debate.

475
00:30:19.440 --> 00:30:26.160
It's the Great Love Debate, the
Great Love Debate. It's a great

476
00:30:26.480 --> 00:30:26.119
Love to bab