WEBVTT 1 00:00:14.119 --> 00:00:22.440 I'm sorry. What's up? Positive bitches? How are we doing today? 2 00:00:22.640 --> 00:00:26.559 If you're hearing this episode, you are meant to be here, So keep 3 00:00:26.760 --> 00:00:32.679 listening on that bitches positive podcasts. Sometimes we will laugh, other times, 4 00:00:32.719 --> 00:00:38.079 the Baby Girl, We're gonna cry, but we will always walk away feeling 5 00:00:38.479 --> 00:00:45.159 like our most empowered positive bitch self. We unbecome who we are not so 6 00:00:45.240 --> 00:00:51.479 we can fully embody exactly who we came here to be. Today we are 7 00:00:51.560 --> 00:00:58.799 talking about delving into the depths of our own shadow. We are going to 8 00:00:58.880 --> 00:01:06.760 be integrating our shadow self like never before. The idea that we have this 9 00:01:06.959 --> 00:01:11.400 darkness, I think is an idea that people don't want to talk about in 10 00:01:11.439 --> 00:01:15.000 the spiritual community. For most of the part. Everyone wants to talk about 11 00:01:15.120 --> 00:01:22.719 love and light. The Baby Girl, we came to planet Earth to learn, 12 00:01:22.879 --> 00:01:27.519 to develop and to grow, and in order to do these things, 13 00:01:29.120 --> 00:01:34.560 we incarnated on a planet with duality, with polarity, meaning that there's not 14 00:01:34.719 --> 00:01:40.120 just love and light on this planet. There's also darkness. And what we're 15 00:01:40.159 --> 00:01:44.760 going to talk about is our own darkness and how we can love this darkness 16 00:01:44.799 --> 00:01:49.439 to the light so we can put all of ourselves on the pedestal. You 17 00:01:49.480 --> 00:01:53.680 can't put yourself on the pedestal if you're only looking at the features, the 18 00:01:53.840 --> 00:02:00.799 aspects of yourself that you consider quote unquote light aspects. We're talking about putting 19 00:02:00.840 --> 00:02:06.599 our whole entire self on the pedestal, which means the good, the bad, 20 00:02:06.760 --> 00:02:10.919 the ugly, the crazy, the beautiful. We're talking about putting our 21 00:02:12.080 --> 00:02:16.599 whole self, our true whole self, on this pedestal. And if you 22 00:02:16.639 --> 00:02:21.840 want to become your most magnetic self, you can't just favor the light. 23 00:02:22.439 --> 00:02:27.120 We have to look at everything and learn how to love even the darkness to 24 00:02:27.840 --> 00:02:31.960 light. Before we get into today's episode, a couple of announcements. We 25 00:02:32.159 --> 00:02:38.000 just had our first ever Positive Bitch boot Camp yesterday on Wednesday, June fourteenth, 26 00:02:38.000 --> 00:02:43.120 at seven pm Eastern Standard time, and we're going to be doing another 27 00:02:43.120 --> 00:02:46.199 one. It was so much fun, it was live over Zoom and we 28 00:02:46.280 --> 00:02:52.080 will definitely one hundred billion percent do more of these. We talked about how 29 00:02:52.120 --> 00:02:54.719 to put yourself on the pedestal, really, how to take other people off 30 00:02:54.759 --> 00:02:59.719 your pedestal, how to interrupt those behaviors, and we're only going to grow 31 00:02:59.759 --> 00:03:05.199 this boot camp from there. If you're not yet following me on Instagram at 32 00:03:05.360 --> 00:03:08.360 vibe in with CC. Be sure to follow me so you can get all 33 00:03:08.400 --> 00:03:13.319 the updates that you need and daily tips and tricks on how to become your 34 00:03:13.360 --> 00:03:16.560 most magnetic self. I will always put all the links in the bio so 35 00:03:16.639 --> 00:03:22.479 you can easily find every portal I may speak about. If you're going through 36 00:03:22.520 --> 00:03:25.120 a transition or a breakup and you want to learn how to take your power 37 00:03:25.159 --> 00:03:30.039 back, join the twenty one day Break Up Glow Up Challenge. If you 38 00:03:30.080 --> 00:03:34.639 want to understand the subtle energies of dating, download the Calling your Power Back 39 00:03:34.759 --> 00:03:38.199 Workbook. And if you're wanting to balance and restore your divine Feminine energy, 40 00:03:38.479 --> 00:03:44.280 you can download the Healing your Divine Feminine Energy Workbook as well. Again, 41 00:03:44.479 --> 00:03:47.680 all of these links are in the show notes. If you want more of 42 00:03:47.719 --> 00:03:53.199 an intimate coaching setting, you can book me one on one. I am 43 00:03:53.199 --> 00:03:58.719 a certified life and Energy coach Just damming on Instagram for more info. Now, 44 00:03:58.840 --> 00:04:05.439 without further let's get into today's episode. Let's understand what the shadow self 45 00:04:05.520 --> 00:04:13.240 actually is. The shadow self represents the parts of our being that we tend 46 00:04:13.280 --> 00:04:20.079 to repress, deny, or find uncomfortable to acknowledge when we are growing up. 47 00:04:20.240 --> 00:04:27.639 We need to understand that we are really sensitive to how our peers and 48 00:04:27.720 --> 00:04:32.800 our parents are looking at us, judging us, and possibly not validating us. 49 00:04:33.399 --> 00:04:39.800 Let's say you grow up in a family of scientists and all you want 50 00:04:39.839 --> 00:04:45.959 to do is be a musician. If you feel like your whole entire family 51 00:04:46.079 --> 00:04:49.360 is shunning that part of you that wants to be a musician, you may 52 00:04:49.519 --> 00:04:55.959 push that aspect of yourself down so far down that it becomes a shadow. 53 00:04:56.560 --> 00:05:00.519 Now, when you're walking in your daily life and you see someone pursuing their 54 00:05:00.639 --> 00:05:05.399 dreams, what are you going to think? What a loser they think they're 55 00:05:05.519 --> 00:05:13.120 going to become a real musician, a professional. Nope, not them. 56 00:05:13.720 --> 00:05:17.399 What happens is when we pushed down an aspect of ourselves, it ends up 57 00:05:17.439 --> 00:05:24.160 triggering us when we see it in other people. For me, when I 58 00:05:24.199 --> 00:05:28.800 went to my high school and elementary school, it was not a cool thing 59 00:05:28.920 --> 00:05:33.519 to be in drama club, to be one of those drama geeks, I 60 00:05:33.560 --> 00:05:40.000 guess they would call them, And so I pushed down that part of myself 61 00:05:40.480 --> 00:05:45.040 and it would trigger me. I remember my mom would bring me to Broadway 62 00:05:45.079 --> 00:05:49.639 plays and I would literally love the Broadway play. But I remember simultaneously being 63 00:05:49.720 --> 00:05:54.920 triggered that I was there. I would literally get annoyed that I was there 64 00:05:54.959 --> 00:06:00.879 because I wasn't pursuing what I wanted to pursue, which was this Broadway, 65 00:06:00.959 --> 00:06:08.079 this performance aspect of myself. Now it doesn't have to just be that sort 66 00:06:08.120 --> 00:06:14.160 of aspect something that we do outwardly, like sports or science or drama club. 67 00:06:14.480 --> 00:06:18.399 It can also be a personality trait. If my whole entire life, 68 00:06:19.000 --> 00:06:23.439 I've never been able to set a boundary. I had to be a people 69 00:06:23.480 --> 00:06:27.360 pleaser. I wasn't allowed to stand up for myself. I'm going to push 70 00:06:27.360 --> 00:06:30.319 down the part of me that does know how to set boundaries, that does 71 00:06:30.439 --> 00:06:33.800 know how to be selfish and selfish. Really, I don't even believe in 72 00:06:33.839 --> 00:06:38.120 that word, because self love is not selfish. Baby. And what will 73 00:06:38.160 --> 00:06:44.199 happen is when I see someone else putting up their boundaries, when I see 74 00:06:44.240 --> 00:06:47.759 someone else standing up for themselves, I'm gonna be like, what a selfish 75 00:06:48.079 --> 00:06:53.800 bitch. That's what I'm gonna say. I you know, I hate to 76 00:06:53.839 --> 00:06:58.959 call him out, but I got to be honest. The generation of boomers, 77 00:06:59.279 --> 00:07:02.120 oh my god, they are a lot of them are martyrs, and 78 00:07:02.399 --> 00:07:06.240 I love them. I love a boomer. Okay, I love a boomer. 79 00:07:06.279 --> 00:07:10.319 I love to speak to a boomer. I love to explore life through 80 00:07:10.319 --> 00:07:17.399 a boomer's perspective. It's just so interesting. And a lot of boomers and 81 00:07:17.600 --> 00:07:25.879 beyond boomers and beyond older generations, they have this martyr thing. But why 82 00:07:26.079 --> 00:07:28.920 is that? It's not their fault. They learn that you're not allowed to 83 00:07:28.920 --> 00:07:31.279 put yourself first, especially if you're a woman. Fuck you, you can't 84 00:07:31.319 --> 00:07:35.959 put yourself first. You have to do everything for everyone and be miserable. 85 00:07:36.360 --> 00:07:42.839 And they have this whole entire martyrdom of I can't put myself first. Now, 86 00:07:42.920 --> 00:07:45.959 I would have a lot of contention. As I was growing up. 87 00:07:46.120 --> 00:07:50.839 My mom would always tell me you're being selfish. Oh my god, you 88 00:07:50.839 --> 00:07:55.040 should do this, blah blah blah, and I would literally tell her, 89 00:07:55.199 --> 00:08:00.399 I don't care if you think this is selfish. Self love is not selfish. 90 00:08:00.399 --> 00:08:03.000 And when I look at certain people in my life and I see how 91 00:08:03.000 --> 00:08:07.839 they're living, they're burnt out, they're upset, they are maybe a martyr. 92 00:08:07.879 --> 00:08:09.800 Who am I talking about, I don't know. And I look at 93 00:08:09.800 --> 00:08:13.439 how they're living and I'm like, yeah, no, I don't want to 94 00:08:13.439 --> 00:08:16.680 live like that that is not how I want to live. The moral of 95 00:08:16.720 --> 00:08:20.959 the story here is when we push down something in ourselves, our ability to 96 00:08:22.000 --> 00:08:24.519 set boundaries, We're going to hate people who do set boundaries. When we 97 00:08:24.560 --> 00:08:30.600 push down that part of ourself that is the drama geek, We're going to 98 00:08:30.680 --> 00:08:33.799 hate all the drama people. When we push down something in ourselves, it's 99 00:08:33.840 --> 00:08:37.600 going to trigger us to see it in other people. Now, here's the 100 00:08:37.639 --> 00:08:43.600 main problem. We're just getting started. When we push down an aspect of 101 00:08:43.600 --> 00:08:48.639 ourselves, it begins to haunt us like a shadow. Because just because you're 102 00:08:48.679 --> 00:08:54.360 in denial of a personality, trait, or behavior that you engage with doesn't 103 00:08:54.440 --> 00:08:58.960 mean it's not happening and it's not a part of you. Being in denial 104 00:09:00.799 --> 00:09:05.399 does not mean that something isn't happening. It means that you're choosing to ignore 105 00:09:05.440 --> 00:09:09.559 it. Let's roll that back. Being in denial does not mean that something 106 00:09:09.720 --> 00:09:16.120 isn't occurring. It means you're choosing to ignore it even though it's occurring. 107 00:09:16.000 --> 00:09:22.559 When we create a shadow self, it's because deep down we know this is 108 00:09:22.559 --> 00:09:26.279 a part of ourselves, but we want to try to choose to ignore it 109 00:09:26.440 --> 00:09:31.240 anyway. We don't want to look at it any way. When we create 110 00:09:31.320 --> 00:09:35.879 these shadows, it's impossible to put all of ourselves on the pedestal because we 111 00:09:37.120 --> 00:09:41.919 can't even acknowledge all of who we are. How can I put all myself 112 00:09:41.960 --> 00:09:46.200 on the pedestal? And I won't even acknowledge that being in drama club and 113 00:09:46.279 --> 00:09:50.200 singing and dancing it's a part of who I am and something I really enjoy. 114 00:09:50.840 --> 00:09:56.120 We think that being in denial of parts of ourselves is somehow going to 115 00:09:56.279 --> 00:10:00.960 save us. It's somehow going to be the thing that fully takes us all 116 00:10:01.000 --> 00:10:05.120 the way up the emotional guidance scale to love and light. No, you 117 00:10:05.159 --> 00:10:09.159 want to elevate to new levels of love and light, you better start accepting 118 00:10:09.240 --> 00:10:15.919 all of yourself, acknowledging all of yourself, and looking at all of yourself. 119 00:10:16.879 --> 00:10:20.480 I'm not saying that all of these aspects of yourself are favorable. You 120 00:10:20.600 --> 00:10:24.320 might push down a part of yourself that's really rude, and you might be 121 00:10:24.399 --> 00:10:30.840 thinking, CC girl, Cecy, I push down this part of myself that's 122 00:10:30.840 --> 00:10:35.240 really rude because I don't get good results when I'm really rude to people. 123 00:10:35.480 --> 00:10:39.879 I understand that, but to ignore a part of yourself is to not fully 124 00:10:39.919 --> 00:10:45.320 accept yourself. You can look at your rudeness and say, Okay, I 125 00:10:45.440 --> 00:10:50.320 accept that I have the capability of going there. It's not something I'm going 126 00:10:50.399 --> 00:10:54.279 to engage with, but I'm not going to ignore it either. I'm going 127 00:10:54.279 --> 00:10:58.519 to acknowledge that that's a part of me, and that's okay. Let me 128 00:10:58.559 --> 00:11:03.600 give you an example. I am impatient. Let me just say it. 129 00:11:03.679 --> 00:11:07.080 Okay, I am, and I don't want to hypnotize myself to be more 130 00:11:07.120 --> 00:11:13.080 impatient, but for the purposes of this podcast episode, I will admit that 131 00:11:13.240 --> 00:11:16.879 there's a part of me that's impatient. You're going to take long, I 132 00:11:16.919 --> 00:11:18.759 don't think so. I have limited time on Earth. What the fuck are 133 00:11:18.799 --> 00:11:22.159 you doing? So what we need to understand. What I have come to 134 00:11:22.240 --> 00:11:28.360 understand is that me being impatient. Although I don't always want to engage with 135 00:11:28.440 --> 00:11:31.720 that behavior, it doesn't mean I ignore that it's a part of myself. 136 00:11:33.639 --> 00:11:35.440 I don't always want to engage in that behavior. I don't always want to 137 00:11:35.440 --> 00:11:39.000 be impatient, so I can choose not to be. But it doesn't mean 138 00:11:39.039 --> 00:11:43.879 that I lie to myself and ignore this part of myself. It means I 139 00:11:43.080 --> 00:11:50.240 give that part of myself more love, more acknowledgement. I truly see our 140 00:11:50.399 --> 00:11:54.840 pain points, our darkness, not as something we should ignore or try to 141 00:11:54.919 --> 00:12:00.919 run from, but something a part of ourself that needs more love, and 142 00:12:01.000 --> 00:12:07.039 we can love these parts of ourselves to the light. I want us to 143 00:12:07.159 --> 00:12:13.679 learn not to ignore our impatient self, our drama, love and self. 144 00:12:13.879 --> 00:12:18.679 I want us to learn how to dance with this darkness. I have come 145 00:12:18.759 --> 00:12:24.720 to realize in my life that my darkness can show me things that my light 146 00:12:26.159 --> 00:12:31.360 could never My darkness is able to bring me deeper into the depths of myself 147 00:12:31.720 --> 00:12:37.080 that my light did not even know was there. If it wasn't for my 148 00:12:37.360 --> 00:12:43.480 binging, codependency, anxious attachment, impatient self, I wouldn't have learned all 149 00:12:43.519 --> 00:12:48.919 that I've learned through life and energy coaching. I would not have learned everything 150 00:12:48.919 --> 00:12:54.039 I've learned about the physical body, the casual body, the spiritual body, 151 00:12:54.039 --> 00:12:58.679 the emotional body. I would have never, ever, ever learned these things 152 00:12:58.720 --> 00:13:03.799 if my darkness didn't leave me there. Our darkness is not something to be 153 00:13:03.840 --> 00:13:07.559 ignored. It's not something to shun because that only creates a bigger shadow. 154 00:13:07.840 --> 00:13:13.720 Our darkness is something to be investigated. It's something to dance with. I 155 00:13:13.759 --> 00:13:18.720 think a lot of us believe that if we dare feel a negative emotion or 156 00:13:18.799 --> 00:13:24.679 have this realization that we have a quote unquote negative personality trait, that that 157 00:13:24.000 --> 00:13:28.559 is a negative thing in itself. Feeling a negative emotion and releasing it is 158 00:13:28.559 --> 00:13:35.399 a positive experience. You're allowing yourself to flesh out the lower vibrational energy that 159 00:13:35.480 --> 00:13:39.360 you don't need anymore. Feeling a negative emotion, Acknowledging a negative a so 160 00:13:39.480 --> 00:13:45.840 called negative trait, is not a negative experience. It's allowing you to more 161 00:13:46.000 --> 00:13:50.120 fully accept who you are, to look deeper and to find out more information. 162 00:13:52.120 --> 00:13:54.240 What does it mean to dance with our darkness? It means that we're 163 00:13:54.279 --> 00:14:00.519 going to explore and understand the parts of ourselves that we've hit it away. 164 00:14:01.080 --> 00:14:05.000 How is it possible that I'm hiding parts of myself and also loving myself to 165 00:14:05.159 --> 00:14:07.559 my fullest capacity. How is it possible that I'm going to hide parts of 166 00:14:07.600 --> 00:14:13.200 myself and then say I'm so magnetic and I'm on my pedestal, bitch. 167 00:14:13.440 --> 00:14:18.679 No, No. Dancing with our darkness means we acknowledge, we look at 168 00:14:20.480 --> 00:14:26.279 we explore all of our self. Now, one way you can start to 169 00:14:26.320 --> 00:14:30.480 pick up on what your shadow is to simply ask yourself, what do I 170 00:14:30.559 --> 00:14:33.919 hate in other people? What you hate in other people's what you push down 171 00:14:33.919 --> 00:14:37.879 in yourself. So if you hate everyone who has boundaries and stands up for 172 00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:43.080 themselves, you're probably a people pleaser because you're pushing down those aspects in yourself. 173 00:14:43.879 --> 00:14:48.320 But when we can start to realize, you know what, that person 174 00:14:48.399 --> 00:14:52.600 has the ability to have boundaries. I'm a human too, I too have 175 00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:58.559 the ability to create boundaries. Maybe I haven't practice that ability, but it 176 00:14:58.600 --> 00:15:03.679 doesn't mean I don't have it. Through this dance, we can gain deeper 177 00:15:03.799 --> 00:15:09.240 insight into our pain, into our experiences, and guess what use it for 178 00:15:09.679 --> 00:15:18.759 our growth. I am going to say this quote for the rest of my 179 00:15:18.840 --> 00:15:26.320 life to everyone I meet. I swear the pain is the portal. If 180 00:15:26.399 --> 00:15:31.240 it wasn't for my binging. By the way, binging was something that was 181 00:15:31.320 --> 00:15:35.559 part of my shadow self, I didn't want to admit it to myself. 182 00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:39.639 I would say, oh, I just blacked out, CEC, Yeah, 183 00:15:39.440 --> 00:15:43.720 you blacked out in a fifty thousand things that there's a name for that. 184 00:15:46.000 --> 00:15:52.240 It's called binging. I was like, oh right, I tried to push 185 00:15:52.320 --> 00:15:56.200 that down in myself. I tried to call it different names. I thought 186 00:15:56.200 --> 00:15:58.600 blackout. I was like, oh, yeah, I'm being sly and shit, 187 00:15:58.919 --> 00:16:03.600 No, I'm just gnoring a part of myself. I'm just running away 188 00:16:03.600 --> 00:16:10.360 from emotions. I'm creating more shadows. When I finally just acknowledge that I 189 00:16:10.440 --> 00:16:14.200 was binging, in that moment, I swear to you, it was like 190 00:16:14.240 --> 00:16:18.519 a light bulb went off and I took my power back. When you just 191 00:16:18.639 --> 00:16:22.159 call out your behaviors, your personality trait, what you're pushing down in yourself, 192 00:16:22.679 --> 00:16:27.159 what it is. When you just call it by name, you also 193 00:16:27.240 --> 00:16:34.240 call your power back because it's not so scary anymore. It's not so spooky 194 00:16:34.279 --> 00:16:38.639 anymore. It's not oh, what are you hiding in your closet? No, 195 00:16:38.639 --> 00:16:41.639 No, it's oh, you know, I realized that I'm recovering from 196 00:16:41.679 --> 00:16:45.080 beinging. I'm dealing with this and I'm not going to push it down anymore. 197 00:16:47.200 --> 00:16:49.600 When I realized that I had this beinging disorder, first of all, 198 00:16:49.679 --> 00:16:55.320 I actually think this behavior because if it wasn't for beinging, god knows what 199 00:16:55.399 --> 00:17:00.440 I would have gotten into. Would it have been drugs, bad connects, 200 00:17:00.559 --> 00:17:03.680 I don't know. I don't know. If food had to be my drug 201 00:17:03.720 --> 00:17:07.680 of choice. You know what, It served me enough, It got me 202 00:17:07.720 --> 00:17:11.799 here, and I can transcend that now. I don't hate myself because that 203 00:17:11.880 --> 00:17:15.359 only creates a deeper and bigger shadow. I don't. I'm not angry at 204 00:17:15.400 --> 00:17:21.279 myself. I was doing the best I knew how to do with what I 205 00:17:21.359 --> 00:17:26.720 knew. When we embrace our pain as a portal, it leads us to 206 00:17:26.799 --> 00:17:32.160 self discovery. What does that mean? Instead of me pushing down this behavior 207 00:17:32.279 --> 00:17:34.599 and being in denial that I was binging and pretending like I wasn't binging, 208 00:17:34.839 --> 00:17:41.000 I simply said to myself, okay, let me start to become conscious of 209 00:17:41.079 --> 00:17:47.240 this binging disorder. A tool I want you to use when you're dancing with 210 00:17:47.319 --> 00:17:52.400 your darkness is to dialogue with your darkness. Speak to it, ask it 211 00:17:52.519 --> 00:17:56.960 questions, get fucking curious about what you're doing and why you're doing what you're 212 00:17:56.000 --> 00:18:03.759 doing. Instead of being triggered and immediately going to my reaction, I created 213 00:18:03.799 --> 00:18:07.559 a sacred space of silence between the trigger and the reaction to create a response. 214 00:18:07.960 --> 00:18:12.039 And I started a dialogue with my darkness, and I spoke directly to 215 00:18:12.160 --> 00:18:17.359 it, and I said, what's going on here? What's going on here? 216 00:18:17.400 --> 00:18:21.000 Why? Am I doing this? What am I running from? What 217 00:18:21.200 --> 00:18:26.839 pain am I trying to push down? What am I trying to disconnect with? 218 00:18:26.440 --> 00:18:30.000 When we are engaging in these sorts of behaviors, we're trying to disconnect 219 00:18:30.079 --> 00:18:33.599 from something because something feels too painful to just look at in its face. 220 00:18:34.559 --> 00:18:41.160 When our shadows create coping mechanisms, it's because we're trying not to feel emotions 221 00:18:41.160 --> 00:18:45.839 that we think are unsafe to feel. I had a dialogue with my darkness 222 00:18:45.839 --> 00:18:51.079 and walk myself through feeling what I needed to feel. I realized every time 223 00:18:51.119 --> 00:18:56.119 I was binging it was because I felt very lonely, very lonely, very 224 00:18:56.200 --> 00:19:00.480 disconnected. And my way to take back control was to say, I'm just 225 00:19:00.519 --> 00:19:03.799 going to fill my body up with anything and everything, and I'm taking back 226 00:19:03.799 --> 00:19:06.839 control. And if I can't feel connected to you, I'm going to feel 227 00:19:06.839 --> 00:19:11.079 connected to food. I'm going to feel connected to the sweet sugary cookie that 228 00:19:11.119 --> 00:19:14.480 I have. That's how I'm going to gain connection. That's what I'm gonna 229 00:19:14.559 --> 00:19:22.119 do. I would not have been able to find these inner truths if I 230 00:19:22.200 --> 00:19:26.039 didn't have a dialogue with my darkness, if I didn't take a pause and 231 00:19:26.079 --> 00:19:29.839 start your question, Wait, why am I doing what I'm doing? I 232 00:19:29.880 --> 00:19:37.119 would have never found this information. When you use your pain as a portal, 233 00:19:37.160 --> 00:19:41.519 instead of having your pain use you, you not only liberate your shadows, 234 00:19:42.119 --> 00:19:51.359 but you find inner wisdom, answers truth that you did not know you 235 00:19:51.400 --> 00:19:57.119 were holding onto. You find information you did not know was even there. 236 00:20:00.480 --> 00:20:07.400 I want you to spend time with your darkness and to know it's okay. 237 00:20:07.480 --> 00:20:10.000 How do you get to know someone, You got to hang out with them. 238 00:20:10.000 --> 00:20:11.160 How do you get to know yourself? You got to hang out with 239 00:20:11.160 --> 00:20:14.240 you. How do you get to know your darkness? You hang out with 240 00:20:14.279 --> 00:20:22.440 your darkness. You have a dialogue with your darkness. I want you to 241 00:20:22.559 --> 00:20:30.440 literally have a journal dedicated okay, a journal dedicated to inner child and your 242 00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:33.960 shadow. You can even have two journals, one dedicated to each. But 243 00:20:34.079 --> 00:20:37.640 let's just say we're on a budget, so we have one journal for inner 244 00:20:37.720 --> 00:20:45.000 child and our shadow self. A reflective journal. Let's say you don't know 245 00:20:45.519 --> 00:20:48.640 why you keep engaging in a behavior, or you don't know why you keep 246 00:20:48.680 --> 00:20:52.960 hating on the specific person. Write down your question at the top of the 247 00:20:53.000 --> 00:20:59.519 page, and then let yourself just start reflecting on the topic. A lot 248 00:20:59.559 --> 00:21:03.039 of us don't have these immediate answers because most of us are in our sympathetic 249 00:21:03.079 --> 00:21:07.400 nervous system. We're in fight and flight. We're constantly triggered, so we 250 00:21:07.440 --> 00:21:11.799 don't have time and space to connect why we're doing what we're doing. We 251 00:21:11.920 --> 00:21:17.279 barely have time to figure out what we're gonna do for dinner, let alone 252 00:21:17.359 --> 00:21:26.680 understand why we're binging. You have to take a ton of me responsibility over 253 00:21:26.759 --> 00:21:30.640 your own life, and that means creating space. You have the time. 254 00:21:30.680 --> 00:21:34.319 Don't come at me like that. Don't come at me like that. You 255 00:21:34.359 --> 00:21:37.720 can create the time. This doesn't have to be every day, once a 256 00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:44.200 week. Can we have ten minutes twenty minutes once a week where we can 257 00:21:44.279 --> 00:21:48.640 just reflect on? Why do I keep hating on Gen? All she does 258 00:21:48.720 --> 00:21:53.920 is work really hard? WHOA, Maybe I'm hating on her work ethic because 259 00:21:55.119 --> 00:21:59.160 I've always felt like I had to be the class clown, and so I 260 00:21:59.240 --> 00:22:03.759 pushed down that work ethic in myself, And that's why I'm hating on Jen. 261 00:22:06.599 --> 00:22:12.319 What our brain creates so many more neurological pathways and connections. When we 262 00:22:12.359 --> 00:22:18.759 actually sit down and intend to understand what we're doing, we create so much 263 00:22:18.839 --> 00:22:25.599 space for in our wisdom, in our understanding, when we actually create time 264 00:22:26.039 --> 00:22:33.240 in our schedule to do so. Now, this process, it's not always 265 00:22:33.240 --> 00:22:37.000 going to be the most comfortable. There might be parts of yourself that you're 266 00:22:37.039 --> 00:22:42.519 like, geez, I'm doing that. Damn, I'm kind of impatient. 267 00:22:42.960 --> 00:22:48.759 Day am I binge? Damn I'm codependent? Okay, Okay, that might 268 00:22:48.799 --> 00:22:52.799 be uncomfortable. But let me ask you, how much more uncomfortable would it 269 00:22:52.839 --> 00:22:59.039 be if you ignore these behaviors for one more year. Let's say you ignore 270 00:22:59.079 --> 00:23:03.640 it for three more years. How does your life look Let's say you ignore 271 00:23:03.640 --> 00:23:07.480 it for five more years? What's your relationship status? What's your life looking 272 00:23:07.599 --> 00:23:11.960 like? Let's say you ignore it for ten more years and your shadow is 273 00:23:12.079 --> 00:23:17.640 getting big? What's your life do wing? How are you feeling? Let's 274 00:23:17.640 --> 00:23:21.480 say you ignore it for twenty more years? Me could have been ency. 275 00:23:21.559 --> 00:23:23.319 No, I have no idea what we're talking about. Surely I just don't 276 00:23:23.319 --> 00:23:32.160 even know what thirty more years, forty more years? Can you really keep 277 00:23:32.240 --> 00:23:37.640 creating shadows for so fucking long? How much longer do you want to play 278 00:23:37.720 --> 00:23:41.400 this game with yourself? Because it's a game of limitation, and it's a 279 00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:45.079 game of stopping yourself from calling your true power back to you. How much 280 00:23:45.119 --> 00:23:52.359 longer do you want to play? The longer you push down, deny, 281 00:23:52.640 --> 00:23:59.000 refute aspects of yourself that are part of you, the bigger your shadow, 282 00:23:59.079 --> 00:24:06.480 and the more miserable and the more hateful you become. Period, it's your 283 00:24:06.599 --> 00:24:11.480 choice. But I can tell you from someone who I'm not fully healed, 284 00:24:11.519 --> 00:24:15.480 I believe this is always a journey. But for someone who has been on 285 00:24:15.519 --> 00:24:19.319 a very different side of codependency, I do believe I really have healed my 286 00:24:19.359 --> 00:24:23.119 codependency in anxious attachment. You know most of the way, I'll say, 287 00:24:23.519 --> 00:24:29.680 And when I was in denial of codependency, I didn't even want to look 288 00:24:29.759 --> 00:24:32.440 up the word. I didn't even want to know what it meant. I 289 00:24:32.440 --> 00:24:36.680 didn't want to read the attachment books. I didn't want to study what attachment 290 00:24:36.720 --> 00:24:38.440 theory was. I didn't want to look at any of this. I was 291 00:24:38.519 --> 00:24:42.640 way more miserable then, because not only was I pushing down a part of 292 00:24:42.720 --> 00:24:48.799 myself, not only was I in denial, but I wasn't giving myself space 293 00:24:48.880 --> 00:24:53.039 to show up fully. I'm able to put myself fully on the pedestal now 294 00:24:53.079 --> 00:24:59.079 because I acknowledge that I have both light and dark aspects of myself, and 295 00:24:59.160 --> 00:25:03.839 I'm okay with that. I'm able to put myself fully on my pedestal now 296 00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:10.880 because I acknowledge that I'm not just this perfect girl woman lady. I'm a 297 00:25:11.000 --> 00:25:15.519 multi dimensional being. I think that we need to zoom out from who we 298 00:25:15.599 --> 00:25:22.119 think we are and remember, Wait a second, if I came here to 299 00:25:22.200 --> 00:25:26.920 learn and develop and grow, wouldn't it just makes sense that there's parts of 300 00:25:26.960 --> 00:25:32.960 me that have to be developed that I need to learn from and grow from. 301 00:25:33.599 --> 00:25:37.720 Why would you come to planet Earth if you're already perfect? What can 302 00:25:37.799 --> 00:25:41.839 you explain? Because I don't understand that. What would be the point of 303 00:25:41.880 --> 00:25:45.960 that. Think about going to a movie. You don't go to the movie 304 00:25:45.000 --> 00:25:49.720 to see the final scene where everyone's happy and bubbly. No, you go 305 00:25:49.839 --> 00:25:59.160 to the movie to experience every single scene, every single moment, the good, 306 00:25:59.200 --> 00:26:03.279 the bad, ugly, the ups and the downs. We would not 307 00:26:03.359 --> 00:26:07.279 go to a movie if it didn't have the thrill of what a movie is 308 00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:11.640 meant to be, with no narrative arc, why would we go? By 309 00:26:11.680 --> 00:26:17.119 the way, I just have to say, I just watched Avatar. I 310 00:26:17.160 --> 00:26:21.599 was watching it every night, like thirty minutes a night before I would you 311 00:26:21.799 --> 00:26:26.640 do my night routine, etc. And I finally finished it. It is 312 00:26:26.759 --> 00:26:30.240 such a good movie. I don't know, but I have this thing where 313 00:26:30.240 --> 00:26:33.920 if something is a cartoon, I just don't want to watch it. Besides 314 00:26:33.960 --> 00:26:40.200 the movie Soul, which was amazing, watch Avatar. I was crying throughout 315 00:26:40.200 --> 00:26:42.119 the whole entire thing. It's an amazing film. But anyway, there were 316 00:26:42.160 --> 00:26:48.119 so many moments of Avatar where I was like, no, no, you 317 00:26:48.200 --> 00:26:51.559 wouldn't no, no, no, now, and then crying and screaming at 318 00:26:51.559 --> 00:26:55.640 the TV like why would they do that? But that's what makes the movie 319 00:26:55.759 --> 00:27:03.039 the movie. If I just turn on Avatar and went to the last final 320 00:27:03.079 --> 00:27:07.359 credit scene, what would be the point of that. That's not enjoyable, 321 00:27:07.480 --> 00:27:11.680 And in fact, it's fucking boring to do that. It's boring. It's 322 00:27:11.720 --> 00:27:18.680 boring. It's boring to have everything just perfection all of the time. The 323 00:27:18.880 --> 00:27:22.599 only people without problems are dead people. So having problems, guess what, 324 00:27:22.920 --> 00:27:27.839 it's a sign of being alive, of being a human. Your darkness is 325 00:27:27.839 --> 00:27:32.559 a sign of being alive and being human, because once you go to that 326 00:27:32.640 --> 00:27:37.119 higher round, baby girl, it's a love and light. I just don't 327 00:27:37.119 --> 00:27:41.160 want us to ignore parts of ourselves, because in order to fully put ourselves 328 00:27:41.160 --> 00:27:45.839 on the pedestal, we have to acknowledge all of ourself. So if you're 329 00:27:45.880 --> 00:27:49.839 not sure what your darkness is, look at what you hate in other people 330 00:27:51.319 --> 00:27:53.519 and make a list. Ooh, okay, this is what I'm pushing down 331 00:27:53.519 --> 00:27:57.720 in myself. I have always, for my whole entire life, I've always 332 00:27:57.720 --> 00:28:00.559 said I've hated lazy. I'm like, oh, blah blah blah, of 333 00:28:00.599 --> 00:28:04.000 course I hate lazy people. I push down laziness in myself. I'm an 334 00:28:04.000 --> 00:28:08.680 a type personality. What do we think this is? What do we think 335 00:28:08.720 --> 00:28:14.640 this is? So if I'm hating laziness and other people, it's because I'm 336 00:28:14.680 --> 00:28:18.599 pushing down laziness in myself. And ultimately, what does that do. That 337 00:28:18.759 --> 00:28:23.519 shadow actually led to burnout, led to me overdeveloping my masculine shield and not 338 00:28:23.559 --> 00:28:29.440 looking into my divine feminine energy at all. So these shadows can create side 339 00:28:29.440 --> 00:28:33.480 effects that ultimately do not help us be our best version of ourselves. So 340 00:28:33.519 --> 00:28:37.480 that's one way you can figure out your shadow. You can also if you 341 00:28:37.559 --> 00:28:44.200 already know the behaviors or traits that you don't like write them down. Start 342 00:28:44.240 --> 00:28:47.839 to have a dialogue with your darkness. Why would I do this? Take 343 00:28:47.880 --> 00:28:52.279 out a notebook. You can also there's another exercise you can use to figure 344 00:28:52.319 --> 00:28:55.880 out your darkness, which is write down five of your favorite traits in yourself 345 00:28:56.200 --> 00:29:00.160 and then write down the opposite trait. And that opposite trait is what you're 346 00:29:00.200 --> 00:29:03.680 pushing down in yourself. So let's say that my favorite trait is how hard 347 00:29:03.720 --> 00:29:07.599 of a worker I am. I would write down my favorite trait is that 348 00:29:07.680 --> 00:29:11.759 I'm a hard worker. What's the opposite of hard working laziness? Oh, 349 00:29:11.799 --> 00:29:15.680 that's my shadow self. We want to understand that we are human beings. 350 00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:18.559 We are multidimensional. We have a range of capabilities and personality traits that we 351 00:29:18.559 --> 00:29:22.599 can tap into, and our personality is really just a habit of whatever we 352 00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:26.960 decided it to be when we were five years old. If I grew up 353 00:29:26.000 --> 00:29:29.799 and I had to be the good girl, the smart girl, the A 354 00:29:29.960 --> 00:29:33.240 type personality, that's who I'm gonna be, not because that's who I actually 355 00:29:33.240 --> 00:29:37.680 am, but that is the habit that I have created for myself. But 356 00:29:37.759 --> 00:29:48.279 if I grew up and laziness was let's say, celebrated laziness was looked at 357 00:29:48.279 --> 00:29:51.240 as Oh, you're so funny, you're so cool, You're going to be 358 00:29:51.319 --> 00:29:55.200 popular. Then that would be the habit of who I am. Who you 359 00:29:55.279 --> 00:29:57.319 are is a sum of your actions, your thoughts, your behaviors, your 360 00:29:57.359 --> 00:30:02.680 intentions. We are mere habits of what we've been doing and what we've been 361 00:30:02.720 --> 00:30:07.519 thinking. Period. That's it. That's all we truly are. You can 362 00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:12.799 unbecome whoever you have created in any moment. All it takes is you saying 363 00:30:12.839 --> 00:30:18.680 to yourself, I want to unravel this personality, trait, this behavior, 364 00:30:18.720 --> 00:30:23.000 this aspect of me. I want to know more. I want you dancing 365 00:30:23.000 --> 00:30:27.880 with your darkness. Okay, dancing with your darkness, why so that you 366 00:30:27.960 --> 00:30:33.039 can become self actualized, so you can put all of yourself on the pedestal, 367 00:30:33.160 --> 00:30:37.440 so you can fully encompass your wholeness. Think about all the parts of 368 00:30:37.480 --> 00:30:41.680 you that you're pushing down. You don't even know those parts of you yet 369 00:30:41.079 --> 00:30:45.519 that's exciting new parts to explore and to look at. By dancing with our 370 00:30:45.599 --> 00:30:49.880 darkness, we can unlock the profound personal growth that we've been searching for. 371 00:30:51.400 --> 00:30:55.440 Like I've said before, my darkness has showed me things. My light didn't 372 00:30:55.440 --> 00:30:59.279 even know was there. My darkness, of codependency, of anxious attachment, 373 00:30:59.319 --> 00:31:03.519 of binging showed me things that my light could never teach me. It allowed 374 00:31:03.519 --> 00:31:07.400 me to understand my inner child wounds. It allowed me to understand my thought 375 00:31:07.480 --> 00:31:11.680 process, my inner critic. It allowed me to understand my attachment system. 376 00:31:12.039 --> 00:31:17.160 These are things my light could never teach me because these weren't part of my 377 00:31:17.279 --> 00:31:22.920 light. They were part of my dark. Embrace your opin as a portal 378 00:31:22.119 --> 00:31:30.400 to self discovery, to liberation, two more love. Ultimately, by embracing 379 00:31:30.400 --> 00:31:33.519 your dark, it's very ironic, but you actually just end up leading yourself 380 00:31:33.559 --> 00:31:38.880 to more love and more light. What an ironic journey, What a twist, 381 00:31:40.880 --> 00:31:45.480 What a funny way to go. I love you positive bitches so much. 382 00:31:45.039 --> 00:31:48.920 If you enjoyed this podcast, please leave a positive review on Apple Podcasts 383 00:31:48.960 --> 00:31:52.920 and Spotify. It means the world to me. It helps this podcast grow, 384 00:31:53.240 --> 00:31:56.200 and if not for me, do it for you. That's good karma 385 00:31:56.240 --> 00:32:00.000 on your part. If you enjoyed this, share it on social media and 386 00:32:00.039 --> 00:32:04.160 be sure to tag me at Vibe, at CC or at that bitch as 387 00:32:04.200 --> 00:32:07.599 positive. Share it with a friend who might need to hear this or a 388 00:32:07.599 --> 00:32:12.400 family member who maybe they're praying about this exact thing, and you happen to 389 00:32:12.440 --> 00:32:15.960 think of them while you're listening. Share this with them. You never know 390 00:32:15.000 --> 00:32:19.759 who you're helping. You never know when someone's at their darkest point. The 391 00:32:19.880 --> 00:32:25.400 sparkle in me honors the sparkle in you, and I will see you in 392 00:32:25.440 --> 00:32:58.200 the next one. Catch me, you can't smutch me.