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Welcome. This is chayo with you. It is very common that when a

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couple argue I ended up talking about
divorce, no matter why it is the

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argument, no matter why it was
the conflict. But end up saying.

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And if not, then, we
leave it here. And if not,

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then this is where we come from. And if not, then that'

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s it, and normally it'
s not that the relationship doesn' t

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go any further. The problem.
The vast majority of times is that when

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they reach that point, it is
because what they have is a great difficulty

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to face disagreements and an important communication
problem as well. They do not know

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how to list arguments in their disagreements
that allow them to then find a way

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to establish points of rapprochement to know
how and in what way to find common

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points in the face of differences and
more than to have to go and see

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how each one, on his side, would have to find out how.

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Learn to communicate better. Thinking differently
is not a reason for divorce. Whenever

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we express ourselves with emotions involved,
we have to learn to do so with

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respect. It' s one thing
to be angry and it' s another

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thing to disrespect the expression of our
many emotions and that' s been raised

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since we' re little and here
I' d ask you a question.

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Who you talk about the conflicts you
have with your partner one of the important

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situations beyond who you talk to,
because, without a doubt, the essential

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condition whenever we talk about conflicts with
our partner has to be to a person

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of trust. That trusted person,
sometimes he' s a relative, sometimes

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he' s a friend. The
truth is that whenever we are going to

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talk about something that we consider personal, the characteristics that that person has to

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have, is that he must have
maturity and maturity we will understand that he

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will have the ability to be discreet
that person and that he will have the

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ability to distinguish that the conflict that
we are talking to him is a conflict

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with the person and not a conflict
that that that person will appropriate, because

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sometimes solidarity with him is confused.
We' re getting closer and then it

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turns out that I' m talking
to you about a conflict with my partner

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and you' re also stopping talking
to my partner and that' s not

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being supportive. The person I tell
about my conflict is someone who has to

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have the possibility to know how to
differentiate what produces what I' m talking

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about with the fact that the problem
with my partner is mine and has to

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be able to keep a certain distance
from what I' m telling him in

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order to help me vent, see
things clearly and even suddenly until I can

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question myself as I' m seeing
things. It is the only way to

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see them and help me gain clarity
and not feed my emotions, so that

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even that person will benefit from what
is happening in the conflict. So always

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watch where you deposit what you count. It is common that when one of

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our children is crying or sad because
some friend has done something to him,

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our immediate reaction, is to tell
him and no longer take him, no

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longer join him or her, or
it is not the first time he does

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the same to you, no longer
listen to him and imagine where we would

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end our life or with how many
friends we would end our life if all

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the time we were breaking relationships every
time some friend or friend did something that

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we don' t like. The
reality is that we would have to teach

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our children that there are things that
sometimes our friends do that we don'

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t like, or that there are
defects that our friends have, that are

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part of their character, but that
they have good things, and that we

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would have to learn, namely that
there are parts or things that we shouldn

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' t do with a certain friend, but that that friend is good for

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some situations, but it' s
not good for others that suddenly slips with

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certain conditions in life and that,
therefore, we should tell him that look

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at this you don' t use
me or when you do this, because

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I can fall half wrong. But
we don' t have to break relationships

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all the time and that we would
have to be learning from that, namely

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from what characteristics, from which friends
we would have to be closer and from

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what characteristics of which friends we would
have to be further away from, so

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that in reality we would fight or
distance ourselves completely from some friends it wouldn

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' t have to be what most
often. It would have to be the

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exit door. So notice that you
advise so long as you have not suffered

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your children, because at the end
of the way they can be much more

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alone than my wife would actually touch. And we split up thinking that I

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was unfaithful. And the truth was
never like that. Doctor more, without

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however, about three four months ago, I don' t know how six

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months we had had an argument at
his mom' s house and we lived

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there, but it was so much
the argument that I got to the point

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of running. It wasn' t
the first time. It had already been

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several times that I had been run. In fact, her mother and she

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had run me thinking that, because
I was the unfaithful one. I was

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the infidel. We had a food
business in a college, but this one

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like me left the house on that
occasion, because I already went to our

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real house that my wife and I
had bought. Then my idea was to

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support her to follow the good news, because I was always a lady doctor

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and once she went to supply.
He told me I' m going to

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fill up and say yes and I
stayed in the car. Then it occurred

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to me to check a notebook and
it was and I was writing a letter

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to a person who thanks for his
kisses, hugs, et cetera, et

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cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And it turns out that this person,

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if he walks or walks with her, is the person who had water

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of flavor to her or good to
us. And when I was there,

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then the truth. I don'
t know what to do, ma'

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am, I don' t know
sorry, but I don' t know

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what to be? I don'
t know what to be? I don

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' t know forgiveness. I really
want to be with her and start from

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scratch, but I don' t
know what she thinks to see I'

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m drawn to several things here.
First you tell me you' re not

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with her, because you' re
accused of infidelity, and then you tell

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me that it' s been a
while, in this situation where you stay

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in the car, you find yourself
a letter where she' s writing that

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letter. In the car you find
the letter and there you discover that infidelity

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that I imagine is son- in- law all this from his posts.

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No, and this is what always
leads me to tell them that the problem

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of infidelity on many occasions is not
the infidelity itself, but that of mistrust

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generated by relationships, because it begins
to see how well it said something that

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I found the other day, after
a lie. All the other truths are

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questioned, and it is that mistrust
breaks down interpersonal relations in a very important

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way. And I think there'
s a lot of questions to ask here.

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The first thing I do and you' re going to tell me well,

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I' m what it has to
do is why, having a house

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of your own, you and your
wife live in your in- laws'

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house and how that gives rise to
then when there' s a discussion between

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you and your wife, then there' s third parties involved in it.

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And it seems like this is already
becoming a team theme. You end up

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going as a result of something your
wife asks of you, but today,

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you' re the one who'
s questioning yourself whether or not you should

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give her a chance when in theory
they' re separated, because she'

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s the one who thinks you'
ve missed the relationship. So it'

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s not clear to me whether the
bases they are or were together are sure

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they' re the same, when
the bases they' re separated by today

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don' t even seem to be
the same. And a couple relationship must

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be made clear to both sides that
the reasons for both the Union and the

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meaning would have to be the same
and if the reasons for the separation were

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not the same, they would both
have to know the reasons for the separation

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of the two members of the relationship. So I think you have to sit

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down with her and make a clear
statement of under what approach she and you

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would return and if those approaches match
and what do they both want for their

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future? It is very common that
when it comes to setting rules, but

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above all, to apply the rules, the time of application, when it

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comes And especially, if we are
talking about little children, he, please,

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five minutes more wait for me soon. No, and with that tender

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little children' s face, because
suddenly let' s say what' s

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wrong with it, you didn'
t see how much it' s so

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small, they' d say out
there and suddenly it feels even ugly to

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establish it. No, because no
longer a no is no, and it

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must be understood that every rule has
variations and that we are not so evil

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when we establish a rule. What
are the variations of the rule. For

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example, if you tell a child
that his time to go to sleep is

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eight o' clock at night,
it' s not true that he'

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s going to sleep at eight o' clock on Monday through Sunday. You

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actually have to go to sleep at
eight o' clock from Sunday night to

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Thursday night, because Friday night and
Saturday night you won' t go to

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sleep at eight o' clock because
the next day there are no classes.

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Then every rule will contain several that
if seven days out of week five he

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' ll go to sleep at eight
o' clock at night. He'

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s really being so strict and so
evil by asking him to stick to the

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rule for five days and two can
have a variant where you can go to

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sleep a little later. If you
think about it calmly and coldly. The

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reality is that the rules are your
collaborators in education. Think about it quietly

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and you' ll see that you' re not committing any crime against childhood.

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Notice that whenever a teenager starts at
this stage, something that will inevitably

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start sooner rather than later they will
do the permits and they will want to

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go to many parts. So mom
and dad are going to have to start

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learning a magic word, because the
key is going to be to docify,

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nothing more, docifying frequency of permissions
to which, if any, but how

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often to the same type of permission, how many times, how much time,

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how much. Because if from the
beginning you start saying a yes to

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everything you want and the way you
want it, well, your son will

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practically use your house as a hotel. And the point is not that the

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permits are going to have anything wrong, it' s that what you'

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re actually going to have to be
dosing is the amount of adrenaline that the

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different permissions are generating in your brain. How much constant excitement is your Brain

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going to be exposed? So there' s a concept I call a foundation

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that' s going to be essential
in your teen' s life. So

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when you' re going to give
your teenager permission to go out and it

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turns out that the same day he
has another permit that he wants to go,

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if not, he has four or
five permits from the same day and

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turns out he' s going to
end up making an extraordinary plan. Eh,

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because they manage to divinely arm one
after another, after another after another

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and find who and then there,
like and so on and good. He

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' s going to introduce you splendidly. The point is, like what we

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want is that, and not because
I insist, there' s nothing wrong

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with the plans. What we want
is that you don' t stay in

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a state of absolute adrenaline all the
time, because that' s what often

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gets you into trouble. We'
re going to want you to touch on

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what we call base to get you
back home and lower your adrenaline state,

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the state of excitement enters into a
period of boredom, be for a while,

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an hour, an hour and a
half, two hours at home and

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return from scratch to the next plan. That touch base is going to allow

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you to observe that it calms down, that it enters restlessness, in peace

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and that it restarts, restarts,
again heats engines, because otherwise. He

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started drinking and started drinking alcohol and
started trying drugs. In one place he

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' s going to run and he' s not going to stop, and

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that can take him from one madness
and one frolic to another and in the

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way millions of things can happen between
them until accidental, not even provoked.

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So it' s customary for your
child to come home from a plan,

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calmly and calmly, and go back
to the next plan. You see him

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in preference, you even carry him, you pick him up when this is

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possible, but if not, at
least you saw him leave again in complete

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peace. Maybe. He even ate
something, took a bath, lowered his

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emotions and repositioned himself in a flat
place. There are really different things going

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on. That, if you run
from one place to another in a clumsy

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hurried manner and in the midst of
the emotions snatched from the kids, you

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won' t regret it. I' m chayo busquets until tomorrow. Audio Centre