Hello, Welcome to Laura Kane after Dark. Thank you so much for watching
on our YouTube channel. Thank you so much for listening on iHeartRadio app or
Spotify or Apple Podcasts or Spreaker or Google or wherever you listen. We approach
those. We appreciate it a lot. This is like our almost a four
hundred and fiftieth episode. You believe it? Can you seriously, Eric,
think about counting to four hundred and fifty right now. That would take a
while for me. That would take days. I mean, think about it.
We've done that many. I don't think Laura could do it. I
don't think I can. I think actually max out like fifty six or something.
I'd be like fifty six. Yeah, that would be me too.
After that. I can count to a one hundred in Spanish. Okay,
so, oh wow, you are bilingual. I can sing Silent Night in
German? Please? Oh no. I can sing Christmas is over. I
can sing jingle bells in Spanish. I can sing oh come all ye faithful,
faithful in Latin. Please? Why you have to? I'm going to
sing it Costco Bella's Costco bellis Oregon Como token. Please sing it in German
Christmas. I used to know a lot of German like children's rhymes I took
when I took German back in college. I'm sorry, who are you?
Gross? Gross? Gross gross ales my necklyde? Can we see your face
please? Producer Brian over there on the micing case. You're just now tuning
in to our podcast and you've never heard us before. Hey, Ryan,
And then this is Eric Rummer. Hello, Hi. And how about that
rain? Wow? Yeah, I mean something blows me away. The thing
is obviously thinking about this this summer and the spring is going to be so
green, think about all the colors, and the flower fields are going to
be amazing. All of our allergies are going to be totally out of whack.
I'm going to shoot myself. Well, I have a present for you.
What close your eyes. I've been waiting for this to come, little
bit. Let me just say it is girlier than I wanted it to be.
But I have a feeling you're going to use it with zess. Oh
it's a vibration god what oh boy? You know I got us something too,
and it's coming. Okay, hold out your hands, okay, okay,
okay, it's okay. Open Oh you can keep all your toilet trees
in there, all right, love it, eat it bag. I know
it has flowers on it. It's a little bit early, but still it's
still gonna come in very handy. Something else. Okay, okay, they're
closed. Open up, I mean, open up your hands. Okay,
open your eyes. It's true. I am something like that. I really
am. Thank you, You're welcome. When do I get my present from
you? As soon as it comes? Is it something that I'm going to
enjoy or something I'm going to laugh at? Oh, it's something that maybe
both can you give me or can I give you? Like a price range?
Was it over five dollars or under five dollars? I honestly do not
remember. M M. I bet it was under five dollars, because I
think you would be you would remember spending like ten dollars on me, not
necessarily, Okay, Like at Christmas time, I just was like bye bye
bye bye bye. I don't care what the price was. So fun.
I freaking love that website. And you know I shouldn't. I know I
shouldn't. I should not like globally, I shouldn't. Do you know that
TikTok has a store? No I guess I shouldn't have told you that.
Yeah, my coworker told me that yesterday. It's not that TikTok has a
store. It so that you can put you can link a store through TikTok
on your page basically. Okay, Well, same with Instagram. You know
Instagram has stores like yeah, front, it's the same thing. I have
to figure out how to sell. We have a bunch of Laura Cane After
Dark merch that I'm trying to figure out how to sell it. Is there
a way to sell it? So we'll figure it out on Instagram or something
like that. Okay, anyway, we need to talk about very important people
first before we go with our host shot. And now I'm my one of
my hosts, well my only host shot. I know your new segment is
Eric Soapbox, but it's Laura's soapbox. Oh boy night. Okay, I'm
gonna get on my soap Oh boy, I can't wait. Are we going
to talk about first? Are we going to talk about the moneyman? Or
are we going to talk about people that make your forehead so smooth? I
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Now we're gonna have soon a segment called Eric Soapbox. Because you like to
go off on certain things sometimes I do. I want to go off on
something right now. And it happened to me that happens frequently, and it's
a type of person. I don't know if Brian, if you're this type
of person, I don't think you are. Eric. I know one of
my roommates is and this person yesterday, I'm like, okay, I cannot
stand and I'm sorry if you are one of these people backer inners, Oh,
I can't stand it. Who do you think you are? Oh my
god? Why do you have to back into the parking space? Yes,
I know, I know, I know it's easier to get out, it's
quicker to get out, but you know what you're doing when when somebody is
waiting to pass you, or there was a line like this person took so
long to back into a parking spot. We were waiting there for like five
minutes. Such a paint of the massull forward. All right, I am
not, But the only reason I'm not I would if I was, I
wouldn't take this crap from you, considering you came and park in the lines
normally. No, okay, okay, fine, But I'm just saying I've
never been a person that wants to back into a parking spot. I don't
need to. I don't. I I don't get it. It's just as
easy for me to back out as it is for me to pull in.
Right, that's pretty easy to pulling out, So nice, I don't.
I don't back in. It's it's too much of a hasshole. But it
is. Now I'm gonna make I'm gonna make a blanket statement and this is
gonna probably make some people mad. But you know who I noticed does this
a lot frequently? Tesla drivers. Oh yeah, really, yes, that
was who I was waiting for the other day. They want I know.
Tesla's are really actually very very cool. They're a very uncomfortable car to right.
Oh you say that they are not? They are so not. I
don't know what what model your friend had that you were in that one time.
It wasn't it was newber driver. By the way, the shirt that
Eric's wearing is mine. It's a crop top. It is okay, and
he's somehow he is making it work, glove that you're making it work.
Yep, here we go anyway. I guess that's that's it. That's all
I have to say. And if that's you, I I thought maybe Brian,
you you might have been that guy. I don't know. I'm gonna
have a quick soapbox, real quick. Okay, Well, who I hate
who? People that can't park in just in general, people who hit curbs,
like in their jeeps, park on the curb, hit all the curbs,
back over the curbs, go forwards over the curbs, outside the lines,
over the lines, on top of the lines. What I sense here
is he's waving the green flag of jealousy, Beka, waving the green flag.
That's what my brother insist and I used to say when we were jealous
of each other. You're waving the green flag, you know, when you're
green with envy. Am I jealous of that. I drive a jeep.
Yea that I get to do all these things because in a jeep you can
do that. You can go over curbs. It's like you're driving a school
bus. It's so fun. A jeep is a Honda CRV with a with
bigger suspension on the alls are great. Like ten times it doesn't stop it.
Okay, anyway, I admitted that I am sometimes I park like a
dick. I and I don't mean to. I don't mean to capable of
correctly. I just have Well, admittedly I have a little problem with death
perception. Death perception, death perceptions. Okay, mommy, sometimes I yeah.
Anyway, that's all I have for my host chat. What is your
host chat? Oh my god, If it's what I think it is,
Oh god, this is so this is crazy. This sucks so bad.
I hate getting old. It's the worst. I went for my physical on
Thursday and my doctor called me today, who I love. I've been with
them a long time. I love my doctor. Wait, wait, can
I ask a quick question? You did blood, you did vitals, you
did urine? Did you do the finger up? The yes? I ought,
yes, the whole nine. It was his favorite part. Yes,
I got finger banged, and it was it was very sad. Today when
I got my results, my everything was fairly good, except for the fact
that when I weighed myself, my shoes alone weighed probably ten pounds each.
So I took my shoes off, took my keys out, I basically stripped
down, did nothing so that I would be at my Goalways those doctor,
they always seem to like add pounds. Yes, so I'm normally between like
one hundred and sixty five and one seventy. I've been that probably well consecutively
since like twenty seventeen. I never gained a pound. I stepped on the
scale and I was one eighty ooh, so that ten pounds. And I
don't own a scale like I own a scale, but the batteries are dead,
so it Do you notice, did you, because that's like ten pounds.
Do you notice in your clothes that they're fitting a little differently? Well,
I've noticed that I have a lot of stuff that's very slim fit.
But since I've been working out a lot more, I'm getting a little broader
up here, so I've noticed it's been a little tighter. So I when
he reads me calls me today with my results. He's like, so one
of the things we're going to have to work on is it's not anything to
be concerned about. But you have a little bit of a fatty liver.
And I'm like what and he said, yeah, so it's probably that ten
pounds that you gained over the holidays. And I was like, mother,
that's what like alcoholics gin I wasn't say ten you gained ten pounds and they're
saying your liver was kind of fatty. Yeah, it's weird. He doesn't
because I'm not a big drinker at all. Is there are they is that
something like, oh, we're gonna look into this more. They were just
like trying too well. Yeah, they said, you know, call us
in six months and they'll do it again. But is it reversible? Oh
yeah, yeah, it's nothing to be concerned about. He just wants me
to lose that ten pounds. It's just weird that ten pounds is what made
your liver fa And I'm like, well, anything on me gets fat with
any bit of a weight game my face, might you know anything? So
what did he tell you that you needed to watch your weight? I mean,
it's just that'll come off quick. Let me tell you well instead of
I haven't eaten since that docum. Yeah, I haven't eaten at all today,
but since you know, I mean I did double up on the cilium
husk at night. Maybe it's time to like triple it. No, that's
not going to help. You know that. You know better than that.
Don't not eat because then you'll pass out. Then you'll like no, then
you'll hit your head and then all I'm going to eat are like ritz crackers
and ice cub rice. Yeah, ice cubes. I'll dip an ice cube,
ice ice cube, ice cube. Yeah, I'll have a packet on
ice cube. That's what I'll have. And maybe for breakfast, I'll dip
orange juice and like a what do you call it? A cotton ball?
Oh god, it's good orange juice. Did you how's your like cholesterol and
stuff? Fine? Okay, yeah I need to do that. Oh I
came my colonoscopy results. Oh back, what how was it? You have
a big booty hole? No, I have a twisty cole in. They
said, thank god we put you under anesthesia because it was we had such
a hard time getting it up through there because it's so twisty. You need
to do something about Well, no, wonder you ship once every thirty days
comes out in aspire. Yeah, but they said that I had that I
had polyps, oh yeah, or a polyp or something, and then it
was pre cancerous and so I have to go back in five years, not
ten. I have to go back away five Did they not remove it?
They did, but they removed it and then checked it and said, oh,
this has some cells that aren't that are kind of funky. So they
want to just they're just doing it out of caution. Oh for sure,
God, you're you're both going to get to do that again. But can
ye No, it would be there passed away from butt cancer farapox. I
did my Rachel uncle did No? I hope, I hope not. Oh
God, don't say that. No a liver. I know. Great,
God, you're gonna be You're gonna be the only sober person to die failure.
If you're I know, if you're gonna oh my god, don't even
say that. If you're gonna, if you're gonna have that and have a
colostomy bag, then somebody's gonna need Brian's gonna need to take Hell. No,
I'm not. I'm not taking care of her butt cancer. You already
promised me you were in this for the long haul. True. And when
I have a bag, you're helping. I love hard when you are stuck
to me like glue, buddy, doesn't matter what's hanging off my body.
You're gonna help me with that. Okay. Can I put a clothes pin
over my nose? I've made no promises, gross, I'm leaving. Oh
my gosh, I gotta tell you remember that that thing that those goggles I
got from my eyes that like missed them in they massage them. Yes,
for a long time ago. You got those ye. So Friday night,
no Wednesday night, I put those on and fell asleep. Thank god it
shuts off. But I I put my like there was a camera in your
house. Oh my god, if there was a camera in my house,
on the floor with these goggles. I was actually not naked. I had
like shorts of d shirt on. But I you know, I heard I
was doing my drying my laundry, so I hear ding, you know that
it was done. And I sit up and I can't see anything, and
I was like, oh my, I totally forgot I had the goggles on.
What's going on. I mean, I swear to God, if there
was a camera like you said, that would be like the most amazing felt
Oh, it would be just a great show. I will edit all that
footage and blur all your your every moment be on there, just to build
a post me on there a lot. I get so tempted to buy that
mask that has the earphones attached to it or whatever. But I'm afraid of
exactly that, waking up and not remembering that I have them on and getting
scared. And this is a thing. Those were expensive, and they have
music that pumps in and missed. Yes, so the music pumps in.
So not only are you getting this eye massage and like a temple massage,
you're you're listening to like music, and what a recipe for disaster? Like
I'm out every single time somebody asked me if you got something done to your
face, I was like, I can't even wait to tell him this.
I'm so excited, I know, I said, No, he's using all
sorts of fancy products. Oh yes, and he takes really good care of
his skin. I do, and he does things like that the goggle thing,
yes, so, and then I do the inf red you have a
little wand yes, well I have the Yeah you know what I just got
from Tim? No? What a vibrator? No, I don't like those,
but I don't want one, and I don't want to promote one.
I bet you have like three. I don't. I never have. You
know, that's something I've never owned. Is that crazy? I don't know
whatever, So I don't know if that's crazy either. It's it's like the
infrared thing, but it's this thing. It's like a tanning booth, but
only for your face. Oh, yes, I have one of those.
Is that from No? I got mine from New Face? Isn't it sunburn?
Like third sunburn? Mine's from New Face? Oh yeah, that costs
money. She has money I have. That's exactly monopoly money. And that's
the only place that except it pretty pretty much. Yeah what doesn't work?
Yeah it does. So it's got the the green light, the red light,
and the blue light. Yeah. This one has like five different things
like one titans, one, whitens one like I don't know. This is
for your face. Yeah, if you use on your colon, unscrew it.
I want to look like I'm in a wind tunnel. You should get
the face tape. You know that's so crazy they have yet because it's on
there doesn't mean you should buy it. I know that I wouldn't. I'm
not buying the face. You just bought the infrared like face. Guess what
I watched over the weekend? You WoT was it on Netflix? It was
on Amazon Prime and Peacock. Oh, ex pats, No, what I
watched on Peacock? The Holdovers? What's that? It's the one with Paul
Giamatti. Oh, he yes, and the actress that won is free on
Amazon. Yeah, free on Peacock. Peacock. Yeah, and it was
really good. It was a really good movie. I liked it all.
What is it about? It's about he's a teacher and he gets he and
the the actress that won for that movie. She plays the the head of
the kitchen and I think it's her name's like Divine Joy Brown or something like
that. And they are at a boarding school for boys and uh wealthy,
and over Christmas break they all go home, but there was like five or
six boys that are the families are like, oh no, we don't want
you to come home, so you're stuck there. So Paul Jamatti gets the
short end of the stick and has to basically govern these kids. Oh that
sounds good. So then they all you kind of see what transpires. Is
he up for an Oscar for this? I don't know. I'm not sure
I have the Oscar something. I don't think the Oscar nominations had come out
yet. He won a Golden Globe. Yeah, and so did she,
and they were both fantastic. Did the Oscar nominations come out yet? Yeah,
nominations, Yeah, they have. The nominations have come out already.
Yes, we talked about last week. Remember we talked about how Margot Robbie
and oh, yes, that's right. Yeah, I'm so not into the
Oscars anymore that I can't even remember why. Because you don't go to the
movie since COVID, since things, since people stopped going to the movie theaters.
I still do the movie theaters as much as I can. I did
see The Beekeeper on Friday. It was very that's shoot him up. Well,
then it's action. I watched a horror movie this past week called I
See You. It's on Netflix. Oh it's good. You watched it with
Helen Hunt. Yeah, yes, it's very very good. Yeah, yeah,
that's amazing. It's not perfect, but it is really good. Story
structure is a little weird, but it's got a really good twist, which
is what I was looking for. So I started watching True Detectives with Jodie
Foster. I haven't watched that yet. It's very dark. It's really dark,
and I'm having a little bit of trouble following me interested. I'm not
going to watch it till all episodes are out. Yeah, the same thing
with ex Pats, which is on Nicole Kidman, isn't it And yeah,
it comes out like once a week, and I don't like that anymore.
I want all of them all one time, thank you very much. I
like to bing True Detective has never been good since it hasn't been first it
was crazy, the last two have been Also. The problem with True Detective,
I find, and this is true for the first one, is that
the reveal of the killer is so boring. It's so uninteresting, like it's
never about the killer, it's about like the actual like chase. That's interesting
because it's like even the first one, I was like, oh that's the
killer. I was like, okay, yeah, whatever. Second one's probably
third one super uninteresting, like the most uninteresting reveal. Ever, Yeah,
it was so this is the fourth is the fourth one? Yeah? Last
night I watched Priscilla. Oh, the kind of documentary or not documentary but
biopic of Priscilla Presley. Is that the one with Jacob Loori in it as
Elvis. Yes, it was good. It was good. Jacob, Oh
my god, is he handsome. It was a very good movie. Uh.
Yeah, he was good young Elvis. Yeah, he looked good.
Better than Austin Butler. Actually, oh really, I thought just from the
clips I saw, oh wow, and she she either executive produced it.
But it was good. Okay. I can't believe how young she was when
they met. I know, wasn't she like fourteen or fourteen? Yeah?
It wasn't that uncommon for the time period though. No, but the parents
were like all in, They're like, I'm sure she'd goes stay at his
house. I'm like, like in the forties though, or something, Uh,
forty's fifties he reached. Yeah, he was popular in the fifties and
sixties. Yeah, but she's in her seventies. No, I don't want
to do math. She really pull up solo Presley. Yeah, let me
look this up. I think she's probably a nurse seventies. I worked with
her in a commercial one time. Oh really, yeah, for a perfume
that she launched, and she was so beautiful, she was so nice.
She's very tiny. Yeah, she was really nice. She's seventy eight.
She was born Oh, she was born in forty five, seventeen, Okay,
they got married in sixty seven. Are you guys going to watch the
Super Bowl on Sunday? Well? No, who's the sef who's the halftime?
Sure? Sure? Oh no, I'm not watching it. And Reba
McIntyre is singing the national anthem. Oh I will not be watching. I
don't care about football. You don't care about the Chiefs or the Niners.
I don't like to who what about the Niners or California team? So no,
what about the commercials? I'll watch my online. They're not that they're
not even that good. If you are somebody like me who doesn't have cable,
where can I watch YouTube? The YouTube? Super Bowl twenty twenty four
commercials. It's the thing, the commercials. I want to the game.
I want to see Taylor Swift is she actually makes it there because there's like
this huge thing going on right now. Oh you might feel a bite on
the streaming site actually like a pay per view. She is touring in Tokyo.
Yeah, I heard, and they're having this huge fit like she's gotta
make it here in time for the super Bowl, and the Embassy of Japan
has released a statement saying we will make sure she is all on the plane
that night, so she won't make it to the super Bowl. And then
you know what's going to happen. If he messes up, it's going to
be all her fault. I know, what are the odds he proposes if
they win? No, I have right here you yep, don't. I
don't think you will. Okay, So here are some super Bowl bets.
Actually we're going to put money on that. I kind of want to put
money on that. Okay. So this year's Super Bowl prop bets have the
brand new element of Taylor Swift. Will Travis Kelsey proposed to Taylor after the
game. What do you think the odds are? I don't think so there's
an eight percent chance? They say, oh, eight percent, okay on
it? Then that's a good They haven't been dating that long, I know,
but they are like she's like into her thirties. I think and when
you know, you know, so I think, yeah, but we don't
know if they know. We don't know anything about them. We don't,
we don't, But I fantasize and I think that they are like totally in
love. Will Taylor be shown during the national anthem? Of course she will.
I'm surprised she's not singing it. I know. Sixty six point sixty
seven percent chance that, oh, for sure. Every time they cut to
something, it'll be her. Will the MVP of the game mentioned Taylor Swift
No, no, twenty two percent chance. And then there is a point
one percent chance if you want to make this bet, you could make a
ton of money if aliens invade Las Vegas during I'm gonna put like a buck
on that just in case. I'm gonna say that that would be a hard
No. What if she announces she's pregnant at the super Bowl? There's that
bet, And then there's the bet that after the Chiefs win, Taylor will
take the team to the White House and announce that she's backing Bien. That
is on here too, I know, but that's like a that's like a
right wing conspiracy theory. Yes, I know. So it's like this whole
Taylor Swift does happen, though, I will be like, well, like
that will be the biggest vomit pool ever just that right? Well, I
mean also play the game. You're like making a giant thing for everyone to
be happy for you, just to like leverage it like for no politics.
Come on, stop all right, Brian, get up here. Going to
play a new game. It's called the Voting Card Game. Oh boy,
now this could go sideways real quick. I want to play that game all
right, because I'm going to get the answer right to everyone. You score
one point for each statement that fits Okay, and what's the name of the
game? How middle aged are you? Here we go? How middle aged
are you? Do? I have to keep this isn't for you to participate
in. But Eric saw this in my stack of papers and wants to play.
Yes, you get one point for each statement that you say or fits
you. Okay, you can't sleep past nine am. Okay, you can't
start a movie past nine pm. Okay, you call your children for tech
support. Zero You used to fix typos with wide out mm hmmm. Still
do you've called a thirty year old a kid? Oh that's offensive? You
swap ailment stories with your friend. Oh god, your barbershop quartzet. You're
on Facebook, not Grinder. You write appointments on a paper calendar. Oh
god, so yes, I'm on What was the other one? I'm on
Facebook? And what it says? I think they were just making a joke.
You're on Facebook but not Grinder. Oh no, I'm not on that.
I'm on Facebook. This one for sure. Me. You're not quite
sure how you got that brute geez. He counts all of them at a
point. For each one. You gain weight just by being near food.
You go into the bank to make a deposit, do you do that?
Did you give yourself a point? Oh? Yeah? Oh my god,
dude. Ye, God, you've taken a keen interest in bunions and corns.
Oh did you give yourself a point for that? Yep? Oh it's
why God. You've dialed a rotary phone. Yes, yeah, not you,
but you you have Okay, Like, was it a prop somewhere?
Was that like a Universal Studios? It was definitely an antique though you still
have a landline? No, oh, thank god you got rid of that.
Okay. You can't find your glasses that are sitting right on top of
your head. Oh yes, and sometimes I can't find my cell phone and
I'm on it. Oh yes, so that happened to me. How many
questions were there? There were fifteen? I got thirteen thirteen out of fifteen.
You are way middle aged, buddy. Yep, all right, we'll
send you up here. Let's just do this one too. They listed who's
they movie Web of website called movie Web. Okay, the best cartoon characters
of all times ranked, and I'm going to start with twenty. You want
to throw some out there? Younky mouse? Is this just movies? This
is cartoon characters? Oh so also TV the best cartoon characters of all time?
Jacking Mouse? Just read them. Nickey Mouse is number one. Oh
of course. Bugs Bunny is number two, okay. Simpson's Families Bye is
family guy on there. SpongeBob is number four. I haven't gotten there yet.
Fred Flintstone is number five. I never liked the Flintstone anything. Tom
and Jerry six. Sure I would put that higher. Actually, Ash and
Pikachu from Pokemon are seven Scooby Doo's eight Snoopy and Charlie Brown nine. Optimus
Prime from Transformers is ten. South Ark Kids eleven. I don't see on
here the rock Rats. My friend is Tommy Pickles. Oh she is.
I don't like the Rugrats, but I like your friend. She's lovely.
And did you hear about the woman who returned her couch to Costco after two
years? I don't care about that. Eric, you're a woman now.
Oh that would be Jerome's and Jerome's Jerome's no, no, no, can
eat it back. Oh you got your couchy to stop? Stops up.
This woman went viral when she returned her couch to Costco because she stopped liking
the color of it after two years. Such a good return policy that they
took it out. Shut up, and they gave her a new one.
Wow, I know somebody who And then I'll tell you a story about Nordstrom.
This is about Orchstrom. Well you'll see what I mean. My friend
had shoes he bought from Nordstrom there a fancy eight years ago. The souls
were starting to wear out. He took them back because he had the receipts
still, and they gave him the eight dollars. Shut I'm not kidding.
So I used to work at Nordstrom in the stock room when I was in
college. And we had to watch this video before we were employed there,
and basically it was like we the customer is always right. It doesn't matter
if somebody tries to return a lipstick and it's empty, you return it,
you give them the money back. They're always right. Even if somebody comes
in with a tire and they said that they bought it here at Nordstrom,
You're going to return that for them. That's the customer service. They used
to tell Lemon they can buy back from me. Well, they don't do
that anymore. I was going to say, change their weight. I was
going to say, that is ridiculous. Yeah, you were you remember I
don't shop there anymore because of your card. Yeah, oh my god,
I forgot this used. I hadn't used my card during COVID and then they
told me I should go in and buy something and just return it. Otherwise
they were going to cancel it. And I'm not go ahead and cancel it.
You pieces or ship Oh my god. Oh yes, I remember we
had this discussion on there and I was kind of horrified at the time that
we were even having that, and now we're having it again. Okay,
So I got a new game. I got two new games with this one
we're going to try out. It's called the voting game. You're number one.
Sorry, we keep hitting the mics. Number one, I'm number two,
you're number three, you're number two. Now we're each going to take
turns reading the questions off this pile. Okay, Now we're going to hold
up the number of the person we think it applies to the most. Okay,
do you kind of get where I'm going here? Yes? Okay.
Now, the person who talked to their mother last goes first, so that
would be between me and you. I talked to my mom two days ago.
I talked to my mom. What's today? Monday? There? Yesterday?
Or Saturday? Okay, I thank you. I think you go first.
It was Friday. I don't know oky rochambo rochambo one two three?
Ka wait you go one two boom? Right? Or do you go one
two three boom? I always did one two three boom. Also, ro
Shambau is like a name from the forties, so rock paper scissors ro shambo
does make sense. I didn't even know what you were talking about. Okay,
I'll go, I'll go. Oh God, who's middle aged? Now
do you have to see who goes first. Wait, why do we need
to go first? Just it's just a fun way of figuring out who goes
first. But what is going first? You just the first person who reads
the card. Oh, just to read it? Ro shamboomy, Right,
you two are starting to annoy one two three or one two. We'll go
one two three boom, since that's why you want. Okay, ready,
one two three boom, one two three boom, one two three boom.
Pick up the card from the top of the pile, read the card,
and then we'll hold up the person we think it most applies to. And
you can vote for yourself too. Okay, who has watched a whole season
of a TV show without leaving the house. So we each picked ourselves.
Oh you picked me? Okay, I've done it. Oh yeah, I
have two, so I think I get the card. The person with the
most cards is the biggest loser. I think. Oh okay, okay,
I'm going to go next. Eric, let's just vote for Laura every time.
Stop it. Who dances like no one's watching when actually everybody is watching.
I know, okay, I've been with you might have been that for
a while. My card and I put two up pretty before I think,
before you find I know, I know, I knew it. I knew
it, I knew it. Just just hold up to who spends the most
time crafting their image on social media? Well, because we have to past
excuses. Okay, go Brian. Then we'll play my other game, which
I think is it's snooze on their alarm clock at least five times for getting
out of bed. Oh boy, I do it at least ten times.
I swear to god. I used to be like that, especially in college.
I'd say like six alarms. But I missed a class once and it
wasn't an important class, but I was not a class misser. And I
remember I was so mad myself that like eventually, like the second my alarm
clock right up, I would jump out of bed and like just start doing
something because otherwise I'd fall back asleep. And did that did that pattern stick?
Oh yeah, my alarm clock, I'm up. Gosh, I have
to set like five alarms. But that the way you do it is the
way it's supposed to be. Sleep more now, so that's part of the
solution. But back then, when I didn't, I would I would have
to stand up immediately otherwise I'd fall back asleep, like even like I remember
like a split second of me like not getting up. I would be back
asleep within like half a second. And we know not to bother him or
talk to him before his coffee or before nine o'clock. I know that I'm
better. No, are you okay? Well that's not sation, but okay.
Whose favorite day of the week is Monday? The hell? Eric?
We can hate Mondays except for this show. Of course on my Monday nights.
I love Mondays because we do the podcast. Who would have the most
fun going to a night club alone? Uh? Probably me? Yeah,
you make friends totally night clothes with people alone. I would not, I
hate. I don't think I do that. Worst. Who would keep their
composure during a life threatening natural disaster? Oh for sure? Thank you,
Laura. You I am about a laser focus between you and Brian. Oh
me, I will say I have a track record of keeping my cool and
life threatening situation to look at his like, mean are always I was on
vacation with my mom one time and we were on our way to Yosemite and
there was a Walmart eighteen wheeler that flipped. The driver fell asleep at the
wheel I pulled over, pulled him out before it caught on fire. He
had knocked out all of his teeth. You saved a life and I did
not throw up, even though he had a mouthful of blood and no teeth.
It hit his face on the steering wheel and knocked all the teeth that
I got. Oh my god, I had a gun pulled on me.
What me too? At gunpoint? Yep, me too, but not for
very long? Wait? Wait, wait, wait, wait? First of
all, Brian, what where Back when I was a manager at a Chick
fil A, we had a crazy guy who actually he had been calling the
store several times. We didn't know it because he was waiting for his order.
We were super short staffed, and he basically was threatening to shoot up
our store, but we didn't know it because we were too busy answer the
phone. So then he shows up and then I go out there and he
was like pissing about his order. I'm like, he messed up. He
didn't actually make an order at the store online, and I was like,
dude, you need to make an order, and so he pulls a gun.
He's like, he's like, I don't get my order. I'm gonna
what he says like, I'm gonna leave a red trail through here, and
I was like, I'll go look for your order, and so I went
inside and then he sped off because he knew I was gonna call the police.
So you saw the gun. It was pointed at your Yeah, he
was. He was in person. He was in his car. I was
talking like while you're saying, in his car. So he just reaches out
and pulls up. I was like, whoa, okay when he sped away,
did your heart just like drop into your stomach? He sped out there.
He jumped like six curbs two to get out of there. You must
have been terrified, like after the fact, during you probably were in chock.
I wasn't. I don't. I wasn't scared, but they're definitely like
that amount of adrenaline is hard to come off. Oh yeah. So I
remember like my heart just be like. I was like, dude, Like
I was on my lunch break too. I was off the clock when it
happened. Oh man. But I took care of it because we were busy.
I was like, I don't go do it. What about you?
I was working at a nursery, like at a garden nursery. So a
gun at the nursery. It was right before Christmas. It was like the
week before Christmas and we were getting ready to close, and so it was
it got dark early, and I remember these two guys walking in and I
was the closing clerk, so I was closing out the register and everything,
and we had like five minutes before we closed, and I was the only
one up there because the closing crew was only like two people, and it
was me and then the other manager, and these two guys walk in.
I said, hey, guys, you know, if there's anything I work
closing in like five minutes. And one of the guys kind of looked around.
He walked right up to the register and he said, yeah, you
can give me all the money in the register and I said no, and
didn't break a sweat. He pulled up his shirt and there was a gun,
right. I saw the gun, and he goes give me all the
money, and I said, why don't you go get a fucking job.
And they took off. And the next day I got I was off.
Corporate called me in and I got the tongue lashing of a lifetime. They
were like, if that ever happens again, give them the money. Don't
stand on principle. Just give them the money. I mean I didn't get
written up or anything like that, but probably a fake gun. If use
your mother, I would right now. My boss was so hard. She
was like, oh my god, Eric, don't ever not mess with Eric
in his mind yet not mess I think. I think I got after when
I got the gun pulled me. I remember I was talking to my mom
next day. She's like, she's like, well, were you gonna like
you should just give him the order? I was like, you didn't have
an order. I was like, go suck a dick. Just do what
they want. In a zombie apocalypse, I'd be amazing. Who's the next
on principal? Uh? I just went, so, oh you whose funeral
will be attended by the most people? Oh god, yeah, Taylor.
Taylor Swift's aerostore will have nothing on the attendant. I'd like you to rest
so many freaking friends. Would you such a big social life? Would you
ran out Pecto Park for me? We need so fire something? Oh my
god, like two night funeral, Oh my god, yeah, that'd be
great. One for one, yeah, hell, one for my chosen family
and friends. And then all my acquaintances. Yeah, oh my god,
because you imagine I feel bad for my rest or organize. Oh, Laura,
and it's going to be a celebration of life, and oh my gosh,
it's going to be so many people I'm going to have. You're like,
I'll just go through his phone contacts and just invite everyone on there.
Yeah, oh god, that'll take a while. God who would be the
most upset of all their possessions were lost to fire? Gods? So easy,
I was gonna say, Laura, actually no, Eric, Yeah that's
fair. Yes, all of his picture books, all of his seat DVDs,
yes, CDs, and my coffee table books. Oh, oh my
god, freak of Laura's stuff is just from Amazon. So you know what,
You know what. I was just thinking the same thing to myself when
I was looking at my credens. Everything in here is from Amazon, it
is, and from TIMU. So I know you're like, what's another what's
another sixty nine cents? You're right? Or Ross? Oh wow? Yeah,
entire shots share the insurance and Justine, they'll be like, oh,
you need like two grand that's it? Yeah, John, Sure, we
won't even haggle with you. My TV is like ten years old. Hey,
let me let me tell you the first thing I'd be saving those Christian
lubatons scraped up ones. What's Christian lubaton mine? Oh? Yours? Oh
God Jesus, all right, I'm just gonna go. I don't even know
if it's my turn. Who is currently reading a self help book? I
don't think this is actually true, because don't think Laura reads that often.
But that wasn't nice. And I do and I used to a whole lot
more. I'm not reading a self help book. I am journaling in a
self help manifestation type. Okay, so so yeah, that one Susan gave
you. No, how is self help and manifestation in the same category.
Well maybe it's not. I guess delusion and therapy always go best to get
it. You're such a skepu you go now, and then, Laura,
I know I did. Who makes a point to always take the stairs?
Oh oh, well, so this is I love taking the stairs, but
I sometimes forget to try and take the elevator. He because he loves to
work out, and I that's that's what I thought of. Yeah, I
will take the elevator up one floor. I swear. Hey, go I
drive to Vaughan's take the the who wears the pants? Oh Jesus, that's
easy. Yay, I know I'm so possy. Oh you guys, don't.
It should have been who thinks they wear the pants? Pull your card?
Sturn Who would do the best job singing the national anthem? Well,
duh what I'm gonna just so everyone has a vote. I'm just gonna vote
for Eric. I don't think either of us. Okay, first of all,
were you here when we had the singing contest? No, I don't
know. I'm pretty sure you're not that good of a singer. No.
We had a Evan singing teacher came in and we had to The goal was
we were each gonna sing a little bit of a song for mine was amazing.
Eric refused to sing. He just spoke it. He spoke the song
I did. I did like I did the Madonna one. I think it
wasn't justify my love. I don't know why I was so mad. I
was so hold your hand. It's like it's a spoken word. Yeah,
same thing, all right? Who is secretly from the future? Mm hmm,
Yeah, I know who has gotten pulled over for going too slow on
the freeway. H No, I've never been you drive. You drive,
You make me carsick when you drive? Oh, he does. When he
comes to a stop, it's like really abruptly. I mean, oh my
god. Okay, she returned Bryan based on perception alone, that was all
right. Who would be the most uncomfortable living in the newdest colony? Hmm
okay, well it's me. Oh okay. I was going to vote for
Eric, but I realized that Eric is all the time naked. Yeah,
but also I feel like he'd still be really uncomfortable about it. You would
accept it immediately, but I would. Oh no, I would not be
uncomfortable about it. Really, I feel no, I hate it. I
would you would do it? You would get used to it. Did I
just pull that card? Who just pulled that card? Him? What?
I don't know. I'm just gonna read this. Who was a bully in
grade school? Not Eric? For sure? All you know what? I
may have been one person. I think I was a bully to one person.
I mean anybody. I knew you were, but I wasn't. I
think I forgot her name. Apologize here. I'm just gonna put up right
now. Who would be an amazing local news anchor. Oh, what,
I think it would be a good job. I think I would do a
good job. I don't know. You would deliver the hard news properly,
yes, but you would deliver because Lord Kane goes on killing rampage, takes
out three see you well No, no, no, no, no,
I didn't know where I was going with that. I would love the guy
hand I could do it. Whose last photo on their phone is a selfie?
Oh? Because I tookn't I took it for us? No, of
just yourself? Oh? Probably, I know. All right, do we
want to play one more and we'll play the other games? Yeah? Okay.
I would die first if they woke up naked in the middle of the
Amazon Uh what what, Brian? I got survival skills on me too.
I have mad skills. Oh, you would not last twelve hours. No,
I wouldn't last twelve seconds. If I woke up naked in the middle
of like the Mojave desert, you'd get one bug bite and you'd freak out.
That's why I agree. But here's what Laura would do. Laura'd be
like, I can figure this out. How hard does it survive? And
she'd be like, oh, some berries, I'll eat those. I gotta
keep up my strength, and she'd die immediately, it would, I would.
She probably wait until like a river full of piranhas. Okay, I'll
go fishing. I'll catch some fish. They do with their bare hands in
the Amazon. I watch naked and afraid. I like you're burning. Oh
my god, naked and afraid. It never feels The women always get the
bug bites up in their KOUCHI, Oh my god, actually naked or do
they just wear like this, the the like skin colored ones. They just
still blur them out, Oh my god, blur out? What what?
I know? I got a lot of them, Like the LA got eleven?
I got four? What did you get four? Why? I actually
was just throwing them on my staff. I know, I don't know.
Okay, So the this is gonna sound like you have to guess the word.
I'm going to read you some different descriptions, and they all sound kind
of dirty, but the word itself is not dirty. You have to guess
what the word is. Okay. I swing both ways. Eric, when
I'm open, you can come in the rear. If you bang me too
much, I could start to sag When you grab my big knocker, you
get attention. It's a door. There you go. Okay, okay.
When I get real wet, you should get me off clothes. You can
use your toes to get me off flip flops shoes. Oh, Bryan,
use a flashlight. Using a flashlight can make my shaft look scary. Uh.
Finger puppets drilling me expands my hole. Wives understand why their men come
inside me. It's easy to get lost in my secret cavity tower a building.
You have to look down my shaft to find my jewels. A finger
a mine? Oh, a mine shaft? Okay, okay. When I'm
not screwing, I can be boring screwdriver. When you there, you go.
I was gonna when you stick me in, to make you stick me
in to make your hole wider. Wow, well, God, one of
us has a really dirty mind. Are you shocked that I'm losing this?
I am. He's like a sex No, that's not sex. No,
that's not it. I'm trying not to think dirty and failing me miserably.
I might need a fudge packer to finish me off. Whoa what a fudge
packer? What is candy maker? Candy it's candy. My balls can taste
sour in your mouth. There, Oh okay, I can use your palm
to get the job done. I need to examine my ball before I can
have intercourse with you. If my ball is empty, I can't do the
job for you. Picture when I feel your head, you know what's going
to happen. You'll know what's going to happen. Pay me and I'll tell
you when you're going to get lucky. Arch Intel like a medium of psychic
a fortune tellers crystal ball. I'm a four letter word. Fuck. You
need me to be flexible to do me. You need to be flexible to
do me. There can be grunting and groaning. Yes, good, good,
good, good good men. Ride on me between the sheets. I'm
long and loaded with seamen. A submarine, a boat. Okay, we'll
do a couple more and then we'll stop this thing. After your panties are
wet, you'll really need me gross a washing machine, dryer. Oh my
god, good okay, no, iget, we gotta keep going. Capone
had a short one dick. The beaver had a long one tail nose.
Bono doesn't use his teeth. Mister Potter's was Harry Penguin. John Silver's was
long hair, first name. Oh, if you get me toasted, I'll
get harder for you. Marshmallow. You can stick bread hot salami in me
sandwich. Yes, there you go. Okay, just tell me what to
stop. I'm a four letter word that ends in K. Fuck. You
have to be in bed to be inside of me. You can climb on
me in the bedroom. Some like it when they're on the bottom. Yes,
Oh, yeah, good, I'm a four letter Oh god, go
ahead, Oh God. I start with an F and I end with a
K. Rank. I can stick hot meat in your mouth. I got
yeah, Brian, got it. When you're done with me, you should
wipe yourself off napkin. Fiddling with my head can make you wet hose.
After you turn me on, I'll spray all over you a faucet shower.
Ah, Ryan, I can handle twelve men at once. Summary. If
I'm hung, you can do it again. Clothesline. A woman can sit
on me chair. My box can hold a dozen members, twelve dicks in
a box. Pleading with me can get you off. Police officer holding your
street that you can make me come in many colors? What shirt the bigger
I am. The more it hurts. You have to be able to handle
a lot of little pricks. Oh tattoo, How you say, how you
say? If you give me a little head, I won't look so flat
a balloon. If you suck on me too much, you'll pass out,
open up your throat and take all of me at once, banana water.
If I get too hot, I could explode all over you. Me.
I'm sometimes brown and nine inches long. Shit hot, Oh brown and nine
inches long. I don't know. Please just play the game. After a
few years, my bush got younger. Laura, I once had a slick
Willie inside me right way after Tricky Dicky finished prematurely horse racing. It was
a big so prize when a tall Johnson entered me. Over forty three men
have come inside, oh the white house. Yeah, one more and then
we'll end. I sit on your face. Sometimes there's hair growing around me.
You're happy beard when I come huh, you have to use your lips
to do me. I'm stuck between your cheeks. Tongue lit a mouth,
lips, tongue, mouth, mouth, Come on, what does the mouth
do? What does the mouth do? Eat? Talk, kiss, shoe,
blow, suck, whistle. What else can a mouth do to kill?
No? Uh, suck, no come on, whistle, no talk,
no scream, shout, no no use expletives, no screen Wait what
ah, it's a smile? Oh God, that's stupid. All right,
Well then I'll do one more around it like a mustache mouth. I'm a
four letter word. Oh geezh, I'm a name for a woman. I
end in untkay. Sometimes your uncle makes me come An't there? That is
overtly sexual at the last one. Well, maybe I may have read it
wrong. Sometimes your uncle makes me come. No, I didn't read it
wrong. There we go. Is that? I mean, maybe they mean
a different type of com But that doesn't make sense. I know. But
they have to make a game. It's called Dirty Mines. Anyway, it's
pretty funny, pretty fun pretty fun Well I wound up getting eight. So
how many did you wind up getting? Brain? He got one? Two?
Three? Wow? We both have Really you got this off TM?
Yes, that wasn't bad. Fifty five cents, No, it was like
it was like two fifty this is and it was on Amazon too, and
it was like five dollars more expensive. But of course you get it in
two days. I had to wait for like, okay, this was I
had to wait for a month. That was a fun game. Thank you.
All right, Well that's it, guys. Is next week Valentine's God?
I hope not. I think so. Yeah, okays. The super
Bowl is the eleventh, which is the Valentine's Day? Grinch? Why Valentine's
Day is stupid? It's my anniversary? Oh god is it really? Well?
Happy anniversary, but off to you ruined it for me? How many
years is it going to be? Wow? I am is this year?
No? Okay, I don't think so. Now it's a thank you so
much for listening and watching. We love you guys so much and love your
podcast. Say it what, don't spray it? Say it, don't spray
it. I love you a bit. You insulted my anniversary. You guys
out of here. I love you so much. Tell him you love him.
I love you. I don't want to hear it. I know,
all right, Thank you. I love you too. No, love your
podcast. I love you, my sweep babies. Bye.