I love it when you wear that shirt. I know. Yeah, do
you know when I've wore it? Like when I was looking through my closet
this morning to pick out what I was wearing. I I was like,
oh, Paul likes it when I wear this shirt. You're dressing for your
work. Husband, that I like genuinely had The next thought, I was
like, oh my god, I'm dressing for I'm dressing for any man.
But okay, one, what a waste of time, what a waste of
brain space? Dress for the job you want, not for the job you
have. Eric, That's true, love. I guess there are worse homosexuals.
I could be dressing for books. Yeah I'm not tom Ford. You
know he sold his company for like a billion dollars. Yeah, it's worth
every penny, Paul, And this is that aged well, yesterday's pop culture.
Today it is may and we were doing all movies directed by women in
may Erica. That's right, sisters are doing it for themselves. You forget
that. To read the Franklin and Anty Lennox how to do it? Yeah
they did, and it's so good, But you forget that it's there,
you do. I mean, honestly, sometimes the world gives with both hands,
and we forget to look at the beauty of it when we get the
chance. That's true. Look out and smell the flower. Guys. If
you're ever depressed, just remember Aretha Franklin and Annie Lennox were in a booth
together at some point. Yeah, just thinking about sisters belting that shit out.
That's right, Erica. We have a five star Apple podcast review.
Shall I read for you? Yes? Please? All right? This is
from if DJ g f d if if if DJ got fucking dick maybe I
don't know, if DJ girlfriend died something like that. They right, laugh
out loud. I just discovered this podcast, and I'm having so much fun
listening to these hilarious recaps. I know my neighbors are wondering why I'm always
laughing while walking my dog. That's the real joy of ear earbuds when they
can't see them. Yeah, you know, that's the the advantage women have
with long hair. Yes, you can really keep people away from you by
laughing, and they just think you're laughing at yourself. Did you just think
you're laughing at your dog shitting? And they're like, that is so cruel,
that poor dog. Yeah, such a varsity maneuver on the New York
subway too. But is there anything funnier than a dog shitting? No?
There literally isn't. Well, especially when the dog looks embarrassed, when the
dog doesn't want to be shitting on the street, and it's like, don't
look at me. You ever accidentally burst in on your cat when they're shitting
in the little box and they and they look up at you, like do
I come in with you when you're shitting in the bathroom? And you have
to be like, yes, you do. All the time you try to
sit in my lap, you creep, creep? You want me to pet
you? Well, I am frankly focused on something else. Uh. If
DJGFD, thank you so much for this review. If you would like a
that age well tote bag, please go ahead. Let us know this is
you and I will send it off for you. Thank you. If DJ
god fucking damn it. Yeah, God fucking Davin. We appreciate the review
Erica, what is this? The second movie of May? Today's film is
the nineteen eighty six spy comedy heavy on the comedy, light on the spy,
but like heavier on the spy than you might expect. To like,
this is not Melissa McCarthy and spy. No, no, no, yeah,
this is this is this is dude, where's my car? Today's film
is Jumping Jack Flash. Yes, absolutely, this was requested by Jenny,
by Mikey, by Valerie and by Shaw nice. Uh. Jumpin' Jack Flash
was written by David H. Franzoni, J. W. Melville, Patricia
Irving and Christopher Thompson for people, and they couldn't figure out how spies were.
They couldn't figure out how people were. When you think about this as
kind of a Frankenstein movie stitched together from four totally separate ideas, Yes,
starts to shake out a little bit, you're like, oh, okay,
I got it, I got it. It was directed by Penny Marshall and
stars Whoopi Goldberg, Stephen Collins, John Wood, Annie Potts, and Carol
Kane. Also unlisted Jonathan Price and every comedy star of the eighties. Yeah
did you John Love? It's Jim Belushie, Yeah, every Cracy Omen,
Michael McKeon. Every time you turn around there's another, like huge comedy starck
Phil Hartman, Yeah, with almost nothing to do, No, a straight
man, Phil Hartman. Actually I've remember seen Phil Hartman pop less, And
I don't mean that as an insult to Phil Hartman. It proves he could
have been a great actor. Yeah. Actually it's r a p Phil Hartman.
I'm gonna do this next fact as Penny Marshall. Oh oh, okay,
I was trying to remember what Penny Marshal sounds like. Okay please.
Jane W. Melville and Patricia Irving are alienses for the then married writing duo
Charles Shaya and wait for it, Nancy fucking Maya's their version of the script
and vision Shelley Long as the star. It's a solid Penny Marshall. I
love doing Penny Marshalls. We don't get to do her very often. And
she is a she is a treat. She's a little bit like Lorraine Brocco,
but like somehow more nasal, way more nasal. In fact I'm gonna
work into I'm gonna I feel like I could have done better. She's I
didn't want to like fully hold my nose. Well I did it. I
wanted to do it naturally, but honestly it's more like this, like you
really have to hold your nose to do a proper Penny Marshall. So Nancy
Meyers, Nancy, that is interesting. I expect you know what, now,
I'm very disappointed in the kitchen game. That was my exact thought.
Expect a better kitchen, lot a lot better kitchens. Although I will say
the fact that a frying pan is the centerpiece of this film now makes a
lot more sense, a lot more sense. It is not a lake Crusee,
I know what people are asking. It is not no because you know
why, because it has to be the kind of frying pan that gets greasy
on the bottom, yep, So that people don't like, so that,
for example, if your house is being raided, they wouldn't notice the frying
pan exactly. Jumpin Jack Flash has a thirty percent critical rating on Rotten Tomatoes
and a fifty eight percent audience score. All Right, I liked this movie.
I liked it more than I expect. I enjoyed the experience of watching
it. I will say, though, thirty percent feels about right, Oh
yeah, oh yeah, this is it barely hangs together as a movie.
It is if you ever doubted that what p Goldwerg was a movie star,
watch this movie one hundred thousand percent. Look, I like Shelly we stand
Shelley Long. Yeah, of course that that is Phyllis Neffler. But I
don't think Shelley Long could have made this work. Like Woopy Goldberg is like
next level charming and next level watchable in a way that most movie stars aren't.
Like, she is a she's a super nova. She also, like
with Shelley Long, it would have been so prim like it would have had
to have been like the story of a woman breaking free of herself, yeah,
to do these things. Whereas Whoopy Goldberg when I say that this character
makes nonsensical decisions because she's like of the world, Like she's not surprised by
any of this somehow. She is so street smart. Yeah, and she's
giving off that like scene it all energy that when she does like these wild,
insanely dangerous things, kind of as if she's just going to the club
that night, you kind of buy it. Yeah. No, this movie
would not work at all without Woopy Goldberg. She is entirely the reason to
watch it. Other people have good moments, funny moments, Carol Caine,
Carol Came nails it. It's so good in this movie. But also Whoopy
Goldberg is in I think legitimately every single scene of this movie. Hmm.
And she is funny the whole time. She also one of our great cursors,
so good at cursing. Forgot how good she was saying motherfucker. Yes,
like really hits the hard stop plosives. It's funny every time. I
think we should cancel the View. Yeah, like the View has removed holding
her down because removed Whoopy Goldberg from Hollywood for too long. She pops up
occasionally in a movie, but she doesn't have the time or the bandwidth right
now to like have a star vehicle like this, and she needs one.
She needs one. She needs to be like on its fucking TV show the
point where she plays I don't know, like a con man Jennifer Lewis our
sisters who are conning people across America. Jesus fucking Christ that I just came.
That was so good, Paul, thank you, Holy shit? And
then can we throw Jennifer Coolidge in there just for fun? Of course,
just for fun. She's their childhood best friend. Like genuinely, the View
has robbed America of the star that is Whoopy Goldberg for far too long.
Yeah, and I'm now mad at it. Now I'm annoyed. I'm angry
that that's a thing. I think that fifty eight percent audience score makes sense.
I mean the movie is it's bad, like like without Whoopee Goldberg.
I will say I enjoyed it more than fifty eight percent. I did is
personally I get I get why other people wouldn't because if you're like if you're
coming for a spy movie and you're like, none of this makes any sense,
I could see how that would irritate you. But I personally enjoyed it.
I would say I enjoyed it like seventy percent. I agree, like
I have no complaints. I thought it was fun. There was an hour
and forty five minutes. Wait, a fun hour and forty five minutes for
me, one hundred percent. Yeah, Erica, when did you first see
a jump in Jack Flash? Yesterday? Okay, yep, never seen it
before it came out like when we were babies. I really enjoyed it.
And again I like old timy New York movies. You know, it opens
with the shot of the twin towers. They all open with the shot of
the twin towers. It's crazy. It's also the New York of this movie
is so eighties New York, gritty New York. Yeah, like the New
York. This is not the New York of big this is this is not
the New York of ghost really, like this is like lower class New York.
Yeah, yeah, this is Scorsese New York. This is York.
Paul. When did you first see Jump in Jack Flash? I first saw
yesterday. I remember this video cover in the local blockbuster very vividly. And
I remember because I always because I must have known the Rolling Stone song.
It's it's a gas, Gas Gas, And I think I thought it was
like like a movie about the song, like I actually thought it was and
so and I was like, well, I don't I don't understand that.
And I never I never rented it. And then now when I was getting
ready to watch it, I was like, well, I presume this is
just a weird coincidence. It's gonna have nothing to do with the song.
It has more to do with the song than you would expect, y'all.
You're gonna hear the song a lot. They paid money for that song.
They're gonna play it. They paid Aretha Franklin to do a cover of it.
Jesus, I didn't think of that how much money did they throw making
like like they couldn't have They had a terrible script. They were like,
let's just cover it with comedians movie stars and Diana Ross Fontella Bass doing Rescue
Me Throw music and Whoopy Goldberg and we'll see if we can make some money,
and they did. I have to say, as far as Rolling Stone
song based movies, though, it is way better than that Pixar film Under
My Thumb, which is about a splinter that comes to life. That one
was. That's that. That one was a dog, Yeah, that one.
That one was really that. That was voiced by Jason sidekis right,
the splinter, yeah, Jason. The thumb was voiced by Maya Angelou.
Oh, Maya Angelou. She only spoken in rhyming couplets the entire film.
It was a swing it was a swing fixar frankly under my Thumb. Yeah,
but they and they played that song a lot, and that song really
is not for children. Yeah, they should not have played it as many
times as they did. Yeah, it's way better than that movie they did,
She's a Rainbow, uh huh, where they had they had seven people
playing the different colors of ROYGBIV. Oh yeah, yep, yeah, yep.
Although Kate Blanchette nailed it if I had nailed Indigo, Indigo, Yes,
the best is Indigo. But it was a real stinker from poly Shore
Red. Yeah. Poll Shore really should not have been cast in that.
I can understand his like he wants to go straight and do like like really
intense films now, but like, also, there was so much sex in
that movie. Yeah, it was just way too sexual form. Huh,
yeah it was. It was weird. Yeah, they made it weird.
I don't know why Purple was so into anal Like if you have yellow into
golden showers, that makes a little sense. I see where you're going.
I honestly, Paul, I can't even look at a rainbow now without becoming
erect, just completely erect, I was going to say, without being very
queasy. That's that's that's what I was going to say too. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, okay, all right. Tagline for Jumping Jack flash Erica.
A man called Jack is God heard jumping and the world may never be
the same. So weird. You know what perfect for this movie? That
is? That is perfect? This does sound like the tagline for the Porn
the porn version of jumping jack flash called Jumpin' jack off flash. Jumping jack
off flash, it's still a gas gass jumping jack off flasher. There,
it is Pumpin' jack off flasher. You know. Yeah, if you keep
going, keep making it better, keep making it better. I think I
peaked? Shall I read the Amazon synopsis? Yes, this is not available
on iTunes. Oh, I can't imagine why. Maybe because iTunes no longer
exists, but I will never stop using it for this For this segment,
You're right, hasn't existed in years, in years years, it's it's sticking.
Haha. A bank clerk mysteriously finds herself in electronic communication with a spy
trapped in Europe. Soon, a host of shady espionage opera is converge on
the clerk as she engineers and oversees escape. Actual synopsis for the film,
Paul, Everyone just needs to know Whoopy Goldberg's character in this is named Terry.
Need to know that for this synopsis? Okay, okay, ready,
yep, Terry, You and danger girl perfect. The number of times I
actually said that to the screen while watching this, I was like, you
are underreacting to what is going on around you. Terry I get that you're
a scene at all jaded New Yorker, so am I I've been here for
twenty years. If some of this shit happened around me, I would be
screaming and shitting simultaneously. All right, everyone stick around, We're gonna come
right back, and we are going to take you through Jumpin Jack Flash.
After a couple of couple of advertisements for various products that you may choose to
use. Yes, stuff you can you can put in your house, stuff
you can put in your car, I hope, stuff you can put inside
your genital, stuff you can put inside you. How is sex Toys nuts
to not start advertising guys? I am frankly annoyed. We talk about dildos
so much. How are we not getting free ones by now? I don't
know what we have to do to get this seo working. I think we
have to name the actual dildo companies and we are back. We open on
Terry Doolittle's humble little apartment. She is played by the great and good Whoopi
Goldberg. Whoopee Yes, she clearly loves vintage things. She has some creepy
ass dolls in her apartment that like they have close ups of Penny ma Shall.
If you are listening to this from beyond the Grave, enough with the
fucking dolls already, glass dolls, Pannae Ball, classic cinemas. I was
in Laverne and Shirley, so Terry also loves crime fiction, both of the
cinematic and literary variety. Ours posters of like the Maltese Falcon and other like
fill noirs all over her apartment, and then all these like half read books
everywhere on the floor. I got the impression that these are not half read
books. These are books she's read over and over and over again. Yeah,
and they're basically like like set to her favorite pages. While the camera
pans over the collection of stuff, we hear a news report from her clock
radio about the President of the United States being so caught off guard during a
press conference that he forgot Hawaii was a state and called it one of our
strongest allies in the Pacific. It also has a comment about him avoiding a
question about abortion. Yes, and I thought this was all going to come
back, which is why I put it in the recap. It does not.
I enjoyed it as just a random shots fired at Ronald Reagan moment.
I know although I have to say the idea of like of like a press
conference about a president forgetting Hawaii's estate feels slightly toosh shind Right now, we
see Terry get out of bed. Her apartment's freezing. She like bangs on
the radiator and calls for the heat to come up, just like they did
in Beaches. Yep, I wish I could bang on the radiator in my
apartment and be like, will you stop trying to cook me out of this
fucking apartment. I will not break. I will not break. I will
sweat in this goddamn box. You can't take this apartment from me. You
can see me like a fucking dumpling. But I will be here until I
die. You motherfucker. This thing is rent controlled and I am never leaving.
When you think about will be Goldberg going directly from the set of The
Color Purple to this this must have been a dream because first of all,
she looks so comfortable the entire film. Oh yeah, and I have to
say I love almost everything she wears. There's a couple of things she wears
too, that are just supposed to be ridiculous. Yeah yeah, which again
like that's you can't blame the movie for that. But she looks so comfortable.
She really pruly. Yeah, like like a fun sweater and like bright
yellow sneakers yea, which she, unfortunately in this scene we find out keeps
on her kitchen counter. Yeah. I don't care for that. No,
I don't care. Carrie, girl, You're gonna get You're gonna get something
grow, You're gonna get some a staph infection if you're not careful at best.
At best. So she gets out of bed, she commutes to work.
She's chummy with everyone in the neighborhood. She knows like the super she
knows the guy next door, she knows the guy at the deli like she
knows the you know, crossing guard who knows like So we get the idea
that Terry is a people person first and foremost. Can I ask you a
question? Yes, because something happens in this little montage and it made me
think. She on the bus and a man falls asleep on her shoulder.
Yes. Has that ever happened to you? And the reason I'm asking you
is because you are so nice that I can picture you allowing it to continue.
Paul, I've allowed it several times. Do you know I've lived in
New York twenty five years. Do you know how many people have fallen asleep
on me on the subway? You're just buried under a pile of like sleeping,
yes, sleeping. I had a kid put his head in my lap
once and like the mom seemed fine with it, so I let it go.
But like, oh no, no, I like the only time I've
ever like stopped someone is when they actively started drooling on me. I've had
that happen, thought that one of them was dead. You ever like hold
a mirror up now, I will. It's Tom. It's Tom. Cruisea
But have you ever you must have let because I feel like that's such a
New York thing. What happens to me? If I feel like someone is
falling asleep, I'll stand up. Oh really, I'll let it happen,
am I I can't decide which one of us is. It's also like it
hasn't happened in a while because I stopped taking the train like late at night.
Yeah, because well, right when you're your twenties and everyone's plastered on
the train and everyone's it's three in the morning, I'm like, yeah,
fall asleep on me? Bro it's okay, it's cool. Just don't talk
to me. Oh no, no, I will Yeah, if you talk
to me, I will move cars. That's the end of it. I'll
go move to the empty car with the horrible smell that no one knows where
it came from. Because you want to what I can breathe through my mouth.
Yeah. So, Terry arrives at your job as a computer teller at
the First National Bank, and her pichant for bright, comfy clothes and sneakers
sets her immediately apart from the rest of her more conservative colleagues. Yes,
right, she sticks out like a sore thumb. She is not the only
black person to work there, though, which I did appreciate. That's true.
There are there are. Most of her coworkers are white, but there
is one other black woman who works there briefly, and I was like,
okay, that's good. Yeah, she doesn't stick out so much because of
her racial identity. Fair enough, She's not a bank teller like customer service
facing. She's the kind of person who like, does transactions on the computer
all day, so just the driest job possible. And then does she she
walks in in these brightly colored sweaters and she just looks so cheerful. Is
there another lead character of a movie that we know less about than we know
about this woman? We really we don't know about her family, We don't
know what her hopes and dreams are. Like this movie does not kick off
because Terry dreams of adventure. That's true. She's reacting. And let's call
out the female director here, Penny Marshall. Panny Marshall. Pannie Marshall does
a good job of like showing, not telling, because you see that apartment
and you're like, okay, well, this person has not had a boyfriend
in a minute. This person spends most of her nights like reading and watching
TV by herself. Even though she's brightly dressed, she's not sexy, like
no, no, she's not dressed sides of layers, moutrisily masculine clothing maybe
like pants and overalls kind of feel. She looks so goddamn good in this
movie. She does look she pulls it off. It's incredibly because the clothes,
Like if I was wearing those clothes, I would look ridiculous. You're
wrong, you would look amazing. Have some self respectful Do you think you
can't pull off the giant, chunky brooches that are done that are animal shaped,
and one of them definitely is pigs. Definitely two pigs. Fucking Do
you think you can't pull that off? Because I'm here to tell you you
can. That did put me in mind of that other Rolling Stones movie,
Beast to Burden Them, the sobering documentary about the oxen. Yes, the
oxen in in Nebraska that that work their whole lives and they never get the
joy of fucking and that are eventually slaughtered. For me, that was,
Yeah, that was hard to take. With the voiceover by Owen Wilson.
Yeah, the narration that was that was that was a real uh switch for
him. Yeah. Yeah. But honestly, nothing is better than Painted Black
than nineteen thirty three Al Jolson film. That is that's that is a problematic,
classic, problematic, but it is a classic for a reason. Paul
Frankly, Yeah, because it's it's incredible because that came out before the Rolling
Stone song did. But somehow it is about the Rolling somehow, the Rolling
Stone song is in it. It's in it. People don't know. Painted
Black is a Rolling Stones cover song that they are covering an old Al Jolson
song. From the movie. From the film Paint It Black, which is
about exactly which you think it's gonna be about. I'm not gona extrapola.
Have you have you tried to watch Out on HBO Max lately, because let
me tell you, the warnings, not the warning in front of it.
It says stop for one minute, and the end it says really really,
and then it's just we're telling you you should stop for another minute, and
then you have to get through all of that before they'll start. And then
at the end of the movie, it's just Michelle Obama staring at you disapprovingly.
Yes, she's just like with a frown and slowly shaking her head.
I wanted better for you, is what Michelle pointed right at me and said.
She said my name. Yeah, it was weird they knew my exact
name. So anyway, back to this movie about a rolling stone, right
right right? Uh, Terry's boss, mister Page played by Peter Michael.
I'm gonna go with Gates. Sure, you've seen him on literally every single
sitcom in the age on Majestic to Pay. Yeah, he's cold to her
when she enters, but everyone else at the bank loves her, right she
chit chats with her coworker Cynthia, played by the perfect Carol Kane. So
good looking in this movie, too gorgeous. I mean, they never really
give Carol Caine like a proper blowout and like again female direct. So she
was like, let's get her to a really good pass nilist and give her
a proper blowout. Who do you think is better on their phone today?
Whoopy Goldberger Carol Caane? Like meaning like on their iPhone? Either one of
them text I'm gonna go Whoopy on this one. Yeah, I feel like
Whoopy's got She's still got a little bit of like, you know, she
has to do battle on the view every day. She's got her wits about
her. I'm not so sure about Carol Cane. I love her, don't
get me wrong, but I'm not so sure about Carol Kane. Yeah,
yeah, fair enough, fair enough. So Cynthia tells Terry about the night
she had last night with her bow Richard something Italian. You can't remember his
last name. He used to be a doctor and still would be if you
had beta lawyer or should I do this as Carol Cane? Could you?
So? So Cynthia wants to tell Terry about the night she had with Richard
something Italian. He used to be adopted. He still would be if you
had better lawyers. Do you know what that was? It was Harvey Fire.
Scene's like sassy, younger sister. Yeah, and much easier on the
chords. Yes, much easier on the chords. So Terry begins her work
day by messaging a French client named Juanclaude, whom she's teaching old timey American
slang. So she's teaching him how to say like what's up, like what's
the skinny yea, and her colleague John love its and he's like, why
are you teaching him old timey American slang? And she's like, you do
your job, I'll do mine. Suddenly, and in case you were like
what kind of movie am I watching? Here's the kind of movie you're watching.
This is it? This sums it up. Suddenly, a video of
a very very muscular Russian woman doing aerobics takes over Terry's computer screen and it's
in like Cepia tone. All of her colleagues are like, yeah, it's
back, and they rush over to watch this like calisthetics class. We as
an audience find out that Terry's computer has been picking up Russian satellite TV signals,
and everyone is amused and not at all freaked out that this bank computer
that handles inch n aactional transactions, the Russians can hack into it in any
moment if they wanted to, and it gets hacked basically daily, and they're
all like, yay, it's the exercise show again. So Terry adjusts the
wires on the back of her monitor and the video goes away. So she's
supposed to also be like slightly smarter and more adeptic computers than the rest of
her colleagues. This kind of comes up a little bit later in the movie,
but very little, not enough. I really thought they were seating something
here. Agreed that she was going to become some genius hacker. That's not
what's happening. We were still in Matrix rom last week. We're waiting for
her to become a renegade hacker. Yes, strap on some black leather.
Oh my god, Terry would have been amazing in the Matrix. She would
have been the missing flavor of the Matrix. Oh my god, like that,
like Terry on the Nevacnezzer would have been like just refusing to wear leather.
That's right, just refused, absolutely, and I will I will be
in my linen billowing pleated pant and over and suspenders until I say I won't
be anymore, thank you very much. So she gets called into her boss's
office and he yells at her for her unprofessional interaction with the clients, and
she promises that she'll stop being so chummy with her clients. She'll she'll put
a rain on it. Right at six pm on the dot, all the
computer tellers at the bank log off, and Terry is about to do the
same, but a message pops up on her screen from someone identifying themselves as
Jumpin Jack Flash, it's a guest, guest guest. Literally when she said
it in the movie, I was already saying it out loud, yeah,
and I was like, oh you and me both Carrylobian. Yeah yeah,
yeah. Terry can't help herself. She responds to him, asking what he
wants, and Jack asks her, this is like like iming, like like
we're text messaging here. This is nineteen eighty six text messaging. Jack asks
her if she's alone, which she affirms that she is, but then she
tells him that she can have a personal conversation on the bank's network. Right.
She tries to tries to follow through with what she just told her Ball
she wouldn't do it, doesn't want to get fired. He tells her that
he's not on the bank network. Now, did you notice what word?
She used to hear? I don't know how friends coded you have friends pilled?
You are? But she says, how are you not on the network
where I aming on the International Bank transponder? And all I could think of
was my sponsor. That's not even a word. It is a word.
It's a word. Oh that is for the Friends fans and everyone else has
no idea what we're talking about, and I'm not going to explain it.
Everyone knows that scene from Friends. That's classic. My mother, who is
listening to this right now, does not. Oh she Paul's mom. Go
watch the Do you watch the episode of Friends where they where they have a
contest. It's great because I tell you my mom hates Friends. Oh thinks
they're all idiots. Ellen, You're not wrong, You're not wrong, You're
not wrong. But I still think you'd appreciate just that one episode. Yeah,
okay, So he tells her he's not on the bank network. He's
hacked into her computer and furthermore, he's been monitoring all her transmissions. They
never really quite make clear. I think the implication is that she's getting these
these videos of the woman, the Russian woman exercising, because it's him trying
to make contact, But they never like, Oh no, I totally do
that. I don't think so, I think I think so. To be
clear, it's not the Russians hacking into her computer, although clearly that could
happen, but it's the satellite like crosses streams. Again, no one in
this movie knows anything about anything, Like, no one writing this movie understands
how satellites work. Yeah, how spies were just makes as much sense as
them crossing the streams and the ghostbuster undred percent, but basically yeah, So
he he figures out that if he uses the same satellite connection, he can
also like log into her computer. He reveals here that he like has been
listening in on her like client conversations, not listening in, but reading her
client conversations as they're happening, which means, once again, super sensitive information
has been going through Jack and no one cares. Yeah, So she asks
him for his code key, and he replies, jumpin Jack Flash, sing
with me and we'll find the key. He logs out, and Terry is
left wondering who he is and what he wants, just this riddle. Later
that night, she can't sleep, she's too intrigued by this whole mystery.
She digs up that Rolling Stones cassette tape and god, I love it,
like her digging through casine. Oh yes, so eighties. She listens to
Jumping Jackflash over and over again, and I feel so seen in this in
this scene, in this film, because she can't understand a word Mick Jagger
is singing. That is middle aged me listening to any song like and like
getting the lyrics all kinds of wrong. Yep. So she listens to Jumping
Jack Flash like trying to figure out exactly the lyrics to the song and write
them all down. The camera then pans down from Terry's apartment window as she's
doing this in the middle of the night, to a parked car across the
street. Someone is watching Terry, so already someone is on her tail from
one contact with Jumping Jackflash yep. The next day, Terry stays late after
work. It's just her and the cleaning crew. She's waiting for Jack to
reach out, and he does, and she immediately starts to try all the
key code possibilities. By the way, just so everyone knows, I don't
really know what this key code is. I don't know if you do.
I don't think it matters. She needs to do this to get further along.
Well, because this thing, it's how they can create a secure line
to discuss. So this does. I'm putting matter in quotes here because nothing
actually matters in this movie except at the end of the movie. This movie
is going to try to convince you that Jonathan Price is an international spy,
which is excellent. Literally any English actor, they couldn't used anyone, and
they use Jonathan Bryce. Okay, so that's what this means. So she
tries all the song lyrics, none of the work. She has this great
line here who says it has to be something that says Stones drugs. It's
very funny. She tries other Rolling Stone adjacent keywords like lips and bianca.
No avail, right, I love that I'm old enough to get the bianca
reference. Tries Jerry Hall at one point, but I know who these people
are. She tries and faithful. She chays all of Mick Jagger's famous paramours.
Yep, She's bewildered. And then she looks at the sheet music that
she bought for Jumping Jack Flash again and she remembers what Jack said. He
said, sing with me and we'll find the key. What is the key
of Jumping Jack? Flash is in B flat, so she's able. She
types it in that is correct. She's able to communicate with Jack on a
secure line. He tells her don't reveal the code to anyone. He trusts
her, and he asks her to go to the British Consulate and pass on
the message. Dog's barking can't fly without umbrella. It's called Mary Poppins reference.
Huh, I believe so yep. He tells her he's in serious trouble.
He needs help. She tries to ask him more questions, but he
ends a transmission before she can. Before she can Yeah. At this point,
they're still just texting to each other. Later on the movie will start
having Jonathan Price in voiceover read these lines, and they will then have him
read lines that do not appear on the screen. I know and Whoopy Goldberg
will respond as if they are having some sort of telepathic communication. Like I
said, Shaggy, it doesn't really work, but I do like the choice,
yeah, because it makes it more interesting and engaging than watching like two
people typing at each other. We cut to Terry at the British Consulate right
who by the way, the last scene she's like, there's no way I'm
going down there, and then cut to her at the British Consulate. She
speaks with a man named Jeremy Talbot played by John Wood excellent. She gives
him this coded message dog's barking, can't fly without umbrella. She like hides
behind a potted plant while she's doing it, like she's in a spy movie,
and he's like, who are you and what is happening? He tells
her he has no idea what she's talking about, and Terry's now like,
oh, fuck me, I've been pranked. This is an elaborate prank.
Ashton't get out here, Yeah, take that dumb baseball cap off. So
she goes back to the bank. Mister Page announces that a new employee has
to Oh, by the way, there's something I didn't put in the recap,
but I just want to point out here because I think this is nineteen
eighty six at it's worse. So there was a pregnant woman and sitting in
the monitor, like in the desk next to Terry. Right, that's the
other African American woman that you mentioned is in the movie. And she keeps
talking about how sad she is to leave. She you know, she hates
she likes this job. She's gonna miss everyone so much. And I was
like, well, if she's just going on Matt leave, right, Like,
yeah, she's not going away forever, do you know. It took
me a minute to realize. No, no, because in nineteen eighty six,
she's going away forever. There is no Matt Leave. This character does
not come back, that's right. A pregnant woman in nineteen eighty six is
just like, well, I guess when I'm ready to have another job,
I'll have to go find one. Yeah, because I can't come back to
this one. You are now dead weight to the company. Isn't that fucking
crazy? That's dystopia. And it took me like the whole movie to realize
that's what was going on. So that just explains what I'm about to say.
So Terry goes back to the to the office, she meets a new
employee who has just joined the office, who's replacing that pregnant lady who's dead
to us, useless to the she's dead weight, we don't need her.
Capitalism ran her over like a zamboni. A new guy's name is Marty Phillips.
He is played by the extremely problematic Stephen Collins. Just look it up.
We're not getting into it. We're not getting in it's very dark.
He's in so many of our movie he really is. He worked so much
in the eighties and never realize how prolific a problematic person is until you find
out they're problematic, like this too. This guy isn't this shit too?
Come on, so Marty seems like an affable dufist, right. He immediately
starts passing around his card, his business card everyone at the office, but
making sure that Terry gets one importantly, and he says, you can call
me anytime if you ever need anything. Right, He's immediately treated to the
daily Russian calistics TV show that comes on Terry's computer screen. No one's concerned
about. And again, hey, this should have been a clue if you're
not like I wonder who Marty really is? The fact that he's the only
one that's like, is this a normal thing? We're all cool with this,
We're all fine with this. So everyone gathers around to watch. Phil
Hartman gets to speak here. He explains to Marty what's going on with the
satellite, like accidentally taking over this capitalist pig bank, and then Marty joins
in on the funny He's like, woof Lennon would roll around in his grave
if he knew, right, Yeah, this is all funning games with the
hacked computers. Marty watches with fascination as Terry manages to cut the signal once
again by adjusting the wires in the back of her terminal. I put so
much in this recap that absolutely does not matter. But I'm writing a better
film. I'm standing by it. Late that night, Terry is again the
only one in the office and she finally gets another message from Jack. They
go on to their secure line. He tells her he's a British intelligence agent.
He's stuck in Eastern Europe and he needs help to escape. He's reached
out to the British Consulate himself, but they wouldn't acknowledge him, which is
why he reached out to Terry. He asks Terry to go to his apartment
and get a frying pan. A man played by Jim Belushi. He will
not be named in this film, so I'm always going to just refer to
him as either the man or Jim Belushi. Thank God he's played by Jim
Belushi and not some random act just like the guys, some guy I don't
know. He shows up and he says he's there to from the company that
makes First Nationals computers. He's there to repair her monitor. It's the middle
of the night and Terry's alarm bells go off and she asks for ID and
he gets kind of pushy. He's like, He's like, no, I'm
just gonna fix it, and then he finally backs down long enough for her
to call the company to verify that they sent him. She's barely thirty seconds
into the call before she turns around to find that the man has disappeared.
Terry underreacts to this phantom computer repair man. You now at least partially believe
that you've been contacted by an international spy in trouble behind the Iron Curtain.
Behind the Iron Curtain, a random person has shown up wants to fiddle with
the communication device. That the only thing you have to communicate with this person,
and you're going to turn your back on them to call someone. What
was banking in the eighties that there was no security. They just didn't give
a shit. It's like there's no IT department. Remember, remember, and
greed is good? What's the movie Wall Street? Wall Street? With the
charts? That was just the chart of like nothing, charts, just up
and down, up and down, up and down. This doesn't mean anything.
You haven't defined the X and the y acess access. So after this
interaction, Terry goes to Jack's apartment. It's a very fancy apartment, and
she can't help with snooping around a bit. I again feel so seen.
You can't get me in your fancy apartment and expect me not to like noodle
through your shit. But then immediately like turns on the stereo. I'm a
girl of all things, of all things, not the thing that makes noise.
The funny thing is she's like, whoa, look at the state of
the art stereos. Yeah, and it's huge and it plays. It's not
CDs, it's just it's just cassette tapes. It's just cassette tapes. Yeah,
I'm shocked. He did have a like an eight tracker. Uh what
were those calls? The ones that look like the records but their no,
No, she was a gramophone. I'll think of it. I'll think of
it. Any older audience members are screaming at their laptops right now. She
starts to look around at Jack's photos. She sees one that Jack took of
a woman named Sarah while they were in Egypt. Looks like they're on vacation
or something. She's smiling at Jack in the picture. Terry plays the messages
on Jack's answering machine. Most of them are from people in Jack's life that
he hasn't responded to in days, and they're starting to get concerned. There's
also a call from a woman named Liz saying she's worried about someone named Harry.
Finally, something that comes back later in the movie and the woman named
Sarah. Jack's apartment is a treasure trove of things that actually fucking matter,
actually matter. Yeah, Terry hears a creak at the door. She left
the door a jar. I don't know why she didn't close the door,
but she left it ajar. She is Daly unconcerned with her personal safe Like,
I don't know much about nineteen eighties New York, but I know you
had to be alert. Yeah, she is wild. The way she reacts
later to actual imminent danger from New York, not from the spy. That
scene will blow Like, can't wait to talk about that scene. Yeah.
So she hears a creak at the door. She looks at the door and
on the back of it there's a polaroid picture that was just taken of Terry
in Jack's apartment holding the picture of Sarah, which is the most mind fuckiest
thing you could possibly if you're gonna kill her, just kill her there.
This is like out of scream. This is something that's like, Hello Sydney,
Yeah, here's a polaroid of you on the phone with me. Because
I get I guess you could say maybe that the person wants to see why
she's there, but then don't tell her that you're there. Why are you
starting the psychological torture before you have the information that you watch? So like,
I get she that's why she was playing the radio like the stereo but
like you didn't hear polaroids are loud. Mm hmm. It's like a fax
machine. So she grabs a frying pan and she gets the fuck out of
there. Yeah, she grabbed that that proto lake Crusee. I was so,
I know that was like her job, but I was like, that's
right, that's right girl. Frying pan. First, she runs to the
cab that she had waiting for her, but the driver's disappeared. We won't
hear of this driver again. Maybe he made it. Probably not. Probably
he's in the trunk of that car. The trunk of that car, yep,
and Jim Belushi is in the driver's seat. He points a gun at
her, and he tells her to stop screaming and sit back. He peels
off, and in a move that will that will be very true to her
character for the rest of the movie, Terry takes action. She grabs the
frying pan, clocks him on the head, and jumps out of the moving
cab. The cab crashes into another parked car and flips over, and Terry
runs off. She is not a super spy, suret the fuck does act
like one, but a plus a plus Terry. She gets home and she
scrubs the bottom of the pan to reveal four men's names with phone numbers next
to each one. This was my favorite thing in the movie, and like
this is a great spy like this is spycraft, feels like fun spycraft.
Yeah, of course, no one would think to look at like a dirty
frying pan in an apartment. Yep. She calls the first name on the
list. She leaves a message with the man's answering service, and then the
second man answers the phone right away and tells her that he's leaving for Brussels
on a three am flight and needs to speak with her before then, and
Terry reluctantly agrees to meet him. Are you going to this meeting if you're
Terry? No, No, it's in the middle of the night. And
also like she's like, okay, where should I meet you? Yeah,
and then we smash cut to her, like on a fucking pier. Okay
this nineteen eighty six New York. In twenty twenty four New York. Would
you go out to a pier in the middle Would you go out to the
East River at two am by yourself? No? I won't even go to
York Avenue by myself at two am, So like I said, smash cut
to Terry on an abandoned pier at one point thirty in the morning. Even
she's nos even even dumb dumb Terry. He's like, this was a bad
idea. She's like monologuing to herself and she's like, I don't I don't
care for this. Yeah. She hears a gun cock behind her and she
screams, and the man that she's been waiting for puts his hand over her
mouth and searches her for weapons. He finally puts down his guns once he
realizes she's not she's not a threat to him. His name is Mark van
Meder. I'm about to torture this actor's name, and I apologize. He's
played by I'm guessing Uron Krabby, sure, uron krabbein krab I've seen him
in a ton of shit, like a ton okay. He is a spy,
just like Jack, and he asks her who she works for? Are
you Cia? Terry's like no, and she's spills First National Bank, Terry,
for God's sake, she spills the whole story. She's just a civilian
who's been caught up in this crazy life. Mark, here's footsteps approaching.
He grabs Terry and like he's like, run, we got to run,
and he tries to outrun the person following them. He then realizes they're not
gonna be able to so he pushes Terry into the East River, which there's
a fifty to fifty chance you're gonna make it out of the East. That's
not a great place to be. You know that. They don't dramatize her
actually getting out of these river because I'm sure Penny Marshall was like, well,
she would actually be dead in real life, so I guess we just
have to don't worry. She gets out somehow, and the sakuall she dies
immediately of dysent Terry and the sequel she becomes the toxic evenger, so he
pushes her into the river. He turns around and faces the person following them,
and unfortunately he's shot for his trouble and killed. Terry manages to avoid
being killed by hiding under the pier, and the assassin, whom we can
see clearly like will show up later again, doesn't really have a name,
not really, and this one's not a famous person, so I don't know
who is who he is. He goes away, Terry goes to the police,
and when this scene happened, I knew. I knew something was going
to happen with this person, but when I say him, my immediate feeling
was like, I'm so happy for Erica. Yes, like I mean,
this is a scene with Gary Marshall. I like Gary Marshall. I love
Gary Marshall. I enjoy seeing him. But I know that your reaction is
it's like seeing your long lost grandfather. Gary Marshall is the grandfather I wish
i'd had. Yeah. Frankly, she goes to the police. She ends
up being patronized and ignored by a racist, sexist cop played by Gary Marshall.
I don't care be racist to me, sir, Gary Marshall, do
it. But it's also like the movie has her tell him off. It's
very kind of satisfying, absolutely cool. He's immediately He's like, so you
were on the piero at night. You must be a prostitute. She's like,
oh, okay, is that because I'm a woman, because I'm black?
Take your pick. Yeah. Like, she's very offended by and as
she should be. He's horribly offensive to her age as well. The scene.
She's like, fuck, all, that's obviously not realistic, but like
it's cool. It's like oh, look this someone was talking about something to
do with this shit. Yeah. Like well, and also every time she
curses at him, he goes, I'm gonna wash your mouth out in a
way that you know he wouldn't say to a man that's like patronizing. Yeah.
So her new coworker shows up because the police found Marty's business card in
her pocket. They called him. He comes to pick her up. If
that doesn't ring some kind of alarm bell in your head, how long would
you have to work with someone before if the police called you to pick them
up at the police station, you would actually go, oh, good question.
It's less an amount of time and more of what I think of you.
Yeah, because I like I, in my opinion, very close to
my last job at the hotel. I was very close to the people I
worked with. If the police that called me, like, you need to
come pick up your friend Shelby, I'd be like, I'm coming, I'll
be there in a minute. Shell just don't worry about it. Like when
I was waiting tables, I'd be like, new phone, who is absolutely
not I'm sure they did something to deserve it. Click, Yeah, what's
the charge? Let me judge based on the charge twenty seven dollars. We
cut to a few days later. Terry is at First National. She's poring
over every newspaper in town looking for the story of the man shot at the
pier. She can't find anything. He's not even in the post. And
Marty is calmly like, he's in the obituary section, and he hands her
Mark Van Meter's obituary. I love this dig at the Post. She's like,
even the post, the Post has every stupid, horrible story. That's
what they do. So Terry goes to Mark's funeral and she runs into Jeremy
Talbot there from the British Consulate. She Riley comments what a small world it
is, and Jeremy's like, how did you know Mark? Is there a
better word for whook for Whoopi Goldberg than rye? Ry she is? You
know what she is? She's a ham on Rye, That's what she is,
which is actually the plot of the other Rolling Stones adjacent film, honky
Tonk Woman About it about a woman who opens a ham on Rye restaurant and
it's a honky tonk though. That's right. Yeah, Jennifer Lawrence is great
in that movie. Oh my god, she nails every scene. I believe
I was the ham, you know what I mean? Every time she handled
the ham, I was like, I am also the ham I hand.
Yes, yeah, yeah, absolutely, yeah, she deserved that oscar.
Yeah. You know what other Rolling Stones movie I love? It's Brown Sugar,
which is the the Ina Garten movie where it's about all the different uses
of brown sugar, which is not what the song is about. I don't
think the Barefoot Contessa knows what Rolling Stones brown Sugar is about is about.
No, But honestly, Paul, I'm very surprised you mentioned that film and
not Ina Garten's dramatic work in Sympathy for the Devil, where Jeffrey plays the
devil and Aina plays Jeffrey's conciliary, and she like a remake of a Dazzle.
It is. It's a remake of a dazzled but it's not funny.
It is dead serious. Curses so much in that movie. It is really
hard to watch sometimes, and you would be shocked at how brilliant Jeffrey is
at these dramatic rules. I didn't know he had that in him. Fair
fair, Yeah, I would watch all of these movies. I would watch
Aina and Jeffrey Garden like readad read the phone Book to me. But again,
back to this movie about a relic, which is not as half as
good as Sympathy for the Devil. Honestly, it's not a perfect movie.
They give Jeffrey way too many and bombs to say during the film, which
I didn't think was appropriate. But it was a different time. It was
three years ago. We didn't know about We didn't know. That's why you
shouldn't do movies produced by Brett Rattner. But everyone knows that Brett Rattner and
Ina Garden thicket thieves, thieves, it's her one weakness. Yeah, that
and and chocolate Martinez. That's right. So okay, okay, back to
this movie. Terry's at the funeral. She runs into the guy from the
British Consulate. She says, Mark saved my life. That's how I know
him, and Jeremy just kind of peels off. He's like, okay,
whatever. She we also, I didn't put this in here, but I
want to see this now. We also see another man named Archer in this
scene, who is also on the back of the frying pan of Jack's frying
pan, but he kind of blows her off too. He doesn't want to
talk to her out in this funeral in front of a bunch of other people.
This woman named Liz played by Annie Potts by the fabulous Annie Potts.
Annie Potts at like a two for Annie Potts styled way back, way way
back, but also like it's kind of great to see her just do like
dramatic acting. She almost never gets to She approaches Harry and says that she's
the wife of Harry Carlson, which is one of the names on the frying
pan, and like Terry had left messages for Harry, and she's like,
why were you trying to reach my husband? What's going on? She also
tells Terry that her husband, Harry has been is a CIA operative and has
been missing for days, just like Jack. They were supposed to be together.
They go back to Liz's suburban home and Liz is like, well,
if I had to guess who's been torture and following you based on Harry and
Jack's dealings, it's probably the KGB. Yeah, that's and like this is
the first time that like Terry really realizes the like gravity of her situation,
and she's like, Harry, you in danger? Girl, Harry you in
danger girl that she's like the k motherfucking gb I believe this was the scene
where I noticed the pig fucking brooch. We haven't actually done enough about the
pig fucking brooch. She has wait, say that word again, brooch broche.
You said brooch twice. I was gonna let it go the first time,
so it's like anyone can make a mistake. But then he said it
twice, and I was like, is that how you think that word is
said? For years? I did, and I will and I will revert
to it as a child because as we remember, we learned once children can
read a lot sometimes mispronounced words. Yeah. Yeah, Also you're you're secretly
Scottish. Is what I'm running here. It's my brooch, my brooch.
Yeah. She has three brooches, brooches say she wears on her jacket,
on her on her coat. One is a horse or no, one is
a zebra. Excuse me. One is a leopard, I belie leave uh
majestic, beautiful, big and clunky. But it's the eighties, yea,
so it's to be expected. In the third or two pigs, one on
top like stacked on top of the other, two pigs and Doggy Stack.
They're absolutely fucking like. At first, I was like, no, stop
being prurient. That's not what it is. You're making something out of nothing.
You're disgusting. And then I saw it again and I'm like, no,
they are one thousand percent fucking yeah. Do we think this came from
Whoopi Goldberg's actual closet. I believe that Whoopy Goldberg was bored on set one
day and was playing around. She probably had two pig brooches. Damn it,
two pig brooches, and she set it up herself. Don't feel bad
about your brooch. I love your pig fucking brooch. That's a good insult,
you pig fucking brooch. All right. So we see Terry. She's
back at the bank and she is talking to Jack again. That night.
He asks her for another favor, and he says this one could be dangerous.
He wants her to crash the ball the British Consulate and hack into their
computer system. He tells her she'll need to wear a formal jacket for the
party, and Terry's like, oh, just the exact same beat from the
Matrix. This motherfucker thinks I'm a man yep. And she says, well,
I'm gonna need a dress because I'm a woman, and Jackus, Oh,
forget it. I can't. I can't have you risk your life.
Yeah, I'm not gonna put a woman in danger. Yeah, they're delicate.
Terry calls him out on that sexist bullshit. Yep, this little moment
doesn't actually matter, but it's very interesting that it's here in a movie with
a female lead and a female director. They're like, and now that we
know female writers. Yep. He apologizes, and he gives her the details
on how to crash the party and break into the consulate. We cut to
Terry. I mean, describe it, Paul, describe it. She is
in You can't really see the dress at first because she's wearing an overcoat,
but you can see the wig. There is a wig. There's you know
the term a hat and a hat. This is a wig, and a
wig is a wig on a wig. This is too much wig, So
overhig. We've overweg did also to be Trixie Mattel would be like too much
weight, too much wake, my neck can't take it, frankly, So
this is the first time we're actually gonna see Whoopy Goldberg in like without like
a lot of fabric, because because Terry's style is like baggy clothing. Yeah,
she takes off the overcoat. She's in a blue sequined gown. She
is slender as fuck, and this wig makes her look like a lollipop.
This wig makes it look like she's gonna topple over any second. Now.
Okay, So she is standing next to two party guests played by Michael McKeon
and Tracy Ullman. She doesn't have an invitation for the party, but when
the woman at the desk challenges her about that, she pulls out her plan.
She takes off her overcoat. She reveals this blue sequin dress. She
hits play on the tape recorder that is strapped to her with a similar fabric.
Yeahue sequin fabric. Yes. The Supremes kick on and we learn that
somehow Whoopy Goldbird doesn't know the words to Can't Hurry Love. I was trying
to figure out if this was intentionally bad, Like Terry isn't good at this
because she didn't know the lyrics to the other song either, Yeah, previously
in the movie, so they're like, oh, she doesn't know the lyrics
to any song, huh, including like can't hurry love, which is I'm
like, I need to find find someone to call my my mama said,
you can't hurry love. No, you just have to late. She said,
just give it dimes, dimes, no matter how long it fakes.
Yeah, you can't hurry jumps. No, you'll just have to snake.
She said, just take your money, no matter what the doctor says.
We may have exhausted this. No, this is perfect. Keep it all
in, keep it in. Yeah, No, she does not know the
lyrics. I thought it was part of the movie. I watched it twice
because I did have that thought, and I was like, it is not
bad enough, Like if this was a comic choice, disagree. I think
it is bad enough. But she is like she she looks like she's being
dubbed over in a foreign language. Yes, and she doesn't understand, Like
it's absurd, Like to me, given where the comedy in this movie is
pitched, if it was gonna be bad, it should have been literally like
she was a puppet, like a muppet talking to me. That's what it
looks like. No, I'm telling you because I watch it again, Like
she gets some of the words it's bizarre. But also I think the joke
is also the outfit, the hair, like the whole thing is crazy.
Well it made me think of what that joke you always make, Like,
well, she's not a middle aged woman in this, but like it's a
middle aged woman. She's invisible, so it's like she's a black woman.
She's singing. Suddenly she becomes invisible almost even though she's making a scene.
Yeah, everyone is suddenly comfortable with the role she's taken. She claims to
be the evenings entry she came and she starts to kind of dance with Michael
McKeon, and I was like, Oh, I wonder that that's kind of
what they're doing here, Like she suddenly becomes invisible now that she has a
role. They understand. It is literally Razzle Dazzle from Chicago. She like
Razzle Dazzles, and they just forget to look at her. God, I
love Chicago. I know it's so good, it's so good, but it's
the scene. I like, it's so dumb. This is maybe the dumbest
scene in the movie, like a movie filled with like in the dumb And
I don't mean it in a bad way. It's just it's just dumb though,
Like if you're if you're okay with dumb, yeah, then this is
this is your alley, my friend. Once she's inside the party, Terry
enters the receiving line right of all the British you know, social higher upsite
the Consulate right, and she meets Lady Sarah Billings played by Sarah Botsford.
This is the woman in the photo and Jack's apartment, and she is now
married to a lord. Right, She's married to like the Consulate General.
Terry is seconds away from getting kicked out of his party because she's saying all
the wrong things. She's like, I know you, Sarah, and Sarah's
like, who the fuck are you? Why are you at this party?
Liz sees her though, Annie Potts and approaches and saves the day. She's
like, oh no, she's with me. We're friends. Can I tell
a story here? Please? Do? Is it about having a Consulate general
friend? Sadly no, but it is about a very specific line of dialogue
in the scene. Okay, So Liz says, may I present my cousin,
and the Lord's monocle falls off his face because obviously Anni Pot's quite whoopy
Goldberg black right, and whoopy Goldberg just says by marriage cousin by marriage right.
When I visited my friend Jared in Italy, he I was staying in
his apartment and his apartment lease dictated only family could stay with you, and
he had two roommates, and we told them that we were cousins. Now,
I just wanted to, first of let me describe myself, and it
doesn't know what I look like. I'm a five foot six alabaster skinned person
of Italian, German and Irish descent, caucasidy caucasidy A degree. Yeah,
my friend Jared is a six foot five biracial, stunningly handsome. I was
gonna say, does Jared listen to this sometimes? Okay, well he better
listen to this way gorgeous. The first time I met him, I was
like, hello, sailor. He is truly one of the most physically beautiful
people I've ever seen in my entire life. Yeah, what's up, Jared?
If you're ever retired of being gay, you know where to find me.
And we told them that we were cousins, and they never challenged it.
I love it. I think they were so confused as to how it
could be that truly like take out, even like the racial part of it.
He is a foot taller than I am. Yeah. Yeah, maybe
they thought cousins was like a gay euphemism, right, like like this is
my cousin, meaning this is like my my, you know, my international
fuck boy. Right yeah, I'm imagining two Italians. Okay, Yeah,
he's a pop the pepperoni together the sausage provide, right y, yeah,
primo to them, just that means a fuck a cousin. He mad at
the kati, he plays with the canol. You know what I'm saying.
A lot of Italian food is phallic base ye. Interesting. Yeah. So
Terry tells her new ally Liz, that she needs to sneak up to the
third floor, and she tries to make a run for it, but Jeremy,
that's the British Consulate she initially met way back when she tried to give
him the password and he was like, who the fuck are you? Right,
He forces her onto the dance floor with him, and Liz intercedes again
and asks to cut in so that Terry can get away while Jeremy is distracted.
Remember, Liz is kind of convinced that Terry's the only ways gonna find
out what the fuck is going on with her husband. Once she's on the
third floor, she uses Jack's intel to find the room the consulate's mainframe.
The room is guarded by two men watching The Benny Hill Show. I love
all the British jokes in this movie, Like these two guards who are like
so into the Benny Hill Show. They're not doing their jobs. So she
sneaks out onto the roof, nearly slipping and falling to her death, and
also magically transforming her sixties bufont wig into like a proto Tina Turner eighties wig.
Just changes. The slightest breeze is this wig, and it just transforms,
which is odd because it looks like a way you could take a sledgehammer
two and would be completely fine. She manages to climb the ledge into the
computer room and connect a remote device onto the mainframe. The scene could end
here, all it could have fallen, All plot crucial things have now happened.
Did you forget what movie you're watching? This isn't the hyperreal. You
can't always get what you want, that's right, which is as we know
the Francis McDormand helmed vehicle that's about it's her directing debut. It's her directing
debut. Yeah. And also she stars in it, which is about like
a woman dealing with like owing money to the irs. And you think it's
gonna be the most boring movie you've ever seen, and guess what it is.
Yeah, and just a revelatory performance from Adele in her in her screen
debut, Yeah, which you would think would make it a like in film
to watch because Adele. But no, for some reason, they've hamstrung Adele
by making her mute in the film, so she can't actually speak, I
think, because she can't convincingly do an American accent. But I but I'm
like, the best part of Adele is the voice. I mean everything else
about her is great too. But either way, it's a really intense seven
hour film, Yeah, black and white that goes really deep into like the
internal revenue service and like it gets down to the to the nuts and bolts
of the irs. Yeah, it does. So it's the opposite of this
movie, frankly, which has a lot of flourishes you don't need think of
the big short, but not any attempt made to make the subject matter in
dress. No, Yes, that's you can't always get what you want.
You could probably rent it tomorrow if you wanted to. As you're listening to
this, Francis McDorman directed it. If you can't find it, go on
the dark web. It's probably there. So so remember with Terry in this
computer room, she tries to sneak back out. On her way out,
her dress the blue sequin number, gets caught in a paper shredder. You
know the term the jaws of life. He's the jaws of death. This
paper shredder is trying to murder Terry. The bottom half of her dress is
dragged through the paper shredder. She manages finally to escape and an evade detection,
but her dress now looks like it's something out of the Flintstones. Correct,
that's what Erica wrote. She is right the Flintstones Hunjo p She sneaks
down the stairs. She catches lizs attention, who saves her again by having
the band play God Save the Queen. So while everyone is looking at the
band and singing along, Terry can sneak out the back. It's another spy
mission accomplished by this woman by the flying by the seat of her pants.
Yes, get flying by the seat of her sequin dress. Terry gets home
to find that her apartment's been broken into and trashed, totally trashed, and
then she does the totally normal, completely reasonable thing of entering the apartment.
My note here is I've never met anyone with worse survival instincts Terry. No,
it's a dark track she goes in. Anyway. Now it's a studio,
so you know, there's not too many places where a killer could hide.
But there's never zero places where a killer could hide. They're killers,
that is in their skill set. There's a bathroom, there's a closet.
Bitch, don't go in the apartment. That reminds me of that Rolling Stone
movie, Gimme Shelter. Oh yes, yes, where the whole point.
I love that movie. By the way, I'm not just stalling for time
so that you can think of something to say. I just want to say,
Gimme Shelter. Of all the rolling Stone based films, whatever it is
you're about to say, is my favorite of the rolling Stone based films,
rolling Stone song based films. Paul to tell the audience my favorite film.
What is the plot of Gimme Shelter? I think I'm gonna sum it up
with with just two words. And it is surprising to me that you love
it so much. I know you like avant garde, Yeah, you like
edgy. I mean it's so Yeah, the movie changed me, like on
a molecular level when I watched it. But mosquito reproduction is just not a
topic that obviously, this is about the people who are fleeing from the mosquito
invasion. They need shelter, right, give me shelter. Yeah, But
the way it gets into the actual life cycle of the mosquito, the way
a mosquito, a mosquito plague could actually become a problem. And Timothy Shallomey
playing the mosquito intense I never really I never understood, like why people found
him sexually attractive before I saw that film, before you saw him fucking so
many other mosquitoes. Yes, in Gimme Shelter, Yes, all played by
Dua Lipa. That's right. Frankly, Kathy Bates was robbed as the mosquito
queen as Paul. Everyone knows this movie. It's not like, yeah,
we're something, You're telling something they don't know. Yeah, Like, oh
God, give me shelter. So good. The directorial debut of Hillary Duff
and honestly really shocking. She is so much more profound than I thought.
I've always liked her, but now I would take a bullet for her.
Oh I think I have taken bullets for her emotional emotional which are the most
harmful ones? Yes? Yeah, Oh my god. Okay, So back
to jumping BackFlash my second favorite of the Rolling Stone song Jason Yeah. Yeah.
She enters her apartment and she hears footsteps approaching. Bitch, get out
of there, Run, run, bitch run. She grabs a tennis racket,
it's the only thing she has. She attacks, She hits the person
on the head and of course who is it? In the middle of the
night, coming to her rated apartment, Marty, her colleagues, still no
antenna go up? Still, She's not like, so you're definitely CIA,
right yeah, and or kg be Honestly, the movie did have me going
because I thought he was going to be a bad guy. I did not
think he was going to be a good guy. I did think I was.
This is the scene where I decided he must be a good guy because
why wouldn't he kill her? At this point? Yeah, I was like
waiting for him to be a bad guy the whole movie, and I was
like, oh, touchet film. They got me on this. So Marty
is there ostensibly to check on her because he called her several times that day
and didn't get a hold of her, and he was worried about her because
you remember, like the night before he'd picked her up from the police.
Yeah. So she's like, I'm fine, I'm good, and she kicks
him out of her house. She goes back to the bank, she connects
with Jack. They use the device she connected to the mainframe to hack into
the consult the computer and request an exit strategy for Jack. Unfortunately, we
cut back to the consulate and we see Jeremy, that first Consulate official that
she met in the very first scene that she gave the password to. I
was like, I don't know you. He turns off the computers before Jack
can get the information he needs, and Jack is despondent. He tells Terry
there's no more hope for him. You are in very real danger. I've
already asked too much of you. You didn't sign up for this. I
knew what I was getting into. Basically, she convinces him, no,
give me one more chance. I want to help you. I'm in this
now too, and they agree to talk again the next night. So Terry
goes to Liz's house in the suburbs, right her only real ally that she
can think of. She finds it completely empty and listen, her children are
gone. Yeah, and she's like, what the fuck? She runs outside
and she's confronted by Remember I brought him up earlier, Archer Lincoln. Yeah,
one of the four names on the back of the frying pan, and
he was at Mark Van Meter's funeral. He is played by Roscoe Lee Brown.
I love Roscoe Lee Brown, one of our greatest character actors in history,
an another one that when like, like every time he shows up in
a movie, I'm like, oh good you and Gary Marshall, this movie
is giving with both hands honestly, just for like the like the actors in
the film alone, this is entirely worth watching. It should be like it
should be preserved in the Library of Congress to be like, look what John
Lovetz was doing, and Phil Hartman was doing, and Carol Kane was doing,
and Michael mccean was doing, and Tracy Olman was doing in nineteen eighty
six. By the way, Tracy Ollman. We didn't talk about this.
She like, her part's not even funny. She's she's like the henpecking wife
of the Michael McKean character. And when he enters the room with Whoopi Goldberg
instead of her, she's like, how dare you? That's it. That's
all they give Tracy Omen to do in this movie. So Archer and his
bodyguard are outside of Liz's house in the middle of the night, suspicious.
He tells her a little bit of information. He's like, I'm cia Liz
and her kids have been relocated because their family was in imminent danger, and
I was here to help doing that. And now I'm waiting for you to
tell you You've got to get out. Stop helping Jack. Jack knew what
he was getting into. He should never have brought a civilian into this with
him. You are in great danger, right. He doesn't try, he
doesn't offer to help her, but he's just like, you should disengage because
surely once you do, they'll stop hunting you. Yeah, I'm sure once
you put a sign on your door that's like no longer in spy biz,
they'll leave you alone. We cut to the next day. Terry goes into
a payphone booth, god phone booths. Okay, so the other scene,
but I said before it was the dumbest in the movie. This one is
giving it a run for its money. This son is very funny. I
laughed this entire series. This is done in the best way. Yeah.
Okay, So she's in this phone booth. She calls the Consulate and she's
trying she has to speak with Lady Sarah. Lady Sarah is the woman we
saw in the picture in Jack's apartment and also the woman she tried to meet
at the Consulate that wyn Liz had to rescue her. Right, She's kind
of hoping Sarah still has feelings for Jack and might be willing to help her
because she's gathered that Jack and Sarah used to date years ago. While she's
in the phone booth, the assassin from the Pier, the one who killed
Mark van Meter Commandeer, is a tow truck and manages to trap Terry in
the booth and tow her several streets away until the booth snaps off the line
and Terry ends up in a heap on the street. Okay, before we
even go any further, this lasts for minutes. This lasts for minutes.
Fontella Basse rescue me like that comes on right. It is played purely for
comedy. At one point, she hangs up the phone at the consulate she's
paying. This is somewhat true. New Yorkers will ignore all shades of activity
around them if they have convinced themselves it has nothing to do with them,
like they will really ignore that much. But like this tow truck pulling up,
attaching itself to the top of the of the phone booth, ignoring it.
The phone rings again. She picks it back up and it's apparently the
operator saying like, oh, you owe money, and she says, kiss
my ass, find me in New York for this fucking quarter and hangs up
the phone, which is excellent. Then she realizes she's in trouble. The
thing starts to drag her down the street. She's yelling for help. It
is insane. It's also clearly filmed in the city and not not like on
a studio a lot, Like those are streets I recognize, So this must
have been amazing to like see in real life when they were like Whoopy gold
bring being or a stunt double. Because I'm sure it's not actually her.
By the way, phone booths, for those of you who are too young
to remember, are like the old, old old ones were glass. Yeah,
so this is so dangerous. A police car starts chasing them. The
phone. The tow truck pulls into like an alleyway, and she thinks she's
being saved, but she runs the police car. And who is it.
It's Jim Belushi, now in a neck brace because last time we saw him,
his car is flipping over. Yeah. Right. He injects Terry with
a truth serum and demands to know Jack's code key, and the truth serum
starts to work, and he said the key is the key, which is
actually true. Yeah, but he doesn't understand what she's saying. He throws
her in the car. He gestures to the tail truck driver, I've got
her, I've got her. And then he reaches into the car for some
reason, and she rolls the window up. Yeah, like Paul's making the
appl timy like gesture, but she really does roll it up. It's not
like a yeah, push a button situation. She traps his arm in the
car. She jumps out the other side. She's loopy out from the truth
serum and she releases the emergency brake. So the last we see of Jim
Belushi in this movie, I believe is him being dragged into like the busy
New York City street with his arm trapped in a police car. Yeah,
in a moving police car. Yeap. She goes to the Elizabeth Arden Spa,
which is where she was told Sarah is right, the Red Door spa
very famous place that is now closed. She's delirious from the truth serum.
She can't stop telling anyone she passes on the street exactly what's on her mind.
There is a very funny one where she sees like two punk kids and
she goes, ooh, a tropical fish and it's made excellent. She goes
into the spa. She sees all these women lined up getting manicures, pedicures,
facials, like different kinds of treatments, and she tries to free them.
She's like, this is a beauty is a cult. Real beauty is
on the inside. Stop spending your money on this. So she tries to
disrupt the spa. She starts throwing her money, own money around, and
she's like, here, use my money, don't use yours. You're all
beautiful. You don't need the help. And then she turns, she sees
this one woman and she goes, except for you, you definitely need the
help. I did appreciate that the woman she said that too, was actually
good looking. They didn't they didn't go out and find some very stereotypically like
troll like woman and make her do it. They did it to a woman
who looked very average, and I would say average on the side, were
quite pretty. Actually yeah, yeah, she's she's like, stop this.
So while she's having tirade, she's being shadowed by this beleaguered receptionist who has
some of the best lines in the movie. She at what point the receptionist
like turns to the women in the spot, she goes, does anyone have
a pocket pistol? No? No pocket pistols? I thought this was America.
She thinks, like I think she thinks Terry is some sort of like
anti beauty like feminist terrorists. Yeah, and so she's like, loveliness is
every woman's obligation, it's her reward. She's like trying to convince Terry.
So Terry eventually finds Sarah, who excuses her facialist, and this spacialist is
like don't be too long. We don't want your cheeks to sag down to
your ankles or something. And I'm like, I think, I think she's
fine. It's not that serious. Sarah's thirty five, She's gonna be fine.
Yeah, So Terry slur she needs Sarah's help in getting Jack an exit
contact out of Russia, and Sarah refuses, and Terry calls her a pathetic
trophy wife, and then she highs a kite, goes back to the First
National Bank and snatches the two payoff her boss's head. When in front of
everyone, before just passing out, she says, I'm not gonna say anything.
No, actually, I'm gonna say a few things, and she grabs
the wig off his hat and she says, if you don't leave me alone,
I'm gonna I'm gonna ram this straight up. Your chocolate whiz way,
that's just good writing. Later that night, Sarah comes to Terry's apartment.
She's had a change of heart. She's realized that like this, this is
a man's life at stake. She gives Terry an envelope with the name of
a contact for Jack, and she tells Terry to give this information to Jack
and he should be able to get home within seventy two hours, Like this
person should be able to get him home. Terry turns to Sarah and says
thank you, and she goes, you know what you really are a lady?
Yep. Terry goes back into the office the next day, and I'm
like, she didn't get fired for assaulting her boss. I guess you claim
like I've had an allergic reaction to a bee sting or something. To be
fair that the earlier scene ends with her fully passing out and then having to
like carry her out of the office, So I guess he gave her a
pass for that. So she goes to her office, she gets on her
computer. She gives Jack the information from Sarah. He thanks her and promises
to take her out to dinner anything you want when I'm back in New York.
She goes, can I have veal? And I'm like, okay,
sure, such a specific choice, and he's like, I'll take you to
Orlando's, the best steakhouse in town. Will have a veal dinner. Terry's
thrilled that she's finally got to help Jack to safety and maybe got a date
out of it. She now has developed feelings for Jack. She's got a
bit of a crush on this person that she's built up in her head,
this James Bond guy that she's built up in her head. Look, no
shade, I mean a little shade. I'm not a Price, But like,
how disappointed would you be if you were expecting like Timothy Dalton and Jonathan
Price shows up in a mullet, No, less in a mullet, like
you're expecting young Sean Connery. Yeah, and you get forty year old Jonathan
Price, who's fine looking, but he's not James. There's a reason he
was never in the mix. So on her way home, Terry is accosted
by three chain wielding rapists. Sorry, I'm gonna interrupt you here. She
leaves her office at night, she's walking down the street. She's feeling good
about herself, and these three men come out of like the shadows and again
nineteen eighty six New York rears its ugly head. These are not spy guys.
These are not like like KGB agents after her. These are just guys
on the street who are like actively saying they're gonna gang rape her. Yeah,
And like they don't say it that way because it's a comedy, but
they're like, we're all gonna take turns on you. One of them does
something gross with it. He does a Cunney tongue Dane thing that I do
not care for. Not even when Cunny toungu Dane did it, did I
care for it. So basically, I'm asking, what was New York in
nineteen eighty six. Look, it's still not the safest city in the world,
but it's safe. I feel confident that this wouldn't happen. Yeah,
So she manages to shake them off, but by still underreacting, just literally
be like leave me alone, and like continuing to watch. One of them
has a chain and he's like flat like he's gonna hit her with it.
And I'm like, the amount of flaming skid mark I would leave behind running
away from these three And I'm not talking about my feet. I'm talking about
the shit that I would leave on the street. You're talking about the line,
the line you're unders the flaming shit I would take as I'm fleeing these
three my bloomers are ruined shane wielding rapists. And She's just like, man,
leave me alone, and they do, and I'm like, does that
work? Should? Should? That? Is that really how crime works?
She manages to shake them off, but then she runs right into a man
that she saw lurking at the consulate and the assassin who tried to kill her
twice. She's immediately like, rapists are better than these two. She runs
back to the rapists and even they are like, nope, we're out.
They run away. She's a great line where she's like, let's go have
sex all of us, let's go have sex together. We'll do all of
you at the same time, or one of you, I don't care.
She's basically trying to use them like as a human shield. The assassin hits
her with a tranquilizer dart and the next thing she knows, she wakes up
in a room full of creepy mannekins, all played by Kim Katrel. Oh
yes, yeah, well, I mean this is maybe Kim Cattrall's best work
since Manic except for oh oh, you're talking about Ruby Tuesday. Yes,
except for Ruby Tuesday, which is like, Kim Katral is so revelatory in
Ruby Tuesday. It is a follow up to Blood Diamond, Yes, and
she plays the Leonardo DiCaprio role yes, with a full, perfect South African
accent. That's right. Yes, it's shockingly tender the film too, Like
there's a great love story. Even though she's actively mining blood diamonds, she
also finds time to have like a tender romance with Kelsey Grammar. That's right,
Kelsey Grammar is in this movie. You didn't see that coming. Yeah,
you don't think of Kelsey Grammar as a as a movie actor, but
he is. And he's so believable as Nelson Mandela's cousin by marriage, right,
you know what I mean? And like, so he's his His character's
name, of course, is is Frasier Mandela. You really it happen to
watch it under the radar a few years ago, but you should. You
should rent it if you can watch it. Yeah. So she wakes up
amongst these mannequins and she finds Jeremy and his two goons lurking over her.
She tells them that they're too late, that Jack already has his exit contact
and he's on his way home, so tough luck. This is the reveal
that Jeremy is the bad guy. Like, well, I guess, like
we saw him disconnecting at the Consolate, but like this is the final,
this is the final. This is definitely the bad guy, just because yeah,
but he was like he was bad the whole movie. Oh yeah,
I mean as soon as you're walking like that's the bad guy, that's the
bad guy. You don't cast a British actor in these movies for them to
play the hero fair enough, unlike Mick Jagger and Wild Horses. Yes,
Mick Jagger and Wild Horses was the hero of that film. It was he
played the horse. He played the horse. Yes, it was like a
horse whisperer kind of thing. Mick Jagger is the horse and Keith Richards as
the whisperer and and interestingly also playing a horse. Julie Roberts Julie, Oh
my god, I forgot she's in that. She blends so much into that
role. I almost can't like, Wow, he Winnie, her Winnie is
really life, Like, oh my god, I really I forgot she's she
plays the horse in that. You know who I thought was terrible in that,
and like this is a this is gonna be like Daniel day Lewis as
the other horse. Uh huh, I you know, I don't. I
didn't believe him as a horse it's the first time in my whole life where
I've been like, you know what, Daniel day Lewis, I don't believe
you, don't You're not this is not you for you. He didn't He
didn't live in the barn long enough. First. No, honestly I heard
he half asked. He only lived as a horse for like two and a
half years before he made that movie. And it wasn't enough time. Yeah,
it wasn't enough. Okay. So Jeremy, the villain in this film,
tells her that he intercepted Sarah's message before it even got to Terry,
and he sent Jack into a trap. So tough shit, Terry. You
think you're helping, but actually you just you just got Jack killed. Ye.
He kind of reveals this the same message that Terry that we as an
audience member did see Terry type into the to give to Jack, and she
bluffs him and she's like, that's not the message I gave to Jack.
Sarah gave me more different information, and finally she's gotten Jeremy off kilter.
He's like, wait, what do you mean? They're about to torture Terry
to find out what information she gave Jack. But she bites the man holding
her at gunpoint and grabs a gun. When he drops it, she's still
out numbered. She also kicks the other guy in the crotch. Here,
if you're a henchman in a movie, wear a cup. I'm for come
on, know your vulnerabilities because this is gonna come back in a minute.
But she's still out numbers, so she threatens to kill herself. She has
the gun and she puts it in it. It's they're trying to be comic,
but this is not this. This is one of the things that I
was like, I don't like this. This is like, oh, she's
like talking with the gun in her mouth. Not that just literally she's holding
the gun in her mouth, and that's meant to be like a comic image.
Ah, yeah, it's nineteen eighty six. Now I feel like it's
okay. In nineteen eighty six. Oh sure. I don't think they meant
anything by it. It just it did. It made me cletally. I
don't like that because the joke is that she's trying to talk now and she's
she's a gun in her mouth, so you can't understand what she's saying.
But of course they need her alive because now they think they that she gave
Jack different information, so she managed to escape. She runs to the consulate
reception desk and the receptionist pushes a panic button which summons the police, which
is interesting because wouldn't the police not have any jurisdiction inside like the British Consulate.
Oh interesting, didn't think of that, right, right? Maybe these
aren't real police, which explains why they're terrible, terrible. There's also an
amazing line here where the receptionist gets very excited at the prospect of a terrorist
attack and goes, do you want to take me as a hostage. I've
been trained to be a hostage. Very odd, like, I want everything
about that. What's happening with you? What's your whole thing? Uh?
So the police take Terry away, which is great because she's safe, but
they also want to book her for disturbing the peace and possibly terrorism, which
is bad. So she needs to get back to her desk and warn Jack
that he's about to be killed. So what does she do. She's in
a moving car. She attacks. She pulls the cap down over one of
the officer's eyes, which causes him to swerve and hit a cab and she
escapes the confusion. Okay, that was way too easy, way too easy.
These cops like for so they didn't lock the doors with her in it.
She's in a cop car, but it doesn't have that divider between her
and the cops. One of the cops is in the back seat with her
for some reason, and also pulling a cap over your eye shouldn't make you
be like, forget how to drive and just swerve on Fifth Avenue. The
whole thing is crazy. Terry runs. She goes from again this is an
inside New York baseball thing, but she goes from like Fifth Avenue and sixty
something Street where the consulates are all the way to fifty seventh Street and seventh
Avenue in under a minute before they have time to catch up time. As
you said before and during your point with death, she becomes Jackie Joiner Cursey
one dred percent, yeah, one hundred percent. So she takes the subway.
She goes into her office. She goes straight for her terminal. She
starts to message Jack, but she's interrupted by Jeremy and his goons who knew
for some reason that that's where she would go, and they have followed her
there right they hold everyone at gunpoint. They try to get Terry to log
onto her computer with her code key because she won't give up the code key,
but she's already logged on, and they're like, Okay, we want
you to reassure Jack that everything's okay and tell him to meet his contact.
Okay, I have a point of order here, Yes, sir, She
bluffed them. She could tell Jack exactly what they want her to, and
any spy worth his salt would get the message. As she wrote, I
was wrong before you have to go here, and gives him the exact same
message she first gave him. Oh look at you writing a better movie than
the one we're in, which I thought, because she has this mode of
realization, I was like, oh, yeah, she can actually just do
what they're telling her. Yeah, and he'll get the message. Yeah,
damn it, Paul, you know, why'd you tell me that this movie's
ruined? Now? Zero out of ten? Zero out of ten. But
then again, Paul, if she had done this and the movie had worked
out this way, then we wouldn't get the thing that's about to happen.
That's true, and I need the thing that's about to happen, and it's
important. It's important for American cinema. Yeah, so she refuses to reassure
Jack right that everything's okay. Meanwhile, she did log in, So Jack's
on the computer going Terry, Hello, what's going on, I'm on my
way to meet your contact? What's happening? And you keep hearing Jonathan Price's
voice over with it as if like the computer is speaking. At one point
it is like is their voice to text. So the big assassin, the
main guy whose name might never bother to learn, is shooting up the place.
He's threatening to kill everyone, but then he is shot and killed by
Dun Dun Dun Marty. What What turns out Marty is CIA agent Peter Kin,
one of the men on Jack's frying pan, that very first guy that
she called and left a message with an answering service, and then of course
the next day he shows up at her office, right, so it all
kind of makes some sense. Terry tries to crawl over to her computer and
Jeremy grabs her and to stop her from completing the message to Jack. So
she's on the floor because she's been crawling and he's standing up, so he
grabs her by the shoulders. And he shakes her and he's like, you're
gonna do what I tell you to do. We're all gonna kill everyone here.
And then it's a thing that I like, I always think to myself,
well, why don't you just do this? You know that thing that
movies are always like threatening to do, But I have never seen the movie
that had the kahonnis to pull it off to actually have you ever seen this
in a movie? Ladies and Gentlemen and everyone else? Whoopy Goldberg bites John
Wood in the penis, and like, she doesn't do it quickly and stealthily.
She opens her gaping maw as though she is about to like she is
a great white shark about to attack a baby seal, and she goes jump
right down on his dick and balls. She tears into it like a hamburger.
He screams out in pain. Marty grabs Jeremy and he handcuffs him.
Marty then gets on Terry's computer because I think Terry's far too traumatized by what
just happened to think straight, and he gives Jack a correct exit contact.
He's like, even more information than Terry could possibly have. He's like,
yeah, don't go to the original contact that was a mistake go to this
one and said, this is Peter Kane. I'm now working with Terry.
Mm hmm. Terry's like, well, while you're on there, remind him
about our date. And Marty's like, got you because he's a good friend.
And he's like, hey, and by the way, Jack, when
you're back in New York, you have a friend waiting for you. Yeah,
we cut to Terry. Several nights later, she's waiting for Jacket Orlandos.
She looks at every handsome man who walks in the door, hoping he'd
be Jack. But she's there all night, and eventually Marty shows up and
tells her that Jack is in London and couldn't make their date. She's crushed.
Feels like Marty could have placed a phone call at six pm that night
and be like FYI. She's eating her weight and breadsticks and free like free
breadsticks and water at this restaurant, trying like waiting for this dude to show.
Yeah, but THO good for her. She does leave a forty dollars
tip for the waiter, so yes. Solid days later, Terry is moping
at her desk at First National. Was this ever before the time where people
took mental health days and we're traumatized by events at work. Can you imagine
your office being shot up by by KGB agents, bullets flying everywhere, and
no more than a week later, you are back at work transferring money.
International banking never stops. Paul, that's right. Not only is Terry not
getting fired, she's going to be the new bank manager. And mister Page
leaves in the week. Okay, okay, sure, sure I Despite everything
that she's done in the last two weeks at this job. To be fair,
prior to this moment, she was the most competent person they had at
that office. Easily. She gets a message from Jack apologizing for standing her
up. He tells her that the Queen thanks her for helping to get Jack
home safely. And Terry's annoy and she talks directly at her computer and tells
Jack at the least he could do is meet her in person and say hello
and thank you. Right, She takes off her glass in a huff,
and Jack says, careful, you'll break your glasses, and she realizes,
oh wait, where are you. You can see me, you can see
me, And suddenly there's a hand on her shoulder and she looks up and
I genuinely thought the way they framed this that they were like they got Jonathan
Price for his voice, which is a beautiful voice. And again I want
to be clear, he's not an unattractive man. He plays a Bond villain
now that I think about it, and one of the appears Brosenian ones like,
it's not rusting, Jonathan Price is hidious. It's just like the build
up. The worst possible British actor I could think of to cast, not
since Toby Jones. I've been wondering, you're like that guy, So Tom
Hollander that guy. They frame it so his hand comes onto her shoulder and
then she just looks up and she smiles, and I was like, that's
the last shot of the movie. She finally gets to see his face and
like, that's fine, but no. They then cut to a wide shot
and it's Jonathan Price with a widow's peak in a mullet, five foot five
Jonathan Price wearing a red satin bomber jacket. They hug and he thanks her
and she introduces him to her coworkers, who all applaud and she and Jack
walk out of the first National Bank together. I presume to live happily ever
after, because suddenly, now this is a romance weird. They made it
weird, and that is the end of Jumping Jack Flash. It is a
guess Gas Gas Sa stick around. We will be right back with our random
observations and final rankings after these messages and we're back Erica. Any final random
observations on this One of the greatest movies based on a Rolling Stone song of
all time, one of the top fifty films based on a Rolling Stone song.
Easily in the top fifty, easily, not even close. Yeah,
I'll give a few. So we're gonna put Whoopi Goldberg in the pantheon of
actors who never learned how to type. Yep. There is a scene where
she's laying on her desk. It's like meant to show that she and Jack
have just been chatting for a long time. She's laying on her desk with
her keyboard in her lap, and the camera is above her and like at
that angle you really can see it. She's hitting only two keys and she's
like, oh, Jack, so funny, like just hitting two keys over
and over again, and I'm like, they didn't even try. No,
they didn't care. They did not care. At the end, when Sarah
arrives to give her the exit Keith for Jack, there's a knock on the
door. Obviously Terry's very worked up at this point. Everything has gone wrong,
and she grabs something to defend herself. And what she grabs is a
bostaff size toothbrush. That's right, that she just hasn't has it. You
know what's weird is I didn't think for a second that was weird that that
woman had a six foot toothbrush in her apartment. Yeah, it's a souvenir
from some movie somewhere like that feels like her, but she just just pulls
it out. It never commented upon even Sarah is it? Like huh?
But why so you haven't felt the touch of a man in a while.
Yeah, yeah, okay, now I'm seeing what I got it. I
got it, I see what I see who you are? A couple of
things don't age particularly well. I'm shocked at how few things don't age well
in this movie. It is. It is a forty almost year old movie,
and it is pretty much fine. Yeah, this is so minor.
I almost hesitate to bring it up, but it combined with the second thing.
One is when Marty first gets to the bank undercover, he pulls out
a picture of his family and puts it on his desk, like ostensibly of
his family, who knows because he's a CIA agent, right, And one
of the characters, it's like Phil Hartman or John Lovetz is like, oh,
cute girls about his kids? Yeah, And he goes, yeah,
they are cute. Too bad they're boys. Yeah, not one hundred percent
great, but honestly, like I was willing to skate that one. Yeah,
it was not a big deal. Right later in the film after this
is, after she goes to the party dressed in the blue sequin dress,
she like, she's coming back home, Terry's coming back home, and she's
mumbling to herself and she's muttering because she's angry, and she goes, I
can't believe I fit in at that ball, And then some asshole on the
street thinks I'm a transvestite. Again, not the worst, not the worst,
really fine, And for nineteen eighty six, like, give this movie
a Gladdyward, but just wanted to point those things out there, because the
movie is almost perfect. I'd say otherwise, as far as aging, well,
in terms of aging, well, it's fantastic. Yeah, it's got
these teeny teeny tinier minor bumps, and honestly, I'm I'm gonna still give
it a really high score. Oh as far as aging, well, I
don't know, really those are those are so minor. So like if that
was all that was in John Hughes movies, we could throw the guy ticker
tape parade like other worst things were in the zeitgeist at the time. And
I'm gonna be clear, Like, you see her in that wig. It's
not the word. It's not the craziest leap to go drag queen. It's
not unreasonable question to be like, is that that's a drag queen? I
saw something in this movie I've never seen before every New York movie I've ever
heard of. Jack sends her to his apartment and he's like, this is
where my keys are. The keys are hidden in a fire hydrant that she
unscrews, and they're they're in like the cap of the fire hydrant. Yeah,
takes the keys out, she puts them in her mouth. Oh,
and rescrews the fire hydrant back. We've discussed this. She puts her sneakers
on the kitchen counter. This woman is insane. She also survived to dip
in the East River, so she may just be some kind of mutate.
Her whole brain is not even brain matter anymore. It's just germs. It's
just germs running around fighting. It's like the coliseum in Rome, but with
germs just fighting each other for the death. Are you not entertained? Erica?
How are we gonna rank? Jump in Jack Flash? One to ten.
Pennies Marshall. Pennies Marshall is the new store that Penny Marshall opens.
It's a combination JC Penny and Marshalls. If you walk in, there's no
clothes. It's just her and Carrie Fisher talking about how they used to fuck
dan Aceroid. At the counter, you'll see Marshall maths just for some reason,
still very angry at his mother. I'm Penny Marshall, and I used
to Fhonsie. Quite a journey that she took us on there, It's quite
a journey. I love Penny Marshall. One to ten Russian Russian calisthenics television
shows aah one to ten pigs fluking on a brooch. I'm gonna say brooches
for the rest of my life unless I think about it first. It is
in there. You should just move to Scotland because it's the only time that
will make any sense to anyone. Yeah, pretty much, pretty much one
to ten movies based on Rolling Stone song. You haven't even hit all of
them yet. Oh right, what's your favorite if you had to pick an
absolute favorite favorite film song that was turned into a film. And I'm not
again, I am not vamping for to give you time to think about it.
I'm just I just want you to like first thing that comes to your
Headgie, Oh, Angie, Yes, good choice. It is, of
course, the movie in which Carol Caine and Rosie Perez swapped it birth and
they're both named Angie. Oh yeah, and so so Rosie Rez grows up
in a very high class home in Brooklyn and Carol Kane grows up in a
very high class home in Queens. Oh, and that's the divide, that's
the divide. Yeah, it's it's Mets and Yankees. It's it's it's Italian
food and Greek food. It would be ki but it's all kind of it's
all kind of fucked up. You know. I haven't seen that film in
a lot like, actually, don't think I've ever seen that movie, so
I'm curious how does it end. I can't believe you don't know this.
This is a famous ending of the movie. It ends with them defeating the
alien invasion in Manhattan. Oh my god, that's right. Yeah, And
Carry Grant is in that isn't that too? It's his last movie? Right?
Oh my god, I can't believe I forgot. Yeah, I've never
I've never seen the movie, but I've heard such good things. Oh my
gosh. But you know what we've forgotten to talk about is the main oh,
of satisfaction. Everyone knows satisfaction. You know, we're not going to
get into it. Let's you know what, Paul. At the same time,
let's talk about what the film's satisfaction is about. One two three.
Satisfaction is about manities, yes, yes, a maternity and orgasms, and
of course stars Bridget Wilson Sampress yes. Oh, and Pete Sampras's other girlfriend
from the nineties whose name I totally remember, who was in Father of the
Bride of Kimberly Williams Paisley, who's down right to Brad Paisley. Yes,
Kimberly Williams Paisley and Bridget Wilson Samprass Starr in this film together that is about
like a maternity ward, but instead of giving birth to babies, they give
birth to orgasms. Yes, yes, yes, it's it's like a woman's
empowerment kind of thing. Yes. And then the villain of the film is
played by Oh my gosh, this actor. We both love this actor so
much. Yea like Martin Short. Martin Short, Yes, Martin Short.
It's a father of the bride reunion in this film. Atit because Karen Culkin
is also in the movie as an as an orgasm, Yes, playing an
orgasm, playing a particularly loud one. Yeah, it's very interesting. It's
very good. It's so fun beat Wong, isn't it too? He's a
doctor, he doesn't know what's going on behind the scenes. No, No,
he's just an obstetrician. Yeah, satisfaction. If you haven't seen it,
you guys check it out. Run Don't Walk one, Don't Walk.
Pete Sampers financed this movie. I think we should do this one. Okay,
Uh, do you want to go first? Or shall I go first?
Paul? What do you go first? On this one. Uh okay,
you know, by our usual criteria, this age is quite well.
Yep, female lead, lots of good female parts. They actually have time
to cram a couple like message ish scenes into this very very silly, spy
comedy about how women are treated. And I don't think they really get into
specifically how black women are treated. But it's nineteen eighty six. Let's not
set the bar too high. There's that woman who deigns to give birth and
is never seen from again. She was run over by the Zamboni of capitalism.
I believe we decided that earlier. No, obviously there's a black lead
and the while she is the only main character of color, the movie does
populate its bit parts with people of color as well. And Roscoe Lee Brown
is in it, who is black. It looks a little bit like New
York at least, yes, which is nice. Uh so that's great.
And you know what, the villains are white. They're British, so yeah,
we love that. Well, they're actually Russian, Paul up here,
they're not actually British. Yeah. The British do a better job watching its
consulate is what we really we really learned here. You can just walk in
there with it. You throw a Benny Hill tape in there and then just
walk right in, walk right in the place, Donald Duckett, right right
past, and they won't even notice you. The only representation we don't really
have is like any queer representation of any kind. That's fine, It's really
fine. I didn't miss it. So much is going on you could not
possibly miss it. Yeah, yeah, So I think I'm going to give
this a high score. I don't really have any complain. I mean it,
it's, to be clear, not a particularly good movie. It's shaggy
all. To be extremely clear, it makes almost no sense. The fact
the situation she finds herself in that she continually puts herself in betray the survival
instincts of a of a three month old infant, like there's nothing there.
Am I gonna give this like a nine? Yeah, Like, I just
not for the quality of the movie too. Again, to be very clear,
we're not saying this is a ninety percent good movie. That's like how
we always are where we're like it's a tube, but watch it. Yeah,
who cares how racist it is? It's a great movie. This is
not a great movie. It is fun, Like if you come across it
on like on on cable one day, you'll have fun watching agreed. Yeah,
Like, but it's it's very, very shaggy. It's not particularly good
and it powers drun whoopee. But as far as aging, well, it
commits no sins. Agreed. So I'm gonna give it a nine out of
ten movies based on Rolling Stone songs. Yeah, I mean honestly, I
was. I was thinking almost a ten. Oh wow, I would I
would even go ten because it's it's diverse, lots of like I said,
lots of female roles. At first, I was like, does it pass
the Bechdel test? It squeaks by? It does squeak by on that count.
Like, again, we don't know anything about whoopi Goldberg's like characters like
inner life aside from the fact that she likes like old tiny things, yeah,
and murder stories and murder stories and so like maybe on that front,
but but again, it's so shaggy already. I don't really need like her.
I don't really need like the monologue where you find out she's an orphan,
yeah, and and like move to the city with like a pipe dream,
like like I don't I don't know the movie could handle that kind of
way. Sure. Frankly, I'm gonna meet you where you're at. I'm
gonna give it a nine. Okay, I'm afraid to give it a ten
because I'm like, they're a little more depth would have been nice to have,
and I think the movie needs at least slightly more depth to get all
the way to a ten. But it's it's pretty great. It's pretty funny.
It's so dumb, it's so so dumb, but it's it's like a
cartoon and like, Whoopy Goldberg is a super nova for sure. So yeah,
nine out of ten films based on the songs of the Rolling Stones,
The Rolling Stones Uvra, The Rolling Stones Ubra. We're not going to do
another one because frankly, we ran out of rolling I'm like, is there
when we haven't touched Let's Spend the Night Together? Did we do that one?
Okay, Let's Spend the Night Together is about two? It is about
to All of these movies are about animals. Have you noticed that? Or
like? Or like? Okay, without this, Let's Spend the Night Together
is the Jesus Christ story. Jesus and Mary are played by Miguel and Mariah
Carey. Yeah, yep, yep, yeah, Let's spend the Night Together.
It is a retelling of the Jesus Christ story. It is deeply disturbing.
You thought the passion of the Christ was moist, wait till you see
Let's spend the Night Together. There's more songs than you think you can cram
into that story. Yeah, Frankly, Uh, Erica, do you have
a pallette cleanser you want to offer? Or are you just gonna tell people
to watch watch Jeff Jack. I mean I'd say, like this whole month,
watch movies directed by women. Yeah, full stop, Right, So
whatever floats your boat. If you're if if you like artsy FARTSI movies Sofia
Coppola for example. Yeah, for Kelly Ryan Hart, Yeah, Kelly reyin
Hart, that's advanced artsy FARTSI. But that's good artsy FARTSI that's a good
poll. Other Penny Marshall films. She did League of their Own, which
is a perfect movie. But yeah, I just watch female led films and
this one is good. This one's a fun watch. Yeah. I didn't
come up with a palate cleanser because I'm like, there's you might not like
this film. You want to watch it, but you don't need a pallet
cleanse after this. It's it's like we give it nines, all right,
Erica. That is the end of our show. Everyone listening can follow us
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you a that age Well tote bag. That Aged Well is produced and edited
by Paul Kola. We would like to thank Jenny, Mikey, Valerie,
and Shawneese for reaching out and letting us know what they want to hear.
Seriously, thank you so much for jumping Jack Flash. Yeah. If you
want to have a say in the topics we discuss, join our patreon.
What are you waiting for? Come on joy already. Every patron gets to
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In particular is a real quirker. Head on over to patreon dot com slash
that aged Well podcast to find out more. Speaking of which Erica, some
tears on the Patreon do come with thanks from a podcast character. And today
we're hearing from you know, it's been a few weeks since we've heard from
this, from this, from this Oscar darling. I'm very excited to welcome
back miss Catherine Hepburn. What shall I do? Am? I do I
speak into this microphone? Who are you? Are you Scarsdale? I'm Paul,
miss Hepburn. Hello, Paul, would you do me a favorite?
Paul be a darling. Go downstairs and tell Spencer to get my mojito and
bring it up here. Please, thank you, darling. Oh, I
love a microphone. This reminds me of Jack Lemon's penis surprisingly big at the
top. Well, I'm waiting for the ferry to bring me the mohito.
I would just like to thank Pixie for listening to that Aged Dwell. Peter
Peter with Paul, Paul, hurry up with my mohito? Do it?
I need to get Scarsdale back, but we lost him in Provincetown and we
haven't heard from him in weeks. I'm so sorry it took so long,
Miss Hepburn. Here here's the mohito m That is one delicious beverage. It
reminds me of a trip I took to Cuba once with daision Nez. Oh.
We had a wonderful night. He and Dorothy Dandridge and I. We
got naked on the beach and froliced all night. We also did things that
started the revolution. Let's just say that Dorothy Dandridge really crushed my mint that
night, and Daisionz put his selza water all into my mot itoe. Well,
I see my car is here, and by my car, I mean
Spencer with a wheelbarrow. I've got to go to lou Fake Scarsdale. She
seems to have difficulty telling homosexuals apart, which is very odd because she was
married to one. Well maybe that's the problem. That was the problem.
By the way, Spencer Tracy was not homosexual. Both of them were bisexual.
That's what to be clear that his bisexuals and I am not here for
it. Erica, do you have any final thoughts on Jumping Jack Flash?
What is your favorite movie based on a rolling stone? Aside from gimme shelter.
Oh you know, I'm gonna say, get off my cloud. Okay.
A lot of people haven't seen because it's actually in French. It is
French. It's a French film, and it's about a man who runs a
unicycle repair shop who also floats up to the sky at night and rides a
cloud. Voiceovers, I'm so bad with names these days. Oh wow,
Jeff, Nope, the other one, Oh wow. I'm trying to say
that you can do an impression of the person, mostly Wes Anderson movies.
It's not bad now, I hear it.