This is the two seventeen Recovery podcast with Corey Winfield. Alcohol it does damage
the brain, but I don't know if it, if it went that far
with them already, I don't know. I drink a lot. I like
the things that I'm not like that and hold Marny Winfield. Sometimes there's a
very small window that if something doesn't happen and there isn't action made in that
short period of time, that it might not happen. Maybe not ever again.
It is the fifteenth of September twenty twenty three. My name's Corey Winfield.
My name's Marnie Winfield. This is the two seventeen Recovery Podcasts. Welcome
because my mama's birthday yesterday. Shout out, what's up? Happy birthday.
I'm still waiting for you to seventy your birthday money check how that works?
Oh it was my birthday? Two say oh damn, hey, I didn't
get on anything yet. I didn't give it to her. Okay, that
would be a lie. Let's not start off the pod castle lying. Let's
not do that, all right, Mom, I didn't get you anything.
I did think about you throughout the day many times, and that's better.
Than just calling once and being done with it. Yeah, you know,
she kind of was like, oh better or late than never? Excese.
I think I text her like nine o'clock and she's like, better late than
never. I thought, well, hey, this is the way to do
it, because she was thinking about me all day, like as Corey gonna
text mes, Corey gonna text me, as Corey gonna text me, as
Corey gonna text me. Also, you're building up that. I wasn't intentionally,
but as I thought about it, I was like, that's probably a
good thing because she was thinking about me more than she was my brother Travis,
sister Kylie, and brother Jerry. She was thinking about me. It's
Corey gonna text me, so my text became the special one and then me.
On the other hand, I was thinking about her all day because I'm
like, oh, it's Mom's birthday. I gotta send her text. A
couple hours later, it's Mom's wirthday. I got sent her text up until
nine o'clock at night, So I was actually thinking about her more than my
siblings were, guarantee you, and they were probably just like, oh,
is mom gonna go out for dinner? Can we go with well, I
doubt my brother was doing that. Maybe Kylie, my sister, she might
have been doing that, like, oh, Mom'm gonna take me out to
her birthday dinner. Hopefully Mom would have been like nope, who knows.
Yeah, so I wasn't able to check check in with her and wish your
happy birthday till later a little later on the day too, and she said,
she said she had a nice little birthday. So hopefully we're gonna be
able to come down there make a visit at some point. Never know,
never know. So do you ever have this mccafee thing pop up every ten
minutes? I turned it off. That's a virus that in itself is a
virus because it's like accept a risk and it looks all threatening and then it's
like it'll switch it up and be like I'll be okay with it anyway.
No, I don't ever touch anything. I just accepted the risk. Oh
I shouldn't say that the podcast. But that's that's great that you did reach
out, and yes, we will be down there at some point in the
future. I think, Yeah, Christmas is coming out, well, no,
fall is almost here. Oh my god, it's beautiful. I mean,
that's a whole podcast in itself right there northern Michigan with the colors of
the leaves and tall trees beautiful. Oh my gosh, it's just the smell.
And I mean the bays is obviously it's still beautiful, right and the
sunsets are it's amazing. It's just phenomenal. Bu'st not the drone. It's
breathtaking. Put them on our website. Yeah, you can check that out
soon to seventeen recovery dot com. And it just happens to be that our
our new home is like embedded in like this forest, and so there's trees
everywhere and deer everywhere, and deer are everywhere. It's great. It's like
I feel like I'm in like a Disney movie. You're cracking me up there.
They're like, You're like, I just want to pet them deer.
Yeah, I know. Good luck with that, honey, I know.
It's it was the very It's like my inner child coming out. Yeah,
like can I pat And we're learning things about our animals that we have.
We have three cats, two girls and one boy. Have Nico, Luna
and low Man Hudson. It's our youngest and we Nico has been on ground
floor level with animals before. So she's seen them, and she's not as
intrigued as the other two. They grew up grown up in a high rise
downtown city apartment, you know what I'm saying. No, they just in
the concrete jungle of low income housing traversity. Okay, maybe, Yeah.
So now they're getting ground level and they can like look out and be level
with little chipmunks and deer and all kinds of animals that run around out there.
Yeah, and we're finding out these cats are bilingual. Yep, they
sure are, especially talking chipmunk a minute ago, what's that sound like?
I can't I can't try to do it. It sounds like a little it
sounds like almost like a dog bark, but like yeah, like so I'm
like, I don't know, I can't do it. But it's hilarious because
it just came out like never have I ever heard her ever make those noises,
And then all of a sudden, she's all excited. I'm like,
what what do you see outside? And then she's looking right at it and
she darts kind of around the patio door, you know, and then she's
staring right at this chipmunk and she's making these noises like she's talking to it
and it's adorable. And then then when they talked to birds, it's a
different you know, different language. You know. It's like they're they're bilingual,
and I didn't know that about them. They were born that way.
That's crazy though. How see, I was watching a cat show one time.
I think that didn't sound very cool, did it. I was watching
this cat show one time about the cat is killing people and stuff. Anyway,
they say that they mimic the birds that try to draw the bird out.
But like when Nico used to it when she was younger, I was
like, Nico, there's no way, and how that bird sounds like that?
Like you're not fooling anybody, because that's that's like like a attack helicopter
or something. I don't know. Sober people problems, right, Yeah,
No, it's a good day to be in recovery. I'm so glad and
blessed. Every day is the opportunity and every day that I go through life
sober, there's there's challenges, there's struggles, there's things that I don't want
to deal with, but I have to deal with and you just have to
go through it. Man, when I did the podcast last week or whatever,
I was stressing again, you know, and a funding for the two
seventeen recovery Center and for the two seventeen recovery rides, you know, like
that's kind of up in the air, and I didn't want to be the
person who was just blowing up their emails like hey, you know we applied
for them, what's going on or what's up? You know. Remember we
talked, and I didn't want to be that guy. And a few times
I was like, I gotta send the email. I gotta send the email.
I didn't it because again I didn't want to be that guy. And
then we got the email, Hey we need to talk, and we're like,
okay, this good or bad? But it turned like it turned out,
I think, very very nice for us, and you know, we'll
have the two seventeen recovery center open, know another year, which is great,
yea. And that allows us, you know, they say that you
don't want to rely on grant funding, and we don't, you know,
but it's nice to have, and it's especially when we're new, we're just
starting up. It's it's nice. And of course there's restrictions on that,
so it's like you can't do all the stuff you want to do, you
know, but at the same time, you can do the necessities and not
the bare necessities, but you can do a lot of other things. But
it's it's an opportunity for us to grow and to be in the community and
to raise awareness for people in early recovery and for our cause to help other
people and to grow that way. And you know, maybe there's other you
know, funding sources out there. I know there are, just now we
can maybe focus on being better at that. Yeah, you know. And
again there's things in my recovery that I don't want to do, I don't
know how to do, but that would be it, And that's a challenge,
I guess. Yeah, sometimes you have to challenge yourself. But if
I just sat back and just did a podcast, because that's what I'm familiar
with, that's what I know, we would be in a trailer somewhere and
not there's nothing wrong with trailers, but I'm just saying like we would be
at a way different spot than we are right now. Yeah, you know.
And same thing with you if you're just like, well, I don't
I don't know how to get back into school. Of course you knew.
But like your thing was when you you mentioned the last podcast, when you
become delinquent on your student loans, then it's not as easy just to go
get one that make you pay them for six months. But you could have
been afraid of that and not even checked into from I'll just go through life.
Just should have done that. Yeah, maybe one day I will,
but you didn't. You looked into it and you faced, Okay, well
here's what I gotta do. When you did it, and then you finished
and look at you know. You know, sometimes I said, it's not
what you want to do that day, but it's what you need to do
that day. Absolutely, And for me it's been hard lately because I have
people that are struggling. Man, then I just there's nothing I can do
about it, you know, And that kind of wears on me personally,
even though deep down I know there's nothing I can do for anybody else.
You know, they gotta want it themselves. They have to realize that there
is a problem there. And sometimes I'll be driving. That's why I do
a lot of thinking and I just want to say to people sometimes, you
know, like like what's wrong, Like not even attack them with the whole
you know you have a drinking problem, or you know you're using too many
drugs, or I just want to go are you okay? But I don't
think I would get that. I would get them Yep, I'm fine because
that's what I would have done. Yeah, I'm good, I'm cool.
Man. This is where are us. Our experience and addiction sometimes works against
us because it's like we know that will not not for sure, but we
know the answers that we can get and the fact that that's not really where
the person's at because we gave them to other people ourselves, you know,
like they're not ready to talk about it, you know, and we don't
know the whole story. But seems like in a lot of these situations,
like we know enough that we know things are not going well, but they
continue to say, Nope, things are okay, everything's fine, but they're
not They're not okay. Yeah. Part of that might be because my drug
of choice is alcohol, and part of that might be the alcohol, you
know, telling me, don't worry. You gotta tell them everything's fine so
that you can go drink again, you know, like once they leave,
you'll be drinking. You know, and that kind of mentality kept me stuck
for a long time, you know, because I would go to a therapist
or whatever and tell them everything was fine, everything was cool. Usually it
was at the river Wood and Bent Harbor, and I would just lie to
them, and I was wasting my time, I was wasting their time.
But you can't make somebody open up to you. And again, like if
I went to the people that I know that are struggling and said, what's
wrong? You know, what's what's bothering you? I don't know. I'm
not the guy they should be telling this to, you know, like I'm
not the person that I mean. I'll be there for them, I'll listen,
but don't I don't know what to tell them. And maybe just getting
it off their chests is a start, I guess. But I just would
hope if I did say that and they started saying stuff that they wouldn't expect
me to have the answers to anything. Therapists aren't supposed to have the answers
for it. They're supposed to help you work through your own experiences and your
history and your feelings and your barriers and all that stuff. But I'm not
therapists to get to where to get to where they can address their own issues
themselves and find answers for themselves or resolve or healing or calmness and or acceptance
or whatever it is. And yeah, we're complicated people, but it's sex
when they're like people you care about and people you want to see do good
and this is like what's going on? Like clearly this is not good,
but you can't really focus like that. You can't attack them because the drug
has them. The drug has their brain and if they were able to step
outside their body and look in, they would see ogs. That's not good.
Yeah, but when you're clouded like that and it's telling you that,
you know, my precious from Lord of the Rings, you know, it
telling you. It gets people that way, like that's all they think about.
That's their friend. Yeah, that protective shield until you realize you put
up a protective shield around it. And even then it's hard to even look
at it because A, I don't want to be an alcoholic. That was
my thing, right, I'm not an alcoholic. Those people beat their wives,
lose their jobs. Those are the people that's not me. Almost died
from drinking, but not alcoholic, you know, and that's the stigma.
I think part of that goes with it because if I was growing up and
people were like, oh, you have people who have a substance use disorder,
they can get help. It's easy. Here, call this number,
you know, and then you can change your life and turn it around.
M I would have had a different view of it, you know, but
just being Oh, these bad sick people, it's oh, their their fault,
you know, the same thing with gambling, anybody. We'll go find
the drone later. Yeah. I remember when loved ones would ask me like,
how are you doing? Like how are things going? And they knew
things weren't going. They ask you the question like they alread you know the
answer, how are you doing? And it's like they know you're not good,
right, and you're just like I'm fine. And I think a lot
of it too, is IM like if I tell them I'm not okay,
then I'm gonna have to follow up with like all the things that are not
okay, And then I'm really like really kind of disclosed, like I'm really
I don't know what the word I'm looking for is, but I'm showing everything
like and then I have to go into everything that really is really going on.
And I'm like, kind of like that vulnerability. I did not want
that, because then they can really see like this is a fricking house of
fucking smoking mirrors, man, Like I'm not doing well at all, and
you know, whatever I say that I'm doing good, and it's the opposite,
you know. And I didn't want to go into all that. And
I don't want them to have to worry about me like I was their problem.
Like if I tell them that I'm not doing well, then in some
weird way, I felt like it was making they would feel a responsibility that
they now had to fix me because they knew I was not well. Like
they couldn't walk around this earth knowing that I was not doing well, you
know yea, and they wouldn't leave or they wouldn't shut up about it,
right, And so then I'm like, I'm just going to do them a
favor and just tell them I'm okay so they can keep on with their own
lives because I am not their problem. And if I tell them I'm not
okay because they're my family, They're going to make me their problem. And
and that's a phenomenon that's a real it's a relationship. It's a relationship,
you know, connection thing that pops up a lot with spouses and children and
you know, we'll see. I don't ever ask you if you're okay.
You don't, I don't think so do I you do, but I would
tell you if I'm not okay, I do. I'm like, you're all
right. Yeah, it's earlier. You were coming on the couch and I
was like, you're right. Yeah, I walked in and you didn't have
dinner made. No, I did not, Just kidding. She doesn't have
dinner made it all the time. No, we're not that kind of family.
And actually, well no, you do get irritated when I spend too
much time at work, though, oh yeah, I do irritated. Is
there anybody out there that knows what I'm talking about? You know what I'm
talking about? Yeah, my wife does that to me too. So yeah,
I'm trying to figure it out. I'm not trying. I'm not trying
to hide I don't hide it. But there's stuff I have to do.
And you look at it like you're just dicking around at work, because you
are a lot of times. But see that time is already wasted, Like
I already did that earlier in the day. But when I'm still there at
the end, I'm really trying to finish it. That's why time management,
it's already too late. So why be at that point because earlier in the
day, when you were when you were doing nothing for forty five minutes bing,
I don't. It's not just bssing. Yes it is. I've heard
it with my own ears. It's not it's I was doing stuff. No,
I word it. You understand. I work in the same office as
you. Sometimes sometimes you don't. You didn't the other day. You weren't
there. It's worse, but it's worse then the fire as I was putting
out, Man, you wouldn't believe it. One thing after another, people
coming in, people saying this, people doing that, telling me, Man,
I wish I could work from right here. You can know I wish
I could, but I can't. I know I'm gonna have to learn no,
because he can't. You hire like an office director to like direct the
office that you have. It's not in your house because I like this working
at home thing. M more cameras. There you go, big brother.
It that whole situation yeah, okay, well yeah, just camera everywhere.
I'd be interesting do a trial for like a week or see what the free
trial is, and then' like buy a bunch of them from Amazon. See
I think I have thirty days to return them? Who and then we can
make a game out of it. Who's making the cut thirty days? Thou
Cory? And then I'll have it to where like I'll oh, I think
I can do it because it turns my from here from home. It'll turn
my office on if I tell it too, like the lights and stuff.
So I think I yeah, I could. I could just do messages,
like if I did a message, I wonder if I do that now?
If it does it if I say keyword dinner's ready, It's like, what
would you want to say? And I'm like that dinner's ready, and then
it says dinner's ready out of all of our speakers. Does it do that
at work too? I'd imagine, So that'd be sweet. So I can
mess with them. I'm like, hey, what do you do? Hey
tell the guy in the green shirt there's no smoking outside our door. And
then I'll put it a speaker out there too, like hey, buddy in
the green shirt. Don't smoke cigarettes there, man, you gotta go to
the road, buddy. Yep, see you later. Thanks for listening,
Matt. That's funny kind of but that would be interesting. And then we
could seriously, like, we could stream it online, charge people like six
bucks a day or a month and see how entertaining it is in our office,
and we can make a TV series out of it. It is pretty
entertaining. And Iwai call it thirty day free trial. Then people get confused
because there's no free trial. They gotta pass the six bucks we get taking
a court and be all over the news. Oh you're a rabbit hole.
You're going on a rabbit hole famous, Okay, aren't you the thirty day
free trial guy? That's not really a free trial. It's six bucks?
Yep. I'd be like that. Catch me outside, girl, cash me
outside. How about that? You know who that is? Right? No?
Oh my goodness, any I need to get that as a drop.
Anyway, she was on Doctor Philka. She was like twelve or fourteen or
something, I don't know. She's like, I'll do what I want.
The mom brought her on there, and Doctor Phil's like, well, you
need to just settle down you need to buy a dirt or dirt and then
somebody in the audience started yelling at or something. She was like, yeah,
we'll cash me outside. How about that she's a rapper or something now?
And see this is what burns my ask because then she got one of
those go watch me video sites or whatever and she made like fourteen million dollars.
Wow. I heard him talking about on the ticket and they were saying
that there's like one picture of her of her up there. She doesn't have
any videos, not even showing boobies. H what the m m? And
seeing you get mad at me for asking for millions of dollars in deviations,
I'm like, wait, wait what people gave her money for? What?
Ah? This world? Were you gonna do? Honey? I don't know.
He's gonna do what we can and we didn't make the world, and
we're just trying to live in it peacefully and being focused and worrying about doing
the next right thing. Yeah, if you get too caught up in the
world, that's something I used to especially when I drank. And maybe it's
because I drank. I don't see you ever being this way, but I
always had an opinion and about something about some people. I was thinking,
all those people on medicade. No, I didn't little did I know.
I was like the oblivious. I didn't know what was going on in the
world. I didn't have much to say about anything. I love sad times,
I'll give them my opinion about stuff that no knowledge on or no right
to give. Oh those people, they're just using this system. People like
that Mark suck, you know, and it's scary to know that you are
radio broadcaster in that moment. Those moments too, I wasn't saying stuff like
that on my radio show, but I'm just saying, like when I would
get drunk, and which is all the time every night. We're talking about
that last night because I was like, man, I would drink over a
fifth a day. But when I say that, I mean from like when
I got home at five thirty to like eleven, Like that's some heavy drinking,
like hardcore. Yeah, that will cause your liver to fail. Well
f why but no, But like when I was starting to drinking mode,
you know, and then I would start, you know, thinking that you
know, I'm better than other people because I got a house and I got
a car and blah blah, blah blah blah, barely holding on to any
of it, maxing out credit cards just to buy the liquor. It didn't
matter if I made twenty eight thousand, if I made forty four thousand,
it didn't matter. It was all check to check and going to liquor.
But I wouldn't change it, wouldn't change any bit of it. I had
to go through that, I had to go through the struggle. Yeah,
it's a lot of pain to go through, and that's why I enjoy being
on the side of it now. Absolutely, it's a beautiful thing. It
really is. Well, we figured we would just do a podcast at the
end of the week. We have a pretty good little day, and it
was exciting, and we are gonna have a pretty good little night if Marty
can stay awake. We're gonna go to the Windfield Plex and John Wick four
is supposed to be on Stars Soon, but we've already seen in the regular
theater, but it has come into Star soon. This podcast we're gonna watch
tonight. No, I have not, but it'll be a good movie.
I think, Yeah, that's Trey's movie. Will Ferrell and Jamie Fox doing
voices. I saw a preview for it like nine months ago. It looked
funny. I watched the preview the other day. Maybe it's because I'm older.
It didn't look funny at all. Right, what's up with that?
Yeah? Yeah, But whatever we watch tonight, we can review tomorrow in
a quick little movie review podcast because we haven't done with those in quite a
while. Okay, And we're gonna get back in the swing of things.
If you want me in this office more, we gotta get back in the
swing of things for the podcast too. Okay, sounds a deal. All
right. Well, thanks for listening to seventeen recovery dot com. Go there.
We have a contest going on for Ancient Aliens Live Kunamazoo State Theater November
third. We have free tickets. Yeah, if you'ld like to go sign
up, you can do that to seventeen recovery dot com. You can also
join us at Portchapalooza on the twenty ninth, which is at ATS which is
ten ten South Carfield and Traverse City. I have a box we can sign
up to win a pair of there as well. So sign up, win
tickets and we'll talk to have a great night everybody. Thanks for listening to
the two seventeen Recovery podcast, win a bunch of free ship from two seventeen
Recovery. Go to the app on the website two seventeen recovery dot com.