WEBVTT

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This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're
listening to KFI A M six forty The

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Doctor Wendy Walls Show on demand on
the iHeartRadio app. Doctor Doctor, kim

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Me the News, I Gotta Mags
Loving You. Welcome back to the Doctor

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Wendy Wall Show on KFI AM six
forty Lab everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.

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We talked about being in a relationship. We talked about what the green flags

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are. We talked about how hard
it is to find a mate at the

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beginning. What happens if you found
somebody that you think is absolutely great and

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some other important person in your life
does not approve of them. I'm gonna

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tell you a story. I had
a big white Catholic wedding before my mother.

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I played the bride when I was
twenty I might have been twenty one

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somewhere in there. Early. I
was in college, and I did it

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because I started dating this guy in
college, my college boyfriend, and I

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was in love with him and he
was in love with me, and my

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mother stopped talking to me because she
was very Catholic, and you know,

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you can't be I think I was
living with him or something. He can't

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be shacked up and all that stuff, and I literally thought, Wow,

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I've had a relationship with this woman
for twenty years. I've had a relationship

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with him for like nine months.
Like who do I pick? Who do

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I pick? And I went with
her. In this case, it probably

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wasn't a good idea. What I
didn't know is that my own mother had

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a secret teenage pregnancy back in nineteen
forty eight, and back then the troubles

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that came to women who got pregnant
before marriage were terrible. She took a

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train alone a thousand miles to visit
an older sister, stayed for six months,

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had to give her baby away to
the Catholic Church, and come back

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like nothing happened, not allowed to
experience postpartum depression, and I'm sure she

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suffered for the rest of her life. I know now that she projected that

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experience onto me, and there was
this rush to get me married. But

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in your case today, if there's
somebody saying they don't like your new mate,

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you need to ask yourself what the
reason is. Now, there are

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some positive reasons why somebody might not
like the person you're dating, and that

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might conclude that you've just moved too
fast in your past relationships. Maybe you

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surged forward on an oxytocin dopamine high
and you put on those rose colored glasses

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where this person looked so perfect.
While I promise you, your friends and

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family can see things that you cannot. If you've had a history like this,

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I think it's wise to down and
listen to them. Another positive reason

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why friends or family might not be
liking the person you're dating is because your

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person is not treating you so well. Maybe your partner's disrespecting you. Your

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friends and family can care about you. They can see it. You've got

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loosey goosey boundaries and you just want
to make this work no matter what.

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In this case, it's wise to
listen to them. Now, there are

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a couple of reasons why it's wise
to not listen to them. I should

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not have listened to my mother.
I should have explored more about why are

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you pushing this, what is about, et cetera. I don't think she

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would have said, well, I
had a terrible teenage pregnancy. By the

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way, if you don't know,
if you haven't listened to my show before

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I found I call him my new
brother Mike. But I think I found

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him almost eight or ten years ago
now, and he's wonderful. It's like

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my mother being brought back to life. My mother died of breast cancer when

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I was thirty and and twenty years
later I find this new brother and he's

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so much like her, and he's
so much like my other brothers, and

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he's just part of the family,
as is his wife and his kids and

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their kids, and it's really quite
a merger of family. So it's all

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a wonderful thing. In the end. I wish my mom was alive to

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see that, to know that all
her babies got together at the end of

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days. Uh. Anyway, I
shouldn't listen to my mother back when I

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was forced into the big white wedding. But there are some other reasons why

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you shouldn't listen to friends and family, and one of the big ones is

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that your friends are single and they
don't want to see you happy. Okay,

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this is often the case. If
you're saying if you are if your

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single friend is like your wingman wingwoman
to you, if you leave the mating

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marketplace, where does that leave them? I mean, you're supposed to be

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their loyal companion and maybe even their
social survival is dependent on you not coupling

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up, you know, so ask
yourself about that. Another negative reason why

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friends or family might not want you
coupling up because they are financially, physically,

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or emotionally dependent on you. Perhaps
you have an aging parent who doesn't

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want to take what, doesn't want
your attention to go elsewhere. Maybe you've

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got a sibling who needs free childcare. Maybe you've got an enmeshed family system,

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the kind where nobody can remember whose
problem is who's They're all kinds of

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invisible bonds between family members, and
when you find a solid partner, those

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bonds might be threatened. So ask
yourself, is that going on? But

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I do know the feeling. It
can be so distressing if you're really into

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somebody and people you love are not
listen. I just want to say a

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little little word of caution. This
is a cautionary tale. Years ago,

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I hosted a regular series for investigation
Discovery Network, Yeah, the network that's

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all about love and murder. And
it was called Happily Never After, and

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it was about brides and grooms who
basically murdered each other. Okay, we

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had to look very hard for brides
who did the murdering, but we wanted

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to make a balanced mostly the dudes, okay. And so what we found

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out is that almost one hundred percent
of the time they eloped because the friends

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and family were not supportive of this
relationship. So other people sniffed out that

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this could be a bad person.
So sometimes you want to pay attention,

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okay, you want to have good
conversations about why and try to make these

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good decisions. Now, what should
you do if your friends or family don't

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approve, well, definitely slow down
the relationship. Look at it as a

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little red flag. Okay, the
people around me don't want me to be

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with this person. Let me take
some time to figure out if it's their

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issue, whether they're seeing something that
you're not seeing. Now, the other

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thing you can do is expand the
jury. If you're not sure of the

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motives of those naysayers out there,
just seek different people's opinions. Take your

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new partner out, introduce them to
other people, people who you trust to

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be honest, and after that social
event, you know, call them and

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go, hey, what do you
think of this person? Did you get

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any bad vibes? What was that
about? Right, and be honest okay

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to tell them, be honest,
just expand the jury, get more opinions,

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and finally, use a therapist as
a deal breaker. If you're already

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in therapy, your therapist knows you, knows you well, knows your past

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romantic behavior. He or she may
be better equipped to give you a professional

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opinion of the situation. If you
don't have a therapist, and let's say

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you've been dating this person for enough
months, you might actually suggest, like,

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hey, why don't we go to
therapy together so that I don't want

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to make some of the same mistakes
in the past, so we can have

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a good relationship system together. Let's
start by creating healthy patterns and see what

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happens. Because you could go to
therapy and the therapist might be like,

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YouTube, I don't know that you
should be together. It happens, Hey

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want me come back. I am
answering your social media questions and I'm taking

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your calls. The phone number is
one eight hundred five to zero one kf

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I. That's one eight hundred five
two zero one five three four. You're

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listening to doctor Wendy Walsh on demand
from kf I A M six forty.

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She would I stay I should,
I should stay still trouble say trouble,

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so plump. Let me k F
I A M six forty. You have

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doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This
is the Dr wendywallsh Show. I'm taking

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your calls and your social media questions. The number is one eight hundred five

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two zero one five three four.
That's one eight hundred and five to zero

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one KF. I'd like to welcome
my Instagram audience who are watching live.

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If you'd like to come in the
studio and see what it's all about here,

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you're welcome to go on to my
Instagram. The handle is at doctor

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Wendy Walsh. Okay, Producer Kayla. Who do we have first? Do

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you have John with a question?
John? Hi, John, it's doctor

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Wendy. Hi, doctor Wendy.
Thank you for taking the call. You're

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welcome. What's your question? John? The question is when would it be

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a good idea to approach a woman
and what you say to her when approaching

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her? And then a second part
would be before ending the conversation, how

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to make my intentions known or ask
her for the number or for a date.

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Okay, so the way that would
be receptive? Yeah, I have

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a great answer for this, John. So the most important thing if you're

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meeting somebody, a stranger in public
who you find attractive, and you know

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John's question is, you know,
what do you say when you're approaching somebody

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and how do you get the number? Basically, And it's interesting because there's

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a whole generation of young men who've
only used dating apps and they don't have

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an a game yet about how to
meet people in the real world. So

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the most important thing is you study
whatever they're doing and find commonality. Right,

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if they're in line at Starbucks and
they're playing Candy Crush, you might

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lean over and go, you know, what's your top score? I love

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that game or whatever, or if
they're you know, we we have what

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social indicators on our body, right, which means we wear certain kinds of

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clothing designed by certain people, or
wearing certain kind of logos, certain kinds

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of articles of clothing meant to perform
an activity, you know whatever, Like

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they're just in something that's saying thing, oh do you do plots, I

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like to try plates, whatever,
whatever they're wearing, So you might want

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to comment on something that's a social
indicator. They might have a backpack with

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a logo or like, oh wow, did you go to New Zealand before?

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I see that backpacks from there are
something right, So finding commonality is

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the first way to gain trust with
a stranger. Then see if they're receptive.

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If they're not and they give you
a one word answer and turn their

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back, then it's okay. Right
guys with a good a game, don't

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even let that get them down.
They'll know approach other people at other times.

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Then try to let the conversation extend
a little bit more. Think of

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other things to talk about, whether
it's just the weather, See if they're

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if they're reciprocating, if they're providing
information about their life that you can continue

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to find commonality. Then you can
continue the conversation, and at the end,

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when it's time to separate, just
say, hey, I think you're

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really cool. Do you want to
get together for coffee sometime? You just

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keep it light. It's not like
would you like to go out with me?

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May I please have your phone number? That is heavy and that is

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scary. There's a compliment. Hey, I find you really cool, not

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attractive. Don't say that. I
used to have guys stalk me and say

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I find you really attractive. Would
you like to go out with me?

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I'm like, no, that's just
weird, right, it sounds very sexual

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and physical. Just say, hey, you sound really cool. You want

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to grab a coffee? Sometimes?
Keep it light and fun. That's how

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you meet someone in the real world. Okay, if you'd like to give

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us a call, the numbers one
eight hundred and five, two zero,

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one, five three four Okay,
produce, sir, Kayla, who do

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we have next? We have Lindsay
with the question Lindsay, Hi, Lindsay,

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it's doctor Wendy. Hi. It's
so nice to meet you. Nice

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to meet you too. What's your
question? Love? Okay, my best

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friend did not make me. This
might sound so stupid, but my best

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friend did not make me the godmom
of her child. And she made another

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one of her friends the godmom who
was already the godmo of her other child.

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And I don't know, I just
wait away because that's there's her longer.

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There's a godmother out there doing double
duty like this girl. Your best

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friend gave birth to her second child
and the same woman. And did I

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overhear you say you've been in her
life longer than the new friend? Yeah?

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And I don't want to be weird
about it. I don't know if

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I should. If I'm entitled to
feel any type of way, but I

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don't know. I just I don't. It just bothers me, and I

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don't want to tell her bothers me. I don't know if I should tell

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her It bothers me. Absolutely,
Okay, First of all, lindsay,

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your feelings are valid, All feelings
are welcome, and I'm sure you feel

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completely hurt and rejected by this,
right, and so my opinion is,

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you know, take some time to
process if you need it, but bring

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it up to her in not.
I mean, you see, some people

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get really mad, and anger is
always a mask for hurt, right,

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And so you're feeling hurt, and
the easiest go to place when we feel

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hurt is to get mad, because
for somehow anger feels like it's ejecting negative

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feelings out of our body. So
if you can process to the point where

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you can get past the anger and
get to the hurt and be in a

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vulnerable place when you say, hey, you know when you made that other

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girl godmother of your baby, I
felt really hurt. I know you have

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your reasons, but I can't imagine
any reason that would help me feel better.

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But can we sort this out?
Because I love you and this really

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hurts now. I obviously can't figure
out what her answer is going to be,

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but wouldn't be nice if she could
just apologize, If she could say,

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Wow, I never thought you'd take
it this way, and I'm so

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sorry this happened. Let's find a
way I can make it up to you.

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That's what she could say, right, She could find a way,

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Lindsey, thank you for calling.
I'm so sorry if it hurts. Oh

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my gosh. Can you imagine it's
like your best friend since childhood? And

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she lets another time to go to
social media. We have to wrap up

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ready, okay, Well a short
one. Okay, let's if I can

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find a short one. They write
a lot, all right, Dear doctor

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Wendy. I experienced a breakup in
November, and now she's married already.

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I feel like she was dating both
of us at the same time. Should

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I reach out and confront her?
No, what's done is done. And

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you know what, people overlap relationships
all the time because people aren't good at

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just wrapping up one and moving into
the other. That's just life. No,

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why should you, she's married.
Why mess up with her marriage and

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her wedding and everything? What the
heck are you thinking? Move on?

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You broke up? Okay, I'm
gonna continue to go to social media and

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take your calls when we come back. The numbers one, eight hundred and

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five to two zero, one,
five to three four. You're listening to

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Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
AM six forty. Oh help me,

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please do da damaged. That's the
pain where the once hardenslap then it's avating.

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Can't you pare it down? Friday? In that job? I Mama,

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I'm saying man es today, that's
the day. Welcome back to the

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Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on kf I
AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio

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app. I am going to social
media. If you want to send me

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a DM anytime during the week,
Producer Caleb pulls them off my Instagram,

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my TikTok, my YouTube. The
handle everywhere is at doctor Wendy Walsh.

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Okay, Dear doctor Wendy help Okay. I'm here to help reminder everybody.

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I'm not a therapist. I'm a
psychology professor. But I've written three books

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on relationships, and I'm excited to
weigh in with some wisdom help, says

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this person. I went on two
dates with this guy I was crazy about.

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Well, that sounds exciting, But
after the first date, he became

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immediately flaky, like we would have
a date setup and I wouldn't hear from

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him all day, And he texted
a couple days later, not mentioning about

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the date he forgot about or he'd
canceled thirty minutes before. He also rarely

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texts me, so after a month
of only two dates, I texted saying

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we aren't compatible, but he sent
this text about how he can't believe he's

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coming off this way and he wants
to love me and find a wife in

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me. I'm so confused. I
don't know what to make of this.

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Well, I'm going to tell you
what to make of this. This guy

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is either not ready for a commitment, he's a player, or he's just

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not into you. And when he
then texts you and doesn't even mention the

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date that he didn't that had been
pre arranged, that he didn't show up

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on you silently gave permission for him
to treat you badly. We teach people

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how to treat us. Yeah,
we teach people how to treat us,

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and we do it by accepting bad
behavior from the very beginning. If you

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followed me for years, you probably
know the story. They've got millions of

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views on TikTok about the financial abuse
that I experienced. But it began with

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me being hot and heavy for this
guy and him, like, I was

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on a business trip and it was
in like exotic location, so he joined

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me, but everything was paid for
by the company because it was a business

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trip, but he paid for his
own air fare of course. And then

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as we were checking out of the
hotel, I went to you know,

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he went out to get a cab
whatever, and I went up to the

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front desk to sign the incidentals because
I have to leave a credit card for

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anything you personally use. And I
noticed that there were two shirts signed from

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the little pro shop. There two
shirts. I mean, we're talking about

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eighty bucks or something, maybe each, I don't know, supensive hotel,

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and I said nothing, I just
signed that check. It was a test.

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Let's start with a little thing.
You don't want to know how much

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money he stole from me years later, Okay, so just letting you know

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see what you can tolerate and what
you'll take if you sit around waiting and

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trying to be nice and polite so
he'll call you back. No, I

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can't say the word because I think
I can't sit on the radio. But

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it starts with B and it rhymes
with itches itches get commitments, Just saying,

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all right, moving on, dear
doctor Wendy. In your experience,

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do men break up when things are
going really well and drama free out of

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a fear of commitment? All right? I wouldn't put a gender on this,

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but I would say there is an
attachment style called anxious ambivalent, and

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those are the come closer, come
closer, go away folks. In other

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words, they crave intimacy, they
crave closeness, but when it's actually there,

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they have to push it away.
They have to create some kind of

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drama. Remember, our attachment style
is formed very early in our life.

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It's mostly learned behavior. There's some
genetic peace to it. But if we

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grew up in a family of origin
where there's a lot of conflict, then

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love doesn't feel like love unless there's
conflict. You see, love isn't about

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finding pleasure. Love is about finding
the familiar, the familiar exactly, and

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so I wouldn't put gender on it. But yes, there are some people

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who cause problems when things are going
well because they don't know how to tolerate

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happiness. Think about that one.
They don't know how to tolerate happiness.

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All right, Moving on, dear
doctor Wendy, all the ladies are checking

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in tonight. First, she starts
with a question, am I overreacting?

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I haven't even read what's coming up, but my answer is going to be

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probably, we'll see. The guy
I'm dating told me last weekend when I

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visited his place, I drove an
hour each way. Well why did you

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do that? Anyway? Okay,
that he told me last week that he

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would visit me this weekend, and
then he texted yesterday afternoon saying he was

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going to the Midwest for work.
No apology, not even giving an explanation.

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But that is an explanation. I
have to go work, Okay.

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I kept it cool and texted him
at four pm that I'm sure it'll be

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a fun trip. He didn't check
my messages. I called him at seven

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pm. Oh oh oh, you'll
break in the walls. You don't call

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him text a guy oh yeah,
yeah, but he didn't reply to my

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call. And he replied to my
text message from four pm yesterday today at

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eight okay, so twenty eight hours
asking if I would join him for his

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work trip. What would you do
with this situation? Okay, First of

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all, you guys need to get
on the phone and stop texting because you're

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trying to both trying to read into
each other's stuff. So he texted saying

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he was going to the Midwest for
work. You said you drove an hour

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and away to visit him, ask
him you were supposed to get together.

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You're not telling me what you said
in the text because you said I kept

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it cool. Text him at four
pm? Would you say, like,

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oh, yeah, I'm sure it's
a business ship. Why aren't you inviting

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me? I don't know what you
said, so I need more more detail

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in what we're in these texts.
But I also I think the thing you

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should say if you got that text
saying he's going away on business is just

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instead of have a fun trip,
because that's not how you feel. That's

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not the truth. You're gonna say, Oh, that's really disappointing. I'd

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hope to see you this weekend.
Give me a call so we can discuss.

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Then get on the phone and if
he doesn't call, then you got

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your answer. Then you know all
right. If you want to send me

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00:22:40.759 --> 00:22:44.960
dms on my social media anytime,
you certainly can. The handle everywhere is

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00:22:45.160 --> 00:22:51.440
at doctor Wendy Walsh. At dr
Wendy Walsh. You're listening to doctor Wendy

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00:22:51.519 --> 00:22:56.039
Walsh on demand from KFI Am six
forty. Just a reminder, I'm always

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00:22:56.079 --> 00:23:00.319
here every Sunday from seven to nine
pm live. You can all so find

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00:23:00.359 --> 00:23:03.160
me on my social media at doctor
Wendy Walsh. And also I have a

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00:23:03.200 --> 00:23:07.079
wonderful Patreon group a lot of KFI
listeners. Every Wednesday night at six thirty.

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00:23:07.119 --> 00:23:14.359
You just go to patreon dot com
slash doctor Wendy Walsh. I've noticed,

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00:23:15.000 --> 00:23:19.680
remember I'm a university professor, but
in the last few semesters I've added

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00:23:19.720 --> 00:23:25.519
to my repertoire a simple introduction to
Psychology course. I'm at cal State,

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Channel Islands. And the cool thing
about this particular class is I get students

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from every discipline who might just take
it because it's an elective, and they're

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often I like to call them little
chicks coming out of their shells. They

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were high school seniors a minute ago. They're beginning college students, the freshmen,

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and in the last few semesters,
especially post COVID, I am seeing

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a higher level of anxiety in students
than I've ever seen before. Mostly at

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the college level. It's showing up
as a social anxiety. They're not talking

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to each other. It's not by
the time until they get to like third

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00:24:03.880 --> 00:24:10.680
year, those students I have class
discussions that are animated and fun and exciting,

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but in first year they look like
deer caught in headlights, and I'm

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00:24:15.400 --> 00:24:18.000
trying so hard to be funny.
I guess I'm not funny enough for them,

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because they I get a lot of
blank stares. But it reminded me

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how one of my kids did have
anxiety, and she had it as a

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child, and when she was a
very small child, I had a you

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know how they get scared at night, monsters, the dark, whatever it

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may be. And I came up
with, I don't know where it came

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from in my head, this idea
that I had some magical mommy dust and

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I could sprinkle it around her bed
and I would come in with my imaginary

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bag and I would pull out magical
mommy, dust I would sprinkle it under

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the bed, I would sprinkle it
in the closet anywhere where those monsters show

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up, and this was often enough
to help her go to sleep. I

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also always told all my kids I
never made them sleep in their own beds.

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Of course, we started out with
the family bed. We were nursing,

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and I nursed each of my kids
for three years, and then we

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transitioned to a toddler bed, and
I never said that's it, you're out,

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00:25:14.279 --> 00:25:15.720
you're banished. You've got to sleep
in your own bed for the whole

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night. What I said is you
have to start out in your own bed.

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If you wake up in the night
and you're scared or whatever, you

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can come on back into my bed
and no big deal. Well what happens

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00:25:25.960 --> 00:25:29.440
when you do that, when there's
no pressure to keep them away, is

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they do the kind of sleep walk
for a few nights, and then they're

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like too lazy to do it,
and they just stop coming. And that's

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00:25:36.319 --> 00:25:40.839
how we sleep trained the kids.
So but as I said, one of

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00:25:40.880 --> 00:25:45.039
them struggled with anxiety for a little
longer than the other. And it made

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00:25:45.079 --> 00:25:52.079
me start to think and wonder how
many parents or grandparents are dealing with kids

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00:25:52.279 --> 00:25:55.920
who are showing symptoms of anxiety.
If I'm seeing them in college students,

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00:25:55.960 --> 00:25:59.279
if I experienced with my own kid, we know the mental health crisis that

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00:25:59.359 --> 00:26:04.279
America has been experiencing since COVID,
and obviously it tends to affect the young

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00:26:04.759 --> 00:26:08.000
more than anybody because they're sponges and
they're picking up our feelings. So I

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00:26:08.079 --> 00:26:11.759
did a little bit of research,
and I want to talk about ways that

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you can help your child deal with
anxiety. And the first thing is to

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00:26:17.480 --> 00:26:21.039
identify the trigger, like what comes
first. You know, there was a

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00:26:21.119 --> 00:26:23.200
time I don't know why, but
my daughter went through this weird phase for

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00:26:23.319 --> 00:26:26.559
like just a few months where she
was afraid to go to school. And

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00:26:26.680 --> 00:26:30.440
the more I talked to her about
it, I found out that there was

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00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:33.160
another student there who visually was different
and it was hard for her. She

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00:26:33.279 --> 00:26:38.079
was going through some medical stuff,
and so we made a plan actually for

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00:26:38.200 --> 00:26:41.799
how she could cope with it.
But it helped us to just talk about

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the triggers instead of just saying like, come on, you're fine, go

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to school. You went to school
before. Nothing's different, right. The

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most important thing that I knew to
do because I had a little bit of

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00:26:52.119 --> 00:27:00.839
training was to validate my kids' feelings
and empathize with her instead of dismissing telling

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00:27:00.920 --> 00:27:03.960
her to feel differently. My own
parents might have said things like, cheer

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00:27:03.079 --> 00:27:07.319
up, you're fine, but you
know I would say, oh, tell

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00:27:07.400 --> 00:27:10.759
me more about that, and what
does that feel like? Wow? That

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00:27:10.920 --> 00:27:15.279
sounds really scary, right, So
just validate. It's okay to feel that

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00:27:15.400 --> 00:27:19.799
way, but it's also okay to
challenge faulty reasoning, like a therapist might

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00:27:19.880 --> 00:27:25.839
do. Well, let's talk about
you know how often you've heard that monster

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00:27:25.920 --> 00:27:29.240
show up at the night and have
you actually ever seen one? Do you

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know they exist? Where did you
hear about this? Well, you know

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00:27:32.640 --> 00:27:37.960
it doesn't happen so much anymore forever, you know. I have to tell

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00:27:37.000 --> 00:27:41.279
you a funny story. I used
to be afraid of burglars when I was

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a kid, always in the night, and I was always crawling in my

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parents' bed, and then they kicked
me out, and then I'd crawl in

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00:27:45.000 --> 00:27:48.400
my brother's bed and they'd kick me
out, and then I'd bring my little

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blanket onto the floor of either of
their room and sleep on the hardwood.

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I was that scared and one time, we were visiting my grandparents on their

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farm and I had to go to
bed earlier a kid, and I started

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00:28:00.319 --> 00:28:03.039
to have those feelings again, and
I stood at the top. I sat

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00:28:03.119 --> 00:28:06.759
on the top stair and I yelled
down to my parents, who were still

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00:28:06.759 --> 00:28:08.960
in the kitchen with my grandparents,
and I said, Daddy, Daddy,

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00:28:10.240 --> 00:28:12.480
I'm scared. I'm scared. And
he came up and he tucked me into

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00:28:12.480 --> 00:28:17.400
bed and he said something was so
great. He said, Honey, they

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00:28:17.440 --> 00:28:21.839
don't have burglars on farms. Nobody
told you that, Oh, they don't

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00:28:21.880 --> 00:28:25.720
exist. And honestly, I slept
better than I ever had in my life

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00:28:25.720 --> 00:28:29.960
because he just clarified something for me. Apparently they don't have burglars on farms,

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00:28:30.000 --> 00:28:34.039
and that generalized into sleeping better once
I got home. Right, So,

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00:28:34.160 --> 00:28:41.519
if you can help your kids challenge
their misinformation, then it can help

391
00:28:41.599 --> 00:28:45.599
them get over it also teach them
ways to physically relax. I used to

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00:28:45.680 --> 00:28:48.640
do this hole. My daughter used
to call it, do the breath breathing

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00:28:48.680 --> 00:28:51.599
thing. Mom, do the breathing
thing, and we'd do the deep breaths

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00:28:51.680 --> 00:28:55.160
together. She'd put her head on
my heart so I as I would slow

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00:28:55.279 --> 00:28:59.920
down my heartbeat. She would be
able because you functions like a side by

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00:29:00.160 --> 00:29:04.240
side para nervous system for your kids. So as you calm yourself, they're

397
00:29:04.279 --> 00:29:08.680
able to be a sponge and calm
themselves too. But teach them relaxation exercises,

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00:29:08.799 --> 00:29:12.880
teach them deep breathing right. Also, if there are particular situations that

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00:29:12.880 --> 00:29:18.160
they're afraid of, rehearse them,
role play them. I had a kid

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00:29:18.240 --> 00:29:22.079
who was just couldn't separate from me
at preschool, and so we had a

401
00:29:22.079 --> 00:29:25.279
little meeting with the director of the
preschool and we sat down and we let

402
00:29:25.359 --> 00:29:30.240
her take control. Well, mommy's
gonna have to leave, and mommy's gonna

403
00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:33.279
feel sad about leaving, and you're
gonna feel sad about mommy leaving, and

404
00:29:33.400 --> 00:29:37.039
it's okay for both of you to
feel sad. Now, let's talk about

405
00:29:37.079 --> 00:29:41.000
how you would like to say goodbye. How would you like to walk?

406
00:29:41.039 --> 00:29:42.279
And she said, oh, I
would like to walk like a turtle,

407
00:29:42.680 --> 00:29:45.640
very slow. Okay, you walk
very slow to the door. And then

408
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what how many hugs and kisses?
Three hugs, five kisses, Okay,

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three hugs, five kisses. And
we actually practiced it right there that day,

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00:29:55.599 --> 00:29:59.119
and then every morning we would do
and the teachers took her very seriously

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and wrote it down as it's a
menu, and she handed the paper to

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our instructions to me and her and
we would do this every morning, and

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she eventually learned to stop screaming,
crying for hours, and I learned to

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00:30:11.200 --> 00:30:15.279
stop sitting outside the school in a
fetal position, calling the office, going

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00:30:15.359 --> 00:30:19.200
to she okay, is she okay? What we do for the love of

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00:30:19.279 --> 00:30:23.599
our kids. You know what,
Mom and dad, Grandma, grandpa,

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00:30:25.079 --> 00:30:27.440
You guys are doing great. It's
the hardest job in the world. Remember

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00:30:27.480 --> 00:30:30.160
you're not alone in this, and
if you do need to reach out,

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00:30:30.240 --> 00:30:34.839
there is help out there. Get
a licensed family therapist to help you walk

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00:30:34.960 --> 00:30:38.720
through this. In fact, I'm
going to try to find an expert producer,

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00:30:38.799 --> 00:30:41.599
Kayla. We got to find an
expert who can be on the show

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00:30:41.640 --> 00:30:45.680
who just just specializes in child anxiety, because I want to know more and

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00:30:45.000 --> 00:30:48.559
I think it's a big problem right
now in our culture. All right,

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00:30:48.839 --> 00:30:53.160
And that, my DearS, brings
the Doctor Wendy Vall Show to a close.

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00:30:53.240 --> 00:30:56.640
It is always my pleasure to be
with you every Sunday from seven to

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00:30:56.759 --> 00:31:03.440
nine pm right here on KFI you've
been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You

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00:31:03.480 --> 00:31:06.480
can always hear us live on K
five a M. Six forty from seven

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00:31:06.519 --> 00:31:10.799
to nine p m. On Sunday
and any time on demand on the iHeartRadio app