WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:11.039 This is Pod Popular Podcast for the People, the Great Love Debate. It's 2 00:00:11.039 --> 00:00:17.480 the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's a Great Love Debate. 3 00:00:17.879 --> 00:00:22.120 Hi again everyone, It's Brian Howie. Welcome to the Great Love Debate, 4 00:00:22.160 --> 00:00:26.160 the world's number one Dating in a Relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I 5 00:00:26.199 --> 00:00:31.160 am back here in the very fine studios of Pod Popular Podcast for the People. 6 00:00:31.519 --> 00:00:34.759 I'm at the one in Scottsdale, Arizona. Not to play favorites, 7 00:00:34.759 --> 00:00:39.159 it might be my favorite and it is the full Scott's Dazzle this time of 8 00:00:39.240 --> 00:00:41.759 year here, So I'm happy to be here. I'm happy to be here 9 00:00:41.759 --> 00:00:45.079 for another reason. So recently, you guys know that I did my tenth 10 00:00:45.119 --> 00:00:49.320 anniversary show. I have done this podcast a long long time. I've done 11 00:00:49.320 --> 00:00:53.039 the live show a long long time. And I'm bringing somebody in here who 12 00:00:53.079 --> 00:00:58.280 has not been on this podcast in years, many years. She's been on 13 00:00:58.479 --> 00:01:02.280 my stage many times. So she was back there in the infancy, and 14 00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:07.040 she came in here and she said she had witnessed a iota of growth out 15 00:01:07.040 --> 00:01:11.480 of me. Personal development and growth. She says, I seem fractionally better. 16 00:01:11.200 --> 00:01:15.159 She is the host of the very popular Cupid's Coach podcast. She is 17 00:01:18.000 --> 00:01:19.439 what is that? She turns we to he, he to we, we, 18 00:01:19.920 --> 00:01:23.200 transforming me to we. She transferred me to she will match make you 19 00:01:23.239 --> 00:01:27.680 to death, maybe even literally. The lovely Julie Furman. How are you. 20 00:01:27.920 --> 00:01:30.560 I'm so happy to be here, Brian Howie and one of your biggest 21 00:01:30.560 --> 00:01:34.319 fans. Good. Yeah, there should be some fans left after all this 22 00:01:34.400 --> 00:01:38.560 time. We were talking a little bit that I brought up on a podcast 23 00:01:38.599 --> 00:01:42.799 that dropped before this one about whether dating was harder or easier. Where you 24 00:01:42.959 --> 00:01:51.319 believe that it is harder now? Why dating is harder now because we're more 25 00:01:51.560 --> 00:01:57.040 insulated and isolated in our little bubbles, and we're really good at avoiding each 26 00:01:57.079 --> 00:02:01.280 other and hiding from each other and running when it gets the tiniest little bit 27 00:02:01.359 --> 00:02:06.920 uncomfortable. Yeah, there's enough stimuli without dealing with other people that we can 28 00:02:06.959 --> 00:02:10.680 get that makes us not want to fight through the ick. Yeah, nervousness. 29 00:02:10.800 --> 00:02:14.960 We're so used to solving problems instantly, you know. Oh gosh, 30 00:02:15.000 --> 00:02:19.439 i'm a little tired. Let's just have a jolt of caffeine. Oh gosh, 31 00:02:19.520 --> 00:02:22.719 I'm a little bored. Let's, you know, watch our new thing 32 00:02:22.759 --> 00:02:27.280 on TV or Brian Howie's latest podcast. We want the instant fixes and that 33 00:02:27.879 --> 00:02:31.199 when it comes to love and human beings, the issues that are there, 34 00:02:31.319 --> 00:02:36.800 we don't have instant fixes unless we get really good it just okay, shut 35 00:02:36.879 --> 00:02:40.080 up, be still, open up my heart and listen. Yeah, you 36 00:02:40.080 --> 00:02:46.560 have been in the dating business for not to age you or date you too 37 00:02:46.639 --> 00:02:51.000 much thirty plus years. Thirty are going on thirty four years. And I 38 00:02:51.039 --> 00:02:53.479 will tell you you know me well enough to know this is true. I 39 00:02:53.520 --> 00:03:00.680 have a love hate relationship with the business of dating. Well, I know 40 00:03:00.879 --> 00:03:04.639 when you put the business and what do you hate about the business quote unquote, 41 00:03:04.639 --> 00:03:06.639 and now everything is sort of a bit. You could say that a 42 00:03:06.639 --> 00:03:08.439 restaurant is in the business of dating. If florist is in the business of 43 00:03:08.520 --> 00:03:14.520 dating, that's right, A chocolate maker. Yeah, it's when the interaction 44 00:03:14.800 --> 00:03:19.439 happens, the transaction, when the client and I was the client fourteen hundred 45 00:03:19.479 --> 00:03:24.759 and fifty bucks I spent to meet, hopefully somebody to keep. When there's 46 00:03:24.879 --> 00:03:34.560 that transaction and your expectation is that you're going to find love and you're paying 47 00:03:34.680 --> 00:03:42.520 money for the hope to find love, it is nasty because I can't fulfill 48 00:03:42.599 --> 00:03:46.360 that expectation. If you paid me ten thousand dollars, which is what I 49 00:03:46.479 --> 00:03:53.960 charge minimum fee for personal matchmaking, you expect that I'm going to deliver something. 50 00:03:53.479 --> 00:03:58.400 And on those legal documents, you know, you got to deal with 51 00:03:58.439 --> 00:04:02.000 the legal you know what what can I promise and what I can't and what 52 00:04:02.120 --> 00:04:05.599 I can promise if I choose to take you on. And first we got 53 00:04:05.639 --> 00:04:09.680 to have a consultation. I find out if you're batshit crazy? Yeah, 54 00:04:09.719 --> 00:04:13.319 you want to know why you need me? Well, you know I I 55 00:04:13.719 --> 00:04:16.079 The first thing I do is have a quick conversation with you over the phone 56 00:04:16.120 --> 00:04:18.600 and find out, Okay, is he batshit crazy? Because I'm pretty good 57 00:04:18.639 --> 00:04:23.920 fifty thousand interviews in thirty four years, I can pick it out. Then 58 00:04:24.040 --> 00:04:26.800 we're going to do a three hundred dollars consultation. We're going to look at 59 00:04:26.839 --> 00:04:29.720 real life people together and I'm going to watch your face and I'm going to 60 00:04:29.759 --> 00:04:32.600 see if you're batshit crazy or not. Do you only go for the hotties? 61 00:04:32.639 --> 00:04:36.279 Do you only go for the women who I know are a train wreck? 62 00:04:36.720 --> 00:04:41.199 And if so, am I taking you on as a matchmaking client. 63 00:04:41.240 --> 00:04:44.720 I'm not that stupid. What can you promise them for ten thousand dollars. 64 00:04:44.759 --> 00:04:46.560 You can't promise them they're going to fall in love, right, What do 65 00:04:46.639 --> 00:04:49.319 you promise them? Opportunity? Like I just took on a brand new client 66 00:04:49.399 --> 00:04:53.879 right now. It's not an easy client. She's and I'm one of the 67 00:04:53.879 --> 00:04:57.560 few matchmakers who will take on a female client. But for every twenty who 68 00:04:57.639 --> 00:05:00.839 think they want to hire me, I maybe will bring on one. They 69 00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:02.519 got to beg me and I got to look them in the eye and say, 70 00:05:02.519 --> 00:05:08.199 you know, I can't promise relationship right. I can't even promise second 71 00:05:08.319 --> 00:05:11.600 dates. But I won't take anybody on that I don't feel like I can 72 00:05:11.639 --> 00:05:15.120 do a good job for. And if I don't think I can do six, 73 00:05:15.240 --> 00:05:18.639 eight, ten, twelve, good solid introductions where she's happy to have 74 00:05:18.720 --> 00:05:23.120 met this person, he's happy to have met this person. They're real life 75 00:05:23.120 --> 00:05:25.720 people. If I don't feel like I can do it, I'll say, 76 00:05:25.720 --> 00:05:28.279 you know what, Brian, save your money, Let's work on your flirting 77 00:05:28.279 --> 00:05:31.040 skills. Let's do everything else first, give you the skills that you can 78 00:05:31.240 --> 00:05:34.600 possibly be your own matchmaker. That's my boot camp for like three thousand dollars, 79 00:05:34.639 --> 00:05:38.959 which which you know you do the boot camp and you're earning your way 80 00:05:39.000 --> 00:05:42.000 toward the ten thousand dollars. But most people, I will say, don't 81 00:05:42.040 --> 00:05:45.399 spend the extra because you're not. How do you do that? Because there 82 00:05:45.399 --> 00:05:50.360 has to be some no pun tough love for these people. You have to 83 00:05:50.399 --> 00:05:55.920 break down how they got to this point where they need some help, and 84 00:05:55.959 --> 00:06:00.480 you said you can't tell them their batshit crazy? What words do you use? 85 00:06:00.839 --> 00:06:05.480 Challenging, difficult? If you were in my hot seat right now and 86 00:06:05.519 --> 00:06:09.360 you are paying me two hundred and ninety five dollars for an hour, which 87 00:06:09.399 --> 00:06:11.839 is an hour of year time, two hours of my time, because first 88 00:06:11.879 --> 00:06:14.639 I ran the search that took me half an hour. Afterwards, I'm going 89 00:06:14.680 --> 00:06:17.120 to write you that email that tells you what you should do given what I 90 00:06:17.199 --> 00:06:20.360 discovered. So I would say, because I know you and you're my friend, 91 00:06:20.720 --> 00:06:25.439 I would say, here's the deal, Brian. The women you're going 92 00:06:25.519 --> 00:06:30.360 for are spot on. The kind of woman you're interested in is interested in 93 00:06:30.399 --> 00:06:33.079 you too. That means you're looking for a natural match. You would be 94 00:06:33.279 --> 00:06:39.000 a candidate for personal matchmaking. Let me tell you if I think it should 95 00:06:39.040 --> 00:06:42.079 be with me or if I think it should be with one of my colleagues 96 00:06:42.120 --> 00:06:45.800 who's actually really hard working and has a really good, solid network. That 97 00:06:45.879 --> 00:06:48.439 might be the way I would advise you, or it might be Brian, 98 00:06:48.839 --> 00:06:51.839 get your head out of your ass. The women you're going for are not 99 00:06:51.959 --> 00:06:56.879 going for you. They're looking for your much younger brother who has the ferraris. 100 00:06:57.000 --> 00:06:59.199 And your cars are not for rid And do you really want to pay 101 00:06:59.199 --> 00:07:01.600 this woman five dollars a month just to hang out with you? If you 102 00:07:01.600 --> 00:07:04.279 want a woman who looks like that, right, you're going to be paying. 103 00:07:04.319 --> 00:07:06.959 One of the girls said to me, Julie, you should know that 104 00:07:08.560 --> 00:07:14.560 I really like horses, and you know horses are expensive, and I'm really 105 00:07:14.639 --> 00:07:16.519 you know, I need my boatox I need some And I said, what's 106 00:07:16.519 --> 00:07:19.879 it going to take? And this is my right. What's it going to 107 00:07:19.959 --> 00:07:24.399 take for a guy to have you be in his life? It's really looking 108 00:07:24.519 --> 00:07:27.279 like fifteen thousand a month. I mean, I just I have a lot 109 00:07:27.279 --> 00:07:30.120 of expenses and if he wants me to be free to jump on a plane 110 00:07:30.160 --> 00:07:33.439 and go to the south of France with him, my horses need to be 111 00:07:33.519 --> 00:07:36.560 fed and I'm not going to be training the way I normally do, so 112 00:07:36.600 --> 00:07:42.879 he's going to have to compensate me, and you can't say no. I 113 00:07:42.879 --> 00:07:45.040 mean because a lot of the women, so you're trying to match them up 114 00:07:45.040 --> 00:07:46.759 with women and who you think a lot of those are professional women. A 115 00:07:46.800 --> 00:07:50.759 lot of those women have can't just and a lot of men they want a 116 00:07:50.800 --> 00:07:55.000 wife and they want a travel companion. The older you get, the more 117 00:07:55.319 --> 00:08:00.480 somebody's life and somebody's freedom don't necessarily match up. And so they're basically saying 118 00:08:00.519 --> 00:08:05.000 to you, I want to find love, yes, I want a companionship, 119 00:08:05.079 --> 00:08:07.360 yes, but I also want somebody who matches my lifestyle, but I 120 00:08:07.360 --> 00:08:13.120 don't necessarily want to pay for her her lifestyle without me. Well that's it. 121 00:08:15.120 --> 00:08:20.399 There are three things that I've determined that breed narcissistic tendencies. I'm not 122 00:08:20.439 --> 00:08:24.079 a psychiatrist. I'm not going to call somebody a narcissist, but I do 123 00:08:24.120 --> 00:08:31.240 see some narcissistic tendencies. And they tend to be hovering around extreme beauty, 124 00:08:33.120 --> 00:08:39.559 extreme wealth power, like we see it among politicians. So for some reason, 125 00:08:39.799 --> 00:08:43.360 they think their shit doesn't stink because they have this money or they have 126 00:08:43.440 --> 00:08:48.399 the looks, and it's they're not they're they're so rarely good catches. You 127 00:08:48.440 --> 00:08:52.559 know, so rarely good at relationship, and if they ever are, they 128 00:08:52.600 --> 00:08:56.600 are the unicorn, and I see unicorns. The woman we almost had, 129 00:08:56.679 --> 00:09:00.000 I almost I tried to get you to have dinner with us last night because 130 00:09:00.679 --> 00:09:05.960 she is a unicorn, lives right here in Scottsdale. Scottsdale's tough, Scottsdale. 131 00:09:07.000 --> 00:09:09.039 I don't know how old this woman is that you had dinner with, 132 00:09:09.080 --> 00:09:11.720 But she's younger than you, darling. Okay, but I mean, but 133 00:09:11.799 --> 00:09:15.000 is she younger than the guys want? That's a problem if she's in her 134 00:09:15.080 --> 00:09:18.480 forties here or fifties. A lot of guys here in their forties, fifties, 135 00:09:18.519 --> 00:09:26.440 sixties. They believe they should and can go younger because it is that 136 00:09:26.159 --> 00:09:30.000 certain parts of the country are different. You know, you can be sixty 137 00:09:30.080 --> 00:09:31.120 five and go out with a thirty five year old twenty five year old in 138 00:09:31.120 --> 00:09:35.840 Scottsdale. It's not going to raise well eyebrows go out with. But if 139 00:09:35.840 --> 00:09:39.639 you're really looking for a keeper, if you're looking for companionship, if you 140 00:09:39.679 --> 00:09:46.159 look at somebody to enjoy life together, a woman who is that much younger 141 00:09:46.679 --> 00:09:50.639 is going to be consistently unsatisfying. Oh yeah, and you're going to be 142 00:09:50.679 --> 00:09:54.200 unsatisfying to her. If you're suddenly too old for her, She's going to 143 00:09:54.240 --> 00:09:56.600 wake up one day and you're just an old man. Like the gap can't 144 00:09:56.639 --> 00:09:58.840 be that big. And I tell these people all the time, you brought 145 00:09:58.840 --> 00:10:05.159 a the women, why don't you take on? Why is it different if 146 00:10:05.200 --> 00:10:05.879 a woman comes to you and say, I want you to match me with 147 00:10:05.919 --> 00:10:09.879 the great guys, why is it done? Yeah? I love my new 148 00:10:09.919 --> 00:10:13.759 female client. She is amazing. She and I will be friends forever. 149 00:10:13.279 --> 00:10:18.480 And I had to really trust her in order to take her on. Because 150 00:10:18.080 --> 00:10:24.000 there's a reason why I'm not comfortable taking more than ten thousand dollars from a 151 00:10:24.039 --> 00:10:26.480 matchmaking client. I am the only one as reasonable as that. But I 152 00:10:26.559 --> 00:10:30.559 like short term programs. Either we hit the nail on the head, we 153 00:10:30.600 --> 00:10:33.000 have a great relationship, or you know, it was three four months we 154 00:10:33.240 --> 00:10:37.720 tried. We met a bunch of great people. But I don't kick him 155 00:10:37.720 --> 00:10:41.759 out unless they misbehave. If I've got a great referral six months down the 156 00:10:41.840 --> 00:10:45.799 road, six years down the road, I am tracking her down and I'm 157 00:10:45.799 --> 00:10:48.519 going to go ahead and give her an extra introduction. I actually care. 158 00:10:48.840 --> 00:10:52.799 But here's the reason why we're so much harder. I've got an introduction I 159 00:10:52.840 --> 00:10:56.919 really want to make for her, and I called the guy made cheries available. 160 00:10:58.080 --> 00:11:01.159 Timing is right. I get his photos up, I get his profile 161 00:11:01.240 --> 00:11:03.879 updated, a lot of you know, We're get on the phone another thirty 162 00:11:03.919 --> 00:11:07.120 minute call together, and he's like, did you reach out to me because 163 00:11:07.120 --> 00:11:09.320 you've got a particular person you want me to meet? And I'm like, 164 00:11:09.399 --> 00:11:13.080 yeah, I did. Do I get to see your profile? Yeah, 165 00:11:13.159 --> 00:11:15.799 you do. I'm going to send it over now. And I send it 166 00:11:15.840 --> 00:11:18.279 over and I'm on the edge of my chair because what am I hoping for? 167 00:11:22.120 --> 00:11:24.679 You're hoping that what that He's going to give me a yes? Well, 168 00:11:24.840 --> 00:11:28.720 isn't the guy if she's attractive, isn't he probably going to give you 169 00:11:28.759 --> 00:11:33.039 a yes? No? I mean if she's good looking. But one guy 170 00:11:33.120 --> 00:11:37.840 is good looking like my husband. He likes little blonde spinners. Okay, 171 00:11:39.039 --> 00:11:43.480 little little blonde, cute, little peppy Golden Retriever is and a golden Retriever 172 00:11:43.600 --> 00:11:46.559 is my spirit animals, so right, he loves my type. Now, 173 00:11:46.679 --> 00:11:54.519 a beautiful, long, skinny Asian woman walks in glamorous that's not his type. 174 00:11:56.200 --> 00:12:01.480 If Kardashian curves walks in the door. Not his type. He's not 175 00:12:01.600 --> 00:12:03.559 going for her. Well, as I always say, and you've heard me 176 00:12:03.600 --> 00:12:07.639 say this before, if you're over thirty and you're still single, you have 177 00:12:07.720 --> 00:12:09.759 no type. That's right. Your type's not wearing out for you. So 178 00:12:09.960 --> 00:12:15.639 it's what they think they like. Have you tried the Asian dish? You 179 00:12:15.679 --> 00:12:18.480 know? Have you tried this? They don't know what it. So back 180 00:12:18.480 --> 00:12:20.200 to the question of the women. Why is it harder for you to take 181 00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:22.399 on a woman than a man. If the woman has the means to pay 182 00:12:22.399 --> 00:12:24.759 you, Oh my god, if she has the means to pay me, 183 00:12:26.039 --> 00:12:31.240 she's really scary because if she has the means to pay me, then she's 184 00:12:31.320 --> 00:12:33.440 used to getting what she wants, when she wants, how she wants it. 185 00:12:33.799 --> 00:12:39.320 And here's some honest to god statistics I'm working on. I now have 186 00:12:39.399 --> 00:12:43.440 thirty seven thousand registrations in my personal matchmaking community over his last twenty years. 187 00:12:43.720 --> 00:12:48.360 For everyone, yes I get from a Brian Howie, I will get six 188 00:12:48.440 --> 00:12:52.799 to seven of these responses, Oh Jeel, thanks for thinking of me. 189 00:12:52.960 --> 00:12:56.279 She looks great, just not my cup of tea. Who else you got? 190 00:12:58.200 --> 00:13:01.559 Okay? But that's the job, that's they're pantext. It costs. 191 00:13:01.600 --> 00:13:03.960 It takes me at least three times as much time to serve a woman as 192 00:13:03.960 --> 00:13:07.320 it does because they're almost there, they're more likely to reject. Well, 193 00:13:07.320 --> 00:13:11.919 here's the deal, as my sister says, as a woman, we only 194 00:13:11.919 --> 00:13:15.080 have a shot with a guy who thinks for hot. And it's true, 195 00:13:15.279 --> 00:13:20.240 right, it's true. So taking the not hot is hard. Well, 196 00:13:20.480 --> 00:13:24.840 what's not hot to you could be perfectly acceptable to another guy. You guys 197 00:13:24.840 --> 00:13:28.240 are on a spectrum. If I determine that you're like a guy. There's 198 00:13:28.240 --> 00:13:31.440 a guy named Corey, worst client I ever took on in my entire life, 199 00:13:31.840 --> 00:13:37.000 and I'm I am so I can sniff it out anytime I'm working with 200 00:13:37.039 --> 00:13:43.639 a guy who has gotten to the point where his visual requirements have basically made 201 00:13:43.720 --> 00:13:46.720 her a thing. Like if a guy uses the what word, Oh, 202 00:13:46.720 --> 00:13:50.559 I'm not attracted to that. You need to show me what I'm looking for? 203 00:13:54.559 --> 00:13:58.039 What Oh? I mean the hair on the back of my neck right 204 00:13:58.039 --> 00:14:03.960 now, because that that kind of guy is A woman is not a thing. 205 00:14:03.799 --> 00:14:07.440 She's not a human, She's a thing. And I can hear it, 206 00:14:07.480 --> 00:14:11.720 I can smell it. Well, this both gives men credit and this 207 00:14:11.919 --> 00:14:16.960 but is also a bad thing about men. A very wealthy, powerful, 208 00:14:16.120 --> 00:14:22.519 successful woman will take oh, let's just say, Oprah, A man isn't 209 00:14:22.559 --> 00:14:24.600 necessarily going to go for her just because of that. She still has to 210 00:14:24.639 --> 00:14:28.840 be attractive. So that's both Oh, he still has to be attracted her 211 00:14:28.840 --> 00:14:31.399 and like her. The women the other way around. The money and the 212 00:14:31.480 --> 00:14:35.679 job and the power can make him attractive. That is a challenge because that, 213 00:14:35.799 --> 00:14:39.279 for a lot of women is so frustrating that they're like, if she's 214 00:14:39.320 --> 00:14:43.399 beautiful and she's got money, forget it, just forget it. Who she 215 00:14:43.519 --> 00:14:48.600 should be dating is a really talented chef. She wants to creative, she 216 00:14:48.639 --> 00:14:54.679 wants a musician. Well, the musicians. You know, my very first 217 00:14:54.840 --> 00:15:01.960 wedding when I started my own matchmaking company is in musician and this beautiful, 218 00:15:01.960 --> 00:15:07.320 wonderful woman and they had a baby and the baby's driving now in college and 219 00:15:07.360 --> 00:15:11.759 it's just so beautiful. But I haven't had other than this one guy, 220 00:15:11.120 --> 00:15:15.759 Chuck is his name. I haven't had a lot of success with musicians, 221 00:15:16.039 --> 00:15:18.679 and I haven't had with gentlemen musicians, and I haven't had a lot of 222 00:15:18.720 --> 00:15:24.120 success with gentlemen. Actors. Actors a little different. Actors you're trying to 223 00:15:24.159 --> 00:15:28.600 be somebody else for a living. So here's the real problem, the reason 224 00:15:28.679 --> 00:15:31.840 why we've got all this, like the wealthier the community, someplace like Scottsdale, 225 00:15:31.919 --> 00:15:37.159 someplace like Boca, someplace like Beverly Hills. A big part of the 226 00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:43.440 reason why these wealthy men think they need a beautiful woman, the same reason 227 00:15:43.480 --> 00:15:46.960 a woman wants a wealthy guy. So they can say, oh, well, 228 00:15:46.000 --> 00:15:50.480 my boyfriend has his place and Aspen my girlfriend, yeah has you know 229 00:15:50.600 --> 00:15:58.480 she's twenty years younger and she loves me for who I am. Yeah right, 230 00:15:58.240 --> 00:16:00.879 yeah, no, great, all right, I want to do the 231 00:16:00.960 --> 00:16:03.320 relationship side of this. I gotta take a quick break because we got to 232 00:16:03.440 --> 00:16:07.360 pay for ten thousand dollars matchmakers around here. I'm here with Julie Furman, 233 00:16:07.440 --> 00:16:11.600 she's the host of Cupid's Coach, and we will be back right after this. 234 00:16:15.039 --> 00:16:18.679 And we are back. So somebody comes to you and you know, 235 00:16:18.679 --> 00:16:22.440 they're in their forties, fifties, whatever. They've had failed relationships obviously, 236 00:16:22.840 --> 00:16:27.000 just like everybody has. How do you determine You might be able to determine 237 00:16:27.039 --> 00:16:30.399 how they are on a date. You might be able to determine, you 238 00:16:30.399 --> 00:16:32.799 know, what they look like what they do. How do you go backwards 239 00:16:32.799 --> 00:16:36.919 and say, how are you as a husband, boyfriend? How are you 240 00:16:37.000 --> 00:16:40.000 in a relationship? How do you determine that? I love this. It's 241 00:16:40.039 --> 00:16:42.320 the reason why I do my boot camp because we dig into it in the 242 00:16:42.360 --> 00:16:48.120 second week of boot camp. It's the excavation. It's the deep dive into 243 00:16:48.159 --> 00:16:51.919 the history. So there are a bunch of workshops. And if you're in 244 00:16:51.960 --> 00:16:56.440 my boot camp, by the way, I will give you a free participant. 245 00:16:56.960 --> 00:16:59.519 You sit into my boot camp anytime you want. It's virtual. I 246 00:16:59.519 --> 00:17:03.240 would love to have you in class. What we do is it's nine modules 247 00:17:03.279 --> 00:17:07.279 that are video modules. My son Kevin recorded it or edit. It's great. 248 00:17:07.759 --> 00:17:11.319 And then there's office hours on Thursday evenings for an hour and Friday mornings 249 00:17:11.319 --> 00:17:15.880 men and women together, all ages. And so the second week is what 250 00:17:15.920 --> 00:17:18.720 we're in the middle of right now. It's the fourth boot camp and it's 251 00:17:18.759 --> 00:17:21.839 the deep dive. So I get this chance to say to you, Okay, 252 00:17:21.880 --> 00:17:26.480 Brian, what's on your sheet about finances? What have you been happy 253 00:17:26.519 --> 00:17:30.039 to pay for in a relationship? What have you been unhappy to pay for? 254 00:17:30.240 --> 00:17:36.599 But does that yeah? And I think that matters and money matters whatever, 255 00:17:36.680 --> 00:17:40.960 But do you say because a lot of people don't know the answer because 256 00:17:40.960 --> 00:17:42.440 they've thought about it. They're like, why'd you get divorced? Well, 257 00:17:42.440 --> 00:17:45.559 my wife was a bitch. They're always going to pass the blame. Why 258 00:17:45.559 --> 00:17:47.920 didn't this work? I just not having the right person yet, Like you 259 00:17:48.000 --> 00:17:52.000 have to go in and say what are you like three months in nine months 260 00:17:52.079 --> 00:17:53.839 in what were you like when you become a dad? Where you're like and 261 00:17:53.880 --> 00:17:56.799 a lot of people don't know this, and you're not trying to play therapist 262 00:17:56.839 --> 00:18:00.799 here, but you're trying to get them to admit stuff that they don't want 263 00:18:00.799 --> 00:18:03.759 to admit to you, because then you won't match them up. Here's why 264 00:18:03.880 --> 00:18:07.920 I'm still right. Yes, here's why I'm so excited to be doing this 265 00:18:07.960 --> 00:18:12.240 work after so many years. I will only work with somebody who's growth oriented. 266 00:18:12.519 --> 00:18:17.519 If they don't pass my test in that first hour long zoom consultation and 267 00:18:17.640 --> 00:18:21.440 show me that they're interested in learning, I don't want to work with them. 268 00:18:21.480 --> 00:18:23.640 I got a line of people looking to get into my boot camp, 269 00:18:23.720 --> 00:18:26.799 looking to book me for an hour. I'm not They have to beg me 270 00:18:26.880 --> 00:18:30.640 to take them on for matchmaking. So if they say like, I don't 271 00:18:30.680 --> 00:18:33.319 know, I've just been an asshole. You're okay with that, sure, 272 00:18:33.400 --> 00:18:36.799 as long as they know. Oh absolutely. And the other thing is, 273 00:18:36.960 --> 00:18:41.519 you know, I want to know all the bad stuff that happened in your 274 00:18:41.559 --> 00:18:44.480 relationships and you're gonna write it down, and I want to know what was 275 00:18:44.559 --> 00:18:48.000 that person's part in it? And Brian, come on, let's be honest, 276 00:18:48.039 --> 00:18:49.480 what was your part in it? Yeah? No, I've done I 277 00:18:49.480 --> 00:18:52.200 can go backwards and do it all now. I'm very evolved. Man, 278 00:18:52.440 --> 00:18:55.559 I don't know, but right, but I don't know if a lot of 279 00:18:55.599 --> 00:18:57.799 people because I do this and I have these conversations a guy who's like, 280 00:18:59.039 --> 00:19:02.640 I've been buried in my career. I have two ex wives. I haven't 281 00:19:02.680 --> 00:19:07.559 had it. Here's my money, find somebody there to get them to do 282 00:19:07.599 --> 00:19:10.319 that, which I get that you have to do that because you can't screw 283 00:19:10.319 --> 00:19:11.440 over some girl that you match them up with and he turns up to be 284 00:19:11.480 --> 00:19:15.319 a psycho. You know, I'm ran or whatever. I am a really 285 00:19:15.359 --> 00:19:19.480 good police cup in my community, and if anybody messes up, that's it. 286 00:19:19.759 --> 00:19:23.200 I just put somebody on inactive status because I wanted to give her a 287 00:19:23.240 --> 00:19:26.880 free introduction. Half of the introductions I do in my world are called Mitzvah 288 00:19:26.960 --> 00:19:32.279 matches, and they're absolutely for free. And the people I look to provide 289 00:19:32.279 --> 00:19:34.920 free introductions to are the people who do those consultations and the people who are 290 00:19:34.960 --> 00:19:37.960 in my boot camp, people who've been my match making clients, and their 291 00:19:38.000 --> 00:19:44.000 programs are completely and totally over and they did not misbehave. Anybody who miss 292 00:19:44.039 --> 00:19:48.359 behaved. If I miss behave, that's it. Well, this girl accepted 293 00:19:48.400 --> 00:19:51.640 a Mitzvah match. I go to the guy. He's done that consultation with 294 00:19:51.680 --> 00:19:53.160 me. He's not the guy who's going to pay ten thousand dollars, and 295 00:19:53.160 --> 00:19:57.759 I wouldn't want him to. He's not in that place financially and he's not 296 00:19:59.039 --> 00:20:02.839 that hungry want to spend that kind of money, but he would love a 297 00:20:02.880 --> 00:20:07.039 relationship. So I go to him, Hey, what do you think about 298 00:20:07.559 --> 00:20:11.319 I'm going to call her Carol. What do you think about Carol? Carol 299 00:20:11.359 --> 00:20:14.839 looks great. I would love to meet her. Actually, I gave him 300 00:20:14.880 --> 00:20:18.319 like five or six people to really study up on detailed profiles. He's like, 301 00:20:18.359 --> 00:20:21.279 Okay, Carol's the one I'm really excited to meet. Now. I 302 00:20:21.359 --> 00:20:25.400 know Carol's a little bit out of his league, okay, because he didn't 303 00:20:25.400 --> 00:20:27.720 go for Janet, who I think would be spot on. But Carol's a 304 00:20:27.720 --> 00:20:30.079 little bit hotter, right, so he goes for her. I go to 305 00:20:30.119 --> 00:20:33.799 Carol. I say, Carol has timing for an introduction. She says, 306 00:20:33.839 --> 00:20:36.240 timing's great, Julie, who you thinking about? And I said, well, 307 00:20:36.240 --> 00:20:37.279 first, let's make sure your profile's up to date. Do you have 308 00:20:37.279 --> 00:20:41.880 any updated photos. It's been maybe a year since we've seen each other. 309 00:20:41.880 --> 00:20:44.720 She could have chopped her hair off, whatever. And she gets it to 310 00:20:44.720 --> 00:20:48.240 me and I say, okay, so Peter wants to meet you. Peter 311 00:20:48.359 --> 00:20:49.640 looks great, love to meet him. Okay, good, it's a mitzvah 312 00:20:49.640 --> 00:20:52.720 match. I send them both the cell phone numbers, and in that Mitzvah 313 00:20:52.759 --> 00:20:56.960 email, it says, don't screw it up, don't screw it up. 314 00:20:57.000 --> 00:21:00.000 I don't care who calls who. I don't care who because I don't set 315 00:21:00.079 --> 00:21:03.279 up all the details for the mitzva matches. If you paid me ten grand, 316 00:21:03.319 --> 00:21:07.880 I am nailing down the restaurant. And I don't share last names, 317 00:21:07.880 --> 00:21:11.799 and I don't share I don't want you googling each other. I don't share 318 00:21:11.359 --> 00:21:15.599 age. All that stuff. I set it all up. But miss don't 319 00:21:15.599 --> 00:21:21.880 share age. I do not share age, and they don't. Do you 320 00:21:22.039 --> 00:21:23.920 use your judgment on how old is too old or how young is do young? 321 00:21:23.960 --> 00:21:26.519 I already know because you filled out your profile and you've told me, 322 00:21:26.599 --> 00:21:32.519 Okay, Julie, I'm fifty five, I'm open to meeting women from nineteen 323 00:21:32.559 --> 00:21:34.920 to twenty six. Okay, will you shut that down? Oh? Will 324 00:21:34.920 --> 00:21:37.559 you say that's too hard? What will you say? No? If you 325 00:21:37.640 --> 00:21:42.759 fill out your profile and you're fifty five and you say you don't want to 326 00:21:42.759 --> 00:21:45.799 meet anybody over the age of forty, I want to have two more kids. 327 00:21:45.799 --> 00:21:48.799 What if they say that, Oh, that's totally cool, Brian, 328 00:21:48.960 --> 00:21:53.480 I'm not the matchmaker for you. You need to call the guy over at 329 00:21:53.599 --> 00:21:57.759 Model Quality Introductions, right because those girls, I hope you're going to have 330 00:21:57.799 --> 00:22:02.319 lots of extra dollars to spend, you know, to keep this woman around 331 00:22:02.400 --> 00:22:06.039 and all this so stupid. I'm really I get that. But there's a 332 00:22:06.039 --> 00:22:07.880 lot of women in their twenties who want to have the kids and they can't 333 00:22:07.880 --> 00:22:11.440 get the guys in their thirties and forties to focus or settle down because those 334 00:22:11.440 --> 00:22:15.279 guys have too many possibilities. They might have to go for the guy who's 335 00:22:15.279 --> 00:22:18.759 fifty five, and I will that's great. So does he know that he's 336 00:22:18.880 --> 00:22:23.400 marrying his next divorce A probably because a lot of the guys who are fifty 337 00:22:23.440 --> 00:22:26.559 five they don't. I brought this up on a podcast recently. A lot 338 00:22:26.599 --> 00:22:30.920 of people who are divorced and at that age they've given up on the idea 339 00:22:30.920 --> 00:22:33.759 of happily ever after. They look at life in ten year compartments. Can 340 00:22:33.799 --> 00:22:37.359 I have ten years two kids? It's fine? Errator check at the end, 341 00:22:37.319 --> 00:22:40.960 yes, right, maybe they're okay. I have no problem with any 342 00:22:40.960 --> 00:22:44.359 of that, as long as we're open and up upfront about it. So 343 00:22:44.599 --> 00:22:47.720 if the guy wants a woman much younger, so by the time you're in 344 00:22:47.720 --> 00:22:51.559 that consultation with me, you've already told me what your age preferences are. 345 00:22:51.599 --> 00:22:55.400 So in this case, I said, all right, I'll see if Carol 346 00:22:55.599 --> 00:22:57.839 wants to meet you. And he said yes, and she said yes. 347 00:22:57.920 --> 00:23:02.119 I shared the phone numbers, and the very next day he writes me and 348 00:23:02.119 --> 00:23:04.200 he says, well, that was fast. That was the quickest relationship I 349 00:23:04.240 --> 00:23:07.559 ever had. She's too busy to even meet me. Well, I get 350 00:23:07.559 --> 00:23:11.240 that. I get why the older guys want the younger girls because it's easy 351 00:23:11.240 --> 00:23:14.559 for them to feel confident again. But you're also going to feel old. 352 00:23:14.920 --> 00:23:18.039 You're also like remember this song, Yeah, my dad used to like that 353 00:23:18.119 --> 00:23:19.680 song. Like, nothing's going to make you feel worse than that. You 354 00:23:19.759 --> 00:23:22.200 know, we have to be honest about the status thing. You know, 355 00:23:22.200 --> 00:23:26.599 when a guy walks into the gala and he's got Susie with him, Barbie, 356 00:23:26.680 --> 00:23:32.440 he's got Carol whatever, and she's beautiful, and all the heads are 357 00:23:32.440 --> 00:23:34.680 turning and he gets to be the guy with that. Okay, I think 358 00:23:34.720 --> 00:23:38.720 you can find that and she's forty two, I do. But wait, 359 00:23:38.799 --> 00:23:44.200 if you're fifty five and she's forty two, I think she can look awesome. 360 00:23:44.240 --> 00:23:47.839 If you're fifty five and she's twenty three and somebody makes a mistake of 361 00:23:47.880 --> 00:23:49.720 it, it's not worth the risk of that's your daughter, and it's not 362 00:23:49.759 --> 00:23:53.359 worth the risk of her friends saying referring to you by your age, like 363 00:23:53.720 --> 00:23:56.839 you're still going to that, You're still going out with that fifty five year 364 00:23:56.839 --> 00:23:59.640 old. I would never want to be that guy. That's right. I 365 00:23:59.680 --> 00:24:03.400 love that we're talking about this, all right, So you're fifty five and 366 00:24:03.000 --> 00:24:07.000 you said something about a forty two year old. Does that seem like kind 367 00:24:07.039 --> 00:24:10.640 of like a nice age spread for you, for me or for me or 368 00:24:10.640 --> 00:24:15.240 for people I think I'm a guy. I think that's the same. I 369 00:24:15.279 --> 00:24:18.279 believe in the old adage the half the age plus seven is the match, 370 00:24:18.359 --> 00:24:22.759 all right, very good. So if this woman who's forty two has it 371 00:24:22.960 --> 00:24:26.279 all going on, yes, why would she make the compromise and be with 372 00:24:26.319 --> 00:24:29.799 a fifty five year old man. I don't think she thinks. I think 373 00:24:29.839 --> 00:24:32.480 emotionally we're in the same place that those two. I don't think those two 374 00:24:32.519 --> 00:24:36.359 are far off at all. I don't the forty two year old with the 375 00:24:36.400 --> 00:24:41.400 forty five year old man, Yeah, he still wants kids, and she's 376 00:24:41.480 --> 00:24:44.960 going to feel old. That's the challenge of the women in their early forties 377 00:24:45.000 --> 00:24:48.640 who are dating guys in their forties, is there's a good chance that they're 378 00:24:48.640 --> 00:24:51.319 like, I either want a second family or I want a first family, 379 00:24:51.480 --> 00:24:55.160 and you can't have that. I tell women who are forty two that they 380 00:24:55.200 --> 00:24:56.960 have to go for the guys in their fifties. They do, yeah, 381 00:24:57.000 --> 00:25:02.799 if they well, like I always want to know the kid thing the very 382 00:25:02.839 --> 00:25:06.839 beginning, The first thing who wants babies, who doesn't, who's a maybe 383 00:25:06.880 --> 00:25:10.000 on that? And one of the things that really bugs me is when a 384 00:25:10.039 --> 00:25:14.039 guy will say maybe, but he really doesn't. He just wants to access 385 00:25:14.039 --> 00:25:15.960 the woman who's still of course, because she doesn't want to rule her out. 386 00:25:15.960 --> 00:25:22.559 I don't blame that. But the hardest age to date for these women 387 00:25:22.359 --> 00:25:26.799 is the who wants to date Around the same age are the women in their 388 00:25:26.880 --> 00:25:30.680 late thirties and early forties. They have almost no shot of getting a guy 389 00:25:30.839 --> 00:25:33.200 who is in that sweet spot of thirty five to forty eight, because he 390 00:25:33.279 --> 00:25:38.000 has unbelievable amount of choices, and if she has kids, they're probably very 391 00:25:38.039 --> 00:25:41.640 young and he might not want to sign up for that doesn't if he either 392 00:25:41.680 --> 00:25:45.839 has his own or whatever, or if he doesn't have kids, she's too 393 00:25:45.839 --> 00:25:48.400 old. So she's gonna If I were a matchmaker and I am not, 394 00:25:49.000 --> 00:25:52.400 and somebody came to me there and she was forty two forty three, I'm 395 00:25:52.400 --> 00:25:56.160 gonna tell her she has to go fifty seven. That's right. She has 396 00:25:56.240 --> 00:26:00.119 to do it. And if she's really got everything going on, she doesn't 397 00:26:00.119 --> 00:26:03.599 need to make that compromise. If she has her own resources, she doesn't 398 00:26:03.640 --> 00:26:07.319 need to make that compromise. So I see these women having their own children. 399 00:26:07.680 --> 00:26:11.640 Yeah, it's it's and I get God bless them. Such a mess. 400 00:26:11.880 --> 00:26:14.279 Or she has the I'm saying, I'm talking about the forty three year 401 00:26:14.279 --> 00:26:17.079 old with the young with a four year old at home and a six year 402 00:26:17.079 --> 00:26:18.440 old at home. Oh, forget it, it's hard. I can't take 403 00:26:18.480 --> 00:26:22.640 that woman on. No, how difficult. You brought up the guys who 404 00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:26.039 want something out of her league? You think men have been ruined by Adam 405 00:26:26.079 --> 00:26:33.359 Sandler movies that somehow we see this goofy guy dressing badly and he could still 406 00:26:33.359 --> 00:26:37.240 get the beautiful girl. Like you can't tell the guy not to shoot his 407 00:26:37.319 --> 00:26:40.680 shot. If there are these out they they're you know, so they're saying 408 00:26:40.720 --> 00:26:42.599 there's a chance they want to chase the outlier. How do you tell a 409 00:26:42.640 --> 00:26:45.880 guy she's out of your league? Well, it's real simple. We're on 410 00:26:45.920 --> 00:26:49.799 the zoom call together and you're looking at Barbie and you're like, Julie, 411 00:26:49.839 --> 00:26:52.279 this is the perfect woman. This is exactly the kind of woman I've been 412 00:26:52.279 --> 00:26:55.599 looking for. And I'll say, I get it. I don't blame you 413 00:26:55.640 --> 00:26:59.400 at all. Can I show you who she said yes to? Last week 414 00:27:00.319 --> 00:27:03.000 and I'm going to show you the brad Pitt that she said yes to. 415 00:27:03.400 --> 00:27:06.880 But he doesn't. He's like, she just needs a shot to meet me 416 00:27:07.319 --> 00:27:10.599 because men now, men think he's like when she meets me, right, 417 00:27:10.799 --> 00:27:14.079 they just want the audition, they want the interview, they want the shot. 418 00:27:14.279 --> 00:27:15.359 Ye, and that's what they're looking for. And that's the complaint that 419 00:27:15.400 --> 00:27:19.319 the men have now, regardless of if they're on bumble orf they're going, 420 00:27:19.319 --> 00:27:23.079 their matchacer is the women will not give them a shot. Well, and 421 00:27:23.119 --> 00:27:30.480 it's it's sometimes the matchmaker is in a position because she has enough inventory. 422 00:27:30.519 --> 00:27:34.839 I shouldn't call human beings inventory, but we are when we're commodities like that, 423 00:27:37.240 --> 00:27:41.079 the matchmaker has enough possibilities that she can get you that first date. 424 00:27:41.720 --> 00:27:45.160 But that woman isn't just going to have a first date with you. All 425 00:27:45.240 --> 00:27:49.119 the guys want to date that girl. And so she's going to be on 426 00:27:49.160 --> 00:27:53.680 the gravy train of nice dinners and she's meeting all these great people and she's 427 00:27:53.720 --> 00:27:57.160 having such a good time. Or you know, it's the young guy who's 428 00:27:57.200 --> 00:28:00.720 forty five, who's got all these choices, every such a good time. 429 00:28:00.880 --> 00:28:04.079 Why why, like my mother said, why buy the cow and the milk 430 00:28:04.160 --> 00:28:08.680 is free. Why commit and be in a relationship, which is really hard 431 00:28:08.680 --> 00:28:11.799 when you could just keep dating? Do you and don't befriended out there, 432 00:28:11.799 --> 00:28:17.079 any of my little fellow listeners. I am very sympathetic to the plight of 433 00:28:17.119 --> 00:28:19.759 the short guy. I was one of you in high school. Do you 434 00:28:21.000 --> 00:28:26.759 charge more for shorter men because some matchmakers do? You know? I look 435 00:28:26.759 --> 00:28:30.759 at it this way. I like to measure something called romantic market value. 436 00:28:30.839 --> 00:28:36.200 Okay, I mean stand on your wallet. Well, like you know, 437 00:28:36.480 --> 00:28:40.440 if a guy, if a guy's not that good looking, or he might 438 00:28:40.480 --> 00:28:41.559 be short, or he might be do we'd be looking or whatever? But 439 00:28:41.640 --> 00:28:45.720 he has a really fun personality. That's what we call the Adam Sandler effect. 440 00:28:45.799 --> 00:28:51.240 Okay. So, and a woman has the ability to develop attraction over 441 00:28:51.319 --> 00:28:53.960 time far better than a guy does. It is the biggest distinction between men 442 00:28:53.960 --> 00:28:59.200 and women and how we date. So correct, So how can you tell 443 00:28:59.240 --> 00:29:02.480 the guy she's out of your league? Here's what I'll say. Okay, 444 00:29:02.519 --> 00:29:06.119 So here's the thing, Brian. The three women you were really excited to 445 00:29:06.160 --> 00:29:10.039 meet, they're very popular, they have a lot of opportunities. I can 446 00:29:10.079 --> 00:29:12.599 probably get you the first date. I can't promise the second date. My 447 00:29:12.720 --> 00:29:19.000 recommendation to you is going to be sure meet Barbie, Carol and Susie absolutely. 448 00:29:19.400 --> 00:29:23.160 Meanwhile, do I have your confidence and trust? I want to see 449 00:29:23.160 --> 00:29:26.799 what happens if, in addition to these three, if you met your second 450 00:29:26.799 --> 00:29:30.640 tier, which is this person, this person, this person. I want 451 00:29:30.680 --> 00:29:33.599 to know how you feel after each date, and I want to know what 452 00:29:33.640 --> 00:29:37.720 that feedback is on you. Do you want to know the feedback if it's 453 00:29:37.720 --> 00:29:40.559 not so great? Do you have the guts? Do you try and judge 454 00:29:40.559 --> 00:29:44.440 how funny they are? Well, that's part of romantic market value. Yeah, 455 00:29:44.519 --> 00:29:48.359 if a guy's got a great fun personality and these upbeat as opposed to 456 00:29:48.400 --> 00:29:53.519 being honest to god, I really really struggle with people who are awkward socially. 457 00:29:53.880 --> 00:29:56.880 People on this spectrum I try really, really, really hard. I 458 00:29:56.960 --> 00:30:00.759 love helping people outs. People in my boot camp. They're working on their 459 00:30:00.759 --> 00:30:06.640 social skills. That guy is a better bet than hey, baby, how 460 00:30:06.759 --> 00:30:10.039 you do it right? Who's too over confident? Now? A lot of 461 00:30:10.039 --> 00:30:14.759 guys who who are very successful and very driven, they didn't work on their 462 00:30:14.799 --> 00:30:17.839 social skills because either they got married really young. Check it off. I 463 00:30:17.920 --> 00:30:19.039 have a wife I'm going to go back to work, or they seven und 464 00:30:19.079 --> 00:30:25.440 of dates or they hadn't is your job to give them to try and identify 465 00:30:25.480 --> 00:30:29.680 are they capable of having another layer to their personality or you're like, this 466 00:30:29.720 --> 00:30:30.880 is what I have to deal with and I work around. Oh man, 467 00:30:32.559 --> 00:30:37.240 all somebody has to do to get into the sweet spot of my heart is 468 00:30:37.319 --> 00:30:41.599 show me that they're interested in learning, that they're willing to stretch, that 469 00:30:41.640 --> 00:30:45.160 they're willing to Like my boot camp is all about, let's do everything else 470 00:30:45.200 --> 00:30:48.000 first. Let's not hire the matchmakers. Let's put the matchmakers out of business. 471 00:30:48.200 --> 00:30:52.839 Let's put the high end division of my company out of business, because 472 00:30:52.920 --> 00:30:56.960 I would so much rather do introductions for Freeze way less pressure. Yeah, 473 00:30:57.200 --> 00:31:00.119 and I'm going to be able to say to you, this is the post 474 00:31:00.200 --> 00:31:03.200 date feedback, and you're going to say, well, how come I didn't 475 00:31:03.200 --> 00:31:06.720 get the second date? Well? I think I know, Brian, But 476 00:31:07.599 --> 00:31:08.720 do they say I was nervous, it was weird? Can I get another 477 00:31:08.759 --> 00:31:12.400 shot? And can you talk her into that? Sometimes, but what's more 478 00:31:12.480 --> 00:31:19.000 powerful is if you really wanted a second date with Susie and she kind of 479 00:31:19.039 --> 00:31:21.920 gave you, Maybe she got on the phone she said, you know, 480 00:31:21.960 --> 00:31:23.799 I thought about it, Brian. I don't think there's enough you know stuff 481 00:31:23.839 --> 00:31:27.400 here. So I'm going to release you to your dating mission with you know, 482 00:31:29.000 --> 00:31:30.279 but we're going to stay friendly. I want people to stay friendly. 483 00:31:30.559 --> 00:31:33.160 But if you say, Julie, how come I to get the second date? 484 00:31:33.599 --> 00:31:37.000 I think I know what it is? Well, what is it? 485 00:31:37.039 --> 00:31:38.400 Do you really want to know? Because it's it might be hard to hear, 486 00:31:38.960 --> 00:31:41.920 and then you're gonna if you ask me the second do they want to 487 00:31:41.960 --> 00:31:45.000 know? You have to ask me the second time? And if you say 488 00:31:45.039 --> 00:31:48.319 I really want to know, it might be hard for you to here. 489 00:31:48.319 --> 00:31:49.640 I don't want you to be mad at me and go on Yelp and write 490 00:31:49.680 --> 00:31:53.359 me a bad review or something. But here's what it is. I'm going 491 00:31:53.440 --> 00:31:56.680 to make you wait for it. I'm going to say, well, she 492 00:31:56.720 --> 00:32:00.400 said you kind of reminded of her father. I know that's now they have 493 00:32:00.519 --> 00:32:05.359 her contact information at this point, right. Yeah, So they're like, 494 00:32:06.559 --> 00:32:08.400 do you come out the bad guy? Like Julie said, you said this? 495 00:32:08.880 --> 00:32:13.359 Like how much is the confidence where you were? Like? Do you 496 00:32:13.400 --> 00:32:16.240 ask her? Can I tell him? Why? Well? I have to 497 00:32:16.440 --> 00:32:20.480 have to judge in on a case by case basis. If my client ever 498 00:32:20.519 --> 00:32:23.759 went back to Susie and said, I can't believe you told the matchmaker that 499 00:32:23.799 --> 00:32:28.359 I reminded you of her father, right, that would be the end of 500 00:32:28.400 --> 00:32:30.759 my relationship with that man. Do you have to tell him that. I 501 00:32:30.759 --> 00:32:35.480 would say that's unacceptable. I might give him a second chance, or I 502 00:32:35.519 --> 00:32:37.359 might say we're done. Now, do you say that up front? You 503 00:32:37.359 --> 00:32:39.799 can't say anything to her or we're done. I'm going to tell you in 504 00:32:39.839 --> 00:32:45.000 confidence, I say from the very my welcome guide is ten pages long. 505 00:32:45.400 --> 00:32:49.079 After you and I do our two hundred and ninety five dollars consultation, and 506 00:32:49.160 --> 00:32:52.359 you think you want to be my matchmaking client, I'll say, well that 507 00:32:52.400 --> 00:32:53.599 could be. Here's all I'm going to do. I'm going to send you 508 00:32:53.680 --> 00:32:58.759 my welcome Guide, which evolves. I change it every I updated every quarter. 509 00:32:59.240 --> 00:33:01.519 And this is an evolving kind of a system. And you got to 510 00:33:01.680 --> 00:33:07.960 be happy with everything about the way my protocols work. And you are gonna 511 00:33:07.440 --> 00:33:10.200 here's my agreement, and I'll give it to you. You got three days 512 00:33:10.240 --> 00:33:14.079 to change your mind to get all your money back. After that, Brian, 513 00:33:14.319 --> 00:33:16.839 look me in the eye. Don't ask for your money back. I'm 514 00:33:16.880 --> 00:33:22.200 the honest to goodness, no bullshit matchmaker, and I don't do refunds. 515 00:33:22.200 --> 00:33:27.480 I'm gonna I'm giving you my time, my most valuable commodity. I can't 516 00:33:27.480 --> 00:33:30.720 promise relationship. I can't even promise second dates. Are you sure you want 517 00:33:30.759 --> 00:33:34.319 to spend that ten thousand dollars? How do you avoid them calling American Express 518 00:33:34.319 --> 00:33:37.079 and say she didn't give me what I paid for. I will not take 519 00:33:37.119 --> 00:33:42.920 a credit card for a matchmaking program because people get emotional right of a guy 520 00:33:43.200 --> 00:33:49.440 from Hello Kuwait who paid for his twenty five thousand dollars program on his Black 521 00:33:49.720 --> 00:33:53.680 American Express card, I worked my ass off. I only wanted Asian women. 522 00:33:53.839 --> 00:33:58.279 We did fifteen introductions in at the end of it, at the end 523 00:33:58.319 --> 00:34:01.519 of the six month time, after fifty teen introductions, he did a charge 524 00:34:01.519 --> 00:34:04.799 back on his card. And you know what, and a black card. 525 00:34:04.799 --> 00:34:07.440 They don't even question it. They want his business, not yours here, 526 00:34:07.440 --> 00:34:09.840 and I am the I am the business owner. So I had to pay 527 00:34:10.360 --> 00:34:15.760 that five percent on the way in to the Black American Express card, and 528 00:34:15.800 --> 00:34:17.159 even after we did the charge back, I had to pay it again. 529 00:34:17.199 --> 00:34:21.599 So for the privilege of working my ass off for this guy for six months, 530 00:34:22.320 --> 00:34:27.039 I had to pay for two five percent of twenty five thousand dollars. 531 00:34:27.239 --> 00:34:30.239 That's why I don't charge more than ten thousand dollars, thank you very much. 532 00:34:30.400 --> 00:34:32.199 If it's less than ten thousand dollars in the state of California, we 533 00:34:32.239 --> 00:34:37.719 would handle it in small claims court. And I am detailed and meticulous. 534 00:34:37.719 --> 00:34:38.960 They don't want to go to a small claims court over that. So that's 535 00:34:38.960 --> 00:34:43.119 why I don't have problems with clients. I tell most of them don't even 536 00:34:43.159 --> 00:34:46.480 think about hiring a matchmaker? How do you avoid? And your husband's in 537 00:34:46.519 --> 00:34:49.559 the other room. So I don't mind even asking this, and I would 538 00:34:49.559 --> 00:34:55.360 ask anybody is how do you avoid your personal taste not been like I like 539 00:34:55.440 --> 00:34:59.840 that guy? Like, how do you put yourself a position like that guy's 540 00:34:59.840 --> 00:35:02.199 in to me? How do you get your personal taste out of it? 541 00:35:02.239 --> 00:35:06.960 And decide what the most majority of women would do? See, I think 542 00:35:07.000 --> 00:35:08.440 that would be a challenge for him, Like I think she's pretty and people 543 00:35:08.480 --> 00:35:12.400 like you a weird taste or whatever, and I can hook you up with 544 00:35:12.400 --> 00:35:14.880 whatever. How do you let that? I think this is a good guy 545 00:35:14.920 --> 00:35:19.239 because he makes me laugh. Oh yeah, Well, because that's that's where 546 00:35:19.440 --> 00:35:22.679 the art of matchmaking really is. Because the first thing I got to do 547 00:35:22.760 --> 00:35:27.679 is get under your skin and find getting your head and quickly in a matter 548 00:35:27.719 --> 00:35:30.960 of an hour, maybe a hour and a half, because there's a half 549 00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:32.960 hour for free, there's emails text in between. I'm getting to know you, 550 00:35:34.599 --> 00:35:38.079 and I got to trust that my assessment of who you are is accurate 551 00:35:38.199 --> 00:35:42.400 enough that I won't fuck it up and take on the wrong client for the 552 00:35:42.719 --> 00:35:45.639 Yeah, so it's accurate enough that most women would give it. Maybe not 553 00:35:45.639 --> 00:35:49.280 marrying, but they'll give him an opportunity to find out. Well, all 554 00:35:49.320 --> 00:35:52.400 I'm looking for is to be a good matchmaker to you. I just want 555 00:35:52.400 --> 00:35:57.159 to know that the kind of women that you think you should be dating are 556 00:35:57.320 --> 00:36:00.000 going to be interested in you. That's what I call a natural match, 557 00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:04.440 which I won't take on a client who's looking for an unnatural match. An 558 00:36:04.519 --> 00:36:07.639 unnatural so simple. You're looking for the girl who's not looking for you back. 559 00:36:08.639 --> 00:36:12.320 Well, they're never looking for us back. That's why it's hard. 560 00:36:12.519 --> 00:36:15.599 Well, they're never looking for us back. That's the that's the sporting maybe 561 00:36:15.719 --> 00:36:20.360 because you're looking in the wrong maybe, but I think that's what makes it 562 00:36:20.440 --> 00:36:22.519 special. I think that's fine that they're not looking for us back. You 563 00:36:22.559 --> 00:36:25.519 need to overcome that they're not looking for us back. It's a part of 564 00:36:25.559 --> 00:36:29.280 my mission in the coaching that I do. The reason why I called my 565 00:36:29.320 --> 00:36:31.960 company from the very beginning Cupid's Coach is because that little guy with the bow 566 00:36:31.960 --> 00:36:36.639 and arrow, he screws up all the time and usually points the arrow in 567 00:36:36.679 --> 00:36:39.840 the wrong faction. So my I'm so excited to do this work for so 568 00:36:39.880 --> 00:36:43.840 many years is that I want to help people make the right choices. So 569 00:36:43.880 --> 00:36:47.000 the reason I won't reveal age is because there's always an age bias. And 570 00:36:47.039 --> 00:36:51.119 the more money a guy has, the more market value he has, the 571 00:36:51.119 --> 00:36:53.599 more character, the more humor or whatever, all the stuff that matters. 572 00:36:53.960 --> 00:36:59.159 The more he thinks that he should have what he wants, who he wants, 573 00:36:59.159 --> 00:37:02.239 who is attracted, and that's impacted by culture and status. Oh well, 574 00:37:02.480 --> 00:37:06.400 so maybe you're going after the forty two year old, and we do 575 00:37:06.440 --> 00:37:09.079 some If you're my client the first two months of a four month period that 576 00:37:09.079 --> 00:37:12.519 we're working together, yeah, I'm going to give you what you tell me 577 00:37:12.599 --> 00:37:15.760 you want. And I get that. But there's a lot of guys because 578 00:37:15.760 --> 00:37:17.840 I know a lot of matchmakers and they'll put stuff on social media or whatever, 579 00:37:19.159 --> 00:37:22.480 and either the guy or the girl is looking for somebody who went to 580 00:37:22.599 --> 00:37:24.559 a specific college or they went to Ivy League college. And I'm like, 581 00:37:24.639 --> 00:37:29.480 who cares? What if they went to Stanford that's not an Ivy League college. 582 00:37:29.559 --> 00:37:30.760 And they're like, our job is to give him what he wants. 583 00:37:31.079 --> 00:37:34.320 I think your job is to talk him out of what he wants, because 584 00:37:34.320 --> 00:37:38.079 he doesn't No, it's laziness out of him. He wants to be he 585 00:37:38.119 --> 00:37:42.039 wants to be partnered with somebody who's going to make him look good. Because 586 00:37:42.039 --> 00:37:44.360 when he says, well, this is my girlfriend and she went to Harvard, 587 00:37:44.440 --> 00:37:45.880 and she well, then that's an insecure man and you're screwing her. 588 00:37:46.159 --> 00:37:49.280 But you're screwing her over to set him up with a guy like that, 589 00:37:49.760 --> 00:37:53.400 I'm not making that match right. Guy who needs the woman to make him 590 00:37:53.440 --> 00:37:55.719 feel good, I think that's a dangerous to match him up in the way 591 00:37:55.719 --> 00:38:00.519 away. You got a a woman who needs a wealthy man. She looks 592 00:38:00.559 --> 00:38:05.239 good. She needs a tall man so she looks good in her stupid shoes 593 00:38:05.480 --> 00:38:09.920 standing there at the stupid shoes. Yes, for the Ferrari. That's the 594 00:38:09.960 --> 00:38:15.119 thing too. That's the these women who are five ten and they wear the 595 00:38:15.119 --> 00:38:16.119 heels and they want a guy six to two. I go the six to 596 00:38:16.119 --> 00:38:19.719 two guy wants to feel tall, so he's not going out with you. 597 00:38:19.760 --> 00:38:22.199 That's point of being six to two, so you feel tall. He's not 598 00:38:22.199 --> 00:38:23.320 going out your five ten on your heels. He's going to choose five to 599 00:38:23.320 --> 00:38:27.719 two. So here's what I love. This is what I love about a 600 00:38:27.800 --> 00:38:31.920 four month program. During the second half of the program, I get a 601 00:38:32.039 --> 00:38:37.800 chance to really make an impact because we've already done a bunch of introductions with 602 00:38:37.920 --> 00:38:40.800 women that were the it girls in your esteem and you had a good time, 603 00:38:40.920 --> 00:38:45.280 she had a nice guy, but whatever. And then the guys almost 604 00:38:45.320 --> 00:38:49.679 always will come back to me and they're a little bit frustrated and they're like, 605 00:38:49.800 --> 00:38:53.199 well, how come I'm not getting a second How Well, because I 606 00:38:53.199 --> 00:39:00.400 think the bright, shiny objects have kind of captured your attention. So do 607 00:39:00.440 --> 00:39:04.800 you trust me enough to allow me to do some introductions with women that I 608 00:39:04.840 --> 00:39:08.280 think are really good for you that shared What I'm looking for is shared values, 609 00:39:08.599 --> 00:39:15.760 shared passions, lifestyle compatibility, the kind of thing where you're sitting watching 610 00:39:16.079 --> 00:39:21.320 a program together and you're just holding hands and you just love being together. 611 00:39:21.639 --> 00:39:23.559 You cook for each other, you laugh together, you fart in front of 612 00:39:23.599 --> 00:39:27.559 each other, and it's all good. You know. Do you ask how 613 00:39:27.559 --> 00:39:30.840 old the kids are? It's very important in my new stees that matters, 614 00:39:30.920 --> 00:39:34.480 right, Oh my gosh. In my new system, I just made decisions 615 00:39:34.519 --> 00:39:37.760 about how I'm going to handle that. I'm going to have the birth year 616 00:39:37.960 --> 00:39:44.840 of the children so that it advances over time, like it's hard to talk 617 00:39:44.840 --> 00:39:46.760 about with regard to techno years. So it goes so you're not just like, 618 00:39:46.880 --> 00:39:49.920 well, when she started the program share a twelve year old, you 619 00:39:50.000 --> 00:39:52.000 have to go fix so five years from now the twelve year old to seventeen. 620 00:39:52.039 --> 00:39:55.280 And there's all of that. And also I'm going to have a really 621 00:39:55.400 --> 00:40:01.039 powerful mechanism where I'm going to be able to match men who want children with 622 00:40:01.239 --> 00:40:07.159 women who have frozen their eggs or with guy. I'm going to be asking 623 00:40:07.199 --> 00:40:12.599 men, are you open to fertility? You know, creative fertility solutions, 624 00:40:12.880 --> 00:40:15.760 which means maybe the woman has eggs on eyes. Me, most men are 625 00:40:15.800 --> 00:40:20.719 not well because here's why, and get people get out I saying that most 626 00:40:20.760 --> 00:40:23.960 men understand those odds better than most women, right, which is bad, 627 00:40:24.159 --> 00:40:27.079 right. It makes it hard for the way the women are like, it's 628 00:40:27.079 --> 00:40:30.000 all cool, I froze my eggs risky to the guy. I know, 629 00:40:30.119 --> 00:40:31.679 I know, but at least I'm going to be able to have the information 630 00:40:31.800 --> 00:40:36.599 right because very often what will happen is the guy's fifty two, he wants 631 00:40:36.639 --> 00:40:38.000 to have a family, he didn't get to do it, or maybe he 632 00:40:38.079 --> 00:40:40.519 had a child with the woman who was a whack job, and now we 633 00:40:40.599 --> 00:40:44.440 got to have like the family. Why because he picked the girl who looked 634 00:40:44.480 --> 00:40:46.719 like stupid Barbie. But you know that's beside the point where Barbie's taking a 635 00:40:46.760 --> 00:40:51.079 beating of them. Barbie's taking a beating. But what happens is me check 636 00:40:51.119 --> 00:40:52.159 his sperm too, By the way, Yeah, a lot of times they 637 00:40:52.199 --> 00:40:55.440 blame the woman. Yeah, exactly. So then I go to him and 638 00:40:55.480 --> 00:41:00.800 I say, look, I could take you on. If you're fifty two 639 00:41:00.920 --> 00:41:05.519 and you want children, if you're open to dating the woman who's already had 640 00:41:05.519 --> 00:41:08.440 a child would love to have another, or and or if you're open to 641 00:41:08.519 --> 00:41:12.840 meeting the woman who would love to have a kid and has her eggs on 642 00:41:13.280 --> 00:41:16.679 ice, there's no guarantee, because I can't tell you how many men Brian 643 00:41:16.880 --> 00:41:21.960 I have who have always been holding out for the woman who's young enough to 644 00:41:22.000 --> 00:41:23.519 have the kids. I mean, while now it's ten years later, right, 645 00:41:23.920 --> 00:41:28.159 and now he's fifty two instead of forty two. I've got a guy 646 00:41:28.360 --> 00:41:32.719 You's seventy five years old. He's a judge. Okay, he's this Jewish 647 00:41:32.719 --> 00:41:37.320 guy. He's never been married, and every five years I check into him. 648 00:41:37.039 --> 00:41:40.840 I got a great woman who's ten years younger than you does. She'd 649 00:41:40.840 --> 00:41:44.280 love to meet you, but oh no, no, I'm waiting for that 650 00:41:44.320 --> 00:41:45.920 woman who wants to have kids. And finally I said to him, I've 651 00:41:45.960 --> 00:41:51.400 known you for twenty years and still you're waiting for the woman. She can't 652 00:41:51.400 --> 00:41:53.920 have children. She's just crazy. I should match him with the woman who 653 00:41:53.920 --> 00:41:58.719 came to me. And she's just gorgeous. One of the most incredibly beautiful 654 00:41:58.760 --> 00:42:02.000 women I've ever met in my life. I'm sitting at her incredibly beautiful home 655 00:42:02.079 --> 00:42:05.880 in Beverly Hills. I don't know where the money came from. She's got 656 00:42:05.880 --> 00:42:07.639 two of these little white Pomeranians on her lap, you know, and she 657 00:42:07.760 --> 00:42:12.760 just looks so amazing. She's forty five, wants kids, won't date anybody 658 00:42:12.920 --> 00:42:16.559 over the age of forty five. He can't have children already. And she's 659 00:42:16.599 --> 00:42:20.280 forty five, that's right. And you say, I don't care where the 660 00:42:20.320 --> 00:42:22.400 money came from, you better ask, Well, I think it matters. 661 00:42:23.079 --> 00:42:27.159 So I'm just But she's just living in a dream. Well, a lot 662 00:42:27.199 --> 00:42:29.679 of women do that. They're thirty and they hold out. You know our 663 00:42:30.039 --> 00:42:31.800 friend, you know Lori Gottlieb. Oh, yeah, she wrote them. 664 00:42:31.840 --> 00:42:35.239 It is in her book. Okay, she wrote the marr Him book. 665 00:42:35.280 --> 00:42:38.159 And she's like, these women wait for exactly perfect at thirty and they wait 666 00:42:38.159 --> 00:42:42.199 and they wait and wait, and then there's forty one. And that's right. 667 00:42:42.360 --> 00:42:45.719 It's not great. So here's the cool thing about our weird world that 668 00:42:45.760 --> 00:42:51.440 we're living in. Nobody says people have to be partnered up anymore. Nobody 669 00:42:51.480 --> 00:42:53.280 says who says you have to be married? Who says you have to be 670 00:42:54.400 --> 00:42:57.360 How do you feel when women say, well, gush, you know, 671 00:42:57.559 --> 00:43:00.119 how come you've ever been married? So what neither is half of the other 672 00:43:00.119 --> 00:43:02.559 thing? No, I would see that would be a red flag answer, 673 00:43:04.119 --> 00:43:07.400 I would say, and I've said this on this podcast for why I've never 674 00:43:07.400 --> 00:43:14.280 been married is because I never trusted my parents' love for each other, which 675 00:43:14.280 --> 00:43:16.519 means that I did not trust their love for me, which means I didn't 676 00:43:16.559 --> 00:43:22.199 trust the concept, and so I walled myself off and led this emotionally unavailable 677 00:43:22.239 --> 00:43:25.159 world. Owning that is a better answer than trying to be lad. It's 678 00:43:25.159 --> 00:43:28.000 not that big a deal. I don't I don't need a piece of paper 679 00:43:28.000 --> 00:43:30.880 in me. That's bullshit. You better own why you do. Okay, 680 00:43:30.920 --> 00:43:32.239 in the interest of Tom Gonna, let you plug everything you want to plug 681 00:43:32.239 --> 00:43:35.719 and sell your services to the world. You've been on the show before. 682 00:43:36.239 --> 00:43:38.119 I'm not going to play worst date or first date with you because you've been 683 00:43:38.239 --> 00:43:42.400 you've been married a long long time. But I want you to tell this 684 00:43:42.480 --> 00:43:49.880 audience how you met your husband. I was let's set the stage. It 685 00:43:49.920 --> 00:43:54.360 was an Ethiopian restaurant. I was sitting by myself, crying over my beer, 686 00:43:54.880 --> 00:43:58.880 looking at the personal ads. I was twenty nine point nine years old, 687 00:43:58.920 --> 00:44:02.119 with half of one ovary left. Okay, dad had died. I'm 688 00:44:02.159 --> 00:44:06.719 working for the Ritz Carlton Hotel company. I've got the worst boss in the 689 00:44:06.760 --> 00:44:09.400 whole world, working ninety hours a week. I have no life. I 690 00:44:09.400 --> 00:44:13.559 had done personal ads three times in Kansas City, but I moved back to 691 00:44:13.599 --> 00:44:16.239 Saint Louis, where I'm from, and I'm opening up that Ritz Carlton hotel 692 00:44:16.280 --> 00:44:20.519 with no life, and I'm thinking, wait a minute, I can't put 693 00:44:20.519 --> 00:44:22.840 a personal ad in the paper. What if my history teacher hits on me. 694 00:44:22.920 --> 00:44:28.119 What if the word gets out and my high school boyfriend says, oh 695 00:44:28.199 --> 00:44:30.679 my god, Julie Hardesty is doing the personal ads. That's what I'll losing. 696 00:44:30.800 --> 00:44:34.320 See, kids, you used to have to do personal ads. Yeah. 697 00:44:34.440 --> 00:44:37.719 So I'm crying in my beer and I'm thinking, I can't do personal 698 00:44:37.760 --> 00:44:38.760 ads here. What the hell? I'm working ninety hours a week. How 699 00:44:38.760 --> 00:44:42.159 am I going to get this handled? I want to have children. I 700 00:44:42.159 --> 00:44:45.079 want to be married more than anybody I know. I see ads for dating 701 00:44:45.159 --> 00:44:47.119 services. I thought, okay, rip the page out, ran home. 702 00:44:47.239 --> 00:44:52.199 Called all three agencies. Two of them were blind date matchmaking companies. I'm 703 00:44:52.239 --> 00:44:53.800 like, I've had enough surprises with personal ads. I don't think I need 704 00:44:53.800 --> 00:44:57.599 any more surprises. Let's at least go to the one that let's just see 705 00:44:57.599 --> 00:45:00.039 photos and videos. You can put the little VHS tape in the machine and 706 00:45:00.079 --> 00:45:04.079 look at the guy. I'm like, I was so excited, I couldn't 707 00:45:04.119 --> 00:45:07.880 wait to go in for my consultation. I go in for my consultation and 708 00:45:07.920 --> 00:45:12.440 who interviews me is a guy named Gil Furman who owned the local franchise and 709 00:45:12.519 --> 00:45:15.719 also the Kansas City franchise. Forty four year old bachelor, nice Jewish boy, 710 00:45:15.840 --> 00:45:20.400 never joined great expectations first and thought, wow, this is a good 711 00:45:20.440 --> 00:45:22.360 idea. How come I didn't think of it? But then he realized it's 712 00:45:22.360 --> 00:45:25.920 a franchise, so he put together the franchise, goes across the country, 713 00:45:27.639 --> 00:45:30.719 expected to open up the place and then leave, you know, and he 714 00:45:30.760 --> 00:45:35.440 loved it. He was having so much fun interviewing people. The reason I 715 00:45:35.519 --> 00:45:39.159 got to have the interview with Gil Furman is because I was a gill Lead. 716 00:45:39.599 --> 00:45:44.960 Now, a gill Lead was a sophisticated person that was going to be 717 00:45:45.039 --> 00:45:50.400 maybe a tough clothes So he was just only interested in my money. So 718 00:45:50.480 --> 00:45:52.960 he talks me into joining, maxed out both of my credit cards, and 719 00:45:53.760 --> 00:45:58.360 I later flirted with him and asked him out, dragged him down the aisle. 720 00:45:58.519 --> 00:46:02.960 That's how it happened. So he dated. He ate where he don't 721 00:46:02.960 --> 00:46:07.599 eat where you were sleep whatever phrase is he did. He scraped the good 722 00:46:07.599 --> 00:46:09.360 one off the top. No, I grabbed him, Now you grabbed him. 723 00:46:09.440 --> 00:46:14.119 I grabbed him because I knocked on the door. After I got my 724 00:46:14.199 --> 00:46:17.760 photos and videos done and I finally started getting able to access to the library, 725 00:46:17.800 --> 00:46:22.360 started kicking people and it was slim pickens Brian. And here we are 726 00:46:22.639 --> 00:46:24.519 thirty plus years later. Yeah, so I flirted with him and then you 727 00:46:24.599 --> 00:46:29.239 basically got in the business. Yeah, so I worked for him. I 728 00:46:29.280 --> 00:46:30.519 got pregnant. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to have kids, 729 00:46:30.559 --> 00:46:34.599 got pregnant. So Gil and I got engaged in five weeks, married 730 00:46:34.639 --> 00:46:37.800 in five months, pregnant two months later. That boy is thirty two, 731 00:46:38.159 --> 00:46:42.039 and then the other one came along two years later. So I worked for 732 00:46:42.119 --> 00:46:45.559 Gil through two big pregnancies. They just threw me in with all the girls. 733 00:46:45.599 --> 00:46:46.840 He wanted marriage and babies. They said, well, I worked for 734 00:46:46.920 --> 00:46:53.239 me, and then he sold his companies and I started mine twenty something years 735 00:46:53.239 --> 00:46:58.360 ago in LA. Now thirty thousands of happy couples later here, Yeah, 736 00:46:58.400 --> 00:47:01.440 thirteen hundred we know about. And no, we've had divorces, but no 737 00:47:01.599 --> 00:47:06.199 murders that we're aware of. Well, the day's not over all right, 738 00:47:06.440 --> 00:47:10.639 tell everybody where they can find you, Juliefurman dot com. It's free, 739 00:47:10.719 --> 00:47:15.639 it's private. Men and women of all ages are welcome. And if you 740 00:47:15.880 --> 00:47:20.440 if you live in southern California or if you live in New Mexico, those 741 00:47:20.480 --> 00:47:24.119 are my two hubs, then I will as long as I still have the 742 00:47:24.159 --> 00:47:28.280 bandwidth to keep doing this, I will give you your first thirty minute call 743 00:47:28.360 --> 00:47:30.199 for free. You just got to fill your profile out and I'll do it, 744 00:47:30.559 --> 00:47:35.239 and then you can do a consultation with me for two hundred and ninety 745 00:47:35.280 --> 00:47:38.159 five bucks. You can do my boot camp, and then maybe I will 746 00:47:38.199 --> 00:47:42.679 allow you to think about doing matchmaking with me. But first you got to 747 00:47:42.679 --> 00:47:45.480 earn your place in my heart. There you go. Tell me about your 748 00:47:45.480 --> 00:47:50.880 podcast, the Cupids Coach podcast, produced by Brian Howie. I am so 749 00:47:50.960 --> 00:47:54.280 happy I do my podcast. It's that was my favorite thing, and now 750 00:47:54.400 --> 00:47:58.119 the boot camp. I don't know which is my favorite. Yeah, no, 751 00:47:58.400 --> 00:48:00.880 I do. I produce, you know, hundreds of other podcasts. 752 00:48:00.880 --> 00:48:02.000 Besides that, you were one of the first. You're one of my favorites, 753 00:48:02.039 --> 00:48:05.000 and you're one of the most popular. I give you credit for that. 754 00:48:05.000 --> 00:48:08.239 It's one of the top podcasts, especially in this ecosystem in the world. 755 00:48:09.159 --> 00:48:14.519 You were awesome as far as us like, share, follow. Please 756 00:48:14.559 --> 00:48:17.079 review, not this pot not just this podcast, but Cupids Coach podcast. 757 00:48:17.119 --> 00:48:20.440 After all this time, your reviews still mean a lot, not just to 758 00:48:20.559 --> 00:48:22.719 me, but in the podcasting universe. Uh. Shoot us an email, 759 00:48:22.760 --> 00:48:25.519 Great Love Debate at gmail dot com if you have questions, thoughts, comments 760 00:48:25.559 --> 00:48:30.320 for me, for Julie, for anybody else. Do that. I don't 761 00:48:30.320 --> 00:48:36.840 know if this show drops in time. Maybe check out our live tour schedule 762 00:48:36.880 --> 00:48:37.760 for our tenth anniversary show. I think it drops out. I think you 763 00:48:37.760 --> 00:48:42.239 missed it by the time this drops. I don't know death the anniversary show. 764 00:48:42.360 --> 00:48:45.199 If you listen to one of the day it drops. Boca black Box 765 00:48:45.239 --> 00:48:47.480 Center for the Arts book Worre Tone, Florida. Tickets on sale Boca Blackbox 766 00:48:47.519 --> 00:48:53.159 dot com, Great Lovedebate dot com. Tenth year. Julia's on our stage 767 00:48:53.159 --> 00:48:57.599 back in the way way way beginning memory time, when we were just floundering 768 00:48:57.639 --> 00:49:00.840 around. It was like to Jerry it was an I to say seven times. 769 00:49:00.840 --> 00:49:01.719 It was like the Jerry Springer show back in the day. But it's 770 00:49:01.800 --> 00:49:07.440 much more evolved now. We've gotten better because as always at the Great Love 771 00:49:07.519 --> 00:49:15.679 Debate, we never stopped making love. To see you next time. The 772 00:49:15.760 --> 00:49:22.239 Great Love Debate. It's the Great love debate. Degreat love debate, It's 773 00:49:22.239 --> 00:49:23.599 a Great love Debate.