Super grumpy grumpy up because grumple up. I guess hello you guys, welcome
to Laura Kane After Dark. Hi. We're going on our fifth year doing
this podcast, and it's because of you, guys. I'm already sick of
it. I know you've been with us a year in like three days,
no year in a couple of weeks. Yeah, and you're gonna be with
us this time next year. And maybe maybe that's producer Brian by the way,
Eric rib Or my co host. I possibly you'll be working this whole
fifth year for free. Maybe, or maybe I'll just quit the week after
Kanis comes. Oh, she would lose her don't please, don't ever do
that, and you could rehire me for my original part. I'm kidding.
I will. I'll stick to my word. I will come haunt you.
You already haunt me. We're talking about God already do I text message comes
in from him from me, and I know he's like, oh, God
of the night. I know totally. I texted you like midnight the other
night, but I knew you'd be awake. I should have not responded,
I know, but you did. But everybody he couldn't talk to me because
everybody else in the house was asleep. Yeah, it was midnight. I
know, I know, I know. So we're gonna have my daughter,
Evan Elizabeth on the show with us tonight. Yeah, because she leaves on
said her day, she goes back to New York City. You do know,
Evan, what that means for me? What does that mean? She's
not on yet, But what it means that I'm gonna have to pay more
attention to me. Yes, that's exactly what that means, because both of
my babies the nightmare right and I think this time is going to be worse.
Why because I hope not. I just think it is. I'm really
sad. We had such a fun summer that it's gonna really be hard to
be without her. Evan, you should probably pack your bags and leave in
the middle of the night. Didn't stop it and just leave like a note
on her pillow. Now be quiet. We're able to go take her out
to do more fun things now, like the movies with they She'll go to
the bathroom for the entire thing Instagram, or we could go we could go
see talk to me year. Do you want to go see? Well,
let's wait till she comes on we'll ask her all these questions we need to
talk about. We need to talk about our fabulous sponsor before we get on
with the show. And one of those fabulous sponsors is my Megan Route Mott
and my Megan Route. Our Megan Rout. She's my Megan Route now from
Milestone Property. Yes, from Milestone Properties. She has been the real estate
and mortgage field since nineteen ninety six. Godly, Yes. She she's a
broker. She's a real estate agent and she also lists home so she does
and as Megan says, all her my listings come with concierge services. My
listing that closed last week, the sellers received cash in hand forty six days
from the date they signed the listing agreement. In that amount of time,
not only did the househell, but I arranged for a garage clean out and
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Route does absolutely everything when it comes to buying a house. She lists it,
she sells it, she helps you clean it, she helps you get
rid of stuff, she helps you finance it, she helps She basically hold
your hand every step of the way. Megan, I know this is well,
it might work. Laura's not looking to buy, but could you come
over and get rid of some of her stuff and help me clean her house?
I would love to buy this place, wouldn't that be cool? Gosh?
But you know who I would call into milliseconds Megan Root because she has
a fine She just you know what. It would probably take me like a
year to get my finances in order, and she will stick with me that
long. She's stick She is stuck with people for like two years. I
think in a year you can get your finances an order enough to buy a
house. Don't challenge me, Brian. Oh boy, that's all she needed
to hear. No, actually, or do you need to hear this?
What do you think, Eric? I think she could do it if she
puts her mind to it. Thank you. Once you find some money.
Then after a year after that, maybe all those videos you see that I
watch every single night on YouTube. Where's the money from? Where is it?
It's coming? Man? In a fight? Manifestation does not have a
timeline. You're right. It happens when the universe is ready to give it
to you and when you are probably prepared. It sounds like it doesn't really
work, but what does work is Megan Roots phone number. Phone number does
work. It is six one nine six five four six nine eight zero.
Nice segue, Cane. You can also email Megan at M. E.
G. A. N at Milestone PROPERTIESCA dot com. Milestone Properties helping California
plant roots for almost thirty years, Laura Kane after Dark dot com In case
she missed all that information, her her whole spiels right that are up on
the front page. There so you can just click on our website. We
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I really love them for that. So thank you and thank you for being
a sponsor. Okay, my host chat today is actually a person that I
created at Lajoia Cosmetic. No, not at Lavoya Cosmetic. That that actually
came flying out of beer of vagina before it was plastic down there. There's
no plastic down there. And as a matter of fact, she did not.
Oh she was. She was a C section baby. Yes, that's
right. She was perfect when she was born and she still is. She
still is. Come on down, Evan, Elizabeth Kane, Evan can this
is your life? How's it going? I'm doing good, you know,
I'm just watching this podcast my living room. What's going on? I know?
Is it is it weird to have all this stuff up in your living
room? I mean, when you're when you have friends over are you?
Are you a little and various or a little shot? Look at this wall,
Like, look at this wall, guys. This is like right when
you walked into my house. This is what you see. Do you ever
walk down and see me and just go wow, I can't believe you're in
my living room every time? She lives Uncle Eric every day. Yeah,
it's true. I wanted to have Evan on because she leaves for New York
City fort years on Saturday, Saturday. Now I'm packing right now in my
room. Evan, tell me your goals for this second year of college.
Okay, I know you have, you have things have changed, you still
want to need many goals, but one of them is I'm okay, I
want to get in a show this year. But if I don't, that's
okay, because I really just want to soak up as much as I can
from the acting classes that I have this year, because they're really good professors
and last year I had really good professors too, and I just want to
go all in this year like I did last year. She Yeah, she
was one of you freshman or the only freshman cast in a studio show,
one of a few. Yeah, so it was a pretty big deal.
She's good and she now she wants to what else do you want to do?
Oh, well, you're just gonna be I know I wanted to.
I want you to say it. I'm doing some songwriting, so I'm going
to get a few of my musician friends to help me nice backing for some
of my lyrics, and then we're going to produce. Oh, Brian,
let me tell you a story. No, I'm gonna tell you a story.
No, this is not about this. This is not about the music.
I just thought of something that you need to know. Oh, I'll
be the judge of that. So Brian has access to my YouTube all my
TC's what I see on YouTube, so he knows what I watch and the
things that I look up. So he knows that I watched those sleep meditation
manifestation videos every night. I love those. Thank you. No no,
no, no, no, Brian, no no no, what I don't
matter. That's fine, Evan, Like I want to say. A month
ago, was twenty fifth on the list to get a dorm room. She
she didn't have housing basically, so she was worried. I said, don't
worry. A lot of times people fall off and let me guess you found
a YouTube video on manifesting dorm room no No, But in my sleep meditation
manifestation, one of the things I was focusing on was Evan's school, Fordham
University. Let this may please, let this be a seamless process this year.
Well, the next day she finds out she's seventy fourth on the list.
Hold on. That's worse. Hold on, hold on, manifesting,
Actually you have the negative impact. Hold on. Just wait, Ryan,
I'm waiting listening. So I said, that is not That doesn't seem right,
that you go from twenty fifth to seventy fourth. That doesn't seem fair.
We're gonna make a phone call. So we did. We called them,
and this woman was on the line and she was like, hello,
I'm gonna put you on hold. She put me on. Yeah. I
didn't even say my name yet in the call at all, Like she didn't
even know. I didn't even say my four to my d number. She
knew nothing. And then this man gets on the phone and he's like is
this Evan And I was like yes, and he's like, we've opened up
a graduate housing house for you, apartment in New York, And we were
like, what from twenty fifth to seventy fourth to having a brand like almost
a brand new apartment she got housing. Wow, what's a great question,
did you there's no question. It's the phone that you worked with me.
No, I'm sorry, Eric. We also wrote a letter. Oh I
wonder it could be the end of the other things besides you vaguely dreaming in
your sleep about how it's a bummer Brian manifestation takes on. There's many parts
to it. You don't just think and wish. How would you wait?
How do you know this? Because there's no science behind this, there's no
formal anything. You have never watched the things that I've watched. What have
you watched? And where did they get their information from? These are just
people that, actually, you know what, I made it up. I
don't feel like arguing about this. I'm saying it worked. I don't like
it. One mommy and daddy fight. Yes, we wrote a letter because
I wanted them to know just how much how important Fordham was to Evan.
Let me how much she learned from them my circumstances and boy, let me
let me present a simple dichotomy that was too many see how okay okay?
In college, I shouldn't have you. Let me present a two simple outcomes,
or two solutions to an outcome. One is that you had a dream.
We'll listen to a YouTube video and we're thinking about her getting housing,
and magic happened in the universe unexplained by anything including you, thank you,
or be the physical letter that you sent outlining the problem maybe had an impact.
If I had to choose between which one of those had an effect,
it definitely would not be the dreams you had. See what I do with
She's gonna fly right over the table. See the negativity, and I have
to deal with the punitive, ridiculousness nature of his words to me. I
know, see, I know you put it this way. If you are
relying on manifestation for more serious things in life, let's say money, you
wouldn't all right if you leave manifestation. You should quit all your jobs right
now and just manifest full time so it'll happen faster. You gotta put in
the work. You gotta put in the work. But if you have to
put in the work, then it's not manifesting Jack, it's just you putting
in the work. But if you're manifesting it, you're putting your entire minds
energy on that thing. Therefore, you already yourself, you're already. We
have a word for It's called focus. It's called focus on. Can I
go home? No? I know right now, Evan's getting into the crystal
move on. Yeah. I even bought him a negative I bought him a
negativity crystal bracelet, and he has any more on it. I have I
work for a weekend. There was no difference. All right, Look,
I am glad you got into the graduate housing. I just don't think you
had anything to do with Laura's dreams. You know videos. You know what,
Evan? I believe in magic and some people don't. So whatever believe
Oh no, it's just just no, no, no, no, just
the magic, just magic in life? What magic? Just glorious things happen
sometimes. Is this a religious thing or is it? No? But now
you're boring Eric because now he's doing his typical hair over. Eric. Do
you have a host chat or are we going to play a game? No?
I do have a quick host chat? Yeahs do your host chats are
durable? Luck? Eric does this with we all show YouTube might as well.
Eric does this every woman in his life. He does the hair,
the hair over. I know you're not You're not unique, Evan. You
have the best though too. I'm number three. Maybe you could manifest number
two? All right? Moving on? Oh my god, I'm starting to
sweat. Moving on. Okay, okay, what's your host? Jet?
And Evan's going to stay with this because we're gonna play a game what Saturday
night I went and saw Patti LaBelle? Do you even know who that is?
Brian? Let me get manifested for about it for a little bit and
I'll let you know. No, no, okay, and Gladys Knight at
the Rady Shell. Do you know who that is? Brian? Gladys Knight
in No? Oh? No? How was the show? It was awesome?
The best part was I guess, I don't know if it's part of
pat I've always wanted to see Patti LaBelle and I've never had a chance to
hear, and now I did and it was worth everybody because she sprained her
ankle like a couple of nights before, so like forty five minutes into her
concert, She's like, okay, I'm done by and just leaves. Wait
who is this Patty Lebow? She was really like my ankle hurt. She's
a singer, she's a musician. Decade the eighties, well, no,
because I know eighties, and then she's not the sixties. She sang the
song Lady Marmalade. Okay, yeah, okay, seventies and then the gladdest
night Pips was night Train to Georgia. Okay, okay, anyway, it
was good. They were both okay, let me say this. They're both
seventy nine years old. You're kidding, no, and they brought the house
down. It was great. Was it sold out? Yeah? Packed?
I want to go see something at that shell. Yeah, we should go
to the show. Earth Wind and Fire just played there and oh my god,
oh I was. I was in Cornada. What I happed? I
could see it? Could you hear it a little bit? That must have
been great. What do you mean, Evan, you're leaving? Well she'll
be back, I know, but not so like Christmas. Maybe you could
a solution. Yeah, Evan, are you coming back in Christmas or Thanksgiving?
This year? I'm going to Connecticut for Thanksgiving? Oh wow, that
sounds like a lifetime movie. There's so many things I don't know about my
own kids anymore. It's sad. I've seen every lifetime Christmas movie. That's
what I meant. She loves those things. I've seen every single I can't
a pinnacle of great acting for sure. For some reason, I don't know
why, she why do you love those movies? So I don't anymore,
But I used to because Christmas. Oh they just have the essence of Christmas
and I just love it. And they show Christmas movies all year long.
Yeah, I can't stand seeing anything Christmas see in like August. It really
bothers. I can't stand it seeing anything Christmas, Christmas. See at Christmas?
You like christ July is fair game. Nothing but before July. Nothing
before July belongs to Halloween. So okay, how do you feel about having
Halloween decorations up at in the beginning of August. No? Absolutely, it's
in stores. No in stores. No, I'm not going to celebrate MI
on the move. But how it's Halloween decoration should go up on October thirtieth
and come down on October thirty first, at midnight. That's the other.
The same with Christmas decorations. No, no Halloween decorations. Halloween decorations also
are no. Not November onet No December, like twenty eight second after Thanksgiving,
After Thanksgiving, Halloween decorations should go. Oh my god, three weeks
before Hall. No, no, no, it's way too sorry. I'm
not going to come to a solution here late. I'm saying I think mid
September would be fair. Oh no, who said that? This guy right
there, it would be fine October thirty. They go up, Eric,
is there any any holiday that you decorate for? No? I knew it.
He can't. His place is so pristine. There's no way he would
put any kind of decoration that's temporary. There is nothing, nothing that he
even put a Christmas tree up. No. Christmas decorations are the most boring
decoration. They have the least amount of like creativity. You don't like red
and green the colors together. Oh no, they're fine, but they're so
unoriginal. It's just the color like that's it has themes and actually has original
decorations each year. Christmas is not. I do like hell, Vira,
does that count? Lily Halloween? Does that count? Yeah? Yeah?
Whatever. Okay, we're gonna play a game now. I'm going to listen
to this. Okay, the game I've been playing. Can we piss each
other off, I know totally. We don't want to do that. First
of all, Okay, we're gonna do two things. Okay, this is
a game called who is most likely to Laura and still Big. I'm going
to give you scenarios and then you tell me, amongst the four of us,
who is most likely to do this thing. Let's go game time.
This one is easy. Game on who is most likely to become a famous
actor actress Evan? Oh, thanks guys, Evan Elizabeth since she got in
the Fordham housing. Who is most likely to travel the world in a year?
Not Laura, Me? It could be me? Why couldn't it be
you? Could it be Brian? No? I don't think so. I
think he's too focused. Strong of a pause. I can't manifest the answers
unfortunately, like I guess other people. I don't know. Maybe probably not.
I could get dragged on vacations though, for sure, you know how
bad I want to travel. I'm thinking it's me. I'm gonna I'm claiming
it. Yeah, No, I said no, because you can't afford it.
If that's some money, and then we'll talk, Brian. We're not
supposed to use words like I can't afford broke. It doesn't matter if you
don't use those doesn't matter if you use those words, because it hasn't change
anything. Okay, moving on, Okay, who is most likely to win
a dance competition? Probably me? She can twerk like, oh yeah,
definitely, definitely. It's actually type of dance those classes for that. Yeah,
it doesn't make it. It's dancing with your it's no, it's not
dancing. Yes, it's pretty impressive. It's actually quite impressive. Giving an
example, who's most likely to start their own successful business? You, you're
already doing it? Yeah? Hello you Laura can after dark? Okay?
Who? Yeah, you're gonna give that you manifested the shit out. I
don't feel like arguing that one. So yeah, that's fine. He's you're
bored now, okay, sure. Who's most likely the first to get married?
Well, you guys are old nobody. That doesn't mean we can't get
married. Maybe it's gonna be you, Brian. Yeah, I think it's
gonna be Brian. Probably probably, Yeah, I'll give it to Brian,
all right. Who is most likely to survive a zombie apocalyse? Brian?
Why? Yeah? Actually, in Eric's defense, he probably wouldn't know for
several months that the apocalypse had happened for sure. That and I know all
the little nooks and crannies that I could protect people from a zombie up once
it happened, though, I think he wouldn't last long, so oh no,
I would rival skill. Listen, I can play dead better than anybody.
Zombies don't rely on you playing dead. They just eat you regardless.
You need to know how to like make a fire, like when things go
all right, you guys can tie. Who's most likely to forget somebody's birthday?
You? And okay, me too, retire? Okay, okay.
Who's most likely to become a millionaire? Me? Yeah not Laura? Eric
for sure definitely Season one that squirrels away all his money. Yeah, and
that's good. He may already be a million I know who knows? We
don't know. And if you to invest in our restaurant business, our new
restaurant serves uh brown food. No, we serve all types of food.
It's gonna be a good restaurant. Just on the side, we're gonna have
performances. Who's most likely to write a best selling novel? Me? You
know? Me? Yeah? You for sure? I have a good story
to tell. What right, that's not a novel. That's not a biography
novel. I'm pretty sure novel is fiction. Yeah that's true. Yeah,
okay, then it's probably then then you. Okay, then Bran. Who
is most likely to skydive without hesitation? No, it would be me.
Wait did you say you? Yeah? I would skydive without hesitation? Already
you, I've already done it. So oh okay, Oh right, dang
it. Who's most likely to become a stand up comedian? Me? Now,
well, you're kind of already a stand up comedian. You guys,
it's not that type of funny, though you are funny. I would become
a standup Evan. It's very It's way more difficult than you took a humor
class this year. Oh so you took a class on stand up comedy?
What it was? It hard? Or was it? No? It was?
What about? Truly didn't prepare? This is what happened. I literally
didn't prepare for this and for this whole it had to be a two minutes
stand up routine. I didn't prepare, and I was like out in the
night because I was trying to find information in inspiration and so I was like,
I'm just gonna like go through my day and like do it. And
this the stand up ended up me not knowing what to do about what to
do for this stand up routine. So it was me. It was me
telling us standard routine about me trying to figure out things to tell us standard
routine about. Was it successful? Okay, give us your standard routine.
Do you remember it? Because I don't even remember this story because it wasn't
that funny. It was first semester, but I was like roaming the streets
and I was like, so funny, but I don't remember the best what
I just gave that whole spiel. You weren't I've done it before. You
could give a good roast. I've done I've done a stand up comedy act.
Yes I was, No, you weren't. Okay wait wait right there,
and I was laughing so hard. He won the roast. But that
doesn't mean he's a stand up comedian. No, that means you're a roast.
You're a mean person. Yeah, but that also that doesn't You can't
just be mean and that translate into being a good at roasting. Okay,
wait, wait, wait, there's a whole thing we've glossed over, which
is that Eric has done it before? Where? What company I used to
work for? I was the MC and I had to do like a three
minute stand up comedy routine. I'd love to see if it was and it
was, I was a hit. Is it on video anywhere? No?
Was? Was it in like a gay bar or something? No? Okay,
it was, No, it was. It was in a ballroom in
front of my entire company? No? Did you write it beforehand? Did?
Okay? Was it difficult to do? Did you? No? I
think we all need to do is yes? Six months from now on,
just six months. We need to have a stand up com well, but
that will be because she doesn't laugh. But like we need to do like
I don't I laugh at stand up comedians. I just don't laugh at stupid
dad jokes. We need to do loan mic big spotlight on the person.
I love it. I love it, And that'll be our next like thing
like roast thing we need do like two months though, we need we need
a little breathing room after the party. Yeah, okay, material okay,
okay, okay. Who's most likely to fall in love at first sight?
Me? Yeah? Me? No, me too? Is it because you've
been hearing my stories? Yes, I know they are not. Yeah,
okay, I'll leave it that. I won't roast you on this five.
Who's most likely to win a reality TV competition? You definitely you? Why
you would take it? Yeah, you think I'm clever enough to do that,
Like you win a Big Brother type thing, you'd murder people. Now
wait, but what she would you be? Like? Guys, this is
just like on season three of Ninety Day Fiance they had this exact situe,
like, I know my son win by a landslide. Who is most likely
to become a famous best selling self help author? Probably you? Yeah,
I mean you know how helpful would be. But that's what I was gonna
say. That's exactly what I was gonna say. Who's most likely to spend
one week in a wanted house by themselves? I'd do it? Oh for
fun? You would do it? Yeah, because you'd be less scared than
me. I think you and I would both equally do it, like I
think, if the opportunity can. I think that because I would record everything
and you would just be there for the experience. I have a friend who
works at the Hotel Dell who knows the exact room. Should they give a
fake room? Number two people? But he knows the should do that?
That'd be cool. What do you think should we do aircastic? Come?
I'd do it? Okay, sure, we've already done it from the Cosmopolitan.
Yeah, i'd do it. Yeah, I literally have like no hesitation.
That's totally fun. Maybe they could be one of our next live broadcasts.
Oh why not live stream at all night? That would be insane.
You gotta do that. Oh my god, because she, I guess,
walks around and like scrubs floors. The ghost. Oh god, it like
her already, it's called it's called like they called like the white Lady come
over to my house. Okay, who is most likely to have a secret
talent for singing? Whatever? She's right over there has to be a secret
talent. Oh me, then, mom, No, I can't make you
love me. I can see Eric like busting onto the super deep, like
rendition of Like My Way by Frank Sinatra. He's just too shy to do
it, that's the only thing. It's like. Unfortunately he we tried this
time. He's too shy. He cannot do it. My Way by Frank
Sinatra in the deepest, richest voice. You can't know. He won't do
it. He won't do it, trust me, it's just not his deal.
Who is most likely to have a little black book of past flings?
Laura? Yeah, probably you, m Yeah, probably me. It could
be any three of you, honestly. Who's most likely to have a secret
admirer they've never revealed? Probably you, that's secret admirers. I have a
few actually, currently never revealed to the person, never revealed to anybody anyway.
Probably definitely not Laura. Then she can't keep that stuff to herself,
But I do have some. Who's most likely who is most likely to go
to a spa to have a sensual experience? If you know what I mean?
Eric? You know I know? Eric? Who else? Totally?
Wa Wait you can't do that too, are there? Yes you can get
fingered Yeah yeah, there's spa spa fingering Oh sure, well no way,
yes you can get finger paying into he gets a hand job and the chick
walks into like sorry, no, Like, well, you would just have
a male massus who would finger banging you. I bet the chicks do it
too. I'm sure they probably do. No they do not, Yeah,
I don't think it's a fee. Yes, their sister's spa like they're getting
paid. They don't give a fuck. Wow, I'm gonna I'm so illegal.
By the way, Google that I'm going to see if that's a thing.
It's most illegal. It's illegal, okay, if you were seeing Let's
let's pretend we're all single here, Okay. Who is most likely to have
a rendezvous with a listener? Oh? Definitely not me, Laura, you
okay, because you're the only one in contact with our listeners like that.
Not necessarily he has gone to Eric's not that type though, But no,
But I am, I believe, but more so than Eric. I love
our listeners. You know what exactly? I would Yeah, exactly, I'm
not upset. Okay. Who is most likely to have a secret talent for
sensual sensual dancing? Oh? Merrick, you say it. You talk a
big talk, but I'm kind of not buying it. It would be Eric.
Yeah. Who's most likely to receive an unexpected gift from a listener?
You? I know you? I mean, oh my god. When I
worked with Jeff and Jerry, there was this guy that would send me flower
arrangements that he would make. Oh, I remember that I was just thinking
about him. I mean, it was the sweetest thing ever. But it
was remember that one very frequent and they were a huge one one really odd.
There were like sticks. They had googly eyes on them with like different
flowers heed stick like Oh when I'm sure I displayed them too, because I
worked really hard on those. You probably changed in front of them once too,
And I bet that guy saw Oh he was so nice. He was
so nice. You get a bunch of free more. These are good?
Do you like these? I mean, I mean we're almost done. I've
got like super stuff. Okay, I have Let's let's do another thing.
And I wanted to see if you guys can come up with some answers.
Okay, yes, you are sorry, you're staying to the bitter end.
She she has to pack. You can leave after I was just wondering.
I want you, guys want to go around the room, and now I
want you to name something that we all look stupid doing. I'll give you
some examples shitting well eric okay specifically that I'll give you an example. Those
are everybody like, for example, walking through a spiderweb. You look like
a freak when you do that. You're like, oh, speaking of my
worst fear became a reality. No again, Yes, it was on the
news. Oh, I'm gonna read it to you because I almost ship my
pants and moved out of San Diego. Thing right, thousands of tarantulas to
roam across San Diego. So rural and suburban communities such as Alcohol and Ramona
m. Poway could expect to see a tarantula or a thousands scuttle across broad
acres because they are looking for a mate. This is the time of the
year. Yeah, I I'm so glad I don't live in Oh my god,
poor Megan Root. We're gonna have to move her. I know,
I just saw translate outside my door. Alpine. Where's that yea having?
It's so awful? Did you freak out? No, it's pretty cool.
I have a picture of it. You know what you can hold those guys,
Laura, No, you can't one. No. Oh, I Racknophobia.
It's a great movie. No, I feel like I bring it up
every time we talk about spiders. You kind of look stupid chasing something that's
blowing away in the wind. Yeah, okay, yeah, or when you
trip or getting out of a two door car like a race car type of
like sports car. You always look stupid, I always necessarily you get used
to it. I can't as a woman. It's very difficult to get out
of it as a woman because because you don't want to believer everybody out.
If you're wearing a skirt as a woman, I mean no, explain to
me as a woman, you have to like no shift over like you know,
like side saddle, you know, like skirts a lot frequently. I
think singing to yourself, you'd also look stupid doing no. It's true.
Anybody thank you? Yeah, I just haven't long one on the podcast,
that's all anyways. Trying to kill an insect, you look like you look
pretty stupid. Trying to kill an insect and taking your pants with off with
your shoes on. Who does that anyway? Wait? Why would you do
that? Yeah, nobody looks cool picking up your dog's poop. I don't
care. You do look cool because that's the responsible thing. Well, okay,
there you go. Here's one. We've reached conclusion. I don't think
anybody looks cool riding a segue? Are those even still around? Specific?
But you are correct, no one looks No one looks cool. I don't
think anybody looks cool on roller blades roller skates, yes, no, yeah,
roller skates is what's the difference. Well, you weren't can rolled in
the seventies and eighties. That was like it's cool. Okay, I'm sorry,
I'm not old and not cool. Is there any Is there anything you
can think of? Things that that you that make you look stupid? Everybody
looks stupid doing I'm sure there's a lot of them. If you can't think
of anything, I have something else to talk about. Okay, I have
a segment Rando News. This is and I have a new music for the
Rando News and you can play it throughout the whole thing, just little random
stories. Ah, you're not listening to this because you don't have head films.
But it's a cute little song, trust me. A study has found
men are more likely to say I love you first in a relationship. The
average guy says I love you one hundred and seven days into a relationship.
How long was it into our lationship that I said I love I think the
day I saw you, I know, I think the day when I think,
she goes Eric Krammer and I went I love you. I know I've
never. I definitely said on an accident once, way too early. I
was like, shit, I didn't mean to say that. But you meant
it though, did you really? Oh No, Once that comes out of
your mouth, you can't take that back. He last that long, so
it's fine. Oh my gosh. Well, as a man, you want
to be the one to say it first, right, I mean, okay,
you don't see I want the man to say it first. That's because
you're a woman. I think it's the way it's supposed to be. I
get thee for the reasoning. Anyway, there's a new term for those of
us who sometimes show up to the party a little late. Eric. Yes,
no, you might have No, he showed up at the party in
plenty of time. Oh the party. I think I'm just tonight. I
was here before the podcast started five minutes. Well, okay, podcast,
But let me let me ask you this. Are you on time when you
meet somebody for dinner or do you run late? No? I'm on time
because I am unless I'm with her. So I just want to throw out
you should never be to an actual party on time? Why true? That's
bad form? This is true? Well, it's like thirty minutes after.
No, it's like two hours after what. Yeah, that's eight Okay,
it depends on the party. I don't agree. It depends on I'm nineteen,
you're like three years older than her. Whatever, you're like twenty seven.
It was done with her. Oh he's Charlie's age. Hey, it's
called time blindness. There's a new two Okay, no, no, no,
no, I know exactly where it's coming from. That's bullshit. Doctors
say it happens to people who struggle to balance their focus between things they like
to do and things they have to just look at the time. That's bull
Yeah, that's bowl. I have a new term for you. If you
say time blindness, no, that is that is a new excuse for being
Yes, they're trying to claim that's like an actual disability. It's ridiculous.
A new term is called menu anxiety. Oh god, not everything needs to
be a disability. Menu anxiety is when everyone else is ready to order at
a restaurant but you're not. It's because the menu is so big. That's
a real thing. Sometimes I'm not ready to order and it's stressful. You
have to make a decision when it have to be stressful. But it's think
about what you want to eat. I know, but it gets stressful.
It can be stressed. My bigger question is why do we have to add
the description of the anxiety to every form of anxiety. It can just be
anxiety. Doesn't have to be menu anxiety or foam. It's just anxiety.
Sorry, but the music crew. You know those white tank tops that dudes
where that we used to call wife beaters. No, we don't politically correct
canceled canceled according to who, because now they're called wife pleasers. Oh no,
no one looks good in them. I would gonna say, anybody that
wears one of those is not pleasing their wife. We're gonna call a wife
beater. Oh my god, this is all gen Z's fault. I agree,
That's why I don't. Is ridiculous. And why aren't they just not
called ugly cotton fabric with straps. I like the wife beater term. I
just don't. It's just because it's funny. It's not funny, so there's
nothing funny about it. Actually, these days it shouldn't be called that.
It is funny. What about I am a great one? What about a
tank top? There you go, No, but tank top is something you
don't wear underneath your shirts. Wife beers are specifically the ones you wear under
your shirts. How do we all agree it doesn't actually mean people who beat
their wives. It's just funny, I know, But okay, I agree
with the story though I'm the only one. It's not wife pleasing, that's
for sure. When you watch TV, do you guys watch it with the
subtitles on? No? Sometimes? Always? Yeah, one times because if
I can clearly hear it, like if it's very loud and I'm watching like
a big movie, like on a big screen, then I already know I
know what they're saying because it's so big, I can hear it, like
I can see their mouths. But if I'm like on my bed watching on
Netflix, I put the subtitles on because sometimes I can't always hear because my
head's on a pillow. Like you got to see the subtitles, especially if
there's some in any part of it in another language, then you can just
be like, for sure, if I wanted to read, I would read
a Bookay, no, hold up, hold up, because I used to
be in the anti subtitles camp, but it's very common for me for movies
nowadays, especially to have really bad audio mixing, so I always put subtitles
on. Christopher Nolan is one of the biggest examples who was terrible dialogue mixing.
There's a lot we miss without those subtitles. I watched A Very Long
Engagement last night, which is a French film, and it had subtitles,
and that was fine to watch Foreign films are fine. Yeah, because it's
a film, it's not a TV show. I watched, Oh my god,
subtitles. I agree with Eric on this one, because even if you
miss something in reality TV, who cares? Because it's important. I do
care. It could be a flat point, all right? What lever do
I pull to be crushed by a safe Okay? They asked what is the
top historical event we'd like to visit if we could time travel nine to eleven?
No, you are dark, dude, You're a dark What the hell
I'm kidding? All right, here are the time I know what it would
be. It would be the Crucifixion of Christ. I would for real.
I wouldn't, Yeah, because so many p it's so it's such hot debate.
Yeah. Well if it's disappointing though, Yeah, but that that's what
Why is it what do you mean a hot debate? Well, because some
people don't believe it ever happened, happen, and people do, and so
I would like to go back to see if it happened. I don't think
the world is ready for that answer. Probably not. Don't hate me.
It was just a This poll came out and here are the top two answers.
Ancient Egypt. Yeah, that would be cool. The American Revolution?
No, no, why would you go back? This is my point.
Why would you go back to a time when there weren't tampons or like going
back? Well, I wouldn't give to the American Revolution because you know those
things that you used to have to strap off. Is it going back just
to see the one event? Or is it to live in that area?
What do you think you pop into existence? Like here, put on this
diaper right now. I'm just saying that I was time travel So just bring
a bag up tampons with you in case you're gonna be there longer than Like,
yeah, Evan, you wouldn't believe what women needs to have to wear.
You've never seen those sanitary belts? No, oh my god, these
big thick pads and you have to put them on with a belt. Back
in the day when I was in junior high and it was my heavy flow
day, it took me forever to get into one of those. Oh no,
the Viking Age also made it up there, and so did the Renaiss
Sons. Cool and finally, we're going to go through a quick list of
the funniest movie your performances of this century. See if you agree with any
I'm not going to do the entire list because it's pretty long, but here
are notable ones. Owen Wilson from Zoolander. Thoughts, sure I don't remember
that performance. Actually, John Heater and Napoleon Dynamite. No, wait a
minute, Wait a minute, Wait a minute, No, why do you
hate that movie? That's a That's some perfect example. Moving on. Oh
my god, I need to do something right now, get a tampoint.
What are you doing? You'll see? Oh no, I saw see this
right here, like, oh my god, yeah, you should get that
works Laura. Damn, Eric, that is not okay. That movie sucked.
I'm gonna read. I saw John he Disneyland once. I more heard
him than anything Will Ferrell Anchorman, the Legend of Ron Burgundy. I was
praying that I just had had you, Evan, and I was breastfeeding you
in the theater. I was with my girlfriend and I had never laughed so
hard. I thought that that movie Okay, hold On, Anchorman is great.
I don't think Will Ferrell's performance is what makes it funny. I thought
when he said I'm kind of a big deal, I thought that was the
funniest line I'd ever heard of. I like the San Diego means Wales vagina.
He's way funnier in other the other guys or step Brothers. That's one
where his performance is actually funny and young. Well anyway, Channing Tatum in
twenty one Jump Street, great, moving on. I love Melissa McCarthy and
Bridesmaids. Yes, I don't think she's that funny. Ryan Gosling and Barbie
Funny. That was so funny, Ryan, he was great. N I
wouldn'tive him a top comedic performance. So Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder, Yes,
Yes, Ryan Reynolds in Deadpool, Yes, John c Riley, Stepbrothers,
Ben Stiller and Dodgeball, don't remember. Jennifer Aniston and Horrible Bosses.
Yes, she was good in that she was just naked. No, that
was hilarious. Danny McBride and this is the end that he was funny.
Should we watch that? Yeah, Michael Sarah's funnier in it though, Eddie
Murphy and Shrek Too, Yes, Tiffany Hattish and Girls Trip, Yes,
Rebel Wilson and Pitch Perfect Yes, yes, yeah, but I don't know
if I would put it in the top that funny Steve Carell forty year Old
Virgin, Yes, Will Arnett Lego Movie, Yes, Yes, I don't
know that one. You have to watch it. Sasha Baron Cohen in Borat,
Sat Galfanakis and The Hangover, Kenjion and Knocked Up. I do not
see my two girls Lisa Kudrou and Mira Sorvino Roman, Michelle from Rome and
Michelle's High Schooling Top. No, Honestly, the top Communicy performance has definitely
been Tom Cruise and Tropic Thunder. That was like, that is like one
of the funniest performance You're missing out. That's one of the funniest performances.
I'm actually Sasha Baron Cohn, I'm going number one. That is funny,
but it's not unexpected from him. Tom Cruise as Tropic and Tropic Thunder was
so unexpected. It was amazing. True. I guess that was like mind
blowingly like off the wall. Okay, well guess what before? Oh we're
going to talk about Keanu Reeves real quick. But first we got to talk
about somebody even more important, were famous than Keanu r. Jay works Look
from Capital Growth Inc. Thank you Jay for donating a one hundred dollars cash
two our party. Somebody was very happy to win. That really stoked very
happy. So. Jay Wortzler is a money manager with Capital Growth Ink,
and he says his mission is to assist his clients and simplifying their financial lives
and set them up to retire comfortably and remain comfortably retired. That's his mission
statement. He can do that for you if you come into an inheritance,
if you want to move around some money that you may have in some kind
of fund here or there. You maybe you want to I don't know,
you don't know what to do? Call Jay Wartzler. You talk to him,
Like what's it like when you go into his office? Super easy?
Like what so like? Like what what do you guys talk about? Like?
We just talk about life and things and then we talk about our finances
and then does he like give suggestions as to like where you should put this
amount in this he wants to see your kind of your portfolio first or wealth
of course, yeah, and then and then he comes up with a plan.
He's a certified financial plan or that's why he is. He's also a
certified divorce financial analyst, which means he is certified to know how to split
assets if you are to split with somebody that you love, and he can
do it amicably. And that's what his goal is. And his number is
His number is eight five eight five five two six nine six zero. His
email case you want to email man is ja A. Are you getting nervous?
I? What's his email? Jay W what's Capital growthing dot com?
Website? His website, Brian, thank you for asking. Now please explain
to them Evan, why this is not funny every single time? Now I
know it, like gives his website publicity, which is great. It's not
funny. You're not funny any of the times. Eric, what's his website?
Http s colon forward slash forward slash www dot Capitol crowth King not c
not funny. That eighth time he did it is hilarious, even Evan laughed
at that. I have a joke. He might like. Jaysler is a
great guy. He is awesome, and his information is on Laura can after
dark dot com. If you want, well, that was very aggressive.
That was very aggressive. Yeah, httys Colin Forge Last Flat www dot Laura
Kane after dark dot com. Thank you, Brian. See Brian is on
the bandwagon. Thank you, Jay Wortzler. He is on the Rimmer train.
What go for it, Brian, I'm going to have a straight line
for a mouth. I'm not gonna laugh, so don't. I don't even
know why you're trying. I am ready. Okay. So there's this guy.
Now I didn't come up with this, but there's this guy at this
grocery store and he's restocking, stacking the avocados, and this lady comes in.
She goes, excuse me, sir, where's your Broccli? Looked everywhere
for it. He goes, I'm so sorry, man, we're at Brocoli,
but we'll have some tomorrow morning. She goes, oh, okay.
So he goes back to stacking avocados. Comments the same lady comes by and
he goes. She goes, I've been looking everywhere where where's the broccoli?
He goes, uh, very sorry, Like I said, we don't have
any broccoli. But if you come back tomorrow morning to one house in broccoli,
but the camera on yourself for the for the sorry chewing up the next
ad. Oh okay, well yeah, I were going to do that,
but I want to I want them to see your face for this final bump.
Okaye the broccoli. Okay. Anyway, this guy goes back to stacking
avocados, and you know he's he starts getting a little nervous. He drops
some avocados. Boss comes over, talks to me for a second. Anyways,
goes about his business, and that lady comes back up to him and
goes, She's like, I swear to God, where is the broccoli I've
been looking for everywhere. He goes, Ma'm humor me for a second.
How do you spell dog as in dogmatic? And she goes what He's like,
just humor me. She goes, okay, d og. He goes,
okay, another one, humor me, please, he said, is
how do you spell cat as in catastrophic? And she goes, this is
ridiculous. He's like, just humor me, and she goes, c A
T and he goes, okay, one last one. I swear, how
do you spell fuck as in broccoli? And she goes, there is no
fucking broccoli. He goes, that's what I'm trying to tell you, really,
really was good. Thank you, every Kane, thank you producing Can
you not like that's fun? I cut you? You bleed sand Evan,
I'm thinking about Okay. I just want to say I heard in Harrison Ford
tell that joke, and he told it very well. I think there's I
might protect some adoption papers. You don't even you wouldn't even know where to
find those. I know. Actually, let's go to our last sponsors.
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can after dark dot com. Please sign up, but it'll be really fun.
Okay. During the commercial, my own daughter did something that Eric does
on Thursday's podcast usually and it drives me insane. Broccoli. She went like
this, Laura, damn it now, and then Eric yawned, this happens
every single Well, this is your fault for bringing more attention to it.
Anyway, we could have gone, We could have gone without anyone knowing.
Yeah no, but this okay now, Yes, as you probably have noticed,
this funko pop of Keanu Reeves has been sitting here on the desk.
It's going to stay here on the desk until something happens, Reeves. Now
we got we were We had a very unsatisfactory response conversation. Get off your
phone, Matt was schooling me. Thank Kianu Reeves. Yes, off the
damn phone. Sorry, Eric, Matt's birthday was six days ago. I
know, but we were six days like my birthday was a couple of days
ago too, and Kana Reeves and I said happy birthday? Right? No,
yeah, I did you said that like two days before. After I
reminded you, Eric, what h oh No, he did say happy birthday.
That's day. Yeah, see okay, Yeah, Kanu Reeves is not
making an appearance before or after. Look what I want some answers. I'm
done playing this little game. Little wants some answers. Look at little Keyanu
and say, Eric, please tell me the truth. You're making me know.
Wow, that makes me want to punch little Keyana right in the face.
Yeah, no, put don't, don't. Don't use my Little Keanu
is leverage against Eric. Are you the kind of doesn't like me touching your
things? No, you can touch it, just don't take out the bark.
I won't. That's what some of the guys. Lord Dates says.
Stop it. Give me, give us another little, give us something,
little, Kean. You supposedly met Keanu Reeves downtown. He was riding a
motorcycle. You took a picture of him outside a car window. Then apparently
you had words with him, point and not unkind words, very kind words.
And then of course you said buckle up, Buttercup was one of your
statements. And then you said don't stop believing that was another statement. You
claimed that he may be coming into the podcast. You claim that you have
had contact with him, since he has a point of contact, not necessarily
with Keanu Reeves himself. Is that true? No, there's two factors.
Okay, what are the plies? Give us the fact give us one of
the factors, a direct and indirect Okay, So him and his agent probably
are his management company. Okay, Now what do you talk about? What
did you talk about to Keanu Reeves? Tell me about the fucking weather?
Yeah, things, stuff and things. No, no, no, not
satisfied and not having it anymore? What did you say? Give us one
sentence? Give me your opening sentence to Keanu Reeves? What was your opening
line? There you go? When we first met, Yes, it was
he probably rolled in the way, He's like, hey, fucker watching your
go Oh my god, mister Reeves, I said, after the picture when
you supposedly had this conversation. Was the picture before or after? The first
words were before he rolls out like and then what was the opening Volley podcast?
Can I talk to you for a minute? And he actually stopped what
he was well, he was already stopped. And was the conversation held through
the door of the car initially? And then you got out of the car,
yes, And did he get off the bike? No, but you
talked to him face to face. You got off, you got out of
the car, but he stayed on the bike. Okay, okay, okay,
I'm into this. This is good, This is all right, all
right, progress, thank you. It could have been cool at the party
to hear that, but I'm not. I'm gonna let that go. I'm
gonna let let that go the party. Yeah, Eric, Please, Eric,
you're ruining it all right, Evan, will you jab this in stop?
We're done, you guys, Evan, We're done. Thank you so
much for joining us. Evan, really Appregendonni what are we gonna do?
Just FaceTime all the time? Eric, Now I know I'm gonna need.
I'm gonna need really a lot of attention. I'm sorry, I have a
limited amount of I already have a girlfriend. I cannot. I'm gonna need
it. I'm gonna need your I'm gonna need you to come. Actually,
we're gonna do a podcast on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We're gonna do two a
week instead of doing two in one night. I want you over here more.
Anyway, Thank you guys for listening. She's gonna go cry. Sounds
like a stone. I've been stabbed in the heart. I'm kidding. I
just don't want to drive that much. I know. Oh, I know.
Now you're an out. Fine, why don't we go in the movies
or something more? All right, Yeah, we can do that. We
can do a family outing. We will. We'll do a family night,
all right. I'm satisfied with that. Yeah, all right, Evan,
will you say our little tagline with us? Yes, I'll go first,
then you go, then Eric hopefully. Okay, all right, thank you
for watching, Thank you for listening. We really appreciate it so much.
We're very grateful. Love your podcast. Love your podcast, Evan, Elizabeth,
Jesus, don't be nice. She's the reason we have to babysitter our
mom for like, she's the reason you're gonna have to babysit. I want
you so much fun at Fordham. Thank you. I will not too much,
not to know, not too much, just the right amount of fun.
Yeah, is the right amount. She's good. She's actually good like
that. Yeah she knows. I'm very proud of her. Okay, thank
you, she's already done both those things. Yeah. Oh wow, that
was the right amount of fun. Apparently, I love you. I love
you. Even though your eyes didn't say love your love, I said dislike
I love you. Okay, those were loving eyes. Now, those were
loving eyes. Thank you read my eyes. I can Brian, You're amazing.
Thank you. Just walk out one. I know we're a past an
hour. I want to throw it out there. Go stop this thing past.
Oh my god. I love you, my sweet babies. Bye bye. Those