M Hey, guys, what's going on. It's Laura Kane after Dark here,
the podcast for the people So Stupid. I'm Laura Kane. This is
my co host, Eric Rimmer. Hi, producer Brian over here. Hi
Brian. I'm glad to be back back back another week and the podcast another
another Monday. Now, haven't you haven't run him off yet? Well hopefully
not. Well we're having a party for him. Yeah, you guys are
invited to the party we are having for producer Brian on May twenty ninth.
We're going to be celebrating one year with the podcast. Oh my god,
that is major because we've never made it a year with another producer, have
we know? And we've been doing this almost four so that tells you something.
Brian is very patient, know how much I go throughout here. But
anyway, the party is going to be in my living room again, that's
where we do the podcast these days, live from Laura's living room, celebrating
producer Brian. May twenty ninth, it's Memorial Day, but it's not till
six thirty. So if you're out doing something, you're going to be done
by then anyway, for sure. So we're gonna have munchies. I was
just talking to my roommate who deals with food, that's what she does for
a living, and she was we were talking about the kind of munchies we're
gonna have here. We're going to have prizes and party favors and roasts and
a presentation. Roasts, not a roast. No roasts. Apparently that's what
Brian wants. Brian's gonna get it. He wants to roast us. We
want this is your idea to do the roast? It was yours. No,
you said you were going to roast me, and I said, fine,
I'm gonna roast you back. Brian. Just remember, oh, I'm
going to be a I'm going to be a delight anyway. It's going to
be really funny and fun and we want you guys to be here. And
I have ordered a bunch of fun prizes. So it will do a Q
and a two. People can ask me questions and I'll just not answer and
I'll be all stern about it. No, you're gonna have to be very
completely honest and nobut what they asked. All right, So what you need
to do to go is you just have to be an Instagram subscriber, which
is four ninety nine. Just go on to Instagram. You see a little
subscribe Button's super easy, four ninety nine a month, and then when you
become a subscriber, then you can RSVP to the party, which is at
Laura Kane after dark dot com. Very easy. We already have people.
I've already claimed their seat. We don't have a whole lot because it is
in my living room and I don't have a big place, but we're going
to stuff as many people as we can in here. Did I celebrate our
boy in the bedroom? No? No one goes in my bedroom? Oh,
no, one wants to go in there. You are correct. My
room is was clean after the last week, but then I messed it up
again. Oh boy, I can't seem to keep it clean. Oh okay,
So before we talk about Jay Wartzler, huh, guess who what what?
Oh? Well, we'll do well, yeah, we will reveal it.
We will reveal all of that during his commercial. We had so much
fun we did. But guess who comes home tomorrow night? Evan Evan.
Elizabeth cannot wait to see her. She has finished her first year at Fordham
and she's all packed up. She's ready to go. She she has to
turn in her little dorm room key tomorrow. It's so cute. I can't
believe a year has gone by. I can't believes fingers crossed, if she
can even go back. I'm hope, I'm hoping. Please don't stress me
out in the beginning of the podcast. Please don't you got me thinking about
it now. I'm freaked out anyway. So that's the party. It's on
May twenty nine. It's coming up here pretty soon, not next week but
the week after, So make sure you rs VP at Laura Kane after Dark
dot com. Nah, we need to talk about je Wertzler. Yes,
who is not only my favorite guy, but is your favorite guy? I
love ja. A friend of mine just met with him today and she said,
you need to talk about him all the time because he is so good.
He is so she sat with him for like three hours. Oh my
god, isn't he the best? That's what she said. She goes,
I hope he doesn't ever stop advertising because people need to know about him.
Well, what who is he? What is he? He's a money manager.
He's a money manager. He's a divorced financial analyst. He will make
your money grow. He'll make sure that you have enough money left when you
were set to retire. Do you know Jody's retiring in December? I believe
that. Yeah. I mean it's gay people. You get there, you
get to that point. But are you going to have enough money? You
gotta talk to Jay Wertzler. Make your money grow. He knows where to
put it. He does. Okay, So we did go to happy hour
with Jay and his college roommate, which was so fun. My god.
This place called Red Oh yes, it's a Mexican restaurant. It was really
great. It's in it was very fast from UTC. Yes, and they
ordered a shot of tequila. Oh my god, because I wanted them too,
because I'm like, they have this little tequila card. It was so
cute. Who knew you were gonna be like the instigator? I know,
well because I thought the bottles were so pretty. And then they ordered this
bottle a butt plug. This is a bottle of tequila. There was one
poor left, and so I asked the lady. I'm like, can I
have that bottle when you're done with it? She gave it to her.
It's pretty. The cap is absolutely a butt plug. It is a butt
plug. It's a penis. These are balls, this is a shaft.
It's the whole thing. It's the whole damn thing. Like hello, anyway,
So I told more flower in it here, let me see it.
I told anything weird with it? Well, no, I told, because
Laura already has put a flower, grabbed the base and you push this little
emblem right here and then go like this the top. Stop it. I
knew you were going to do something naughty. We're in the middle of a
j. Wurtzler ad for a Capital Growth Inc. That's where you working,
Capital Growth. Let's start over Capital Growth anyway. His number is eight five
eight five five two six nine six zero. That was my part. Okay,
then go ahead, I can't do it. Go do the whole thing.
Eight five eight five five two six nine six zero. And he has
an email. It's jayw at Capital growthink dot com. Email him any questions
you have, he will gladly answer. He's really good at that. He
is. And if you'd like to view his website on the worldwide Web,
you can also do that www dot Capital Growth Inc. Dot Com. Producer
Ryan says, it's a good one. It's a good website. It is
a good website. It's a good website. Thirty five years plus of experience,
thirty five years at Capital Growth Ink J Wertzler. All right, so
now host chat. Wait real quick, now we're off the ad um.
Have you done anything I'm becoming with that tequila bottle? I've stuck a flower
in it, on the top of it. Oh, I thought I thought
something bad was really good? What do you think I sat on it?
What the hell think I'm that kind of a person. Look at this thing.
It's dude. No, I have not done anything naughty with it.
If you're sitting out here, the question though, yes, this is out
of the question. Would this would be horrible? It would not feel good?
You guys are naughty tonight? What the heck? Sorry, I'm sorry.
You're the one that put the giant dildough on the table. True,
true to exactly, and yes, this train right into smuttown. I am
channeling my inner Brady Bunch with this outfit I'm wearing tonight. I thought I'd
go all seventies on you. Marsha Marshall. I know it's totally seventies five.
So yesterday it was Mother's Day, and if you're lucky enough to have
a mother still with us, then I'm sure you celebrated her or celebrated with
her or if you're a mom, happy belated Mother's Day. I hope you
had a great one. I know it's a tough day for you, Eric,
because you don't have your mama with us anymore. It's hard. It
must be a really hard day for people who have lost their mom. I
mean, like really hard. So I hope you were okay. I did.
I went, thank you. I did. I went out and saw
her. No, oh good, yes, oh that's good. You didn't
have to work. Did you take it off so you could go be with
her? No, I just went out and saw her. I know,
I went out early. I went okay, yeah, well good. Well,
my aunt died recently and it was my mom's sister. So my cousins
chose Mother's Day for her memorial. So they live in Vista, so we
drove. I drove up to Vista. My mom and my sister and her
kids drove down to Vista and so we all met. So I got to
hang out with my mom and everything, and then we got we did this
really cool thing. After my cousin said some nice things about their mother,
and there's a little video. They had these little envelopes and inside each envelope
was a live butterfly because my aunt loved butterflies. And we all went outside
and we did a butterfly release. Oh my god, that's cool. They're
in these little tiny envelopes. You open it up and they kind of like
sit on your hand, they kind of like get their bearings and then they
fly off and so pretty holes in them. Now. They were like very
transparent. They're almost like God almost like yeah, oh okay. I'd be
really worried if I opened an envelope and there was the dead butter Yeah,
that would yeah, that would hold totally ruin the experience. But all of
our butterflies were alive, and it was really fun. It's fun seeing my
cousins and uh seeing my mom of course, and my sister and my brother
even came. Oh wow, Eric came, Eric with a k another Eric
with a king. Wow. I know, it was great. So I
made a little video. I put it on Instagram. Awesome and Hi mat
But I want you guys to know that I do think about you, because
I think about this all the time with my mom she's eighty two, and
you just never know. She's healthy. She has her mind is one.
Um, she's no illnesses or anything, but she just don't know. And
so I just cherished every second I get to spend with her, every second,
and I just I can't. I just can't think about it. I
can't go there. I don't want new but I but I do think about
you guys. So I'm I'm sure yesterday was a tough one for a lot
of you. So anyway, there's that. Um. Also, I wanted
to tell you that came out the list of the top baby names for twenty
twenty three. Oh ready for this? I always like these. No,
okay, want any guesses? Any guesses? I'm gonna say, Emma is
one. Let's see, Yes, yes, in the top ten for girls?
Yes? What about boys? Jaden? No, not on the list?
On the list, Bradley, Bradley, Bradley. Oh, not on
the list. That's not an old school name kind of Bradley. What's the
name of what's the name of? Um, it's Harry has to be on
there. Here, I'll read you the list. Okay, sort of,
not really though. Oh so it's the Social Security Administration releases this list every
year, and here it is this year. Here are the boys. Number
one. I'll go, I'll get to number one. I'll start with number
ten. Theodore, THEO. That's Theo is so cute. Benjamin, Oh,
god, Ben. So far we are two for two onl founding Fathers.
Wow, Lucas Henry, which is close to Harry but not quite.
Actually love Henry. I love that name too. Charlie was almost to Henry.
He was almost a Carson. It's not gross. I think about that
now. Carson. I think about him, and it wouldn't have fit him.
Carson out there. No, I know right now we're offending everybody.
William is up there though not Harry, but William, Elijah James, nice
solid name, Oliver Noah, and Liam is number one, Wow, number
one, number one Liam. All right, now, girls, don't read
my paper, you know, I like to surprise you. Do not read
over my shoulder. I'm not I don't like not even looking at you?
Does that mean that you're not even looking at Did you just say I'm not
even looking at you? Meanly, I'm not even looking at you? Wow?
After I heard I heard that hurt? Wow? I love Okay.
Here we go with girls number ten, and this is a dog name in
my opinion, but it's also a cute baby name. Luna as a girl's
name as a girl. Oh no, what's the moon. That's weird.
Luna, a little baby named Luna. Oh yeah, what no? Yep,
I have a friend that has a dog named Luna, So there you
go. That's a great dog, a great dog name. Evelyn. Yeah,
a lot of people like the name Evy, which is named Evy sometimes.
I've known even on a few crazy evelens. Just one actually, Oh
Mia, that's always on the list. Mia, Ava, Isabella, Bella.
Lots of Bella's out there ever since Twilight. Yes, Sophia, lots
of Sophia's spelled pH i e. I know a Sophia with an F and
I like that. I know like four different Sophia's spelled all the ways,
all the different ways. Amelia, okay, Charlotte, that's a cool name.
That's a city. It's a pretty name, um Emma. And number
one, Little Tommy's granddaughter's name, Olivia. Olivia. That's a beautiful name.
Oh yeah, that's right. I even can put the two and two
together, Oliver and Olivia. I love that name, Olivia. It's so
beautiful. If I could change my name, I might change it to Olivia
Olivia Game. Oh that's like a soap opera name is that's fancy. I'm
changing my names are still super famous Olivia Kane after dark. Oh that's too
many syllables. Oh okay, anyway, Um, did you know that people
I know this is I'm kind of impeding on your territory with the dirt,
But did you know that people are really afraid of Britney spears upcoming autobiography.
Famous people are freaking out. They're like attorney's letters are arriving dozens from a
famous people saying if she says da da da da, I'm going to sue
what I hear too. We don't know when the book is maybe fall.
They say it hasn't quite been finished yet. It's going to be a ghostwriter
for sure. And don't say that you never know. She might have a
brain. She might have a brain. I'm sure she does, but I'm
just saying I don't know if she's gonna be capable of writing a book though
that's a tall or well, she'll get help, but yeah, she'll get
a ghost writer. Maie okay, you joined us, Hi, Maggie.
Okay, so one more thing. You know, have bed bathroom beyond.
All of them are closing, Yes, all of them are. Oh I
didn't know that they're all closing. There, it's there. Have you been
to the one admission valley? No? Is it? So it's so sad.
That story is huge, it's two stories. It's oh, it's oh
my god. And they had stuff stacked up to the sea. Yeah,
and now there's like curtains over like whole sections like it's yeah. Well,
now abandoned buildings like bed bathroom beyond and old sears buildings are being turned into
pickle ball rooms wool. I don't play big ball, but that's sneat idea.
Have you ever played? Is that the one where you throw against the
wall you keep ying. It's like tennis. I think you do across a
net, right, that's tennis. No, it's it's tennis with a weirder
racket. I don't know. I don't feel like I want to look at
that, yes, because I don't know what it is. Pickleball, I
know, I don't. I just saw them playing on vander Pump one time.
Yeah, that's the only thing I know about so popular. So there
are my little tidbits. Oh speaking up rules, Oh boy? On my?
Oh yeah what I have the trailer for the new excellent? Yeah excellent.
Oh and by the way, Eric, Yeah, I have to admit
I saw that you called me yesterday on Mother's Day and I loved it.
Thank you. But I didn't listen to your message. Should I listen to
it now or should I listen to it in private? I was really busy
yesterday. I was like running around anyway. There's no excuse I can't.
It's on my am using the message. I don't know, but I can't
play because I'm using my phone for Instagram. Would you say, do you
remember I just said I loved you and you were an amazing mom day.
See, now I get to look forward to that. I would you not
listen to it because it was me? No? No, I just I
saw all that you had called. I didn't actually realize you had left a
message until later. Eric's important I leave him from tom Killa. I didn't
say that either, but you were thinking. She was like, oh,
it's that nightmare. No, I knew why you were calling and I and
I thought that was really sweet and I knew you probably you were, but
you're like, I know he's physical. I called Mary too. You called
my mama, Mama, did Mary pick up? Did Mary or did you
leave a message? No? I left a message that she never checks.
She never checks her messages because she doesn't know how we see where you get
that from. Thank you. That was really nice, really nice. You're
welcome. I got to talk to Charlie, I got to talk to Evan.
And you're gonna think I'm crazy, but this is what I have done
every single year that I have been a mother, well ever the years that
the kids have been grown up enough. But anyway, since they were probably
like five, instead of them getting me a present, I love buying my
kids things. So for Mother's Day, I would buy them each a present
like that, and I they would get so crazy about it, be like,
mom, no, we're supposed to be getting you something. I'm like,
no, you got I want to get I see, I got you
a present. I call you mommy. I like giving presents, and so
I got my kids. There are Mother's Day gifts yesterday, Oh do you
like it? My favorite? I know women in the world. I know.
Um So anyway, I got to talk to Charlie and Evan. It
was really fun. Anyway, that's my host chat. I'll shut up.
Now it's your turn. Oh do I have something? Well? I have
so many things to talk about. Okay, let's give it. Give us
like a list and we'll pick. So. Do you want to hear about
me getting the response from Jerome's for my Better Business Bureau? Okay, that's
one yes. Or do you want to hear about the San Diego woman that
went nuts in the Lucha Libre near your house? I need to hear about
the Karen. Okay, let's hear about the Karen. So. Uh,
Luca Libres right down the street. Yes, wait, what house is this?
This house? The Luca lib the one right on Washington, Luca Libre,
the restaurant. There was a woman that what freaked out in the restaurant
and the restaurants right down the street. Oh Maggie, thank you. Maggie
bought a badge. Thank you, Maggie. So the backstory is it was
all over the news on I think it was Friday. A woman went into
the Lucci Libre. She ordered a couple of burritos, ate them and then
demanded her money back and things got really bad with the cashier. So I'm
gonna play a little of this now. The language is terrible, Well we
could play it. That's good. Hey, say everybody, bab syn you
fuck up receipt? Give me, yeah, please leave me my receipt.
I swear to you. Oh no. It turns out this woman is Um,
is a VP or something at a company here in San Diego. Allegedly
she's been fired within one day. So I think it happened on Thursday,
and it all came out on Friday and she was already fired allegedly, that's
Um. They showed a cop of the letter that the company sent the corporate
office of Lucilibre saying they severed ties with her. So she was trying to
grab her. She kept saying, give me my receipt. The cashier was
holding a receipt that had printed out for an online order for pickup, and
she scratched the girl like grabbed her blouse and like pulled it, like put
hands on her. So all over at Okay, you can't these days with
phones everywhere. No, and look she lost her job. That coworker was
taking a video of her, as he should have done, because she's out
of line. Yeah, completely out of line. It was crazy. And
the video goes on for a couple of minutes, but the languages woman was
using, and I'm like, talk about someone that is so entitled. I
can't take it anymore. I never thought I would see the day where a
red light is just a suggestion. Like people don't even stop at red lights
anymore. They just blow through them. That I know that I've seen Mary.
Whenever I'm the first car, I never go as soon as light turns
green. I always wait a couple of beats because somebody just cruising through.
That's smart. Actually yeah, I mean I'm people running a yellow totally.
Oh if you go too fast or too quickly. And it is un like
I was going somewhere always coming here today and people were just crossing. Oh
in my neighborhood, no no, no, no, m on the don't
walk. People were still just crossing. They just don't even care anymore.
Like it is crazy. I know what's going on? What are we going
to do about it? I don't know people going to start again. This
whole me first thing is who said it's me first? Who's me first?
Me too? But what's mean? First? People cut you off, like
just to get in line, one car in front of you, people running
red lights like it is insane. I'm over it, wow, And you
know what happens when I get over things? He becomes a Karen No,
he can't well rightly so though a welcome but something needs to happen, like
people are acting like assholes and I don't want to hear any I know that
COVID did a number on everybody, but you know what, it's over.
Yeah, let's get back to the big boy pants on and everybody get back
to being nice. I'm sick of as shit. I haven't notice any like
quantifiable like across the board uptick and Karen's or assholes. Oh god, people
are awful, yeah, but they people have always been awful since, like
you know, sin existed. It's bad, though, It's like it's gotten
worse. People are just more apt to snap entitled. Yes, entitle entitlement
is just unreal. I just want to say. I looked into it,
and the customer who was yelling claimed that the restaurant overcharged her and that she's
not the Actually she's not the only person on yelp who's claimed that, but
she said they overcharged her and they refused to help her, and they were
laughing at her. But it's, you know, well the video, like
I said, the video. So her husband immediately, who she was with,
wrote a Yelp review on Yelp and it was instantly, Um, I
don't know if it was taken down. I think it was taken down because
I looked for it to see is it still up there? Yeah, and
I couldn't find it, but to try and kind of soften the blow,
and it didn't work. They also claimed that the restaurant was overcharging, like
was making other charges on her credit card or something, yeah, which is
which they've already debunked because they said there's a way to deal with this though,
yeah way, yeah, like she she gave her credit card and they
went on Amazon and just started making purchases like you know, it was that's
ridiculous. Oh, before we get into your your dirt, your double d
I just saw something that By the way, Margaret, I wanted you to
come in tonight because we needed to talk about ninety day and we need to
talk about the upcoming vander Pump reunion. But yes, she said, have
you seen the Mother? Oh, I just watched it she said it was
so good. She said it was so good. It was good. I
told you it was gonna I don't want to see it. It's good.
I can't look at Jennifer Lopez in in that role. It just kicks ass.
She was great, Margaret, I'm with you. I don't care about
her. She's not I mean impressed. I'm impressed by her. Yes,
I'm very impressed by her, but it was trust me, I don't enjoy
her at her movies. She looks good. I like, that's about it,
right, Okay, what do you mean anyway? Is it like scary?
It's an action movie, so you're out anyway, Jennifer Lopez an action
Yeah, exactly exactly. I just saw the trailer and she's like killing a
or she shoots a wolf or something good. She doesn't shoot a wolf.
It was annoying. Oh my god, like pieces with her bare hands.
And of course she looks like absolutely gorgeous when she's supposed to be all tore
up she does. Okay, you you got this via door dash. Don't
talk to me about this. I don't want to talk to you about that.
I would like to know how much that little smoothie cost twenty bucks.
No, not quite a little bit more than that. Is that the door
dash total or just the price of the smoothie? Just the price of this.
Well, I know I have a dash pass. I get it for
free, look eighteen dollars, and I'm gonna drink all of it. I
didn't eat anything today and I can't keep eating corn, so I have to
have some greens of some sort, and I didn't have time to go,
so I just got it. And somebody gave me a hundred bucks yesterday from
Mother's Day. So I decided to use it on a smoothie. And I'm
enjoying one hundred dollars smoothie. No, it's it's one hundred dollars, only
twenty of the hundred dollars about and I'm enjoying it thoroughly. Thank you.
Oh now, God, before we get into your double d. We have
a brand news podcast. Yes, we do. A lot restaurant, Brandon
Alote. We'd like to welcome to the podcast Alote restaurant. Oh my goodness.
Locations. The first one is the Full restaurant and it's located in Escondido.
It is seventeen sixty East Valley Parkway and is located in the Valley Plaza,
and the other one is in Old Town. It's in a food court
on Congress and they serve a lots the corner, which is so dang goode
oh, forget about it. Stuff potatoes, malatas potatoes. It's so fun.
On Instagram find them at Alotte Restaurant. I am hungry already. If
you go to Alote an Old Town or an Escondido and you say Laura Kane
after Dark sent me, you get fifty percent off any beverage, any beverage,
and they have a variety, so I mean it could be a michelada,
which is pretty cool. Have you ever had one of those? I
haven't They look amazing, don't they? It's beer and like it looks really
good though, because like the way that they the glass has like this stuff
on this side. It's really cool. But anyway, if you mentioned Laura
Kane after Dark, make sure you go down there. The one in Oldtown
is especially Coolton's little like a you know those little places that have different foods.
Duh. Anyway, it's in this neat new little food court and it's
right at the end of San Diego Avenue on Congress so teller. Hi,
that's my roommate Marie. And then their main one is up in Escondido.
Correct, that's a full on restall on restaurant. Thank you elote. Oh,
Margaret says she had Alotte the other day addicted. Yes, isn't it
good? It's so freaking good that corn is to die. And if if
you haven't had the potatoes, have the potatoes. Oh this stuff potato.
Oh my god, that's so good, so good. Okay, mister,
let's bring on the day leader. Oh man, a lot. I love
it when there's a lot, so much dirt, it's probably gonna be mud.
Maggie bought another badge. I love you, Maggie, so sweet.
And Sandy McClory, who does a show in Austin. Yes, he The
JB and Sandy show was is and was super popular in Austin. And now
they're together again doing some shows JB and Sandy. Look them up. They're
really good. And he bought a badge. Thank you. Okay, so
what, Oh my god, there's so much. Johnny Depp signed a record
three year, twenty million dollar deal to continue to be the face of Yours
ou Savage cologne. He first signed with them back in twenty fifteen. Johnny's
new deal is the large of any men's fragrance. It surpasses Robert Pattinson's twelve
million dollars for dr Ome and Brad pitt seven million for Chanel Number five.
I've never even seen a Brad Pitt sell five not either. I think signing
big celebrities for cloone is the biggest waste of money ever. You don't think
that brings in customers? No, because who buys Clone based on the celebrity.
It's what the smell like? Who's ever boy the cologne they didn't like
the smell of like because you know giant Depp is on it right right,
Well, obviously his trial didn't do anything to deter from him earning money.
Well that's good, I mean so not on parts of Caribbean. That was
a that's a dumb call right there. Whoever made that call not to bring
him back? Yeah, then making those movies still as a dumb call.
But agreed, he is going to bounce back from this whole thing with Amber
heard just fine. A source familiar with the fragrance industry. He said the
average amount for an A list celebrity is two to four million a year,
so he's really making bank. I heard that. Amber heard actually is retiring
from acting. She probably should well, so she has enough money to retire.
She's going to do to hire her only fans, I know, only
fans. Actually, she probably would do pretty well. Yeah. Yeah,
she's hot, I mean very hot. Um Ann Hash was buried on Mother's
Day, which was shocking because she passed away last year. Oh wow,
where they keep her for so long? Or maybe they maybe they cremated her,
I don't know, probably yeah, they had to have yeah. Um
Jamie Fox is in physical rehab in Chicago. The family is not releasing any
details on what is wrong with him, but apparently it's bleeding on the brain.
Remember, yeah, he probably had an aneurysm. Probably it is recovering
from that. Very close to Jo. Yes, I know, I love
him. Get better, Jamie, get better. So I don't believe this
at all, but I'm gonna talk about it because it's just so ridiculous.
Allegedly, and Shakira and Tom Cruise are connodling. Oh that's juicy, Shakira
and Tom Cruise, that is juicy. I don't either. I do not.
He's got too much higher power coming from the aliens for that. Yeah,
and I think she's go for her. I mean, I just don't
think she's dumb enough to go for him. Why would she be. He's
a great guy? Are you kidding? I totally believe that. Oh God,
I think he's probably a nightmare. Whoa, I have nothing everything.
Everything I've ever heard about Tom Cruise is that he's the nicest guy around,
the coolest guy ever, not compared to Keanu Reeves. I heard Keanu Reeves
piano Reeves. You did twice and you didn't bring him on the show.
This was like maybe twenty years ago. If you can get on the show,
I can't listen, he won't remember me. He probably will if you
get did kiss him. I will forever forfeit my pay on this show.
I will work pro bono forever done. All right, get on the show.
You want to shake on it? How about will make it right?
You're right? How about for a year? You sure you want to make
that? Bet? Ye? I do it to meet Keanu Reeves. No,
no, I'm you didn't say a meat you said to get him on
the show. That would be that huge on the phone, he would come
down in person. You didn't specify, Well, we haven't checking on it.
I am specifying it before we shake on it. Okay, So I
bet here. I bet he would come down when our Little Dog and Pony
show. Yeah, who knows. You never know unless you ask. Right,
all right, get over here, shake my hand when you're paid.
If you get him in studio, in studio, in my house, in
your house on the show. Okay, Like it's like I want to panel
with him, like you guys, come over here, I go sit with
him. Done. Okay, yes, that's give me your hand. Oh
my god, that's what is on my hand. By the way. All
right, Oh wow, we don't have to pay for a year. I
gotta work on this really hard. Yeah, yeah, you got you gotta
get Kiana reason. Oh my god, call him. He's eccentric. I
don't think I'm risking that much. I think he would do it. I
think he would totally do it. Why do you say that, because he's
just a nice guy. He was very nice when I met him, very
quiet, not like you think he would be, just kind of If you
get Spielberg, that's two years a four pit man. What if he's on
the phone that doesn't buy me anything. If I got Steven Spielberg on the
phone, would be very happy. Oh, I would thank you a lot.
Okay, you didn't get me a Mother's Day gift as you did your
other I know kids don't. Oh no, oh boy, I'm sorry.
What you know? What? Here? Here's okay, listen be Laura's gift.
I told the kids they had a fifty dollars limit. Charlie already picked
up his bike lamp. Evan wants to order two things from Brandy Melville.
You. I will give a twenty dollars Amazon credit out stop sing, send
me the link and I'll buy it for you. No, you're you're I
love it. No, you don't understand. I just ask my kids,
ask my kids. Look, he is so easy, Brian, like our
son is so easy. Reeves. Pick out something from Amazon now, Keanu
Reeves on Amazon. Trust me, I've looked. Okay, I want to
buy you a prize day. When you yell, I can hear it in
my headphones. Yeah, we can all hear. The makes my brain rattle.
S all right. Britney spears. There is a new documentary out on
Fox to Night. Oh Brittley spears. The price of freedom. Allegedly,
there's gonna be a lot of allegedly. Her marriage to Sam as Gary is
allegedly on the rocks. That doesn't surprise me me either. Taylor Swift stood
up to a security guard for harassing a and at one of her concerts over
the weekend. She stood up for her swifties. Yes, oh that's good.
Yeah, I like Taylor's love like. He was just like, no,
sir. I guess they were bullying the this girl in the front and
Taylor Swift was literally stopped the show and said leave her alone. She hasn't
done anything, so wow. Yeah, that's interesting. Um, Laura,
oh big news. What You're probably gonna slide out of your underpants when I
tell you this. Okay, your wish has finally come true. Okay,
Anna has announced her baby boy's name. Oh my god, this has been
a year. I've been waiting a year. Are you ready? It better
be something spectacular? It's a mouthful. It's his name is Jerry. Stop
it it better something like you know, diamond pistol or something crazy. No
something it's um rz a Athston Athlston mayor No, it's not you know what
I fake? It is No it's not. I like the kid better when
you didn't have a name. It is too how do you spell that?
Let? Can I be completely transparent? R A A t A g L
S t O n m A y E r s No, I want to
be transparent right now. I prefer you didn't. I already I faked being
surprised because it's OK, because I already know the name. And it's not
that. It is too. It's Noah. No, it's not yes.
It is a weird way to spell Noah. No, it's not. The
full child's full name is Rston Mayors. It's it's Noah Myers. No,
it's not. Maybe that's his nick name is Noah. Fine, let's all
fact check, but it's yes, please after a famous member of the Wu
Tang Clams. Yeah, but uh, I think that. Why aren't our
lights blinking? Oh? Hold on? Oh what did you do? No,
our ladies in the back we're blinking. Oh they're blinking on and off?
Um Brian anything? Um Today dot com does confirm that the name the
astapp Rocki's son with Rihanna. His name is r z A shit. Where
did Nollah come from? Woutang is for the churn he wrote, happy first
birthday to my firstborn. Uh where did I get Noah? I was telling
I was telling people on Star this one again that they named it. They
named come On like they would have name their son. That's that. I
was surprised. I googled it, and that's what came up. Noah.
It's not it is, I guess Rizza Athylston c Athleston Mayors saw who wrote
Noah? Then where did Noah come from? It? I did not.
I googled that. I googled rihanna baby name and it said Noah Mayors.
Nope. Wrong. Are you ever going to doubt me again? Mommy?
Yes? Probably? Oh great, Um well, I apologize. So I
guess I am really surprised. That's cute. I like it. I like
it. I like the whole thing behind it too. I'm all in for
this. Who else is in? There's a brand new documentary coming out about
Anna Nicole Smith. Oh. I saw that. I thought I had already
dropped, not yet. No when two weeks I think, oh, that's
good. I think it's like June tenth or something like that. Yeah,
and it's with two of the guys that knew her the best. Oh two
of her gays. Yeah, two of gays. Yeah. Yeah, so
that's gonna be good. Get this, Kelly. I'm saving the best for
last. This isn't okay okay, okay, second best list okay. Um.
There are several former and current staffers that have accused the My Little Angel,
My Songbird Kelly Clarkson Show of being a toxic work environment. Oh boy,
just like Ellen, now mind you, Kelly has been shielded from it.
She has already immediately responded her show is moving to New York next season,
and she said, um, I was not aware of what was going
on. Everybody is going to be taking classes on this. She was horrified.
But every single person said this is not Kelly Clarkson, like we're people
on Ellen show said it was Ellen. They said, Kelly Clarkson is the
nicest person you would ever meet. So they were talking about like certain producers
and stuff like that. Oh so they're having those people go to anger management
or something. Okay, yeah, just you know, they were working long
hours and there was you know, just this hierarchy thing. But um,
Kelly Clarkson, they said, was a delight. Okay, good, So
I think that she would be great something like I am on this show.
So what would you give me if I got Kelly Clarkson on the show?
Oh, would you forfeit your pay? Who is Kelly Clarksons? You would?
Oh? My god, I love her so much? Who is Kelly
Clarkson? Zoe your Are you serious? Kind of? I probably would know
if I saw her, But what do you mean does she do? She
was the first winner of American Idol? Hello, Oh my Kelly Clarksoner.
Watched that sense like two thousand and five, So, uh, did you
see the forty year old virgin when they ripped the hair off of him?
And he's like, oh, Kelly Clarkson, you Wow? What an obscure?
I mean, I actually know that reference, but that was so obscure.
Ryan a moment like this, like he loved Loves loves her one of
his favorite songs, My Carrie Underwood, my Kelly Clarkson, my Celine Dion,
who's released some new songs for a movie called Oh God Love More or
something like that. I also just wanted through out there. The American Idol
was only famous because it was fun to watch Simon Cowell crap on people,
true and it was really great in the beginning, really crap and it was
like a new concept. You know, people hadn't seen that kind of thing
before. I think don't know her face either. Oh boy. Before I
get my number one, I have to say a shout out to my friend
Renee. She's a new listener. And where did you meet Renee? She
came in to my work. Oh? Okay, and yeah she's a delight.
So hi, Renee, did she recognize you or did you Did you
talk her into listening to us? No, she just listened, okay,
cool? Yeah, Hi, Renee. I have one more thing to say
about Kelly Clarkson, and I'm gonna get major flak. Don't talk about her
wait, don't, no, don't talk about my calicar. Was gonna talk
about her weight? I don't know. Anyways, she gives me Amy Schumer
vibes. No, that's not that's not completely out there or horrible. Also,
I just want to say I think Amy Schumer is the worst. Oh
my god, you like Amy Schumer. I love Schumer. I know nobody.
Amy Schumer is one of the most unpopular comedians on the planet. Well,
she used to be really funny. I haven't seen it lately. When
she did, she used to be funny when she had that little Oh,
she was never funny. She's also infamous for stealing jokes mother comedy. I've
heard that. May I, may I do a one story? May I
do one story? Oh? Remember William Hung? She bang, she bang,
Lilliam Hung? Okay, how old were you when American idol? Was
that Julie crying? Put me out of my misery. It's probably no,
it's probably like eighteen years ago. I would say it about Jennifer Hudson was
on. I would say, you are a little toddler. I think it
also hit the prime again in a round twenty fourteen. Oh, I also
have one more things. Oh my god, Robert de Niro just had a
son kid. That's what I was going to tell you about fertile? Is
that insane? Or he's seventy nine years old? Does he just like go?
Oh okay, I have another kid? Or here's one for he couldn't
possibly be full of joy? He's full of happy swimmers. Well, now
I have a list of old people who have given who have had children,
old men, old men. And then comes the mac Daddy, the mac
Daddy. Here we go, Hi, Jason, Okay, Paul McCartney had
his fifth child at sixty one. Okay. Jeff Goldbloom had his first child
at sixty two, his second at sixty four. Elton John had his first
child at sixty three, his second it's sixty six. Alec Baldwin has had
his eighth child at sixty four. They ranged from eight months to twenty seven
years old. Yeah, Alec, well, he's Alec Baldwin's Yeah. True.
Gary Busey had his third child at age sixty five. Rod Stewart had
his eighth child at age sixty six. Steve Martin has one child only and
he was sixty seven when that child was born. That's Steve Martin. He's
never gonna get old though, Oh my god of him. He looks the
same. George Lucas had his fourth child at age sixty nine, and Mick
Jagger had his eighth kid and he was seventy three. Okay, someone needs
to tell Mick Jagger that he's old, because I don't think he knows it.
He doesn't leave fingerprints. You're not going to like be there for your
child's like graduation for there, you're not going to see grandchildren. Knows how
old he is? Do you see any dresses. Yeah, well, come
on leather pants because he can and he always has. He still has that
body after and he's seventy three or no, he's older than that now,
Skelton. True, he's very, very scared. He's got bottom name by
you, by that standard. Yeah, and he's the face of apartments dot
com Bloom, not mc jagger. You're like a little bit behind the All
right, so there's my little thing. Now tell me, tell me what's
the mac daddy of all the mac daddy just dropped the trailer for vander pump
roles for Union. That is not the mac Daddy. It is. It
kind of is high hotly high at Lee from Malaysia checking in from Malaysia.
Okay, now get it right on the tip here, I'm going to get
it on the chest the tip. Oh hold on, it's freezing. Oh
no, no, damn it. It's so good. I've watched it like
ten time. Okay, is it good? Will the audio did be good?
Or yes? If if it would stop freezing on me, damn it.
Let me see what else I have while we can do this, how
such of our listeners? Actually, oh god, it's going to be It's
a big deal. It is a big Brian. It's a big deal.
A big deal to who to a lot of people who like like Bravo,
who like reality TV, who like you know, junk TV. I don't
know. I mean a lot of people do real quick. Maybe you could
play it, Brian. Oh, here we go, here we go.
I think it's buffering, but let's see put it right up there. Yeah,
oh boy, oh god, oh gosh, Tom, you are in
love. He's not going to stand them all. I can't think of two
worse people. I can't. I don't see anything good coming for either of
those rats. A reunion that may be more. Don't even look at me.
You don't deserve to look at this. And dramatic can't talk because of
day and time and anything we've seen in the show's ten year history, because
she has a long history of diminishing my friendships, friends with everyone. You're
like a serial killer's wet dream. I do have something for you. This
was filed today. I believe, Oh my god, you mean to be
pathological liars. I see that. Yeah, even though we know that we're
not well, why did you point out that they're fucking dude late August that
that's a lie. Yeah, you not put your timelines together in match.
I have been super selfish, selfish, just not cooperate, diabolical, demented,
sub human popo head, both of you poopoo heads. I'm gonna get
sense a timeout. This person defended? Are fact stabbing? Hope give my
face gonna so quickly? Yes, you're a one with a most I need
a point from filming me. I don't want to hear her, my goddamn
face. Tom, you are in love? Come on? So now the
question? Are you in love or are you not? Oh? When is
that? I'm not sure? I think it comes. Let me see if
Margaret, Margaret, I know you're watching or hopefully you're still watching. You
live down the street for me. Can I come over and watch the reunion
with you? Because I don't have cable and it doesn't it doesn't drop on
Peacock until the day after and I need to watch it that night. Can
I come over? Yes, it's important. It airs Wednesday, May twenty
fourth. That's my birthday to ten, that's my birthday. Happy birthday to
you, my god. I'm not gonna be able to make your birthday party.
I don't I'm not having one that's okay. Maybe you can come to
Margaret's too, we can watch it together. Yes, Oh my god,
look at how I'm inviting myself over to listeners. Ouse, you and Margaret
should come to my house. Wow, you just Eric's house. It'll never
happen. I know what you mean. I did happen once already. Yeah.
Oh yeah, it took. It took like sixteen invitations though, Eric.
Yes, can I come over? Yeah? I mean I need to.
Yes, you can come over. Can we like make it a night,
Yes, we can make it a night. Okay, good, Okay,
when is it out the twenty fourth? My birthday? Oh my god,
that's so exciting. Oh. I might even make you dinner on your
birthday. Oh I'm going to bring Evan with me. I'm sure that's fine.
Okay, Well make you both dinner. Okay, thank you? Oh
my god, I love making Flans on the air. Okay, are you
done? That's great? That was a good ending. Yes, okay.
Coming up on Thursday, he has his he has a resolution with Jerome's.
We're gonna see what happened with Jerome's furniture and his half a couch. Let's
just say this. I'm gonna give you all a teaser. I had to
go down there to the physical story. This is not gonna be good.
I did make sure you RSVP for our party, which is on May twenty
ninth, live from Laura's living room, celebrating producer Brian's one year with the
show. It's free. We have munchies and prizes and fun things. Is
gonna be a great, great time. We have a roast. We have
a roast. I ordered party favors, and not that kind of party favor
not drugs, not one of these, not one of those either, but
some fun things and just RSVP at Laura Kane after Dark dot com. It's
Memorial Day, but it's not till six thirty, so you're good. That's
right, Okay, take your hand off of my tequila bottle. Please,
it's very satisfied. Didn't you know that? Oh? I thought it was
about plug dildo, compo, pull off, pull the lit off me or
him? Oh yeah, that's a tequila. Yeah. I don't think so.
I know exactly what you do with that. All of us, me,
Laura, Jay, and Jay's friend, we all thought the same thing.
When you pulled the bottle out, I was like, Oh, who
wouldn't. Who wouldn't they designed it? Because they don't? You think they
designed it on purpose? This way? Yes, I knew you did something
with that bottle? What do you think? Never mind? I don't want
to ask you guys. You guys were too naughty. Okay, is there
anything else? Thank you Alotte Restaurants for joining the show. It's a sponsor
Alote. We love you. Thank you Jay from Capital Growth, Inc.
What did Jay say about us? Do you remember what Jay said about us?
When Jay's friend? Do you remember what he said about us? No?
He said we were a perfect fit. Oh, me and you together?
I know that's so nice. What do you think, Brian? Are
we a perfect fit? Yeah? Sure? Whatever? Oh boy? Oh
whatever? We got the whatever? Oh no, and the eye roll.
We got to end this thing. Sorry, I'm hitting my rebellious teenage years.
My god, go to your room, all right, you guys,
there's no no phone and no video games. Is so unfair. Thank you
so much for watching and listening, and we love you and love your podcast.
I'm gonna get you. Go to your room. No cable. I
don't want to play this game. Why it's not fun for me? You
have hair in your mouth, I know to have hair. Every who are
you doing at um? No one particular. I just thought that. I
just thought that sound effect matched the general vibe it does in my head.
Yes, it's Matt. What my head is saying. I love you very
much? Oh my god? Maybe I'm crickets and that earl the crickets still
there. Maybe on the break you'll listen to my voicemail message that I so,
I will, I will do that during the break. Great, that's
right, people are still joining. So I'm well. No, no,
no, no, Lisa. Lisa's putting it to bed, so is Matt.
Oh, thank you, Matt, Thank you, Lisa, Thank you
everybody who bought a badge. That was so nice, mainly Maggie. Yes,
Maggie, thank you. I love you, Maggie, You're so cute.
Guys are awesome. Cant you in my pocket and take you home with
me? Everybody love your podcast, love it, love you see babies and
then comes to borrow. Wow. Okay, once again, my ear drums