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You're listening to Kfix on demand.
Melissa, Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show.

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Good morning Jesus, thanks for taking
my call. Left the bumper music.

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Oh my gosh, Yeah, I
love it. Yes, I recently

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lost my husband to glioblastoma. And
yeah, it was rough. It was

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a top three year battle and it
was just last week. And my thoughts

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are I was praying. I'm a
woman of faith. I prayed my prayers

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of petition, like please take this
away, the pain and all that.

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And when he left, I was
there for his last breath. And when

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he left, I immediately felt amazed
and rejoiced. And the feelings I had

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were overwhelming because I was so downtrodden
with prayer, hope, faith, trust.

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I lost trust. I would say
to God and say, okay,

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God, put your big boy pants
on right now, because I guys,

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I'm talking to do. I mean, I would get so down and dirty

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deep about my feelings and watching him
go through this as well. And my

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feelings now are almost should I say
this, They're not a petition. My

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prayers this morning, prayers of rejoice, well of gratitude, And the feeling

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is so overwhelming because I felt so
sad and now to rejoice. It's almost

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I feel like it's almost like not
a guilt feeling. It's just I don't

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know what to do with it.
It's almost yourphoric and I know these are

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kind of tears of joy, to
be honest with you, and just that

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transition has been like overwhelming for me. Yeah, I just I don't know

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if I'm looking for validation with that
or I'm not quite sure, but it

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just feels so calming. No,
He's okay, and that I'm okay,

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and these feelings are like just to
such an That last breath kicked my ass

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when I saw him take his last
breath, and it's I felt his fear

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of lead. I cried and then
I felt like, oh my gosh,

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thank you. And I say to
myself, and I say this in all

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honesty, I would do it all
over again to feel this on the other

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side. I don't know. It's
just good and I don't know good.

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I know sad, I know hope, I know I trust, but lack

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of trust and then regaining trust it
was such a roller coaster. And to

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feel now the love I have is
overwhelming. Just I don't know. I

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guess I'm just sharing and asking.
I don't know, but it feels good

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to talk to us through with you
and your thoughts. That's all I have.

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Well, it's not unusual, Melissa, and going through pain. And

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in this particular case, you say, glioblastoma. Yes, yes, so

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brain cancer. Yes, they call
it the beast. It's very it's gnarly.

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It just takes you out, it
was, Yes, it takes all

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your faculties. And he was char
fisherman, and he was a pilot,

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and he was all those things,
and it just took him out slowly,

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slowly. And he was a man
that wouldn't wanted to do all the trials.

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And for the next person, he
was a very giving soul, very

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giving, and it just got the
best of him. Yeah, if anybody's

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going through it might feel your pain. But yeah, well it sounds like

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you have. You have really taken
in not only his life, but taken

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in the faith that you talked about
prior to this. Anybody can have faith

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when things are going well, and
it doesn't mean that you don't have faith

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when you're in pain or sadness.
There is a time for all of those

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things in scripture. But and you
may go up and down as the Lord

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shows you different things. Obviously,
that's my goal, is to give you

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a life where you can see and
feel these different things. But I bet

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as somebody of faith. To others
that don't have faith, it might be

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strange or they may not understand it. But the fact that you do,

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the fact that you're living in that
pain and it's coexisting with joy is kind

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of what God does. And joy. You know, they say that happiness

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is a momentary feeling of joy due
to a happening. So something good's happening

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and you feel that joy. But
the believer is not called to that.

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The believer is called to a joy
when there isn't even reason for one,

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because God transcends what happens here.
And thank thank the Maker that he decided

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to give you that in this time
for whatever reason, and to be in

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the moment differently, And as I
said, it might go one way or

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the other depending on feelings and understandings
and just general missing somebody. And it

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sounds like you knew your husband well
and that those things, those life affirming

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things that you said, like fishing
and getting out there, And then is

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saying that any trial or anything like
that, he was, he was ready

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to help for those that will come
after. It doesn't strike me as odd

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at all that you're in the place
that you are, got protection from both

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man who showed you who he was
and is, and now he gets his

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retirement and graduation, and God wants
to protect you as well as he says

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it doesn't matter who is with you, that He is with you, and

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being with you in that way should
be comforting. Isn't it strange that you

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have some sort of peace and your
hope and you're being cloaked in that,

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and that that's the what is perceived
as a strange thing. Yes, I

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don't know what that is as a
cathologist, I don't know that. You

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know. I will say that I
said that to you in confidence. I

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hope no one's listening. Yeah,
just us. I know. I love

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that. Yeah. So that always
it's a kicker for me when I go

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back and worthiness and the whole as
you before getting too deep on that.

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So sometimes I go revert back to
that, like this feeling of love and

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hope and encouragement is that we're you
know, have I struggled enough? It's

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just a that's a vicious little cycle
in my head at times, and I

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try to pray through that, but
yeah, that kicks in once in a

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while. Maybe that's what it is
for me at this moment as well.

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I you know, I should revel
and the fact that I'm loved and that

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I'm being comforted as opposed to did
I do enough? And that's another So

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that's another thing that sometimes kind of
goes in my head. But to be

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in a moment like now, if
I'm so comfortable right now is speaking with

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you and just sharing my thoughts.
But yeah, so sometimes that's a little

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trigger, if that makes sense as
well. So I know this is going

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to be a roller coaster. I
know it's been. It's been a roller

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coaster for three years. And I
just think I'm writing this way now just

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as like, wow, I don't
know, I don't know. Peace.

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Yeah, peace for him and for
me, for him and for myself.

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And people don't often accept that,
Melissa. People tend to want to flog

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themselves when they go through this and
then they see someone they love pass and

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they want to keep you know,
like I should keep feeling pain. Well,

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yes, and now there will be
a time of mourning, but no

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one can define what that time should
be for you. And trust me,

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mourning shows itself in many different ways, and the enemy wants to creep in

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there and make you feel guilty or
ugly about finding joy in loss, and

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don't let the enemy win. Rejoice, have those feelings. Know that he

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is in a better place, Know
that you did everything you could to comfort

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him and show him love in this
process. And there's nothing wrong about having

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relief and showing joy and praise not
for the loss of your husband, but

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the loss of his pain. John, Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show.

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Good morning. What's on your mind? Oh, I've been trying to get

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to talk to you for months,
and I have a thirty eight year old

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steps on who is not disabled.
She's thirty eight and he has never had

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a job. And my wife,
we've been married five years, and she's

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partially disabled from a brain surgery.
She can't drive and she's very timid,

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wonderful, wonderful Christian woman, and
our stepson is just draining this financially.

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She talked to some other counselors,
friends, and they all tell me,

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I'm stepdad. If I try to
intervene and say you know what you need

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to get your big boy pants on
and get a job. And he was

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raised in the church, and like
I know, scripture says a man that

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won't work is worse than an infidel. But she's just so afraid to confront

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a situation that it just brings us, brings her to tears, and we're

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both And I come from a very
conservative Christian background. I went to military

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school. I have a law enforcement
background, and I've never ever seen a

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young man that refuses to work.
And it's devastating as financially. She thinks,

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oh, he doesn't cost us anything, and I say, chess,

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he does we pay? You pay
his insurance, his health insurance. He

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he's a large man, eats constantly, he's very overweight, and he stays

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up all night long and plays video
games and leaps all day. And I

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don't want to hurt the relationship with
my wife, but I don't know what

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to do. I'm just I pray
nightly. It keeps me awake at night.

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Sometimes I get into tears, and
I don't want to hurt my wife.

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But it's horrible. So people have
counseled you, how what have they

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told you to leave him be?
I have two really close friends that they

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have friends that are in the same
situation. They married a wonderful woman who

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had a child that refuses to work. And I've been told that if I

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intervene and say, you know what, you're getting a job, that the

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mom will always side with quote the
baby, of course. But at thirty

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eight year old is not a baby, no, but he's a thirty eight

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yurope basically like a twelve year old. He watches cartoons on the weekend's anime

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like after breakfast, and then he
sleeps all day and gets up and watches

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more cartoons and it's like, are
you kidding me? It's shocking, and

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it's killing it break it's breaking.
It's both financially, you know what.

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John hank tight, I want to
talk to you some more. And this

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is a little deeper than the minutes
that we had, so hold on and

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we're going to get some news.
When we come back, we'll chat some

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more because this is much deeper.
So stick around. Before we got some

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news there and we were talking with
John. His situation is he has a

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thirty eight year old stepson that refuses
to get a job, and it's taxing

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resources and it's been given some new
you know, some insights that if you

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push then the mother is going to
side with the child. And I'm I

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do know that that is a reality
in a lot of cases, John,

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But it doesn't mean that you need
to sit back and do nothing. So

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are you currently working, John,
or are you retired? Well, I'm

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retired law enforcement, but I take
jobs as needed, sure, like security

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work. Yeah, do high end
security work for celebrities. And they call

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me when they need me, and
some last for months. And right now

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I'm just kind of taking a break
trying to help my wife figure this out.

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Well, most likely your wife doesn't
want to figure it out. She

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wants she doesn't want any turmoil in
the house, and she wants things to

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live in peace. Is she working, No, she's retired. Okay,

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Yes, she retired a little early, a couple of years early from her

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very serious brain injury. She's fine. She can't drive because she doesn't have

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any peripheral vision, and we're super
close, and sometimes she'll break down.

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She knows, she'll start crying and
say, well, I'm thinking about having

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hand moved down south with his dad, and I'll start to comment your go,

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you don't need to tell me things
I already know, and I just

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leave it alone because I don't want
to ruin our relationship. She knows that

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she's afraid to deal with it,
so he doesn't. He doesn't help out

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with her ailments or situation at all. He doesn't drive her place. She's

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self sufficient, but every week I
have to say, it's Sunday night,

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take the garbage cans out. It's
Monday, bring the garbage cans in.

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He won't do He won't do anything
around the house to help out. Can

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you please take out the kitchen trash
and he'll do that, but then you

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won't put a new trash bag in
or he won't. It's shot. I've

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never seen it because I come from
a conservative you know, obedient. I

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was a conservative obedient son. I
went to military school to thirty years as

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a police officer. I loved discipline, and I don't know what to do.

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I don't know how to handle it. I pray I come to the

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cross and put my hands on your
feet, but I can't look at your

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face. I wanted to end.
I want him. He's a nice young

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man, but he's breaking us financially. I've gone through I heard it cost

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like twelve to six fourteen to sixteen
thousand dollars a year to house and feed

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a man that won't work. And
this has been going on for five years.

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So I've burned through thirty thousand dollars
my retirement savings for some guy that

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won't freaking lift a finger. Yeah
that's not okay. So that's not okay.

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It's somebody. I mean, there's
there's a lot going on here,

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John, And I'm going to give
you some of the best advice that I

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can. And prayer is important for
strength in this case to be able to

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deal with this. And you know, your wife is scared, is the

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reality. She's not stupid, she's
scared and she knows that he doesn't have

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the ability for whatever reason. And
you know, was the separation from her

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first haven't husband an ugly one?
Yeah? He was very very abusive,

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Yeah to her, her and the
baby. Yeah. She divorced him when

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he was seventeen. And I'm I'm
a loving father. I have a son

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of my own that you know,
grew up respecting law enforcement, conservative,

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just a wonderful young man. And
this is so off the charts. The

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other direction, I'm going, how
is this even possible for a young man

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not even to want to work.
I mean, well, I've worked since

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I was fifteen years old. I
still loved working. It's not a but

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that's that's not his mentality for whatever
reason. And it sounds like possibly he

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has some attributes of his father that
have stuck around, and maybe he feels

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in his own mind that, hey, you know, I was seventeen when

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when they split apart, and I
had my childhood ruined with their arguments or

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with the process of divorce. It
starts way before the paperwork, and he's

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like, I'm you know, he's
basically living as a child right now.

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Yes, and he's stunted his growth
now. John, of course, as

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the clock continues to tick, puts
us in a situation where I got to

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take another break, but we're not
done. Can you hang on for another

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segment? Sure? Okay, hang
tight because again this I think will help

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others as well. But there's a
lot going on. And when you talk

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about dealing with adult children, especially
a thirty eight year old man as a

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man, he's knocking on the door
of forty and still living at home.

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As a movie like Stepbrothers, it
can be humorous. In real life,

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it's not humorous. It's not okay, And the person that's being hurt the

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most is actually the thirty eight year
old who won't grow up and will probably

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prematurely die by laying around being obese
and having no movement, just watching TV

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and eating. So stick around and
we'll talk about it some more. In

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just a few moments. We've been
talking with John and what a dilemma to

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be in to have a step child
who's thirty eight, living at home and

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not paying for anything, and to
be now five years into this marriage.

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And you obviously could hear John crumbling
from the pain of trying to make the

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best decision and and so so John, we keep going over because the clock

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is it never stops. Okay,
a couple of things. The hardest part

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of this is is the the battle
you're going to have to do with your

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own comfort. Their action is needed, and I think that the best way

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to do that is to come up
with an action plan and get your wife

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to buy into it and say,
you know, we're both signing this document,

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you and I, and that is
we're giving this six months whatever it

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is. It could be a year, it doesn't matter, but saying this

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is what we're doing. This is
how we're doing it, and this is

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the plan period. It has to
be done. That boy's going to die

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in that chair. He's going to
die in that bed, and it's going

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to be our fault for not,
you know, for the failure to launch

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this child into the world. The
first thing I would say is, have

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you guys done any family therapy?
No? Guess who's not going to want

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to do family therapy? I know
that. Yeah, So that's going to

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be one of the first things is
to say we need to get into family

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therapy and to talk about this because
it's not okay, and that's that's not

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making him work, that's not it's
completely reasonable. And to do that is

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bringing another party into the equation.
So that should be on the list.

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When you put these things on a
list, she's gonna either see her part

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of not making this. Now you've
got something tangible that can be done,

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and and it's he's going to have
to partake in something. Second is and

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this is where it starts becoming a
pain to you. And brother, I

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know what you men and women do
out there, and that you deserve your

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retirement, you deserve to relax,
you deserve all those things. But you

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can't make his life easy, and
that means to find ways to disconnect the

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TVs when you're not around, or
to have timers and things like that.

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So there's limited television. You have
to set budgets saying this is the budget,

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this is what we have, whatever
it is. This is your refrigerator.

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You can fill it with whatever you
want. This is the allowance nothing

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more. You have to start setting
those limitations because what he Why would would

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you leave? I mean, in
his circumstance, he has everything he wants.

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Does he have any friends or a
girlfriend or anything. No, he's

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never had a girlfriend, He never
he doesn't have any. He has one

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one I'll say, human friend that
nobody comes to the house and says,

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hey, do you want to go
to the beach? You want to go

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for a walk? All his friends
are virtual online? Gotcha one? It's

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incredible, incredible, And I don't
know if she's gonna I can get her

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to go. I was involved in
a shooting in twenty fifteen and I survived,

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and I went and talked to a
lady that helped me through my shooting

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incident. And I have I have
to take I had to have a heart

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surgery because I'm fine. I work
out all the time. I'm super healthy

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now. I do have a tremor
in my right hand from the shooting incident.

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Some days I can write, some
days I can't, but I'm doing

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great. I just want the best
for this my stepson. And it's just

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like he's got an easy street.
He doesn't He doesn't pay for anything.

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Like we'll go out to dinner with
friends and she'll you know, he has

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to go too. He doesn't even
even say thank you for the to the

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people that buys it the dinner.
Well, if she's the woman you say

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she is and the woman you fell
in love with and married, there has

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to be some some reason in this
as well. She's got to be reasonable

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and if she isn't, and I
know often it's hard to be reasonable when

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it comes to children, you know, to love and to want to be

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with them and all of that.
I get all of the emotions in it,

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But the reality is he's dying.
He's dying slowly in that and that's

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the reality. It's a tough road
because it has to be steps of making

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his life less easy. Do you
have a spare room at all? Yeah,

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Well, he has his own room. He hardly ever comes out.

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He never goes outside like ever unless
he's taking the trash out or driving to

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a fast food restaurant, and then
in his room and spends all day in

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their watching cartoons or playing video games. Your wife can't believe that's healthy for

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him. I know she knows that. Well, how would your wife feel

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if you said you got to rent
that room out to pay for him to

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stay? Well, I don't know. Well, that's what I'm saying.

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It's like when you start bringing these
things up that maybe there is to start

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show that, hey, something's got
to change, and you can pick here's

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three options. We get somebody to
rent a room, or you know these

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you know, we've got to go
to therapy. We're gonna get somebody to

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rent a room, and and you
start showing the difficulty of what's going on.

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Now. As I said, this
is pretty complicated and for the scope

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of this show, we only have
so much time. But I'm going to

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ask you a question, John,
Is it possible that I get your phone

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number and give you a call off
the air? Yes? Okay, Well

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the number that comes up when you
called is that? Okay number to call

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you at? I called the radio
station number, but I didn't notice another

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number that showed up. No,
I'm saying that your number shows up when

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you call here. Is that okay
to call that number? Yes, that

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you're aren't using right now? No, the number, Yes, the number

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I'm talking that I'm using right now. Okay, Well I'll give you a

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call that number. We'll talk off
the air sometime. Okay, that'll be

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fine. And thank you so much. And I know you want to talk

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to other people. I'm not the
only person on this planet. No,

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but I think thank you for taking
I just feel like you needed to vent

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a little bit and get that out
and some of the venomount and the frustration

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that we didn't really get to some
legitimate steps, and so I'm gonna go

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ahead and do that so that we
can we can go ahead and talk another

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time. At this point, you
need to go in peace. Brother.

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I can hear the frustration. There
is a way around this. It is

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not hopeless. I assure you,
and many other people are going through it

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as well. KFI on Demand