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Well, today is our three thousand, nine hundred and fiftieth episode special.
Yes, we're only fifty episodes away from four thousand, and we're going
to celebrate with another Sam Spade a comedy episode, and this one comes from
the Burns and Allen program, which starred George Burns and his wife Gracie Allen.
The original air date is February tenth, nineteen forty nine, and the
title is Racy Sends Sam Spade to Jail Another cup of Maxwell House coffee.
GigE, play me a cup, Grace youmail Max for House is always good
to go live. That drop's good too. Yes, it's Maxwellhouse Coffee Times
Darling George Burns with our special guest Howard Duff, who was the famous detective
Sam Spade. Yours truly told me read Joseph Kerns, Elek Snowden, Harry
Luban, the Maxwell House Orchestra, and Bill Goodwin. For America's Thursday night
comedy enjoyment, It's George and Gracie. And for America's every day coffee drinking
enjoyment in Maxwell House, always good to the last drop. Many people say
that Gracie is responsible for George being where he is today, and that's certainly
true. Gracie is also responsible for Sam Spade being where he is today.
You see George and Sam Spade are both in jail. How did it happen?
Well, let's listen as George as being questioned by a police lieutenant.
All right, let's start at the top. Name, George Burns. Occupation.
I'm married to Gracie Ellen. No, no, no, no.
What do you do? What keeps you busy? I'm married to Gracie Ellen.
Let me put it this way. What's your source of income? I'm
married to Gracie Allen. All right, skipper, what's your age roximidly forty
two. I'll come. You look older. I'm married to Gracie Allen.
What's your address? When he's sixty North Camden. All right, Burns,
And I suppose you tell me why you're in this jam. I'm married to
Gracie Allen. You're in a rut a Spade, I'll come. You're in
this jam. He's married to Gracie Allen. You know, Burns, you
on this fake character accused of murder. I suppose you tell me the whole
story, right from the start. Oh kay, Lieutenant. It all started
last Sunday night. I was sitting home listening to the radio with my wife.
I'm married to Allen. That part, I know. Take it from
there. Well, Gracie and I were listening to the Adventures of Sam Spade,
the program we're just finished. All right, let's take a little ride
down to headquarters, Nita. But I wouldn't murder mister Benson. I've been
his butler for twenty years. Don't play innocent. I know you pulled this
caper, and I've got enough evidence to put you right in the hot seat.
But mister Speed, I didn't do it. To say that. Milakee
for the warden. You were clever Jenkins, but not clever enough. I
think I'll call this the careless butlert Caper. Why did you turn off the
radio version? Dan said that the wrong man tonight. I'm positive the Jenkins
butler wasn't guilty. An innocent man is going to get the hot plate hot
seat, and don't worry, he'll only get it on the radio. Who
cares where they put it when he sits down little burn Or. I got
to talk to Dan state right away, Hony. Sam Spade is not a
real detective, and I'll say he isn't any man who'd make an innocent butler
sit on the hot plate. Say you'll get a hot seat, Sure will
after he sits in a hot flighter. Look, here's what I mean.
On his program, Sam Spade is a private detective, but in real life
he's just an ordinary guy, just like on your program you're a knit wi
But in real life that won't work anyway, Gracie, what you just trade
was only your radio program. I know that the real crime happened last week.
Every Sunday night Sam Stade broadcasts is the most thrilling case of the week.
You still don't understand Sam Spade is just a character. I'll say he's
a character. I'm making that poor innocent butlet sit in a hot place,
hot seat, Let me try to explain this once more. Sam Spade isn't
even the fellow's real name. He's the brainchild of Dashel Hammet. Oh,
oh you mean his real name is Sam Hemmet. No, his real name
is Howard Duff. Then why is it? Why is his father's name Dashel?
Look, Sam Spade doesn't have any actual father or mother. He came
from DASHL Hammets typewriter. You so innocent, you know, I'll s you
believe that old story about coming from undercbbage leads through what's the us? Okay,
Sam Spade is a lauding detective and he's sending an innocent butler to the
hot light. Good night, good night, Oh tennant. I didn't think
anymore about it. I was tired. It was past my bedtime. What
time was? It was after nine? So I went to bed, thinking
Gracie would follow me. Instead, she followed Sam Spade. Oh what do
you mean? Let me tell you about that part of Okay Spade? Well,
I'd finished my regular Sunday night shot at the Broadcasting Studio, after which
the actors lingered on for a little bull session. You know who stepped on
whose lines? I want a bigger pot next week, and so forth.
So it's about ten when I step out under the California night air, which
is also about ten, but there's no snow, so I decided to walk
home. I haven't taken two steps when this little lady grabs me by the
sleeve and says, are you Sam Stade? Well, if I had known
then what I know now, I would have thrown myself under the wheels of
a passing sunset bus. But I'm a ham and I figured she's maybe a
fan, so I answer in my best pathot in the playhouse boys, Yes,
I'm Sam Stade. The butler didn't do it. Huh, you've got
the wrong man. The butler didn't joke at Kipper Jerk that kipper jan Cat
Papper. You mean that you've getting an innocent man to jail. No I
did, Yes you did, lady. I think you're a little mixed up
about me and just an actor. On CBS, that's what everybody said.
Look a little lady, I'm tired. It's been a tough day. I'll
see you on h just spend it at dance sake. I heard you arrests
Butler. You've got to let him go free. You wouldn't give me a
reb would you anything to free that Butler? Which we do you want?
I'll tell you what. Why don't you write me a letter? But a
dull prience? Don't use anything sharp. I'll do better than that. I'll
come to your office. Where is it? I haven't gotten an office,
plain cage? Huh? All right, I'll come to your house. Where's
back? Three? Two? One? I don't know. I'm not talking.
I want to get some sleep to night along? Where are you following
me? What do you want? Got a cigarette? Sure? Yeah?
Got a match? Sure, light it for you? Okay, I don't
smoke. Then why did you ask me for a cigarette? Oh? I
thought i'd better have it in cake? Somebody asked me for one? I
see would you as a cigarette? No? Thanks? Well? Good now?
Good night? Okay, okay, Now what's the times? Yeah it's
exactly ten ten? Thanks? Thanks? I met it's ten minutes after ten.
You're wrong my watch, that's goodteen after ten. You've got to watch?
Then? Why did you ask me the time one cigarette? No?
Oh, good now, good night. Look, ladies stop following me.
Oh it's you again. Yeah, fancy meeting me here? Can I give
you the slipt three? I couldn't extuck the thing I talk. I'm a
strange man. All right? What do you want this time? Got a
roadmap? A roadmap? Are you lost? May I make a suggestion?
Get lost? Well? Now, good night. Well, I've had enough
of this little lady. You've seen the end of me. Yeah, it's
you block. That's time I lose you. Hey, taxi, taxi,
Let's get out of here, Cabby, but fast. It's my house,
Cabby flop. It was real driving, buddy, keep the change? Can
I? Oh no? Oh no? How did you get here in the
back of that tad? Who are you anyway? Oh no, I'm too
smart to tell you who I am? If I did you complain to my
husband George Byrne? Oh so you're Gracie Allen? How did you find out?
You forget? I'm a detective. And now I know what the National
Safety Council means when they say don't be a Gracie. Oh never mind,
Dad, are you going to let the butler go Look, Gracie, there's
really no butler in present, and I'm not really sam Space. Oh now,
don't give me that story about your mother being a typewriter. You're not
talking to a child. I'm older than our Look, okay, Gracie,
I see there's no use are you with a smart girl like you. I'll
see that the butler gets out. I'll get on the best mouthpiece of time.
Get him out first, six and teeth later. Okay, Okay,
good night, Well lieutenant, I thought that that would be the end of
the episode, but it was. Brother. You haven't heard anything yet.
The next time, Wait a minute, mister Burns. Before I listen anymore
of this story, I'll have to send out for some aspiring. Yeah,
have some of mine? Hey, how come you walk around with your pockets
full of aspiring? I'm married to Gracie Allen. Yes, it strike up
the band. The glorious music of George Gershwin. You know, you just
can't mistake those melodies, those typical harmony of the wonderful Gershwin rhythms. And
it's all these things, all the separate musical elements skillfully combined that make the
music of George Gershwin so immortal. Listen a moment to one of his most
famous compositions. It was heard for the first time just twenty five years ago
tonight. Let's see if you can recognize it when we play just the mellow
harmonade. With that, we'll blend this counter melody for richness, and now
to add that vigorous Gershwin rhythm. Finally will wound out this great score as
Gershwin intended you to hear and enjoy it by adding his full bodied melodade.
Yes, the famous Rhapsody in Blue even more popular today than when it was
first played twenty five years ago tonight. Like all great composers, George Gershwin
knew well that great music requires not one, but many fine musical parts,
all skillfully blended into one harmonious score. And friends, it takes the same
skill in blending to bring you great coffee, famous Maxwell House coffee. It's
flavor rich, satisfying, good to the last drop flavor that's made Maxwell House
America's favorite brand of coffee. And to create the sufferb flavor, our Maxwell
House experts combine not one but many choice coffees from the Fertile Highlands of Latin
America. First they select premium grades of Manazal's coffees. For melanis to these
coffees, fine metalinds are added for richness, but famous Maxwell House play must
be more than melo and rich, so other choice coffees are added for bigger
and then book among us coffees contribute their fine, full body. This perfectly
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you right here on the West Coast. Satisfy your critical tape, So tomorrow
discover all the extra flavor that's yours in every couple of America's favorite brand of
coffee, Famous Maxwell House, always good to the last drop. And now
back to the city jail where George and Sam Spade are trying to explain how
Gracie put them there. Let's see if I've got this straight so far,
Burns, your wife listened to Sam spade program for he was really sending an
innocent butler to the chair and started hounding him. That's right, Lieutenant,
What did you think, Spade? I didn't know what the fake lieutenant.
The surveys tell me I have ten million odd listeners, but I didn't think
any of them with that odd ill anyway to get rid of her? You
told her that you'd free the butler. Yeah, but that didn't satisfied Gracey's
She didn't wanted to see the guy. That's when Spade came to me from
Hope. He asked me to make Gracie leave him alone. How would you
say? I told him to ask me something easy, like getting Westbrook Pegler
to dance with Eleanor Roosevelt. Mister Burns, why have you put up with
a wife like that? I'm too old to go back to Gus Edwards.
Besides which, I happened to love her. Well, so what did you
two decide to do? Well, there was only one thing we could do.
That was they got the actor who played the butler on my program I
Love Gracie Sam, which we did. Yeah, and that's when we really
got into trouble. I guess what happened. Okay, Spade was giving the
guy is finally remember Claudia Jenkins, the butler and I have set you free.
Don't worry. I'll have Missus Burns crying like a baby in radio.
They don't call me the mail mar Perkins for nothing. I'll come on.
Gracey's in the next room. Honey, here's Sam Spade. Yes, the
spies and I have freed the butler. Here he is. How do you
do madam? It is the butler. I recognize that voice. Oh,
I'm so happy for you, Jenkins. What would you do now that you're
free? I shall return to the home of my youth. Ready, your
youth? I had reference to my birthplace, madam, dear old England,
I shall go back there to regain my hill. Really, yes, America
is nice, but I'll take liver. You don't have to go to England
for Liverpools. They made right here, I asked. That's Carter's little Liverpools.
I take the Liverpool is the name of a city. Yes, Now,
thank Missus Burns for getting out of jail and unscrew disappear. Madam,
Your beneficent intervention has terminated the most injurious and humiliating incarceration. You'll never know
what that means. Why don't unless you stop in the word goodbye? Jenkins
Phill. Well, all I go to a new and better life. Oh
goodbye, re write me from Kidney Creek, Liverpool. Well, I was
in the right neighborhood. Goodbye. Well takes care of that. Ah,
George here said it. I'll be running along too, goodbye, Grace.
Just a minute now. Look, if the bupper didn't murder mister Benson,
who did. You proved that his wife and daughter didn't do it, and
there was only one other person in the scene, so he must be the
murderer. You confess they you united, mister Benson, But I have no
motive and you did it with something else. Look, Gracie, you mind
a stick, judge. I'm gonna give him the third degree lipstick, but
I want to look nice when he shines that bright light in my face.
You're supposed to shine it in his face. Oh oh well, and give
him the lipstick I've kept out of this madhouse. Goodbye Well. Lieutenant Strade
ran out of that house like like like he was seeing a ghost, which
was true because from then on Gracie started on harnting him, trying to make
him confess. Yeah, she found out that my radio sponsor was Wildlood.
Creamer. Also, she disguised herself with a big hat in the veil and
knocked at my door. Damn Faith, Yes, how do you do.
My name is wild Rude. Perhaps you know my husband Willie Premoil. My
full name is Missus Wildrood cream Oil. I'm the wife of your sponsor.
Now look, I understand you murdered the mister Benson. Now that's strictly forbidden
in your contract. Missus cream Oil, you look like Gracie Allen to me.
Flattery will get you no players. If you like to confess, perhaps
we can get you off with life imprisonment. When you come out, you
can take over your program again. Gracie, I did not murder mister Benson.
Go away. But the next day she was back, this time of
another disguise. Damn Faith. Yes, I'm from Western Union. I have
a telegram here from President Truman. Why I'll read it to you, dear
dam confess signed Harry any answer, scram beat it, go away. That's
no way to talk to the president. But the third day topped everything.
She posed as a private detective fan Faith. Yes, I'm fairly shoveled,
Sam. We're in the same racket. Pale and I want to help your
body, So why don't you confess? Now you're a private eye? Also,
no throat. I put everything into my work. Now confess job.
So your murdered dancer to what I've been mixed up with? A few?
Keeper? Or is the keeper in you're a case? It's keepers? Now
go away? Well, lieutenant, that's when Spade came to see me again,
looking much older. Yeah, we hit on a brilliant scheme. When
you decided that I should confess the murder, then George would pretend to take
me to the city Hall of surrender and Gracie would forget the whole thing.
But Gracie did something we didn't count on was that while I was going to
pick up Spade, she called the police. Oh, yes, that's why
I come into the picture. She called me, I suppose you tell us
what happened? Then? Well, when I got to the house, she
said, there's a desperate criminal on his way here to confess a murder.
As soon as he confesses, you can grab it. Don't worry, lady,
I'll are you waiting the next room? Maybe armed? Oh he is
the one hanging from each shoulder you call it? Oh, where is everybody?
Over my mind. What's your name, Bill Goodwin? What did you
do with the body? I took her home? Why did you do that?
I dumped her out? She was dead? Huh, I was sure,
that's why I took her home. You've done a pretty terrible thing,
young man. Tomorrow off senders some flowers. You're a real killer. What's
your everything? You're good tonight? I will not for are you her father?
Well, in that case, I'll tell you that. Another fellow and
I double dated. We met the girls, and the far of us went
into a restaurant for dinner. I ordered four cups to Maxwell House coffee,
and what well, I told the way to bring the other people some too.
I wanted them to taste the rich, mellow goodness of Maxwell House.
It's America's favorite coffee. You know, yes, I know what happened then,
Well, that's when the girl and I got into a fight. Ah
what about she cut me drinking her Maxwell House coffee. But you've had four
cups. Well, when you taste that good to the last drop flavor,
you just don't know when to stop. You know. Maxwell House is a
blend of the finest Latin American coffees. Radiant roasted to the peak of flavor
perfection. The n office in to be confessed that good. He confessed everything.
Missus burns. He got mixed up with the girl, and now he's
headed for the chair. You're nuts when I get mixed up with a girl
I had for the divan. I'm in the electric chair. You killed the
girl? Are you kidding? All I killed was five cups of Maxwell House
coffee? Yes, officer, this is the wrong man. Sam Spade is
the one you want to a ribber. Sam Spade is in trouble. Oh
gee, I was gonna hire him to find someone for me. Girl about
five feet two, red hair, green eyes, terrific figure, drives a
Cadillac convertible. Oh when did you last fear? Who's seen her? I
want Stade to find anyone like that. Well, there won't be any mistake
this time, Officer. He comes My husband up the walk with a real
murderer. Yeah, anyone can tell that guy's a criminal. We're gonna low
forehead. That's my husband that this time. I want to hear the confession
before I make the pinch. I'll just suck into this closet. Oh,
mister Spade, I hate to think of him sitting in the electric chair with
those long legs. To'd be so uncomfortable. Well, here he is,
grace ready to confess. Yes, I can hide the truth no longer.
I killed Benson. Why did you do it, mister Sade. That man
murdered my mother, ruined my father, tortured my sister, and robbed my
brother. Oh then there was nothing personal. No, I just didn't like
him. How did it happen? Benson was standing in a bar see.
I walked up to him. Let him have two slugs, and he fell
to the floor, couldn't hold his leg a huh. Let him have two
slugs from a crystol. Now keep quiet and let the man confess. Yes,
I'll never get my chancey. I shot him down in cold blood,
and as he lay on the floor, I pulled the trigger again and again
and again. When the gun was empty, I stood over his body and
laughed like a theme that I am. I should have been locked up for
twenty years, thirty years, I'll like that, forty. Who are you?
I'm rigging from homicide. I called him over to hear your confession.
Okay, come on, Spade, officer, wait a minute, let me
explain. Mister Spayden, I cooked this whole thing up together. Oh,
an accomplice. I'll take you a long time. Wait a minute. I've
never done anything wrong in my life, of course not. I need my
husbands, the man who married me. All right, So I did one
thing wrong. Come on you too, well, lieutenant. That's the whole
story. My apologies, pology. You're both free to go. Thanks.
Come on, Sam, let's get out of here. You said it.
Oh, by the way, mister Burne, your wife's waiting outside, Gracie.
So long, George, I'm standing in jail, so long. Oh,
hello Darling, Hello Gracie. Let's go home. Oh I can't,
sweetheart, I've got something important to do. Hey, you've got that big
hat and a veil on again. Where are you gonna? Well? While
you were in jail, I heard Eli Queen on the radio and he arrested
the wrong name. Oh you're up, star, Join us again next Thursday
one. We'll all be back. George Burns, Gracie, Allen, Bill
good One, Harry Luban and the Maxwell House Orchestra, and yours truly,
Toby Read And now here are our stars, oh, Gracie. Next week
we're gonna have two guests, does mister and missus James Mason, James Nathan
An wonderful English actors are so mean to ruck with women. That's the man.
See he not hit me? Oh but would you hear he wouldn't?
Damn you should You'd show him if he hit me, you'd hit missus.
Night, ladies and gentlemen, let's all remember to help the National Safety Council
in their campaign to cut down the terrible toll of home accidents. Be safe,
be careful, don't be a gracie good easy way. Do you like
good things the easy way, then get instant Maxwell House coffeesh so good,
true coffee, flavor and pregnance because instant Maxwell House is not a so called
coffee product. It's all pure Maxwell House coffee in instant form, so easy.
Instant Maxwell House means great coffee instantly in your cuff, no fuss,
no muss, no bother Today. Try instant Maxwell House instantly good to the
last drop. Howard Duffel. Soon, Missaying, I'll start off the Universal
International Picture Red Canyon until next Thursday, when our guests will be mister and
missus James Mason. Good night and good Luck from the makers of Maxwell House,
America's Favorite Branda Coming Always Good to the Last Drop, and George Burns
and Gracie Allen. Joe's written by Paul Henning and Keith Pollard. Welcome back.
Well a hilarious episode. There were some great bits in it. I
thought it was hilarious. And she asked Sam Spade for the cigarette and the
matches and then said she didn't smoke. I mean that it was just a
great bit. Perfect timing and Racie Allen in top form. There are so
many great comic performers in old time radio, but I don't think any can
make me laugh as much as Gracie Allen. She just had such superb timing
delivery. It's just something else to hear her work. And the riding was
good. I love Sam Spade Slash Howard dust line. That survey said that
he had ten million odd listeners, but he didn't think any work white this
odd and the writer, Paul Henning went on to a very successful career in
television, most notably as the creator and main rider for the Beverly Hillbillies.
Of course, you also got a few of the running gags and tropes of
the programs such as George being a bit of a week lean who depended on
Gracie for his livelihood, and Bill Goodwin being a bit of a wolf.
Of course there I don't think there was a better pitchman in old time radio
than Bill Goodwin for being able to work his pitches into the plot of effectively
a sitcom. It's a bit different with a variety program where they take a
break and you know, you just kind of get a commercial to be its
own thing, but being able to deliver it as worked into the plot.
And he did this not only for Maxwellhouse Coffee, but he did it for
Swan Soap for many years, and Larry do it for a carnation evaporated milk.
And he'd go back to Bob Hope and would do it on the Bob
Hope Show for Jello, an incredibly talented guy. Now, one reference that
went over my head was when George said that Sam Spage had asked him to
do something easy like getting Eleanor Roosevelt and Westbrook Pegler to dance, And of
course the listener in the twenty first century asked who was Westbrook Pegler. Westbrook
Pegler was a Pulitzer prize winning columnist and a critic of the New Deal.
His criticism was at such a level that FDR asked the FBI to investigate,
and they found no evidence of sedition. But apparently his feud with Eleanor Roosevelt
had not really cooled even four years after she'd left the White House following the
death of her husband. Well that's what that joke was about. Well,
now it's time to thank our Patreon supporter of the day. Thank you to
Bruce, Patreon supporter since April of twenty nineteen, currently supported the program at
the rookie level of two dollars or more per month. Thanks so much for
your support, Bruce. And that will do it for today. We'll be
back next Sunday to begin our series of Encore performances, and this Tuesday,
be sure and listen to Doctor Tam Detective. But join us back here tomorrow
for the Adventures of Sam Spade where what exactly is my assignment? Mister Brighton?
I want you to be present at this miserable party tonight and pretend to
have a good time. Why didn't you hire an actor? This is a
new kind of masquerade ball even I have a unique problem here a Halloween party
combined with a party announcing the engagement of a socially prominent young woman. Well,
naturally the press will be on hand they always are that my parties.
But I doubt if any of the invited gifts will show up. That's where
you come in. You're one of the uninvited. I hope you'll be with
us then. In the meantime, do you send your comments to Box thirteen
at Great Detectives dot net, Follow us on Twitter at Radio Detectives, and
check us out on Instagram, Instagram, dot com, slash Great Detectives from
wecy idahole. This is your host, Adam Graham signing off.