Welcome. All a chayo with you today program with our specialist in partner tar
welcome and let' s enter right. What' s this about us living
together. Sometimes this one let' s live together is based on naivety,
also based on what' s going to be better. And many of us
are leaving because it' s not so good at home and to be able
to leave we need a lot of important things, like the economy we'
ve talked to you about. Don' t be self- sufficient, be
independent so they don' t tell us what to do, criticize us,
etcetera. And before we go to live together, we' re gonna let
her fall in love. How it has to happen to you in twinning,
where you see the wonderful person and then go on to love, which involves
discipline, to be what involves work, as we have heard a thousand times
made to give water to the little plant has to be so. And of
the difficult things is to be able to put limits to friends, to families
of origin not and to check our impulse control well, because if we are
young, it is orale we go, we throw ourselves, if we can,
we will take the risk how fun or what unique, how deep,
how cute not. And all that gets dangerous. Already getting into everyday life,
having to pay what you have to pay, in responsibility. You touch
the kids and I say kids between the ages of seventeen and twenty- four,
think about it Wait a bit, you don' t need to hurry.
If I stay with the idea that I have to give a little time
to have gone to love before I go to live together. How do I
know I' m already going to love. That' s a very good
question. That' s a very good question. That means it doesn'
t stop to make it clearer. They' re starting to see. We
' re starting to see the differences. That' s what I call relationship
adjustments. I don' t think I' m a little disappointed. Look
what you' re doing to me. I didn' t expect this from
you no and those are the first clues, because they are questions that come
more often. The emotions we call negatives, which are not necessarily negative.
Yeah, it' s disappointment. Something is no longer happening, I am
no longer number one as it was. Everyone who' s going to start
taking a little bit of their life and that' s where you wait to
work it out and you' re going to spend love are okay ironic.
What about marriage then? Unlike living together. Marriage, as you know,
is something in front of society. It wasn' t done. It'
s the legal aspect where in front of an authority you decide to join.
Today, this can disunite you and there is no need and cause for divorce.
But I' m not going to talk about this. So it'
s legal and I recommend that couples who are going to get married where they
' re going to have a commitment and agreement, right now, let'
s see the difference, have a life project, there' s an intention,
a responsibility of everyone for what they contribute or what they take away from
marriage. In marriage you have to have a positive attitude that we are going
to do this together, be a team, take some dic pri discipline and
have an intention, an intention to be together or to make family. The
difference then with marriages is that you have within a legal framework that often protects
you, protects you sometimes in instances, for example, of the link,
of the social insurance, of list, etcetera. It' s not necessarily
that easy. If you are the living person, there are no certain things
that people prefer to know then that to enter there are two people and you
have to know well what it is to get out of there only one.
Given what you just said. This would then mean that everyone who first lived
together would have to end up matrimonying not at all. I' m not
at all. Thinking like that. There aren' t some people where marriage
has the pretty part to turn white. Okay. That might go to church
to have a big party in living together. They also have this tradition of
doing a ritual there, but I don' t think everyone living together goes
to marriage. Today we see that the order of things is no longer cool
is the same. It used to be courtship, marriage, and children.
Now sometimes there are first children living next to marriage. Then things have changed.
They don' t have the same order anymore. Don' t ask
me which is the best. I can tell you that' s what'
s best for that couple and how they talk about what' s important to
you and me and why and what it symbolizes, so being able to talk
about it in another couple We can talk about what it' s about about
marriage and ask, like, ten questions or give the public ten questions so
they can solve them before they get ready to take their firm. All right,
even if the signature could be in the case of living together symbolically.
But already thinking about this concept you' re talking about, I do believe
that the human doesn' t like to have these rituals by the way,
not because they mark something, they mark a before and a after. So
living together. I' d invite you to do a little ceremony. They
can be with their parents, they can be with great friends. Not having
a beer being together, but it' s something that marks. That'
s why we have it from the earliest times, not death rituals, auti
christening rituals, not this when when you have your first menstruation, when you
go from child to adult, because it helps is something, it' s
something cute, something symbol, and it helps in the little head, it
doesn' t help to make it clear that you' re already going to
leave it, that' s what' s behind and you' re going
to form in a new person. There' s a transition to make now.
The difference you did make Tari is between falling in love and the transit
to love. What would be the basis of love, the basis of love.
It is an intense feeling that what wants to push you is to the
Union with another person, where you fully expect reciprocity, where you want certainty
that the other person is there for you that you feel that he will be
a team, that there will be continuity that he will return, that every
time he leaves he returns, because there are some couples where they play.
I' m angry, I' m angry and I' m back for
two days, etcetera. And all they put in is restlessness, they get
scared, and I don' t recommend that. No. What' s
also important is predictability, not knowing what' s going to happen that you
' re going to be there. For me and of course it contains joy,
desire to live together, communicate, communicate with respect, communicate clearly,
communicate with a desire to know the other, not only that we know ourselves,
because we humans are not selfish enough or self- centered where we want
you to understand me. I want you to know what' s happening to
me and we don' t have the same for each other. And another
thing I like inside love is the creative part. The creative part is what
we can accomplish together or we can achieve apart, because we are two separate
beings, but by constantly bridging into being, we return with later all that
love implies. Yes, what else is there to look at where the most
is written, is written more in the romantic part as much as we have
in the books, is the love of the couple. No, it is
deep and intense and, at the same time, it has all its difficulties,
its difficulties. It' s not even what we love. Sometimes we
hate them for the moment, but we give them a preference. I want
the public to know that hatred also exists within a loving relationship, because it
is not momentary hatred and it has to do with the hurt of the ego.
There is also love for children. Many couples confuse a little love for
children than love for the couple. They' re two totally different books.
But that someone wants to rip off the other' s leaves because well,
yeah, because it gives him, it makes him jealous, it gives him
a sense of competition. He' s not my husband, he was just
for me, no, and now I have to share it with this beautiful
little girl where I see him who might live for her, etcetera. And
that' s something to talk about And it happens very son, Hi Mom,
who' s turned to see her kid, which is a beauty.
There is nothing more unique, and there are others and there are other women,
other men where they are also forgotten that you have to exist the love
towards the children and decide to turn just with the couple, then we are
what we can do. Supposedly, it' s every other love that makes
me exquisite love to your friends. No, and your friends are there who
are going through the good and the bad, where there is honesty, where
there is help you in difficult times. It' s a good support for
you at loudspeakers. There' s nothing like that. And let' s
make the distinction right. How men make their friendships and how we, women,
do not seem entirely different at all. No, when you start seeing
it, it' s not sports, drinking. Well the practices that many
of them have have talks of ah well, you' ve seen Fulanieta as
such not as tasty is, etcetera. And even if I don' t
do anything, they' re bragging about it, because that' s pretty
much the male code. But there isn' t. No, I don
' t mean there isn' t. But it' s rare to say
what' s wrong with you, how you are, I talked about how
you' re customers. While women talk about everything, we practice our emotional
life, we practice our children, we talk about the fear we have,
this one of the dysfunctions that happen. We are waiting for an intervention,
support, to tell us the truth. I' ve explored that between why
r several of my patients say good and how your friendship relationship is has nothing
to do with it, because sometimes you lose the sport, live in the
canteen, be alone, alone in a group, as well as Toby'
s club. And women are very different and do not touch with time there
is a vacuum that happens to them because they have no one to empty all
their emotionality with. We talked about this way in which we make friendship between
women and men. And you mentioned something in the end about this void that
can suddenly be generated specifically in men. I got it right. Yeah,
totally, it' s totally part of how we educate. We don'
t educate the man to be strong, not to cry, not to be
afraid, to go forward. Yes, and many of the emotions we consider
once again negative and we will talk about that in another program. You don
' t have to repress them, you have to suppress them, you have
to exile them, etcetera. You don' t have to have strength,
you have to have courage, push forward to sustain everything. Then there are
certain emotions that they feel should not be felt and apart, they are projected
to women. That' s not weakness. However, there is a gap.
A hole is like you' re ripped off a piece of you to
be a man. Part of being a man, sadly being disconnected. And
women want that connection. And we' re fried and watered and fried with
the connection and the man says well, not enough, because apart he doesn
' t know what it is but we' ve helped educate. So and
in time, and in time they do not go in with very certain distresses.
They feel isolated, not and feel that something there is a vacuum,
it enters into a kind of depression that neither accept the depression of men,
because soos of old, as you know and fall into certain crises hea crisis.
I don' t know if 40s don' t, or 50s,
etcetera. But between menus you listen to those emotions don' t go away.
They' re there, you have them suppressed, but at some point
they' re going out. And that doesn' t talk between men,
I mean, we' re talking about a reality gene, of course,
of course we talk and talk about how things work out. Then, pushing
to resolve, everyone has a help and radiance of ideas and do not stop
from either friends to ask a little more to have a more complete view of
what is going on so that they can give a better solution. All men
are seen not how to fix and grab things straight. Not then shall we
return to what should be done as the couple within the relationship, How we
handle as a couple within the subject of today, of relationship, of marriage,
by living together and so on, that which begins to happen to man
within the relationship, first it is not clear that one does not see because
one is, that is, the couple, involved in settling the marriage within
those of the rules and the canons that are required. Where I' m
going to take care of children more or less predominantly because that doesn' t
mean that women aren' t going out to work that if they go out,
but they mostly touch us and men have a relationship with what I see
is distant emotionally with their children. Not then does the couple not necessarily feel
the connected. They' re connected, as you know, through sex,
that has very beautiful things. It' s not the most sex by sex,
but there are many windows in that that we could also talk about that
at some last moment with reference to the couple and the woman is the one
who starts to give the campion or the change is I want to know how
you are. I want you to talk to me. We don' t
have conversations anymore. And that has to do with two things. One where
the differences come in, where everyone is everyone, and the other is the
woman. I think it' s the one that moves the emotional world.
I' m not saying we have one part of our brain that does it
and another part where we were also educated. The problem with us, the
women, is how we screwed up with this, not how we wanted to
reconnect wanting and the man doesn' t understand. We' re not for
them from another planet, definitely to see what you want, we' re
gonna figure it out, et cetera. But we enter into the subtleties of
the human, we enter into the vulnerable parts, it is, we enter
into what is divine, without speaking of the part of God, I heard
of that which is going to connect us, which is going to make us
feel alive. And how hard that is, how hard No, well,
you and I do therapy, and that' s why we' re not
gonna be defending. But that doesn' t mean he has to lead that
way. There are others, but they dare a little to see inside what
is happening to them instead of running solu or going to throw a drink,
because it happens a lot now that the express exit is to go for a
drink or to dredge or why, because many things happen physically of what goes
body, they feel it, they don' t want to feel that and
if they stay to feel it, it happens eh, but you have to
put the intention. Then I wonder how we help that. So, if
you want some discipline or observation to see what' s there and I swear
you' re not going to get old and okay. Or we went to
love and how this happens throughout the relationship, especially when the relationship remains.
But what happened to falling in love doesn' t suddenly retouch a little bit
of yes? Yeah? Yeah? I touch a little bit not love says
it also is that I would like you not to see me again and that
you dropped your eyelashes Come to me that not good. I' m gonna
be a little cynical. Definitely. No. Falling in love is the state
in which you see things as they are. Not because you selectively decide to
see coincidences and besides there' s what we call projections. Okay, projections.
It' s what you have inside that you want to deposit it with
the other and then the other ends up being for your boy, your king,
your magician, your only thing. Not then wow ay there is and
it' s very nice to fall in love. There are some people who
are kind of addicted to that because they want to feel the butterflies, they
want to feel this body movement, this need for together how we miss each
other, and so on. But the truth happens, it happens and it
doesn' t happen and not because it happens and it doesn' t mean
it' s not the couple for you. You have to start seeing yourself,
also because we disappoint each other and often want to hold this image of
yourself that is not and we give you the best we can. In the
case of women, we get more flirty, we dress in a way,
we smile, etcetera, etcetera. Man is more gallant, not this and
strength, I protect you, etcetera. You think it is possible to maintain
God yes, of course, no, of course, not foolishly agree what
you explained to us and I just used this compromise agreement. When I didn
' t fulfill it I' m missing myself and in the deal I'
m missing you, exactly, that' s exactly how I see it differently.
One is I commit myself because I align myself with my values, with
my principles, with my intentions. No, okay That' s how I
' m engaged. I' m committed to the exercise, I' m
committed to the job. Now the agreement is, in effect, between two
and you said so I declare and very well, and there are agreements and
there are compromises and then in both there is both living together and in marriage,
although there is an instance where the legal goes in there as well.
But they' re already, they' re subtleties, not anymore, and
I don' t know if they' re subtleties. I think they'
re very big things. Rather, it is that sometimes the great is in
the subtle just so it is. Indeed, thank you very much. I
think you leave us with a lot of thoughts here that we' ll probably
be snooping around in these little capsules that we' re having with you over
the days and that, well, people really appreciate it and write and comment
and value your participations very much. So we' ll have you on another
show. So thank you, thank you, thank you, and until the
next and thank you until then. Audio Centre