He has a way about him of minimizing like things that almost kill people.
You know, he almost killed a bunch of people when he drove one of
those yachts into a fucking doc. He didn't interview uh, just minutes after
nearly killing a bunch of people because he's good looking. Like the interviewer was
like, so what happened. He's like, I don't know, I can't
do his acts and or whatever. But he just explained it a way trying
to do the act. No, I can't, and anyway, he came
off so likable. Yeah, you know, just because he's so charming.
He's got a great jaw line. How do you think Ted Bundy got away
with it for long? HILLO, Welcome to do another brands banking new episode.
Welcome to board, I should say to another Brands banking new episode of
another below deck podcast. My name is Dylan saddled up next to brand new
daddy Patrick K. Hey, everybody, thanks, thanks? How many pounds?
How many bigs? Seven point four seven pounds four ounces? Oh that's
good. It shouldn't have done too much damage then, I don't think right.
Oh you want me to speak about this destroying my wife's eye. No,
no, no, no, no, because it hasn't. It's a
beautiful flower. It's a miracle. Nothing. But how are you feeling?
Are you exhausted right now? Yeah? He was born last night and uh
and uh yeah, I'm exhausted. I haven't slept in twenty four hours.
Well that's the dedication you have to recamping belowdeck. Are you're gonna play cash
with him? Of course I will. Yeah, you're not. You're not
the most coordinated. Yeah, I'll hire a coach. Yeah yeah, I
think you can do other things with him. Yeah, yeah, I'll teach
him how to play guitar or something or be funny. Yeah, you're tired
and huh yeah I'm a little beat up. Yeah. What was the hospital
like seaters? Yeah? So what you do is you go in twenty four
hours before the babies to be born and they start. You know, it's
not like the old days. I asked my mom. I was like,
hey, Mom, where was dad when I was born? She said he
was at a bar partying with his friends. Sure. Yeah, you know,
you say it a lot like, oh, that was the seventies.
It's like, I think there were good parents in the seventies. I think
you just had bad parents in the seventies. Yeah, yeah, it was
more prevalent that kind of parenting back then. It kind of dulls the pain,
if I can believe the lie that I've convinced myself of. Yeah,
yeah, yeah, Well, I'm here to shout at that into a million
pieces money, and we are here to break down Below Deck episode whatever,
of season whatever of Below Deck down under a couple of public services and our
chief among them. Last week was a very heavy episode, and we talked
on the show about how a horrible thing that happened kind of birthed a lot
of beauty. Now, obviously you'd want the beauty to come from not a
horrible thing, But I was so blown away at the support we had from
the fans. I'm proud that we have an environment, especially over Patreon,
where women can feel safe sharing their stories. It was just really beautiful to
see all of the Baby Barnacles be open with each other, be supportive and
loving to one another, and not a bunch of jerks, not a bunch
of jerks at all. Our fans are incredible people, They're brave people,
and yeah, I don't know, it was just really moved. Yeah,
I was too, and we just talked about a dumb TV show that had
something really crazy. God, I don't know, you're so tired, but
it was, yeah, it was, it was. It definitely felt different
to It felt like I was actually doing something meaningful. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, we felt this. But I probably shouldn't feel that way because I'm
an idiot. No no, no, no, no, you should feel
that way. It was if for a brief moment we are we were doing
something mc gandhi like, you know what I mean, although he had controversial
dealings with stuff like that. But anyways, long story short, we love
you guys. We're so happy that you have helped make the space what it
is because not just all all us, we're just uh, we're just funny.
You guys are the ones that are cooler than that. Also public service
and I want to say this, Yeah, it's so last video tonight.
Everybody calmed down. Yeah, so Dylan's not here, it's too late.
One thing, Dylan is a lot of people. Generally, as we grow
every week, there's not a lot of new people coming under the tent to
listen to the podcast. One of the unfortunate results of that is insane people
show up oh no, do we have bad reviews? See there's a couple.
Uh damn it. Yeah we you know, we talked an hour and
a half and made some comedy and talked about a very very uh difficult,
difficult sensitive thing, and someone listened to it and they really took umbrage with
with us making fun of the country known as Lapia. Yeah, someone left
a literally left a tone. Oh yeah, how much they hate us.
I love the tombs they they read insanity and between the lines and not between
the lines. So thank you for your review. I'm so sorry you spend
so much time on it. Lapia is a disgusting place. They make only
dog bowls and misogyny. That's it. See that was the problem they had
with that joke. Really, Yeah, they don't get a joke. But
thank god, you're god. Oh they're probably still here. The craziest always
so. Also public service announcement. And then we will get into the episode,
which was kind of a poopy episode. I disagree. After a heavy
episode last week, was nice to break the tension in the ice with some
good old fashioned sea rat funning. Yeah, porn stars. Yeah, it
was like a lemon sorbet. But if it had giant heaving breasts and tattoos,
but Lemon Sorbe doesn't have that. It's just lemon sorbet, and Lemon
Sorbet was the only thing that didn't make it on that porn Stars the body
so public service announcement number three and then we'll get in the show. Season
one of Blue Deck Lee's Maiden Voyage is exclusively at Patreon dot com Slash another
podcast network right now. The newest episode is the band episode. A lot
of people are saying, why was it band? We put the ts in
the feed. Go listen to it. It's a very twenty thirteen episode.
So if you want to listen to us break down that and the rest of
season one, I've got something in my throat, go to Patreon dot com.
And by the way, it's five bucks. But for five bucks you
get three extra shows a week in that damn feed, plus our whole back
catalog. So if you like what we're throwing down here on Below Deck,
you're an idiot. If you don't go back there, well, let's not
be that harsh, but it isn't a prudent decision on your part. If
you don't do it. Let's say that let's get into the episode right now,
Patrick, you loved this episode. I wouldn't say I loved it.
I was saying, you know what this is? This is, this is
what? This is great below deck, this is great below I love it
when Kaylin's not here. I just feel so free. You do? Yeah?
Why what? How was he you don't like? Can't stand? Oh?
Come on, he loves you and has a lot of admiration for you.
It's a street I don't think. I don't buy it for a second.
Well, yeah, he's not here for the preference sheet meetings. Oh
that's right. And if we call him, you know, he's not gonna
he's not gonna pick up that phone and say that's what I'm saying. Well,
anyway, I really did enjoy the episode. This is what it's supposed
to be like, fun guests, a little bit of sea rat drama.
I think at the tail end of the episode, someone almost gets killed.
Oh yeah, yeah yeah. By the way, I want to say,
Captain Hotpants, I'm a huge fan of his. I'd love to talk to
him someday, if Bravo will ever allow that. He got real Massachusetts there.
He has a way about him of minimizing, like things that almost kill
people. You know, he almost killed a bunch of people when he drove
one of those yachts into a fucking doc. He didn't interview just minutes after
nearly killing a bunch of people because he's good looking. Like the interviewer was
like, so what happened? Hes like, I don't know, I can't
do his acts and or whatever, but he just explained it way, No,
I can't, and anyway, he came off so light. Yeah,
you know, just because he's so charming. He's got a great jaw line.
Oh how do you think Ted Bundy got away with it for so long?
It's a great point. You know. They let him kill people and
then not well, at some point the judge goes all right, look,
look, look, he's his own lawyer. Let him work up in a
library that is only two stories and let him do his research. Of course,
of course Ted Bundy he said, hey, fuck this. He just
jumped out a second story window, escaped on, moved down to Florida,
and went on another killing spree. Florida is a perfect place to kill people.
A lot of marshland, a lot of stupidity. So let's stop talking
about fucking serial killers. But let me say this lastly about Ted Bundy.
You know we always have an ever moving goal post of esthetics. That guy
was some kind of Brad pitt in Troy Adonis. I mean, what are
we talking about it? He looks like a fucking creepy g station attendant.
And if you are a gas station attendant, that's fine, that's good you.
I hope you're not killing people. How many pots do you give the
up? Okay, let me gather my thoughts. Let me call killing while
you're to get I'm asking if he has the preference sheet my thoughts, Okay,
gathered cool guests, great guests, bad tippers. But we'll get to
that in the second episode. Let's see him distracted with the phone calling on
the one. I mean, it's just I didn't take notes on the preference
sheet meeting. I barely did. And there was a lot of there was
a lot of meat. Well, there was some stuff. And we're gonna
be hosting porn stars. We're gonna have dessert on a porn star. He
wasn't gonna pick up. He's he's onto us. Yeah, he doesn't want
to get publicly shamed. Oh look at that well. Anyway, Yeah,
there's a bunch of porn stars. I have to say they were. To
be fair to him, he's probably busy watching something on Netflix right now.
I don't know where he finds the time. All right, So I thought
the episode was okay, a lot of niceties, a lot of niceties,
just kind of a normal episode of Below Deck. You know, in this
day and age, we're all in an Andy Warhol's factory of weirdness now with
porn and sexuality. So this stuff isn't like jaw dropping or anything. But
I'll tell you what. The guys had a lot of fun on this charter.
You know, Harry got a cock on his brain stem, but he
did look at boobs quite a bit. Yeah, you know there's a give
and take with that. Hey, can I say something about porn stars,
because this is not our first porn star rodeo where we have had porn stars
on the boats. Yea. They seem to make it about sex. Yeah
yeah, yeah, one track mind, one track mind, double is it
on tons puns? Everything is is open for bringing it back to sacks.
Yeah, they're they're like, hey, look at that beautiful railing over there.
I wonder if I can get rail tonight. Hey, hey, yeah,
and they're like they go to Zaria, They're like, hey, our
crabs on the menu. I don't know. Like last time I got crabs
out, they wouldn't let me film for a goddamn month. Say hey,
can you can you apologize to me because I'm in the middle of something.
Oh sorry, I love seeing Culver be I know they all listen, but
I'm sorry to say it. I mean Captain Lego Head, his name is
Captain Lego had Captain Lego Head is an understatement and a perfect name at the
same time. Give this man a remote control attached to anything that heavy,
and people are going to die. Culver is a danger to himself, to
porn stars and to see rats, and that mistake can't ever be made again.
Four pots m. So let's get in the episode. What do you
think it's been a long time thirteen minutes? Yeah, yeah, all right,
So the preference sheet, we fucked that up. I didn't take notes
on that because normally producer Kalin does that. But there's gonna be a dessert
served on someone's asshole or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well the
day begins with Harry hugs a warm embrace from you know, a handsome dweeb
who is not going to sexually assault you. Too bad, he is.
I ship them so hard, but it is such an impossibility for them.
Oh, you're talking about Harry and Margot. The man has no game.
The man is he's devoid of any and all riz He's got none of it.
Yeah. I think he should start with a little hair chest what glue
some on? But he looks like an eight year old boy. God damn
it pass called the chest hair right, What did I say? Hair chest?
Oh? And you don't have any hair chest, So what are you
talking about? Well, I have it on my face, sir. You
gotta have it somewhere. Oh he looks too boyish. Yeah. Today I
was in line. I went to get a lunch from my wife. Now
the cafeteria. Oh my god, this guy had more hair on the back
of his goddamn neck than on the top of his head. You know,
I am stunned by people who, and I appreciate they're just like, hey,
that's me, man, but it's just disgusting to look and it's it's
so it's so awful because that is the standard of beauty today. That's not
hot you know who's that guy? Who's that guy a Burt back Rack.
No, that's not that guy, Burt, Burt Reynolds. He used to
be just kind of like normal looking hair fucking everywhere. Everybody thought he was
hot. Now you got Aaron Taylor Johnson on fucking steroids. Oh, tattoos
everywhere. He's all wet and sweat and everybody's like, oh my god,
that's unbelievable. This guy with a Harry Nick He's an absolute fucking pariah.
He might as well be fucking Quasimoto. He's disgusting. Let's move on,
sure, Okay, So Kermit gives the new work schedule. Essentially she'll work
until she loses consciousness. You know, that's very dangerous. Never let the
labor board get their eyes on this industry. Oh thank god, it doesn't
exist for this industry exactly. Yeah, all right, And Harry and culver
I discuss a new officer coming aboard, and they hope he's not a fucking
asshole. Boys are gonna be very disappointed. It's Jow and hope Springs not
eternal Jo is an asshole. Oh yeah, well he was. Five years
ago. His mother was brutally beaten with a dog bone. That's I think
it was an elephant bone. Wow, attention to detail, Dylan, Well
anyway, kermit prostitute. Yeah. So so Juell heads aboard the vessel,
and we've seen Juell before. You know, again, what people have gone
through, how they're past trauma and past defensive constructed. The way they operate
is on a macro level, completely understandable, and we have sympathy for it.
But when you're face to face with somebody, I don't care that your
mom got beat with an elephant bone. You can't call beautiful people like Asha
fucking horse because they're wearing leather pants. Yeah, he was a real jerky
pants for that one, a total jerky pants for that one. And also
he pulls the Laura defense and the Laura defense he goes was young, he
goes, I was young. I was five years ago. I think the
cements pretty much set. You know, what, were you twenty nine back
then? Look, I don't want to put six year olds in jail,
but someone once told me, like I think it was a child psychologist or
something like, who you are at six years old is pretty much who you
are when you're fifty. I'm like Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah. Well,
anyway, Joe meets Captain hot Pants. I really want to read that review.
You want to read it? Oh no, no, no, not
on air? Oh will make you so angry. I could only listen for
thirteen minutes. Okay, alright, okay, uh Jua meets hot Pants.
We learned that Jua has been a captain of his own for three years on
a thirty meter Okay, but because Bravo called and City could be on TV
again, he'll pretend to be here to want to learn how to drive a
Japanese fishing boat that's converted into a yacht. Yeah, he's like him.
You've seen a life a quantic. No, I don't know what that is.
I can't do South African, I can. The only word I can
say in South African is Brunz. That's it. Brunes from District nine.
You know the gun he was linked. They fucking Prunes. I love I
love that movie. I think that's more summer heights high. All right,
So well we meet Serena. This is a big well. Before he meets
Serena, he meets his underlings, and he starts with a fucking yeah.
He starts with a knicky, like fucking zinger. You know, he's like
angry, Adam, I think it offers to take the luggage, and he's
like, you sure you can carry it? Don't do that. You're trying.
You have to ingratiate yourself to the people who work under you, otherwise
you can't boss them around as effectively. You know what I mean. It's
gonna be tension. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well, anyway, did
you just quote Kendrick Lamar? Is that? What is that what I did?
Maybe? Well, anyway, Joe meets Serena. It turns out they
this is not the first time of their meeting. They used to have I
love, I love these relationships where he had a friend that was banging her
friend and her friend was banging him. They were friends with the oppositions,
ends with benefits. Now Serena has a very very complicated orc with Juoo over
these two episodes. Oh yes she does, Serena, don't go chasing motorfalls,
but hey, don't do it. If we're gonna jump to the next
episode, Hey, Kermit, why don't you cool it down a little bit?
Let I love what Kermit said. Well, I understand what she was
trying to do Look, we'll get there. An episode nine, anyway,
Serena says he was a lying, manipulative piece of shit cheater with her friend.
She also says, like she said that she would punch him in the
face the next time he saw them. You know, empty gestures are dangerous,
and empty threats or even more dangerous. If you're gonna say you're gonna
do something, make sure that it's measured, because if that day does come,
you want to be able to do it. Yeah. Yeah, you're
not holding up by your end of the bargain. Also, I want to
point out to her, lying, cheating, manipulative piece of shit. I
mean, that's basically the mission statement on every Boston's resume at this point,
isn't it. Yeah. It's like it's usually includes an unhealthy relationship with alcohol
as well, but they bury that at the bottom of the resume. Yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes it's not even said. Sometimes they put
it on there. So the porn stars get aboard the boat, one sexually
charged Laura for another. Asia's pretty torqued by these characters. She's like,
can I watch if you guys to uh, if you guys have an work
and what you can I watch well, hold on, though. I don't
think Asia likes us making fun of her voice. Has she said anything,
Yeah, you know, it's just it's it's I get it, but it's
it's listen. It's a cute voice. It's a unique voice. I think
she makes a lot of money off. Oh totally yeah. Kermitz says she's
never met porn stars before, and I quote she's a little worried, worried
about what they're like, the Mafia of sex. Kermit Oh, please explain.
They only pee on their own, you know what I mean? You
know the mafia. You know they kill within you know, they're not gonna
fucking kill a kid that's on a paper a paper run. Oh yeah,
they will horn stars. They don't go like just a regular person. They
do some of that peeing stuff on them. They do that on film for
only fans. You know, it's kind of in house. Are you talking
about pissing on people? Well, I mean it's niche. So many things
to correct here on I don't want to show an your point, but the
mafia absolutely swings a very wide scythe well, the newspaper boy not fucking you
know, putting the vig in they'll take that kid down the heartbeat, you
know what I mean. Well, because he's in the business, he didn't
put the vig in die. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Man.
Yeah, so by the transitive property, porns runs a piss on anybody because
they're the mafia of sex. We're a little loopy tonight. So we undock
and we enjoy some charcuterie board and the titties are out almost instantaneously. Yeah.
I once again, I hate to I hate to judge. Yeah,
but whenever porn stars or entertainers whoever the fuck they are, they're on Real
I TV. They they never miss an opportunity to have a pun or whatever.
You know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, she's like,
my vibrator didn't plug into the hotel room and it is a problem.
No, that's not the problem. The problem is if that is a problem,
and I think that you're just joking around. And again, hey,
everybody, do your own kink. We're not kink shaming, but no,
no, no, no, no, no, we're not. We're not
kink shaming. But you know, it's it always I always get a yucky
feeling, you know when yeah, listen, this is real work. But
I always am a little worried about the mental health. And we've seen it
so many times. I mean, you know, porn stars will or it
does make it very difficult to make, not possible, but very difficult.
So I just worry about these people. Well, hey, del, you
know they talk about themselves a lot too. They make it a lot about
them. Can you imagine like an insurance broker on the boat making it about
their occupying. I mean it's not nearly as interesting like hey, Ted,
I wouldn't get on that jet skate you only got a twenty year term doesn't
include the hazardous activity. And then he looks at the camera for or laugh
or something excited. No one cares, Oh you're talking about an insurance hill.
Yeah, no one would care if you talk about your occupation that much
on one of these goddamn yachts. It's not nearly as interesting as like,
uh, someone like uh when they were doing that chicken wrestling in the water
and chicken oh check it, yeah, chicken chicken fight. And I think
his name is sky Yeah, Skyler, Yeah, I think he was.
He made a pun about having his cock on Harry's neck or something. Yeah,
I mean Harry didn't make a pun. I mean he just said his
cock was on my neck. That wasn't a pun, that was just a
statement of fact, right, But Sky said something really funny. I think
anyway, they can't stop themselves, right, it's my point, and it's
got a little old. And it is interesting that, like, you know,
let's let's let's beat this out to any interesting profession, Like what's an
interesting profession? Marine biologist. That's pretty fascinating. But if they kept making
like aquatic puns, you'd be like, are you a marine biologist or are
you like a prop comic? Like what why do you keep doing this?
You know? That's my point man, right, right, right, So
it doesn't work with porn stars either, that is what your point, right,
that's my point. It gets old at some point. Yeah. I
mean they were showing them around like the primary cabin and nah, and I
think it was Laura though she's the main primary. She was like, yeah,
yeah, I hope you don't mind. I think we're having orgy in
here. Yeah, and that's when Asia's like, come on, Walt Jesus,
yeah, as torked. But these people are very very sweet despite their
puns. I love seeing. Uh no, we're not there yet. Juah
is an intense deck meeting, and the one covered in tattoos takes duck Yeah,
she takes duck faced selfies. We should take more duck face selfies.
Oh here's a pun. One of the porn stars continues to be a porn
star. She's wearing a something that resembles a necklace, and the joke was,
is that a pearl necklace? You know, because that's when I think
male puts his penis in a woman's breast or incorrect, what's a pearl necklace?
A pearl necklace is one of these things where I'm so shocked at the
ubiquitous nature up because it's it is such a rare thing and something that I
don't even know the etymology. I don't know where it comes from. I
can tell you right now. Sorry I'm being long winded, but it's when
a rope of semen is around someone's neck. I mean, think think of
the the control you would need to have to pull that off to have a
drape in a technical nature. I mean, I know necklaces aren't always perfectly
round, but it just doesn't make sense that it's as commonly said as it
is, you know, but that is what it is. Pat all right,
let's get you should we get to an ad break about baby food or
not? Let's let's hold off. Let's let's hold off. I can't wait
to talk about this baby food though it's fantastic. I haven't been this jacked
up about a spot sponsors Little Spoon. Yeah, if you got to patreon
dot com, you will not hear it. So there is one woman who
can't speak. She's a wild card. Huh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,
he's on wheel of fortune. She's not this person, right, but
just apropos of the name. You do love Vana White? Well it's v
a n Na is the name Vana? But are you calling this woman Vana
White White? Okay? Do you love Vana White? Uh? The one
who turns? Uh yeah? Yeah, yeah I love her? Okay,
big fan? What do you love about it? The longevity? Yeah?
I love someone who can do the same job for fifty two years, show
up every day. So thiss it been that long? It's pretty close.
Yeah yeah, that's a Jack's pretty hilarious on Twitter right here? All right?
I love Joel being sexually harassed by a man and a thong. Welcome
to paradise. The tits are out once again. Culver hops in the water,
as does Harry at the beach picnic, and somebody is not happy.
Guess who it is. He's got those binoculars out. He's like, hey,
those two having fun over there. Yeah. Now I have say this
though, don't it's absolutely inappropriate for both these two people to be in there.
They're not supposed to be party enough, seem well, I mean,
and this is where we can have a hearty debate, and I hope it
doesn't get too personal, given our intense passion for either side of the argument.
But where do you land on the spectrum of chief Entertainment Officer and mister
crabby pants Joel? Well, because these people do want them involved, I'll
tell you what. It becomes an exception, and exceptions become the rule.
Mister Culver, mister Captain lego Head. You let this fucker get away with
this next thing. You know he's fucking down on the next charter. Yeah,
and he's serving cocktails and in a fucking hot top. That's my point,
right right right, Dylan, Let me pull this back a second.
You brought up and I hate to drive this thing home because I were just
talking about puns. Puns. Yeah, I'm sorry, I just I fucking
Laura the porn star. Everyone has to respect your triggers. Yeah, I'm
triggered by this when she noted her vibrator didn't charge. Can you imagine living
with a porn star? Because I was thinking that, I was like,
because I was trying and put myself in the position to sell one, Like
could I deal with this? And I probably could? I probably say at
some point, look, honey, because I'm talking to Laura, you know,
she's my wife or something. Totally cool with you coming home with jis
in your hair, But can we leave work at home? Please? I'm
trying to watch Three's Company. I can't stand you talking about the goddamn fucking
vibrators and the batteries that don't work an ye please stop? Who needs to
masturbate this much? Sounds exhausting anyway, you know what I mean? Yeah?
I do. Either that or I'm so goddamn jealous Dylan, Yeah,
I think you know what. That's why we're triggered. Envy. They have
an amazing dinner. I'm not sure if it is this episode or the next
episode, And how do they finish off that deserter dinner. Of course they
had some dessert, but then they go down in their little cabins there and
they flip a bunch of tabbies and come, doesn't everyone want to end a
night that way? Yeah? And Tad insult to injury. They're monetizing.
Its sign of a bit. It's unbelievable, what a life. So we
move on to an incredible catch from Margo. Let's just really quickly acknowledge the
predicament she was in. It was kind of like, I don't know,
I'm not very good at you know, one of those things where you're gonna
move this, to move this, to move this, to get that there.
Oh, get away from me right now. I don't want to waste
my time. I was like, how the fuck is she gonna do this?
All right? So what Dylan's explaining here. It was a very quick
moment in the show, but it's worth discussing. I think so too.
All right, so I'd load my carp you know, I like the Veno.
I don't buy a bottle of vino when I go to my local grocery
store. I buy a kiddy pool. Yeah, and sometimes I'm pretty lazy
and I throw them in the back of my car. I have a lot
of shit in my car, and I'm not a good driver. I try
and open up the back of my car, and I have the exact same
predicament. There's a couple of bottles leaning against that goddamn door. Yeah,
how will I prevent them from falling out and breaking on the glass and losing?
I don't know. I probably each bottle's like four dollars, Yeah,
yeah, yeah. If three broke, that's twelve dollars, right, right,
What am I gonna do? What would happen if the twelve dollars would
loss? What? Anything short of the fucking ground opening up and swallowing you?
We can't have that happen. But let's get back to it. The
dexterity that is demonstrated when you are trying to save your wine and your money,
and when Margot is trying to save this bottle of rose. Believe it's
probably pissed, is you know? Spider Man like? It's pretty incredible.
Yeah, quick hands, she catches the bottle. Yeah, you know,
we can take this girl in Formula one. Here's the thing. Margot's an
interesting character, and she's a friend of the show. And we will have
her on can be really quick. I'm sorry to interrupt, but everybody needs
to stop recommending Formula one to people. Yeah, a lot of people are
recommending. People are like, oh, you gotta watch it, and I'm
like, okay, well what's the deal. And they're like, well,
that guy wins every race. And You're like, okay, well what well
what happens And they're like, well, he just like really really dominates every
race, and then this guy always comes still down to that. It's about
personal stories and achievements and winning and what it takes to get there. Dylan.
Yeah, but it's a bunch of rich kids. The only way you
can get into it is if you have some kind of oil magnate finances.
Yeah, exactly. It's just ridiculous. I have no interest in it.
So you watched an episode and it bothered you. I've gotten up for the
races. They've said, oh, listen to the sounds, let's get back
to the show. Okay, Well, what should we talk about the baby
stuff? Well, no, I was gonna talk about you were in the
middle of the thing. I'm morco. I think she's a sea rat version
of Billy Bob. She gets obsessed with shoes that are too small for one
of the porn stars Billy Bob and Monsters Ball. Yeah yeah, okay,
but no, no, no, he uh he's weird out by little people
or he's obsessed with it, Billy oh, just in in regular life.
In regular life, in Margo is fascinated with little shoes. I don't think
she's fascinated with little shoes. I think that she's awestruck that a grown man
could have a feat that's yeah, yeah, yeah, I put my phone
away because we were we were, you know, Okay, Margot hits the
beach and Harry and Culver are brought back to the boat. I guess because
Joe Woo was like, you know what, fuck you guys, you're having
fun. Fuck off, scolded, scolded, scolded, And then Kermit and
Juo chat and he lets her know things are gonna be changing here and he
wants her advice. Now this is worth pointing out. I love Kermit.
She annoys me a little bit. She's not a perfect manager. She is
so happy that he's asking for her advice, quoting Huba Stank. Later on
in the episode, she scolds Zarina for kind of faking her way through a
relationship with Juwa or being nice to him. You're faking your way, kermit
you why not just be like okay, duly noted like she's playing the game
too. Zerena might be playing the game as well. I just don't think
there should be any judgment there. Forgive me for that. Well, we'll
get to that in an episode two, so don't. Okay anyway, Culver
continues to be pretty upset about not looking at Laura naked. Let's do this.
Let's get to dinner, okay, but before we do, let's talk
about the dinners you could be feeding your children. Wait, teased it.
I haven't been this jacked up about a sponsor in some time now. We
already did an ad read, but we got the product, and I am
if this was the Manson family, I'd be in it. Is that right?
The cult of Little Spoon? Yeah, a little hundred poor scent this
stuff is. You have you have two children? Well now I do.
Yeah, and this is gonna work out for both children because it works out
for newborns and also works out for toddlers. Yep. The flexibility of these
meals is one of the big pluses of Little Spoon. We get into a
Dylan, let's talk about this. Little Spoon is a one stop shop for
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all right, Dylan, So let's both confess what we shared with each other
before we did this. Add Well, I didn't tell you one thing.
I don't have children, so we got this. I was like, what
are we going to do? Well, we have friends in our lives that
have children, So we said, we're gonna run this over to you guys.
We're gonna watch to see if little discernible eater will gobble this stuff up.
And gobble it up. She did. I just got a text from
my friend's wife saying, what is your promo code? We need this stuff
today. Not only did little my friend's daughter eat it, gobbled it up,
Cecy and I you eat it? Oh my gosh, did we eat
it? The stuff is fantastic, Dylan. It's healthy too, and it's
organic and in many cases it's gluten free. They make vegetarian things. So
here's what's wonderful. So it shows up in a box once a month and
it's these little flying saucer meals. Yeah, and they're all different and they
can they're easily, they fit in your freeze or your refrigerator, and they're
basically like, you don't have to prepare anything for your children anymore. You
can just buy little spoon and then you heat it up and you put it
in their lunchbox and bam, you're done. You're an amazing parent. These
these people listening to the ad, they go, well, well, organic
fresh baby food sounds pretty expensive. It's not. It's under three dollars for
a blend, under six dollars for a meal. Unbelievable stuff. And did
I mention it all comes right to your door. It's so flexible, it's
so easy and everything store is right in the fridge and freezer. You can
pick the menu and change up with your order every time. The price is
right, the quality is unmatched. We love it, children love it.
The grandparents love it. Oh yeah, it makes ruby was nausch in on
one of the other day, You told me, are you kidding me?
My little Ellie she loves these little juice packets that are completely sugar free.
I had a mango chia one the other day. Oh my Ellie loves peaches
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will be grateful, thanking us, Thank us. All right, So the
table, let's get to dinner. The table looks like absolute piss all right?
And who notes this? It's not Patty because Patty's already said that most
of these the decor of these things are bought and paid for by the dollar
store, are they not? Is just confused or you refringe yourself in the
third person? Was okay? You know how, I don't like that.
I understand that, but porn stars. Notice that there was a budget for
this decor. Yeah, and it was eight dollars. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, tacky, tacky, well linens and fresh flowers, white linens and
fresh flowers. That's it. Let's get to something that wasn't tacky but was
bizarre. We've got dinner. It's an artichoke foam with roasted celariac. I
think that's celery root. I think it's some kind of root vegetable that has
celery notes. I don't know, autumn vegetable notes. I mean maybe probably
not yacht food. If you're going on a hunting trip, like a really
nice hunting trip where you're hunting humans, maybe this would be suitable for that
kind of environment. But this is paradise, you know what I mean.
Chicken with lemon, potatoes and corn is up next, and the vegan has
a rolled zook dish. It's all sprayed and edible gold because that's supposed to
mean class. Yeah, you know, I think Serena is doing a suitable
job. This boat is not below deck o G or below deck MED.
I think Serena's probably pretty talented, but some of the food has looked rather
beige, and this was no exception. I would give this probably sixty four
pots h del, you know, just so I bookend my discomfort with porn
stars and their puns. I believe it was Laura who finished off the meal
by noting that she just had norgasm in her mouth. Yeah, it's sad
at this point. Oh, like I said, maybe I don't say it
again so close to the ad rate about the baby fit. Maybe we'd just
move on. Yeah, well I was gonna see the gas finish off dinner
and then they go finish off each other. For paid subscribers, no judgment.
Sex work is real work, and unless you're not doing it well,
like if you're not making a lot of money. I mean, I don't
know if it's like there's like an open mic circuit or what. But if
you've been at it for a while and you're really not doing well, then
you know, maybe move on, maybe do something else. Uh. Sky
the male model looking guy, He said that he he hoped that he'd pass
that goal gold through his ass. Yeah. I don't know if you remember
that. Yeah, and I hope it wasn't. Hope it wasn't into that
guy who looked like Turtle from Entourage, you know, Jerry Ferrara. Yeah,
because I don't think his only fans guys would like that, but I
do think it was him. Huh. I'm trying to figure out who's coupled
up with. Who does Jerry Ferrara have only fans? No, no,
no, no, But there's a guy there that's really not attractive. It's
one of their friends. Okay, maybe he's manager. Who do you subscribe
to any only fans? It's my wife would fucking kill me though, it's
bizarre to me. It's it's you know, he's bit ball. I mean,
it's like, you know, you you want to charge seventy five dollars
for to look at booms? No way, not doing that. There's plenty
of things on the porns, you know what I mean. I mean,
it's just nuts. But I'm so happy that that it's created this monetary infrastructure
so that these people can drive Lamborghinias and stuff like Tiger and black China.
You know, she made forty billion dollars last month China, Yeah, something
like that. Wow, yeah, good for her. Yeah, No,
it's so happy. So Serena is not punching Jiao in the face, like
she said, but rather being quite cool to him. The only problem I
have with this is that she's mirroring Captain Legohead. This is what Captain Lego
Head does there flirret addicts, And if you're going to be a flirt addict,
you can't be I mean, of course you can do an you know,
anything you want, but some eggs are going to get broken along the
way of making this Omelet you know, if you're if you're flirting with Juair,
you're flirting with Culver, Culver's flirting with Jamie. I mean, we'll
talk about in the next episode. Yeah, maybe I'm talking out in my
bum right now, but we can see that Serena is being quite cozy with
Jua. Well, I appreciate, and I think she does a toast to
it in the next episode, which Kerment really took issue with Yea, which
is talking about the past and new beginnings. What are we going to hold
a grudge for It was your friend that he fucked over. Now you work
together, you wouldn't even know about the intimacies of your friendship and with this
person and what happened. Of course, we have footage from five years years
ago of him. Oh yeah, you have. You have recountings of men
treating women like shit and all that stuff. Of course. Yeah, but
let Serena live her best life. And what the fuck can I talk about
an interesting part of the show that, Yeah, we gotta wrap up the
other. So there was breakfast, and I believe that Zorina was kind enough
to cater to the demands of the porn stars. They wanted a breakfast that
was sexy. We see a steamed sausage with a stream of some kind of
white sauce coming out of it. Did you catch that? Yeah, So
what Serena did was she cooked up some breakfast potatoes and slapped a Trader Joe
sausage on the table and then squirted Helman's out of the tip of the cock.
It was, you know, it's like one of those things you get
served in like a kitchy restaurant like we do this here, you know,
and I don't mean in like a topas place, like have you guys been
here before. We recommend that everybody gets fourteen plates just in case you're you
know, we don't want you to leave hungry, and we don't want to
you to leave without paying us seven hundred and fifty dollars. This is more
like here we scream at you, or here everything shaped like a cock,
you know what I mean. You know, as the porn stars were eating
that breakfast, they noted that there was some dolphins swimming there. You know.
I always like to get in the mind of dolphins. You know,
there were two of them. They were swiming together, and one of them
said to the other, like, what the fuck's going on over there?
Yeah? Yeah, yeah, humans are weird. It's just a matter of
time before we own this planet once again. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love so much when you anthropomorphize animals because you're so on the money with
them all the time. I've often thought of dolphins that they're manipulating us.
I'm not trusting of them in any way, shape or form. They are
working to get hands so that they can defeat us. And everybody who's work
worried about oh the Chinese and Donald Trump's fourth and Dipe, and let's look
at the actual problem. People are like, oh my gosh, we don't
have any savings accounts and CEO's wages are going through the roof, and what
is Wall Street what banks are paying out a tenth of what they actually have
on the you know, it's like all this stuff Black Lives Matter, it's
all a distraction. The dolphins are fucking after us, and we call them
pods and we you know, this is I heard somebody talk about how we
thought that the Chinese were westernizing, but they weren't. They were just modernizing.
And it's very hubristic to think of your enemy as something that has adoration
for you. And what, Dylan, you're trying to lay down there.
That's when Chinese people were buying all the properties in Riverside County, you know,
Oh yeah, in Toronto, don't get me started there. Peterson's having
a cry festival. The day you wake up and you see a dolphin outside
and he's buying the fucking condominium, not a condo, an entire condominium complex.
Act you, that's the day they have arms, And that's the fucking
day that they take over the goddamn planet. Man. And I'm sure many
of you are asking, well, what about legs? Have you seen what
they can do? It's like they don't need him. It's like a fucking
pogo stick. The skin is so thick. Concrete will do not a thing
to that. They don't need the legs, they need the thumbs. Hey,
don't just a book. In the episode, yeah, so a hot
pants. He's trying to get that goddamn tender back on the boat, you
know. Yeah, he's got Colville first before we get there, because that's
the most incredible. But I mean, the reason why Captain Jason didn't get
very upset is because he's killed people too. But we have the groundwork laid
for Harry and Margot's day. Now the second this is asked, it can
go nowhere but ickdown, and we'll see that in the next episode. It
can only go to Icktown. But before we get there. Yes, we
have Culver on the ones and twos. A grave error. Now it is
nowhere near underestimating the evil prowess of dolphins, but I would say that it
is a grave error to put Culver in control of anything other than a lap
dance for a middle aged woman. You know, Dylan, you've seen the
footage of Captain Jason smashing this camera ship timing and appreciated to Cape coming on
persuaded the cake covinst moment, the vessel's master Jackson chamber watching because he's good
lucky. We did what was supposed to trying to collisions, so we are
shut down. All engines dropped an anchor and I thank god we slipped at
a noise spot where there was no personnel. Fuck you, you got lucky,
buddy, you got lucky. But since he's so good lucking, we
just let him say stupid shit like that. Well he didn't get lucky.
The quarrel that the anchor ripped to pieces was not bleached at that point.
It was not a lost cause. He destroyed the marine layer. What he
destroyed the fragile ecosystem there, and not to mention, plunged his boat into
I don't know, someplace that serves sand dabs. I bet people were eating
there. Even if they didn't die, which they did, they had to
get up and leave in a flash. I mean, think about that.
You're a dinner and a waiter comes up to you and says, happy,
happy anniversary. A game run right, Yeah, there's no time for confusion.
You have to get up and you have to run. There is a
boat coming towards us and proceeded will so culver proceeds to lift the tender up
and kind of like a child with one of those paddles with the ball that
is attached to it just starts swinging it all over the place. It's like
a very dangerous yo yo, and the railing is destroyed. Captain Jason falls
over Juow's on a kayak. He has nothing to do with it, and
we will find out what the fallout from that is on the next episode.
We love you guys very much. Be sure to jump in the iTunes range
and reviews to combat any us. If you like the show, we'd really
appreciate some support. Join us on Patreon for uncensored content. I think there's
gonna be some uncensored or some censored stuff in this one. Oh yeah,
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am Dylan saying goodbye. Pat Say goodbye.