WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:02.799 Hi, everyone, Welcome back to another podcast episode. My name is Alicia 2 00:00:02.799 --> 00:00:06.160 Gogan, the host of the Globe Seekers podcast. Why I help you expand 3 00:00:06.200 --> 00:00:09.000 your mind and become more self aware so that you can glow up. It's 4 00:00:09.000 --> 00:00:13.480 the best version of yourself. Hello, girlies, how are we doing? 5 00:00:13.960 --> 00:00:18.120 Today? Is part four of our summer Glow Up series? And if you 6 00:00:18.199 --> 00:00:22.440 have not listened to the previous episodes for the series, please go back and 7 00:00:22.519 --> 00:00:26.920 do so. But today we are going to be talking about our emotional health 8 00:00:27.120 --> 00:00:35.119 because that is something that will transform your glow up journey, your level up 9 00:00:35.200 --> 00:00:41.399 journey. I don't think that we can truly become well rounded women or men. 10 00:00:41.560 --> 00:00:45.920 I know there's men listening to this podcast unless we really address what is 11 00:00:45.960 --> 00:00:50.200 going on in some of the deepest parts of us. And I think one 12 00:00:50.240 --> 00:00:55.560 of the literal biggest transformations that I made in my life was addressing my emotional 13 00:00:55.600 --> 00:00:59.679 health. Now I realize that I'm going to need to split up the emotional 14 00:00:59.719 --> 00:01:02.960 health component of our glow Up into two episodes, So it's going to be 15 00:01:03.000 --> 00:01:07.120 this episode and next week's episode. This week, I want to talk about 16 00:01:07.200 --> 00:01:11.400 the mental emotional side of things, But next week I really want to touch 17 00:01:11.480 --> 00:01:18.680 more on the physical component of your emotional health, because realistically, your physical 18 00:01:18.719 --> 00:01:23.799 body is not disconnected from your emotions, and your body is constantly responding to 19 00:01:23.079 --> 00:01:26.480 your emotional well being. And for a lot of us, when we haven't 20 00:01:26.560 --> 00:01:32.879 had a healthy relationship to our emotions, our bodies tend to be in a 21 00:01:33.040 --> 00:01:38.680 very unregulated nervous system state of fight or flight or freeze or fawn, which 22 00:01:40.280 --> 00:01:42.799 again I want to talk more about the nervous system in next week's episode. 23 00:01:42.959 --> 00:01:49.400 But I think it's so important that we realize that our bodies are always responding 24 00:01:49.480 --> 00:01:53.560 to how our mental and emotional state is. So the way I like to 25 00:01:53.599 --> 00:01:57.640 look at it is your mental state is more of your thoughts, your logistical 26 00:01:57.680 --> 00:02:01.719 mind, your analytic mind. When we were talking about last week, you 27 00:02:01.719 --> 00:02:06.920 know, having a mental diet and reframing a certain narrative that you tell yourself 28 00:02:06.959 --> 00:02:10.520 every day and working on the thoughts that come up into your head and you 29 00:02:10.560 --> 00:02:15.319 know, positive affirmations and things like that. But we also have a feeling 30 00:02:15.439 --> 00:02:19.840 state, We have emotions. And I'm going to get into my story a 31 00:02:19.879 --> 00:02:24.560 little bit and how I came to the realization of how absolutely important it is 32 00:02:24.560 --> 00:02:30.199 to have a healthy emotional life really, because it's one thing to be somebody 33 00:02:30.319 --> 00:02:37.439 who has a good mindset right, thinks positively and has good beliefs about themselves 34 00:02:37.599 --> 00:02:43.479 and knows what to do and has the right information. But that doesn't necessarily 35 00:02:43.520 --> 00:02:47.879 mean that you have a very healthy relationship to your emotions. For we get 36 00:02:47.919 --> 00:02:52.039 into my story, I just want to let you guys know that my one 37 00:02:52.080 --> 00:02:55.199 on one private coaching is now open, So if you are interested, you 38 00:02:55.240 --> 00:03:00.280 will see the link in my description or wherever you're listening or watching this podcast. 39 00:03:00.319 --> 00:03:05.159 You can also find me on Instagram. I have my story highlight am 40 00:03:05.199 --> 00:03:07.520 I one on one Coaching and you will find it in the link in my 41 00:03:07.560 --> 00:03:09.199 bio. You can always message me as well if you're interested. Okay, 42 00:03:09.280 --> 00:03:13.800 so let's bring it back. I'm going to try not to go to in 43 00:03:13.919 --> 00:03:16.400 depth here, but y'all know this is the longest form of my content, 44 00:03:16.560 --> 00:03:21.039 so we will go for as long as we need to. So. I 45 00:03:21.080 --> 00:03:25.400 was raised by two very different parents, actually, but let's just talk about 46 00:03:25.439 --> 00:03:30.759 my dad's influence on me, because I think that this really he was the 47 00:03:30.599 --> 00:03:36.199 reason why it was very hard for me to tap into my emotions. And 48 00:03:36.240 --> 00:03:39.199 I also just want to say, I'm not having this blame game of any 49 00:03:39.360 --> 00:03:45.120 putting anything on my father or you know, being in this like victim mentality 50 00:03:45.120 --> 00:03:47.319 things like that, Like I'm not. I've actually come to peace with so 51 00:03:47.439 --> 00:03:52.879 much with his relationship towards me and also his passing everything like that. But 52 00:03:52.919 --> 00:03:57.919 I'm just kind of laying out the groundwork here. So my father was very 53 00:03:58.159 --> 00:04:02.520 strict. He was honestly kind of a tyrant. He was a very strict 54 00:04:02.599 --> 00:04:08.840 Jamaican father. He came from Jamaica at like thirteen years old. He had 55 00:04:08.879 --> 00:04:14.199 a very strict mother. He didn't tolerate complaining, whining, crying. He 56 00:04:14.960 --> 00:04:18.279 really taught me to just be quiet, do as I was told, be 57 00:04:18.360 --> 00:04:23.079 a good girl, and that's really it. There wasn't a lot of room 58 00:04:23.160 --> 00:04:28.639 for me to express my emotions, to express myself, my authentic self as 59 00:04:28.680 --> 00:04:32.680 a child, and you know, healing from everything that I've been through, 60 00:04:32.839 --> 00:04:39.120 I've realized that he just didn't have that emotional capacity to know how to deal 61 00:04:39.160 --> 00:04:42.480 with a child and their emotions and everything. And it's crazy because on the 62 00:04:42.519 --> 00:04:46.199 flip side, my mom was so completely different. So I feel like throughout 63 00:04:46.279 --> 00:04:50.319 my childhood I did get somewhat of a healthy expression of being able to like 64 00:04:50.480 --> 00:04:56.720 express my emotions and cry and laugh and be myself and whatever. But when 65 00:04:56.720 --> 00:04:59.680 I was around my father, which was a lot of the times, I 66 00:04:59.759 --> 00:05:04.560 was very suppressed. I was taught emotions were not a good thing, they 67 00:05:04.600 --> 00:05:10.199 were irrelevant. I shouldn't have them and I should suppress them. And the 68 00:05:10.319 --> 00:05:14.720 problem with that is I was a child, and realistically, I'm a human 69 00:05:14.759 --> 00:05:18.600 being, and humans they have emotions, whether you want to acknowledge that or 70 00:05:18.600 --> 00:05:23.120 not. Wherever you're at in your life, you have emotions. You experience 71 00:05:23.199 --> 00:05:29.360 anger, you experience sadness, you experience fear, everything. And so when 72 00:05:29.399 --> 00:05:35.199 you don't have a healthy environment to express those emotions, that will inevitably come 73 00:05:35.279 --> 00:05:41.279 up through just being socialized as a child and just in general things happen in 74 00:05:41.319 --> 00:05:46.000 your life. What ends up happening is you learn to demonize these emotions that 75 00:05:46.279 --> 00:05:50.439 you feel. You don't even know how to express them because maybe a parent 76 00:05:50.519 --> 00:05:54.399 around you has never actually told you like, okay, this is how you 77 00:05:54.439 --> 00:05:57.120 express your anger, and like this is what it means when you feel this 78 00:05:57.160 --> 00:06:00.480 way, or oh you're sad today, This is okay that you feel sad 79 00:06:00.519 --> 00:06:02.040 and you can let it out. Things like that. I didn't have that 80 00:06:02.120 --> 00:06:05.000 from my father, and I had a little bit of that from my mother, 81 00:06:05.120 --> 00:06:10.120 of course, but you know, when I was constantly around my father, 82 00:06:10.240 --> 00:06:15.240 I just I really was taught that emotions were not okay, and furthermore, 83 00:06:15.279 --> 00:06:19.720 if I were to express my emotions, there would be consequences. And 84 00:06:19.800 --> 00:06:25.639 so when you get taught from a young age that if you do cry, 85 00:06:25.839 --> 00:06:30.560 you're gonna get in trouble, you will do your absolute best to never cry. 86 00:06:30.600 --> 00:06:32.399 But again, the problem with that is there's going to be things in 87 00:06:32.399 --> 00:06:35.600 your life that trigger you and you're gonna want to cry. So I was 88 00:06:35.639 --> 00:06:39.839 conditioned to kind of be that way, and I think as I grew up, 89 00:06:40.000 --> 00:06:46.120 I didn't even really realize how much I was desensitized to my emotions, 90 00:06:46.120 --> 00:06:51.240 Like I wasn't connected with myself. I remember being in high school around my 91 00:06:51.279 --> 00:06:54.800 friends or this one friend that I had, she was like one of my 92 00:06:54.800 --> 00:06:59.639 best friends, and she was so weird. It out from the fact that 93 00:06:59.680 --> 00:07:04.040 I never really cried, or we would watch like sad movies and I would 94 00:07:04.079 --> 00:07:09.279 never cry, Like I just I didn't feel anything like I wasn't I didn't 95 00:07:09.360 --> 00:07:12.519 feel a lot of emotions, and as I was in my teenage years, 96 00:07:12.519 --> 00:07:16.319 my awkward teenage years. I think that really made everything worse for me, 97 00:07:16.439 --> 00:07:23.040 because I already was a little bit awkward and weird to express if I was 98 00:07:23.079 --> 00:07:26.560 really happy, if I was really sad that day, because I wasn't. 99 00:07:26.800 --> 00:07:30.480 I didn't really have that nurturing home to be able to do that. So 100 00:07:30.560 --> 00:07:34.000 it wasn't normal for me to go around my friends or family or anyone else 101 00:07:34.399 --> 00:07:39.439 and express myself because I learned it wasn't okay to express myself. And then 102 00:07:39.480 --> 00:07:42.920 on top of that, you know, as you're a teenager, things are 103 00:07:42.959 --> 00:07:45.639 awkward and weird, and you don't know if you should say, like you're 104 00:07:45.639 --> 00:07:48.000 always like scared to say the wrong thing, or you know, people judge 105 00:07:48.040 --> 00:07:53.720 you, and so I really became very closed off. I became very monotone. 106 00:07:53.759 --> 00:07:57.360 I became very suppressed in a way. I think I did a pretty 107 00:07:57.399 --> 00:08:03.199 good job at still being able to socialize with people. I'm very adaptable in 108 00:08:03.199 --> 00:08:05.120 a way, I can adapt to new environments, but there was still a 109 00:08:05.199 --> 00:08:09.920 huge level of me never feeling comfortable, fully like, very awkward and just 110 00:08:11.199 --> 00:08:15.399 quiet. I was actually a very very shy child as well, and even 111 00:08:15.439 --> 00:08:18.519 in high school. I mean I did my best to kind of socialize and 112 00:08:18.600 --> 00:08:22.800 be a normal kid in a way, but I knew that there was always 113 00:08:22.160 --> 00:08:26.279 things that were kind of closed off, but I didn't really question it. 114 00:08:26.279 --> 00:08:30.040 It was just kind of who I was. I just didn't really express myself. 115 00:08:30.079 --> 00:08:33.279 I was never too happy or was never too sad. I never cried 116 00:08:33.320 --> 00:08:35.679 in front of people, and so that's just kind of how I lived my 117 00:08:35.720 --> 00:08:39.399 life. And then as I started to get older, my father unfortunately passed 118 00:08:39.399 --> 00:08:41.759 away. You guys know, or some of you guys know, we passed 119 00:08:41.759 --> 00:08:46.879 away when I was around sixteen years old, and unfortunately my mom went through 120 00:08:48.159 --> 00:08:52.159 addictions, and so I had to grow up very quickly. I all of 121 00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:56.000 a sudden had to be very responsible of everything, which, you know, 122 00:08:56.039 --> 00:08:58.159 what I'm not even going to say is a bad thing, because there was 123 00:08:58.200 --> 00:09:01.159 so many things that I learned, even from my father being as strict as 124 00:09:01.200 --> 00:09:05.000 he was, as much as there was a lot of unhealthy strictness, in 125 00:09:05.039 --> 00:09:09.759 a way, there was healthy levels of discipline and structure that I did learn 126 00:09:09.840 --> 00:09:13.120 from him. But on top of that, you know, of course, 127 00:09:13.200 --> 00:09:16.840 like learning how to be on your own and being an adult, those were 128 00:09:16.919 --> 00:09:20.480 very good things that I had to learn. But unfortunately too much of that. 129 00:09:20.559 --> 00:09:24.799 It was just too much, right, So I was kind of pushed 130 00:09:24.840 --> 00:09:30.679 into having to be very very independent at a young age. And because I 131 00:09:30.799 --> 00:09:35.399 was somebody who was not really tapped into her let's say, feminine side. 132 00:09:35.440 --> 00:09:37.679 And we can talk about that, and I don't know when maybe I'll unpack 133 00:09:37.759 --> 00:09:41.279 that. I'm not saying like everyone has femine masculine energy within them, but 134 00:09:41.320 --> 00:09:45.919 I just didn't have. I wasn't tapped into my nurturing side, my loving, 135 00:09:45.960 --> 00:09:50.519 my expressive, my chaotic, my whatever, just like letting myself out. 136 00:09:50.840 --> 00:09:54.039 I just didn't have that because I was around my father that wasn't like 137 00:09:54.080 --> 00:09:56.679 that. And on top of that, when I had to be very responsible, 138 00:09:56.759 --> 00:10:01.120 I didn't really have time to like play and have a good time and 139 00:10:01.240 --> 00:10:05.799 express myself and be this like fun child the way that I should have been, 140 00:10:05.879 --> 00:10:09.120 because I unfortunately had to be an adult at a very young age, 141 00:10:09.360 --> 00:10:16.799 and so I moved into a very hyper masculine woman. Honestly, and again, 142 00:10:18.000 --> 00:10:20.799 there are very amazing traits that came out of that. I was disciplined, 143 00:10:20.879 --> 00:10:24.960 I achieved a lot of things in my life. I got my life 144 00:10:24.960 --> 00:10:28.279 where exactly I needed it to be. But unfortunately, there were so many 145 00:10:28.320 --> 00:10:33.879 things that I cut off from. I wasn't tapped into my intuition, I 146 00:10:33.919 --> 00:10:37.039 wasn't tapped into my emotions. It made it very hard for me to trust 147 00:10:37.080 --> 00:10:41.440 people. It made it very hard for me to connect to people because I 148 00:10:41.519 --> 00:10:43.879 wasn't connected to myself. All I cared about, and all I was really 149 00:10:43.919 --> 00:10:48.799 primed for was survival. That was the only thing that I was really focused 150 00:10:48.840 --> 00:10:52.279 on. I was worried about, Okay, my schooling, money, how 151 00:10:52.320 --> 00:10:56.519 I was going to live without my mother because my mother was going through a 152 00:10:56.559 --> 00:11:00.360 lot of her own stuff and she wasn't able to show up the way that 153 00:11:00.399 --> 00:11:03.039 I needed her too. And so I ended up living a very stressful life, 154 00:11:03.120 --> 00:11:07.440 and that bled into every area of my life. I was stressed about 155 00:11:07.440 --> 00:11:09.799 finances, I was stressed about my health, I was stressed about school, 156 00:11:09.879 --> 00:11:16.200 I was stressed about relationships. Every single thing I was stressed about. And 157 00:11:16.240 --> 00:11:22.480 I didn't realize how the disconnection that I had from my emotions and the hyper 158 00:11:22.600 --> 00:11:28.039 masculine identity that I took on was affecting my physical health really, and me 159 00:11:28.159 --> 00:11:33.919 being this hyper masculine and stressed out and disconnected from myself led me down a 160 00:11:33.120 --> 00:11:39.720 very long path of health issues, chronic health issues, and my first breaking 161 00:11:39.759 --> 00:11:43.960 point was when I got diagnosed with alterative colitis when I was I don't really 162 00:11:43.960 --> 00:11:50.000 even remember when somewhere in my early twenties, and I actually didn't now I 163 00:11:50.080 --> 00:11:54.720 know, but back then, I didn't realize how my mental state and my 164 00:11:54.799 --> 00:11:58.480 disconnection from my emotions and all of the traumas that I went through, and 165 00:11:58.679 --> 00:12:03.600 the way that I was operating a survival mode, all of that was creating 166 00:12:03.639 --> 00:12:07.679 this really unhealthy physical state within me to the point where now I have an 167 00:12:07.679 --> 00:12:11.840 autoimmune disease. And back then I didn't know what I knew now. I 168 00:12:11.840 --> 00:12:16.720 didn't understand how it's so important to address your mental state and your emotional state 169 00:12:16.759 --> 00:12:22.080 and how that affects your body. But when I first got diagnosed with klitis, 170 00:12:22.480 --> 00:12:24.360 I just tried to address it through my diet. I was like, 171 00:12:24.399 --> 00:12:28.039 Okay, I'll just like search different diets and exercise. It must be the 172 00:12:28.159 --> 00:12:33.679 things that I'm eating, it must be my movement. And although that's definitely 173 00:12:33.720 --> 00:12:37.639 a component of becoming a healthier version of you, I didn't realize that a 174 00:12:37.679 --> 00:12:41.240 lot of the things that I needed to address was in my mind was my 175 00:12:41.320 --> 00:12:46.120 emotions was like the fact that I was living in a survival mode all of 176 00:12:46.120 --> 00:12:50.519 my life, and no matter how much working out or dieting I did, 177 00:12:50.600 --> 00:12:54.600 it wasn't going to change the fact that I was unhealthy mentally. And so 178 00:12:54.639 --> 00:12:58.000 I would try the diets, I would try the working out, and realistically, 179 00:12:58.039 --> 00:13:01.840 a lot of the diets the working out was from a place of me 180 00:13:01.879 --> 00:13:03.759 wanting to even change myself in the first place, because I didn't like how 181 00:13:03.799 --> 00:13:07.399 I looked and I wanted to be accepted by everyone. But every time that 182 00:13:07.480 --> 00:13:11.159 I did that, it would work for a little bit, like not even 183 00:13:11.200 --> 00:13:15.080 really, it would sustain me a little bit, but then I would get 184 00:13:15.080 --> 00:13:18.840 a flare up or I would become unhealthy again because I actually wasn't dress addressing 185 00:13:18.919 --> 00:13:22.919 the root cause of my disease. And this is what I'm not going to 186 00:13:22.159 --> 00:13:26.120 sit here and tell you that if you have an autoimmune disease that it doesn't 187 00:13:26.120 --> 00:13:30.120 have anything to do with your genetics or your biology. And how I look 188 00:13:30.159 --> 00:13:33.600 at many health issues is from a place of epigenetics, and I'm not going 189 00:13:33.639 --> 00:13:35.879 to go into that because one I'm not a freaking scientist or a doctor. 190 00:13:37.080 --> 00:13:39.440 You can look that up. But it's not to say that you're not predisposed 191 00:13:39.440 --> 00:13:43.440 to having certain health issues, like things that run into your family's certain genes 192 00:13:43.480 --> 00:13:48.320 whatever. An all sort of clidis does run in my family. But what 193 00:13:48.399 --> 00:13:52.320 I believe to be true is my environment turned on that gene for me. 194 00:13:52.399 --> 00:13:54.399 I was very, very stressed. And every single person in my family who 195 00:13:54.440 --> 00:13:58.200 does have all sort of clitus they have gone through many traumas I have. 196 00:13:58.399 --> 00:14:03.279 I come from a line of unfortunately generational trauma, a lot of stress, 197 00:14:03.360 --> 00:14:09.000 a lot of unhealthy thinking and believing and environments and things like that. And 198 00:14:09.080 --> 00:14:13.000 so you know, your environment and where you grow up and everything around you 199 00:14:13.039 --> 00:14:18.360 can really trigger certain things within your body in a really unhealthy state. So 200 00:14:18.399 --> 00:14:20.519 that's just how I look at things, by the way, because I'm not 201 00:14:20.559 --> 00:14:24.000 just gonna say like, oh, I just fought my way into an autoimmune 202 00:14:24.039 --> 00:14:26.919 disease, Like there are definitely biological things that are still happening. But I 203 00:14:26.960 --> 00:14:33.320 do think that your environment, in your mindset, and your traumas turn things 204 00:14:33.360 --> 00:14:37.320 on or off for you. So anyways, when I was trying to address 205 00:14:37.399 --> 00:14:41.639 my colitis, from that standpoint, things never really sticked. I still just 206 00:14:41.000 --> 00:14:46.440 was on medication and I was still having stomach issues. I still had health 207 00:14:46.480 --> 00:14:50.039 issues. But the more that I look deeper into why I kept falling on 208 00:14:50.159 --> 00:14:54.720 and off of diets. Once I started to realize that fad dieting and doing 209 00:14:54.720 --> 00:14:58.279 all of these obsessive diets anyways wasn't working, I started to address more of 210 00:14:58.279 --> 00:15:03.799 my mental health in a way, and I realized that my health condition always 211 00:15:03.799 --> 00:15:07.320 seemed to lessen the more that I had a better mental state, the more 212 00:15:07.440 --> 00:15:11.679 that I was happier with my life, the more that I was working on 213 00:15:11.720 --> 00:15:15.440 myself. But it's still around. Like in my early twenties, I didn't 214 00:15:15.480 --> 00:15:18.600 really see that connection. I was just kind of stumbling uphill until of course, 215 00:15:18.639 --> 00:15:22.960 where I'm at right now. But one other thing happened. Another rock 216 00:15:22.000 --> 00:15:24.799 bottom that was really really huge, which is where I'm going to bring this 217 00:15:24.879 --> 00:15:28.759 episode too, and which transformed my life, was when I had nerve pain. 218 00:15:28.840 --> 00:15:31.559 And like I said in last week's episode, I talked about it a 219 00:15:31.559 --> 00:15:35.879 lot, how I had nerve pain in my hands for damn near almost two 220 00:15:35.960 --> 00:15:39.279 years. I didn't know what was going on. I literally tried every single 221 00:15:39.320 --> 00:15:43.120 thing. I got core zone shots. I was going to get a carbal 222 00:15:43.159 --> 00:15:48.039 tunnel surgery because they thought I had carbal tunnel, which is insane because I 223 00:15:48.080 --> 00:15:50.360 was like twenty five years old, Like what do you mean. I did 224 00:15:50.440 --> 00:15:54.600 kind of mean shots at a clinic because they thought that that would help me 225 00:15:54.679 --> 00:15:58.639 reset my nervous system. My pain signals were all off. I did chiropractor, 226 00:15:58.759 --> 00:16:03.519 I did acupuncture, physio. I literally, I told you guys already. 227 00:16:03.559 --> 00:16:07.519 I did everything until I started to change my mindset and how I looked 228 00:16:07.559 --> 00:16:11.159 at my health conditions and I realized the way that I was going to heal, 229 00:16:11.240 --> 00:16:15.159 which I didn't know how it was going to even heal, but I 230 00:16:15.200 --> 00:16:18.159 just knew for me to get out of this hand pain, for me to 231 00:16:18.360 --> 00:16:21.759 live the life that I really want, I need to change my mindset first. 232 00:16:21.879 --> 00:16:25.639 I need to change my mindset from being a victim of being somebody who 233 00:16:25.679 --> 00:16:29.440 believes that she's not going to get well to someone who knows she's going to 234 00:16:29.519 --> 00:16:33.279 get well. Somehow, There's going to be some answer. Something's going to 235 00:16:33.399 --> 00:16:37.240 change. I don't know what it is. And I really tapped into my 236 00:16:37.360 --> 00:16:41.120 masculine energy here, my logical brain, and I told myself, like, 237 00:16:41.200 --> 00:16:42.840 of course things are going to change. Of course I'm not going to be 238 00:16:42.960 --> 00:16:45.519 like this forever. I didn't know what the answer was going to be. 239 00:16:45.639 --> 00:16:49.000 I didn't know how it was going to heal. But I just knew that 240 00:16:49.039 --> 00:16:52.159 I had to change my mindset first, and which I did, and like 241 00:16:52.200 --> 00:16:56.679 I said in last week's episode, that led me down to a path of 242 00:16:56.799 --> 00:17:00.960 learning the information and the modalities in which was going to allow me to heal. 243 00:17:00.159 --> 00:17:03.920 And so I want to talk about some of those things that I learned 244 00:17:04.160 --> 00:17:08.440 through the process of healing to help you heal, to help you tap into 245 00:17:08.440 --> 00:17:12.519 your emotions more, to help you release. And this is the thing. 246 00:17:12.799 --> 00:17:15.839 You don't have to have, clydis You don't have to have nerve pain, 247 00:17:15.880 --> 00:17:18.759 you don't have to have this chronic whatever. But this is so important that 248 00:17:18.799 --> 00:17:23.000 you address somewhere along your glow up journey, because one you're going to need 249 00:17:23.000 --> 00:17:29.319 to and hopefully it's going to be before you burn yourself out or you're constantly 250 00:17:29.319 --> 00:17:33.599 in cycles, or you have some sort of health issue. But you can't 251 00:17:33.640 --> 00:17:37.039 deny and ignore the fact that you have emotions, the fact that you've been 252 00:17:37.039 --> 00:17:41.720 through traumas, the fact that you probably need some sort of inner child healing, 253 00:17:41.880 --> 00:17:44.640 the fact that you need to address certain parts of you that you have 254 00:17:44.839 --> 00:17:48.319 not actually fully addressed right. And this is not to look at yourself like 255 00:17:48.359 --> 00:17:52.480 you're broken or that you need to heal before you have a great life. 256 00:17:52.519 --> 00:17:56.319 But it's so important if we want to be this gloat up version of ourselves, 257 00:17:56.319 --> 00:17:59.880 that we do tap into this part of us. And I will only 258 00:18:00.039 --> 00:18:03.440 assume that a lot of you have either had health issues, or you've dealt 259 00:18:03.480 --> 00:18:07.880 with depression, or you have been somebody who's been hypermasculine and you've had to 260 00:18:07.880 --> 00:18:11.440 be independent, and you're on this healing journey and you're trying to figure out 261 00:18:11.480 --> 00:18:14.559 like why I feel like this or why I'm burnt out, I'm why I'm 262 00:18:14.599 --> 00:18:17.000 like this? A lot of it has to do with the fact that you 263 00:18:17.039 --> 00:18:22.359 actually haven't gone deeper into your emotional body. So how can you heal? 264 00:18:22.480 --> 00:18:25.640 How can you tap into this part of yourself? Well, I'm going to 265 00:18:25.720 --> 00:18:29.119 give you some of the things that I have done. So the first thing 266 00:18:29.480 --> 00:18:33.079 that I did, without realizing where this was going to take me and where 267 00:18:33.119 --> 00:18:37.480 this ended up leading me, was out of hand pain, out of pain 268 00:18:37.559 --> 00:18:42.000 in general, and really just healing more than I ever have was emotionally releasing. 269 00:18:42.119 --> 00:18:48.000 And I want to just quickly mention Nicole Sacks. She is a licensed 270 00:18:48.640 --> 00:18:52.759 what does she social worker slash? She does like therapy and stuff. She 271 00:18:52.799 --> 00:18:56.599 has a very big Instagram and a podcast which I have mentioned before, The 272 00:18:56.680 --> 00:19:00.240 Cure for Chronic Pain. So if you're somebody who does struggle with any sort 273 00:19:00.279 --> 00:19:04.440 of health issues, I highly suggest you go look into her content and in 274 00:19:04.519 --> 00:19:11.880 general start to look for people who talk about chronic pain and the mind body 275 00:19:11.880 --> 00:19:15.279 connection. But I think her, like starting with her, is really helpful. 276 00:19:15.319 --> 00:19:18.200 And what I really learned from her was it is so important that you 277 00:19:18.480 --> 00:19:25.079 emotionally release the things that you have been thinking, feeling, suppressing, denying, 278 00:19:25.400 --> 00:19:30.039 rejecting, hating on whether that be about yourself or towards other people in 279 00:19:30.039 --> 00:19:32.960 your life. And this is the thing. When I was in pain, 280 00:19:33.319 --> 00:19:34.160 I didn't really think, like, oh, I need to sit down and 281 00:19:34.279 --> 00:19:40.400 journal about how much anger I have towards my dad or my mom or anything. 282 00:19:40.519 --> 00:19:42.440 I didn't. You know, I knew my story. I knew that 283 00:19:42.480 --> 00:19:47.240 I didn't have that healthy relationship with my dad. I thought that I healed 284 00:19:47.279 --> 00:19:51.359 from that, like I understood my story, and because I was a very 285 00:19:51.440 --> 00:19:55.799 hyper masculine, independent woman, I kind of took care of my shit, 286 00:19:55.960 --> 00:19:59.759 like I got my stuff done, I figured out my life whatever, But 287 00:20:00.039 --> 00:20:03.000 I didn't realize that there was still a lot of hurt, a lot of 288 00:20:03.079 --> 00:20:04.640 sadness within me, a lot of anger, and on top of that, 289 00:20:04.680 --> 00:20:10.000 there was a lot of anger towards my mother and just my life circumstance in 290 00:20:10.039 --> 00:20:12.960 general. Especially if you've been somebody who's very strong and doesn't cry a lot 291 00:20:14.000 --> 00:20:17.720 and doesn't you know, like you are really responsible and you just take on 292 00:20:17.759 --> 00:20:22.400 that brunch, most likely you haven't really actually released. You haven't really let 293 00:20:22.440 --> 00:20:25.759 yourself express how you're really feeling. And like I said, I never was 294 00:20:25.839 --> 00:20:29.680 really one to cry a lot, Like I really didn't cry unless I was 295 00:20:29.680 --> 00:20:32.640 like super super overwhelmed. And even when I did that, I just like 296 00:20:32.720 --> 00:20:37.519 do it by myself. But I didn't really let myself cry a lot over 297 00:20:37.599 --> 00:20:41.759 my father or over my mother and the relationship that we didn't have and things 298 00:20:41.799 --> 00:20:45.759 like that. So she taught me to do this thing called journal speak I 299 00:20:45.799 --> 00:20:49.119 think she said it was, but I just ended up just doing my own 300 00:20:49.240 --> 00:20:52.799 kind of thing in a way, like it just wrote out how I was 301 00:20:52.839 --> 00:20:53.960 feeling. But this is what I'm gonna say. You don't have to be 302 00:20:55.000 --> 00:20:56.359 in pain in order to do this, and I think it's very very helpful 303 00:20:56.440 --> 00:21:02.519 that you look at your story, your upbringing, the relationship that you have 304 00:21:02.599 --> 00:21:07.640 towards your parents, or the relationship that you didn't get and writing out all 305 00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:14.279 of your true, deepest feelings about those people and even yourself. And so 306 00:21:14.599 --> 00:21:19.440 this is not a journal practice that you're gonna want to be perfect with. 307 00:21:19.960 --> 00:21:22.799 This is a journal practice where when I was writing things out, I was 308 00:21:22.839 --> 00:21:30.799 writing literally my deepest thoughts about people and my certain situation in my life, 309 00:21:30.960 --> 00:21:33.799 and to the point where I was ripping these papers up and throwing them out 310 00:21:33.799 --> 00:21:37.279 as soon as I wrote what I was feeling out, because this is not 311 00:21:37.359 --> 00:21:41.039 something that you really want people to be reading. This is the thing, 312 00:21:41.200 --> 00:21:45.319 when you are truly emotionally releasing, you are saying, feeling things that you 313 00:21:45.440 --> 00:21:48.640 suppressed all of your life, things that are not appropriate to say to people, 314 00:21:48.920 --> 00:21:52.240 things that if you were to say to people, they would probably get 315 00:21:52.240 --> 00:21:55.200 mad at, or things that they would be upset about. But the truth 316 00:21:55.319 --> 00:21:57.440 is, you feel those things about them. And this is what I realize. 317 00:21:57.799 --> 00:22:02.319 I realize, actually, you know what, I was fucking pissed off 318 00:22:02.359 --> 00:22:07.279 about the fact that I had a father who taught me how to emotionally suppress 319 00:22:07.359 --> 00:22:11.880 myself, my authentic self. And again, I'm not one to be, 320 00:22:11.039 --> 00:22:14.079 you know, the victim mentality like oh my god, see you, like 321 00:22:14.400 --> 00:22:17.960 my parents did this out in the third of Obviously I've gone past that because 322 00:22:17.960 --> 00:22:22.240 I've done this practice, but there's still room to always be that victim, 323 00:22:22.319 --> 00:22:25.319 right, So this is really allowing yourself to just be that true victim of 324 00:22:25.400 --> 00:22:29.160 who you really weren't able to be. So for me, I was pissed 325 00:22:29.279 --> 00:22:33.920 off. I was so mad at my father for not being the dad that 326 00:22:33.960 --> 00:22:38.279 he should have been, the fact that he just didn't allow me to express 327 00:22:38.319 --> 00:22:42.319 my emotions or I wasn't I didn't feel safe enough to cry around him, 328 00:22:42.640 --> 00:22:45.279 or I didn't feel like I could go and play with my friends, because 329 00:22:45.279 --> 00:22:48.279 I felt like a fucking slave because I went home every single day because he 330 00:22:48.359 --> 00:22:52.319 demanded of me to go home and do like hours of dishes and hours of 331 00:22:52.359 --> 00:22:56.319 homework that I did not understand, and I couldn't ask for help because he 332 00:22:56.319 --> 00:22:59.759 would yell at me like there was so much. I literally felt like a 333 00:22:59.839 --> 00:23:03.039 fucking slave, like literally and I'm not even exaggerating, And so I let 334 00:23:03.039 --> 00:23:06.720 that shit out. I literally wrote as if I was writing to him, 335 00:23:06.960 --> 00:23:08.759 like I told him how mad I was at him, I told him how 336 00:23:08.839 --> 00:23:12.000 fucked up it was that he treated me like that, Like I literally wrote 337 00:23:12.000 --> 00:23:17.440 all that stuff out and it felt so good. And of course, naturally 338 00:23:17.480 --> 00:23:18.279 it's like, oh my god, I can't do that. I can't see 339 00:23:18.279 --> 00:23:21.480 that, I can't whatever. It doesn't matter, you know why, because 340 00:23:21.480 --> 00:23:23.920 he actually feel that way. You actually, deep down there's a part of 341 00:23:23.960 --> 00:23:29.039 you that feels anger towards that parent or sadness. Okay, So another thing 342 00:23:29.160 --> 00:23:30.440 was like, even, and I do this for my mom too. I 343 00:23:30.440 --> 00:23:34.079 don't actually mean I wrote this to my mom. I just wrote this out. 344 00:23:34.400 --> 00:23:37.160 And you know, I'm totally fine with her knowing this, and I've 345 00:23:37.240 --> 00:23:41.440 had these conversations with her before. But I wrote out how angry I was 346 00:23:41.519 --> 00:23:45.079 about how she wasn't the parent that I needed her to be, and how 347 00:23:45.160 --> 00:23:48.480 she decided to really be that teenager when I was supposed to be a fucking 348 00:23:48.480 --> 00:23:53.160 teenager, and also all the sadness and the longing that I was actually feeling 349 00:23:53.240 --> 00:23:57.680 deep down when I was sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen twenty, realizing 350 00:23:57.799 --> 00:24:02.279 I was never going to have that mother daughter relationship that I really wanted, 351 00:24:02.920 --> 00:24:07.400 and how I was really good at telling myself that I was okay with that, 352 00:24:07.480 --> 00:24:10.880 but I wasn't okay with that, And so I let out the feeling 353 00:24:11.000 --> 00:24:15.160 of anger and sadness and just like longing and wishing and hoping for things that 354 00:24:15.480 --> 00:24:21.000 weren't going to happen that I just missed and I wasn't going to get back. 355 00:24:21.039 --> 00:24:22.920 I wrote out all the ways in which my life was so fucking hard 356 00:24:22.960 --> 00:24:29.200 and so fucking stressful and so incredibly just such a struggle, and how everyone 357 00:24:29.240 --> 00:24:32.799 else had it better than me, and how it wasn't fairer. I literally 358 00:24:32.960 --> 00:24:37.880 let out all of my true deepest feelings towards everything, And on top of 359 00:24:37.880 --> 00:24:41.480 that, I did that with myself. I wrote out all of my true 360 00:24:41.519 --> 00:24:45.799 deepest insecurities, my shadows, all the ways I was disgusted with myself, 361 00:24:45.839 --> 00:24:48.000 all the ways that I hated how cringey I was, or how I didn't 362 00:24:48.000 --> 00:24:51.960 look like this or how I looked like that or whatever it was, or 363 00:24:52.200 --> 00:24:55.319 all the mistakes that I made in my life that I tried to ignore and 364 00:24:55.319 --> 00:24:57.200 suppress. I brought those up, and I was like, damn, like 365 00:24:57.240 --> 00:25:02.279 I fucking made those mistakes, and I'm not proud of it, like literally 366 00:25:02.319 --> 00:25:06.799 everything, and I cried. I cried for days. I did that every 367 00:25:06.799 --> 00:25:08.680 single day. And the reason why I was doing this every single day this 368 00:25:08.720 --> 00:25:11.960 is not something that you need to do like all the time, but I 369 00:25:11.960 --> 00:25:15.000 find if you're struggling physically with an ailment, it's very, very important to 370 00:25:15.200 --> 00:25:21.000 emotionally release as well. But I had learned from Nicole Sacks how important it 371 00:25:21.039 --> 00:25:23.960 is to do this when it comes to actually having physical pain in your body, 372 00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:27.519 because your body is literally storing these thoughts, these feelings, these emotions 373 00:25:27.720 --> 00:25:32.200 to the point where you're literally feeling pain. And so I was doing this 374 00:25:32.240 --> 00:25:33.720 as a daily practice, morning, noon, and night. I was just 375 00:25:33.799 --> 00:25:37.880 writing and I was letting things out and I was purging. I was literally 376 00:25:37.920 --> 00:25:40.799 purging, and I was crying. And I've never cried that much of my 377 00:25:40.880 --> 00:25:44.559 life. I never really was that or real with myself about how I felt 378 00:25:44.599 --> 00:25:47.599 towards my mom, my dad, my family, my situation, my everything. 379 00:25:47.880 --> 00:25:51.480 But I let that shit out, and I swear to God, it 380 00:25:51.680 --> 00:25:56.240 changed my entire life. And so I suggest, and this is what I'm 381 00:25:56.279 --> 00:25:59.279 gonna say. I'm gonna preface this by saying there's gonna be certain things that 382 00:25:59.319 --> 00:26:03.200 you've gone through in your life, deep levels of trauma that could be way 383 00:26:03.240 --> 00:26:07.279 deeper than I went through. Right, And I'm also not giving you guys 384 00:26:07.319 --> 00:26:10.640 the full backstory of what I've been through. Obviously, I've seen a lot 385 00:26:10.640 --> 00:26:15.319 of things that a child should not have seen, but I do know that 386 00:26:15.359 --> 00:26:18.839 a lot of you guys have gone through worse things than me. So what 387 00:26:18.920 --> 00:26:22.960 I'm going to say is you have to be careful with this because there's going 388 00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:23.920 to be a lot of emotions, a lot of things that come up. 389 00:26:23.960 --> 00:26:27.240 If you don't really know how to handle these emotions, it might be better 390 00:26:27.319 --> 00:26:30.680 that you do this type of practice with a therapist or somebody who knows how 391 00:26:30.720 --> 00:26:34.720 to hold space for you. This is not going to be for everyone, 392 00:26:34.759 --> 00:26:37.000 and I think that if you just try this and if you just feel like 393 00:26:37.039 --> 00:26:40.400 it's too overwhelming them, that's fine. You don't have to do it. 394 00:26:40.720 --> 00:26:44.400 But I think that it was such a huge turning point for me because I 395 00:26:44.440 --> 00:26:48.240 was like, holy fuck, like I unlocked this part of me that I 396 00:26:48.319 --> 00:26:52.640 was suppressing, and you know what was underneath all of this anger, sadness, 397 00:26:52.799 --> 00:26:57.119 all of this confusion, all of this longing for the things that I 398 00:26:57.119 --> 00:27:00.920 didn't have was my inner child. There were parts of me, very young, 399 00:27:02.039 --> 00:27:07.000 parts of me that I never learned how to connect to. I learned 400 00:27:07.119 --> 00:27:11.880 from my father and sometimes even from my mother to deny, to push away 401 00:27:11.960 --> 00:27:17.759 because that wasn't useful for me. And so once I let out all of 402 00:27:17.759 --> 00:27:21.640 this rage, anger, like shame, whatever, all of my emotions, 403 00:27:21.680 --> 00:27:26.799 I realized, like, whoa, Okay, I have this new version of 404 00:27:26.960 --> 00:27:32.799 me here, which is this little girl that didn't get what she was meant 405 00:27:32.799 --> 00:27:36.559 to get in her life. She didn't get the love from her father, 406 00:27:36.799 --> 00:27:41.960 she didn't get the proper mother daughter relationship with her mom, she didn't get 407 00:27:41.039 --> 00:27:45.359 all of these experiences where she got to play and express herself and just live 408 00:27:45.480 --> 00:27:52.440 her life. And you know, obviously I had to let go and forgive 409 00:27:52.559 --> 00:27:55.079 and move on from the fact that I wasn't going to get that from my 410 00:27:55.200 --> 00:28:00.000 parents. But then I realized, of course, because I'm that creator versus 411 00:28:00.039 --> 00:28:03.519 a victim, I get to do that for myself. Now I get to 412 00:28:03.599 --> 00:28:08.319 reparent myself. I get to nurture this inner child, this part of me 413 00:28:08.599 --> 00:28:12.839 that my parents unfortunately couldn't do. But I can do it now. I 414 00:28:12.880 --> 00:28:17.799 can meet her needs, a new way I can meet her emotional needs, 415 00:28:17.839 --> 00:28:22.400 a new way I can go explore and create a life where her needs and 416 00:28:22.519 --> 00:28:26.519 wants are considered, where she does have a say, where she gets to 417 00:28:26.599 --> 00:28:30.440 actually be herself. You see, when you live in survival mode, you 418 00:28:30.720 --> 00:28:37.960 ignore your internal guidance system, you ignore your body, you ignore what you 419 00:28:38.039 --> 00:28:44.559 actually need for yourself because you're so focused on making sure that you are alive 420 00:28:44.599 --> 00:28:49.000 and safe that you do a lot of things that aren't actually healthy for you, 421 00:28:49.079 --> 00:28:52.200 but you have learned that that's the only way to do these things. 422 00:28:52.440 --> 00:28:57.640 Let's say slowing down when you are burnt out. If you have grown up 423 00:28:59.039 --> 00:29:03.079 learning that your needs and your wants are just not important, and you just 424 00:29:03.119 --> 00:29:07.319 don't listen to your emotions because you're not even tapped into that, and you 425 00:29:07.319 --> 00:29:11.119 just you don't see any value towards that. When your body is literally telling 426 00:29:11.160 --> 00:29:14.359 you to slow down, you're gonna be like, I don't care, We're 427 00:29:14.359 --> 00:29:17.279 still going right, Like I don't really care, Like we need to work, 428 00:29:17.319 --> 00:29:18.960 we need to whatever. You don't really see the benefit and slowing down. 429 00:29:18.960 --> 00:29:22.759 And on top of that, maybe you've been taught like for me, 430 00:29:22.039 --> 00:29:26.200 my father taught me Okay, Well, it doesn't matter if you want to 431 00:29:26.200 --> 00:29:27.559 slow down or you want to rest or you want to whatever. Like, 432 00:29:27.599 --> 00:29:33.559 we're doing this thing very masculine, very harsh. But the problem is your 433 00:29:33.559 --> 00:29:36.119 body is speaking to you. You do need to slow down. There are 434 00:29:36.119 --> 00:29:37.799 going to be things, especially when it comes to your health issues, which 435 00:29:37.839 --> 00:29:41.720 is why I personally believe when you start having health issues, that's when you 436 00:29:41.799 --> 00:29:45.559 really need to listen, because you have not been listening. And I'll give 437 00:29:45.599 --> 00:29:51.240 you a clear example of when I started to realize that I had different parts 438 00:29:51.279 --> 00:29:56.640 operating within myself, aka my inner child that was always driven to do certain 439 00:29:56.680 --> 00:30:02.559 behaviors that I thought were self sabotage. But it wasn't really self sabotage. 440 00:30:02.599 --> 00:30:04.200 It was just a part of me that learned how to do a certain behavior 441 00:30:04.279 --> 00:30:10.920 to self soothe. And because I was such a hyper masculine person and I 442 00:30:10.960 --> 00:30:15.240 just didn't I just always ignored my true needs and wants. Every time that 443 00:30:15.279 --> 00:30:18.480 I would start a diet or I would do something that I thought was supposed 444 00:30:18.480 --> 00:30:21.680 to be good for me, I would end up falling off and going into 445 00:30:21.759 --> 00:30:26.119 these unhealthy behaviors, not realizing that there was a part of me that was 446 00:30:26.359 --> 00:30:30.039 trying to self soothe by going to candy, by going to unhealthy food because 447 00:30:30.200 --> 00:30:33.839 she was scared. She didn't know how to handle her emotion. She was 448 00:30:33.920 --> 00:30:37.359 overwhelmed. But I looked at myself as, what the fuck are you doing? 449 00:30:37.680 --> 00:30:41.599 Why are you eating candy again? Why are you falling off a diet? 450 00:30:41.799 --> 00:30:45.440 Why aren't you being perfect? That's the energy that I had towards myself 451 00:30:45.680 --> 00:30:51.119 until I realized, wait, I have clearly a part of me that is 452 00:30:51.200 --> 00:30:56.000 doing some behavior that is actually not sabotage a way that I think it is. 453 00:30:56.519 --> 00:31:00.960 It's there's something going on here. And until I learned how to really 454 00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:04.079 release my emotions and drop more into that feminine energy and be more loving and 455 00:31:04.200 --> 00:31:07.839 kind to myself, only then was I able to realize what was actually going 456 00:31:07.880 --> 00:31:12.160 on, which was part of me. My inner child was trying to self 457 00:31:12.200 --> 00:31:15.480 soothe because she was really overwhelmed. She didn't know how to hatele emotions. 458 00:31:17.319 --> 00:31:19.400 When somebody walked away from her in her life, she didn't know how to 459 00:31:19.440 --> 00:31:22.079 tell herself that things were going to be okay, so she went to food. 460 00:31:22.319 --> 00:31:26.599 These are things that you're not aware of when you were constantly in survival 461 00:31:26.599 --> 00:31:30.720 mode, and when you're constantly in this like hyper masculine, per perfectionist mindset. 462 00:31:30.880 --> 00:31:36.839 And so I realized, instead of getting mad at myself for going to 463 00:31:36.880 --> 00:31:41.240 the sugary foods or always falling off these strict diets, I started asking myself, 464 00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:45.400 what do I need here? Why am I doing this? Not from 465 00:31:45.440 --> 00:31:49.039 a place of self hate, but a place of exploration, a place of 466 00:31:49.160 --> 00:31:56.480 being curious, not from a place of my tyrant father type of identity, 467 00:31:56.799 --> 00:32:01.400 but actually from my loving motherly entity that I did have that I learned how 468 00:32:01.440 --> 00:32:06.039 to tap into. Once I started to release my emotions and let myself actually 469 00:32:06.079 --> 00:32:09.759 cry for once I started coming at myself from that energy. And when I 470 00:32:09.799 --> 00:32:14.519 came to myself with that energy, I realized what was actually going on here. 471 00:32:14.880 --> 00:32:17.279 And there was a little part of me, a child that was so 472 00:32:17.319 --> 00:32:21.839 scared. She didn't know how to deal with her emotions. She didn't know 473 00:32:21.880 --> 00:32:25.680 how to process her fears, and she had a lot of low self worth, 474 00:32:27.000 --> 00:32:29.920 and so you know, when things in her life did come up that 475 00:32:30.039 --> 00:32:35.599 really created this emotional response, all she knew how to do was to go 476 00:32:35.759 --> 00:32:38.119 and run and hide and be shy, or go to food or go to 477 00:32:38.240 --> 00:32:44.640 candy. And what she really needed was a healthy parent to work through those 478 00:32:44.680 --> 00:32:46.200 emotions when they did come up. When she would go to school and she 479 00:32:46.240 --> 00:32:50.000 would be nervous, or she was trying to make new friends, but she 480 00:32:50.000 --> 00:32:52.440 didn't know what to say. She really needed that parent to be loving and 481 00:32:52.559 --> 00:32:57.240 walk her through things and be there for her and help her have this healthy 482 00:32:57.319 --> 00:33:00.559 attachment style. But really, unfortunately what I got was not that. And 483 00:33:00.640 --> 00:33:04.839 so the way that I learned how to deal with those emotions, the fear 484 00:33:05.079 --> 00:33:09.400 the unknown, was through candy er was through self soothing in an unhealthy way. 485 00:33:09.559 --> 00:33:14.359 And so what we do is we bring these self soothing behaviors that we've 486 00:33:14.400 --> 00:33:17.240 picked up once in childhood and we bring them to our adult life. They 487 00:33:17.279 --> 00:33:22.440 can change, for sure, but somehow, some way, we usually translate 488 00:33:22.480 --> 00:33:24.799 that into our adult lives, and then we get mad at ourselves for doing 489 00:33:24.839 --> 00:33:29.119 the same thing over and over again, not realizing that there's a part of 490 00:33:29.240 --> 00:33:35.079 us that needs us to listen, that needs us to actually finally need its 491 00:33:35.240 --> 00:33:38.799 needs. And the way that I learned how to even have a dialogue with 492 00:33:38.839 --> 00:33:43.920 this part of me and understand what I even needed was doing something called parts 493 00:33:43.920 --> 00:33:47.000 work, and I did a lot of examples on my TikTok a long time 494 00:33:47.079 --> 00:33:52.119 ago, which I will link that playlist in the show notes and stuff. 495 00:33:52.119 --> 00:33:54.519 But you can also get the book called No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz. 496 00:33:54.519 --> 00:33:57.880 I think it's a very good book to get. And also I have a 497 00:33:57.920 --> 00:34:00.119 general guide which I'll talk about the end, but my inner Discovery Journal problem 498 00:34:00.160 --> 00:34:06.519 guide. If you struggle with connecting to yourself and really like even knowing what 499 00:34:06.599 --> 00:34:09.440 your inner child is or feeling, or how to talk to your inner child 500 00:34:09.480 --> 00:34:15.320 in that way, So essentially parts work is you taking on the consciousness the 501 00:34:15.440 --> 00:34:22.800 identity of your young self and speaking out or speaking to someone from that perspective 502 00:34:22.920 --> 00:34:27.559 or journaling out from that perspective. What does your inner child really feel in 503 00:34:27.559 --> 00:34:30.320 this moment right now, and you let her speak, You let her take 504 00:34:30.360 --> 00:34:35.079 the stage, you let her speak for the first time ever because you never 505 00:34:35.119 --> 00:34:37.960 ever, ever learned how to let her talk. And for me, my 506 00:34:37.039 --> 00:34:42.880 father never let me talk. So I really got good at just dismissing and 507 00:34:43.039 --> 00:34:46.719 denying whatever it was I was actually truly feeling. So letting out those emotions, 508 00:34:46.960 --> 00:34:52.079 letting out what you truly feel, is so important because only then will 509 00:34:52.119 --> 00:34:55.280 you be able to actually know how to aid yourself in healthier ways, and 510 00:34:55.360 --> 00:35:00.159 for me bringing it back to candy. Candy is a very good way to 511 00:35:00.159 --> 00:35:02.960 make yourself feel better in moments where you feel uncomfortable, moments when you feel 512 00:35:04.000 --> 00:35:07.760 scared, moments when you just feel like you don't know how to handle things. 513 00:35:07.000 --> 00:35:10.559 That's how I learned how to deal with weird emotions that I never learned 514 00:35:10.559 --> 00:35:14.880 how to deal with. But of course, obviously going to candy all the 515 00:35:14.880 --> 00:35:20.440 time is not helpful, and I found the more I was strict on myself 516 00:35:19.880 --> 00:35:24.760 through high school and college and I wanted to strictly diet, it actually created 517 00:35:25.079 --> 00:35:30.039 more emotions that I didn't know how to handle because I felt very restricted, 518 00:35:30.239 --> 00:35:32.239 and so I would end up falling off my diet and going back to candy, 519 00:35:32.280 --> 00:35:35.880 and then I would get mad at myself for doing that, not realizing 520 00:35:35.920 --> 00:35:42.559 that I was creating so much emotional distress in my body and I wasn't dealing 521 00:35:42.559 --> 00:35:46.360 with these emotions properly. And what I really needed was to let my emotions 522 00:35:46.360 --> 00:35:51.639 out, let myself cry, let myself talk to people, connect to people, 523 00:35:51.840 --> 00:35:55.519 go to therapy, set boundaries, communicate with people in a healthy way. 524 00:35:55.559 --> 00:35:59.280 I wasn't doing any of that. And this is the thing. We 525 00:35:59.400 --> 00:36:02.280 look at self sabotage as a bad thing. We think that we are literally 526 00:36:02.320 --> 00:36:07.559 there's a part of us that we can't control that's, for whatever reason, 527 00:36:07.719 --> 00:36:10.559 is doing something that we don't want it to be doing and it's just so 528 00:36:12.360 --> 00:36:15.840 sabotaging and we hate it. But you need to understand that there's always a 529 00:36:15.880 --> 00:36:20.880 part of you that is convinced that whatever the behavior it's doing, is doing 530 00:36:20.880 --> 00:36:24.960 it for your benefit. My young self thought that going to candy was going 531 00:36:25.000 --> 00:36:30.760 to be the way to help me feel at ease. That was only when 532 00:36:30.800 --> 00:36:34.480 she knew how to feel okay in that moment when she was scared around her 533 00:36:34.519 --> 00:36:37.480 father, or when she was alone in her room all the time, or 534 00:36:37.480 --> 00:36:40.719 when she was in social situations where she was too shy to say what she 535 00:36:40.800 --> 00:36:45.639 really wanted to or whatever. That's how she learned to cope. So you 536 00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:49.159 need to understand, actually not even just understand, you need to have a 537 00:36:49.199 --> 00:36:52.320 different energy towards yourself moving forward if you actually want to heal. And this 538 00:36:52.400 --> 00:36:54.840 is what really changed the game for me, And this is how I learned 539 00:36:54.840 --> 00:37:00.840 how to love myself was looking at myself from this place of I was always 540 00:37:00.880 --> 00:37:06.320 just trying to keep myself alive. I was always in survival mode. And 541 00:37:06.880 --> 00:37:10.719 how beautiful is that? Actually that my young self, all these little parts 542 00:37:10.719 --> 00:37:15.599 of me that have been suppressed and denied and rejected, all these little parts 543 00:37:15.599 --> 00:37:19.079 of me are just trying to keep me safe. I'm always trying to keep 544 00:37:19.119 --> 00:37:22.159 myself safe, and that is what you are doing. So stop looking at 545 00:37:22.199 --> 00:37:27.480 yourself like you are bad, you are wrong. Stop hating on yourself or 546 00:37:27.519 --> 00:37:30.920 the things that you do, because realistically, the things that you're doing is 547 00:37:30.960 --> 00:37:34.639 all because there's parts of you that are convinced that these behaviors are keeping you 548 00:37:34.719 --> 00:37:39.760 safe, and it's just stuck in a consciousness not understanding that these unhealthy behaviors 549 00:37:39.800 --> 00:37:45.440 are not a healthy way of dealing with your emotions or self soothing. And 550 00:37:45.880 --> 00:37:51.440 once you understand that, you realize, Okay, what do I need now 551 00:37:51.960 --> 00:37:54.519 when I don't know how to handle my emotions instead of going to candy, 552 00:37:54.679 --> 00:37:59.719 what can I do? How can I reparent myself? How can I hold 553 00:37:59.760 --> 00:38:02.039 my inner child's hand and say, we don't need to go to candy anymore, 554 00:38:02.360 --> 00:38:07.679 We don't need to go to unhealthy relationships anymore. We don't need to 555 00:38:07.920 --> 00:38:10.920 not communicate our needs anymore. We can go somewhere where it's going to be 556 00:38:10.960 --> 00:38:14.800 healthy. We can go get help, we can go to therapy, we 557 00:38:14.800 --> 00:38:17.159 can go to people around us who know how to hold space for us. 558 00:38:17.400 --> 00:38:22.239 We can go and do healthier behaviors because we deserve these things. And that's 559 00:38:22.320 --> 00:38:28.000 truly what it means to reparent yourself, to heal, to love yourself. 560 00:38:28.280 --> 00:38:30.800 I was not able. I didn't even understand, guys. I did not 561 00:38:30.960 --> 00:38:36.800 understand truly what it meant to love yourself until I realized that I had an 562 00:38:36.840 --> 00:38:40.119 inner child that was always actually just trying to keep me safe. Quite frankly, 563 00:38:40.159 --> 00:38:44.840 I was never able to actually love myself because I was always looking at 564 00:38:44.880 --> 00:38:50.159 the behaviors that I was doing as self sabotage. And until I actually changed 565 00:38:50.199 --> 00:38:52.840 my mindset and realize, this is not self sabotage, this is just my 566 00:38:52.920 --> 00:38:57.559 inner parts trying to keep me safe. Only then was I actually able to 567 00:38:57.760 --> 00:39:04.119 actually love myself, actually tap into that feminine energy and that nurturing, loving 568 00:39:04.159 --> 00:39:07.480 side of me and use that to help myself heal. You See, the 569 00:39:07.519 --> 00:39:12.880 thing is, when we're talking about masculine feminine energy, that masculine energy, 570 00:39:13.000 --> 00:39:16.400 it's not to say that masculine energy is not healing. It's very when we 571 00:39:16.440 --> 00:39:23.800 actually get healthy masculine guidance from a father, a man, or within ourselves. 572 00:39:23.920 --> 00:39:29.119 Right, it's very healing in a way because it's protecting, it's keeping 573 00:39:29.199 --> 00:39:34.800 us contained, it's keeping us safe. But what we really need here is 574 00:39:34.840 --> 00:39:38.840 that feminine, nurturing side of us. We need that motherly side of us 575 00:39:38.880 --> 00:39:44.239 that we never learned how to tap into and we never learned how to give 576 00:39:44.239 --> 00:39:47.400 ourselves because we were in such survival mode that we didn't have time to nurture. 577 00:39:47.480 --> 00:39:51.639 We didn't have time to slow down, we didn't have time to listen 578 00:39:51.679 --> 00:39:53.639 to our inner child. But we need to do that moving forward, and 579 00:39:53.639 --> 00:39:57.840 that's what I realized I needed to do. I realized in order for me 580 00:39:57.920 --> 00:40:01.920 to heal, it wasn't going to be from tyrant, hyper masculine side of 581 00:40:01.960 --> 00:40:06.960 me, because that part of me didn't want to listen to my emotions, 582 00:40:07.000 --> 00:40:09.119 didn't want to hold space. I had to realize that the way that I 583 00:40:09.119 --> 00:40:14.840 was going to stop quote unquote self sabotaging was going to be from a loving 584 00:40:14.960 --> 00:40:19.320 place, a place of understanding why I was self sabotaging in the first place, 585 00:40:19.559 --> 00:40:24.079 and understanding what my inner child or what I needed, really, what 586 00:40:24.239 --> 00:40:28.599 do I need? And the truth is I didn't get that when I was 587 00:40:28.679 --> 00:40:31.199 younger. My mom did her best to do that for me, and I 588 00:40:31.239 --> 00:40:36.119 can thank her till the end of day for that, thank God. But 589 00:40:36.199 --> 00:40:39.880 there were so many times where I needed my father or I needed somebody in 590 00:40:39.920 --> 00:40:44.639 my life to come to me and say, what do you need right now? 591 00:40:44.840 --> 00:40:47.039 You're feeling alone? I know you're feeling alone. This is how you 592 00:40:47.079 --> 00:40:52.239 deal in process with the feelings of being alone or this feeling of uncertainty, 593 00:40:52.599 --> 00:40:57.480 or this feeling of going into a new social situation for the first time when 594 00:40:57.480 --> 00:41:00.239 you're very young and you don't know like where you stand or how to have 595 00:41:00.280 --> 00:41:05.519 conversations and thinks like that. Like this is not to say that we don't 596 00:41:05.559 --> 00:41:08.920 experience uncomfortable emotions when we're young, right, but the thing that we really 597 00:41:09.039 --> 00:41:15.679 needed in those moments is to have healthy parental guidance to literally guide us through 598 00:41:15.880 --> 00:41:21.920 those emotions, to help us understand the emotions, to help us understand that 599 00:41:22.280 --> 00:41:24.360 you know, just when there's change, or when there's unknown or there's an 600 00:41:24.400 --> 00:41:29.880 uncomfortable emotion coming up, or a feeling of uncertainty, we don't have to 601 00:41:29.880 --> 00:41:32.320 be afraid of it. We don't have to think that it's like the end 602 00:41:32.320 --> 00:41:36.280 of the world. We don't have to suppress this part of us. We 603 00:41:36.320 --> 00:41:38.920 can explore this emotion, we can express it. And I think one of 604 00:41:38.920 --> 00:41:45.679 the biggest things that transformed my relationship towards myself is being very curious and asking 605 00:41:45.719 --> 00:41:50.400 the question of why why do I feel like this? Why am I doing 606 00:41:50.400 --> 00:41:55.159 this behavior? Why? Why? Why? Start to get so curious as 607 00:41:55.360 --> 00:42:00.960 to the thoughts that you think about yourself, about the world, the behaviors 608 00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:05.199 that you're doing. So let's say you are falling off certain quote unquote healthy 609 00:42:05.239 --> 00:42:07.880 behaviors that you should be doing. Why am I falling off these behaviors? 610 00:42:08.440 --> 00:42:12.800 What do I need? Is? Am I doing things that are out of 611 00:42:12.840 --> 00:42:16.440 alignment? Am I not listening to my true emotional needs right now? My 612 00:42:16.559 --> 00:42:20.599 inner child? Does my inner child need something that I'm not aware of? 613 00:42:21.519 --> 00:42:25.119 You know, even when it comes to relationships or certain things like activities that 614 00:42:25.159 --> 00:42:30.000 you do in your life, if you find that you're feeling uneasy about them, 615 00:42:30.119 --> 00:42:31.760 or you're falling off or you're pushing them them to the side, or 616 00:42:31.800 --> 00:42:37.559 you're afraid of them, or whatever, it is go inwards and ask yourself, 617 00:42:37.639 --> 00:42:39.480 why am I afraid right now? Why am I pushing things off? 618 00:42:39.519 --> 00:42:45.480 Why do I keep going back to unhealthy situations. There's always a part of 619 00:42:45.519 --> 00:42:49.159 you, for some reason that is doing that, and I think that parts 620 00:42:49.199 --> 00:42:52.599 work. Doing parts work can be very, very beneficial. Like I said, 621 00:42:52.599 --> 00:42:55.280 I'll definitely link some examples of how to do that, and of course 622 00:42:55.320 --> 00:42:59.639 that book No Bad Parts by Richard Sports can help. But just being very 623 00:42:59.760 --> 00:43:05.039 aware of your story and understanding that there's probably a lot of parts of you 624 00:43:05.360 --> 00:43:09.239 that you have not tapped into or let out in which might need a little 625 00:43:09.239 --> 00:43:14.559 bit more attention from you, and how you start exploring that is bringing your 626 00:43:14.599 --> 00:43:19.880 pens, your paper or letting things out with your words and being very honest, 627 00:43:20.400 --> 00:43:22.960 letting the parts of you that are so suppressed and so deep within you 628 00:43:23.400 --> 00:43:29.360 let them have a voice, let them speak. Stop telling yourself that you 629 00:43:29.480 --> 00:43:31.719 know how you should feel, or how you should think, or how you 630 00:43:31.719 --> 00:43:37.519 should act. Let yourself for a moment just be who you are authentically, 631 00:43:37.719 --> 00:43:42.159 because this is a thing. We have a very big protector part of us, 632 00:43:42.599 --> 00:43:45.920 our identity who we think we are, right, the independent girl who 633 00:43:46.000 --> 00:43:50.320 knows her worth and she knows this, and she knows that and this that 634 00:43:50.400 --> 00:43:52.800 in the third and she knows what's good for her an x Y and Z. 635 00:43:52.119 --> 00:43:57.199 Okay, Well, you also keep doing these weird behaviors and you keep 636 00:43:57.199 --> 00:44:01.360 having these unhealthy thoughts come up in your mind all the time. So obviously 637 00:44:01.639 --> 00:44:07.199 there's something that's going on within you that you are ignoring. Stop ignoring yourself, 638 00:44:07.239 --> 00:44:10.039 Stop ignoring your inner child. Every single one of us has an inner 639 00:44:10.159 --> 00:44:15.119 child. We have parts within us that have probably not been really cared for, 640 00:44:16.400 --> 00:44:21.880 taken in consideration, and or simply just need a little bit more time 641 00:44:21.880 --> 00:44:24.360 to express, time to be let out. And this is the thing. 642 00:44:24.360 --> 00:44:29.159 When you start exploring your inner child, you will find some profound answers. 643 00:44:29.480 --> 00:44:34.639 And the more times you build this relationship to your inner child, to the 644 00:44:34.679 --> 00:44:37.039 parts of you that you have been ignoring, you will find yourself in deep 645 00:44:37.079 --> 00:44:44.599 alignment. You will start taking actions in your life that consider your inner child, 646 00:44:44.920 --> 00:44:51.199 what your inner child needs. You will stop driving yourself into relationships and 647 00:44:52.079 --> 00:44:57.679 work situations or financial situations or just whatever. You will stop creating this life 648 00:44:57.760 --> 00:45:01.239 that is very not aligned. And this is a thing like sometimes when you're 649 00:45:01.400 --> 00:45:06.639 unfulfilled in relationships, or you're unfulfilled in a certain career path or your life 650 00:45:06.639 --> 00:45:10.880 in general, it's because you're really taking that action from a place of only 651 00:45:10.960 --> 00:45:15.519 knowing part of yourself. You've only decided to get into relationships or career paths 652 00:45:15.760 --> 00:45:21.079 because you told yourself that that's what you like. But you have so many 653 00:45:21.119 --> 00:45:23.719 parts of you that you haven't discovered that need to be brought out so that 654 00:45:23.760 --> 00:45:28.079 you can actually see the full picture of where you're supposed to be in life, 655 00:45:28.199 --> 00:45:30.960 where you're supposed to go in life. So, if you're somebody who's 656 00:45:30.960 --> 00:45:36.639 struggling right now with self sabotaging behaviors, or you're dealing with any health issues, 657 00:45:36.960 --> 00:45:39.800 or you're just feeling very unsatisfied in your life, it is so important 658 00:45:39.840 --> 00:45:45.320 that you start a practice of emotionally releasing. You start becoming curious by thinking 659 00:45:45.400 --> 00:45:50.639 back to your past, the relationship you have towards your mom, your dad, 660 00:45:50.840 --> 00:45:53.840 your siblings, your friends, anything that's happening in your immediate life life, 661 00:45:53.880 --> 00:45:57.719 like even your relationships now doesn't have to be in your past. Whatever, 662 00:45:58.119 --> 00:46:00.199 and let out your emotions. What are your thoughts, what are your 663 00:46:00.199 --> 00:46:04.559 feelings, what are your everything? Let it out and I did. My 664 00:46:04.639 --> 00:46:08.480 first ever podcast is all about letting go, forgiving moving on, Go and 665 00:46:08.559 --> 00:46:13.159 listen to that podcast. If you struggle with moving on, if you feel 666 00:46:13.159 --> 00:46:15.440 like you're really hurt from somebody who has maybe wronged you in the past, 667 00:46:15.800 --> 00:46:21.519 or you can't seem to come at peace with the parental guidance that you never 668 00:46:21.559 --> 00:46:23.800 really had, or whatever it is, right, you can go listen to 669 00:46:23.880 --> 00:46:28.639 that episode. But I think that the first step is really just letting it 670 00:46:28.719 --> 00:46:32.320 out, being real with yourself and recognizing that there are parts of you that 671 00:46:32.440 --> 00:46:37.639 you have been ignoring and denying. And if you want to have this dream 672 00:46:37.719 --> 00:46:40.440 life, if you want to have this glow up, this alignment, this 673 00:46:40.639 --> 00:46:45.719 healthy relationship with yourself, it's going to take you becoming curious of your inner 674 00:46:45.760 --> 00:46:51.079 world. And the more times I got good at really knowing what my inner 675 00:46:51.159 --> 00:46:55.440 child needs, just letting things out, really processing my emotions, stop ignoring 676 00:46:55.719 --> 00:47:01.079 when I was feeling anxious or sad or uncomfortable and trying to move past it 677 00:47:01.119 --> 00:47:07.079 by adding another goal to my list or another project or another new routine to 678 00:47:07.119 --> 00:47:12.880 try and fix my problems. When I just let myself be and feel and 679 00:47:12.960 --> 00:47:17.159 release my life change I got out of my hand pain. I literally became 680 00:47:17.239 --> 00:47:22.920 the version of myself that I am right now because I decided to move through 681 00:47:22.960 --> 00:47:27.719 my emotions into really deeply heal, to let go of my past, to 682 00:47:27.800 --> 00:47:30.679 let out my emotions towards my parents, to mourn that loss, and to 683 00:47:30.840 --> 00:47:35.599 every day be aware that I have an inner child within me that needs me 684 00:47:35.679 --> 00:47:38.840 to listen more, that needs me to slow down, that needs me to 685 00:47:39.239 --> 00:47:45.719 do things a new way and not just always operate from this egotistical survival mode 686 00:47:45.800 --> 00:47:50.519 identity that I have been operating out of, and quite frankly, to just 687 00:47:50.639 --> 00:47:54.400 add more of that feminine, nurturing, loving energy towards myself. And the 688 00:47:54.519 --> 00:47:58.880 more times that I did that, every time I got triggered, I would 689 00:47:58.920 --> 00:48:00.559 ask myself, what am I feeling right now? What do I need? 690 00:48:00.599 --> 00:48:05.039 Instead of getting mad at myself, I started loving on myself more and being 691 00:48:05.119 --> 00:48:12.480 kinder to myself. I started to actually heal physically, mentally emotionally, everything 692 00:48:12.800 --> 00:48:16.119 my life transformed. I became so much more happier, so much more optimistic, 693 00:48:16.199 --> 00:48:22.639 so much more grounded, so much more emotionally regulated. On the times 694 00:48:22.679 --> 00:48:25.880 that things did trigger me and things did come up, I reparented myself. 695 00:48:27.119 --> 00:48:32.639 I became the version of me that honestly my young self needed. I became 696 00:48:32.719 --> 00:48:37.679 that parent, and I know when I have children, I will literally be 697 00:48:37.760 --> 00:48:39.800 able to be that parent that my parents couldn't be to me. And what 698 00:48:39.840 --> 00:48:44.480 a beautiful thing to be, don't We all want to be somewhat better than 699 00:48:44.519 --> 00:48:46.559 our parents, and like, listen, we love our parents, but you 700 00:48:46.599 --> 00:48:51.280 know, we usually always strive to do better and listen, it's a process. 701 00:48:51.559 --> 00:48:53.800 Depending on the trauma you've gone through, the things that you've gone through, 702 00:48:54.159 --> 00:48:59.280 the level of readiness that you are with moving on and letting go or 703 00:48:59.320 --> 00:49:04.159 processing so things, it can definitely take time. But I would invite you 704 00:49:04.320 --> 00:49:07.360 in the next week, leading up into next week's episode, because we're gonna 705 00:49:07.360 --> 00:49:09.079 talk about the nervous system and how the body plays a huge role into this 706 00:49:09.119 --> 00:49:15.000 as well, I invite you to take one actionable step towards you discovering your 707 00:49:15.039 --> 00:49:20.760 inner world, whether that be sitting with yourself and looking at your past and 708 00:49:20.800 --> 00:49:24.119 the relationship that you have towards your caretakers or the people closest in your life, 709 00:49:24.320 --> 00:49:28.719 and really being honest with yourself about how you feel about these things, 710 00:49:28.800 --> 00:49:31.079 and you're letting them out. You're writing, you're thinking it out, whatever 711 00:49:31.119 --> 00:49:35.320 it is you're expressing in a healthy way, and you're ripping up those papers 712 00:49:35.320 --> 00:49:37.079 because nobody needs to see them, or even if you're not ready to do 713 00:49:37.119 --> 00:49:42.039 that. When you start to do let's say a self sabotaging behavior, you 714 00:49:42.039 --> 00:49:45.800 start to become aware of what just triggered you to want to go eat that 715 00:49:45.920 --> 00:49:51.119 food or want to go suppress, or want to go escape, or want 716 00:49:51.119 --> 00:49:54.360 to go back to the X. What emotion were you feeling that in that 717 00:49:54.440 --> 00:50:00.639 time? And usually it's like loneliness. It's not being able to deal with 718 00:50:00.679 --> 00:50:06.119 the stillness of life, the loneliness that you might be feeling when you don't 719 00:50:06.119 --> 00:50:09.800 have anyone or anything. You think to grasp on too, and start to 720 00:50:09.800 --> 00:50:13.639 get curious as to when was the first time you ever feel like that? 721 00:50:13.639 --> 00:50:16.280 Because I can tell you right now, the feeling that you're feeling right now 722 00:50:16.320 --> 00:50:21.400 before you go do that self sabotage and behavior was not the first time you've 723 00:50:21.440 --> 00:50:25.480 felt this. There was a time in childhood, most likely that you felt 724 00:50:25.599 --> 00:50:30.519 very very alone or sad, or this feeling of let's say a man pulling 725 00:50:30.559 --> 00:50:36.039 away from you. It made you feel alone when your dad just put you 726 00:50:36.079 --> 00:50:38.679 in your room and and wasn't attentive to you and just like ignored you or 727 00:50:38.719 --> 00:50:43.119 whatever. There's always some sort of correlation, even if it's not the same 728 00:50:43.119 --> 00:50:46.719 exact certain experience, it's usually the same emotion, and really just tracing things 729 00:50:46.800 --> 00:50:52.039 back and becoming so aware of how really you're reliving so many of your emotions 730 00:50:52.039 --> 00:50:58.599 and so many of your traumas really in your adulthood life. And it's good 731 00:50:58.639 --> 00:51:02.679 to understand that because that does need to be the way you experience loneliness anymore. 732 00:51:04.079 --> 00:51:07.679 You aren't alone in your room around your father, like when your dad 733 00:51:07.800 --> 00:51:10.960 is not like paying attention to you the same way you are right now in 734 00:51:12.000 --> 00:51:15.119 your life and really taking control of your life and saying, you know what, 735 00:51:15.599 --> 00:51:17.719 I can meet my needs in a healthier way. Now I have the 736 00:51:17.760 --> 00:51:23.280 tools in the resources to make myself feel better the way unfortunately I was not 737 00:51:23.679 --> 00:51:28.480 when I was younger because I didn't understand what I was experiencing. I didn't 738 00:51:28.519 --> 00:51:30.760 have a parent around me, x Y and Z. But now when I 739 00:51:30.760 --> 00:51:35.440 feel alone, I have resources as I can go to therapy, I can 740 00:51:35.480 --> 00:51:37.559 go get help, I can reach out to a friend, I can go 741 00:51:37.599 --> 00:51:39.320 watch a video that's gonna make me feel better. I can go outside, 742 00:51:39.320 --> 00:51:43.119 I can do X, Y and Z. Whatever it is that you can 743 00:51:43.159 --> 00:51:45.320 have in your toolbox. Obviously not everyone's going to have the same toolbox, 744 00:51:45.559 --> 00:51:51.239 but you getting better learning how to meet your needs in a healthier way is 745 00:51:51.239 --> 00:51:54.079 going to help you heal. And it's gonna be so amazing. I promise 746 00:51:54.119 --> 00:51:59.159 you. It changed my life when I started to listen to what my inner 747 00:51:59.239 --> 00:52:01.519 child really need. So, like I mentioned, I do have an Inner 748 00:52:01.599 --> 00:52:07.280 Child Discovery Journal prompt Guide, and you can purchase it online and you can 749 00:52:07.360 --> 00:52:09.440 feel it out digitally, or you could print it if you want and just 750 00:52:09.480 --> 00:52:13.440 feel it out that way, or you could literally just like open it up 751 00:52:13.480 --> 00:52:15.199 on your computer and then write out in your journal. That's the way I 752 00:52:15.280 --> 00:52:19.840 like to do it. And I really think that this journal guide will really 753 00:52:20.039 --> 00:52:25.840 help you start your journey on learning more about your inner child and your shadows 754 00:52:27.079 --> 00:52:30.159 and the things that you have been suppressing and denying and rejecting and putting off, 755 00:52:30.440 --> 00:52:35.679 and learning how to actually for once be aware of these parts of you, 756 00:52:35.920 --> 00:52:38.639 and learning how to cultivate a new relationship towards these parts of you, 757 00:52:38.920 --> 00:52:44.440 towards your inner child, towards the parts of you that you've never learned how 758 00:52:44.480 --> 00:52:46.280 to express in your life. And I really like to look at this journal 759 00:52:46.320 --> 00:52:51.440 guide as a self love guide. This is you, for once in your 760 00:52:51.480 --> 00:52:55.480 life, putting down those walls and deciding I am going to look deeper within 761 00:52:55.559 --> 00:53:01.039 myself and I'm going to for the first time love myself or learn how to 762 00:53:01.079 --> 00:53:06.119 love myself. And in that general guid I also have some book recommendations, 763 00:53:06.239 --> 00:53:10.039 podcast recommendations, and YouTube recommendations that I think will be helpful on this journey 764 00:53:10.079 --> 00:53:15.119 of you really discovering yourself deeper and really doing that healing work. But whatever 765 00:53:15.119 --> 00:53:19.119 it is that you decide to do, I hope you do something within the 766 00:53:19.159 --> 00:53:25.119 next week when it comes to your emotional health, letting yourself feel connecting to 767 00:53:25.159 --> 00:53:31.760 yourself for once in your life, dropping that hyper masculine identity, the part 768 00:53:31.800 --> 00:53:37.599 of you that won't let yourself cry, mourn the loss, let go move 769 00:53:37.679 --> 00:53:43.760 on whatever. I promise you it will do so much for your body, 770 00:53:44.039 --> 00:53:46.039 for your mind, for your life. Don't forget to let me know on 771 00:53:46.159 --> 00:53:51.079 Spotify what you liked about this episode, what you want to hear next. 772 00:53:51.119 --> 00:53:52.320 Of course, next week, like I said, we're going to talk more 773 00:53:52.360 --> 00:53:58.320 about that physical side of your emotional health, because our minds and our bodies 774 00:53:58.360 --> 00:54:01.239 are connected. I will talk to you guys in the next one. Bye.