WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:11.320 This is Pod Popular podcast for the people, the Great Love Debate. It's 2 00:00:11.320 --> 00:00:17.719 the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. It's a Great Love Debate. 3 00:00:18.280 --> 00:00:22.320 Hi again, Everyone's Brian Howie. Welcome to the Great Love Debate, 4 00:00:22.359 --> 00:00:26.320 the world's number one dating a relationship podcast since twenty fifteen. I am in 5 00:00:26.359 --> 00:00:31.039 the very fine studios of Pod Popular. I'm even in the fancier of studio 6 00:00:31.079 --> 00:00:34.359 within the studio of Pod Popular. I'm in what is called the pop pod, 7 00:00:35.000 --> 00:00:41.000 which is very luxurious here in Boca Raton, Florida. And because this 8 00:00:41.079 --> 00:00:44.600 is such a luxurious setup, I am making an exception to one of my 9 00:00:44.759 --> 00:00:49.439 cardinal podcasting rules. And I if you have listened to this show for a 10 00:00:49.439 --> 00:00:54.159 long long time, I would rather sit down on a park bench and talk 11 00:00:54.200 --> 00:00:58.920 to whoever is sitting next to me than do a zoom. I hate doing 12 00:00:59.000 --> 00:01:02.399 zooms. I don't know how people date via zuomes. I will never do 13 00:01:02.439 --> 00:01:07.480 a FaceTime. But I made an exception because this is pretty fancy equipment and 14 00:01:07.519 --> 00:01:10.480 it seems like she's in the same room, and because I know her very 15 00:01:10.680 --> 00:01:14.680 very well. She has been on this podcast many many times, but not 16 00:01:14.799 --> 00:01:19.239 in a long long time. She has been for almost ten years, maybe 17 00:01:19.319 --> 00:01:25.159 more than ten years, more than ten years our lead love guru here at 18 00:01:25.280 --> 00:01:29.519 the Great Love Debate. If you go onto our website and even there's a 19 00:01:29.519 --> 00:01:34.120 little button that says talk to Kimmy. This is Kimmy. Kimmy Seltzer, 20 00:01:34.200 --> 00:01:38.519 the host of the Charisma Quotion and a bunch of other things. Kimmy Seltzer. 21 00:01:38.519 --> 00:01:42.599 Oh my gosh, right, how has it been like ten years? 22 00:01:42.799 --> 00:01:46.480 The Great Love Debate is beyond ten years now. I had my tenth anniversary 23 00:01:46.480 --> 00:01:51.439 show. It is beyond. We were kids. You did like the fourth 24 00:01:51.560 --> 00:01:57.640 or fifth show ever, probably back grown up now with fancy equipment and thanks 25 00:01:57.640 --> 00:02:00.480 for making like an exception. I made an exception for you because I thought 26 00:02:00.480 --> 00:02:04.799 you could handle it. But you were literally on our stage in like twenty 27 00:02:05.159 --> 00:02:09.719 fourteen. That is ten years ago. That's a decade. That's crazy. 28 00:02:09.759 --> 00:02:14.680 A lot has changed. I know, well a little bit. I want 29 00:02:14.719 --> 00:02:16.599 to talk about that, but you did a TV. I want to get 30 00:02:16.599 --> 00:02:22.000 to something relatively topical because it's sort of big picture. I saw you on 31 00:02:22.039 --> 00:02:24.080 television the other day because you're very very famous, since you know me, 32 00:02:24.719 --> 00:02:30.120 fruit of the Brian Howie Tree brings fame and fortune talking about the demise of 33 00:02:30.240 --> 00:02:37.560 the Golden Bachelor's relationship. Now, I am not surprised at any of that, 34 00:02:37.680 --> 00:02:42.680 because none of the Bachelor relationships tend to work out to the point that 35 00:02:43.080 --> 00:02:49.919 there are more happy couples or long lasting relationships that have come out of Dancing 36 00:02:50.000 --> 00:02:53.439 with the Stars that have come out of the Bachelor. Do you know that? 37 00:02:53.599 --> 00:02:59.599 And my theory on that is it is a more intimate get to know 38 00:02:59.680 --> 00:03:05.199 you, trusting sharing day and day out for forty five days or whatever experience 39 00:03:05.759 --> 00:03:08.479 on Dancing with the Stars between either the pro dancer and the pro dancer and 40 00:03:08.479 --> 00:03:14.240 the celebrity, lots of them married or at least had long term relationships. 41 00:03:14.479 --> 00:03:16.680 Then I get you for two hours a day and then I rotate then on 42 00:03:16.719 --> 00:03:21.240 the Bachelor. So I'm never shocked that the Bachelor doesn't work out. But 43 00:03:21.319 --> 00:03:28.680 you said you seem surprised that the old guy didn't who I'm not surprised. 44 00:03:28.840 --> 00:03:31.840 What I was saying is that I think that you know a lot of people, 45 00:03:32.199 --> 00:03:38.000 some people were shocked, some people were not surprised, I think. 46 00:03:38.680 --> 00:03:42.240 But what prevailed, and this is what I was kind of focusing on, 47 00:03:42.599 --> 00:03:46.599 is the confidence and the transformation that transpired for all of those people. You 48 00:03:46.639 --> 00:03:51.719 know, dating later in life has a lot of challenges, as you know, 49 00:03:52.199 --> 00:03:54.479 and I think that their sense of confidence, as I know, I 50 00:03:54.520 --> 00:03:59.159 have no sense challenges. Yeah, but that's a good point you bring up, 51 00:03:59.159 --> 00:04:02.560 because I hear that a lot. Two. Uh, is it harder 52 00:04:02.599 --> 00:04:09.919 to date at how old is he? How old is he? Seventy seventy 53 00:04:09.960 --> 00:04:13.560 two? And then she was like seventy one. If I have I mean 54 00:04:13.919 --> 00:04:18.319 now, I would think that it almost is easier because your pools a little 55 00:04:18.360 --> 00:04:24.759 smaller. You're looking for things that should be easier to find. Companionship, 56 00:04:25.360 --> 00:04:29.800 some degree of compatibility, travel partner. You probably only have to do twenty 57 00:04:29.879 --> 00:04:33.360 years with this person versus if you're twenty three. If you're twenty, no 58 00:04:33.839 --> 00:04:39.560 and a godspeed bachelor. But if you're twenty three, twenty five, thirty. 59 00:04:40.000 --> 00:04:45.399 There are a million factors when choosing a partner, dating all kinds of 60 00:04:45.439 --> 00:04:47.439 things that I think, I'm not sure it's harder. I just think it's 61 00:04:47.480 --> 00:04:53.480 different. It is different. I mean each let's face it, each decade 62 00:04:53.519 --> 00:04:57.959 has its challenges and nuances, right, and depending on where you are in 63 00:04:58.000 --> 00:05:02.480 your relationship life, so to speak, we could speak to each of that, 64 00:05:02.680 --> 00:05:08.360 right, But the truth is is that I think what happens is a 65 00:05:08.399 --> 00:05:13.600 lot of people go out there, like looking for their soulmate or looking for 66 00:05:13.680 --> 00:05:17.360 what they think they want, yet they're not really clear on what they want. 67 00:05:17.839 --> 00:05:20.040 And so like in the news, they asked me, well, what 68 00:05:20.079 --> 00:05:25.800 are some like hard questions that people should ask in those beginning stages. And 69 00:05:26.240 --> 00:05:28.920 my whole thing is, well, first you got to ask yourself the hard 70 00:05:29.040 --> 00:05:31.759 question of what it is you want, because you know, I do these 71 00:05:31.879 --> 00:05:36.839 free breakthrough calls with people and often I'll ask them the golden question of if 72 00:05:36.839 --> 00:05:40.399 you had a magic wand you could wave it in the air, what would 73 00:05:40.399 --> 00:05:44.560 be different? And ninety percent of the people can't really tell me until we 74 00:05:44.600 --> 00:05:48.040 get there. And you know, what they uncover is that most people in 75 00:05:48.079 --> 00:05:53.680 this age bracket want to have fun. They want to feel alive again, 76 00:05:54.000 --> 00:05:58.480 they want to travel, they want a companionship. It's easy to be a 77 00:05:58.920 --> 00:06:01.240 parent a parent, right, It's easy to be a grant grandparent's fun. 78 00:06:01.360 --> 00:06:06.399 Parent's not fun after a while. Yeah, that's a ruly good point, 79 00:06:06.480 --> 00:06:11.360 to be honest. The Bachelor. If you look at that show, it 80 00:06:11.560 --> 00:06:15.800 shows those beginning stages of when people first get to know each other. It's 81 00:06:15.800 --> 00:06:19.519 the courtship stage. So of course everything is fun and flirty and exciting and 82 00:06:19.600 --> 00:06:24.279 adventurous, you know. And I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing, 83 00:06:24.920 --> 00:06:27.920 but I think what happens, and to your point about Dancing of the Stars, 84 00:06:28.920 --> 00:06:31.120 there needs to be time. There needs to be pacing so that you 85 00:06:31.240 --> 00:06:35.240 really like get past that three month mark where there's also a little more sexual 86 00:06:35.360 --> 00:06:39.399 chemistry on Dancing with the Stars, which may not be the case on The 87 00:06:39.399 --> 00:06:44.120 Golden Bachelor. My sciatica. That doesn't make you want to jump into bed, 88 00:06:44.279 --> 00:06:48.600 you know, but the body language and how people are connecting through their 89 00:06:48.639 --> 00:06:54.120 body is super powerful. By the way, I agree, it's a very 90 00:06:54.160 --> 00:06:58.800 intimate thing. It is. And you you brought up the people don't know 91 00:06:58.839 --> 00:07:01.480 what they want. You ask people what they don't want. That list is 92 00:07:01.720 --> 00:07:05.279 right there, Oh totally, because they give it way more thought. They 93 00:07:05.319 --> 00:07:13.639 give the negative way more thought, and that affects everything because you're not going 94 00:07:13.639 --> 00:07:17.839 into it with this sort of foundation of positivity. You're not going into here 95 00:07:17.920 --> 00:07:20.720 is what you know, here's what I want, this is what makes me 96 00:07:20.720 --> 00:07:24.279 happy, this is what I need. Whatever people haven't thought about it, 97 00:07:24.279 --> 00:07:28.560 so your partner, your potential partner, they don't know what bull's either trying 98 00:07:28.600 --> 00:07:33.879 to hit you know, yeah, well and to that point, like it's 99 00:07:33.959 --> 00:07:40.759 it's really I don't know. I think it's interesting that when you look at 100 00:07:41.079 --> 00:07:45.319 the things that you want earlier in life. You know a lot of times 101 00:07:45.439 --> 00:07:49.439 you know you're looking for building a family and settling down, and that's where 102 00:07:49.439 --> 00:07:54.480 you are when you're younger, in your twenties. But fast forward to now, 103 00:07:54.560 --> 00:07:59.519 like life happens, right, and I think negotiating people's losses, people's 104 00:07:59.560 --> 00:08:05.720 experience, seriences, everyone's like dealing with different things that it becomes more challenging 105 00:08:05.120 --> 00:08:11.160 navigating that and also finding compatibility within that. So it does take time to 106 00:08:11.319 --> 00:08:16.800 nurture that, to communicate, to really understand if in fact, you are 107 00:08:16.839 --> 00:08:20.040 truly compatible where you are in your life. Do you think, you know, 108 00:08:20.199 --> 00:08:26.600 let's just say fifty is the hump on the other side of fifty. 109 00:08:26.720 --> 00:08:31.200 Are people more wounded or are they processed through the pain and they're more willing 110 00:08:31.639 --> 00:08:35.320 to roll with the punches. Does that make sense? Yes? And yes? 111 00:08:37.200 --> 00:08:41.320 And the reason why both The reason why I say that is it depends 112 00:08:41.559 --> 00:08:46.200 if you've done the work right. It depends if you've really taken a look 113 00:08:46.240 --> 00:08:50.000 at all of this stuff. So, yes, life has happened, there 114 00:08:50.000 --> 00:08:52.240 has been lost. I mean, you can't live this long without having some 115 00:08:52.360 --> 00:09:00.600 kind of loss or experiences that have triggered maybe kind of your future variances with 116 00:09:00.679 --> 00:09:05.600 people. But if you've done the work and you know what those triggers are 117 00:09:05.679 --> 00:09:09.879 and you communicate that effectively with potential partners, that's where it can be really 118 00:09:09.919 --> 00:09:16.200 successful, because yeah, this is the time of your life where it's beautiful, 119 00:09:16.240 --> 00:09:18.279 like you finally get to know yourself. If you have done the work 120 00:09:18.360 --> 00:09:22.639 and you don't have to settle, you have no sense of you know, 121 00:09:22.799 --> 00:09:26.840 well, time is a different thing, right, time to have babies is 122 00:09:26.879 --> 00:09:31.440 no longer there, but maybe time on this earth is getting a little bit 123 00:09:31.519 --> 00:09:35.919 shorter and shorter. So people don't want to waste time. But in efforts 124 00:09:37.000 --> 00:09:39.759 of not wanting to waste time, people end up wasting time because they're vetting 125 00:09:39.840 --> 00:09:43.480 so hard. To your point, they have this laundry list of what they 126 00:09:43.559 --> 00:09:48.279 don't want. But you know what, this is my theory. You know 127 00:09:48.320 --> 00:09:52.480 what's usually on that list. It's all the things that they didn't have or 128 00:09:52.840 --> 00:09:58.960 that they're they're fearful of right because based on their past. So that's why 129 00:09:58.039 --> 00:10:01.600 it's so easy for people to come up with they don't want. But yeah, 130 00:10:01.679 --> 00:10:05.879 like somebody out the courting phase where you're just really like being open and 131 00:10:05.919 --> 00:10:09.600 fun and playful, getting to know each other as you're taking inventory in the 132 00:10:09.639 --> 00:10:13.799 process. Somebody told me the other day, and she might have been right. 133 00:10:15.080 --> 00:10:18.399 She was I think she was in her sixties and she was divorced, 134 00:10:18.440 --> 00:10:26.799 and I think she said that you would think it would be easier to date 135 00:10:26.559 --> 00:10:35.480 for companionship and compatibility, but when you're younger, the spark of other things 136 00:10:35.600 --> 00:10:39.919 and the emotion and the drama can hide a lot of the flaws on the 137 00:10:39.919 --> 00:10:45.559 compatibility. Come and make it work. Where if you're just focused on I'm 138 00:10:45.600 --> 00:10:48.639 an early riser, I like to do this, I like to travel in 139 00:10:48.679 --> 00:10:54.480 this way and whatever that it's actually harder than you think because there isn't anything 140 00:10:54.519 --> 00:10:58.279 to sort of soften those edges and then you're just kind of going off a 141 00:10:58.360 --> 00:11:01.879 checklist. Does that make sense? Yeah, No, I agree with that. 142 00:11:01.039 --> 00:11:03.600 And as you get older, you get more set in your way, 143 00:11:03.759 --> 00:11:09.919 so the flexibility of being accommodating gets tougher. It's like yeah, I don't 144 00:11:09.919 --> 00:11:13.559 want to give up my pillow. I'm sorry. I like this match. 145 00:11:13.840 --> 00:11:16.519 Like these are the things that become important. Oh I know. I mean 146 00:11:16.559 --> 00:11:18.600 that can happened area as you meet somebody and they let the dog sleep in 147 00:11:18.639 --> 00:11:22.759 the bed, and you have to negotiate that, where is my place in 148 00:11:22.799 --> 00:11:24.360 the bed? Where does the dog go? Where is this? That's that's 149 00:11:24.399 --> 00:11:28.799 a lot. Yeah, like this is a big thing. Where as you're 150 00:11:28.840 --> 00:11:31.399 younger, you might be more flexible and kind of grow with each other. 151 00:11:33.080 --> 00:11:35.039 You know, if you've been in your own home, you have your certain 152 00:11:35.080 --> 00:11:39.320 sleeping habits, you're eating habits. Not a lot of people want to bend 153 00:11:39.639 --> 00:11:43.519 Well, back to back to the Golden Bachelor. Wasn't it the thing that 154 00:11:43.639 --> 00:11:48.240 like they didn't even negotiate where they were going to live. Wasn't that a 155 00:11:48.240 --> 00:11:52.320 problem? Well? Was that the excuse? That's the right. I think 156 00:11:52.320 --> 00:11:56.080 that's the problem. That was easy to talk about on air. I'll be 157 00:11:56.159 --> 00:12:01.440 honest. I watched that interview, and yes, that was a factor. 158 00:12:01.519 --> 00:12:07.039 Look, we all think we're going to compromise when we're in that state of 159 00:12:07.080 --> 00:12:13.200 infatuation and in the honeymoon phase, like we overlook some of the tough stuff 160 00:12:13.320 --> 00:12:16.440 or the red flags because we're in the state of euphoria. This happens time 161 00:12:16.519 --> 00:12:22.519 and time again, Like there's no blame here because I think we all have 162 00:12:22.639 --> 00:12:26.080 fallen into that. So I think they might have had like true intentions of 163 00:12:26.440 --> 00:12:31.559 moving to the Carolinas together as they were talking about, and also they talked 164 00:12:31.559 --> 00:12:37.039 about their grandkids, you know, negotiating that and yeah, you're just skipping 165 00:12:37.080 --> 00:12:39.960 so many steps. I forget. Probably we had one of the the Bachelor 166 00:12:41.360 --> 00:12:46.240 or Bachelor winners is that the term the winner the bachelor in the show. 167 00:12:46.279 --> 00:12:48.759 We had a bunch of them, I forget which one, and she said 168 00:12:48.159 --> 00:12:52.240 I was engaged to him, and when the cameras shut off, she's goes, 169 00:12:52.679 --> 00:12:56.960 can I have your number? Like stay, didnton have each other's phone 170 00:12:58.039 --> 00:13:03.679 numbers? And so it was like, how many steps did I skip in 171 00:13:03.759 --> 00:13:05.799 getting to know this person? And that was like a wake up call for 172 00:13:05.840 --> 00:13:11.080 her, like I've never texted them. I don't know any of these things 173 00:13:11.120 --> 00:13:15.000 that you're putting this, you know, television crucible and trying to shake it 174 00:13:15.080 --> 00:13:16.840 up and hope it works out, like it's shocking on the handful of times 175 00:13:16.879 --> 00:13:22.120 it does work out. Yeah, that is so interesting. And true by 176 00:13:22.159 --> 00:13:26.679 the way, and then think about it, they look their best. They're 177 00:13:26.720 --> 00:13:31.799 all dolled up, you know, they have all these adventures that they're going 178 00:13:31.879 --> 00:13:35.799 on. I mean, yeah, you haven't seen him in sweatsmstances, you 179 00:13:35.799 --> 00:13:37.600 haven't seen him in cargo shorts. Spill off to your point, and then 180 00:13:37.639 --> 00:13:41.519 they're back in their sweats, like yeah, they're faced with oh yeah, 181 00:13:41.559 --> 00:13:45.519 who are you again? There's a good chance they never saw the person without 182 00:13:45.879 --> 00:13:50.440 not just makeup, but television makeup. Yeah, wouldn't that be fascinating? 183 00:13:50.480 --> 00:13:54.679 Like I would love to see the behind the scenes. I mean they go 184 00:13:54.679 --> 00:13:58.039 into the fantasy Yeah, they go in the fantasy suite. They are fully 185 00:13:58.159 --> 00:14:01.320 TV made up, so even if a couple of layers come off, they're 186 00:14:01.320 --> 00:14:05.759 still made up. Yeah, yeah, all right, I have a lot 187 00:14:05.840 --> 00:14:09.600 of questions to you that I'm gonna I went back and I looked the last 188 00:14:09.639 --> 00:14:11.399 time you were on the podcast. I had to take a quick break because 189 00:14:11.399 --> 00:14:13.559 we had to pay for some of this fancy equipment. Right here, I 190 00:14:13.600 --> 00:14:20.279 am with Kimmy Seltzer. She is what is it Charisma Quotient is her podcast? 191 00:14:20.360 --> 00:14:24.799 That's still your podcast? It is how many episodes of that years seven 192 00:14:24.840 --> 00:14:28.320 years. All right, you'll catch me eventually, but I take a quick 193 00:14:28.320 --> 00:14:35.120 break. We will be back right after this. And we are back. 194 00:14:35.399 --> 00:14:37.000 So I think the last time you were on the show, we were we 195 00:14:37.000 --> 00:14:43.279 were coming out of the fog of COVID and people were sort of finding their 196 00:14:43.320 --> 00:14:45.679 way back. And I think we did an episode of like what were the 197 00:14:45.720 --> 00:14:48.519 lessons learned? And what has changed? Now? We are, hopefully and 198 00:14:48.559 --> 00:14:50.799 you're in Los Angeles, so who knows if people are still masked twenty four 199 00:14:50.840 --> 00:14:58.519 to seven there? What has changed two years after that you think is different 200 00:14:58.559 --> 00:15:05.080 than two years before? If anything, the biggest thing that I'm hearing is 201 00:15:05.120 --> 00:15:09.000 that everyone is so sick of the apps, so sick of staring at a 202 00:15:09.039 --> 00:15:15.559 screen. People want so badly to meet people irl in real life, yet 203 00:15:15.799 --> 00:15:18.039 no one knows where to go, how to be, and what to do. 204 00:15:18.679 --> 00:15:20.600 So this has been kind of a big thing, Like people are looking 205 00:15:20.639 --> 00:15:26.039 for events, looking to where to go. But here's the thing, even 206 00:15:26.039 --> 00:15:31.759 if there are events and social stuff to do, people like forgot And we 207 00:15:31.919 --> 00:15:35.759 started talking about this way back when people don't even know how to talk to 208 00:15:35.799 --> 00:15:39.039 each other anymore. And the flirting, what's that? And the social atrophy 209 00:15:39.159 --> 00:15:46.559 that has occurred, I think is real, but I think we're again. 210 00:15:46.519 --> 00:15:50.120 Every time we go through cycles, we get into a state of recalibration, 211 00:15:52.039 --> 00:15:56.960 and so I think it's finding that balance. What's kind of cool that came 212 00:15:56.000 --> 00:15:58.399 out of the pandemic too, is that a lot of people did in our 213 00:15:58.440 --> 00:16:02.879 work. I think people are a lot more clear on who they are and 214 00:16:02.919 --> 00:16:06.480 what they want. It's just now like, well, how do I go 215 00:16:06.639 --> 00:16:10.720 after it and not lose myself in the process. Yeah, I think I 216 00:16:10.720 --> 00:16:15.360 agree with you on that. The people that are out there, they did 217 00:16:15.600 --> 00:16:19.080 do some self reflection, they did do the work, and they did realize 218 00:16:19.120 --> 00:16:22.919 two years before we've talked about this before, two years before COVID, there 219 00:16:22.919 --> 00:16:26.399 were a lot of people that were like, I don't need this. I 220 00:16:26.480 --> 00:16:32.240 have my dog and my wine and my Netflix. I don't need the hassle 221 00:16:32.279 --> 00:16:36.080 of sitting across from somebody awkwardly for forty five minutes that I don't know, 222 00:16:36.120 --> 00:16:38.879 Like, I'm not doing that. I'm out. And what the lockdown forced 223 00:16:38.879 --> 00:16:42.919 people to do is see what life looked like without that. And the people 224 00:16:42.960 --> 00:16:49.279 who've come back out positively after it, they're willing to risk maybe this wasn't 225 00:16:49.279 --> 00:16:53.519 perfect maybe there's nervousness or whatever to chase the upside, because the ceiling on 226 00:16:53.559 --> 00:16:59.200 that life that they realized before of just me and my dog and my toys 227 00:16:59.240 --> 00:17:02.559 and whatever, it's not enough. It's not good enough. I need an 228 00:17:02.559 --> 00:17:07.880 actual hug. Well yeah, and that's why it's no wonder that there's an 229 00:17:07.920 --> 00:17:11.680 epidemic right now of loneliness, you know, and that's real. I mean 230 00:17:11.680 --> 00:17:17.039 that the Surgeon General put that article out, and so there's we're getting to 231 00:17:17.119 --> 00:17:21.599 be even more fragmented. I think that's another kind of negative impact that this 232 00:17:21.720 --> 00:17:25.240 has had because we were in a state of isolation. People don't know how 233 00:17:25.279 --> 00:17:30.079 to connect with each other anymore. And so that's why, like I'm so 234 00:17:30.240 --> 00:17:33.279 obsessed about doing more like community based type programs. I mean, I have 235 00:17:33.440 --> 00:17:38.519 online community based programs, and now I have this retreat coming up called Spark 236 00:17:38.559 --> 00:17:41.839 Your Sexy, which you are going to be there, by the way, 237 00:17:42.279 --> 00:17:48.039 just spark their Sexy. Yeah yeah, because everyone's like jonesing to have like 238 00:17:48.160 --> 00:17:51.039 friends and just feel alive again, right, and a lot of people, 239 00:17:51.119 --> 00:17:53.920 you're right, So the demand is there for people to interact, for people 240 00:17:53.960 --> 00:17:59.880 to even network and whatever. The problem is a lot of people have not 241 00:18:00.119 --> 00:18:03.440 use that muscle in a long time, and they're all like me out there, 242 00:18:03.559 --> 00:18:04.720 it just completely introverted. I don't want to talk to anybody. I'm 243 00:18:04.720 --> 00:18:08.799 the worst wedding guest ever because I'm like, just give me more cake. 244 00:18:08.799 --> 00:18:11.279 I don't want to talk to anybody. But so a lot of you remember 245 00:18:11.359 --> 00:18:15.319 during the Great Love Debate, you would make me go talk to everybody. 246 00:18:15.880 --> 00:18:18.559 Trust me. Half of this audience has probably come to one and they're like, 247 00:18:18.599 --> 00:18:22.640 why wouldn't you talk to me? I'm like it shows over folks that 248 00:18:22.880 --> 00:18:26.279 yes I know. I'm like, go talk to Kim. And so people 249 00:18:26.279 --> 00:18:30.400 are like, I want to do this, but either I've lost my kind 250 00:18:30.440 --> 00:18:38.240 of skill in talking to a stranger, or every environment is not set up 251 00:18:38.279 --> 00:18:41.839 to do that because we're so not used to doing that anymore. We just 252 00:18:41.880 --> 00:18:45.079 do not go up to each other at target and start a cup of conversation. 253 00:18:45.440 --> 00:18:48.000 And the people that do you know me, like, I am terrified 254 00:18:48.000 --> 00:18:52.880 that my uber driver will talk to me, and I feel like there's more 255 00:18:52.079 --> 00:18:56.119 like me, which is not good. And then even if you are a 256 00:18:56.160 --> 00:19:00.839 super extroverted person, you're out there trying to find like people who also want 257 00:19:00.920 --> 00:19:06.480 and it's just harder. A lot of us retreated into ourselves during those couple 258 00:19:06.559 --> 00:19:10.079 of years, and it was hard to get back out. Oh yeah, 259 00:19:10.119 --> 00:19:15.160 I mean the introverts were so excited during but they're like, finally the extroverts 260 00:19:15.200 --> 00:19:18.799 get to come into our world, right, and now it's reversed. I 261 00:19:18.839 --> 00:19:22.720 know, I give me a whole world of six foot distancing. It's fantastic. 262 00:19:23.359 --> 00:19:26.000 But if you are one of those people and like, no, I 263 00:19:26.279 --> 00:19:30.359 love talking to strangers, you know, you do have to find those events. 264 00:19:30.400 --> 00:19:33.839 You got to volunteer, you gotta do networking, you gotta play pickleball, 265 00:19:33.960 --> 00:19:37.039 you gotta do all of these things that you might not have. You 266 00:19:37.039 --> 00:19:40.960 didn't have to work so hard before. Just at saying hello. I think 267 00:19:41.000 --> 00:19:44.079 that's where the work. And if you do that front half of that, 268 00:19:44.480 --> 00:19:48.440 just get yourself into a social situation. I think the possibilities are better than 269 00:19:48.480 --> 00:19:52.440 ever. Well yeah, but then once you're there, what do you do, 270 00:19:52.599 --> 00:19:56.279 Especially if you are an introvert, if you are a little in your 271 00:19:56.319 --> 00:19:59.039 head or as I call a left brainer. I mean, I would say 272 00:19:59.119 --> 00:20:00.599 ninety percent of the peeople that I work with, both men and women, 273 00:20:02.000 --> 00:20:04.680 tend to be more on the shy side, introverted side, analytical in their 274 00:20:04.720 --> 00:20:10.200 thinking right. And one of the things that I love teaching and helping people 275 00:20:10.279 --> 00:20:14.839 with is to create a great first impression that closes the gap, because, 276 00:20:14.880 --> 00:20:19.440 as you know, there's this gap between who you are and having other people 277 00:20:19.519 --> 00:20:23.519 get to know who you are because of that like hesitation, right, and 278 00:20:23.559 --> 00:20:29.079 so closing that gap. We're helping people with their body language and you know, 279 00:20:29.160 --> 00:20:33.039 showing up in their clothes again and getting out of the COVID clothes. 280 00:20:33.119 --> 00:20:34.640 I think we're finally out of that, by the way. I think people 281 00:20:34.680 --> 00:20:40.880 are really like excited to dress up again, but also just the flirt skills 282 00:20:40.960 --> 00:20:44.599 and being more playful. This is something I'm so passionate about that I teach 283 00:20:44.640 --> 00:20:48.480 in all my programs. Well, so what do you teach? So do 284 00:20:48.640 --> 00:20:52.799 you had to as somebody who's ah aficionado, you know, and a big 285 00:20:52.839 --> 00:20:57.920 part of your brand is confidence and communication and then style and whatever, did 286 00:20:57.960 --> 00:21:03.799 you have to rethink? I am dealing with a different kind of mindset pool 287 00:21:03.039 --> 00:21:07.799 personalities than I used to and had to kind of rethink how you approached it. 288 00:21:07.960 --> 00:21:10.920 Or you're like, it still works exactly the way I did it before. 289 00:21:11.160 --> 00:21:18.039 It still works exactly the way to the bar. I think maybe there's 290 00:21:18.079 --> 00:21:22.160 some people who are a little more reticent than before. But the truth is, 291 00:21:22.200 --> 00:21:26.640 if you were an introvert before the pandemic, you still an introvert, 292 00:21:26.720 --> 00:21:30.640 right, or you're labeling yourself as that. I remember I was working with 293 00:21:30.680 --> 00:21:33.920 a woman and she was like petrified to go into a social event. And 294 00:21:34.680 --> 00:21:38.079 I you know, this was at one of the retreats that I do, 295 00:21:38.319 --> 00:21:44.039 which you'll experience, by the way. I give everyone an app and they 296 00:21:44.079 --> 00:21:47.039 have a bunch of prompts and they have to go out and do a bunch 297 00:21:47.039 --> 00:21:49.480 of silly things, you know, with strangers, which is terrifying. For 298 00:21:49.759 --> 00:21:52.759 Wait, I'm not doing that. No, I'm not going to make you 299 00:21:52.759 --> 00:21:56.839 do that. You're just gonna make everyone laugh. Okay, I'm a clown. 300 00:21:56.200 --> 00:22:00.359 Yeah, you're the clown. That's a safer place. That's fine. 301 00:22:00.839 --> 00:22:06.359 I'm as much safer as a clown. Right. So anyway, she you 302 00:22:06.400 --> 00:22:10.599 know, very analytical, so much an introvert, very in her head. 303 00:22:10.640 --> 00:22:12.680 She's sixty eight years old, and she's like, Kimmy, I'm not doing 304 00:22:12.720 --> 00:22:15.720 it, Like there's no way, And then I made her put on a 305 00:22:15.759 --> 00:22:19.960 pair of caddiers on top of it, just to make things even hard for 306 00:22:21.039 --> 00:22:25.000 her. And she said, well, I okay, I'm going to do 307 00:22:25.039 --> 00:22:29.200 it because I'm here. And so she goes out and by the way, 308 00:22:29.240 --> 00:22:33.039 she always thought that she wasn't very sexy. She always fell into the friend 309 00:22:33.160 --> 00:22:36.319 zone. And again she had all these things that were going on in her 310 00:22:36.359 --> 00:22:40.599 head. Well after we were dancing and doing all these things, and then 311 00:22:41.039 --> 00:22:42.680 she goes out into the field and does all these prompts. And by the 312 00:22:42.680 --> 00:22:47.359 way, they get videotaped, you know, as they're doing all their things. 313 00:22:48.880 --> 00:22:53.319 We came back and she was glowing, like she almost looked like a 314 00:22:53.519 --> 00:22:59.559 child in the most beautiful way, laughing and smiling, and she's like, 315 00:22:59.640 --> 00:23:03.119 Kimmi, I don't think I felt this way since I was five. I 316 00:23:03.200 --> 00:23:07.000 said, good, good, and she's like, I don't know why this 317 00:23:07.079 --> 00:23:10.200 is so hard. Back home, I said, well it won't be. 318 00:23:10.400 --> 00:23:11.880 Just keep your ears with you and she's like, you know what, I'm 319 00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:15.480 going to do that. And so she went back home and each week she 320 00:23:15.480 --> 00:23:21.079 would go out purposely with her caddiers, just so that she would like purposely 321 00:23:21.119 --> 00:23:23.279 do that to exercise that muscle. And now she's dating up a storm she's 322 00:23:23.279 --> 00:23:27.160 doing great. One thing I have noticed on the plus side, and I'm 323 00:23:27.200 --> 00:23:32.400 gonna take full credit for this, there are fewer if you go out to 324 00:23:32.440 --> 00:23:34.200 a restaurant, you go out to a bar, you just go out. 325 00:23:34.720 --> 00:23:38.480 There are fewer women in all black than used to be. The word about 326 00:23:38.480 --> 00:23:44.319 wearing color has happened. I think it's getting through. I think it's finally 327 00:23:44.319 --> 00:23:48.480 getting through. Do you think that I had something to do with it? 328 00:23:48.519 --> 00:23:53.160 Do you think people are finally wearing No, I think it's me. I'm 329 00:23:53.200 --> 00:23:56.960 like, there's more yellow, there's more red, there's more, and then 330 00:23:57.039 --> 00:24:02.359 you're no, it looks like one of those cool things with multicolored umbrellas, 331 00:24:02.400 --> 00:24:07.119 Like it looks like that scene in Lalla Land where they where they all went 332 00:24:07.119 --> 00:24:10.039 out in different color dresses. Like it doesn't. And maybe because I haven't 333 00:24:10.039 --> 00:24:14.440 been in New York City as much or some of the mopier nightlifetowns, I 334 00:24:14.680 --> 00:24:19.200 do notice that those that are out are trying to be noticed and they're not 335 00:24:19.400 --> 00:24:22.240 all in Oh I'm in black. It looks slimming, Like I think that's 336 00:24:22.240 --> 00:24:26.200 a positive. That's maybe that's a style or a fashion trend, but I 337 00:24:26.200 --> 00:24:29.200 think it's a mindset shift. That is happening, and I will give you 338 00:24:29.240 --> 00:24:33.079 twenty percent credit present. That's more than I thought you'd give me. A 339 00:24:33.480 --> 00:24:38.839 yeah, that's probably. Yeah. I think it is a reflection of how 340 00:24:38.839 --> 00:24:44.759 we're coming out of the dark black period into something that is more colorful. 341 00:24:44.920 --> 00:24:48.640 And as we always talk about, when you wear color, it does lift 342 00:24:48.680 --> 00:24:52.920 your mood and that that also reflects out into the world and you do get 343 00:24:52.960 --> 00:24:57.039 noticed and being just being comfortable being noticed is half the battle, and then 344 00:24:57.160 --> 00:25:00.880 being aware of who's noticing you, right, And so this is a way 345 00:25:00.880 --> 00:25:04.519 of closing the gap. If you can just connect with the world and notice 346 00:25:04.559 --> 00:25:10.319 what's going on around you and putting yourself out there, you will meet people. 347 00:25:10.599 --> 00:25:12.079 But it does take effort, in work and consistence. That is an 348 00:25:12.119 --> 00:25:18.160 excellent point before you can focus on connecting with someone, try to connect with 349 00:25:18.240 --> 00:25:22.839 the world in general, like just try and connect yourself like that's that's a 350 00:25:22.880 --> 00:25:26.400 good mindset to have, Like I'm not trying to find the one, I'm 351 00:25:26.440 --> 00:25:32.079 just trying to be around someone many ones. Yeah, do I have to 352 00:25:32.079 --> 00:25:34.400 tell you this story about the voodoo doll? Do you remember the story at 353 00:25:34.440 --> 00:25:37.799 all? Now? Is this a dating story with the voodoo doll. Okay, 354 00:25:38.200 --> 00:25:41.640 no, okay, So now this is a true story on what you 355 00:25:41.680 --> 00:25:45.119 just said. This woman calls me up and she's like, Kimmy, find 356 00:25:45.119 --> 00:25:49.599 me my soulmate. I said, well, I I I'll help you, 357 00:25:49.680 --> 00:25:52.039 but you know, I'm sure there's gonna be some work along the way. 358 00:25:52.079 --> 00:25:56.640 She's like, no, I've scoured the earth and there are no good men 359 00:25:56.680 --> 00:26:00.839 out there. I have dated everybody this town. I've been on every app 360 00:26:02.160 --> 00:26:06.759 I know everybody. I've been to every bar, and there's just no good 361 00:26:06.839 --> 00:26:10.279 men here. Well, apparently when she's a little uh if you dated every 362 00:26:10.279 --> 00:26:12.000 man, we got to take a look at that. You know, wait 363 00:26:12.039 --> 00:26:17.000 a second. You know. My response was, I said I believe you. 364 00:26:17.759 --> 00:26:19.000 She's like, what I heard that you can help me. I said, 365 00:26:19.000 --> 00:26:25.119 well, I'm not sure I can't. And I said because I believe 366 00:26:25.160 --> 00:26:27.200 that you believe that there are no good men out here, and as long 367 00:26:27.240 --> 00:26:32.720 as you believe that, I can't help you. And she's like, well, 368 00:26:32.759 --> 00:26:34.559 you're my last hope. I said, well, if you're willing to 369 00:26:36.079 --> 00:26:41.599 open your perspective up and start doing some things different, then I'll take you 370 00:26:41.680 --> 00:26:45.480 up on it. And she's like okay, fine. So I said here's 371 00:26:45.480 --> 00:26:48.599 what I want you to do before our first call. I just want you 372 00:26:49.039 --> 00:26:53.000 going to work, take the same route you always do. She lived in 373 00:26:53.079 --> 00:26:59.160 Montreal, by the way, and I want you to just notice who's noticing 374 00:26:59.200 --> 00:27:02.680 you, just like that. And she's like, well, I know, 375 00:27:03.000 --> 00:27:04.559 I said, I know what you told me. Just just do that and 376 00:27:04.559 --> 00:27:07.960 then we'll have our first call. She comes back. She's like, Kimmy, 377 00:27:08.640 --> 00:27:11.759 do you have a voodoo doll? I said no, I don't have 378 00:27:11.799 --> 00:27:14.440 a vood do doll. She's like, I cannot believe what just happened. 379 00:27:14.839 --> 00:27:17.160 Like what happened? She's like, well, I did what you said. 380 00:27:17.680 --> 00:27:21.400 I went out into the world and I'm walking to work and I see this 381 00:27:21.480 --> 00:27:25.240 guy on a bench and he's super hot and he's looking at me, and 382 00:27:25.279 --> 00:27:29.359 so I looked back at him. He's calling me over. Suddenly we're talking. 383 00:27:29.799 --> 00:27:33.000 Suddenly he's asking me out. Kimmy, I already went on a date 384 00:27:33.079 --> 00:27:38.079 with him. That guy ended up being her boyfriend. Well that's a nice 385 00:27:38.119 --> 00:27:42.359 voodoo story. What does that say, right? It wasn't me. I 386 00:27:42.359 --> 00:27:47.839 didn't do anything. It was her opening herself up to a different world. 387 00:27:48.359 --> 00:27:56.000 It's also a world of positivity. One of your I'll say lesser colleagues posted 388 00:27:56.079 --> 00:28:00.000 something online that there was some some algorithm thing that you plug in your basic 389 00:28:00.039 --> 00:28:04.079 information and it would tell you how many people were compatible for you, and 390 00:28:04.160 --> 00:28:08.440 it spit out that one out of a thousand was compatible. And she's like, 391 00:28:08.480 --> 00:28:11.720 how is there any hope if one out of a thousand is compatible? 392 00:28:11.720 --> 00:28:14.720 And I'm like, one there, one, leave your house, there's a 393 00:28:14.720 --> 00:28:17.599 thousand people, there's one, So what do you need? Why would you 394 00:28:17.640 --> 00:28:19.160 care about the nine hundred and nine out our arcmapatable? It means that literally, 395 00:28:19.200 --> 00:28:22.880 every time you around a thousand people, which is pretty much anytime you 396 00:28:22.880 --> 00:28:26.440 go to Walmart, you're this thousand people, there, there's one, and 397 00:28:26.519 --> 00:28:29.960 I go, why I know this? Why do you need more than one? 398 00:28:30.119 --> 00:28:32.720 And that's that's the body of people. If you leave your house, 399 00:28:33.039 --> 00:28:34.440 it's hard to find one out of a thousand when you're trying to get people 400 00:28:34.440 --> 00:28:37.759 to just come to you. But like you said, if you connect with 401 00:28:37.799 --> 00:28:41.359 the world, it's a thousand people all around you every single day, and 402 00:28:41.400 --> 00:28:44.880 there's one that is compatible with you. Why do you need more than that? 403 00:28:45.920 --> 00:28:48.720 But see what you said is so beautiful because that is a positive mindset. 404 00:28:49.000 --> 00:28:52.519 You could say oh there's only one, or you could say yay, 405 00:28:52.680 --> 00:28:55.480 there's one for me. Yeah, I wouldn't think about the time. Mind 406 00:28:55.519 --> 00:28:56.920 rightly. What you say out loud, I know, And this is the 407 00:28:56.960 --> 00:29:00.480 mindset, and it's so so bad, all right. I don't hate to 408 00:29:00.519 --> 00:29:03.720 cut you short, but I got to get on a plane tell everybody how 409 00:29:03.799 --> 00:29:07.000 they can find you, work with you, and visit you in Las Vegas. 410 00:29:07.000 --> 00:29:11.519 And I guess me, yes, you you are going to be there 411 00:29:11.519 --> 00:29:15.920 well first and foremost, Yes, we're doing I'm doing a retreat for women 412 00:29:15.000 --> 00:29:19.000 in Vegas called Spark You're Sexy. It's June twenty first through the twenty third, 413 00:29:19.519 --> 00:29:25.279 and it's all about embracing your femininity, having fun, you know, 414 00:29:25.680 --> 00:29:29.759 working on friendship, flirting, and fashion. Those are the five f's that 415 00:29:30.039 --> 00:29:33.279 lead to the other f. But the thing that is so beautiful is that 416 00:29:33.559 --> 00:29:37.559 I think again, coming out of the Golden Bachelor, there's a sense of 417 00:29:38.119 --> 00:29:42.640 just connection that women need right now because really this is not about you men. 418 00:29:42.920 --> 00:29:48.359 It's about us and how we feel. Because if we're not feeling sexy, 419 00:29:48.400 --> 00:29:51.839 we don't feel confident and how is anyone else going to? So I 420 00:29:51.880 --> 00:29:56.319 am so passionate about this and then you are coming in to do a little 421 00:29:56.680 --> 00:30:00.720 chat to my ladies because you're very funny and have a great perspective. So 422 00:30:02.000 --> 00:30:04.160 if you are interested, just go to ask Kimmy dot com. That's ask 423 00:30:04.359 --> 00:30:11.400 Kimmy dot com with why I E what how are you spelling? Kimmy. 424 00:30:11.559 --> 00:30:15.880 Oh that's a good yes, Okay, I am am why dot com? 425 00:30:17.319 --> 00:30:21.680 Okay, ask I am why dot com? And then and then Seltzer. 426 00:30:21.720 --> 00:30:23.319 So if you go to my site, it's Kimmy Seltzer s E L t 427 00:30:23.599 --> 00:30:29.000 z e R dot com. Mostly fine, yeah, everything, and then 428 00:30:29.039 --> 00:30:32.720 my socials are at Kimmy Seltzer as well, and I do a lot of 429 00:30:32.920 --> 00:30:37.880 workshops. I have one coming up but monthly I do that. And you 430 00:30:37.880 --> 00:30:41.960 can go to Stop Hating Dating dot com. But everything is Stop Hating Dating. 431 00:30:41.000 --> 00:30:45.400 I like that. That's good. Do you like that? And that 432 00:30:45.440 --> 00:30:49.720 you were seven ish years into now? Yeah, what is your podcast called? 433 00:30:51.400 --> 00:30:55.119 It's called The Charisma Quotient. I know I need to have you back. 434 00:30:55.160 --> 00:30:57.480 I don't think I've been on there in five years, so, which 435 00:30:57.519 --> 00:31:03.000 is very sad, time, very funny. All right, thank you, 436 00:31:03.039 --> 00:31:07.200 Kimmy Love. As far as us like share, follow, please review, 437 00:31:07.359 --> 00:31:11.160 not just charisma quotion that you should but this podcast too. After ten years 438 00:31:11.160 --> 00:31:15.680 of doing this, your reviews still mean a lot in the podcasting ecosystem. 439 00:31:15.720 --> 00:31:18.119 Shoot us an email, Great Love Debate at gmail dot com if you've got 440 00:31:18.119 --> 00:31:22.799 a question, thought, comment, want to wear Yellow? I'll pass it 441 00:31:22.799 --> 00:31:25.319 along to Kimmy, or you can pass it along to us. We are 442 00:31:25.319 --> 00:31:30.440 doing a listener letter Summer Loving mail bag coming up in a couple of weeks. 443 00:31:30.480 --> 00:31:33.839 That's going to take on our annual tradition unlike any other, the summer 444 00:31:33.920 --> 00:31:40.160 loving angst that comes along with that, because, as always at the Great 445 00:31:40.400 --> 00:31:42.480 Love Debate, we never stop making love. To see you next time. 446 00:31:48.799 --> 00:31:55.279 The Great Love Debate, it's the Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate. 447 00:31:56.200 --> 00:31:56.720 It's a Great Love Debate.