Hello, and welcome back to John. Hello John, Hello, Hello bye
for three Hi, and welcome back to on the Latch. You're here with
me at guy pusy. It's me again, Nika riem and it's me JP
Longlands. Say that again, John, you're so quiet. It's me JP
long Lands say it with some gusto. Come on, No, guys,
it's been a long day. What day? It's Sunday? Exactly fine?
What have you been doing? Absolutely nothing? To be honest, So it's
been a long day, be natally doing absolutely no. I'm hungover, I
as per usual. I had a big boozy day yesterday. How has everyone's
week's been. Well, I've been sick of work. Hay fever literally attacked
me like a bitch. Then you get to go off work for haveviver.
That's pretty great. Oh no, it wasn't just one just sneezing about.
Plus then I got a fever, and then I got a cough and I'm
currently still dealing with the cough. So apologies if I just start coughing very
randomly during this episode, But im you better, like if you want a
doctor's note, you could be like you could be like, listen to my
podcast and you'll see I don't fire me. I'm really sick. What else?
I actually haven't seen you in a while. We're Oh, you missed
me, haven't you. I didn't say that. I said I haven't seen
you in a while. But how was life being? Generally that guy speak
for him. Yeah, no, I do miss you. You're a good
boy. No, thank you, everything's been okay. I went to this
really great event on Friday called astro Matrix. Was astro Mix. That's a
really bad program if I don't know the name, but sounds great, always
fantastic. What was it? So it was just a get together based on
astrology and star signs. So that was about maybe fifty sixty of us in
the room. Um split together in like our elemental star signed so as I'm
a Libra, I'm an air sign. I thought you were a Libra.
I have no idea. He mentioned he was a Libra earlier, so we
will split into our elements. So I was at the air signs. If
you're vig or, you're with the Earth signs, et cetera, et cetera.
And then we just played games. We had a debate, We had
some drinks. Got to me, some really really really really really great people.
And yeah, that's I managed to get energy for that to go to
on Friday. Not to go to work though, but yeah, if you're
going to run this episode to your employer, I'm not doing that. Stop
it like a minute ago. If you are Raheems and player, don't fire
him. I'm cute. But yeah, I've had I've had a really,
really really a good weekend. And before I came here, I watched Devils
Were product fully for the first time, because every time I watched it before,
I end up falling a sloop. Oh, it is a classic.
It is a classic. Are you like Big inter astrology? Yeah? Random
fact? What it's cancer season right, Yes, these emotional people up down
the place. Yeah, everyone's going to fall that little bit more emotional about
everything. Big Maid. We should should be Season four should be like,
oh, we could get twelve different people with twelve different star signs here,
all eligible men, and we can see which ones we want to sleep with
and see if they're match it on the chart. Yeah, on a chart.
That would be great. God, that's such a good idea. Season
four we won't do that because I haven't got time to match find people.
But I'm an Aquarius. That is interesting to anyone's your week being what are
you? Before we move on, I'm Satia, of course you are.
Yeah, I'm proper Satarius, big sattarius energy. My week has been fine,
like not as wild as last week in terms of like family drums listened
to last week's episode one, Oh, I must listen to last week's said,
um, I've set a date to meet my long lost cousin for dinner.
This is fascinating, so I set a date to meet him. Don't
know this has become dilemma of episode one where you accidentally fun. I have
a dilemma. My my, my best pal message me when it was all
like starting to kick off, and he was like I think you should just
fuck him and like a pillow talk be like, oh, by the way,
we need NaN's ashes. I was like, no, you're actually vile
anyway, you should do that. Beyond that, Jesus Christ, I had
Beyond that. I had a pretty like rough back end of the week,
like I was homophobically abused at work for the second time in quite quick succession.
Yes you were so that was a bit shit, And then yeah he
was a proper asser. Do you want to talk about it more, Well,
well, well, there's only so much you can say about a man
yelling, go suck a bunch of dicks in your face? In't there?
And I was like, mate, trust me, I would rather doing that.
Yeah, here talking to you. And then yeah, I think we've
brought it to the police that we've got a crime for Dunbar. I've got
a picture of his face, and I'm just like, should I tweet it
and try to ruin his life or not? That's the thing these days.
Do you tweet a picture then you eventually go to their workplace and you just
shut down his life temporarily. I definitely see the appeal of that, but
I'm also glad that you went the sort of legal route, yeah, because
I think it is the safest bet I think. You know, But now
he's walked away down the street. They're never going to find him. You
know. There's loads of fucking boarding white men in the city. Who are
you know what? I hate it. I hate arrogance of not all men,
the arrogance of most men. He'll come in for a point next week,
Oh absolutely, you know what I mean, Like, he doesn't think
he's done shit. We wouldn't remember to be honest, and that's it,
Like people don't stupid stuff drunk. But you know, yeah, most of
it's like you know, like, oh, like spilling him, spilling your
KFC. Yeah, well no, I know exactly exactly. Not being homophobic
to people. True, true, I guess I kind of see it.
It shouldn't be, but it's kind of part and parts of my job,
I guess to deal with drunken idiots, Like that's what I get paid to
do. It's part and parcel of your job to deal with drunken idiots.
People get drunk, people say things, but like, it's not part and
parcelswho I do know that it's not like I agree, I see, but
it's healthy to kind of see it like that because otherwise how would you go
towards that? Exactly? I've been that like appartually qute weekend. It's been
quite boozy. But hanging out with date boy and stuff and date boy is
that what we call him? That's so when is date boy becoming boyfriend?
TBC? TBC? He does sound nice though, he's lovely. How are
you guy? I'm fine. I've had a very busy week. I wasn't
here last weekend. I apologize. I'm sure you all got over it.
I did read No, I did read out your message to listeners on the
podcast. You didn't I did. What was my message? I can't remember.
Let them know that I'm going off being flown out to a five for
hotel. I didn't mean to. I didn't actually mean you to read it
out. People know where you are, guys. I was in a Barcelona
I went. I went to the motorbike Grand Prix. How very mass.
It was so mashed. It was really fun. It was really last minute.
So you love the killers came from. I wore all the merch like
super Mario Brothers or something. It's like read a red baseball care bread polo
shirt. Mario Brothers is a straight thing. John, No, no,
no, I just you just I don't remember them wearing merch war red.
I had a lot of fun, got laid. That was fun. Um.
I mean, I've never I've never got lady abroad before. Isn't that
insane? Yeah? Honestly, yeah, I'm a thirty one year old man
who had never ever had sex outside of his country. Was it different?
Of course, it wasn't different. It was exactly the same. But I
had a view of the kind of a cathedral from the room off from the
street, from the window, from the window of a five star hotel I
was staying. But how did you meet him? I'm not going to go
into too much detail. Oh oh it makes a change. But also any
poor you have a glass of wine? Yeah, I mean I would love
another glass of wine. I've only had one today. What was really interesting
is that I met another fan. I met this lovely guy who might even
be listening, who who was a fellow journalist was also flown there for the
thing, and he was like are you guy? And I was like yeah,
and he was like from on the latch and I was like yes,
celebrity stairs. And also Josh Willisy, who was sadly not here today.
Um was on a flight to la If people were business class, in business
class, don't drop that. He's tryna, he's tryna be me. I've
never found business class actually, um, but yeah, he was in firing
a business class and the lovely steward in a high Virgin steward who listened to
us. Yeah, hello steward Fromvirgin Atlantic who listens to us. I won't
name you, just in case, but I tell you on Instagram, now
do you? I don't know his name, and he recognized him drawing him
with glass of champagne, and Josh must have been like, hey to please,
and he must have been like you for black gay Frasier. Yes that's
me. Yeah, it's him and Ben and I, who again is not
here at not again Ben, Um, you're just like listing people like they're
total strangers. People are aware they're not here. Yeah, but you know
David's not here either. David's not here either, but I haven't had any
action with him. But Ben and I were very kindly invited to the Pride
Pride London Garla dinner this week Delivery who hosted us, thank you very much,
and we had a lovely, lovely time. But we were really really
pleasantly surprised by how many people just knew who we were from a podcast Ben
from BBC Hill Ben and his lovely boyfriend Tom lovely lovely, lovely people and
anyway, just people were just like, oh wait you got in Ben from
It was so nice. And also someone else was like, the thing's okay
with you and Ben and I was like, yes, everything is. It's
really really weird. The first thing was when this guy from Mike Hoopler Hello,
m was like is that thing all right? And I was like what
and he was like, retention invested in this? Apparently there's tension not sexual.
Actually, forget that. People listen to what I know. I forget
that too when I say certain things. That's why I caught myself earlier.
Um, but yeah, I just wanted to I wanted to mention that just
because I think it's really lovely that people recognize us and know who we are
and maybe don't enjoy it. It's an oral, it's anor deal, but
they're loving it. So what we're going to do this week is talk about
relationship deal breakers, and we're going to sort of set up scenarios and I'm
going to give them, give these, give them to you. I'm going
to give it to here. Oh yes please. What I want you to
do is imagine that all of these scenarios follow you dating someone for let's say
three dates. Three dates. Okay, so imagine you have been dating someone
for three dates, you like them, Yeah, you've slept together let's say
once three times? Well yeah for me, for me it will be like
eight. But let's say at the very least three dates one fuck okay,
and you are meeting date four and they come in and they say x okay,
and that it's the kind of basis of the things. So I want
people to I want you all to give me your answers, and I want
people at home to think about what they would do too. So do we
should give him a name? Date boy? No, not date boy,
that's too close to the bone. Yeah, okay, Jordan, Yeah,
bathing in the river Jordan. So Jordan comes in to Date four, which
is just a drink in a pub, and he sits down and he says
that he has an only fans account or what would you say? Can I
have free access? Do you know what? That also went across my mind.
But also, you know what, I think that I'm kind of desensitized
to only fans and kind of freak Twitter that's gone about. And I love
freak Twitter. It's a very interesting sectional Twitter, believe me. Yeah.
But I think if someone came up to me and they'd actually someone in my
Instagram's um came to me and just said, um, just this really random
conversation. Okay, Hi, who are you? Blah blah, blah,
and then he said, oh, I thought you would have recognized me.
And I said, know why? He said, oh, because I've been
in a porn film I just completed. I was just, oh, okay,
I'm great that you're sexually freezing. Oh a lot of people have judgment
and I said, well, we all watched porn. Yeah, so I'm
sure people have actually got their load off because of youth. It's not really
a big deal. So I think someone told me they haven't only fans account
I'd probably ask them, are we're eventually going to make films together? And
do I get a cut? Because because if we're going to continue, you're
going to say that I haven't only fans. I want you to be a
part of it. If it starts to get serious, this is this,
Yeah, your only fans will coome our fans. So if we're going to
make films, salent entrepreneur, I want to cut. If you did that,
and if they said yes, I would like to be part of that
eventually, would you do it? Like would you would you have your face
out? If he if he has his face out? Oh, that's s
a very good question. That's a ski mask or something I was or like
one of those Mexican wrestler outfits. Yeah, like that's what I would do
if you ever watch, if you ever watching only fans, and as a
man in a Mexican probably it's probably me. Do you know? Being anonymous
is hot, so I'd probably weren't. What about you, John, I
don't think I would care. Um, I would love to have only fans
myself. If I thought just one person would pay for my news. I'm
sure someone would pay for your news. If you want to pay for my
news. Your mother sounds very supportive. I'm sure there's a no. I
don't. I don't. I definitely wouldn't give a shit if they'd know only
fans. Um, as long as they had some fans on it, right,
Yeah, yeah, there's nothing worse than a tragic or like that's good,
that's fine. Yeah, I would my I would maybe if they were
like, oh yeah, and I invite like guess people all the time.
I think this is because this is my segue. Yeah, I would be
fine with the only fans, Absolutely fine. I would want a free subscription.
I think it's a really valid and really very smart way to make money.
Like you're you're doing it anyway, You've just been slinging my nose around
for free for years. I think I see complete value and complete validity in
only fans accounts, and I'm like, do it. But my only question
would be like, do you what you're There are different kinds of only fans
are you? Are you? Are you just by yourself? Or are you
regularly inviting other people to make shows for you? If we get together,
then that part that will be my thing. I'd be like ghost, like,
you can go solo. But I'd be like, if I mean long
term, if we're going to be in a relationship together, I mean,
you know some people have. I'm just not much of an open relationship person.
No mean either, And so I would be like the conversation would differ
the moment they were like, oh yeah, and tomorrow I'm having two guys
over and I going to dpe me law, I'd be like, there's terms
and conditions. Yeahs, terms and conditions apply. Yeah, that's interesting.
So we actually all agree. Yeah, I'm boring. I know this episode
of the time. Did you remember we got in season one or two that
we always agree? Yeah. People messaged in they were like, oh so
boring. Fight seven man just getting together and now they're bringing yeah, exactly,
and now they're like, what's the beef of you and Bend trying to
start up? So bored of us agreeing with one another? Okay? Man?
And so if if we've all sort of have you ever subscribed to anybody's
only fan? No, I'm I'm inji as fuck. They're all there.
If you just you can google the money. No no, no, no,
no no, no, I'm joking. I'm but I was. I
was at this bar on Friday, which is this piano bar. But I
go toe to sing sometimes, which is really fun. I really like it.
Um, sorry, what so there's a guy's coming up on an album
soon? No no, but like it's it's like a paraoke bar. Okay,
but it's a man on a piano and west End musical songs and you
pick a song and you go up with a microphone. Sounds amazing. Yeah,
it's a ness a squeat every other Friday. It's really really fun.
What would you sing from West End show? Yeah? Oh my god,
havn't seen waitress? I would I sank she used to be mine? On
Friday? Do you yeah? Fuck? Oh? Okay, that would be
I would butcher it it went really well, did you Yeah? Oh my
god. So anyway, do go everyone, It's really fun. It's cold
show off bar. We should go, should go because actually the next one
it's on a Sunday evening. It's changed for one week only wee could go
after recording wonderful whins that let's make two weeks today. Anyway, yeah,
sorry everyone about any way, there was this one guy sitting a couple of
tables away from me, and I was probably the only man in the room
who had who knew that I'd seen him in Pawn Okay, okay, and
I just wanted to just like go tell him in some way like not in
a sort of like not in a sort of like. I didn't want to
try and pull him just because I've seen you in Pawn and therefore you I've
seen your dick already, so you may as well show me now, but
like you kind of want to be like, I support your choices. You
have a beautiful ass um Also, it would be weird because I don't know
his real name. I assumed he had stage names. I almost wanted to
be like, are you called X? And you'd be like no, but
I know what you're getting it. But anyway, so we've if we if
the kind of deal breaker for you is not having the only fans, but
having people that they have on your only fans, is being a sex worker
deal breaker for you an ongoing sex worker, Yeah, I think so.
Just be too jealous. I think that's the thing for me too. I
would be jealous that it's a perfect like, oh yeah, I think we
are in agreement that sex workers usually date each other, even people in the
porn industry usually date. A lot of porn workers definitely date each other.
They understand that. I remember I was watching this porn documentary months ago.
Was it just porn? I was watching a porn documentary, a documentary the
whole day um, and the woman was just like, yeah, I usually
date guys for like two and three months, and then when it starts to
get serious, or when I actually tell them my profession. In the beginning,
they say they're fine with it. But as we get seriously, they
say no, I want you to stop porn, and they're just like,
well, I enjoy what I do. And it lost for another maybe a
month or so when they breakup, right, Yeah, I think that's yea.
I think i'd be too jealous. Yeah, I would be too jealous.
But yeah, I wouldn't even say I'm a jealous person, but I
would. I would be. I would be uncomfortable in at the moment,
just like I'm you're making these films and I'm watching someone else enjoy you too
often, and then I'm going to enjoy you later on. It just doesn't
feel like where's the intimacy in it, Like, yeah, you're doing that
for work now, So I yeah, I couldn't. I couldn't do that.
I couldn't. I think I could get over that aspect of it,
and I could even get over the practicality of it because obviously, like it's
not normal working hours, sex work. So yeah, I'm I didn't know
what I expected you to say, just like, you know, there are
going to be like evening, there's going to be working in the evening,
et cetera. And I'd be like, do you want to grab McDonald's and
like watch Netflix? And it's like I'd like to have my evenings with my
partner, but I'm sure they film porn during the day. Yeah, But
like I don't now I'm now I'm going Now I'm referring back to the sex
work where they are meeting a client on a Friday evening, and I'd be
like, I want to watch TV, and they'd be like, I have
to go make money, and I'd be like, I want to watch TV.
E U. So yeah, So again we're agreeing too much. I
don't like this. We all agree it to legitimate practice, but we'd all
be too jealous. Yes, yes, okay, fine, let's try and
find something that we disagree on. Okay, So person what's his name?
George Jordan comes in. You've had sex with him once, well eight times
whatever, always at your house. You say maybe we should go back to
yours this evening, and he says, sure, no problem, I'll just
text my parents to make sure that that's fine. And he lives with his
parents. I got that. Yeah, you just you were looking at me
like you were like, I could you could you enter a long term relationship
with someone who lived with his parents? Well, eventually, the idea is
that you would live out in theory. In theory, but I don't think
it would bother I don't think it'll wove me either. Really, it would
really bother me. It's like, well, I think that it would bother
me for two reasons. The first reason, it's just purely practice called a
little bit awkward. You go over, you meet them over breakfast, They're
like, oh, how nice to meet you. That's uncomfortable, but I
can get over that. My question would be, you know, I'm I'm
I'm thirty one. So people that I'm dating are like generally twenty seven plus.
Yeah, and so I think that would be for me. It would
be like, why is it twenty seven plus year old man living with his
parents? Yeah? Okay, but that's a that's an entirely different Like if
there was some like freak reason that they were living with their parents. You
said they've never moved out. Yeah, you don't know somebody else's circumstances.
It could be a perfectly digit reason. Yeah, of course I would,
And I would ask I wouldn't I didn't. You just said you were just
gonna I wouldn't. I know of But I did not. I did not.
I didn't mean I would just like flounce out and be like bye,
like obviously if I would be like, oh out of interest what and they
were like, oh, well, you know, I fell on hard times
and at that all good. But like if it was one of his situations
where like, why would I move out? Like I get free laundry and
I get free fo Yeah, I'd be like, well, that's not going
to happen, is it. No? But think of like the extra money
they'd have to go and do fun stuff or to buy a house or to
buy a I mean, if they're my age now, having lived with their
parents ever since graduation, that's like they might just about having like thirteen years
of not paying rent. Yeah, don't tell me you ain't got a mortgage,
don't see. Also think like their parents might make you like dinner.
I think in the free food you could have want I'm here for there with
his mother. Oh, mums love me. Mums love me, but like
don't not like I mean, I don't remember mums. I don't. I've
never met the mum of someone I was sleeping with that that she knew of,
No, generally, And I don't think I've ever met a boyfriend's parents,
if you no, I've only ever had two boyfriends really and they were
orphans. No. Um, I only fuck orphans to save drama. No
um No, but no, I just always they always break up with me
just before I'm just before I meet the parents. What do you think that
a good length of time to meet the parents if he's not three days in
to me, it's like a six month thing to me. To me,
you should definitely he should definitely have told you he loves you before you meet
the parents. Yeah, no, i'd agree with that. I don't know
why simply just when you're ready, because it could be ready a year.
But I agree with, oh yeah, it's obviously wait longer if you need
to make sure he wants to he said that he loves you. Yeah,
I just I just definitely wouldn't want to meet the parents and then be like
and then get dumbed a week later and you're like, oh yeah, maybe
that is the weird thing about living someone up with their parents as you do.
You kind of thrust into a situation fairly early on the ordinarily you'd be
able to avoid. But I don't think he's a deal breaker for me.
I mean, it's obviously not ideal. Okay, I don't think it's a
deal breaker. I think it is for me. Okay, you're wrong,
but fine, it's not. It's not. Um, So I still live,
I still live at home, and I'm saving a lot for a deposit
and you'll get one baby, and I will get one. My credit is
fantastic, but I have a I have good credit, but no money.
Actually I just goes a financial details. Yeah, well credit and my my
shore and my pin number is and my only fans is you've been threatening?
Only threatening? Isn't the probably the right to threatening? I would love long,
yeah, to go back to only fans. I would love to have
an only fans because I really like sex. Yeah, I really enjoy sex,
and I have the most beautiful my my asshole is the Mona Lisa asshole.
No, it's I mean I haven't seen my my asshole, but um
no, but I I mean I do like I mean, if anyone tells
me I'm pretty in real life, I practically ejaculate. Anyway, if I've
got people who are paying me to watch it, like, I'd be like,
he's gonna just from my god, like the the go of that.
It would be if anybody wants to throw on the latch a free subscription of
it, because if you have us a subscribe to only fans, I haven't,
I am a way to sting. Well, okay, so if anybody
has one, my thing not. He doesn't have any he subscribes. He's
definitely told I won't. He's definitely subscribed to at least one is he he'll
hate you for thrind out there. I think that's why I won't name because
yeah, I mean he's he's a can't so it's fine. No, I
won't name the person he follows because well, yeah, I don't do that,
but he's a fit. I checked him out. Okay, but if
anyone us like a free on the latch subscription to your only fans, you
can kind of get some ideas for guys only fans that might don't be great
only fans Like I remember I saw this guy on twhere he had not only
fans and I was hovering to say, am I going to pay the five
ninety nine to subscribe to him? And I said no? And then a
week later I saw his nudes that were on his only fans. Yeah,
so eventually were they're worth a five nine in your opinion? No, I'm
like Greenpeace subscription. They were fantastic. OX fan doesn't need me. They
were definitely fantastic. But now that I've seen them, like, I feel
like I would subscribe to only fans look through everything within an hour download I
needed to download, or screen shot I need to screen Then you get no
new ship. Then I'm fine with Yeah for ten pounds a month, I
want like like four posted. Yeah, I mean you want at least one
a week? No, yah, fifty a week for a nude Well,
no, I would want a video a week, right? A bit of
what though, like how far? Like having a wank? Like being DP?
Like what what is value for money in your opinion? A little bit
of everything? A little bit of everything. A really good come shot would
be nice. Okay? Um? Anyway, on the last business advice,
you're only fan, but no, it's consultation fee. Also, I wouldn't
want like I would paying only fans for like an a non person. I'd
want to see their face, et cetera. Yeah, yeah, yes,
definitely, I'd be like I want everyth being schema take schemer. Let me
know if if I if I do it, I'm not I'm not going to
do it, like I really would be tempted. I really like people saying
nice things about me, so that would be really nice way for that,
and you make money too. Yeah anyway, Jordan Jordan for the fourth date
says that he Jordan's older than you for this one scenario. Okay, okay,
not really. He has a few older friends. Yeah you don't like
older deer, No, no, I do. So I haven't made it
to fourth term. Yeah yeah, yeah you did. You didn't, yeah,
you you just you just fucked once and then and go. Um,
Jordan has you over to a friend's dinner. They're all older. And this
is a scenario that happened in a Netflix series called Tale from the City,
which is so good and you should all watch it. Everyone listening at home.
It's really moving. It's about the LGBTQ community in San Francisco. It's
on Netflix. It's at Yesterday. It's really good. You cry, you
laugh, it's great. It's not perfect. Or is it a movie,
it's it's a mini series. It's actually it's um. It was on in
the nighties and early noughties and I went back. It's got Laura Linney in
it, Ellen Page, olympiad Carcass, that hot guy from from Looking,
the one who I think ran like the sort of like he was it's American
and he was like, I'm going to open like a Perry Perie chicken sharp,
and everyone's like it's so cool, and all the bricks are like,
that's a Nando's bitch. But anyway, so he writes you over and then
some of the older friends in passing in conversation use a word that you don't
agree with. In in Tales from the City, one of the older guys,
older gays, says tranny and the younger gay has a huge issue with
that. What would would that be a deal breaker our older friend? How
does Jordan react? The young guy? No? How so I'm at this
day with Jordan, George Jordan. We'll say what he does in the Netflix
series, which is just sort of like clearly on his part does not like
the use of that world. But it's too embarrassed to stand up for you
when you sit when you call it out, okay, tell, he tells
you to calm down and talk about it at home. There's there's an issue
because I understand in the public place, I'm not going to make this huge
scene, but I'm going to call it out as I see it in a
respectful way. Like you know, that word is geographry. We don't use
that word amore. We've evolved from using such phrases yeah, and that's the
respect of the community. As a part of the word was trany, wasn't
it. Yeah, So as a part of the LGBT, I am sorry,
by the way to have said that world by the way, everyone,
but for the purpose of the conversation, it is important. So we've all
moved on from saying such words because it is hurtful. So we're all trying
to be a lot more loving, a lot more understanding within our own community.
So as you you may be an older gentleman within the community, and
I can say you're from a different era, and this is why I'm actually
speaking to you now about because we've moved on. But I would not like
you to use that phrase period, not around me. Just adapt your vocabulary.
This is what's actually happening now, because you will say that again and
someone might not respond to you the way I'm responsing to you. So if
Jordan didn't defend me in that, because if he's if he also has a
problem with this as not kind of chiding to say, yeah, I've heard
you say it a few times and kind of following what I'm doing to help
the point become a lot stronger, then I'll turn around and just say do
you have no backbone? Yeah, there's an issue with that. You don't
agree. This is your friend, that's true. You should have told him
a while ago. I've just met him and I've said it really politely that
you shouldn't be using this word and you're not defending me this. So what
do you believe in a zense? Because you're telling me you believe in it,
but your actions don't show not enough to say anything about it, right,
So you don't take this seriously? John, I find this question really
interesting. Thank you. It's not your question is that you've ripped it off
from Netflix. Yeah, but still it works work in watch ten hours of
Talented because I've got a job. I think I only came out two weeks
ago. I think it's really important to calmly educate people, and you're very
rarely going to change somebody's mind or change your opinion having screaming match or you
know, gobbing off has to be done in a calm and respectful and constructive
way, and there has got a bit There has got to be a bit
of back and forth in that. However, the reason I find it interesting
is because one of my friends and we were talking about so fair just now
is quite like he likes to pay Devil's advocate in like in every situation,
which I find terribly like, yeah, problematic, and to play there's advocate,
he has to kind of delve into things that I am like, oh,
why are you like even like humoring this opinion that, yeah, you
allegedly don't have um. And I've known him for eleven years, so I
know he's not a bad person. But when he meets new people, they
don't know that. And because he's so comfortable in debating me, you know,
like he he always calls me like a lefty, looney, etcetera,
etcetera, because which is fine, That's absolutely fine. But like I said,
I know he's not an awful person, and I'm kind of happy to
debate him back and forth like he's mom Vocus of Rexit's party's grown up in
like proper like Tory area and those and he lives till it lives to lives
with his mum, so he's kind of had it. Has these opinions through
him all the time, and I don't why. I don't think he agrees
with them, right. He will then come to me and be like,
well, this is what. So he's not telling me his opinion, has
telling me like his family's opinion, and it kind of turns into this,
you know, me calling his mum essentially a tour He come like, there's
kind of how it kapes into that, and then he's like, yeah,
but so he Philesia has to defend his mum. And that's where we get
into arouse because you know, very close, very close to the bone,
because you're like, where are you calling my mother a racist? And you're
like, yeah, yeah, I really am, yeah, absolutely, you
know, and then he will pay Dere's aftergott on that part. So like
for me, if Jordan Will had held that opinion of or thought use of
that word was acceptable, yeah, that is a deal breaker. Yes,
some people, some people feel like some people just coast through life and not
and not be a bad person, but not be like a warrior, not
be a warrior place. Yeah, not be a warrior for social change.
There have no rights and wrongs. They won't stepping beside the barrier and they
and they would avoid confrontation. Doesn't make you a bad person, right,
But for me in that situation, I'll be like, don't use that word
of course. Yeah, I don't know if answer your question or not.
No, no, you did. I think I think there's a certain It's
really interesting, sort of like Jordan's sitting there not saying anything. I love
Jordan, what a good name. Jordan's sitting there not saying anything because he's
embarrassed, And Jordan sitting there not saying anything because he agrees. It is
a different thing, too, very different. One is cowardly, yes,
but the other is bad, bad, bad. Yeah. Okay, well
on that note, because you brought it up, and it makes sense to
segue into this one. Okay, Jordan comes and meets you date four in
a pub. You haven't had that bad scenario happened? Good? Going back
again, and it's just the European elections have just been and he's like,
oh, worry, I'm slightly late. I've just been at the vote polling
booth, voting for the European elections. And you say, yeah, we
stand a diplomatic queen. We love someone who votes. Um, I mean
I wouldn't date someone who didn't vote. Anyway. That's moving on, good
guys. Let's say he sits down and say and you're like, oh,
don't, don't worry, but you don't have to tell me if you don't
want to butt out of interest. Who did you vote for? And he
says the Brexit Party. I'm off, I'm off, I'm done. I'll
see you later. I'm out the door for him. Oh, it's interesting
you're pausing because I want to say no, but I'm tired of us agreeing.
I would say, I would say I'm going to be fair. I
would gone Tory. Oh I'm gone too, but I would I would see,
I would have more conversation. Let me let me see what your mind
actually is and how you actually because you might vote a Tory, but you
could be like center right. Yeah, it's interesting. There are there are
people who vote Tory because does it makes sense in their area, because their
Tory MPU does the actual guild good work, blah blah, but they're still
voting in the kind of problematic awful. Yeah. It all depends on the
conversation you have. So with with Brexit by there's no conversation need to have,
right, But with Tory, let's have a conversation. Interesting, Let's
let's let's go to date four and date five. Because your political belief is,
are you want to ask, but to who you are, because I
wouldn't want to date someone that's exactly the same as me. I will,
I will. I would want to have that kind of fiery passion to be
able to understand from different point of views. Yeah, that way you're able
to get a wider view of life. I don't know, I think,
but I would stay. I think how you've I disagree into a lot that
I think how you vote as how you vote says a lot about who you
are fundamentally as a person, and that's definitely changed. I've got older.
Like when I was twenty two, twenty three, I probably wouldn't have given
a ship. It wouldn't be right be a question that even into my mind,
Whereas now I don't know. Like we're so much more engaged in politics.
Yeah, and I think because we have to be, we have to
be. I think the generation, the generation behind us probably be much more
involved in politics, much more aware of politics than than we are than we
were at their range I was. But yeah, I would like Brexit party.
I'm gone Tories, I'm gone so Apose you give is a separate party,
but you give breakit basically the same. So would you do so lib
dems, I could. I can understand anywhere else. I can understand lib
dems. I can understand labor, and I can understand greens. Because I
got a text message from this guy that I used to fuck a little bit.
We'd get together every non like we met a good ten years ago.
No, how old am I you're thirty one? Oh my god, nine
years ago. Nine years ago he was living in an open's day house.
It's like doing the Da Vinci Code where that monk beats himself before bed every
night because he so devout, we devout Catholic sect. So he was living
in an opus day house in Hampstead. Oh you think he might have mentioned
this briefly interesting anyway, and he would like flee every now and again,
find someone online and come over to being made love to by a man.
So anyway, so he used to come over, and then that kind of
that aspect of our friendship sort of stopped, and we just would grab a
drink every six months and every now and again. You know, things happen.
Anyway, It's been a while since I've seen him at all. And
then look, two weeks ago he messaged me to say we should grab a
drink before I move away. And I was like, oh, where are
you going? We should grab a drink before you go away, and he's
like, I'm moving to Brussels. I got elected and I was like,
I didn't know you were running for anything, like elected for whom? And
he was like the Brexit Party and I just replied saying I was like,
but I was just like, good luck. That's a note of a drink,
and I, you know, I hope you have a nice life.
It was just like men almost was like blocking the number until I got the
message, just saying no, no, I was joking and I was,
and he was like he was he could not believe that you believed him,
but no, but we couldn't believe I believed him. But actually he is
a I mean, the fact I did believe him is kind of maybe actually
a friendship should end anyway. He's never been brex He's always been like a
major Tory, and I can kind of get over that that's your type them
in it. No, No it's not, it's not my type. My
type problem is that my type is like having nice sheets and having nice and
having nice kitchens, and sometimes that is Tory. Yeah, because you know
they've they voted for the rich, not for the poor. Yeah, so
obviously they're richer because they voted a policy that like enables them to save money.
Anyway, so it's difficult. But anyway, he couldn't believe, first
of all that I believed it, But that's a moot point because I did
believe it. And the second one, but he couldn't believe. That was
like a deal breaker, like I wouldn't want to see him again, Like
I was ready getting ready to block his block his number. Yeah, and
I actually can't believe. I mean, I suppose maybe you have to lack
that self awareness if you are voting for that kind of party, you have
to be like, what do you mean, I'm still one of you?
Yeah, maybe maybe you wouldn't be able to vote for these people. Yeah,
I guess if you've got any Tory friends, I do have one or
two, but we've meant most most of I mean I went to Oxford,
I have I know Tories, most of our most of actually all of the
Tories in my inner circle are no longer Tories. Okay, so they've brexit
pie Yeah yeah, no, no Brexit no, like you know, over
like over the years they've won by one either gone Labor or lib Dem or
Green or whatever, um out of circle. I definitely know Tories people who
still vote for the Tories and we will just have the occasional blazing row and
then leave at that. One of my friends is very liberal, very funny,
like she's so kind of like cool, like she's my coolest friend.
But like a couple of elections ago was like, I'm thinking about voting for
UKIP and I was like, I was like, what we have this blazing
row aside this pupin sohaside the coach and horses. It's awful, but wow,
yeah, I mean I was ready to go. I was just ready
to be like that's it. Yeah, but where is the line. Evidently
my line is lower than yours to being friends the Tories. So I've got
like probably one Tory friend. I just wouldn't you just wouldn't sum no,
fully wouldn't fuck him. And I feel like political affiliation comes up fairly early.
I don't think i'd get to date four without finding out, and it
wouldn't be like who did you vote for me? I mean, I don't
think it does come up real early for me. It's just implied with people
maybe doing people. If you met me at the bar, do you think
I was? Yeah? I fully would. Really, yeah, I'm still
not convinced you're not. That's really upsetting to me, is it? Yeah?
Is it because I drink champagne I got to clarages? Yeah, yes,
that's not fair. But I also think because we live in such like
not a Tory because I drink champagne and got a clariges, because we live
in such like a politically charged environment, you are like politics is more like
to come up in general. Yeah, we had the lecture once every five
years, and nobody really paid attention because it was boring to them. Whereas
now it's exciting and gripping, and nobody knows what's happening from day to day,
and the top news story is constantly something to do with politics. Like
politics is going to come up in a conversation much earlier on than it would
in the fucking Blair days, for example. That's true, that's true.
Anyway, what's an extra Tory camp. I'm just I'm really, I'm I'm
really anyway, I changed my entire personality. I'll just have to start.
Is the few they want I'm just given and vote Tory. Then fuck you.
I liked I like Champagne too much. Okay, this this is a
This is a dale breaker. It comes from Sex in the City and episode
of Sex in the City. Okay, yeah, a man so Jordan,
likes you to swallow. Okay, but his come tastes rotten. Okay,
okay. First of all, First that happens in Sex and City. Kim
control sex is dick. She wants to swallow, and she says it's the
funkiest tasting spunk she's ever stop it no make me, and it makes carry
Bradshaw cancel the rice pudding order of dessert at the rest rice pudding. Oh
yeah, I hate rice pudding too, so la it tastes like rotten rice
pudding. I will tell you that everything else is like boom. I will
tell you. I will spit it out. He wants you to swallow it.
No, no, no, no, no no, no, it's
not happening. It's not happening. It's written on my face that I don't
like it. My gag reflex will for once react and I will just I
will just say after if you're offended, that I've not swallowed you then I'm
offended by your overall diet, like you're eating too much shit. Go have
go on a fruit binge for like a week at least, and then maybe
next time you can be swallowed. But for now, it's no, okay,
Wow, I like that you taste that battery, I said. I
know people many people have said like, yeah, I've swallowed, but it
taste a Nasces said, so you have no self respects because why are you
swallowing something that generally lasty? Why would you do that? I mean,
I can tell you the last time I was swallowed. It's very rare that
someone comes to my mouth. I've got to be honest. So I mean
probably even the fact that needs to go near my face is a dealbreaker for
me. And then like dawn, my fucking throat. Um. So I'm
going to call it a deal breaker. It's so interesting. No, I'm
not saying it's not a deal breaker from me because like, but I it's
a deal breaker from me because I love to swallow too. That's why that's
why the dick needs to do, you know what I mean? Like,
so, yeah, I think I would be like, let's let's work on
the diet plan. Yeah, let's get your planet of strawberries. No,
I'm allergic to pineapple. No pineapple like atty much as if facts how I
died very young brand, it would be very very brand. Okay, so
it's interesting. So yeah, funky spunk is too much for John. Yeah,
I mean yeah, it's funky more than once on. So you need
to fix this or we're not going any further because or it's just not going
to my mom. Yeah, Like if it's just because he had asparagus and
coca and like, what are those um sugar paths for breakfast? Are they
particularly bad for Well, they do make your your instinct I imagine we would
probably have a similar effect on the other things. Does asparagus effect come as
well as you're in I don't know. Definitely, I don't know. I
don't know. I'm not if it's like a biologist culinary asked what effects spoke
Yeah, oh yeah, I want to know. I'm really curious. And
also, just like at us generally, when you're listening to this episode in
terms of like what is a deal breaker for you? We are at on
the Latch on Twitter, We're at on the Latch podcast on Instagram, And
if you just want to talk about that in Gmail. We'll we'll chat what
does your come taste like? That's a joke, obviously, I already I
already, I already know on Latch podcast at gmail dot com. Um.
I think that's going to wrap up the deal breaker segment of the episode because
I've learned too much about myself and other people. So we will be back
after this short break. Thank you. Okay, welcome back to On the
Latch. You're here with guy John and raheem best three three. I say
that every time which ever three year, whatsoever? Truly we are theon's like
who's your favorite? And I'm like, whichever one is next to me that
party this week? When exactly ever party this week? Someone was like,
oh, so, what's going on like between you and Ben? I'm like,
no, Ben's my favorite. Um, so be back with us,
obviously, and we're going to have one dilemma this week, which is going
to be right up by John because he's already seen it and we haven't.
So'll be a nice element of surprise unless made is I'm getting a stry because
we've already covered it. Right, let's jump into it. Hey, guys,
I love listening to on the latch brought to you by Delivery and enjoy
hearing all your anecdotes and heart folk stories to come up every week. I'm
currently working on a small island in the middle of the Atlantic with overy little
internet. So your podcast has been keeping me saying nice, isn't it Imagine
that we're somebody's sanity. Luck to you. Fucking hell, I'll get the
fucking padded cell ready. So where in the world a small island limit of
the Atlantic? Which one is the Atlanta? Okay, we'll stay that you're
feel listening Forrofit, Yeah, I'll do that later. I have a little
dilemma which I hope you can help with. I don't have my boyfriend for
almost two years, and we have an acute flat together with other toast breakfast
and minimal arguments about cleaning. I'm a diplomat and I'll shortly be posted to
a country in Africa which criminalizes homosexuality. Oh God. Despite the challenges,
I think it's important for gay people in a position of the privilege to work
in difficult places and who knows, potentially changed some minds along the way,
Unlike a heterosexual couple. The country I'm going to won't recognize my relationship,
which means I can't bring on my boyfriend to be my diplomat's wife. Were
to go a long distance and thinking about how to best make it work.
We're both pretty open minded and accept things. We need to be more flexible
going forward. Were plans to each other in person every couple of months than
talk regularly. I was wondering if you had any advice about how to make
this work a mantu transition living together from living together so close to you to
living up so far apart. My posting in Africa is likely the last two
years wow, and I won't know where I'm going next until about halfway in.
Then certainty makes things difficult as I can't give him any sense of security
or reassurance. You can't say you'll be welcome at the next one. Yeah,
that will be back together in the near future. I do love him,
but this job is my dream and comes with his own lifestyle and challenges.
He's a few years older, perhaps isn't as nervous as I am.
He's so kind of supportive, but I don't really want to take advantage of
him and leave him hanging. That's interesting isn't it. There's another bit.
We'll got one too that afterwards, sir. Yeah, anyway, I love
to you will want thank you for making me smiling regular basis, Well,
thank you, I thank you. I think lovely in the beginning, don't
feel guilty about your career aspirations. It's like, if you're like, that
sounds like a huge deal. Yeah, like I'm saying no because of this
man who you love, and I will you know. I love love,
and I love the idea of sacrificing thing for love, and that's lovely.
But at the same time, this sounds like a big deal for someone like
what you know someone, but you sound like like for someone in diplomacy,
like this sounds like a huge deal, And I think that's really exciting and
interesting and you shouldn't feel guilty or worry about leaving him behind. I think
just if you're going to see each other every couple of months, the answer
is skype, lots of skype, lots of regular contact, but mainly sitting
down beforehand together and just being like what, like what's the plan? Yeah?
Yeah, like are we do you? I don't want to be open?
Do you want to be open? If you want to be open?
How open do you want to be? Because if you want to be a
tiny bit open, I can deal with the tiny bit open, but like
like, you have to kind of I think, work out where your race
shears are, what you're both comfortable with. It sounds like he's kind of
fine with it. Yeah, yeah, he does exactly. And I think
if he's fine with it, go for it. Yeah. Yeah, I
have. One of my friends is in a long distance relationship. He lives
here and his partner lives in New York, and I've said to him many
times, how do you make this work? And it was literally a communication.
Communication yea communication. They see each other every time I speak to him,
and he's going on holiday, he's going to see him, or they're
going on holiday together to another destination, meeting in the middle somewhere. So
it's all about how far you both are willing to invest in keeping this relationship
alive because it's not going to be easy because there's going to be those days
where you wake up, we just had a really bad day, So you
know what, I really just missed my partner. He was just here and
you have to deal with that reality that they aren't there. So you're going
to have to be a lot more self assuring in this long distance relationship.
And as Guy said, our conversation needs to be hired about how or devination
is going to work. Are you going to be open with it because we
all have we all have sexual needs and it's not fair to lie about them.
So would it be you see each other let's say every every three months,
he's each other four times a year. Let's say physically in that time,
are you allowed to sleep with one person to person? Are you going
to open it out every so often for the first year? Are you're going
to keep it closed? Yeah? Yeah, year, that's true. Are
you going to open it up because our physical needs do eventually start to take
over? You're just like, I can't. You're not sure if you're going
to be able to do this for the full two years. And even said
half he's not going to know when he's coming back away he's going next until
a year in so that's going to be a long time of uncertainty. Yeah,
you both read. My advice is just really really sit down and have
a really open and frank conversation about if this is going to work, because
it may not work and it may have It may be that choice where you
have to let each other go for the time being and wishful thinking in two
years later you could actually pick up where you left off. Because I met
a. Oh if I would kill me, I wouldn't like that. I'd
be like, nope, nope, I met a. If we're down,
we're down for me. If you break up with me, break up me,
don't be like, maybe we can revisit it in two years. I'd
be like, fuck that. Oh God, guy, where where it's romance?
I'm very romantic. I met this. I met this couple who broke
up fully for a year, did not communicate. It was kind of a
semi bad break up, okay, and they went off to go do their
thing, you know, they fucked around. One of them had another relationship,
and then within that space, within that that year and a bit apart,
they came back and they said, no, it's you. I want
to be with it. I mean. And they've been married ever since.
They think they've been together for maybe a decade. Well in total, including
like the year break, they were together for about a decade, and they
have They've adopted kids, they live, they live the dream essentially so have
the conversation. Yeah, yeah, I think that's for me. I would
say, like where you set the initial GOO goal post is where they have
to stay, so like you can reassess, you can reevaluate, and like
Forheim had said, like communication is so important in this situation. You said
you love each other, so you know, don't show that away, like
try and make it work. About My instinct would be to not to not
just be like, right, I'm moving away, so this has to stop,
like you just have to because that hurts. Yeah exactly, you know,
you have to get the communication open. And if you said, like
not that he's not fast, but like he is able to deal with it,
isn't making a big deal out of it, then great, And you
know it sounds that you're doing an incredible thing and you can go and try
and change the world and that's amazing. He sounds very secure in himself because
that's what you would department exactly. Yeah exactly, yeah exactly, you know,
and that must you know, that must take a massive weight off for
him to be there and be like totally, this isn't a big deal,
Like we can make this work. It's just how you make it work,
and that's going to come through like open, honest, frank discussions and like
you know, be prepared to meet the goalpost. It's different points, like
it hasn't got like I say, it hasn't got to be where you set
them in the first place is where not they're gonna They're not going to stay
there over you know, of the course of two years, Yeah, long
time. If it's of any just if it's of any help, just man
who was sent to Lemma, I want to said Jordan, Jordan, if
it like it's slightly different because my friend is straight, but like his father
was an ambassador to an African country which I won't name because it's you know,
it would identify him tweet easily. But you know, he had a
long term girlfriend and he was after university, went to live in Ethiopia for
probably about two years actually, and probably saw each other a cup once every
couple of months. Yeah, and now we've been together for years and they
love each other and they're happy, and they've never been anything but happy.
Obviously there's a frustration, of course, you miss people. You know,
there was you know, they didn't open up their relationship or anything like that.
They just accepted it for a certain amount of time. This is not
forever, This is not forever, but for a certain amount of time,
it's going to be calls, it's going to be skypes, it's going to
be yeah, and then we're looking forward to the three to four month meetups.
Yeah, you know. Yeah, it's completely achievable and completely doable if
you both love each other and if you both trust each other, Yeah,
there is go ahead, and don't for trust really does have to be there
in this particular case, more so than some instances, because it's going to
be a lot easier for him to fuck other people than it is for you.
Yeah. Really, in terms of location, yeah, there is not.
But I should have mentioned that, right and just to put that little
seed of doubt in your brain. But it'll be fine. It's all good.
And there is another little part to this message. We've seen this which
I really love and this is shame that Josh isn't here, but we will
have to bring it back up with him. Oh my god, So Josh
on the light like, hey, the black baby Fraser, Josh was my
high school rival and all things drama but truth time true, I'm so shocked.
But with the arrival in drama. I mean, were you upset when
I got cast a Seymour in the Little Shop of Horrors? Over you?
You did seem a little bit bitter at the time when you started the Little
Shop of Shit. In this system the director gave you allowed you to choreograph
your own dance rout team to improve the quality of the show. Love you,
Josh, That is so funny, So Josh. Josh did actually try
to send us a voice note the other day what he did explain in the
voice note, but they deleted it because he was so shit facing. It
was hospital the teach why I never did I could definitely see Josh not getting
the lead and just take there for sabotaging a pile of shit. You can't
want to be Seymour. I'm going to chereograph my own dance routine. Honestly.
That is so jo. I wonder what role they gave him. You
know, we have to ask maybe maybe the big plant that eats people to
bring it back up at a later date. I like the sound of this
person too. Maybe I prefer him over Josh. You want to come join
the show after time? Yeah? Where also like Gosh, you you like
if you're on that sort of Atlantic island right now. M Like, you're
busy, You're mean, when do you when do you last see your boyfriend?
You must already being supportive? Yeah, where's the Atlantic? Because I'm
just because I'm just thinking, like you're not already there, aren't you?
Because the only the only islands off the coast of Africa, I mean Atlantic,
quick coast are No, I don't think. I think he's a different
arts Okay, it's different posting. Yeah. So therefore, like he's already
getting practice in, Like it's good, you're already practicing the separation. God,
you stund successful. If it doesn't work out with nice, trustworthy man,
it got me up. Anybody got anything else? I mean, I
think the thing about I just want to mention just with with with long distant
relationships, it's just like except that, yes, sometimes it won't work out.
That's a shame and that's a reality. That's cool. It's sad things
end. That's not that's not nice. But it must be awful though to
go from like a non non long fucking hell's hard to say no no
long distance relationship to a long distant relationship. That's a difficult leap to make
what isn't really what you signed up for. Yeah, it is hard,
but if you, if you, if you just kind of call it quits
now because it'll probably be hard, isn't that worse exactly? Fully, at
least if it ends in a year? Because he you know, fuck,
that was another people when didn't tell you it's all that you miss each other,
but you message it terribly and it worked out forever or whatever. Yeah,
sorry, I was getting too mean about it, but like, wouldn't
you rather know that? I would rather know you'd rather give it a go
one hundred percent. I would always rather know. Yeah, I don't live
to get your decisions. I'm good luck, good luck, don't don't fuck
it up. Let us know how it goes. Oh yeah, yeah weakly
updates? Well, I mean glad we'll be keeping you saying in Africa as
well as the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. That's nice. I mean,
it's yeah, it's it's a reason to come back for season four eventually,
isn't it. I haven't finished season three yet? No, I anyway should
call this a day. Let's call this a day. I'm hungry, so
I would like another glass of wine at home not here. Don't worry,
I'll leave John. John's face drops every time I write, because I'm always
just like, get me the wine, ge me the pino gugio. Um,
who's gonna wrap it up? I'm gonna wrap it Okay. So you
have been here with me at Guy Peuzy. I'm doing this one week okay.
No, no, it's we're gonna we're gonna cut that and I'm gonna
start again. Um, you've been here on the Latch. Thank you very
much for listening. Follow us on Twitter at on the Latch, on Instagram
at on the Latch Podcast, and you can contact us by a v Curious
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We will see you next time. Bye,