WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.840 --> 00:00:25.839 M Comity Central Podcast. Hahahaha Good night? Good night? Jaaa, good 2 00:00:25.879 --> 00:00:30.120 night? Some of you may think that I say this to say something Good 3 00:00:30.160 --> 00:00:32.960 night. It' s super well thought out. To start this show and 4 00:00:33.039 --> 00:00:35.799 one day I get up a stage without thinking too much and I said hello, 5 00:00:36.119 --> 00:00:38.640 hello, hello, four Japanese sitting in the front row. He got 6 00:00:38.719 --> 00:00:51.039 up and they freaked out. Jar if all the jokes you have to comment 7 00:00:51.079 --> 00:00:55.320 on between you until the pills I liked here this morning. Anyway, I 8 00:00:55.320 --> 00:00:58.000 ' m here today in the Slavic very happy. I' ve been treated 9 00:00:58.039 --> 00:01:00.000 like a fucking waitress. He tells me you' re the bad guy, 10 00:01:00.280 --> 00:01:02.600 I say yes and he tells me to watch you get warmed up. I 11 00:01:02.640 --> 00:01:04.680 make you a cubata and put you a straw that I say if it is 12 00:01:04.680 --> 00:01:10.200 to heat, I could do it backwards ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. 13 00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:17.000 Anyway, I introduce myself, I always present myself with the phrase that 14 00:01:17.000 --> 00:01:22.560 my password wife has in her hotmail. I love you very much Alberto that 15 00:01:22.560 --> 00:01:27.920 modito truth, my name is Ramón Tartas and I come from a small town 16 00:01:27.959 --> 00:01:30.840 and Girona I don' t know if you know it called the beach of 17 00:01:30.959 --> 00:01:36.079 hoop, what in English would be biach or coal hop and those that we 18 00:01:36.079 --> 00:01:37.480 are from town And I, when I leave, I lose the pussy. 19 00:01:37.519 --> 00:01:42.640 I heard about my house this morning. I put the GPS Madrid Calle Arenal 20 00:01:42.719 --> 00:01:46.959 that when I just wrote a GPS was already in Zaragoza pussy and I give 21 00:01:47.000 --> 00:01:49.159 it to the ok and give it what there is. The GP is done 22 00:01:49.200 --> 00:01:55.719 to me so I say shit. I' ve had to resort to everything 23 00:01:55.760 --> 00:01:57.920 typical to ask the abritas on the street and a ball, passing the dog 24 00:01:57.959 --> 00:02:01.640 under the glass, I say I' m like I' m going to 25 00:02:01.719 --> 00:02:06.200 fuck with the ball of the balls. I' m sorry, ma' 26 00:02:06.280 --> 00:02:09.919 am I' m fine to go where I' m going, and the 27 00:02:09.919 --> 00:02:13.319 lady' s whole show answers me straight. What do I say if I 28 00:02:13.360 --> 00:02:15.120 didn' t say it, where I' m going. The only place 29 00:02:15.120 --> 00:02:20.479 you can go is shit and it' s over there. And he said 30 00:02:20.599 --> 00:02:24.319 second problem and came here today to isolate all love. Two chicks at the 31 00:02:24.319 --> 00:02:28.360 door who were really hot. I step in the middle and when one of 32 00:02:28.360 --> 00:02:30.159 us passes by he says to his friend Mira, Mira, Auntie, how 33 00:02:30.159 --> 00:02:34.439 strong. This guy looks a lot like the one who fucks me last month 34 00:02:35.199 --> 00:02:38.879 that, by the way, aunt a mess in bed we' re going 35 00:02:38.879 --> 00:02:40.199 to see. I want to make it clear that I don' t look 36 00:02:40.319 --> 00:02:44.840 like that guy at all. It is I who finish the foot. Tells 37 00:02:44.919 --> 00:02:49.159 me you' re the typical cheap- eyed pencil guy who runs right away. 38 00:02:50.479 --> 00:02:52.879 I say yes, I mean, you know that you' re the 39 00:02:52.919 --> 00:02:54.759 typical aunt and you' re clear by moderate and functional. I say no, 40 00:02:55.039 --> 00:03:04.000 because you' re so easy to ride, but I' ll flip 41 00:03:04.000 --> 00:03:07.000 for a moment. I don' t know if you know it Today it 42 00:03:07.039 --> 00:03:10.759 ' s exactly two hundred days since the singer died This is the my wing 43 00:03:10.800 --> 00:03:15.719 house, which I say is weird that she died with what the kid took 44 00:03:15.719 --> 00:03:16.319 care of, not that they did the autopsy. The coroner saw his arms 45 00:03:16.400 --> 00:03:20.879 and said pussy we liked them. You already have the road open, at 46 00:03:20.960 --> 00:03:23.759 least not that now they were going to incinerate and jump to the coroner and 47 00:03:23.759 --> 00:03:32.159 say don' t be animals that a bootahumeiru pussy will appear, but it 48 00:03:32.159 --> 00:03:34.680 goes totally and I' m going to make a monologue. When the monologue 49 00:03:34.759 --> 00:03:37.000 is over. If, for whatever reason, one of you doesn' t 50 00:03:37.120 --> 00:03:42.240 like it, you have my permission, you can spit at me, you 51 00:03:42.319 --> 00:03:44.280 can insult me, you can throw things at me I sweat. I' 52 00:03:44.360 --> 00:03:46.759 m completely used to it. I have been eight and a half years of 53 00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:52.960 regional football referee that one of you thought why Catalan pussy for pasta. Don 54 00:03:53.159 --> 00:03:54.759 ' t think about a game You get paid more than 100 euros in total. 55 00:03:54.759 --> 00:03:59.319 You have to run ninety- five minutes ninety behind the ball, five 56 00:03:59.319 --> 00:04:01.719 at the end of Adeno. The people who are after you first arbitrating party 57 00:04:01.759 --> 00:04:04.639 in Madrid. I' m never gonna forget it. I touched a small 58 00:04:04.840 --> 00:04:13.319 residential neighborhood of the periphili of Madrid, blessed bread, ja ja ja no, 59 00:04:13.479 --> 00:04:15.800 that the one that I was there was me eh five minutes before passing 60 00:04:15.839 --> 00:04:18.680 the game knocks at the door of my wardrobe. The patriarch of the blessed 61 00:04:18.920 --> 00:04:25.279 bread gypsies comes into my locker room and tells me I' m subtitled. 62 00:04:25.399 --> 00:04:36.800 Good afternoon. Collegial sir, hahahahahahahahahahahaha. I read in the newspaper that you 63 00:04:36.879 --> 00:04:42.279 come from Chirona, that you strained you that half of us have been to 64 00:04:42.319 --> 00:04:46.879 Chirona as well. People here talk mushumically and we do, but don' 65 00:04:46.959 --> 00:04:48.639 t worry that I' m here to protect you and keep an eye on 66 00:04:48.639 --> 00:04:51.680 you. And you' re not going to happen to Nina and I swear 67 00:04:51.759 --> 00:04:57.120 to you by the Cross of the Christ of great power that I' ve 68 00:04:57.199 --> 00:04:59.959 been hanging here in authentic gold of twenty- four kilobatio, that nobody' 69 00:04:59.959 --> 00:05:01.000 s going to straw to you. Guy' s going to think hell bon 70 00:05:01.079 --> 00:05:05.000 roll. Five seconds later he comes back in and tells me, but let 71 00:05:05.160 --> 00:05:10.480 ' s not lose that I say shit, I go out on the field, 72 00:05:10.800 --> 00:05:12.600 field draw, throw the coin in the air he' s never seen 73 00:05:12.600 --> 00:05:17.480 it again. We had to do the stone draw, paper scissors that jumps 74 00:05:17.560 --> 00:05:20.240 to the Captain of Blessed Bread and tells me stone and paper. We don 75 00:05:20.439 --> 00:05:30.120 ' t smoke it here, I say curious poles. For the curious. 76 00:05:30.399 --> 00:05:32.279 The match ended two to zero in favor of the team of Pan Bliss, 77 00:05:32.800 --> 00:05:36.399 two goals of penalty. The usual bad guy always thought he was telling me 78 00:05:36.480 --> 00:05:42.800 for sure that those penalties were doubtful by my balls, that they weren' 79 00:05:42.800 --> 00:05:45.560 t invented directly. No, but not apart from that game, my mother 80 00:05:45.600 --> 00:05:47.120 accompanied me back home. My mother in the car tells me look, my 81 00:05:47.240 --> 00:05:50.439 son, I love you very much, but it' s the last time 82 00:05:50.439 --> 00:05:53.319 she' s with you at a game of these. I say why, 83 00:05:53.720 --> 00:05:56.720 ' cause people talk more about me than you that smells ask for reason, 84 00:05:56.959 --> 00:05:58.279 no, and that I' m hairy as a referee. And I have 85 00:05:58.319 --> 00:06:00.639 problems in my personal life. I, for example, have on my Facebook 86 00:06:00.759 --> 00:06:05.800 one hundred and eighty- five friends and eight thousand seven hundred and eighty- 87 00:06:06.040 --> 00:06:09.319 nine enemies who write to me on my wall. You son of a bitch. 88 00:06:09.680 --> 00:06:11.839 We' re gonna kill you. I put it, I don' 89 00:06:11.839 --> 00:06:15.040 t like it. Another one gets me one day I don' t shit 90 00:06:15.040 --> 00:06:17.560 on your father, it' s just like me and one even wrote me 91 00:06:17.560 --> 00:06:23.160 one day. He fucks your mother yesterday. I' ll take her. 92 00:06:23.199 --> 00:06:26.519 I know this guy. I' m going to answer him for once you 93 00:06:26.560 --> 00:06:34.800 fuck, don' t presume so much dad pulled that me. I don 94 00:06:34.839 --> 00:06:38.399 ' t want to talk about Facebook here, which many comics have already talked 95 00:06:38.439 --> 00:06:40.680 about Facebook, but I do have Facebook and it' s a thing that 96 00:06:40.720 --> 00:06:44.600 surprises me that Facebook that shows that we' re ass fools, I have 97 00:06:44.680 --> 00:06:46.120 four thousand eight hundred seventy- three friends and the guy comes out in the 98 00:06:46.120 --> 00:06:49.759 picture. So I say you have a friend that I can take a fucking 99 00:06:49.879 --> 00:06:56.480 picture and aside Facebook, it lacks things that puts status. I went to 100 00:06:56.560 --> 00:06:59.879 the woods this afternoon with my girlfriend Mariona and our dog Dunia to look for 101 00:07:00.959 --> 00:07:03.199 mushrooms in case we find tits that we tell you tonight at Tita' s 102 00:07:03.240 --> 00:07:06.120 ball house and then we' ll watch a movie that you can put on. 103 00:07:06.199 --> 00:07:09.959 I like it, I don' t like it, I mean foul. 104 00:07:10.040 --> 00:07:13.319 The most important one is I sweat it, because that doesn' t 105 00:07:13.399 --> 00:07:20.600 matter to anyone. Cost I take care that I, because of Facebook, 106 00:07:20.920 --> 00:07:24.600 have been three months that I don' t talk to my mother. My 107 00:07:24.680 --> 00:07:28.879 mother has signed up for computer courses for the insert I say, Mom, 108 00:07:29.079 --> 00:07:31.439 why do you sign up for computer courses at your age, not to be 109 00:07:31.439 --> 00:07:36.199 able to communicate with my friends. I mean, sign up for daughter courses. 110 00:07:36.240 --> 00:07:46.800 Better, sir, see, my mom' s got the other day 111 00:07:46.879 --> 00:07:48.920 telling me I' m going to see my friends I won' t be 112 00:07:48.920 --> 00:07:51.720 back late. I say don' t fuck with you, I' ll 113 00:07:51.759 --> 00:07:55.680 give you eight o' clock for my mother to go for a walk in 114 00:07:55.720 --> 00:07:57.319 the cemetery with a friend who was cut off from her foot a month ago. 115 00:07:57.959 --> 00:08:01.079 He' s got him buried and they' ll see that I say 116 00:08:01.079 --> 00:08:05.279 this yes, that he' s a foot in the pussy grave and this 117 00:08:05.399 --> 00:08:07.000 lady Catalana, when she got the bill to bury her foot, the very 118 00:08:07.000 --> 00:08:11.120 smart aunt. He returned it with a note that he wrote and I' 119 00:08:11.240 --> 00:08:13.920 ll pay for everything together with Miraguel. But since I' m talking about 120 00:08:13.920 --> 00:08:18.439 cemeteries, I' ve come here a few days is a little rough for 121 00:08:18.439 --> 00:08:22.439 me. Fifteen days ago my wife died. I' ve had three women 122 00:08:22.480 --> 00:08:24.439 in my life. All three of them have left me. The first time 123 00:08:24.480 --> 00:08:28.720 I always said you don' t have a personality, you don' t 124 00:08:28.759 --> 00:08:30.720 know how to command, because he sent me to fuck. The second one 125 00:08:30.800 --> 00:08:33.480 left me because he said I was unfaithful to him. It wasn' t 126 00:08:33.480 --> 00:08:35.360 my fault, it was the drinking. I would go out with her on 127 00:08:35.639 --> 00:08:39.559 a party, get drunk and double track and always fuck the one she wasn 128 00:08:39.559 --> 00:08:43.279 ' t. And the third one I said died 15 days ago. The 129 00:08:43.320 --> 00:08:50.320 poor woman died in someone else' s bed and it was just this other 130 00:08:50.360 --> 00:08:52.480 one who called me on the phone to give me the news and I asked 131 00:08:52.480 --> 00:08:56.120 her what was typical. You know if he died suffering, he told me 132 00:08:56.200 --> 00:08:58.879 he didn' t see that he was dead. While they were doing it. 133 00:08:58.919 --> 00:09:01.799 I say make sure she' s monser, because when she did it 134 00:09:01.799 --> 00:09:07.360 with me she looked dead, but no and the guy I' m just 135 00:09:07.360 --> 00:09:09.679 calling me on the phone to go to her house to get the cold and 136 00:09:09.759 --> 00:09:11.559 I get there and I call a very expensive hearse. I say fuck off. 137 00:09:11.440 --> 00:09:15.080 I' ll take her in my car. I have a wide car. 138 00:09:15.159 --> 00:09:18.879 I got a Nissan Micra, we put her in the car between the 139 00:09:18.879 --> 00:09:20.600 two of us. When we put him in, I see that my wife 140 00:09:20.679 --> 00:09:24.639 ' s lover puts the belt that I say very well yes, sir, 141 00:09:24.840 --> 00:09:30.399 so that he doesn' t kill himself and he starts driving and the Civil 142 00:09:30.440 --> 00:09:33.679 Guard' s five kilometers of alcohol control, right in front of the slut 143 00:09:33.759 --> 00:09:37.960 club the Horna whale, which I say I look at how well thought out 144 00:09:39.039 --> 00:09:50.159 the kids waiting for their moms to get out of work and get to the 145 00:09:50.159 --> 00:09:52.399 Colemia count under the glass. The Civil Guard stares at my wife, who 146 00:09:52.440 --> 00:09:56.720 was white as paper and tells me that lady is his wife. I mean, 147 00:09:58.399 --> 00:10:01.159 it was and I don' t want to know that I' d 148 00:10:01.159 --> 00:10:01.759 have to drink grapes. I mean, it already takes twelve every end of 149 00:10:01.759 --> 00:10:03.759 the year. Don' t touch me It' s the egg. I 150 00:10:03.080 --> 00:10:07.559 don' t do the negative clemia control that by the way, you remember 151 00:10:07.600 --> 00:10:09.679 the 17- or 8- year- old Alcolemia controls, that the blood 152 00:10:09.759 --> 00:10:16.919 alcohol limit was zero eighty, zero eighty shit you went out of a completely 153 00:10:16.000 --> 00:10:20.679 drunk party, you blew yourself out and you gave zero seventy- eight and 154 00:10:20.679 --> 00:10:22.840 the Civil Guard told you. You saw nothing but the limit. I' 155 00:10:22.960 --> 00:10:26.679 m saying I can' t fucking either. I do negative control to celebrate 156 00:10:26.759 --> 00:10:31.679 it. I' m going to take four copichuelas to the club and when 157 00:10:31.720 --> 00:10:33.559 I leave they stole my car with the cold inside. I call the Civil 158 00:10:33.600 --> 00:10:39.399 Guard. Typical police question. You had some value inside the car. I 159 00:10:39.480 --> 00:10:43.679 mean courage. The GP is the cell phone, the sunglasses are nothing more. 160 00:10:43.879 --> 00:10:46.279 I mean courage. I don' t say later, he' s 161 00:10:46.440 --> 00:10:50.240 also been to my wife who jumps the Civil Guard and says this guy is 162 00:10:50.320 --> 00:10:50.720 my hero, he goes off to hookers and leaves the woman in the car. 163 00:10:50.799 --> 00:11:01.480 Yes, sir, but when your wife dies, there are two essential 164 00:11:01.600 --> 00:11:05.039 phone calls that you always have to make. First your mother- in- 165 00:11:05.279 --> 00:11:07.879 law to give the news. I thought I' d tell you in a 166 00:11:07.879 --> 00:11:11.840 subtle way. We' re not going to impact you, Mrs Antonia, 167 00:11:11.159 --> 00:11:16.720 on the number of daughters that you had subtracted from one and the second way 168 00:11:16.799 --> 00:11:20.200 you have to do is not important to me, but it' s a 169 00:11:20.399 --> 00:11:24.519 lot harder than you have to make the mobile phone company to unsubscribe to the 170 00:11:24.639 --> 00:11:28.159 mobile phone of the dead woman. There' s no balls. I' 171 00:11:28.240 --> 00:11:31.399 m not going to explain. I' m gonna do it because it was 172 00:11:31.039 --> 00:11:33.759 so that' s what I called the Seister and nine. This is what 173 00:11:33.759 --> 00:12:30.679 happened one Catalan catalan decommissioning a mobile phone. Death, no, not that 174 00:12:30.799 --> 00:12:33.519 the headline died and no longer needs it. They' re going to put 175 00:12:33.600 --> 00:12:39.879 me through to an operator who speaks Catalan. You' re good afternoon. 176 00:12:50.039 --> 00:12:54.759 You already have Don Gabriel Jesús José of the Department of Attention to Gilipolla and 177 00:12:54.879 --> 00:12:58.679 this one I know here that you are Don Ramón Tarta Masager, tell me 178 00:12:58.759 --> 00:13:07.919 please, where Ramon a name so I can address you. Chuck Norris, 179 00:13:16.080 --> 00:13:22.480 this Mr Chuck, tells me the operator that you want the phone down. 180 00:13:22.039 --> 00:13:33.799 Mobile deceased. I' ve passed away. Yeah, it' s me 181 00:13:33.879 --> 00:13:37.080 this one why he wants to give you guys down the phone. I say 182 00:13:37.120 --> 00:13:39.120 I know, because where they' re going to put me. I' 183 00:13:39.120 --> 00:13:43.679 m not gonna have to cover, but it' s more than I' 184 00:13:43.679 --> 00:13:46.000 m gonna call them freaking out Look. Let' s do one thing. 185 00:13:46.639 --> 00:13:50.759 I give you the new billing address of the holder and you send him the 186 00:13:50.840 --> 00:13:56.720 bills and agree, take note of streets of the souls at rest municipal cemetery 187 00:13:56.759 --> 00:14:07.039 of the almudera that by fo. Thank you, but, well, 15 188 00:14:07.159 --> 00:14:09.480 days ago my wife died. It' s all right and four days ago 189 00:14:09.559 --> 00:14:15.960 my sentimental life laughed, a wonderful date with a multimillion- dollar girl from 190 00:14:16.080 --> 00:14:18.039 Barcelona, a girl who had so much money that as a child when she 191 00:14:18.120 --> 00:14:24.120 wrote the letter to the Magi I would put Dear Kings Magi, if there 192 00:14:24.360 --> 00:14:24.519 ' s anything you need for this Christmas, you just have to ask me. 193 00:14:24.840 --> 00:14:28.120 I was afraid of pasta. I invite myself to dinner at the best 194 00:14:28.159 --> 00:14:35.639 restaurant in Barcelona, which is called Messo Ston ship paidtituusiel translated Spanish, take 195 00:14:35.639 --> 00:14:39.000 out the visa that we founded it and you arrive to this restaurants and you 196 00:14:39.039 --> 00:14:43.120 have noticed that always receives you the same character, that is a metre faggot. 197 00:14:43.759 --> 00:14:54.600 You get there and you get the guy. Good evening, Mr Felveny 198 00:14:54.720 --> 00:15:01.039 Anstaran, and I look at you as French. No, sir, I 199 00:15:01.080 --> 00:15:05.759 ' m from Murcia, God, because stop fucking with me, not that 200 00:15:05.879 --> 00:15:09.000 I have to be French. The whole Glamour thing. Well we sat at 201 00:15:09.000 --> 00:15:11.480 the table Nuria which is what it' s called the millionaire. She' 202 00:15:11.840 --> 00:15:15.639 s telling me poor shit she' s got a job to do. I 203 00:15:15.759 --> 00:15:16.399 ' m not saying, there' s no big deal. You' d 204 00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:24.720 like to make yourself French for the day. I see I' d love 205 00:15:24.799 --> 00:15:33.320 to, but with the ribs I don' t get pussy and sit down 206 00:15:33.320 --> 00:15:37.879 and ask first I went. People think he was a word that sees French. 207 00:15:39.480 --> 00:15:41.519 It wasn' t right. Since when you look at the letter and 208 00:15:41.639 --> 00:15:46.720 see the price, you say fua. Hence the name of second Lubina comes 209 00:15:46.279 --> 00:15:50.879 to the reduction of port. You, the bass and the port don' 210 00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:56.919 t see them anywhere, but the reduction sure in these restaurants those little ones 211 00:15:56.039 --> 00:16:00.279 like that, what a nuria that you do a lot of girls on me 212 00:16:00.279 --> 00:16:06.360 tells me you. I can take a little bit of what I say Eat 213 00:16:06.360 --> 00:16:07.519 your stuff I' d love to, but with the ribs I don' 214 00:16:07.519 --> 00:16:17.240 t get wet. I say I was the caste and bequeath the moment to 215 00:16:17.320 --> 00:16:21.080 choose the wine. For those who have no divine fucking idea like me, 216 00:16:21.240 --> 00:16:26.080 in the Letter to the Right there is a little number followed by the euro 217 00:16:26.080 --> 00:16:29.919 symbol. That' s a clue. You have to take neither the most 218 00:16:30.000 --> 00:16:33.639 expensive nor the most baratio. Specifically I took one that was worth 180 euros, 219 00:16:33.879 --> 00:16:37.960 the bottle and the metre always says the same thing. Excellent lesson. 220 00:16:37.159 --> 00:16:44.120 Sir it is an exquisite good of one thousand nine hundred eighty and two that 221 00:16:44.159 --> 00:16:48.480 I say one hundred eighty euros and expired sons of bitches, that comes the 222 00:16:48.559 --> 00:16:51.200 metres with the bottle, the uncle gives me of cork and the faggot gives 223 00:16:51.320 --> 00:16:53.000 me the cap, that I say keep it for you that you need more 224 00:16:56.080 --> 00:17:03.759 than my pussy and thanks, and the uncle comes and serves me a ridiculous 225 00:17:03.880 --> 00:17:07.240 supid in the cup. To taste it, how to taste the glass of 226 00:17:07.319 --> 00:17:11.440 an expensive restaurant. You have to play a game that consists of trying to 227 00:17:11.519 --> 00:17:19.440 get the wine out of the glass, so there are no balls. It 228 00:17:19.599 --> 00:17:26.279 doesn' t come out. Then you have to read it, you' 229 00:17:26.279 --> 00:17:32.079 ll freak out. It smells like wine. It always smells like wine. 230 00:17:32.160 --> 00:17:34.839 There' s the typical understanding. This wine has cinnamon aromas. I say 231 00:17:34.880 --> 00:17:37.920 cane bouquets will have your fucking mother wine or wine. The guy insists not 232 00:17:38.000 --> 00:17:41.920 that he has cinnamon scents. I mean, dream, with you, what 233 00:17:42.039 --> 00:17:45.880 you' ve given and fuck, that' s true. You and it 234 00:17:45.920 --> 00:17:48.640 ' s time to pay the bill. Comes the subway with the count with 235 00:17:48.720 --> 00:17:52.160 an ear- to- ear smile like you' re going to shit. 236 00:17:52.920 --> 00:17:55.559 Leave the count the table nuria picks up and says let me invite you. 237 00:17:55.640 --> 00:17:56.640 Me, me. No. No, please, and I' m off 238 00:17:56.640 --> 00:17:59.960 no, no, no, no, I insist on payment, I look 239 00:17:59.960 --> 00:18:00.200 at the bill. He' s completely banned. I mean, okay, 240 00:18:02.000 --> 00:18:04.400 you pay and Nuria pays with the platinum visa. Platinum visa is not left 241 00:18:04.480 --> 00:18:07.400 in the term platinum visa. You have to throw it away with disgust. 242 00:18:07.640 --> 00:18:14.680 Thus I make clear, I had not seen navi that plate in my life. 243 00:18:14.759 --> 00:18:17.599 I say Nuria, I say Nuria this platinum visa thing that is and 244 00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:21.200 Nuria explains it to me. The platinum visa. The same word says it 245 00:18:21.279 --> 00:18:23.319 ' s for exclusive people like me, for me it' s platinum. 246 00:18:23.839 --> 00:18:34.960 I say aha and one when. Thank you, we have still paid well 247 00:18:36.039 --> 00:18:38.279 for the metres with a box of cigars that invites us to pure pussy me, 248 00:18:38.640 --> 00:18:41.440 who is Catalan. If it' s free, I' ll take 249 00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:42.680 the fattest and it' s happened to us at the weddings these cigars give 250 00:18:42.680 --> 00:18:47.480 you. So fat that you' re smoking half an hour and when you 251 00:18:47.480 --> 00:18:49.880 ' re dizzy lost, you look at the cigar and you see that it 252 00:18:51.119 --> 00:18:53.279 ' s added only two percent of the cigar that aside from the Treaty, 253 00:18:53.279 --> 00:18:55.240 so much to endure the cigar with your mouth. You' re in pain 254 00:18:55.319 --> 00:19:08.440 here that you' re really freaking out girls come out of the restaurant and 255 00:19:08.480 --> 00:19:11.720 on the door of the restaurant have hung a picture of these modern art. 256 00:19:11.440 --> 00:19:15.720 I stare at the painting and the metres come from behind to instruct me like 257 00:19:15.920 --> 00:19:21.720 our latest picture of tasteful bojoolet. I don' t understand what the fuck 258 00:19:21.799 --> 00:19:25.640 it is I explain to you, sir, this painting has the particularity that 259 00:19:25.880 --> 00:19:33.799 if you look it upside down such that you have, you will be able 260 00:19:33.960 --> 00:19:36.960 to see perfectly drawn the silhouette to city of Mahattan. What do you think 261 00:19:37.000 --> 00:19:41.279 of the picture, sir I say you hung it upside down um normal and 262 00:19:41.400 --> 00:19:44.880 now I' m leaving the restaurant and we' re going with Nuria to 263 00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:48.880 have a drink to these bars that are now fashionable in drinks, which are 264 00:19:48.880 --> 00:19:52.160 design that is nua. Nuria asks for an eighteen- year- old whiskey 265 00:19:52.240 --> 00:19:55.039 that I say this aunt likes all the old stuff. When he gets on 266 00:19:55.119 --> 00:19:59.920 my toledo ninety- four, he' s going to freak out and I 267 00:20:00.359 --> 00:20:07.400 ask for a ginton and the waiter comes and he gives me ice gin grape 268 00:20:08.160 --> 00:20:12.400 kiwi cucumber, strawberry, raspberryberry, lemon slice, orange slice. I mean, 269 00:20:12.640 --> 00:20:15.000 I' m not paying you. I asked you to snton and you 270 00:20:15.039 --> 00:20:19.200 put Macedonia on me. What' s wrong with people with the sintonics, 271 00:20:19.279 --> 00:20:22.759 or fuck. We' re dumb on the lighted waiter. He gives me 272 00:20:22.880 --> 00:20:25.960 his reasons. He tells me it' s not so you don' t 273 00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:27.160 notice the taste of gin. So, thank you very much, son of 274 00:20:27.160 --> 00:20:30.799 a bitch. If I didn' t want the taste of gin to show. 275 00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:41.240 I would have asked you for a fluke, one me all that total 276 00:20:41.359 --> 00:20:41.960 eggs I come out of the sea without a hard one. I' m 277 00:20:41.960 --> 00:20:45.920 going to the ATM to get more money. I put the card in the 278 00:20:45.079 --> 00:20:49.440 slot and from the ground I hear a voice that tells me you have a 279 00:20:49.440 --> 00:20:55.599 cigarette. You can see it was the homeless residence of the cashier. I 280 00:20:55.720 --> 00:20:57.079 give him the cigarette, the guy takes it and throws it in my face. 281 00:20:57.680 --> 00:21:03.480 This is bullshit. It' s light, I mean light, it 282 00:21:03.799 --> 00:21:07.480 ' s nicotine- free, I mean, and you complain that you don 283 00:21:07.599 --> 00:21:11.000 ' t have nicotine, you don' t have carpet, you don' 284 00:21:11.000 --> 00:21:18.000 t have a miserable couch, and we don' t know that. We 285 00:21:18.119 --> 00:21:22.519 leave the bar and go straight to the hotel with Nuria, super luxury five 286 00:21:22.720 --> 00:21:26.000 star hotel. I like the hotels of a lifetime, the hotels that you 287 00:21:26.119 --> 00:21:30.599 ask for the key in reception and give you a key with a chain and 288 00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:33.799 at the end of the canita a block of ice- cold concrete that if 289 00:21:33.880 --> 00:21:37.720 you, pererror you come out with that key of fun, it seems of 290 00:21:37.880 --> 00:21:40.759 the Doctor House that you can not walk, because here it is not. 291 00:21:41.160 --> 00:21:44.599 Here' s a chip card for those of you who don' t know 292 00:21:44.680 --> 00:21:47.720 what a chip is. A car of these pipe up the mountain all or 293 00:21:47.920 --> 00:21:52.839 you hit him with the card, with the chip at the door of the 294 00:21:52.839 --> 00:21:56.920 room. And there' s no fucking way to open that door. You 295 00:21:56.000 --> 00:22:00.759 never know what to do with the card if you put it in, if 296 00:22:00.880 --> 00:22:00.799 you put it in and take it out if I went through the null, 297 00:22:00.799 --> 00:22:03.640 if I brought it in. So the total door half an hour to open 298 00:22:03.720 --> 00:22:07.279 the door and when you enter there is no light, you lower the reception 299 00:22:07.440 --> 00:22:11.480 and tell him of reception in the room there is no light and you say 300 00:22:11.599 --> 00:22:12.559 uncle it is not that I tell you you put the card in a slot. 301 00:22:12.799 --> 00:22:15.720 I mean, if there' s no light, I don' t 302 00:22:17.200 --> 00:22:19.480 see the fucking pussy slot at the end with the cell phone, I see 303 00:22:19.480 --> 00:22:21.759 the hrandura, I put the fucking card in. What a cool room. 304 00:22:21.880 --> 00:22:25.799 You a bed of two meters for two meters, a fan on the ceiling, 305 00:22:25.839 --> 00:22:30.200 an operation and it comes time to make love with nuria, luxury hotel, 306 00:22:30.400 --> 00:22:34.559 water bed. You' ve done it once. In a water bed 307 00:22:34.599 --> 00:22:41.519 it is impossible enough already to compare your movements with those of hers as to 308 00:22:41.599 --> 00:22:45.000 be on top of the waves that you generate in the bed that if you 309 00:22:45.039 --> 00:22:48.839 depart, you send nude to the ceiling and say nothing happens. So it 310 00:22:48.960 --> 00:22:51.960 happens, because when he catches the fucking beater, he sends her to fuck 311 00:22:51.960 --> 00:22:53.680 off. Sure, yeah, there' s no way to end the sex 312 00:22:53.680 --> 00:23:03.839 act. I had to fake an orgasm. Ah ah, ah, you 313 00:23:03.039 --> 00:23:07.920 ' ll laugh it' s gonna be cando ha eight times. I get 314 00:23:07.000 --> 00:23:10.880 to sleep, because guys, after taking a break, we only know how 315 00:23:10.960 --> 00:23:15.160 to do three things or smoke or snoring or pay to go home. There 316 00:23:15.200 --> 00:23:18.920 ' s no other one. The next day I wake up, I put 317 00:23:19.000 --> 00:23:25.960 on the chandal I say I' m going to run, as there is 318 00:23:26.079 --> 00:23:29.519 one I could and it turns out that from these expensive hotel rooms you can 319 00:23:29.519 --> 00:23:33.599 not leave. Why. Because hanging from the door there' s a little 320 00:23:33.759 --> 00:23:38.359 letter that says don' t bother me saying what the fuck you' re 321 00:23:38.440 --> 00:23:41.119 doing out of the hall so I can' t get out. I mean, 322 00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:44.200 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, 323 00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, 324 00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, 325 00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, 326 00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, 327 00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, 328 00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, 329 00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, 330 00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, 331 00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, 332 00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, 333 00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, 334 00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:44.200 wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, 335 00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:45.599 wait, wait, wait. I' ll turn it around. Worse, 336 00:23:45.039 --> 00:23:48.839 I had to go to the vacuum cleaner, scrub the bathroom, clean the 337 00:23:48.839 --> 00:23:52.279 dust. Ah you the room and apart you have noticed that there is behind 338 00:23:52.319 --> 00:23:56.319 the door there is a plan with the floor of the hotel, which puts 339 00:23:56.440 --> 00:24:03.240 a super curious instruction in case of fire. You' re here, I 340 00:24:03.279 --> 00:24:07.000 say and now I' m burning, where the fuck am I fucking, 341 00:24:07.599 --> 00:24:10.400 but good enough to say goodbye, I' m gonna leave you with Nuria. 342 00:24:10.839 --> 00:24:14.400 It was a girl who taught me something very valuable, who taught me 343 00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:17.960 how to make love with a woman and taught me how to do it in 344 00:24:17.960 --> 00:24:21.599 a very didactic way. One day I came home, I found her naked 345 00:24:21.680 --> 00:24:23.519 in bed, with her legs open and in the cave of love I had 346 00:24:23.559 --> 00:24:27.400 put a picture of the King of Morocco that I say and this and tells 347 00:24:27.480 --> 00:24:41.039 me to wet me, first I turn her around. And on the buttonhole 348 00:24:41.759 --> 00:24:44.480 was a leaf of rose that I say and this and tells me petal, 349 00:24:44.920 --> 00:24:53.160 for nothing, that' s all. Thank you so much, oh, 350 00:24:53.400 --> 00:24:55.440 pleasure to be here. Thank you so much.