WEBVTT

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Hey, what's up, and welcome
back to another episode of the Straight Shooter

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Recruiter podcast. This is the show
designed to help you thrive and you're nine

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to five and beyond, So thank
you for checking it out. If it's

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your first time listening, please consider
it leaving a rating and a review.

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It helps the show grow. And
if you think you're going to enjoy this

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episode, if you've enjoyed other episodes, share it on your socials because it

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really really does help. And make
sure you take me so I can share

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it out as well. It's been
awesome seeing how much this show has grown

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over the last four years and just
getting all of your feedback, seeing you

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enjoy it. It's just it brings
me joy. It brings me real ass

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joy. And it's been a minute
since I have recorded something. Most of

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my content for the last month and
a half has been prerecorded because I've been

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traveling. If you follow me on
Instagram, you've basically seen me document this.

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But I was in Calgary and then
I got back, and then I

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went to London, England, and
oh my god, I just the issue

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with me. I promise you can
skip ahead and I'll get to the actual

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topic. But I think the issue
with me is every time I go to

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a new country at or a new
city, I'm like, oh, yeah,

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I could live here, and then
my entire desire is to pick up

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and relocate. Like, ask me
why I was ready to move to Alberta.

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I'm not a country girl. I
am not someone who does the outdoors,

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but the hiking and landscapes were so
pretty that I was like, should

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be Like should I be someone who
does this? And then I went to

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London and was like, Okay,
no, I understand why London is like

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this big hub and everybody from Canada
moves there because it's so freaking beautiful.

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But anyways, I'm back in Toronto. I am happy to be back in

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the city and I'm just ready to
sit down and talk to you. And

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speaking of talking, okay, this
episode is going to be all about how

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to speak up at work, how
to take up space at work, how

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to get comfortable communicating at work,
and ultimately this is a skill that's going

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to help you in every area of
your life. So don't go into this

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with the mindset that this is just
an episode for the office. But I

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promise your fear is holding you back. I guarantee that your fear of I

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don't know, being perceived as stupid
or being perceived as pushy is going to

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hold you back from making money and
getting promoted and getting ahead in your life.

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So that's what I want to tackle
with real tips, tangible tips,

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things that have worked for me.
Let's get into it, Dear Emily,

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My biggest stressor at work is that
I'm too scared to participate in larger team

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conversations and contributing my ideas and thoughts. My manager has been pushing me to

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be vocal, and while I'm able
to voice my ideas and smaller groups,

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it's hard for me to participate in
larger group discussions, mainly for the reason

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and fear of being judged for what
I say and having all of these eyes

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on me. I know it's so
important to be vocal in corporate settings,

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especially so I can stand out to
senior leaders, but I've never been good

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at this ever since I was in
school, and I don't know how to

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overcome this and show my participation,
especially if I want to stand out for

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promotions. You're a great speaker with
stellar confidence. Thank you. Do you

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have any tips for this? Oh? My gosh. First of all,

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thank you. You are so kind. And I want to start off by

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telling you I was not always a
confident communicator. I wasn't someone that was

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naturally very outgoing or very articulate,
and I'm definitely not perfect at it now,

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but as someone who literally makes money
from speaking on the internet and speaking

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at events, I have kind of
mastered this as much as I think I

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can. And there's a few mindset
shifts that are really important. And I

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know everyone, especially on TikTok and
Instagram, talks about mindset shifts like do

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this thing and it'll change your life. Like, no, what I'm going

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to tell you is actually going to
change your life because it changed mine.

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And then there's tangible, practical things
that I want you to do that are

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actually going to help you beef up
your communication skills. So let's just start

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off with the mindset stuff. And
this counts for the office, this counts

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for a date, this counts for
meeting strangers. The biggest reason that people

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tend to freeze up or clam up
when it's time to ask a question or

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time to put themselves out there is
because they're overthinking it. And I know

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that seems extreme obvious, but there's
something I've talked about a lot on this

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channel, which is improv theory.
And if you don't know, improv is

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a style of theater or acting where
the actors don't have scripts. They're just

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thrown on stage and they make up
and improvise a scene as they go.

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And there's a golden rule in improv, and it's the rule of yes.

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And it means that if my actor
and partner said the sky is falling,

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I can't say no. I have
to say yes, and it's hot,

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pink or yes? And should we
dance in this rain? You really want

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to make sure an improvisation acting that
you're building on the scene. And the

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only way this works is by not
overthinking what your next sentence is. Because

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if you told me the sky is
falling and I had to say yes,

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but I was overthinking what I was
going to say, there would be a

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really long lull in that scene.
It would break the flow, it would

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make it awkward, it would make
the scene overall kinds of shitty, and

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that's like, that's not what we
want to do. What improv actors are

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exceptional at is thinking after they start
speaking, and I know that's wild,

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and some people should take this advice
because some people are straight up stupid.

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But not you, not us,
like not our crew, you know what

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I mean. People who are able
to start speaking and trust that they're on

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the right path and then think while
they speak are going to see their career

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grow exponentially and their lives grow and
things just get better. So how do

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we actually do this? The first
thing you need to do is except that

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you are probably never going to say
the perfect thing. It is never going

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to come across as polished as you
would like it to in your head.

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So you firstly need to recognize that
people are not judging you as much as

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you are judging you. I know
you mentioned you were nervous that there are

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more eyes on you, or people
maybe questioning what questions you might have or

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ideas you might have in meetings.
I guarantee you are one of the harshest

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critics in your life. The same
way you aren't looking at other people in

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meetings or on dates thinking oh my
god, like why would you ask that?

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Or why are you wondering that people
aren't thinking that of you? In

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fact, people aren't thinking of us
nearly as much as we're thinking of ourselves.

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The other thing you need to do
is let go of the idea that

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what you say is that significant.
This whole improv theory where you're speaking first

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and then thinking second really works.
And the reason for that is because we

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are much more likely to communicate poorly
and say things even worse than we intended.

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When we overthink it. We actually
have better results. And this is

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proven by studies and science from Harvard
professors. But we have better communication results

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when what we say is imperfect,
but it's delivered authentically, and it's delivered

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in a little bit more of a
calm and believable way. And the best

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way to do this is to talk
first and think second. So practically,

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what does this look like in a
meeting? You're in a meeting, you're

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talking about an event plan, and
you have a really good idea. What

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you would have done before listening to
this episode is you would say, Okay,

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I have an idea that we should
have a cotton candy stand. How

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should I bring this up? Should
I shut down someone else's idea? What

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words should I use so I don't
come across is pushy? What words should

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I use here? How should I
phrase it when should I bring it up?

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You are thinking entirely too much.
When there is a lull in the

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meeting, you're going to unmute yourself
or speak up if you're in person,

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and you're not going to apologize for
having an idea. You're not going to

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start off by saying, sorry,
I have an idea. You're going to

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say, I really like this.
I was just thinking about the possibility of

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adding a cotton candy machine. What
do we think? There we go,

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And you don't need to say it
as like blunt or as simple as that,

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but just start speaking. Just start
speaking. It doesn't need to be

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the perfectly structured sentence that you want
it to be, And I guarantee you

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will communicate with better results the less
you think about the actual words that you

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use, like I guarantee that public
speaking, speaking up in meetings, dating,

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all of these things are connected because
they naturally put us in uncomfortable positions.

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And the more and more you're exposed
to these uncomfortable cases where you have

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to speak up, the more likely
you're going to get better and then more

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confident and more able to do this
without all of this anxiety and fear A

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bit part of why people stress out
about speaking up in meetings or even going

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on first states is because we have
wired our brains and told ourselves that this

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is a stressful experience. What if
I told you that, if you woke

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up and looked at yourself in the
mirror every single day and said I'm a

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strong communicator, I am bold,
i am fearless, that your brain would

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actually rewire. And I know this
sounds like fluffy bullshit, but there is

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science behind positive affirmations and how they
directly tied to our performance, particularly at

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work and with our confidence. I
can give you a kind of separate example,

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but it's something that has really resonated
with me. I always used to

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tell myself, I'm not athletic.
I'm not athletic. I'm not a sporty

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girl. I'm not sporty spice as
I would say. And I would tell

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myself that to lend blue in the
face. And then when I'd be at

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the beach with my friends and we're
playing soccer or volleyball, I would either

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not participate because I'm not sporty,
or I would participate, and I would

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be so in my head about how
bad I am at sports that I would

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be even worse, and so much
of that became a self fulfilling prophecy.

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I tell myself I'm bad, so
I perform bad. The second I started

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saying, oh, I'm not super
sporty, but I am really fit or

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I'm in great shape. Suddenly,
when my friends and I got together,

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I had a little bit more confidence
because I wasn't tearing myself down for no

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reason, and I wasn't telling myself
a rhetoric about me that maybe wasn't entirely

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accurate. So change the language that
you're using when you think about yourself and

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how you speak to yourself as well. Going back to the whole doing this

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a lot. I need you to
practice speaking up in practice taking up space.

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I need you to say something in
every meeting. I don't care if

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it's asking how someone's weekend was.
You just need to make sure you're putting

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yourself out there. And if there's
not an opportunity to do that, make

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small talk with someone in line at
Starbucks, cold call a friend. And

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I know that calling a friend isn't
that dramatic, but we don't really phone

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call as much anymore. So do
things like that. Put yourself out there

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frequently enough so that you no longer
associate speaking up with anxiety. You just

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associate it with being an everyday part
of life. And a lot of this

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fear of speaking up also comes from
this fear of taking up space, and

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like I hate to say it,
sometimes it comes from insecurity and not feeling

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super secure. Because if you really
believed that your idea was good or that

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your question was valid, you wouldn't
be so scared to speak up about it.

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And I'm not saying this to like
dog on you. I'm telling you

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this because I have felt this as
well. Where I've been in periods of

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my life where I'm super insecure and
I don't feel like myself and it makes

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it more difficult to do all of
these things. So really work on your

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confidence and make time and dedicate to
working on your confidence. And for me,

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the best thing I have done in
terms of confidence, firstly is therapy,

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because therapy is fantastic for everyone who
has access to it. Secondly is

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changing the language I use when I
speak about myself. And we kind of

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talked through that a little bit already. But the next is look at your

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inner circle, Like do you have
a circle of friends and family who consistently

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uplift you, and if not,
how can you surround yourself with more people

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who are going to empower you and
make you feel more confident Because a big

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part of our fear of communicating is
our people hearing us. And that's a

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sad thing because we're scared of being
heard because we feel like we don't deserve

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to be heard. Okay, let's
talk about the technical how to be better

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at speaking up. So there's the
practicing. So for the next thirty days,

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I want you to say something to
a stranger every single day, Okay,

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and I guarantee it's going to help. The next thing I want you

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to do is start consuming podcast and
media all about effective communication skills. I

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do have a whole bunch of videos
on TikTok and Instagram, and I think

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on YouTube and this podcast as well
about tactical things you can do to be

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a better and more clear communicator.
Some of those things just stop the top

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of my head. Firstly, slow
down your communication because confident people are comfortable

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to take up space. Confident people
also avoid using filler words like like or

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um or you know, because that
also can indicate a sense of insecurity when

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you're communicating to a large crowd,
so slow down your speech, be comfortable

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taking pause. See how slow I
just delivered that smile. When you communicate

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with people, use your hands,
be expressive, really be in the moment,

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and let your body language reflect that. Even if it feels like you

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are faking it, It's okay to
feel like you're faking it. I felt

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like I was faking it too,
until I did it so much that it

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became my default setting. The same
way you are now in a default setting

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of being anxious when you communicate.
You can reverse that and you can make

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your default setting feeling a bit more
steady and calm and present as you communicate.

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This next one is corazy, but
I talk about it all the time,

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and that's because it works. I
want you to practice answering interview questions

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or Vogue questions or hot Ones challenge
questions, any question that is able to

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be answered easily without you preparing a
script. So you could just google a

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bunch of questions, could be on
anything, prop up your phone, and

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I want you to answer each of
those questions on the spot while you're recording

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yourself, so then you can watch
back and see what are my nervous habits.

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I personally am a fidgetter. When
I'm nervous, I start speaking really

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quickly. My body language looks really
tense. And I realized that just because

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I might feel confident or muster up
the courage to say something, my body

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language is telling the truth that I'm
literally shitting my pants. And then it

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also is telling my brain, hey
you're stressed, Hey I'm tense, like

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you should be more worried about this, and it just doesn't. It doesn't

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make anything easier. So actually recording
yourself and taking the time to go back

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and listen to it, that is
a game changer. There's also really great

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organizations that specifically focus on solid communication
and strong communication. Toastmasters is a great

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one to help you, especially with
delivering presentations. But for me personally,

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practice is the thing that makes the
most difference, in addition to mindset and

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really working on building up your confidence
and not allowing the opinions of others to

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influence you. Because yes, there
might be a day where you ask a

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stupid question, or where you say
something silly, or where something pops up

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where you're like, oh my god, why did I say that? Why

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did I do that, and at
the end of the day, if you

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are secure in who you are,
it's not going to matter what other people

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think. And that is the most
freeing and fantastic feeling in the world.

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It takes a long time to get
there. I am still not totally there,

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but these are some of the things
that really helped me kind of on

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that journey. I also should mention
I don't write scripts for this podcast.

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I just have my topic, I
know generally what I want to talk about,

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and I just flow, which is
why I hope you guys like the

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show. I know you do,
but like you know, it's always a

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little nerve wracking getting behind the microphone. But that's another thing you can do,

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is just practice free flowing speech,
even in just the comfort of your

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own home. Because if you go
back and listen to my first ever podcast

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episode, it sounds so different.
My voice is so squeaky and high pitch

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because I was so nervous. And
now I feel like I'm just myself talking

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to my friends, like I'm literally
in my Pj's having a coffee right now

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on a Sunday morning. Like it's
just it's a practice makes perfect situation.

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So just something to think about.
But I really hope this was helpful,

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and don't forget. If you do
have questions or topics you want me to

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cover, hit me up in the
description because that's where I put the link

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to the podcast episodes and we have
gotten hundreds and hundreds. But if there's

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anything I haven't covered that you are
dying for me too, or if you

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have specific questions on yourself or your
career, or your friendships or your confidence,

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put it in there. That's a
spot again. Don't forget to show

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this show some love. Okay,
it's a one woman show. It's a

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woman don't show. It's a Canadian
show. Come out, support us on

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socials. Leave us those rating and
reviews. It matters so much. And

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I thank you for being here.
I love you much, Lee, and

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I will talk to you next week's
Seat Cheeks