January fourth, twenty twelve. Dear Josh, A friend of mine helped me
look up this blog thing of yours, and I don't like it one bit.
When I emailed you before, I didn't know that some of the things
on this blog were some of the things you said were on this block.
It's not fair, and you know it. I want you to erase the
things I said in there, Josh, Olmark, I didn't say. In
nineteen ninety four, I received a bound copy of the Caroenel letters. You've
mentioned repeatedly that your letters are handwritten. The copy I have is typed.
That's just one of the many discrepancies between the letters that appeared on your blog
last year and the letters I've had for close to twenty years. I have
some ideas there's a chance that your whole blog baked ham recipe erased, erase
baked him delete, erase dot. I'm sorry I put that on your Facebook
page. I am still new on the Facebook and make lots of mistakes.
This thing is so stupid. Yeah, yeah, a k OTV motherfucker one.
Yeah, what you call me? Joey? Yes, Dear Bonnie.
In any other city in the United States, a tenant like Ellen would be
considered bizarre, perhaps even unbelievable. But nobody who has lived in Berkeley for
a long time would be surprised by a story like this. Landlords in Berkeley
have to deal with tenants like Ellen all the time. When inexperienced Berkeley landlords
ask me for advice, I tell them that the key to successfully dealing with
someone like Ellen is patience. Lots and lots of patients Mark September ninth,
nineteen eighty eight, Western Siev. One hundred and ten Ellen one. Who
were the physiocrats? The physiocrats wanted the government to be run by physicians.
Two Briefly explain Adam Smith's theory of the division of labor. Adam Smith has
a TV show he gives stock market tips. I don't watch it. Three
Briefly describe David Ricardo's theory of wages. David Ricardo was a Cuban bandleader.
He didn't get a wage. He was paid for the whole band. His
theory was that he should get a wage. Four named two books authored or
co authored by Frederick Engels. Trick question, trick question. Frederick Engles was
a slave and wasn't allowed to write books. Five Why did Trotsky lose and
his power struggle with Stalin? Trotsky was born on October twenty sixth, eighteen
seventy nine. That means that he's a scorpio. Scorpios are difficult people with
tough luck. Six. Why was Eugene Debs tried and imprisoned? Eugene Debs
was trying to lead the Union in the fight against the Confederacy, but he
was imprisoned for being a socialist. September ninth, nineteen eighty eight. Geography
one oh one ellen United Nations. The United Nations isn't really a country or
a nation at all. It's just something that Franklin Roosevelt and his liberal friends
thought up. The UN is a place for communists to insult the US in
front of the whole world. The UN doesn't have any geography, just a
building in New York City. The UN does print their own postage stamps and
they have their own flag. The UN speaks every language, even German.
The UN bought the US the a bomb to apologize for insulting us. Then
we dropped it on Japan because they wouldn't stop insulting us the end September tenth,
nineteen eighty eight Geography one oh one Ellen Canada. Canada is a very
big country just north of the US. Canadians are really just like Americans,
except their money isn't worth as much as ours. I know a lot about
Canada because I've seen lots of movies or TV late at night about Canada.
Canada is full of woods. Canada is so boring. They don't have crime,
so they don't need police. They just have the mounties who roam around
on horses and some time sing. In Canada, they speak French because they
want to be a tourist trap like France. In Canada, they also speak
English because they want to be just like the US. Michael J. Fox
is Canadian, even though he is short. Most Canadians are tall. Since
most of Canada is in the woods, most Canadians live in the woods.
Canadians get around by sleds pulled by big dogs and sometimes buy cars too.
For fun, Canadians like to play ice hockey and hunt baby seals with clubs.
It's a disgusting sport if you ask me, bad karma too. There
are also French Canadians. They are the ones that speak French. Respectable people
won't have anything to do with them. French Canadians wear loud plaid shirts.
They carry axes and cut down trees for a living. They save the syrup
and then sell the trees to make table. French Canadians always look like they
need to shave. French Canadians also trap small animals for their fur. Canada
is famous for its bacon and gingerrele. Canada's capital is Ottawa, but nobody
cares about it. It snows a lot in Canada, and so lots of
polar bears go there. Polar bears look white, but they are really black
underneath all the white. The end September fifteenth, nineteen eighty eight. Geography,
one oh one ellen Colombia. Colombia is a country in South America.
South America is south of Our America. There are a lot of mountains in
Colombia. The people in Colombia speak Spanish and are Catholics. Colombia is famous
for its coffee. All the coffee in Colombia is handpicked by one man.
His name is Juan Baldez. I don't see how just one man with a
burrow can pick all the coffee in a whole country. Juan Valdez never seems
to be working very hard or very fast. Either there's something fishy about Juan
Valdez, but I can't prove it. If you can't prove something, you
have to say you can't prove it, or else you'll get into trouble.
Wan Valdez is always dressed in white clothes and wears a sun brerero. Lots
of people in Colombia wear sun breros because it is very hot there and there
is lots of sun. Juan Valdez has a mustache, he seems very short.
Juan's burro just follows him around and carries all the coffee. Colombia should
spend less time worrying about Juan Valdez and more time worrying about all the drugs
there. Colombia is famous for drugs. If you go there, you will
probably get kidnapped, even if you're an adult. The end September twentieth,
nineteen eighty eight. Geography one oh one Ellen Jeremy. Germany, if it
was all put together, would be the biggest country in Europe. Germany is
where the Nazis come from, but I won't talk about that because this is
geography class, not history class. The Nazis use the Jews like escaped goats.
Germany is in the north of Europe. Since World War Two, Germany
has been divided into two countries, East Germany, which is in the east,
and West Germany, which is in the west. The capital of West
Germany is Bonn. The capital of East Germany is East Berlin, which is
east of West Berlin, which is part of West Germany. Even though it
is in East Germany. Germans speak German, which is a gutter language.
There are many famous cities in both Germanys, like Cologne or Cologne is made.
Dresden, where the China comes from, not China, the country China,
the plate Hamburg where Hamburgers come from, and Frankfurt where hot dogs come
from. Hot Dogs come in packages of ten, but hot dogs buns come
in packages of eight. Germans do some weird things. Germans like to drink
beer and make expensive cars that no one can fix. Germans are scam artists.
If you ask me. The end September twentieth, nineteen eighty eight,
Western SIEV one hundred and ten ellen one name the combating sides in the War
of the Roses and why they were fighting. The War of the Roses is
fought every year in Pasadena. I don't know who is combating this year because
I don't follow football. Two what were the main principles of the Mayflower Compact?
The Mayflower Compact was a paper, not a real compact. I have
a real solid silver compact with my initials on it that my mother gave me.
The Mayflower Compact was signed on November eleventh, sixteen twenty, under scorpio,
So that's all anyone needs to know about it. Three. Who was
Christmas Addicts and how did he die? Christmas Attics was killed in the Boston
massacre on March fifth, seventeen seventy four. Why did England impose the tea
tax on its American colonies to pay for the French and Indian War? Five?
What were the Townshend Acts and how did they eventually result in the Boston
Tea Party. The Townshend Acts were really taxes, and nobody wanted to pay
them, so mister Townshend was invited to the Boston Tea Party. September twenty
ninth, nineteen eighty eight. Western SIEV one hundred ten Ellen match the names
in column A with column B, and briefly state the connection column a Queen
Isabella, Franz Halls, Frederick the Great, Katherine the Great, Martin Luther,
Queen Anne, Colin b The Dutch Masters, Wolfgang Mozart, Potempkin Village,
The Diet of Worms, the House of Stuart, King Ferdinand one Queen
Isabella and Queen Anne. They were both female impersonators. They died of aides.
Two King Ferdinand and the Dutch Masters. They had cigars named after them.
Three Franz Halls and Wolfgang Mozart Nazi big shots. Four Frederick the Great
and Catherine the Great they were both great. Five Pateempkin Village and Martin Luther.
Martin Luther led a big civil rights march through the Potemkin Village in Mississippi.
Six The Diet of and the House of Stuart. The House of Stuart
Restaurant started the diet of worms. It was a fad diet that didn't last.
October second, nineteen eighty eight. Geography one oh one ellen Thailand.
Thailand is a country in Southeast Asia. Its capital is Bangkok. Thailand used
to be called Siam. Thailand is famous for two things, cats and twins.
People in Thailand eat Thai food. Thai food is very popular right now.
I used to eat Thai food all the time, but no more.
A friend of mine has a father who's a doctor, and he says that
there was a terrible Thai food epidemic in Russia just after the Communists took over,
and millions of people died. He says that millions of people still get
sick and die in Thai food epidemics every year. So I'm playing it smart.
I don't eat Thay food anymore. Thailand has a king. He is
short and fat and bald. He speaks with a German accent, even though
people in Thailand speak Thai. Thailand is surrounded by water except to the north
and the east and some of the west. There are many islands in Thailand,
but Thailand is not an island. Thailand is a peninsula. The end
September twenty second, nineteen eighty nine, Dear Mark, I'm sorry I haven't
been able to write to you. Karen and Robin me were in Mexico.
That's why I haven't been able to write to you. Because we were in
Mexico. We went on vacation to Alkopolko. Alkopolko is a city in Mexico,
which is a country but you probably already knew that. Karen's father said
enough was enough and bought us all plane tickets, even me. I think
he knows. We've been under a lot of stress lately and I needed a
vacation. Anyway, back to my story, Mexico is really pretty and there
are lots of plants there and even some monkeys. I did not see any
pinatas or jumping beans, though we had a good time on our first day
in Mexico. You only have to be eighteen years old to drink. In
the United States, you have to be twenty one. Rob couldn't wait to
drink. Rob's dad lets him drink at home sometimes, but Rob likes to
drink in public. Rob sure drink a lot. I don't like to drink.
I don't like the taste of alcohol. Alcohol is not from alcoholko,
I asked. Tequila is from Mexico, which is a type of alcohol,
but most alcohols aren't from Mexico. Does that make sense. My mother always
says, it's not tequila, it's to kill ya, isn't she funny?
Rob drank a lot of tequila and it didn't kill him, but he sure
did throw up a lot. You're not supposed to drink the water in Mexico
because it has germs. Rob drank the water. Rob got very sick.
Karen and me just ordered ice and waited for the ice to melt into water
to drink. Wasn't that clever of us? Well, we got sick anyhow,
Karen blamed Rob. I think maybe the ice is bad in Mexico too.
I put two letters from Rob and Karen in this envelope with my letter.
Charlie told them they couldn't send letters to you, but they told me
that I could send letters to you from them, so that they wouldn't be
the one sending the letters. I think they must miswriting letters to you as
much as I did. Well, Audios. That means goodbye in Spanish,
which is the language they speak in Mexico, even though Mexico is not in
Spain, where Spanish comes from. Yours, Ellen, September twenty second,
nineteen eighty nine, Dear Mark, there is a letter for you from Rob
in this letter for you from me. In the letter for you that Ellen's
said, Robin me are not sending the letters, Ellen is, so don't
snitch on us. I have had some time to think, and I think
you still owe me some. Karen September twenty second, nineteen eighty nine.
Dear mister Mark, I'm Karen's legal advisor. My wife Karen would like you
to send any letters to her to me, Rob, legal adviser to Karen.
My wife Karen has said plenty of time to think this over. My
wife Karen does not care if we embarrass you know who. My wife Karen
will not be told who she can and who she can embarrass, or when
she can and when she can embarrass herself. My wife Karen says she is
entitled to her God given right to embarrass anyone she wants, even if she
does not think she embarrassed anyone. My wife Karen is also entitled to pray
for a million dollars. I'm writing to let you know that my wife Karen
and me are going to unloop your jurisdiction loophole. I'm gonna motion and lemons
you so bad you'll wish you'll never jurisdic at her in the first place.
You and only you, can prevent the very big lawsuit we are going to
sue you with by giving my wife Karen the million dollars you owe her.
You're probably wondering why I'm not giving you a deal this time, And I'll
tell you why. My wife, Karen and may have been very patient with
you. We let you dangle us around, We let you embarrass us.
We even let you keep the cat painting in the mermaid clock. We gave
you so many deals. Well you're all out of deals. Now you lose.
Sincerely, Rob, Legal Adviser to Karen PS. Don't tell Charlie Worthington
I sent you this. He doesn't need to know because I fired him.
Don't tell Charlie Worthington I fired him. He doesn't need to know that either,
because I fired him. Just tell me what you're going to tell Charlie
Worthington, and don't forget to send the million dollars that you owe us.
March eleventh, nineteen ninety Dear Bonnie, I just got off the phone with
CW's office. The call did not go well. He called me a buffoon.
Specifically, he said it would take a real, an explative buffoon to
screw this up. He then clarified that the buffoon in this situation is me
an unnecessary clarification. I apologized to deaf ears before being hung up on.
Please reiterate that I have been complying with the terms of our contract. I
have not engaged with the girls. If I have done anything to jeopardize this
deal, please do your best to fix it. I will do whatever is
necessary. I really need this to work out. This truly is a once
in a lifetime opportunity. Mark. I stopped talking to Patty. They don't
even live in the area anymore. They moved back to the East Coast.
I don't keep much on them. Really, one hundred and two degrees yikes?
Did I know Jackie? I agree a woman should be able to take
care of herself. How is your daughter? Does she still have that friend
of hers? She seemed like a nice girl. I was up all night
after that first call with Sarah. I couldn't figure out how Email Karen and
Rob and fish Ellen could exist in the same timeline. Email Karen had confirmed
that she was the Karen from the letters, but fish Ellen actually they had
a paper trail leading her back to the cottage. Apart from my conversations with
Email Karen, there was nothing really tying her to the cottage or fish Ellen.
The other thing that bothered me was that Karen had confirmed her roommate was
named Ellen and even mentioned her by name. Yet fish Ellen was not actually
named Ellen. I could make sense of one or the other living in the
cottage, but I just couldn't figure out a way where both of them lived
in the cottage, at least not together. By four AM, I found
myself deep diving all the letters, all my email correspondents, all my research,
all the conversations with Sarah. I wasn't sure what I was looking for,
just hopeful that something might stick out, that there might be one overlooked
thing that would make sense of all of this. Then I remembered that strange,
anonymous email I received several months after my conversations with Email Karen. Maybe
there was some thing in there that could shed light on all this. I
scanned the email a few times, which didn't really give me any clues.
It just reiterated what I was feeling, which was that I was entirely lost.
And that's when I saw it, plain as day. I don't know
how I could have missed it before. I wasn't entirely sure what it meant,
but I knew it was a really big deal. Hello, it's the
same IP address, What it's the same IP address. So email Karen.
Uh huh emailed me from the same IP address as the guy, the strange
guy the wait to email email Karen. Email Karen? Is his Facebook Karen?
Right? Yes? Okay? Is it the same IP address as some
This is the guy who did what? Remember the guy who contacted me,
probably like six or seven months after the live performance, and he was like,
I know I have a copy of the letters, and I know more
than like that. It's saying it's like the same person wrote books. Yes,
yes, email man, it's the same It's the same person wrote both
of those emails. What does that mean? I have no idea, but
I feel like it's important. Oh my god, So what do you?
What do you do now? Like what I think I have to I think
I have to message Karen? Email Karen? Okay? Yeah? Is that
crazy? Am I opening up a giant bag of worms doing this? Probably?
But like, like, why come at you from two different angles?
I have no idea. Hi, Karen, I don't know if you remember
me. We corresponded back in twenty twelve. I have some of your old
letters and I think we need to talk O. These are not sepos.
Latter fi Starmar World. Can I do Boman passes the singers SA